Ahhhh, New Years Eve. A time of reflection. a time of joy, a time where we look back on the year that we've had in the past and look forward to the future. So it is here [on wrestlecrapradio.com - PB] that we look back on the little show that in such a short time has captivated our hearts, and as we look back we also look forward to what may come next year.
Like any good recap of a year in review we start at the beginning. In our case, August 12 when the pilot episode of WrestleCrap Radio hit the airwaves for the first time. How eagerly we anticipated it. How excited we all were when we downloaded it. How almost bursting with anticipation we were as we hit play to listen to our heroes RD and Blade provide audio gold for us all.
That lasted approximately 90 seconds.
A 22 minute audio assault filled with references to Betty White, Don Knotts and Maude ensued as we all hung on hoping it would get better. I suppose for a first episode it wasn't TERRIBLE but it was pretty bad. A lot of people came away from that show disappointed that there was a lack of wrestling talk, there were endless 70's references and a lot of really bad jokes that went nowhere. The kindest thing you could probably say was it needed work.
Then came the second episode and the debut of the phenomenon that is sweeping the world of podcasts: Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiki; everything you could ever want to learn about the world of wrestling in that particular week compressed into just seventeen syllables. With such unforgettable topics as Hulk Hogan and his Depends, Matt Hardy's failing career and the return of Trish Stratus it informed and entertained us week after week. And as such we now bring to you the top 3 Blade Braxton Weekly Wrestling Haikus of 2005 (As voted for by all our crappers.......or at the crappers......err crapper who could be bothered to vote....fortunately that was me so I totally agree with the choices)
#3 From October 28 - When the Haiku turned evil for Halloween.
JR's battered ass.
That was so painful.
My poor eyes felt sodomized.
#2 From December 2 - As Ric Flair Beats on innocent drivers
For shame, Nature Boy.
To be the man, do you have
to throttle the man?
And #1 From October 21 - A sentiment we can all agree with.
The Boogeyman's here.
He wears a big plastic heart.
He has stolen mine
But it wasn't all fun and games on the show and that brings us to one of the biggest moments of the year for WrestleCrap Radio, which coincided with one of wrestling's greatest tragedies, the death of Eddie Guerrero. RD and Blade came out with one of the best shows of the year, capped off by an interview with friend of WrestleCrap and great man "Earthquake" John Tenta as he continues his fight against cancer. The resulting 30-35 minute interview was one of the more touching moments of WrestleCrap Radio, as John openly discussed how he was doing in his fight, gave his opinions on some of the deaths in the wrestling industry and also finally revealed just why all those years ago he agreed to be interviewed by WrestleCrap. In a time we were all searching for meaning after such a tragic time, WrestleCrap Radio came out with its most touching episode, and it's no surprise that it was unanimously voted by our staff here as show of the year. I sincerely hope that we can hear from "Quake" again sometime in the new year.
The other thing that has become a hit is RD's trip to the food mart, where RD discusses a particular thing he noticed while grocery shopping that week. It's amazing how popular this has become and I think it falls to honesty, which is one of the reasons many people like WrestleCrap Radio: RD and Blade don't try and talk down to people, you can switch on, listen and get some laughs for 30 minutes and switch off.
Which brings us to the future. What does WrestleCrap Radio have in store for us in 2006? Well I don't think you're ever going to see the show become all about Wrestling as some people want, that would lose more people than it gained. I think you're going to see more of the same, fun, entertaining content presented in a more professional way, after all we forget that the first show of 2006 will only be show 15. for RD and Blade (16 if you count Get in the Ring. Which while entertaining we're not really going to get into here). As they learn more and more about bouncing ideas of each other RD and Blade will get better at doing the show, hopefully they can get a guest or two along the way to cleanse the palate and it should be onward ever upward for this little show that could.
I certainly will be listening with eager anticipation.
Highlights of Wrestlecrap Radio 2005
August
Wrestlecrap Radio Debuts
August 12 saw the debut of WrestleCrap Radio as RD and Blade brought out a 23 minute tribute to the seventies, filled with references to Don Knotts, Maude, Tim Conway and Betty White.
The Haiku Debuts
Week 2 saw the debut of one of the most popular segments in WrestleCrap Radio: Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku. With a fine music choice and the hot topic of the week brought down into seventeen syllables it became one of the definitive sources of news in the world of wrestling.
The Tee Hee Tickle Party?
Early reviews came in for WrestleCrap Radio just before week three and a lot of them were less than complimentary. Some of the only names that could go to air included the Tee Hee Tickle Party and the Giggle Time Happy Fun Hour (Which should so be used if WrestleCrap Radio ever goes to an hour). RD and Blade soldered on however with talk of Brian Knobbs on Hogan Knows Best, Chris Masters and the sad saga of Matt Hardy's return. The Masterbate should definitely be used though.
September
Wednesday is a Happy Day
I don't know if you realized the hype of Raw going to USA Network in September but if you missed it RD and Blade were right on it. Also there was a EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW of Kane's fictionalized book Journey into Darkness, as read by Blade Braxton. Why the WWE didn't immediately hire him and put that audiobook on Amazon I'll never know, it couldn't be worse than JR reading Stone Cold's book. There was also RD's dream of being on Happy Days, Trish Stratus's return and talk of WWE theme music.
Some Days are Cannonball Run as well
One of the most popular moments of the show was when RD related a dream he had when he was met by Tammy "Sunny" Sytch where she imparted pearls of wisdom (perhaps from Undertaker's learning tree) with the immortal words "Some days are Smokey and the Bandit and Some days are Stroker Ace". Blade dreamt that Demolition returned to Raw and was happy.....and this reporter dreamed that Demolition blindsided him in the cereal aisle, then Smash started singing Poison's "Every Rose has its Thorn" while Ax slow danced with the Fabulous Moolah.......I have no idea what that has to do with WrestleCrap Radio but since RD and Blade shared I thought I would too. Also talk on WWE's newest heel Kennedy, Legends coming back for the Raw Homecoming and the Warrior DVD.
Spike TV censors the Haiku!
It happened. When Raw finally finished on Spike, the network was so paranoid that fans would switch to USA next week that all mentions were censored, which led to a heart warming Haiku by Blade Braxton about USA network and Jeff Jarrett's cornhole being butchered for all eternity. Damn you Spike TV. DAMN YOU TO HELL!
October
Raw's Home. Still sucks though.
The beginning of October saw RD in mourning as he realized Raw used to be good. Kevin Von Erich was at the Raw Homecoming too. Koko took a stuffed bird to the show. But the big news involved the question of the week prize, the Dusty Rhodes book. IT FINALLY FOUND A HOME! Much joy was heard throughout the land as Reflections of an American Dream warmed someone's heart at last.....
For about one week
The Dusty Book is back, the guy changed his mind (HAVE YOU NO SOUL?). Also Blade swears he will wrestle Nicole Bass if the Lions lose more games than the Colts. He also dreamt of sharing muffins with Raven. There was also a petition started to change King Vitamin to King Pedophile, McMahonMania and Hacksaw Jim Duggan somehow being allowed to drive a school bus.
The Boogyman Debuts....along with another popular segment
RD's Trip to the grocery made a low key debut. Ricky Morton got thrown in the big house. Tajiri's Wife can't drive. Lex Luger is shoveling animal crap. But honestly it all pales into insignificance as the Boogyman made his long awaited debut stealing Blade Braxton's heart and the hearts of countless others.
Halloween possession
Actually the Halloween show was kinda hit or miss. Ricky Morton's still in the slammer. April Hunter is having PMS. Santa's Sleigh debuted. And the Haiku was possessed by pure evil as JR's ass infected the show.
November
Earthquake squashes WrestleCrap
There were only two shows in November, [this was the first. - PB] the highlight of which was undoubtedly the "Earthquake" John Tenta interview. John spoke openly on his battle with cancer, deaths in wrestling and just why he agreed all those years ago to talk to WrestleCrap. The result was some of the best radio seen on WrestleCrap Radio this year.
December
Everyone has Yule Logs for Calculator Man!
Ricky Morton's still in jail and with helprickymorton.org fast becoming a tribute to comedy he may be there a while. We heard the touching tale of a man who went out on Black Friday just to buy a calculator, RD bought [i]Cat in the Hat[/i] and Stacy Keibler got work (sadly not in porn), would you let Rick Steiner control YOUR kid's future and the Gooker Nominees were announced. My money's on Diva Search 2.
I do it in a La-Z-Boy personally
Kamala has a new album. RD bought Christmas Crunch. DDP wants some of Jay-Z's Vagina......or something like that. He's also put out a book called Yoga For Regular Guys. I wonder if you can get limber enough using his book to [Censored by the lawyers of wrestlecrapradio.com], cause that would be cool. Somebody call Shelton's Mama (Wonder if he and Ernest Miller are twinsies). And in the most joyous news of all Christy Hemme was fired, which led to dogs singing Jingle Bells.
- Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
Minisode #014 Kamala's Rockin' Xmas
by iggy
December 9, 2005
Little Debbie Cake Trees and Brownie Trees
Yoga for Regular Guys
Kamala's Rocking Chair
Start talking Waffle House.
Dogs are barking jingle bells.
#yuletide edition #six dozen copies
December 9, 2005
Little Debbie Cake Trees and Brownie Trees
Yoga for Regular Guys
Kamala's Rocking Chair
Start talking Waffle House.
Dogs are barking jingle bells.
#yuletide edition #six dozen copies
014 Speaking of Rocking Chairs...: December 9, 2005
Speaking of Rocking Chairs...
(30 minutes)
RD's trip to the food mart: Oh's cereal was shunned in favor of Christmas Crunch. He also cannot resist Little Debbie Trees and cakes and cookies. Blade likes ice cream xmas trees.
Obscure Wrestling News: Combat Zone Wrestling is having a toy donation drive at the Cage Of Death show. Kamala has put out a music album and Blade found samples at thegiantkamala.com. DDP has sued Jay-Z for using the diamond cutter hand sign. Speaking of vaginas, DDP has put out a book called Yoga for Regular Guys. Speaking of rocking chairs, Shelton Benjamin will be getting a mama [Momma], if WWE's searching is anything to go by. It's too bad Safire and Florida from Good Times are dead. RD & Blade want the motto of their podcast to be "I vomited on myself in enjoyment."
Question of the Week from Triple B Bubblegum Brian Boyd: What do you say to Bad News Brown at a Waffle House?
More Boogeyman talk. Hemme was fired. Dogs are barking Jingle Bells.
Haiku to our Dear Departed Diva:
Christy's been fired.
Hope she finds a job or her
butt will need food stamps.
RD promises to exchange gifts with Blade next week.
