Episode 21: Three Little Words: October 1, 2013

Angry RD (the exclamation
point makes it so.)

37 minutes

(The part of "guest recapper" will be tonight played by R.V.M Kai & R.V.M Kai.)

RD is upset that his Cincinnati Reds didn't make the playoffs and it now seems that the part of "Angry Jim" will be now played by "Angry RD" (sans the fetish for bald women and pulling his pork with Hollywood John). Blade segues an attempt to cheer up RD by getting him to watch a video of "The Baseball Bunch" that involves a cameo by The Kool-Aid Man. (:03) [Oh yeah, Gary Carter is in this? Why on earth haven't I seen this yet??? - PB]

SPEAKING OF "water", Blade somehow attempts another segue by relating the "water" in Kool-Aid to Trish Stratus' "water" breaking (...and you know what that means...?). RD doesn't like Patty's new son's name as much as her changing from blonde to brunette. (:08) Sad News: Blade has only seen Batman Returns once. Blade is also sad that Mickie James is apparently leaving TNA and is now moving on to greener pastures with her band at the World Chicken Festival, which would probably attract a larger audience than TNA's usual fare. (:15)

Blade: "You can't trust what I think these days."
RD: "These days, you say."

They talk about Goldust donning a hood and light-saber at an independent promotion somewhere in Illinois under a new gimmick of "Lord Goldie Goldust". (:21) The mention of Primo & Epico re-debuting as masked tag-team "Los Matadores" leads to RD bringing up "Zorro: The Gay Blade"...which is a joke that writes itself. (:27)

Blade still has a R2D2 cookie (amongst many other ancient food items) that has been in stored away his parent's deep freezer since 1987 and also announces that he will be selling that infamous "Alien Ham". Fascinating. (:32)

RD: "I have three words for you: See ya later!"

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 2. Cincinnati Reds, The Baseball Bunch
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Chicken, good times, good times
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. RD’s brother’s horse

 

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Johnny Bench, Graig Nettles, Gary Carter, Kool-Aid Man

 

• Blade Time Outs:  6
• RD Time Outs:  1 (Whoa, whoa, whoa)

Episode 9: Thought For Food: February 26, 2013

Poor Virgil can't afford a train ticket?

27 minutes

Blade wants to see 80-year old women breastfeeding on the silver screen. Discussion about Carrie Fisher's age ensues.

Blade has a midget fetish. (:03)

RD likes Lay's new potato chips, much to Blade's chagrin. He remembers when Don would do his Julia Child impressions.

RD has had mixed success with chicken waffles. The one at Disneyworld confused him the worst. Blade tries to control himself. RD is the only person who remembers Vanilly Captain Crunch.

RD: "I've never had a potato pizza."

Blade is in a (another?) low budget movie. (:16)

RD doesn't know what Kurt Angle is doing right now. The Undertaker is making random appearances. Ricky Morton is still alive. Sunny is still a trainwreck. Blade does a masculine female voice and vice versa. RD's Mrs. Deal sounds like RD's Dixie Cater. But of course.

RD would go on and on again about the ideal Trish Stratus hair color, but then he remembers Mrs. Deal is the only person who listens to their 'show', so he stops himself. (:24)

Virgil is being...Virgil. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 1. HorrorHost.net
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Ricky Morton
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. Julia Child
  

Episode 3: AA Bottom: January 15, 2013

31 minutes

ZZ Top: The Rock's Vince's favorite band

((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity )))

RD has temporarily fixed the sound quality for the time being "like Crystal Pepsi." This is because he's recording the show at home.

It is only the 'third' episode and Blade is already talking about the time Don stole some soda.

The Co-Fruitcakes are surprised they have actually made three episodes in such a short span of time. (:03) Blade bets they can hit 209 episodes in their one year.

RD is thankful his radio progrem is now nothing more than his recorded phone conversations. This is good as this WCR Unplugged has a far cheaper phone bill. "It wasn't free to call Gay Popeye I'm telling you," notes RD. This is despite Popeye almost always calling into the show. Blade notes the expensive phone calls he had to make to Alec...who 'lives' in his neighborhood. He must be using AT&T.

Blade is looking forward to being paid $100 for his paper plate auction. (:07)

The Death of WCW will be re-released for its 10th anniversary next year. But will it be in 3-D High Definition? (:09) RD looks forward to debunking Kevin Nash.

This week's Raw reminds the Co-Fruitcakes of many of the show's numerous themes. (:13) RD talks about Styx's Dennis DeYoung for some reason.

RD enjoyed seeing a reanimated Leslie Nielson playing Ric Flair. (:17)

Blade: "[Kaitlyn's] mouth looked like she told Michael J. Fox just to dress her up for Halloween." (:21)

RD is confused about Blade being concerned about ZZ Top. This brings about discussion on the timeliness of ZZ Top. (:23) Vince McMahon is termed Dusty Wolf for some reason.

Blade thinks Vince likes to watch a showering Shawn Michaels. (:24)
Blade: "I think Vince probably liked to watch ZZ Top take a shower and trim their beards too. That's the only explanation."
RD: "People liked this show for some reason."

RD wants to know how much WWE paid the Rock to put over ZZ Top. (:26) He then asks people for more information about ZZ Top in return for a prize. Don't listen to his siren call. It will only lead to a bad end.

RD does his Tom Brokaw (on CBS) impression. (:30)

Jeff Hardy and Reby Sky have been married for two years now. This is apparently news. (:31)

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Crystal, RD & Blade Show, getting old

 

208 No Gold Star: April 20, 2012

104 minutes

Big Announcement: Blade's drunk again. No wait, not that: WrestleCrap will have a table at a actual convention. It's only on the Saturday though, so Blade can get drunk and try to be Danny Trejo's sidekick.

RD recently saw the famously bad Birdemic and was traumatized by it. (:07) Next time he should watch it with its Rifftrax.

RD and Blade read the Shining Wizards Podcast ad copy just to make fun of it.

RD is happy with Brox's chocolate Easter bunny. (:21) RD tried bare some of those gifted spicy sauces.  The two gave away a few bottles.

Diamond Dan's HOTT line is finally called for some Obscure News. (:32) Remember, that's 317 335 4688. Again, 317 335 HOTT.

Blade tries some Doritos Jacked. He likes them. (:35) He recently uploaded a video of he and his friend trying out imported Japanese Doritos.

:40 Blade's beloved Jessica Alba 'fought' John Morrison for a commercial. This of course gets Blade going on her. Diamond Dallas Page admits Dave Grohl was unhappy with his theme music. Blade mumbles drunkenly.

"Satan" is so lazy he calls in just to say hello. (:51) His Tubular Bells sounds different again.

