299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!

85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"

$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.

 

• Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.

  

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WSPK Spook 103 (Sleepy Hollow)
• Radio Call Sign:  N/A
• Show:  N/A
• Song:  “Monster Rap” by Bobby Pickett
  

• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
  
• Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
• RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
• Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
  It's the Halloween show.
  That was some bad tasting jerky.
  Go fu**ck yourself RD!
  

287 The Angry Gym: October 31, 2019

WWE2k20 Glitch or artist's impression of Becky Lynch in a Haunted Gym?

89 minutes

Huey has a laughing fit while Drunk Blade rambles.

Blade does not remember (m)any of their old episodes, both on Patreon and on this site (somewhere). RD: "They do a lot of fine work. We should recognize them thusly." Blade: "It will be something."

Roddy Piper also has something. He reminds kids to wear neon to ward off the danger of idiots driving cars. (:12) The two have names for his posse. Might I suggest the John Nada Carpenters?

Blade and Don are stuck inside the War on Candy Corn, which has heavy fighting on both sides. (:14) RD tries Ultimate Cheddar Flavor Doritos with Cheetos extract which tastes alright. Blade is stuck on Tron's Brach's butterscotch discs, "the tan things you suck on". He reminds RD on his age.

RD decides to talk about wrestling. (:24) Rick "Eyes" Steiner's son Bronson is doing well Running Backing in college football. Blade thinks he will last in the new XFL's one season, particularly as they now have suddenly open spaces due to paying players a salary between "jack" and "shit". Blade thinks retired players should play again for some reason. I am sure it would be worth risking their health once again.

[Bronson would get the last laugh when drafted by the Baltimore Ravens while the new XFL didn't even last one whole season. I am sad he did not have to use uncle Scott's math skills however. - Future PB]

Matt Hardy and Reby Sky will be parents again for the third time. (:32) RD gets ahead of Blade and non-directly says that she likes to f-ollow through on things.

Jim calls with horror music, a by-product of "The Angry Gym", a 'haunted gym'. They'll scare the fat out of you! (:36) He tells them to call Dave Meltzer to tell him to go fuck himself, or something. RD decides to do just that as per his itinerary, so that he can play an excerpt from his podcast with Bryan Alvarez where he tells him about some very seductive weights. Piper reminds RD to say please and thank ya to him next time.

Bill Apter had a birthday last week. (:45) "Wrestling's Power Brokers" is the cover story of Wrestling Superstars October 1990. Ken Patera and Black Scorpion are NOT on the list, but somebody named "Big Juice" is. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams is #1, possibly from Jim's haunted gym. Demolition Smash is #14.

Jim calls back in so RD has to rush to cue up his horror music. Such good coordination I see. (:53) Bob Caudle is literally running for his life so Jim speeds him off his treadmill. "Shove it up your ass!"

As can be expected with Blade's intellect and/or sobriety, at no point does he make the obvious CrossFit joke.

Blade wants to be Ken Patera's Swinging Full Nelson for Halloween. (:56) RD admonishes Blade for not knowing how to count. Blade: "Put that on my tombstone."

In relation to another bad WWE T-shirt in the recent news which does not feature Sin Cara's penis, what are some GOOD wrestling T-shirts? RD has Andre the Giant 5X worn by Stephanie McMahon belted as a mini (Blade thinks they should be worn by female companions), Blade's 2004 WCW Dungeon of Doom, and Survivor Series 1987 sent to and from Blade. He still can't count. He has to look up a 10th Anniversary Mickie James crotch-licking, (breast-feeding) Matilda, and Demolition's first "band-aid" shirt to show that they had finally made it. Sad News: Blade's AtG shirt was only XL instead of 5X which he did not belt as a mini, colored pink when his mother washed it, and bleaching it only shrunk it, before he discarded it ten years later.

WWE 2K20 is hilariously awful. That won't stop the two from wanting to buy a copy and see how so bad it's good it is in person. (:75) Blade was worried by one visual of a glitching referee having a seizure. Nintendo John agrees and bleeps himself. So does his audience.

RD found some "Haunted" Haiku music for Seventeen (Haunted) Syllables not about Dark Shadows:
2K19 blues.
Seems the new game kinda sucks.
MUSCLE didn't glitch.

RD has to squeeze in his obligation remaining Piper at the end, for shame. No space for spacing on the itinerary?



$31.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrap.com, wrestlecrapradio.com, Drive In Movie Maniacs on Retro TV
• URLs not taken: 2. Tanthingsyousuckon.com, Beltedasamini.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 1. Dark Shadows
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Nintendo John
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 6. Jim, Dave Meltzer, Bryan Alvarez, Bill Apter, Jim (2), Nintendo John

 

• Blade Time Outs:  5 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 6
• Cricket Chirps:  3
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
• Nintendo 8 Bit Pops:  11 (3 for RD)
  

 

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  3 favorite wrestling t-shirts of all time.
  
  • RD: 1987 Survivor Series shirt, WCW Dungeon of Doom shirt, Andre the Giant 5X shirt modeled by Stephanie McMahon
  • Blade: Demolition shirt, Matilda shirt, 10th Anniversary Mickie James Crotch Licking shirt
    

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Today’s graphics with yesterday’s glitches:
  
  2K19 blues.
  Seems the new game kinda sucks.
  MUSCLE didn't glitch.

277 RD-Animator: October 30, 2018

Costume Ideas For Halloween: Idiot In Car and Idiot in Neon!

53 minutes

RD attempts to play it straight. This lasts for a minute before his "doorbell" rings. His subsequent receiving of a package, which contains the SeanceTrolla N08 Cauldron, makes Blade laugh. He turns it on, making it play cliche "scary music" and causing a dot matrix printer to print him an ominous warning. (:08)

'Someone' told Blade last progrem that his low register voice makes him sound sleepy. And here I thought he was just drunk or hungover.

As is his eternal custom Roddy Piper warns the kids about idiots in cars. Blade has some issues with his syntax. (:13)

Blade: "You know, wouldn't it be fun if we were like down to two listeners, and those two listeners were named RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton?"

A now teenage RD Junior has been to Disneyworld at least once a year. (:17) Sad News: Rafiki's ride is being shut down (it's the circle of life you see).