(30 minutes)
 |
| YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY! |
Obscure Wrestling News: Combat Zone Wrestling is having a toy donation drive at the Cage Of Death show. Kamala has put out a music album and Blade found samples at thegiantkamala.com. DDP has sued Jay-Z for using the diamond cutter hand sign. Speaking of vaginas, DDP has put out a book called Yoga for Regular Guys. Speaking of rocking chairs, Shelton Benjamin will be getting a mama [Momma], if WWE's searching is anything to go by. It's too bad Safire and Florida from Good Times are dead. RD & Blade want the motto of their podcast to be "I vomited on myself in enjoyment."
Question of the Week from Triple B Bubblegum Brian Boyd: What do you say to Bad News Brown at a Waffle House?
More Boogeyman talk. Hemme was fired. Dogs are barking Jingle Bells.
Haiku to our Dear Departed Diva:
Christy's been fired.
Hope she finds a job or her
butt will need food stamps.
RD promises to exchange gifts with Blade next week.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Hermit to my Yukon Cornelius, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 14. Trees, Christmas (2), Russo, Christmas (3), pre, wow, vaginas (2), rocking chairs, speaking Ofs (2), rocking chairs (2), making the world a better place
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 2. Nell Carter, Waffle House
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Nell Carter
- Christy Hemme References: 4
- Question of the Week from: Triple B Bubblegum Brian Boyd
- I saw Bad News Brown in the early 90s at a Waffle House but didn't talk to him. What should I have asked him? Those hash browns: you want them smothered, covered, and chunked?
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Christy's been fired.
Hope she finds a job or her
butt will need food stamps.
Minisode #013 Black Friday's Calculator Man
by iggy
December 2, 2005
Ricky Morton stamp
Black Friday at Circuit City
Tajiri's wife is trapped in the house.
Gooker Award nominees
Ric Flair's road rage
#grab the items #hardcore shoppers
December 2, 2005
Ricky Morton stamp
Black Friday at Circuit City
Tajiri's wife is trapped in the house.
Gooker Award nominees
Ric Flair's road rage
#grab the items #hardcore shoppers
013 Yulelog for He-Man: December 2, 2005
Yulelog for He-Man
(32 minutes)
Blade needs to take off his coat.
Blade has visited HelpRickyMorton.org and can't control his laughter.
RD's Trip on Black Friday: some guy stood in line just to get a free calculator. RD bought a DVD copy of Cat in the Hat. Speaking of horrible movies...
Obscure Wrestling News: Stacey Keibler has a job after being in Hollywood for a year. Tajiri's wife must live in a desert, because she does not seem to get out of the house without a car to do things. Rick Steiner is on a board of education. Question of the Week from B-Train: Kane must tombstone Pete Rose because WWE wrestlers can't break kayfabe. RD plans to send him a prize before the next vernal equinox.
The 2005 Gooker nominees are revealed. They are: Muhammed Hassan: Evil American Terrorist, Viscera & Lillian Garcia's Love Story, the Sad Saga of Jim Ross, Kurt Angle's approval of bestiality, Heidenreich in LOD, the Boogeyman, Kane 2005, Jillian Hall's mole (speaking of deformities), the Diva Search 2 (a repeat nominee!), and the Ultimate Warrior saying that 'queering don't make the world work' among other bizarre stuff.
Speaking of Car Wrecks (brought to you by Joseph Haiku Sr.):
For shame, Nature Boy.
To be the man, do you have
to throttle the man?
(32 minutes)
Blade needs to take off his coat.
Blade has visited HelpRickyMorton.org and can't control his laughter.
 |
| SEND HAIR CLIPPERS TOO, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN HE MIGHT NEED THOSE IN PRISON. |
RD's Trip on Black Friday: some guy stood in line just to get a free calculator. RD bought a DVD copy of Cat in the Hat. Speaking of horrible movies...
Obscure Wrestling News: Stacey Keibler has a job after being in Hollywood for a year. Tajiri's wife must live in a desert, because she does not seem to get out of the house without a car to do things. Rick Steiner is on a board of education. Question of the Week from B-Train: Kane must tombstone Pete Rose because WWE wrestlers can't break kayfabe. RD plans to send him a prize before the next vernal equinox.
The 2005 Gooker nominees are revealed. They are: Muhammed Hassan: Evil American Terrorist, Viscera & Lillian Garcia's Love Story, the Sad Saga of Jim Ross, Kurt Angle's approval of bestiality, Heidenreich in LOD, the Boogeyman, Kane 2005, Jillian Hall's mole (speaking of deformities), the Diva Search 2 (a repeat nominee!), and the Ultimate Warrior saying that 'queering don't make the world work' among other bizarre stuff.
Speaking of Car Wrecks (brought to you by Joseph Haiku Sr.):
For shame, Nature Boy.
To be the man, do you have
to throttle the man?
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Higgins to my Magnum P.I., Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 11. Being a dumbass, horrible movies, staying in character, bearded ladies, that, deformities 3 (3), car wrecks (2), wrecks
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 4. Skeletor, He-Man, She-Ra, Dolph Lundgren, Man-At-Arms
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- RD Time Outs: 2
- Debut: Black Friday
- Question of the Week from: B-Train
- Since the WWE has told all the wrestlers to stay in character, does that mean if Kane ever ran into Pete Rose again he has to tombstone him? That should be every year.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
For shame, Nature Boy.
To be the man, do you have
to throttle the man?
Minisode #012 Pantless
by iggy
November 18, 2005
Blade has no pants.
Ricky Morton gets help from Ivan Koloff
Tenta Interview
#mid-change #bribe the screw
November 18, 2005
Blade has no pants.
Ricky Morton gets help from Ivan Koloff
Tenta Interview
#mid-change #bribe the screw
012 Earquake: November 18, 2005
John Tenta Interview
(50 minutes)
Blade has to put his pants on.
Eddie Guerrero died.
Obscure Wrestling News: Ricky Morton is still in jail. To raise funds for his release, Ivan Koloff has donated one (1) Russian chain.
Mark Jindrak and Matt Morgan are trying their hand at their own online show at markandmattlive.com. RD wants his own online show where he and Blade just drive around places. [Seven years later... - Future PB]
Question of the Week from HPPH: Chyna's song demands that she be treated neither as a man nor a woman. The podcast has 4 listeners.
:18 - End: Interview with John "Earthquake" Tenta.
(50 minutes)
Eddie Guerrero died. Obscure Wrestling News: Ricky Morton is still in jail. To raise funds for his release, Ivan Koloff has donated one (1) Russian chain.
Mark Jindrak and Matt Morgan are trying their hand at their own online show at markandmattlive.com. RD wants his own online show where he and Blade just drive around places. [Seven years later... - Future PB]
Question of the Week from HPPH: Chyna's song demands that she be treated neither as a man nor a woman. The podcast has 4 listeners.
:18 - End: Interview with John "Earthquake" Tenta.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Typhoon to my Earthquake, Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. That kind of thing
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 1. Eric Clapton
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. John Tenta
- Question of the Week from: HPPH
- Gentle radio hosts, if we're not to treat Chyna as a woman, and we're not to treat her as a man, what are we supposed to treat her as? We will treat her as a primate.
011 24 Hour Blade: November 11, 2005
24 Hour Blade
((( recorded in medium over-modulated fidelity ))) (27 minutes)
Blade is on the anniversary edition of the Toxic Avengers DVD.
Obscure Wrestling News: Sid Vicious said he drew more money than Austin and The Rock. Perhaps he means drew as in painted, as in "I paint more money than those two guys who call themselves wrestlers. I mean, really. They wouldn't know art if it came up to them and body slammed them!" RD wants him to play an old Universal movie monster. Things we've learned today: You know a movie is bad when Matthew Broderick refuses to star in it.
WWE is already releasing a Best of 2005 compilation disc, which would probably be some sort of reverse negative product that they actually send money to you for accepting the thing.
There is no logic to Raw or Smackdown. Someone is pushed one week but is squashed the next. RD says Smackdown is reminiscent of Thunder. WWE has a habit of getting rid of stuff that has recently become wildly popular.
The rumor now is the midgets have all gone. The way WWE had been treating them though, I wouldn't be surprised if they shot segments about them being lost and/or misplaced, and having jobbers look through their backstage couches for them.
Greg Valentine is reported to get a contract, despite being as mobile as a wrestling ring.
RD remembers furthermore unequivocally the good old days of wrestling when you didn't really see much of the company's management on TV.
Question of the Week from 24 Hour Adam: Would his Frankie costume had won?
Vince Russo has started a podcast, of which according to Blade has stolen 5 of their 10 listeners.
RD has figured out how to run the Haiku music over at his end.
Captain Karisma:
The Double-u Dou-
ble-u E has burned you out.
Three words: Rest in peeps.
((( recorded in medium over-modulated fidelity ))) (27 minutes)
 | |
| Sid is closer to draw-string Hefty bags |
Obscure Wrestling News: Sid Vicious said he drew more money than Austin and The Rock. Perhaps he means drew as in painted, as in "I paint more money than those two guys who call themselves wrestlers. I mean, really. They wouldn't know art if it came up to them and body slammed them!" RD wants him to play an old Universal movie monster. Things we've learned today: You know a movie is bad when Matthew Broderick refuses to star in it.
WWE is already releasing a Best of 2005 compilation disc, which would probably be some sort of reverse negative product that they actually send money to you for accepting the thing.
There is no logic to Raw or Smackdown. Someone is pushed one week but is squashed the next. RD says Smackdown is reminiscent of Thunder. WWE has a habit of getting rid of stuff that has recently become wildly popular.
The rumor now is the midgets have all gone. The way WWE had been treating them though, I wouldn't be surprised if they shot segments about them being lost and/or misplaced, and having jobbers look through their backstage couches for them.
Greg Valentine is reported to get a contract, despite being as mobile as a wrestling ring.
RD remembers furthermore unequivocally the good old days of wrestling when you didn't really see much of the company's management on TV.
Question of the Week from 24 Hour Adam: Would his Frankie costume had won?
Vince Russo has started a podcast, of which according to Blade has stolen 5 of their 10 listeners.
RD has figured out how to run the Haiku music over at his end.
Captain Karisma:
The Double-u Dou-
ble-u E has burned you out.
Three words: Rest in peeps.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Claw to my Inspector Gadget, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 6. Christmas (2), internet wrestling shows, obscure Wrestling news, Halloween contest, horrible ideas
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 1. Big Wheels
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Blade Burps: 1
- Question of the Week from: 24 Hour Adam
- For your WrestleCrap Halloween contest, I was going to dress up as Dead Frankie and have my Black friend hold me on his shoulder. Would I have won? Do you even need to ask that question?
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
The Double-u Dou-
ble-u E has burned you out.
Three words: Rest in peeps.
Minisode #010 Help Ricky Morton
by iggy
October 28, 2005
King Vitaman
Cookie Crisp saved the life of, and then nearly killed, Blade's dog.
Blade doesn't give out Halloween candy.
The teletype debuts.
Ricky Morton owed $74,000.
Blade and Don Mason made movies.
