Blade prepared himself by remembering a number. RD uses his degree in broadcast journalism to do bad impersonations.
Blade wants someone to write them a script for one episode, which they won't follow because it won't fit on a paper plate. (:06)
Blade entertains the people. (:08) RD wants to bribe people to listen. His Etsy shop has a new name.
RD is discovering the power of grocery delivery and item substitution...from Kroger. This scares Blade. (:17) His favorite United Dairy Farmers' Chocolate Chip was replaced by Toffee & Chip. This possesses Mama for some reason. (:24)
Sebastian Bach, formerly of Skid Row and not the WCR Quartet, has beef with Chris Jericho "miming" for some reason. (:25) Cue Jericho promoing against him. Cue Bach wanting a fight. Blade has to read things without Satan/Stan to do so. They play something of Jericho proving himself by copying RD. RD gongs him. He then does his own attempt on Ricky in his Nathaniel impression. He gongs himself. Blade then does his own attempt on I Remember You by fucking it up immediately. RD gongs him. His second attempt goes slightly better. RD gongs him again anyway. Blade makes excuses.
Miss Elizabeth has a new action figure. There's no word on whether it also functions as an ATM. (:38) While in the UK earlier in the year (before the rest of the year happened) Blade was surprised how many people did not like her by not buying her doll. Wendi Richter too also has a new action figure. Blade finds himself stymied by not being able to offend like he used to. He once saw a Richter pencil eraser. LJN was once to make a Haiti Kid figure.
Mickie James wants to "run" for "president" in news already reported on by Raging_Demons...somewhere. (:44) Will her agenda be based on trains running on time and a free horse for everyone? RD does his Jeff Foxworthy impression if possible. He thinks of making the site more redneck since he can't fully escape his hillbilly roots. I reckon.
As already reported on...by me, Tam has been arrested. (:48) Even worse, some of her OnlyFans stuff was leaked before that. What a shock. RD expects her to pop back soon, and if so to come after Blade since he's a "reporter".
Blade's royalty checks are being sent to an old address. (:56) Sean C. McLaughlin of Facebook has a question about Cody. So of course the two discuss Rebel instead. Blade has a short attention span. What a shock. RD finds Maryse more attractive nowadays as a mother (MHLF?).
The two's dismissive opinion on Randy "Cody" Orton is unchanged. RD looks up the ever accurate Wikipedia to read more about him that one time he was with Ted DiBiase Jr., Sim Snuka, and Cody. The two cough dryly at this. RD: "Poor Sim Snuka. I don't even know who he is."
Who would run gallop with Mickie James? (:68) RD wants the Deever, $20 on Cameo Jackie Gayda, and Taryn Terrell. Blade wants the Deever's bad impression on Cameo, Jim Crockett, Demolition Axe (not Smash?), Trish Stratus, and the Black Scorpion who can make the debt disappear (or transform it into a tiger).
As expected the two are distracted by who is on Cameo, including $20 Shelly Martinez and $50 Vince Russo.
RD skips ejaculating to Ken Pantera swinging so he can play Higher or Lower on Cameo instead of pretending to talk about wrestling news. (:84)
WWE is seeing TNA level ratings such that Vince (McMahon) may also have to be on Cameo. Blade was lucky to miss the latest PPV so RD has to fill him in on what transpired for some reason (since he had to suffer through it on his own). In response Blade declares his secession from the WWE Universe.
Speaking of low ratings, let Mike Check tell you about helicopters once again. (:96) For some reason he did not like Robin Williams or Jonathan Winters in the Mork & Mindy market (perhaps due to it being in space sometimes with that Popeye impression of his, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk). In Phoenix's KLPS Lips 103, he was Duncan Jones, he had to fly a helicopter there with Sandy Roberts, and together they did the Sandy Duncan Eye in the Sky Weather Report. This makes Blade cough with laughter. He leaves with a request from a "Dominick" for Willie Nelson.
Par for the course, with this show your hopes will have to wait:
Eye For An Eye match.
Book another one next year.
Rey, Shawn, and Gibson.
$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, What Ganon Is Up To/Coasty Marshmellow, Troma Dance 2020, Skyline Drive Thru
URLs not taken: 1. Mimingtoatape.com
SPEAKING OFs: 4. Patreon and WrestleCrapRadio.com, drive in movie theaters, hot, someone reckon their lives.
Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Mike Check
Mama’s Damn, Damn, Damn Broken Dishes: 5
Blade Time Outs: 14 (2 Real Quick)
RD Time Outs: 1
Cricket Chirps: 4
RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
Weird Al Laughs: 1
WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
RD False Finishes: 1
Question of the Week from: Sean C McG
AEW Dynamite is supposed to have a surprise opponent for Cody and maybe more. What won’t be the surprise? Sim Snuka (RD) or Randy Orton (Blade).
