Rest In Peace Harry Simon

As RD put it on his site in turn, Blade said it best:

Very sad news to report and I’m still stunned. I just learned of the passing of one of the longtime members of the WrestleCrap family, Harry Simon. For the longtime WrestleCrap Radio listeners, Harry portrayed the role of my longtime rival on the show, the notorious bill collector, John Thomas. Harry’s incredible humor cannot be understated in regards to just how much he meant to our show/listeners in the early days of WCR, as well as the written material he provided for the website. I remember us chatting a while back about how much fun we had doing the old WrestleMania 2 induction, which is where this image is taken from.

Just a great, great guy and a good pal. He will be forever missed. Rest in peace, buddy.

Harry had been one of the WC fellows for a very long time, and his range and scope which were tremendously large spread over to WCR. Although he voiced many random 'guests' on the progrem, his trademark was as the (in)famous John Thomas of Chase Meridian Mastercharge, frequently hounding Mr. Blade Brakestown for his huge credit card bills, going all the way back to 2006. (He was also Lee Marshall on that episode.)

A good and talented man, he will be sorely missed by all, especially on this particularly sad and tragic day. Our thoughts and condolences go out to his family and loved ones.

200 The Call-Out: October 21, 2011

137 minutes (!)

If their arrows blot out the sun,
it would help global warming.

Despite missing two months to who knows what, things are back to 'normal', at least before the duo takes the year off due to someone breaking their back or something. And what better way to do that than to reminisce, both with the Co-Fruitcakes and other Listeners favorite moments on a forum thread. Even RD has forgotten a few moments during the show's history. This shows he's not a regular visitor of this here site which would have helped him out. And he would also know that our Beloved Founder (The Founder to my Premier as it were) [To my hired help? - Clarence][The Founder to my Premier to my Showstealer, as it were.] has helped summarize all their episodes. Go have a look. Trust me, it's better than this week, because nothing of note happens for the next 24 minutes, except for another Don anal story (is there any other kind?).

Blade spoils things by saying that Rowdy Roddy Piper (the ACTUAL legend and not just his legendary PSAs) will be appearing next episode. (:18)

Blade has found his favorite 'Nitro party' entry. (:22) He reads an '11th hour' letter sent in August.

And now you can end the show here if you like. (Mrs. Deal! Get Iggy on the phone!) This is because the rest of the show is just people calling in and messing around. If that sounds familiar...well it is, and we don't even get Global Internet's Greg or the Zombie to spice things up. I'm not necessarily going to take them to task for disobeying the Cornette Rule and repeat the same angle (or episode) only after seven years, and I know they were probably rushed for time to do something or risk wasting yet another fruitless week. But looking at this from a creative viewpoint as I always do, they should at least have made one thing different. Perhaps have Nate come back from the 'dead' and have him break Mike Check out of jail so he can call in randomly and threaten them with a Men Without Hats song or something. I'm expecting next year to be another clip show that would rival the infamous TNG episode Shades Of Grey in terms of nothing happening.

So this year we're essentially getting a WCR Roster roll call as various characters call in to fart around and have fun for some random reason.

And I wonder if I'm losing my mind sometimes.

:25 Pleasantries out of the way, let's get to the self-congratulatory circle jerking. Jim Ross calls to insult the two. Hey, that's my job! I didn't realize he was a newly recruited Co-Historian. He revisits his only video to read comments.

:34 One 'loan' bright spot arises with John Thomas, sight for sore ears. Blade 'thinks' about him. John's been hunting Brakestown down over lifetimes like a Highlander.

:42 The Honky Tonk Mailman gives a call, now the longest running Intercontinental champion TNA correspondent for doing fuck all while the show was hibernating, thank you very much. Matt Morgan's been un-injured six weeks ago. The new Zack Gowan stamp is made from Lego pieces.

Be afraid.

:52 Popeye calls in. He has his own website. Hilarity ensues.

:59 Nintendo John likes some Castlevania game, but hopefully not the one featuring that Bond villain and that guy who sounds like "Stewart Patrick".

:68 David Lee Roth calls in like he's some sort of frequent character now. Sadly his soundboard has no new lines from Runnin' With The Devil so he's not much help.

RD 'remembers' when Johnny Six hosted a show with Blade that one time, which is an excuse to draw a one-line joke even longer than it should. (:72) Are we sure this wasn't included in that April Fools show that one time? Or for that matter, aping Iggy's summations?

Blade's ex-girlfriend does not want to be on the show. I have no idea why. (:76)

:82 Chief Jay Strongbow.