PWI Rankings
Juniors jumping on couches
Silver Shamrock
#er whaut #wretched and evil
October 28, 2005
King Vitaman
Cookie Crisp saved the life of, and then nearly killed, Blade's dog.
Blade doesn't give out Halloween candy.
The teletype debuts.
Ricky Morton owed $74,000.
Blade and Don Mason made movies.
PWI Rankings
Juniors jumping on couches
Silver Shamrock
#er whaut #wretched and evil
010 Cookie Crisp Christmas Crap Radio: October 28, 2005
"This may not be the show for you."
((( recorded in medium phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (32 minutes)
Blade is willing to shave his beard off if it would garner more listeners.
Bumper Stumpers sucked. RD's Weekly Trip to the Grocery: he and Blade hate Cookie Crisp. The new King Vitamin character is even more creepy. Blade doesn't hand out Halloween candy, preferring to horde it all himself. RD liked C. Thomas Howell's Soul Man.
Obscure Wrestling News now has an intro sound effect and Blade hates it. April Hunter was upset about something about Tammy Sytch being upset about something. Ricky Morton owes almost $75,000 in child support payments. Perhaps YOU can help pay it off at helprickymorton.org. Robert Gibson could sell his glass eye and shoulder battery to help Ricky Morton who's still in jail. I guess. [These early shows are very short on actual jokes.]
[This is also the first mention of the Uncharismatic Enigma that will come to be known to WrestleCrappers around the world as Don...Don Mason. - Future PB]
Question of the Week from Outback Jack: Bobby Lashley resembles Ahmed Johnson. Apparently, in the past, wrestlers, such as Ahmed Johnson, have asked Vince McMahon for more money based on their ranking on PWI's made-up top 500 wrestlers list. I don't know if anyone would have understood him with his mushy-mouthed voice though.
This week in late October, Spike TV premiered Santa's Slay, a movie in which Goldberg plays a murderous Santa. Blade saw it. The only thing he really remembers about it was that Chris Kattan starred in it.
RD doesn't know if Teddy Long treats midgets more like unruly children or like dogs. Jim Ross' alleged ass had many things stuck in it, and they're all available at the WWE ShopZone.
Evil Halloween Haiku:
JR's battered ass.
That was so painful. My poor
eyes felt sodomized.
((( recorded in medium phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (32 minutes)
Blade is willing to shave his beard off if it would garner more listeners.
Bumper Stumpers sucked. RD's Weekly Trip to the Grocery: he and Blade hate Cookie Crisp. The new King Vitamin character is even more creepy. Blade doesn't hand out Halloween candy, preferring to horde it all himself. RD liked C. Thomas Howell's Soul Man.
Obscure Wrestling News now has an intro sound effect and Blade hates it. April Hunter was upset about something about Tammy Sytch being upset about something. Ricky Morton owes almost $75,000 in child support payments. Perhaps YOU can help pay it off at helprickymorton.org. Robert Gibson could sell his glass eye and shoulder battery to help Ricky Morton who's still in jail. I guess. [These early shows are very short on actual jokes.]
[This is also the first mention of the Uncharismatic Enigma that will come to be known to WrestleCrappers around the world as Don...Don Mason. - Future PB]
 |
| I'M GONNA KILL THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SNOW GLOBE!! |
This week in late October, Spike TV premiered Santa's Slay, a movie in which Goldberg plays a murderous Santa. Blade saw it. The only thing he really remembers about it was that Chris Kattan starred in it.
RD doesn't know if Teddy Long treats midgets more like unruly children or like dogs. Jim Ross' alleged ass had many things stuck in it, and they're all available at the WWE ShopZone.
Evil Halloween Haiku:
JR's battered ass.
That was so painful. My poor
eyes felt sodomized.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Frenchy Martin to my Dino Bravo, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 6. Halloween costumes (2), obscure, things getting worse, bootleg Creature From the Black Lagoon mask, Santa Claus
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 3. Bumper Stumpers, Press Your Luck, Linda Blair
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Blade Burps: 2
- Tammy Sytch references: 6
- Debut: FaxTrolla
- Question of the Week from: Outback Jack
- Since Bobby Lashley is being pushed as a new Ahmed Johnson, do you think he'll try and convince them to give him a title shot based on his rankings in PWI Magazine? No sold.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Haunted Edition:
JR's battered ass.
That was so painful. My poor
eyes felt sodomized.
Minisode #009 At the Feed Market
by iggy
October 21, 2005
Grocery stores used to have video rental sections.
Ricky Morton is in jail.
Tajiri's wife can't get a driver's license.
The Boogeyman debuted.
#static #wee tot
October 21, 2005
Grocery stores used to have video rental sections.
Ricky Morton is in jail.
Tajiri's wife can't get a driver's license.
The Boogeyman debuted.
#static #wee tot
009 Gimmicks Galore: October 21, 2005
Gimmicks Galore
(29 minutes)
Blade's beard makes funny noises.
The award winning Question of the Week from Dwarf Action involves Toni Braxton. Blade is not related to her (which is good), but he then says he is in fact the son of former professional boxer Dwight Braxton, now Dwight Muhammad Qawi. This would seem factual...except that around the time that Blade would be born, Dwight was in prison. So, either Blade is not really speaking the truth...or he needs to make a Maury Povich reference.
Speaking of Christmas... RD went to the feed market to get grub. The first WrestleCrap book is going out of print.
Time for some Obscure Wrestling News: one half of the Rock N Roll Express, Ricky Morton, is in jail for missing child support payments. Tajiri's wife is lonely and keeps failing her driving test. Lex Luger was cleaning animal cages as part of his community service sentence.
RD would rather watch the Colts lose by 85 points than listen to Nipple H. Boogeyman, or Boogey Maul, debuted and he hates clocks. The midget division is being formed and Super Porky has been called up.
This Haiku:
The Boogeyman's here.
He wears a big plastic heart.
He has stolen mine.
(29 minutes)
Blade's beard makes funny noises.
The award winning Question of the Week from Dwarf Action involves Toni Braxton. Blade is not related to her (which is good), but he then says he is in fact the son of former professional boxer Dwight Braxton, now Dwight Muhammad Qawi. This would seem factual...except that around the time that Blade would be born, Dwight was in prison. So, either Blade is not really speaking the truth...or he needs to make a Maury Povich reference.
Speaking of Christmas... RD went to the feed market to get grub. The first WrestleCrap book is going out of print.
Time for some Obscure Wrestling News: one half of the Rock N Roll Express, Ricky Morton, is in jail for missing child support payments. Tajiri's wife is lonely and keeps failing her driving test. Lex Luger was cleaning animal cages as part of his community service sentence.
 |
| Taking the concept of 'beating the clock' literally. |
RD would rather watch the Colts lose by 85 points than listen to Nipple H. Boogeyman, or Boogey Maul, debuted and he hates clocks. The midget division is being formed and Super Porky has been called up.
This Haiku:
The Boogeyman's here.
He wears a big plastic heart.
He has stolen mine.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Salt to my Peppa, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 10. People who sing songs I don’t know, Christmas (4), wives being at home (2), people having to clean up feces, literally crappy, crappy
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 2. Mr. Ed, Movie rentals in grocery stores
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Ashley Massaro references: 4
- Debut: Obscure Wrestling News
- Question of the Week from: Dwarf Action
- So seeing an obvious resemblance: are Blade and Toni Braxton brother and sister? No sold.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
The Boogeyman's here.
He wears a big plastic heart.
He has stolen mine.
Minisode #008 Hacksaw Flips a Bus
by iggy
October 14, 2005
Halloween costumes
Boo Berry, Kaboom, Quisp, and King Vitaman
Hacksaw raced a bus.
RD can't give away the Dusty Rhodes book.
#cockahoop #junkyard feel
October 14, 2005
Halloween costumes
Boo Berry, Kaboom, Quisp, and King Vitaman
Hacksaw raced a bus.
RD can't give away the Dusty Rhodes book.
#cockahoop #junkyard feel
008 Naming Nicknames: October 14, 2005
Naming Nicknames
(32 minutes)
WrestleCrap Radio is like a junkyard.
WrestleCrap is holding a contest for the worst WrestleCrap Halloween costume. RD's favorite is one guy as the Ultimate Warrior with everyone else in the picture ignoring him.
RD's found Boo Berry at just about every grocery store close to him. Blade says King Vitamin should be renamed King Pedophile due to his creepy appearance.
Strike Force will reunite for an indy Halloween show. "Scary" Sherri Martel always scared RD.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan flipped over a bus at a charity bus race. Blade finds fault with this.
This podcast is considered the "USA Today of wrestling podcasts". I find fault with this.
Matt Hardy's new girlfriend is Ashley Massaro and not Alexis Laree, thankfully. Blade says he'll wrestle Nicole Bass if the Detroit Lions lose more games than the Colts this season. Last year Blade lost and had to watch One Night in Chyna. Blade dreamed of sharing muffins with Raven, but doesn't get into much more than mentioning it.
Update on the Dusty Rhodes book: a change of mind has kept it on the shelf. Question of the Week from Evil Master Betty: Following Jim Cornette's rule that an angle can be re-used after seven years, what angles would you like to see re-used? Blade wants to see that White Hummer return. RD meanwhile wants Evil JR to bring out fake wrestlers.
Speaking of JR, rumors abound that he's leaving Raw. The Co-Hosts don't really believe them, even more so when they hear WWE wants a replacement announcer with no wrestling experience but a desire for lots of money. Blade reveals his favorite announce team: Superstar Billy Graham, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Sean Mooney. Speaking of Charlie Minn...
Raw had plenty of McMahons, such as Nipple H.
Seventeen Syllables of Fun:
Stephanie now blond.
She kinda looks like Britney,
a pregnant Britney.
(32 minutes)
 |
| INNOCENT, NUTRITIOUS FUN |
WrestleCrap is holding a contest for the worst WrestleCrap Halloween costume. RD's favorite is one guy as the Ultimate Warrior with everyone else in the picture ignoring him.
RD's found Boo Berry at just about every grocery store close to him. Blade says King Vitamin should be renamed King Pedophile due to his creepy appearance.
Strike Force will reunite for an indy Halloween show. "Scary" Sherri Martel always scared RD.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan flipped over a bus at a charity bus race. Blade finds fault with this.
This podcast is considered the "USA Today of wrestling podcasts". I find fault with this.
Matt Hardy's new girlfriend is Ashley Massaro and not Alexis Laree, thankfully. Blade says he'll wrestle Nicole Bass if the Detroit Lions lose more games than the Colts this season. Last year Blade lost and had to watch One Night in Chyna. Blade dreamed of sharing muffins with Raven, but doesn't get into much more than mentioning it.
