Episode 24: Holy Rack!: January 16, 2022

Give 'Em the Axe
March 31, 1966
"Taking advantage of the Riddler's mistaken belief that they were killed escaping his deathtrap, the Dynamic Duo must stop the villain from stealing a treasure of Incan jewels that would mean destroying an archaeological treasure as well."
80 minutes

"RD is Hualpo Cuisi's Long Lost Bro" perhaps through Uncle Burt. He's happy because Stern Pinball has announced a Rush pinball table, which looks as beautiful as a Red Barchetta. (If I had to buy a Stern it would be between that and their Iron Maiden, even if it has yet to include a Pinball Eddie.) While he prefers heavier musical fare, he at first thought the playfield artwork of the trio made them look like Spinal Tap. (If that was the case, wouldn't it then be actual Stonehenge size?) His observation on Twitter caught the attention of Harry Shearer. Vince gives him boos for not then trying to get him on their video progrem.

RD could regale Vince for hours with his pinball knowledge, including former challenger Williams thinking a table based on Star Wars Episode I would be a best-seller. (I wonder if Blade ever played it.)

RD is wearing a Japanese Batman movie shirt. He knows the word Ichiban means 'number one' from his time watching WWF and their commercials for Ichiban Confections ("First in smiles!").

Vince worked in the same ring with Hulk Hogan and never had any real trouble with him, hair issues notwithstanding, yet he wonders why he keeps getting into trouble online. (:15) RD leaves it to habitual human nature if not just apathy. He compares him to WWE Hall of Famer Pete Rose ruining his chances by not apologizing when he should have. And also Paul Bunyan.

SPEAKING OF Paul Bunyan, the Narrator summarizes the previous day's Bat-adventure. (:24) Vince somehow still remembers the original showings of Wednesday and Thursday at 7:30. The Bros trade applause. RD does not remember Riddler having to wear a girdle. "RD Needs A Girdle More Than Frank Gorshin", he wanted to title himself but couldn't due to lack of space. Vince thinks it's a back brace to support his raucous laughter. 

Batman: "Remember Riddler, you can't buy friends with money."
Riddler: "With money, who needs friends?"

Moth gives theatrical coughs so she and Riddler have to vacate the room to watch through their "candlescope" periscope. They leave Batman to sweat his armpits in the heat. He guesses that some listed ingredients of sodium dichromate and potassium ferrocyanide are to create candle wicks that are "highly explosive when exposed to heat". RD wonders what used an explosive candle would be. In this case Batman twists slightly so his "highly polished" belt buckle can reflect sunlight into the chemicals to cause an explosion and free them, rather than just killing them, though it does knock them out. 

Riddler sees bodies and shows his happiness through emotional whisper without actually checking on their status in person. He then calls Gordon to gloat and give a riddle before leaving for the Blue Van: "A crime is no fun without riddles. I'll have you know that's the main reason I took up this crime game." The Duo wait for him to leave before taking back the Batmobile to call Gordon that they're feeling better. RD wonders how they would fix whatever damage Riddler caused. 

Gordon: "Who is this?"
Batman: "Why? This is Batman! Your Caped Crusader!"

They figure out Riddler is going after an nonoperational lion fountain. The Bros find it confusing. 

At the Gotham City Museum (:46) the Riddler and his goons determine their Incan treasure is in the sarcophagus of emperor Hualpo Cuisi. Goon: "Boss, I don't even know what an esophagus is." Riddler and Moth then find themselves in a basement of medieval torture devices (SPEAKING OF Iron Maiden). The Duo park in a no-parking spot and determine that the sarcophagus and treasure must be kept air-tight or it will disintegrate. Billionaire Batman wonders why he would do this for a "mere" million dollars.

As the door is locked and Batman and his stunt double can't fit into a third-floor hole (or just break in lawfully), Robin volunteers to enter. Vince wonders why he was straining to walk up the wall by himself. RD: "Maybe he feels more empowered when Batman's in the rear." 

Robin immediately loses a fight, and is brought before the Riddler. He orders the goons to put the "pernicious pipsqueak" on a rack. Batman calls Gordon for backup before he deploys the Bat-ram barstool to break down an easily opened door.

Finding the sarcophagus Riddler notably pants as he prepares the wax, only to be stopped by a Bat-shadow.
Riddler: "You lied to me, Boy Wonder!"
Batman: "A little white lie is excusable when dealing with the likes of you, you black-hearted scoundrel!"
Cue another fight, though it's so easily fought that West actually involves himself in it. To cover them Riddler picks up a sword and makes his own "SWOOSH!" cut-ins by his swinging. This does not stop the Dark Knight who puts him on the spinning wheel of death. Riddler: "Ow! Oh! Ow! Batman! That smarts!" He goes to relieve Robin. "One of Aunt Harriet's good nourishing meals will set everything right again," he declares loudly. 

As O'Hara arrives (late, most likely to the bar; he lies by saying they accidentally went to the wax museum) Riddler's stunt double is clearly seen on a motionless wheel. RD thinks his stunt double was the same one for erect Robin. Moth pleads for forgiveness. Batman: "Unfortunately you learned your lesson too late, Moth. A moth that plays around candles is bound to be burned." Riddler: "You may have won the battle...but the war isn't over yet!" 

At the museum which looks suspiciously like Stately Wayne Manor, bra-ed Aunt Harriet joins Bruce and Dick looking at the sarcophagus. Dick decides to write about it for school.
Bruce: "Yes, most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incans. Very few appreciate that they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now when I eat mashed potatoes, I for one will think of the Incas!"
Aunt Harriet notes the integrity of the sarcophagus.
Bruce: "The old boy nearly didn't make it! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."

RD thinks the first half was much better than the second. Vince likes the plot's simplicity. 

RD has an actual Gooker trophy even if the statue is just a regular turkey. (:69) He runs down the list for Vince. He voted for WWE's "attempts" at movie tie-ins.Vince would also if he had voted. 

RD entertains the people while Vince finds his McFarlane Batcave box set that he got for Christmas.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [3] (Frank Gorshin) [3]
  

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 4. The Machines, Japanese, lying, Paul Bunyan
  
• Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD
  
• Blue Van: 1
• Entertain The People: 1
  

 

267 Trunk-Or-Treat: October 30, 2017

Tastes just like it looks

68 minutes

RD found some new material of Huey's laughter.

Blade has a one year span memory. He thanks RD for his sense of "continuity". I hope it is better than Blade's chemistry knowledge and following recording schedules.