Blade shills being on TV and in more horror movies. (:24)

Brooke Hogan: Fashion Hero's 2nd season is going international. Apparently this is a thing. Blade sings badly without RD's MIDI to accompany him.

At Wrestlecon April 5th Joey Ryan will have some sort of Penis Party right in the middle of the MetLife stadium. Blade does some more random singing.

Piper reminds people to say please and thank ya.

Tammy has finally been released from prison. (:35) She now wants to do a "farewell tour" before going back to school and "private life". For her sake and well-being, I sincerely hope it works out this time. Unfortunately experience and history tells me things won't change for the better, not even now. One has to just wait and see I suppose.

Blade continues to confuse himself with the Midnight Rose. Why, it's almost like they're one and the same person.

The Cauldron threatens Blade this time with a Pete Townshend lyric. Blade is definitely one to get fooled again. And again. And again after that.  (:38)

Derek Quinn of the Powerhouse of Sound DJ Service (3), asks about other wrestlers who might provide their own Halloween safety tips. (:39) They think Virgil could work. RD also wants to pay for Tammy to give tips. (That sure sounded wrong.) They also want Ken Patera, what with his experience with being hungry.

Piper reminds you to take (all) your candy back home to your parents before you eat it. (:42)

:46 Before the two can continue to further mess around as is their itinerary, the OG SeanceTrolla activates, "reviving" Nate and his coarse voice to strangle RD in the name of TNA Total Non Stop Action Wrestling. On the other end a sleepy Blade is "woken up" by John Kelly, who has sources. (:50)

Only Johnny 6 is left to do the Haiku (:51) in a rather lower register of voice than usual for some reason. Perhaps he too is sleepy. Further, his theme boops and beeps that bring him in are of somewhat of a low quality this time around, most likely due to the hard work of the SeanceTrolla reviving him into undeath and NOT because RD lost the original version and asked us for a replacement copy.

No, really.

Silver Shamrock:
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.

Piper reminds you to have lots of fun trick-or-treating, and if you have any leftover/bad candy to send to Vince to poison him.



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Drive in Movie Maniacs
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  

 

• Blade's Poor Performance Excuse: Sick/tired lately

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Delivery Man, N.E.R.D., CS John Kelly
  

• Blade Time Outs:  2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Derek Quinn (3)
  
• Since the dearly departed Hot Rod is no longer with us, what wrestling personality would you like to hear Halloween safety tips from? Blade: Virgil.
  

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Everyone’s dead. Who will do the haiku?  Johnny!
  
  Happy Halloween!
  Happy happy Halloween!
  Happy Halloween!

 

267 Trunk-Or-Treat: October 30, 2017

Tastes just like it looks

68 minutes

RD found some new material of Huey's laughter.

Blade has a one year span memory. He thanks RD for his sense of "continuity". I hope it is better than Blade's chemistry knowledge and following recording schedules.

Blade is already tired from all the recent partying but the Midnight Rose is still able to give candy to children at a "Trunk-Or-Treat" at a 'vague' location. RD finds those rather concerning: "That's always like a drug deal, right?" This is Piper's cue to warn about idiots in cars. (:06)

RD is still preparing his Patreon. I assume one of the sponsorship rewards is getting a Big Announcement. (:10) He once considered having a Chinese TNA correspondent, most likely named Po Lan / Lan Po or something like that.

Also you know you're getting up there when you randomly come across an episode of the (new) TMNT and can easily recognize that the episode's villain of the week, an ancient Chinese spirit, is in fact voiced by James Hong. Then again it did also feature three (captured) goons in some very familiar attire from that movie too so...

Don took a Trip to Taco Bell and calls in to talk about it in a very energetic tone of voice. (:13) (He hadn't yet gone to the one house in the neighborhood which always provided some sort of liquor for adult trick-or-treaters.) His children made him try some pink liquid urinal cake Gatorade pink lemonade which surprisingly tasted pretty good. Blade once saw some Don branded urinal mats during his travels. RD mocks them for knowing how urinal cakes taste, despite anyone with any knowledge of non Blade-style chemistry would know that the smell and taste glands are almost very similar. You can definitely 'taste' something if it smells strongly enough.

After Don leaves with his music, Blade randomly remembers being attacked by bees while recording while drunk. Those things have to be related. He also remembers the time he saw someone use an ice cream scooper to scoop meat at another Taco Bell. He also misses old smells while he meta times out.

Sad News: RD and Blade have varying definitions of loyalty.

Also Taryn Terrell was future endeavored. (:25)

Tony Schiavone has left Starbucks, possibly to return to wrestling. RD wants David Crockett to also return to commentate with him. He also misses Halloween Havoc and all the bad mess it brought with it. Blade used to watch wrestling recorded on old EPs.

The Miz and Maryse are expecting a girl. (:35) Blade temporarily stumbles on what "kind" of baby it would be.

Blade re-listens to Piper's tips to figure out what exactly is required of a trick-or-treater.

Blade: "What do you think Tammy's dressing up as?"
RD: "Bacon and eggs." (:41)

According to Blade WWCR goes over the same material again and again. Apparently this is news. This ties into Coke Classic for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Patreon Tammy's already been on it for a month, though she hasn't updated the thing in two weeks. You can...guess...what kind of material she has to offer. RD attempts to read it in his best Jeff Foxworthy impression before he becomes strangely fixated on what's on his finger.

Blade had to go back to Facebook to find people and their Questions. (:50) Criss Rogers wants to know how much a Piper's Bunch would be. He had four children but Blade thinks it's six.

Blade would consider running The Swinging Full Nelson Podcast in honor of Ken Patera. (:55) WWE also future endeavored three wrestlers just recently. RD wants them to rehire Bill Eadie to shout-deliver future endeavors. Blade randomly interjects to mention Mickie James, as you do. To shut him up RD replays his time with Piper. (:61)

Hulk Hogan and his one-time hanging on lackey friend Ed Leslie are Twitter feuding over the latter's writing of a tell-all.

Seventeen syllables of goodness:
Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
She wants pythons not haircuts.
Struttin' and Sluttin'.