Steven Austin's barn was badly ravaged, but it's nothing he can't fix. Jim Ross calls, seeing as barn fixing is his expertise. I think. (:57)

:63 The Anonymous One asks about balls dropping.

SPEAKING OF balls dropping Mike Check answers. He hosted American Bandstand in Philadelphia in '52. 1852, to be exact. (I hear Lincoln was a fan of his. Mary Lincoln, if you know what I mean.) Did he ever tell you about the time he was at WFIL "The Fill 830" with Bob Horn? He was Little Mike E and together they did Horn-E at Midnight. I admit, that made me laugh. He gets possessed by Jim Ross for some reason.

:76 Blade needs to be filled by the Honky Tonk Mailman, who's been busy delivering tax forms. Did you know that next week he'll break the actual Honky Tonk Man's Intercontinental holding record? Wow, is this show awful. Random discussion about using the mentally challenged as man-servants ensues. Joe Park Esq., formerly Abyss, is coming to TNA last month. Kerry Von Erich's stamp comes in halves.

:86 Sad News: The Bellas are leaving WWE for...something. Penthouse is my guess. Don once made a stop-motion Muppets porn movie. (:91)

No Holds Barred is finally coming to DVD. AND distributed by WWE no less (their films division perhaps? That would be something.) (:94) The duo reminisce about WC in the Internet's Iron Age. Blade's Iron Mark Tyson impression wants to see Don's movie. Hey, who doesn't? (Besides me?) (:101)

So here it is:
No Holds Barred on disc.
Twenty jock-ass years later:
Dookie in high def.

Oh, and Chief Jay Strongbow is no longer with us. This is all the Co-Fruitcakes have to say about it:





























(How?)









Finally, some money to be made! $8.00 ($14.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

192 Ready to Royal Rumble: January 28, 2011

90 minutes

Blade was in an actual recording studio the other day. Presumably he had to wear pants while doing so.

The duo spend some time talking about/advertising this very site. I feel like a third/fourth sponsor now. I should get Clarence to send them some ad copy that RD would butcher while trying to read it. [Wrestlecrapradio.com: From Fantasy Booking Island to RD's Dream Analysis and all the crap in between. Every Wrestlecrap Radio archived and dissected for your entertainment. Plus Random Thoughts on Wrestling from THE Clarence Mason....or at least someone who plays him as a gimmick. It's the Crapipedia of the Internetz. Wrestlecrapradio.com. Yes it really IS taken (I really should write these more often) - Clarence]

The 2010 Gooker has been decided, and it is TNA's first: The New Monday Night Wars. Boy, that sure went well while it lasted, huh? Blade wanted Abyss and his Green Lantern ring and RD cheated by mentioning nominee Orlando Jordon in his writing.

There's talk of numbers in the upcoming Royal Rumble. RD wants defeated combatants to return to the ring but disguised in masks. But would the show handle itself well against the ratings powerhouse that is...the Pro Bowl? Here's a thought: combine the two outings: Have all the football players fight against each other in a wrestling ring. The winner gets the opportunity to be exempt from the next Pro Bowl.

RD (on Blade's 'soberness' at first): "You're doing good. I'm waiting for you to fall off the wagon."

:20 The show is "very amateurish". RD discovers Asian Helper, of the Helper genre of foods. Blade dreamed he met a still alive Tupac Shakur working in a fast food outlet. I bet RD would have dreamed about the Notorious BIG instead.

:24 Sid Vicious was arrested for marijuana possession. This of course logically leads to discussion about Spiderman and how Don once made fun of a comic book for some reason. Lizzie Valentine/Kandi Kisses turns down WWE. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

Jillian Hall Tiffany and Maria want some sort of Divamania tour that is sure to bring fans by the...tens. RD reads their announcement about it very precisely. Then he does it in his Jeff Foxworthy voice.  Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness (losing the #2 sadly) were wrestling in Ottawa, Kansas. Popeye is interested. (:50)

Kurt Angle is a father again. In true celebrity fashion he has given his child a very strange name. RD should volunteer to be the babysitter so he can lull the child to sleep talking about Angle's moveset.

:55 Statement Of The Week: Adam W. of Facebook alerts the two on someone named 'Johnny C' disapproving of The Death Of WCW, somewhere around here. Blade disapproves of the disapproving by not even answering the guy's claims. RD has a more coherent and logical response to add to that.

Timeout real quick.

(I've always wanted to say write that.)

As much as Mr. Brakestown is a fine young egg (perhaps a pickled fine young egg from all the liquor he consumes), he really doesn't handle the essence of trolling, which is basically all that their critic is doing. (I think Chris Engler needs to send him a TrollTrolla to teach him what trolling is all about.) What he thinks he sees is some guy who, while he is definitely allowed his own opinion on whatever he wants (it's his right after all), is someone with actual power that has a physical affect on the world.

What Blade thinks he sees in an average troll: Not Big Daddy V as himself, but an Armored Troll threatening Aragorn at the Battle of the Black Gate in The Lord Of The Rings: The Return of The King. And by the way? Viggo Mortensen is ALSO a large fan of the Canadiens, which amuses me to no end.

But this is what he's actually seeing:

A troll doll. Note the intimidating stance, brutal viciousness, and evil glint in its visage.
Ignore its attempt to be a wizard. (Pink-Hair the Blue?)

...Not exactly the same thing. It would be like thinking of a cute Persian cat as an angry Siberian tiger. They MAY be related somehow, but they're not exactly the same thing.

And now you know. And knowledge is power. Guard it well.

[Also Scott if for some reason you're reading this since the site has since transformed into a Blog of DOOM, we should pit our Animal Crossing islands against one another. The loser has to buy Blade one of those troll dolls. - Future PB]

This, by the way, is also perhaps the longest they've ever answered a Question/Statement on the show. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing either.

:64 Blade's TNA mailman finally shows up to bad MIDI music. He calls himself The Honky Tonk Mailman. Wait...are we sure it's not John Kelly back from the dead? He steals people's Observers for his news reporting. He thus read-tells us about 88 year old Hogan's 'upcoming' marriage which will last two months. There's also some Pistol Pez Whatley stamp which is sure to be of more worth than anything Hulk is doing these days. (And should he get a big profit from the stamp he should use it to pay for a better Skype connection which breaks up from time to time.) Then he leaves for his Pink Cadillac, Thank you very much.

[On a personal note, I keep thinking of my fellow Forum friend (and friend of the Habitant, but not one of the Twelve) Darth Alexander, who uses the Honky Tonk Man as his avatar. I'll never think of one without thinking of the other, and vice versa.]

