301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Christmas
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
• URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  105.3 KUTE (Orem, UT)
• Radio Call Sign:  “Big O” Oscar Johnson
• Show:  O-Kaye in the Morning
• Song:  “Christmas in Prison” by John Pine 

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  0
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Debut: Crapper's Court
• Case brought by: Eli Iffert
• Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
• Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands

 

• Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
• What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
• RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
  
  Worst ratings ever.
  Network wants adult content.
  Vince's ass comeback.

206 Hulkanymphomania: March 9, 2012

79 minutes

Unexpectedly the radio progrem starts with actual wrestling news: Hulk Hogan has a sex tape, and he's not doing it with Linda or Brooke or his current beau. Or Ed Leslie, thankfully. For more 'information' on it, skip to the last five minutes.

The duo worry that from talking about this new revelation they won't talk about anything else. Of course, they don't talk about anything at all. I don't see the problem here.

RD meanwhile is to collaborate on his own videos (...wasn't he already doing so?). He is going to work with his former fellow Fighting Spirit Magazine correspondent and equal reporting legend Bill Apter (:04), the first product of which is to be uploaded in the next week. Not to be outdone, Blade reveals how he used old Apter mags as expensive coloring books, and that the Midnight Rose will be in New Jersey in June to appear in person on Vince Russo's YouShoot recording. (Feel free to write potential questions here if you're a registered member on the forum.) Recent inductee Brakus is with Fantasio on some interview online which I'm too lazy to find. (:10) The Boogeyman now has a rather rude name.

RD wants another telethon (:15). Sad News: Blade lost his Jerry Lewis button.

RD needs a new sponsor to replace Global Internet for some reason, so he reads a 10,000 page ad copy from The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, one of which is that guy who gets aroused by Blade's burps. RD has to admonish Brad for interrupting him while doing so.

Until April 1st, the 'WrestleCrapMania 2012 Sale' has all the DVDs from $16.95 US. Blade wonders about listening to all the shows in a row. I was bored enough to do that once. Let me tell you, it should be banned under the Geneva Convention.

Sad News: Payton Manning's been future endeavored by the Colts because they suck without him on the field. (:27) RD pisses off Blade by now deciding to also cheer for the Bengals, the Giants, and whoever Payton's new team is. My money's on the Jets, Bills, Cardinals, Chiefs, or the Rams. Hell, he may even fuck with people's heads and play in the CFL. Hell, he should go to Canada and quit football entirely. I can totally see him as General Manager for the Canadiens and piss off the Quebecois media for not speaking French yet. Or he may even play on the ice and probably score more in one game than Scott Gomez's done all season.

Long digression over, RD mourned this occurrence by taking a TRIP to the Louisville Arcade Expo. Long discussion about old school gaming follows. In Jefferson, he saw something for "Churro Cereal" and one of Jerry's Restaurants and saw a restaurant called Moby Dick with a really angry mascot. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps?) Popeye does not show up to crack jokes. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.) Blade yawns, fascinated by all this for sure. He saw an RD's Liquor Store once while on the road.

"He piled upon the whale’s white portion the sum of all the general appetite and
hunger felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his stomach had
been a mortar, he burst his cold mouth's tongue upon it."

Blade is flabbergasted by the fact that they've only gotten to Obscure News 43 minutes in. Our good friend Joanie Laurer is in yet another porn film, this time as She-Hulk. RD wants Stan Lee to make an appearance, though perhaps not necessarily participating with her. Blade's friend once went in blackface. This silences RD. I would be silenced too; I didn't know Blade was a good friend of Ted Danson. Perhaps HE can be a Celebrity Tripper to the Grocery in the future.

The Big Nippled Vampire still hasn't called yet as she is in a Funny or Die video. (:48) RD does not remember Ute Luddendorf who is NOT in one. He does remembers Patrick Warburton though.

"Satan" pays a visit. (:52) His Tubular Bells sound different again. He's somehow corrupted a HorseTrolla into a "DevilTrolla". I personally think someone's ripped the Prince of Darkness off. The only Daemonic-style HorseTrollas that are sold (The DreadSteedTrolla) look more like a Khornite Juggernaught. I'm surprised he hasn't yet seen the "Made In Elysium Fields" tag on the side and called Trolla Customer Support about it. On the other hand, he DID make a fuss about the Ratings Reaper not paying him $15,000 for some reason, so I can see that he would be hard up to buy a counterfeit knockoff rather than the real thing. Hell, I could have hooked him up with one for free as a gift.

Anyway, there's something about Mickie James making no sense online. "Satan" really needs better writers for the stuff he makes his 'subjects' say. Again, he probably just can't afford them.

