Episode 95: Holy Lava!: June 18, 2023

Black Widow Strikes Again
March 15, 1967
"The Black Widow uses her cerebrum short-circuiting device to rob bank after bank in Gotham City. Batman and Robin soon catch up with her, but actually capturing the villainess proves harder than expected. Despite her nerve paralyzer spray, and two remote-control dummies that try to throw the Dynamic Duo off course, they finally make it inside the Black Widow's lair. But soon after entering, they are trapped in a giant web with two deadly black widow spiders."
56 minutes

RD: Prefers Scarlett Johansson. I don't know about that. Like Vince I'm all about the Golden Age beauty if I can help it. (Also like her calling everyone 'dahling' since she was bad at names I too call everyone 'pal'.)

Oh, you meant Black Widows. ... Yes, this is the main sticking point about the character, seeing as Stan Lee helped create her four years earlier (1964), becoming a recurring Avenger two years later. This Black Villain on the other hand was just a one-off.

RD was once again on vacation with the family down in Universal Orlando. This put a delayed toll on the body when he returned home. He tried the Jurassic World VelociCoaster with hungry and enraged velociraptors. The slogan: "What can go wrong?" Mrs. Deal tried to read about it online and could only find certain troll comments. 

Vince: "Speaking of butterbeer,"
RD: "I needed some to get through this show."

Narrator: "Another groovy day in Gotham City and everything seems just right in our teeming metropolis. But there's a new face in the crowd...the face of Black Widow!" (:08)

To further compound the character, she pulls up to a bank branch in a motorcycle with sidecar (as driven by her goon Tarantula) with Other Black Widow's red hourglass symbol on it. RD's friends on Facebook told him it's the actual black widow symbol.

And she got Bookworm's theme, appalling RD.

Inside the bank Widow asks the manager (named Irving Cash) to open a savings account in her name of Mrs. Max Black. She then zaps him with her Cerebrum Short-Circuitor to make him put $30,000 of the vault money in it.

RD: "As a supervillain, that's not much of an ask."

And of course the money comes in a burlap sack with a dollar sign on it. 

Unable to prevent her walking out (I guess his security is just as incompetent as everyone else in town), Cash personally goes to Gordon's Office to report the theft.
Cash: "There was this strange vibration and then I'm handing her thousands. I couldn't stop myself."
O'Hara: "It was as though the devil himself was at work on you."
Gordon: "Or someone just as clever."
He figures out and remembers this is the Black Widow's doing, despite this being her sole appearance. Even the Narrator called her a "new face".
Cash thinks this calls for the "Dynamic Duet", offending the Undynamic Duet to no end.

Narrator: "At this moment, within the walls of stately Wayne Manor, an unveiling is taking place."
Holstered Aunt Harriet hands Dick a pair of her black pants.
Harriet: "I've decided to go mod. Now what do you boys think?"
Bruce: "Tres chic, Aunt Harriet. Every bachelor in Gotham City will be staring."
Harriet: "I wanted to get a miniskirt, but the sales girl wasn't sure I had the face for it."
RD: "What drugs were these people taking?"
Alfred: "Carnaby Street has come to Wayne Manor, madam."
He then attempts to speak what RD considers 'carnie': "Mr. Gordon Commish is calling." Somehow the Duo know what he means and retire to the study to answer the call.
Harriet: "There they go, healthy as normal and I'm such a beatnik."

Even the Duo are confused by the name Black Widow, but nevertheless, "to the Batpoles!"

Gordon: "Black Widow wins her victim's confidence by pretending to open a savings account. Her methods of overpowering include hypnosis, drugs, and other artificial brain stimuli." (:19)
This requires Batman to bring out his hairdryer Brainwave Bat-Analyzer.
Batman: "Judging by her past modus operandi, Robin and I suspect that Black Widow may have short- circuited a portion of Mr. Cash's brain thereby rendering him incapable of making judgments."
Cash: "Oh, this is worse than I thought! First my money, now my brain!"
Batrman: "Easy, citizen."

They put him in the hairdryer Analyzer and flip random switches to determine his cerebellum has been affected. Cash demonstrates this by trying to get up while still in the thing.
Gordon: "That secret weapon of hers, she could clean out every bank in Gotham City, and we'd always be one step behind her."
O'Hara: "Me men are clever, goodness knows, but where the human brain is concerned, they're just not equipped." (Emphasis mine.)
Batman gives Cash two pills to fix his brain damage while O'Hara massages Cash's scalp.

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in the web of an underground grotto somewhere in Gotham City, Black Widow  and her spidery companions are enjoying the fruits of Black Widow's labor of love."

Widow still needs to hit more banks, much to Tarantula's chagrin. Another goon named Trap Door hangs out of a...trap door. "I got lonely."
Other goon Daddy Long Legs: "I don't know how you do it, Blacky. I tried robbing banks when I was  younger but I always got nailed before I was out the door."
Widow: "Happiness can't buy money. Heh. Poor sweet Max."
Cue evil laugh.

In the Batcave the Batcomputer is taking rather a long while on processing data on Widow, much to Robin's impatience.
Batman: "Bother you? It should. (To the camera) Just as it should bother any red-blooded American  citizen who recognizes the law and obeys it."

Meanwhile Widow hits another bank, controlling the manager (Irving Bracken) for $40,000 in unmarked bills.

Robin (reading the print-out): ""Black Widow Lingerie. Black Widow Weeds Removal Service. Black Widow Black Top Company. Black, Widow and Black Attorneys." But not one single bank. Seems to be hung up on the word "black."
Batman: "Maybe the Bat-Analyzing gears need oiling."
Gordon calls to report more robberies.
Batman: "I'm almost tempted to let her...Letter! Give me the names of the banks Black Widow has  robbed."
The list is in alphabetical order (Robin: "No wonder the Batcomputer couldn't figure out her plan, it was too easy!") so the next one will be G.
Batman: "Tell Chief O'Hara and his men to sit on their tuffets, so to speak, and stay away from the  Gotham General Bank and Trust. Repeat, stay away. Robin and I are less likely to frighten this spider  away."

The branch visit gives an excuse to have their window celebrity, a "citizen" teller played by George Raft, another pioneering "gangster" actor. He also had a gimmick of flipping a coin, which he also does here while trying to get the Duo to open an account. They get him to take them to the vault which contains the manager (Irving Leghorn) standing with a Tommy gun. He is so relieved that he jumps on Batman for a hug, which he does not take well. The Duo ask him to "act naturally" when Widow visits, which he takes to continue acting like a complete idiot. 

Of course instead of Widow visiting it's Aunt Harriet, "one of Gotham City's most law-abiding and respected citizens."
Harriet: "All I wanted to do was open a small savings account for my nephew Dick Grayson. There's always Beneficial."

THEN Widow comes in. 
Batman: "So, Black Widow, we finally meet." (emphasis mine)
She tries to zap him.
Batman: "Don't waste your energy, Black Widow. Robin and I have been wearing anti-short circuiting  brain Bat-electrodes since your first day in Gotham City."
So she slowly takes out and sprays a giant Instant Nerve Paralyzer to stun Batman and just walk out. Robin is stunned too so he can't do anything - oh wait, he wasn't. He just stood there like a fucking idiot.
Batman: "Feels...like...a paralyzing dose...of spider venom. ...It should...wear off...presently."

