Episode 115: Holy Ace Attorney!: November 6, 2023

The Joke's on Catwoman
January 4, 1968
"Following a tip from Batgirl, the Dynamic Trio meet up at the Grimalkin Novelty Company, hideout of the Joker and Catwoman. There, they overhear the arch-criminals' plot and secretly trail them to a stash of hidden gunpowder. A careless mistake spoils the villains' evil plan, however, and they are captured and brought before the Gotham City judge. But when the jury seems less than interested in justice, courtroom mayhem ensues."
45 minutes

RD Is In Kitt's Corner. Is that the follow-up podcast to The Joker's Mustache? He wears his Catwoman shirt for her final show appearance.

Vince is old enough to remember The Ring magazine, now in digital form. He does not like extreme combat sports where people could get extremely injured. He does not ever want to see Sid Vicious' broken leg. RD was actually there to see it in person. Vince actually spoke for Sid in his ensuing lawsuit. Both prefer him now as a current happy grandfather on social media. 

Narrator: "What's this? An ambush outside the home of millionaire Karnaby Katz? Where Catwoman, the Joker, and their evil cohorts lie wickedly in wait for Batgirl and the Caped Crusaders." (:05)

Leaving their last cliffhanger of...arriving too late to a crime scene, the Dynamic Duo just...drive off without any hindrance. Apparently doing the gentlemanly thing of waiting for Batgirl to also leave is not in their agenda, because she finds her Batcycle's spark plug has been taken by Catwoman. The villains quickly tie her up and leave her on the ground. 

Catwoman (to Joker): "Those Cat's Whiskers, a fiendish invention of mine, they automatically contract  when placed in close contact with the heat of the body. So in seconds, Batgirl will be strangled to death, thereby ridding Gotham City of one-third of the Terrific Trio. You see, when I do a job, I do it right."
RD was easily amused by Kitt's rolling delivery as "she's giving herself a paw."

Now why wasn't this the cliffhanger?

After the titles, Batgirl sees a sprinkler control with two big buttons, which she manages to reach over to and turn on with her nose. This cools the rope, causing it to loosen and slacken, but more importantly gives the rather impressionable audience the visual of Yvonne Craig in a wet t-shirt (while her theme plays on a theremin). 

Meanwhile in the Batcave, Batman declines Alfred's offer of a snack. "You know I never mix crime-fighting with eating." Robin still reaches for one anyway.
Gordon calls on the Batphone: "Batgirl just called me, Batman. She wants you to meet her at the  intersection of Cattail Lane and Ninelives Alley. That's behind the novelty manufacturing center of Gotham City."
Batman: "The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure, but nevertheless acceptable, synonym for "cat," Robin."

At the big black warehouse novelty company, the villains consult a map of Phony Island (to the south of the city) which was on the stolen nightshirt. The crib has the starting location in backwards French, which Catwoman has to read to a knowledgable Joker as they technobabble the destination.
Joker: "Ooh. That's the first time I ever heard a cat purr in French."
Catwoman: "Skip the flattery, Joker."

The Trio are already laying in wait watching the villains leave their lair.
Robin: "How about rushing the place, Batman?"
Batman: "I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me and  Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."
For some reason Batman asks Batgirl to sit with them in the Batmobile. Normally it's supposed to be quicker that way. But of course, the way he has such the look as she thinks it will be "cozy" speaks for itself.

RD as Batman: "Why don't you sit on the Batlap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up?"

The villains arrive at the big black warehouse Phony Island lighthouse where they look for the buried gunpowder. They are joined by the inhabitants, named Mr. and Mrs. Keeper, and their antics confused RD to no end, particularly the Mrs' desire to vacuum the upstairs bedroom. Vince kept seeing makeup on Mrs. Keeper's turtleneck in high definition. He actually knew who they were based on some of their work of the time (Louis Quinn and Christine Nelson, also a couple in real life).

The Trio finally appear as Joker complains they were supposed to be "kaput, finis, defunct." This would have originally been referencing the cliffhanger when it was supposed to be an actual cliffhanger of a deadly trap like of old, instead of what we got with them walking into a room.
Batman: "We're very much not defunct, Joker. Neither is Batgirl."
Catwoman: "This is some sort of perfidious trick. I'll bet it's done with mirrors."
Batman: "The mirror is broken, Catwoman. The last cat has crossed our path. From now on, all the luck is with us."

Joker accidentally hits another button, which just so happens to open a secret room revealing all the gunpowder. So he goes to inspect it.

By lighting a match. 

Batman: "Put that match out, you fool! It's going to explode!"

For once Joker listens to his archenemy.

By throwing the match inside. 

(Also the match is clearly shown to have been blown out after he throws it.) 

So the obvious happens. There is an explosion and everyone is unscathed.
Robin: "Holy return from oblivion! We're still alive!"
Batman: "Yes, Robin. Still alive. In the split second before the actual detonation of the gunpowder I was able to infuse this one room with Anti-Blast Batpowder."
Mrs. Keeper: "But what about the upstairs bedroom? I just vacuumed it."
Batman: "The city will make it up to you. They'll take the cost of your home out of Catwoman and  Joker's prison pay for making license plates."

Catwoman requests to make her one phone call to "Lucky Pierre, the world's greatest and luckiest criminal attorney. He's never lost a case." Batman gives her a dime for it.

Thankfully for her Pierre is his big black warehouse office to receive the call (as Louie the Lilac's theme plays). "Now, be still and don't utter a meow. I'll see you in court. And if all goes well, knock on  wood, I'll have you sprung before pussy-willow time."

As colorful as it may be, it is not as colorful as the actual actor. Well, 'actor' since he went uncredited. And he wasn't even an actor at all. Pierre Salinger was a journalist (initially known as Lucky Pierre), press secretary for Kennedy and Johnson, senator for California (for all of three months), and inadvertent conspiracy theorist about believing everything on the Internet (concerning TWA800).

Also he has a sight gag photo of his desk of Nixon.

One only knows how he would be a good fit for such an extended cameo, but needless to say he wouldn't be the first of his ilk in such a role. I guess even now not much has changed in that aspect.

So we immediately go to the big black courthouse (:24) as Pierre informs his clients that District Attorney Harvey Dent is taking his turn to choose the jury.

[Checks earpiece]

I'm sorry, I'm being told that Dent didn't actually appear in the Silver Age at all. That would be in the Bronze Age three years later. So he's not appearing here either.

So instead the attorney is...any guesses?

Yes, it is of course Batman "because of his familiarity with the case", despite his officer deputizing not covering prosecution in a court of law. Perhaps he put in a good word to millionaire Bruce Wayne, chairman of the Gotham City District Attorney's Office.

RD: "I have only been to court once, and it was because I was there for jury duty. Gotham City sounds like it has the worst judicial system ever. OK, Batman caught these alleged supposed crooks. Now he's going to be the DA or whatever for this? And then he also gets to choose the jury? What kind of kangaroo court is this?"

The totally unbiased and partial jury arrive with Batman, and West takes the opportunity to rehash the time he guest starred on Perry Mason with some extreme overacting.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. (He pauses, suddenly seeing that he did not choose any women for his jury.) Uh, gentlemen of the jury, we are gathered here today to prove that Catwoman, Joker, and  their men, are guilty of several major offenses. To wit: robbery, attempted murder, assault and battery,  mayhem, and overtime parking."

He calls Little Louie Groovy to the stand (full name Little Louie Groovy) to state that he was robbed "on the night of July 22nd of this year" by "those cats over there, the chick with the swinging outfit, the  creep with the green hair, and those four clowns."
Batman: "For the record, witness is pointing to the defendants."
Batgirl: "He's so authoritative. So confident."
Robin: "The more you work with Batman, the more amazing he seems."

Despite this...descriptive statement, Pierre doesn't ask for a cross-examination. In fact he doesn't do any for each witness, as we fade to the last of them of the Keepers, somehow both being questioned together in tandem.
Batman: "And that's your statement, Mr. Keeper."
Mrs. Keeper: "That's his statement, not mine. I had just vacuumed the upstairs bedroom. And now  there's no bedroom upstairs anymore."
There is no cross-examination here either, save just to keep this random joke thread going to pad out the runtime. Both Batman and Joker wonder what his game as he sits holding a (lucky) wishbone.

Batman: "Gentlemen of the jury, you've heard the evidence of 14 separate witnesses including Robin the Boy Wonder, and Batgirl. Each one of them corroborating the other's story that those defendants are guilty of all the crimes with which they are charged. In the interests of law, order, justice, good fellowship, and the flag, [emphasis mine] you must convict them to keep our streets safe from evil persons. Thank you."

Of course Robin is standing up and cheering for this 'immense' effort. Batman has to tell him to sit down. He says this mind you; the judge, who normally should be the one to say so, just sits there with a rather ridiculous puff of white hair that makes him look more villain than law person.

The totally not villainous judge calls on Pierre to give his closing argument...which he doesn't. So he orders the jury to go and deliberate.
Foreman: "No need for that, Your Honor. We have already made up our minds. ... We find the defendants, Catwoman, Joker, Giggler, Laughter, Smiley and Gus...not guilty of any of the charges."
Then the jury all laughs.
Catwoman: "There's something very cat-fishy about this whole thing, Batman."
Batman: "Every man is entitled to his day in court. We must abide by the jury's decision."
Judge: "Normally, after any case, I never make any statement to the jury. However, today I cannot resist. Never in my thirty years on the Gotham City bench have I seen a more callous disregard for the facts in a case. You are all to be chastised for making a travesty out of the judicial process."
Foreman: "Aw, stow it, Judge!"

He shouts this with such furor that his mustache drops, revealing that he is in fact someone named "Marvin the Moose" who had worked with Catwoman before, sitting next to a "Dave the Dummy" who had also worked with Catwoman before.
Batman: "Your Honor, I move for a new trial."
Judge: "On which of several grounds?"
Batman: "On the grounds of a prejudicial jury."
Catwoman: "You don't know how prejudicial, Batman!"
Why, it's almost as if Batman didn't do full due diligence when choosing his totally nonpartisan jury!

Marvin then pulls out a gun, leading up to our episode's fight. Thankfully this is a good one, once again featuring Joker's stunt double. RD will be sad to miss him after the show's end. Batgirl's smiling kicks on top of a table almost cause it to fall down. Catwoman swings on a chandelier, which every courtroom has. The judge provides his assistance by hitting Joker on the head with his gavel. 