Pete from Austria has the Question Complaint of the Week (:58), attacking RD's knowledge of German and the fact that Austria and Germany are two separate countries. Next RD will have us believe that Africa is a country.

The Honky Tonk Mailman's not around again (smart man) so Nintendo John calls instead. (:63) He doesn't like the new WrestleFest remake and he loses his composure for some reason. Blade wonders if he's anorexic from his appearance on the Roast. Well of course, if he subsides on power-ups with no nutritional value (on the Nintendo). His crowd stays behind to cheer.

Blade loses his train of thought. I'm shocked, I really am. (:68) New Jack and Brian Knobbs got into a backstage brawl, easily won by the former ECWer. Blade's forgotten about Brock Lesnar already.

The two then spend five minutes on Hogan's sex tape (:74) That's six more minutes than I would have given it.

Seventeen Easily Digestible Syllables:
Hulk sex-tape on way.
Something I don't want to see:
One eye of Hulkster. 

RD: "I like how you did that haiku. It kinda sounded like Chief Jay Strongbow doing it."



What's this? Only one Jar transgression? (0.50c) That's not possible. Or I just didn't pay attention as usual. Someone remind to give this another listen.
$4.50 (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

202 It's not easy being Mean: November 11, 2011

71 minutes

Wow, they're even lifelike!

A rather animated RD reads through his latest copy of Fighting Spirit Magazine (which he gets Lord Alfred to shill for). It's not just because he once again has his regular column for it, but rather due to a cover story involving Blade's dear lady centaur. It includes a bad pun that even the crickets would ignore for being too terrible, photographs with Raven and Ricky Steamboat of all people, and subtle goading from the editor to talk about her...rather 'risque' past. Blade has her fun with her as usual, though Mike Check randomly calls in to try and mess around. (:09) RD Strongbows him, and without even waiting for a song first! That's just not right.

Is that split served with banana topping?

:14 Blade is an obscure motherfucker as ever. RD uses Old Spice body wash that has the "power of a mountain". This makes me wonder why on earth WWE has not got the new Old Spice guy to be a Raw guest host. He'd be more charismatic than half the current roster.

:21 Sad News: Beavis and Butthead are using their music. Even more Sad News: the originally thought deceased-sick Haiti Kid has reanimated himself and come back to life, according to ever accurate sources. Who to believe? How about neither, so let's just see this random video of him sitting on Gorilla Monsoon's lap. On the subject of characters, RD feels he has to 'explain' Chief Jay Strongbow to newer listeners, (And if any are reading this (and if so, why?) have you tried our glossary yet? It's really shiny.) so he uses a video to aid him. Sure enough, he calls in too. (:28) [R.V.M Kai also made a commentary video of this interactive segment.]

SPEAKING OF strange interviews, Joanie Laurer's 'tickled' to win an award. RD wants to keep moving. Blade invents a new character on the spot to read a 'letter' of hers to Vince. She also has a new YouShoot video featuring questions from Trash Losagain and Mr. Fitness (2).

More Sad News: (:34) Tammy Sytch had a bad fall from an escalator. Even worse, her auctioned gown from the week before may be up for auction again. Even more Sad News: Blade can't find her Facebook page. Seriously though, I can empathize with her since escalators are not fun. They always scare the hell out of me whenever I use them.

Former ECW announcer Courtney Taylor is a new mother. (:38) Blade addresses the anti-feminists in the audience.

The Honky Tonk Mailman also likes to fuck. This explains why he's not here this week. (:47)

SPEAKING OF people Blade used to fuck, his ex-girlfriend didn't like Gail Kim for some reason. (:47)

Even in a minority the Listeners are a minority.

James Braxton (no relation) thinks his professor is one of the Listeners. (:50) Blade thinks all Listeners are some sort of albinos. That makes some sort of sense; there are so few of both albino and Listener in the wild after all.

:54 Mrs. Deal is no fan of mustaches. Poor woman. The Muppets on Raw made Blade vomit with rage. Blade does his Kermit impression which RD feels is better than the one done on that show. He then does an Irish Iron Mark.

Back in Maxim again (was Playboy out of room or something?), Kelly Kelly explains what a 'stinkface' is, taught to her by the wrestler 'Rafiki'. (:61) Blade has to apologize for giving joke names to people. Allegedly. It's probably just the drink again.

RD can take no more.

Blade sings for a third straight week. I think he's making up for his 'lost' singing career from three years back. I'm still waiting for my order of his Hobo Six album.

$2.00 ($39.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

187 The Final Frontier...Of Crap!: November 24, 2010

80 minutes

RD gives a disclaimer: This was recorded on Monday night, around the same time that the Miz defeated CM Punk to become WWE Champion. Obviously BM is not happy.

