Episode 124: Holy The Dark Knight Leaves!: January 8, 2024

Minerva, Mayhem and Millionaires
March 14, 1968
"Minerva has been using her "Deepest Secret Extractor," disguised as a piece of equipment at her mineral spa, to discover where her wealthiest customers hide their valuables. With this info in hand, Minerva has been able to pull off a string of robberies with ease. When Batman and Robin's investigation is cut short by the villainess, butler Alfred goes undercover to help foil her criminal operations."
74 minutes

RD: Ready for Falconry and Spelunking. The Bros are sad they've reached the end of the original serie. RD didn't want to do another podcast after WWCR until Vince pitched him the idea. 

Vince received RD's Christmas gift of an Oscar Mayer hot dog roller and bun warmer. He thought he could only cook Oscar Meyer hot dogs with it. RD tells him otherwise.

Narrator: "A tranquil day in Gotham City. And what could be more soothing than a couple of hours in  Minerva's Mineral Spa?"

Since this is the end and the show may as well give everything it's got, the first thing we see is a bare-chested West getting a rub-down. One of the goons, a man named Adonis wearing a too small shirt with Adonis on the front, compliments Bruce's physique.
Bruce: "Oh, I try to keep pretty active with falconry and spelunking."
The Bros compliment the show for finally giving the "most imposing henchmen" on this last episode. Then Vince has to ask RD what falconry and spelunking are.

Bruce prepares to leave after putting on a shirt.
Narrator: "But for another millionaire not so pressed for time, the renowned scalp massage of Minerva, one of Gotham City's most beautiful and glamorous women, is about to produce some amazing results."
Much to RD's shock, Vince does not recognize this other guy, who is played by Executive Producer-Narrator William Dozier using his exact same voice. "I never take a beautiful woman at face value, Minerva." With the power of her "deepest scent extractor" he tells her where some of his money is stored to Minerva, still played by Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Minerva: "Atlas, put Mr. Dozier into my perfumed pressurizer."

Narrator (not yet pressurized): "And still another millionaire..."
This is (Non Executive Narrating) Producer Howie Horwitz, here playing a television producer. "I never hire method actors, Minerva. And I always ignore network executives." He too gets his money extracted before he gets perfumed. 

RD saw someone showing off their 13 inch Emerson Radio television on Facebook and wanted it so badly.

Bruce: "Minerva, after every visit to your spa, I always feel like a new man."
Minerva: "I feel like a new man too, Bruce."
He then sees a colleague named Sam, who is going to see some of the Wayne Foundation's diamonds next week. Minerva uses the distraction to steal his watch. Bruce "pretends" to wonder where he misplaced it as he leaves, as she gloats over how it can help her plans. 

When we come back from the titles for the last time Minerva meets with her goons: Adonis, Apollo, Atlas, Aphrodite - and of all people Freddy the Fence, last seen a year ago with Catwoman.

The Undynamic Duo and Barbara (here in a school bus yellow jacket) discuss the recent robberies and prepare to call Batman at the Office. O'Hara suddenly has a cane, supposedly due to straining his leg at table tennis. (Which knowing him he plays with Gordon, and any time he loses a point he drops onto his knees and cries out for Batman to come save him.)

At Stately Wayne Manor, Bruce gets a call from Minerva about his watch, but she will only give it to him personally as "a special treat". He hangs up just as Gordon calls - but Batman will help him after he goes sees Minerva with Dick.
RD: "Maybe he's not thinking booty before duty. Maybe he's thinking booty and duty at the same time."
I'm thinking something else entirely, perhaps as compensation for those times Bruce has cockblocked his ward.

Dick: "Gosh, Bruce. Would Minerva stoop to something like that?"
Bruce (lustily): "It's hard to believe, Dick. She's so beautiful and worth investigating."
Dick: "To the Batpoles?"
Bruce: "You to the Batpoles, Dick. I want you to take the Batmobile with a spare Batsuit for me. And I want you to meet me in the alley behind the spa. I'll take my own car and be sure and find you."

Unfortunately for Bruce instead of sex Minerva just offers him "a free Eggplant Jelly Vitamin Scalp Massage" which of course needs back to that extractor. Cue West giving a very shocked face as he "unknowingly" tells her the combination to his safe of diamonds. For his trouble she gives him his watch back, which is of course his secret communicator to Robin.

Out he goes, and in comes the Dynamic Duo for their own appointment. (:21)
Minerva: "Well, of course. Register for both yourself and your son."
Batman: "Although I'd be proud if he were, this is not my son. This is Robin, the Boy Wonder. I'm Batman."
Minerva: "Well, I'm so sorry, I couldn't recognize your face. But your physique was very familiar."

Of course they get a massage while still in their costumes. Minerva has her suspicions so she orders her goons to extra pressurize them with persimmon while she goes to the vault. 

Of course the Duo have towels over their costumes.
Robin: "Persimmon pressurizer? Holy astringent plum-like fruit."
Batman: "Only astringent until ripe, Robin."
The goons just...overpower the Duo, and take them to the pressurizer, which looks like but is sadly not the reused Joker's spaceship. RD wishes they had another small one for a Batsaucer. 

Narrator: "So mischievous Minerva pursues her malfeasant maneuver at the Wayne Foundation (cut to Minerva stealing the diamonds from a very much labelled Wayne Foundation Safe) while our fearless crimefighters face a fate usually befalling frozen foods."
Robin: "Holy human pressure cookers!"
Batman: "An apt expression, Robin. Too apt."

Then the villains return to find the Duo have just...gone. Minerva thinks them pressurized. 

Narrator: "But in the meantime, what's this? The pressurized campaigners alive? And heading into the Batcave on the double? Where a vastly relieved Alfred awaits them."
Thankfully the Duo just used their "Steam-Neutralizing Bat-pellets" to off-screen escape. Batman asks for Alfred's help, which for some reason surprises the latter. 

Sudden cut to Minerva taken for questioning to the Office on suspicion of pressurizing the Duo. Sure enough, the Duo appear, asking where she got her men.
Minerva (appalled): "I don't pick up men, men pick me up."
She has to go to meet her latest mark "dear old friend Lord Easystreet" for an appointment and (without Barbara around) Gordon doesn't even bother to hide his salivating over her as he escorts her to the elevator.

Gordon: "Ah, Barbara. Minerva, my daughter."
Minerva: "Hello. Goodbye."

Barbara hears the Duo were in danger, which for some reason surprises her.
Batman: "Chief O'Hara, I know someone who bears a striking resemblance to Lord Easystreet."
O'Hara: "Gosh, yes. So you do, Batman."
Of course Batman has someone in mind to take Easystreet's place for his "appointment". Barbara already has a distraction in mind, luring him to a different library than our main one for a book he was looking for. And he can't afford to hire someone to go and get the book for him despite his earlier being mentioned as "the world's richest man". Yes, even richer than Millionaire Bruce Wayne. 

Gordon pops back in and yes, he is still salivating (over Minerva, not Barbara). "What a charming and
beautiful lady Minerva is. We should all be ashamed of our suspicions." He then gets the call of the diamond robbery. "I must try and get in touch with Bruce Wayne."
Batman: "Oh, you mean Millionaire Bruce Wayne? I believe he's out of town for the day."
O'Hara: "Now, who is that man who bears such a striking resemblance to multimillionaire Lord  Easystreet?"
Batman: "Coincidentally, it's Millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler, Alfred."

Immediate jump cut to the Spa as disguised Alfred arrives. (:30)
Minerva: "You're a little bit thinner and little tiny bit older."
Alfred: "Well, the years have a way of catching up with us multimillionaires, Minerva, just as with the common people."

Meanwhile the Duos have gone to the vault.
Gordon: "Batman, how could you have opened a vault to which you didn't know the combination in three seconds flat?"
Batman: "With my Three-Seconds-Flat Batvault Combination Unscrambler, Commissioner."
Gordon: "Amazing."
Batman immediately guesses it's Minerva's doing...and right now she's with Alfred, who might know a thing or two about some secret identities.
Robin: "Holy skull tap."
Batman: "To the spa!"

Narrator: "While at this very minute, Barbara Gordon has had a similar hunch, has made her challenging change into Batgirl, and is off to do her bit for Alfred aboard the Batgirl-cycle."
Said change is just Batgirl looking at herself in the mirror.

She arrives just in time before Alfred can say anything revealing, leading to a rather anemic fight. The Bros can see why her fighting style is smiling kicks when her punches are rather weak. The goons quickly overcome her. Minerva orders them to put Batgirl and Alfred into the pressurizer while they flee, since Freddy (remember him?) has already run off while being able to sell the diamonds. 

It is then that the Dynamic Duo appear, and for this last fight West and Ward actually do some work alongside their doubles. Alfred hits someone with a flowerpot. The enemies take a quadruple chair shot. The pressurizer is quickly disabled.

Alfred: "I must say, Batgirl, it was rather fortunate that this thing short-circuited before I divulged my - our little secret."
Barbara: "Yes. I'd say it was too, Alfred. (Imitating Minerva) Dahling."

Minerva is quickly apprehended alongside Freddie. "I told you, Minerva, it is not easy to fence famous diamonds."
Minerva: "Easier than to try to fly without wings, Freddie. How divine. I'm going to make Gotham State Prison the world's most elegant spa."

 

And once more Batgirl has vanished.

 

Robin: "What happened to Batgirl?"

 

Batman: "Who knows, Robin? Who ever knows?"

 

And on that randomness the series just...ends. No denouement at the Office or Manor. Just a transition to the credits.

:36 Vince guesses Gabor was 35 years on filming. She was 50. Both agreed she looked great and give her 7.5 Batpoles. Vince guesses she was married six times. It was nine. She was actually considered for the earlier roles of Zelda the Great and Marsha Queen of Diamonds. Minerva was actually considered for Mae West, who could not do it due to filming the infamous fiasco Myra Breckenridge. 