Batman: "Will you never learn that you cannot outwit the law?"
Catwoman: "Maybe one day I will, Batman, perhaps."
Batman: "You'll never succeed in circumventing justice, Catwoman."
Robin: "Not as long as honest and dedicated law enforcers have a breath left."
Joker: "Oh, forget the morals! Just get us back to jail, so we don't have to listen to these corny jokes!"
Batman (to the camera): "But morals are the stuff men are made of. And until criminals learn that, our  job will not be done. However, if and when they do, we'll be only too ready to hang up our capes and  cowls."

At Gordon's Office, Robin remarks on the characters they met.
Batman: "Don't forget Lucky Pierre. If he hadn't gone so wrong, he might have had to find career in  politics. Won a gubernatorial race, or the White House even."
Hopefully the tenure would be longer than three months.
Gordon decides to call Barbara at the Library to check up on her.

Unfortunately once again a criminal is visiting the Library, in this case Louie the Lilac.
Barbara: "What are you doing with that boutonniere? I remember the time you stunned my friend  Princess Primrose with an invisible knockout spray."
Louie: "This is not an invisible knockout spray, Miss Gordon. It is essence of lilacs. A scent which I  intend to corner the perfume market of Gotham City. I thought that the police commissioner's daughter should be my first recipient."

So of course he immediately leaves.

RD: "Looks like he will be just as uninteresting as the last time."

Narrator: "Louie the Lilac is in indeed back in Gotham City and planning much more than just  cornering the perfume market...as you'll see in our next episode!"

Eartha Kitt gets an immediate increase to her rating because she was still looking and acting stellar at the age of 40. Despite the Bros usually judging on appearances, they also note on when characterizations work, like hers. For this RD gives her 7.5 Batpoles, Vince gives 8. RD wishes Kitt was playing another character instead to make all her own rather than just succeed Julie Newmar, which would have made her appearance much greater and better known. Still, they admired her work. 

Unfortunately for Kitt, two weeks after this episode aired (ironically on an episode parodying the womens' movement) she was at a White House luncheon with Lady Bird Johnson where she made quite a few remarks, including on civil rights and against the Vietnam War including Lady Bird Johnson. For this she was blacklisted in America for a decade (until Carter personally invited her back). She did quite a lot of voice acting in her later years, most notably Yzma in The Emperor's New Groove.

RD hates Santa Baby. Vince has to think on his worst before the season rolls around. 

Santa is training to beat all the children at the Arcade on December 16th. 

RD has to think on what to write about for Christmas.

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [10] (Cesar Romero) [10]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Catwoman [9] (Eartha Kitt) [2]

 

• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. We was too late.
• Window Celebrity: 1. Pierre Salinger

Episode 114: Holy Bat-Creep!: October 30, 2023

The Funny Feline Felonies
December 28, 1967
"The Joker, just released from prison, teams up with Catwoman. They follow the clues of an ancient riddle to retrieve a nightshirt and an antique crib, which together form a map to a hidden cache of gunpowder which they plan to use for their next crime. Batman and Robin, together with Batgirl, follow their trail, little knowing that they are about to walk right into an ambush."
43 minutes

RD: LEARNING THE BAT CREEP. Is that like the Batusi? He had returned from the South where he ate at the first Kentucky Fried Chicken, as shown by his Colonel Sanders cap. Both prefer the original Original Recipe.

Vince could never get malt vinegar with fish. RD has to hide his laughter, as did any other Listener suddenly finding themselves haunted by the Force Ghost of Sir Alec Heineken. 

RD then has to explain the old joke about vinegar douching to Vince.

Good Lord, lad. 

The Jungle Book was the #2 movie of the year, in between The Graduate and a re-released Gone With The Wind. Vince has to find his Baloo tattoo.

Narrator: "Morning at Gotham State Prison. And in the office of Warden Crichton, an old foe is saying his farewell." (:08)
The Joker is leaving in a grey suit after serving his long sentence of several..days months (according to the script). He shakes hands with the Warden and the chairman of the parole board, some millionaire named Bruce Wayne. You haven't heard of him.
Bruce: "I'm convinced that you've mended your former ways. And so in keeping with our liberal penological practices, we're releasing you considerably ahead of time."
Crichton then gives him the huge sum of 1 $10 dollar bill.
Joker: "I used to light my cigars with $10 bills. (pulling out a cigar) Oh, how about a cigar to celebrate the occasion?"
Bruce doesn't smoke "in any form" so Crichton takes the cigar to see if it will explode. It doesn't, but RD still doubts his competency at his job. Again. Vince was too distracted by the bad teeth on display.

Outside Joker meets Catwoman in her KittyCar, and as part of their plan she pretends to capture him at gunpoint.
Joker (loudly): "She's kidnapping me. Honest."
Bruce asks Crichton to try and "catch" the two, using the window to call Alfred to patch him through to the Gordons (since once again Barbara is visiting). In my opinion Bruce should have also called thes scriptwriter, since the last episode ended on Joker and Catwoman already riding around. Reagrdless, Barbara immediately disappears upon hearing the call. Cue titles as the Batmobile drives to the office.

Narrator: "And at the Sleazy Hotel, a sleazy hotel across the street from police headquarters..."
Joker puts on his regular suit as Catwoman observes Gordon's Office through her Catgun. Joker wants to kill the Duo but Catwoman knows how they operate, and she prefers to draw them out. So she just shoots a note through the Office window.

O'Hara: "Mother Machree, we're under attack!"
Batman crawls on his belly doing the Bat-Creep, which RD thinks can only be done with a skateboard with the way he is flowing around on the ground.
Batman (reading): ""This one was just a warning, Batman. The next one will be between your eyelids. Signed, a well-wisher.""
O'Hara: "Well, it seems like somebody's interested in your welfare."
Everyone gives him a well-deserved glare for his idiocy. 

Barbara enters in a lovely green dress: "Somebody lose a contact lens?" RD finds contact lenses were first used as far as the 16th century, though modern softer ones were first used from the 50s. 

Batman: "It must have come from the Hotel Sleazy across the street. Judging from the trajectory and the angle...and figuring the wind at six knots per hour, north by northeast...as per this morning's weather  report...X times six squared, over...Yes. (pointing) You see, it came from that room on that floor."

They go to the room finding Joker's prison suit left behind. (:20) Batman can smell Catwoman's trademark Cat Lily perfume, sensing they were in less than three minutes ago. Batgirl takes the opportunity to appear to assist. The men all say they can handle it on their own, so she does the lawful thing and takes a piece of paper from the crime scene.
Robin: "You think she's trying to double-cross us?"
Batman: "No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men."

Catwoman's lair is half cat half clown, and she asks her goons Giggler and Laughter to meet Joker. The Clown Prince managed to steal from the Library a poem "written by Garçon Maltese, the famous crook," who stole 1 million pounds of gunpowder during the French and Indian War to hide it within Gotham. Catwoman wants to use it to blow an entrance inside the federal depository building to loot it.
Joker: "Why don't we just heist a bunch of dynamite?"
Catwoman: "Far too simple, Joker. And not half as much fun as being devilishly clever. After all, we're  not common thieves. Now, our next move is to purloin and if possible permanently purge Batman,  Batgirl and Robin, the Boy Wonder. The missing corner of this parchment was intentionally left in that fleabag of a hotel room."

This Catwoman is definitely one to kill Batman rather than be attracted to him, a sad byproduct of racial conflict during the time. An African-American woman with a White man? On 60s television? That's just science fiction!

 

Literally!

 

Regardless, Vince always loved how well Romero used his eyes for his manic facial expressions. RD adds Victor Bueno as King Tut.  

Meanwhile Barbara quickly checks the Library to find the microfiche of the document before turning into Batgirl to call Batman from the Office.
Batgirl: "Meet me immediately at the apartment of Little Louie Groovy 27 Disc Drive."
Batman: "Little Louie Groovy, the teenage tycoon who's never missed producing a million-seller record?"
Dick (loudly): "Gosh, Bruce, I've always wanted to meet him!"
Despite his loudness, Barbara makes no mention of hearing it.

Narrator: "Shortly, in the big black warehouse groovy pad of Little Louie, the young tycoon of the recording business..." (:26)
Louie has suddenly discovered a group 20 minutes earlier called "Gotham Boulevard Off-Ramp" which may or may not be a reference to Chicago (Transit Authority). "Look, I gotta make my money fast. Another couple of years, I'll be in my mid-20s. Too old for the music business, over the hill."

He tries to go to bed just as the villains break in.
Louie: "Look, if you're here to rob me, I ought to warn you that I'm a karate expert and I can hurt you. So stay back! Hyah!
Catwoman (to goons): "Karate isn't effective unless accompanied by yelling. Let him howl until he  sprains a vocal cord, then get him."
They need only wait a few seconds to get their chance, and then take his nightgown, leaving him completely bare just as the Duo show up. The fight allows Joker's stunt double to once again make his presence while the bed in the middle spins around.
The Duo succeed in smashing up the place, but don't know why their enemies wanted a nightgown. 

Joker (improvising): "Well, it was all Catwoman's fault, fellas. If you recall, it was she who kidnapped  me. She told me that Louie Groovy was a hip cat and that it might be fun if we stole the cat's pajamas. Well, you know how I am about practical jokes. I couldn't resist it."
Batman: "You must have flipped your raspberry, Joker. How could you allow anyone to talk you into  something stupid?"
Joker: "Agreed. You're absolutely and positively right. Oh, I made a dreadful mistake. Oh, let bygones  be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?"

Despite Robin's protests they do, and of course the Duo fall prey to his Joker Buzzer, electrocuting them.  Thus incapacitated, the villains leave before Batgirl appears on the scene to check their pulse. "Three beats a minute, not too good." Fortunately she has her Batgirl antidote pills for such a situation.
Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic. Plus all the lights were against me. You wouldn't want me to speed, would  you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives."
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. ... But you do have a point."

With her copy of the poem Batgirl knows they stole the nightgown for their treasure hunt. Now they need a cradle "in the possession of Karnaby Katz, devil-may-care men's clothing designer from  Londinium."

Of course by the time they get to Katz's mansion he's already been robbed of his antique cradle mere seconds earlier. 
Robin: "Where could they have disappeared to so quickly?"

Narrator: "Closer than you think! Just outside waiting to ambush you! Will Joker and Catwoman make  good their perfidious plan to steal millions? For the answer to these and other cataclysmic questions, watch the next episode!"

Next episode is also Catwoman's final appearance. The Bros can't remember watching it before. 

Santa is still set to challenge all the naughty little girls and boys at the Arcade. 