Blade is already tired from all the recent partying but the Midnight Rose is still able to give candy to children at a "Trunk-Or-Treat" at a 'vague' location. RD finds those rather concerning: "That's always like a drug deal, right?" This is Piper's cue to warn about idiots in cars. (:06)

RD is still preparing his Patreon. I assume one of the sponsorship rewards is getting a Big Announcement. (:10) He once considered having a Chinese TNA correspondent, most likely named Po Lan / Lan Po or something like that.

Also you know you're getting up there when you randomly come across an episode of the (new) TMNT and can easily recognize that the episode's villain of the week, an ancient Chinese spirit, is in fact voiced by James Hong. Then again it did also feature three (captured) goons in some very familiar attire from that movie too so...

Don took a Trip to Taco Bell and calls in to talk about it in a very energetic tone of voice. (:13) (He hadn't yet gone to the one house in the neighborhood which always provided some sort of liquor for adult trick-or-treaters.) His children made him try some pink liquid urinal cake Gatorade pink lemonade which surprisingly tasted pretty good. Blade once saw some Don branded urinal mats during his travels. RD mocks them for knowing how urinal cakes taste, despite anyone with any knowledge of non Blade-style chemistry would know that the smell and taste glands are almost very similar. You can definitely 'taste' something if it smells strongly enough.

After Don leaves with his music, Blade randomly remembers being attacked by bees while recording while drunk. Those things have to be related. He also remembers the time he saw someone use an ice cream scooper to scoop meat at another Taco Bell. He also misses old smells while he meta times out.

Sad News: RD and Blade have varying definitions of loyalty.

Also Taryn Terrell was future endeavored. (:25)

Tony Schiavone has left Starbucks, possibly to return to wrestling. RD wants David Crockett to also return to commentate with him. He also misses Halloween Havoc and all the bad mess it brought with it. Blade used to watch wrestling recorded on old EPs.

The Miz and Maryse are expecting a girl. (:35) Blade temporarily stumbles on what "kind" of baby it would be.

Blade re-listens to Piper's tips to figure out what exactly is required of a trick-or-treater.

Blade: "What do you think Tammy's dressing up as?"
RD: "Bacon and eggs." (:41)

According to Blade WWCR goes over the same material again and again. Apparently this is news. This ties into Coke Classic for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Patreon Tammy's already been on it for a month, though she hasn't updated the thing in two weeks. You can...guess...what kind of material she has to offer. RD attempts to read it in his best Jeff Foxworthy impression before he becomes strangely fixated on what's on his finger.

Blade had to go back to Facebook to find people and their Questions. (:50) Criss Rogers wants to know how much a Piper's Bunch would be. He had four children but Blade thinks it's six.

Blade would consider running The Swinging Full Nelson Podcast in honor of Ken Patera. (:55) WWE also future endeavored three wrestlers just recently. RD wants them to rehire Bill Eadie to shout-deliver future endeavors. Blade randomly interjects to mention Mickie James, as you do. To shut him up RD replays his time with Piper. (:61)

Hulk Hogan and his one-time hanging on lackey friend Ed Leslie are Twitter feuding over the latter's writing of a tell-all.

Seventeen syllables of goodness:
Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
She wants pythons not haircuts.
Struttin' and Sluttin'.

$0.50 : $30.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Drive In Movie Maniacs, WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com
• URLs not taken: 2. LiquidUrinalCakes.com, StingOnStilts.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Handing out candy to underprivileged children, ghosts, someone that was a father, pleasing, dropping (2).
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Don
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Blade Time Outs: 8 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs: 2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3

• Question of the Week from: Criss Rogers
• How many kids do you have to have to qualify for bunches of them?  More than 3 or 4.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Beefcake ain’t cutting it brother!
  Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
  She wants pythons not haircuts.
  Struttin' and Sluttin'.
  

255 Tee Hee Halloween: October 30, 2015

"And ya gonna say please & thank ya!"

106 minutes

RD surrounds himself with candles. Huey has yet to update his jokes.

Roddy Piper returns from the grave to warn us about staying safe at Halloween, bless him forever more. (:04)

The Royals are in the World Series (including two Reds as RD points out). To be sure I would have preferred the Blue Jays instead but I like both teams and the Royals put a stronger showing for the Championship Series anyway. Blade hates waking up early to watch the Lions and Chiefs playing in England because the NFL desperately wants Europeans (non-Americans) to watch American (non-European) football. On an unrelated note, RD's Drag Queen with a voice like Ben Vereen advises you to draft Arian Foster. I agree. (:09)

The Pit where PB keeps Raging_Demons ???

For a change, Raging Demons does this week's shilling.  (:13) To be fair he has a much better voice than I even if he is trapped in a pit like RD says he is. Perhaps he's confusing him with Dante's portrayal of Satan in the Ninth Circle of Hell...or perhaps he's confusing him with the WWCR character of Satan. (He'll be appearing later on in the progrem in case you were one of the two people who missed him.)

The Intestinal Fortitude didn't pay for this episode sadly, so RD shills his site and Archives more. Listen to the man, I implore you! Trust me, you won't regret your purchase. (You can regret listening to this radio progrem instead.)

According to RD Blade last wrote a Jobber Of The Week in 2003. He Big Announcements some more in response. (:17) They then argue on the availability of Orange Slice.

Blade did some sort of part and found some more folks to go along with him to the grocery. Sadly Eva Savelalot was not one of them. (:22)

The strangest thing the two didn't pick up on was that Mr. T also did a 1-800 Collect commercial or two - foo!, and the Pinkman, Aaron Paul, was in one of them. (He did quite a few commercials and famously appeared on a Barker era The Price Is Right before his breakout discovery by a cancer suffering high school chemistry teacher eager to break into the drug/meth business. Sadly in none of them did he call anyone bitches. He should go back and correct that now with the power of his Emmys before Vince calls him to guest host Raw.)

Anyway, Blade has some Zapps' Voodoo Potato Chips that he hands off to Don to try without even bothering to cue up his theme jingle. Sad News: when trick-or-treating with his children he does not wear his mask; although it does help fans (he has fans living nearby right?) come up to him on the street to ask him for the proper application of corn oil. Even Sadder: the chips are not malt vinegar/BBQ/rib-flavored like he thinks they are.

Danielle Harris with NOT Blade Braxton

Blade's compatriot Midnight Rose met Scream Queen Danielle Harris in a very loud place. She prefers granola much to his surprise. (:36) At that same loud place he also talked with Traci Lords who likes Lucky Charms, which currently have Hot Mask Action.

"And that's the bottom of the line,
'cause Stone Cold Austin said so!"