$0.50 : $30.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Drive In Movie Maniacs, WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com
• URLs not taken: 2. LiquidUrinalCakes.com, StingOnStilts.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Handing out candy to underprivileged children, ghosts, someone that was a father, pleasing, dropping (2).
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Don
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Blade Time Outs: 8 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs: 2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3

• Question of the Week from: Criss Rogers
• How many kids do you have to have to qualify for bunches of them?  More than 3 or 4.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Beefcake ain’t cutting it brother!
  Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
  She wants pythons not haircuts.
  Struttin' and Sluttin'.
  

263 Headless Centaur: October 27, 2016

Uncle Boo needs that
extra spoonful.

71 minutes

Blade is the ECW Zombie (RIP) to RD's WCW Phantom (also RIP). The former talked to their 'producers' who 'told him' to turn down his mic volume to once again become Jazz Overnight, much to the latter's delight.

RD then abruptly receives a 'certified letter' from the Trolla Corporation. Yes, an actual mailed letter. Recent budget cuts you see. (:05) They are recalling their (one) HorseTrolla 'notification device' due to mythical centaur related concerns. He doesn't believe them; they still need to do some shenanigans since April Fools after all! (Yeah that wasn't an April Fool's Joke. I had Chris Engler send that letter. I mean we did create Zombie Nathaniel. --Raging_Demons) So when it neighs up it sounds slower and fails to deliver any news. Wait, is it a news machine or a breaking down car? Of course RD dismisses the whole thing as mere happenstance, even as he tempts fate throughout by running it every now and then.

Blade: "Are we going to get on with the episode now or what?"

Then he breaks into laughter. (:11) RD then has to explain to him the concept of soaping.

RD self-shills for donations with his Nathaniel impression. Help a brother or two out? (:14) Blade repeats his idea of a pledge drive/telethon with his Stubby impression. Raging_Demons does his part to shill for this here website with his Premier Blah impression. ("I'm officially the voice of Halloween! Also if I knew I was going to be used again I would had updated it with this year's "Halloween Hootenanny on The Mike Check Show where Mike & his daughter have to survive the horror that is...Zombie Nathaniel!" --Raging_Demons)(:19) The eternal Roddy Piper provides his ever useful Halloween safety tips in his Nada impression.

Blade has yet to find some Captain Crunch Halloween Cereal, much to RD's shock. (:21) Blade wishes him a Merry Christmas, as many people preemptively do in October. As this is an election year Monster Cereals allow people to vote on their mascots. Sadly, his Boo Berry is as of this writing currently taking a huge beating from Count Chocula (though at least independent candidate Franken Berry is not posing any challenge to them both, only having Montana and its state population of 5 people to his name.). The duo agree Piper should get his own special Halloween "Please and Thank Ya" trading cards.

The FaxTrolla is still working to RD's pride. Blade wants to run cliffhangers that have no chance in Hades of working. (:33) WWE is promoting TMNT figure variations of their wrestlers superstars. RD is flabbergasted that people would want to spend $15 on them instead of supporting their site. WWE also runs some sort of 'hilarity' using zombified versions of their wre - superstars on their page using jokes from the 90's WWF magazine. RD does his Crickets impression.

RD advises Blade not to send him any Tamm related gifts. RD then has to explain to him (again) the concept of soaping. (:41) Sad News: she's in jail "forever" according to Blade's insights. RD uses it as an excuse to no longer talk about her or listen to Debbie Reynolds sing about her.

Not to be outdone, Blade uses some bad MIDI (which sounds even worse than the standard fare) to talk about Paige. RD's disgust makes Blade break into laughter. (:46) The week prior she had proposed to Alberto Del Rio in the middle of the ring. Blade compares his bad indie wrestling gimmicks to RD's bad indie wrestling gimmicks.

For some reason (and not because it's on the itinerary) Blade persuades RD to call up Jim who also seasons greetings them. (:53) He's doing all the holidays at once to save time and money. Sadly he no longer has his UWF Haunted House running. RD's laughter breaking causes Jim to also laughter break. Bob Caudle messed something up which Jim has to handle, among so many other things going wrong in his life (like hiring an extremely old man as his sole employee).

ECW Press is again wanting RD to write The Death Of TNA, and with the further shenanigans it's going through yet again and once more, he thinks of the 'wrestling' company as the perfect horror movie villain. Just when you think they're down and out they get right back up!...although in their case it's a movie villain no one wants to see. Even more than that time Jason Voorhees went into space to reenact a bad Alien rip-off. (:62)

Piper once more tells Blade to send your poisoned and razor bladed treats to Vince McMahon to transform him into Moolah. (:66)

*Play for full effect.*

Mickie James (now on NXT) confuses Blade with her appearance. This time (of course) the HorseTrolla comes to life and roves around the place (instead of floating like an apparition SHOULD be doing) wrecking havoc like a low rent Thin Man's sphere. That or RD is also playing a Shin Megami Tensei/Persona game for the first time and was caught off-guard by the series' notorious difficulty.

So here we go, Seventeen Syllables:
RD is now dead.
I did not know he was sick.
Headless HorseTrolla.

Then Blade breaks into laughter.



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right  

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 6. Trolla Corp, WrestleCrap.com, WrestleCrapRadio.com, Mike Check Show, Christmas at the Skyline Theater, Atomic Cotton T-Shirts
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Mickie James
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. Mysterious Delivery Man, Mysterious WCR Shill Guy, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Bill Cosby, Jim

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Jim
  

 

• Blade Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  1
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 7
• You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: N/A

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Entertain the folks Blade:
  RD is now dead.
  I did not know he was sick.
  Headless HorseTrolla.

255 Tee Hee Halloween: October 30, 2015

"And ya gonna say please & thank ya!"

106 minutes

RD surrounds himself with candles. Huey has yet to update his jokes.

Roddy Piper returns from the grave to warn us about staying safe at Halloween, bless him forever more. (:04)

The Royals are in the World Series (including two Reds as RD points out). To be sure I would have preferred the Blue Jays instead but I like both teams and the Royals put a stronger showing for the Championship Series anyway. Blade hates waking up early to watch the Lions and Chiefs playing in England because the NFL desperately wants Europeans (non-Americans) to watch American (non-European) football. On an unrelated note, RD's Drag Queen with a voice like Ben Vereen advises you to draft Arian Foster. I agree. (:09)

The Pit where PB keeps Raging_Demons ???

