The Thirteenth Hat
February 23, 1966
"Jervis Tetsch, aka the Mad Hatter, is abducting all the jurors who convicted him of a previous crime wave. He is also taking their hats. His final target is none other than Batman, who provided the key testimony in the Mad Hatter's trial. Batman and Robin have the Mad Hatter and his gang cornered but the criminal mastermind manages to encase the Caped Crusader in plaster of Paris."
70 minutes
RD Wishes He Was Named "Jervis", like this week's villain. He is also back from vacation. He and family went to Galaxy's Edge at DisneyWorld and was lucky to ride the Rise of the Resistance. They also went to Universal which he likes more including his favorite the Spider-Man ride, and randomly talking about Orange Cassidy with Donkey and Fiona. While TNA was at Universal Vince went on the Spider-Man with Shane Douglas who also enjoyed it greatly.
Vince thanks supporters for their patience while host Channel Attitude was establishing its RSS feed. He has gone to his second disk in his set.
On an early morning in Gotham a chef is using mass quantities of flour. His huge hat is a tempting snatch for our villain, who uses a never failing mesmerizing beam in his top hat to also capture his target. Said kidnapping involves a blue van. He then steals a deerstalker style cap while his top hat plays a low-key lullaby as his theme.
Cut to Police HQ where only Gordon and O'Hara remain. (:11) Gordon: "At this rate, no hat in Gotham will be safe from Jervis Tetsch!" RD is so happy they also use his name. Vince is happy that Batman is needed because he was involved in jailing him last time rather than being called just because. "It was a sad day indeed when the word 'parole' was coined!" RD wonders how many trials Hatter had so far.
Vince wished he had written a subtle Batman series referencing character while in the industry. RD remembered when WCW UK used Batman style bubbles to cover the violence.
Hatter has with him his henchpeople Cappy and "Dizzer", which confuses Vince. It's actually Dicer, "a man’s hat, made of stiff silk or felt, not as tall as a top hat, but of similar shape (though the term is sometimes also applied to a derby)".
Bruce is currently using a marble bust to lecture Dick on "the pro-cess-eeze of sculpting a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study." RD is unsure if Aunt Harriet was wearing a bra or not while in a "quandry" over the "oolong tea or the pekoe" for some tea party. Sad News: RD hates tea. Alfred loudly tells Bruce it's the Batphone and the Duo have to leave for a "black-footed albatross at Sleighter's Slew." Robin: "And maybe a fork-tailed petrel." RD reads the characteristics of a petrel. He thinks they should have kept that for the Penguin. Vince thinks they will just reuse it.
The Duo meet at Police HQ. (:20) O'Hara: "Nobody's safe! He's stealing hats! WHERE WILL HE STOP?" Batman: "In a court of law where he's been stopped before?" RD wonders why they're forgetting the kidnappings. Batman: "Few men die of threats, Robin."
Gordon thanks Batman for his service. Batman: "Fighting crime deserves no gratitude. It's my fervent hope that warped minds such as his can be rehabilitated once and for all."
As the Duo leave O'Hara grabs a random phone to yell to "CLEAR ALL EXITS FOR THE BATMOBILE!" and then we see there's nobody there.
RD finds the Hatter's bright orange hair, swirly mustache, and painted bushy eyebrows amusing. He's there with his henchlady...LISA. (Actor Diane McBain would also appear in an Elvis movie in the same year.) Lisa is head over heels for Hatter, who aims to kidnap his trial jury and Batman (via his cowl) to re-trial himself while trying to get subtly handsy with her.
Cappy and Dicer stand around asking about lunch for some reason, reminding RD of a shirt he saw while on vacation. Vince is reminded of when he got a luxurious three days off in WWF to take the family to Universal where a third of the people wore Austin 3:16 shirts. (:32)
RD is alarmed by Hatter's hat making torture device with flailing knives that can make "oatmeal mush". Hatter: "He could wind up a tassel on a tam o'shanter." Lisa: "Oh, you pixie!" RD gives her 8 Batpoles for her character more than her appearance (including hair) which would have earned her a 6 otherwise. Vince likes her perkiness but gives her a 7.5, thinking RD was too high. RD skips ahead to another lady, Babette, with the shortest skirt, to give her a "solid" 7. Vince gives her a 5 due to her nasally voice. RD thinks Vince wants to "hook up" with her now 85 year old actor (Sandra Wells).
Hatter also wants to sell his kidnapped jury for "all the president's hats". (To quote Top Hat, "follow the felt.")
The Duo are fashionably late to reach the 11th juror, Madame Magda of a hat shop, in time. "I'm sure the communists had something to do with this!" randomly says the shop's customer. (:40) Vince is alarmed that Lisa can pop up to give Batman a clue without his asking any questions (she is posing as Magda's employee).
Meanwhile Warden Criton has a Batman statue/Batstatue up in the prison for some reason. Vince thinks it's for deterrence. RD disagrees.
Back to the Batcave the Duo look at their giant "edge-lighted" map of the city to draw a hat and find their 12th juror. Robin: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Vince thinks he's speaking about gimmicks.
Hatter goes to sculptor Octave Marbot and disguises himself as he with an exaggerated French accent. Despite the World's Greatest Detective having met him before, he goes along with it without attempting to apprehend him then and there. RD is alarmed that Hatter wants to see Robin so much in the dressing room where Octave is also. Hatter (to Lisa): "My expert mimicry and perfect French fooled them completely!"
Cue the worst fight scene so far with blown spots rampant. (:50) Hatter goes for his mesmerizer. Batman goes for his "anti-mesmerizing Batreflector" (a mirror) and accidently hits Robin with it. Hatter then gets Batman with a trash can to the back, sending him into some "super fast hardening plaster". Hatter: "Batman will be permanently plastered!" He then has his own little soliloquy about his hat torturer while Batman continues to get plastered. Vince wonders why he uses acid spray to make hats.
Vince liked that they finally get a serious villain with a plausible plot of revenge. RD agrees, including "waggish" Lisa, even if he had to use dumb luck to get what he wanted.
Vince gives himself applause for giving RD much material to write on. (:60) He has an issue with Tony Khan talking about ratings and audience numbers or something. RD agrees, just wanting to watch the wrestling.
- Special Guest Villain: The Mad Hatter (David Wayne)
- Blue Van: 1
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