And thus the time has come to finally rate Batgirl. Vince guesses 25 to 28. She was 30. Yvonne Craig of course did a few more roles in the 60s and 70s, including a rather well known green skinned Orion over on Star Trek. The Bros rate Barbara 7.5 (Vince was not a fan of her short hair), and Batgirl 9 (RD quite liked her outfit with the red hair).

The Bros also retroactively rate Julie Newmar at 10. 

:44 With the show now over and done with, the Bros have some more rankings to do.

• For best trap Vince has Joker's giant clam. RD has Catwoman's giant coffee cup (as witnessed by over 100,000 people)
• For best femme fatale RD has of course Pauline and Florence of Arabia. Vince goes with Pauline again, having at least remembered her name for the first and last time. 
• For most underrated villain Vince has King Tut, with Shame as an honorary mention. RD has King Tut, Bookworm, Egghead, and the still scary False Face. 
• For worst villain Vince has Londinium's worst of Lord Ffogg and Lady Peasoup. RD has Louie the Lilac above just about everyone due to how lackluster Milton Berle was going through the motions. 
• For best villain Vince looks on the Big Four: Catwoman, Joker, Penguin, and Riddler. From them he chooses Penguin due to Burgess Meredith's commitment to the part in even the smallest detail. He is followed by Cesar Romero, then Julie Newmar, and then Frank Gorshin due to his limited appearances. RD has Catwoman chosen on a coin flip with Riddler, then Joker, and then Penguin.
• For best recurring character RD has Alfred even though he doesn't really know why (other than liking the character), then Gordon, then O'Hara. Vince has Gordon (groping of Barbara notwithstanding), then O'Hara due to being more colorful than Alfred. 
• Aunt Harrier was most likely to not wear a bra.
• Warden Crichton is forgotten for his worst reform system, as he should be.
• Also forgotten is Mayor Linseed. To be fair, so did most of Gotham's mayors over the years. 
  
• Surprisingly Bonnie didn't appear in person as many times as thought (although the Bros think she was only seen once).
• For favorite episode Vince has surfing with Joker (with RD) and boxing with Riddler. Both agree it was hard to choose.

RD told his wife he has considered leaving wrestling due to all the divides and hatreds within the industry. (:55) He just wants to enjoy the spectacle without being forced to know all the nuts and bolts behind it. Vince would do anything to leave it because he finds little interest in it anymore, but he's conceded that at his age it is too late to happen. He bemoans the current state of everything being watered down by a lot of average/mediocre work.

At least RD still has the Arcade that he's redecorating for the Superb Owl. 

That being said, Vince and RD still need each other, so you can be sure they'll have another show in the not too distant future. And you can be sure that I will be there to cover it.

God help me. The worst is yet to come!

 

• Special Guest Villain: Minerva (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

 

• Window Celebrity: 2. William Dozier, Howie Horwitz 
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. An off-screen escape one last time.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Catwoman
• RD Time Outs: 1 (Real Quick)

Episode 110: Holy Feet!: October 2, 2023

Surf's Up! Joker's Under!
November 16, 1967
"The Joker plans to become the king of surfing, hoping the fame will give him control over the hearts and minds of Gotham City. He captures top surfer Skip Parker, then uses his "Surfing Experience & Ability Transferometer" to transfer the needed skills and stamina from Skip to himself. When all the other contestants drop out of the upcoming surfing match, Batman steps up to challenge the Joker's supremacy."
50 minutes

Vince had to watch AEW Dynamite for the first time in three years, much to the chagrin of RD: ANTIQUE BEACHCOMBER and his surfing Batman and Joker shirt. It was a toss-up to Vince.

Vince also wonders why a surfing episode would air in the middle of November.

Narrator: "Surf's up at Gotham Point, and all the local surfers are shaping up for the forthcoming world surfing championships. Here's Skip Parker, local surfing idol and the hottest wave jockey around riding  out the soup to join his current beach bunny, Barbara Gordon."

Barbara's swimsuit is very pleasing to the Bros, especially in publicity shots.  

RD still owns YvonneCraigBikiniParty.com. He had told Vince of his purchase the last time he was on the old radio progrem.

Barbara and Skip flirt with each other.
Narrator: "But a fast surf isn't the only thing at Gotham Point that's hairy this morning! Not with this jesting jackstraw, the Joker, on the scene!"
A beach version of Joker's theme plays as he uses his hot-dog transmitter to coordinate his goons (Rip Tide and Wipe Out) kidnapping another surfer named Hot Dog Harrington. He then flirts with his own lady Undine, RD was mesmerized by her look. Vince noted she had a very flat stomach.

Joker sends Undine to get Skip by...walking up to him to tell him he has a phone call. Skip takes one look at her and decides to follow her, much to Barbara's surprise.
For this betrayal Joker gasses him.
Joker: "We'll run him into the Ten Toes Surfboard Shop and get all his surfing secrets out of him. Then after I've gotten rid of Batman and Robin for good, I will rule the waves. Me, the Joker, king of the surf and all the surfers. Then Gotham City. Later, the world!"

Barbara calls Gordon, who calls the Duo. (:15)
Bruce: "Alfred, alert the Batcopter port. To the Batcave."
Dick: "COWABUNGA!"

Cue obvious stock footage of the Batcopter with two people who look nothing like the Duo or their regular stunt doubles. Robin looks way too muscular, even more so than Batman.
Narrator: "And so the forces of law and order converge on Gotham Point by air."
Robin (badly dubbed): "If we land on the beach, Batman, we might hurt someone."
Batman (badly dubbed): "And cause undue attention, old chum. We'll set down in Pelican Cove, just north of Gotham Point and walk down the beach just like ordinary people."
RD: "Also because we have no footage of the Batcopter landing in any sand."

The Undynamic Duo are already there in beach shorts, cheap sunglasses, and floppy hats, as Duke and Buzzy.
Gordon: "Well, most true surfers are known as Duke, Skip, Rabbit, or Buzzy."
They see a woman with green hair dancing to a performing band singing a song about a woman with brown hair. Then a trash can nearby them starts shaking.
O'Hara: "Buzzy, I think this trash can's trying to tell us something."
Gordon: "Nonsense, Duke. It's an echo of the surf."

RD: "This is all I ask. Could the US government let us know at the beginning of each year just send out a pamphlet: here are the terms we're no longer allowed to use? That way I, as an old white man, can make sure I'm not offending anyone."

Gordon and O'Hara Buzzy and Duke go to the Hang Five, Hot Dog Harrington's hangout, followed by the Duo. The staff immediately calls them "gremmies".
Robin: "No compliment. Beach bums. We should have worn our baggies."

Barbara had gone to change into Batgirl the Library, but told them to watch the woman behind the counter, who is Undine.
Batman: "You mean the one talking to her hot dog?"
Undine (on her hot-dog communicator): "They are sitting with a couple of antique beachcombers who  were asking some questions about Hot Dog Harrigan."

Joker tells her to leave them be for now, as he shows captive Skip his "Surfing Experience and Ability Transferometer: all your surfing know-how will be drained out of you and transferred to me. And don't forget to switch on the Vigor Reverser, so that all his youthful energy will be pumped into my blood and bones!"
RD: "This is quite the episode."

As if that weren't odd enough, the Duo go back to the Batcave just so that Alfred can show them pictures of feet.
Alfred: "I thought these new illustrated Batslides might prove a bit of a novelty, sir."
Robin: "Holy ten toes."
Batman: "A cryptic comment, Robin. The Ten Toes Surfboard Shop has been closed for some time. The most appropriate hideout for Joker and a hostage. These Batslides are more than a novelty, Alfred. I've learned more in the past minute from these two naked feet than we learned at Gotham Point in one hour. Although we left Buzzy and Duke out there to follow up."
Alfred: "Buzzy and Duke, sir?"

By then Joker has absorbed all of Skip's...surfing power.
"The Surfing Championship of Gotham Point in the palm of my pig board! Oh, the prizes, the honor! The envy, respect and adulation of all the local surfers! Where I go, they will follow! What I want, they will provide! And what I want is Gotham City to plunder and to pillage! And that is what they will provide!"
He orders his goons to put Skip in a dresser drawer. Undine warns him that the two antique beachcombers are "fuzz". Also the Duo have returned to the area, this time in Batmobile.
Joker: "Oh, exquisite. Their tricks for tracking me down have always been clever. But this time I will outsmart them. They will no doubt come through that window. You have the poisonous sea urchin spines, boys?"

Batman: "Ready?"
Robin: "Never ready." 

So the two break in straight into a spray of spines. 
Robin: "Holy pin cushions!"
Batman: "Obviously spines from a sea animal of the echinoderm family, Robin. Quite painful. Potentially lethal. But the poison can be counteracted if we immediately soak our bodies in hot water  and Epsom salts."
Joker: "Oh! Too bad, Batman. But we've just ran out of hot water and Epsom salts"
Batman: "Then I think we've almost run out of time."

Joker ties the two to boards to process them to become...surfboards.
Robin: "Holy human surfboards!"
This definitely deserves a cliffhanger, and by cliffhanger I of course mean commercials. 

Somehow the goons oversee the Duo enclosed into two rather thick surfboards with a coat of catalyzed resin, while their boss goes to the surfing competition. They know they've done their job when the boards suddenly explode, revealing the unscathed Duo.
Batman: "Catalyzed resin is a highly combustible mixture. All I had to do is activate this portable ultraviolet Bat-Ray from my Utility Belt to set off the explosion that released us from our foam blank  coffins."
Also the explosion dissolved the spines. And somehow their poison which is probably still within the Duo's bodies. Because that's how things work here.

Anyway the Duo find some sandy footprints that lead them to the drawer where Skip is. He leaves to go find Barbara (and apologize to her for ditching her for another woman). 
Batman: "Robin, hop a cab or take the subway to Stately Wayne Manor. Take Dick Grayson's car and head for the beach. Batman, in his showdown with Joker, will need the help of Bruce Wayne's youthful ward. Plus his surfboard."