:75 The Royal Rumble returns to rear its roughened rump at us. RD wants Yoshi Tatsu to win. Blade wants Roddy Piper. There's some very confusing discussion about their Pro Bowl Bet thing. RD: "I would be senile if I told you you were not a drunk."

DDP is hosting Nitro DVDs. Bobby Heenan has his own DVD where everyone think he's dead (an in advance tribute DVD perhaps?).

Seventeen Syllablyastic Thoughts:

TNA Gooker.

Biggest award they have won.

Dixie must be proud.

Blade owes $3.00 ($12.25)

190 Resolution: January 14, 2011

95 minutes

- Hunt down Johnny Ace

It's nice to see Blade try (and fail) to be more clean. To use a Blade-style analogy, it's like watching a cripple try and climb a flight of stairs unaided. RD thinks of using a Swear Jar for that task.

Both Co-Fruitcakes had a boring New Year's Eve. Blade was injured while RD fell asleep before midnight. RD is selling old movies on eBay if you're also interested in getting equally bored for the NEXT New Year's. Blade models his life after Randy Savage.

RD wants to 'turn things around' for the site (:09) by making a new column for it. The rest of his talk is just rambling about the progrem. Bad quality sounds of lightning and Blade being clean interrupts RD's shilling. (:14)

:18 Blade tries some Throwback Doritos (not made from natural sugar). He approves.

:22 Tammy Sytch is writing a cookbook on indiegogo.com (and not belly dancing!) that can be funded by just about anyone, quite similar to the Rose's movie that was mentioned and promptly forgotten about last year. Let's just hope she doesn't have any recipes involving eggs. RD thinks she will belly dance based on the "gogo" part of the url. For once, Blade has to explain to him the concept of crowdfunding. Yes, I know.

David Arquette is in rehab...since December. Boy, that's some hot latest wrestling news for you. Dave Meltzer can only marvel at such speed. SPEAKING OF, Blade's ex-girlfriend did not like RD's gift screensaver of the former WCW Champion. (:30)

Ashley Massaro will be on a bad sounding copy of The Bachelorette with potential suitors actually fighting for her. RD has to explain nicknames of their Divas to new listeners. Blade loses track. Is the Midnight Rose homeless? (:40)  He'll be wrestling in Ottawa (in Kansas, far south of Canada) on the 21st and is also to be getting his own well made tour T-shirts.

:45 Question Of The Week: TV's Mr. Neil of Facebook wants a new football bet. Blade wants to bet on the Pro Bowl. RD accepts, but he'd prefer to bet on if the game is actually good.

:49 Ed Salo's Trash Baggin' won this year's FFL with a 5-8 record. RD calls him up. He once again answers sleepily. He wins despite not properly updating his roster from week to week, but he has a field day having fun with it all. He rewarded himself with a Classic Boo Berry shirt. RD dismisses him by ending the Skype conversation.

:59 John Kelly. Something about making an actual feud based on that fucking blasted love triangle between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt and Karen Angle. See, THIS is why TNA is failing.

Blade can't get through his bad jokes anymore so the Ratings Reaper returns from his exile since the Roast to claim him. (I sincerely hope this is also how Horatio Caine meets his end when they cancel CSI: Miami.)

:67 Mike Check calls from prison to pad out the progrem length. He was once based Tuskaloosa's WEAT "Eat In Tuskaloosa" as Jammin' Jay Duvall, and with Pete "PB" Basille did "Lunch with PB & Jay" Taylor Wilde has retired rather than continue to work in the healthy environment that is TNA. Of course, Mike has always wanted to get Wilde with her. This is also probably the first I've heard Cat Stevens on US-based radio in years.

:75 Shawn Michaels is going to the Hall Of Fame. This is a good an excuse as any for Jim Ross to call in. He resolves to get Andre's HOF ring for his penis. Let's hope Hollywood John doesn't claim it first.

There is still a week left as of this writing to vote for the Gooker. This year we have: Abyss and his Hulk Hogan Green Lantern-style ring, Edge kidnapping Paul Bearer, The New Monday Night War, another blasted Hornswaggle angle, Orlando Jordan, THEY (Bischoff and Hogan) 'coming' to TNA, John Cena getting 'fired' yet still showing up for work, Standing Up for Linda's Senate Bid, NXT Season 3, and Bret Hart Vs. Vince McMahon.

Mike Adamle was caught drunk driving. Blade has one piece of ACTUAL advice for him: get drunk at home instead.

Seventeen Syllables of advice for him:

Adamle's a lush.

He needs a new role model:

Mister Blade Braxton.

Blade owes RD $7 at the end of all this.

189 White Christmas: December 21, 2010

91 minutes

RD knows about Blade's drunkenness beforehand, so he's ready to deflect his early bad jokes. Santa likes them though, and RD plays his crazy laughter from another famous bad movie to needle Blade's bawdiness. (Santa Claus Conquers The Martians) He should do that more often in my opinion.

:16 Five year old RD Junior is more mature than the radio progrem. SPEAKING OF people being mature, Blade wants to continue hosting the show with him when he gets of age, assuming he doesn't die or become Mike Check's new bunk-mate. Regardless, his local Santa has a barely disguised trash can as a 'postbox'. On the subject of other uses for a trash can, Blade is still thinking with his penis, angering RD to no end. His grandfather didn't have to put up with any of THAT stuff in his time!

:23 Batista's daughter has her own sex tape. Is that like a rite of passage nowadays? Fortunately RD shares my mischievous way of thinking and gets cleverly crafted revenge by 'leaving' for a few minutes. Thus, what would normally have been generic Sad News about some randomly generic woman connected to the New York Giants turning down an offer to work with WWE is made infinitely funnier, as drunk Blade is left stumbling over his lines and repeating himself, while (if you listen very closely) you can hear RD laugh quietly in the background. He should REALLY do this more often.

Meanwhile Scott Hall caused a 'disturbance' at a gas station. That's all we get from the Faxtrolla, which raises an important question: Was he being disturbed over the high cost of gas? This gives Blade license to shout randomly.

:38 'Satan' calls, sounding far more sober and calmer than Blade. Something's not right here...This time Shane Helms is angry at Shawn Michaels for some reason or other. Then again most people are too so it's not particularly uncommon or out of character really.

:43 John Kelly has another bad 'pun'/legal advice about Tara/Victoria's Custom Shop almost burning down.

:47 RD has had enough and skips to opening presents.