Sad News: Jillian Hall has been released. Blade wants to ring a bell for her. Luke Gallows was also released, but since he was basically Blade's clone he doesn't really care. Also, Blade looked Husky Harris on the days that he didn't look like Brian Pillman.

With the previous episode being really good (in their opinion anyway), they thus have the fearful thought that today's would not be terrible in response...like Star Trek III. I don't know, it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, have they seen the recent J.J. Abrams movie?

Or the Voyager episode "Threshold" for that matter.

Old School RAW somehow brought back Lord Alfred through a terrible impersonation, so Blade counters with HIS terrible Lord Alfred impersonation. Needless to say it sounds too Oriental, like Christopher Lee when he played Fu Manchu. (Assuming anyone could see him anyway.) They thus wonder how Global Internet's Greg's voice impersonations would go. (Probably surprisingly well, in my opinion.) Blade gets strange dreams dozing off while listening to them discuss Craig DeGeorge on earlier episodes. Also for Thanksgiving, a special treat: All 6 WC DVDs can be yours for just $21! (Too bad I already have them all.) Be warned, their books now look different somehow.

:24 RD took another trip to Disneyland in the last few days. While waiting in line to Captain EO he saw someone shill for the TNA taping taking place nearby. Needless to say, few came. (Now why do I feel Clarence will write something about this this week?) Also for some reason some promotional advertising Shrek 4D seemed to involve SoCal Val. The two wonder on the mystery of her vanishing nose.

:39 A George Foreman biopic may have Ernest "The Kat" Miller in the title role. [No doubt this will have George calling someone's momma after he gets "Rope-a-Doped" - Clarence] On the other end of the movie making business Joanie Laurer attempts to squash rumors she is making another porn movie. SPEAKING OF the strange things people do,  Blade's ex-girlfriend got angry over yet another picture of a wrestling diva.

:51 The Devil makes another call in. He reveals his plan of taking over the world through social networking sites. This time Tammy Sytch is angry at WWE yet again for passing her by on their Legends show. Then Satan wishes the two a Happy Thanksgiving. He's nothing if not considerate, I'll give him that.

:56 Jim Ross calls in, angry as ever, especially considering he was recently at the Legends show. He's making his time losing money by selling turkeys from ice cream vans. Needless to say it did not go well. Now, if he had turkey flavored ice cream...

Meanwhile Mickey James is going to have Meet & Greet in Virginia. Of course Blade would probably miss his chance to go see her.

:66 John Kelly calls. There are rumors that Hogan's gotten married to someone who is looks like Brooke. His puns are all over the place in response, causing RD to finally admit he doesn't think of him as a good TNA correspondent any more. This means only one thing - he's going to have a 'tragic' death soon. I fully expect Jimmy Smits to replace him for the role.

:71 The latest DVD release of the Top 50 Superstars in WWE History did not go well with many people, due to the fact that Hogan is #23, ahead of Bruno Sammartino.

Seventeen (plus Five) Syllables of exception to it:
Top 50 Wrestlers.
What a total load of shit.
Where are Ax and Smash?/Where is Adonis?

RD "I don't think a lot of people will be thankful for this show."

169 MenstrualCrap Radio: March 12, 2010

75 minutes

As teased at the beginning of the year, a new Monday Night War has developed between RAW and Impact going head to head. But it can't do anything to cure Blade's menstrual fetish. He's also interested in the ages of wrestlers for some reason, like some pseudo Art Donovan. One of those wrestlers is Hungry Hungry Ken Patera.

RD's TRIP (:14) is sponsored by Popeye and Blade's bad jokes.

:20 Stacy Keibler was at Elton John's Post-Oscar party (sponsored by Popeye.) RD is mystified by those gatherings oddly enough. The Iron Sheik was arrested on a flight for being his usual drunk self. Blade wants to be Popeye for some reason.

WORLD CHAMPION IRON SHEIK. FUCK THE HULK HOGAN!!

Tylene Buck is currently doing some sort of webcam thing. Selling point: no pubic hair. The Co-Fs look around Maryse's website randomly and listen to random music on Leila Milani's site. But what about her pubes, are THEY shaved? [I like to think she's had them fashioned into a replica of the Wrestlicious logo - "Showstealer"] Blade makes his only actual joke of the episode when he wants to see Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Mare/Mane, complete with soundbite.

The HorseTrolla tells us Mickie James has been sidelined from wrestling due to a staph infection from some leg surgery, which is an excuse for Blade to indulge his foot fetish (shouldn't that be a hoof fetish in this case?) The BabyTrolla tells us that Stephanie McMahon is pregnant again.

