The Cat's Meow
December 14, 1966
"The police believe Catwoman has gone straight; however, the villainess
has devious plans for her new voice-stealing device. After using it to
silence a TV talk show host and Commissioner Gordon, she sets about to
steal the voices of Wayne Manor's latest guests, British singers Chad
and Jeremy. Under the guise of a dance instructor, she enters Wayne
Manor to collect valuable information about its layout. Batman and Robin
pick up her trail when her cover is blown. But unknown to them,
Catwoman has a plan to destroy their minds and forever end their
crime-fighting career."
61 minutes
RD: All About BALDERDASH! Poppycock, I say.
Vince now has a cricket soundbite. Or a hamster in a wheel. it's hard to say.
It's 7 am (in Gotham, not when the Bros are recording), and in KGCTV (still in the West Coast instead of the canonical East Jersey and its W), Harry Upps is doing the morning show as a parody of Hugh Downs (of NBC's Today Show). Bruce is being interviewed (while Dick looks on) talking about his Foundation helping others through physical fitness. Harry interrupts to promotional consideration some umbrellas. Catwoman is seen as...the camerawoman as Harry immediately loses his voice. Dick reflexively starts wanting to investigate before Bruce quickly covers the microphone. He then covers it again just to be sure.
Vince likes drinking Gatorade.
They think it's the Penguin's doing, but then pieces of paper with Riddles (and/or bad Jokes) on them fall out of the open umbrella. Bruce knows Gordon will call for them soon since he watches the show instead of doing his actual job, so they quickly run off.
"Riddle": "What's black and white and full of fuzz?"
Bruce: "A zebra?"
The channel quickly cuts to the 'mid-day' creature feature that sounds like it would get a MST/Rifftrax treatment 50 years from now.
RD: "This is what I use my broadcast journalism degree for, kids."
Alfred is already on the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor: "he's taking his morning constitutional, I fancy." Vince thought he meant he was in the bathroom. Bruce takes over and asks Gordon to check on their main villains for him as they rush over during the titles.
At Gordon's office (:13), they note a "mild shocker" in the umbrella's handle that can mute someone. Batman: "This is a serious detriment for an announcer." Also the Riddler, Joker, and newly jailed Penguin are still imprisoned. For now anyway. Batman takes the umbrella for further analysis.
Gordon: "I don't believe there ever have been, or ever will be two such selfless people.
O'Hara: "Well they've certainly made my job a whole lot easier, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And mine. I think if I were to ask, Batman would give me the cape right off his back. [To the camera] What a man!"
He then gets visitors - Catwoman and her goons Kittens: Eenie, Meanie, Miney, and Moe. For once Gordon is happy to see her, thinking her rehabilitated enough to go into show business. The Co-Bros wonder what type of show business she would do. Well, she has had (positive) ties to burlesque over the years. But in her case it's singing: "it's so much safer on this side of the law: show business is such a rewarding profession." Vince disagrees. Gordon wants to her to perform at the Police Benevolent Society Ball. She reminds the already forgetful Commissioner to inform the Duo that she is free.
After she gives "a kiss to build a dream on" by striking a tambourine with her heel before leaving, O'Hara - O'Hara - expresses concern, but Gordon dismisses him. "I can tell a reformed woman when I see one, and there is a reformed woman!"
Her lair is Duncan's Dance Studio ("Walk in, waltz out") where she has a gigantic giant 'swing' taking up almost the whole room. Somehow Catwoman has stored Harry's voice in a box, confusing Eenie. Catwoman: "Eenie, sometimes I think you left your brain in San Francisco." She did it to throw the Dynamic Duo off their tail so they can steal enough for a lifetime's supply of catnip, "or I'm gonna give this entire world a severe case of laryngitis."
Neither Bro is a cat guy, unfortunately.
Catwoman then asks for "the popular singing duo Chad and Jeremy" who were actually quite popular during that time as part of the British Invasion. Nobody knows, so she gets to talk to Gordon. Eenie is not sure she can do that. Catwoman: "Let's put something straight: Catwoman is top dog around here, and let's not forget it, Eenie!"
Of course she gets Gordon and gets him to tell her they will be at Stately Wayne Manor, "the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne" because of course they will. She gives her word "as a lady and a scholar" not to tell anyone, before taking his voice over the phone. "No more pompous prattle from you!"
At Stately Wayne Manor, the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne, Dick answers a telemarketing call from a disguised Catwoman offering dancing lessons. He initially declines. Bruce is sitting nearby holding a giant antelope skull for some reason and tells him to learn something for upcoming prom: "we don't want you to be a wallflower Dick! Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education." Dick answers a "question" to "win" a visit ("Who painted Whistler's Mother?") and he is happy on winning something for the first time. Bruce leaves him to go "pick up a tube for the Batsound Analyzer."