Thankfully he predicted this, and installed in the Batmobile an "odor-sensitometer radar circuit."
Robin (badly dubbed all of a sudden): "Holy olfactory."
Batman: "The oil-and-gas mixture from her motor bike will register on the sensitometer and be picked up as a blip on the radarscope. All we have to do is follow that blip." 

The scent leads to a fake house that opens its secret entrance in a wall to let Widow through just before the Duo show up. (:34) They see an elderly couple on their porch and think they can help.
Widow, seeing this while fully cocooned in her lair, turns on her Dummy Lip Activator to voice the couple who are actually mannequins to try and divert them.
Widow (also badly dubbed): "Say, aren't you that Bat fellow and that Robin fellow who are constantly fighting evil? Keep up the good work. Frank and I are both categorically against evil."
Batman (also badly dubbed): "Thank you, senior citizens."

They return to the Batcave, where of course Batman has recorded the bad ADR on his Bat-Tape Recorder in order to analyze it.  

So they go back to the house. (Holy Padding!) The old "couple" is still there rocking.
Robin: "Three hours and they're still going strong."
Batman: "Thought they'd be off their rockers by now, eh, Robin?"

They linger in finding the secret entrance, allowing Widow to prepare her goons to await them in a game of "spider and the fly" i.e. a fight. Paul goes ham out during this flying all over the set while the audio has more fits. 

Batman: "So, latrodectus mactans, commonly known as Black Widow, caught in your own web, eh?"
Widow: "Oh, there is nothing common about me, Dynamic Doll. And as for being caught in my own  web may I give you a tiny, little piece of advice? If you wish to live and thrive, let the spider run alive."

Since the Duo don't want anyone to stay alive, she activates a giant spider web, trapping the two.

Widow: "Dearheart, you may be caped, and you may be dynamic, but to me you are a crashing bore. So voila. (She summons two horribly fake giant spiders.) I had them skip their dinner so they would thoroughly enjoy  you. And now my lieutenants and I  are going to tunnel into my vault and count our lovely loot."

Cue the Duo doing their best with the "spiders" like they're in an Ed Wood movie.  

Narrator: "Is Black Widow about to succeed where countless other crooks have failed? Or can Black Widow's widows be stopped before dinner? For the answers to these and other creepy questions, tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

Vince thinks getting Bankhead was a big thing for the show but at the cost of everything else.

RD found another Batvertisement, this one for Lava soap. (:40) Vince wonders why Gordon keeps a spare bar in his desk. RD is amazed the packaging hasn't changed too much over the years. The Bros are tempted to buy some bars. 

RD had reconstructed an arcade machine for the initially unreleased Marble Man: Marble Madness II.

AEW is expanding to five hours a week, adding to WWE's seven. As the Bros point out you can have too much of a good thing (and not just in wrestling).

 

• Special Guest Villain: Black Widow (Not the competition's) ((Miss) Tallulah Bankhead)

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Butterbeer
• Window Celebrity: 1. George Raft
• Entertain The People: 1
• Screen Shares: 4. RD, Vince, Vince, RD
  

Episode 46: Holy Guinea Pig!: June 26, 2022

Tut's Case Is Shut
September 29, 1966
"With his creation of a powerful mind control potion successful, King Tut schemes to bring Gotham City under his total control."
63 minutes

Don't Quiz RD on His Shirt! They went to sunny California to escape the humidity and Mrs. Deal's allergies. While at the Disneyland gift shop someone had the audacity to question him on his shirt/Batman knowledge/Victor Paul. He visited Universal Studios Hollywood for the first time and took 10 minutes instead of 4 hours to queue for the Studio Tour. This makes Vince nostalgic for his visits to Universal while they were filming nearby, including with an overexcited Shane Douglas and meeting Paul Stanley backstage. RD once had shrimp stuffed lobster with a friend. 

Vince: "Speaking of the Gobbeldy Gooker, Tut's Case Is Shut."
RD: "One doesn't have anything to do with the other." (:18)

The Narrator mentions things that didn't appear in the previous day.

Robin continues to be threatened by stock footage of crocodiles in a completely different outdoor place.
Tut: "Farewell, my moldy sparrow. In the name of Anubis, great jackal-headed patron of the supercriminal, I commend you to your fate."
Vince does not know what moldy means.
Tut and Ms. Cleo Patrick decide to leave rather than see Robin's fate. "Besides, Gordon needs his pills!" 

This gives the opportunity for Batman to appear and fire a "laser" to cut bars to throw a Batrope at Robin...who misses the catch. So he swings in to get Paul as Robin personally and swing out. Robin apologizes for his blunder.
Batman: "Experience teaches slowly Robin, and at the cost of many mistakes."
RD wonders what fortune cookie he stole it off from.

Gordon in his office is on the phone: "You know how wives are!" He has to take her out for lunch hour, so O'Hara will fill in in his absence. (:26) RD wonders who would want to remain married to Gordon, who in the modern day is often depicted as divorced or in a troubled relationship. I wonder who would put up with this Gordon, unless of course he was secretly crime boss plotting with her. Thus when Ms. Patrick arrives with her pills she has to give them to O'Hara instead.
O'Hara: "I never take pills."
Patrick: "It's routine procedure."
O'Hara: "Oh okay."
Before he can take any Batman calls to warn him that there is "treachery in that office." O'Hara: "Begorrah!" Vince does not know Begorrah means.
Of course O'Hara takes the pills anyway. Tut appears demanding him on his knees, worrying RD. Cue Extreme Closeups that RD replicates with his camera. Tut speaks the secret trigger words and O'Hara walks like an Egyptian. 

The Duo appear at City Hall as O'Hara is suddenly dancing a jig on a ledge like Becky Lynch in NXT. Batman whispers from 20 storeys below expecting to be heard. 

Tut and Patrick are also there, and she requests the Chief to next do some gymnastics on a pole. No, really. They then see the Duo and Patrick swoons over the Dark Knight, much like her predecessor queen: "All that restitutory power in his body...or whatever he said." Tut has to pull her out by the hair for some reason. The Duo miss the two villains as they come up to O'Hara. Batman: "It's unwise to condemn what we can't understand."

Back at his lair, Tut laments that he may harm his menagerie in his plans to make 95,000 gallons of the chemical by "scarrabating" the water.
Royal Lapidary: "But remember: it's for an evil cause!"
Amenophis: "Or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik!"
Tut: "If you say that one more time, I'm gonna slap ya. ... Batman! That big ninny!"
They plan to get at the Dark Knight through Gordon. 

In the Batcave Robin wants to get rid of Gordon and O'Hara from Tut's control. Don't we all. (:39) Alfred brings Batman glasses of buttermilk as they search for an antidote. And of course he doesn't give any to Robin. What a pal, I mean, chum.