• Harry Simon sent RD some video tapes. 
• Kelly sent RD Rifftrax's DVD of Plan 9 From Outer Space, always a winner. 
• Steven Breech sent Blade some action figures, some of them decapitated. He also had a He-Man bag clip thing. 
• Stevey J sent RD some nice foods from Montreal and a Rocky III Thunderlips figure (not decapitated). 
• Fire At The Time sent Blade Lita's Bestiality Video (on DVD!) as well as some trading cards for the duo. RD got a Tommy Dreamer on the toilet figure. 
• Ed Salo sent the duo some Japanese cereal. He also found an old tabloid article about Ric Flair seemingly help plan Operation Desert Storm.
• The Gillman sent a donation to the site, which was very charitable of him. 

:67 From Jake "Yippee" Lloyd Jr., RD gets his figure and a really old Star Wars game. Jake also sent Blade a throw of Boba Fett and Mickey Mouse as Luke. Stubby sent RD The Twilight Zone's Willie the dummy. Blade also sent him a King Pedophile shirt.

All-Time leader in Trashbags

Blade's last gift is perhaps the most interesting of all. (If you can call it that.) (:74) RD sent him an audio CD that's basically the sports equivalent of one of those personalized children's books where they find themselves within the story. In this case, Blade is the QB of the Lions (and a beacon of the community too at that), leading them against Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. RD plays an early excerpt but you can listen to the whole thing here. Now I wonder how it would sound if I were Captain of the Habitant playing against Detroit for the Stanley...[Hopefully better than this - Clarence]

:80 The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes have a 'gift' for the Listeners: a WCR rendition of The Twelve Days Of Christmas, made through a 'get together as a group' of the progrem's cast of characters that RD & Blade could do impressions of. Apparently they've already forgotten about the last time they got together, at the Roast, which was just months ago. Well, when it turned out like that, I'd try and forget about it too. Cue out of tune music.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the First Day Of Christmas C.S. Irwin gave to me...
A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Second Day Of Christmas Angry Jim gave to me...
2 Fuck Yourselves (one for Johnny Ace and one for McMahon)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Third Day Of Christmas Gay Popeye gives to me...
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk. 
2 Fuck Yourselves (one for RD and one for Blade)
And A Partridge in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fourth Day Of Christmas Satan gave to me...
4 Virgin Sacrifices
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Bottles of lube (my wife hasn't fucked me in about two years)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fifth Day Of Christmas Sir Alec gave to me...
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessed Wrestlers
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Years...of your wife not fucking you
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Sixth Day Of Christmas Dixie gave to me...
6 Sugar Cookies (to make a Samoa Joe snowman)
5 Long John Douches (right underneath the table)
4 Possessed Facebook Profiles
3 Big and Burly's
2 Bankrupt Restaurants
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Seventh Day Of Christmas Stubby gave to me...
7 Sleazy Crack Whores 
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches (gotta love that malt vinegar) 
4 Daemonic Twitters
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Nuts in Dark Journey's Mouth
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Eighth Day Of Christmas Nintendo John gave to me...
8 Power Gloves on the Nintendo (His audience cheers)
7 Contaminated Meals
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Evil MySpaces
3 Requests For Peter Gazer's Phone Number
2 Fuck Yourselves
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Ninth Day Of Christmas Mike Check he's going to give to you...
9 Bumper Stickers (from WSUX in Tuscaloosa, Alabama where he was Danny Dryson, and with Washington Jones did the Wash'N'Dry for the Tide)


RD: "I like it the song has come to a complete stop while he keeps talking."


8 Super Mario Games on the Nintendo
7 Sloppy Blow-Jobs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Failed Exorcisms
3 Periscopes
2 Assholes Shoved Up (Jim!)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas Midnight Rose gave to me...
10 Dead Cockroaches
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Amazon Chops
7 Premature Ejaculations
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessions Of Sunny
3 Dock Dinghies
2 Meat Beatings
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas B.M. Punk gave to me...


(RD interrupts before he can shoot his load, the Scrooge)


On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas R.D. Reynolds gave to me...
11 SPEAKING OFs...Verne Gagne masturbating
10 Copies of Maria's New Album
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Pro-Am On The Nintendo!
7 Bottles Of Wood Polish
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Bowls Of Pea Soup Vomit
3 Nights With Pluto
2 Feathered Boas
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Twelth Day Of Christmas Blade Braxton gave to me...
12 Cans Of Miller Lite (and maybe 10 JPEGs of Mickie James naked too)
11 SPEAKING OFs
10 Scars From Eating Some Holiday Pineapple All Night Long
9 Bumper Stickers


Blade: "You're making this song feel like The 500 Days Of Christmas, buddy."


8 Back Issues Of Nintendo Power Magazine
7 Oozing STDs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Linda Blair Nude Photos
3 Not Just Spinach that Gay Popeye likes in the can, Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Packs Of Beef Jerky from JR's Restaurant (and not from that cocksucker Hillbilly Jim)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

183 Hollyweird(Crap) Radio: September 10, 2010

75 minutes

Blade, Midnight Rose, and a random woman as Katie Vick are going to appear in a 'movie' named Smut. Blade asks for donations as RD wonders how they will blue-screen them in at the same time. He's also made his own drinking game based on Blade's constant interruptions. (Blade meanwhile has some bingo board on his Facebook Wall.)

:17 Blade is still stuck on 80's actresses like Jennifer Jason Leigh. Have I mentioned that he's still pseudo-drunk? RD wants him to try Cinnabon cereals but he doesn't like nuts. 

:25 Some old '80s HBO feature presentation bumper is listened to. It's nice music though. Billy Gunn was caught with a younger woman, or as RD says "caught with his penis in the cookie jar." Even worse, the other woman's nickname is Pinky. There's even video of this. RD plays Sad News music for them as they make marriage arguments funny again.

The Marty Jannetty of the Hart Foundation

Jim "Anvil" Neidhart was arrested for drug possession and for his really strange antics in his retirement, i.e.  sitting around doing nothing other than getting stoned. For some reason Blade remembers when Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch lost a match and Wendi Richter was cut off by Mean Gene for commercials. Jim Ross calls. Goodness, I've missed him. (:42) He wonders if Korchenko is after him, makes more concoctions and is having some random trouble with coupons. His next step to get rich: a BBQ & Lawn Service. He cooks for someone while Hollywood John mows their grass.

:48 'Shane' [Mike "Virgil/Shane/Vincent" Jones wrote in? - Clarence] asks something about Stephanie vs. Dixie Carter over the destruction of ECW, but the letter is invalidated due to grammatical errors. So they talk about the Hulkster in hospital. RD calls him Methuselah. Since this is actual TNA news John Kelly doesn't come until after, and then just for two minutes. (:56) He was probably watching the Vikings and Saints play each other and didn't want to stay any longer than absolutely necessary.

