291 Love in the Time of Corona: March 27, 2020

This ring is empty, just like after listening to this show feels.

101 minutes

The latest development for Big Black Room WrestleMania: AJ Styles will face the Undertaker in a "Boneyard Match". Blade makes an actual joke. For once. I know.

Blade is back (quarantined?) in Don's Petting Zoo Basement with his pet parrot "Bitey". He is the only one laughing at Blade's jokes/laughter/Big Announcement. RD thinks Bitey would make the perfect next TNA correspondent. I'm expecting he will have a character page eventually irregardless of this. (He already has a label now anyway.)

RD now has an Etsy shop. At the moment he is specializing in creating high quality old school game coasters.

RD admits that we of this very site are more awesome than them. (:16)

News depending on how you look at it: Tam is out of prison and expressing a desire to "paint". No word on whether she also is on Etsy. (:19) Blade reminds RD on the many Tam "presents" he had subjected him to for Christmas. Then he threatens to talk about her weekly. Then he coughs outside of the microphone. Then he randomly says: "I'm allergic to the world." Then he Joker laughs.

Shelly Martinez is not doing nude work on her OnlyFans page. (:25) Blade has to explain to the more prudish RD what OnlyFans is. Wasn't Tam there also? She will be on Snapchat if she wasn't already there before her "hiatus". Bitey pterodactyl screeches on hearing this. Blade has seen her recent photos and thinks she looks better. Spending time in jail will do that to someone.

Blade had a Wrestling Vixens account before he or his library had a computer (he used his friend's computer to use it).

Jillian "Mole" Hall is a mother for the second time. (:32) Blade: "[Shawn Michaels] never had any problems conceiving, but..." He keeps thinking it's still cold outside. He also fantasizes about naming his alternate dimension children after Crayola colors and/or cheese. (Crayola colors named after cheese?)

Sad News: Blade once again is missing out on meeting Mickie James (and Tom Wopat) in Columbus (Indiana) due to the current pandemic cancelling everything. (:38) He expresses his sadness by more coughing.

RD announces that he will pay for Blade's next flight to see Mickie James within the next 12 months if she's within close distance of either of them. Blade still wants to ask her about her favorite breakfast cereal. (:44)

For a change, Listener James Campbell was Questioned in the Kult of Kayfabe Facebook group about wrestling podcasts. He chose...wisely. (:46) Blade wonders how their two radio progrems compare to one another. Then he Joker laughs again alongside Bitey.

RD took another visit to the F4W Board for another Question there. (A subscription is still required for access.) (:49) Blade wants to call these occurrences Board Games. This week/month from January: who is the best member of Demolition? "Dude Life" liked Axe due to his creepiness as a middle-aged factory laborer sex pervert.

WrestleCrap will be 20 years old this April, so the Co-Fruitcakes go over some of their favorite moments (again). (:54)

• RD was supposed to be a caller-in on a radio show with an elderly receptionist identifying him as "Russell Crap" (I am sure he mentioned this once.). 
• Blade had an early email conversation with the Warrior on his personalized workout program using the nom de guerre of RustleCrup. 
• RD remembered the many people he has met over the years. 
• Blade remembered their feud with Damien Demento including singing and their missed attempt to have Shelly Martinez on the show because she "overslept". 
• RD is most happy to have met Blade through his Black Scorpion Revenge. Blade was assisted by his Ex and Don to make it as an excuse to expand his VHS tape library, and as a result starting his IMDB profile. Discussion of the expensive good old days follows. 
• Blade is most happy that he has Katie Vick's outfit to literally fuck around in.

The two wonder how much it will cost to bring Tam onto their show. (:83) According to her Facebook page she was happy for two (2) hours on the 23rd before getting angry again for some reason.

Big Black Room WrestleMania over two days with gimmicks matches is the worst way to go about it, instead of delaying it in order to make it better (you know, like everyone else is doing). (:87) Blade argues they can't delay it without impacting their TV shows; they might as well get things over with now and start anew. RD shows how incorrect Blade is by forgetting who Brock Lesnar is to fight against (Drew McIntyre).

The two agree that WWE should take a hiatus/offseason anyway, as they should normally do even without a pandemic (you know, like everyone else is doing). Blade attempts to be "light" and spills water all over himself.

RD on WrestleCrap on Patreon: "Enjoy some bad wrestling from when some of it was actually good."

Seventeen Syllables of Blade Braxton telling you what's going on:
Coronavirus.
Empty WrestleMania.
It will feel empty.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right



#StayAliveStayInside #Don'tBeBlandWashYourHands #BeBadAssWearAMask

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. What Ganon Is Up To, Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Mama’s Broken Damn, Damn, Damn Dishes:  1
• Blade Time Outs: 17 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Cricket Chirps:  3

 

• Question of the Week TO: James Campbell
  
• Anyone know any good wrestling podcasts? WrestleCrap Radio. Well the RD & Blade Show was pretty good too.
  

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Best WrestleCrap moment of the last 20 years?
• RD:  Meeting Blade via the Recreate the Crap Contest, Mildred calling him Russell Crap, meeting cool people in the business
• Blade:  The Katie Vic outfit, Jim Helwig the Russell Crupp mentor, Damien Demento vs WrestleCrap (non sequentially)
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade hates this pandemic:

Coronavirus.
Empty WrestleMania.
It will feel empty.

290 The B Word: February 19, 2020

BladeStranglesHisBird.com

...I Bet That Url's Not Taken?

85 minutes

Blade has returned from abroad to be further confused by RD himself. Quote one Listener: "You guys just seem to tickle each other."

RD explains to Blade how he got his scar in Gotham City getting pseudo-creampied in his Roselyn Bakery Death Match in his wrestling days by his very excited opponent. (:05) Blade remembers their pie throwing at the end of that Roast of 10 years ago. Was it really that long ago?

Blade is currently in Don's basement with his pet parrot. RD wants to make him the next TNA correspondent. (:12)

RD wants to add years to the site to make it older than it currently is, like WCW did with Goldberg's record. Blade has a forbiddingly bad idea for what he wants for the April anniversary. "I can read a calendar," he proclaims.

As expected, Blade did not listen to last month's show.

RD gave Blade some karmic justice for always being late for their recordings. (:22) Blade had a good time in the UK with his Midnight Rose and Katie Vick outfits in a horror movie without a title. Botchamania's Maffew is also to appear in it. Blade promised a friend he would bring them UK variant Kit Kats, so of course he ate them all himself. That's all the news he can give us.

Blade continues to be drunk. (:28) One of the Iiconics did a photo shoot resulting in an expected deluge of "messages". RD reads a publicized one in his non-Sir Alec/STAN impression.

