Episode 91: Holy Soup!: May 21, 2023

Batman's Satisfaction
March 2, 1967
"Colonel Gumm's planned heist at a major stamp exhibition results in a showdown between Batman and The Green Hornet."
54 minutes

RD & Russo: Also Quite Flexible. Vince calls him well endowed. He has to check.

Both thought Robin had this finest outing today, in the same space as fucking Bruce Lee. Vince was still not sure why the Duos were initially at odds with each other. RD informs him that the Green Horney's identity is that of a villain to allow him to blend in with other (actual) villains and subvert them from within.

Narrator: "As we last took leave of Batman and Robin, The Green Hornet had been made into a rare  stamp and then thumbtacked to a wall by the corrupt Colonel Gumm, with Kato still being blocked and perforated in Gumm's shameful stamping machine, and the Dynamic Duo to follow. Once they're unglued from Gumm's glue pad, for you, who've breathlessly waited and wondered, some man-hours have passed. For the Caped Crusaders, mere moments...as we shall see in a moment."
Cue opening titles.
Narrator: "Kato, too, made into a man-size stamp, and thumbtacked to the wall? What monster of a
man is Colonel Gumm? And what monstrous mutilation faces our mantled man-hunters? Well, Dynamic  Duo...your turn."

The resultant stamp is six inches taller than Hornet's, which I can only attribute due to it being, again, Bruce Lee. Gumm has the Duo's glue bindings removed with an adhesive remover in a spray can, Then he just...leaves them "to be stamped with my disapproval".

It takes the Duo two (2) punches and one (1) "ZAP" to overpower the goons.
RD: "This is the worst fight in the history of the show."
Vince: "This was a squash."
RD: "This is the worst villain ever."
He even declares him worse than the Minstrel, though he has to re watch that story which he will never do. Vince declares it for him then.

The freed Duo flip a switch and remove a panel to allow the Visiting Duo to escape with the use of the Hornet Sting.
Robin: "Holy living end!"
Hornet: "It looked like the end there for a minute. But there was a small niche between the gum- applier and the perforating needles."
Kato: "And we are both quite flexible."
But then how was a picture taken for a human sized stamp?
Hornet: "No doubt an automatic image-orthicon of some kind."
Batman: "Wrong, Green Hornet. It was a high-velocity spectrobiscopic range reflector mini-unit."

Meanwhile unaware of all this, Gumm goes to secure Pinky, and her dyed dog (Apricot) eating his alphabet soup ("she's only down to the Ds."). (:14)

Batman: "When this masked meddler was tossed in he had this gruesome gizmo with him. But you will notice,  Robin, it is conspicuously missing from that giant stamp. Ergo, the high-velocity spectrobiscopic range reflector mini-unit failed to produce a true facsimile."
Robin: "Gosh, that's some "ergo," Batman."
Hornet stands there trying to comprehend all this technobabble: "Yes, Batman, that's very clever, but it  seems as if in saving us, you've allowed our assailants to escape."
Kato: "None too smart for a smart crime-fighter."

Then the Visiting Duo walk away since Batman has no evidence to arrest them. Instead Batman smells pink. The actual color pink.
Robin: "You're just tired."
RD is reminded of when Mrs. Deal could smell magenta on him after his days working in a printing press.
Batman sniffs around like a bloodhound to determine Pinky was here. They then see the left behind soup.
Robin: "I guess I'm tired, but it looks like a bowl of alphabet soup."
Batman: "Robin, have you noticed the J's, Q's and Z's are missing?"
Robin: "Holy uncanny photographic mental processes."
Batman takes the remains behind in his "empty alphabet soup Batcontainer, the right tool for the right job."

Back at the Batcave Robin expresses surprise that the alphabet soup has no punctuation marks. Gordon calls to express his usual worry and anxiety. Alfred pops his head him to inform that Britt is already here waiting for him since Aunt Harriet is busy drying her hair.
Robin: "(Sighs) There's more letters in this alphabet soup than there are in the alphabet."

Upstairs in Stately Wayne Manor Britt expresses his concern to Bruce of Pinky's recent disappearance. Britt: "What kind of a guy is [Batman], Bruce?"
Bruce: "An enigma. I really don't know him very well, Britt. But if he tangled with Green Hornet last night, Green Hornet would have gotten the worst of it."
Britt: "Well, that would be a switch. Green Hornet usually comes out the winner."
Bruce: "That's because you have no Batman in your city."

