Episode 7: Scrambled Bets: January 31, 2013

"The Old Friend"

28 minutes

Blade compares RD and himself to Ewoks. RD counters with the Holiday Special. Do you remember the time when Blade and Don called Hillbilly Jim "The Old Friend"? (:03) Heated discussion about "Vince's Limo Driver" follows.

Claire Lynch is your 2012 Gooker. (:06) Blade wants RD to meet the lady. RD enjoys proving Justin Henry wrong. Blade has a bad memory. You don't say.

"My Little Pattie" Trish Stratus is a HOFer. (:10) The two still argue over her hair. "Trish facially is hotter," Blade conjectures.

The Royal Rumble shot one person in the eye for some reason. (:12) RD recounts being injured in Trash's basement. Discussion about bootleg PPVs and wrestling hairstyles follows. Blade wants the "balding Barry Darsow" haircut.

Blade won his Pro Bowl bet, whatever the wager was. (:19) RD wonders if long snapping is a bettable stat. He also wants to replace the bet with one for the Superbowl, expecting the Niners to win despite a "mall punk" being their QB. Blade is confident his Ravens will break the Hobo Curse due to once being the Cleveland Browns. Or something.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Hall of Fame week, which
  

• Super Bowl Pick
  RD:  49ers
  Blade:  Ravens
  

 

Episode 6: Pro Bumble: January 25, 2013

"Doggy Style" Miss Elizabeth

22 minutes

Blade wants to bite children like he's a vampire.

RD wonders of the possibilities of Disney buying WWE.

Blade is in another Troma movie. (:05)

RD has a paper plate in his house. He didn't have to pay $99 for it like one guy did. (:07)

Blade still wants to bet on the Pro Bowl despite RD's reservations. Blade is happy because a Lion kicker is on a team and didn't actually opt out. He recounts the time when Jonathan Coachman walked into a bar. (:12) Blade still makes a bet that his Lion kicker will do well which RD accepts, despite Matt Stafford looking like Susanna Hoff.

Blade still has to pay up for this season when the Lions once again lost to the Colts, so he has to wear an Andrew Luck jersey. (:18)

The Royal Rumble is also occuring on the Sunday. (:19) Blade still remembers Doggy Style Miss Elizabeth making his pants wet at '89.

RD: "I have nothing left to say."

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Troma (2), funds, people donating 

 

•  You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1

 

• Royal Rumble Memories
  RD:  No sell
  Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as the 102nd Dalmatian at 1989 Royal Rumble. 

 

• Don...Don Muhlbach (NFC) vs John Denney (AFC)
  NFC 62 AFC 35 

197 I have something to say...3-D: July 1, 2011

101 minutes

DO NOT WANT

The AFC lost the Pro Bowl, so RD must recite many listener-submitted insults. This is despite him trying to make everyone forget about his debt by having so many weeks pass without updating the radio progrem. A noble attempt to be sure, but futile.

Beside that, the Co-Fruitcakes have to make it up by discussing the passing of Randy Savage. (:09 - :17) He once had an erection at some point in time that only Blade noticed. But he's not gay or anything. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.)

RD's PSA (:22): Use more efficient methods for birth control. Ruffles Double-Fisted Bacon Cheeseburger Chips have a rather unfortunate name, despite their taste.

RD went to Disneyworld again for a Star Wars Weekend (:28) where he met a Mon Mothma impersonator. Apparently Peter Pan moonlights as Luke Skywalker. As worrying as it may sound, it might have its benefits. Instead of having to get around in an X-Wing he could just Force Fly to his destination.


The Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness II are fighting vertically-challenged combatants in Topeka on the 16th. (:40) The bare mention of his name is enough to get Tony's Theme running, like it always seems to do. It's his ring tone or something.

Rose is also with Jim Ross and Stubby sending weird submissions to the Honky Tonk Man on his second shoot DVD. Some random online reviewer doesn't get them, thinking that Jim sounded somehow like Freddy Krueger. Jim calls to dissuade him (badly). (:45) Apparently he was a big fan of 38 Special.

Satan's Tubular Bells sound different somewhat. (:50) Gorgeous George thinks she's Jim Ross. (But not sadly as Freddy Krueger.) "The Devil made me do it." is her excuse.