Narrator: "And so the showdown approaches as Batman and Dick Grayson rendezvous at Gotham  Point." (:32)
Dick "arrives" and leaves his surfboard outside the Hang Five, red with a white stripe. Inside Joker is regaling the people on his surfing tales. Batman challenges him for the surfing title.
Joker: "It's too late, Batman. The entries are closed."
Dick: "Correction, sir."
Joker: "Correction? You dare correct me? You immature mollusk!"
Dick: "I'm Millionaire Bruce Wayne's youthful ward, Dick Grayson. Mr. Wayne's president of the Gotham Point Surfing Association and in this case I can speak for him. I'm entering Batman in the surfing championships."
Batman: "Shall we go into the men's locker room and put on our baggies? Excuse me, citizens."

So Batman and Joker put swim trunks over their regular outfits. 

The two will also be judged on their sportsmanship. Joker: "Sportsmanship?" The two get their boards, and of course Batman has Dick's red with a white stripe a yellow surfboard with the Batlogo. Barbara finally appears in her swimsuit to watch.

And so Batman and Joker surf in front of a green-screen.

While West would write that he thought this was the lowest point of the series, to RD it's his favorite. He always watches it whenever he needs a pick-me-up.

And of course Batman still has and uses the Shark Repellant Bat-Spray.

Despite all this, the production still had two other doubles actually surfing. This is never expounded upon. 

Joker rushes out of the (relatively calm for surfing) waters first proclaiming victory, and of course the two are completely dry.
Dick: "I've tallied all the judges' points. You got one. For being the more colorful surfer. (That was not part of the judged criteria of course.) Batman got all the rest including 50 for avoiding a dangerous hazard, a shark."

Buzzy and Duke finally remember there's a moving trash can, which they should probably check. Inside is Hot Dog Harrigan. Joker uses this to bail. Batman asks Dick to find Robin "the Boy Wonder" (forgetting he's now the Teen Thunderbolt). 

Dick finds the locker room - at the same time as Barbara. They both change separately. Then they come out of their adjacent changing stalls. Somehow this confuses the two.
Batman, Buzzy, Duke, and the villains all arrive so we can have our fight. Robin does a leapfrog. Joker still has an awful looking stunt double. Batgirl continues to kick and smile, and vanishes immediately afterwards. 

Batman: "He's all yours, gentlemen."
Joker: "Gentlemen? These two hodads?"
Gordon: "Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara to you, Joker."
O'Hara: "Cowabunga. (Beat) Begorra."

Barbara reappears (perhaps to recover her swimsuit), having passed by Batgirl earlier. "Are you all right, Skip?"
Skip: "I will be as soon as they hook me and the Joker up to that Reverserometer and reverse it."
Robin: "Cowabunga."
Batman: "Begorra."

Back the Office they note Skip's returned to normal and Joker is behind bars for now. 
Batman: "I think these two crime-fighters better call it a day."
Robin: "Let's call it a week, Batman. And really get some sleep."
Batman: "Agreed, old chum."

Narrator: "But just how much rest do the Dynamic Duo have coming? For what startling new crime wave has already begun across the sea from Gotham City? Who are these two new conspirators? Batman and Robin haven't the foggiest notion, but they'll travel 3000 miles to tangle with these treacherous twigs of aristocracy and wind up on the maddest manhunt of all time in that great metropolis of the old world: Londinium. Don't become fogbound! Watch the next episode! Cheerio!"

This would be the season's only three-parter, which is so bad RD sets to review them all at once next recording. It is such a stark contrast from this story, which he considers one of his favorites. And it only needed a half-hour!  They noted everyone was having a fun, especially Hamilton and Repp's beach misadventures. To them it was a encapsulation of a typical Batman episode.

Sivi "Undine" Aberg had been in the show before: she was Mimi, one of Chandell and Harry's trio of ladies. The Bros had given her 8 Batpoles then. Vince gives this appearance 8.5. RD gives 8.75, "basically the same as a 9". Sadly there is still nothing new about her online in the year long gap of reviews. 

RD wrote about the time during Vince's WCW tenure where Bam Bam Bigelow was counted out against Brian Knobbs in a No DQ Falls Count Anywhere match. Even Vince admits it was "ridiculous".

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [9] (Cesar Romero) [9]

 

• Screen Shares: 2. RD, RD
  

Episode 104: Holy Non Sequiturs!: August 21, 2023

The Sport of Penguins
October 5, 1967
"The Penguin teams up with parasol collector Lola Lasagne. Together, they plan to rig the upcoming Bruce Wayne Handicap to make a fortune from Lola's prize racehorse Parasol. They break into Glu Gluten's Glue Factory to steal a condemned horse, planning to switch horses before the race and make their money by betting on the real Parasol. When Batman, Robin, and Batgirl catch up with them at the glue factory, Penguin sneaks outside and plasters the Batmobile with a sticky glue."
70 minutes

RD: GOIN TO GLUE FACTORY knew it was Hulk Hogan's 170th Julie Newmar's 90th birthday recently.
Vince: "Oh I thought you were gonna say "probably better than Sunny in an orange jumpsuit.""
RD: "She looks exactly like Shelly Winters when she was Ma Parker."
Vince still feels a bit bad for the young woman he once worked with.
RD retells the time he and Blade once met Tam at a convention before things happened as they did.

Speaking of things happening as they did, RD finally saw Extreme live. Gary Cherone recognized his Batman '66 shirt that he is also wearing here. Vince brought up Jimmy Fallon and Jack Black parodying More Than Words: "Let me put it to you this way: it's gonna be ten times better than the episode we just witnessed." (:15)

Narrator: "Gotham Park Racetrack, the day before the Bruce Wayne Foundation Memorial Handicap, where two fancy fillies are meeting the press: a high-spirited horse and her proud-spirited mistress."

The Racetrack is an actual outdoor shoot (at Los Alamitos), a rare sight this season due to budget. The horse is named Parasol and her owner is named Lola Lasagne, a major player in "shower sticks" i.e. parasols. (:23) To Parasol: "Shape up, Parasol. Looks and your legs are all we've got left."

Narrator: "But what's this strange bird doing in the royal surroundings of a queen of the turf and the sport of kings?"
Penguin waddles up, grabbing the umbrella from her hand, and then waddles off.
Lola: "You waddling bird!"

After the titles, Pengy next enters the City's one (1) Public Library to break open a case to reveal the book inside.
Barbara: "What is this? You can't just barge in here cut open a locked case, and walk off with a priceless folio of famous parasols."
Penguin: "Why not?"
She tries making a "tax-paying" citizen's arrest, calling up her "beloved father" that he's already met just a couple of weeks ago. He uses the opportunity to flee, leaving behind a ticking umbrella.

As it just so happens the Duo are also in the Office. The Bros think they were having lunch.
O'Hara: "Brazen bird! I'll wager there's a connection between this and that parasol he stole from Lola Lasagne today at the racetrack."
Gordon (suddenly appalled): "You wager, Chief O'Hara? A public servant and upstanding chief of police betting?"
O'Hara: "Uh, can I call it a hunch, Commissioner?"

The Duo rush over to the Library with a Bat-Shield.
Robin: "Haven't you some Anti-Percussion Asbestos Bat-Flax in your utility belt?"
Batman: "No time for that now, Robin. Let's get this offending article out into the corridor and under the Bat-Bomb Machine."
The umbrella explodes (off-screen of course), but thankfully the Duo are unharmed.
Batman still remembers Pengy's attempt to marry Barbara, and his thinking again of Batgirl makes his heart all aflutter. The Duo leave to consult the Batcomputer. 

Narrator: "While in Penguin's bookshop, or to be more accurate Penguin's bookmaking shop..." (:31)
Penguin takes bets over the phone, and of course he does it in person to directly link himself to any potential crimes. Lola comes in for her parasol, which he uses to know she is actually Lulu Schultz.
Penguin: "I knew you when you'd steal the braces from other kids' teeth."
Lola: "While you stole their teeth."
Parasol (her horse), is her one thing from her three week marriage to 80 year old South American billionaire Luigi Lasagne. She even had to sell her parasols. So she was hoping to win the race tomorrow. Unfortunately Pengy has to break it to her that it is a charity race, for the Bruce Wayne Memorial Foundation. Is there any other kind in the city?

In the Batcave the Duo and Alfred somehow link parasols to horse blankets. Vince wonders if they were involved by the pre-credits scene of the Penguin at the racetrack. The Batcomputer's "Bat-Correction Signal" then prints "Lulu Schultz" which they somehow link to "Glu Gluten's Glue Factory." Even Vince can't explain that.
Robin: "Holy non sequiturs!" 

As soon as the Duo leave in the Batmobile Alfred immediately calls Barbara to tell her.
Barbara: "But how did you her of it?"
Alfred: "Actually, I overheard it. The Dynamic Duo were to be dinner guests at Stately Wayne Manor  tonight."
RD: "He's only known this girl for a couple of weeks. He's already trusting her with this?"

Barbara: "Charlie, I thought I was going to spend a quiet evening with you. Instead, I'm off to Glu Gluten's Glue Factory."
Narrator: "Once more, from Barbara Gordon, librarian and police commissioner's daughter,to that dominoed daredoll Batgirl in a matter of seconds!"
RD thought she looked good in a pink dress. Vince wonders how her hideout would not be discovered since she lives in an apartment complex instead of a stately manor. RD thinks she should have had Alfred help her with building it. 

At the lair, Penguin decides to get Parasol to swap appearances with another horse and make money off the long odds of disguising him as a long-shot dark horse. Pengy volunteers his own horse with a dash of white paint on the mane. He then hears over the radio of the Duo handling his bomb in the Library, infuriating him.
Penguin: "The Dynamic Dunderheads! Faugh! Double faugh! Triple faugh!"
Lola: "Why are you so anxious to bomb the library?"
Penguin: "No, not the library, somebody in the library. Somebody who had the miserable taste to turn down an offer of marriage from me."
Lola: "You, Pengy, scorned by a woman?"
Penguin: "It's incredible, isn't it? Well, let's get back to the horse-switching before those caped  crumbums get on my tailpiece again."

