[Here's something that's been in my bucket (list) for a while.
Back when he was still burning DVDs and before he put them all and his archives online, RD Reynolds (old buddy and pal) thought it was a good idea to record...something, with a perpetual drunk Blade Braxton and his own old buddy and pal Trash Losagain. Thus this...thing, or whatever it is. I remember summarizing this too, on old fashioned itinerary paper, waiting for the time I could publicize it. Well that time is now, just because. (Well, somewhat due to the site's 20th anniversary and earlier experience with similar Patreon/supporter exclusives.) Pretend it was written when it was supposed to be written thanks to time travel shenanigans or something.
Should you still want to see this nonsense for some reason among other videos, old inductions, and most importantly, older episodes of the radio progrem, you can purchase access through the usual Patreon support and/or a single donation of $15 US. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Also my gratitude yet again to RD himself for his GIF creations. Hopefully they don't slow this down too much. The video is long enough as it is!
- PB, April 1, 2020]
103 minutes
((( recorded in DV format fidelity )))
RD is at home with Blade and Trash Losagain, all wearing headgear indoors. Blade is pretending to drink and be "not sober" from a stereotypical brown paper bag. RD has to show people he actually has a WWE Niagara Falls cup to loudly sip from. (Trash has a plastic water bottle, how boring.)
Trash has come prepared with papers. Firstly, he asks them how they initially got into the wrestling business. For RD it's simple: homophobia. (But of course.) (:02)
RD: "[Leilani Kai] had quite the pallor."
Blade: "She had the powder?"
RD: "She may have done that too."
...
Blade: "What made [RD] pop is having sex with his wife."
Actually for RD he was drawn in by Bobby Heenan. For Blade it was Adrian Adonis and his leather jacket with Dick Murdock. He says this while holding his bottle in a strategic manner on his body. (RD has his poodles Raleigh and Piper on his lap.)
Trash asks what their first actual step in the business was. Blade did some show in order to eat stale nachos. RD's phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice. (:05)
Blade: "I feel sorry for the people who purchased this."
Trash asks RD "to get his dick in the door". Blade hopes it's not a wooden door to avoid splinters. RD: "Does it say 'penis proof'?"
Trash asks about kayfabe while RD is momentarily distracted. He and Trash first worked for Jeff Cohen in PWI, making stuff up to annoy Mike Samples, the world's most popular wrestler. (:07) Strangely, the then mayor of Indianapolis had written their company a letter welcoming their trade, so they abused his patronage for two weeks for bloody matches.
WrestleCrap began when RD had to justify purchasing a new computer and to stand out from the other wrestling places around to ensure he was not Al Isaacs or Bryan Alvarez. It was Merle Vincent who persuaded him to go down the path he did.
Blade: "How did you find out [Bryan] was eight inches shorter?"
Blade found the site "by doing my weekly Google search of the Black Scorpion". He's definitely not telling the truth; he used Yahoo those days. (:11)
On time spent on the site and money made, Blade likes RD's turquoise wall.
RD: "I hope no one expects too many answers."
They extol the virtues of the 'legitimate' Trolla Corporation, started by Joseph and Bob Trolla, their banner hanging on the turquoise wall. (Nasdeq code TRO/LLA/ROL/OLL/ATM). Blade's phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice. (:14)
Trash can't contain his laughter hearing Trolla's motto of "Yesterday's technology at today's prices". "Have you seen a Trolla double headed dong?" he has to ask. RD has to disclaim they don't make sex toys or snuff films. He admits he needs Blade so that their shows don't go 45 minutes long on random stuff (like they already do anyway).
Trash has a list of names of their "slave labor". (:18) Is Johnny Six actually Dan Severn? RD: "Johnny Six sounds much more masculine." Blade thought he had facial hair. RD wants to make Trash dance by pointing at his body parts.
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| Separated at birth? |
Stubby is "100% real" as Blade brings him out of a trash bag. In response to his resurrection the WrestleCrap banner on the turquoise wall falls off. (:21) Quick! Cut to commercial!
Banner restored, Trash is free to ask Stubby questions after RD gives him a sip (from his cup). (:21) Then he lets one rip. Blade, not Stubby. Then he asks Trash for crugs. Stubby, not Blade.
Trash asks him about KISS since he's wearing a shirt. "I used to have a man crush on Paul Stanley," he 'says'. Blade would go with Peter Criss since he has yet to wake up with a star on his crotch. Then he farts again. Blade gives Stubby some of his bag bottle as RD has his turn laughing hysterically. "Keep it in there buddy!" he manages to get out.
