Episode 64: Holy Matador!: October 30, 2022

It's How You Play the Game
December 1, 1966
"With his special truck finished, Shame goes to work on his final caper - the theft of four prize cattle worth over one million dollars. Batman and Robin deduce his plan, but realize they are too late to stop him and too slow to catch him. With little left to go on, the Dynamic Duo employ their "bat-logic" to try to figure out his next move."
69 minutes

Come Back RD. Come Back!

Vince finds consecutive recordings tough. RD managed to change his shirt. 

We are now halfway through the series' run. 

The Bros are still confused by why the Narrator is only taking 15 seconds at a time of late.

Somehow the rumble of the stampede's "zooms" has loosened Batman's restraints, allowing him to at least sit up. He then uses his cape like a matador to divert the stampede. "Toro! Toro!"
Robin: "Olé, Batman, olé! Bravo! Bravo! More! More!"
He then wonders how a non-red cape would work. Batman says bulls are actually color blind.
Robin: "Holy toreador!"
Batman: "The word is 'matador', Robin. 'Toreador' is a word of convenience used by Bizet in his classic opera 'Carmen'."
Robin: "Oh. Holy matador, then!"
Batman: "Very apt."

Andy then walks up thinking it was all just a game. Batman holds up one of the stakes: "It was a game...and the stakes were life and death!" He tells him to listen to his parents. Andy: "I'm seven years old!" He just wants his radio back. "Shame! Come Back Shame!"

Batman: "Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow."

The Duo figure Shame is not actually going to enter the race, so they go to see DJ Hot Rod Harry again at KGC Radio, "the #1 radio station in the world!" (:13) He refers them to Laughing Leo, a used car salesman magnate. He sells a car only used "in months with an 'r' in them" to a stereotypical little old lady from Pasadena. He thinks the visiting Duo want to trade in their Batmobile, but feigns ignorance on "the conniving cowboy of crime" with a delightful heel laugh. 

Leo then visits the lair as the posse laugh over defeating the Duo. RD wonders on Shame's current ensemble. They discuss stealing four Angus steers worth over a million dollars from the Gotham City Rodeo. Shame says some more Western-speak confusing Vince. Leo then tells Shame the Duo is actually alive. Cue Shame breathing heavily. Annie: "He's angrier than a hyena with laryngitis!" Vince: "Interesting."

In the Batcave the Duo use the "Batroscope" as Alfred reports they found the stolen limo. "I hope you didn't mind my dismantling it for you." Batman: "You saved us at least 15 minutes." 

One of the parts is a giant steering wheel with a green speck and a red speck of food.
Robin: "Shame is a sloppy eater?"
Batman: "Partly!"
They know the Adobe Hacienda Motel and Eats serves such (delicious) fare.
Robin: "Holy guacamole!"
Vince wonders when avocados first entered the US. (1994, after NAFTA ended an 80 year ban over the southern border.) 

The motel is also Shame's other lair, but he's already gone when the Duo visit. They have to wait for his acting in the night, since he can't appear in the day due to being a vampire his ridiculous attire. They determine he's back at Westernland.
Robin: "He wouldn't do that because he would know that you know that this is a hideout of his."
Batman: "Knowing that, he'd think that we'd think he would not return there; therefore he did and so will we."
Robin: "Holy Batlogic!"
The posse are also there due to Shanelogic: "I knew he'd think I'd think he'd think I think he'd come back here."

Cue an immediate shootout.
Batman: "We've been bushwhacked!"
Robin is actually shot, forcing them to cover behind the Batmobile as the posse retreat. Batman has to cut out the bullet with a knife while Robin bits down on a cardboard shoehorn. Of course all this is done bloodlessly; it was the 60s after all.
Batman has to take his old chum back to the Batcave to give him ever handy drugs (of Batcillin), which is helpful enough for him to dance around the Batdiamond. He is sad they didn't catch the posse yet. Batman: "That's the crime business, Robin. It's all in the game."
Alfred reminds Batman that he is the Rodeo's Grand Marshall for some reason. They determine that Shane is going after the cattle there. Thus, the Duo will take Bruce's place...somehow.

The posse are already there as expected. (:34) The people throw their wallets at them but Shame does not want their "bacon drippings". RD wants to fry fish in bacon which does sound delicious. The Duo enter from the back (ahem) as the posse go to get the cattle which are on an upper floor for some reason. Any excuse for a wall climb.
Robin: "These short Bat-climbs are harder than the longer ones."
Batman: "It takes a while to unlimber your muscles, Robin. It's all good training."

