Minisode #060 RD's Milk Broke

by iggy



April 27, 2007

Coke Plus vitamins
RD's milk broke
Randy Baer?
Waylon Mercy
The WrestleCrap Carnival is born.

#proper milk authorities #milk police

060 Don't crap over spilled milk: April 27, 2007

Take Your Vitamins, Brother!

Nuts, Jugs, & Broomsticks
(86 minutes)

RD unjustly accuses Blade Braxton of wanting to milk Linda Hogan's udders.

We waste some time with innuendo of lubing a penis before sticking it in.

RD proposes a WrestleCrap Carnival for the crappers with midget tossing and Mike Jones testicles dunk tanking. (:13)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:15): Coke Plus has been unleashed. RD doesn't want his carbon sugar water to have minerals and vitamins. RD and Blade drink a sickening amount of milk every week. RD had leaky milk at Wal-Mart. This angers Blade for some reason.

Co-Host Contest Week 9: taking it easy. (:24) A debate rages with David Schnatz over Tatanka (Buffalo). Blade makes a saving throw for a contestant. Ramses responses with farting sounds. (:36) 6 of 16.

Mail Bag: boring. (:43) Puff Master Mark is sad that CM Punk does not tag team with the Sandman in the style of The Odd Couple. Eric Majorwitz (3) inquires into Randy Baer's whereabouts. Perhaps he's with the Beverly Hillbillies? (:46) Seth Drakin wants a Dukes of Hazzard tag team. (:47)

Obscure Wrestling News: Nidia gave birth to Lilith Fae Dal Bosco. (:48) Blade is NOT the father. Lita does not look like a man up close. WWE beverages, Raw Attitude and Slammin Citrus, (no Smackdown Punch) will hit Wal-Mart shelves on May 15. (:54) Sean O'Haire is still in jail after a bar fight. David Lee Roth impressions.

RD: "I wanna recap the show so far. We've talked about Brooke Hogan getting it with a broomstick, talked about Linda Hogan's leaky milk jugs, Virgil Vincent Mike Jones getting the Thousand Jap Slap into the genitals, and now we're talking about doing a show where Blade Braxton impersonates RD Reynolds impersonating David Lee Roth doing Yankee Rose Wrestling News. I will say this for the show: I promise you that no other wresting radio show covers that broad a spectrum."

Horsetrolla (:62): Mickie James is considering posing for Playboy. Hulk said he'd smoke massive doobage. (:68) Hulk vs Lawler has become Hulk vs Paul Wight.

Every match on TNA Lockdown was a cage match, with extra stipulations. (:71) One was a blindfold match and the blindfolds kept slipping. Last year there was a match on top of a cage.

Randy Orton was sent home. (:77) Blade is constantly gonged for his bad singing. HHH was riding a horse named Butterscotch. The Condemned premieres this weekend.

Milked-Out Seventeen Syllables:
Nathan Jones, Condemned.
Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
tamin D'ed your ass.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by not-Beverly Hillbilly Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Brooke to my Linda, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Lube, chemicals that cause cancer in laboratory rats, milk
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Dr. Quinn, Quincy M.D.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
• Cricket Chirps: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 2
• Trish Stratus References: 2
  

 

• Mailbag
• Puff Master Mark: Are you as sad as I am that CM Punk did not join the ECW Originals so he could form a tag team with the Sandman? They could be called The Odd Couple 2000 and Punk could follow the Sandman during his entrance and pick up his tossed beer cans with an umbrella. Mad props for being older than RD and Blade.
  
• Erik Majorwitz (3): Your comment on Jethro bowls of cereal got me thinking of The Beverley Hillbillies. The character that played Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies was Max Baer Jr., son of boxing champ Max Baer. Your co-author from Wrestlecrap was Randy Baer. Any relation between the two? Not to my knowledge. What is he up to? It's like he just vanished.
  
• Seth Drakin: Would you mark for Jamie Noble and Jimmy Yang Wang teaming up to be a Dukes of Hazzard tag team? And if it ever happened who would you want to be their Daisy Duke-type manager? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Nathan Jones, Condemned.
  Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
  tamin D'ed your ass.
  

