by iggy
April 30, 2010
Blade may riot.
Ratings Reaper
Stewart Patrick
Sir Alec has a story about Long John Silvers' malt vinegar.
The burp request
Angry Jim co-hosts.
#may day hams #time off to work on meat
174 My Dinner With Blade: April 30, 2010
 |
| Chirp Chirp...Plus Another 15 Syllables |
Blade is slowly recovering from last week, but for some reason he's now thinking he's Randy Jackson. We're 'blessed' this week with the annual draft; play along at home won't you?
According to Blade (be prepared to hear a lot of him in the next hour), he says there is a "Big Four" quarter of episodes every year: the Draft, Anniversary, Thanksgiving/Black Friday, and Christmas. I can't disagree with him, but he's missing the fifth: the April Fools/Wrestlemania episode. There's some random squabble about drafting or not drafting, all the while we hear that the Big Show is going to Smackdown! (now on Syfy!) and some random Mickie James people want to riot at RAW. That is the most we'll get wrestling-related. As expected.
#1 :08 The DraftTrolla drafts the Ratings Reaper to be today's official Laugh Track. Unfortunately instead of Blade's random laughter it's just the same Wicked Witch of the West soundbite we hear every time he makes an appearance. A shame really. I was looking forward to Blade slipping up and just laughing normally by forgetting to use his filter.
#2 Patrick Stewart is drafted to promotional considerate Angry Marks' new ad copy. (:10) Sadly he does not do it in a Jeff Foxworthy impersonation.
#3 RD didn't go to the grocery this week, and we haven't heard from Sir Alec in a bygone era. So let's accomplish two things at once and draft him, why not? (:15) The only thing he's interested in saying however is having fun with a bottle of malt vinegar at a Long John Silvers. Blade is ashamed of himself and laments how far he has fallen character wise on the progrem even as he tries to stifle his constant laughter. The Reaper continues to make the lights flicker and water to magically appear, but the quality and connection still remains stable. I need one of those connections for my house; hell, he could patent and sell it. THAT'S a license to print money.
SPEAKING OF Randy Jackson, some random American Idol contestant sung the Anthem at an indie show. (:27) Blade is content to mispronounce his name (a frequent habit of his) and try to burp on microphone due to popular demand. I'm sure Mickie James would want to appear on the show and be his girl after this. Vickie Guerrero is Tweeting something or other.
#4 RD is tired of Blade's trademark immorality, so he uses the DraftTrolla to replace him with B.M. Punk. (:39) (Thank the Emperor his bathroom has a built-in phone that sounds EXACTLY like Blade's.)
#5 After a couple of minutes he tires of that too and he replaces him with Jim Ross. He's so busy with Hollywood John and thinking of moving to TNA (and making a demo tape for Dixie) that the HorseTrolla neighs at :46 and is completely forgotten.
#6 The Midnight Rose is summoned to do TNA news, (:50) and of course he is very much worried. He should be very careful of who enters his Florida mansion in the next few days...It's an excuse for Blade to literally argue with himself, and wonder if Victoria will leave TNA while dreaming about the Pink Assassin.
#7 While JR puzzles over the trumpeting horns for the Question (of which Ultimate Kennedy (9) asks about porn for some reason), Stubby is drafted to answer it instead. (:57) More self-arguing ensues. It's very art-house movie.
#8 Jim is still puzzling over the music that keeps interrupting him by popping up, like the Coliseum Music right now at :63. Sadly RD can't answer that, as Popeye is drafted to take his place. But who would be left to record this thing? Hmmm. The two spend the rest of the running time flirting with each other, but still leave time to randomly mention that Batista may be leaving the company, Mark Henry was arrested last week for throwing a drink at a fan, and something about Bret Hart report cards. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.
#9 The crickets are drafted to say Seventeen Syllables:
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
(And no, I'm not drafting myself to take Mason's lawyer-ing job. I'm a writer, not a lawyer!) [Exactly. My Six years at Titan Towers Law College wasn't for nothing - "Showstealer"]
Minisode #173 Salute to the Centaur
by iggy
April 25, 2010
Blade Braxton sings a tribute to Mickie James.
#horrible business #imaginary girlfriend
April 25, 2010
Blade Braxton sings a tribute to Mickie James.
#horrible business #imaginary girlfriend
Random Thoughts from the Office: April 25, 2010
If there's one thing us lawyers hate more than losing a case or working pro bono (That's for free, not expressing our love for the U2 lead singer. That guy is a good singer but he's also a douche) it's working Sundays. Especially this particular background: I'm currently in the Australian offices of Clarence Mason: Attorney at Law and it's ANZAC day here, a day where we celebrate and honor the men who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom of this country by doing the most Australian of things, having a beer or twenty.....five and gambling, specifically a game called "two up". You have two coins and you can gamble on whether they'll both end up heads, tails or one each. I bet they're going to end embedded in the spinner's head cause that's how I roll but it is fun. Then with the petty cash for the day gone and mostly drunk I log onto the Wrestlecrap forums and see the news: Mickie James released, Emergency Wrestlecrap Radio posted, Blah and Eric updating the site.
Son of a bitch!
So I guess a lot of people are reminiscing right now about the good times of Mickie; the lesbian stalker angle, Blade's obsession with her centaur ass, the way she used to drive a lot of people crazy. Well I hate to bring the mood down but I can't say I'm shocked by this move. Mickie was popular, arguably the most popular diva on the roster, but as a performer and a wrestler she's regressed since the days of the psycho stalker angle. A lot of that has to do with the WWE's look on women's wrestling.
I know, I know. Another sermon about how women's wrestling is regarded as a joke in the mainstream organizations...but never is that more true than in the WWE, where looks come first and talent comes a distant, distant second. That said, just as much blame for her release has to fall on Mickie's shoulders. It's clear to me as least that over the past few months that Mickie had lost motivation and her desire to work well. Of course going through the Piggy James angle it's easy to see why, but when you're no longer motivated to go out there and give 110% to the audience you're ripping them off, and when you rip the audience off in the WWE you become a liability.