WrestleCrap 3 Count: If Mickie James runs for President, who should her running mate be?
RD: Taryn Terrell, Jackie Gayda, Layla El
Blade: Black Scorpion, Demolition Ax, Trish Stratus (previously Jim Crockett)
Hi Lo Cameo! The game where you pick who you think charges more.
Lita or Rikishi? Blade: Lita. Incorrect.
Bret Hart or Kevin Nash? Blade: Nash. Incorrect.
Torrid Wilson or Baron Von Raschke? Blade: Torrie Wilson. Incorrect.
DDP or Tatanka (Buffalo)? Blade: Tatanka. Correct.
Expected reminiscing abounds. RD is surprised the show got 3 listeners. Sad News: Hungry Howie's is no longer with us...around RD's neighborhood. Blade wants to leave RD alone as he takes his half hour commute to and from work. (:08) He repeats himself as he remembers the taco meat scooper. And the bees. And that one Christmas.
Blade had people mailing in their favorite moments. Not me of course. (:13) RD gives a discount code for his Etsy shop with a new name. (The old URL still works though.)
One fan on Instagram remembers RD eating said Hungry Howie's in cave fidelity. Another fan on Instagram remembers RD bloodlusting for Tam to go to jail. RD: "Eventually wishes do come true." Taylor on Instagram remembers Star Wars. RD wishes they fought more in their earlier days. Blade: "I have matured much more than RD Reynolds, kids." Nobody on RD's Facebook page had anything for him, as expected. Blade remembers when they tried to find a Coach.
With that out of the way, the two decide to talk about "NES Pro Wrestling Games". (:20) Blade remembers his first game: Bandai's (Tag Team Match:) MUSCLE Wrestling. RD found it mediocre; he preferred Matmania and Mania Challenge. Blade explains a guy in a mask.
RD also found NES WrestleMania awful. Blade of course didn't mind it since he was younger and couldn't do whatever he wanted since he was still a teenager and he could play as Demolition Smash (but not Axe). (:25)
RD has to remind Blade that Raw related games came out after the NES' lifecycle and the Mountie's tenure. (:31)
RD mocks Blade by having an Atari Lynx and Larry the Rat. (:34) He noisily plays California Games.
RD also preferred NES WCW of which he did a coaster set of, with hot Ricky Steamboat pipe wrench action and Andre the Giant Machine/WCW Master. He doesn't remember much Tecmo World Wrestling so he noisily plays Tecmo Super Bowl on the Genesis instead. Blade doesn't either but he doesn't have his own copy either. (:40) He has to make due with watching it online.
Ultimately both choose Nintendo's Pro Wrestling, which shockingly has yet to appear on Switch or fully in a Smash Bros. game.
The two plan to debate Ewoks next time, or whatever else the Patrons would prefer. [COUGHTheMandalorianCOUGH] RD hates every S/NES Star Wars game.
The WWE Hall Of Fame announcer took the time to plug Sunny’s adult friendly website. He also invited fans to “troll away.”
"I’ve often heard, and I agree, that controversy creates cash. Plus, I believe that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life. ... Discretion Advised….troll away"
...
Sunny didn’t reply to JR, but she did retweet him. We’re guessing the least she could do is get him a comped subscription for the extra boost in visibility.
Fans haven’t been trolling as much as being in awe that they were able to witness a moment in history where Jim Ross plugged Sunny’s amateur adult entertainment website.
Welp.
As someone with a libertarian streak in me, as well as a desire to help/promote others, and knowing a few folks also over there (don't ask), I can't find fault with him either. And yet...
Gee, I wonder who this could be.
...
Hello.
How ya doin' tonight, Not-Deal?
Meh. Could be better, could be worse. How about yourself Jim? Are you still stuck in Arizona? No, buh Gawd. After hours o' tryin' to avoid sittin' in the sun, yet not go inside where not one got-damn person was wearing a mahsk -
I'm assuming they were all cocksuckers who are not going to be served in one of your dining establishments anytime soon?
Ya got that rhight. Heh, you're not as dum' as you presen' yerself! Anyway, Bob Caudle showed up in som' jalopy older than he is to com' an' pick meh up. Apparently someon' - maybe Hollywood John or Johnny Age - had snuck some sort of GPS trackin' device inside mah hat, an' somehow Bob managed to track it despite bein' older than dirt.
...What? Why?
I'm guessin' they would know when I was out of tha house so they could seduce mah wife!
Awwww. I'm sorry to hear that Jim.