Gordon is already controlled off-camera and calls Batman to inform him of a sphinx at Jefferson Square Park. Batman: "It's making predictions, just as I predicted." Tut is heard via rambling recording as is Gordon when the Duo appear at the park.
Gordon: "He makes a good point. This city really does need more drinking fountains. ... A quaint old-fashioned refreshments cart!"
Batman: "Thank you! That sounds refreshing!"
Of course this is an excuse for Gordon to drop a giant pill into Batman's lemonade before he takes a phone at a phone booth from actual Tut. Cue Batman eye rolling like an Egyptian: "Yes, your majesty. Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh. Your every wish is my command. I hear and obey."
He then wonders off like an Egyptian while Robin stands befuddled as the goons capture him.

They are delivered as the goons finish the vat of chemicals, and Batman hails and takes a knee to Tut: "On your knees, Bat-Brat!" When he rejects Patrick's request for the Duo after he controls the city, (he'll feed them to the crocodiles) she goes mad. RD guesses it was from all the pills. Cue Extreme Closeup.

Vince forgets Pauline's name as he gives actor Marianna Hill 8 Batpoles. RD gives her an 8 for attraction and a 15 for her performance. Vince was surprised she looked older than she was. Similar to Finella she appeared in The Godfather Part II among a few other roles. 

Batman manages to break out of the control through the power of buttermilk, although Vince was again distracted by stains on the suit. The fight has Robin delivering a full mule kick for some reason. Tut races to his truck that requires a crank to turn it on and causes a leak of the chemical all over, which is enough to break him out of his persona...this time.
Batman: "Poor deluded man. He's walking on a tightrope Robin. Ab Rabu Simbu Tu plays no favorites. Gotham City has narrowly a major catastrophe of major proportions. Too bad that such a distinguished professor in his twin trauma should become his own cavia porcellus."
Robin: "Cavia porcellus?"
Batman: "Guinea pig."

In the office Gordon apologizes for giving "polluted lemonade". Tut is also there thinking he will go to a faculty meeting: "The PTA shall hear of this!" O'Hara wants to send him to jail. Batman delegates the decision to Gordon.
Gordon: [To the camera] "So brave, so dependable, and so modest. Rare in men these days...very rare."

RD has no memory of next episode and Ma Parker. Vince made him confused by thinking actor Shelley Winters died from drowning in real life instead of just in The Poseidon Adventure. Neither saw the remake.

RD wrote about another terrible match. 

RD can't write about The Death of TNA while it's not yet dead. Vince was bemused they did not contact him for their 20th anniversary whatever it was.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [2] (Victor Buono) [2]
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 2. What you just said, Gobbeldy Gooker 
• Extreme Closeups: 3. 
• (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. Sid Haig

Episode 13: Holy Albatross!: October 24, 2021

The Thirteenth Hat
February 23, 1966
"Jervis Tetsch, aka the Mad Hatter, is abducting all the jurors who convicted him of a previous crime wave. He is also taking their hats. His final target is none other than Batman, who provided the key testimony in the Mad Hatter's trial. Batman and Robin have the Mad Hatter and his gang cornered but the criminal mastermind manages to encase the Caped Crusader in plaster of Paris." 
70 minutes

RD Wishes He Was Named "Jervis", like this week's villain. He is also back from vacation. He and family went to Galaxy's Edge at DisneyWorld and was lucky to ride the Rise of the Resistance. They also went to Universal which he likes more including his favorite the Spider-Man ride, and randomly talking about Orange Cassidy with Donkey and Fiona. While TNA was at Universal Vince went on the Spider-Man with Shane Douglas who also enjoyed it greatly.

Vince thanks supporters for their patience while host Channel Attitude was establishing its RSS feed. He has gone to his second disk in his set.

On an early morning in Gotham a chef is using mass quantities of flour. His huge hat is a tempting snatch for our villain, who uses a never failing mesmerizing beam in his top hat to also capture his target. Said kidnapping involves a blue van. He then steals a deerstalker style cap while his top hat plays a low-key lullaby as his theme.

Cut to Police HQ where only Gordon and O'Hara remain. (:11) Gordon: "At this rate, no hat in Gotham will be safe from Jervis Tetsch!" RD is so happy they also use his name. Vince is happy that Batman is needed because he was involved in jailing him last time rather than being called just because. "It was a sad day indeed when the word 'parole' was coined!" RD wonders how many trials Hatter had so far.

Vince wished he had written a subtle Batman series referencing character while in the industry. RD remembered when WCW UK used Batman style bubbles to cover the violence.

Hatter has with him his henchpeople Cappy and "Dizzer", which confuses Vince. It's actually Dicer, "a man’s hat, made of stiff silk or felt, not as tall as a top hat, but of similar shape (though the term is sometimes also applied to a derby)".

Bruce is currently using a marble bust to lecture Dick on "the pro-cess-eeze of sculpting a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study." RD is unsure if Aunt Harriet was wearing a bra or not while in a "quandry" over the "oolong tea or the pekoe" for some tea party. Sad News: RD hates tea. Alfred loudly tells Bruce it's the Batphone and the Duo have to leave for a "black-footed albatross at Sleighter's Slew." Robin: "And maybe a fork-tailed petrel." RD reads the characteristics of a petrel. He thinks they should have kept that for the Penguin. Vince thinks they will just reuse it.

The Duo meet at Police HQ. (:20) O'Hara: "Nobody's safe! He's stealing hats! WHERE WILL HE STOP?" Batman: "In a court of law where he's been stopped before?" RD wonders why they're forgetting the kidnappings. Batman: "Few men die of threats, Robin."

Gordon thanks Batman for his service. Batman: "Fighting crime deserves no gratitude. It's my fervent hope that warped minds such as his can be rehabilitated once and for all."

As the Duo leave O'Hara grabs a random phone to yell to "CLEAR ALL EXITS FOR THE BATMOBILE!" and then we see there's nobody there.

RD finds the Hatter's bright orange hair, swirly mustache, and painted bushy eyebrows amusing. He's there with his henchlady...LISA. (Actor Diane McBain would also appear in an Elvis movie in the same year.) Lisa is head over heels for Hatter, who aims to kidnap his trial jury and Batman (via his cowl) to re-trial himself while trying to get subtly handsy with her. 

Cappy and Dicer stand around asking about lunch for some reason, reminding RD of a shirt he saw while on vacation. Vince is reminded of when he got a luxurious three days off in WWF to take the family to Universal where a third of the people wore Austin 3:16 shirts. (:32)

RD is alarmed by Hatter's hat making torture device with flailing knives that can make "oatmeal mush". Hatter: "He could wind up a tassel on a tam o'shanter." Lisa: "Oh, you pixie!" RD gives her 8 Batpoles for her character more than her appearance (including hair) which would have earned her a 6 otherwise. Vince likes her perkiness but gives her a 7.5, thinking RD was too high. RD skips ahead to another lady, Babette, with the shortest skirt, to give her a "solid" 7. Vince gives her a 5 due to her nasally voice. RD thinks Vince wants to "hook up" with her now 85 year old actor (Sandra Wells).