Screamin' Cheech has one of the wittiest Questions I've heard recently about musical groups. (:51)

Speaking of the Monday Night War of earlier...well, WWE completely dominated TNA this week so Blade has to be that Ratings Reaper guy again. His TNA Peter Gazer guy is still a no show so RD has to do his Dixie Carter to kill time even MORE than they normally do.

:60 Jim Ross may return to WWE in time for Wrestlemania, so the Co-Fs call him up. Now he's angry about people constantly emailing about Joanie Laurer when they SHOULD be instead looking for the elusive Dark Journey.

Seventeen syllables about Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan on TNA:
New Monday Night War.
Same old Nature Boy Ric Flair.
Bloody Mount Rushmore.

137 The Tormento of Damien Demento: February 27, 2009

66 minutes

So it happens again. A year after his first attack, the brave Damien Demento sends another salvo to WrestleCrap. For what exactly, I don't know, so I'll let this picture explain it better (with acknowledgments to The Sam09):














Our Co-Hosses the Real Deal Fruitcake and the Fat Man commentate on the video. In return Blade challenges "Dependo" to some Front Yard Boxing. Perhaps he can also get the help of Peter Gazer with the Andre of that really weird Andre the Giant movie (:06) Could Demento also be on the show as the next TNA correspondent? (:11) One can only hope. Speaking of TNA the response to Mike Check has been "overwhelming". (:14) For once they're right.

No TRIP to the Grocery this week, as instead we have a visit to the WrestleCrap FanFiction Theatre. (:17) As Vivaldi's Spring and Pachebel's Canon in D play Blade does an English Jim Ross as Lord Alfred as Sir Alec Heineken...You know Alec right? The legendary thespian who was Obi-Too Kenobi of Start Wars, Prince FreeCell of Lawrence of Aruba and Colonel Nickelson of The Bridge on the River Why? This week has some Shawn Michaels and Triple H slash fiction. He leaves with applause. I'm expecting him to be the next TNA Correspondent now.

Obscure Wrestling News: (:24) Joanie Laurer has a new sex tape. Speaking of returns... RD bets on the Colts and Lions again such that the loser has to appear with her in the film (preferably with Nicole Bass too, no doubt.) (:27) Blade: "I do like Gerber baby wienies." Don...Don Mason and he would steal them for fun. Todd Bridges is now an indie wrestler. (:30) A Crapper is attending that show. Van Hammer unretires against a 'Champ Champagne', which gives the latter an excuse to make references to The Wrestler. (:32)

Question of the Week (:36) from Ed "Don't call me Han" Salo (3), is about Cheatum Spinning the Wheel (Making the Deal) at birthday parties. Blade talks about old shows blending and repeating stories, but if this site can't help him then what will? As if in response RD re-talks about his attempt to "Let's make a Real Deal".

RD uses a radio to tune in Mike Check. (:43) In his ramblings to 'RT and Brad' he talks about a Nostradamus Norris, his already outdated MySpace page, nicknaming WWCR as The Whacker, and his time as Bob Ali (working alongside Cassius Weave) on the Bob & Weave Morning Drive in Ithaca NY's WTKO "The Knockout".  Oh, and some random TNA woman named Taylor Wild. Mike plays Wildfire for her, RD's old theme song.

Current Wrestling News. (:55) Ricky Steamboat, walking corpse. Some more Mickey Rourke discussion. Could HE be their next TNA correspondent? Hulk Hogan is saying that he was originally going to be Randy "The Ram" Robinson. Unfortunately he didn't say that Linda Hogan was supposed to be in Milk.

Seventeen Syllables:
So very scary.
He's Damien Demento.
Live from a closet.

097 Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton: March 14, 2008

Krankor Speaks (to the people of Earth)

Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton
(77 minutes)

Unexpectedly, the show begins with wrestling news: Jeff Hardy pulled a Blade Braxton and was suspended for sixty days for violating the wellness policy.

For more information, skip ahead seventy minutes.

RD and Blade imitate Lord Alfred. Blade did color commentary on a shaky bootleg of a Whiplash Wrestling match, Jude Vice vs Brian Jacobs. Jude is the one wearing white tights. Whiplash Wrestling's official site is hosted by the fine folks at tripod.com.

Blade: "I bet Vickie Guerrero knows how to fuck."
RD: "I guarantee you that's not on the Observer this week."

No 24/7 (Week 6) (:13) as RD went to Atlanta for his job to stay in a paper-thin walled hotel with mirrors all over its bathrooms, and saw a Dwarf House Chick-fil-A. It's essentially a restaurant with an expanded Chic-Fil-A menu.