Since they have no official work pending, Britt offers a night on the town.
Bruce: "We had a few laughs, didn't we? Before we settled down and became such solid citizens."
Britt: "Yeah, it's guys like The Green Hornet and Batman that see all the action, get all the kicks."
Bruce: "Would you trade places with them?"
Britt: "Well, not with Batman. I wouldn't be caught dead in that crazy cowl of his."
Bruce scowls his face in response. 

That scene out of the way, Robin still has trouble trying to untangle the dried out letters. Batman puts the letters in his Batcontainer and Batfunnels them into the Batcomputer.
Robin: "You mean you're gonna feed those letters to the Batcomputer?"
Batman: "They're made out of noodles. Easy to digest."
This is also why they didn't use alphabet cereal.
This does the trick somehow, telling them to watch the later stamp exhibition.
Batman: "I'll wager she fed all the J's, Q's and Z's to Apricot trusting we'd be able to unravel the clue."
Robin: "Who's Apricot?"
Batman: "Her pink Maltese."
Robin: "Some of Bruce Wayne's female friends sound a little dizzy to me. But Miss Pinkston wasn't the only clever one. The Batcomputer even punctuated this!"
Batman then feeds pages from the Yellow Pages directly into the Batcomputer to find a result, as well as give it more fiber since it has a deficiency.
Unfortunately according to Alfred, Harriet's hair dryer is so powerful that it cut off power to the entire Manor, including the Batcave, including the rather fully stuffed Batcomputer. 
Batman: "And so because of a woman's vanity, a battle may be lost."
Robin: "Lost? I'm surprised at you, Batman. Many battles have been won before electricity and telephones were ever invented."
Batman: "Gosh, Robin. You may be right."
Robin: "Just arrange to have the stamp exhibition in the Constellation Room tonight well-publicized. Then there's bound to be some action. And a Batclimb up Gotham Towers West will help us flex our muscles. Chin up, old chum."
RD was sure the writers reversed the Duo's lines for this, as seen by West trying hard not to laugh out loud on camera. 

Narrator: "Meanwhile, the scene of battle shifts to an isolated warehouse, but warfare wages on in a strange and oblique manner." (:32)

This is where Pinky is being held while Gumm complains about his soup ("this needs more consonants in it). He does however have time to figure out Hornet's secret identity - Bruce Wayne. And Britt Reid is thus Batman. This is the closest any villain has got (besides Egghead, who was spot on).
Satisfied at his efforts he leaves, allowing Pinky to tell Apricot to bite through her ropes. As if he didn't have enough on his plate and fur already. 

Thus able to escape she then calls Gordon to tell him the identities. Also, they're dead.
Gordon: "No, they're not. I talked to Batman earlier today. He said it was a long story, and it must be. And then he asked me to publicize the International Stamp Exhibition this evening. He sounded very  much alive."
They logic that even with the names, neither superhero would admit to things now. So the Undynamic Duo are, once again, with no idea on what to do next. Pinky suggests going to the exhibition anyway to see who shows up.

At Britt's penthouse he and Kato discuss what to do without harming the Dynamic Duo.
Kato: "Kung fu is kung fu. It's not child's play."
Britt: "I know, but our tricks are gonna have to be tempered with good judgment."

The (Dynamic) Duo Batclimb to clear their heads and think and to meet pioneering "gangster" actor Edward G. Robinson. (Of course RD knew him from The Ten Commandments for some reason.) So they talk about...art. This was a topic Robinson was also an aficionado at, which gives him an excuse to critique pop art, Andy Warhol in particular.
Robinson: "I think canned tomato soup is to eat, not to frame and hang on a wall."
Batman: "Dalí? Picasso?"
Robinson: "Bit of an art buff yourself, aren't you, Batman?"
Batman: "I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows me only the luxury of collecting criminals."
Robin: "But you should see the great mug shots we've got!"
Robinson: "Don't reprimand him. Who knows who posed for the Mona Lisa? Maybe one of the  wickedest women in the world. Oh, but what a smile!"

At the exhibition Gumm is disguised this time as Argentinian Señor Barboza. The Visiting Duo enter from one side curtains. The Dynamic Duo enter from another side curtains. Now it's a proper fight.
While beating up the goons the Duos also fight each other. Batman knocks down Hornet, but Kato strongly  kicks away Robin.
Kato (to Hornet): "Good thing those guys are on our side. Even though they don't know it."
Robin (to Batman): "Good thing those guys aren't in town every week."
They finish off the goons, leading to:
Narrator: "What do we have here? A Mexican standoff? A dead heat? A photo finish?"