As part of their plan the two go to the glue factory (as the Trio make their own way there). The place has a dizzying array of glues, including fish glue. RD tried looking it up and for some reason didn't find much. What search engine he was using? (My guess is AltaVista.)
Glu Gluten is actually there in person, telling the two that horse glue isn't actually made from actual horses as much nowadays. However he does keep a spare "in case of emergency."
Penguin offers to buy "this four-legged thing with a long nose" for "nothing down and a little a week. Don't you know anything about the economic structure of this country? It's always nothing down and a little a week. That is the cornerstone of our financial security."

The Duo catch up to watch things go down (still legally for the moment).
Batman: "But planting a time bomb in a public library is a felony."
They try crashing through the window - and get stuck as they both try to go through at the same time. Also they're barely six inches off the ground. 

Penguin: "Drat! Double drat! Triple drat!"
Batman: "Expletives will get you nowhere. ... What other whimsical pranks are you and your charming conspiratress up to?"
Penguin orders Lola to run with the horse to the racetrack before siccing his goons for the fight. They show their prowess by tossing Robin up and down like a cheerleader. Also the glue factory had a trapeze for some reason.
Batgirl ties up the goons but Penguin escapes with a bucket of "library glue". RD tried looking that up too and of course found nothing.

Batgirl: "I pray for the day when Gotham City's safe from such mocking mountebanks."
Batman: "Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl. But one thought intrigues me. How did you know Robin and I might be in trouble with Penguin in this glue factory?"
Batgirl: "Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman: a woman's  intuition."

Penguin uses the Duo's distracted by Batgirl's vanishing to paint library glue all over the Batmobile seats and tires.
Batman (smitten quoting her theme song): "She's gone. Like a shadow. Like smoke. Like a shooting star. Who knows where she goes? Who knows where she comes from? Who knows who she is?... We must allow her her anonymity and freedom of action as we demand ours. Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting."
Vince wonders if Barbara is around Dick's age. RD reminds him she just graduated college while Robin is still high school, so there would be a four year difference between them at least. That would be enough to make her his ward too.

Glu: "Nothing down, nothing a week. A nothing factory. What a deal."

The Duo hop into the Batmobile to get back to the Batcave and of course get stuck to the seats. (:51)
Robin: "Holy mucilage!"

The two villains are back at the lair having managed to paint the fake horse.
Penguin: "You switched bangtails at the track, and this hay burner is the real palooka."
Lola: "The real Parasol, Pengy. And I wish you wouldn't call her a bangtail, a hay burner or a palooka."
Naming their new horse Bumbershoot, Penguin now has to explain to his fellow criminal how betting works. But they still need money first to wager. Pengy decides to go back to the Library, steal the book on rare parasols, and sell it on the black market.
Lola: "Go get it, right now."
Penguin: "No, no. The library isn't open yet."
Lola: "Since when has that ever stopped you?"

Narrator: "Is Lola right? Can't Penguin be stopped? Is he really stealing a priceless folio to finance his crooked coup with the Dynamic Duo pasted to the Batmobile outside the glue factory? And Barbara Gordon, minus Batgirl's trappings, asleep in her apartment? Or is she?" 

Barbara is woken up by the Emergency Library Prowler Signal, which she informs her father about.
The Duo manage to return to the Batcave, apologizing to Alfred since the Batmobile's Library Paste Bat-Dissolving Switch also got stuck.
Robin: "Look Batman, the red phone." (Emphasis mine.)

Narrator: "But are they all too late? Will Penguin and Lola succeed in pulling off the foulest race-fixing scheme of all time? For more, tune in the next episode."

 

...

 

This is the type of cliffhanger we have been reduced to this season. 

Vince wonders if they were trying to save money on "traps", so we got what everyone agrees is the worst cliffhanger ever: people just standing around as a phone rings.

The next episode title doesn't even rhyme.  

Through his archaic search engine RD found his birthdate (January 12th) was the most popular. He shares it with Vince's father. September is the most popular month overall. 

RD wrote about Eric Bischoff (with Matt Hardy) beating the Young Bucks with two karate kicks. Of course it was TNA, why do you ask?

Speakinf of Hardys, Jeff had a Gooker nominee Texas Chainsaw Massacre match (against other Jeff Jarrett). AEW didn't even get paid that much! (Only $100,000 which Tony Khan will donate to Maui relief after much backlash.) Vince got a laugh at a chainsaw wielder just deciding to kick somebody. Even he - Vince Russo - was confused by the breakneck chaos of things. RD laughed at them considering Hangman Page standing next to an ambulance as a "hospital" (ala Season 3 Batman). He wants to email Tony to ask to check inside the ambulance to see if Shaquille O'Neal is in it.

• Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [10] (Burgess Meredith) [10]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Lola "Lulu Schultz" Lasagne (Ethel Merman) 
  

 

• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Returned albums, Awful
  

Episode 98: Holy Pounding!: July 10, 2023

Flop Goes the Joker
March 23, 1967
"After thoroughly bamboozling his young patron, the Joker makes his move against the Gotham City Museum for a grand extortion scheme."
61 minutes

RD is Also Magnanimous. I concur based on my personal dealings with him. Vince considers him a brother. I consider him a friend.

Burt Ward is 78 years young today. So too is Sylvester Stallone at 77.

RD: "Can he still be classified as the Boy Wonder?"
Vince: "At heart."

Narrator: "When we last saw Robin, the artful Joker had hung him on a gigantic 'Batmobile' along with dozens of giant palette knives about to slice him to slivers, with Bruce Wayne securely tied to a nearby chair in the monstrous mobile room of Joker's studio. In one moment, we'll find out whether Robin's saved...or shaved."

Bruce manages to get his chair on the mobile as he tries to find the governor, i.e. the speed limiter rather than yet another useless person of authority (the Batgirl of the Undynamic Duo if you will). He manages to stop it, allowing Robin to get free of his bonds, take one of the mobile's (rubber) blades, and cut Bruce's bonds.
Robin: "That was close. Not much room for error."
Bruce: "From now on, all the errors are on Joker. I think we'll prepare a little surprise for him, Robin."

Meanwhile elsewhere in the Institute lair Joker takes a moment to laugh.
Baby Jane (calmed down for the time being): "Joker, you could at least untie us. My hands are getting stiff."
Joker: "Oh, but of course, my dear. The Joker is nothing if not magnanimous. Ha ha ha!"
Mrs. Putney (another captive): "How about me?"
Joker: "Well my generosity does not extended to overweight matrons, madam."
Baby Jane: "Joker, that's not very nice."
Joker: "Well, we artists are not required to be nice. Only talented."

He goes to check the mobile's activator, which has two settings between off and hamburger. He sees on a monitor what he thinks is blood but it's actually red paint.
Robin: "My beautiful red blood is still inside me, no thanks to you."
The Duo delay a fight by throwing swords at the goons to pin them. Joker immediately asks Baby Jane for help.
Baby Jane: "After you tied me up and tried to steal my art collection?"
Joker: "But I couldn't help myself, my dear. I'm an artist. I have a desire for things of beauty.  Beauty's irresistible to me. Oh, that's why I'm so attracted to you, my dear. I swear it, on a stack of Blue Boys."

Vince has to deal with confused people conflating Dave Meltzer rating wrestling matches with Vince rating Batpole women. (:12) RD reminds him not to be swayed by ratings, opinions, and critiques.

The goons free themselves so we can finally get a quick fight. (:21)
Bruce: "I had to let him knock me around a little bit. We don't want these crooks to make any connection between Bruce Wayne and Batman."
Robin: "But it's sure a tough way to throw them off the track."
Bruce (holding his jaw): "Fortunately, I'm in good condition. But we still have to round up the leader of these artistic failures."

Baby Jane: "Your paintings were impressive, Joker. Certainly not the work of an ordinary mind."
This is enough to have her help him for the time being as the Duo burst in.
Joker: "Aaah! Stay away from me! That juvenile delinquent has no appreciation for fine art!"
Baby Jane: "He's just a misguided artist, Robin."
Robin: "And we're going to re-guide him, straight to the Gotham State Penitentiary."
However according to her, technically he has not yet stolen anything and she refuses to press charges. And since the other prisoners don't have as much prestige as her she speaks for all of them (and the "overweight matron" Mrs. Putney). Bruce, who is "reasonably secure socially," nevertheless defers to her judgement. RD considers Bruce's idiocy as Baby Jane and her "big hunk of genius" leave.
Joker: "Tata Boy Bungler, and tell your chicken-hearted partner that if I catch him on the street, I'll run him out of town. Ha ha ha!"
As they untie the prisoners Robin asks Bruce for his reasoning (giving Joker delusions of evading being caught). RD wonders when Batman will make an appearance in his own show.

Narrator: "Presently in the Handsome Mansion of Baby Jane's filthy rich father..."
Joker eats rotisserie chicken for strength while still wearing his gloves. "I could exist on two grapes and a thimble of water. But my muse, my muse is starving."
Baby Jane: "MORE CHICKEN FOR THE JOKER'S MUSE!"
Suddenly getting inspiration from his "muse", his goons knock off everything on the table (including the chicken). The butler then has to watch Joker throw paint everywhere on the table.
Joker: "Look at it this way. You're not losing a table, you're gaining a masterpiece."

Halfway through the progrem recording Batman finally shows up in his own Batcave. How nice of him. (:31) At least Alfred Will Do managed to remove the paint on the costume, and Batman is so happy he touches it very oddly.
Robin: "How can you predict what a kook like that will do?"
Batman: "The criminal mind, erratic as it is, nevertheless has certain characteristic patterns. For  instance, Joker has begun an artistic caper. I suspect he'll continue it."
Robin: "And he can count on Baby Jane Towser's help."
Batman: "Yes, I'm afraid he's completely bamboozled that poor girl and I'm sure he'll try to use her. The question is, how?"