Thank ya. I'm glad there's at least one person on mah side. Unlike that got-damn radio program ya write about! Ya should do somethin' more productive! Like work fer me! I can pay ya in all the ribs, steaks, an' pulled pork you can imagin' eatin'! All covered in mah delicious rub!
Your offer is appreciated, but I'll pass for now. Although maybe I can forward my resume to you in case?
Thank ya. Anyway, ya were talkin' about mah tweetin' about Sunny.
Yep. Although as I said I wish I came across this sooner. This was in May!
Ah, don't worry ya head too much. Ya know how late RD an' Blade are when they talk about "Curren' Wraslin' News"?
...Since when have they ever reported on current wrestling news? Exactly. So ya may have fasta scoops than those two bunch-a fuckin' idiots!
...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a complaint. I'll take it as both under advisement.
Take it however ya likhe. Now -
Wait wait wait, sorry to interrupt. You didn't tell me to shove it up my ass?
...If that's what ya wan' ta do in ya spare time then don't let meh stop ya. Although I don't know why but whatever. It's yer choice, just like what Sunny had.
Maybe, but normally with those two "idiots" of yours that is the first and only option.
An' it's betta than tha norm'lly deserve! Half the tyime they just keep makin' fun of mah business! Those sonsabitches!
...Again I'll take that as both compliment and complaint.
Anyway, if ya'll let meh finish. I posted that thing since I wanted to do somethin' non-angry fer once in mah life. Maybe it would indirectly bring people to buy mah new book. Or at least troll somebody else fer a change instead of me.
And did it?
No! Tens of sonsabitches messaged MEH instead askin' if I was usin' this to help meh find a new whife!
Oh dear. Mah hands got tired from all the typin' replies, so I got Bob to do it for meh with his arthritic hands a his.
Oh dear. I wonder how long that would take him. If I had a tell one cocksucker, I had a tell a hundred. There are only two wohmen in mah life. One was mah wife. Tha other is Dark Journey!
But of course. Who doesn't know that?
If I had a third it would be mah barbecue.
That also.
Speakin' of mah barbecue an' OnlyFans, I once was on OnlyFans too.
[Spit-take]
I'm sorry, what? YOU were also on OnlyFans?
Yeah that's rhight. Ya can't hear meh? Is ya phone workin'?
No, not that. I mean, anyone can use that as a way to publicly fund their activity. But unlike the more general nature of other similar sites like, say, Patreon, where WrestleCrap is also on, OnlyFans skewers more to sexual content, more often than not produced by younger women.
Yeah I kno' that, I ain't no dummeh. Not like those cocksucker announcers who replaced meh back at Dubya-Dubya-E! I mean: what? Ya sayin' you don't find mhe good lookin'? I'm not an attractiv' mayn or somethin'? Do ya thin' I'm sexy? Do ya think I turn ya on?
Er...I'll just say you were married and apparantly you think Dark Journey still pines for you, and leave it at that Jim. Anyway I decided to see what I could do to get some business goin', based on mah experience an' expertise as an annouhncer an' barbecue mayn. So I decided that I would post videos of mah cookin'.
...Alright? And -
Nekkid.
...
...I'm sorry, what?
Well not completely nekkid. I would at least leave muh hat on. A genneman doesn't take one's hat owf without good reason.
...
...of course.
Anyway I would grill an' barbecue nekkid on camerah. With muh hat on. Outdoors of course, when ta weather was good an' I had space to place a set. A big huge set! An' I called it...Buff Cooking with JR.
...I think I can see where this is going, but go on. Within a week I got all these online jezebehls subscribin' to me. Like...a whole ten of 'em.
Well that's not bad! Any base is a good base, no matter how small.
Well that's easy fer you to say. They all left within a week.
What? Oh no, why?
They all kept messagin' meh all askin' meh just tha one same thin': "When is Buff Bagwell comin'? It's in tha thitle! Ya said he would be on tha show with ya!"
Oh dear. An' I - well, Bob since he was writin' for meh - was like "how the fuck shoul' I know, womahn? Do I look like that old hag of his Judy ta ya?"
Ahhh Jim.
An' besides, ain't he busy in Vegas playin' at Pretty Woman an' being a whor'? Perhaps with th' help of Judy bein' his pi -
You picked the wrong Richard Gere movie.
What's that?
American Gigolo.
Did either movie involv' him taking a gerbil an' shovin' it up his -
That's just an urban legend Jim, always has been. ...Is your MovieTrolla working properly Jim?
If I could afford to buh anotha from yer business I would. I spent two thousan' dollars alone on that huge set an' grill for mah show -
Two thousand dollars?
- an' when those jezebehls dehmanded their money bhack I had to pay anotha one thousan' dollars fer false advertisin'!