Jim calls in since he is soon to release another book. He and RD crack each other up unintentionally (for once). (:34)

The Hall of Fame bound Bellas are expecting at the same time. RD pretends to be surprised that it may not be on the straight and narrow. Blade: "I just got up." (:39) Also joining them this year are the original four of the NWO Classic, Bistro Batista, Jushin Liger, and Davey Boy Smith [and JBL].

Robert Sternburg (2) thinks Adam Bomb has bowel issues. (:46) He has to make sure they're alright since he may be imprisoned like his partner Crush was that one day. Blade fails his 'joke'. RD: "Does it really matter?" He tries again. That fails. He tries again. That fails.

Blade also hung out with some Listeners while overseas. The drinking probably helped them against his bad jokes. (:50) Shayna Baszler appeared with a vampire/hound gimmick. RD does not mess up his 'joke' but it still fails also. Blade tries again. That fails.

Speaking of wrestling biters, RD likes Hulk Hogan, the Haiti Kid, and Shelly Martinez (What is she up to these days anyway?). Blade likes Kamala, Gangrel, and Matilda. (No Abdulla the Butcher?)

RD has yet to watch a full match of the new XFL but likes some of their rules, including the different point conversion. (:68) Blade's Hobo Curse has had no effect on the nearby Kansas City Chiefs, since they are not based in Kansas. His XFL team is the also not based in Kansas ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS (to be written only in all caps, like the OTTAWA REDBLACKS. Who are also not based in Kansas).

WWE is currently documenting their years of RUTHLESS AGGRESSION, their period of random activity in the 2000s after they had defeated WCW and had no idea what to do next (sounds like nowadays to be honest). Blade does his old man impression due to being confused by their era dates. (What, does he think this is a game of (Sid Meier's) Civilization or something?) RD is more amused by WWE's hilariously awful attempts to rewrite history, in this case that they 'voluntarily' changed their name just because.

Wipe it clean with Seventeen (Shayna) Syllables:
Shayna likes to bite.
I hope she doesn't get sued.
Trademark White Wolf Inc.



$1.00 : $32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrap.com, Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 3. Thebadboysexcited.com, BigBadBillygettingexcited.com, Bittenbyamidget.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

  

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade (2)

•  Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Jim
  

 

• Mama’s Broken Damn, Damn, Damn Dishes:  3
• Blade Time Outs: 23 (2 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  4 (1 Hold on a second, 1 Real Quick, 1 Wait a minute, 1 Wait a second)
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 3
• Cricket Chirps:  7
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Robert Sternburg (2)
• Do you think Adam Bomb has explosive diarrhea? Blade distracted RD with a poorly delivered punchline.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Top 3 Biters.
  
• RD:  Hulk Hogan, The Haiti Kid, Shelly “Ariel” Martinez
• Blade:  Matilda, Gangrel, Kamala the Ugandan Giant (sequentially)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Shayna guilty of copy bite?
  
  Shayna likes to bite.
  I hope she doesn't get sued.
  Trademark White Wolf Inc.

Return Of The Gooker, Once Again, Return Of The Gooker!

When you take a look at these nominations all I have to say is...Thank God I'm not watching WWE these days! Hit it!



Return of The Gooker, once again, Return of The Gooker, Oh My Lord!

Raging_Demons here once again kiddies. Yes while not dealing with Mike Check I get to do this once in a while. It is once again Gooker Time. Yes the 2016 nominations of The Gooker are out. The Gooker represents by the wrestling fans as the most recognized award for the worst ever in pro wrestling. Be it a match, a storyline, a wrestling character, and for the first time EVER the grand daddy of them all, they are eligible to receive the award for the worst of the worst.

Luckily I missed most of this mess. For those that don't follow me social or comment wise I am no longer watching WWE. It had started with that "Sting's Road to Wrestlemania" garbage giving that feeling that all it was is simply for Vinnie Mac to stroke his cock. Then we add Road Dogg's insensitive Twitter comments basically saying, and I'm paraphrasing here and also this is important since Road Dogg is a WWE Road Agent now (Gee I wonder how he GOT THAT JOB?!?) where he said "Sure you can go try it out (referring to watching other wrestling promotions like New Japan, Ring Of Honor, and even TNA of all things) but we all know that you'll be back (referring to always coming back and watching WWE)" which I found completely tasteless. The straw that broke the camel's back was one guy's constant, never ending push even thought he's got the physical gifts but the actual talent of a Ziggy comic.

You know the guy. Roman Reigns. That was it! Thank God for The Broken Hardy's for bringing me back to wrestling.

So I got to watched all of this for you and let me say...


God damn 2016 was bad! Did The Ratings Reaper try to kill actual wrestling talent as well?

Without further adieu here are your 2016 Gooker Nominations!

AND THEY ARE....


1. Wrestlemania 32: There have been several close attempts for a Wrestlemania, deemed "The Grand Daddy Of Them All", to be nominated for a Gooker, but this is a first time EVAH that a Wrestlemania has been nominated for a Gooker. Not only the event was WAY longer than the entire run of "Firefly" but most of the matches were either ranging from mediocre to god awful. Yes even Shane McMahon's match with The Undertaker were in the lines of cringe worthy.


2. Jeff Jarrett Selling "Global Force Gold": Hey you! Yes you! You like Jeff Jarrett? You like Jarrett's idea of a World Pro Wrestling League called "Global Force Wrestling"? You like gold? I know you like gold! Well Jeff Jarrett has a deal FER YOU! Sure selling gold may look like a pyramid scheme of Herbalife levels and this makes all the gold selling commercials that you see on FOX News seem even less credible than this, but its gold right? RIGHT?!?


3. Darren Young versus Titus O' Neill with Young's Life Coach...Bob Backlund?!?: Personally speaking I think that Darren Young gets constant crap level gimmicks due to the part that he's openly gay. Pro Wrestling at times can be so mentally backwards. Heck, Paul Heyman and Colt Cobana admitted in interviews that there's still antisemitism in pro wrestling today! Okay mini-rant over moving on. Bob Backlund has been a great character in the previous years, even Mick Foley admitted that in one of his books; I think it was "Foley Is Good" but I'm not quite sure but don't let me know about via Social Media okay. SO what do you do to make Darren Young a wrestler on Roman Reigns' level? You...force him to feud Titus O' Neill over and over again with Backlund doing random stuff during the feud that makes no sense what so ever. HUH?!?


4. Enzo Amore's TRIP TO...Sensitivity Training: Remember this kiddies...



Okay take the same premise, change it a little, let's say...a sensitivity class. Put in Enzo Amore, who is so freaking huge right now it's not funny. Enzo Amore is big, GABBY HAYES BIG! What you end up is a set of "comedy" skits, and I refer to "comedy" in this sense as in you were supposed to laugh at the jokes but instead you look at it and say to yourself "Who the hell wrote this crap?" Like what you're reading right now. OH!