Minisode #059 Cease and Desist

by iggy



April 13, 2007

Green Rice Krispie Treats
R2 D2 mailboxes
Global Internet sends a cease-and-desist letter
New sponsor: Angry Marks Dot Com
Disco Inferno's casino/basement

#even worse #best darn webhost

059 In four words or less: April 13, 2007

In four words or less
(85 minutes)

RD posted a new Jobber of the Week (est. 2003), the first one not written by Blade Braxton.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:04): green Rice Krispies treats. Shrek has gone too far. Blade wants to convert some big blue mailboxes into Star Wars characters other than R2D2, but I can't really tell because he rambles a lot.

Global Internet has written a letter chastising RD and Blade for saying their websites give guaranteed free sexual services. (:10) The new sponsor Angry Mark's ad copy wants you to kick Mike Jones in the balls.

Co-Hosss Contest Week 8: simple questions for Josh Van Meiter (:17), Danny Franchise (:26), and Rudy (:32). "I don't know" gets you gonged. 5 of 14 currently.

Vince Verhei

Mail Bag (:37): John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) reminds us of Blade's lust for Linda. RD wants evidence. Theo from Salisbury's question about penises is broken down by logic. (:42) RD reads my gay letter and calls me gay. [Punk's Junk](:47) Blade is allegedly itching for a fight with Bryan Alvarez's Co-Host Vince Verhei. "That’s why I’ve been laying down!" (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News (:53): Larry Zbysko was in a porno decades ago. Blade: "Is he banging Kathy Gagne doggystyle?...You've never wanted to see Kathy Gagne butt-ass naked?" RD unjustly accuses Blade of having fantasies of Linda Hogan. Some random person (Roni Jonah) wants breast implants and needs your charity to do so. Horsetrolla: Mickie James 'is wearing different pants'. That's it. (:60) The Four Hosemen DVD was excellent, particularly with Paul Roma in it. (:65) RD dreams of Ric Flair taking out his penis and swinging it around. Kelly Kelly is doing random handstands in the ring because she cannot seem to escape it. Disco Inferno was arrested for having a casino in his basement. (:72)

Blade: "You’ve never jerked off to a hand spring?"

RD doesn't find chicks dancing on ECW to be hot.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
CM Punk turned heel.
He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
shew honk-shew honk-shew.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Paul Roma to my Jim Powers, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 1. BladeBraxtonWantsBoobies.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 12. Gross things, tie-ins (2), sponsors dropping shows, cream for a gong finger, men with little bags, uh, uh being offensive and offending people, things you can find it you look around enough, such, people who look they were melting, people who are melting
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 1
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• Cricket Chirps: 2
• GGG (Gary Glitter Gay) Bombs:  1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 3

 

• Mailbag
• John Nelson [AKA Ultimate Kennedy]: Dear RD and Blade, has Blade been able to live down his fantasies about Linda Hogan? I hope so! Trust me, I'm not offended but that was sick. I always thought Colette Foley was much lovelier and married to a cooler wrestler, BROTHER! Have a great day, and don't forget RD that new classic superstar Bob Backlund figure is almost upon us. Blade: No.
  
• Theo from Salisbury: I've got two questions. The first one's for Mr. Blade Brakestown. How much do you weigh? 235. Second question is for both. Would you let a surgeon remove your penis if you became the most successful wrestler of all time? RD: No need to. Blade: Yes.
  
• JR [Farmer Iggy, The Original WrestleCrap Radio Historian]: I believe I'm the only one who saw Punk's Junk pop out and back into his speedos during a Raw match with Lenny Dykstra in Chicago a few weeks ago. If you're curious, it's about one minute into the video posted at dailymotion.com. I'm not going to ask you if Punk is circumcised or not but I did want to ask: am I gayer for noticing it, or gayer for telling you about it? Nice new soundbite we have here. We'll offend a lot of people this way.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  CM Punk turned heel.
  He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
  shew honk-shew honk-shew.
  

Minisode #058 Miss Elizabeth the ATM

by iggy



April 7, 2007

Grocery bags
Rachel Ray's unceasing smile
Knuckle count
Miss Elizabeth shoots out dollar bills

#foil helmet #strive for nine

058 "Worst Show Ever": April 6, 2007

What's The PIN?!