Not that Mickie doesn't have other means; her country music album is about to come out, she's been in the biggest show in town in the world of wrestling which means her stock goes up in terms of fetching a fee from indy promoters, and I'm sure TNA is looking very closely for when her 90 day no-compete clause expires. I know a lot of people will be saying that they're looking forward to the return of Alexis Laree in TNA but I'm not so sure TNA is the best option for her anymore...but I'll explain more on that in our next site update.
Mickie may be gone but her ass lives on in the hearts and minds of those who loved her. On the plus side, you may be able to see her lift the tail a lot more cheaply now.
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
Son of a bitch!
So I guess a lot of people are reminiscing right now about the good times of Mickie; the lesbian stalker angle, Blade's obsession with her centaur ass, the way she used to drive a lot of people crazy. Well I hate to bring the mood down but I can't say I'm shocked by this move. Mickie was popular, arguably the most popular diva on the roster, but as a performer and a wrestler she's regressed since the days of the psycho stalker angle. A lot of that has to do with the WWE's look on women's wrestling.
I know, I know. Another sermon about how women's wrestling is regarded as a joke in the mainstream organizations...but never is that more true than in the WWE, where looks come first and talent comes a distant, distant second. That said, just as much blame for her release has to fall on Mickie's shoulders. It's clear to me as least that over the past few months that Mickie had lost motivation and her desire to work well. Of course going through the Piggy James angle it's easy to see why, but when you're no longer motivated to go out there and give 110% to the audience you're ripping them off, and when you rip the audience off in the WWE you become a liability.
Not that Mickie doesn't have other means; her country music album is about to come out, she's been in the biggest show in town in the world of wrestling which means her stock goes up in terms of fetching a fee from indy promoters, and I'm sure TNA is looking very closely for when her 90 day no-compete clause expires. I know a lot of people will be saying that they're looking forward to the return of Alexis Laree in TNA but I'm not so sure TNA is the best option for her anymore...but I'll explain more on that in our next site update.
Mickie may be gone but her ass lives on in the hearts and minds of those who loved her. On the plus side, you may be able to see her lift the tail a lot more cheaply now.
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
173 The Mickie James Tribute Half-Hour: April 25, 2010
35 minutes
Normally there would be no progrem this week, RD is a very busy man after all. However, the future endeavoring of one Alexis Laree AKA Mickie James is enough for him to call an Emergency Session of WCR, and you know it's important enough that Blade returns to his Overnight Jazz headphones.
In the most talk about wrestling we've had in close to two years, the Co-Fruitcakes reminisce about WCR's Patron Mascot (she's a Centaur, remember?). Blade remembers his first ever mention of her in relation to Matt Hardy, his infatuation with her tail lifting based on his arousal by some random woman from some obscure 90's TV show, and her love of horse riding on farms. Plus, this photo. And so he is mandated to sing some soul to her at the end of the show.
Also Angry Marks has some new ad copy (:06) Unfortunately I'm in no mood to register WCRTrendingTopics.com. I'm sure my friends Clarence Mason and Erik Majorwitz might want to though...[A lawyer PAYING for something? Are you nuts? - "Showstealer"]
- Premier "V For Victory" Blah
[My gracious regards to Steveweiser for a clarification on her names.]
Normally there would be no progrem this week, RD is a very busy man after all. However, the future endeavoring of one Alexis Laree AKA Mickie James is enough for him to call an Emergency Session of WCR, and you know it's important enough that Blade returns to his Overnight Jazz headphones.In the most talk about wrestling we've had in close to two years, the Co-Fruitcakes reminisce about WCR's Patron Mascot (she's a Centaur, remember?). Blade remembers his first ever mention of her in relation to Matt Hardy, his infatuation with her tail lifting based on his arousal by some random woman from some obscure 90's TV show, and her love of horse riding on farms. Plus, this photo. And so he is mandated to sing some soul to her at the end of the show.
Also Angry Marks has some new ad copy (:06) Unfortunately I'm in no mood to register WCRTrendingTopics.com. I'm sure my friends Clarence Mason and Erik Majorwitz might want to though...[A lawyer PAYING for something? Are you nuts? - "Showstealer"]
- Premier "V For Victory" Blah
[My gracious regards to Steveweiser for a clarification on her names.]
Minisode #172 Two Pieces of Greasy Chicken
by iggy
April 16, 2010
Mike Check calls from the beyond.
KFC Double Down
From Bischoff's secretary to bologna
Frank in L.A. was on "Justified"
Wonder Twins
SmackDown moves to Syfy
Ratings Reaper reaps NXT.
#temporary crown #valerie perrine
April 16, 2010
Mike Check calls from the beyond.
KFC Double Down
From Bischoff's secretary to bologna
Frank in L.A. was on "Justified"
Wonder Twins
SmackDown moves to Syfy
Ratings Reaper reaps NXT.
#temporary crown #valerie perrine
Random Thoughts from the Office: April 16, 2010
A question if I may my 11 fellow listeners. [That probably includes me too - PB] What do you do when the week in wrestling has bored you to such an extent there's nothing really to pick from the two shows to spark your creative writing juices and a deadline looming? Well in my case there's clearly only one option to do for this weeks column.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, a tribute to the new SHIMMER champion Madison Eagles...
Okay not really, although I certainly could (and if I wasn't scared of a visit by the Ratings Reaper probably would) do so, but that would probably lead somehow back around to that fucking STUPID KnockLockBox thing on Impact last week and I think two negative columns on TNA in a row might be pushing it.
So instead I'm going to do what the WWE and Raw do so well in the month or so between Wrestlemania and the draft show and phone it in, although a lot of it is still relevant to today, with the emphasis being a lot on heels with the major titles.