This prompts a window cameo from...Hogan's Heroes' Colonel Klink. Yes, really. I suppose with all those folks trying to go back in time to kill Hitler, it's only fair that the Nazis send people forward in time to...I don't know, hunt down B.J. Blazkowicz or something?
Batman: "Colonel, what are you doing here in Gotham City?"
Klink: "I am looking for an underground agent."
Robin: "One of ours or one of yours?"
Batman: "And why at the Exposition Hall at the Coliseum?"
Klink: "Who knows? You never know where you might find one."
Batman: "Be careful not to get picked up. Chief O'Hara can be very tough with aliens incognito."
Klink: "Incognito? With my monocle?"
Robin: "Well, say hello to Col. Hogan for us."
Klink: "It's a wonder he hasn't tried to borrow your Batrope to pull another one of his escapes!"
He lets out an exasperated grunt which Batman ignores. Or perhaps he heard nothing.

RD wonders how the pitch meeting for Hogan's Heroes would have gone. Vince is reminded of the miniseries The Offer (about the making of The Godfather) where one of the showrunners talked about pitching it (Hogan's Heroes, not The Godfather).

Unfortunately the Duo are again too late in catching Shame, leaving behind a rather shocked guard in place of the cattle.
Batman: "They know where they're going. ... Steers have to be fed, right? And it's not easy to hide such enormous well-known animals, right? They must have gone back to the Gotham City Stockyards, right?"
Robin: "Wrong! ... If you wanted to hide a person would you hide him in a crowd? It's easy to spot a person in a crowd. It's not as easy to spot a person if you put him someplace where you wouldn't have looked. Ergo Shame has probably taken those cows back to the KO Corral."
So off they go after notifying Gordon.
Andy: "Come Back Shame!" 

The Narrator reminds us he's still there as the posse meets a holstered Leo. (:43) They barely have time to laugh as they are unable to recognize the Batmobile driving up to them. With Batman's theme also playing Vince wishes they would also mentioned the music. The Duo exit and walk down Main Street for a showdown at high noon.

Shame: "Don't make a move Batman, or I'll fill yer full of lead."
Batman: "You can't frighten us with a vague threat, Shame."
Shame: "Draw."
Batman: "You and every other criminal know that I don't carry firearms, Shame."
Shame: "Well, then reach for your utility belts, so as I can do you in."
Robin: "Even the rottenest cowboy wouldn't gun down two unarmed men. It's against the code of the old west!"
Shame: "Them rules don't count east of the Mississippi!"

Batman then throws a smoke bomb so he can 'concentrate' while the posse shoot blindly around them, and manage to deduce that they have run out of bullets. The smoke clears and they are correct, leading to the stunt doubles fighting. Even Leo has one! Robin does jump on a goon to ride them around like a steed for some reason. Batman then calls out Shame for not using a water pump properly.
Leo: "You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?"
Batman: "You're not wearing glasses. [Punches him in the face into a water trough.] Laugh that off, Leo!"
Shame saves the last bullet to knock O'Hara's hat off, showing the police's lone contribution to the whole affair.
Gordon: "Well, Batman, you've done it again. May I shake your glove?"

All of the posse is hogtied in Gordon's office before going to the "calaboose". Andy wants his radio from "this dirty old man" or his mother will punish him. "Give me back my radio, Shame, or you'll be in big trouble with my mother!" Shame gives it back and promises to buy batteries for it.
Batman: "Well, what are you going to do now, Andy? You're not really a lost little boy."
Andy: (Suddenly going run-on) "I was for a while Batman but you helped me find myself I'm going straight to the department store and trade in this Western outfit for a Batman costume I don't wanna be a cowboy anymore I wanna be a hero like you caped crime-fighter."
Batman: "Being a hero or a crime-fighter is not what counts the most, Andy. It's growing up to be a good citizen and if that's what you meant, it's the highest possible comment that you could pay me."
Shame: "Good grief."

Vince finds that Andy's actor, six year old Eric Shea, is the younger brother of Christopher Shea, who played Joey in the then running TV version of Shane. Vince wonders if he can get him on the show.

Cliff Robertson would of course also play Uncle Ben in the 2002 Spider-Man. 

RD gives Okie Annie 7.5 Batpoles just because. Vince thinks it generous and gives her a 6 due to her Shirley Jones/Mrs. Partridge vibe and she didn't have much chest wise. Joan Staley was active in the 50s and 60s before retiring to family life.

Personally this story was a lot of fun. I wish there were more of this not just in the series but in the Batman-verse as a whole.

Vince does not remember Rick Rude as the WCW Phantom.

Vince considers doing a non-wresting show with lists.