Joker is doing so at the Handsome Mansion by appealing to Baby Jane's future grandchildren. He plans to put his works in place of the "old relics" in the Gotham City Museum.
Joker: "I happen to know that your filthy rich daddy has a special founder's key to the Towser Wing of the museum."
Baby Jane: "Yes, he does, but - "
Joker: "Do you want your genius, me, to find another inspiration?"
Baby Jane: "OH NO JOKER, I MUST ALWAYS BE YOUR INSPIRATION!"

Gordon calls on the Batphone, worried on Joker's radio silence.
O'Hara: "That larcenous phony has something under his hat besides his head."
Batman: "Robin and I would like to handle this ourselves. (Emphasis mine) Especially since Joker has been spreading ugly rumors about me."
Gordon: "Whatever you think best, but no one could believe for a second that you're afraid of that cackling cutpurse."

That night (at the museum), Baby Jane stands in awe as Joker has his "artwork" in place of the previous works, which his goons take away without even checking underneath their coverings. He says he will "burn" them (by stealing them for himself). 

Immediate cut to the lair, where Joker has all the (still covered) paintings while Baby Jane is suddenly tied up. Or as wrote RD: "BJ gagged."
Joker: "Friendship ends when real felony finally takes over."

He calls Gordon's Office...where the Undynamic Duo are asleep.
Joker: "Working nights, Commissioner?"
He asks for $10 million for the paintings within the hour or he will burn the lot.
Batman is also there sneakily behind Joker with his own phone (including an improvised bit where he sees a statue of Joker's head and turns it around).

Joker: "Batman? Ha! That Cowardly Creep? He's so scared of me he doesn't dare come out of his Batcave. ... Oh, you better stay inside, Batboob, because if I catch you outside, I'm going to pin your pointed ears back, do you hear?"

After admitting to his theft he suddenly stops, dramatically pulling back a picture's covering to find that he's actually stolen the works of one Alfred Will Do.
Joker: "You Caped Clotpoll! You switched paintings on me! These are nothing but kindergarten drawings!"
Batman: "Naturally. And even a kindergarten mind could have anticipated your every move. This caper was even more obvious than most."
Joker: "You can say that over the phone, Batman, but if I had you here, I'd pound you to a pulp." 

Batman takes a moment to put his phone down.

Batman: "Start pounding, Joker."

That line was so great, it almost forgives Robin already being replaced by his stunt double at the start of the fight.
Joker also didn't hang up, so the Undynamic Duo hear the fight over the phone. During it Batman breaks a vase over a goon, then puts the flowers on the body. Immediately after Robin does the "look over there!" trick to distract and punch a goon on the nose. 

Joker, sensing he needs to run away, decides out of the blue to first flee to Stately Wayne Manor to see if he can rob its safe.
For some reason he takes Baby Jane with him, and Alfred Will Do answers them at the door.
Alfred: "My duties do not include aiding and abetting thievery."
Joker pulls a gun on Baby Jane to have him take them to the living room where Aunt Harriet is knitting. But instead of finding a safe, he finds a sword pointed at him...by Alfred.

Harriet: "Alfred, be careful. The Joker's an archcriminal."
Alfred: "I know, madam, but a very poor fencer."
Joker: "You Anglo-fink, I'll smash you to smidgens!"
Alfred: "May I point out that smidgens is a childish effusion which should have no place even in so poor a vocabulary as yours, sir."

Alfred wins (so we can confirm he fights better than he paints) but Joker still tries to run away again. (:47) He runs into the study, hitting the Shakespeare head to reveal the button to reveal the Batpoles. But since they're still being repainted they don't have labels, so Joker just thinks it's a regular emergency exit rather than a secret entrance to the Batcave. He goes down one, but Alfred hits the Emergency Batpole Elevator to launch him all the way back up and crash his head on the top.
Joker: "Someone get me off this crazy dumbwaiter! I can't breathe!"
Batman (arriving on the scene): "Joker says he can't breathe, Alfred. Why don't you give him some breathing space?"
Alfred: "With pleasure, sir."
And so Joker starts bouncing up and down.
Robin: "It's lucky you didn't get around to washing our other costumes, or Joker might have found himself wearing a Bat-costume."
RD found the whole sequence "absolutely beautiful."

Baby Jane is still in the living room, where Harriet consoles her for trusting in Joker.
Baby Jane: "I blame myself. It'll be a long time before anyone catches me in another art gallery."
Batman: "It'll be an even longer time for Joker. Right now, Joker's having his ups and downs."
Joker: "Alfred, old pal, have pity!"
Alfred: "We Anglo-finks have a long memory. I really shouldn't take pleasure in another creature's misfortunes, but, occasionally one may be forgiven for a slight twinge of satisfaction."

Back at Bernie Park's Artistic Procurers, Alfred Will Do donates his paintings for the Wayne Foundation Free Nursery School, whatever that means.
Bernie (seeing Gordon): "Excuse me, I think I see a customer ripe for plucking. I mean, interested in buying."
Gordon: "Well, Alfred, it's not everyone who can have his very first efforts displayed at Park's."
Alfred: "Thank you, sir. The Joker and his paintings are in prison, and Alfred and his paintings are at Park's. A rather nice turn of events."
O'Hara is politely interested in buying one but can't afford it, so Alfred just hands a Will Do original to him "as a token of my esteem."
O'Hara (despondent): "Mother McCree."

For having what he considers a (non-Francine) "horse face", Vince gives Baby Jane -1 Batpoles (presumably going the other way up as just demonstrated by Joker). RD won't forget Joker's female accomplice not named Harley Quinn that woodenly screamed almost every line, including demanding more chicken for Joker's muse, and thus gives her a 9. Of course Vince is very much against this drastic difference.
This was probably the career highlight of (age unknown) Diana Ivarson, who had less acting roles and even fewer shouting opportunities. Supposedly she has a Twitter account. Good luck using that these days. Perhaps she's on this new Threads thing? (Assuming she is even still with us and not sick.)

The Arcade is getting a bubble hockey machine from a nearby casino.

"WrestlingCrap" has a WrestleMania match. Vince never had a problem working with Stacy Carter. He thought of Terri Runnels as high maintenance, and this was before she was caught running a house scam.

A different non-wild Mr. Freeze will be the last villain of Season 2.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [8] (Cesar Romero) [8]

 

• Entertain The People: 1 
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Unforgettable

Episode 97: Holy Internet Connection!: July 3, 2023

Pop Goes the Joker
March 22, 1967
"When the Joker takes advantage of his vandalism of fine art being appreciated as pop art itself, Batman must discover his true scheme."
64 minutes

RD IS AFRAID OF MONKEY. He is also afraid of Vince's main lights being off due to the heat: "it's scary that I look more professional than you do."

Narrator: "A picturesque day in Gotham City! Even more picturesque than usual! And in one of the many picturesque art galleries where culture-loving Gothamites gather..."

Alfred is at Bernie Park's Artistic Procurers looking for something for his "millionaire Bruce Wayne", particularly an original "Muzzy". I thought he was an alien come to teach English. The shopkeeper offers to introduce the actual artist (and increase his asking price from $5000 to $7500).

Just as "Alfred Will Do" meets (Oliver) Muzzy...he has to run out the back door as the Joker enters the front. He starts spray painting the artwork in a future echo of what he would also do in Burton's Batman. RD wants to watch it for their progrem.

Unfortunately as the Bros remind, Alfred Will Do doesn't have his own utility belt, so he has to call Stately Wayne Manor from a payphone. Thankfully braless Aunt Harriet promptly answers.
Harriet: "Oh, Bruce, Alfred just called from the Park gallery. He's found a painting he thinks you'll be very interested in. It's called "The Laughing Man.""
Bruce: "That's Alfred's way of telling us that one of Gotham City's arch villains is at Park Gallery right  now."
Dick: "Holy tip-off, Joker!"
Bruce: "Exactly, and I think you better continue your art education at the Park Gallery as Robin. To The Bat-poles!"
Personally for a code name I would have gone with The Man Who Laughs, as Conrad Veidt's appearance is a well known influence to the Joker's look (and that in turn of an alternate Batman). 

Also the Batpoles don't have their names signed on them since Alfred had taken them for re-painting. RD immediately gleamed from this how the story would end. Vince wished they mixed up their positions. RD wished they wore their opposite outfits because of this.

For a change they go to Not Gordon's Office, i.e. the art gallery. Joker is still there. This immediately leads to a quick and easy fight. (:13) Joker tries to spray paint Batman and gets punched for his trouble.
Joker: "Ugh. Internal injuries. I'm going to die."
Bernie: "I hope you do, you finagling fiend! Batman, did you see what he did to the pictures? Priceless works of art destroyed forever. Think of the loss to posterity and the loss to my profits."
Batman: "Yes, the damage is irreparable. But at least you can be sure the Joker won't be doing any more decorating for a long time."

Then Vince's connection hits technical difficulties. (:16) RD has to carry the stream for a bit until he can figure things out, having experience with this sort of thing. He uses the time to recommend AEW Fight Forever.

RD: "Always keep in mind kids that when in doubt, blame Russo."

To the surprise of the others (in the gallery), Muzzy loves Joker's contributions to the art. He pops his mouth while doing so, a trademark of his actor Fritz Feld. Vince recognized this from his stint on The Odd Couple.

Joker: "Well, excuse my appearance Mr. Muzzy, but yes, these uncultured boobs have no appreciation for fine art."

Vince wants to call people boobs again.  

Joker offers Muzzy a 50/50 "split, I mean co-authorship" for their newly interpreted paintings.
Joker (to Batman): "Peasant! Philistine! Ha ha ha! Well, what can you expect from a man who appears in public in such a ridiculous outfit? (He paints a J on the Batlogo) There, Batman, now you're wearing
an original Joker, signed by the artist! Ha ha ha! Come, boys. Let's leave this zoo full of bourgeois baboons. And henceforth, Batman, stay out of art galleries, hmm? Ha ha ha!"
Robin: "Are we just going to let him walk out of here?"
Batman: "We have no choice, Robin. He's committed no crime. As a matter of fact, he's increased the  value of these paintings. I think we should discuss this with Commissioner Gordon."