Recently Shamus and Chris Jericho had a run with their brands respective titles. Jack Swagger has the World Heavyweight Championship now, and over on TNA the emphasis with the title since January has been on AJ Styles as he tries to be the new Nature Boy.
Discussion will always reign on forums and wrestling discussions everywhere about who the greatest heel world champion in the modern era of wrestling was. A lot of great heels have held the belts. Triple H, Edge, Kurt Angle, Randy Orton. Everyone has an opinion and they will defend their chosen champion to the hilt in any argument. I believe there has been only ONE truly effective heel WWE champion in the past decade, yet when I mention his name anywhere I'm either flamed incessantly or have people question my sanity as a wrestling fan.
Before I reveal my choice as the greatest heel world champion of the modern era let me explain the criteria as I see them to be an effective and great heel champion.
The heel champion should be a great talker or at least have a great mouthpiece to generate heat, to incense the fans and to get them to come and see him get beat up by the babyface challenger. This goes back to my argument from a previous article that Babyfaces sell Merchandise and Heels sell Tickets. The most effective use of a heel champion is to have him get the crowd so incensed that they will pay money to see him get his comeuppance. The Honky Tonk Man was a prime example of this during his run with the Intercontinental Title, he would sing and dance and talk about being loved, when in reality he was the farthest thing from being loved. Result? Fans got more and more angry, they paid cash to see him get beat up.
The heel champion should always find a way to sneak away with a win: just when it looks like the babyface is finally going to put him away, the heel champion cheats to win and makes the fans believe that their guy almost had it and next time, next time the heel champion won't be so lucky. He doesn't even have to win, he can sneak out and run for a countout or get himself disqualified, which while losing him the match means he keeps the gold around his waist. All the while he goes on television and claims he's better than everyone simply cause he's the champion and the babyface is not. Again the Honky Tonk Man is the prime example. He was the master of losing the match by countout and as Jesse "The Body" Ventura always pointed out "Yes he lost the match and the winner's purse but he still kept the title"
The heel champion should always stack the odds in his favor, whether that's by gathering a group of lackeys to protect him or setting up challenges for the babyface that are so outlandish they seemingly don't have a hope of winning. It all infuriates the fans more as the fans now believe the champion is a coward as well as an asshole, which in turn makes them want to see their guy overcome those odds and destroy the champion even more.
It's three for three time! The Honky Tonk Man did this as part of Jimmy Hart's stable. To get to Honky you had to go through guys like Dino Bravo, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and the Rougeau Brothers.
Ask fans who are still watching wrestling today who saw him in that era and ask them to name five matches that Honky won that weren't squash matches, just five matches he won when he had a legitimate shot of losing his title and I almost guarantee all you'll get is a series of dumb looks and "I don't know"'s all around. Yet he's still regarded by old school fans as the Greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, because he followed the criteria of Booking 101 and got the fans so riled up they paid money to see him get beaten up.
But alas Honky, while perhaps being the greatest heel champion of all time, never held the WWE title so he can't be considered for the greatest World Champion. So we must turn our attention elsewhere. Every person I've named certainly has claims to being the greatest heel champion of the modern era. No one respected HHH and the way he would always seemingly win when common logic said he should lose. Then we all found out he was banging the boss' daughter and head of the writing staff Stephanie McMahon and the whole thing made sense. Edge has definitely riled fans the world over with his antics on WWE TV but in the grand scheme of things he's only ever been used as a transitional champion, a very good one but transitional nonetheless. Orton may yet become the greatest heel champion ever but most fans at least respect him for being a good worker and that means he's not there yet. Add the recent babyface turns for Orton and Edge and suddenly their resumes don't look so hot.
Nope, in my opinion only ONE man has ever taken the principles of Booking 101 to their utmost to be the greatest heel world champion of the modern era. For almost a year he infuriated fans with his promos, his running down of their heroes and their way of life, the way he managed to slip out of the clutches of the virtuous babyface time after time and the way he never fought a babyface champion on terms that weren't to his advantage. Only one man had absolutely no respect from the fans and made those fans who already did want to see him get beaten up riled up to the point where some wanted to see him killed.
His name? John Bradshaw Layfield
Before you all start laughing or preparing your letters of hate let me explain. Before he became JBL, Bradshaw was a opening match tag guy who drank beer, beat up people and appeared in low level comedy spots. Around April of 2004 his tag team, the APA was split up, and what it kicked off was the most amazing character change of all time as the Texas beer drinking bar fighting redneck disappeared to be replaced by a Wall Street, suit wearing, corporate version of what a wrestler should be. He looked down his nose at the fans that once cheered him, saying that he earned money in the stock market while his fellow wrestlers and fans had squandered their money on cars and drugs and loose women (Which is not that far from the truth; in real life Layfield made many appearances on Fox News programs such as Cashin' In where he gave stock tips and his opinions on the stock market. He wrote a book on how to make money in the stock market, he got his own radio show where he doled out financial advice) and that that made him better than them and that he was a better wrestler than anyone, in fact he was a Wrestling....God! (You have to say it like that or it doesn't work).
The WWE finally had a compelling character and for once in their lives, they didn't screw it up. They had him beat up people and appear in vignettes attacking the Mexican heritage, making it clear that there was only one person who he was aiming for: the WWE champion Eddie Guerrero. They met at Judgment Day and the result was one of the goriest WWE pay per view matches in history, the result of a Guerrero blade job gone horribly wrong. JBL didn't even win the belt that night, the match finished in a double DQ but the groundwork had been laid. Just over a month later at the Great American Bash JBL did the unthinkable in the eyes of many fans: he beat Eddie Guerrero 1-2-3 and became the new WWE Champion.
And the Internet Wrestling Community pretty much exploded 3 seconds later.