For a change, Raging Demons does this week's shilling.  (:13) To be fair he has a much better voice than I even if he is trapped in a pit like RD says he is. Perhaps he's confusing him with Dante's portrayal of Satan in the Ninth Circle of Hell...or perhaps he's confusing him with the WWCR character of Satan. (He'll be appearing later on in the progrem in case you were one of the two people who missed him.)

The Intestinal Fortitude didn't pay for this episode sadly, so RD shills his site and Archives more. Listen to the man, I implore you! Trust me, you won't regret your purchase. (You can regret listening to this radio progrem instead.)

According to RD Blade last wrote a Jobber Of The Week in 2003. He Big Announcements some more in response. (:17) They then argue on the availability of Orange Slice.

Blade did some sort of part and found some more folks to go along with him to the grocery. Sadly Eva Savelalot was not one of them. (:22)

The strangest thing the two didn't pick up on was that Mr. T also did a 1-800 Collect commercial or two - foo!, and the Pinkman, Aaron Paul, was in one of them. (He did quite a few commercials and famously appeared on a Barker era The Price Is Right before his breakout discovery by a cancer suffering high school chemistry teacher eager to break into the drug/meth business. Sadly in none of them did he call anyone bitches. He should go back and correct that now with the power of his Emmys before Vince calls him to guest host Raw.)

Anyway, Blade has some Zapps' Voodoo Potato Chips that he hands off to Don to try without even bothering to cue up his theme jingle. Sad News: when trick-or-treating with his children he does not wear his mask; although it does help fans (he has fans living nearby right?) come up to him on the street to ask him for the proper application of corn oil. Even Sadder: the chips are not malt vinegar/BBQ/rib-flavored like he thinks they are.

Danielle Harris with NOT Blade Braxton

Blade's compatriot Midnight Rose met Scream Queen Danielle Harris in a very loud place. She prefers granola much to his surprise. (:36) At that same loud place he also talked with Traci Lords who likes Lucky Charms, which currently have Hot Mask Action.

"And that's the bottom of the line,
'cause Stone Cold Austin said so!"

"Stone Cold Austin" finally has his own beer, Broken Skull IPA, which Blade is apparently already acquainted with based on how drunk he sounds. (:44) The flavor's description confuses Blade with its toxic-sounding ingredients and RD by how it describes itself as "polite".

Kurt Angle wants to teach while taking a year off after escaping TNA. That sounds like the setting for a sitcom. (:52)

Speaking of obscure, Curt Hawkins, currently in Global Force Wrestling, announces the 'debut' of one BM Punk to the company. (:55) The real BM is not happy with the news, and in constipation flushes his frustration out on RD in a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

"Old" Rosa Mendes is pregnant. (:58) So too is "feverish" ClockTrolla champion Candice Michelle. Her current child looks rather vampiric.

Tammy/Tam needs money so she's going to sell pictures of her Mexican vacation from sunnyskype8@gmail.com. The duo overthink on what she has to offer. (:65)

As if on cue Satan pays a visit. (:70) Actually it's Stan, the Evil Troll Lord now, perhaps taking a cue from Tammy trying to change her name for some reason from the last time. Also, his Tubular Bells once again sound different. Like Jim earlier he also hasn't been paid his royalties and he desperately needs his money to pay landlord God (landgod? landdiety?) for his lease in Hell. He recounts how Tammy is again feuding with people on Twitter, though it's about her looks from her youth so I have to take her side on this one.

Also on cue on cue Mike Check calls in, also wanting his royalties. (:76) Blade's usual silliness causes RD to chuckle and break character.

When he regains his composure Mike tells them about the time he was in the Salem, Massachusetts market in WTCH "The Witch". He was Johnny Boo and together with a female DJ named Ann B Love, they did Afternoon Delight with Boo B Love. (get it?!?!?!) His ensuing music drowns the sleeping RD.

Mike: "Why does RJ never talk when I'm on here?"

Blade thinks the monetary reward from Questioning (of the week) should be tax-refundable. Of course, that's for INTERNATIONAL i.e. usually NON-AMERICAN folks who don't believe in taxes (or death for that matter) so I have no idea how that would work.

Zane U Paisley (2) wants to know what wrestling shirt he should wear for jury duty. (:90) RD often wears Blade's Dungeon Of Doom shirt, especially while exercising. When Blade is not exercising once a week he wears his ECW Francine shirt that rips off Stone Cold Austin. Then he starts chuckling too.

What's this? News about Hulk Hogan that's NOT related to his racism? (:75) Someone's dug up an old WCW contract of his, and it's pretty amazing the amount of millions he received even while WCW was losing money...followed by Hogan losing his money to Linda. Blade remembers his (still on going?) creepy love for Brooke and her long legs. RD plays ZZ Top's Sleeping Bag as his answer.

Hell In A Cell was alright. Of course neither Co-Fruitcake talks about it much.

One Fun Sized Package:
Vince doesn't like blood.
Will the next pay per view be
sponsored by Tampax?



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com, Drive In Movie Maniacs
• URLs not taken: 3. Evasavealot.com, PleaseandThankYa.com, hornyonquaaludes.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Holiday jokes and wisdom, perfect guests, shocking, shocker
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 2. Ben Vereen, Eva Savealot

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 9. WrestleCrap Fantasy Football Drag Queen, Raging_Demons, Eva Savealot, Don Mason, Danielle Harris, Traci Lords, BM Punk, Stan (formerly known as Satan). Mike Check

 

• RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Blade Burps: 1
  
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 9
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WTCH The Witch (Salem, Massachusetts)
• Call Sign:  Johnny Boo
• Partner: Ann B. Love
• Show:  Afternoon Delight with Boo and B. Love
• Song:  “It's A Monsters' Holiday” by Buck Owens

 

• Question of the Week from: Zane U Paisley (2)
• I’ve been summoned for Jury duty. What pro wrestling shirt should I wear to court?  Anxiously awaiting your response. Blade: Francine 4:69 t-shirt.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Vince isn't a fan of color. SummersEveSlam?
  Vince doesn't like blood.
  Will the next pay per view be
  sponsored by Tampax?