RD: "So...what was Joker's original plan? Because he got caught by Batman at the beginning of this. Had Muzzy not decided that "hey, this looks a lot better", Joker would be in jail. This would be the shortest episode ever!" (:26)

Finally at the Office, O'Hara is annoyed by "the nerve of that clown" by painting on the costume, which has somehow changed appearance between scenes.
Batman: "What concerns us is his potential damage to Gotham City. I'm sure Joker has some larger
scheme of which this only the first step."
O'Hara: "You're right, Batman. That crook has something up his sleeve besides his elbow."
Batman suggests more guarding of museums and private collections while he returns to the Batcave to figure out what to do next. 

Vince's internet continues to act up but at least he's still audible.

At the Batcave Alfred Will Do tries to scrub the paint away from the costume that Batman is still wearing while apologizing about the repainted Batpoles. Gordon calls to tell them Joker has been invited to the "Gotham City International Art Contest" and wants to send 50 plainclothes. Yet again Batman declines, knowing how well that will turn out. Instead he asks for just one.
Batrman: "Preferably a man who knows Baby Jane Towser, the wealthy young socialite who organized  the contest.
Gordon: "I've got it. Bruce Wayne, the millionaire philanthropist. He's cooperated with us many times in the past and travels in the same social circles as Towser."
Towser is a reference to Baby Jane Holzer, similarly a young socialite who was associated with Warhol around that time.

We see Towser at the Contest, who RD considers attractive but "with a very grading voice" that she constantly shouted with. Vince finds more of an issue with her face than her exaggerated performance. 

Also competing are "Pablo Pincus" (who for some reason wears a sombrero), "Jackson Potluck" (a hippie with a wheelbarrow of paint), "Leonardy Devinsky" ("painter of the world famous fresco Midnight Snack" with an organ grinder monkey on his shoulder), and "Vincent Van Gauche" (with both ears). Compared to them the Joker gets applause.
Dick: "How can they clap for that crook?"
Bruce: "Don't forget, Dick, this is a hometown crowd and Joker is from Gotham City."

The contestants have three minutes to paint, and Towser shoots an actual handgun indoors as a starting pistol. Potluck dips his whole body in the paint and rolls around on the canvas. Devinsky's monkey throws tomatoes. Van Gauche uses his feet which the audience laughs at. Joker...doesn't even touch his brush to the paper.

Bruce: "Modern art tends to be rather unrestrained, Dick."

As the judges evaluate the works, the monkey gives the angriest look for some reason.
Judge: "I kind of like what the monkey did."
Joker: "My painting is titled Death of a Mauve Bat."
Baby Jane: "WHERE IS THE BAT?"
Joker: "Well the bat, gentlemen, is dead. It died in 1936, a very bad year for bats."
Other Judge: "Of course the bat is dead."
Joker: "It's symbolic."
Other Other Judge: "Symbolic of what?"
Baby Jane: "THE EMPTINESS OF MODERN LIFE. WHAT ELSE?"

Of course Joker is declared winner, much to the increased anger of the monkey. 
Joker: "As winner of the grand prize I would like to announce the opening of a new school for aspiring  artists where I personally will instruct my students in the secrets of modern art. Yes, applications for the  Joker Art Institute are now being accepted by my assistants. Sorry, millionaires only, please."
Baby Jane volunteers for the "BIG HUNK OF GENIUS" as a heiress to a paperclip fortune. Bruce, seeing what he thinks Joker's plan is, decides to also enroll.
Bruce: "Aren't you going to give me a test to see whether I have talent?"
Joker: "Oh, the rich, the well-born and the able, Mr. Wayne, all have talent. Especially the rich."

Vince: "So this has to go, like you said, all the way back to him ruining those pieces of art to eventually open up his own art school to enroll millionaires only?"
RD: "Yes. And the only way this would've worked is if Muzzy would've decided that this is a great idea. That's why I said: if Muzzy is not in on this, I don't know how."

Robin and Alfred already are tracking Bruce back at the Batcave, leading to the ever hidden lair of...the Joker Art Institute, already open for business. (:42) Joker has his students (all women, except for Bruce), paint a still life of (plastic) fruit.
RD: "Why was this ever a thing?"

Of course Joker takes his chance to critique his students drawing with such artistic mediums as bent metal rods, red putty, barbed wire, and a blow torch (labelled by Baby Jane). Bruce easily (of course) sculptures an actual looking bowl out of modelling clay.
Joker: "Well, that's terrible. Terrible, Wayne. Why, even a 3-year-old could do better than that. Here, let me show you. (He turns the bowl upside down) There. That's more like it."
Bruce: "Yes, I see what you mean. That's about the level of a 3-year-old."
Joker: "I do the jokes around here, Wayne."
Bruce: "I'd say that was one of your better ones."
Unable to think up any better jest in response, Joker instead goes straight to having his remaining goons take everyone hostage in exchange for their art collections. 

Gordon immediately calls on the Batphone to share this new development. Robin gets going, again telling the Commissioner not to send any of his men. "If the police show up, innocent people might be hurt." And that's just from the officers!
Robin (to Alfred Will Do): "You stay here and watch the Bat-radarscope in case Joker moves while I'm en route. I'll take the emergency Bat-tunnel. It comes out on Highway One and I can catch a bus to Gotham City."

Joker hopes Bruce doesn't deliver on his art so he can just kill him. Rather than just do so right now?
Bruce: "I hope you're better at that than at painting."
Before he does so Robin enters for another fight, this time with Bruce. Well actually it's Bruce's 50 year old stunt double assisting against Joker's yellow haired stunt double. (:52) Robin doesn't have his own bad looking stunt double as he falls into and gets stuck in red putty. His mask almost comes off as he raises his head. Bruce is also quickly subdued and tied up. 

Goon: "Why ain't Batman here, Joker?"
Joker: "Because he's afraid of me, you dolt! Yes, I knew the day would come when his spine would turn to Batjelly. I'm only sorry he isn't here to enjoy a special surprise I cooked up for him. But Bruce Wayne will do as a substitute. I'm beginning to dislike him as much as Batman."

Joker's trap is a "very mobile" Mobile, though sadly not Bat or Joker. "As soon as I leave here, I will activate a motor that will start it rotating. Let's see how long you can dodge these razor sharp palette knives, Boy Bumpkin!"
Robin: "Holy hamburger, I'll be cut to pieces by these blades!"

Narrator: "Robin diced to dribbles?  Batman certainly can't help him. Will the Joker go free to master the art of crime? And make a crime of art? Find out tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

Big Bossman had a mother.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [8] (Cesar Romero) [8]

Episode 95: Holy Lava!: June 18, 2023

Black Widow Strikes Again
March 15, 1967
"The Black Widow uses her cerebrum short-circuiting device to rob bank after bank in Gotham City. Batman and Robin soon catch up with her, but actually capturing the villainess proves harder than expected. Despite her nerve paralyzer spray, and two remote-control dummies that try to throw the Dynamic Duo off course, they finally make it inside the Black Widow's lair. But soon after entering, they are trapped in a giant web with two deadly black widow spiders."
56 minutes

RD: Prefers Scarlett Johansson. I don't know about that. Like Vince I'm all about the Golden Age beauty if I can help it. (Also like her calling everyone 'dahling' since she was bad at names I too call everyone 'pal'.)

Oh, you meant Black Widows. ... Yes, this is the main sticking point about the character, seeing as Stan Lee helped create her four years earlier (1964), becoming a recurring Avenger two years later. This Black Villain on the other hand was just a one-off.

RD was once again on vacation with the family down in Universal Orlando. This put a delayed toll on the body when he returned home. He tried the Jurassic World VelociCoaster with hungry and enraged velociraptors. The slogan: "What can go wrong?" Mrs. Deal tried to read about it online and could only find certain troll comments. 

Vince: "Speaking of butterbeer,"
RD: "I needed some to get through this show."

Narrator: "Another groovy day in Gotham City and everything seems just right in our teeming metropolis. But there's a new face in the crowd...the face of Black Widow!" (:08)

To further compound the character, she pulls up to a bank branch in a motorcycle with sidecar (as driven by her goon Tarantula) with Other Black Widow's red hourglass symbol on it. RD's friends on Facebook told him it's the actual black widow symbol.

And she got Bookworm's theme, appalling RD.

Inside the bank Widow asks the manager (named Irving Cash) to open a savings account in her name of Mrs. Max Black. She then zaps him with her Cerebrum Short-Circuitor to make him put $30,000 of the vault money in it.

RD: "As a supervillain, that's not much of an ask."

And of course the money comes in a burlap sack with a dollar sign on it. 

Unable to prevent her walking out (I guess his security is just as incompetent as everyone else in town), Cash personally goes to Gordon's Office to report the theft.
Cash: "There was this strange vibration and then I'm handing her thousands. I couldn't stop myself."
O'Hara: "It was as though the devil himself was at work on you."
Gordon: "Or someone just as clever."
He figures out and remembers this is the Black Widow's doing, despite this being her sole appearance. Even the Narrator called her a "new face".
Cash thinks this calls for the "Dynamic Duet", offending the Undynamic Duet to no end.

Narrator: "At this moment, within the walls of stately Wayne Manor, an unveiling is taking place."
Holstered Aunt Harriet hands Dick a pair of her black pants.
Harriet: "I've decided to go mod. Now what do you boys think?"
Bruce: "Tres chic, Aunt Harriet. Every bachelor in Gotham City will be staring."
Harriet: "I wanted to get a miniskirt, but the sales girl wasn't sure I had the face for it."
RD: "What drugs were these people taking?"
Alfred: "Carnaby Street has come to Wayne Manor, madam."
He then attempts to speak what RD considers 'carnie': "Mr. Gordon Commish is calling." Somehow the Duo know what he means and retire to the study to answer the call.
Harriet: "There they go, healthy as normal and I'm such a beatnik."