A lot of people howled with derision, saying this was a terrible idea, how could the WWE do it? and that JBL was the worst champion ever. What these fans failed to realize is every time they posted their hatred, they proved why JBL was the right choice for champion. They tuned in week after week, sure that it would only be a one month reign and someone would defeat, but lo and behold week after week, month after month JBL found a way of escaping, whether by cheating, getting DQ'ed or with help from his "Cabinet", Orlando Jordan and the Basham Brothers. Every hero that he faced he got by, Big Show, Guerrero, Benoit, Undertaker, Angle. They all fell down....and all the while JBL kept talking, kept riling the fans into more and more of a frenzy by saying he was a wrestling god and that no one could defeat him, finally it became clear that the fans had just one hope left, a babyface had been building for over a year, a man who was like a powderkeg waiting to go off and all that was needed was that one final spark to shoot him into being the next WWE mega hero.
John Cena.
After Cena won the number one contendership not long after the Royal Rumble, JBL tried EVERYTHING to keep Cena away from ever facing him. He set up roadblock after roadblock, gauntlet matches against his Cabinet, four on one beatdowns on a weekly basis, constant interference in his matches to upset his momentum heading into their showdown. Cena survived it all and finally JBL had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The stage was set. Wrestlemania 21. JBL faced John Cena for the WWE title, and the fans were convinced that this night, finally JBL would get his comeuppance and Cena would destroy him. The bell rang, the crowd roared and the two locked up as the fans waited for Cena to start ripping JBL to shreds.
It didn't happen. JBL overpowered Cena and beat him down.....and beat him down again.....then he beat him down some more.....this went on for 10 minutes.
I must admit when I first saw the match, I never got this part of it. N468ow I totally get it. The fans were so convinced that Cena was going to destroy JBL that they regarded it as a formality, by taking that away from them they made them believe that maybe....just maybe their last hope couldn't overcome the odds....that JBL was right, that he truly was better than everyone just like he said he was. Remember, to get involved on a tangible level there has to be suspension of disbelief. Take the recent Undertaker-Shawn Michaels match from Wrestlemania 26. Most people were pretty sure that Taker was going to win and Shawn was going to retire but the key was Shawn and Taker were so good they made you BELIEVE Shawn had a chance....but back to Wrestlemania 21. Slowly the fans went silent in disbelief as their hero seemed down and out. Then they got emotionally involved, cheering for Cena to rise up and somehow, someway find a way to beat JBL, and since this IS wrestling and good MUST triumph over evil in the end, Cena did find a way, digging down deep into his reserves to reverse JBL's offence, turn the tables, hit an F-U and end the reign of John Bradshaw Layfield once and for all. And with that win Cena became a megastar, a place he still holds today.
JBL never really got to that height again. He feuded with CM Punk over the World Heavyweight Title in 2008 but he never got back to the heights of 2004/5. Eventually he quit at Wrestlemania 25 after losing an Intercontinental Title match to Rey Mysterio in just 21 seconds. However his legacy should not be so easily thrown away by wrestling fans. By following the principles of Booking 101, he not only provided the WWE with a compelling heel champion who fans both internet and regular wanted to see get killed, his promos infuriated fans, his way of getting out of matches frustrated them and his eventual loss of the title to John Cena created the biggest star the WWE has had in the past decade.
With all that on his resume, how can anyone deny he was the greatest heel champion of the modern era? No other champion out there ticked every other box. Plus he had zero respect from the fans: respect equals sympathy and if a heel has sympathy he's not doing his job. JBL did his to a tee and for that reason in the realms of the heel champions of the modern eta he truly was a Wrestling.....God!
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, a tribute to the new SHIMMER champion Madison Eagles...
Okay not really, although I certainly could (and if I wasn't scared of a visit by the Ratings Reaper probably would) do so, but that would probably lead somehow back around to that fucking STUPID KnockLockBox thing on Impact last week and I think two negative columns on TNA in a row might be pushing it.
So instead I'm going to do what the WWE and Raw do so well in the month or so between Wrestlemania and the draft show and phone it in, although a lot of it is still relevant to today, with the emphasis being a lot on heels with the major titles.
Recently Shamus and Chris Jericho had a run with their brands respective titles. Jack Swagger has the World Heavyweight Championship now, and over on TNA the emphasis with the title since January has been on AJ Styles as he tries to be the new Nature Boy.
Discussion will always reign on forums and wrestling discussions everywhere about who the greatest heel world champion in the modern era of wrestling was. A lot of great heels have held the belts. Triple H, Edge, Kurt Angle, Randy Orton. Everyone has an opinion and they will defend their chosen champion to the hilt in any argument. I believe there has been only ONE truly effective heel WWE champion in the past decade, yet when I mention his name anywhere I'm either flamed incessantly or have people question my sanity as a wrestling fan.
Before I reveal my choice as the greatest heel world champion of the modern era let me explain the criteria as I see them to be an effective and great heel champion.
The heel champion should be a great talker or at least have a great mouthpiece to generate heat, to incense the fans and to get them to come and see him get beat up by the babyface challenger. This goes back to my argument from a previous article that Babyfaces sell Merchandise and Heels sell Tickets. The most effective use of a heel champion is to have him get the crowd so incensed that they will pay money to see him get his comeuppance. The Honky Tonk Man was a prime example of this during his run with the Intercontinental Title, he would sing and dance and talk about being loved, when in reality he was the farthest thing from being loved. Result? Fans got more and more angry, they paid cash to see him get beat up.
The heel champion should always find a way to sneak away with a win: just when it looks like the babyface is finally going to put him away, the heel champion cheats to win and makes the fans believe that their guy almost had it and next time, next time the heel champion won't be so lucky. He doesn't even have to win, he can sneak out and run for a countout or get himself disqualified, which while losing him the match means he keeps the gold around his waist. All the while he goes on television and claims he's better than everyone simply cause he's the champion and the babyface is not. Again the Honky Tonk Man is the prime example. He was the master of losing the match by countout and as Jesse "The Body" Ventura always pointed out "Yes he lost the match and the winner's purse but he still kept the title"
The heel champion should always stack the odds in his favor, whether that's by gathering a group of lackeys to protect him or setting up challenges for the babyface that are so outlandish they seemingly don't have a hope of winning. It all infuriates the fans more as the fans now believe the champion is a coward as well as an asshole, which in turn makes them want to see their guy overcome those odds and destroy the champion even more.