:82 The Midnight Rose calls. He hung out with Blade who played a cripple in a movie. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:90 Corporal Fagsher is still possessed by a car. Knowing he he's probably just censoring himself with his own car noises.

:94 Stubby does his shtick. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:104 B.M. Punk is Chief Jay Strongbowed, as per usual.

:105 Satan confuses RD by 'rereading' Billy Graham's letter. I think he does it even more so by not having his music play while he originally did that. He actually congratulates them on their 'achievement', as he is wont to do.

:111 Sir Alec Heineken and Ellie are 'engaged'. He reads a 'poem'. He temporarily gets possessed by Jim Ross again.

:117 Mike Check gets his prison call. Finally, an actual celebrity! Now the show is picking up. Did he ever tell you about the time he was at Omaha's KFLU 102? He was John Cillin to Andy Rooney's Penny Simpson to host the Penny Cillin Show. [And of course the Curse strikes again, felling the man a fortnight later. - Future PB]

Blade does his Bill Cosby. (:127)

So too his Iron Mark Tyson.

:129 Stevie J shows how ad copy is SUPPOSED to be done. He and his Angry Marks Podcast co-host (Co-Fist?) congratulate the duo.

RD doesn't want to take any more chances and decides to end the show. I don't blame him.

Blade 'doesn't do haikus' on anniversary shows (yes you fucking do) so he sings instead. Mrs. Deal! Get that 80's era Casio keyboard!

$4.00 ($36.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

157 I can't get no Stratusfaction: September 18, 2009

74 minutes

RD is angry at Trish Stratus' new brunette hair color. Of course Blade thinks otherwise. Even Gay Popeye turns temporarily hetero at the thought, which for some reason makes his music longer than normal. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.) RD tries to persuade them with a haiku.

Trish is now brunette.
What more can I really say?
The thrill is all gone.

Oh, so we can leave early then?

Wait, there's another hour of this left to go.

Fuck.

Still no Celebrity TRIP (:11) so instead Blade has to make do with more on Gymini dolls. Bad news: none have been sold this week. Good news: a plastic sticker has been stuck on the back of the damaged Doll so it can join the rest.

Obscure News: (:17) Blade needs to reach the 5000 friend capacity on Facebook. Ivan Koloff has a strict screening policy on his networking sites. Blade fails all his requirements. RD looks at Blade's student referrals on his Facebook page. New Jack is once again acting like a drunken fool on Myspace so Blade has Sir Alec read his drunk bulletin. (:29) The Zombie is now a father! RD wants him to give parenting tips on the show. The HorseTrolla says Mickie James' implants have burst. Blade needs to sing about it, so he does. (:38) In response the Midnight Rose calls with Tony's Theme; he likes Trish too now. (:40)

Question of the Week (:43) from Brian J. who wants to know why he should watch RAW when football season is upon us. (A good question, for once.) RD saw the Pats vs Bills game and insults the Bills. He doesn't like Tom Brady either so he sings about him. Blade doesn't like it so he sings another song against him. Thankfully he only gets so far, so he tries again with another angle. That also fails.

RD gets Johnny 4 for his line of the week. (:52) "Jim Cornette got fired fired fired stay away from dairy queen queen queen queen queen," he says. RD: "Worst TNA Correspondent ever."

Jim Ross calls in to gloat. He's still on the hunt for Dark Journey, AKA Linda Newton, who seems to have taken a Dark Journey off the face of the earth.

Drugs? Naaah!

Current News: (:60) Hulk Hogan has a wrestling company named Hulkamania touring Australia in November, of which he is in the main event against Flair. Blade saw the only copy of Brooke Hogan's new CD which terrifies him. He tries to link her songs to wrestlers. Jeff Hardy has been arrested for drug dealing, and may be facing jail time for opium, of all things. Blade shows his support for him through a loud burp.

Blade sings for his new love Trish.

152 Seguepalooza: July 31, 2009

81 minutes

10% of all proceeds
go to Lucasfilm.

We continue the mockery of ZZ Top at RAW last week. RD wants Vince to sign the Crickets to his shows. He also wants to resurrect old segments. Sadly Fantasy Booking Island is not one of them.

Blade hints at a new segment with the help of The Twilight Zone. (:05) There is no show next week, as RD will be at lovely Phoenix, Arizona. Blade mentions a Loverboy song that RD doesn't know about. Time to hit YouTube for that. See Mike Reno and Beth Phoenix star in Donkey Kong: The Movie! (:06) The video prematurely ejaculates, and so does Blade in response. RD reads new Angry Marks' ad copy, "now 125% more angry".