Even the Duo are confused by the name Black Widow, but nevertheless, "to the Batpoles!"

Gordon: "Black Widow wins her victim's confidence by pretending to open a savings account. Her methods of overpowering include hypnosis, drugs, and other artificial brain stimuli." (:19)
This requires Batman to bring out his hairdryer Brainwave Bat-Analyzer.
Batman: "Judging by her past modus operandi, Robin and I suspect that Black Widow may have short- circuited a portion of Mr. Cash's brain thereby rendering him incapable of making judgments."
Cash: "Oh, this is worse than I thought! First my money, now my brain!"
Batrman: "Easy, citizen."

They put him in the hairdryer Analyzer and flip random switches to determine his cerebellum has been affected. Cash demonstrates this by trying to get up while still in the thing.
Gordon: "That secret weapon of hers, she could clean out every bank in Gotham City, and we'd always be one step behind her."
O'Hara: "Me men are clever, goodness knows, but where the human brain is concerned, they're just not equipped." (Emphasis mine.)
Batman gives Cash two pills to fix his brain damage while O'Hara massages Cash's scalp.

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in the web of an underground grotto somewhere in Gotham City, Black Widow  and her spidery companions are enjoying the fruits of Black Widow's labor of love."

Widow still needs to hit more banks, much to Tarantula's chagrin. Another goon named Trap Door hangs out of a...trap door. "I got lonely."
Other goon Daddy Long Legs: "I don't know how you do it, Blacky. I tried robbing banks when I was  younger but I always got nailed before I was out the door."
Widow: "Happiness can't buy money. Heh. Poor sweet Max."
Cue evil laugh.

In the Batcave the Batcomputer is taking rather a long while on processing data on Widow, much to Robin's impatience.
Batman: "Bother you? It should. (To the camera) Just as it should bother any red-blooded American  citizen who recognizes the law and obeys it."

Meanwhile Widow hits another bank, controlling the manager (Irving Bracken) for $40,000 in unmarked bills.

Robin (reading the print-out): ""Black Widow Lingerie. Black Widow Weeds Removal Service. Black Widow Black Top Company. Black, Widow and Black Attorneys." But not one single bank. Seems to be hung up on the word "black."
Batman: "Maybe the Bat-Analyzing gears need oiling."
Gordon calls to report more robberies.
Batman: "I'm almost tempted to let her...Letter! Give me the names of the banks Black Widow has  robbed."
The list is in alphabetical order (Robin: "No wonder the Batcomputer couldn't figure out her plan, it was too easy!") so the next one will be G.
Batman: "Tell Chief O'Hara and his men to sit on their tuffets, so to speak, and stay away from the  Gotham General Bank and Trust. Repeat, stay away. Robin and I are less likely to frighten this spider  away."

The branch visit gives an excuse to have their window celebrity, a "citizen" teller played by George Raft, another pioneering "gangster" actor. He also had a gimmick of flipping a coin, which he also does here while trying to get the Duo to open an account. They get him to take them to the vault which contains the manager (Irving Leghorn) standing with a Tommy gun. He is so relieved that he jumps on Batman for a hug, which he does not take well. The Duo ask him to "act naturally" when Widow visits, which he takes to continue acting like a complete idiot. 

Of course instead of Widow visiting it's Aunt Harriet, "one of Gotham City's most law-abiding and respected citizens."
Harriet: "All I wanted to do was open a small savings account for my nephew Dick Grayson. There's always Beneficial."

THEN Widow comes in. 
Batman: "So, Black Widow, we finally meet." (emphasis mine)
She tries to zap him.
Batman: "Don't waste your energy, Black Widow. Robin and I have been wearing anti-short circuiting  brain Bat-electrodes since your first day in Gotham City."
So she slowly takes out and sprays a giant Instant Nerve Paralyzer to stun Batman and just walk out. Robin is stunned too so he can't do anything - oh wait, he wasn't. He just stood there like a fucking idiot.
Batman: "Feels...like...a paralyzing dose...of spider venom. ...It should...wear off...presently."

Thankfully he predicted this, and installed in the Batmobile an "odor-sensitometer radar circuit."
Robin (badly dubbed all of a sudden): "Holy olfactory."
Batman: "The oil-and-gas mixture from her motor bike will register on the sensitometer and be picked up as a blip on the radarscope. All we have to do is follow that blip." 

The scent leads to a fake house that opens its secret entrance in a wall to let Widow through just before the Duo show up. (:34) They see an elderly couple on their porch and think they can help.
Widow, seeing this while fully cocooned in her lair, turns on her Dummy Lip Activator to voice the couple who are actually mannequins to try and divert them.
Widow (also badly dubbed): "Say, aren't you that Bat fellow and that Robin fellow who are constantly fighting evil? Keep up the good work. Frank and I are both categorically against evil."
Batman (also badly dubbed): "Thank you, senior citizens."

They return to the Batcave, where of course Batman has recorded the bad ADR on his Bat-Tape Recorder in order to analyze it.  

So they go back to the house. (Holy Padding!) The old "couple" is still there rocking.
Robin: "Three hours and they're still going strong."
Batman: "Thought they'd be off their rockers by now, eh, Robin?"

They linger in finding the secret entrance, allowing Widow to prepare her goons to await them in a game of "spider and the fly" i.e. a fight. Paul goes ham out during this flying all over the set while the audio has more fits. 

Batman: "So, latrodectus mactans, commonly known as Black Widow, caught in your own web, eh?"
Widow: "Oh, there is nothing common about me, Dynamic Doll. And as for being caught in my own  web may I give you a tiny, little piece of advice? If you wish to live and thrive, let the spider run alive."

Since the Duo don't want anyone to stay alive, she activates a giant spider web, trapping the two.

Widow: "Dearheart, you may be caped, and you may be dynamic, but to me you are a crashing bore. So voila. (She summons two horribly fake giant spiders.) I had them skip their dinner so they would thoroughly enjoy  you. And now my lieutenants and I  are going to tunnel into my vault and count our lovely loot."

Cue the Duo doing their best with the "spiders" like they're in an Ed Wood movie.  

Narrator: "Is Black Widow about to succeed where countless other crooks have failed? Or can Black Widow's widows be stopped before dinner? For the answers to these and other creepy questions, tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

Vince thinks getting Bankhead was a big thing for the show but at the cost of everything else.

RD found another Batvertisement, this one for Lava soap. (:40) Vince wonders why Gordon keeps a spare bar in his desk. RD is amazed the packaging hasn't changed too much over the years. The Bros are tempted to buy some bars. 

RD had reconstructed an arcade machine for the initially unreleased Marble Man: Marble Madness II.

AEW is expanding to five hours a week, adding to WWE's seven. As the Bros point out you can have too much of a good thing (and not just in wrestling).

 

• Special Guest Villain: Black Widow (Not the competition's) ((Miss) Tallulah Bankhead)

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Butterbeer
• Window Celebrity: 1. George Raft
• Entertain The People: 1
• Screen Shares: 4. RD, Vince, Vince, RD
  

Episode 94: Holy Savings Bonds!: June 11, 2023

53 minutes

RD hasn't changed his title from the last recording, belying they are recording this immediately after that as much as he is still Very Unlike Indian Fakirs. 

Today the Bros will look at some promotions, commercials, public service announcements and clips to see how Batman was promoted over some years until the Burton movies and The Animated Series made him the hero that they deserve (not the one that they need).

• Vince has a framed mountable replica of TV Guide with Batman on the cover.
  
• He also has a framed mountable original of the March 1966 Life Magazine - also with Batman on the cover - that he bought for $10.
• From the National Archives is a rather famous one. (:05) Batman reads a "message" from President Johnson extolling the "boys and girls" to buy savings bonds to support the Vietnam War. Five year old Vince received some bonds which were worth $32. He would have asked his mother to buy some more for him because Batman says so. RD concurs. They wonder if today's superheroes would support today's wars. 
• From 1973, (:10) Batgirl saves the Duo on behalf of the Federal Equal Pay Act (Batman: "No time for jokes Batgirl"). This is despite Craig being paid more than Ward and Batman not being played by West. This really riled up Vince. RD jokes it was his stunt double, or it should have been Alfred. Vince jokes West was not there because he did "not believe that women should be paid equally". Actually he just wanted to distance himself from the role for some reason. Vince looks up a copy on YouTube that listed West as appearing. While researching Hulk Hogan for the first WC book, RD saw an incorrect IMDB credit for Michael Nesmith's Elephant Parts that almost ended up being published. 
• West does appear in a recently discovered item on road crossing awareness (i.e. look both ways before crossing a street) - from the United Kingdom. (:17) He accentuates it by holding a child in his arms for 10 seconds. 
• West did not appear on the Superfriends, so he did not voice Batman teaching Robin how to do the Heimlich Maneuver. (:20) RD wonders how a choking victim would tell someone what to do. If they could talk, why would you need to do it anyway?
• Also animated (from 1984), the Duo have advice on safe skateboarding. (:23) This would not apply to either Bro who never skateboarded as youths. This would not help safety either, as RD would want to skate recklessly so as to be saved by the Duo. Vince was annoyed Robin was voiced by Casey Kasem for some reason. 
• Roving Vince found the time Conan O'Brien remembered the recently passed West (at ComicCon) with some of his more memorable lines from the series. (:27)
• Instead of another PSA RD found an '86 parody ad for Zayre discount stores. (:29) West actually sued over it for $9 million. He lost. Four years later Zayre merged with TJ Maxx's parent company. I don't think those two are related.
• RD found a promo which would run during the original airing (on ABC). (:33) He was particularly amused by the end clip of the Duo shaking hands on a loop. 
• He contrasts this with one during its run in syndication. (:38) The Bros reminiscence on syndication and their attempts to record them on tape. 
• RD then compares them to one on cable's Family Channel (now known as Freeform) recorded in 90's VHS fidelity. (:44) Cable's penchant to sometimes cut scenes to fit within 22 minutes on runtime made the Bros forget Catwoman's cameo during Ma Parker's story.