It's three for three time! The Honky Tonk Man did this as part of Jimmy Hart's stable. To get to Honky you had to go through guys like Dino Bravo, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and the Rougeau Brothers.
Ask fans who are still watching wrestling today who saw him in that era and ask them to name five matches that Honky won that weren't squash matches, just five matches he won when he had a legitimate shot of losing his title and I almost guarantee all you'll get is a series of dumb looks and "I don't know"'s all around. Yet he's still regarded by old school fans as the Greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, because he followed the criteria of Booking 101 and got the fans so riled up they paid money to see him get beaten up.
But alas Honky, while perhaps being the greatest heel champion of all time, never held the WWE title so he can't be considered for the greatest World Champion. So we must turn our attention elsewhere. Every person I've named certainly has claims to being the greatest heel champion of the modern era. No one respected HHH and the way he would always seemingly win when common logic said he should lose. Then we all found out he was banging the boss' daughter and head of the writing staff Stephanie McMahon and the whole thing made sense. Edge has definitely riled fans the world over with his antics on WWE TV but in the grand scheme of things he's only ever been used as a transitional champion, a very good one but transitional nonetheless. Orton may yet become the greatest heel champion ever but most fans at least respect him for being a good worker and that means he's not there yet. Add the recent babyface turns for Orton and Edge and suddenly their resumes don't look so hot.
Nope, in my opinion only ONE man has ever taken the principles of Booking 101 to their utmost to be the greatest heel world champion of the modern era. For almost a year he infuriated fans with his promos, his running down of their heroes and their way of life, the way he managed to slip out of the clutches of the virtuous babyface time after time and the way he never fought a babyface champion on terms that weren't to his advantage. Only one man had absolutely no respect from the fans and made those fans who already did want to see him get beaten up riled up to the point where some wanted to see him killed.
His name? John Bradshaw Layfield
Before you all start laughing or preparing your letters of hate let me explain. Before he became JBL, Bradshaw was a opening match tag guy who drank beer, beat up people and appeared in low level comedy spots. Around April of 2004 his tag team, the APA was split up, and what it kicked off was the most amazing character change of all time as the Texas beer drinking bar fighting redneck disappeared to be replaced by a Wall Street, suit wearing, corporate version of what a wrestler should be. He looked down his nose at the fans that once cheered him, saying that he earned money in the stock market while his fellow wrestlers and fans had squandered their money on cars and drugs and loose women (Which is not that far from the truth; in real life Layfield made many appearances on Fox News programs such as Cashin' In where he gave stock tips and his opinions on the stock market. He wrote a book on how to make money in the stock market, he got his own radio show where he doled out financial advice) and that that made him better than them and that he was a better wrestler than anyone, in fact he was a Wrestling....God! (You have to say it like that or it doesn't work).
The WWE finally had a compelling character and for once in their lives, they didn't screw it up. They had him beat up people and appear in vignettes attacking the Mexican heritage, making it clear that there was only one person who he was aiming for: the WWE champion Eddie Guerrero. They met at Judgment Day and the result was one of the goriest WWE pay per view matches in history, the result of a Guerrero blade job gone horribly wrong. JBL didn't even win the belt that night, the match finished in a double DQ but the groundwork had been laid. Just over a month later at the Great American Bash JBL did the unthinkable in the eyes of many fans: he beat Eddie Guerrero 1-2-3 and became the new WWE Champion.
And the Internet Wrestling Community pretty much exploded 3 seconds later.
A lot of people howled with derision, saying this was a terrible idea, how could the WWE do it? and that JBL was the worst champion ever. What these fans failed to realize is every time they posted their hatred, they proved why JBL was the right choice for champion. They tuned in week after week, sure that it would only be a one month reign and someone would defeat, but lo and behold week after week, month after month JBL found a way of escaping, whether by cheating, getting DQ'ed or with help from his "Cabinet", Orlando Jordan and the Basham Brothers. Every hero that he faced he got by, Big Show, Guerrero, Benoit, Undertaker, Angle. They all fell down....and all the while JBL kept talking, kept riling the fans into more and more of a frenzy by saying he was a wrestling god and that no one could defeat him, finally it became clear that the fans had just one hope left, a babyface had been building for over a year, a man who was like a powderkeg waiting to go off and all that was needed was that one final spark to shoot him into being the next WWE mega hero.
John Cena.
After Cena won the number one contendership not long after the Royal Rumble, JBL tried EVERYTHING to keep Cena away from ever facing him. He set up roadblock after roadblock, gauntlet matches against his Cabinet, four on one beatdowns on a weekly basis, constant interference in his matches to upset his momentum heading into their showdown. Cena survived it all and finally JBL had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The stage was set. Wrestlemania 21. JBL faced John Cena for the WWE title, and the fans were convinced that this night, finally JBL would get his comeuppance and Cena would destroy him. The bell rang, the crowd roared and the two locked up as the fans waited for Cena to start ripping JBL to shreds.
It didn't happen. JBL overpowered Cena and beat him down.....and beat him down again.....then he beat him down some more.....this went on for 10 minutes.