RD found some really bad Halloween costumes.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Joker [10] (Cesar Romero) [10]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Catwoman [9] (Eartha Kitt) [2]

Episode 112: Holy Eyes!: October 16, 2023

Catwoman's Dressed to Kill
December 14, 1967
"The Catwoman targets the fashion industry by first terrorizing a banquet honoring Batgirl and then attacking a fashion show. During the attack on the fashion show, Catwoman captures Batgirl and takes her back to her hideout where she threatens to kill her with a pattern cutter. She then tells Batman that if he attempts to rescue her that it will leave the visiting Queen Bess of Bellgravia vulnerable for attack. Now the Caped Crusader must find a way to save Batgirl and prevent any harm to Queen Bess."
45 minutes

RD: Needs No Snoods. Vince: "Is that like a nap?"

Narrator: "Noon in Gotham City. While millions of workers hurry to their midday meal at a posh private luncheon, the city's ten best-dressed women are being named by the town's top couturier, Rudi Gernreich."
Gernreich was an actual well known avant garde fashion designer, especially during this decade. Unfortunately that does not protect him from Gordon and O'Hara (and Mayor Linseed) also being in attendance, since they are to accept a "Batty" on behalf of Batgirl "for the best-dressed crime-fightress in Gotham City". Why she couldn't accept it directly is never explained.

Neither is it explained how Catwoman managed to sneak in. Neither neither is how she is now played by an African-American actress.
"Ridiculous. Nonsense. Foolish prattle. How can Batgirl be the best anything when Catwoman is around? No best-dressed list is complete without the addition of the queen of criminals, the Princess of Plunder, yours untruly."

The Bros appreciate Eartha Kitt really getting into the villainy of the character, including her tone and inflection of voice. Yet she still has to compare herself with Julie Newmar. She doesn't get her own love theme!

Catwoman: "You ladies with your fancy hairdos, what do you know about beauty? After you suffer the effects of my hair-raising bomb. you will never be able to raise your heads in public again. Then we'll see who's the fairest of them all!"
One of the women: "No! Not our hair! Anything but that!"
She throws a hair bomb which does just that, and gives an evil laugh.
O'Hara: "To the red Batphone!"

Narrator: "In a fashionable midtown men's shop, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson scan the new styles."
Dick is getting a tuxedo for his first prom despite not knowing how to tie a bow.
Bruce: "I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Alfred and I will give you the benefit of our vast years of experience."
Bruce's pen beeps, alerting them of Gordon trying to reach the Duo.
Bruce: "We'll change into our spare Batoutfits in the limousine and leg it to police headquarters."
Dick: "Leg it? How about a taxi?"
Bruce: "Arriving at Commissioner Gordon's office in a taxi might be deemed a trifle ostentatious."
Dick: "But that's three miles from here!"
Bruce: "A sound mind in a sound body."

Cue Batrun in front of a greenscreen, assuming it's not the exact same from the Movie.

Of course Barbara is already there at the Office awaiting the Duo just because. "Ruined their hair forever? Catwoman really knows a woman's weak spot."
RD: "Couldn't they go get a haircut or something?"
She suggests using Batgirl to bait her out, much to Batman's protest. "I wouldn't dream of endangering that fair lady's head. No, you'd better leave the crime-fighting to the men."

Narrator: "And in an abandoned loft in the big black warehouse heart of Gotham City's garment center, Catwoman is  fashioning her criminal conspiracy while her admiring henchmen, Angora and Manx, look on." (:15)
As Catwoman plots to catnap Batgirl and ultimately steal a piece of clothing called The Golden Fleece, the Bros continue to admire Kitt's way of saying things. The Fleece, "a million dollars' worth of 24-karat gold cloth", will be brought into town by its current owner Queen Bess of Belgravia, which she will purloin - and then sell back.
"Manx...take a telegram."

The telegram of Catwoman foretelling her appearance is for Gordon, who reads it over the phone to Batman.
Batman: "Let us handle it, Commissioner. And if you should hear from Batgirl, don't, repeat, don't tell her about this turn of events here."
Gordon: "Right. I won't tell Batgirl a thing."
Barbara (overhearing yet again): "Won't tell Batgirl what, Daddy?"
Gordon: "I guess I can tell you. After all, you're not Batgirl."

Narrator: "Having learned of Catwoman's plan from Commissioner Gordon, Barbara Gordon dons her guise as Batgirl, best-dressed crime-fightress in America. While Batgirl hurries to her fateful appointment, Batman approaches from another direction. In the showroom of Fashionation Magazine, Rudi Gernreich again regales the assemblage with his droll comments." (:18)

Rudi predicts (although he will be a few years off) that women will eventually be wearing minis, including shoes. This is enough for Catwoman to appear, still aiming to be best-dressed.

Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years. Now, are you coming quietly, Catwoman, or must we use force?"
Catwoman: "Your silver-tongued oratorio has convinced me, Batman. I hereby remit myself to your muscular custody."
Batman: "Don't try to pull the wool over our eye slits."
He might as well though, as the goons sneak up from behind and just...ensnare the Duo in a net. 

Batgirl then shows up to pull off the net.
Batman: "How did you find out about this? I specifically asked Commissioner Gordon not to involve  you. We can fight our own battles."

Catwoman has gone into the dressing rooms. "If the Dynamic Drips react the way I expect them to  react, they will not step into this most hallowed and forbidden no-man's land. But Batgirl will."
Robin: "What are we going to do? We can't step into that hallowed and forbidden no-man's land without closing our eyes. And if we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."
Batgirl: "You can't go in there, but I can. And with my eyes wide-open."
She does, straight into some knockout gas.

The Duo wait a minute before deciding to go in. While covering their eyes. As Batman's theme plays in a minor key. 

Vince always disliked entering the ladies' locker room, sometimes even with his eyes closed.

Eyes covered, Batman walks into a mannequin. "Careful, Robin. I think it's a lady. Take my cape."
Finally one of the models tells him they are fully dressed, so they can stop with this 'comedic' act.
Robin: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. ... Or worse."
The situation and line delivery is so serious, one of the models corpses in the background.

In the lair Batgirl is tied up as RD notes how old Catwoman's goons are for some reason. "Did she go to a retirement community?" Kitt distracts by rolling her R's in such a manner.
Catwoman: "No hero worth his salt would let a lady expire. It's foolproof, I tell you. Perfectly  foolproof."
Batgirl: "And you, Catwoman, are an even bigger fool than I thought you were. We who enforce the  law would gladly lay down our lives for it."
Catwoman: "Angora, gag her. Crime-fightresses should be seen and not heard."
They prepare her to be cut into ribbons. For fashion! Catwoman puts a white flower on her body for some reason.

Meanwhile the Duo try to figure out the plot in the non-Londinium Batcave.
Robin: "It would appear she's on an apparel binge of some kind. Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods! Right, Batman?"
Batman: "Wrong. There isn't much call for Etruscan snoods these days, Robin."
Unfortunately Batman can't think straight with his deep in thought pose.
Alfred: "It would appear that your mind is not really on the subject you're pursuing."
Batman: "Very observant, Alfred. My mind's on Batgirl. Wherever she is, whatever dire danger she  faces..."

Anyway they have to meet Queen Bess at "exactly" 3 pm at her embassy "to discuss the rise in Belgravian misdemeanors". Because that's what they do now. Batman then remembers she has a Golden Fleece with her that Catwoman might target.
Batman: "Belgravia would be up a creek without a fleece. They might even declare war on our country. No doubt Queen Bess would mortgage herself to the hilt to get it back. (To the camera) Nobody wants war."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."

At the Office Batman tells Gordon of the potential hit at the embassy just as Catwoman calls (the normal phone) to gloat. "Speak of the angel. You'd better get to 32 Pussyfoot Road, Batman, where a steel pattern cutter is just going to work on Batgirl."
Robin: "Holy dilemma! If we go to rescue Batgirl, Catwoman escapes with the Golden Fleece. And if  we go after Catwoman, Batgirl dies."
Of course Batman does not suggest having the Undynamic Duo go to save her, leaving their level of incompetence at the task unsaid. Gordon doesn't even offer to go get her. So Batman has to order the two to meet Bess.
Once gone, he calls Alfred on the Batphone to tell him to go to Batgirl. But he needs to be disguised, "something as alien as possible to your normal self."

As Catwoman appears at the embassy and gasses the staff ("Sorry queenie, but I'm antisocial,") Alfred appears in the lair...in a hippie janitor outfit and even hippier accent.
Batgirl: "You look very familiar to me."
Alfred: "Me? Oh, no. No, I'm the oldest living hippie in this country. You may have heard about my  being the first Boy Scout dropout at the turn of a century."
She gives him a confused look as she leaves.

Of course the Undynamic Duo have no idea at first that Catwoman has taken the Queen's place. She takes a feel of her dress as she threatens them before the Trio appear to fight. Craig actually fights with Paul as they do the arduous task of rolling a cart. Someone gets thrown through some flimsy painted paper of a wall. Catwoman hisses at Batgirl as everyone is taken away.

Back in the Office, everyone has received "the Royal Order of the Belgravian Garter" for whatever that whole situation was. O'Hara keeps talking until Bonnie calls to shut him up to alert them to the TV, which just shows Egghead and Olga. Sadly he is not riding a donkey here.

Narrator: "Egghead, Olga and her Bessarovian Cossacks are back with another assortment of devilish  plots. All happening here in our next episode!"

RD liked the story far more than Vince, who missed the villain dynamic, especially with this different Catwoman. RD thought she did fine with what she had.  

Vince bought a lot of 1-UPs from the recent Amazon Prime Day. 

RD: "I just inducted yet another ridiculous women's match."
Vince had to suffer through the latest Raw, which had 16 women not doing much.

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [8] (Eartha Kitt)

• Window Celebrity: 1. Rudi Gernreich
  

Episode 89: Holy Bijou!: May 7, 2023

Batman Displays His Knowledge
February 23, 1967
"Catwoman goes ahead with her scheme to steal several Batagonian Cat's Eye opals, but she has trouble finding someone to fence them since such rare stones would be easily spotted. With little recourse left, she decides to turn them in for the reward money. It seems like the perfect job for her acquaintance, Freddy the Fence. But when he notices that the gems are fakes, Catwoman realizes she has been tricked by Batman and vows to get revenge on the Caped Crusader once and for all."
68 minutes

RD: Julie Please Don't Go! Perhaps he should go on strike for that. He thought this episode was one of the best ever, fitting for Newmar's swan song (for 50 years anyway). He wishes to rate her at the end. Actually he doesn't, but there wouldn't be any point since she would easily go beyond the maximum 10 Batpoles.

Narrator: "When last we saw the Dynamic Duo, they were bound hand and foot in an outsized coffee cup,  and about to be scalded and scarred by sulfuric acid, in full view of an unwitting throng in Chimes Square. Hold onto your beanies! They may not get out of this one!"