The bottom line here is that these "Sensitivity Training" skits made Enzo Amore look real bad here.


5. The Big Nippled Vampire (Shelly Martinez) versus Rebel: Every Wrestlecrap Radio Listener (all 12 of them) and even us here at Wrestlecrapradio.com knows who Shelly Martinez is. She's The BNV, the Big Nippled Vampire. Shelly got that name during her times in the WWE version of ECW running around as a vampire with giant fake fun bags with, as RD Reynolds would say about her nipples are "big and round as a dinner plate". Shelly is also a great wrestler and entertainer wise and I personally met her and she is a good person...Just don't try to start an argument with her because she will win! Oh yes she will! So what happen when a highly trained wrestler like Shelly Martinez goes up against a VERY GREEN wrestler like Rebel who is known for only two things: She can wear jean shorts so tiny that they look like she's wearing a thong and she's real life best friends with Christy Hemme? Put the two together and you get a match that is SO BAD that if I air the video here right now you would sue all of us for causing such psychological damage and I SO do not want that to happen! I hate to steal RD's gimmick but...SPEAKING OF HORRIBLE BAD THINGS!


6. The Wyatt Compound Match: There were a lot of people not happy that "Broken" Matt Hardy and his hijinks along with "Brother Nero" (I Knew You Would Come!) Jeff Hardy should be a shoe-in for a Gooker, but lets face the facts here that Matt Hardy actually created what WWE has been trying for years. Actual "Sports Entertainment" that is good. With the popularity of The Broken Hardyz WWE decided to do one little, itty, bitty, tiny thing. They tried to rip-off "The Final Deletion", turn it into a gimmick match with The Wyatt Family and The New Day, and turned it into a third rate garbage match that hasn't been seen in years. Let me edit that for a sec here. They ripped-off "The Final Deletion", made it into a fifth rate garbage match, and they ripped off Rob Zombie and his movies by making that match look like crap that Uwe Boll poops out. By the way I'm way glad Uwe Boll is retired. Gotta steal Deal's gimmick again here. SPEAKING OF THE NEW DAY!


7. The New Day vs Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson Feud: Poor Luke Gallows. He started as the mouth breather Festus, became liberated in The Straight Edge Society, and was a part of Aces and Eights. Yeesh! I feel bad for the guy. Gallows FINALLY gets some success in New Japan as a part of The Bullet Club. Then he along with fellow Bullet Club members AJ Styles and Karl Anderson get signed by WWE. While AJ Styles gets his own solo push the other two, Gallows and Anderson, get...this crappy feud right here! The Old Day? Midget New Day members? Anderson holding a jar of Big E's testicles saying that "he got no balls?" Did Triple H give Gallows and Anderson a D-Generation X Joke Book and say "Here do everything in this book when you are feuding with The New Day?" FFS MAN!


8. The Shining Stars: OK what the hell! It all begins with Primo and Epico getting a attractive female valet. Then they become comical masked bullfighters with a pet midget dressed as a bull. Now they are Puerto Rico time share sallsmen! What the hell did they do to deserve this crap?!?


Oh yeah, they're related to this guy here!

[I'm quite astonished no one has yet memed on Carlito having Giorgio "The A is for Aliens" Tsoukalos' hair. - PB]


9. The Golden Truth: What happens when you combine R-Truth and Goldust?



Oh Hell No! Instead of two wild and crazy guys we got two guys stuck in a constant loop of really bad jokes and honestly I'm quite offended. I'm supposed to be the one to tell lame jokes around here!


10. TNA in 2016: My personal pick for who should win the Gooker. TNA in 2016 was literally quite a huge embarrassment. First they started to stiff their wrestlers and their technical staff with not paying them. Then they lost wrestlers and staff left and right. Then they had to beg around to get money to do some recording of shows which is downright sad. Then they had wrestlers perform piss poor matches on TV since they are no longer a wrestling company. Then they began stiffing all their creditors not paying them back. Then they got an investor like Billy Corgan, who ran his own (actual) wrestling promotion, to invest in them only to alienate and steal from him. Its like all of this is a giant scheme of some sorts...


(Credit: James Hornsby over at BotchedSpot.com. Check it out now! Its one of my favorite websites!)

Whatever or however TNA does business is beyond me. After all the stupid stuff that they do they always finds a way to stay alive. With recent news event Dixie Carter is now gone from TNA, having new owners from Anthem Sports (Finding new buyers to take over is WAY beyond me for a money-pit of an organization like TNA), and just recently re-signing Dutch Mantell and Jeff Jarrett (Have you heard? Our current Gooker Nominee has a way for you to be rich on gold!) they can actually get out of this mess but in 2016 you can teach a class on TNA on how many times TNA FUBAR'ed.


10 Nominees, 1 winner. You got until January 14th! That's next Saturday kids! GET TO VOTING FOR YOU THINK WILL BE THE GOOKER WINNER NOW!

206 Hulkanymphomania: March 9, 2012

79 minutes

Unexpectedly the radio progrem starts with actual wrestling news: Hulk Hogan has a sex tape, and he's not doing it with Linda or Brooke or his current beau. Or Ed Leslie, thankfully. For more 'information' on it, skip to the last five minutes.

The duo worry that from talking about this new revelation they won't talk about anything else. Of course, they don't talk about anything at all. I don't see the problem here.

RD meanwhile is to collaborate on his own videos (...wasn't he already doing so?). He is going to work with his former fellow Fighting Spirit Magazine correspondent and equal reporting legend Bill Apter (:04), the first product of which is to be uploaded in the next week. Not to be outdone, Blade reveals how he used old Apter mags as expensive coloring books, and that the Midnight Rose will be in New Jersey in June to appear in person on Vince Russo's YouShoot recording. (Feel free to write potential questions here if you're a registered member on the forum.) Recent inductee Brakus is with Fantasio on some interview online which I'm too lazy to find. (:10) The Boogeyman now has a rather rude name.

RD wants another telethon (:15). Sad News: Blade lost his Jerry Lewis button.

RD needs a new sponsor to replace Global Internet for some reason, so he reads a 10,000 page ad copy from The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, one of which is that guy who gets aroused by Blade's burps. RD has to admonish Brad for interrupting him while doing so.

Until April 1st, the 'WrestleCrapMania 2012 Sale' has all the DVDs from $16.95 US. Blade wonders about listening to all the shows in a row. I was bored enough to do that once. Let me tell you, it should be banned under the Geneva Convention.

Sad News: Payton Manning's been future endeavored by the Colts because they suck without him on the field. (:27) RD pisses off Blade by now deciding to also cheer for the Bengals, the Giants, and whoever Payton's new team is. My money's on the Jets, Bills, Cardinals, Chiefs, or the Rams. Hell, he may even fuck with people's heads and play in the CFL. Hell, he should go to Canada and quit football entirely. I can totally see him as General Manager for the Canadiens and piss off the Quebecois media for not speaking French yet. Or he may even play on the ice and probably score more in one game than Scott Gomez's done all season.