I must admit when I first saw the match, I never got this part of it. N468ow I totally get it. The fans were so convinced that Cena was going to destroy JBL that they regarded it as a formality, by taking that away from them they made them believe that maybe....just maybe their last hope couldn't overcome the odds....that JBL was right, that he truly was better than everyone just like he said he was. Remember, to get involved on a tangible level there has to be suspension of disbelief. Take the recent Undertaker-Shawn Michaels match from Wrestlemania 26. Most people were pretty sure that Taker was going to win and Shawn was going to retire but the key was Shawn and Taker were so good they made you BELIEVE Shawn had a chance....but back to Wrestlemania 21. Slowly the fans went silent in disbelief as their hero seemed down and out. Then they got emotionally involved, cheering for Cena to rise up and somehow, someway find a way to beat JBL, and since this IS wrestling and good MUST triumph over evil in the end, Cena did find a way, digging down deep into his reserves to reverse JBL's offence, turn the tables, hit an F-U and end the reign of John Bradshaw Layfield once and for all. And with that win Cena became a megastar, a place he still holds today.
JBL never really got to that height again. He feuded with CM Punk over the World Heavyweight Title in 2008 but he never got back to the heights of 2004/5. Eventually he quit at Wrestlemania 25 after losing an Intercontinental Title match to Rey Mysterio in just 21 seconds. However his legacy should not be so easily thrown away by wrestling fans. By following the principles of Booking 101, he not only provided the WWE with a compelling heel champion who fans both internet and regular wanted to see get killed, his promos infuriated fans, his way of getting out of matches frustrated them and his eventual loss of the title to John Cena created the biggest star the WWE has had in the past decade.
With all that on his resume, how can anyone deny he was the greatest heel champion of the modern era? No other champion out there ticked every other box. Plus he had zero respect from the fans: respect equals sympathy and if a heel has sympathy he's not doing his job. JBL did his to a tee and for that reason in the realms of the heel champions of the modern eta he truly was a Wrestling.....God!
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
172 Teeth Breaking Good: April 16, 2010
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| NKA: Anonymous Tessmacher |
RD tries to curb Blade's drunkenness from the get-go by having Mike Check call in. As he "looks down" upon us from his helicopter in Pearly Gates, Minnesota, he expresses his condolences on how Dixie Carter is no longer with us. However, it's the actress Dixie and not the TNA woman, but that does not stop Blade from getting his dick up from his fetish of elderly women, particularly Valerie Perrine. I didn't realize he wanted to be a Cub. [Actually I believe the term you're looking for is "Boy Toy" (Why do I suddenly fear Gay Popeye is going to call?) considering Valerie Perrine is 66 now, which would make her a Cradle Robber - "Showstealer"]
The Co-Fruitcakes plan to make a 'Roast' of themselves for DVDs. They are accepting pre-orders for it despite not yet having filmed anything.
Blade decided to try KFC's Double Down this week, AKA the sandwich with two pieces of chicken as a bun instead of regular bread. (:14) The fried chicken was so good he cracked his molar on it, thus showing that the Colonel's food is as teeth breaking good as it is finger licking.
After Blade recommends the McGangBang to us (A Double Cheeseburger McChicken), he then decided to do some gang-banging of his own by seeing Tylene Buck online (:20). He's too cheap to pay $6.99 a minute, and gets frightened when he sees her naked talking to him online: "She wanted to see my cock." Also he doesn't use a mirror when self-pleasuring himself. Meanwhile Anonymous Brooke is in TNA as some secretary with a random Superman reference. This makes Blade hungry for sausage casing. Their Listener Frank in L.A. guest stars this week on the FX show Justified. It's seriously a good show.
Today's Question from Brian M asks something about the Wondertwins. (:38)
Patrick Stewart again appears to make more Pontiac jokes. (:41) He teleports in, and while I don't want to be too immodest, I will admit I suggested to RD to have him teleport into the progrem. He advertises for "the Dixie Carter Trans Sport Minivan".
:45 Jim Cornette is still angry at Vince Russo. Boy, that's Current alright! Even more current is that Smackdown is moving from the sinking MyNetwork TV to SyFy in October. Low ratings also claim another victim in the form of NXT.
Seventeen syllables about that so we can put this show to bed:
Smackdown to SyFy.
Our first episode request?
Bring back the Zombie.
Random Thoughts from the Office: April 2, 2010
Without spoiling things I love being right.
Ten years...has it really been that long since WrestleCrap first came into being? Time flies when you laugh at the stupidity of the business like that. It was just on 10 years ago that the Russo/Bischoff era was just beginning in WCW; the alliance that was supposed to change the game, put WCW back on top once and for all and send Vince McMahon and his family to the poor house. Instead it drove Hulk Hogan out of the company, resulted in some of the worst TV in the history of wrestling, cost WCW 63 million dollars in one year and ultimately ended with them being sold to Vince for about a buck fifty in value terms.
I have to say this: I love Vince Russo. A lot of his ideas are stupid, don't draw a dime and leave 90% of the IWC baying for his head on a platter but the thing is he TRIES to be different, he gives talent that wouldn't otherwise get a chance time to shine and get over. Sure, Crash TV is really really terrible for the most part but up until January 4 I would've gladly taken that over anything the WWE was putting out.
I've been trying to hold off on this one for the longest time, mostly because I don't want to be overly negative. I can't speak for Blah [For that you'd probably have to steal my voice or something - PB] but my idea of wrestlecrapradio.com is for it to be a place that you come, have a few laughs as we review the fine show, maybe leave with something to think about after reading my column, but for the most part go away happy and positive and not think you totally wasted your time coming here. Add that to the fact that I love a lot of what goes on in TNA: Doug Williams as X-Division champ, The Pope, Desmond Wolfe, the Tara-Daffney stuff, all of it has at least piqued my interest and been enjoyable. But for every step they take forward it seems like they take two steps back for me: the botched Sting heel turn, Beer Money becoming 3 Minute Warning 2.0, Shannon Moore, the never ending Angle-Anderson feud, Shannon Moore, the booking of AJ Styles as such a weak champion and of course.......Shannon Moore.