"Stone Cold Austin" finally has his own beer, Broken Skull IPA, which Blade is apparently already acquainted with based on how drunk he sounds. (:44) The flavor's description confuses Blade with its toxic-sounding ingredients and RD by how it describes itself as "polite".

Kurt Angle wants to teach while taking a year off after escaping TNA. That sounds like the setting for a sitcom. (:52)

Speaking of obscure, Curt Hawkins, currently in Global Force Wrestling, announces the 'debut' of one BM Punk to the company. (:55) The real BM is not happy with the news, and in constipation flushes his frustration out on RD in a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

"Old" Rosa Mendes is pregnant. (:58) So too is "feverish" ClockTrolla champion Candice Michelle. Her current child looks rather vampiric.

Tammy/Tam needs money so she's going to sell pictures of her Mexican vacation from sunnyskype8@gmail.com. The duo overthink on what she has to offer. (:65)

As if on cue Satan pays a visit. (:70) Actually it's Stan, the Evil Troll Lord now, perhaps taking a cue from Tammy trying to change her name for some reason from the last time. Also, his Tubular Bells once again sound different. Like Jim earlier he also hasn't been paid his royalties and he desperately needs his money to pay landlord God (landgod? landdiety?) for his lease in Hell. He recounts how Tammy is again feuding with people on Twitter, though it's about her looks from her youth so I have to take her side on this one.

Also on cue on cue Mike Check calls in, also wanting his royalties. (:76) Blade's usual silliness causes RD to chuckle and break character.

When he regains his composure Mike tells them about the time he was in the Salem, Massachusetts market in WTCH "The Witch". He was Johnny Boo and together with a female DJ named Ann B Love, they did Afternoon Delight with Boo B Love. (get it?!?!?!) His ensuing music drowns the sleeping RD.

Mike: "Why does RJ never talk when I'm on here?"

Blade thinks the monetary reward from Questioning (of the week) should be tax-refundable. Of course, that's for INTERNATIONAL i.e. usually NON-AMERICAN folks who don't believe in taxes (or death for that matter) so I have no idea how that would work.

Zane U Paisley (2) wants to know what wrestling shirt he should wear for jury duty. (:90) RD often wears Blade's Dungeon Of Doom shirt, especially while exercising. When Blade is not exercising once a week he wears his ECW Francine shirt that rips off Stone Cold Austin. Then he starts chuckling too.

What's this? News about Hulk Hogan that's NOT related to his racism? (:75) Someone's dug up an old WCW contract of his, and it's pretty amazing the amount of millions he received even while WCW was losing money...followed by Hogan losing his money to Linda. Blade remembers his (still on going?) creepy love for Brooke and her long legs. RD plays ZZ Top's Sleeping Bag as his answer.

Hell In A Cell was alright. Of course neither Co-Fruitcake talks about it much.

One Fun Sized Package:
Vince doesn't like blood.
Will the next pay per view be
sponsored by Tampax?



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com, Drive In Movie Maniacs
• URLs not taken: 3. Evasavealot.com, PleaseandThankYa.com, hornyonquaaludes.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Holiday jokes and wisdom, perfect guests, shocking, shocker
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 2. Ben Vereen, Eva Savealot

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 9. WrestleCrap Fantasy Football Drag Queen, Raging_Demons, Eva Savealot, Don Mason, Danielle Harris, Traci Lords, BM Punk, Stan (formerly known as Satan). Mike Check

 

• RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Blade Burps: 1
  
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 9
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WTCH The Witch (Salem, Massachusetts)
• Call Sign:  Johnny Boo
• Partner: Ann B. Love
• Show:  Afternoon Delight with Boo and B. Love
• Song:  “It's A Monsters' Holiday” by Buck Owens

 

• Question of the Week from: Zane U Paisley (2)
• I’ve been summoned for Jury duty. What pro wrestling shirt should I wear to court?  Anxiously awaiting your response. Blade: Francine 4:69 t-shirt.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Vince isn't a fan of color. SummersEveSlam?
  Vince doesn't like blood.
  Will the next pay per view be
  sponsored by Tampax?

 

Episode 38: The War Of Dan Spivey: July 27, 2015

This episode summarized using "onomatopoeia":

BANG!  Ewwwwwwww!  Whooo!  Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk!

75 minutes

((( Recorded in echoing fidelity in RD's kitchen )))

RD is watching a (Leaping) Lanny Poffo match for some reason. 

Blade once traded some tapes. He regales the 12 Listeners about how he chased around a kid at school while appreciating John Hughes movies. 

:16 Blade: "Hopefully there's not a listener out there saying 'Ahhh those guys are just bringing back Trip to the Grocery rubababababa.'"

Blade's Cheddar Ranch Doritos are an enigma in taste. RD's Seadog Old Style Root Beer tastes better. He floats the idea of marketing Old Detroit Tap Water in glass bottles. 

RD did another video podcast with Vince Russo who called him attractive. Sadly Popeye wasn't on that show. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. 

The Co-Fruitcakes shill about how each radio progrem only costs 7 cents. They're literally a steal for a podcast that's free to download in the first place. From this very website in fact. Assuming the URL is not taken again. (:28)

:30 Tammy fell. Again. Blade does his Sunny impression. 

Tammy also doesn't like the NXT hopefuls due to them taking the spotlight from her or something. RD actually agrees with her for once, thinking that one of them looks like a goon Popeye fought. Sadly he doesn't call in to tell about how he blew that guy...down. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. 

Blade thinks former Diva Kaitlyn should return in a transgender gimmick as Bruce on the grounds that Vince might do such a thing. I don't know, that sounds far too modern for him. 

Sad News: the guy who bought their Good Friends cereal box sold it off for $6.

:42 More old bad impressions crack Blade up. Diamond Dallas Page remarried to another brunette. Blade remembers messaging him on MySpace. RD looks up a random movie of DDP's that took like 20 years or something to complete.  

Also Andre the Giant had some funny looking pants. 

"Sad" News: the Deever got engaged, leaving Blade still forever single. (:52)

Virgil has a GoFundMe for some reason because he needs to get laid for some reason. (:56) As of this writing it's gone up to $350, assuming the pledges are all authentic. No, I'm not going to link it here. Go look it up yourself.

:60 RD fondly remembers watching old Dan Spivey matches. The man is currently in a 'personal' battle with some other random wrestlers over something or other, as revealed on his social media postings. Sadly Satan does not call in to read them so RD has to do so instead.