Robin politely says his goodbye, but Batman tells him to stick to the side. Some of the acid may fall onto their bindings instead of their bodies.
Robin: "There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip, Batman."
Batman: "Very good, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you, Batman."
Vince's father kept telling him never to count his chickens before they hatched. 

Sure enough some acid hits Batman's ropes, and freed he throws a Batarang to the switch to release them. He then frees Robin with his Batknife. To make things more equal for his enemy he cuts upside down with the blunt edge.
Robin: "The way we get into these scrapes, and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations. Guiding our destiny."
Batman: "Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life."
Anyway they have "those poor misguided students" down below to corral, all 10,000 of them, in black and white for some reason. "Our first duty is to save them. To disperse them before they do something that might blight their lives."
For some reason Vince wondered how the Duo would have handled things on January 6. For some reason I see whoever has to write a story about it involve Bane in some manner. 

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in a building across town, the annual sale of priceless Batagonian cat's-eyes opals is about to begin at the Forever Jewel Company." (:10)

For some reason the opals are auctioned (at a starting bid of $650,000) inside a bag that no one can inspect. Catwoman, who is present "in the fur", bids nothing, and the auctioneer needs a moment to recognize who she is.
Catwoman: "Now, if you'll all assume positions of subservience, we can complete this caper with a minimum of jeopardy and danger for all."
She orders Penn to take their "baubles", a word Vince considers getting a tattoo of. 

In the Batcave Gordon informs Batman of the theft over the Batphone.
Robin: "Holy bijou!"
Batman: "That's very good, Robin. Bijou, french for jewel."
Robin (flattered): "Heh. Thank you, Batman."
This was part of the Caped Crusader's plan though, since these opals are knownfor their bad luck.    
Robin: "You, of all people, don't believe in superstition, do you?"
Batman: "Me? Superstitious? Nonsense - Ah!" Suddenly pulls Robin away from a ladder. "Never walk under a ladder, Robin."
Robin: "Batman, I'm surprised at you."
Batman: "Not at all. There is a custom based on fact. The ladder could fall and hit you on the head. Or someone could slip and fall from the ladder. It doesn't pay to court disaster, Robin."

Carefully avoiding any black cats or breakable mirrors, we cut to French Freddy's Fencing Academy. Catwoman meets with Monsieur Freddy Touché while he drains spaghetti through his fencing mask. The Bros can tell it's an in-joke in the production.
Freddy is also a fencer in the goods sense, so Catwoman shows him a "triple soupçon" of the opals - which he declines: "Every gendarme in Gotham City is looking for these. It would be impossible to get rid of. Everyone knows that the Batagonian cat's-eye opals are bad luck for anyone who steals them."
Catwoman gives him time to reconsider, even giving her address. The Bros make the obvious joke of it being Newmar's adddress. 

Captain Courageous is still in Gordon's Office where he apologizes to the Duo for selling them Tribbles trying to arrest Batman. Gordon goes to call Bruce to update him on the theft. Coincidentally Batman has to go call on the Batphone in the corner.

RD was discussing future shows to discuss with the family. Junior offered all 30 seasons of The Simpsons.

Rather than inform Gordon that Bruce is unavailable on account of being a millionaire businessman, Batman calls Alfred to use the Bat-Syllable Device that reads out typed in words as the world's earliest Text-To-Speech program. 

Gordon (to Batman): "It's eerie, Batman. Every time I talk to Mr. Wayne, I get the feeling I'm talking to you. For a while I thought you and he were the same person. But here you are and I've just spoken with him on the phone. I guess that dissolves any tentative theory I may have harbored."
O'Hara: "Sure and it does. Bruce Wayne is a millionaire playboy. Hardly a secret identity for Batman."
Checking through the "Well-Known Criminals File" directs to the Duo to Freddy, so they leave.
Courageous: "I'd heard about them out in California, Commissioner Gordon. But the idea of crime fighters in such fantastic costumes seemed too incredible to believe. We never had anything like that in Hollywood."
Gordon: "No one will ever see the likes of them again. For some reason, they chose Gotham City to be the recipient of their derring-do, and I, for one, bless the day they arrived on the scene. Long may they live."

Back at Freddy's, the proprietor thinks they came for lessons.
Robin: "Holy Zorro! Don't you know Batman is the best fencer in the country?"
Against Batman's accusations of his other fencing, Freddy flourishes his sword, causing Robin's head to bob around in following it. Batman then thoroughly defeats him.
Freddy: "I do not accept stolen merchandise anymore. Now I am only interested in body-building. You know, in building bodies."
Robin: "Can't you see he's stalling, Batman?"
Batman: "A man is innocent until proven guilty, Robin. That's provided for in our Constitution. I'll accept your explanation for the nonce. However, if we find that you've been prevaricating, it will not go well for you. ... Au revoir."
RD reminds Vince not to use the word 'nonce' nowadays because it's more used to refer to pedophiles. 

In the lair Catwoman continues to find a suitable customer. "Drat, drat, double drat." Freddy appears to tell her of Batman's nosiness. "Triple drat."
He suggests just turning them in for the reward ($3 million), even if it is smaller and Freddy gets a cut. Catwoman begrudgingly agrees...only for Freddy to see that the opals are in fact fakes. "These are  imitation zircons that have been dipped in cherry frosting. And a poor grade of cherry frosting at that."
Catwoman: "Batman did it! That dirty, rotten guy! I'll get him if it's the second-to-last thing I do!"

Back at the Office the auctioneer is also there as the occupants thank Batman for figuring out the plot, swapping the jewels for the fakes, and offering a reward. Sure enough a goon immediately shows up with a message from Catwoman: Batman is to meet her alone at midnight in a model house at the "Sherlock Holmes Real Estate Development in Suburban, Norchester".
Batman: "You can tell your mistress that I will agree to her terms."
Robin reminds him of her duplicity all the time they've fought. "Hope springs eternal," he replies in hope.

Vince finds the characters more defined and easier to follow than most of current wrestling (i.e. WWE). 

So he enters the ring model home (:39) and Catwoman descends stairs in her most seductive look yet.

Batman: "You're a rare lady, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "I'm rare in more ways than that. I thought that, well, you know...perhaps we might get to know each other a little better."
Batman: "I would think that we know each other well enough by now."
Catwoman: "Don't run away, Batman. I won't bite."
The Love Theme then starts loudly playing.
Batman: "You're very beautiful, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Yes. You're quite right. I am."
Batman: "Your propinquity could make a man forget himself."
Catwoman: "I don't know what that means but it sure sounds nice."
Batman: "I refer to the nearness of you."
Catwoman (bending over): "Batman...let's throw caution to the winds. I mean, after all, we are two adult human beings, and we're both interested in the same thing: happiness. I can give you more  happiness than anyone in the world."
Batman: "How do you propose to do that?"
Catwoman: "By being your partner in life. I mean, it's me and you against the world."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Well, I'll have him killed. Painlessly. Well, he is a bit of a bore with his "holy-this" and "holy-that." 

During all this Vince couldn't help but notice West's very prominent Batboner. He wishes there was some scene with the two together in bed while he still has his cowl on. 

Then Vince has to go answer the door for some lost elderly people off camera.

Despite this (Catwoman's seduction, not people ringing the door), Batman suspected she would try to poison him with the fatal scent of Eau de Chat, so he had been wearing Batplugs (in his nose): "you're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive."
Catwoman: "Ha! Put up your gloves, Batman. I'm gonna practice the art of cat-rate on you!"
Batman: "Your mistake. Cat-rate, as you call it, correctly pronounced "karate," is a defensive form. Therefore, in order for you to make a move, I must move, and I won't."
So she has to call her goons in.
Batman: "The odds are about right. Four against one."
Robin (bursting in): "Four against two, Batman! I couldn't resist. You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing."
Batman: "Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders often times come gems."
Vince wondered what would have happened if it was Robin who was seduced instead.

Cue a short fight with Victor Paul being thrown all over the place. Even West and Ward are there, taking any advantage to impress Newmar. Catwoman runs for her Catillac but can't find the keys, so Batman corners her by jumping into the back seat.
Batman: "Going my way?"
Catwoman: "I wish I were, Batman. But we're fated to travel in different directions. You on the straight  and narrow and me on the crooked and wide."
Batman: "Catwoman, it would be so easy for you to tread the path of righteousness."
Catwoman: "I'm afraid not, Batman. I need what every woman needs. The love of a good man."

Vince found some words from Newmar after West's passing, describing him positively including as "the Cary Grant of television" among other platitudes, and how they had such great chemistry and ease in their roles. Vince gives her applause for that.   

He also found a piece on women being topless on the nearby mountains. I don't think those two are related. 

Vince also finds as recently as March that 89 year old Newmar still lives and cares for her 42 year old son with Downs Syndrome and deafness (John Jewell Smith, an artist). He reads more about her strong love for her "miracle" son throughout her life. Vince also gives her applause for that.

In Warden Crichton's Office at Gotham Castle Prison, Bruce is there to see Catwoman off.
Bruce: "I'm sorry it had to end this way, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Not half as sorry as I am, Mr. Wayne."
Crichton: "Catwoman, you have destroyed my faith in my modern penological practices."
Catwoman: "Don't judge all criminals by me, Warden Crichton. There are a lot of cons that you have rehabilitated by your methods. I'm the exception, not the rule."
Bruce: "Catwoman's correct. This is a model prison. [Emphasis mine.] Be proud of your work, Warden."
Catwoman: "It's too bad we couldn't get to be better friends, Mr. Wayne. A good parole officer should also be a friend."
Bruce: "I'd like to be your friend."
Catwoman: "There's no room for another man in my life, Mr. Wayne. You're nice...but my heart belongs to Batman. ... Goodbye."

And so does Julie Newmar depart from the world of Batman. 

Both agree this was one of the best episodes ever even with the bittersweet departure. Vince is sad there was nothing publicly romantic between the Bat and the Cat in all that time.

RD found an unaired 10 minute-ish pilot of Batgirl.  

Scott Keith wrote about Cheatum.

Vince watched an old tape where Kane chokeslammed the Phoenix Suns Gorilla over his head.

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [7] (Julie Newmar) [6] 

• Window Celebrity: 1. Stanley Adams

Episode 88: Holy Malt!: April 30, 2023

Catwoman Goes to College
February 22, 1967
"Catwoman is released from prison, and claiming she wants to enrich her education, enrolls at Gotham City University. She dresses one of her own henchmen as the Caped Crusader in order to frame him for a robbery. With Batman in jail, she goes ahead with her plan for a mass sit-in at Chimes Square. Catwoman is more than surprised when Batman himself shows up at the event. However, his efforts to expose the villainess are futile, and she prepares to terminate him and Robin in front of the whole crowd."
65 minutes

RD Hates Coffee More Now. He doesn't even have a WWE Niagara Falls Cup to not drink coffee from! Vince doesn't need any coffee, hated or otherwise, since he feels so energized during the recording. It also doesn't hurt that they're doing a Catwoman story. He complements RD for his note taking for the both of them. 