The Faxtrolla fires out obscure wrestling news at the 24-minute mark. Damien Demento has a rather confusing response to RD and Blade. RD thus thinks they have won the battle by default. Matt Morgan is an American Gladiator. Sean Morley (Val Venus) is selling his Mac Powerbook. Well, he TRIED to. All that work for 271 page views and zero bids.

Who Bangs Better with Blade Braxton (March Madness): A debate rages over who lactates more: Nathan Jones or Linda Hogan. (:39) Blade insists that everyone see the two-minute commercial for The Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express instead of trying Hulk Hogan's contraption. (:42) The Crickets want to move out of WC HQ. Joanie Laurer's latest reality show is called "Celebrity Circus". She'll play the Bearded Lady. (:48)

The Question of the Week segment occurs. (:50) Shane Dillon has a trick question for the Co-Hosts. Blade wants to sire children with Alyssa Milano and doesn't like the Double Filet-o-Fish. RD saw A Clockwork Orange by mistake. [He probably saw it via the Ludovico Technique. Great film adaptation though. - PB]

RD summons Johnny 6 for TNA news, (:55) which consists solely of the fact that an audience member was hit by a (flying) fish during a Dudley Boyz match. "Thank. God. Lent. Is. Over. Soon," he says cryptically, prompting the Crickets to answer for him.

Sixty-two minutes into the show, the "current wrestling news scene" is discussed. A bait-and-switch at Raw leaves many mad. It is revealed that the ECW title is as valuable as a super sized combo meal from McDonald's.

Blade Braxton's Wrestling Haiku:
Hardy and Ashley
The correct phrase is Just Say
No, not just say blow.

RD proclaims, "That is the worst ending ever."

090 2 Hosts and a Johnny: January 11, 2008

2 Hosts and a Johnny
(79 minutes)

Something about Colin Delaney.

One of the crickets is dead, or has been for a while. Johnny 6: "I. Like. Porn." Shockingly, those two are not related.

RD and Blade will hold a telethon-party to celebrate their 100th show with John Thomas manning one of their phones. (:13)

Blade wants to know who is the mystery guy on the Book of Lists? RD wastes time telling us what we already know. He then compares the show to 3 Men and a Baby. (:18) Johnny 6 is interested.

RD can't report on his Trip to the Grocery because he doesn't go to the grocery anymore. (:21) Neither can Blade, who once had a Simon LeBon shirt. So instead we have Blade's Trip to the Gas Station (:23): Blade was dragging a gas nozzle and hose for fifteen miles. His excited tone of voice about the trip reminds RD of Rambo Greg Gagne.

Obscure Wrestling News (:29): Joanie Laurer and Brooke Hogan could appear on Dancing with the Stars, in an attempt to recapture lightning ala Stacy Keibler. That assumes they could be considered 'stars' like her though, even in the most obscurest of terms. Virgil is touring with World of Wheels. RD says WrestleCrap will have a wrestling show, in which Blade will face Nicole Bass.

Question of the Week from ThatGuyTheSam08 (:38): more time is spent on a lesson on grammar than the actual question.

Maria is in Playboy. Xtreme Xpose's recent Dance Off reminds RD of an Adams Family-style trainwreck.

Johnny 6: "I. Saw. Big. Nippled. Vampire." (:42)

Sad News: Blade missed meeting the Deever. (:47) Lena Yada. (:55) RD didn't like Raw's Lingerie Pillow Fight. Ashley Massaro wore a tail. (:62) Raw Roulette. Stevie Richards needs five throat surgeries. (:66) Blade wants to own a trailer park. (:68)

UWF has returned.

Seventeen Syllables:
U Dubya F's back.
That's not just super.
That's super-fuckin'-duper.

089 Easy for a Listener to resist: January 4, 2008

Hooray For "Khali" Claus!

Easy for a Listener to resist
(78 minutes)

It's a new year. Time for weight-loss resolutions and fresh starts and Blade's "Big Announcement", which he announces that he cannot announce until a date that has yet to be announced. (:13) Johnny 6 doesn't care, he's still Blade's enemy: "Fuck. You. Braxton. ... I. Will. Kick. Your. Ass." he threatens. Big Daddy V in HD. Hurray for Khali Claus. (:19)

The WrestleCrap Book of Lists has hit #1 in wrestling books on Amazon. On March 31, 2008, it was #4, The Death of WCW was #52, and WrestleCrap was #82. However, THE DUSTY RHODES BOOK WAS #37. [On April 4, 2009, the Book of Lists was #5, Death of WCW was #19, WC was #57, Dusty was #87, and the overall rank for the Book of Lists was #41,723. Nobody ever said wrestling fans can read. --Iggy]

RD asks Blade what celebrity he resembles. Bill Cosby-ness.