:70 The Hulk said something stupid as is his custom, but in this case of such magnitude that WWE removed him and made him persona non grata faster than you can say 'Chris Benoit'. But then how now can he support Brooke selling "beach records", Nick crashing cars, and Linda having sex with a younger man? Maybe he can go back to TNA oh wait. 

To 'honor' the kayfave heel turn the duo play some smooth jazz from Blade's "cousin" Anthony Braxton. 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 2. Skyline Drive In, Skycade  
• URLs not taken: 2. OldDetroitTapWater.com, DanSpiveysNudistBeach.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Old school video games, nostalgia, nostalgia(2), things, divas, people who might be drinking PBR and celebrating, Superman, people that aren’t nice

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Mean Gene, Gorilla Monsoon

 

• Blade Time Outs: 7 (1 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps: 2
  
• RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Entertain the People: 1
  

 

• Erik Majorwitz’s Hindsight Haiku: I’m gonna kill it with...nostalgia!
  What is nostalgia?
  Vince uses it against us
  to sell ICOPRO!

 

Episode 1: Irish Sprung: January 10, 2013

30 minutes

Blade's script of Episode #1 on a Paper Plate

((( recorded in high phone-buzzing over-modulated fidelity )))

RD Reynolds welcomes us to the return of WrestleCrap Radio The RD And Blade Show.

Well, that didn't last long.

He and "Wesley Snipes" Blade Braxton try to persuade people that things might be different by discussing the old show.

Then Blade stumbles on pronouncing words.

Again, that didn't last long.

RD threatens to once again take months in between posting new episodes. (:07) Blade counters by talking about the 12 Listeners as "Show-Offs".

Blade tells about feasting at McDonald's. (:10)

The Co-Fruitcakes go on about how the show is 'unscripted' compared to the old progrem like it's some kind of old school episode of Raw. I'm expecting Robb Bartlett to show up.

Hulk Hogan has a new Hooters-style restaurant in Tampa. (:14) There's no word on whether Brooke will be serving there. Does no one remember the success that was Pastamania?

RD does his Brett Mussburger impression.

Blade tells about the time when he got frightened by a Showbiz Pizza mascot's 'skeleton'. "It just stood up there like a corpse." (:18)

RD: "What a debut show for everyone."

WWE is partnering with Irish Spring. (:21) Blade wants to book Irish Spring as part of a match. It could probably become Divas Champion.

Blade tells about his Irish Spring spring toys. (:25) Discussion about old play times commences.

RD: "This is great."

The episode ends when RD pulls into his driveway. Wow, such great timing.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Complaints, food, something

 

• RD Time Outs: 1  

206 Hulkanymphomania: March 9, 2012

79 minutes

Unexpectedly the radio progrem starts with actual wrestling news: Hulk Hogan has a sex tape, and he's not doing it with Linda or Brooke or his current beau. Or Ed Leslie, thankfully. For more 'information' on it, skip to the last five minutes.

The duo worry that from talking about this new revelation they won't talk about anything else. Of course, they don't talk about anything at all. I don't see the problem here.

RD meanwhile is to collaborate on his own videos (...wasn't he already doing so?). He is going to work with his former fellow Fighting Spirit Magazine correspondent and equal reporting legend Bill Apter (:04), the first product of which is to be uploaded in the next week. Not to be outdone, Blade reveals how he used old Apter mags as expensive coloring books, and that the Midnight Rose will be in New Jersey in June to appear in person on Vince Russo's YouShoot recording. (Feel free to write potential questions here if you're a registered member on the forum.) Recent inductee Brakus is with Fantasio on some interview online which I'm too lazy to find. (:10) The Boogeyman now has a rather rude name.

RD wants another telethon (:15). Sad News: Blade lost his Jerry Lewis button.

RD needs a new sponsor to replace Global Internet for some reason, so he reads a 10,000 page ad copy from The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, one of which is that guy who gets aroused by Blade's burps. RD has to admonish Brad for interrupting him while doing so.

Until April 1st, the 'WrestleCrapMania 2012 Sale' has all the DVDs from $16.95 US. Blade wonders about listening to all the shows in a row. I was bored enough to do that once. Let me tell you, it should be banned under the Geneva Convention.

Sad News: Payton Manning's been future endeavored by the Colts because they suck without him on the field. (:27) RD pisses off Blade by now deciding to also cheer for the Bengals, the Giants, and whoever Payton's new team is. My money's on the Jets, Bills, Cardinals, Chiefs, or the Rams. Hell, he may even fuck with people's heads and play in the CFL. Hell, he should go to Canada and quit football entirely. I can totally see him as General Manager for the Canadiens and piss off the Quebecois media for not speaking French yet. Or he may even play on the ice and probably score more in one game than Scott Gomez's done all season.

Long digression over, RD mourned this occurrence by taking a TRIP to the Louisville Arcade Expo. Long discussion about old school gaming follows. In Jefferson, he saw something for "Churro Cereal" and one of Jerry's Restaurants and saw a restaurant called Moby Dick with a really angry mascot. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps?) Popeye does not show up to crack jokes. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.) Blade yawns, fascinated by all this for sure. He saw an RD's Liquor Store once while on the road.

"He piled upon the whale’s white portion the sum of all the general appetite and
hunger felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his stomach had
been a mortar, he burst his cold mouth's tongue upon it."

Blade is flabbergasted by the fact that they've only gotten to Obscure News 43 minutes in. Our good friend Joanie Laurer is in yet another porn film, this time as She-Hulk. RD wants Stan Lee to make an appearance, though perhaps not necessarily participating with her. Blade's friend once went in blackface. This silences RD. I would be silenced too; I didn't know Blade was a good friend of Ted Danson. Perhaps HE can be a Celebrity Tripper to the Grocery in the future.

The Big Nippled Vampire still hasn't called yet as she is in a Funny or Die video. (:48) RD does not remember Ute Luddendorf who is NOT in one. He does remembers Patrick Warburton though.

"Satan" pays a visit. (:52) His Tubular Bells sound different again. He's somehow corrupted a HorseTrolla into a "DevilTrolla". I personally think someone's ripped the Prince of Darkness off. The only Daemonic-style HorseTrollas that are sold (The DreadSteedTrolla) look more like a Khornite Juggernaught. I'm surprised he hasn't yet seen the "Made In Elysium Fields" tag on the side and called Trolla Customer Support about it. On the other hand, he DID make a fuss about the Ratings Reaper not paying him $15,000 for some reason, so I can see that he would be hard up to buy a counterfeit knockoff rather than the real thing. Hell, I could have hooked him up with one for free as a gift.