 

201 Piper's Pit-SA: October 28, 2011

73 minutes

"Don't work for Vince Russo"?

It is once again Halloween, which gives RD & Blade ample opportunity to fluster and filibuster and fart around as per their custom. Of course they do it all the time, but more so in this case. Blade has 'morals' that he hangs on his wall. He repeats about the time he wore a Darth Maul outfit and Don Mason wore a star on his face. (:10) RD wants to be the king of the geeks nerds & poindexters. (:15) He'd be scarier than any tyrant.

:17 Piper's PSAs raise a question: Is it Thank YOU or Thank YA? Blade once received Mork & Mindy trading cards and even an action figure. Those are worse than razor apples. At King's Island RD escaped 'paying' for raisin boxes. RD's PSA: obtain some actual good candy to give out.

:27 Blade paid the Big Nippled Vampire and now has to 'schedule' her to be on their progrem. Nowadays she seems to be stuck on TMZ answering randomly awful questions. Huey is possessed by Satan. RD calls him "Son of Huey".

At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
At last we shall have our Mars bars.

:32 Lita's in a Haunted House called the Atlanta Chamber Of Horrors. Sadly it's not Jim Ross' UWF Haunted House and we don't see Abdullah The Butcher on an electric chair, so I don't really care about it much.

:38 Sunny is auctioning off her Hall Of Fame dress as the latest high priced spunk rag. Blade repeats the story of Don's blow up doll. Is it a sign of dementia if you repeat the same things over and over again without knowing it? "I am ashamed of myself" Blade admits.

:41 "Satan" calls, seeing as how it's his season. Leave Santa Claus to the commercialism of Christmas, this is his time damn it! Former old guard Madusa disagrees with Kevin Nash on WWE. I can't argue with that; no offense to the man but he did help kill off WCW after all.

Not, not sure I get the reference, there, Carl.

:46 RD once again has to go back to Facebook to answer a 'Question' from Carl Zayas. The Co-Fruitcakes do, however, somewhat 'answer' his query. I think that's the only way to get an answer from the two; send them something that is less about wrestling and more just a random non sequitur.

:52 The Honky Tonk Mailman has the 'holiday' off. So why is he spending his time on the radio progrem? That's more arduous than any work I've seen. In his neighborhood people hand out Wrestling Observers instead of candy. Even Blade is speechless. In 'today's' news Hulk Hogan is returning to TNA...three weeks ago. The Halloween Havoc '98 commemorative stamp has a free refund. (For those who don't know, WCW was so inept that they were forced to air the PPV for free the day after, thus enraging those few who had paid for it. But don't take my word for it.) RD is worried about the Colonel's regression into a baby. But does he speak in Bruce Willis' voice?

The audience also took a nap during Vengeance.

:60 Blade forgot his bicentennial popcorn bucket. 'This is why you fail," he tells himself rather circularly. The ring at the recent Vengeance PPV can support a 40-man fight but apparently not just two guys standing on top of it. Blade does his Iron Mark Tyson. (:65)

:66 RD plays Blade's recording with Piper. He's not actually on the show, and I can't blame him. He probably thought the duo would take another month to record an episode and decided to be recorded instead. He's rather contradictory in his advice this time, advising trick-or-treaters to "burn [the] lawn" of those they don't like and send unwanted and poisoned food to Vince so that he can "look like Moolah".

Blade sings again.

$1.00 ($37.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

185 Bloody Halloween: October 29, 2010

81 minutes

Blade is 'sober' again on this special Halloween, which once again involves Roddy Piper PSAs. Something involving the theme song to Over The Top.

:20 The Trip is going in circles/time loops. Quisp cereal. Swearing at restaurants. Arby's Chocolate Turnover is something BM Punk would like.

RD breaks the cycle and knocks on the door so Popeye can visit, playing his theme music on speakerphone. (:26) He brings his 'nephews' Huey, Dewie and Louie, Pimpeye, Peepeye and Poopeye who sound like Jake Lloyd Jr, for trick or treating. Blade doesn't give them anything as they didn't follow Roddy's rules. "If you're old enough to knock up a woman, you're too old to be knocking on doors on Halloween," says he. "And make sure whenever you knock up that woman, you say please and thank ya!" adds RD.

:32 RD wants you to Sit Down For WrestleCrap. The Great Khali is appearing in the Indian variant of Big Brother because 'his wife wanted him to'. The show is named Big Boss for some reason, but unfortunately I don't believe David Hayter would be involved in any capacity with it. Meanwhile the Boogeyman is now calling himself Slither. Blade yawns.

:38 For some reason Satan, i.e. the Devil, calls in, fully prepared with the theme to The Exorcist. Dirty Dutch Mantell is talking smack on his Facebook page. Wait, he has a Facebook page? This 'Devil' has more important things to do, like laugh evilly at his favorite team New Jersey for burning $100 million dollars on Ilya Kovulchuk, so he randomly says 'I'm leaving now' and uses the midi Star Trek TNG music to disappear. I wonder, could he be... RD once again calls the show incomprehensible.

Sad News to Blade: the original Centaur Jenna Van Oy has recently married. Our current Centaur looked great on TNA, according to Blade's nonsense rapping. She's also going to be 'auctioned' for charity like some kind of prop. For some reason Blade wants to win the auction with a roofie, if he doesn't pull a Don Mason and take it himself before hand of course.

:50 Jim Ross calls in. Angered by legends shows done by other wrestlers, and the failure of his lawn mowing BBQ business, he decides to make his own UWF Haunted House. Featuring Sting as the Invisible Man! Of course, he can only attract one customer with his $200 fee. (Was it Steve Williams?)

:60 Ultimate Kennedy (10) asks about the perfect employee smell. Blade says tuna.

SPEAKING OF employees John Kelly calls, on track to break the TNA Corresponding record. Of course there's a problem, as Blade's street has suddenly transformed into a stock car racetrack. After we learn that Katie Lee Burchill will appear on TNA as Winter, J.K. gives everyone a near scare when he gets hit by a Pontiac (driven by the Devil, one would wonder) [The Devil can't play a fiddle. What chance does he have to drive a stick shift? - Clarence]. Thankfully he manages to evade becoming his own crime scene by doing a Starsky and Hutch style dodge over the car roof.