Obscure Wrestling News (:25): The Mountie got married in a wrestling ring. Torrie Wilson has opened a clothing store, assuming her site actually works. (:30) Lacey Von Erich's daughter was released from a WWE developmental contract. (:35) The Lions suck. Joanie Laurer is now stuck on Celebrity Rehab. Christy Hemme has a new band: the world's nerdiest bowling team. (:41)

For no particular reason RD wants to listen to their first episode again. He barely lasts a minute before he can take no more and cuts it off. (:48)

Question of the Week from Primetime (:51): Could New Jack work as a wrestling analyst? RD wants him to talk about the Deever and her blackface figure.

After WSX folded, RD was ready to walk away from wrestling. But now, there's WWE 24/7. Blade and RD discuss the first Prime Time Wrestling show, from 1985. (:56)

RD announces the 'existence' of The Crappy Awards. They are scheduled to be handed out, on February 1.

The WWE Gooker nominees are discussed: (:63) Hornswoggle as Vince's son, Rosie vs. Donald (where the fans chanted "TNA" during the match), ECW Champion Vince McMahon, The Diva Search (again), and John Cena vs. Kevin Federline

Johnny 6 'apologizes' to Blade; "I. Am Sorry. Too. Bitch," before he gives the TNA nominees: Eric. Young. Versus. Robert. Roode., Pac. Man. Jones., Stomper. The. Kangaroo., Black. Reign., and T. N. A. Blindfold. Steel. Cage. Match.

Seventeen Syllables We Call The Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
It is Gooker time.
Lots of shitty nominees.
No Dubya S X.

088 Audio Snowball Christmas: December 21, 2007

"This...Place...Is...A...Pit"

Audio Snowball Christmas
(85 minutes)

This is an audio snowball fight. RD loves the pre-Xmas shows best. Clips of the WrestleCrap Choir singing Jingle Bells are interspersed in this show, one of them being Chris Engler, now of the Trolla Corporation. (:15)

Blade returned to hitting the bottle. Sad News: the Lions didn't make the playoffs. (:20) [They'll get 'em until next season! --Iggy] He has another "Big Announcement" for next time.

Blade has a heart-warming story about he and Don flipping off a girl during the Xmas season. (:26)

Obscure Wrestling News (:28): a Playboy Diva poll is shockingly led by Chyna and Ashley Massaro. Damien Demento has been shooting on Vince McMahon and people who call him a jobber. (:33) The Deever will be at the Big Boy Toy Show, which is not the title of a PPV.

Piper has Xmas clips about Santy Claus. (:39) Horsetrolla (:41): Bobtail was the horse's name in Jingle Bells. Mickie James went to the WWE events in Iraq. Blade is worried about wrestlers' helicopters being shot down while bad Creed songs are played. I think that since Vietnam was tragedy, the Iraq War is comedy.

The WrestleCrap Choir has the giggles and is drunk. (:45)

Question of the Week (:51): Give RD a prize/bribe to read your question. RD reads from the Dusty Rhodes book to further prove its existence. Travie Yak (2) wants WrestleCrap audio-books. More Piper clips.

Xmas Gift Exchange (:59): Blade received from C. Thomas Howell a rather...transposed gift. Deever's picture is ghostly white and her action figure is black. Perhaps she's the next Soul Man? He also got a Billy Sims Lions jersey. RD received a Brother Midnight T-Shirt (without pants of course) and a Potty Time bear.

Trolla also sent RD the TrollaTron 5200 AKA Johnny 6. (:69) His first words: "This. Place. Is. A. Pit." Blade suggests Johnny be the TNA correspondent. "T. N. A. Sucks," he replies, but he does like porn, so they balance out.

Barking Dogs.

Holiday Haiku That's a Little Bit Naughty and a Little Bit Nice:
WrestleCrap Christmas.
What would make the yuletide gay?
[Michael] Cole in your stocking.

084 Kung Fu Jesus: November 16, 2007

Pictured: Mickie "Lifting The Tail"

Not Pictured: Blade

Kung Fu Jesus
(90 minutes)

Blade offended a thirteen-year-old. Chris Engler, now suddenly of the Trolla Corporation, sent Blade a ShirtTrolla for his TV appearance.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:22): "Humane" mouse trap. The Dusty Rhodes book has a Myspace page. RD swears.