 

• Special Guest Villain: Shame (Cliff Robertson)

 

• Window Celebrity: 2. Jack Carter, Werner Klemperer
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Different costumes
• Entertain The People: 1
  

Episode 63: Holy Batfeller!: October 23, 2022

Come Back, Shame
November 30, 1966
"Shame is back, and is using stolen vehicle parts to assemble a truck so fast even the Batmobile won't be able to catch him. Bruce Wayne tricks him into stealing his limo, which he (as Batman) and Robin use to track down his hideout. But the villain gains the upper hand in the ensuing fight, and the Dynamic Duo find themselves staked to the ground in the path of a cattle stampede."
53 minutes

RD Won't Shop for Aunt Harriet. Not even for bras?

Vince doesn't think they could be able to remake Shane today. It's his father's favorite movie.

The Gotham City Speedway's 100 is half way done with "400,000 people" at a place that looks like the Indianapolis. The race leader has such a comfortable lead (six minutes!) that he can afford to get out of his car during a pit stop. He gets a gun pointed at him for his trouble by a cowboy in a very bright bandanna. "Make one false move, you got another mouth where your nose used to be!" he threatens and RD says in his Mike Check impression. He then takes the car out rather slowly while shooting a platinum bullet.

In his office Gordon determines that Shame has returned "to taunt us with his western wiliness" to steal a race car, a hot rod, and a go-kart. (:11) This needs the help "of one wiser than we." RD: "If someone stole a bicycle they wouldn't be able to handle it."

At Stately Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick are playing slot racers. "It's child's play once you get the hang of it!" says the one with the driver's license and a playboy's collection of actual fast cars. Alfred announces he has an appointment with "Mr. Red Amici from the phone company" so the Duo let Aunt Harriet try.

Vince's grandmother once worked at Aurora Plastics in New York. RD grew up in Aurora, Indiana.

Gordon: "There were three auto thefts in Gotham City today, Batman."
Bruce: "That should be simple enough for your fine force."
Gordon: "It would be, except that all clues point to the redoubtable road agent."
Bruce: "The bloodthirsty bushwacker?"
Gordon: "Shame himself."
Bruce: "We'll be right there."

At the office Batman compliments Shame's bravado. O'Hara randomly calls him a "caped crimebuster"; they also got the vehicles back but with parts missing. Batman asks to analyze one of his platinum bullets on the precious metals Batanalyzer. "Vamanos!" Robin: "Right amigo!" 

"Meanwhile, in Westernland" (as per the narrator), the lair is a deserted movie studio. Shame literally has an axe to grind as he threatens the Duo. His posse expresses their support. One of them takes a drink of "tonsil varnish." His girl, Okie Annie, pretends to play a player piano as fast as she can. Shame plans to make a super truck that can exceed 300 miles per hour and beat the Batmobile. 

Before he can kiss Annie the posse announces the arrival of a little kid. He calls himself Andy, "The Pecos Kid", and he pledges his six-shooter. Then Shame pops up his head to scare him. 

In the Batcave Batman chews on the platinum bullet to test its worth. (:24) It's just a regular bullet painted in platinum. They also determine that Shame is building a super truck to race with. 

Batman decides to ask "Dean" DJ Hot Rod Harry on his car knowledge. Harry, played by actual comedian Jack Carter, plays "a tune that was written this morning and it's already #3" on KGC before Bruce calls in. RD points out that east coast Gotham City should be WGC.

RD once wanted to be a disk jockey. Fascinating.

Andy still hasn't run away from Shame spinning his revolver, so Shame replies with a string of western related phrases. DJ Harry then states over Andy's radio that Bruce has a "super cam shaft and valve lifters" on his limo, which is what Shame needs. He and the posse leave with the radio. Andy: "Come back, Shame!"

The posse drive into town in a Cadillac with huge horns. Shame seeks the limo's "backwash".

Cut to Bruce and Dick shopping somewhere. Bruce: "Maybe we should have checked Aunt Harriet's shopping list a little more closely before we volunteered." Vince thinks they're buying her a girdle. RD decides to check with his wife if that could be considered lingerie. She says yes. 

Shame and Annie are observing subtly. Vince is more interested with another women she sees despite not having a face. He gives her 8.5 Batpoles anyway. RD gives her 8. (:37) 

Annie then approaches, asking for millionaire Bruce Wayne and a ride since her car has broken down. The drive is interrupted by a literal cow on the road, so Bruce has to get out and shoo it away. Dick: "What's a nice cow like you doing in a place like this?" 

Shame and posse then appear to steal the limo leaving the Duo and Alfred adrift. Thankfully Bruce has already programmed the Batcycle and Alfcycle to come to them from a mile away. They can also follow a trail from the limo in the Batmobile.