Long digression over, RD mourned this occurrence by taking a TRIP to the Louisville Arcade Expo. Long discussion about old school gaming follows. In Jefferson, he saw something for "Churro Cereal" and one of Jerry's Restaurants and saw a restaurant called Moby Dick with a really angry mascot. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps?) Popeye does not show up to crack jokes. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.) Blade yawns, fascinated by all this for sure. He saw an RD's Liquor Store once while on the road.

"He piled upon the whale’s white portion the sum of all the general appetite and
hunger felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his stomach had
been a mortar, he burst his cold mouth's tongue upon it."

Blade is flabbergasted by the fact that they've only gotten to Obscure News 43 minutes in. Our good friend Joanie Laurer is in yet another porn film, this time as She-Hulk. RD wants Stan Lee to make an appearance, though perhaps not necessarily participating with her. Blade's friend once went in blackface. This silences RD. I would be silenced too; I didn't know Blade was a good friend of Ted Danson. Perhaps HE can be a Celebrity Tripper to the Grocery in the future.

The Big Nippled Vampire still hasn't called yet as she is in a Funny or Die video. (:48) RD does not remember Ute Luddendorf who is NOT in one. He does remembers Patrick Warburton though.

"Satan" pays a visit. (:52) His Tubular Bells sound different again. He's somehow corrupted a HorseTrolla into a "DevilTrolla". I personally think someone's ripped the Prince of Darkness off. The only Daemonic-style HorseTrollas that are sold (The DreadSteedTrolla) look more like a Khornite Juggernaught. I'm surprised he hasn't yet seen the "Made In Elysium Fields" tag on the side and called Trolla Customer Support about it. On the other hand, he DID make a fuss about the Ratings Reaper not paying him $15,000 for some reason, so I can see that he would be hard up to buy a counterfeit knockoff rather than the real thing. Hell, I could have hooked him up with one for free as a gift.

Anyway, there's something about Mickie James making no sense online. "Satan" really needs better writers for the stuff he makes his 'subjects' say. Again, he probably just can't afford them.

Pete from Austria has the Question Complaint of the Week (:58), attacking RD's knowledge of German and the fact that Austria and Germany are two separate countries. Next RD will have us believe that Africa is a country.

The Honky Tonk Mailman's not around again (smart man) so Nintendo John calls instead. (:63) He doesn't like the new WrestleFest remake and he loses his composure for some reason. Blade wonders if he's anorexic from his appearance on the Roast. Well of course, if he subsides on power-ups with no nutritional value (on the Nintendo). His crowd stays behind to cheer.

Blade loses his train of thought. I'm shocked, I really am. (:68) New Jack and Brian Knobbs got into a backstage brawl, easily won by the former ECWer. Blade's forgotten about Brock Lesnar already.

The two then spend five minutes on Hogan's sex tape (:74) That's six more minutes than I would have given it.

Seventeen Easily Digestible Syllables:
Hulk sex-tape on way.
Something I don't want to see:
One eye of Hulkster. 

RD: "I like how you did that haiku. It kinda sounded like Chief Jay Strongbow doing it."



What's this? Only one Jar transgression? (0.50c) That's not possible. Or I just didn't pay attention as usual. Someone remind to give this another listen.
$4.50 (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

201 Piper's Pit-SA: October 28, 2011

73 minutes

"Don't work for Vince Russo"?

It is once again Halloween, which gives RD & Blade ample opportunity to fluster and filibuster and fart around as per their custom. Of course they do it all the time, but more so in this case. Blade has 'morals' that he hangs on his wall. He repeats about the time he wore a Darth Maul outfit and Don Mason wore a star on his face. (:10) RD wants to be the king of the geeks nerds & poindexters. (:15) He'd be scarier than any tyrant.

:17 Piper's PSAs raise a question: Is it Thank YOU or Thank YA? Blade once received Mork & Mindy trading cards and even an action figure. Those are worse than razor apples. At King's Island RD escaped 'paying' for raisin boxes. RD's PSA: obtain some actual good candy to give out.

:27 Blade paid the Big Nippled Vampire and now has to 'schedule' her to be on their progrem. Nowadays she seems to be stuck on TMZ answering randomly awful questions. Huey is possessed by Satan. RD calls him "Son of Huey".

At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
At last we shall have our Mars bars.

:32 Lita's in a Haunted House called the Atlanta Chamber Of Horrors. Sadly it's not Jim Ross' UWF Haunted House and we don't see Abdullah The Butcher on an electric chair, so I don't really care about it much.

:38 Sunny is auctioning off her Hall Of Fame dress as the latest high priced spunk rag. Blade repeats the story of Don's blow up doll. Is it a sign of dementia if you repeat the same things over and over again without knowing it? "I am ashamed of myself" Blade admits.

:41 "Satan" calls, seeing as how it's his season. Leave Santa Claus to the commercialism of Christmas, this is his time damn it! Former old guard Madusa disagrees with Kevin Nash on WWE. I can't argue with that; no offense to the man but he did help kill off WCW after all.

Not, not sure I get the reference, there, Carl.

:46 RD once again has to go back to Facebook to answer a 'Question' from Carl Zayas. The Co-Fruitcakes do, however, somewhat 'answer' his query. I think that's the only way to get an answer from the two; send them something that is less about wrestling and more just a random non sequitur.

:52 The Honky Tonk Mailman has the 'holiday' off. So why is he spending his time on the radio progrem? That's more arduous than any work I've seen. In his neighborhood people hand out Wrestling Observers instead of candy. Even Blade is speechless. In 'today's' news Hulk Hogan is returning to TNA...three weeks ago. The Halloween Havoc '98 commemorative stamp has a free refund. (For those who don't know, WCW was so inept that they were forced to air the PPV for free the day after, thus enraging those few who had paid for it. But don't take my word for it.) RD is worried about the Colonel's regression into a baby. But does he speak in Bruce Willis' voice?

The audience also took a nap during Vengeance.

:60 Blade forgot his bicentennial popcorn bucket. 'This is why you fail," he tells himself rather circularly. The ring at the recent Vengeance PPV can support a 40-man fight but apparently not just two guys standing on top of it. Blade does his Iron Mark Tyson. (:65)

:66 RD plays Blade's recording with Piper. He's not actually on the show, and I can't blame him. He probably thought the duo would take another month to record an episode and decided to be recorded instead. He's rather contradictory in his advice this time, advising trick-or-treaters to "burn [the] lawn" of those they don't like and send unwanted and poisoned food to Vince so that he can "look like Moolah".

Blade sings again.