Pinky and the police finally show up, and Gumm uses the distraction to try and capture her again. The Visiting Duo step off to the side and off the set, as Batman goes around to another window behind Gumm, capturing him in turn.

RD: "I didn't think it was possible. This guy is a worse criminal than the Minstrel."

Batman: "I wonder what [Hornet] wanted in the first place. Piece of a counterfeit stamp ring. Or maybe he meant to uncover the entire ring. Who knows?"
"Gordon: "The Green Hornet, a crimefighter?"
Robin: "Holy unlikelihood."

Britt has one last dinner with Pinky while Bruce is off to the side on a phone calling Gordon (as Batman). He confuses Gordon by telling him to call Pinky and then put two telephone receivers together. He finally figures it out, looking as pleased as a three year old.
Batman thanks Pinky for her help, and also that he's not Bruce. And neither is Britt of course. He then rejoins the two at their table.
Bruce: "Now, Apricot, as you were saying?"
Pinky: "Bruce, you nut. Talking to a dog?"
Cue the three sitcom laughing, the end. 

For Diane McBain's second appearance on the show as Pinky, RD gives her a "very generous" 6.5 Batpoles for her bland appearance (even with a wig). Vince gives her 6 as he's not a fan of short hair. This is of course lower than her previous appearance at 8 and 7.5 respectively. (6 and 5 if discounting the looks for the personality.)
McBain once pretended she was missing and presumed dead for a different perspective a year before leading lady an Elvis movie (Spinout). Sadly she passed away the previous December 21st at 81 years young. 

It was pretty well known that Ward and Lee were friends, and would even fight and do stunts together. There has also been the long running rumor that Lee did not want to put over Ward during their fight.

Vince has not seen any of the Fast & Furious movies. RD implores him to watch the newer ones.

• Visiting Hero: The Green Hornet [2] (Van Williams) [2] 
• Assistant Visiting Hero: Kato [2] (Bruce Lee) [2] 
• Special Guest Villain: Colonel Gumm (Roger C. Carmel)
  

• Entertain The People: 1 
• Window Celebrity: 1. Edward G. Robinson
  

Episode 90: Holy Oversight!: May 14, 2023

A Piece of the Action
March 1, 1967
"The Green Hornet and Kato come to Gotham City to stop a stamp counterfeiting scheme, but the Dynamic Duo, unaware of their true heroic motives, is out to stop them."
49 minutes

RD: More Ominous than Gum. Sad News: he misspelled the name. He was also confused by Vince saying it was a great story. He clarifies it was a great idea for this crossover. RD suggests watching the actual Green Hornet next time to compare, which was much more grounded than Batman. RD could only handle half an episode. 

Narrator: "Midnight in Gotham City, the very dead of night. The Green Hornet and Kato outside the Pink  Chip Stamp Factory? Something must be very much amiss inside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory for them to invade Batman's territory. A long way from home, indeed! And for a peephole to snap shut in their faces at midnight!"

Inside goons in pink overalls are overseen by a foreman with a balding head and curly mustache eating alphabet soup, and played by well known character actor and original Harry "Harcourt Fenton" Mudd Roger C. Carmel.
The Visiting Duo burst in, despite the "Keep Out" sign on the door.
Foreman: "That sign on the outer door, "This means you," means you."
They then gasses the Duo - wait; the Duo gas them - and stare around the place for a full one (1) second.
Hornet: "We saw enough, Kato. I think at last we've found what we've been looking for."

Transition to the same factory "in the rosy-fingered morn". The owner, a woman named Pinky Pinkston, enters with a poodle...dyed pink. Needless to say the crew didn't do a good paint job, and the poor dog looks as dirty as it is miserable. 
Pinky asks the man about the visit, identified by her as Colonel Gumm and identified by RD as one of the worst villains of the show (even more than the Minstrel!). She decides to call Commissioner Gordon on this despite Gumm's protests. Cue Gordon loudly exclaiming "Whaaaaaat?"

Narrator: "While from a pink factory with a green intruder, we go to brick-colored Stately Wayne  Manor and a red Batphone." (:12)
Dick and Aunt Harriet examine one of Bruce's newly acquired stamps, a Blue Boar, despite his concerns on the watermark. Alfred tells the men about the "red" phone. Bruce asks Dick to better inspect the stamp in his study as cover. Harriet reminds him he has a date with Pinky as he goes. 