:58 TNA will be on Family Feud, many years after WWE did that same thing. Talk about being late to the party (assuming you were even invited to it in the first place). Jim Cornette wants to settle his differences with Vince Russo in a fight at a roast somewhere. 6'9 Amazonian 'Princess' Alouisa has been cut from NXT for some risque photos. Blade wonders how it would feel being sweat on sitting next to her at a baseball game. Height discrepancies in wrestling, particularly Wendi Richter vs Little Beaver.

Seventeen syllables for a woman who's 17 feet tall
Six Nine Amazon.
Wonder what sex with her's like:
Dry humping oak tree?

RD is speechless.

180 Drinking with the (Big Nippled) Stars: August 6, 2010

HBK Demonstrates New Hunting Technique

60 minutes

The "Celebrity" Roast has finally shipped to acclaim by many...but not the Midnight Rose, as RD forgot to credit his appearance. He fears for his life now. Next stop for WCR: TV! The two discuss numerous possibilities for spin-offs. Blade in particular is so drunk he's using the old headphones again.

:11 The worst match on TNA, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, is finally inducted. RD's attempts to go to Cincinnati for some root beer is once more interrupted by Blade's fucking random ramblings that make the show three hours long and which almost serve to enrage RD yet again. He somehow gets through with a straight face. (They have Barq's in the place where I live but I always stick with the original A&W.) Blade meanwhile went to a concert to try and have sex with half-naked 14 year olds.

:24 Molly Holly AKA Nora Greenwald is engaged to a former recovering drug addict whom she met while in her current job as a drug counselor. She wants to have sex as soon as possible. RD wonders if she will hate it since she's never done it before. Regardless, this is Very Happy News for all save Blade Brakestown and all his missed opportunities. I mean, really. All the women he's met and failed to further connect with, those Big Announcements that he's always failed to big announce, his singing 'career', his team (although it's not his fault I admit), his occupation calling for a certain use of trash bags...I'd call him a modern day Job in the Biblical sense, if Job was a drunkard hobo co-hosting a long running Internet progrem. I'd rather call him a Job in the wrestling sense instead. Jobbing Jobber Job, perhaps? Someone get Vince Russo to create him for TNA and have him shoot all the time as some sort of meta-referencing to the wrestling business.

:32 Our old friend Shelly "BNV" Martinez wants to get on Dancing With The Stars. As obscure as she may be outside the industry, she would at least be less obscure than half of any current seasonal roster, and would definitely be better on the feet too due to her background. Plus you could have Tom Bergeron co-host RAW and do a heel turn on his show, perhaps calling it some sort of weak imitation of his old Hollywood Squares. It's a win-win!

:36 Question: Batman Plus Robin Equals The Conway (2) asks a rather sexual question, but instead of Popeye calling in Mike Check does instead. He can apparently do those nowadays due to him being...fascinating with his fellow inmates. In the midst of his own jobbing he does remember his days in New Haven, Connecticut's WDOL "Dollar 99" co-hosting a business show with his then woman DJ called Bounce Check Money Matters. [I am SO writing a sitcom with that title. I can see it now....Bounce Check Money Matters: Starring Paul Heyman and Urkel: LICENCE....TO PRINT.....MONEY - Clarence] I bet you Jim Kramer was one of his disciples. 

:45 John Kelly's TNA 'reporting' is essentially repeating what the Co-Fruitcakes say. He doesn't even provide anything new! If you notice, RD says Hulk Hogan IS with us and Samoan Joe has been future endeavored and John just makes bad quips in response. That's not even news at all! He probably doesn't note down what he wants to mention on his trip between Florida and Kansas (his hands are full of holding his sunglasses), and thus the exhaustive journey between the two states makes him forget what he wants to say and just makes him subconsciously parrot the duo.

:49 In a further attempt to (fail at) salvage itself, TNA dedicated a full taping just to ECW. Sadly Francine was a no-show. RD would prefer watching Shawn Michaels and his wive on a hunting show. (:54)

Better lay 'em on us:
So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.

175 Flip-Flop: May 14, 2010

69 minutes

For some reason Blade uses his high quality headphones today while watching a wrestling DVD. He's drunk enough (as per his custom) to overlook SoCal Val's anime nose and get aroused by Buzz Aldrin appearing on RAW one of these days. Sadly that's the only good news we have. Due to work on the new Archive Disc and their 'Roast', the duo are going to be sporadic with work these next few weeks, and the Disc is affected enough to be delayed to June rather than late May. (The first of many?) I don't know though. Does a Roast really take two months to perform rather than two hours? [It does if they let Mike Check host - "Showstealer"] ESPECIALLY if they're just Roasting against themselves which is just sad (but also highly amusing).

:12 The only guest for the hour calls here, as a "Sheriff Dick Well" (who sounds like Frank in LA) calls with Blade's normal headphones looking for a John Smith. You mean THIS man? ("John Smith" is a common alias of his.) The man's call would set up an emergent plot arc...if we couldn't CLEARLY hear the sound alerts of his logging on and off RD's Skype account (which our friend fails to hide with haphazard editing).

:20 Pop Tart Popsters. Do they have Trivial Pursuit clues written on them too?

:24 Ted Arcidi is now mucking around in random low budget movies. I suppose there are worse ways to spend retirement...Unfortunately it seems the Celebrity Trip is now dead, as no one seems to want to appear on a show named "WrestleCrap". So let's waste time wondering what on Terra Stacy Carter and Kizarny were doing loitering around at a TNA taping, and having Stacy Keibler on a Maxim "Hottest Women" list. Also neither have heard of this thing called a 'mute button'. (If you're wondering, the #1 hottest woman (until the next time) is apparently Katy Perry.)

:46 Some random idiot was arrested for violent tendencies against WWE for Mickie James' future endeavoring, but was let go after his bail dropped by a factor of 100 when he was banned from any further WWE events, which according to the duo seems like a surefire boon to him. Bret Hart is now a proud grandfather, even if the child does have a strange name.

:53 Brian M (2) has his turn to make more bad puns, Patrick Stewart has his turn to shill Pontiac's "Deangelo DeNero Viero" some more, (:55) and the music drowns out Blade's nonsense. (:58) John Cena is all over Twitter about recording yet more music for September as apparently WWE has reversed its opinion on the site and is now actively encouraging its workers to use it. It could be worse, they could be like some random VP who was fired for sexual harassment...only to have his victim ALSO fired for fucking someone at work. Screw it, get to the haiku already.

An epileptic fish out of water of Seventeen Syllables of fury.
Flipping Batista.
Didn't get to see it live.
I flipped the channel.

174 My Dinner With Blade: April 30, 2010

Chirp Chirp...Plus Another 15 Syllables

74 minutes

Blade is slowly recovering from last week, but for some reason he's now thinking he's Randy Jackson. We're 'blessed' this week with the annual draft; play along at home won't you?