$1.00 ($37.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

199 One-Off: August 4, 2011

73 minutes

Emperor, are they REALLY going to harp on this episode milestone constantly over and over to replace the fact that they always have fuck all to actually discuss on the radio progrem? Apparently the answer is yes. "That's what this show's become," RD admits.

Sad News: both men are hurting bad, although it's more from day to day life rather than injuries from equally angered Listeners. Blade tries to get through the pain by more random singing. RD wants an anniversary re-release of Blade's Revenge of the Black Scorpion . They are still accepting submissions for people dressing up as characters at "Nitro parties". Hell, just cut the middleman and send them to me. I could use a good laugh.

NITRO SAUSAGE PARTY

And no, don't look at ME to send in anything. I only wear one thing most of the time, and unless Oklahoma University's hockey team is any good, I don't think what I wear counts. In fact, you could say that the only character I dress up as is...well, myself. So leave ME out of this thank you very much.

:15 RD's back hurts from a bump he took while driving on the wrong side of the road in a bumper car. Those things are deadly, let me tell you. Blade makes some meaningless arguments which RD mercilessly tears down.

:25 The BNV finally has her site up, so RD pays a visit. Unfortunately it's not as concise as bignippledvampire.com. The two get it in their heads somehow that paying for her to appear on the show every month to answer the Question of the Week would be a license to print money. Or you could just donate the money to me and I can pretend to be her for your enjoyment. The Midnight Rose is appearing on another shoot DVD, this one with Danny Doring. (:34) Poor Maryse has a stalker. Sir Alec is summoned to read some of his strange messages to her. (:39) In actual news, did you know she did an interview for the hometown Habitant?

:50 Blade wants to make a "NWO B-SquadThunder" spin-off of the "Nitro" Fantasy Football League. Did you know someone made a custom Ted DiBiase and Gary Coleman figure?

:53 Ultimate Kennedy (12) has a question.

:55 The HTMM is preoccupied, so RD preoccupies us with Sting's bird. Blade in turn preoccupies us with how his ex-girlfriend un-friended him on Facebook because she didn't like one Troma movie.

:65 Zack Ryder, geek jobber.

Triple H is on two shows for double the pain.

Seventeen Syllables about this:
There's one champion,
two champions, three times
Triple H bullshit.

$4.00 ($32.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right thing for PC.) Can he break the $50 mark by the end of the year? One can wonder...

198 Null-Stars: July 22, 2011

82 minutes

Using the opportunity of C.M. Punk 'escaping' WWE with the belt, Triple H has finally taken his revenge against Vince for putting him in The Chaperone and has temporarily replaced him on screen. My advice for his first order of business: remove whoever is running WWE Studios with someone more competent.

A rare deal this week only: you can have the Archive Disk for only $15! Related to that you can also get Blade's limited Midnight Rose shirt until August 15th.

:12 Blade wants to search the "Canon" to find how long his Doug Jarvis-style Mickey James mentioning streak has lasted. (Heh, it's funny seeing the legendary Hab winning his 6th Stanley Cup as an assistant coach with Boston) While I CAN tell you when they started talking about her in the first place, I'm not that much of a fool to go over the episodes AGAIN to pinpoint any gaps and holes in that streak. Not unless serious bribes are involved. Anyway, there's more shilling of this very site. RD wonders if a (no doubt fascinating) segment named "To Quote Mike Check" would be the next Fantasy Booking Island.

:17 Blade thinks the show is menstruating. I think it's more like it's going through menopause. RD's been in Europe much of the year, but he only took the opportunity just recently to go visit Disneyland Paris. At right is an example of what is considered a fun ride for young children. Speaking of unbroken hymens...sadly Popeye does not call in claiming to have made the ride. Shockingly Blade is not drunk...yet. Again, he's probably getting his 'caffeine' in Irish coffee. Cap'n Crunch Treasures are King Pedophile cereals in disguise. (:25) Sadly Popeye does not call in here either to show his approval.

:29 The Big Nippled Vampire was once supposed to be on the radio progrem against Damien Demento but for some reason she sadly couldn't make it. Sad News: her webpage was down at the time of recording (it's up at the time of writing.) Sir Alec is summoned to try and take her place. (:35) He has another Shawn Michaels 'story' about him against PETA.

New Jack has been rather heated against his former girlfriend Terri Runnels, she of the house scam. (:43) Sad News: according to him she was spreading a venereal disease around the locker room. Sadder News: she was once involved with New Jack. Saddest News: remember when Don's friend fucked a horse?

:47 Satan's Tubular Bells are back to their regular 'normal' sound this week. He can't get inside Google Plus yet though. Those anti-daemonic wards must still be working. He reads for us more of New Jack, who apparently has 'naked photos' of her. Even worse is Gene Snitsky 'hacking' his own page to insult the Miz and his fans because he has a hot girlfriend instead of a foot fetishist bounty hunter angle.  Good news is RD doesn't bother to censor him this time. His daemonic powers are probably at full power today.

:54 The BNV had some rather strange ring names. Poor lady, she must be far too nice to ask for more dignified sounding names. The Question of the Week is from Dallas James who is lonely and wants to crash a party. RD wants one made for the 200th episode. Blade wants uploaded footage of character dress up to be discussed on said episode.

:59 The HTMM is again a no-show so Jim calls instead. (:62) He needs a taste tester and takes the time to mock "Johnny Age" and can relate to a TNA Knockout's face paralysis. Then he abruptly leaves. 

:67 Blade does his Mike Tyson impression. C.M. Punk stores his belt in his fridge to make it Mountain Cold. RD can't help but watch a old clip of a random lady shooting on someone. Why she's not currently on Raw is a mystery for the ages.

Vince's fashion sense is as impeccable as always.

All kinds of stuff:
Vince in salmon suit.
Goodbye to wrestling, hello
Chicken of the Sea.

$5.00 ($28.00)



What's this? Blade's crossed the $25 mark with flying colors? Why, this calls for...well, a prize! Something bonus that can be fit into the jar (if physically possible) to commemorate this fantastic milestone.

What do you have for us, Rich?

That's right P, it's The Price Is Right computer game! Now you too can have fun coming on down in the comfort of your own home! Get on the Showcase Showdown, get the chance to win a brand new car, or even just mess around just to hear those legendary losing horns while flirting with Carey's Cuties. It can be done with this Nintendo John Seal Of Approval game right in your hands! All this in stunning Windows XP-era graphics for the amazing actual retail price of $19.99, but only if...The Premier Is Right! Back to you, P.

($28.00 plus TPIR game for $19.99)

(Many thanks to Robert Q. Seidelman for the item recommendation. Check out his site here. Trust me, it's far more funny than anything I could write.)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

180 Drinking with the (Big Nippled) Stars: August 6, 2010

HBK Demonstrates New Hunting Technique

60 minutes

The "Celebrity" Roast has finally shipped to acclaim by many...but not the Midnight Rose, as RD forgot to credit his appearance. He fears for his life now. Next stop for WCR: TV! The two discuss numerous possibilities for spin-offs. Blade in particular is so drunk he's using the old headphones again.