The Duo thus get to Westernland as the posse assemble their "hayburner".
Batman: "The best-laid plans of mice and men aft gang a-gley." (:41)
See, his memory that makes him forget he is married to Aunt Harriet last week also makes him forget that it's actually "The best-laid schemes of mice and men gang aft a-gley." If the Bookworm was here (and not just because he probably escaped prison already) he could have told him that. 
However the posse can't risk shooting their guns for fear of damaging their vehicle.
Shame: "Talkin' to you is like talkin' pig Latin to a donkey! We got 'em outnumbered! Three and a half to two!"
Annie only has a brief moment to be shocked that she is only considered half before a barroom brawl breaks out with the stunt doubles. "One Half" Annie subdues the Duo by shooting the chandelier down upon them. 

Andy then enters asking for his borrowed radio, and then notices the knocked out Duo. Shame's attempts at an excuse don't work and he walks off in...shame.

Shame decides to get rid of the Duo by tying them down in the potential path of a stampede. "Now those cows don't stop comin' for no one. Not even you Batfeller!"
Batman: "Shame on you, Shame."
Shame: "Watch your tongue."

Narrator: "Have Batman and Robin at last bitten the dust? Is this the Big Casino? Are the Dynamic Duo heading for the last roundup? If you have the intestinal fortitude to learn the answer to these questions, tune in tomorrow! Shame time! Shame channel!"

The Bros discuss Weird Al for a moment. 

 

• Special Guest Villain: Shame (Cliff Robertson)

 

• Entertain The People: 1
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Aurora, Disk Jockeys 
• Window Celebrity: 1. Jack Carter
  

 

 

Episode 62: Holy Trolls And Goblins!: October 16, 2022

Marsha's Scheme of Diamonds
November 24, 1966
"Hoping to obtain the Batcave's bat-diamond, Marsha searches for a new potion to use on the Caped Crusaders. Batman and Robin do some searching of their own and arrive at the criminal's hideout. But after Marsha douses them with her concoctions, the villainess seems to have a unique bargaining chip - two tiny caped toads - with which to gain Commissioner Gordon's help in locating the Batcave."
44 minutes

RD is Not Russo's Toady. That's Ed Ferrara's job!

Vince wants someday to compare Jones' Morticia to Yvonne de Carlo's Lily Munster. RD is much more familiar with The Addams Family, and he sometimes watches old episodes. Vince is looking forward to watch Halloween Ends. He saw Halloween II in theaters with one guy in full Michael Myers getup. RD recently saw Psycho at the Skyline Drive-In. 

Once again like last time the Narrator only has a few lines: "When last we saw the Caped Crusader, he was at the altar about to be married to the diabolical Marsha, Queen of Diamonds! Only the words "I do" stand between him and the bonds of wedlock!"

Before Batman has to stop stalling, (:09) he's saved by the wedding crashing of Alfred and Aunt Harriet. Although for some reason he's calling himself "Ethelbert Soames, solicitor at law with the firm of Soames, Stillwell and Thistlewaite, Liverpool, England." He hands Batman his business card which just says "There was no other way, sir" and explains that Batman is actually already married to Aunt Harriet justice Catwoman Bertha Mason "Miss Henrietta Tillitson of Morton in the Marsh, Gloucestershire".

Alfred Soames: "I mean that for the last seven years, she has been Mrs. Batman!"

He even has a wedding certificate (made in the Batprinter).
Clergyman: "Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?"
Batman: "It, uh, uh, it slipped my mind."
Battling the forces of evil can do that to the World's Greatest Detective, or so I hear.
Marsha: "Why, you two-timing Bat-Fink! How dare you leave a poor, defenseless girl waiting at the altar?"
Soames: "Not poor, I hope, madam. We are instituting a lawsuit for $1,000,000 for the alienation of the husband's affections."
This is apparently enough to get her and the Mogul out without actually looking into the certificate or actually asking the jilted woman who is just standing right there. It's not as if she is in a field where experts are constantly looking for any sort of imperfection or flaw in valuable items or anything (particularly with a lens or two). 

Batman does remember the unveiled Mrs. Cooper, and is grateful for the Elderly Duo's help. He says this loudly while still surrounded by eyewitnesses in the chapel.
Harriet: "Oh, I'm glad. I was afraid you'd be angry with us for stretching the truth the way we did."
Batman: "Not under the circumstances, believe me."
He asks for Alfred to join him in the Batmobile.
Alfred: "Certainly, sir. I've always wanted to ride in that ingenious vehicle."
They leave Harriet all by herself ("Bruce will never believe it when I tell him!"). The people outside throw rice at the happy couple who have to take a "Just Married" Batmobile. 