RD finally has a Celebrity to go with him to the Grocery (:16) This week it's WCR friend Jonny Fairplay. He goes to Trader Joe's, where his cereal of choice is Cookie Crisp. He was at some cantaloupe festival recently, but didn't get along with John Cena oddly. Some discussion about Cena ensues. Mr. Fairplay can be found here.
 
For some reason we wonder about any potential Referees' TRIP to the Grocery (:32) of which we have some random tales of referees.

:36 Obscure News. Could Robert Englund be a potential RAW Guest Host? RD is surprised that Freddy Krueger will be played by Rorschach in the upcoming movie. Gymini doll sales figures - 4 sets left from three weeks ago. Another long Blade Braxton segue.

Eric Bischoff attempts to help the economy by suggesting taxing fat people. No, I have no idea why no one is taking him seriously. (:44) taxfatpeople.com IS taken. Blade did his own taxing in his earlier days in yet another long segue.

There's a new Shockmaster action figure, and it comes with Stormtrooper helmet as illustrated. (:48) Blade does his Nathaniel impression. Blade takes note of the Mr Fuji figure with running number. The BabyTrolla cries, (:55) Francine gives birth. (Congratulations to her.)

PB's List (Exclamation Point) of favorite TNA "correspondents"

:57 The Question of the Week comes from Frank in Cleveland, asking about TNA Correspondents. The Co-Fruitcakes take a look over the list on our site, going over their people for a bit. Blade has a Big Announcement: (:60) He's found a new TNA Correspondent and he promises to have him on next time. Oh, and Tracy Brooks poses for Playboy. (:62)

John Thomas calls in (:63) He is now looking for a Mike Chalk, of Chalk Outline.

:68 Current Wrestling News now has the Coliseum Video music. THE Brian Kendrick has been released. The new induction this week is of Gooker Nominee Braden Walker. A final settlement has been reached on the messy Hogan divorce, leaving Linda free for Blade. He reminds us how his hooker roommate used to lactate for money. He also tries comparing the Big Show's penis size to Shaq's on RAW and discusses Vince trying to anally rape Triple H on his birthday.

Seventeen Syllables:
Hunter is fourty.
Eat some cake and play pin the
Tail on the dead dog.

RD: "I have no earthly idea what you're talking about."

Video: RD & Blade watch a video by Loverboy

Video: Jonny Fairplay's Trip to the Cantaloupe Festival!

149 Not with a bang but a whimper: June 26, 2009

76 minutes

Sad News: The show is back on the airwaves after having skipped a week. ACTUAL "Supposed" Sad News: Candice Michelle and Sim Snuka Jr. have been released. Blade, obviously drunk from the news, makes fun of Sim's name and wants to gag Candice. He searches for her online rather than do his Co-Fruitcake job on this radio progrem. Once again RD thinks Blade is making things up. Mention of the good old Clocktrolla makes the Co-Fruitcakes wonder if they should repeat the same jokes. (:07)

Meanwhile the Curse is having its damn fool effect killing off Ed McMahon, while Walter Cronkite is close to being no longer with us thanks to these two. Blade wants Ashley Massaro to be on the show, RD wants Vince Russo to return. There's also the "big celebration" of Mike Check trying to break the TNA corresponding record, but RD is still angry at the bumper sticker selling (:11) They wonder if Greg had sex with Mike Check's daughter, most likely in his brothel (how would that work?).

Blade took a TRIP to the convenience store (:14) and spends his time trying out some more Doritos flavors. In other words nothing happens for 10 minutes on a show with "wrestling news like no place else".

Jim Ross calls in afterwards to bitch and moan some more. (:24) He's angry at shilling Kentucky Grilled Chicken at RAW, and he tells his 'story' of meeting Colonel Sanders and thinking him a Grand Wizard of the KKK. Even more bizarre is his random reference to former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, making RD crack up even as he continues to mention Michael Cole's "fag house". (...how would that work also?)

From there the two call Sir Alec (:31) who's strangely enough suddenly in mainland America somewhere. (Well, he's 'normally up Blade's street', so in this case somewhere apart from that.) He's unusually evasive this week, making strange noises with the help of RD's computer as he leaves without telling a story. It's almost like he's hiding something that RD & Blade will ultimately forget about a week or so from now...