:69 RD and Blade make fun of the foolish wrestling community for thinking that the Undertaker would brawl with Brock Lesnar while watching him at an MMA match. Huey has a laughing fit at this. Voters in Connecticut are (finally? I guess) allowed to wear WWE shirts while at the booths. I don't really get it either.

Laying down Seventeen Syllables to get us out of it:
Wrestling shirts at polls.
Why Vince sued Connecticut.
Linda still won't win.

160 Trick or Tonic: October 30, 2009

93 minutes

After a month (!!!) of inaction, WrestleCrap Radio returns from beyond the grave. For a moment I thought we were back in 2006 again. Wait, what am I saying? The show always feels like it's in 2006.

RD has "so much to talk about", i.e. nothing at all, but he does have some bottle of tonic delivered to him, adorned with Papa Shongo's visage. Blade gets to randomly sing early in response, but he also 'coincidentally' has a bottle of his own.

RD: "I don't like where this is going."

You don't say.

The bravely bold Damien Demento gets a Hit on his Scatter roll with a fresh barrage of attacks against his usual targets. (:07) Blade prepares against him with a Rocky IV montage with the help of Stubby and a masked Don...Don Mason who train him in Siberia, Kansas, which quickly gets its own remix. Blade thus challenges him again to a boxing match, but Double D instead thinks of them as playing for the opposing team and sends Gay Popeye against them for more random talk. Does RD secretly have erotic feelings for Demento? How would that even work?

Popeye also has his own bottle of tonic, and thinking it will cure his erectile dysfunction problems takes a sip. (:13) A random horror movie sound bite plays and he reverts to his 1930's persona, strangely wanting to open his can of spinach in Olive Oyl instead of the usual Bluto. This desire soon fades with some tinkling of piano keys and he returns to his homosexual senses to see Bluto waiting for him as he always does.

RD: "That was very very strange."

But back to Demento, who instead challenges the Co-Fruitcakes to a sing-off. He will sing the Underdog cartoon theme song. RD falls back to randomly singing to his Dr. Feelgood MIDI. Blade wants to dress up as Mickie James on Halloween to annoy people and indirectly be allowed to have sex with the Diva. Whatever you say, Mr. Brakestown.

Blade: Halloween Cap'n Crunch turns the milk green.

RD didn't take a TRIP to the Grocery (:22) but went to a Chicago pinball Expo instead during the hiatus. He saw a Playboy pinball machine there with a woman stripping naked for your amusement, and some peep show machine where the ball gets stuck and its players have to have sex with it as a result. Also some machine that appeared in a Jodie Foster movie was sold for only $200, and no one knows if John Hinkley was the successful bidder. Blade meanwhile had an encounter with a child molester in a library bathroom. Good time for PSA Roddy Piper to make his return! (:32) But not even he can help Blade's latest trashbagging story (complete with Sad News music). He is forced to take a dump in a tight bathroom and finds himself trapped inside with his bag. (That sounds like a modern horror movie.) He's compelled to apologize for some reason. He also promises to one day tell his 'favorite' trashbagging story involving a co-worker named Reuben.

Obscure News shambles along. (:38) Amy Weber gets confused with the concept of kayfabe as she was asked about why she left the WWE. Blade had a dream about how nice she was. Over in Japan Rene Dupree wants Shane McMahon to come over from leaving the company. RD mocks his thinking.

The HorseTrolla neighs (:45) causing Blade to hit himself in the nutsack, revealing that Mickie James was sent to Smackdown as some sort of 'punishment' for her weight. This makes Blade happy as he can make more sex jokes now. RD tries to caution him, wondering what's gotten into him for some reason that's only needed to further today's plot. Following their itinerary this makes Blade decide to tap into his tonic. (:49) Sadly the only thing it does is regress him into 2005 Blade by calming his earthly desires and make him think more inwardly. Bah! Where's Popeye where you need him? This lasts three minutes before he returns to normal as he tries to contain his quiet laughter.

Question of the Week. (:53) Charles has some rapid fire questions for the duo. RD shares my love for Coca-Cola, Picard and Mike Nelson. The last question: Nathaniel or Mike Check? This activates the SeanceTrolla sound effect. (:58) Sure enough, our favorite WWCR DJ comes on to scare Blade, particularly as he's somehow managed to hack into the contraption somehow. Remember, he's only pretending to be dead to escape John Thomas' clutches. He's having fun up in 'Heaven' but is somewhat weary of Wolfman Jack, who once thought he was infringing on him as Wolfman Mike while at Salem Winston's WBOO "Boo 92". Did he ever tell you about the time he was also at San Bernadino's KHIP "Hip 106" as Bob Salad in the Soup & Salad Musical Buffet? And now here's the McCoys here on the WHACKER!

RD: "What else could go wrong on this show?"

Time for Johnny 4 to show him, that's what. (:68) He plays the Atari ET game theme to again remind us how much he's supposed to be terrible, or at least what the two want us to think about him. I think he's just cute. "Nothing but the finest news!" we're told, as J4 tells us; Hogan and Bischoff are on TNA. This gives RD a dangerous idea to feed his robot companion some of the tonic, which he gladly does. The resulting (glowing) '08 era automaton now talks like Nathaniel as the G-Man of Half-Life, giving actual TNA news like some sort of AI narrator for a wrestling documentary. "Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha." Then he returns to normal and flops on the floor.

Current News. (:73) Jim Ross is still boldly battling his Bell's Palsy, but he still has time to call into the show. He says he faked the disease so he can take time off, even taking the time to glue his face to make it look more believable. Unfortunately his attempts to relax are constantly interrupted by well wishes in the mail and searches for royalty checks. He still hasn't gotten closer to his wife though, and gets paranoid about Johnny Ace circulating around his restaurant like a vulture. But he decides to take a test of his own tonic (of course they miss the obvious joke of trying to persuade him that its barbecue sauce). (:82) Sure enough he temporarily morphs into the 'original' '08 Jim Ross. Of course this doesn't last long.

