Batman: The Movie (1966) (Part Three)
"The
Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for
ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates
people."
76 minutes
[Part One, in which the Dynamic Duo are saved by an almost human porpoise.]
[Part Two, in which the Dark Knight just can't get rid of a bomb.]
"RD Prefers Water Light & Soft" Vince blames him for giving his beleaguered website colleague Jeff Lane confusion light and soft for again giving him trouble with episode numbering. RD gives some random words ala Blade. Vince: "Interesting."
RD learned the movie was released between the seasons.
The Duo take Penguin to the Batcave, unaware of his pocket G.P. guinea pigs. (:05) They awaken him, and of course the first thing he does is squawk before he remembers he must be British and asks for a glass of water. Batman directs him to the clearly marked water dispenser to "slay your thirst". Penguin responds with ten dollar pound words as he gets his goons in a row re-hydrated.
RD is confused by the furniture around the house without any signs or labels.
Robin: "Holy hallucinations!"
Batman: "It's five dehydrated pirates re-hydrated!"
However Penguin has failed to notice he has moved a switch from light to heavy water (used within the atomic pile). Batman kicks the supposedly now 'anti-matter' goons into nothingness as a cow moos for some reason.Vince wonders if this could be Botchamania worthy. RD pretends to call Maffew. Robin makes a sad face as he wonders if he may have been involved in vigilante manslaughter. Batman: "No, Robin, they're not coming back. Not in this universe."
Penguin tries to hang on a ladder rather than just run out the nearby exit. Batman thinks the "Commodore" was coerced into working for the villains to sneak in their goons, so they gas him and take him out in a now two-rowed Batmobile. Robin wonders what their plan now is. Batman responds by giving him an Anti-Penguin gas pill. They then wake up the Penguin again (who responds with a "good morning") then deliberately stop the Batmobile. Penguin immediately gasses them with his umbrella, then assumes control of the returned Birdmobile.
The Duo then get their stunt doubles to go 200 miles per hour on a very unsafe Mobile Batcycle to get to the Batcopter to track him, during which they de-attach Robin's side-car go-kart to go an additional 25 feet. Vince wonders what happened to all the vehicular props as the series went on. RD wonders why they didn't just reuse the footage.
Meanwhile the other villains are back in the submarine. (:22)
Catwoman: "Penguin finished Batman by now."
Riddler: "Why, that miserable waddling mountebank of a bird? He couldn't finish a bag of popcorn!"
He launches more riddle missiles (riddiles?) as Joker shouts at him like an "inept dad", one of which actually hits the Batcopter. Batman: "This could be the end!" RD adjusts his headphones as an eyepatch to look like Batman. Thankfully they land on "foam rubber in its crudest form" at a wholesaler's convention. Batman notes the astronomical odds, already forgetting that he was saved by an almost human porpoise.
Solving the riddles with more twisted logic they discover the villains' plan to hit the United World Organization during a meeting of its Security Council.
Robin: "Let's commandeer a taxi!"
Batman: "No, Robin. Not at this time of day. Luckily, we're in tip-top condition. It'll be faster if we run."
Cue their stunt doubles running in front of a rear-projection.
Catwoman's tight outfit as she takes her turn looking through a periscope enticed RD as well as another goon. Penguin rejoins the group as they disembark the docked submarine and blow up the doors using Riddler's wax and some meandering cats. (:31) Penguin launches a gas-spraying umbrella straight towards the camera like a javelin causing two guards to fall into an arch.
Penguin: "Hold your breaths as we cross the hall. There are still lingering traces of my finely filtered Penguin gas."
The Bros find it funny they didn't come with gas masks for such a situation, even if he did warn them.
The villains find the nine council members engaged in a stereotypical shouting match over world peace, paying them no attention as they zap them into differently colored powders. The Duo enter an elevator where Batman ad-libs trying to find the right button to press.
In the chamber he shouts at the villains, who have all gone back to their regular masks, to surrender, or risk getting hit by their Batarangs. Catwoman manages to get their group to escape by threatening Kitka. At least Penguin remembered to put his monocle over his mask.