The HorseTrolla tells us that Mickey James is 'opening up' for that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish. [I wonder what would draw more. A concert with Mickie and that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish....Or a TNA live event? - Clarence] (:55)

Warning: Do not
consume rectally.

(:59) RD has to answer another Question from Facebook, which is tough as no one wrote an actual question.  He cheats by reading one of those 'questions' from Robert Stenburgh. Blade analyzes the current movie scene.

The Honky Tonk Mail Man has no deliveries for Blade this week. (:64) Perhaps he also works for Canada Post and was on strike.

:66 Blade keeps listening to that 'rerun' of Mike Check as Bob Ali at WTKO The Knockout. RD wonders if this particular edition will be called "Summerslam '88 Boner" for some reason. You're confusing me, Randy.

The big news this week is rather obvious: CM Punk's 'rampaging' worked shoot at the end of Raw. The two have some sort of discussion on the response, which involves Scott Steiner for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Scott Steiner (:76), RD can't help but show Blade a promo for his workout video, which involves him being dry humped by two women.

:80 Blade decides to just give RD all the suitable submissions he wants him to say. However, many make no sense and keep referencing Gay Popeye, thus diluting their potency. Better luck next time Mr. Brakestown.

That being said, whoever came up with the line "the Swear Jar, when full, will be shoved up my ass." is an absolute genius.

Someone has written a haiku for RD:
Chick-a-dee Chyna.
Wanna get that vagina
and freak like Steina'.

In what could only be loosely termed as a Alexander Pope style 'satire', B.M. Punk has his own work shoot worked shoot on-air diarrhea. (:96) No word if he's doing it sitting cross-legged on a toilet seat.

$4.25 ($23.00)

I AM planning for an extra 'reward' for Blade to have to pay when he passes that $25 dollar tier. Whatever it is though, I have to think on still. Suffice to say it should be...something, alright.
 



[Edit: A full list of Deal's "I have something to say" quotes can be read here]

165 I have something to say...Again.: January 15, 2010

70 minutes

His fantasy football team sucked, so RD must recite many listener-submitted insults. He fights back with some weak excuses. But he finally concedes "I'm an idiot."

RD doesn't get 'Diet' meals served at eating establishments. (:14) But he does get KFC's 395 meal. Blade loves their grilled chicken (I always enjoy their chicken sandwiches) He then awkwardly manages to summon Popeye on air so he can make RD flirt with him. (:19) But it feels wrong somehow, and I can't place my finger on it. All I'm saying is if I wanted to go out with myself I probably wouldn't need to have to flirt first, if you know what I'm saying. And if you do you sure have one dirty mind. (But don't we all? ... Don't answer that.)

:22 Roddy Piper's warnings about idiots driving cars are remembered, as his daughter was almost hit by a bus. Nobody was willing to pay 5 grand for Damian Demento's Shoulder pads, even if proceeds were going to help the USO. For some reason the Co-Fruitcakes want to know the "story of how the pads originated" so Blade 'promises' that Sir Alec will have the inside scoop of that in the month. Yeah right, I'll believe it when I see hear it. The HorseTrolla tells us Mickie James will release a country album around late March. Blade makes RD say 'cunnilingus'.

U Can't See Wii.

:37 Inspired by John Cena going on about Punch-Out!! on TV, Blade decides to extend the progrem by another hour with some video game segment. Thus the new arrival of Nintendo John, AKA Angry Jim Ross as Satanic Billy Graham as John Cena. He's borrowed Sir Alec's enthusiastic audience to cheer him on. He says things that are hard to comprehend and then pixels out to join his brothers Sony Jack and Microsoft James. What say you in response, RD?

"I want the Manning Brothers to double penetrate me while sticking a ball gag in my mouth."

Not exactly my finest insult, but I suppose it will have to do.

Today's Question (:43) is from Alexis2K. Apparently the recently deceased Victor Borga was a secret member of the Kobra Kai. RD is forced to apologize for Mike Check which puzzles me. He was probably their best and most fascinating TNA correspondent so far.