For his efforts Vince gives his friend applause. 

RD enjoyed writing about a shock win by Barry Horowitz.

RD thinks CM Punk's return to AEW could work if he fought everyone as soon as he arrived. However as he doesn't think that will happen he doesn't expect success. 

Then RD almost gets disconnected from the call.

• Entertain The People: 2
  
• Screen Shares: 10. RD, RD, RD, RD, RD, Vince, RD, RD, RD, RD

Episode 92: Holy Jet Set!: May 28, 2023

King Tut's Coup
March 8, 1967
"After a blow to the head, Yale's Egyptology professor once again believes he is King Tut. He mistakes Bruce Wayne's friend Lisa for Queen Cleopatra, and kidnaps her so he can bring her to Egypt as his bride. Batman and Robin soon locate Tut's hideout, thanks to a hidden tracking device. But soon after entering, they are captured by Tut's cronies, and Batman is submerged in a sarcophagus under five feet of water."
60 minutes

RD: TALENTED PANTOMIMIST. He takes a sip from a non WWE Niagara Falls Cup. Vince got a Kevin Nash style haircut so he can wear a cap.

SPEAKING OF Kevin Nash, Vince was recently reminded of his protege (and RD's rival) Jeremy Borash, now currently HHH's deputy, so he messaged him something. There was no response. So he went on about it on another show. Another website wrote about it. The next day Jeremy messages Vince on his recently changed number, something RD immediately guessed a few minutes earlier. 

RD: "A little career advice from me, your old buddy RD Reynolds: if you're working with a company and they're so serious that you're not allowed to have a hoedown or a hootenanny, there's better places out there." (:11)

Narrator: "The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University, and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans."

Said professor is outlining a field trip to Gotham City "if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course." So they ask back if he was in fact King Tut.
Professor: "Yes, it's true. I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference. It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however. Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat."

He takes it off just as someone throws potted plants on him and the two students, and now Tut also has his two goons for the story. 

Vince wishes for more stories and wrestling angles where a concussion from a dropped object turns people into King Tut. 

We immediately cut to the three breaking into the GC Museum to steal a sarcophagus and knock out its one guard. 

Gordon: "In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne."
O'Hara: "Bruce Wayne? Not Batman?"
Gordon: "There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight. Bruce Wayne is clhairman. Perhaps he knows something we don't."

At Stately Wayne Manor the inhabitants are all dressed in togas, though Aunt Harriet also wears a bra. (:17) Bruce is excited to see someone named Lisa as Cleopatra. Alfred announces a phone call in the study from Gordon...for Bruce.

Bruce (in private): "Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy."
Alfred: "No need to be, sir. The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman. But a feeling  inside me suggested that you should take it in here."

Of course he says this while the (non Bat)phone is off the hook, but of course Gordon is a gentleman and/or an idiot for not listening in on them.
Gordon asks him why someone would rob a sarcophagus from 1300 BC.
Bruce: "1300 BC was the era in which King Tut trod the land. ... My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately."
O'Hara: "Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all."
Gordon: "Otherwise they never would have become millionaires."
I'm glad these two versions don't know about Twitter then. ... Though probably knowing them they probably willingly bought those Blue subscriptions. 

So Gordon immediately calls Batman and does not pick up how similar he sounds to Bruce.
Bruce: "I know. King Tut is back in Gotham City. We'll be right there." (He hangs up)
Gordon (not picking up how similar Batman sounds to Bruce, to the camera): "Absolutely incredible. You'd think the man could read my mind."
The Duo run To The Batpoles with one hand holding up their robes. 

Vince is now paying close attention to Batman's erect status.

In the Office Robin still does not understand why Tut doesn't stay in Yale. (:23)
Batman: "Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes (O'Hara looks puzzled), changes into King Tut, he forgets his true identity."
Gordon then receives a call that "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel" gravely injured by Tut. The Duo leave to check on him.

Tut's lair is the Pyramid Club, "a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb" when it's not a matte painting with a Closed sign. Tut leaves his sarcophagus to be greeted by his moll Neila ("Hi, Tut baby. What's shaking?" Tut: "Batman's head, unless I miss my guess!") and his student goons, now his Jester and Chancellor. Now he needs his queen. Unfortunately it is not Neila, who is played by Grace Lee Whitney, better known as Yeoman Janice Rand of the USS Enterprise. 
Tut: "The lovely Lisa Carson, daughter of wealthy socialite Johnny John E Carson, will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra. Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar. Tonight he'll lose his queen to me, the king! Oh, pulchritudinous!"
Neila: "And where does that leave me?"
Tut: "You could always be a lady in waiting."

Meanwhile the Duo Batclimb up the Oasis (of course the suite is a penthouse) where they meet Aileen Mehle, known under the pen name of Suzy Knickerbocker, a well known society columnist.
Aileen: "I go where the action is, Batman. The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever  there's glamor, that's where I am."
Robin: "I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then."
Aileen: "Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder. I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor."
Batman: "STATELY Wayne Manor."
Aileen: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London  or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."
Robin: "There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City."
Vince: "Who were his other customers?"
RD: "The villains, I think."
Aileen: " I think you two belong in my column. I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace."
Robin: "Holy jet set!"
Batman: "Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman. An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters."
Aileen (as they ascend): "I wonder who they really are. Probably a couple of international playboys. I  mean, who else would climb walls?"

The police are still there, making one wonder why the Duo needed to Batclimb when they could have used stairs or an elevator. I'm sure Batman would make some excuse on how Robin needed the exercise. 
Sphinx is secured in a noose for some reason and he has to ask an officer to help him out. "King Tut is a very muscular fellow," he states for some reason. He also left a note "in an ancient tongue, circa 1300 BC." To the Batcave!

Batman reads the translation while suddenly having stubble: "I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion."
Robin: "Hey, that's me!"
Batman: "And next in importance, to claim my own."
He calls Gordon to tell him he may strike at the Ball.
Gordon: "I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment."
O'Hara: "Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us."
Do they even have seven competent people for the job?

Back at the lair Tut tells his goons he wants the Duo present at the Ball. Since Mayor Linseed is away on his regular trips to the "Asian front", he's sent a replica of his robe and mask to his Deputy Mayor Zorty (and himself referring to Los Angeles Mayor Sam Yorty). "Tonight he will be I!"

Sure enough at the Ball the police in Egyptian garments, white socks, and black shoes, arrest Zorty as Tut, despite his protests. This is witnessed by the (Stately Wayne) Manor Household (in togas) and Cleopatra Lisa, played by...Lee Meriwether, previously the Movie Catwoman. Vince thought the Movie came after this season, not before. (:38)

Of course the police are incompetently more than happy to take Zorty directly to the Office without verifying who he is including at the Ball, appalling their even more incompetent Chief to no end. "If it's who I think it is, and I think it is, I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner."
Zorty: "Go back there, men. On the double. This time get the right king...or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again."

The real Tut is already at the Ball, his eyes all over Lisa, much to the concern of the Duo.
Harriet: "Do you boys know that man?"
The goons are also there, and ask Bruce to ask Lisa to dance with their boss next to other supposed police officers (who would be far more competent than the real ones). Bruce...does so, confusing the Co-Bros. 

Lisa: "It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty."
Tut: "I know it is. Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king. OHHHHH!"

They leave just as Bruce realizes he's been had. He did put a tracker in Lisa's outfit though...somewhere. You'll just have to take his word on it. He notifies Gordon - but tells him not to help, knowing how well they did earlier. 

At the lair Lisa tries to explain she is not actually Cleopatra. "I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side. Who are you, anyway?"
Tut: "Who am I? Tut! Master of thieves, king of the Nile, moon god of Thoth. And that's just on Mama's side of the family. ... I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you. Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people."
He has his goons take her away despite their preference for her wealthy father to pay her ransom instead.

Cut to outside. The Duo have followed the tracker, and Batman will Batclimb (instead of using the Batmelter) while Robin stays on the ground.

Cut back inside. Tut has to remind his goons the woman is not for sale. He should probably do it through jotted down football plays. Rejected, the goons push open a door - and Robin standing behind it. This cues some very obviously dubbed lines as they prepare to tie him up.
Tut: "Stop! Wait a minute! If the Caped Crumb is here, the Cowled Creep can't be far behind."

He's right, and a fight starts with much hide-and-seek and the Duo tripping a goon by pulling a rug. But the "very muscular" concussed Yale professor slams a vase onto the Duo's heads, immediately turning them into the Bizarro Duo knocking them out.
Tut: "Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer?"
Robin is thus tied up while Batman is put into the sarcophagus over a pool of water, as Tut does his most heinous crime of all: a speech.

"Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil  that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Batman. It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.
Bubble, bubble, little bat, at the bottom of the vat. / Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly...to the great big belfry in the sky."

Narrator: "It appears a death worse than fate! Batman has been in sticky situations before, but never like this! And what of Robin, who's fit to be tied? Is this Batman's Waterloo? Tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!...At your own risk!"

Neither Bro remembers this story much for some reason, and wonder if it was something in syndication. 

The Arcade will have another King of Arcade competition on July 8, the top prize most likely a Stargate machine.

RD enjoys playing more modern games with Junior, who's already finished Tears of the Kingdom. Senior is not a big fan of open world sandbox games. He prefers older fare like Pac Man that could only go up to Level 256.

One of RD's followed YouTube channels did a video "dissecting" No Holds Barred. Speaking of rather bad ventures of wrestling into the mainstream: Warrior with Regis & Kathie Lee.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Lisas
• Window Celebrity: 2. Aileen "Suzy Knickerbocker" Mehle, Grace Lee Whitney