:11 The worst match on TNA, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, is finally inducted. RD's attempts to go to Cincinnati for some root beer is once more interrupted by Blade's fucking random ramblings that make the show three hours long and which almost serve to enrage RD yet again. He somehow gets through with a straight face. (They have Barq's in the place where I live but I always stick with the original A&W.) Blade meanwhile went to a concert to try and have sex with half-naked 14 year olds.

:24 Molly Holly AKA Nora Greenwald is engaged to a former recovering drug addict whom she met while in her current job as a drug counselor. She wants to have sex as soon as possible. RD wonders if she will hate it since she's never done it before. Regardless, this is Very Happy News for all save Blade Brakestown and all his missed opportunities. I mean, really. All the women he's met and failed to further connect with, those Big Announcements that he's always failed to big announce, his singing 'career', his team (although it's not his fault I admit), his occupation calling for a certain use of trash bags...I'd call him a modern day Job in the Biblical sense, if Job was a drunkard hobo co-hosting a long running Internet progrem. I'd rather call him a Job in the wrestling sense instead. Jobbing Jobber Job, perhaps? Someone get Vince Russo to create him for TNA and have him shoot all the time as some sort of meta-referencing to the wrestling business.

:32 Our old friend Shelly "BNV" Martinez wants to get on Dancing With The Stars. As obscure as she may be outside the industry, she would at least be less obscure than half of any current seasonal roster, and would definitely be better on the feet too due to her background. Plus you could have Tom Bergeron co-host RAW and do a heel turn on his show, perhaps calling it some sort of weak imitation of his old Hollywood Squares. It's a win-win!

:36 Question: Batman Plus Robin Equals The Conway (2) asks a rather sexual question, but instead of Popeye calling in Mike Check does instead. He can apparently do those nowadays due to him being...fascinating with his fellow inmates. In the midst of his own jobbing he does remember his days in New Haven, Connecticut's WDOL "Dollar 99" co-hosting a business show with his then woman DJ called Bounce Check Money Matters. [I am SO writing a sitcom with that title. I can see it now....Bounce Check Money Matters: Starring Paul Heyman and Urkel: LICENCE....TO PRINT.....MONEY - Clarence] I bet you Jim Kramer was one of his disciples. 

:45 John Kelly's TNA 'reporting' is essentially repeating what the Co-Fruitcakes say. He doesn't even provide anything new! If you notice, RD says Hulk Hogan IS with us and Samoan Joe has been future endeavored and John just makes bad quips in response. That's not even news at all! He probably doesn't note down what he wants to mention on his trip between Florida and Kansas (his hands are full of holding his sunglasses), and thus the exhaustive journey between the two states makes him forget what he wants to say and just makes him subconsciously parrot the duo.

:49 In a further attempt to (fail at) salvage itself, TNA dedicated a full taping just to ECW. Sadly Francine was a no-show. RD would prefer watching Shawn Michaels and his wive on a hunting show. (:54)

Better lay 'em on us:
So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.

164 Blade's Gone Wild: January 8, 2010

TNA: We Are Limpin', Sugah!

77 minutes

Dedicated to the memory of Paul Servo, a great fellow Crapper, Honorary WCR Historian, Co-Host Contestant and one of the Original 12, who sadly passed away on the 3rd of January. Our condolences and thoughts for his friends and family.

It's a new decade for WrestleCrap Radio, seeing as how they fell off a cliff for them at the end of the previous year, (much like the Canadiens and Lions). Blade wants to talk about wrestling all show for a change. So they talk about...slurpies. But they are wrestling slurpies!

Impact has gone head to head against RAW for the first time (:08) and the Co-Hosses mark out on naked Val Venus and Orlando Jordan in Impact. Popeye calls. You know the drill - pun literally intended. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. WrestleCrap will be 10 years old this April, but RD would like to forget his newsletters. (:14) Perhaps they'll reappear on his next Archive Disc?

:17 Further talking about wrestling (Yes, really). Blade finds something on his script which predicts Popeye's calling in, and the fact that RD finally lost a bet due to his own fault and own confusion over Blade's rules and now has to read whatever people send to him. Send your requests to blade@wrestlecrap.com if it hasn't been featured here yet. RD got some gift glass bottles from his brother for Christmas (I too always prefer glass over plastic). Blade has some own glass bottles in his collection.

:26 Blade is trying to stay sober for the first time in a while. Tammy Sytch with nothing else better to do calls out the Bella Twins for being in the same glass house as she is, or something. RD reads what she has to say in his Dixie Carter impression. Blade fantasizes about Ashley Massaro. He also has some grudge against cutlery and wants to fuck people while cooking food on them. Maybe that's why he keeps calling the Big Nippled Vampire's breasts big and round as a dinner plate. I know there is a term for that fetish, but it escapes me at the moment.

Blade is trying to look and act like a hobo caveman (more so than usual) in an attempt to escape jury duty.

Moe from Men on a Mission (:34) reminds Blade of the Robonic Stooges in a bad recreation of a Dumas novel, itself part of some Skatebirds show which includes a monkey for some reason. Sadly he's not BJ's Bear. The actual Moe is considering leaving the wrestling biz for MMA. One word: Horrible.

Blade wants to know how the BabyTrolla works, which reports that Candice Michelle is having a baby girl due to the actions of her husband. The HorseTrolla reveals Mickie James was in another car accident where she was rear ended. A word of warning: whatever you do, please do not look up 'dragoning'. You'll regret it. There's more fallout from her moving to Smackdown. Blade may finally get his chance, but he's still stuck on Lita.

Sir Alec 'visits' yet again. (:53) This time, Mickie James (speaking of her) finds love with Kelly Kelly but needs John Cena to simplify things.

The WCR Gong has the week's Question. (:60) Could a Jonas Brother appear in a revival of 3 Count? RD finds their theme song. Blade wonders on Britney Spear's fallopian tubes.

:64 Voting has begun for the 2009 Gooker. This year: Hornswaggle vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, Vince's random hatred against the Denver Nuggets, the Abraham Washington Show, Santina Marella as Miss Wrestlemania, TNA's 'portrayal' of Sarah Pallin, and some really bad RAW guest hosting.

Impact and RAW may go head to head on a weekly basis. Oh good, looks like WCW is back. RD compares the radio progrem to mid-90s Scott Hall. The duo pine for those good old days, but would they want Bret Hart to return to the ring? And could he do anything with their wacky nicknames? The two are unsure, so they instead turn to Hulk Hogan.

Seventeen Syllables on the return of Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.