Update on the Dusty Rhodes book: a change of mind has kept it on the shelf. Question of the Week from Evil Master Betty: Following Jim Cornette's rule that an angle can be re-used after seven years, what angles would you like to see re-used? Blade wants to see that White Hummer return. RD meanwhile wants Evil JR to bring out fake wrestlers.
Speaking of JR, rumors abound that he's leaving Raw. The Co-Hosts don't really believe them, even more so when they hear WWE wants a replacement announcer with no wrestling experience but a desire for lots of money. Blade reveals his favorite announce team: Superstar Billy Graham, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Sean Mooney. Speaking of Charlie Minn...
Raw had plenty of McMahons, such as Nipple H.
Seventeen Syllables of Fun:
Stephanie now blond.
She kinda looks like Britney,
a pregnant Britney.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Lamont Sanford to my Fred Sanford, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 17. Charlie Minn, Charlie Minn (2) or Brian Knobbs, him, not Charlie Minn, Halloween (2), things that probably not fare well in test markets, frightening (2), Nicole Bass, Charlie Minn (3), Charlie Minn (4) and horrible announcers, Charlie Minn (5), ugly
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 2. Sanford & Son, King Vitamin
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Mickie James references: 2 (as Alexis Laree)
- Ashley Massaro references: 8
- Trish Stratus references: 1
- Question of the Week from: Evil Master Betty
- The WWE at No Mercy just reused a burning casket angle from the Kane-Taker feud back in 1998, only this time Orton is burning Taker alive. I guess Cornette was right. Which angle from seven years ago or longer would you like to see redone but only crappier than last time? Blade: the mysterious White Hummer. RD: Evil JR.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Stephanie now blond.
She kinda looks like Britney,
a pregnant Britney.
Minisode #007 Koko's Stuffed Bird
by iggy
October 7, 2005
Koko B. Ware charges extra to bring the bird.
Call it Impact Wrestling
#retailer lingo #inspector braxton
October 7, 2005
Koko B. Ware charges extra to bring the bird.
Call it Impact Wrestling
#retailer lingo #inspector braxton
007 Flipping a stuffed bird: October 7, 2005
Flipping a stuffed bird
((( recorded in low phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)
RD dreamed he was on Hogan Knows Best and Brooke had some magic wand (a dildo?). He also read a masochistic book from some guy with a menial grocery-based job. More Boo Berry talk.
TNA's name sucks. Blade wants to call them TeNAy instead.
Raw's highlight hour of their homecoming special reminded RD that the show used to be good. Linda McMahon is a terrible in-ring actress. Kevin Von Erich was at Raw.
RD says the Dusty Rhodes book has been accepted by last weeks' question of the week "winner." This week's from Kamala Balboa is about Koko's stuffed bird on Raw and whether it would be auctioned off. Koko also demands extra for the bird for wrestling appearances.
Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Koko with stuffed bird.
Judging by Hunter's physique,
Trips ate the real bird.
((( recorded in low phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)
TNA's name sucks. Blade wants to call them TeNAy instead.
Raw's highlight hour of their homecoming special reminded RD that the show used to be good. Linda McMahon is a terrible in-ring actress. Kevin Von Erich was at Raw.
RD says the Dusty Rhodes book has been accepted by last weeks' question of the week "winner." This week's from Kamala Balboa is about Koko's stuffed bird on Raw and whether it would be auctioned off. Koko also demands extra for the bird for wrestling appearances.
Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Koko with stuffed bird.
Judging by Hunter's physique,
Trips ate the real bird.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Bodacious Bart to my Bombastic Bart, Mr. Blade Braxton
- WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Fandango, Pro Wrestling Premier
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. Something that is cool
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 2. Happy Days, ABC After-school Special
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Ashley Massaro references: 1
- Tammy Sytch references: 1
- Question of the Week from: Kamala Balboa
- What do you think the chances of Koko's fake parrot from Raw being auctioned off on wwe.com are? I could totally see them doing it and I could totally see me buying it.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Koko with stuffed bird.
Judging by Hunter's physique,
Trips ate the real bird.
Minisode #006 WWE Hatchet-Jobs the Ultimate Warrior
by iggy
September 30, 2005
Dream Corner with Blade
The Ultimate Warrior DVD
#beeped us out #itinerary
September 30, 2005
Dream Corner with Blade
The Ultimate Warrior DVD
#beeped us out #itinerary
006 Self-urinating ReCrap: September 30, 2005
Self-urinating ReCrap
((( recorded in medium phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (30 minutes)
According to RD's calculations the podcast has 37 listeners.
Blade has dreamed of Boo Berry. Some divas were fired but Ashley Massaro, Blue Paint Girl, and Zorak Girl were signed. Kerwin White now has a caddy. RAW on Spike TV requires a lot of censoring. Blade bought WWE's Ultimate Warrior DVD. The Question of the Week from John Knows Best involves Kennedy's orgasms. Mention of a winter solstice is made.
At Blade's Mercy with the Weekly Haiku:
USA Network
[Line censored by Spike TV.]
Jeff Jarrett's cornhole.
((( recorded in medium phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (30 minutes)
 |
| Boo Berry: The Fetish Ghost |
Blade has dreamed of Boo Berry. Some divas were fired but Ashley Massaro, Blue Paint Girl, and Zorak Girl were signed. Kerwin White now has a caddy. RAW on Spike TV requires a lot of censoring. Blade bought WWE's Ultimate Warrior DVD. The Question of the Week from John Knows Best involves Kennedy's orgasms. Mention of a winter solstice is made.
At Blade's Mercy with the Weekly Haiku:
USA Network
[Line censored by Spike TV.]
Jeff Jarrett's cornhole.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Mark Madden to my Tony Schiavone, Mr. Blade Braxton
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 4. Defecating in a multicolored rainbow, divas, other uh makeshift tag teams, books
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 3. R2D2, Yukon Cornelius, Island of Misfit Toys
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Ashley Massaro references: 5
- Tammy Sytch references: 3
- Christy Hemme references: 2
- Question of the Week from: John Knows Best
- When Ken Kennedy has sex, do girls leave him when he screams "KENNEDY"? I don't know but I will find out.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
USA Network
[Line censored by Spike TV.]
Jeff Jarrett's cornhole.
Minisode #005 Some Days are "Smokey and the Bandit" and Some Days are "Stroker Ace"
by iggy
September 23, 2005
Tammy Sytch proffers a riddle in RD's dream
#was visited
September 23, 2005
Tammy Sytch proffers a riddle in RD's dream
#was visited
005 Raw Homecoming: September 23, 2005
Raw Homecoming
(26 minutes)
Tammy Sytch had a walk-on role in RD's dream, saying, "you know, some days are Smokey and the Bandit, and some days are Stroker Ace." Blade dreams that Demolition came back to Raw.
RD cannot give away the Dusty Rhodes book. Question of the Week from Lildude8218: shouldn't Carlito hide foreign objects in his hair like Captain Caveman?
Ken Kennedy's gimmick is to talk loudly. Blade wants to call Ashley Massaro "Gung Ho", after the G.I. Joe character. A new Monday Night War is starting as Spike will put UFC shows on at the same time as Raw on USA. RD likes his violence scripted. Raw's homecoming will have a slew of WWF legends who have never been on Raw. WWF's DVD hatchet job on Ultimate Warrior is being released.
Seventeen Syllables of Your Time:
Oh Mr Helwig.
Forget queering. Pray that your
new disc doesn't work.
(26 minutes)
Tammy Sytch had a walk-on role in RD's dream, saying, "you know, some days are Smokey and the Bandit, and some days are Stroker Ace." Blade dreams that Demolition came back to Raw.
 |
| Burt Reynolds makes it all better. At least, back in the 70's. |
Ken Kennedy's gimmick is to talk loudly. Blade wants to call Ashley Massaro "Gung Ho", after the G.I. Joe character. A new Monday Night War is starting as Spike will put UFC shows on at the same time as Raw on USA. RD likes his violence scripted. Raw's homecoming will have a slew of WWF legends who have never been on Raw. WWF's DVD hatchet job on Ultimate Warrior is being released.
Seventeen Syllables of Your Time:
Oh Mr Helwig.
Forget queering. Pray that your
new disc doesn't work.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Partner in Crime, Blade Braxton
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 4. People complaining (3), G.I. Joe
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 4. Happy Days, Good Times, J.J. Walker, Maude
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 1.
- Ashley Massaro references: 14
- Tammy Sytch references: 2
- Question of the Week from: Lildude8218
- Do you think Carlito keeps things hidden in his hair like Captain Caveman? Discuss what might be in there. No sold, but it would be a great gimmick.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Oh Mr Helwig.
Forget queering. Pray that your
new disc doesn't work.
Minisode #004 The Biographies of Kane and Katie Vick
by iggy
September 16, 2005
Blade tries to read the biography of Kane
Apter mag memories
RD dreams about "Happy Days"
#the man who portrays Kane #Glen Kane
September 16, 2005
Blade tries to read the biography of Kane
Apter mag memories
RD dreams about "Happy Days"
#the man who portrays Kane #Glen Kane
004 Speaking Of...: September 16, 2005
Speaking Of...
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (31 minutes)
RD Junior was born and Blade has bought Kane's fictional biography, Journey Into Darkness. It's 315 pages and Kane becomes a wrestler 250 pages into it. Blade reads about Katie Vick. [Why on earth haven't they inducted that yet? - Future PB] [Welp, only took someone else 15 years. - Future Future PB]
The Apter mag is remembered, including all its numerously strange stories.
Raw is coming back to the USA Network with a never-ending four-hour show. RD dreamed he was an extra on Happy Days. Chris Masters has less talent than Lex Luger.
The Question of the Week from Buh Gawd King involves WWE theme songs. Blade and RD reminisce about when WWF superstars could instantly be recognized as soon as the music hits. Nowadays the WWE theme songs sound similar.
Trish is back but she has been placed next to Ashley Massaro.
Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Trish Stratus is back.
Trish I beg you, please, please, please,
ditch the damn (Ashley).
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (31 minutes)
RD Junior was born and Blade has bought Kane's fictional biography, Journey Into Darkness. It's 315 pages and Kane becomes a wrestler 250 pages into it. Blade reads about Katie Vick. [Why on earth haven't they inducted that yet? - Future PB] [Welp, only took someone else 15 years. - Future Future PB]The Apter mag is remembered, including all its numerously strange stories.
Raw is coming back to the USA Network with a never-ending four-hour show. RD dreamed he was an extra on Happy Days. Chris Masters has less talent than Lex Luger. The Question of the Week from Buh Gawd King involves WWE theme songs. Blade and RD reminisce about when WWF superstars could instantly be recognized as soon as the music hits. Nowadays the WWE theme songs sound similar.
Trish is back but she has been placed next to Ashley Massaro.
Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Trish Stratus is back.
Trish I beg you, please, please, please,
ditch the damn (Ashley).