Faxtrolla: Trolla products stop the awkward silence. (:31) New Jack started a new wrestling promotion, in Cincinnati, and its first event is at the Intense Arena. Random singing ensues. Gorgeous George dances on the pole at Gorgeous Frankenstein gigs. Carmen Electra sued the Naked Women's Wrestling League for the $300,000 they have yet to pay her. That should have been a warning sign right there: being offered that much as a non-wrestling celebrity by a wrestling promotion which is not just not WWE, but instead named "Naked Women's Wrestling League". [Also why is it not inducted or featured yet? - Future PB] (:39) Joanie Laurer changed her legal name to Chyna Doll. (:43) This week's It Came from Youtube is the Ultimate Warrior at a Thanksgiving Parade. (SPEAKING OF odd legal names.) RD has a Mii. (:46) A game based on Dancing with the Stars for the Wii will include Stacy Keibler. She may be obscure, but she looks far better than any Diva on the active roster.

Question of the Week (:53): The Co-Hosts get 'hundreds' of questions, and yet only read those from the same handful of people. This one's from Citizen Raider, who likes Carlito's hair. Sadly it may not be on TV for long, as he may be on his way out. Blade says Sable's Playboy pubic hair was photoshopped. Preemptive Sad News: The Deever may be fired. (:58) The producer of WSX will be on WCR in two weeks.

TNA will hold a Turkey Bowl. (:70) RD has eaten at Restaurant. Belt it as a mini. What If Jesus Knew Kung Fu? (:79) A Black Friday Sale is upcoming for the site. Cena says he was 'misquoted'.

Seventeen Freakin Syllables:
Save us, 6 2 2.
What is Chris gonna do? Mur-
der all creative?

083 Retro Raw: November 9, 2007

Due To Writers Strike...Mostly Popcorn Discussion

Medicated Furry Dreams with Betsy Russell
(61 minutes)

WCR is unaffected by the writers' strike because they have no writers.

RD's previous sickness is transferable through the phone. Now Blade's nose is stuffed up.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Cinnabon popcorn. (:11)

Obscure Wrestling News (:21): Yokozuna was booked in India. Blade thinks of heel wrestlers wrestling as the ghosts of deceased wrestlers. Lizzy Valentine is making dog food. RD has an advance DVD copy of WSX. Chyna v the Puppy Mill in Christina's Court (the court case being of course Bitch vs. Bitch). (:30) Hardbody Harrison is on trial for sex trafficking. Blade used to have a roommate prostitute. (:36)

Dream Analysis (:38): Jackie Gayda, instead of Betsy Russell, topless on a horse, while Baron Von Raschke is chased by zombie pigs.

Question of the Week (:44): Seth Drakin asks another question. (4) The WrestleCrap Book of Lists will be released on December 1, 2008. ZZ Top.

Rumor has it that Anonymous Brooke was fired because she wanted to wear furry boots, which Melina objected to because that's her gimmick. (:52)

Seventeen Syllable Haiku Summing-up Raw Is 99:
Two-thousand seven.
Last I checked, that was the year.
Somebody tell Vince.

040 Banana Tapestry: September 15, 2006

Banana Tapestry
(68 minutes)

Sad thing is, she looks
better here than in real life.

RD wonders why there hasn't been a serial killer gimmick. Although, Stone Cold Steve Austin did base his personality on a serial killer. RD has seen an Oklahoma City Bomber gimmick. (:03) 

Lord Alfred promotional considerations globalinternet.net. (:04) RD and Blade want you to get a URL from them so that you can get laid, particularly as they also have their entire URLs on large sized condoms. Unfortunately for RD he has a small penis.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: (:07) hot dogs packaged with buns. Blade is reminded of monster chili dogs.

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: (:10) Boo Berry's appearance has reverted to a stoner. This is good news for Blade, who had secretly hated the cereal until then.

Mr. Cosby, before Pudding Pops destroyed his soul.

RD tells more Disney World stories. Blade imagines he's with Bill Cosby. RD demonstrates how to eat a banana. (:19)

Mail Bag: (:23) Blade says, "Your bag is always special to me." Something about comic books and superheroes. RD says people on the forums want him to sing.

Nine people sent in messages about their experiences with a Chyna blanket. Marvel Pinguino Dickey "had a friend" buy one for his ex. Chris W made a foolish mistake buying it at Wal-Mart. Zach Harris "knew someone" who bought it to patch their broken down trailer. Terry McCarty has it hanging in his dining room. Timmy K knew a young girl who was a big fan of "the big girl with the belt" and thus bought one for her for $4 Canadian. Jeff "knew someone" who sold it for £1.50. And finally Josh Dunn used it for his unit. (One was disqualified for trying to bring up Bea Arthur's wig. Another vanished into the aether.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:46) Francine is now attractive again, according to Vince. SPEAKING OF Chyna she made out with a porn star. The ECW Zombie wants booked. Molly Holly and Ivory will drive a Winnebago to Canada for Trish's wedding. Blade calls them tapestry munchers.