Before Trash can ask more questions his phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice in Spanish. (:25) RD is exasperated, not realizing that a precaution to this would be as complex as...turning the phones off and/or placing them elsewhere. Not in Blade's trashbag though. Who knows what surprises he may have in there.
That out of the way, Trash asks about Peter Gazer who may or may not be related to "Mike Hunt". I think his supposed orientation would make such a thing an impossibility.
RD: "He was a homosexual. ... I know that's shocking."
Stubby: "You know, I've sucked dick too. I don't brag about it."
RD compliments Stubby's ability to make Blade's lips move rather than the other way round. (:27)
Trash tries to get "serious" to ask about Nathaniel. According to RD people complain they're not getting enough wrestling news, which they're expecting from him and Blade for some reason. RD does his Nathaniel impression.
Speaking of being serious, what do the two say to those that think their Trips to the Grocery and cereal eating are fake? They have to eat; RD doesn't grow crops out back and Blade is not a (non-wrestling) plant. RD has Trash walk up to the camera with a box of Cadbury's Fingers as proof. He has another box of Dark Fingers for all of Blade's sodomy needs.
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| I didn't even know her! |
Stubby goes for trying the the regular Fingers to appease his PTSD. RD opens the box while asserting that his Black Friday encounters with madness are also real. He promises more adventures on the day which is Mrs. Deal's favorite. "You're making me jones for crack just talking about this!" Stubby randomly says through Blade before he gets the "shakes". Blade puts him down (on the floor), then smells his fingers. RD: "Did you get fingered dark?"
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| Stubby Shakes (Suddenly) |
Having missed seeing that, (and with none of them giving their verdict on the food, as expected), Trash asks about the Haku Haiku. (:34) Blade started it because he had had some Crown (as illustrated) because he thought it appropriate for their show. RD finds it more concise and accurate than just going around wrestling sites (or buying a Trolla product). Trash asks Blade to improvise one (using his fingers) but before he can do so RD's phone rings (again); he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice, to no answer:
RD on the phone.
Annoying as fuck for you and for
everyone watching.
Not bad. Only 19 syllables. Good finger counting indeed.
Trash: "I'd like to focus on some of the segments that failed and -"
RD: "WHOA WHOA WHOA! Segments failing???" (:37)
The (expected) example brought up: Fantasy Booking Island. Blade has no idea why an extended joke attempt based on an old show would fly over the heads of younger folk. RD wants reruns back on ABC. Blade confuses it with The Love Boat. RD does his Nate impression again: four stars for that episode featuring Bill Goldberg and Kevin Nash without a cattle-prod involved. [Or featuring Scott Hall with said cattle-prod.]
From that non-answer Trash segues to Someone Bought This Exclamation Point. To keep things WCR related, RD has him hold up The Dusty Rhodes Book to show that it does in fact still exist in his house (including showing it to the second camera off camera for some reason). Blade finds himself looking through it. He reads one (1) line. RD points out that thanks to people not wanting it, the books' publisher Sports Publishing is out of business. [It's not as if the old site is still up, or that they're still imprint publishing under a new brand or anything these days. Nope, they're completely gone.] RD remembers to edit in Krankor laughing at the required moment. [Not at my finding, I'll have you know.]
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| (Re)Throwing the Book |
Speaking of questionable items: the Katie Vick outfit. (:41) They paid $2000 for it since they didn't realize they were the only ones bidding on it. Blade last used it to have sex in (worn by the woman, not by himself), something Trash should already know about since he was an ear-witness to this revelation. RD asks him if he did it while holding some spaghetti in his hand. He did not.
RD: "Has it been dry cleaned?"
Blade: "I...I'm a master of aiming. I missed the outfit."
RD: "Words to live by, kids."
RD's turn has him with a potty time training bear which Blade had sent him last Christmas.
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| RD Spotted With Bear |
He then takes a close up sip of his cup.
Trash has one last question of his own for Blade: What is his Big Announcement? (:45) Blade again defers. Trash has been reading people's guesses on the forums about what it might be. Could it be Blade has a third nipple? A ponytail? An appearance in a Lost Boys sequel? (Or even its XXX parody Found Boys?) RD gives a "wow" as Blade is wanting to time it right, or so he says. Trash hopes there are no bootlegs of this recording. [I don't think Coliseum Video will be releasing this any time soon.]