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Your friend and mine, Blade Braxton
- URLs not taken: 1. ApterCrap.com (unofficial)
- SPEAKING OFs: 6. Sad days, music (3), Matt Hardy
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 3. Glen Campbell, Happy Days, Tim Conway
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Ashley Massaro references: 8
- Trish Stratus references: 6
- RD Time Outs: 2
- Question of the Week from: Buh Gawd King
- Why does Matt Hardy's music sound like "I can slam a tomato, I can make BLTs?" Someone in the WWE music department has a pork fetish.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Trish Stratus is back.
Trish I beg you, please, please, please,
ditch the damn tranny.
Minisode #003 Bobba Foot
by iggy
August 26, 2005
RD's Trip to the Library
"Ice Dagger" Steve "Chilly McFreeze" Austin
"Boba Foot" Gene Snitsky
Matt Hardy returned and got squashed by Edge.
#effervescent #you can get books
August 26, 2005
RD's Trip to the Library
"Ice Dagger" Steve "Chilly McFreeze" Austin
"Boba Foot" Gene Snitsky
Matt Hardy returned and got squashed by Edge.
#effervescent #you can get books
003 Tee Hee Tickle Party: August 26, 2005
Tee Hee Tickle Party
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)
The reviews are in. WrestleCrap Radio has been called both the 'giggle time happy fun hour' and 'tee hee tickle party.'
Mrs. Deal is "very pregnant" and if her water breaks, RD will leave and Blade will have to finish the show alone. Surely she could wait another twenty minutes.
More discussion of Get In The Ring Radio. RD: "I'm not a Juggalo."
RD took a trip to the library to listen to boring wrestling books on tape. He thinks of doing it as a weekly thing - the trips, I mean, not listen to boring books.
Brian Knobbs was on Hogan Knows Best as Hogan's choice as a babysitter and neither Blade nor RD suggests that it's grounds for divorce.
Last week's Question of the Week prize winner didn't want the Dusty Rhodes book. This week's Questioner, Super Hot Item, is looking for love advice.
More moves are suggested for Chris Masters, master of the MasterLock. Gene Snitsky as a foot fetishist bounty hunter earns him RD's nickname of Boba Foot. [I prefer Boba Feet. It sounds closer to the original name.] Where's Trish Stratus? Matt Hardy has been buried since his return.
Here We Go:
Poor old Matt Hardy.
"Work or shoot?" we asked. Try shot,
as in your career.
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)
The reviews are in. WrestleCrap Radio has been called both the 'giggle time happy fun hour' and 'tee hee tickle party.'
 |
| Least Disturbing Image Search Result for "Tee Hee Tickle Party" |
Mrs. Deal is "very pregnant" and if her water breaks, RD will leave and Blade will have to finish the show alone. Surely she could wait another twenty minutes.
More discussion of Get In The Ring Radio. RD: "I'm not a Juggalo."
RD took a trip to the library to listen to boring wrestling books on tape. He thinks of doing it as a weekly thing - the trips, I mean, not listen to boring books.
Brian Knobbs was on Hogan Knows Best as Hogan's choice as a babysitter and neither Blade nor RD suggests that it's grounds for divorce.
Last week's Question of the Week prize winner didn't want the Dusty Rhodes book. This week's Questioner, Super Hot Item, is looking for love advice.
More moves are suggested for Chris Masters, master of the MasterLock. Gene Snitsky as a foot fetishist bounty hunter earns him RD's nickname of Boba Foot. [I prefer Boba Feet. It sounds closer to the original name.] Where's Trish Stratus? Matt Hardy has been buried since his return.
Here We Go:
Poor old Matt Hardy.
"Work or shoot?" we asked. Try shot,
as in your career.
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- Effervescent Blade Braxton
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 7. Brian Knobbs (4), reality shows, fetishes (2)
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 3. Mamas and the Papas, Jim Croce, Harry Chapin
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Ashley Massaro references: 2
- Trish Stratus references: 5
- Debut: RD's TRIP (to the library)
- Question of the Week from: Super Hot Item
- I am I’m love with a girl. What should I do? No sold.
- Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Poor old Matt Hardy.
"Work or shoot?" we asked. Try shot,
as in your career.
Minisode #002 The First Haiku
by iggy
August 19, 2005
WWE Niagra Falls mug
Reviews of the first episode
The first Question of the Week
Dennis Stamp explained
Cheesy Ian Fleming
Ashley Massaro
Dominic on a pole match
Haiku about mommy's milk
#scourge of the audio airwaves #pompous one-trick pony writing Cheatum jokes
August 19, 2005
WWE Niagra Falls mug
Reviews of the first episode
The first Question of the Week
Dennis Stamp explained
Cheesy Ian Fleming
Ashley Massaro
Dominic on a pole match
Haiku about mommy's milk
#scourge of the audio airwaves #pompous one-trick pony writing Cheatum jokes
002 Mommy's Milk: August 19, 2005
Mommy's Milk
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (27 minutes)
RD prepares himself for the show by drinking out of his WWE Niagara Falls Cup. This does not help to improve the quality of the show though.
The Co-Hosts receive more love from Get In The Ring for their upcoming appearance.
RD needs more people for the podcast, so to bribe them to come he's going to give away the Dusty Rhodes book to people who send in Questions of the Week to them. The first question, from Crazy Rose, is read and promptly disregarded.
While wondering about potential WCR guests, Dennis Stamp is explained. Tony Atlas wanted money to appear in the WrestleCrap book.
RD: "You know, you know, you know, the, you know, I make fun of WWF, WWE for some of their gimmicks, but when you talk about like, he came up with Beaver Cleavage, you know, he's really, and you say that's you know beatin' people over the head and that's not funny but you look at it and you have like James Bond and you got like Octopussy and and you know it's like 'wha-wha-what's your name?' 'My name's Pussy Galore.' It's like, 'Oh I must be dreaming, nhmm hmm hmm hmm.'"
This year's Diva Search wasn't funny. RD says, "We didn't have anybody this year saying my ass is hungry." RD brings up the hot dog eating contest which makes Blade mention what he saw One Night In China. The winner of the Search, one Ashley Massaro, looks like she has a mustache (Their words.). This is compared to another contestant who looks like an insect and another who looks like a 70's TV character.
[Fifteen minutes in, Tee Hee Tickle Party is in full effect.]
SummerSlam will have at least some (Wrestle)Crap: the Eddie's kid on a pole match. Perhaps Hunter can adopt him.
Blade suggests that Shawn Michaels give Hulk Hogan some of mommy's milk during their match. (I'm surprised he didn't do this during his face heyday in the 80s.)
Blade then hits some 'haiku music'. RD: "Is this Hulkster milking music? Dare I even ask why you're playing this queeny music?"
First Ever WrestleCrap Haiku:
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (27 minutes)
RD prepares himself for the show by drinking out of his WWE Niagara Falls Cup. This does not help to improve the quality of the show though.
The Co-Hosts receive more love from Get In The Ring for their upcoming appearance.
RD needs more people for the podcast, so to bribe them to come he's going to give away the Dusty Rhodes book to people who send in Questions of the Week to them. The first question, from Crazy Rose, is read and promptly disregarded.
While wondering about potential WCR guests, Dennis Stamp is explained. Tony Atlas wanted money to appear in the WrestleCrap book.
RD: "You know, you know, you know, the, you know, I make fun of WWF, WWE for some of their gimmicks, but when you talk about like, he came up with Beaver Cleavage, you know, he's really, and you say that's you know beatin' people over the head and that's not funny but you look at it and you have like James Bond and you got like Octopussy and and you know it's like 'wha-wha-what's your name?' 'My name's Pussy Galore.' It's like, 'Oh I must be dreaming, nhmm hmm hmm hmm.'"
This year's Diva Search wasn't funny. RD says, "We didn't have anybody this year saying my ass is hungry." RD brings up the hot dog eating contest which makes Blade mention what he saw One Night In China. The winner of the Search, one Ashley Massaro, looks like she has a mustache (Their words.). This is compared to another contestant who looks like an insect and another who looks like a 70's TV character.
[Fifteen minutes in, Tee Hee Tickle Party is in full effect.]
SummerSlam will have at least some (Wrestle)Crap: the Eddie's kid on a pole match. Perhaps Hunter can adopt him.
Blade suggests that Shawn Michaels give Hulk Hogan some of mommy's milk during their match. (I'm surprised he didn't do this during his face heyday in the 80s.)
Blade then hits some 'haiku music'. RD: "Is this Hulkster milking music? Dare I even ask why you're playing this queeny music?"
First Ever WrestleCrap Haiku:
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The Arthur Fonzerelli of the Wrestling World
- URLs not taken: 0.
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. People who might not like the show
- Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
- Outdated references: 4. The Outer Limits, Bea Arthur, Maude, Land of the Lost
- I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
- Christy Hemme references: 1
- Ashley Massaro references: 8
- Debut: Question of the Week from: Crazy Rose
- How on God's green earth is Steve Austin pouring a beer on himself cooler than the Sandman pouring beer on women? No sold.
- Debut: Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?
Transcript #001: Why Did They Continue?
Transcript of WrestleCrap Radio #001
by iggy
To make it somewhat readable, most of the redundancies, coughs, ums, you knows, ands, likes, I means, etc. are omitted.
[ Intro ]
RD: Hey Crapparinos, you've got RD Reynolds here in the first ever, and we'll see how it goes, and maybe first ever, last ever, if my cohost doesn't wake up a little bit. I've had to call him six times today and get him out of bed. He is the Ed McMahon to my Johnny Carson, or something to that ilk. Blade Braxton is on the line with us.
Blade: Yeah, how's it goin'?
[ 00:45 "Get in the Ring" takeover plans]
RD: Oh it's goin' good. I don't like to say anything bad about the people at "Get in the Ring." but I don't know if you've heard their last little show. They were makin' fun of us, and they were making fun of you. They said that "Blade Braxton" actually translated literally meant RD's bitch.
Blade: What can I say, man? They're just jealous of me, that's all. They can only wish to be as reaking of coolness as I.
RD: Yes, you're definitely reaking
Blade: Yeah, yes.
RD: of coolness. Yes, yes.
Blade: And of course, they got their book out, but they're only following the footsteps of the man, the ECW Press guru, yourself.
RD: Yeah, that stuff's all so silly, but I'm glad we're gonna get a chance, you and I, to do the "Get in the Ring" show and kinda run that the way we see fit. And we've got a stellar show lined up over there. The first of which is going to be our first guest -- I think I've talked to you, over with you -- it's actually going to be Cheatum, the One-Eyed Midget.
Blade: Oh yes. Now that is only the kind of quality that myself and mister RD can bring to the table, man. I mean, how often do you get to talk to midgets?
[ 02:07 Cheatum]
RD: I can't wait for it because there's a lot of questions I want to ask, like what was he thinking right when he put a bomb on Sting's boat; what was going through his mind, why, what was behind the "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal;" why did he want that wheel to be spun. I mean, you look at somebody's life, and I mean, he really, you watch that footage, he was into it, he was into that wheel being spun
Blade: Hey man, he's a bizarre little kid, man.