DESTRUCITY
of a good painting canvas

To some Obscure News, the Warrior is now an Ultimate Knife Painter. (:35) The Co-Fruitcakes look at his works at http://www.warriorgallery.com, which mostly look to be Greg Valentine dressed up as a native American. Blade, now drunk enough to be randomly pressing buttons on his phone, feels moved enough to paint a picture of Candice Michelle to auction for some money should he get around to actually doing so. He should paint one of Stubby and have him sign it.

As RD brings up the terrible thought of Linda Hogan being RAW GM at :44 and possibly giving Vince ideas, the Hulk is trying to stop paying alimony to his wife by trying to make it so that the money is being used for drugs. Hmmm, I guess he's actually the one taking those drugs and coming up with that stupid idea.

The phone rings again, but this time it's none other than good old John Thomas. (:46) After being fired from his former job thanks to Chris Hansen, he's now calling on behalf of DBR Services for "Mike The Czech." So that explains it, he's secretly Keyser Soze! The closest he found of him before was some random abortion clinic. (... ...how would that work also?)

Moving on from that to this week's Question, (:53) Mike N. (Nesmith?) tries to summon Paul Christy to the show, but unfortunately he's on vacation with the woman sexual Triple Kelly and can't attend.

And now to our live remote with Mike Check (:56), at a fireworks factory celebrating his tie for that random record of theirs. Sigh. This whole "Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular" was him attending some Star Wars convention, go to some gun show, and fly a helicopter. That's it. Peter Gazer was more active than him. Hell, Stubby did more than him!

Blade shares my negativity too, still pissed at the veteran DJ for some reason. Mike circumvents this by failing to pretend he doesn't know this John Thomas of DBR Services, instead remembering his days at KBNG "The Big Kabang" in Cheyanne Wyoming, where he was known as Roman Candle and did a show with "The Sparklers".

He then chooses to smoke a cigar given to him from some British chap.

Apparently he failed to notice it was from the ACME company, or that you shouldn't smoke in a goddamn motherfucking fireworks factory. Remind me again what he's doing here? As expected the place goes up in a big explosion, kinda like this show. To further expand the truthiness of the radio progrem, in less than a minute after the whole thing goes up, some random fire marshal comes on the phone at the facility (which is still working and not charred and melted from the flames), sounds incoherently like Blade, and then just leaves.

At this point I'm looking at the Hornswaggle as Vince's son angle and thinking how realistic it was.

In any case, RD plays John Parr's St. Elmo's Fire as he knew Mike would if he were still with us.(And trust me, he is. He'll probably appear perched on the top of MegaTrolla or something.)

Anyway. An hour after Candice blogs some truthfully nice and thankful words to those in the company she is leaving from, WWE removes the post and any mention of her from their site. (:67) It's not as if there are online dirtsheets and pages that could chronicle and record and save such things yes? (Not this one of course. Also I am pretty sure wrestling websites are too new of a thing for Vince to understand.) Also, was she released for being too fat? Blade doesn't care however, he wants to eat something while having sex with her. I suggest an In-N-Out Burger. People are still upset that Donald Trump doesn't own the WWE anymore. Blade wants to interact with RD's pre-taped segments on the show one day like Vince did and see how well it goes. But he's still sad over the Candice firing.

Seventeen Inches:
Candice got released.
This week at Trolla's website:
Clocktrollas half-off.

RD: "You know, I really thought the last five syllables of this week's haiku -  I didn't know how you were gonna do it -  but I really thought the last five syllables were going to be: Mikhail Gorbachev."

(141) High Energy: April 1, 2009

78 minutes
by The Falcon

They said this day would never come, but it finally did: the greatness that is Koko B. Ware has finally entered the Hall of Fame. This greatly excites our Birdmen, as well it should. And if you don't share their optimism with this, then why are you even here???

Sadly the Duo are not able to make it to Houston to attend the ceremony, so they've sent Mike Check in their place to the Toyota Center to report on things. No one's arrived yet, so he entertains us with the time he was once overseas in Yokohama, and was Johnny Hero on The Hero Shima Show.

RD remembers when he once met Koko at...Kokomo. That sure was something. (:15)

RD took a FLIGHT to Big Lots to find a Frankie bird for his niece, but sadly he could only find a figure of Tippi Hedren in The Birds. That was a fun family movie, wasn't it?

John Thomas tries to call in but oddly this time RD doesn't have time for him. (:23) Usually he calls in for at least a half hour or so. I guess it's not the case this time on this special day.

The BirdTrolla has some Obscure Koko News for us no matter the day or occasion. (:24) The Great Koko was on a podcast recently saying that he feels like he's in the Hall already. Blade thinks he should be in every Hall Of Fame, even ones he's not eligible for. Personally I want to see him inducted in Cooperstown.