They find the state of the council due to the "fiendishly clever" machinations.
Robin: "Where does that elevator go?"
Batman: "Downstairs, obviously...We have just one trump card left, Robin. Heaven help the world if we fail."
Back in the submarine the villains are finally happy together for once, as they plan to ransom the powdered members for $1 billion each. This lasts for all of 60 seconds. Then Riddler goes to launch more riddiles as Dad Joker shouts at him to be straight for once. (Yes, even the Joker of all people has his limits.) Catwoman flirts with a very confused Penguin while laying on top of a piano in what looks to be tight body-paint. Penguin: "Shut up, you feline floozy!"
The Batboat closes in on the submarine so Riddler has to fire at them (ideally straight on target). Having studied the riddiles earlier Batman has tuned the Bat-Transmitter for Robin to deflect them away from the Duo. "Holy Bikini!" They then fire Batcharges to try and surface the submarine. Penguin orders his goons to "run silent, run deep." Dad Joker decides to rise anyway for the sake of their lives and their captives.
The Duo themselves decide to get on top of the submarine instead of using their doubles, which has Batman fighting with a giant wrench for some reason (and not even a Batwrench). Dad Joker takes the opportunity to punch Riddler overboard.
Catwoman throws a fake cat at Batman who holds on to it while fighting before putting it in a life boat: "Bon voyage, Pussy," he whispers in post-production. She kicks them off where they fight in the water before the Duo suddenly subdue the male villains and tie them to the top of the sub. She tries to escape into the vessel but trips and loses his mask, leading Batman to finally realize she was Kitka all along. He stares forlornly into the empty air with tears in his eyes for a full minute as Finella's song plays.
Robin: "Holy heartbreak!"
Batman: "It's just one of those things...in the life...of every crimefighter...it means nothing...slap on the Batcuffs...say no more Robin...it could be compromising."
This was Lee Meriweather's only turn as the Catwoman, among a television career that still continues to recent days. The Bros thought she did a good job under the circumstances and give her 8 Batpoles.
Batman calls the Coast Guard to pick up the submarine "filled with human jettison". (:54) Perhaps his heart break hardened him against the possible redemption of his fellow man. He then goes back down to gather the vials before they fall off the table. The real Commodore then appears, trips, knocks the vials out of his hands, then sneezes, sending the dust everywhere.
Robin: "Holy jumble! Where's the hope of the world now?"
This necessitates having to use the Batcave's Super Molecular Dust Separator. Batman, not wearing his gloves, updates Gordon on the case, so he in turn can update President Johnson. The backs of Aunt Harriet and Alfred are simulcast during this. Sadly neither Bro has a screen capture, so Vince instead shows his phone with Stephanie (McMahon) not wearing her wedding ring.
Batman is making sure the "ethnic and national factors" are as they should be. Robin suggests some mixing up for a different and perhaps better outcome, but Batman reminds him why this is a bad idea from earlier experience with the anti-matter pirates. They say this just as the separating completes, so Batman tells Gordon to tell Johnson to tell the countries of the world (all two of them during the Cold War, right?).
The vials are taken back to the Security Council, where Batman, holding a regular garden hose hooked up to a "light water soft" water dispenser, takes a solemn moment before telling Robin to turn it on. It works and the members are back to arguing without missing a beat...except they are all now shouting in different languages.
Robin: "What about this?"
Batman: "Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest
single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but,
inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is
finished."
THE LIVING END......?
Vince has yet to find the movie on Blu-Ray but found Meredith's skin complexion smooth. RD finds the movie made $4 million on a $1.4 million budget, a commercial success.
Next time is a return to the series, in a new second season of 60 episodes. RD estimates it will take a year and two months to get through at their pace. The third season has another 26.
RD will be a very tall Easter bunny who will not be playing whack-a-mole.
- Special Guest Villains: Catwoman [2] (Lee Meriwether), The Joker [4] (Cesar Romero) [4], The Penguin [4] (Burgess Meredith) [4], The Riddler [5] (Frank Gorshin) [5]
- Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Foam rubber in its crudest form
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