Narrator: "Gotham State Penitentiary, an impregnable fortress under maximum security, where rehabilitation, not punishment, is the keynote." (:08)
The prison looks more castle than fortress, where Catwoman, having survived taking a dip in the river last appearance, does stretches in front of Warden Crichton and "millionaire" Bruce Wayne. The Warden tells her she has been granted parole - but only on the condition that a board member ("heaven help him") will be her parole officer. And of course it's Bruce.
Catwoman: "Warden, I owe my life of crime to the fact that I was a drop-out. I'm going back to Gotham City University to immerse myself in education."

Narrator: "Late the next night, a curious happening takes shape in one of Gotham City University's hallowed halls. A student prank? Or a feline scheme of that university's most recently registered student?"
An "actual size replica" statue of "Patron crimefighter of Gotham City" Batman is stolen by what 'kind' RD charitably calls middle-aged students wearing beanies, which one of them drops. 

RD has fun with winding up Vince, in this case by not know about the Beany and Cecil show.

This prompts a call on the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor, which Bruce answers directly. (:15)
Gordon: "I'm not certain if this requires your attention, Batman, but some strange goings-on have been going on."
Bruce: "Who is it this time, commissioner? Joker? Egghead? Riddler? King Tut?"
Gordon: "I don't know. A statue has been stolen at Gotham City University."
Bruce (rolling his eyes): "Sounds like a freshman prank to me."
Gordon: "Perhaps and then again, perhaps not. The statue was a full-sized replica of you, Batman."
Bruce: "My graven image, eh? We'll be right there, commissioner. (To Dick) To the Batpoles!"

In the Office the Undynamic Duo remain "utterly baffled" by this "dumb fraternity stunt".
Batman: "As you may recall that statue was made from a perfect mold of my body."
Robin: "And the costume is an exact plaster duplicate of yours."
Batman: "Precisely, Robin. This theft may be the first step in some diabolical imposture of myself."

Surprisingly the police actually do their job and have "the beanie in question" for Batman to look at, since otherwise he would have to investigate over 3100 university students who all have the same hat size (6 and 7/8).
Batman: "Do you see what I see?"
Robin: "Depends. What do you see?"
It is a strand of red hair that Batman can run through the Batcave's "electronic hair Bat-analyzer".

Meanwhile Catwoman is finishing sewing a Batsuit in her lair in the basement of the Eta Beta Lotka sorority house. She asks her goon Cornell to mimic a taped Batman.
Batman (taped): "Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen for all your applause, but I don't really deserve it."
Making sure the voice match is purrrrrfect, she asks her other goon beanie-less Penn to put the statue back after taking Brown's beanie before she has to go to Batman giving a guest lecture. Cornell responds by trying out the Batsuit with his impersonation. 

Robin is also attending, quietly expressing doubt at Catwoman taking "Elementary Criminology".
Batman: "Good day, students. I'll begin by remarking that criminology, like other sciences has made remarkable strides over recent years."
Robin: "Batman's right, students. We catch more crooks in our Batcave anti-crime lab than in the field."
RD has his doubts on this.
Batman: "For example, last night a certain statue was purloined right here at Gotham City U.This beanie was found at the scene of the crime. There was one strand of red hair caught in the fabric. I have microscopically analyzed it and here are my findings. From this single strand of hair, I've been able to determine that the man is 6 feet, one-and-three-quarters inches in height, is 36 years old, has flat feet, wears glasses, speaks in a deep voice and suffers from hay fever."
RD: "He's like 56 years old."

Catwoman sets off the bell with her remote control Catradio, but Penn sneezes anyway. He takes off and the Duo try to give chase, but the other students all crowd around to stop him.
Catwoman: "Now, if all you students will just clear away, Batman and I would like to be alone."
Batman: "What makes you think so, Catwoman?"
Catwoman: "I just thought it would be so amusing. It would be the first time you weren't trying to arrest me, and I wasn't trying to murder you."
Batman: "Very well. Just a second while I retrieve my beanie, my hair, my tweezers, and my notes."

This requires a trip to the nearby malt shop, which the Bros prefer over shakes. (:27) So do Batman and Catwoman, each sharing one with a double straw.
Catwoman: "I'll bet every female criminal in America would swap her time off for good behavior just to change places with me."
Batman: "I'm flattered."
Catwoman: "As soon as I graduate I'll be coming to you for a job."
Unfortunately for her Robin's still around.
"Well, maybe by that time he'll be all grown up and on his own."
Batman: "I can't tell you how happy I am about your change of heart. You seem to have lost all the  egotism that once marred your great beauty."

They lean in for a kiss - and then Robin again comes in to do his job of crimefighting cockblocking.
Vince: "I just fantasize about the guy who was sitting down literally typing this out on paper."
Robin tells Batman someone looking like the Dark Knight was seen robbing a supermarket. Before they can move a police officer enters.
Officer: "Don't move, you costumed kook! We've got you covered! You're under arrest for knocking off a supermarket!"
Robin (after some random beats of silence): "Who the heck are you?"
Officer: "Name's Courageous. Captain Courageous. Just arrived here from Los Angeles under the police exchange program."
Robin: "Holy Hollywood, an out-of-towner!"
The Bros wonder how he could not know when some episodes ago the whole world was worrying over Batman's supposed death.
Batman: "I've been here all morning sipping a soda with Catwoman."
Courageous: "Ha! Who's gonna take the word of a 50-time loser?"
So Batman is arrested, but he does get his one phone call. He requests Robin to call "the firm name of Alfred & Alfred."

In his Office Gordon hears of a "spontaneous demonstration" of...loitering to be led by Catwoman that evening in Chimes Square. He orders O'Hara to send everyone there. 

In the holding cell Batman is met by his lawyer Alfred Serge Tort, "attorney-at-law, specialist in  felonies, misdemeanors, and over-time parking tickets." (:35) With a smuggled in Bat-makeup case they use it to swap looks as disguises. BatAlfred looks so excited to once again pretend to be his employer (even in prison!) while Bruce is somehow allowed to go free with no questions asked. 

Back at the Office Captain Courageous reports on arresting "some joker" named Batman. This sends Gordon into a fit. "Release him and release him fast!"
Courageous: "But... But... But..."
Gordon: "You do very clever impressions of a motorboat, captain. Get moving!"
He then calls Stately Wayne Manor to inform Bruce of Catwoman's demonstration. " I'm certain there's some illegal reason behind it.You're her parole officer, aren't you?"
Bruce: "I guess I haven't done a very good job, commissioner."
Gordon: "Still, I must award you an E for effort."
RD: "I should note that E is a lot closer to F than an A, so I would also give him an E for effort."
Courageous: "Commissioner, the Batman's escaped! Tied up a lawyer and walked out in disguise!"
Gordon: "Hahaha! Good old Batman. No jail can hold him, not even ours. He's probably at the Batcave  already. You'll learn soon enough not to doubt the masked manhunter!"
He then calls back Bruce (on the Batphone this time) to tell him about "Catwoman's latest peregrinations," not noticing that he sounds exactly the same as millionaire Bruce Wayne. Of course he already knew about it and states he will be there.
Dick: "Holy crystal ball. How'd you know the Batphone was gonna ring?"
Bruce: "Elementary. I'll explain on the way down. To the Batpoles!"

In the Batcave the Bat-Calendar finds a few events that Catwoman may hit. (:39) Besides a "prize cat show at Gotham City Square Garden" the closest hit is "the Batagonian cat's-eye opal sale at
the offices of the Forever Jewel Company." To the Batmobile! 

At the lair a Goon thinks the opals are bad luck.
Catwoman: "Pish-tosh! That's a superstition not grounded in fact. Anyway, they're worth millions. ...  As per my plan, Batman is languishing in some jail. And the befuddled police will have their gloves full just clearing those misguided students off the streets. Cornell, go and get the Catillac and bring it round. We're gonna transform Chimes Square...into Crime Square!"

She manages to find a ledge there to oversee a crowd that's more massive angry mob than a few dissatisfied students. Against her command to "go to it", without any sort of saying what "it" is, Batman tries to counter with a megaphone.
Batman: "Go back, students! Go back! Go back to your homes and hearths! Can't you see she's trying to lead you down a thorny path?"
Somehow this works and the crowd disperses, though Catwoman is not deterred. 

Narrator: "Moments later, atop the Gotham City Chimes Building, Catwoman deploys her forces in the blinking light of the Crespie's Coffee mechanical billboard."
This consists of an enormous setpiece contraption that may have taken a huge portion of the show's budget, of which the Duo are Bat-climbing up to. 

While on the way up they are stopped by one of the other major aesthetics of the episode,elevision presence Art Linkletter.
Linkletter: "I was hoping to revive my TV show People Are Funny, but I can't seem to find any
unusual people in Gotham City."
Batman: "No, this is just an ordinary, fine, upstanding metropolis. Not many weirdos."
Robin: "Any particular types in mind?"
Linkletter: "Oh, someone perhaps with a strange costume."
Batman: "No, most of those characters like Joker, Penguin, King Tut are safely locked up."
Linkletter: "Maybe somebody with a dual identity or a unique approach to a problem. I'm climbing the
walls looking for them."
Batman: "I wish we could help you. But we're just a couple of ordinary crime fighters going about our mundane business."
Linkletter: "I see. Well, thank you for your interest. Maybe I'll give up the whole idea."
Robin: "Too bad. It's a great show."
They climb up.
Linkletter: "Costume? Dual identity? Climbing the walls? (Shouting up) HEY BATMAN!"

Catwoman and goons await the Duo with a giant coffee cup.
Batman: "Oh, Catwoman. Catwoman, will you never learn?"
Catwoman: "Men! Two obstacles stand between me and you and a life of splendor and plenty. Eradicate them!"
The Duo have no trouble with the stunt doubles.
Robin: "You're a blot on the name of Gotham City University! When the students find out what kind of a person you really are they'll hate you for forever!"
Catwoman stalls for time by finding her Catkerchief to pretend cry into, then gasses them. "Fools! Don't they know that tears are a woman's most effective weapon?"

So the Duo are tied inside the coffee cup as a percolator of sulfuric acid coffee is prepped to pour onto them once a minute.
Catwoman: "So if you get that searing feeling in your stomachs, it won't be heartburn. It'll be all burn."
Robin: "Holy caffeine!"
Catwoman: "And best of all, everybody will see you go up in smoke." (The crowd is down below.)
Batman: "You have a perverted sense of the dramatic, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "You're absolutely right."