WWE is trying to buy Mid-South (Koko's old proving grounds) from Ene "Ma" Watts. In response to this Jim Ross gives a call. (:28) He's more angered than usual now that Taz is gone and he's not personally carrying out the induction himself. Poor guy, I admit I feel for the fella. He has however, found tape of a Koko Mid South promo for us all to watch. He then promptly has a nervous breakdown while rambling about his self-carpentry skills.

You know what's good to clear that off our minds? Some Koko Fan Fiction Theatre, that's what. (:36) In honor of this week's special occasion Sir Alec has a heartwarming tale about Frankie looking for love.

The Birdmen check back in on Mike Check, who still hasn't had luck in finding anyone. (:44) He dedicates a song to Frankie right here on KOKO.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 4: Ed Salo gets a trick question. (:47) On the other hand Anthony from Kentucky can't answer a simple question. (:52) They're really scraping the bottom of the birdcage for entrants now! Tally: 0 for infinity.

There's still been no new developments where Mike Check's at. (:56) He does however play Blade's requested Misfits song.

Question of the Week from Rita M Booda (:61): The Great Koko should be World Champion forever. I agree.

RD does not have time for B.M. Punk calling in either. (:63) To make a bad pun here, he succeeds in flushing him out rather quickly.

Mike Check plays Snowbird for our enjoyment. (:64)

Current Koko News certainly manages to invigorate even the laziest Listener. (:67) The Honky Tonk Man wants to beat up Ric Flair at Koko's ceremony. I would donate any amount of bird seed to see that happen. There's confusion over whether (stuffed) Frankie will or will not make an appearance at the place.

Mike Check finally gets to party with Morris Day & The Time. (:72) I hope he doesn't get a heart attack from all the excitement. Otherwise where will we get our up to date bird news?

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those pressed for time, you can find a summary here.]

(141) Koko Radio: April 1, 2009

78 minutes

Mike Check as a Radio Correspondent! John Thomas and BM Punk call in! JR is still angry! BirdTrolla! Koko FanFiction Theater with a horny Frankie! Another Round in Year 4 of the Co-Hosss Contest! (0 for 2) Morris Day and the Time live! All this and the Piledriver song, right here on the most exciting episode of Koko Radio ever!!!

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those wondering fellow Koko Radio fans, you can find a longer explanation of events here.]

(098) WrestleRadd Radio: March 28, 2008

Young RD

WrestleRadd Radio ("Do you put it in the nipple?")
(52 minutes)

It's the eighth anniversary of WrestleCrap.com and Blade is reminded of Billy Joel.

In March 1988, RD and Blade made their first WrestleCrap radio tape. Despite never meeting until a few years ago. Despite living hundreds of miles away. Despite the lack of an internet. Despite RD being 19 and Blade being 13. Despite the phone and/or cassette static being AM radio static.

No wonder 'current' Blade is afraid of a cartoon character on a cereal box and calls him King Pedophile.

[I also like the fact that when Blade is diverted by John Thomas making a house call, he 'matures' back to his normal speaking voice, then when John leaves remembers he's supposed to be 13 and goes back to his 'falsetto'. Really realistic, huh? - PB]

WrestleMania Haiku:
WrestleMania.
No smartass haiku this week.
Thank you, Nature Boy.

(057) Dream Anal-Raping: April 1, 2007

They'rrreee "Not" Great!

The Dream Analysis Episode
(34 minutes)

Dreams are happening. It's Bizarro world. John Thomas calls. Lee Marshall's Trip to the Grocery. Lord Alfred, heel. B.M. Punk. Fuck, you know?

John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
He never pays his damn bills.
But no man escapes I, John Thomas.

RD and Blade plug their appearance on Thank Tonto It's Friday.

The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
Wrestlemania.
All Grown Up? Give me some und-
-erage WWF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• The Bizarro to my Superman, Mr. Blade Braxton
• The Harvey the Wonder Hamster to my Richard Gere, the one and only Mr. Blade Brakestown
  
• Sponsors: 11. Global Internet, Yipes Stripes Fruit Striped Gum, SugarDaddy, The Home Doctor Kit, Stetson Cologne, Mr. Freeze Freeze Pops, Better Enemies Cereal, WWE Diva Flavored Ice Cream, Kelly Kelly’s book, Microsoft Excel, Thank Tonto It’s Friday
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Ghoulies
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Troma Films, Ghoulies, C.H.U.D., Cheryl Ladd
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. Bizarro RD, Bizarro Blade, John Thomas, Lee Marshall, John Thomas (2), John Thomas (3), BM Punk

• F-Bombs: 15. RD as Bizarro Blade (7), Blade, Blade (2), Blade (3), Bizarro Blade 4 (11), Blade (4)

• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  2
• Mickie James References:  1

 

• Blade Braxton's John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
  He never pays his damn bills.
  But no man escapes I, John Thomas.
  