Back at the lair an unhappy Marsha wants to charm the Batcave's location out of Robin "before that Batbigamist partner of his shows up!" (:17) She only has Aunt Hilda for this since her goons are apparently stuck in traffic or something. Then an alarm goes off causing her and Mogul to leave for the basement for some reason, allowing Batman and Alfred to appear, force feed Robin (general all-purpose antidote) pills, and open his unlocked birdcage door. 

In the basement Hilda has turned her cauldron into a hot tub for her and her broom. She asks Marsha to consult her recipe book next to the buzzard's tongue.
Hilda: "I've been in dozens of bat caves, deary. They're very dull. Take it from me: when you've seen one bat cave, you've seen them all."

Robin only needed a few minutes to sleep off the charm, as he wakes up in the Batcave seeing the Batdiamond spin above his head.
Batman: "People call it many things, old chum. Passion. Lust. Desire. Avarice. But the simplest and most understandable word is Greed."
He has to explain to Robin that some collectibles don't have to be wearable. Also he was less resistant to the charm "due to the difference of a few years, old chum. An older head can't be put on younger shoulders." He then has no answer when Robin wonders about the far older Undynamic Duo. But there is one: they're just idiots. Gordon and O'Hara I mean, not Batman and Robin.

Using the Batradar "at the emanating frequency of diamonds" they can technobabble an elevation of -80. Gordon then calls from his office, once again thankful for being saved by his true love. Surprisingly they agree on a probable location. The Duo then get to the Batmobile as the Narrator again warns: "there are some mysteries that no man can solve!"

Gordon: "There is no mystery that man can't solve!"
For some reason Alfred is also there, most likely to be lauded for his earlier help, although he also reminds them that Aunt Harriet helped despite not being with them. O'Hara then suddenly remembers they forgot to call back their wives to try and explain whatever the hell they got up to. Alfred advises them to say they were in some confidential work.
Gordon: "Alfred, at the risk of sounding pompous: experience with women and experience with wives are two vastly different things."
Alfred, knowing he won't get anywhere with these two morons, leaves them to determine who will call their wife first. 

Back underground Hilda has something new whipped up just as the Dynamic Duo enter. Robin: "Holy trolls and goblins!"(:30) She promises to turn them into mice before throwing a potion to no effect. Marsha angrily calls her a hag before summoning her goons residing within the cauldron to fight the stunt doubles with some more conspiracy theory birdcages. 

Hilda has another concoction, so Marsha throws "diamond dozing gas", which seems to have an effect on the Duo. Hilda has a third that would metamorph them into toads. 

Fade to Gordon wondering how the Duo can handle women villains. Marsha then enters in an attempt to answer that question with a cage of two toads with small capes.
Battoad: "I'm afraid it's true Commissioner! We're right here! She got us!"
Marsha sits her cat Circe atop of the cage.
Robintoad: "Holy hors d'oeuvre, Chief O'Hara! Keep that cat away from us!"
She again demands the Batcave's location...from Gordon, who couldn't locate a thief right in front of him.
Finally the Duo get tired of having to ventriloquist from plain sight in the office (they were able to track the cage with their Batcomputer) and immediately defeat the also ventriloquist Mogul by dropping a window on him. Gordon charges Marsha with "one to ten years" if she doesn't escape within a month for good behavior. 

Batman: "I just hope it's taught you that diamonds aren't necessarily a girl's best friend, Marsha."
Marsha: "Oh Batman darling, you are so divinely square!" 

Vince decides not to rate Marsha, comparing her to Catwoman. Sadly Miss Jones' life was cut terribly short at 53 by colon cancer (why is it always cancer?).

As for Hilda she is sent to Garreg Mach Monastery Bruce Wayne's School of Home Economics to teach cooking. Dick complains of a wart on his...thumb. Bruce: "Well yes I believe it, but who else would? Hahahahaha."

 

• Special Guest Villain: Marsha (Carolyn Jones)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Scream Mask
  
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Holy Potential Polygamy Batman!
  

Episode 61: Holy Hypnotism!: October 9, 2022

Marsha, Queen of Diamonds
November 23, 1966
"Marsha, the Queen of Diamonds, is after the giant diamond that powers the Batcomputer. With her love darts, she puts both Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara under her spell (and into her custody). When the Dynamic Duo show up, they too are injected with her love potion, and Batman must agree to marry Marsha if he ever wants his friends to be returned."
58 minutes

RD Wants Marsha to Speak French. Would that make Vince Uncle Fester?

Vince: "I need this for your facials." He adjusts the camera downwards. RD likes Vince's enhanced shots so he can see all of his photos.

Narrator: "It's another sparkling day in Gotham City."