Only one limp piece of Current News troubles us. (:49) And it's not RD wanting Bryan Alvarez to do his John Cena impersonation. Randy Orton is in trouble for spitting gum into a young fan's face, which is good a time as any for Sir Alec to narrate a randy Randy story for us all where he goes all stalkerish on Mickie James. RD doesn't want to read any more lines so he tries to hide behind the haiku music, but Blade still makes him read one from the peanut gallery.

Seventeen syllables about good old Hornswoggle:
Hornswoggle is great.
He's a champion on screen.
He's nude in my mind.

Thankfully this is not enough for Blade and the faithful listeners, so for the next seven minutes Blade makes RD read some more demeaning lines and sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

Blade: "Did I tell you I love this show yet?"

130 A Christmas CaRoss: December 19, 2008

Merry XMAS...And Go F*** Yourselves!

You're a mean one, Mr. Deal.
82 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

If you're looking for any actual wrestling news here then you're out of luck. Of course...why are you listening to this show for news in the first place anyway? [Get your HOT NEWZ right here. --Iggy]

RD and Blade announce that due to the hard financial times we are in, only one of the...'12' listeners could send them a present, of which we'll soon see (well, hear). (:03) Don Mason once tried having sex with a dwarf. Unfortunately she did not have the nick/name of Sexy. (:05) Blade once again promises a great show, but he's not helped by being drunk off his ass due to the Lions' loss to the Colts. According to Mr. Braxton he's more better when sober, but I have my doubts. Besides he could have two deadly sides, like Harvey Dent. He also has some array of STDs. RD is mystified by things on his own DVD. (:13)

Mention is made of last week of a returned to angry Jim Ross trying to uplift his spirits by making a "Christmas album" (16). We listen to Blade's karaoke - I mean Jim's singing tones - spitting on the mike about Bell's Palsy as RD helps record his golden tones (and tries to stifle his laughter - yes, very professional.)

There is mention of the new induction, the movie adaptation of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I admit it's a terrible movie, and one of Ron Howard's worst, but I disagree with RD, as I've seen worse. Besides, in my humble opinion the worst Dr. Suess movie is obviously The Cat in the Hat. RD reveals he's drinking a bit too due to the movie. (:21) Sadly Blade did NOT see it with Don. RD's TRIP consists of his ordeal of an odyssey of obtaining the movie to review, interspersed by Blade's meanderings (of course).

Another JR 'song' is made, I mean listened to.

Obscure Wrestling News - Maria is dating a WWE cameraman (:32). Sad News - Deuce is splitting from Domino to be known as Sim Snuka and Cherry is retiring to pursue further education. (:33)

Another JR 'song'. mypenisdoesnothavepalsy.com has not yet been taken. Does that mean it would get erect/online on one side only?

Question of the Week (:38) this week Present of the Week, due to gifts from Ed Salo (2) (they say his name wrong, what is it about mispronouncing names? Don't get to MY name I beg you!). They turn out to be some very nice Count Chocula shirts.

Trolla's 'gift' for RD hasn't 'arrived' yet, prompting him to call Technical Support...for a package delivery? Don't you need CUSTOMER Support for that? He does this via a free face-to-face Skype call. (:43) The whole thing is just an excuse for the TattooTrolla Guy to make an appearance answering RD's call. It seems the package was sent not to RD, but to Nathaniel. Of course, seeing as how RD and Nate are the same guy it's easy to get confused.

RD 'summons' 'Nate' to explain himself (:49) He calls into 'WrestleClap' (Is that one of Blade's mentioned STDs?)  Coincidentally the package arrives for him just that moment. How 'convenient.' (Also RD hits on his wife - I mean, Nate's 'mother'.) It turns out to be a TrollaTron 7800 'MegaTrolla', the new TNA correspondent. "But wait," you say (assuming you verbally respond to this website), "Isn't that Nate's job? How are we going to explain this discrepancy?" Sure enough, Nate gets exterminated for our amusement, sounding like an extra in one of Don Mason's home movies [And buy your copy of the Archive Disc today! /shill]. (Also the sounds of gunfire sound more like he's getting killed questing for a Captain Crunch drink at the nearby Carl's Jr.)
So he falls, the fifth TNA 'correspondent' to go in just the year alone. For the next year I predict it will change at least four more times, one of those times being Angry JR. Want to hold me on it Iggy? The wager doesn't have to be on hockey of course. [I'll bite. What's at stake? --Iggy] [Hmmm...whoever loses has to be more nice than mean-spirited in their next recap of the show?][Okay, but let's put it on the Pens/Habs game rather than waiting until 2010. --Iggy]

Current Wrestling News - Marissa Tomei plays a stripper in The Wrestler (:60). A recap of the show and all the wrestling news therein is made, which...yeah.

