Episode 50: Holy Baubles!: July 24, 2022

The Clock King Gets Crowned
October 13, 1966
"Aunt Harriet purchases a clock as a birthday present for Bruce Wayne, unaware that it is a plant by the Clock King. But when the villain learns that a control switch meant for his final caper has been errantly placed on the timepiece, he breaks into Wayne Manor to retrieve it, nabbing some valuable watches in the meantime. Batman and Robin shortly deduce his master plan and race to stop him."
43 minutes

RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? He shows off his Wonder Woman shawl and hat knitted (not crocheted!) by Mrs. Deal.

RD also doesn't like the Beach Boys, unlike Vince. He once wrote a Beach Boys song in five minutes. Sadly he does not get Mike Check to talk about it.

Sad News: Vince looked up that Mr. Slezak committed suicide in '83 due to overwhelming health problems from old age (in his 80s). (:07)

King of course leaves the trapped Duo before they suffocate. Robin suggests using their capes to plug the gap but Batman rudely shuts him down. Instead they tip it over "like a squirrel in a cage" and run it into a truck to break it off camera. 

Vince once encountered a 700 pound bull moose in his backyard that was following a crick. (:11)

Meanwhile Aunt Harriet is wearing a bra at Gordon's office. RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? Gordon's door is always open for a "lady as charming as her" which makes RD think it's he that Harriet is having a threesome with. She invites them and their wives to a party at Stately Wayne Manor. RD thinks she may be wanting a fivesome now. 

Then the Batphone rings confusing her. "What on earth is that?" Gordon is on the phone for two seconds just to be checked on. She is impressed by the Duo "with no offense to your police department."
Gordon: "No need to apologize, Mrs. Cooper. We are all forever in debt to the Dynamic Duo, so intrepid and yet so... incognito. "
Once she leaves Gordon tells O'Hara that Batman had actually escaped the King's trap. 

Meanwhile King is in his lair working on an "evil box that Batman and Robin will never know about because they are dead." (:17) He then turns on a camera of Harriet in extreme close-up of her bad teeth. 

Smash cut to Harriet; she has returned to the Manor with a clock as a birthday gift for Bruce before she goes to take a nap. 

Smash cut to a goon being concerned of a button placed on the clock. Instead of the gas for Alfred, it's the atomic energy directional control switch that should have been for the evil box. So now they have to go and correct this. King tells Millie to stay hidden. She will try "if I can remember all that."

Nothing of Millie really stood out to Vince so he gives her 6.5 Batpoles. RD gives her 8.5 and thought she was underutilized. Actor Eileen O'Neill only had a working career in the 60s before vanishing into obscurity. 

In the Batcave the Duo dust off the sand on themselves before it gets too coarse and gets everywhere and they have to take the high ground. Robin wishes he knew where the criminals were.

Smash cut to them sneaking into the living room and lightly poking Alfred into unconsciousness. 

Smash cut back and forth between the two places while the Narrator keeps saying "meanwhile". 

Harriet screams for help as she is kidnapped. Alfred wakes up and sets off the alarm in his belt for...Bruce and Dick to show up. I guess because Batman and Robin are still considered "dead"? King declares he wants to "lift some baubles from this handsome residence". They then throw Harriet at the two (now without a bra, perhaps it too was stolen?) to cover their escape. 

Back in the Batcave Batman does some soldering while they do some more analyzing. King mentioned a blacksmith while they were trapped, referencing one that may be in a clock.
Batman: "'Smithy' Smith was recently arrested for armed robbery. He's back pounding rocks."
Robin: "I can just see him now, old 'Smithy' Smith. He used to be a real swinger in the safe and lock circuit. Now he's swinging a hammer on a rock pile."

Thus they finally go to Gordon's office to ask for any arrivals at the heliport. Gordon has a "heel-o-copter from the nuclear laboratory of the Gotham Institute of Technology" of a caesium atomic clock worth $1 million. Then for some reason we finally get the Batmobile startup sequence that is usually reserved for earlier in a story.

King meanwhile is in the clock tower with his evil box. When it is hit at 5 o'clock it will shoot out gas across the city while they fly off in the helicopter. He does note that "every man wants a beautiful woman by his side at the climax of his career." The Co-Bros note his manners and politeness. Vince only now notices the Penguin's attraction to men. 