RD: "It's like an alternate universe WrestleCrap Radio."

Cyndi Lauper and Maria are contestants on The Celebrity Apprentice. (:86) Unfortunately they can't do anything to stop the ending of the selling of WWE Ice Cream Bars. Blade always loved to eat Miss Elizabeth.

Seventeen Syllables on Damien Demento:
Demento's pissed off.
He's challenged me and RD.
Don't bring it, sing it?

Happy Halloween all.

124 Weird Seance: October 24, 2008

The Big Annual Halloween Episode
85 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

Halloween arrives a week early at WrestleCrap HQ, with new writings to make up for the lack of an update for the following week.

If you see this thing on your doorstep,
it's Blade, and he is about to rob you.

Roddy Piper PSAs return (:03) Blade wonders on the man's virility, and then waxes nostalgic on lurking molesters. He also considers dressing up as Darth Maul for the big day. (:09) Discussion is made of wearing the costume of Village People's Leather Man. (:10) Blade wore a Darth Maul cape to play a prank on his sister (:14) RD may be Magnum P.I. Talk is made of a new induction (Diva Halloween.)

Chris Engler of the Trolla Corporation has sent RD yet another gift (:16) which turns out to be a crystal ball. (An actual ball I mean, it's not an euphemism or anything) This is the SeanceTrolla, used for talking to the deceased. Expect a MySpace page of it up shortly. Don...Don Mason made a Freddy vs. Jason movie with Blade featuring stunt doubles, which is also one of the new inductions (:22) Much talk is made about it.

The SeanceTrolla activates making loud stock footage noises (:26) and when it finally calms down we hear the voice of Stubby. Gosh, it's almost like he's there (voiced by Blade)! Everyone misses him of course, and even his laugh track makes a return. He doesn't like it in death but at least he doesn't have Blade's hand up his ass. Blade fondly remembers him for "your jokes throughout the five episodes you were on." He says his trademark lines and his theme music takes him out. Blade and RD wonder on the "Supernatural apparatus" and "Evil presence" involved with their new 'device'.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery World Food Aisle - After discussion of weird trick or treat items, RD tries Aero Bars (:38) and sings some Aerosmith. His verdict: gritty like sandpaper (Blade's eaten sandpaper and liked it), but RD doesn't like it due to the holes inside it from 'ants'. Its SUPPOSED to be that way!

The SeanceTrolla flares up again (:42); this time fallen cricket Jermaine chirps. RD understands him like Luke Skywalker does with R2-D2. RD looks for the (remaining and living) crickets to converse to Jermaine through their own chirps, Blade recommends drawing them with a bad joke. RD: "This is the most fascinating segment ever." According to Blade we're listening to yet another Jump-The-Shark episode. Wouldn't it make more sense for this to be a Hop-The-Cricket instead?

The FaxTrolla (:47) has ONE piece of news website: Who is the WCW Halloween Phantom? The only thing we know of him is that he has a mustache. Perhaps he's actually Leather Man of the Village People?

The SeanceTrolla activates (:53) temporarily changing the music to that of Fantasy Booking Island. Mr Roarke and Tattoo make cameo appearances before they return to...

Ze Astral Plane! Ze Astral Plane!

(Sometimes the two make my job easy.)

The Question Statement of the Week from Jared (:55) activates the SeanceTrolla again to bring up a vision of the Dusty Rhodes book. Blade thinks it died of a broken heart. Mention is made of RD's Jared shoot video.  Today's submitter listens to WCR only while high but sadly does not win any award or prize for it. Now if he were listening to it while high and having sex, then we would have a winner.

'Nathaniel' calls (:59) 'His' theme music is thought of as a bad Trolla byproduct. Amid all the usual nonsense of 'his' fast talking: TNA in HD? The SeanceTrolla thankfully stops 'him' after just 3 minutes. (:62) Blade wants Mrs. Deal to kill Nathaniel with the help of a PayPal account. The SeanceTrolla clears into Johnny 6, held together with duct tape. Blade misses him like a long lost lover. "I. Am. Happier. Dead. Than. Watching. T. N. A. Leave. Me. Alone," Johnny says before he rolls away. Perhaps they should have called it the Reanimating Old Segments (ROS) Trolla?

Jim Ross spends some time to call in (:68). He's angry on not being invited to Raw's 800th show, most likely to do with his palsy face. He swears at Blade while doing so.

Music-less (still) Current Wrestling News (:72) Scant mentioning is made of the first episode of Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling. One hit wonder Tiffany was knocked out in the first round, probably due to her wearing granny panties. Blade suggests her only hit song for a theme. YouTubing of that song occurs. (Your usual commentary here.)

Blade's Moment of Seventeen Syllables:
Tiffany got cut.
What could have been beautiful?
More granny panties.

Blade thus gets a good idea of a good costume: Tiffany's granny panties. Coming soon to a cinema near you: Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Tiffany!

081 Halloween comes to Froggertown: October 26, 2007

Halloween Sing-Off with Roddy Piper
(78 minutes)

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper's Halloween tips are interspersed through the show.

People did not like the induction of the The Pirate for some reason. The Co-Hosts make fun of them for some reason.

Blade's "Katie Vick Fan Club" sign was confiscated by WWE security. He also had an army of youngsters. (:18)

Obscure Wrestling News: Lillian Garcia's album sold 3800 units. (:32) Blade goes to a strip stadium. Horsetrolla: Mickie James broke up with Kenny Dykstra. (:41) RD wants Blade to put toy heads on his penis.

Question of the Week from Seth Drakin (3): Khali's treats and tricks. (:46)

Monster Bash. RD will attend a Pinball Expo. RD vs Blade in a Karaoke candy battle. (:52 - :59) Piper has his tips in response.