RD: He's bizarre, and I want to know what he's doin' in retirement.
Blade: I wanna know why he's not on WWE right now, man.
[ 02:43 potential Gooker Award nominees]
RD: Speaking of that, and Cheatum, our good friend who we'll be talking about, I mean he's been inducted in what I call The Unholy Trilogy in the early days of WCW. But as we're looking around, I had a lot of people that I get emails about all the time, and I'm sure you do too, that are asking me -- The Gooker Award is the big year-end award for WrestleCrap, what is the worst angle, what is the worst character, that we have seen all year. And I've been thinking about it, and man have we been getting nailed left and right with just a lot of horrible gimmicks.
Blade: Ah, most definitely, man. I was a little worried; things were a little thin at the beginning of the year. It was like there's got to be a forced Gooker.
[ 03:33 "Maude"]
RD: Well I knew whenever they announced that the "Diva Search 2" was going to be taking place,
Blade: Right there we had a winner automatically.
RD: We had a winner, but to be honest, I have found that to be not so funny it's bad, it's just so bad it's bad
Blade: Yeah, it's kinda like... being forced to watch a rerun of "Maude." Yeah, it's not like it's the worst thing ever, but it's something you just don't wanna do.
RD: "Maude?" Jesus, I think I'm on the phone with Heenan doin' the "Quincy" jokes. Yeah, yeah, "Maude." That'll-- let's make references to a 1970s show that probably half the people listening to this broadcast, they probably just stopped their player right now.
Blade: What can I say? I'm infatuated with Bea Arthur. Now let me hop back in my time machine and go back to 2005, sir.
[ 04:35 "Diva Search 2"]
RD: But the "Diva Search" -- okay, I'll go back there with ya -- it hasn't even been funny. There's been like no comedy.
Blade: It's just there. Although you can't go wrong with trying to script a couple of bimbos for a few of their little accidental pop-outs and all that stuff, but it's just lack of the Hemme power of the last one.
RD: Well, I was disappointed because the one girl, and here's the thing -- and I brought this up on the site countless times. There's so many of these women, and I have no idea who any of them are. I don't even know-- there are people on the show from the last "Diva Search" and I have no clue who they are, except for Christy Hemme, and the rest of them, I have no idea who they are. And this is what makes me sad, is there was one girl who was making the show-- making the "Diva Search" kinda fun, and it was the girl -- remember the really clumsy girl? And she couldn't do anything and she'd trip all the time -- remember she tried to strip and she couldn't even strip.
Blade: Oh, I've tried to block it all out of my mind, but I remember there was one who imitated Ric Flair.
RD: Yeah.
Blade: It just seems like they cloned a bunch of blondes that all look the same and just tossed them out there.
[ 06:00 RD's advice to potential Divas]
RD: Yeah. Well, I have a little free advice. I'm sure there are probably some very attractive women listening to our broadcast right now.
Blade: Oh?
RD: Okay, so that's a total lie. But I want to make this joke anyway.
Blade: Okay.
RD: Thank you, so let's just go under the assumption that
Blade: To the handful of "Playboy" models that are out there listening, make your joke.
RD: If you're going to go into this "Diva Search" thing, I'm just going to give you some free advice. If you don't know how to strip, don't go to the "Diva Search." You're not going to win.
Blade: Yes.
RD: If you're so clumsy you can't even walk up steps, you're not going to win.
Blade: But you might win something here at WrestleCrap.
RD: You might.
Blade: Who knows the countless Shockmaster jokes that have endured for the past fifteen-some years.
RD: That's right. When you're the Shock-- if your role model is the Shockmaster, you're not going to win the "Diva Search."
Blade: Right, right.
[ 07:00 The Word Game ]
RD: And there's other stuff. We were raggin' on the "Diva Search," but there's a lot of other stuff horrible out there too. I'm just going to throw out a name, The Word Game, where I give a name, and you pick-- you tell me what you're thinkin'.
Blade: Okay.
RD: So
Blade: I don't know if you want to know exactly everything I'm thinkin'. I'm not in the best state of mind right now, but
RD: Well, I'm just going to throw out a name and just see what you think.
Blade: Okay.
RD: And you can say if it's WrestleCrap, if you like it, if you don't like it, whatever.
Blade: Wha--
RD: Kerwin White
Blade: Kind of amusing. Although, has he even been on the show lately?
[ 07:45 RD's TiVo refused to record "RAW" ]
RD: Yeah, he was on. Ooh, it was great. They had this awesome segment -- I think it was last week -- and I'm going to be fair, I'm going to be honest with everybody. I'm not going to try to swerve anybody. That's not RD's gimmick: to swerve the people. I don't do that. I did not watch most of "RAW" this week, and I'll tell you why. Every week, I TiVo "RAW," okay? That way, I can fast-forward through the commercials and everything else, and I can just watch it at my leisure.
Blade: Leisure.
RD: At my leisure. This week, I swear to god, "RAW," that the TiVo has recorded every single week since I got my TiVo like two years ago, TiVo just decided not to record it. I wonder if this is a sign.
Blade: It could be a sign... when you've got technology revolting against the product.
RD: Yeah. It decided to record "Dr. No," which may be a better choice.
Blade: Could be. Can't go wrong with a little Connery in your life, man.
RD: Oh, I'mma jump on Connery here in just a second.
Blade: Uh oh. I'm sure you always wanted to.
[ 09:00 Rob Conway, Tim Conway, and Don Knotts ]
RD: Speaking of Connery, what do you think of
Blade: Speaking of jumping on old men.
RD: which this guy might do it, what do you think of the Con man?
Blade: Makes me want to put on a copy of "YMCA" and, or, well, maybe not.
RD: I love it that his catchphrase is he's gonna do things the con way. Here's what I'm thinkin': he should keep using the con way and then should bring out Tim Conway
Blade: Yeah, you need some Dorf. He'd fit right in with all those other midgets they threw out there recently.
RD: That, or
Blade: Wait a minute, that right there, you've got Tim Conway as Dorf, you're rippin' off Darsow again.
RD: Yeah, the golfer.
Blade: The golfer. You could have Darsow come out there and destroy everybody.
RD: I think that the Con man, who I know that his name is Rob Conway but henceforth we should refer to him as Tim Conway, he should form a little clique. And you know what they'd be?
Blade: Uh
RD: The Apple Dumpling Gang. Okay, so who is Don Knotts to
Blade: Is he still alive?
RD: Don Knotts? Is he no longer with us? I didn't even know he was sick.
Blade: I don't know.
RD: Our condolensces to Don Knotts, whether he's alive or dead. I don't know.
Blade: Hey, it's been a good career. So let's mention a few more people in their seventies, Deal.
RD: It's all seventies all the time here on WrestleCrap Radio.
Blade: So, you think Verne Gagne is gonna drop the belt?
RD: I think he probably still does have it.
RD: You and I have been talking and we're thinking about, okay, who can we have on this WrestleCrap Radio. We're going to have Cheatum on when we takeover "Get in the Ring" and that's goinna be hot, and we can ask him what he thought of Dorf.
Blade: Oh!
RD: That'd be great. By that point, I'll find out if Don Knotts is alive or dead... 'cause that's important. That's important here at WrestleCrap. If anybody is still listening to this, I just have to ask you why. How did we get on Don Knotts? You know, whenever I first came up with this idea of doing WrestleCrap Radio, I never thought the initial airing, our initial show, we'd be talking about Bea Arthur and the life status of Don Knotts. It was never in the plan, this is totally unscripted, folks.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: Believe us
Blade: Believe us, we didn't plan to do this.
RD: I have my little list of things we're going to cover. Don Knotts is not on that list.
Blade: But at least we got somethin' to work on next week. We'll be looking for the whereabouts of Joyce DeWitt.
RD: I loved her.
Blade: (chuckles)
[ 12:14 Kerwin White talks to Vince McMahon ]
RD: Hey, okay, let's at least try and segue back into wrestling. Supposedly that's what this show is about. But I guess it's not. It shouldn't be called WrestleCrap Radio, it should just be called Crap Radio.
Blade: I thought that's what it was called anyway. That's what it'll be called next week.
RD: So, Kerwin White, not Betty White, Kerwin White. I wanna talk about him. I don't want to talk about any more '70s stars, you know, Tom Wolpat or anybody.
Blade: Okay, I got it.
RD: Kerwin White, get it together. This is a professional show we're doing here.
Blade: You are correct sir.
RD: Very professional. Hey, okay, we were talkin' about Kerwin White. You said, "what was he on," and that's when I went into this whole segue about how I didn't watch "RAW" this week. But last week, he was on the show and had the greatest-- he met up with Vince McMahon. He was askin' him, oh, "do you know any good realtors in Greenwich?" And Vince said, "I can't relate to the middle class." And I thought boy that's like the truest statement.
Blade and RD: ( laugh )
RD: That's like the truest statement Vince has made in years.
Blade: That's funny.
RD: Because I don't know how many people out there know this, but everybody's complainin' about the writing staff and how bad the storylines have been and everything. Do you know how many writers they just hired? Have you heard this... how many writers they've just hired?
Blade: Twenty-five?
RD: They just hired twelve writers, and I swear to god I'm not making that up. I mean, what the hell did they do? Did they just go down to McDonald's, "oh yeah, you make good fries, come on, you're gonna be writin' for us."
Blade: Hey, why can't we be writin' for them?
RD: 'Cause we'd be scripting Betty White appearances, and Bea Arthur, and a Golden Girls reunion or something.
Blade: It can't be worse than scripting a woman with a fake tumor on the side of her face.
[ 14:22 Jillian Hall ]
RD: Jillian Hall, I don't understand that at all. Because it doesn't look like, they're making jokes like it's a mole at all.
Blade: It looks like
RD: It looks like fake vomit, like the fake vomit you get at a novelty store
Blade: Yeah, like Spencer's
RD: like Spencer's.
Blade: Yeah. If you're going to get somethin' from Spencer's and superglue it to someone's face, why not at least... a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure or something.
RD: I think anything. It's so blatantly obvious where somebody-- you can tell somebody just saw "Austin Powers in Goldmember" and that's where they come up with their jokes. So I think we need to start thinking about what shows, what movies should WWE writers watch to start stealing ideas from.
Blade: In keeping with WWF's themes, they'd have to be about five years old.
RD: I was gonna say "Revenge of the Nerds."
Blade: Oh yeah.
RD: I'd be all over a Lamar Latrell
Blade: Oh most definitely
RD: with his limp-wristed punching style.
Blade: By the way, that is the third man you said you'd be all over in the past twenty minutes. You're startin' to scare me.
RD: I do have a child on the way. I'm not gay.
Blade: Not that there's anything wrong with that
RD: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Blade: might I add.