Blade hit the bottle when Rambo Greg Gagne was fired from OVW booking. (:53) RD sings a few lines of Dr Feelgood. RD names many Dr Pepper knock-offs. Kelly Kelly is dating Test, who is not a lesbian.

Seventeen Syllable Prescription for Your Andrew Test Martin Question:
Why do chicks dig Test?
Kelly's got the right answer.
He's got foot-long dong.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Ricky to my Robert, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Charlie Smith
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Penis references, trying to get into somebody’s pants, ugly, things that are truly ugly, first name basis, lesbians, people who aren’t lesbians, lesbians2 (3), crackwhore on the street
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Tom Brokaw, Cher, Sonny Bono
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Zombie Growls: 2 
  

• Trish Stratus References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Marvel Pinguino Dickey: You and Mr. Brakestown are quite possibly the funniest two wrestling marks I have EVER heard in my life. And yes, even those old Johnny Polo quips don't top your stuff man. Anyhow, I have a friend who bought that tapestry for his ex-girlfriend. Why? I have no clue. In fact, I sometimes question him about whether she was his girlfriend, or if he was perhaps gay and dating a man dressed in drag much like the aforementioned Chyna. Seriously, are those supposed to be breasts? They more closely look like uncooked chicken thighs if you ask me. Anyhow, I thought you'd like to know. He didn't actually buy the thing.
  
• Chris W: I bought the Chyna blanket. I had a crush on Chyna in her WWF days. So one day I was shopping at Walmart, and I say a blanket with Chyna's face on it and I didn't hesitate to throw it in my cart. I can't say it was the best $9.95 I spent. That's a big mistake.
  
• Zach Harris: I didn't buy the Chyna blanket but I know someone who did. A friend of mine who lived in a broken down trailer with all of the windows to the bedroom were broken out so he bought the cheapest thing he could to cover up the windows. That of course being a Chyna blanket along with an Undertaker blanket. It may be worth mentioning that my friend never watched wrestling and had no idea who Chyna or the Undertaker are. Let him off.
  
• Terry McCarty: Hi. I don't know what is wrong with you. I purchased that wall tapestry when it came out years ago, and now it still proudly hangs in my dining room. I think you're just envious because you don't have one so HA. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
  
• Timmy K: I just read the section about the Chyna tapestry and I did indeed buy one. The reason for buying it is actually very simple.  A few years back when they were pushing the hell out of Chyna I had a friend whose little sister would sit down and watch wrestling with us. I think she was like five or six. Anyway, her favorite wrestler was Chyna, although she called her "the big girl with the belt". So one day there was a yard sale on my street and I saw the tapestry for 4 bucks Canadian, so I bought it for her, which she used as a blanket by the way. I wish there was a better story to it, but I'm sorry, there isn't. That's a good story. 
  
• Jeff: Hi RD, love the site. Gotta say though that I wish it was updated every week. Anyway, the Chyna tapestry: yeah I know a guy who bought one. He sold it shortly afterwards for £1.50. Of weed?
  
• Josh Dunn: I bought one. Gotta cover yourself with something when you're whackin' it. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Rafiki needs to take a Test. Banana?
  Why do chicks dig Test?
  Kelly's got the right answer.
  He's got foot-long dong.

012 Earquake: November 18, 2005

John Tenta Interview
(50 minutes)

Blade has to put his pants on.

Eddie Guerrero died.

Obscure Wrestling News: Ricky Morton is still in jail. To raise funds for his release, Ivan Koloff has donated one (1) Russian chain.

Mark Jindrak and Matt Morgan are trying their hand at their own online show at markandmattlive.com. RD wants his own online show where he and Blade just drive around places. [Seven years later... - Future PB]

Question of the Week from HPPH: Chyna's song demands that she be treated neither as a man nor a woman. The podcast has 4 listeners.

:18 - End: Interview with John "Earthquake" Tenta.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Typhoon to my Earthquake, Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. That kind of thing
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Eric Clapton
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. John Tenta
  

 

• Question of the Week from: HPPH
  
• Gentle radio hosts, if we're not to treat Chyna as a woman, and we're not to treat her as a man, what are we supposed to treat her as? We will treat her as a primate.
  

China

Blade did an impression of Chyna on episode #202, thereby making China a WrestleCrap Radio character.

• Blade had seen and reviewed "One Night in Chyna." He was adamant that he did not like it.