Trash finally gets into Questions that are not of the Week or potentially award or prize winning, but he's printed on his papers. (:48)
Trash (to RD): "Is your son upstairs?"
Blade (laughing): "He's got candy!"
That wasn't a Question if you were wondering.
- A Question on prep time: RD refutes the notion that their progrem is "scripted...like we write out jokes...before the show". Blade shows from his trashbag a paper plate with his handwriting on the back that he eat eaten nachos off of and left on the floor the day before. (:50) The words reference his haiku (written twice), Brother Midnight, Val Venis' dog, Bettlejuice, and DX. RD: "Could you even FATHOM somebody saying something like that?" He then accuses Brian Gerwitz of stealing of them. Blade thinks he said Bryan Alvarez, but of course. "I've been drinking!" he lies.
- Another wonders if Don Mason actually exists. Blade maintains he does despite being an Uncharismatic Enigma. He laments not bringing him with him or fake calling him. He will save the time when he hit him with his own car in the "sequel". [I believe he is referring to those days when he and Don were younger and tried to record their own horror movies. Some of that commentated on by the duo, is also available in the video archives as his "home movies". That particular incident is the last portion from the 9:30 mark onward, and features his angry mother shouting at him while RD giggles.]
- Another wonders if RD is in fact related to Burt Reynolds and Blade to Toni Braxton. RD thinks he was the result of when Burt and Toni hooked up, assuming she was a time traveler. Blade: "I've came from a lot of Toni Braxton's stuff." RD: "And her loins I bet. From your loins."
- Trash tries asking again. Blade wonders how he and his thin facial hair looks like Burt Reynolds. RD finds no physical similarity with him and Toni Braxton despite offering just a minute ago that she might have been his time traveling mother.
- RD's full name is Real Deal Real Deal Reynolds. (:54) Blade: "About as absurd as me being called Blade Blade Braxton." RD: "Gay Blade Braxton?"
- RD remembers to edit in crickets.
- Who have they met in the business? Blade's favorite in the industry is in fact RD, and the prospect of sitting five inches away from his penis excites him. Coincidentally RD's favorite in the industry is in fact Blade and his totally legitimate Front Yard Boxing Association heavyweight championship belt which he keeps in delicate condition in his trashbag.
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| Blade's extremely high quality, heavy, and expensive belt up close. |
- A Non-Listener who thinks they talk a lot about wrestling wonders if they will also look at MMA. (:58) RD dismisses it as too much work for them.
- From an actual Listener: When are the Crappies, the WrestleCrap Carnival, the Nicole Bass match, and their birthdays? [I think they may be too late with Nicole Bass now. Also, January 12th for RD and February 8th for Blade. You're welcome.] RD barely has time to say "they're coming" before Trash's phone rings (again); he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice in non-Spanish English.
- Another Listener: "The Cheatum interview was a work?" The two make fun of people thinking it was easy to find him in the Yellow Pages. Blade spent five hours trying to find him but stumbling onto watching elderly bestiality. RD remembers to edit in Krankor laughing if he was in fact sick.
- Blade still has not fully paid John Thomas yet. He hope he doesn't have to give up his belt with stapled on rivets.
- Someone had foolishly asked on the Co-Hosss Contest and if it will make a return. Blade invokes the memory of "John F.K." when RD first told him about his idea of having a Gong Show while he was passing a tollbooth. RD thought it was a good idea at the time including when somebody farted. Blade threatens to quit if there is another Contest.
- Trash has a self-explanatory question on them wearing costumes. Blade is apparently with his "belt". RD doesn't want to edit in wearing his coat and tie to scare any younglings.
- RD accuses Blade of not finishing his pretend bag bottle. Blade says it is his second (a Forty). He threatens to dirty the floor with it.
- Somebody wonders where their old references come from. RD takes offense that they would plan such beforehand on their itineraries. But he needs to "write some more jokes" anyway.
- For RD: highs and lows of the website. (:68) He considers closing the site weekly every time he needs to have something up.
- What was said during the first Zombie interview that was not posted due to low sound quality? Blade reveals he was on his mobile phone backstage at a show in Puerto Rico, and the undead man told him not to repeat the story about people throwing urine at him. So of course he didn't. RD: "YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THE URINE!!!"
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| [*Play for full effect*] |
- Trash wants the two in a "dream scenario" (without the music?) to ask them if they would want to work in WWE. RD refuses outright. Blade would fail the Wellness Policy. Blade's phone receives an imaginary text message; he takes a quick look at it regardless. RD finds it curious that gerbils and Jergens sound so similar.