Narrator: "What an ignominious end! Scalded in a coffee cup? Could this be it for the Dynamic Duo? Are Batman and Robin still good to the last drip? To learn the agonizing answer tune in tomorrow! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!"

RD has to do a lot of work maintaining the Arcade machines. 

RD wrote about WCW yet again being disorganized. He extols his love of Extreme to Vince.

 

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [7] (Julie Newmar) [6] 

• Entertain The People: 1 
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Interesting
  
• Window Celebrity: 2. Art Linkletter, Stanley Adams as Captain Courageous (A well known character actor, including enterprising Tribble handler Cyrano Jones on Star Trek)
  

 

Episode 79: Holy Catbaby!: February 19, 2023

Scat! Darn Catwoman
January 25, 1967
"Catwoman mind-controls Batman! Holy Domination! Will the Boy Wonder be able to pause her paws before she performs what-have-you on you-know-what?"
63 minutes

Vince is already preparing for Spring Training. RD: Valentine's Day With RUSSO does not follow his Cincinnati Reds. Mrs. Deal's crab cakes are 85% crab.

Narrator: "When we last glimpsed the masked man-hunter, he was about to be snapped to death by a gigantic bat-trap. And a poor, drugged Robin as the unwitting tool of his destruction! Batman's only hope is to join forces with Catwoman. But we know he won't do that! Or will he? The incredible answer in just one moment!" 

With one thread left, Batman decides to surrender as to not make Robin a murderer.
Catwoman: "You realize I'll have to drug you with cataphrenic to make sure you're not faking."
Batman: "Of course, Catwoman. I wouldn't expect you to believe me."
Catwoman: "There's no honor among thieves, Batman."
Batman: "I'll buy that."

He then asks immediately to take a Bat-pill first since he has a headache.
Pussycat: "Would you like some chicken soup?"

Catwoman drugs him in the lightest manner possible, making him into what RD terms a "spacey pervert." (:10)
Batman: "Heyyyyy. You're a pretty good looker. You got some class, baby. Who are you?" 

After letting him spin her around to check out her tail, they go to the Batmobile to count out her money to make sure it reaches 1 million.
Batman: "Hey, hey, that's a neat haul, Catbaby."
Catwoman: "Only the beginning. A drop in the proverbial bucket. We're gonna live it up! We're gonna wail, doll!"
RD wonders if it is safe to count money in a convertible. Vince would lose count.
She tells him about her plan, and that they are to go to the "Old Criminal's Home." "Oh, would I love to see Commissioner Gordon's face now."

Cut to Commissioner Gordon's face now as he hears from O'Hara that Catwoman is riding with Batman.
Gordon: "The worst has come to pass. Send out an all-points bulletin, Chief O'Hara: "Wanted, dead or alive: Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and Pussycat.""
The Bros express surprise that he would be so jealous as to kill his one true love after a single sighting with the enemy. 

The Old Criminal's Home has a very distinct musical theme. One of the inhabitants, Little Al, is about to go "back in the good old days" before Catwoman tries to stop him. Batman literally throws a laundry bag of the money at him as he keeps going on, while providing her with the mint plans.
Little Al (to the camera): "Criminals just ain't genteel anymore."

Meanwhile Gordon is stuck taking phone calls from Mayor Linseed, Governor Stonefellow, President Johnson, before receiving an anonymous tip. Sadly it is not from Vice President Humphrey. Vince is unsure if Johnson had any First Dogs.

Back at the Catlair Pussycat sings another song named Maybe Now to Robin. No wait, a photo of Robin. During that time there's a random two second cut to a police car. Perhaps they're also listening? RD: "Was Kevin Dunn directing this?"

Robin appears under a sign stating "Robin's Sleeping Do Not Disturb", which is a very helpful use of the series' sign maker.
Robin: "Come on, baby, did you miss me? Are you still madly in love with me, huh? How about a little smooch? You're my kind of dame."
Pussycat: "I hardly even know you, Robin."
Robin: "Kissing is a great way to get acquainted, sweetheart."
Pussycat: "Robin, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm not the type of girl to kiss a boy on the first crime."
Robin: "Close your eyes and pucker, and don't worry about your reputation."
Before anything untoward can occur the police break in, led by the Undynamic Duo, to arrest them. Pussycat asks to change into her street clothes first.

Batman and the other villains see this from afar, and Catwoman wonders how they could have been found out.
Catwoman: "We're gonna have to find a place to hide out, Batman. Do you remember the way back to the Batcave?"
Batman: "Batcave? What's a Batcave?"
She jogs his memory by lightly touching his head. He responds by using the Batgas. 

Cut back to police HQ where Pussycat looks somewhat warm under the police spotlight. Vince still finds her eyes attractive though. The two debate her look again. Vince: "I'm not looking at her eyes!"
Pussycat: "My name is Pussycat. My rank is criminal, second class. I have no serial number. Now, if you want any more information, flatfoot, see my mouthpiece."
O'Hara: "What she needs is a good slap...on the wrist."
Gordon: "You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality."

This leads the two to come up with an actual good plan, broken clocks that they are: tracing the called Batphone.

Vince messes around with his second camera. The angle keeps startling RD. 

At the Batcave Batman wakes Catwoman up, who is of course enamored by the place. (:27)
Batman: "It's a nice little pad, Catbaby."
The Love Theme emerges again as the two sweet talk each other.
Catwoman: "Is there something you'd like to do, Batman?"
Batman: "Yeah, I got your message, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Isn't there something that you wanna do? Now that we're standing almost mask to mask this way."
Batman: "Sure, Catwoman. But first, we got the heist at the Mint to think about."
Suddenly the Automatic Bat Alarm for Detecting Phone Detecting Equipment rings. Batman flips the Diversionary Bat Phone Line Switch.

Narrator: "Meanwhile, back in the rundown apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending..."
Pat counts his money under his mattress when the police break in. "Stay right where you are, Batman!" one declares. "Judging by your appearance, I'd never guess your secret, but the Batphone line led us right to you!"
Despite Pat's pleas to the contrary, they also have Ruby (Val-let) as Robin down at HQ.
Pat: "That's ridiculous. Rudy's 32 years old."
Officer: "And obviously very spry for his age."
That does make him seven years younger than Victor Paul regardless. 

Back at the Batcave Batman writes a note for Alfred to deliver some Bat-Antidote to Robin. He then again gasses Catwoman before they take off. 

It is now 5 am at the Mint, according to the Narrator and the Love Theme as the Bat and the Cat are around.
Catwoman: "It's cold."
Batman: "Here. You want my cape around you?"
Catwoman: "I prefer your arms around me."
Before they can kiss the other goons interrupt with their timing, the spoilsports.

There is no visible entrance, so Catwoman has to make one with a hammer, rather than the Dark Knight just standing there. To open s safe they use a noiseless explosive called "silentmite", which sadly does not have any helpful sign.

Of course it's not money in the safe, but instead it's Robin, "back to my old, young crime-fighting self."
Batman: "Catwoman, you've been hoist on your own petard."
RD wishes he was more insulting of her for allowing him to take a Bat-Antidote in the first place. But instead he just lightly and symbolically brushes his cloak.
Cue a very short fight with money bags. 

The Undynamic Duo arrive expectantly late and apologetic for again doubting them. RD wishes Batman was more insulting of them for wanting their officers to shoot him. In the midst of all this Catwoman has already taken off in the Batmobile since she somehow took the keys.
Robin: "Holy diversionary tactic!"
Batman: "There is one way we can catch her, Robin. Chief O'Hara, may I have the keys to your patrol car?"
O'Hara: "You insured?"

Of course a normal patrol car has no way to catch up with Catwoman as she speeds at 5 miles per hour to New Guernsey.
Batman: "Here, take this."
Robin: "The remote control apparatus. Why didn't I think of that?"
Batman: "That device can manipulate the Batmobile. The red button is for the brakes, white is for acceleration, and the green button will turn the car a la izquierda o a la derecha."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."

The Batmobile slows, Catwoman thinking she is running out of gas. Ditching the vehicle she quickly runs up some stairs in her high heels.
Batman: "Catwoman, come down!"
Catwoman: "You'll have to come up and get me, Batman."
Robin: "What now, mon ami?"
Batman: "You heard what she said, Robin. You stay where you are. I'll take care of this."

He chases after her up to the roof as she crawls around on the floor for some reason (besides the sexuality anyway). (:41)  She gets cornered at the ledge with a raging river below. 

Batman: "You'd never survive the fall. It's a hundred feet down into the river."
Catwoman: "Anything's better than facing prison again."
Batman: "I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you."
Catwoman: "Marry me."
Batman: "Everything except that. A wife, no matter how beauteous or affectionate, would severely  impair my crime-fighting."
Catwoman: "Then I can help you in your work. As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable. I can reform. Honestly, I can."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Robin? Oh, I've got it. We'll kill him."
Batman: "I see you're not really ready to assume a life in society."
Catwoman: "I guess you're right, Batman. Can't teach an old cat new tricks."

And then she falls into the river, away from Batman's reach.  He takes out a Batkerchief as he begins to cry.

Back at Gordon's Office he leads Pussycat and the goons to the 'paddy wagon' to take them to prison to serve out their two week sentences, and apologizes again for doubting Batman and his actions to maintain his cover.
Gordon: "You remember your association with her, Boy Wonder?"
Robin: "It's all a blur. Like a horrible daymare."
They have yet to find a body in the river, so they assume the worst.
Batman: "I can't help thinking that somewhere in that great Catlair in the sky she's looking down
and laughing at us."
Robin: "I feel the same way, Batman. She made good her threat, never again to return to prison. Even though it cost her her life."
Batman: "Or at least one of her lives."

Or at least some weeks of her lives, as she will of course return again.  

Mrs. Deal agreed with her husband that they thought Vince was "completely insane" in his ranking of Gore as Pussycat's look: "He's saying this lunacy when Julie Newmar was on the same screen." RD then puts her up against Pauline, despite Vince's protests.
Vince: "Bro, the woman's dead!"
RD: "If you can't make fun of the dead, who can you make fun of?"
Vince gives her 9.5 Batpoles to match Pauline, basing on her body beyond her face. He then gets stuck looking at random photos of Catwoman online. RD goes 6, but then goes 5.5 because Vince maddened him and his mocking cross-eyes. 

Vince asks about "Rudy's Arcade" which will be 6 years old on April 1st. He also has trouble remembering some names. Those two are not related. (:58)

One of Vince's other co-hosts had an infamous match.