Oh no. I swear, tha next time I'm in Las Vegas for mah book tour I'm gonna give Buff a new one, that fuckin' sonofabitch! Costin' meh money even when not wraslin'! In the meantim' I need to get mah money back. What do ya know about this - Patron, ya said?
Er...I'm not the right guy to ask. Have you tried RD?
That sonofabitch? Ya tryin' to giv' meh a heart attack from all this stress of dealin' with them?
You could have Bob handle him for you? He looks like he might have some better luck at any rate.
Hmmm, good point. I'll ahsk him if he's not fallen asleep again on tha job, that other sonofabitch.
Yes, now THAT news is more up to date. Current Wrestling News right here on WrestleCrapRadio!...Dot Com!
I mentioned it on mah OHWN podcast that has more than a dohzen people listenin' to it an' who probably support mah barbecue, unlike those cocksuckers RD an' Blade. It was me, Vince, Linda, Jimmy, an' Brucey payin' him a visit many many years ago. Let meh tell ya somethin': ya think I have a potty mouth?
That's still debatable.
Well that sonofabitch was even wors'! If he wasn't swearin' he was talkin' about this "destrucity" bullshit o' his, and fightin' som' "Hokogan" whateva th' fuck that was, an' about how he wanted to prove Santa Claus was real by tyin' him up an' rapin' him! An' all in front of that jezebehl Linda! Why an' how Vince thought that piece of shit would ever work in Dubya-Dubya-Eff is anyone's guess. Heck, why'd ya think I escaped to Ay-Eee-Dubya when I did? To sit aroun' an' talk about Chris Jericho with Tony Schiavone's butt in seat an' some masked mahn who thinks he's a sword or somethin'? No! To git away from Vince before he attempted to shove more things up MUH ass! That sonofabitch!
Please don't remind me. I can hardly forget it as it is. Anyway, I remember one time mor' than ten years ago. I was at one of mah restaurants when this ugly an' dirty lookin' mayn stumbled in an' asked for a table. I rememba this strong scent o' booze stronger than any of my sauces and someone had drawn very badly on his face, assumin' he didn't do it himself of course. Also he had duc' tape and poleece lines danglin' off his arms fer some got-damn reason.
I wonder who that was.
To be honest with ya buh Gawd I swear I thought he was Blade if not just some random hobo. Anyway he just sat down, didn't order anything at first. Then he just started takin' all mah fancy knives off tha table! When we confronted him about it he said he was just "borrowin'" them because apparently he was now some sort of 'knife painter'. I've heard of some STUPID things in mah life, but this one might have topped it.
Emperor, please don't remind me of that either. Although knife painting IS a viable artistic method, don't get me wrong. At least if the artist actually has some talent for it. Maybe even over on Patreon and the like. You're rhight Blah. But that implhies that Jim Hellwig has any sort of talent, be it wraslin' or pain'. Let meh tell you somethin': he doesn't. Tha only thin' he could do good was stand there lookin' all pretty while Sting did all tha work for tha both of them.
I will admit Jim, I always thought his so called "painting" just involved shaking his arms and yelling a lot.
Heh heh heh, good kneeslapah there! No wonder I like you guys more than RD an' Blade. Anyway as Dr. Death was throwin' him out - his hands were all sloppy from bein' down in the basement beatin' mah meat - the sonofabitch was hootin' an' hollerin' like a tied-up mule about how mah “grilling don't make the world work". Ya know what I told that motherfucker?
I can probably guess.
Neither does ya so called doodlin'! Shove it an' ya knives up yer fuckin' ass!
But of course. ...But now I'm thinking.
That's more than RD an' Blade eva did.
Very funny. What I'm thinking is: if Warrior was around today and for some reason wanted to inflict himself on others via a site like Patreon or Onlyfans, what do you think he would be doing? I don't know. What do ya think he would be doin' Nostradamus?
...Absolutely nothing. Just like what he did - and was good at too - throughout his wrestling "career".
Heh heh heh heh, good one Blah. Why aren't ya hosting a podcast instead of those two jokhers?
Your guess is as good as mine on that. Maybe I'll ask RD on this the next time I talk to him.
Anyway, as much as I'd likhe to stay an' chew tha fat somemore, I've gotta go. These books an' steaks won't sell themselves, heh heh.
Well don't let me keep you. At least wear a mask alongside your hat when you're cooking, you hear? You also, and I'll see what I can do. Have a nice day, Boomer Sooner, an' go Fans yourself!
Say hello to Bob for me if he's not still asleep. And make sure Jimichiro actually got that message of ours! We still have to face him in court!...Eventually (when I get to it).
[Far away from the phone] Got-damnit Bob, how little do I pay ya to lie on the floor not workin'? Git up ya lazy goodfernuthin sonofabitch!
Speaking of repeating broken records while the sun rises...