Anyway, there's something about Mickie James making no sense online. "Satan" really needs better writers for the stuff he makes his 'subjects' say. Again, he probably just can't afford them.

Pete from Austria has the Question Complaint of the Week (:58), attacking RD's knowledge of German and the fact that Austria and Germany are two separate countries. Next RD will have us believe that Africa is a country.

The Honky Tonk Mailman's not around again (smart man) so Nintendo John calls instead. (:63) He doesn't like the new WrestleFest remake and he loses his composure for some reason. Blade wonders if he's anorexic from his appearance on the Roast. Well of course, if he subsides on power-ups with no nutritional value (on the Nintendo). His crowd stays behind to cheer.

Blade loses his train of thought. I'm shocked, I really am. (:68) New Jack and Brian Knobbs got into a backstage brawl, easily won by the former ECWer. Blade's forgotten about Brock Lesnar already.

The two then spend five minutes on Hogan's sex tape (:74) That's six more minutes than I would have given it.

Seventeen Easily Digestible Syllables:
Hulk sex-tape on way.
Something I don't want to see:
One eye of Hulkster. 

RD: "I like how you did that haiku. It kinda sounded like Chief Jay Strongbow doing it."



What's this? Only one Jar transgression? (0.50c) That's not possible. Or I just didn't pay attention as usual. Someone remind to give this another listen.
$4.50 (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

201 Piper's Pit-SA: October 28, 2011

73 minutes

"Don't work for Vince Russo"?

It is once again Halloween, which gives RD & Blade ample opportunity to fluster and filibuster and fart around as per their custom. Of course they do it all the time, but more so in this case. Blade has 'morals' that he hangs on his wall. He repeats about the time he wore a Darth Maul outfit and Don Mason wore a star on his face. (:10) RD wants to be the king of the geeks nerds & poindexters. (:15) He'd be scarier than any tyrant.

:17 Piper's PSAs raise a question: Is it Thank YOU or Thank YA? Blade once received Mork & Mindy trading cards and even an action figure. Those are worse than razor apples. At King's Island RD escaped 'paying' for raisin boxes. RD's PSA: obtain some actual good candy to give out.

:27 Blade paid the Big Nippled Vampire and now has to 'schedule' her to be on their progrem. Nowadays she seems to be stuck on TMZ answering randomly awful questions. Huey is possessed by Satan. RD calls him "Son of Huey".

At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
At last we shall have our Mars bars.

:32 Lita's in a Haunted House called the Atlanta Chamber Of Horrors. Sadly it's not Jim Ross' UWF Haunted House and we don't see Abdullah The Butcher on an electric chair, so I don't really care about it much.

:38 Sunny is auctioning off her Hall Of Fame dress as the latest high priced spunk rag. Blade repeats the story of Don's blow up doll. Is it a sign of dementia if you repeat the same things over and over again without knowing it? "I am ashamed of myself" Blade admits.

:41 "Satan" calls, seeing as how it's his season. Leave Santa Claus to the commercialism of Christmas, this is his time damn it! Former old guard Madusa disagrees with Kevin Nash on WWE. I can't argue with that; no offense to the man but he did help kill off WCW after all.

Not, not sure I get the reference, there, Carl.

:46 RD once again has to go back to Facebook to answer a 'Question' from Carl Zayas. The Co-Fruitcakes do, however, somewhat 'answer' his query. I think that's the only way to get an answer from the two; send them something that is less about wrestling and more just a random non sequitur.

:52 The Honky Tonk Mailman has the 'holiday' off. So why is he spending his time on the radio progrem? That's more arduous than any work I've seen. In his neighborhood people hand out Wrestling Observers instead of candy. Even Blade is speechless. In 'today's' news Hulk Hogan is returning to TNA...three weeks ago. The Halloween Havoc '98 commemorative stamp has a free refund. (For those who don't know, WCW was so inept that they were forced to air the PPV for free the day after, thus enraging those few who had paid for it. But don't take my word for it.) RD is worried about the Colonel's regression into a baby. But does he speak in Bruce Willis' voice?

The audience also took a nap during Vengeance.

:60 Blade forgot his bicentennial popcorn bucket. 'This is why you fail," he tells himself rather circularly. The ring at the recent Vengeance PPV can support a 40-man fight but apparently not just two guys standing on top of it. Blade does his Iron Mark Tyson. (:65)

:66 RD plays Blade's recording with Piper. He's not actually on the show, and I can't blame him. He probably thought the duo would take another month to record an episode and decided to be recorded instead. He's rather contradictory in his advice this time, advising trick-or-treaters to "burn [the] lawn" of those they don't like and send unwanted and poisoned food to Vince so that he can "look like Moolah".

Blade sings again.

$1.00 ($37.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

193 Phoned In: February 11, 2011

70 minutes

This is essentially the equivalent of a slow news day, so in inspiration from my predecessor's earlier writs let's just cut to the chase and not dally too much. You have more important things to attend to today rather than just reading this, I'm sure. [And here I thought I was the only one who phoned things in around here - Clarence]

RD lost his bet so he has to read submissions next time. Lesson learned: don't bet on the Pro Bowl.

This is a real poster made by Hollywood(?).
Update 3/17: Already on Netflix!

RD was lazy (actual excuse: he was away for business), so in lieu of writing something for the site he has his first premeditated/premonitioned/prehumous/future induct of The Chaperone, literally copied from a post of forum member Bone Machine of F4WOnline (presumably with his permission of course.)

[Update 2/20: Apparently the movie did so bad it didn't even chart on the weekend's box office results.]

[Update to the Update 3/1: Apparently the film grossed less money than the asking price on a used Plymouth Horizon, but that's 'OK' because it allows Wal-Mart to sell their DVDs...] 

:13 Someone is auctioning a UWF/Mid-South ring. (Standing price at time of writing: $3700) Jim Ross is not happy.  Or perhaps he's not happy at The Chaperone? Or perhaps he wants to make his own Clerks movie? Or perhaps he wants to slap a Jap? He makes no sense. (This is a habit of his.)

:24 RD went back to the Netherlands for business and had strange Doritos flavors - Cool American, Japanese Teriyaki, BBQ Ham. His review of "The Mexican" Restaurant - terrible food at a terrible price. Blade's horrible John Travolta impression tries some Pizza Supreme Doritos. He does not like them.

:36 Hulk Hogan is reduced to shilling some cleaning product. You can use it to remove blood stains from your shirt, so keep that in mind the next time you plan to murder someone.

Sad News: Matt Hardy's new girlfriend is that Giants girl. Blade is not afraid.

The Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness (2) will be in a benefit appearance in Topeka.