RD: Not that there's anything wrong with that. But no, I don't get that Jillian Hall thing at all. I need someone to explain to me what that's even supposed to accomplish.
Blade: Uh... uh, that's all I can say about that.
[ 15:53 The Boogeyman ]
RD: Yeah, speaking of gross
Blade: Yes sir.
RD: I don't know if -- I think I forwarded you the photos. He has not made his appearance on WWE TV yet. But he has been on OVW. The Boogeyman.
Blade: The soon to be legendary Boogeyman.
RD: The Boogeyman. I can't wait for that guy to appear. I don't know if anybody has seen the pictures, and hopefully if I have a brain I'll post a picture of him on the site this week. He is the guy from, he was on "Tough Enough," he was on this last season of "Tough Enough." He is a big black guy, just muscular, just looked like a badass. He looked great, he looked the part, he cut this killer promo, and they asked him how old he was. And he said he was thirty. And then they asked him again and he said, "I'm thirty." And they asked him again and he said, "I'm thirty." And they asked him again and he said, "Okay, I'm forty." And then, do you remember this?
Blade: Yes
RD: What did they say when he goes, "Okay I'm telling the truth, I'm really forty," what did, I don't even remember who it was?
Blade: You'll have a job in five years. Come back in five years. I don't know. What did they say?
RD: They said, "We don't like liars."
Blade: Oh ( scoffs )
RD: So any of you out there looking for a job with the WWE, keep that in mind. They don't like liars.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: That was the best comment until Vince said that he didn't relate to the middle class.
Blade: That's comment of the year there. But back to the Boogeyman and the picture you're talking about
RD: Big horns.
Blade: The horns,
RD: mm-hmm
Blade: Yeah, you know, I miss Mantaur, so.
RD: I saw those horns and I didn't think of Mantaur, I thought about the Barbarian. Remember when he used to come out with the antlers? And I always loved it when Heenan was on commentary he would talk about how he went and he beat up a deer... with his bare hands to get those antlers. I'm thinking there's your intro vignette.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: The Barbarian beatin' up a deer, Bambi's dad.
Blade: "Bambi Meets Barbarian"
RD: "Bambi Meets The Barbarian"
Blade: There you go. Forget about, ah, never mind, keep myself under composure here.
[ 18:18 Heidenreich, Animal, and WCW's Mystery Man]
RD: How about, would you care to, we're still talking about potential Gooker nominees for the year.
Blade: Anything else cross your mind?
RD: How about the new "SmackDown" world tag team champions? I can't even believe I'm saying champion and John Heidenreich in the same sentence.
Blade: That's a sign of why your TiVo has revolted.
RD: And Animal, who looks like he ate Jim Neidhart.
Blade: ( laughs )
RD: Okay, there's who, you know, I love Jim Neidhart, I always thought he was just great. And remember when he wore the big baggy pants?
Blade: Oh, the High Energy pants?
RD: Yes, I'm thinking, right there, instead of Heidenreich teaming up with Animal, I think if he teamed up with Koko... and they came out wearing the big baggy pants and the suspenders.
Blade: That would be awesome. Of course, seems how Hawk's gone, I always wished that they would, in keeping with the LOD theme, had maybe
RD: Heidenreich fall off the TitanTron? I'd be all for that.
Blade: Yeah, most definitely.
RD: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Blade: No, it's okay. It may be a good thing you did 'cause the horrors I was about to unleash are not meant to be heard by man. Speaking of animals,
RD: The whores? We're unleashing whores?
Blade: Better than unleashing Bea Arthur. But anyway, I thought Animal was out of it when he used to dress up like a bumblebee five years ago on WCW.
RD: That wasn't, was that Animal?
Blade: I think it was everybody.
RD: I remember that because one week Rick Steiner-- no, no, no, no, no, it was the Mystery Man from WCW and if you've read "The Death of WCW," you'll know we talked about this, but -- and god, why have I not inducted WCW's Mystery Man?
Blade: Yeah
RD: Ugh, next update I really need to induct that.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: Basically it looked like somebody, some fourth grader, was trying to make a bumblebee outfit with a trashbag and some electrical tape. And then he was masked and he would attack people. One week he attacked Rick Steiner. And the next week, they unmask him. And it was Rick Steiner.
Blade: Ah, just, god I miss those days.
RD: I really miss WCW.... I don't know about you. Here's what I bet: no one's gonna miss this show.
Blade: There may be a few of those good looking models out there that listen to this show, they'd miss it.
RD: That we're giving great career advice to.
Blade: Yeah, they'll miss it, and a few other loyal die hards on the message board might miss it.
RD: Well I tell you what folks, we are going to work on this. You haven't heard the last of WrestleCrap Radio, as frightening as that may be. As frightening as that may be, we're gonna come back next week.
Blade: I promise I'll get some sleep before I do it next time.
RD: It'll be better... maybe, with 150% more 1970s television star references. I'm thinkin' maybe a Dana Plato and a Gary Coleman.
Blade: Yeah, and if you're not down with that, sit on it!
RD: And on that note, we're
Blade: Jumping the shark
RD: Yeah, that's amazing because I think we jumped the shark the first show. That has to be a record.
Blade: Well, we had a good first five minutes.
RD: It was a fabulous first five minutes. So anyway, guys and "Playboy" models out there listening to our golden tones, this is RD Reynolds and his crony, Blade Braxton, signing off, and we will see you all in seven days.
[ Outro ]
by iggy
To make it somewhat readable, most of the redundancies, coughs, ums, you knows, ands, likes, I means, etc. are omitted.
[ Intro ]
Blade: Yeah, how's it goin'?
[ 00:45 "Get in the Ring" takeover plans]
RD: Oh it's goin' good. I don't like to say anything bad about the people at "Get in the Ring." but I don't know if you've heard their last little show. They were makin' fun of us, and they were making fun of you. They said that "Blade Braxton" actually translated literally meant RD's bitch.
Blade: What can I say, man? They're just jealous of me, that's all. They can only wish to be as reaking of coolness as I.
RD: Yes, you're definitely reaking
Blade: Yeah, yes.
RD: of coolness. Yes, yes.
Blade: And of course, they got their book out, but they're only following the footsteps of the man, the ECW Press guru, yourself.
RD: Yeah, that stuff's all so silly, but I'm glad we're gonna get a chance, you and I, to do the "Get in the Ring" show and kinda run that the way we see fit. And we've got a stellar show lined up over there. The first of which is going to be our first guest -- I think I've talked to you, over with you -- it's actually going to be Cheatum, the One-Eyed Midget.
Blade: Oh yes. Now that is only the kind of quality that myself and mister RD can bring to the table, man. I mean, how often do you get to talk to midgets?
[ 02:07 Cheatum]
Blade: Hey man, he's a bizarre little kid, man.
RD: He's bizarre, and I want to know what he's doin' in retirement.
Blade: I wanna know why he's not on WWE right now, man.
[ 02:43 potential Gooker Award nominees]
RD: Speaking of that, and Cheatum, our good friend who we'll be talking about, I mean he's been inducted in what I call The Unholy Trilogy in the early days of WCW. But as we're looking around, I had a lot of people that I get emails about all the time, and I'm sure you do too, that are asking me -- The Gooker Award is the big year-end award for WrestleCrap, what is the worst angle, what is the worst character, that we have seen all year. And I've been thinking about it, and man have we been getting nailed left and right with just a lot of horrible gimmicks.
Blade: Ah, most definitely, man. I was a little worried; things were a little thin at the beginning of the year. It was like there's got to be a forced Gooker.
[ 03:33 "Maude"]
RD: Well I knew whenever they announced that the "Diva Search 2" was going to be taking place,
Blade: Right there we had a winner automatically.
RD: We had a winner, but to be honest, I have found that to be not so funny it's bad, it's just so bad it's bad
RD: "Maude?" Jesus, I think I'm on the phone with Heenan doin' the "Quincy" jokes. Yeah, yeah, "Maude." That'll-- let's make references to a 1970s show that probably half the people listening to this broadcast, they probably just stopped their player right now.
Blade: What can I say? I'm infatuated with Bea Arthur. Now let me hop back in my time machine and go back to 2005, sir.
[ 04:35 "Diva Search 2"]
RD: But the "Diva Search" -- okay, I'll go back there with ya -- it hasn't even been funny. There's been like no comedy.
Blade: It's just there. Although you can't go wrong with trying to script a couple of bimbos for a few of their little accidental pop-outs and all that stuff, but it's just lack of the Hemme power of the last one.
RD: Well, I was disappointed because the one girl, and here's the thing -- and I brought this up on the site countless times. There's so many of these women, and I have no idea who any of them are. I don't even know-- there are people on the show from the last "Diva Search" and I have no clue who they are, except for Christy Hemme, and the rest of them, I have no idea who they are. And this is what makes me sad, is there was one girl who was making the show-- making the "Diva Search" kinda fun, and it was the girl -- remember the really clumsy girl? And she couldn't do anything and she'd trip all the time -- remember she tried to strip and she couldn't even strip.
Blade: Oh, I've tried to block it all out of my mind, but I remember there was one who imitated Ric Flair.
RD: Yeah.
Blade: It just seems like they cloned a bunch of blondes that all look the same and just tossed them out there.
[ 06:00 RD's advice to potential Divas]
RD: Yeah. Well, I have a little free advice. I'm sure there are probably some very attractive women listening to our broadcast right now.
Blade: Oh?
Blade: Okay.
RD: Thank you, so let's just go under the assumption that
Blade: To the handful of "Playboy" models that are out there listening, make your joke.
RD: If you're going to go into this "Diva Search" thing, I'm just going to give you some free advice. If you don't know how to strip, don't go to the "Diva Search." You're not going to win.
Blade: Yes.
RD: If you're so clumsy you can't even walk up steps, you're not going to win.
Blade: But you might win something here at WrestleCrap.
RD: You might.
Blade: Who knows the countless Shockmaster jokes that have endured for the past fifteen-some years.
RD: That's right. When you're the Shock-- if your role model is the Shockmaster, you're not going to win the "Diva Search."
Blade: Right, right.
[ 07:00 The Word Game ]
RD: And there's other stuff. We were raggin' on the "Diva Search," but there's a lot of other stuff horrible out there too. I'm just going to throw out a name, The Word Game, where I give a name, and you pick-- you tell me what you're thinkin'.
Blade: Okay.
RD: So
Blade: I don't know if you want to know exactly everything I'm thinkin'. I'm not in the best state of mind right now, but
RD: Well, I'm just going to throw out a name and just see what you think.
Blade: Okay.
RD: And you can say if it's WrestleCrap, if you like it, if you don't like it, whatever.
Blade: Wha--
RD: Kerwin White
Blade: Kind of amusing. Although, has he even been on the show lately?
