192 Ready to Royal Rumble: January 28, 2011

90 minutes

Blade was in an actual recording studio the other day. Presumably he had to wear pants while doing so.

The duo spend some time talking about/advertising this very site. I feel like a third/fourth sponsor now. I should get Clarence to send them some ad copy that RD would butcher while trying to read it. [Wrestlecrapradio.com: From Fantasy Booking Island to RD's Dream Analysis and all the crap in between. Every Wrestlecrap Radio archived and dissected for your entertainment. Plus Random Thoughts on Wrestling from THE Clarence Mason....or at least someone who plays him as a gimmick. It's the Crapipedia of the Internetz. Wrestlecrapradio.com. Yes it really IS taken (I really should write these more often) - Clarence]

The 2010 Gooker has been decided, and it is TNA's first: The New Monday Night Wars. Boy, that sure went well while it lasted, huh? Blade wanted Abyss and his Green Lantern ring and RD cheated by mentioning nominee Orlando Jordon in his writing.

There's talk of numbers in the upcoming Royal Rumble. RD wants defeated combatants to return to the ring but disguised in masks. But would the show handle itself well against the ratings powerhouse that is...the Pro Bowl? Here's a thought: combine the two outings: Have all the football players fight against each other in a wrestling ring. The winner gets the opportunity to be exempt from the next Pro Bowl.

RD (on Blade's 'soberness' at first): "You're doing good. I'm waiting for you to fall off the wagon."

:20 The show is "very amateurish". RD discovers Asian Helper, of the Helper genre of foods. Blade dreamed he met a still alive Tupac Shakur working in a fast food outlet. I bet RD would have dreamed about the Notorious BIG instead.

:24 Sid Vicious was arrested for marijuana possession. This of course logically leads to discussion about Spiderman and how Don once made fun of a comic book for some reason. Lizzie Valentine/Kandi Kisses turns down WWE. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

Jillian Hall Tiffany and Maria want some sort of Divamania tour that is sure to bring fans by the...tens. RD reads their announcement about it very precisely. Then he does it in his Jeff Foxworthy voice.  Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness (losing the #2 sadly) were wrestling in Ottawa, Kansas. Popeye is interested. (:50)

Kurt Angle is a father again. In true celebrity fashion he has given his child a very strange name. RD should volunteer to be the babysitter so he can lull the child to sleep talking about Angle's moveset.

:55 Statement Of The Week: Adam W. of Facebook alerts the two on someone named 'Johnny C' disapproving of The Death Of WCW, somewhere around here. Blade disapproves of the disapproving by not even answering the guy's claims. RD has a more coherent and logical response to add to that.

Timeout real quick.

(I've always wanted to say write that.)

As much as Mr. Brakestown is a fine young egg (perhaps a pickled fine young egg from all the liquor he consumes), he really doesn't handle the essence of trolling, which is basically all that their critic is doing. (I think Chris Engler needs to send him a TrollTrolla to teach him what trolling is all about.) What he thinks he sees is some guy who, while he is definitely allowed his own opinion on whatever he wants (it's his right after all), is someone with actual power that has a physical affect on the world.

What Blade thinks he sees in an average troll: Not Big Daddy V as himself, but an Armored Troll threatening Aragorn at the Battle of the Black Gate in The Lord Of The Rings: The Return of The King. And by the way? Viggo Mortensen is ALSO a large fan of the Canadiens, which amuses me to no end.

But this is what he's actually seeing:

A troll doll. Note the intimidating stance, brutal viciousness, and evil glint in its visage.
Ignore its attempt to be a wizard. (Pink-Hair the Blue?)

...Not exactly the same thing. It would be like thinking of a cute Persian cat as an angry Siberian tiger. They MAY be related somehow, but they're not exactly the same thing.

And now you know. And knowledge is power. Guard it well.

[Also Scott if for some reason you're reading this since the site has since transformed into a Blog of DOOM, we should pit our Animal Crossing islands against one another. The loser has to buy Blade one of those troll dolls. - Future PB]

This, by the way, is also perhaps the longest they've ever answered a Question/Statement on the show. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing either.

:64 Blade's TNA mailman finally shows up to bad MIDI music. He calls himself The Honky Tonk Mailman. Wait...are we sure it's not John Kelly back from the dead? He steals people's Observers for his news reporting. He thus read-tells us about 88 year old Hogan's 'upcoming' marriage which will last two months. There's also some Pistol Pez Whatley stamp which is sure to be of more worth than anything Hulk is doing these days. (And should he get a big profit from the stamp he should use it to pay for a better Skype connection which breaks up from time to time.) Then he leaves for his Pink Cadillac, Thank you very much.

[On a personal note, I keep thinking of my fellow Forum friend (and friend of the Habitant, but not one of the Twelve) Darth Alexander, who uses the Honky Tonk Man as his avatar. I'll never think of one without thinking of the other, and vice versa.]

:75 The Royal Rumble returns to rear its roughened rump at us. RD wants Yoshi Tatsu to win. Blade wants Roddy Piper. There's some very confusing discussion about their Pro Bowl Bet thing. RD: "I would be senile if I told you you were not a drunk."

DDP is hosting Nitro DVDs. Bobby Heenan has his own DVD where everyone think he's dead (an in advance tribute DVD perhaps?).

Seventeen Syllablyastic Thoughts:

TNA Gooker.

Biggest award they have won.

Dixie must be proud.

Blade owes $3.00 ($12.25)