The Duo finally show up. (:32)
King: "No! It can't be true. You're dead. You have to be dead!"
Robin: "Maybe we're living on... borrowed time."
Batman: "But now, it's round-up time!"
Cue an actually good fight for once, including Batman having a goon be hit by the clock hammer with a giant "KLANG", and rotating around with the clock to beat up the rest. 

Thus the bell tolls for King and his schemes.

Back in Gordon's office, O'Hara congratulates the Duo: "I couldn't have done it better meself!" Batman almost rolls his eyes at him. Sadly they can't make it to Bruce's party but: "I find it only fitting that Clock King, who made times serve his crimes, must now serve time himself." Then they excuse themselves to go prepare for being surprised.

Thus the episode ends before its time.

Vince thought Ma Parker was better than Clock King. Thankfully his all time favorite Egghead is up next.

Oddly neither bring up that the story was written by Batman's co-creator Bill Finger. Nor do they mention that there is another earlier made Clock King (though not by Finger), original name William Tockman, who often fights Green Arrow.

RD promises some changes are coming to WC.

• Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Heroes and villains
• URLs not taken: 1. FivewaywithAuntHarriet.com
  

Episode 49: Holy Batburgers!: July 17, 2022

The Clock King's Crazy Crimes
October 12, 1966
"After a robbery aided by a rigged timepiece, Batman and Robin deduce the Clock King must be in Gotham City. Disguised as a pop art expert, the villain brings his latest masterpiece to the Parkhurst Gallery. But everyone is surprised when the sculpture turns out to be more than just a piece of art, and the Clock King makes off with a valuable time-related painting. Batman and Robin follow a clue to the villain's hideout, unaware that a trap awaits them."
70 minutes

According to Vince and his applause soundbite "this handsome young man" is "The Greek word for RD is "RD"". 

He also forgot to make their conversation private so fuck it, we'll do it live. He doesn't want to make this a regular thing as it would take away from subscriptions. He could go on a full streaming service like Twitch and do streams for paid subscribers only if he wanted (and he can figure out how to do so without having to make fun of his colleague Jeff Lane). One of the viewers is Taeler Hendrix, who also has her own show on Channel Attitude. Vince could totally see her as Poison Ivy. 

At Harry Hummert's jewelry store, Harry and a customer are mesmerized by an antique clock on display instead of for sale. (:08) The clock has a small camera inside it for Clock King, with his lady Millie Second, to watch and relay to his goons the "all wound up" Second Hands. RD incites Vince by intentionally saying her name wrong. Vince responds by having viewer Kevin Schiller of Georgia run in. Now let's see if he makes him WCW world champion.

The clock goes off at the wrong time, then gasses the two occupants (with a third) as they come to check on it. The goons thus take the opportunity to rob the place.

In Gordon's office, he hardly wastes any time and admits "we're in over our heads." Vince wonders if Matt Morgan is among the peanut gallery. 

Alfred does another exasperated eye roll as he answers the phone while Bruce and Dick play boring regular 2D chess. Vince was unsure if Aunt Harriet was wearing a bra this time but guessed yes: "we're not the ones not wearing the bra." She apologizes for not being too attentive and Bruce just pats her on the shoulder in acceptance. He then ignores Alfred as Dick has put him in check, so he shouts "BATPHONE!!!" while Aunt Harriet is within earshot. For once the two will not immediately go to police HQ as they "can't waste time", and the episode immediately cuts to King's lair.

There King surveys all his stolen loot and (also for once) compliments his goons for their work while Millie is all over him and his colored eyebrows.  RD finds she closely resembles Katy Perry. Vince wonders if she's a time traveler. One viewer thinks she looks like (blonde) Elizabeth Montgomery and Jenny McCarthy for some reason. Vince points out viewer Ivana Tinkle's nose. (:31) He gives Millie 8.5 Batpoles for her strength and confidence. Another viewer gives her 8.6.

Anyway all the clocks go off at once, deafening the goons as King revels in their sound.