DDP and Kimberly's cat is missing. DH Smith debuted in WWE. Candice Michelle broke her collarbone in a match. (:71)

Seventeen Syllables of Halloween Joy:
Happy Halloween.
Don't trick or treat in Piper's
hood or you will die.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• The Trick to my Treat, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, Pinball Expo
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Brother, Vietnam, strippers, snatches, such things and wanting to wipe yourself down, that, like a duck, The Great Khali, terrible, good times
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Frogger, Secretariat
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 9.5
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 3
• Cricket Chirps: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Funk Sock Muzak: 1
• Zombie Growls: 1
  
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 3
  

• Question of the Week from: Seth Drakin (3)
  
• During a backstage segment where Khali was going on one of his nonsensical rants I believe one of the words he said was, quote, "candy". So my question is: if the Great Khali went trick-or-treating, what kind of treat would you give Khali, or would you rather get one of his tricks? Candy.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Happy Halloween.
  Don't trick or treat in Piper's
  hood or you will die.

044 What If...Corporal Kirchner was still alive?: November 3, 2006

What If...Corporal Kirchner was still alive?
(80 minutes)

Sad News: Corporal Kirchner died, according to WWE dot com.

Weird World of Wrestling has returned. Tease Club. RD doesn't like strip clubs because he was made fun of at one. (:12) RD talks about males being undressed at strip clubs. Blade remembers when his girlfriend called him for some random pictures of a wrestler she found on his computer.

In December, Rewriting the Book will debut. Jed Shaffer is on the phone to talk about it. (:20)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:31): RD plopped some ice cream in someone's bag. Fun-sized bars are not fun. Blade looks like a hobo. RD was Magnum PI this Halloween, complete with glue-on mustache.

SERVED IN VIETNAM AT THE AGE OF -8

Obscure Wrestling News (:41): 30000 dumb people have bought Brooke Hogan's CD. Egomania is heritable. Among their releases (:47) WWE will release a Rey Mysterio Jr DVD called the Biggest Little Man. WWE will release a Wrestling's Greatest Families DVD. Vampiro will release a DVD about Vampiro.  [... in Canada.]

Mail Bag: Daisy Tweeter (WrestleCrap Listener #25) makes a Batista pun. (:53) Zack Gator wants Vickie Guerrero to appear in Playboy. (:55) RD explains James from Kentucky, who wants Vince's phone number. (:57)

RD's favorite wrestling show is now TNA. (:59) Vince Russo's Invitational Inverted Battle Royal: 15 men try to climb in, 7 men throw 5 out, and then a one on one match. The Boogeyman has returned.

Blade hit the bottle because Lita may leave WWE. (:67)

Corporal Kirchner calls "you horse's ass". He sounds an awful lot like John Thomas. (:70)

Corporal Kirchner's All American Haiku:
I'm Corporal Kirchner.
I'm fucking alive, not dead.
My career's dead. AAAHHHHH.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Mike Von Erich to my Fritz Von Erich, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Madison Carter
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Websites hosted by Global Internet, awesome guys, you being the man, wetting yourselves in joy, insecure, that, Hulk Hogan’s money
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. E.T. The Extraterrestrial on the Atari 2600
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Jed Shaffer, Corporal Kirchner

 

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade (3), Corporal Kirchner

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 1

• Mailbag
• Daisy Tweeter: Hello RD and Blade, WrestleCrap Radio Listener #25 here. My question is: since Batista is known as the Animal, and is currently doinking Rebecca DiPietro, does that mean she is in Batistiality? No need to answer.
  
• Zack Gator: Should Vickie Guerrero be the next WWE Diva to do Playboy? Blade subscribes to Plump magazine.
  
• James from Kentucky: Do you have Vince McMahon's home number? Because I keep phoning his office and he doesn't return my calls. P.S. could you say hi to my friend Alex in Puerto Rico? Hello Alex.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Corporal Kirchner's All American Haiku: Corporal Kirchner fills in after murdering Sergeant Haiku Blade.
  I'm Corporal Kirchner.
  I'm fucking alive, not dead.
  My career's dead. AAAHHHHH.
  

010 Cookie Crisp Christmas Crap Radio: October 28, 2005

"This may not be the show for you."
((( recorded in medium phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (32 minutes)

Blade is willing to shave his beard off if it would garner more listeners.

Bumper Stumpers sucked. RD's Weekly Trip to the Grocery: he and Blade hate Cookie Crisp. The new King Vitamin character is even more creepy. Blade doesn't hand out Halloween candy, preferring to horde it all himself. RD liked C. Thomas Howell's Soul Man.

Obscure Wrestling News now has an intro sound effect and Blade hates it. April Hunter was upset about something about Tammy Sytch being upset about something. Ricky Morton owes almost $75,000 in child support payments. Perhaps YOU can help pay it off at helprickymorton.org. Robert Gibson could sell his glass eye and shoulder battery to help Ricky Morton who's still in jail. I guess. [These early shows are very short on actual jokes.]

[This is also the first mention of the Uncharismatic Enigma that will come to be known to WrestleCrappers around the world as Don...Don Mason. - Future PB]

I'M GONNA KILL THE
FUCK OUT OF THIS SNOW GLOBE!!

Question of the Week from Outback Jack: Bobby Lashley resembles Ahmed Johnson. Apparently, in the past, wrestlers, such as Ahmed Johnson, have asked Vince McMahon for more money based on their ranking on PWI's made-up top 500 wrestlers list. I don't know if anyone would have understood him with his mushy-mouthed voice though.

This week in late October, Spike TV premiered Santa's Slay, a movie in which Goldberg plays a murderous Santa. Blade saw it. The only thing he really remembers about it was that Chris Kattan starred in it.

RD doesn't know if Teddy Long treats midgets more like unruly children or like dogs. Jim Ross' alleged ass had many things stuck in it, and they're all available at the WWE ShopZone.

Evil Halloween Haiku:
JR's battered ass.
That was so painful. My poor
eyes felt sodomized.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Frenchy Martin to my Dino Bravo, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Halloween costumes (2), obscure, things getting worse, bootleg Creature From the Black Lagoon mask, Santa Claus
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Bumper Stumpers, Press Your Luck, Linda Blair
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

 

• Blade Burps: 2
  

 

• Tammy Sytch references:  6

• Debut: FaxTrolla
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Outback Jack
  
• Since Bobby Lashley is being pushed as a new Ahmed Johnson, do you think he'll try and convince them to give him a title shot based on his rankings in PWI Magazine? No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Haunted Edition:
  JR's battered ass.
  That was so painful. My poor
  eyes felt sodomized.