According to Blade (be prepared to hear a lot of him in the next hour), he says there is a "Big Four" quarter of episodes every year: the Draft, Anniversary, Thanksgiving/Black Friday, and Christmas. I can't disagree with him, but he's missing the fifth: the April Fools/Wrestlemania episode. There's some random squabble about drafting or not drafting, all the while we hear that the Big Show is going to Smackdown! (now on Syfy!) and some random Mickie James people want to riot at RAW. That is the most we'll get wrestling-related. As expected.

#1 :08 The DraftTrolla drafts the Ratings Reaper to be today's official Laugh Track. Unfortunately instead of Blade's random laughter it's just the same Wicked Witch of the West soundbite we hear every time he makes an appearance. A shame really. I was looking forward to Blade slipping up and just laughing normally by forgetting to use his filter.

#2 Patrick Stewart is drafted to promotional considerate Angry Marks' new ad copy. (:10) Sadly he does not do it in a Jeff Foxworthy impersonation.

#3 RD didn't go to the grocery this week, and we haven't heard from Sir Alec in a bygone era. So let's accomplish two things at once and draft him, why not? (:15) The only thing he's interested in saying however is having fun with a bottle of malt vinegar at a Long John Silvers. Blade is ashamed of himself and laments how far he has fallen character wise on the progrem even as he tries to stifle his constant laughter. The Reaper continues to make the lights flicker and water to magically appear, but the quality and connection still remains stable. I need one of those connections for my house; hell, he could patent and sell it. THAT'S a license to print money.

SPEAKING OF Randy Jackson, some random American Idol contestant sung the Anthem at an indie show. (:27) Blade is content to mispronounce his name (a frequent habit of his) and try to burp on microphone due to popular demand. I'm sure Mickie James would want to appear on the show and be his girl after this. Vickie Guerrero is Tweeting something or other.

#4 RD is tired of Blade's trademark immorality, so he uses the DraftTrolla to replace him with B.M. Punk. (:39) (Thank the Emperor his bathroom has a built-in phone that sounds EXACTLY like Blade's.)

#5 After a couple of minutes he tires of that too and he replaces him with Jim Ross. He's so busy with Hollywood John and thinking of moving to TNA (and making a demo tape for Dixie) that the HorseTrolla neighs at :46 and is completely forgotten.

#6 The Midnight Rose is summoned to do TNA news, (:50) and of course he is very much worried. He should be very careful of who enters his Florida mansion in the next few days...It's an excuse for Blade to literally argue with himself, and wonder if Victoria will leave TNA while dreaming about the Pink Assassin.

#7 While JR puzzles over the trumpeting horns for the Question (of which Ultimate Kennedy (9) asks about porn for some reason), Stubby is drafted to answer it instead. (:57) More self-arguing ensues. It's very art-house movie.

#8 Jim is still puzzling over the music that keeps interrupting him by popping up, like the Coliseum Music right now at :63. Sadly RD can't answer that, as Popeye is drafted to take his place. But who would be left to record this thing? Hmmm. The two spend the rest of the running time flirting with each other, but still leave time to randomly mention that Batista may be leaving the company, Mark Henry was arrested last week for throwing a drink at a fan, and something about Bret Hart report cards. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

#9 The crickets are drafted to say Seventeen Syllables:
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.





(And no, I'm not drafting myself to take Mason's lawyer-ing job. I'm a writer, not a lawyer!) [Exactly. My Six years at Titan Towers Law College wasn't for nothing - "Showstealer"]

164 Blade's Gone Wild: January 8, 2010

TNA: We Are Limpin', Sugah!

77 minutes

Dedicated to the memory of Paul Servo, a great fellow Crapper, Honorary WCR Historian, Co-Host Contestant and one of the Original 12, who sadly passed away on the 3rd of January. Our condolences and thoughts for his friends and family.

It's a new decade for WrestleCrap Radio, seeing as how they fell off a cliff for them at the end of the previous year, (much like the Canadiens and Lions). Blade wants to talk about wrestling all show for a change. So they talk about...slurpies. But they are wrestling slurpies!

Impact has gone head to head against RAW for the first time (:08) and the Co-Hosses mark out on naked Val Venus and Orlando Jordan in Impact. Popeye calls. You know the drill - pun literally intended. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. WrestleCrap will be 10 years old this April, but RD would like to forget his newsletters. (:14) Perhaps they'll reappear on his next Archive Disc?

:17 Further talking about wrestling (Yes, really). Blade finds something on his script which predicts Popeye's calling in, and the fact that RD finally lost a bet due to his own fault and own confusion over Blade's rules and now has to read whatever people send to him. Send your requests to blade@wrestlecrap.com if it hasn't been featured here yet. RD got some gift glass bottles from his brother for Christmas (I too always prefer glass over plastic). Blade has some own glass bottles in his collection.

:26 Blade is trying to stay sober for the first time in a while. Tammy Sytch with nothing else better to do calls out the Bella Twins for being in the same glass house as she is, or something. RD reads what she has to say in his Dixie Carter impression. Blade fantasizes about Ashley Massaro. He also has some grudge against cutlery and wants to fuck people while cooking food on them. Maybe that's why he keeps calling the Big Nippled Vampire's breasts big and round as a dinner plate. I know there is a term for that fetish, but it escapes me at the moment.

Blade is trying to look and act like a hobo caveman (more so than usual) in an attempt to escape jury duty.

Moe from Men on a Mission (:34) reminds Blade of the Robonic Stooges in a bad recreation of a Dumas novel, itself part of some Skatebirds show which includes a monkey for some reason. Sadly he's not BJ's Bear. The actual Moe is considering leaving the wrestling biz for MMA. One word: Horrible.

Blade wants to know how the BabyTrolla works, which reports that Candice Michelle is having a baby girl due to the actions of her husband. The HorseTrolla reveals Mickie James was in another car accident where she was rear ended. A word of warning: whatever you do, please do not look up 'dragoning'. You'll regret it. There's more fallout from her moving to Smackdown. Blade may finally get his chance, but he's still stuck on Lita.

Sir Alec 'visits' yet again. (:53) This time, Mickie James (speaking of her) finds love with Kelly Kelly but needs John Cena to simplify things.

The WCR Gong has the week's Question. (:60) Could a Jonas Brother appear in a revival of 3 Count? RD finds their theme song. Blade wonders on Britney Spear's fallopian tubes.

:64 Voting has begun for the 2009 Gooker. This year: Hornswaggle vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, Vince's random hatred against the Denver Nuggets, the Abraham Washington Show, Santina Marella as Miss Wrestlemania, TNA's 'portrayal' of Sarah Pallin, and some really bad RAW guest hosting.