Hatter also wants to sell his kidnapped jury for "all the president's hats". (To quote Top Hat, "follow the felt.")

The Duo are fashionably late to reach the 11th juror, Madame Magda of a hat shop, in time. "I'm sure the communists had something to do with this!" randomly says the shop's customer. (:40) Vince is alarmed that Lisa can pop up to give Batman a clue without his asking any questions (she is posing as Magda's employee). 

Meanwhile Warden Criton has a Batman statue/Batstatue up in the prison for some reason. Vince thinks it's for deterrence. RD disagrees. 

Back to the Batcave the Duo look at their giant "edge-lighted" map of the city to draw a hat and find their 12th juror. Robin: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Vince thinks he's speaking about gimmicks. 

Hatter goes to sculptor Octave Marbot and disguises himself as he with an exaggerated French accent. Despite the World's Greatest Detective having met him before, he goes along with it without attempting to apprehend him then and there. RD is alarmed that Hatter wants to see Robin so much in the dressing room where Octave is also. Hatter (to Lisa): "My expert mimicry and perfect French fooled them completely!"

Cue the worst fight scene so far with blown spots rampant. (:50) Hatter goes for his mesmerizer. Batman goes for his "anti-mesmerizing Batreflector" (a mirror) and accidently hits Robin with it. Hatter then gets Batman with a trash can to the back, sending him into some "super fast hardening plaster". Hatter: "Batman will be permanently plastered!" He then has his own little soliloquy about his hat torturer while Batman continues to get plastered. Vince wonders why he uses acid spray to make hats. 

Vince liked that they finally get a serious villain with a plausible plot of revenge. RD agrees, including "waggish" Lisa, even if he had to use dumb luck to get what he wanted. 

Vince gives himself applause for giving RD much material to write on. (:60) He has an issue with Tony Khan talking about ratings and audience numbers or something. RD agrees, just wanting to watch the wrestling.

• Special Guest Villain: The Mad Hatter (David Wayne) 

• Blue Van: 1

277 RD-Animator: October 30, 2018

Costume Ideas For Halloween: Idiot In Car and Idiot in Neon!

53 minutes

RD attempts to play it straight. This lasts for a minute before his "doorbell" rings. His subsequent receiving of a package, which contains the SeanceTrolla N08 Cauldron, makes Blade laugh. He turns it on, making it play cliche "scary music" and causing a dot matrix printer to print him an ominous warning. (:08)

'Someone' told Blade last progrem that his low register voice makes him sound sleepy. And here I thought he was just drunk or hungover.

As is his eternal custom Roddy Piper warns the kids about idiots in cars. Blade has some issues with his syntax. (:13)

Blade: "You know, wouldn't it be fun if we were like down to two listeners, and those two listeners were named RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton?"

A now teenage RD Junior has been to Disneyworld at least once a year. (:17) Sad News: Rafiki's ride is being shut down (it's the circle of life you see).

Blade shills being on TV and in more horror movies. (:24)

Brooke Hogan: Fashion Hero's 2nd season is going international. Apparently this is a thing. Blade sings badly without RD's MIDI to accompany him.

At Wrestlecon April 5th Joey Ryan will have some sort of Penis Party right in the middle of the MetLife stadium. Blade does some more random singing.

Piper reminds people to say please and thank ya.

Tammy has finally been released from prison. (:35) She now wants to do a "farewell tour" before going back to school and "private life". For her sake and well-being, I sincerely hope it works out this time. Unfortunately experience and history tells me things won't change for the better, not even now. One has to just wait and see I suppose.

Blade continues to confuse himself with the Midnight Rose. Why, it's almost like they're one and the same person.

The Cauldron threatens Blade this time with a Pete Townshend lyric. Blade is definitely one to get fooled again. And again. And again after that.  (:38)

Derek Quinn of the Powerhouse of Sound DJ Service (3), asks about other wrestlers who might provide their own Halloween safety tips. (:39) They think Virgil could work. RD also wants to pay for Tammy to give tips. (That sure sounded wrong.) They also want Ken Patera, what with his experience with being hungry.

Piper reminds you to take (all) your candy back home to your parents before you eat it. (:42)

:46 Before the two can continue to further mess around as is their itinerary, the OG SeanceTrolla activates, "reviving" Nate and his coarse voice to strangle RD in the name of TNA Total Non Stop Action Wrestling. On the other end a sleepy Blade is "woken up" by John Kelly, who has sources. (:50)

Only Johnny 6 is left to do the Haiku (:51) in a rather lower register of voice than usual for some reason. Perhaps he too is sleepy. Further, his theme boops and beeps that bring him in are of somewhat of a low quality this time around, most likely due to the hard work of the SeanceTrolla reviving him into undeath and NOT because RD lost the original version and asked us for a replacement copy.

No, really.

Silver Shamrock:
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.

Piper reminds you to have lots of fun trick-or-treating, and if you have any leftover/bad candy to send to Vince to poison him.



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Drive in Movie Maniacs
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  

 

• Blade's Poor Performance Excuse: Sick/tired lately

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Delivery Man, N.E.R.D., CS John Kelly
  

• Blade Time Outs:  2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Derek Quinn (3)
  
• Since the dearly departed Hot Rod is no longer with us, what wrestling personality would you like to hear Halloween safety tips from? Blade: Virgil.
  

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Everyone’s dead. Who will do the haiku?  Johnny!
  
  Happy Halloween!
  Happy happy Halloween!
  Happy Halloween!

 

198 Null-Stars: July 22, 2011

82 minutes

Using the opportunity of C.M. Punk 'escaping' WWE with the belt, Triple H has finally taken his revenge against Vince for putting him in The Chaperone and has temporarily replaced him on screen. My advice for his first order of business: remove whoever is running WWE Studios with someone more competent.

A rare deal this week only: you can have the Archive Disk for only $15! Related to that you can also get Blade's limited Midnight Rose shirt until August 15th.

:12 Blade wants to search the "Canon" to find how long his Doug Jarvis-style Mickey James mentioning streak has lasted. (Heh, it's funny seeing the legendary Hab winning his 6th Stanley Cup as an assistant coach with Boston) While I CAN tell you when they started talking about her in the first place, I'm not that much of a fool to go over the episodes AGAIN to pinpoint any gaps and holes in that streak. Not unless serious bribes are involved. Anyway, there's more shilling of this very site. RD wonders if a (no doubt fascinating) segment named "To Quote Mike Check" would be the next Fantasy Booking Island.

:17 Blade thinks the show is menstruating. I think it's more like it's going through menopause. RD's been in Europe much of the year, but he only took the opportunity just recently to go visit Disneyland Paris. At right is an example of what is considered a fun ride for young children. Speaking of unbroken hymens...sadly Popeye does not call in claiming to have made the ride. Shockingly Blade is not drunk...yet. Again, he's probably getting his 'caffeine' in Irish coffee. Cap'n Crunch Treasures are King Pedophile cereals in disguise. (:25) Sadly Popeye does not call in here either to show his approval.