- Speaking of dirty stories to cut out, RD does want it known that he finds it curious that gerbils and Jergens sound so similar. (:71) Blade remembers (for once) when they had to cut out something about April Hunter's breasts the week before interviewing Vince Russo. Neither can Blade talk about the time he had fun with a minor at a Misfits concert.
- A "neat" question for RD: did he ever go too far with Blade and make him cry? There are "countless" times where he does just that, even including show delays and postponements. One time they argued with each other too much. Then the two randomly sing.
- RD: "Remember when they used to have the Heathcliff and Marmaduke Show?" (I do.)
- Do they have celebrity interactions? RD can't reveal due to discretion involved. This includes Trolla perhaps filing litigation against Santino Mirella and his Honk-A-Meter.
- Favorite episode/moment? (:79) RD always enjoys whenever "Jim Ross" calls in through his restaurant for therapy due to always being upset. Blade does his JR impression. The two think they could appear in video form, but Blade notes that he has to wear a mask when he does so (as John Reece).
- Trash: "RD, I've been on the local independent wrestling scene -" RD: "Sorry buddy." Blade does his Johnny Cash impression.
- Anyway, the original question was about someone asking about an old story of RD when he was a younger manager and gave a ride to someone for out of town. Blade burps. "Don't tell mom and dad." He has to insure those he picks up can curl and/or hurl for him. (That explains why he's still single.) [That also explains why the Midnight Rose is still single.]
- Blade also misses the Rosati sisters who never had any plastic figures of their own due to the size needed for them. Or the Rosetta sisters, as he characteristically misremembers them.
- Further with RD's past not involving women, he would gladly run another independent wrestling promotion into the ground if given the opportunity. (:86)
- This causes Trash to randomly dance around. (Make your own dancing white man joke here.)
- After sitting back down he has his last question (not sung by Celine Dion):
What is with that random blue box used to prop it up? (:88)
Blade: "You know, a lot of wrestling fans come to WrestleCrap Radio - "
RD: "Hope they're wearing a jimmy."
...
RD: "'What did you do last night?' (falsetto) 'Oh, I listened to WrestleCrap Radio and I fingered myself. It was quite good!'"
Breakfast cereal is what they eat, with more oats on a regular week than Hall & Oates.
RD mocks the naysayers who say such...women friendly products don't actually exist. Although with the way the two cover models are smiling as if hit by the Smile-X, I may have inclination to believe them. How else can you explain the quote on the back: "I will savor my broccoli."
RD: "I will make someone's vertical smile smile."
Blade holds up a generic piece like a sex toy before he eats it.
And now something for Blade and his fellows who enjoy "corn from a man's ass." RD guesses correctly that he's speaking from experience. (:92)
The trio's laughter is not helped by the odd visual of a crazy old man and his (animal) (equine) ass on the front.
Blade: "You ever ate a lot of cereal and then got busy and decided not to go to the bathroom?"
RD: "I don't know what world you live in, but I'm really glad I'm not a resident. Of Planet Braxton."
There is a mess of a prairie dog's intestines on the back leading to a spread eagle eagle. Worse, RD calls it a gerbil despite it clearly being labeled otherwise.
Finally, some proper food. Even if it has a clown. (:95) Blade could only get it "imported" from Mexico. RD wonders if it is called El Kablammo south of the border.
Blade likes its genericness. RD moves on, not wanting to hear what other random thing he will say next.
Blade not liking Rice Krispies because of their mascots makes RD laugh hysterically again. (:96) This one is more acceptable since it features an alligator instead (not to be confused with RD's Crocs that he's wearing). The back again confuses with its public service badges. Blade almost hits his Co-Host in confused anger.
RD does not know the difference between Coco and Cocoa, even when comparing the two. (:98) Blade thinks it depends which one Koko B. Ware prefers. RD says its the former since there is a bird (Frankie?) hiding in the back picture. Blade thinks the latter from Walmart is not actually from Walmart since "that's no moon."
RD is offended by the bad pun. [He has his own to make in the future, he doesn't want any infringing competition!] (:79) Blade thinks Chester is a Good Friend of the cereal, if you follow. RD is offended that it is a rip-off of:
RD: "WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!"
Before Blade can ramble on about their #1 nemesis cereal, Trash makes a run-in: it's his favorite cereal! This is too much even for RD to handle, so he stops editing.
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| You can't spell 'defend' without 'def' and 'end'. |
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