162 Barnyard Logic: December 4, 2009

Virgil: The Two Dollar Pervert

102 minutes (!!!)

It's the third episode in two months, so Blade prepares himself by getting drunk once again. This is furthered even more by mention of a new addition to the WWE roster, a glorified Brakestown clone by the name of Luke Gallows. Gay Popeye calls and the phone is so used to his appearances that it doesn't even ring. RD has to work around slightly to not break the already broken battered and torn kayfabe on the radio progrem. People used to come up to Blade and tell him he looked like Brian Pillman which is the closest the show has had to a joke in a bygone age. There's been no response from Demento yet in their battle. Well don't mention it on here, he might listen and reply again! Blade wants to fuck the radio progrem, if such a thing is even physically possible. I guess we'll find out if one day we start listening to an episode and sperm suddenly starts shooting out of the speakers.

RD meanwhile had taken another TRIP to Disney World (:11) He didn't re-encounter Rafiki sadly, but while waiting for a ride he did see a random woman with large fake ones, which warranted remembering. Blade does his Bill Paxton impression.

As people have (not) been waiting for, RD took another TRIP for Black Friday (:24) and he has Super Mario based music with him for some reason. Blade didn't go shopping this year, disappointing yet again. I bet that happens to him quite a lot. While at Wal-Mart RD saw an old woman standing in line just so she could buy some Melba Toast. Sadly no one knows if this Melba Toast Black Friday Lady has any relation to Calculator Man. RD also 'met' two women also in the line arguing about some pitch-in/pot luck dinner. And...that's about it this year. Sadly Blade can't do any better with another Don...Don Mason anecdote (:29) in which the man, myth and legend argued with some old woman about the time. Perhaps she was actually Blade in disguise, as he can't keep track of the time either. Gay Popeye calls again. He'd tangled with a man named Black Friday, sent by the Jeep no doubt. That creature is always a trickster.

We finally get some Obscure News 40 minutes into this "three month long" show. December 7th is not just the anniversary of Pearl Harbor but also the birthday of another bomb, Tammy Sytch. (However Blade shows he flunked his history courses when he thinks Pearl Harbor was on the 10th instead. Is this an American thing to misremember dates I wonder?) The Co-Fruitcakes think of what to buy for her by looking at her Amazon Wish List. Among other things they find some random (and kinky sounding) float strap for a camera (sold separately). If I was feeling less tired and more cheeky I'd probably just send her the strap without the camera to attach it too and see what she does with it.

In other news (:50) everyone's favorite Big Nippled Vampire auctioned her fangs online for about $120. That's all. Remember when she was just about the only person the two would talk about for minutes at a time? Ah, the good old days.

Also remember former TNA wrestler Moon "Goldy Locks" Shadow? Yeah, me neither. For some reason the Co-Fruitcakes poke around on her site. I like the fact that her web page is titled "Untitled Document" and she hasn't updated the thing in two years. RD listens to a portion of some song of hers and 'writes' some review on iTunes about it.

Pain Fail 1 star out of 5
by WrestleCrap - Dec 3, 2009
Where do I start? I gave up a McDouble and a Carmel Apple Empanada for this song. Now not only am I hungry, but my ears also are hungry for good music. Your music stinks like manure. Why did Jerry Jarrett give you a job outside of dancing in one of those cages. PS - Do you have Lauren's phone number? Your friend, Blade Braxton.

Somewhat faintly connected, Blade needs a thousand dollars to sleep with Jasmine St. Claire.Would this also involve an iTunes review?

Continuing on the trend of wrestling has-beens and also-rans Virgil (who still hasn't been kicked in the nuts by Angry Marks and or a Carnival) had some rather bizarre interview while at some random con, whereby he tried to hit on his interviewers. (:65) Sir Alec reads the bizarre comments which mock the pathetic perennial jobber. Aim high, Virgil!

Seth Drakin returns to ask another Question (6) (:76): which famous announcing teams do you want back on the air? RD is impartial to Gorilla Monsoon and Pete Doherty, while Blade wants either Bruce Britchard, Michael McGuirk and Pete Doherty or Lord James Blears and Rod "TRON" Trongard.

Dixie Carter is now appearing regularly on TNA, so Johnny 4 is summoned to speak his part on that. (:80) Or once again get stuck on the same news of Hogan and Bischoff coming on TNA, who really knows? Of course it could be actual news as well as a glitch; the two have yet to appear on the show, and who can blame him?

RD: 'Is this the longest show we've ever done? It sure feels like it."

No, that would be THIS show. Sure feels hellishly long though.

Current News certainly has a lot to catch up on, so let's get to none of that this week. (:82) The Gooker reappeared some days back, even if the announce teams call it the "Gucker" for some reason. What, is Andrew Dice Claw going to guest host? Blade doesn't like the WWE doing outdated references. That's THEIR job, damnit! The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James is now on Twitter to stop imposters, which is perfect for Blade to stalk her. Concurrently WWE is cracking down on Twitter use also. Sadly Sir Alec doesn't return to read their rules and regulations.

WWE Comics has launched, in another attempt by the company to get into the industry (and laughably fail at yet again). Blade gets confused while reading one. He also loses his voice too. Or goes through puberty, I don't know. Perhaps getting more drunk can help?

Seventeen Syllables to explain this one:
WWE Comics.
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.

Blade: "WWE Comics: Wipe your ass on John Cena today."

145 One-on-One: May 15, 2009

86 minutes

Now, if Piper was fighting
Morton KOOPA Jr. ...

For some strange reason there's been lots of controversy over last week's induction of Roddy Piper spraying in the anus of Morton Downey Jr. What is there to argue about? That thing was terrible.

Blade thinks RD is seeing Greg of Global Internet for his own anal sprayings, and that Greg has his own Global Internet Brothel. How would that work though?

Sad News: Mickie James auctioned off her Halloween outfit and Blade didn't even know it. (:10) Some random geek/nerd/poindexter offered $1000 for the Katie Vick outfit. Blade burps randomly in response.

RD didn't took a TRIP sadly, but Blade did with Forrest George (:14), who had come for an autographed picture of the Midnight Rose as part of his Whirlwind Adventure. Blade has some Captain Kirk hat he won from a claw machine. He also eats some Star Trek Lucky Charms cereal and indulges his cannibalism by eating Uhura. Sadly Stubby does not make an appearance in response. (:21)

Sir Alec is here again for his Fan Fiction (:23) but he's still insubordinately hurting as he boycotts the show. Can he lead the tide in turning the show around? After he insults the 'boring' Mike Check, RD and Blade pull a page from an old Apter mag and decide to have Alec go One-on-One as P.N. News against RD's Dixie Carter as Johnny B. Badd. Can Sir Alec show off his rapping skills as The Ride of the Valkyries plays in the background?