Impact and RAW may go head to head on a weekly basis. Oh good, looks like WCW is back. RD compares the radio progrem to mid-90s Scott Hall. The duo pine for those good old days, but would they want Bret Hart to return to the ring? And could he do anything with their wacky nicknames? The two are unsure, so they instead turn to Hulk Hogan.

Seventeen Syllables on the return of Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.

152 Seguepalooza: July 31, 2009

81 minutes

10% of all proceeds
go to Lucasfilm.

We continue the mockery of ZZ Top at RAW last week. RD wants Vince to sign the Crickets to his shows. He also wants to resurrect old segments. Sadly Fantasy Booking Island is not one of them.

Blade hints at a new segment with the help of The Twilight Zone. (:05) There is no show next week, as RD will be at lovely Phoenix, Arizona. Blade mentions a Loverboy song that RD doesn't know about. Time to hit YouTube for that. See Mike Reno and Beth Phoenix star in Donkey Kong: The Movie! (:06) The video prematurely ejaculates, and so does Blade in response. RD reads new Angry Marks' ad copy, "now 125% more angry".

RD finally has a Celebrity to go with him to the Grocery (:16) This week it's WCR friend Jonny Fairplay. He goes to Trader Joe's, where his cereal of choice is Cookie Crisp. He was at some cantaloupe festival recently, but didn't get along with John Cena oddly. Some discussion about Cena ensues. Mr. Fairplay can be found here.
 
For some reason we wonder about any potential Referees' TRIP to the Grocery (:32) of which we have some random tales of referees.

:36 Obscure News. Could Robert Englund be a potential RAW Guest Host? RD is surprised that Freddy Krueger will be played by Rorschach in the upcoming movie. Gymini doll sales figures - 4 sets left from three weeks ago. Another long Blade Braxton segue.

Eric Bischoff attempts to help the economy by suggesting taxing fat people. No, I have no idea why no one is taking him seriously. (:44) taxfatpeople.com IS taken. Blade did his own taxing in his earlier days in yet another long segue.

There's a new Shockmaster action figure, and it comes with Stormtrooper helmet as illustrated. (:48) Blade does his Nathaniel impression. Blade takes note of the Mr Fuji figure with running number. The BabyTrolla cries, (:55) Francine gives birth. (Congratulations to her.)

PB's List (Exclamation Point) of favorite TNA "correspondents"

:57 The Question of the Week comes from Frank in Cleveland, asking about TNA Correspondents. The Co-Fruitcakes take a look over the list on our site, going over their people for a bit. Blade has a Big Announcement: (:60) He's found a new TNA Correspondent and he promises to have him on next time. Oh, and Tracy Brooks poses for Playboy. (:62)

John Thomas calls in (:63) He is now looking for a Mike Chalk, of Chalk Outline.

:68 Current Wrestling News now has the Coliseum Video music. THE Brian Kendrick has been released. The new induction this week is of Gooker Nominee Braden Walker. A final settlement has been reached on the messy Hogan divorce, leaving Linda free for Blade. He reminds us how his hooker roommate used to lactate for money. He also tries comparing the Big Show's penis size to Shaq's on RAW and discusses Vince trying to anally rape Triple H on his birthday.

Seventeen Syllables:
Hunter is fourty.
Eat some cake and play pin the
Tail on the dead dog.

RD: "I have no earthly idea what you're talking about."

Video: RD & Blade watch a video by Loverboy

Video: Jonny Fairplay's Trip to the Cantaloupe Festival!

146 The FM Menace: May 22, 2009

77 minutes

Mike Check is 30 days away from 'breaking' Johnny Six's record, before he misses doing so and the Co-Hosses are left to find yet another TNA person. Or perhaps resurrect Nathaniel, the greater of two evils. The Sad Music is played for that inevitability, and all the other former deceased people before him, except Stubby who somehow returned. Blade: "Things like that happen sometimes."

Mike himself is on his Death Trip Whirlwind Tour across the mainland, to increase buy rates for a show listened to by 12 people. He's at a convention for the 10th anniversary of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace at some vague place or other. Sadly, he's not there with Blade's friend (Corey Horny) Diamond. Blade wants a Photoshop of Sith Lord Alfred Hayes as a ghost in Return of the Jedi.

Greg is not happy about a globalinternetbrothel.net, taken or not. Blade has fantasies of ventriloquist dummies. Did I mention the May Mayhem Sale? Blade is selling Stubby-signed prints. (:14) SPEAKING OF people spending money, the offer to buy the Katie Vick outfit has increased to $1200. Blade wants it to be higher, else he'd probably have sex in it again. [SELL! SELL! SELL! --Iggy]

Image by The Sam

Let's go to Mike Check at that convention. (:16) Some random playing of the theme song from 'down the hall' is heard as Mike reports in with numerous WWCR The Whacker bumper stickers. While talking he bumps into sound bites of a probe droid, a tauntaun, a swearing Trandoshan, some 'red trashcan', and some roving band of Jawas speaking 'Mexican'. He essentially has no idea where he is or what film he's meant to cover. But he DOES get a Virgil-style hit to the groin from the aptly named Jake Lloyd Jr. Quote he: "YIPPEE!" RD jokes on Mike still non-reporting on TNA news, although these new-fangled Star Wars movies seem like news to report for the fellow Crappers.

Obscure Wrestling News: (:24) While Terri Runnell's house contest/spam has been canceled due to the lack of gullible people, the ripped-off entrants still have to be refunded their entry fee. The real Terri thinks they've already been paid. Sad News: she really wanted to help those people. Even more Sad News: The (outdated) site is still up to steal money, as far as I can tell. (:31)

More news about Ashley Massaro: A site has a list of clients to her service, including Mickey Rourke. Blade makes another reference to his lactating escort roommate. Some random discussion about the Diva Search 'winners' turns into talk about midgets and a possible Midget Search, with Bridget the Midget and Midgets bouncing on couches, which is the only thing RD can remember from watching wrestling from the past four years. Blade insults them all the while. What happened to cripples (and standing up for them)? Randy Orton, Father Time. (:41) RD does not understand him. Jillian Hall is engaged to a Dick. (:42) Gymini dolls. Blade wants to see how well the nearby store sells them every week.

Jillian Hall with 3 caramel apples

Sir Alec makes a return Fan Fiction appearance. (:46) No story again, but he does read us some random Myspace message from New Jack. He's angry at everyone!

Question of the Week. (:52) Listener #4 Goldenbane thinks people were angry Roddy Piper was fighting with Robert Downey Jr. Perhaps he didn't like that Charlie Chaplin biopic of his. Blade still wants to see some anus action.