Question (:47): Derek Quinn of the Powerhouse of Sound DJ Service remembers the 10 Year anniversary of Big Show beating RD up that one time.

:51 As expected the Mailman isn't here (he was caught in the snow). He did however deliver the news on Blade's 'answering machine', which has Kevin Nash leaving TNA for WWE again...more than three weeks ago. They're also selling Virgil's stamp, which is larger than normal due to his penis. The message 'cuts' off just before he can tell a fanfic-style story of said penis. That's Alec's gimmick, you know.

:57 The 40-man Royal Rumble was no good, so much so that some caller named "Stu Hart", apparently back from the dead, calls out his son Smith. Popeye likes what he hears. "What has this show become?" RD asks. "How?" Chief Jay calls in response.

Apologize with Seventeen Syllables:
Chief Jay, Honky, Stu,
Gay Popeye too: this show sucks.
Why do you listen?

$5.25 (Total: $17.50)

187 The Final Frontier...Of Crap!: November 24, 2010

80 minutes

RD gives a disclaimer: This was recorded on Monday night, around the same time that the Miz defeated CM Punk to become WWE Champion. Obviously BM is not happy.

Sad News: Jillian Hall has been released. Blade wants to ring a bell for her. Luke Gallows was also released, but since he was basically Blade's clone he doesn't really care. Also, Blade looked Husky Harris on the days that he didn't look like Brian Pillman.

With the previous episode being really good (in their opinion anyway), they thus have the fearful thought that today's would not be terrible in response...like Star Trek III. I don't know, it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, have they seen the recent J.J. Abrams movie?

Or the Voyager episode "Threshold" for that matter.

Old School RAW somehow brought back Lord Alfred through a terrible impersonation, so Blade counters with HIS terrible Lord Alfred impersonation. Needless to say it sounds too Oriental, like Christopher Lee when he played Fu Manchu. (Assuming anyone could see him anyway.) They thus wonder how Global Internet's Greg's voice impersonations would go. (Probably surprisingly well, in my opinion.) Blade gets strange dreams dozing off while listening to them discuss Craig DeGeorge on earlier episodes. Also for Thanksgiving, a special treat: All 6 WC DVDs can be yours for just $21! (Too bad I already have them all.) Be warned, their books now look different somehow.

:24 RD took another trip to Disneyland in the last few days. While waiting in line to Captain EO he saw someone shill for the TNA taping taking place nearby. Needless to say, few came. (Now why do I feel Clarence will write something about this this week?) Also for some reason some promotional advertising Shrek 4D seemed to involve SoCal Val. The two wonder on the mystery of her vanishing nose.

:39 A George Foreman biopic may have Ernest "The Kat" Miller in the title role. [No doubt this will have George calling someone's momma after he gets "Rope-a-Doped" - Clarence] On the other end of the movie making business Joanie Laurer attempts to squash rumors she is making another porn movie. SPEAKING OF the strange things people do,  Blade's ex-girlfriend got angry over yet another picture of a wrestling diva.

:51 The Devil makes another call in. He reveals his plan of taking over the world through social networking sites. This time Tammy Sytch is angry at WWE yet again for passing her by on their Legends show. Then Satan wishes the two a Happy Thanksgiving. He's nothing if not considerate, I'll give him that.

:56 Jim Ross calls in, angry as ever, especially considering he was recently at the Legends show. He's making his time losing money by selling turkeys from ice cream vans. Needless to say it did not go well. Now, if he had turkey flavored ice cream...

Meanwhile Mickey James is going to have Meet & Greet in Virginia. Of course Blade would probably miss his chance to go see her.

:66 John Kelly calls. There are rumors that Hogan's gotten married to someone who is looks like Brooke. His puns are all over the place in response, causing RD to finally admit he doesn't think of him as a good TNA correspondent any more. This means only one thing - he's going to have a 'tragic' death soon. I fully expect Jimmy Smits to replace him for the role.

:71 The latest DVD release of the Top 50 Superstars in WWE History did not go well with many people, due to the fact that Hogan is #23, ahead of Bruno Sammartino.

Seventeen (plus Five) Syllables of exception to it:
Top 50 Wrestlers.
What a total load of shit.
Where are Ax and Smash?/Where is Adonis?

RD "I don't think a lot of people will be thankful for this show."

186 Show me...Hulk's penis!: November 5, 2010

82 minutes

[X][X][X]

"Old School RAW" is upcoming, but it does not seem to involve Rob Bartlett or the Rizzotti sisters, according to pwinsider.com. Lord Alfred shills while Blade interrupts promotional consideration. Yes he's drunk. How ever did you guess?

:16 RD talking about Slim Jims is interrupted by Blade being interrupted by crickets, 'senate news', eating Slim Jims with Don (which is not even a Don story) and an ACTUAL Don story, where he molested a girl at seven with a stick. His music plays throughout.

:24 Hillbilly Jim has made some kind of jerk beef turkey. Jealous of this, a very angered Jim Ross calls. RD gets rid of him by asking about his wife.

:29 Some things are going on at NXT, most notably a 'fake wedding' between Oksana Baiul and Goldust with reference to Johnny Ace, Ted DiBiase Sr presiding, Border Patrol Officer Dick Apopolos in attendance, Michael Cole's gong, and Caitlyn. Meanwhile Jeff Hardy is now a father. (:39) Also, Blade & Midnight Rose seem to be tag teaming at various places.

:45 Sir Alec and his audience entourage are currently visiting Philadelphia at Ultimate Kennedy's story request, or so he says. The real reason however, is that he wants to help thrash the old Spectrum. He reads something about Kane and the Undertaker's brotherly love, in the literal sense.

:53 Blade tells a story about his strange ex-girlfriend that he promised he would tell from last week, for some reason using some music from Psycho. Was her last name Bates or something? One time she was sick of Eric Bischoff on her TV screen.

:56 Question. Sergei on Facebook wonders how come when one wrestler enters, often the other wrestler vacates the ring for him. Blade thinks of it as a matter of pride.

:62 SPEAKING of wonderings, John Kelly reminds us of TNA being on Family Feud. This for some reason warrants RD and Blade going at each other at the Face Off. RD gets the number one answer when he wants a GLOW run in at the game show. Then John leaves. 

:67 Linda loses her election, Vince loses his erection, and they both lose $50 million. Lita returns to RAW, to Blade's delight. What he is NOT delighted about is Pee Wee Herman guest hosting, as he reflects on the strange man. RD apologizes for him. Also Hogan flashed his penis while playing some game or other while Brooke was watching. There's probably an incest joke to be made here (but not by me).

