A Piece of the Action
March 1, 1967
"The
Green Hornet and Kato come to Gotham City to stop a stamp
counterfeiting scheme, but the Dynamic Duo, unaware of their true heroic
motives, is out to stop them."
49 minutes
RD: More Ominous than Gum. Sad News: he misspelled the name. He was also confused by Vince saying it was a great story. He clarifies it was a great idea for this crossover. RD suggests watching the actual Green Hornet next time to compare, which was much more grounded than Batman. RD could only handle half an episode.
Narrator: "Midnight in Gotham City, the very dead of night. The Green Hornet and Kato outside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory? Something must be very much amiss inside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory for them to invade Batman's territory. A long way from home, indeed! And for a peephole to snap shut in their faces at midnight!"
Inside goons in pink overalls are overseen by a foreman with a balding head and curly mustache eating alphabet soup, and played by well known character actor and original Harry "Harcourt Fenton" Mudd Roger C. Carmel.
The Visiting Duo burst in, despite the "Keep Out" sign on the door.
Foreman: "That sign on the outer door, "This means you," means you."
They then gasses the Duo - wait; the Duo gas them - and stare around the place for a full one (1) second.
Hornet: "We saw enough, Kato. I think at last we've found what we've been looking for."
Transition to the same factory "in the rosy-fingered morn". The owner, a woman named Pinky Pinkston, enters with a poodle...dyed pink. Needless to say the crew didn't do a good paint job, and the poor dog looks as dirty as it is miserable.
Pinky asks the man about the visit, identified by her as Colonel Gumm and identified by RD as one of the worst villains of the show (even more than the Minstrel!). She decides to call Commissioner Gordon on this despite Gumm's protests. Cue Gordon loudly exclaiming "Whaaaaaat?"
Narrator: "While from a pink factory with a green intruder, we go to brick-colored Stately Wayne Manor and a red Batphone." (:12)
Dick and Aunt Harriet examine one of Bruce's newly acquired stamps, a Blue Boar, despite his concerns on the watermark. Alfred tells the men about the "red" phone. Bruce asks Dick to better inspect the stamp in his study as cover. Harriet reminds him he has a date with Pinky as he goes.
Sadly neither Bro checked to see if Harriet was packing.
Then the other 'normal' phone rings for Harriet to pick up. It's from Hornet as his civilian identity of Britt Reid, publisher of the Daily Sentinel newspaper (and also a multimillionaire, who'd have thought), and his cover for being in town is attending the "newspaper-publisher's convention".
RD: "Could you be at any place more boring?"
Vince: "The third hour of Raw?"
Unfortunately his fellow wealthy childhood friend (and business rival) is preoccupied with going down a Batpole, so Bruce will have to call him back later.
Narrator: "But while the Dynamic Duo head for Commissioner Gordon's office in double quick time, Britt Reid's making a little time of his own, or trying to."
He hears from Pinky over the phone that she is meeting Bruce, making him unhappy as it's during free time.
Pinky: "Why don't you join us, Britt? After all, Bruce is a friend of yours too."
Britt: "Not where you're concerned, Pinky. I thrive on rivalry."
NOW we cut to Gordon's Office, and the Commissioner complains to the Dynamic Duo that the Hornet is supposedly in town as per the episode's title.
Batman: "A piece of the action at the Pink Chip Stamps Factory. That seems strange. With this heinous reputation for high stakes, a cut of a trading-stamps factory would seem like somewhat of a comedown."
He thinks it may have something to do with the Gotham Gothic stamp, once owned by Pinky's late father Pincus (Pinkston), before it disappeared.
Gordon's secretary Bonnie then calls in to buzz in...Britt Reid. He's also very pleased to meet the Duo, especially as he's supposed to meet "mutual friend" Bruce later today.
Gordon: "We were just discussing a criminal, Mr. Reid, with whom you are no doubt familiar. The Green Hornet, from your own bailiwick."
Britt (giving a side-eye): "The Green Hornet? In Gotham City? Well, that shouldn't disturb you, Batman. Your name is legend among crime fighters."
Batman: "Legends are sometimes highly overrated, Mr. Reid."
Robin: "Maybe the Batcomputer can tell us a little more about our pea-green adversary."
The Bros guess that the heroes already know their secret identities. They are proved wrong.
At the factory Gumm reprimands one of his goons named Reprint for being slipshod in their actual work of counterfeiting stamps. (:20) Then they hear Pinky enter.
Gumm: "Whoops! There comes the pink primadonna. Down her private stairway! Look busy and honest!"
Pinky and her dyed dog (named Apricot) then enters to Marsha (Queen of Diamonds)'s theme, which RD did not care for in the slightest. She tells them she believes the Hornet is on to them. Then she leaves.
Gumm: "As you boys grow older and more experienced you'll find there's more than one way to skin a pink cat."
Vince thought he was referencing Catwoman.
In the Batcave the Batcomputer acts as if on the fritz in trying to determine the Hornet's identity.
Batman: "We overlooked one thing when we constructed it: a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
Robin: "Holy oversight."
Batman: "So we can't really blame our faithful friend here for failing to provide us with the clues we need about the Green Hornet. No human mind has solved the secret of our own duplicity. (To the Batcomputer?) Who, in reality, are Batman and Robin?"
After some grinding of gears it prints out a response: ""Cowled crime fighters. Real identities unknown.""
Batman: "The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
RD: "What store sells that?"