"Worst Show Ever"
(79 minutes)

A second sponsor is teased. (:08)

Blade's RD was on speed. RD had to wash his mouth after being Blade.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): the world's worst cashier aims for two items per bag. Rachel Ray looks to be sprayed with Smile-X. (She's definitely the poor man's Harley Quinn.)

Co-Hosss Contest Week 7 (:20): Joseph Hassan cheats by talking too softly and once being called by Todd Pettingill. Speaking of gone to hell...Tally: 5 of 11.

Mail Bag (:31): Buckbee Suarez is confused by human anatomy. So is Blade. RD declines to read any more emails so he looks at a tortilla painting instead. (:36)

Vince McMahon tried to hide his bald head on Raw, leading to the question by Gallon697 on the forums of what hat he should wear. (:38) It is answered by a random segue into the old days where Miss Elizabeth had a poontang ATM. (:46) Carriage cam. RD likes The Simpsons. Goonies references. RD threatens Blade with the Outro Soundbite. Only now am I questioning my sanity.

RD discusses the Best of RD DVD and someone's failed attempt to review it, particularly the scene of someone being hit by a car going 5 miles per hour. (:54)

Obscure Wrestling News 60 minutes in: WWE gave the First Lady a world championship belt. Elijah Burke is wearing Ariel's clothes. (:63) Spoilers got out before WrestleMania about Hunter looking like a scarecrow and attempts to make the show actually good. Blade did not see any of that of course. Old timers dancing backstage. (:70)

Seventeen Blacklash Syllables:
WrestleMania.
It was All Grown Up. Backlash
tag line: All Thrown Up.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The bro to my jive soul, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Other food items, things going to hell, beautiful women, things that should ship with beer, man-woman action
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Big Wheel, Aqua Fresh
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade
  

• Entertain the People: 1
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• RD False Finishes: 1
  

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 1
• Mickie James References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Buckbee Suarez: I have a question. I was wondering why they called John Cena's move the Five Knuckle Shuffle when you only have four knuckles on each hand? RD: "How many knuckles do you have?" Blade: "Three."
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  WrestleMania.
  It was All Grown Up. Backlash
  tag line: All Thrown Up.
  

Minisode #057 Bizarro

by iggy



April 1, 2007

RD & Blade play Freaky Friday.
Co-host John Thomas
Lord Alfred sounds different.
Lee Marshall went to the grocery.

#Ghoulies #CHUD

(057) Dream Anal-Raping: April 1, 2007

They'rrreee "Not" Great!

The Dream Analysis Episode
(34 minutes)

Dreams are happening. It's Bizarro world. John Thomas calls. Lee Marshall's Trip to the Grocery. Lord Alfred, heel. B.M. Punk. Fuck, you know?

John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
He never pays his damn bills.
But no man escapes I, John Thomas.

RD and Blade plug their appearance on Thank Tonto It's Friday.

The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
Wrestlemania.
All Grown Up? Give me some und-
-erage WWF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• The Bizarro to my Superman, Mr. Blade Braxton
• The Harvey the Wonder Hamster to my Richard Gere, the one and only Mr. Blade Brakestown
  
• Sponsors: 11. Global Internet, Yipes Stripes Fruit Striped Gum, SugarDaddy, The Home Doctor Kit, Stetson Cologne, Mr. Freeze Freeze Pops, Better Enemies Cereal, WWE Diva Flavored Ice Cream, Kelly Kelly’s book, Microsoft Excel, Thank Tonto It’s Friday
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Ghoulies
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Troma Films, Ghoulies, C.H.U.D., Cheryl Ladd
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. Bizarro RD, Bizarro Blade, John Thomas, Lee Marshall, John Thomas (2), John Thomas (3), BM Punk

• F-Bombs: 15. RD as Bizarro Blade (7), Blade, Blade (2), Blade (3), Bizarro Blade 4 (11), Blade (4)

• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  2
• Mickie James References:  1

 

• Blade Braxton's John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
  He never pays his damn bills.
  But no man escapes I, John Thomas.
  
  

• The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
  Wrestlemania.
  All Grown Up? Give me some und-
  -erage WWF.