That's all he says. (:04)

The police are already at strength near a diamond store, led by Sergeant O'Leary, who's actually appeared on the show before. Vince temporarily forgets the name. O'Leary readies his men, including a Goldberg, to protect a Pretzel Diamond from a "diamond dizzy dame". His Irish compatriot O'Hara then shows up in a beautiful Silver Cloud. He is accompanied by our eponymous Queen of Diamonds (Marsha), who's exchanged her Morticia Addams gothic black for a rather odd white feathered hat.

O'Hara takes a knee to grovel "to bask in the light of your adorable presence", then leads her men to follow her inside. Within the jewelers lean in close with their loupes to closely magnify and determine their visitors are indeed who they are. Marsha: "No guided tours, darling." Unfortunately the Pretzel Diamond is regular shaped. 

O'Hara: "Alas, it's a pale thing besides your own beauty."
Marsha: "Lets take the rock and let the rhetoric go, shall we darling?"

The jewelers give them one paper bag to put the diamond in. O'Hara continues to worship Marsha to an unhealthy degree, even more so than if he was just drunk (again). 

In the Batcave the Dynamic Duo finish repairing the Batcomputer's Batdiamond battery, the first we hear about this. (:12) Otherwise getting a replacement would take six months "even with our giant hydraulic Batpress". Alfred answers the Batphone, but Batman is too lazy to walk ten feet to answer and instead receives it on the Batextension. RD wonders if there is a Supermanphone. Gordon expresses his concern for O'Hara's eccentric activity of late, as if this isn't just a common occurrence. 

As the Batmobile rockets to Gordon's office during the credits, O'Hara calls his direct manager from a birdcage hanging in Marsha's lair. Vince thinks it's part of a conspiracy, as proven by photos of the Beatles in head birdcages, or something. 

O'Hara pathetically begs Marsha to see him (and four other captive men) more than just once a week. She retires to a harem-looking room overseen by a "Grand Mogul", who reports that one of the men tried to commit suicide by throwing himself into an automatic dryer. On the bright side I'm sure his clothes are freshly clean. Marsha sets her sights on the 10,000 carat Batdiamond and plans to find the Batcave by firing "love darts" from a rotating Cupid statuette.

The Duo are at the office...but Gordon is not, having already gone for O'Hara. So they wait for further word. (:19) RD wonders why he didn't wait for more competent help. Vince blames traffic.

Somehow Gordon knows where the lair is, since he's laying the charm and professionalism that got him to become a major city police commissioner:
"Where is Chief O'Hara? What have you done with him, you diabolical Mata Hari? If you've harmed a single hair on O'Hara's head, I'll have you in jail for the rest of your life."
Marsha: "Oh, don't be tiresome, darling. Here, sit down next to me and relax."
Gordon: "Your hanky-panky won't work with me, young lady, I want O'Hara."
Of course a love dart changes his sexual fixations real quick. 

Yet even when Gordon calls the Duo in his own office, Batman immediately recognizes his charmed status.
Robin: "Holy hypnotism!"
They too somehow know where the lair is, which they rush to while Gordon gets a birdcage of his own. RD wonders where she got them from.
Vince: "Maybe they got them at a strip club, like we used to have on TNA."
RD: "You just told people 'go get me stripper birdcages.'"
Vince: "No, that order did not come from me."

Sadly we don't see Gordon be an actual footstool like he begs to become. RD explains human ball Daniel Bryan to Vince. He then argues with O'Hara over Marsha's affections

Down in the basement Marsha's Aunt Hilda mixes something in a giant cauldron and has some fun playing up being a witch since she was an ex-professor at Vassar. Vince thought she looked 45 despite her actress being 83 (and lived for 18 more years after that). Hilda has made her "very best batch" through a pound of "dugong blubber", but she needs something more potent for a bat's "strong resistance to occult powers".

Just then the Duo make their entrance.
Narrator: "Watch out Batman! The powers of darkness reside in this room!" 
Of course he wants none of her wily charms. Who does she think she is, Poison Ivy?
Marsha: "That's really rude!"
Robin: "Batman's never rude to a lady. BUT YOU'RE NO LADY!"
Batman: "She may not be a lady Robin, but she is a woman, and as such she deserves some courtesy."
Marsha: "That's very gallant of you."
Batman: "Let's dispense with the mutual flattery Marsha."
Then she shoots a love dart at him, which he at first thinks it's poison rather than a "disposition improver". Then he starts licking his lips and goes cross-eyed.
Marsha: "Don't try to fight it, darling. Relax and worship me."
He prefers to stand.
Marsha: "You mean you're not in love with me?"
Batman: "I'm not even mildly interested."
Marsha: "Carve them into camel food."