:29 The Big Nippled Vampire was once supposed to be on the radio progrem against Damien Demento but for some reason she sadly couldn't make it. Sad News: her webpage was down at the time of recording (it's up at the time of writing.) Sir Alec is summoned to try and take her place. (:35) He has another Shawn Michaels 'story' about him against PETA.

New Jack has been rather heated against his former girlfriend Terri Runnels, she of the house scam. (:43) Sad News: according to him she was spreading a venereal disease around the locker room. Sadder News: she was once involved with New Jack. Saddest News: remember when Don's friend fucked a horse?

:47 Satan's Tubular Bells are back to their regular 'normal' sound this week. He can't get inside Google Plus yet though. Those anti-daemonic wards must still be working. He reads for us more of New Jack, who apparently has 'naked photos' of her. Even worse is Gene Snitsky 'hacking' his own page to insult the Miz and his fans because he has a hot girlfriend instead of a foot fetishist bounty hunter angle.  Good news is RD doesn't bother to censor him this time. His daemonic powers are probably at full power today.

:54 The BNV had some rather strange ring names. Poor lady, she must be far too nice to ask for more dignified sounding names. The Question of the Week is from Dallas James who is lonely and wants to crash a party. RD wants one made for the 200th episode. Blade wants uploaded footage of character dress up to be discussed on said episode.

:59 The HTMM is again a no-show so Jim calls instead. (:62) He needs a taste tester and takes the time to mock "Johnny Age" and can relate to a TNA Knockout's face paralysis. Then he abruptly leaves. 

:67 Blade does his Mike Tyson impression. C.M. Punk stores his belt in his fridge to make it Mountain Cold. RD can't help but watch a old clip of a random lady shooting on someone. Why she's not currently on Raw is a mystery for the ages.

Vince's fashion sense is as impeccable as always.

All kinds of stuff:
Vince in salmon suit.
Goodbye to wrestling, hello
Chicken of the Sea.

$5.00 ($28.00)



What's this? Blade's crossed the $25 mark with flying colors? Why, this calls for...well, a prize! Something bonus that can be fit into the jar (if physically possible) to commemorate this fantastic milestone.

What do you have for us, Rich?

That's right P, it's The Price Is Right computer game! Now you too can have fun coming on down in the comfort of your own home! Get on the Showcase Showdown, get the chance to win a brand new car, or even just mess around just to hear those legendary losing horns while flirting with Carey's Cuties. It can be done with this Nintendo John Seal Of Approval game right in your hands! All this in stunning Windows XP-era graphics for the amazing actual retail price of $19.99, but only if...The Premier Is Right! Back to you, P.

($28.00 plus TPIR game for $19.99)

(Many thanks to Robert Q. Seidelman for the item recommendation. Check out his site here. Trust me, it's far more funny than anything I could write.)

197 I have something to say...3-D: July 1, 2011

101 minutes

DO NOT WANT

The AFC lost the Pro Bowl, so RD must recite many listener-submitted insults. This is despite him trying to make everyone forget about his debt by having so many weeks pass without updating the radio progrem. A noble attempt to be sure, but futile.

Beside that, the Co-Fruitcakes have to make it up by discussing the passing of Randy Savage. (:09 - :17) He once had an erection at some point in time that only Blade noticed. But he's not gay or anything. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.)

RD's PSA (:22): Use more efficient methods for birth control. Ruffles Double-Fisted Bacon Cheeseburger Chips have a rather unfortunate name, despite their taste.

RD went to Disneyworld again for a Star Wars Weekend (:28) where he met a Mon Mothma impersonator. Apparently Peter Pan moonlights as Luke Skywalker. As worrying as it may sound, it might have its benefits. Instead of having to get around in an X-Wing he could just Force Fly to his destination.


The Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness II are fighting vertically-challenged combatants in Topeka on the 16th. (:40) The bare mention of his name is enough to get Tony's Theme running, like it always seems to do. It's his ring tone or something.

Rose is also with Jim Ross and Stubby sending weird submissions to the Honky Tonk Man on his second shoot DVD. Some random online reviewer doesn't get them, thinking that Jim sounded somehow like Freddy Krueger. Jim calls to dissuade him (badly). (:45) Apparently he was a big fan of 38 Special.

Satan's Tubular Bells sound different somewhat. (:50) Gorgeous George thinks she's Jim Ross. (But not sadly as Freddy Krueger.) "The Devil made me do it." is her excuse.

The HorseTrolla tells us that Mickey James is 'opening up' for that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish. [I wonder what would draw more. A concert with Mickie and that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish....Or a TNA live event? - Clarence] (:55)

Warning: Do not
consume rectally.

(:59) RD has to answer another Question from Facebook, which is tough as no one wrote an actual question.  He cheats by reading one of those 'questions' from Robert Stenburgh. Blade analyzes the current movie scene.

The Honky Tonk Mail Man has no deliveries for Blade this week. (:64) Perhaps he also works for Canada Post and was on strike.

:66 Blade keeps listening to that 'rerun' of Mike Check as Bob Ali at WTKO The Knockout. RD wonders if this particular edition will be called "Summerslam '88 Boner" for some reason. You're confusing me, Randy.

The big news this week is rather obvious: CM Punk's 'rampaging' worked shoot at the end of Raw. The two have some sort of discussion on the response, which involves Scott Steiner for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Scott Steiner (:76), RD can't help but show Blade a promo for his workout video, which involves him being dry humped by two women.

:80 Blade decides to just give RD all the suitable submissions he wants him to say. However, many make no sense and keep referencing Gay Popeye, thus diluting their potency. Better luck next time Mr. Brakestown.

That being said, whoever came up with the line "the Swear Jar, when full, will be shoved up my ass." is an absolute genius.

Someone has written a haiku for RD:
Chick-a-dee Chyna.
Wanna get that vagina
and freak like Steina'.

In what could only be loosely termed as a Alexander Pope style 'satire', B.M. Punk has his own work shoot worked shoot on-air diarrhea. (:96) No word if he's doing it sitting cross-legged on a toilet seat.

$4.25 ($23.00)

I AM planning for an extra 'reward' for Blade to have to pay when he passes that $25 dollar tier. Whatever it is though, I have to think on still. Suffice to say it should be...something, alright.
 



[Edit: A full list of Deal's "I have something to say" quotes can be read here]

187 The Final Frontier...Of Crap!: November 24, 2010

80 minutes

RD gives a disclaimer: This was recorded on Monday night, around the same time that the Miz defeated CM Punk to become WWE Champion. Obviously BM is not happy.

Sad News: Jillian Hall has been released. Blade wants to ring a bell for her. Luke Gallows was also released, but since he was basically Blade's clone he doesn't really care. Also, Blade looked Husky Harris on the days that he didn't look like Brian Pillman.

With the previous episode being really good (in their opinion anyway), they thus have the fearful thought that today's would not be terrible in response...like Star Trek III. I don't know, it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, have they seen the recent J.J. Abrams movie?

Or the Voyager episode "Threshold" for that matter.