Sadly neither Bro checked to see if Harriet was packing. 

Then the other 'normal' phone rings for Harriet to pick up. It's from Hornet as his civilian identity of Britt Reid, publisher of the Daily Sentinel newspaper (and also a multimillionaire, who'd have thought), and his cover for being in town is attending the "newspaper-publisher's convention".
RD: "Could you be at any place more boring?"
Vince: "The third hour of Raw?"
Unfortunately his fellow wealthy childhood friend (and business rival) is preoccupied with going down a Batpole, so Bruce will have to call him back later.

Narrator: "But while the Dynamic Duo head for Commissioner Gordon's office in double quick time, Britt Reid's making a little time of his own, or trying to."
He hears from Pinky over the phone that she is meeting Bruce, making him unhappy as it's during free time.
Pinky: "Why don't you join us, Britt? After all, Bruce is a friend of yours too."
Britt: "Not where you're concerned, Pinky. I thrive on rivalry."

NOW we cut to Gordon's Office, and the Commissioner complains to the Dynamic Duo that the Hornet is supposedly in town as per the episode's title.
Batman: "A piece of the action at the Pink Chip Stamps Factory. That seems strange. With this heinous reputation for high stakes, a cut of a trading-stamps factory would seem like somewhat of a comedown."
He thinks it may have something to do with the Gotham Gothic stamp, once owned by Pinky's late father Pincus (Pinkston), before it disappeared.
Gordon's secretary Bonnie then calls in to buzz in...Britt Reid. He's also very pleased to meet the Duo, especially as he's supposed to meet "mutual friend" Bruce later today.
Gordon: "We were just discussing a criminal, Mr. Reid, with whom you are no doubt familiar. The Green Hornet, from your own bailiwick."
Britt (giving a side-eye): "The Green Hornet? In Gotham City? Well, that shouldn't disturb you, Batman. Your name is legend among crime fighters."
Batman: "Legends are sometimes highly overrated, Mr. Reid."
Robin: "Maybe the Batcomputer can tell us a little more about our pea-green adversary."
The Bros guess that the heroes already know their secret identities. They are proved wrong.

At the factory Gumm reprimands one of his goons named Reprint for being slipshod in their actual work of counterfeiting stamps. (:20) Then they hear Pinky enter.
Gumm: "Whoops! There comes the pink primadonna. Down her private stairway! Look busy and honest!"
Pinky and her dyed dog (named Apricot) then enters to Marsha (Queen of Diamonds)'s theme, which RD did not care for in the slightest. She tells them she believes the Hornet is on to them. Then she leaves.
Gumm: "As you boys grow older and more experienced you'll find there's more than one way to skin a pink cat."
Vince thought he was referencing Catwoman.

In the Batcave the Batcomputer acts as if on the fritz in trying to determine the Hornet's identity.
Batman: "We overlooked one thing when we constructed it: a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
Robin: "Holy oversight."
Batman: "So we can't really blame our faithful friend here for failing to provide us with the clues we  need about the Green Hornet. No human mind has solved the secret of our own duplicity. (To the Batcomputer?) Who, in reality, are Batman and Robin?"
After some grinding of gears it prints out a response: ""Cowled crime fighters. Real identities unknown.""
Batman: "The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
RD: "What store sells that?"
Vince thinks its the same one with all the prints. RD guesses RadioShack. Surprisingly there are some stores still operating, including one in nearby Rushville, Indiana. 

Batman: "Now it's time for Bruce Wayne's lunch date with Pinky Pinkston...and Dick Grayson's session with his French tutor."
Robin: "French tutor?"
Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."
RD: "How many years of French is Dick Grayson taking?"
Vince: "A lot."

The date is somewhere RD has written down as a "lingerie show" with eight question marks. (:25) My guess would be some sort of cabaret club. Of course some of the women are all over Bruce and Britt, much to Pinky's consternation. The Bros mock her for her decision on location. The two men appease her in looking into what Hornet may get up to later, at the least. Satisfied she leaves - and so does Bruce, leaving Britt with the bill.
Bruce: "Pinky invited me to lunch, and you invited her. Thank you."
What a guy. Regardless the Bros think the men are good tippers.