Cue a weak swordfight. While Batman does his best attempt at a Jordan Mechner impression Marsha suddenly gets the bright idea to shoot Robin instead. Batman wishes to stop if it will save Robin, but he calls her out on her charms and exploiting Robin's youth. She asks to get the Batdiamond...in person from the Batcave. Batman forbids entrance to 'strangers'.
Marsha: "What if I wasn't a stranger? What if I was...Mrs. Batman?"
Batman relents if it will allow Robin and the Undynamic Duo their freedom.

At Stately Wayne Manor a reporter announces the day's rapid events and marriage as Aunt Harriet watches braless and appalled. (:38) Alfred knows Bruce Batman isn't doing it of his own volition. Harriet: "There's skullduggery afoot!" They plan to help out as the Elderly Duo. 

Of course a church has already been found, even if it is a rather small one. A despondent Batman stares at the ground. The Grand Mogul has six rings that he can use for the vows. Marsha looks far better in her wedding dress.
Marsha: "I'll be perfectly happy to spend my honeymoon in the Batcave."
Cue some intense Bat eye-rolling.
Narrator: "Batman to become a henpecked husband?"
Mrs. Deal thought Marsha would probably make for a good spouse. Vince thinks otherwise. 

Narrator: "Mr. and Mrs. Batman? The Dynamic Duo to become a Trio? The Queen of Diamonds aims high! Find out tomorrow whether she misses...or Misses! Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, and hang on to your rice!" 

RD remembered how the cliffhanger resolved, yet even with not much to a plot loved the story overall. 

Vince remembers a street artist in Boulder who could fit himself in a 2-foot box. 

Zsa Zsa Gabor was actually originally intended to be Marsha, but no reason was given for why she didn't go through with it. She would appear as the series' last villain though. 

RD once had an overnight while on the tarmac (in Denver). 

Koko B Ware once did a squash while in a bad mood for some reason. He told Vince that Frankie was calling for help when he died. The WWF Clubhouse fan club had the reader pay to write for them.

The Bros' children have disagreements about wrestling. RD reminds Vince that he has friends, including Diamond Dan. Remember, you can call him at 317 335 4688. Again, that's 317 335 HOTT.

 

• Special Guest Villain: Marsha (Carolyn Jones)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Batman
• RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
• Vince Time Outs: 1
  
• Screen Captures: 1. RD
  

Episode 60: Holy Nuns!: October 2, 2022

The Joker's Provokers
November 17, 1966
"After a reworking, the Joker's magic box holds the power to alter time forward and backward. Batman and Robin learn of his plans to pollute the city water supply, and butler Alfred is sent to take over as security guard at the water works. Alfred nabs the box upon the villain's arrival, freezing him and his cronies in time, but unwittingly commits a dangerous error when he removes the box's key."
56 minutes

RD: Has Never Played Whist. Vince's wife had her birthday recently. He will take her for dinner after the recording.

Bruce Pritchard told Vince he once met Daisy Fuentes who had a crush on him. Not surprisingly RD is skeptical. Of Bruce, not Vince.

For a change, and setting the standard for future cliffhangers in the series, the Narrator spends all of 15 seconds telling us that the Dynamic Duo are in fact in a trap "when last we left" instead of what happened before that.

Joker just decides to leave "at this key point", but he leaves his goons behind.

Joker: "When it's over, and the Boy Wonder is properly waxed, let me know." 

Then the goons just leave anyway, having persuaded themselves that their boss was a good pal in helping them out. This leaves Batman alone in full reach of his utility belt, from which he throws a key to cog the machinery and free himself. Cue short skirmish with some of the other remaining goons, including a monkey flip.

A victorious Batman then goes to rescue Robin by pulling out a dummy model a 120 pound teenager with one hand. I wonder if he will tell tale of his strength to Superman. "I don't see you one handed carrying that obnoxious colleague of yours Jimmy Olson, old chum." 

RD thinks any other villain would have fit better for this scheme than Joker. 

:10 Back at the Batcave Robin compliments his swimming lessons helping him to hold his breath. Batman always keeps a spare key for the Manor in his utility belt. Vince wonders why he would keep a key belonging to Bruce Wayne if it was ever lost. Batman: "Always carry a spare key."

Robin: "We were kind of stupid there Batman to walk into that trap."
Batman: "Without danger, the game grows cold. Little is gained without risk." 

Alfred then has to help Aunt Harriet with her whist group lunch. RD could not get through a three minute video explaining how to play. Robin still wants to get back to Joker's location but Batman stops him. "Like Mohammad, we must wait until the mountain comes to us again." 

At the lair Joker hears of the Duo's escape, but he lets it go because the jewelled key has now made his box a time machine. He shows its power by speeding up and slowing down stock footage of walking pedestrians, a landing airplane, a baseball game, and for some reason "the handsome residence of Bruce Wayne". This is shown by Aunt Harriet about to enter Bruce's forbidden study before rewinding herself. Vince wonders if she would have picked up the Batphone if she saw it. 