Old School RAW somehow brought back Lord Alfred through a terrible impersonation, so Blade counters with HIS terrible Lord Alfred impersonation. Needless to say it sounds too Oriental, like Christopher Lee when he played Fu Manchu. (Assuming anyone could see him anyway.) They thus wonder how Global Internet's Greg's voice impersonations would go. (Probably surprisingly well, in my opinion.) Blade gets strange dreams dozing off while listening to them discuss Craig DeGeorge on earlier episodes. Also for Thanksgiving, a special treat: All 6 WC DVDs can be yours for just $21! (Too bad I already have them all.) Be warned, their books now look different somehow.

:24 RD took another trip to Disneyland in the last few days. While waiting in line to Captain EO he saw someone shill for the TNA taping taking place nearby. Needless to say, few came. (Now why do I feel Clarence will write something about this this week?) Also for some reason some promotional advertising Shrek 4D seemed to involve SoCal Val. The two wonder on the mystery of her vanishing nose.

:39 A George Foreman biopic may have Ernest "The Kat" Miller in the title role. [No doubt this will have George calling someone's momma after he gets "Rope-a-Doped" - Clarence] On the other end of the movie making business Joanie Laurer attempts to squash rumors she is making another porn movie. SPEAKING OF the strange things people do,  Blade's ex-girlfriend got angry over yet another picture of a wrestling diva.

:51 The Devil makes another call in. He reveals his plan of taking over the world through social networking sites. This time Tammy Sytch is angry at WWE yet again for passing her by on their Legends show. Then Satan wishes the two a Happy Thanksgiving. He's nothing if not considerate, I'll give him that.

:56 Jim Ross calls in, angry as ever, especially considering he was recently at the Legends show. He's making his time losing money by selling turkeys from ice cream vans. Needless to say it did not go well. Now, if he had turkey flavored ice cream...

Meanwhile Mickey James is going to have Meet & Greet in Virginia. Of course Blade would probably miss his chance to go see her.

:66 John Kelly calls. There are rumors that Hogan's gotten married to someone who is looks like Brooke. His puns are all over the place in response, causing RD to finally admit he doesn't think of him as a good TNA correspondent any more. This means only one thing - he's going to have a 'tragic' death soon. I fully expect Jimmy Smits to replace him for the role.

:71 The latest DVD release of the Top 50 Superstars in WWE History did not go well with many people, due to the fact that Hogan is #23, ahead of Bruno Sammartino.

Seventeen (plus Five) Syllables of exception to it:
Top 50 Wrestlers.
What a total load of shit.
Where are Ax and Smash?/Where is Adonis?

RD "I don't think a lot of people will be thankful for this show."

177 Choke-Job: June 17, 2010

61 minutes
((( recorded in one-half low phone-buzzing fidelity )))

Sad News: the "demise" of Patrick Stewart at the Roast. (Even worse, Blade's sound quality while being outside on the job, no Mike Check-style live remotes sadly.) He probably pretended to die to sneak back to London to accept his knighthood. It's just another teaser for the upcoming DVD.

A first: Blade avoids re-telling a Don Mason story about him getting bitten by a caterpillar. Rambling discussion over his sound quality.

Even more Sad News: Mike Check has formally come out of hiding from playing dead at the Roast. RD can't read the Angry Marks ad copy no more, not even as Jeff Foxworthy if possible. Lord Alfred shills from beyond the grave. RD resists the urge to answer the telephone even as Blade wants to fuck a DVD. (...is he really that small?)

:12 RD's TRIP to a Star Wars convention in Florida to meet random actors and actresses. No Jake Lloyd Jr. though. RD Junior judo chops Ray Park. RD does not understand the term 'cosplay'. Blade eats Doritos' Mr. Dragon Fire Chips from the base of Mt. Fuji. His opinion of them is unfavorable. Their caller attempts again to ring in.

:32 The Midnight Rose will wrestle once more with Jerry Lynn on July 9th somewhere. Stacy Carter is engaged to Kizarny. Obscure Diva Blade wants to be with: Scott Steiner's woman. RD meanwhile likes Velvet Mcintyre. Trish Stratus is not naked after all.

Dream Analraping: Mickie James' parents did not like Blade's bandana for some reason. I have no idea of half of what Blade is saying.

Jackie Gayda has once again given birth while her husband continues to try and get a profit from her. (I am definitely sure if hopeful that she is a far better mother than she was a 'wrestler'.)

:45 Question: Paul searches for the mythical McDonald's that Ken Patera once 'interior designed'. Blade has a few places of his own that he wants to visit in his spare time.

:49 It is Blade's turn to find another TNA guy, a 'comedian' this time around, "hopefully" by the next vernal equinox. They're running out of viable 'comedic' stereotypes/impressions/voices at this point.

:51 Carol Brady will guest host RAW. More discussion on whether old TV stars are still alive or not. Blade: "We basically talked about nothing about wrestling at all." Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson has been future endeavored.

Seventeen Syllables of Wrestling News
Bryan Danielson.
Work or shoot, they ask again?
Shoot, he needs work now.

RD finally relents and picks up the Sheriff on the line who teases us for next week...What is this, a Doctor Who serial? Will we find out he shot JR too? [Are you sure you're not related to Mike Check? - "Showstealer"] [Depends, did he work in the Dallas market at one point? He MUST have been Harvey Lee while working in the 60s.]

139 Rise of the Midnight Rose: March 20, 2009

77 minutes

Blade took a recent stint in indie wrestling as the Midnight Rose, and he's even got (another) irrelevant MySpace page to prove it. (At least until he forgets its password or updating it.) Blade attributes this success to carrying his mask everywhere with him.

The Three Faces of Blade (not starring Joanne Woodward) apparently consist of Blade, this new Pink Assassin Midnight Rose, and Slice of the mysteriously hidden Last Name. He's also going to RAW with front row and center tickets. (:07) RD thinks Blade having sex with Mickie James on TV will raise ratings. I know one thing it would certainly raise...(:09)

It seems this Pink Rose has also driven Dependo's profile from YouTube, giving him the opportunity to lie in wait creating his next attack against our Co-Fruitcakes. (:10) Believe me, he will. Although the way things are going with RD's Popeye impression as a gay sailor, I think he doesn't need to lift a finger to sabotage the show. He can just let them do all the work for him.

Also for some reason the web page has a third sponsor, topcasinodirectory.com. But they say nothing about it here. I'm assuming Dependo hacked into their page.

RD didn't go to the Grocery at all during last week's haitus, instead taking another TRIP to Disney World (:17). He saw Rafiki there again. Chief Strongbone gives a 'How'. (:22) RD met the world's most effeminate Peter Pan. Are you sure about that?

Time for FanFiction Theatre! (:26) This week finds Stephanie McMahon with Trish Stratus re-enacting the end of The Crying Game. [That's too recent a movie for Vince to have heard about.]

Obscure Wrestling News. (:34) Lacey Von Erich is in some film or other. Bobo Brazil Jr is in some indie show and Triple H is 'expected' to be there.