Image by Greg Matsunaga

The FaxTrolla sounds up. (:36) An open letter from the Big Nippled Vampire announces some auction of some 'sexy' marijuana outfit of hers with some pasties or other. Blade misses out on THAT too. Just his bad luck huh? Candice Michelle was at some NASCAR race representing godaddy.com (:41) Some body double named Rachel Carr is signed up by WWE. Sad News: You mean THIS deceased woman? Cue a dramatic "NO!" from Blade. He and Don Mason once met some random body double at some Raiders game.

A Clayton (not the Clayton RD is familiar with, this is another one) has this week's Question (:47) and asks about One Hit Wrestlers. RD wants Xtreme Xpose to return. Remembrance of the three women ensues. Blade wants Don Mason 'back' in the ring. (but did he ever leave?) We watch another  Don Mason tribute video by new WC Legend LannysPermJuice/Still Not Tom Bosley. RD didn't know they were on LP or had that many attentive listeners/prisoners just standing around in courtyards listening to them.

Mike Check tunes in, although not from a prison/courtyard. (:60) Blade tells him he's catching up to the Correspondent record as held by Johnny Sax. His ratings have been sagging low though and he probably needs a proctologist to check on them. Perhaps he should tour the country on the Mike Check Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular to meet the 12 Listeners while selling bumper stickers. I wonder if this will end badly.

TNA was in Huntingdon, Virginia at some random shopping arena over there, sharing it with a prom. Mike worked there at WDOX the Boondocks for hillbillies at the Moonshine Drive as the Mountain Dude. Fascinating. Blade fails at stifling his tee-hee-tickle-party laughter but takes the opportunity to do his Outsiders impressions again. Ray Peterson's Tell Laura I Love Her depresses the Co-Fruitcakes who have to talk above the song.

A last-ditch effort by the show to have wrestling news? Sure, I guess. (:76) The stupid slogan of the WWE Divas is mocked. RD wants to preview the upcoming Judgment Day PPV by going down the card. (:80) They go over one (1) match before Blade wants to make a stable called the Petting Zoo.

Seventeen Syllables to close this out and get us on with our lives:
Judgment Day Sunday.
My mind's already made up:
Not buying the show.

Blade: "Beautiful music."
RD: "Beautiful music, horrible show."

140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009

78 minutes

Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.

RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.

A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.

Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]

JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.

Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!

More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella

Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.

Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.

125 RD's European Tour: November 7, 2008

May or May Not Be Mama Deal's Recipe?

RD's European Tour
73 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

A new induction by Triple Kelly graces us this week, of Jesse Ventura interviewing 'Prince', as played by C. Thomas Howell.

RD & Blade are happy about the recent presidential election and how it turned out. Blade philosophically wonders about change and how it leads to money. (Well if you want change I suggest to put out your cup.) He makes a promise that by the end of the show we will wonder why we wasted 60 minutes of our lives listening to it. It's like he's reading my mind! RD once again compares Obama to the Rock, (:03) which means his contender for 2012 has to be Blade, or something. There's some confusion about the band Europe and the continent Europe - but hey, at least they're smarter than Sarah Palin in that regard, who anonymously thought Africa was a country. [That was a lie from a blogger. I'm sure she has heard plenty of jokes involving Niger. —iggy]

RD's TRIP to Europe is revealed to us, (:04) as Blade wonders of the continent's brothels, not surprisingly. In all, Mr. Reynolds visited France, Germany, Austria, Italy and the Netherlands. He did not however meet anybody who smelled like Salisbury steak. (:06) RD further regales us of his taxi ride from Hell (:07 - :23), including him scaring people with his criminal like behavior and his bad German. Perhaps it's secretly his Halloween costume? During this we randomly YouTube the theme to Spider-man and his Amazing Friends (:10)

Blade: "That is one of the glorious things -"
RD: "Of this show? That it doesn't make any sense whatsoever?"

http://bignippledvampire.com/ has been updated. Blade proposes that the site can help show us the proper way to have sex (but is it safe sex?). Mama Deal is promised to be on the show later.

No TRIP to the Grocery/World Food Aisle this week, what with RD being in Europe and all. He did eat some Frosties with vinegar urine milk at his hotel though. (:28) I wonder if the freshness date was in German too. An old hag once fainted in front of Don...Don Mason while at the check-out line.

RD talks with his mother. (:32 - :42) When I initially heard this I thought it was Triple Kelly pretending to be his mother in some strange sort of a twisted joke, but I was glad to see I was wrong on that count. She advises us not to hand out little boxes of pretzels for Halloween. Blade wants Mama Deal's popcorn balls, perhaps with razor blades. It's a lovely sense of enjoyment to listen. (And if you don't agree, what on earth is the matter with you???)

Obscure Sad News (:42) Val Venis/Sean Morley is giving his dog Jupiter away - I hope he has better success than he did with his laptop. Blade's dog once got drunk. The expected Uranus joke is made.

SPEAKING OF anus...Beetlejuice shit his pants in some sort of public outing (:50). Wow, we're really stretching it here. WrestleCrap friend Brother Midnight will make an announcement in the upcoming week - maybe he's going to appear in TNA? (:52) Speaking of TNA, 'Nathaniel' kept trying to call RD while in Europe, perhaps to try and reach his mother. That makes no sense - wouldn't his mother have noticed the large phone bills sent to her and got suspicious by the first day? Needless to say I don't buy it.

Question of the Week from Darth Who (:53) has RD and Blade discussing a WrestleCrap Celebrity Wrestling show, in the vein of Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling mentioned last week. What happened to their Carnival?

Hereeeeee's Nate, and the crowd goes mild. (:57) RD needs Excedrin when he hears his theme. What a coincidence, so do I.  Total on air time: four minutes. Look, if its any trouble, I would personally volunteer for TNA corresponding. Judging by what we get on the radio progrem it would basically involve watching no TNA at all and just wasting time on the air shooting the breeze. The only issue there is what would make it worth the hassle to do so. It's not as if they wasted much time last year trying to find a third Co-Host for an hour's airtime or something.

The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James was Tomb Raider Lara Croft on Cyber Sunday, but Blade disapproves of her black shorts due to not seeing her centaur ass; he prefers white. He must seriously be joking. (:64) He also calls her 'Laura'. I didn't realize Lara had a twin.

The 806th episode of Raw (:65) confuses RD and Blade who thought it was the 800th, but was actually the celebration of that (800th) milestone. (Remind you of anyone?) Mae Young's Raw appearance could be an early Gooker contender. DX's actions with Lillian Garcia and her equine face further confuse the co-hosts.

Blade's gonna give you Seventeen Syllables:
Horsefaced Lillian.
CaballoTrolla! That's
Spanish for Horseface.

The newly deceased SD Jones is already rolling in his grave from all this. Why, I didn't even know he was sick!