Meanwhile in Gordon's office O'Hara is moving more drunk than usual. He also doesn't have any lines, which is probably a good thing. For the character, not the actor. 

Joker only plans to use his time machine against Batman mano a mano. His device is also made of much more esoteric ingredients "which must remain secret for the nuns, Ophelia." He plans to use it in town for a ransom. RD wonders why he just doesn't sell it directly for a much larger fortune.

Gordon calls Batman: "Our beloved metropolis seems to be in the grip of a strange spell. Someone - we suspect the Joker - is playing a devious trick with time, turning it backwards, forwards, faster, slower." 

Joker has also sent more cryptic words with an "O-H-O". Robin: "Well, it's a word composed of two Os and one H!" He guesses it is for water, despite it being H-H-O, leading the Duo to suddenly deduce that Joker will poison the water supply. And a "character resembling the Joker" was recently seen with a watchman of a storage reservoir. 

Batman: "As insidious a scheme as could be imagined. Extortion...via... time..." 

Suddenly Alfred interrupts: the watchman is in fact his twin brother Egbert (Pennyworth). "Remember Eggy, sir? As President of the Water Commission, you helped him get his job." The Duo allow him to go off to see him with the help of his "Alfcycle". It has a two-way Alfradio!

Alfred meets Egbert at the waterworks (:27), giving Napier an excuse to have lots of fun playing a wacky brother with a completely different accent. Eggy claims to have thrown out Joker. Alfred tells him that "millionaire Bruce Wayne" who gave him his job (ah, the benefits of nepotism) has asked Alfred to relieve his brothers of his duties for a bit.

Egbert: "I know exactly what I'm gonna do! Bubbles LaBleu at The Follies: that chick swings around like a king's playground!"
Alfred: "You know, if you happen to run into Tassles LaVerne at The Follies, make sure you say hello to her from me." 

Alfred takes his place just as Joker and crew and clueless Cornelia show up. He plans to dissolve some key shaped capsules in the water to "forever control the matter of time in Gotham City". They try to sneak in but knock over a easily lifted grate "waking" a now wacky talking Alfred. Vince thinks this is how criminals escape the prison. Eggy was actually bribed instead of throwing out Joker. All $5 worth. 

Joker offers Alfred a glass of water filled to the brim with capsules. "I hate to drink alone," Alfred says, before he pulls out a gun. "I ain't just talkin', brother!"   

The group actually does so, as Alfred takes the box to fiddle about with some reason. Joker finally realizes the man's not on his level, not even after a $5 bribe. Alfred pauses them all and plays more with the box, resulting in rewinding Cornelia into a 10 year old. 

He calls the Duo to come...and then messes with the box some more, so that the group is in play by the time they arrive. The resulting fight is another short one though, or else Alfred may have turned his employer into Batbaby or something. 

Batman: "Robin, take him to the Batmobile while I clean up the rest of this...debris."
Robin: "If you want to pollute any more water, you'll find plenty where you're going - up the river!" 

Then Aunt Harriet enters, not immediately recognizing Alfred for a few seconds: "I'm Miss Harriet Cooper, of Stately Wayne Manor, and you're our butler Alfred."
Alfred: "Sorry, baby!"
The Duo cover for him by planning to help take her home (due to her running out of gas).

Then Batman has to make with the explanation: Joker's secret ingredient is a drug that causes mass hallucinations when dissolved and activated in water. Which, again, is not something in Joker's MO. (Unfortunately for the writers, the Scarecrow would only make a return to the comics the next year.) Also, how would the drugs cover an entire landing airplane totally separate from the city? 

Batman: "How little do we know of time, Alfred. A one syllable word, a noun, yesterday's laughter, tomorrow's tears." 

The Bros agree there was not much to the story, let alone the Joker's odd placement in the scheme, and his trying to be a keymaster for some reason. (:38)

Cornelia's presence was an odd one; she didn't do much and the Joker didn't want her around cramping his style. Nevertheless Vince would give her a 10, but he settles at 9.75. Now let us hope he remembers her name. 

RD found her a quite attractive 8.5 Batpoles. RD still finds Pauline better since unlike Cornelia she wore the same sensual outfit throughout her appearance, even if Cornelia's purple outfit would later be repurposed by Batgirl. 

24 year old Kathy Kersh would be married to Burt Ward next year after their first divorces...for two years. She never remarried and her acting career would soon follow, but fortunately she successfully pivoted into real estate.

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [5] (Cesar Romero) [5]

 

• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Finally using the spare key.
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Gordon's office
  
• Screen Captures: 2. RD, RD
• Entertain The People: 1