Catwoman then shows up as Miss Klutz, once again an old lady like her last appearance. (:27)
Dick: "I'm sorry Miss Klutz, but I have no rhythm."
Catwoman: "Balderdash! Oh, if you'll pardon the expression, I'm a little out of breath now."
Noting the splendor of the Manor, she then starts having an allergic reaction to the dogwoods around. Her sneeze takes her in and out of the camera as Catwoman.
Dick: "Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!"
Aunt Harriet is so shocked she forgets to put a bra on. Catwoman uses her fainting to gas the room.
Cut to the Airport as Chad and Jeremy arrive and give a press conference.
Girl in attendance: "Oh, aren't they the most adorable twosome in the world?"
Other girl in attendance: "If you don't count Batman and Robin."
They play one of their songs on a 50 year old grammaphone while they make bad jokes. Thankfully Catwoman appears to stop them.
Sergeant O'Leary: "It's nice to see a responsible citizen like you for a change."
This makes her leave all of a sudden.
At the Batcave Batman has managed to revive the Manorhold with his Universal Drug Antidote, "otherwise they'd have been asleep for a week." Vince wishes he had some of the gas to use.
Robin: "Holy Rip Van Winkle! Poor Commissioner Gordon, he was completely taken in by Catwoman."
Batman: "Well, she's a very beautiful...very...enthralling woman, Robin. When you get older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."
They locate the Studio and speed off.
Meanwhile Harriet didn't have time to get a bra due to having tea with Chad and Jeremy. Quote they: "I didn't know this had made it to the colonies." They quip about messing up the place before making more bad jokes.
Back at the Lair Catwoman is in an..."enthralling" exercise position, as RD is made speechless. And he didn't even need his voice stolen! (:36)
This leads Vince to anecdote when he was in WCW: he did a similar gesture while on the road to icebreak his young protege Bill Banks...except he was naked. RD considers leaving the recording before he tries self-losing his voice.
Eenie: "Why don't you steal Batman's voice while you're at it?"
Catwoman: "Never! One of the few joys I have in life is when his rich manly
baritone caresses my ears with "Catwoman, you are under arrest." It makes everything worthwhile."
In the regular part of the Studio, Vince somehow recognizes well known actor Joe Flynn as dancing instructor Benton Belgoody. Someone exits wearing what white men in the 60's considered ethnic African clothing as the Duo enter.
Batman: "Citizen."
Of course Benton does not know who the Dynamic Duo are and mixes up their names. Robin tries to play the tough guy and demands Miss Klutz. (Ahem.) After Benton disregards him Catwoman appears anyway.
Batman: "Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and
intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than
harming them!"
Catwoman: "A bit of whimsy that escapes me at the moment, Batman."
Cue fight where Benton immediately gets knocked down. The other men all fight while Catwoman and Eenie watch.
Catwoman: "If he weren't such an old stick in the mud, I might let him live. But I
think I can handle Batman. It's just that Robin is all work and no play.
"
She considers giving Robin to her lady goon while she takes the Dark Knight for herself, but then she remembers Robin's youth. "At that age all they care about is baseball."
The Duo win the fight with a half-minute do-si-do, then block Benton as he tries to crawl away. He thus does the polite thing by taking his place with the fallen goons. He's a dance instructor though, he should know his steps.
Catwoman asks to makeup her face before surrendering, and Batman of course totally lets her without making sure she does anything underhanded. I guess since they were the sneaky ones last time this is a fair play turnabout or something. Catwoman thus incapacitates them with drugged claws.
Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into, but in this situation it's entirely app...app..appropo." (They pass out.)
They are thus deprived of utility belts and put in a glass echo chamber where any and all sound is magnified "ten million times" which technically isn't physically possible. She plans to Chinese water torture them with a drumbeat while staring at Batman's crotch.
Catwoman: "Your eardrums will be shattered. Shortly following that, your brains will be turned into *yak*! And then I shall return, and you can be mine forever Batman...well, I'll have to sacrifice your intellect, but with a build like that, who cares? After all you can't have one's cake and eat it too."
Narrator: "Zounds! What sounds! Will Batman be reduced to a handsome robot? But only to serve Catwoman? Is Robin to become little more than a cuddly teddy bear for Eenie? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!"
Vince still doesn't know what her plot is yet other than trying to seduce Batman.
Vince asks RD's advice on buying NFL Blitz.
- Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]
- Window Celebrity: 2. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn
- SPEAKING OFs: 3. Stately Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet, Things that should never be discussed again
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