This week's Question (:40) sees a German Crapper by the name of Wolfgang Uberhard sending 80's German porn music.

Mike Check tunes in. (:45) He didn't watch TNA due to recording trouble with a James Bond movie. Instead he talks about his time at KPPV "Mix 106" in Prescott Arizona. Did you know he was in a show named the Car Tunes Afternoon Drive, and he was once Mad Dog McGoo in The Deputy Dog Show?

He does get off (literally) to SoCal Valerie (by Steve Winwood). Speaking of which we badly segue into the two commenting on a Don Mason tribute video, Call on Don , which combines his masked dancing with some recent music video thing. (:57) The Co-Fruitcakes talk about the arousing images of Don with the intercut music, and if dancing Don is your thing, who am I to complain? (Weirdly enough Steve Winwood DID work with a Mason. Not Don though.)

Blade has some Did Ya? (Fun Facts) segment to mock the WWE's own, with expected terrible results (:63). Blade found a random hat. Koko B. Ware is in the Hall of Fame, but there's no word yet on if Frankie will join him. (:65) Duran Duran's Planet Earth is watched. (:67) Did they collaborate with Steve Winwood though? The Diva Battle Royale is discussed just slightly. (:71)

(Concocted) Seventeen Syllables:
A Diva Royale.
You know it won't be complete;
We need Hervina.

101 Celebra-neigh-tion: April 25, 2008

Behold! Ghetto Amusement Park "He-Man"...

Celebra-neigh-tion, Disneyland, Johnny Sixplodes
(81 minutes)

Kool and the Gang opens the show with a horsetastic Celebration as Mickie James has been your new WWE Women's Champion for eleven days. This is the third April in a row that she has won the belt.

RD and family went to Disneyland (:10). Blade tells of his ghetto unsafe amusement park trip to see He-Man and Skeletor (:13). Tour guides of Disney's Jungle Cruise tell the same jokes every time, much like this radio progrem (:19).

Blade hit the bottle in celebration since April 14 (:21). He drinks some Miller Lite and V8. While in California, RD passed a Carl's Jr and noticed an ad for Cap'n Crunch Milkshake (:27). A regular-sized Carl's Jr Cap 'n Crunch shake provides 120% of your daily saturated fat needs.

...Skeletor...

Blade passed a tractor-trailer on the highway whose art advertised Fruit Stripe gum (:33). Blade wonders, what are the odds? Well, the parent company owns ninety trucks.

Faxtrolla: The Ultimate Warrior versus Orlando Jordan (:36). The plumbing at the new arena of WWE's sole farm promotion, Florida Champsionship Wrestling, wasn't finished on schedule. Some crazy rumor has it that Piper said he was asked by the WWE to be in an MMA match before this year's Summer Olympics in Beijing.

Question of the Week: David has a wet nightmare about Ashley Massaro (:49). In response Blade gets into some Dream Analysis: he dreamt of Superstar Billy Graham and the Rods (:53). Johnny Six karaokes Chaka Khan's tune, "I Feel For You," because TNA's Rhaka Khan had other people autograph her trading cards (:62). Blade implores Johnny to sing the intro to the song, and Johnny explodes, with the old dynamite sound effect. Johnny Six is dead (:68). RD's reaction to this is to just...remark on how some DJ Quext of Myspace wants Blade's singing skillz. He is barely affected AT ALL by any side-effects of an explosion; be it the deafening from the noise, shrapnel from the metal hitting him or the Trollas, or even having some comedic black soot on him. He's just worried about who will clean his house now. Is B.M. Punk available?

...And Man-At-Arms!

Mike Adamle has been banished to ECW's announce table next to Taz (:72). RD has wisely chosen to not choose any of the presidential candidates who appeared on Raw this week (:76). It was an embarrassment to the nation. Nader gets my vote again, by default, again. [Oops, I forgot and voted for Obama. --Iggy 09jan16]

Seventeen Syllables of an Exciting Haiku:
Barack is cookin'--
Cookin' a segment more rank
than Hillary's crotch.

076 Musical Sad Balls: September 21, 2007

Musical Sad Balls
(89 minutes)

RD and Blade wonder what to do with Vince's new son Hornswaggle.

Young Blade once put shoe polish in his hair to try and look like Daryl Hall. He repeats this from last time since no one listened to it the first time.

New temporary sponsor: WCWArulz.com. Come see them at the Dream Reunion Show at Kokomo!

RD's Trip to Disney World II (:15): RD ate at all the world restaurants in Epcot. Blade's Trip to Wal-Mart: A check-out lady is a mark. Blade is highly aroused. (:30)

Obscure Wrestling Sad News (:35): Check-out lady sources have told Blade that Ashley Massaro is to appear on Survivor. Rickey Morton is in jail once again for failure to pay child support. A rap about Ric Flair by a former Detroit Lion includes the requisite Wooooing. (:42) Kamala topped his rocking chair song with a song about molestation. (:44) Myspace is THE place to receive random music invites for an 'all-ages show' by random bots.

Question of the Week (:55): Blade: "We really should do a show where we try to be professional." The Ravishing One gets Rick Rude's theme song. Quote the lyrics: "his body's chiseled, abs all in a row / you'd think he was sculpted by Mike Angelo." 

 

Clocktrolla: 10083 days. (:62) Candice beat the Glamazon.

Abe Lincoln is an avid time-traveller. (:67) Sad Balls. (:70) Raw made Blade hit the bottle because Phoebe Cates got cut. (:69) The Diva Search is so bad now that its contestants all look like girls that are already Divas and it's only available on the Internet. HHH came back and destroyed like Godzilla.

Seventeen Unstoppable, Deadly, and Lethal Syllables:
Unstoppable Trips.
Call him the UnderHunter,
King of Burials.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Horn to my Swoggle, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, WCWA
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Midgets jumping on couches, Lions, careers unfolding and women we're proud of, weddings
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Perfect Strangers, Leave It To Beaver, Phoebe Cates
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 2
• GGG Bombs: 1
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 2
• Ashley Massaro References: 2
  

• Question of the Week from: The Ravishing One
• My name is The Ravishing One, you know, like Rick Rude except even more ravishing. My question is this: would the Executioner, played by Buddy Rose, or the Executioner, played by Teddy Gordy, have been more successful and perhaps gone on to big money programs, had his entrance song be Hangman by Beat Happening? Please listen to the attached file and let me know your thoughts on the matter. I look forward to hearing them, just don't try to pawn off the Dusty Rhodes book on me. I don't know if that song would have really helped anyone.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Unstoppable Trips.
  Call him the UnderHunter,
  King of Burials.

 

040 Banana Tapestry: September 15, 2006

Banana Tapestry
(68 minutes)

Sad thing is, she looks
better here than in real life.

RD wonders why there hasn't been a serial killer gimmick. Although, Stone Cold Steve Austin did base his personality on a serial killer. RD has seen an Oklahoma City Bomber gimmick. (:03) 

Lord Alfred promotional considerations globalinternet.net. (:04) RD and Blade want you to get a URL from them so that you can get laid, particularly as they also have their entire URLs on large sized condoms. Unfortunately for RD he has a small penis.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: (:07) hot dogs packaged with buns. Blade is reminded of monster chili dogs.