Smash cut to the Duo investigating the jewelry store. Harry has little knowledge on the clock.

Smash cut to the lair as King consults his "crimetable" which of course includes Bruce Wayne. He threatens Batman and the "Boy Blunder - hahaha!" by slamming down an hour hand on his desk. 

Cut to the Parkhurst Gallery preparing for their first pop art exhibition as Batman learns that one particular clock was brought in by a Mr. Chronos. Robin: "The Greek word for time!" Cue Mr. Parkhurst's amazement as if they found out a mystery of life. Batman: "You haven't been trained in deduction like we have."

A TV crew is already there reporting on the art, preferring the classical over the popular. Enter a disguised King himself disgusted over an "inferior!" parody of Dali's The Persistence of Memory with the Duo drawn in it (a Batparody?). Knowing his antics, commercialism, and spotlight hogging, I would not be surprised if he himself painted that just because for the show (even if uncredited). He probably didn't appear on the show itself because Batman would arrest him on the spot for saying that he was drugs. 

Anyway King calls himself Progress Pigment, and he is here to submit some random assortment of items named Time Out of Joint as a diversion while it cuts a hole in the wall. 

(Also Jeff Lane cut Vince's live feed for the time being for some reason.)

Meanwhile the Duo check the Dunbar Diner Drive-In to be gawked at by an old couple gushing all over Robin, as they follow a lead of King's earlier woman Thelma Timepiece. A former co-worker waiter tells them she moved back to the Midwest (a reference to Payton Place) before she gushes all over Batman.

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crimefighters must eat. And especially you, you're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Robin goes for his order but is intercepted by the waiter who offers him to try out their newest meal: the Batburger. "Trouble stealing your appetite? Arrest it with our new Batburger." A touched Batman orders two with two double glasses of orangeade. 

As they eat in the Batmobile they watch the news of King and his piece. (:50) Batman wishes for a closer look and somehow the news crew there is able to oblige him. Batman still wants to make sure it is in fact King. (After all, Clark Kent has his obscuring glasses.) So they get the Bat Photo Scope to print out a photo, so Batman can use a blue colored pencil from a compartment next to the Bat Super Rocket switch. Sure enough, his expert drawing removes all doubt from his mind (about his artistic skills). Robin: "Holy masquerade!" 

King lets loose a "supersonic" smoke detector sound from his machine to knock out everyone as he makes a hole to his storeroom of items. They exit with their items just as the Duo pull up.
Batman: "Four against two. I'd say the odds are in our favor Robin!"
Cue a weak fight where the participants knock down the art more than each other. King triggers the Counterattack Activator from his dropped watch to ensnare the Duo in slinkies "coils of time" so that they can escape.

The Duo use the Bat Chemical Analyzer in the Batcave on the watch to lead them through technobabble to Tick Tock Synthetic Rubies Incorporated. From the Batcave! Vince has Kevin pop on to say hello.

As the Duo do their climb Sammy Davis Jr. pops out of the window. (:57) He invites them to join his rehearsal ("Hey, you guys come and catch my act some time! I dig yours!") but sadly they are too busy. Batman: "Our pursuit of justice allows us few diversions." Oddly he does not then suggest sending an invitation to assumed patron of the arts Bruce Wayne.

Inside the Duo then fall pray to King's trapdoor of clock oil and then get gassed, and end up in a slowly filling giant hourglass.
Batman: "You grinning devil!"
King: "Some people kill time. But this time, time is going to kill you!"

Narrator: "Is this the zero hour for the Dynamic Duo? Are the sands of time really running out for Batman and Robin? At long last have they met a gritty, granulated, inglorious fate? Tune in tomorrow! Same bat-time! Same bat-channel!" 

2013's Batman '66 comic would give King the real name of Morris Tetch, brother of Jervis "Mad Hatter" Tetch. Vince guesses correctly on this based on their eyebrows. 

RD has to make sure from Vince that he didn't actually tell Goldberg to try and break through a car window with his bare fist and seriously injure himself. (:64) He did the right thing and spent that night by his hospital bedside.

• Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)
  

• Screen Captures: 4. RD, RD, RD, RD
• Window Celebrity: 1. Sammy Davis Jr.