 

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [6] (Julie Newmar) [5] 

• Window Celebrity: 1. Lesley Gore
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Valentine's
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Breaking Bat(man)
• Screen Shares: 4. RD, Vince, RD, Vince
  

Episode 78: Holy Hot Dog Stand!: February 12, 2023

That Darn Catwoman
January 19, 1967
"Catwoman mind-controls Robin! The Caped Crusader must stop her before she does who-knows-what with him!"
55 minutes

RD Is In His Masculine Retreat. He bought a Catwoman shirt just because. Vince was thinking of him.

The previous three-parter forced this story to have to continue next week until the next three-parter. The Monkees are still #1, even in the UK. 

Robin is "a very special speaker" for those graduating Aaron Burr High School, in which he tells them "always to obey the law and support your local police." As if to compound the humor of this "advice", the filmed students seem to be entirely disconnected stock footage. 

Catwoman is also there with her henchwoman Pussycat, as played by the singer Lesley Gore.
Pussycat: "But I'm just a rock 'n' roll singer. I'm not a crook."
Catwoman: "Oh, forget it. You're 20 years old. You're over the hill."

She sends her to stop Robin by standing in front of him and flirting with him. He responds by having his voice crack.
Pussycat: "I can see a very important part of your education has been grossly neglected."
Robin: "That's a funny-looking outfit you're wearing."
Pussycat (looking at his groin): "I could say the same for you, big boy."
Suitably distracted, she injects him at the back of the neck with "cataphrenic", immediately putting him through puberty. 

Immediately the villains see Chief O'Hara approaching and hide. Catwoman just turns around and squats towards the wall.
Robin: "What's it to you, fella? Get out of my way or I'll give you a fat lip!"
O'Hara (to Pussycat): "What have you done to him, you little banshee?"
Robin lightly presses on O'Hara, causing him to make a huge pratfall. The two youngsters leave, as do the villains. 

In the Batcave of course Batman senses something is wrong before Gordon calls to tell him of Robin's "attack: he had the wind knocked out of him, but he's recovered." (:12) 

Batman drives to the Office over the titles.
O'Hara: "It was as though the devil had taken him. He was trifling with some little red-headed girl and he answered my greeting by tripping me. Who could have put him up to such a dastardly deed?"
Batman: "Chief O'Hara, had you ever seen this titian-haired wench before?"
O'Hara: "She couldn't have been more than 18, give or take four years. Kind of young for crime business."
Batman: "In today's rapidly changing world, one never knows."

Meanwhile at Stately Wayne Manor, Alfred is working on a floral arrangement as bra-less Aunt Harriet asks about Bruce's study.
Alfred: "Uh, well, madam, every man likes to have someplace that is, uh, a sanctuary. Far away from the, uh, if you pardon the expression, opposite sex. Now, uh, for those less fortunate than Mr. Wayne, it's the barbershop. For him, his study. A masculine retreat far from the threat of female encroachment."

SPEAKING OF female encroachment, suddenly Robin leads the villains straight inside to tie up the two.
Robin: "SHUT UP OLD MAN!"
Catwoman sits on the coffee table to gloat before lapping some milk out of a saucer as sensually as possible, as her goons blow up a safe by using what may be more stock footage.
Catwoman: "He's under the influence of cataphrenic. A drug which reverses all the normal moral and ethical standards and causes a person to become the exact opposite of what he was before."
Alfred: "So now he's just as pro-crime as formerly he was anti?"
Ward gets an excuse to break into a huge smile as he waves some money bills in Pussycat's face. "Stick with me, sweetheart. We're going places together. As soon as we get enough cash, we'll lay low across the border."
Catwoman: "All this is working capital. We got a much bigger job to pull."
Robin: "Yer tha boss, Catwoman!"
Then he passes out from the drug, so the villains have to carry him off. 

Batman is still at the Office when the Batphone calls for him to answer.
Alfred: "Master Robin was just here with...with Catwoman."
Batman: "Catwoman?"
Gordon: "Catwoman?"
O'Hara: "Catwoman?"
Apparently the safe contained $200,000 of "housekeeping money", which seems like too much even for a 60's mansion.
Batman: "It appears she has the power to cloud men's minds."

In her Lair Catwoman lays spread eagle on her couch, Robin is still unconscious, and Pussycat has a background music record that she wants to sing to the male goons: (Philip) Marlow, (Sam) Spade, and (Simon "The Saint") Templar. The Bros think those are cat references for some reason. (:22)
Catwoman: "Music? I told you to forget about music. Now, either you're gonna be a singer, or you're gonna be an arch-criminal. You can't be both. You're too short."

She temporarily leaves, giving Pussycat Gore the excuse to sing California Nights, causing the men to dance and give odd applause. Sadly, since the song only charted to #16, RD: "which proves definitively that Lesley Gore is no Mickey Dolenz." Vince thinks that she is a challenge to his top girl Pauline, much to RD's bemusement. 

Singing out of the way, Catwoman requires "another $800,000. And Batman. In that order."
Goon: "That's a tall order, Catwoman. About 6-foot-2."
She calls on her Catphone to the Batphone through Gordon: "Stop fumfering and be quick about it!"

Batman: "I know you didn't call to ask about my health, Catwoman. What have you done to Robin?"
She asks not to be stopped in her crime spree, or she'll kill Robin "instantly".
Batman: "Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent and insegrevious."
Catwoman: "Dealing with you has expanded my vocabulary, increased my word power, uh...a whole lot."
She asks to meet in person, but Gordon tells him not to for fear it is a trap.
Catwoman: "Are you listening, Commissioner Gordon? Tut-tut-tut. Don't you know that that's illegal?"
She hangs up.
RD: "At this point Commissioner Gordon attempts to apologize to his lover Batman."
The Dark Knight decides to go by himself, asking the two not to attempt to capture her. 

Catwoman tells Pussycat her plan is to get her $1 million in bills "to purchase plans of the Gotham City Mint."
Pussycat: "The mint? Wow, you always did think big, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Why not? I'd get the same prison term for knocking over a hot dog stand. When you're a 12-time loser it doesn't make much difference what you steal."
They had already attacked a hot dog stand anyway in the middle of getting another $100,000. Meanwhile Robin is still motionless.
Catwoman: "Ah, probably gave him an overdose. Hahaha!"

Their next target is "the decrepit loft apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending". (:32) He tells his "val-let" Rudy that he's just perfected a universal solvent, but Rudy wonders if they have a container or "perpetual motion machine" to keep it in. At least he has his money in his mattress, which Catwoman just walks in to take.
The next robbery is at a hospital, which we don't see. Instead Gordon learns from the witnesses that they just stole the small bills. They also heard he may be attending the "annual weighing-in" of Prince Ibn Kereb of Gedallia, where he gives his weight in money to charity. 

(Also the obviously "enlightened" network didn't pick up that Ibn Kereb is "heir of the dog" in Arabic, if put in other words.)

Gordon: "We must notify Batman."
O'Hara: "You bet, commissioner. To the elevator!"

Of course the villains with an awake Robin are at the ceremony. 
Catwoman: "This is a surprise attack. Now, you all have your instructions. Synchronize watches."
Spade: "None of us have watches."
Catwoman: "Argh! Just...get the money and run! [To Robin] How are you feeling, Robin?"
Robin: "Hmmm... Purr-fect."Catwoman: "You're learning."
RD remarks on how tall Newmar in heels was to the group she was in.
Robin suddenly grabbed at Catwoman's posterior for some reason. RD has to disclaim not to do such things in the present day.

Batman appears, but unfortunately Robin does not know who he is. "Who's the character in the ridiculous costume?"
Batman (to the camera): "What a dastardly development this is."
He tells the police to keep out for a bit as he easily defeats the inept goons while Robin gets to the money and Catwoman has to tell the flailing prince to shut up.

Catwoman: "Robin? Slay the blue dragon."
Robin: "Groovy!"
Neither Bro remembers Batman just standing there not doing anything while Robin keeps punching him in the jaw like a boxing bag before giving a chair shot.
Satisfied by this totally real beatdown, the villains get in her Catillac to cross over to Catlair West, New Guernsey (not to be confused with neighboring New Jersey where Gotham City lies).  

Catwoman of course knows Batman is after their new lair, but she takes the time to poke at a bird in its cage. (:42) Batman is reminded of a similar scene in Batman Returns where Michelle Pfeiffer swallowed an actual bird and spat it at the camera.
Batman notifies Gordon of his location as he stands around signs pointing to the Secret Entrance.

Robin is found tied to a chair, having pretended to be brainwashed as a "turncape"...but of course he is pretending to pretending. "Would I do that to you, Batman baby?"
Two goons then zap Batman with cattle prods, causing him to do an exaggerated shock. 

Thus Batman is in a large mouse trap as Robin is cutting a line. Catwoman asks for his help to prevent that. "In other words...you'll be beside yourself!"
Batman: "I'll never be your partner Catwoman!"
Catwoman: "Ho-hum. Boy Wonder, start cutting."
Cue Robin sawing with a raucous grin.

RD: "Are our eyes deceiving us?...Oh, whoops, I don't have the Narrator." 

Narrator: "Holy Battrap! What a decision! A life of crime or no life at all? There's no way out...or is there? Tune in next week for the shocking answer! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!"

Apparently Gore appeared on the show to first sing California Nights due to being a niece of show producer Howie Horwitz. Vince was surprised on how better she looked on the show. He looks at her singing It's My Party three years earlier compared to her look in '89.

Vince doesn't understand negative comments on the internet.

The Arcade will have 8 player Super Smash Bros. Ultimate playing on the Skyline Drive-In's big screen in April.

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [6] (Julie Newmar) [5]

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Catwoman's shirts
• Window Celebrity: 1. Lesley Gore
• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
   

Episode 77: Holy Survey!: February 5, 2023

All Star Family Feud: Gilligan's Island vs Batman (1983)
63 minutes

RD: Not One of 100 Surveyed. Give him the X.

As you may guess, this is something completely different from the regular television progrem. For one thing this was 1983. Recent college graduate Vince had just married. Teenage RD wanted to be Simon LeBon. This particular recording also has the commercials, broadcast from Cambridge, Massachusetts' own WLVI (Channel 56). 

First RD has to explain what Family Feud is. 

One of the other competing All Star TV shows was the timely Hawaiian Eye (1959 - 1963), starring Robert Conrad and being the first of its crime/procedural shows located there.