We get another JR 'song'.

Finally we get to the main point of the week as presents are opened. (:65) Blade got back his shirt he left at RD's home, some Boba Fett helmet car thing, a Darth Vader snow globe, some Lions shirt, and some action figures of the Dynamite Kid, Davey Boy Smith, and Matilda (in packaging for Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson). RD got a DVD of The Outsiders, a Quentin Tarantino figure who looks like Peyton Manning (in Kill Bill: Vol.3: Kill Bill Belichick), and a Don Mason gift of Killer Looks complete with corn oil.

Haiku to close out the wonderful year of 2008:
Nathaniel is dead.
Blasted by Trolla product.
Greatest gift of all.

One more JR 'song' ends things. Happy holidays everyone! Iggy and myself wish you all well till the next year.

049 I have something to say...: January 19, 2007

I have something to say...
(97 minutes)

The Lions suck, so Blade must recite many listener-submitted insults. Blade fights back with an insult book printed in 1965.

[One particular limerick Blade had to say made me laugh the most (:24):
Hello, my name is Blade,
A really stupid wager I made.
Luckily I didn't ask
To caress the Deal's ass
'Cause God knows, I need to get laid.

-Future PB]

The manuscript of the WrestleCrap Book of Lists has been completed. Pick it up in the Fall.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): American Idol ice cream sucks. Birthday cake ice cream tastes like feces.

Obscure Wrestling News: The Warlord signed a Jakks deal. (:25) Ivan Koloff is now licensed to conduct wedding ceremonies but does not provide "cake location." (:34) The Iron Sheik got drunk again. Monte Brown will be called Marcus Cor Von in WWE. (:48)

Blade and RD go through the list of potential WWE Hall of Fame inductees for many, many minutes. (:58) At close to 40 minutes long this is by far the most they've ever spent [or ever will spend] talking about an actual wrestling subject.

Seventeen Syllables from Our Fellow Crappers:
Detroit Lions stink.
Demolition weren't that good.
I like to eat poop.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

Blade: "I think Erik Majorwitz, Erik Majorwitz should be the next co-host, but it probably would take me took long to get the money to call Germany."

 

• The big loser to my big winner, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, Chic-fil-A, NyQuil
• URLs not taken: 1. PoonTangAPlenty.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. The Lions, fascinating, Jon Thomas, Mr. Fuji leading them in song, Verne Gagne, Sherri Martel
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Buck Owens, Teddy Ruxpin
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• I have something to say: 25
  
• Krankor Laughs: 7
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
  

• Mickie James References: 3
• Ken Patera References: 2
  

 

• Mailbag: N/A

• Say a name, Hall of Fame?
• Both say yes: 18. Von Erichs, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Ultimate Warrior, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Honky Tonk Man, The Original Sheik, King Curtis Iaukea, Howard Finkel, “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, Mr. Fuji, Nick Bokwinkel, Mummgamad Ali, Mr. T, Dusty Rhodes, Bon Uecker, Rocky Johnson, Wild Samoans, Bob Backlund
• Both say no: 3. Dick Ebersol, The Bushwackers, Big Boss Man
• RD no, Blade yes: 4. Ric Flair (active wrestlers should be ineligible), Ken Patera, Rick Rude, Brooklyn Brawler
• Hogan picks: 9. Von Erichs, King Curtis Iaukea, Howard Finkel, Rick Rude, Wild Samoans, Big Boss Man, The Bushwackers, Dusty Rhodes, “Macho Man” Randy Savage

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Detroit Lions stink.
  Demolition weren't that good.
  I like to eat poop.