I want to TNA to succeed, it so disappoints me that this show with all its talent can barely draw enough viewers this week to beat AM Raw. I know I have a reputation on the Wrestlecrap forums as having a "Personal Grudge" against TNA but the fact is the last three months of 2009 in TNA were the first things since the death of Eddie Guerrero that made me point to people and say "That's why I want to be a wrestling fan". I loved almost every minute of programming they put out. It gave me hope that I would have something to really watch and enjoy again as the WWE weren't catering to me any more.
Then Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff came in.
I know I harp on Hulk Hogan, as I've said before I'm not a Hulkamanic nor was I ever. At the same stretch though I'm not a hardcore Hogan Hater either. I can appreciate what he did to get wrestling into the mainstream. I just feel there's a time when that era is no longer relevant to today and for me that era with Hogan (And to a lesser extent but still a large one Ric Flair, who as I've said in the past was my hero growing up) came about 5 years ago. Yet because he's the "Name" of the industry he will always be lauded and brought into companies like TNA so they can try and get the "rub" from him, it inverably doesn't work.
As for Bischoff, I think he has one of the greatest minds in the industry....PROVIDED you don't let him have a hand in running the show. No one in the world with the possible exception of Vince and Kevin Dunn has a better mind for the intricacies of television production and what it takes to put out a successful live wrestling show as well as being one hell of an entertainer in the ring, he's still one of the greatest heels around just by being "Bisch". But as a creator he has one great idea to his name, the nWo; granted the hottest angle in the history of wrestling but still the only real successful thing he's come up with and when push comes to shove when he's in a creative spot he goes to back to that idea. Case in point: The Band, getting a run in an Impact main event long after they were relevant.
Now it seems that if the latest venture of moving to 8-10 on Monday fails that Vince Russo is on his way out. In my opinion that's the wrong move, he can still write good programming. This weeks Impact proved that despite only drawing a 0.56. The problem with TNA at the moment is there's too many people with a say. Hogan, Bischoff, Russo, probably Dixie Carter as well. You need to drown out those voices and look at what was happening and the simple fact is numbers do not lie, the problem is not Vince Russo, he was drawing 1.0's consistently before Hogan and Bischoff came in. Credit where it's due, Hogan and Bisch DID lead TNA to their greatest ever rating on January 4th but it's been a steady slide down since then. That's why TNA needs to ask what has changed since the beginning of the year and hopefully come up with the right answer, it's not Russo who has to leave creative, it's Bischoff, he has enough to focus on with helping with production and in ring work to justify him staying, and Hogan will still have a say in the book.
On a lighter note, as noted it is the Tenth anniversary of Wrestlecrap, which got me to thinking: what is the worst gimmick or thing I've ever seen in my time as a wrestling fan? It's so easy to point to things like the Gooker, like Heroes of Wrestling, like the Great American Bash 1991. But when people ask me what my own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment is out of those, my answer is "None of the Above". My own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment hasn't even been inducted, it never will be. my own Wrestlecrap moment is as funny as it is sad and it almost brought down a company in the process.
It's so easy to make fun of independent wrestling. We've all seen something stupid in an indy show attended by 50 people that makes you think "What are the bookers on?" Which is usually closely followed by "And where can I get some?". But this moment has always stuck with me in my life as a wrestling fan, like the great Flair-Steamboat matches and the matches between Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker from the past two Wrestlemanias; this match has stayed in my memory long after I saw it. Let me try and paint the picture for you.
This federation, which shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, was looking to get their fans talking, to try and get them to bring their friends to their own personal Wrestlemania, and so they started an epic feud, started by a man named Chuck E Chaos. Those of you with long memories may remember him from one of the WWA pay per views where he wrestled Jerry Lynn (Or not. He lost in about a minute). Suffice to say from that he was arguably Australia's hottest star and he was brought into this company to shake things up, and shake them up he did. He attacked wrestlers, flouted the law and made life hell for them. But there was one man in particular he tormented, a man by the name of Steven Rowdy, and so it came to pass at the company's own personal Wrestlemania these two would clash like titans. And to make it all the more violent and epic, the match would be contested as a Street Fight. The match went for twenty solid minutes before Steven Rowdy finally triumphed over the dastardly Chuck E Chaos as the crowd..........well they went apathetic.
So why did they go apathetic and why was it my own personal greatest moment of Wrestlecrap? Two reasons.
1. The entire match was basically a poor wrestling match with no flow, no rhyme or no reason to any of the spots. It was very one sided and was finished with Chuck E taking a running powerslam from Rowdy and getting pinned, so why was THAT a big deal? Well.....
2. Steven Rowdy wasn't a main eventer, Steven Rowdy wasn't a guy in need of that proverbial "Rub" to launch him into the stratosphere, Steven Rowdy.......wasn't even a wrestler.
Steven Rowdy.......was the company's referee.
And THAT my friends is why this match has been called the worst match ever in my area of the world, why the company almost went broke (They did close their doors for a while but have since reopened) and why Chuck E Chaos never showed the promise that got him onto the WWA pay per view.
And that's why it is my own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment ever.
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
Ten years...has it really been that long since WrestleCrap first came into being? Time flies when you laugh at the stupidity of the business like that. It was just on 10 years ago that the Russo/Bischoff era was just beginning in WCW; the alliance that was supposed to change the game, put WCW back on top once and for all and send Vince McMahon and his family to the poor house. Instead it drove Hulk Hogan out of the company, resulted in some of the worst TV in the history of wrestling, cost WCW 63 million dollars in one year and ultimately ended with them being sold to Vince for about a buck fifty in value terms.
I have to say this: I love Vince Russo. A lot of his ideas are stupid, don't draw a dime and leave 90% of the IWC baying for his head on a platter but the thing is he TRIES to be different, he gives talent that wouldn't otherwise get a chance time to shine and get over. Sure, Crash TV is really really terrible for the most part but up until January 4 I would've gladly taken that over anything the WWE was putting out.