Competing for Gilligan's Island are:

• Alan Hale Jr. (The Skipper Jonas Grumby) being quite excited to be there with his hat
  
• "Uncle" Jim Backus (Thurston Howell III) seated due to a backstage injury
  
• Nataie Schafer (Eunice "Lovey" Howell)
• Russell Johnson (The Professor Roy Hinkley)
• Dawn Wells (Mary Ann Summers)

Tina "Ginger Grant" Louise was absent. So was Gilligan! (Richard Dawson gave an ending "Hello Bob Denver, wherever you are.")

Representing for Batman "as they are today" in one of those old photo settings are:

• Adam West (Batman)
• Lee Meriwether (Movie Catwoman)
  
• Yvonne Craig (Batgirl)
• Burt Ward (Robin)
• Vincent Price (Egghead) selling being choked by Craig

Dawson, wearing a huge bowtie, greets the Islanders first. To Backus: "I understand you wanted a stunt check for this show." He still keeps to his gimmick of shaking the mens' hands and kissing the womens' faces, including poor Wells three times to the point of actual kissing.

West (wearing teenage RD's glasses): "We're playing for World Vision. That's a...charity, that...helps...needy children...all over the world."
RD: "That sounded like a total scam."
They've already won $5,520, surprising RD with the low 2023 numbers of $16,500. To be fair, current Celebrity Feud teams playing for charity can win up to $25,000 in one day, so it is not that big of a gap. Though instead of Dawson throwing himself all over the women, it's Steve Harvey practicing his flustered face at some of the responses. 

West (introducing Meriwether): "Lee Anne Meriwether, one of the worst villainesses to ever walk Gotham City...and...Miss America at some point."
She meows in response.
Then there's the "young" Craig who gave "such humor on the set". Then there's "the taller half - I mean the tougher half of the crimefighting Duo". Then there's "Mr. Vincent Price, one of the most horrible people ever". 

Meriwether really gets into it, giving Dawson a kiss for each family member, then one from her straight on the lips. Dawson: "You have any more family members?" Unsurprisingly Craig is quite peeved out, giving only a slight peck and immediately wiping her upper lip. RD has to do math to find she would have been 46 then, five years younger than Dawson (and still looking good). He doesn't help things by looking under their table at their legs. 

Ward mentions his business across the border in good old Montreal, being rather timid for some reason. Dawson thinks he needs a fee for helping promote it. Dawson is believable when he calls Price the nicest guy on the planet. Cue Price messing around for fun by marking a lollipop handle's tip black for further charity (of a $100). But it's the other team who has a winning one.

The Bros have spent 21 minutes talking about 8 minutes of a half hour show.

Anyway. Give me West. Give me Hale. 100 people surveyed. Top five answers on the board. Name something people buy before boarding a plane.
Vince: "A magazine."
RD: "Food."
West: "A ticket."
That's #3.
Hale: "Dramamine." (Anti-air sickness pills.)
That's #4, so West chooses to play after Ward shouts "GO FOR IT!". 

Meriwether: "Luggage."
Strike 1. Dawson mocks her for this by pretending to carry clothes. "If you do this, people will be laughing at my jockey shorts."
Craig: "Insurance."
That's #1, worrying the Bros on what people were flying on. To be sure, people were also heavily buying it during the heyday of the pandemic.
Ward: "Souvenirs."
Strike 2.
Ward: "RATS!"
Price: "Something to read."
That's #2.
West: "A toy."
Dawson: "What?"
West: "For the children."
Strike 3. West gestures in confusion.

For their chance to steal, the Islanders guess candy or gum. That's #4, winning them $90 (for $190). Vince thinks they should have been disallowed for giving two answers. Gum was the correct response, but Vince knows they would have chosen candy. 

Cut to commercial and a man having a nightmare because he's missing Miracle Whip for his sandwich. RD loved it when younger. Vince still hates all kinds of mayonnaise.
Cue another commercial for National Enquirer, of all things. RD reenacts the narration. 

Backus is not leaving his seat for Round 2. (:29) He gets a buzzer at their table, as he is up against Meriwether. 100 people surveyed. Top seven answers on the board. Name the most relaxing thing you do.
RD: "Lay in bed."
Vince: "Sleep."
Meriwether: "Watch TV."
#4.
"Uncle Jim": "Make love."
Dawson would give some money for that response even if it wasn't on the board at #5. The Batmen choose to play.

Craig: "Take a hot bath."
Dawson salivates at the thought, which is #3.
Ward: "Listening to relaxing music."
#6.
Price: "There's nothing I find more relaxing than gardening."
Everyone is surprised despite it not being a bad answer. Sadly it's a Strike
West: "Sleeping."
Of course it's #1.
Meriwether: "I read Vincent Price's books."
#2, although I would have put Price's books exclusively at #1 if I could.
Craig: "Get a massage."
Cue Dawson again, though it's Strike 2.
Ward: "I'd go for a walk in the park."
Good answer, although it's not up there either.
Ward: "RATS!"

The Islanders' attempt "have a drink." Sadly it's not up there. #7 is instead sunbathe.
Dawson: "Yes, sunbathe. Then have a drink. Then make love. We'll be right back."

Cue commercial for Heinz 57 Sauce. RD found the smell awful.
No Nonsense Pantyhose goes completely 80s in its look. Wrote RD: "THIS IS SO HOT." Vince: "There were a lot of chicks, but there was one main chick." (The one with the short hair.) RD gives her 7.5 Batpoles. Vince gives her a "solid" 8.
Then there is a commercial for Benson, starring the dearly missed Robert Guillaume, who would later voice The Lion King's Rafiki. Of course RD has to retell his time he couldn't meet Rafiki on his banana break.
Speaking of stress with children, you can call the Parental Stress Hotline, assuming the image of a child laying in a prison bar style crib doesn't scare you off.

For Round 3 (:39) Craig and Schafer face off. 100 people surveyed. Top five answers on the board. Name something you bring into the bedroom for a day when you are sick in bed.
Vince: "Chicken soup."
RD/Craig: "Medicine."
Unfortunately that is not up there.
Schafer: "A book."
That's #2, so the Islanders get to play.

Johnson: "The telly."
That's #1. Vince reminds that the TVs back then were still barely a foot long and put on carts.
Wells: "Food."
#3.
Hale: "Bed tray."
Cue confused Dawson. Also it's not up there.
Backus: "Radio for some soothing music."
Not up there either.
Schafer: "Cards so we can play solitaire."
Ah, the 80s. Also Strike 3.

For their chance to steal the Batmen have tissues/Kleenex. A good answer - but also not up there. That would be a humidifier/vaporizer and a telephone. Neither had a vaporizer in their youth, only salves. And RD didn't even have Vicks! Now his wife has oils for that.

Round 4 (:44) has "Robin vs. the Professor from Gilligan's Island." RD: "I've always wanted to say that." 100 people surveyed. Top four answers on the board. Name an actor or actress who is also a political activist.
RD/Vince: "Ronald Reagan."
Johnson: "Jane Fonda."
Top answer, so they play.

Wells: "Paul Newman."
#3.
Hale doesn't have anything, just some almost submitted babbles of confusion. A non answer is an automatic Strike (usually when the time expires in normal matches).
Backus: "Ronald Reagan, and God bless him."
#4, and confirming for certain his views. And I'm sure Howell was a conservative too.
Schafer: "Ed Asner."
That is #2, giving them the clean sweep of the board and the win. Batman and company will still play tomorrow against Lost In Space, a show that RD hasn't seen yet.
Wells and Johnson will go for the Lightning Round/Fast Money, giving Dawson an excuse to uncomfortably hold and kiss her to lead into the commercial break.

SPEAKING OF WOMEN, here's advertising for Woman's Day magazine about the "shock of rabies" and 200 calorie cheesecakes (which is even more of a shock if it doesn't involve NutraSweet).
This is followed by (Madge's) Palmolive dishwashing liquid that's soft on hands as demonstrated with a very tiny bowl.
Then there's a commercial for Fab fabric softener with state of the art computer graphics of drawn static electricity.
Then SPEAKING OF NutraSweet, there's something for sugar free Jell-O, which was never really my thing regardless of content. 

Wells is up first for another kiss, her fifth today. (:50) She has 15 seconds (now 20 today) for answering five questions. RD will also go first for the purposes of this progrem.

• Name a foreign country that sex symbols come from. RD: "France." Wells: "Italy." 22 (of 100 surveyed) also named that.
  
• An animal big game hunters hunt. RD: "Elephant." Wells: "Deer." Somehow that gets 17.
• A fabric evening gowns are made of. RD: "Silk." Wells: "Chiffon." 12.
• A position on a baseball team. RD: "Catcher." Wells: "Pitcher." An obvious #1 with 47.
• A chocolate food. RD: "Chocolate bar." Wells: "Hot fudge sundae." 2. 

This all adds up to an exact 100, halfway to the 200 needed which Johnson needs to get (despite not getting any kisses). He gets 20 seconds (25 today). He also moves around randomly during his part, which Dawson notes he did on the last show.

• Name a foreign country that sex symbols come from. Vince: "Sweden." Johnson: "France." #1 answer at 35.
  
• An animal big game hunters hunt. Vince: "Lion." Johnson: "Tiger." 9. Vince's was the #1 answer.
  
• A fabric evening gowns are made of. Vince: "Cotton, probably." (He can't choose silk since that was a repeat answer.) Johnson: "Silk." 12. #1 answer at 37.
• A position on a baseball team. Vince: "Outfielder." (He can't pick Catcher or Pitcher.) Johnson: "First Base." 10.
• A chocolate food. Vince: "Cake." Johnson: "Cake." #1 answer at 54, pushing them over 200! This calls for a celebration, brought to you by...

Nuprin Pain Relief Formula, with this marvelous ingredient called ibuprofen.
Once you feel better you can polish and wax your surfaces with Endust.
And after you clean your house you can go back to school with some horrendous clothes from JCPenney. 

One last return to the game show. Batman's total is now $5,705, while Gilligan's has $10,970. RD still doesn't like the low numbers. Everyone shakes hands and celebrates. 

Vince feels like Abe Simpson yelling at the sun because they don't have things like this in the current day. "What happened to all this stuff? What happened?" He also feels for the actors who had negative thoughts about being typecast in those roles (except for Price, who has definitely transcended his genre even now). On the other hand, as RD notes, there is a rebound now with people now recognizing and celebrating the actors and their roles, no matter the situation.

RD wants to eventually do the next day's show with Lost In Space. 

Remember when Wardlow beat up 20 men and potentially dashed his chances beyond his control? 

RD and Rupert's Kids are doing their own Celebrity Family Feud thing in Shelbyville. He doesn't know if they will be facing Hawaiian Eye.

RD Dawson kisses Julie Newmar's picture on his Batman cup.

• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Great stuff, Hawaiian Eye, great shows