[ 07:45 RD's TiVo refused to record "RAW" ]
RD: Yeah, he was on. Ooh, it was great. They had this awesome segment -- I think it was last week -- and I'm going to be fair, I'm going to be honest with everybody. I'm not going to try to swerve anybody. That's not RD's gimmick: to swerve the people. I don't do that. I did not watch most of "RAW" this week, and I'll tell you why. Every week, I TiVo "RAW," okay? That way, I can fast-forward through the commercials and everything else, and I can just watch it at my leisure.
Blade: Leisure.
RD: At my leisure. This week, I swear to god, "RAW," that the TiVo has recorded every single week since I got my TiVo like two years ago, TiVo just decided not to record it. I wonder if this is a sign.
Blade: It could be a sign... when you've got technology revolting against the product.
RD: Yeah. It decided to record "Dr. No," which may be a better choice.
Blade: Could be. Can't go wrong with a little Connery in your life, man.
RD: Oh, I'mma jump on Connery here in just a second.
Blade: Uh oh. I'm sure you always wanted to.
RD: Speaking of Connery, what do you think of
Blade: Speaking of jumping on old men.
RD: which this guy might do it, what do you think of the Con man?
Blade: Makes me want to put on a copy of "YMCA" and, or, well, maybe not.
RD: I love it that his catchphrase is he's gonna do things the con way. Here's what I'm thinkin': he should keep using the con way and then should bring out Tim Conway
Blade: Yeah, you need some Dorf. He'd fit right in with all those other midgets they threw out there recently.
RD: That, or
Blade: Wait a minute, that right there, you've got Tim Conway as Dorf, you're rippin' off Darsow again.
RD: Yeah, the golfer.
Blade: The golfer. You could have Darsow come out there and destroy everybody.
RD: I think that the Con man, who I know that his name is Rob Conway but henceforth we should refer to him as Tim Conway, he should form a little clique. And you know what they'd be?
Blade: Uh
RD: The Apple Dumpling Gang. Okay, so who is Don Knotts to
Blade: Is he still alive?
RD: Don Knotts? Is he no longer with us? I didn't even know he was sick.
Blade: I don't know.
RD: Our condolensces to Don Knotts, whether he's alive or dead. I don't know.
Blade: Hey, it's been a good career. So let's mention a few more people in their seventies, Deal.
RD: It's all seventies all the time here on WrestleCrap Radio.
Blade: So, you think Verne Gagne is gonna drop the belt?
RD: I think he probably still does have it.
RD: You and I have been talking and we're thinking about, okay, who can we have on this WrestleCrap Radio. We're going to have Cheatum on when we takeover "Get in the Ring" and that's goinna be hot, and we can ask him what he thought of Dorf.
Blade: Oh!
RD: That'd be great. By that point, I'll find out if Don Knotts is alive or dead... 'cause that's important. That's important here at WrestleCrap. If anybody is still listening to this, I just have to ask you why. How did we get on Don Knotts? You know, whenever I first came up with this idea of doing WrestleCrap Radio, I never thought the initial airing, our initial show, we'd be talking about Bea Arthur and the life status of Don Knotts. It was never in the plan, this is totally unscripted, folks.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: Believe us
Blade: Believe us, we didn't plan to do this.
RD: I have my little list of things we're going to cover. Don Knotts is not on that list.
Blade: But at least we got somethin' to work on next week. We'll be looking for the whereabouts of Joyce DeWitt.
RD: I loved her.
Blade: (chuckles)
[ 12:14 Kerwin White talks to Vince McMahon ]
RD: Hey, okay, let's at least try and segue back into wrestling. Supposedly that's what this show is about. But I guess it's not. It shouldn't be called WrestleCrap Radio, it should just be called Crap Radio.
Blade: I thought that's what it was called anyway. That's what it'll be called next week.
RD: So, Kerwin White, not Betty White, Kerwin White. I wanna talk about him. I don't want to talk about any more '70s stars, you know, Tom Wolpat or anybody.
Blade: Okay, I got it.
RD: Kerwin White, get it together. This is a professional show we're doing here.
Blade: You are correct sir.
Blade and RD: ( laugh )
RD: That's like the truest statement Vince has made in years.
Blade: That's funny.
RD: Because I don't know how many people out there know this, but everybody's complainin' about the writing staff and how bad the storylines have been and everything. Do you know how many writers they just hired? Have you heard this... how many writers they've just hired?
Blade: Twenty-five?
RD: They just hired twelve writers, and I swear to god I'm not making that up. I mean, what the hell did they do? Did they just go down to McDonald's, "oh yeah, you make good fries, come on, you're gonna be writin' for us."
Blade: Hey, why can't we be writin' for them?
RD: 'Cause we'd be scripting Betty White appearances, and Bea Arthur, and a Golden Girls reunion or something.
Blade: It can't be worse than scripting a woman with a fake tumor on the side of her face.
[ 14:22 Jillian Hall ]
RD: Jillian Hall, I don't understand that at all. Because it doesn't look like, they're making jokes like it's a mole at all.
Blade: It looks like
RD: It looks like fake vomit, like the fake vomit you get at a novelty store
Blade: Yeah, like Spencer's
RD: like Spencer's.
Blade: Yeah. If you're going to get somethin' from Spencer's and superglue it to someone's face, why not at least... a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure or something.
RD: I think anything. It's so blatantly obvious where somebody-- you can tell somebody just saw "Austin Powers in Goldmember" and that's where they come up with their jokes. So I think we need to start thinking about what shows, what movies should WWE writers watch to start stealing ideas from.
Blade: In keeping with WWF's themes, they'd have to be about five years old.
RD: I was gonna say "Revenge of the Nerds."
Blade: Oh yeah.
Blade: Oh most definitely
RD: with his limp-wristed punching style.
Blade: By the way, that is the third man you said you'd be all over in the past twenty minutes. You're startin' to scare me.
RD: I do have a child on the way. I'm not gay.
Blade: Not that there's anything wrong with that
RD: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Blade: might I add.
RD: Not that there's anything wrong with that. But no, I don't get that Jillian Hall thing at all. I need someone to explain to me what that's even supposed to accomplish.
Blade: Uh... uh, that's all I can say about that.
[ 15:53 The Boogeyman ]
RD: Yeah, speaking of gross
Blade: Yes sir.
Blade: The soon to be legendary Boogeyman.
RD: The Boogeyman. I can't wait for that guy to appear. I don't know if anybody has seen the pictures, and hopefully if I have a brain I'll post a picture of him on the site this week. He is the guy from, he was on "Tough Enough," he was on this last season of "Tough Enough." He is a big black guy, just muscular, just looked like a badass. He looked great, he looked the part, he cut this killer promo, and they asked him how old he was. And he said he was thirty. And then they asked him again and he said, "I'm thirty." And they asked him again and he said, "I'm thirty." And they asked him again and he said, "Okay, I'm forty." And then, do you remember this?
Blade: Yes
RD: What did they say when he goes, "Okay I'm telling the truth, I'm really forty," what did, I don't even remember who it was?
Blade: You'll have a job in five years. Come back in five years. I don't know. What did they say?
RD: They said, "We don't like liars."
Blade: Oh ( scoffs )
RD: So any of you out there looking for a job with the WWE, keep that in mind. They don't like liars.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: That was the best comment until Vince said that he didn't relate to the middle class.
Blade: That's comment of the year there. But back to the Boogeyman and the picture you're talking about
RD: Big horns.
Blade: The horns,
RD: mm-hmm
Blade: Yeah, you know, I miss Mantaur, so.
RD: I saw those horns and I didn't think of Mantaur, I thought about the Barbarian. Remember when he used to come out with the antlers? And I always loved it when Heenan was on commentary he would talk about how he went and he beat up a deer... with his bare hands to get those antlers. I'm thinking there's your intro vignette.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: The Barbarian beatin' up a deer, Bambi's dad.
Blade: "Bambi Meets Barbarian"
RD: "Bambi Meets The Barbarian"
Blade: There you go. Forget about, ah, never mind, keep myself under composure here.
[ 18:18 Heidenreich, Animal, and WCW's Mystery Man]
RD: How about, would you care to, we're still talking about potential Gooker nominees for the year.
Blade: Anything else cross your mind?
RD: How about the new "SmackDown" world tag team champions? I can't even believe I'm saying champion and John Heidenreich in the same sentence.
Blade: That's a sign of why your TiVo has revolted.
RD: And Animal, who looks like he ate Jim Neidhart.
Blade: ( laughs )
RD: Okay, there's who, you know, I love Jim Neidhart, I always thought he was just great. And remember when he wore the big baggy pants?
Blade: Oh, the High Energy pants?
RD: Yes, I'm thinking, right there, instead of Heidenreich teaming up with Animal, I think if he teamed up with Koko... and they came out wearing the big baggy pants and the suspenders.
Blade: That would be awesome. Of course, seems how Hawk's gone, I always wished that they would, in keeping with the LOD theme, had maybe
RD: Heidenreich fall off the TitanTron? I'd be all for that.
Blade: Yeah, most definitely.
RD: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Blade: No, it's okay. It may be a good thing you did 'cause the horrors I was about to unleash are not meant to be heard by man. Speaking of animals,
RD: The whores? We're unleashing whores?
Blade: Better than unleashing Bea Arthur. But anyway, I thought Animal was out of it when he used to dress up like a bumblebee five years ago on WCW.
RD: That wasn't, was that Animal?
Blade: I think it was everybody.
Blade: Yeah
RD: Ugh, next update I really need to induct that.
Blade: Yeah.
RD: Basically it looked like somebody, some fourth grader, was trying to make a bumblebee outfit with a trashbag and some electrical tape. And then he was masked and he would attack people. One week he attacked Rick Steiner. And the next week, they unmask him. And it was Rick Steiner.
Blade: Ah, just, god I miss those days.
RD: I really miss WCW.... I don't know about you. Here's what I bet: no one's gonna miss this show.
Blade: There may be a few of those good looking models out there that listen to this show, they'd miss it.
RD: That we're giving great career advice to.
Blade: Yeah, they'll miss it, and a few other loyal die hards on the message board might miss it.
RD: Well I tell you what folks, we are going to work on this. You haven't heard the last of WrestleCrap Radio, as frightening as that may be. As frightening as that may be, we're gonna come back next week.
Blade: I promise I'll get some sleep before I do it next time.
RD: It'll be better... maybe, with 150% more 1970s television star references. I'm thinkin' maybe a Dana Plato and a Gary Coleman.
Blade: Yeah, and if you're not down with that, sit on it!
Blade: Jumping the shark
RD: Yeah, that's amazing because I think we jumped the shark the first show. That has to be a record.
Blade: Well, we had a good first five minutes.
RD: It was a fabulous first five minutes. So anyway, guys and "Playboy" models out there listening to our golden tones, this is RD Reynolds and his crony, Blade Braxton, signing off, and we will see you all in seven days.
[ Outro ]