Seventeen Syllables about Hulk Hogan's penis:
Hulk's exposed penis.
He got 'Juicy' with Brooke and Hart.
Limp five inch python.

183 Hollyweird(Crap) Radio: September 10, 2010

75 minutes

Blade, Midnight Rose, and a random woman as Katie Vick are going to appear in a 'movie' named Smut. Blade asks for donations as RD wonders how they will blue-screen them in at the same time. He's also made his own drinking game based on Blade's constant interruptions. (Blade meanwhile has some bingo board on his Facebook Wall.)

:17 Blade is still stuck on 80's actresses like Jennifer Jason Leigh. Have I mentioned that he's still pseudo-drunk? RD wants him to try Cinnabon cereals but he doesn't like nuts. 

:25 Some old '80s HBO feature presentation bumper is listened to. It's nice music though. Billy Gunn was caught with a younger woman, or as RD says "caught with his penis in the cookie jar." Even worse, the other woman's nickname is Pinky. There's even video of this. RD plays Sad News music for them as they make marriage arguments funny again.

The Marty Jannetty of the Hart Foundation

Jim "Anvil" Neidhart was arrested for drug possession and for his really strange antics in his retirement, i.e.  sitting around doing nothing other than getting stoned. For some reason Blade remembers when Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch lost a match and Wendi Richter was cut off by Mean Gene for commercials. Jim Ross calls. Goodness, I've missed him. (:42) He wonders if Korchenko is after him, makes more concoctions and is having some random trouble with coupons. His next step to get rich: a BBQ & Lawn Service. He cooks for someone while Hollywood John mows their grass.

:48 'Shane' [Mike "Virgil/Shane/Vincent" Jones wrote in? - Clarence] asks something about Stephanie vs. Dixie Carter over the destruction of ECW, but the letter is invalidated due to grammatical errors. So they talk about the Hulkster in hospital. RD calls him Methuselah. Since this is actual TNA news John Kelly doesn't come until after, and then just for two minutes. (:56) He was probably watching the Vikings and Saints play each other and didn't want to stay any longer than absolutely necessary.

:58 TNA will be on Family Feud, many years after WWE did that same thing. Talk about being late to the party (assuming you were even invited to it in the first place). Jim Cornette wants to settle his differences with Vince Russo in a fight at a roast somewhere. 6'9 Amazonian 'Princess' Alouisa has been cut from NXT for some risque photos. Blade wonders how it would feel being sweat on sitting next to her at a baseball game. Height discrepancies in wrestling, particularly Wendi Richter vs Little Beaver.

Seventeen syllables for a woman who's 17 feet tall
Six Nine Amazon.
Wonder what sex with her's like:
Dry humping oak tree?

RD is speechless.

180 Drinking with the (Big Nippled) Stars: August 6, 2010

HBK Demonstrates New Hunting Technique

60 minutes

The "Celebrity" Roast has finally shipped to acclaim by many...but not the Midnight Rose, as RD forgot to credit his appearance. He fears for his life now. Next stop for WCR: TV! The two discuss numerous possibilities for spin-offs. Blade in particular is so drunk he's using the old headphones again.

:11 The worst match on TNA, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, is finally inducted. RD's attempts to go to Cincinnati for some root beer is once more interrupted by Blade's fucking random ramblings that make the show three hours long and which almost serve to enrage RD yet again. He somehow gets through with a straight face. (They have Barq's in the place where I live but I always stick with the original A&W.) Blade meanwhile went to a concert to try and have sex with half-naked 14 year olds.

:24 Molly Holly AKA Nora Greenwald is engaged to a former recovering drug addict whom she met while in her current job as a drug counselor. She wants to have sex as soon as possible. RD wonders if she will hate it since she's never done it before. Regardless, this is Very Happy News for all save Blade Brakestown and all his missed opportunities. I mean, really. All the women he's met and failed to further connect with, those Big Announcements that he's always failed to big announce, his singing 'career', his team (although it's not his fault I admit), his occupation calling for a certain use of trash bags...I'd call him a modern day Job in the Biblical sense, if Job was a drunkard hobo co-hosting a long running Internet progrem. I'd rather call him a Job in the wrestling sense instead. Jobbing Jobber Job, perhaps? Someone get Vince Russo to create him for TNA and have him shoot all the time as some sort of meta-referencing to the wrestling business.

:32 Our old friend Shelly "BNV" Martinez wants to get on Dancing With The Stars. As obscure as she may be outside the industry, she would at least be less obscure than half of any current seasonal roster, and would definitely be better on the feet too due to her background. Plus you could have Tom Bergeron co-host RAW and do a heel turn on his show, perhaps calling it some sort of weak imitation of his old Hollywood Squares. It's a win-win!

:36 Question: Batman Plus Robin Equals The Conway (2) asks a rather sexual question, but instead of Popeye calling in Mike Check does instead. He can apparently do those nowadays due to him being...fascinating with his fellow inmates. In the midst of his own jobbing he does remember his days in New Haven, Connecticut's WDOL "Dollar 99" co-hosting a business show with his then woman DJ called Bounce Check Money Matters. [I am SO writing a sitcom with that title. I can see it now....Bounce Check Money Matters: Starring Paul Heyman and Urkel: LICENCE....TO PRINT.....MONEY - Clarence] I bet you Jim Kramer was one of his disciples. 

:45 John Kelly's TNA 'reporting' is essentially repeating what the Co-Fruitcakes say. He doesn't even provide anything new! If you notice, RD says Hulk Hogan IS with us and Samoan Joe has been future endeavored and John just makes bad quips in response. That's not even news at all! He probably doesn't note down what he wants to mention on his trip between Florida and Kansas (his hands are full of holding his sunglasses), and thus the exhaustive journey between the two states makes him forget what he wants to say and just makes him subconsciously parrot the duo.

:49 In a further attempt to (fail at) salvage itself, TNA dedicated a full taping just to ECW. Sadly Francine was a no-show. RD would prefer watching Shawn Michaels and his wive on a hunting show. (:54)

Better lay 'em on us:
So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.

164 Blade's Gone Wild: January 8, 2010

TNA: We Are Limpin', Sugah!

77 minutes

Dedicated to the memory of Paul Servo, a great fellow Crapper, Honorary WCR Historian, Co-Host Contestant and one of the Original 12, who sadly passed away on the 3rd of January. Our condolences and thoughts for his friends and family.