Mike Check Strikes Back! (:56) He saw someone in Mandalorian armor calling himself Boba Foot, but he hasn't seen many women around yet. We're just in time to have him watch a lightsaber duel too at a dangerously close distance. Don't they have safety regulations at those places? Sure enough he gets 'struck down', Blade doing his dramatic "Noooo!", but it's only a flesh wound and he's alright...for now. He plays Debby Boone's You Light Up My Life. (What with their being 'light' sabers and all.)

Before we can talk more wrestling about Ric Flair and Vince's feud with the NBA (what, on this show?) Jim Ross calls. (:64) He's angry - again - but at this point the sauce has already dried on the rack of ribs and not had that much of an effect anymore. He's angry at working twice as long, or something or other. He also calls Michael Cole a certain term, which RD finds offensive enough to bleep out, despite the fact that they've been saying it over the years without doing anything about it. Perhaps RD's being forgetful. He wants some human/jawa barbecue as seen in A New Hope. He has some video blog Big Announcement next week, meaning has Blade has three things he'll want to tell us but then will promptly forget about.

The HorseTrolla asks about Mickie James' new outfit. (:71) Vickie Guerrero is some sort of dancing Miss Wrestlemania.

Seventeen Inches:
Vickie's got the Sash.
She's Miss Wrestlemania.
She doesn't miss meals.

Video: Mike Check at a Star Wars Convention

126 Top (Wrestle)Chef: November 14, 2008

Top (Wrestle)Chef

Mushy Peas!

61 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

Although the release date of the WrestleCrap Archive Volume II Electric Boogaloo DVD has been delayed slightly, the Teaser Trailer for the WCR Shoot Interview has been uploaded to show that it actually was recorded and actually exists. Blade is once again in trouble for his lewdness and his frequent conversation about cereals that time, but that fails in comparison compared to the brought up 'continuity error' (AKA random laziness) of resurrecting Stubby just for the sake of the Shoot. And it was lasting so well too! Ah well. Another Triple Kelly induction makes its way this week, this time of Booker T's Einsteinesque intelligence on The Weakest Link (thank God he was smarter for Family Feud). The Angry Marks ad feed is again updated, with the aid of a lot of exclamation points.

Discussion of the Shoot Interview continues in RD's TRIP to the Grocery (:09). If Blade had to go shopping Black Friday he would bring Don...Don Mason along with him. To try and get RD off his tail on that line of thinking Blade tells us about what Don told him "why you shouldn't have anal sex." (:12)

Mr. Braxton visited the famous World Food Aisle and confuses RD and us somehow. (:15) Blade is sure one of the 12 Listeners (and thus by default one of the 12 Readers of this article) is listening to this while having sex, but RD is unsure. I'm guessing Blade does, preferably while wearing his Katie Vick outfit.

RD's friend Clayton is on the line; you'll remember him as the man of the King Pedophile commercials and of the taco Doritos debate. (:17 - :26) Blade wonders if he lives in the not too distant future way down in Deep 13 hatching an evil scheme with TV's Frank concerning sending a man into space and subjecting him to really bad movies (hey, he mentioned it first, not me). Regardless, Clayton says that "the incoherent rantings of a drunken hobo" are half-right; not all places in the Continental US sell them, so Blade might not find any near his location like Clayton does. [I thought Blade knew there are Taco Doritos, but they didn't taste like the Taco Doritos he grew up with...There is a pattern of Blade loving things which are extinct. --Iggy] As you can expect on a fine wrestling progrem such as this some discussion of Doritos ensures. Mention is made of the Fruity Pebbles/Mountain Dew Doritos (AKA the Epic Fail Doritos as RD calls them).

Faxtrolla's Obscure Wrestling NEWS - would you pay for a WrestleCrap video podcast? (:27) I know I would, particularly to see if Blade's wearing no pants and is drunk/hungover every week (or even able enough to actually do a show). This week, we visit The Hulk Hogan Experiment, a rapper trying (and almost getting too at times) to sound as gruff as the Hulkster. Shouldn't he call himself Brother Hulkster then? He also sounds like that one person who covered Beach Patrol a year ago. RD thinks the few tracks the man has sound better than that Hulk Rules album. I still prefer the Family Man song though. (There's some attempt to make a video out of all this here.)

Blade gets a MySpace bulletin from the Maestro (Stro?), advising him to do Christmas shopping with some memorabilia at some site or other. If you want to buy overpriced t-shirts with a simple picture on them, now's your chance! Of particular interest to our co-hosts is the mousepad which makes him look like he's dead. Why, I didn't even know he was sick! (Though to me he looks more like the Ghost Rider.)

Jim Ross calls (:40), still bitter on being on Smackdown and being sent overseas like RD was and being fed mushy peas and tea and crumpets and baby food, BUH GAWD! One of Blade's favorite foods is some sort of 'baby wienies', whatever the hell they are. [Vienna Sausages —iggy] But I still think you can serve them with JR's barbeque sauce. RD promises not to tell JR's wife about his pulled pork with Mickie James.

Question Statement of the Week (:46) from Frequent Questioner (and this week, an unhappy one) Ultimate Kennedy (6), shares my views of 'Nathaniel'.

SPEAKING OF Nathaniel, here he comes again. RD changed his number as a preemptive measure so he has to call him instead; oh the humanity. (:49) This week he's more animated than usual. Blade would rather watch the Lions lose. I of course, prefer my Canadiens, who are often so erratic they make the Joker look quite sane. TNA's Turning Point is discussed amid all the noise pollution. However, this time it's somewhat slightly less annoying, mostly due to Blade having more time to actually get some words in sideways against him, and the two shouting him down. Total time: 3:30 minutes. Blade tries his own impression of RD doing his impression of Nathaniel. They fear the 12 Listeners tune out and miss the Current Wrestling News and Haiku  - which isn't that big of a deal for them to fret about. They can waste less time and just read them on this very site.

SPEAKING OF Music-less Current Wrestling Sad News: Mike Adamle is no longer on TV (:54), even though he only served one year out of a three year contract. [I think it was only a one year deal and that RD somehow mistook Mike Adamle for Ric Flair. —iggy] WWE cleaned out a portion of their roster, among them Lena Yada. Blade laments she was not named Lena Yoda.

Seventeen Syllables from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
Oooh! Lena Yoda!
Business not strong in this one.
Mmmm! Fired you are!

RD: "Yoda kinda sounds like he has some Angry Jim Ross in him."
Blade: "So what you're telling me is Jim Ross fucked Yoda?"
RD: (Yoda) "Mmmm! To the Dark Side he went!"

Well, if there's ever some sort of Wookie-style BBQ sauce involved in some way, then...