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: (:10) Boo Berry's appearance has reverted to a stoner. This is good news for Blade, who had secretly hated the cereal until then.

Mr. Cosby, before Pudding Pops destroyed his soul.

RD tells more Disney World stories. Blade imagines he's with Bill Cosby. RD demonstrates how to eat a banana. (:19)

Mail Bag: (:23) Blade says, "Your bag is always special to me." Something about comic books and superheroes. RD says people on the forums want him to sing.

Nine people sent in messages about their experiences with a Chyna blanket. Marvel Pinguino Dickey "had a friend" buy one for his ex. Chris W made a foolish mistake buying it at Wal-Mart. Zach Harris "knew someone" who bought it to patch their broken down trailer. Terry McCarty has it hanging in his dining room. Timmy K knew a young girl who was a big fan of "the big girl with the belt" and thus bought one for her for $4 Canadian. Jeff "knew someone" who sold it for £1.50. And finally Josh Dunn used it for his unit. (One was disqualified for trying to bring up Bea Arthur's wig. Another vanished into the aether.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:46) Francine is now attractive again, according to Vince. SPEAKING OF Chyna she made out with a porn star. The ECW Zombie wants booked. Molly Holly and Ivory will drive a Winnebago to Canada for Trish's wedding. Blade calls them tapestry munchers.

Blade hit the bottle when Rambo Greg Gagne was fired from OVW booking. (:53) RD sings a few lines of Dr Feelgood. RD names many Dr Pepper knock-offs. Kelly Kelly is dating Test, who is not a lesbian.

Seventeen Syllable Prescription for Your Andrew Test Martin Question:
Why do chicks dig Test?
Kelly's got the right answer.
He's got foot-long dong.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Ricky to my Robert, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Charlie Smith
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Penis references, trying to get into somebody’s pants, ugly, things that are truly ugly, first name basis, lesbians, people who aren’t lesbians, lesbians2 (3), crackwhore on the street
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Tom Brokaw, Cher, Sonny Bono
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Zombie Growls: 2 
  

• Trish Stratus References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Marvel Pinguino Dickey: You and Mr. Brakestown are quite possibly the funniest two wrestling marks I have EVER heard in my life. And yes, even those old Johnny Polo quips don't top your stuff man. Anyhow, I have a friend who bought that tapestry for his ex-girlfriend. Why? I have no clue. In fact, I sometimes question him about whether she was his girlfriend, or if he was perhaps gay and dating a man dressed in drag much like the aforementioned Chyna. Seriously, are those supposed to be breasts? They more closely look like uncooked chicken thighs if you ask me. Anyhow, I thought you'd like to know. He didn't actually buy the thing.
  
• Chris W: I bought the Chyna blanket. I had a crush on Chyna in her WWF days. So one day I was shopping at Walmart, and I say a blanket with Chyna's face on it and I didn't hesitate to throw it in my cart. I can't say it was the best $9.95 I spent. That's a big mistake.
  
• Zach Harris: I didn't buy the Chyna blanket but I know someone who did. A friend of mine who lived in a broken down trailer with all of the windows to the bedroom were broken out so he bought the cheapest thing he could to cover up the windows. That of course being a Chyna blanket along with an Undertaker blanket. It may be worth mentioning that my friend never watched wrestling and had no idea who Chyna or the Undertaker are. Let him off.
  
• Terry McCarty: Hi. I don't know what is wrong with you. I purchased that wall tapestry when it came out years ago, and now it still proudly hangs in my dining room. I think you're just envious because you don't have one so HA. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
  
• Timmy K: I just read the section about the Chyna tapestry and I did indeed buy one. The reason for buying it is actually very simple.  A few years back when they were pushing the hell out of Chyna I had a friend whose little sister would sit down and watch wrestling with us. I think she was like five or six. Anyway, her favorite wrestler was Chyna, although she called her "the big girl with the belt". So one day there was a yard sale on my street and I saw the tapestry for 4 bucks Canadian, so I bought it for her, which she used as a blanket by the way. I wish there was a better story to it, but I'm sorry, there isn't. That's a good story. 
  
• Jeff: Hi RD, love the site. Gotta say though that I wish it was updated every week. Anyway, the Chyna tapestry: yeah I know a guy who bought one. He sold it shortly afterwards for £1.50. Of weed?
  
• Josh Dunn: I bought one. Gotta cover yourself with something when you're whackin' it. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Rafiki needs to take a Test. Banana?
  Why do chicks dig Test?
  Kelly's got the right answer.
  He's got foot-long dong.

039 The RD & Blade Variety Hour: September 8, 2006

The RD & Blade Variety Hour
(61 minutes)

Cher once accepted an Oscar for Brando.

RD wants you to hate him, so he sings Cher songs.

RD took a Trip to Disney World with his family. (:09) He asks Blade if he'd rather be Mrs Deal or Mrs Trash. Sleepy, so sleepy.

Obscure Wrestling News, 25 minutes in: The Great Collie managed to evade being a police officer for six months. One of the listeners gets off to RD's voice. Bryan Danielson is fighting Kamala at ROH. Will they fight using rocking chairs?

Mail Bag: It's something, I bet. (:34) OT wants an apology from Vince for Katie Vick. RD does not like Ariel much: "I've seen better heads on boils." He's basically in monologue mode today. Mike Paulin wants the Brooklyn Brawler for the Hall of Fame. (:39) Blade wants some guy named 'Aldo Morino' for the place. RD responds to him with a song.

RD was watching a Von Erichs DVD, and all the numerous deaths from that territory. (:45) A 'slave for the day' angle from that gives RD an idea for an Annual Colts' vs Lions' Seasons Bet: the loser will recite phrases sent in by fans.

Kurt Angle is gone from TV. (:56) RD wants to be dictator.

Seventeen Syllable Tribute:
Goodbye, Trish Stratus.
It's the final curtain. I'll
miss your meat curtain.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The “Handsome Half-Breed” Gino Hernandez to my “Gentleman” Chris Adams, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Heroes of World Class DVD
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Pimping out a website, which, having your hand in your pants while listening to this show, strange people, strange people wanking off to my golden tones, giant things
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Cher
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• RD Time Outs:  1
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2

 

• Shelley Martinez References:  2
• Trish Stratus References:  5

 

• Mailbag
• OT: Dear Arby's and Blade, would you be willing to part with Katie Vick's outfit if Vince would be willing to finally admit to making arguably the hugest mistake of his career? I mean, Muffie would need it to feud with Kevin Thorne and Ariel. I didn't even understand that question.
  
• Mike Paulin: Hey RD and Blade, got a wrestling related question for you. Who do you guys think should be inducted into next year's Hall of Fame? I'm thinking maybe Brooklyn Brawler. Blade: Aldo Morino. Von Erichs. 
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Goodbye, Trish Stratus.
  It's the final curtain. I'll
  miss your meat curtain.