It's a new decade for WrestleCrap Radio, seeing as how they fell off a cliff for them at the end of the previous year, (much like the Canadiens and Lions). Blade wants to talk about wrestling all show for a change. So they talk about...slurpies. But they are wrestling slurpies!

Impact has gone head to head against RAW for the first time (:08) and the Co-Hosses mark out on naked Val Venus and Orlando Jordan in Impact. Popeye calls. You know the drill - pun literally intended. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. WrestleCrap will be 10 years old this April, but RD would like to forget his newsletters. (:14) Perhaps they'll reappear on his next Archive Disc?

:17 Further talking about wrestling (Yes, really). Blade finds something on his script which predicts Popeye's calling in, and the fact that RD finally lost a bet due to his own fault and own confusion over Blade's rules and now has to read whatever people send to him. Send your requests to blade@wrestlecrap.com if it hasn't been featured here yet. RD got some gift glass bottles from his brother for Christmas (I too always prefer glass over plastic). Blade has some own glass bottles in his collection.

:26 Blade is trying to stay sober for the first time in a while. Tammy Sytch with nothing else better to do calls out the Bella Twins for being in the same glass house as she is, or something. RD reads what she has to say in his Dixie Carter impression. Blade fantasizes about Ashley Massaro. He also has some grudge against cutlery and wants to fuck people while cooking food on them. Maybe that's why he keeps calling the Big Nippled Vampire's breasts big and round as a dinner plate. I know there is a term for that fetish, but it escapes me at the moment.

Blade is trying to look and act like a hobo caveman (more so than usual) in an attempt to escape jury duty.

Moe from Men on a Mission (:34) reminds Blade of the Robonic Stooges in a bad recreation of a Dumas novel, itself part of some Skatebirds show which includes a monkey for some reason. Sadly he's not BJ's Bear. The actual Moe is considering leaving the wrestling biz for MMA. One word: Horrible.

Blade wants to know how the BabyTrolla works, which reports that Candice Michelle is having a baby girl due to the actions of her husband. The HorseTrolla reveals Mickie James was in another car accident where she was rear ended. A word of warning: whatever you do, please do not look up 'dragoning'. You'll regret it. There's more fallout from her moving to Smackdown. Blade may finally get his chance, but he's still stuck on Lita.

Sir Alec 'visits' yet again. (:53) This time, Mickie James (speaking of her) finds love with Kelly Kelly but needs John Cena to simplify things.

The WCR Gong has the week's Question. (:60) Could a Jonas Brother appear in a revival of 3 Count? RD finds their theme song. Blade wonders on Britney Spear's fallopian tubes.

:64 Voting has begun for the 2009 Gooker. This year: Hornswaggle vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, Vince's random hatred against the Denver Nuggets, the Abraham Washington Show, Santina Marella as Miss Wrestlemania, TNA's 'portrayal' of Sarah Pallin, and some really bad RAW guest hosting.

Impact and RAW may go head to head on a weekly basis. Oh good, looks like WCW is back. RD compares the radio progrem to mid-90s Scott Hall. The duo pine for those good old days, but would they want Bret Hart to return to the ring? And could he do anything with their wacky nicknames? The two are unsure, so they instead turn to Hulk Hogan.

Seventeen Syllables on the return of Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.

161 Under a Full Mooney: November 13, 2009

New RAW Announcer? Sean or Ian?

70 minutes

A new rumor is currently afloat: EventCenter might return to the airwaves. RD wants Sean Mooney to host it again as he watches a random thing about him. Blade of course has no recollection, but it's not due to his drinking. Somehow Craig DeGeorge doing oral is involved so Popeye wants in on the action. RD gives him five seconds as he has more important matters to take care of; he rolls a 6 and enlists F Sin's help in making another video against Damien Demento. If his adversary sings a cartoon theme, then BY GOD RD will sing his own! (:09) Of course Blade thinks he's dissing the man's penis. He wastes another Big Announcement for having an upcoming shot of his own in this skirmish.

RD was stealing from his son's Halloween stash as he took a TRIP to eat some Whoppers. (:12) (The Hershey's chocolates, not Burger King.) Blade hates them for some reason and wants to make his own rival candy - the Big Mac. He confounds RD as he does this, as expected.

Time for some Obscure News, so early in the show too! That can't be good. (:17) Blade takes an opportunity to make another football bet, this time with the Yahoo Fantasy League the duo and I are in. (RD has the Mike Checks Whackers, at the time of writing in the lead, Blade has the Midnight Blades competing with him, and my PB Justice League is desperately trying hard not to be dead last. Ah, such is my lot.) Blade decides to repeat the "I Have Something To Say" bet from the 2006-7 season. This should be actually good, for once.


Anyway, some Sad News: (:21) Lillian Garcia had an altercation in New York. She's doing fine though. Chained wallets are brought up. Catalina "Sailor James" White's name brings Popeye back, for slightly longer this time too to make Blade chuckle. She's doing porn now, as the two have fun with her name. That is something two people named RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton are experts at, apparently.

WWE Announcer Lauren Mayhew is trying to give away copies of her singing. Blade wants he and RD to dress up as Wookies and kiss each other, but only if Popeye can watch.

The BabyTrolla gives birth to Candice Michelle being pregnant, or something. So at least we know what she's up to now that she's gone from wrestling. Hit the porn music! This gives an excuse for another Don Mason story, so RD plays the old Current News music for it. In this case Don bought a Right Said Fred album in the 90s, but that's not the story; he's just getting heavily drunk at a bar while thinking how good ejaculating in a woman is.

The HorseTrolla neighs. (:37) Jim Ross had to come to the defense of Mickie James to protect her from a random fan 'congregating' on the Interwebs. It's as good an excuse as any to call him up. JR doesn't like Dave Meltzer since it's the in-thing right now, and he continues to give RD a case of the giggles. This year he's sure to bring in the customers with his new gravy and his new slogans and giving people blowjobs. But back to the whole subject in the first place, did you remember that at all? Blade gets Sir Alec (and his Four Seasons music) to read the fan's missive. (:50)

Today's Question Answer from Mav makes fun of some random hairstyles. (:55) RD asks for photos.

Johnny Four is so stuck he repeats the previous week's 'news' of Hogan and Bischoff coming to TNA. That's it. (:58) RD wants to do some live remotes for Black Friday, Blade wants to take Stubby with him.

This Week on Current News, (:62) Hogan is still up against Flair Down Under. RD reads down the card, and if you want to see Brutus Beefcake facing Heidenreich then this is the show for you! Also Flair got married again.

Seventeen Syllables of Speech:
New RAW Announcer?
Mooney is back from the dead.
Don't forget Ian.