Elsewhere in the place is Gumm who asks for alphabet soup.
Waiter: "The only alphabet soup we have is tomato, split-pea and clam chowder."
Gumm (suddenly with a British accent): "Oh, too bad. You colonials are still so uncivilized."

That "hilarity" aside, the men go to a stamp shop run by one Boris Sevaroff. Being one of them (a Soviet!), Bruce thinks he sold him a fake Blue Boar, which he uses to ask about the Gotham Gothic. He has no idea on the whereabouts either. But he waits for the two to leave to reveal that he is in fact also Gumm. He calls his goon Reprint to increase production.
Reprint: "You'll flip when you see my last batch of phony stamps! Not fuzzy at all!"
Only then does he turn his head to see Pinky having overheard him. Surprisingly despite having a cruelly treated dog she is in fact not part of the villains' group. 

Narrator: "But Colonel Gumm isn't the only one who smells trouble as he ends Boris Sevaroff's day's activities. And Britt Reid begins the Green Hornet's evening intrigue."

In Britt's penthouse he and Kato wonder what to do with the Dynamic Duo after them.
Britt: "Well, to the world at large, they're known as the Caped Crusaders. Fearless crime fighters. Whereas, due to the nature of our operation the same world at large looks on us as criminals. Only a  very few know different. So I'll turn my Hornet's Sting [his signature stun gun] to half maximum power. I don't wanna get careless and hurt Batman if we clash."
Kato: "Well, you always have your gas gun."
Britt: "Right. And nothing must stop us from gaining our ends."
Narrator: "So to the battlefield. And speaking of warfare..."
Pinky confronts Gumm about his scheming. He responds by locking her up in the office. "And then to make my big kill at the stamp exhibition tomorrow night!"

The Batmobile pulls up at the factory, with no sign yet of Hornet's own vehicle, the Black Beauty (a Chrysler Imperial Crown hardtop). 

This absence lasts five seconds before they show up.

Batman restrains Robin from trying to rush the Visiting Duo, advising to first see what they may get up to. They observe as they again enter through the "This Means You" door asking for the episode title. Also Hornet totally knew Gumm was a very suspicious Russian. 

So Gumm shows them an "enlarged perforating and coiling machine" of his own making. Of course the Visiting Duo stand too close to it to take a look, allowing Gumm to push them in.
Gumm: "You know my motto, boys. "Always stamp out evil.""
They then see the Dynamic Duo. "Let's give them a thorough pasting!"
Cue a somewhat prolonged fight with retirement-age stunt doubles which confuses the Duo enough to be beaten.

Gumm: "We've all heard how the Dynamic Duo sticks together through thick and thin. But this time,  you're really stuck, Batman, on an undetachable glue pad. While the Green Hornet and his masked companion are being blocked, gummed, and perforated in that machine."
Batman: "You satanic, mad stamp man!"
Gumm: "Satanic, Batman? Who knows? But mad stamp man? Perhaps."
The other machine produces a very large 'rare' stamp of the Green Hornet.
Robin: "Holy human collector’s item!"
Gumm: "As soon as I tack up the other masked marauder, who is even now being perforated in that machine, then it will be your turns, Dynamic Duo. Yes, I know you've faced many deadly perils, and  escaped in many devious manners, but you have never been so close to being completely stamped out as you are right now."

Narrator: "The Green Hornet and Kato blocked, gummed, and perforated, then thumb tacked to the wall as collector's items? Will Batman and Robin follow when they're detached from the undetachable glue pad? Don't stamp-ede! Stay close to your stamping grounds tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

Vince found the episode confusing even for his tastes.

According to RD, Ms. Diane McBain as Pinky had previously appeared on a Mad Hatter story as his henchwoman Lisa (where she was rated 7.5 and 8 Batpoles).

(Speaking of appearances and speaking of people on Star Trek, one of the cabaret models was played by a Ms. Angelique Prettyjohn who is best known for The Original Series' The Gamesters of Triskelion, where Kirk had to talk his way out of a situation by a long-winded speech. Sadly she died of cancer at far too young an age.)

RD reminds Vince of using this here site as a reference. This assumes I can quickly do my part in a timely manner anyway. (Sorry about that.)

RD wrote about a fever dream of a TV show featuring Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

• Visiting Hero: The Green Hornet [2] (Van Williams) [2] 
• Assistant Visiting Hero: Kato [2] (Bruce Lee) [2] 
• Special Guest Villain: Colonel Gumm (Roger C. Carmel)
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Insane detail