Vince thinks its the same one with all the prints. RD guesses RadioShack. Surprisingly there are some stores still operating, including one in nearby Rushville, Indiana.
Batman: "Now it's time for Bruce Wayne's lunch date with Pinky Pinkston...and Dick Grayson's session with his French tutor."
Robin: "French tutor?"
Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."
RD: "How many years of French is Dick Grayson taking?"
Vince: "A lot."
The date is somewhere RD has written down as a "lingerie show" with eight question marks. (:25) My guess would be some sort of cabaret club. Of course some of the women are all over Bruce and Britt, much to Pinky's consternation. The Bros mock her for her decision on location. The two men appease her in looking into what Hornet may get up to later, at the least. Satisfied she leaves - and so does Bruce, leaving Britt with the bill.
Bruce: "Pinky invited me to lunch, and you invited her. Thank you."
What a guy. Regardless the Bros think the men are good tippers.
Elsewhere in the place is Gumm who asks for alphabet soup.
Waiter: "The only alphabet soup we have is tomato, split-pea and clam chowder."
Gumm (suddenly with a British accent): "Oh, too bad. You colonials are still so uncivilized."
That "hilarity" aside, the men go to a stamp shop run by one Boris Sevaroff. Being one of them (a Soviet!), Bruce thinks he sold him a fake Blue Boar, which he uses to ask about the Gotham Gothic. He has no idea on the whereabouts either. But he waits for the two to leave to reveal that he is in fact also Gumm. He calls his goon Reprint to increase production.
Reprint: "You'll flip when you see my last batch of phony stamps! Not fuzzy at all!"
Only then does he turn his head to see Pinky having overheard him. Surprisingly despite having a cruelly treated dog she is in fact not part of the villains' group.
Narrator: "But Colonel Gumm isn't the only one who smells trouble as he ends Boris Sevaroff's day's activities. And Britt Reid begins the Green Hornet's evening intrigue."
In Britt's penthouse he and Kato wonder what to do with the Dynamic Duo after them.
Britt: "Well, to the world at large, they're known as the Caped Crusaders. Fearless crime fighters. Whereas, due to the nature of our operation the same world at large looks on us as criminals. Only a very few know different. So I'll turn my Hornet's Sting [his signature stun gun] to half maximum power. I don't wanna get careless and hurt Batman if we clash."
Kato: "Well, you always have your gas gun."
Britt: "Right. And nothing must stop us from gaining our ends."
Narrator: "So to the battlefield. And speaking of warfare..."
Pinky confronts Gumm about his scheming. He responds by locking her up in the office. "And then to make my big kill at the stamp exhibition tomorrow night!"
The Batmobile pulls up at the factory, with no sign yet of Hornet's own vehicle, the Black Beauty (a Chrysler Imperial Crown hardtop).
This absence lasts five seconds before they show up.
Batman restrains Robin from trying to rush the Visiting Duo, advising to first see what they may get up to. They observe as they again enter through the "This Means You" door asking for the episode title. Also Hornet totally knew Gumm was a very suspicious Russian.
So Gumm shows them an "enlarged perforating and coiling machine" of his own making. Of course the Visiting Duo stand too close to it to take a look, allowing Gumm to push them in.
Gumm: "You know my motto, boys. "Always stamp out evil.""
They then see the Dynamic Duo. "Let's give them a thorough pasting!"
Cue a somewhat prolonged fight with retirement-age stunt doubles which confuses the Duo enough to be beaten.
Gumm: "We've all heard how the Dynamic Duo sticks together through thick and thin. But this time, you're really stuck, Batman, on an undetachable glue pad. While the Green Hornet and his masked companion are being blocked, gummed, and perforated in that machine."
Batman: "You satanic, mad stamp man!"
Gumm: "Satanic, Batman? Who knows? But mad stamp man? Perhaps."
The other machine produces a very large 'rare' stamp of the Green Hornet.
Robin: "Holy human collector’s item!"
Gumm: "As soon as I tack up the other masked marauder, who is even now being perforated in that machine, then it will be your turns, Dynamic Duo. Yes, I know you've faced many deadly perils, and escaped in many devious manners, but you have never been so close to being completely stamped out as you are right now."
Narrator: "The Green Hornet and Kato blocked, gummed, and perforated, then thumb tacked to the wall as collector's items? Will Batman and Robin follow when they're detached from the undetachable glue pad? Don't stamp-ede! Stay close to your stamping grounds tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"
Vince found the episode confusing even for his tastes.
According to RD, Ms. Diane McBain as Pinky had previously appeared on a Mad Hatter story as his henchwoman Lisa (where she was rated 7.5 and 8 Batpoles).
(Speaking of appearances and speaking of people on Star Trek, one of the cabaret models was played by a Ms. Angelique Prettyjohn who is best known for The Original Series' The Gamesters of Triskelion, where Kirk had to talk his way out of a situation by a long-winded speech. Sadly she died of cancer at far too young an age.)
RD reminds Vince of using this here site as a reference. This assumes I can quickly do my part in a timely manner anyway. (Sorry about that.)
RD wrote about a fever dream of a TV show featuring Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
- Visiting Hero: The Green Hornet [2] (Van Williams) [2]
- Assistant Visiting Hero: Kato [2] (Bruce Lee) [2]
- Special Guest Villain: Colonel Gumm (Roger C. Carmel)
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. Insane detail
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