I've been trying to hold off on this one for the longest time, mostly because I don't want to be overly negative. I can't speak for Blah [For that you'd probably have to steal my voice or something - PB] but my idea of wrestlecrapradio.com is for it to be a place that you come, have a few laughs as we review the fine show, maybe leave with something to think about after reading my column, but for the most part go away happy and positive and not think you totally wasted your time coming here. Add that to the fact that I love a lot of what goes on in TNA: Doug Williams as X-Division champ, The Pope, Desmond Wolfe, the Tara-Daffney stuff, all of it has at least piqued my interest and been enjoyable. But for every step they take forward it seems like they take two steps back for me: the botched Sting heel turn, Beer Money becoming 3 Minute Warning 2.0, Shannon Moore, the never ending Angle-Anderson feud, Shannon Moore, the booking of AJ Styles as such a weak champion and of course.......Shannon Moore.
I want to TNA to succeed, it so disappoints me that this show with all its talent can barely draw enough viewers this week to beat AM Raw. I know I have a reputation on the Wrestlecrap forums as having a "Personal Grudge" against TNA but the fact is the last three months of 2009 in TNA were the first things since the death of Eddie Guerrero that made me point to people and say "That's why I want to be a wrestling fan". I loved almost every minute of programming they put out. It gave me hope that I would have something to really watch and enjoy again as the WWE weren't catering to me any more.
Then Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff came in.
I know I harp on Hulk Hogan, as I've said before I'm not a Hulkamanic nor was I ever. At the same stretch though I'm not a hardcore Hogan Hater either. I can appreciate what he did to get wrestling into the mainstream. I just feel there's a time when that era is no longer relevant to today and for me that era with Hogan (And to a lesser extent but still a large one Ric Flair, who as I've said in the past was my hero growing up) came about 5 years ago. Yet because he's the "Name" of the industry he will always be lauded and brought into companies like TNA so they can try and get the "rub" from him, it inverably doesn't work.
As for Bischoff, I think he has one of the greatest minds in the industry....PROVIDED you don't let him have a hand in running the show. No one in the world with the possible exception of Vince and Kevin Dunn has a better mind for the intricacies of television production and what it takes to put out a successful live wrestling show as well as being one hell of an entertainer in the ring, he's still one of the greatest heels around just by being "Bisch". But as a creator he has one great idea to his name, the nWo; granted the hottest angle in the history of wrestling but still the only real successful thing he's come up with and when push comes to shove when he's in a creative spot he goes to back to that idea. Case in point: The Band, getting a run in an Impact main event long after they were relevant.
Now it seems that if the latest venture of moving to 8-10 on Monday fails that Vince Russo is on his way out. In my opinion that's the wrong move, he can still write good programming. This weeks Impact proved that despite only drawing a 0.56. The problem with TNA at the moment is there's too many people with a say. Hogan, Bischoff, Russo, probably Dixie Carter as well. You need to drown out those voices and look at what was happening and the simple fact is numbers do not lie, the problem is not Vince Russo, he was drawing 1.0's consistently before Hogan and Bischoff came in. Credit where it's due, Hogan and Bisch DID lead TNA to their greatest ever rating on January 4th but it's been a steady slide down since then. That's why TNA needs to ask what has changed since the beginning of the year and hopefully come up with the right answer, it's not Russo who has to leave creative, it's Bischoff, he has enough to focus on with helping with production and in ring work to justify him staying, and Hogan will still have a say in the book.
On a lighter note, as noted it is the Tenth anniversary of Wrestlecrap, which got me to thinking: what is the worst gimmick or thing I've ever seen in my time as a wrestling fan? It's so easy to point to things like the Gooker, like Heroes of Wrestling, like the Great American Bash 1991. But when people ask me what my own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment is out of those, my answer is "None of the Above". My own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment hasn't even been inducted, it never will be. my own Wrestlecrap moment is as funny as it is sad and it almost brought down a company in the process.
It's so easy to make fun of independent wrestling. We've all seen something stupid in an indy show attended by 50 people that makes you think "What are the bookers on?" Which is usually closely followed by "And where can I get some?". But this moment has always stuck with me in my life as a wrestling fan, like the great Flair-Steamboat matches and the matches between Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker from the past two Wrestlemanias; this match has stayed in my memory long after I saw it. Let me try and paint the picture for you.
This federation, which shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, was looking to get their fans talking, to try and get them to bring their friends to their own personal Wrestlemania, and so they started an epic feud, started by a man named Chuck E Chaos. Those of you with long memories may remember him from one of the WWA pay per views where he wrestled Jerry Lynn (Or not. He lost in about a minute). Suffice to say from that he was arguably Australia's hottest star and he was brought into this company to shake things up, and shake them up he did. He attacked wrestlers, flouted the law and made life hell for them. But there was one man in particular he tormented, a man by the name of Steven Rowdy, and so it came to pass at the company's own personal Wrestlemania these two would clash like titans. And to make it all the more violent and epic, the match would be contested as a Street Fight. The match went for twenty solid minutes before Steven Rowdy finally triumphed over the dastardly Chuck E Chaos as the crowd..........well they went apathetic.
So why did they go apathetic and why was it my own personal greatest moment of Wrestlecrap? Two reasons.
1. The entire match was basically a poor wrestling match with no flow, no rhyme or no reason to any of the spots. It was very one sided and was finished with Chuck E taking a running powerslam from Rowdy and getting pinned, so why was THAT a big deal? Well.....
2. Steven Rowdy wasn't a main eventer, Steven Rowdy wasn't a guy in need of that proverbial "Rub" to launch him into the stratosphere, Steven Rowdy.......wasn't even a wrestler.
Steven Rowdy.......was the company's referee.
And THAT my friends is why this match has been called the worst match ever in my area of the world, why the company almost went broke (They did close their doors for a while but have since reopened) and why Chuck E Chaos never showed the promise that got him onto the WWA pay per view.
And that's why it is my own personal greatest Wrestlecrap moment ever.
Clarence "Showstealer" Mason