  

• The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
  Wrestlemania.
  All Grown Up? Give me some und-
  -erage WWF.
  
  
  

036 One Year Anniversary...Somehow: August 11, 2006

One Year Anniversary...Somehow
"worst show ever"
(59 minutes)

A new laugh sounder has been installed. RJ Fletcher and Weird Al from UHF laugh at 'jokes'.

WCR is one year old. The show 'actually' has 37 listeners. RD and Blade suck.

Their book in progress's cover fails the Wellness Policy. (:08)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): RD drinks a lot of cow's milk because he is a calf.

Blade does a pathetic imitation of CM Punk with the "clever" name of 'Bowel Movement'. (:13) I have to keep increasing the volume when RD speaks and turn it down when Blade speaks.

Obscure Wrestling News (:17): Jeff Hardy is coming back to WWE. RD gives him six weeks. Rick Steiner is softer than Blade because of some old ring he had. Oh Christ, there's thirty-six minutes left in this show. I guess it's easier to do twice as much show when you have thirty-five shows from which to do call-backs.

Mail Bag: Chris P's question is ignored because RD is angered at the cold hard truth. (:23) I think they already answered Logan B's question about Khali and Kelly. (:26) RD throws out another dozen catch phrases.

JOHN THOMAS
DOESN'T NEED COMPUTERS

John Thomas calls. (:27) Skipping ahead. . . Eight minutes later, Blade hits the bottle because of this.

Raw sucks. RD feels dirty when he says he's watching TNA, but I guess there's nothing dirty about crap.

Oh good, the phone is ringing, so I can skip ahead. (:42) This show is still painful even without bad impersonations of Terry Funk and Dennis Stamp (don't ask).

The First Anniversary Wrestlecrap Radio Blade Braxton Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Hulk's got a bum knee.
He should've drank mommy's milk.
It does a Hulk good.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Chucky to my Cheese, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Being reamed, anal cavities, Indy shows, feces, wrestling ring, a corpse, legends, wax
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Haiti Kid
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Haiti Kid
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. BM Punk, John Thomas, Terry Funk, Dennis Stamp

 

• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2
• Krankor Laughs:  2

 

• Trish Stratus References:  2

 

• Mailbag
• Chris P: Dear RD and Blade, how are you guys? I'm doing good. My question is if you had the chance to spit in one wrestler's face, who would it be? Mine would be Triple H because he is an attention whore. P.S. Blade you are like the wisecrackin' smartass version of Homer Simpson. Keep up the great work. No offense but RD your voice sounds like an 11 year old Eminem just hitting puberty on the rag. No sold.
  
• Logan B: Dear Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Brakestown, with Kelly's name being revealed as being Kelly Kelly, how long will it be until the Great Khali turns into Khali Kelly? He could strip every week and Daiviri would cover him up. This would go on until the next time Smackdown and ECW come together and Khali Kelly and Kelly Kelly would finally reunite. Maybe even include Kelly Kelly. In case you lost the question in my great idea, do you think Khali will become Khali Kelly? That's brilliant.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Hulk's got a bum knee.
  He should've drank mommy's milk.
  It does a Hulk good.

 

(024) Real Time with Real Deal: March 31, 2006

Real Time with Real Deal
(40 minutes)

Alas, Bobby Heenan did not call via Banana Phone

RD and Blade open up the 'phone lines'.

(There's also a 'special edit' of the show by "Superbrawl Psycho" wherein RD and Blade talk to famous WrestleCrap Meme-ers. It's somehow actually funnier than the real thing.)

Long-Winded Haiku:
What a crappy show.
Lee Marshall, dumbass callers.
Yo, April Fools' Day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• The Big Boss Man to my Akeem, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. 1-800 Collect, Chase Meridan Mastercharge
• URLs not taken: 1. DidTheUltimateWarriorDie.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 5. Peter Gabriel, 1-800 Collect, Boomer Esiason, A-Ha, Big Country, 1-800 Collect (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• "Phone Calls & Run Ins": 11. Lee Marshall, Peaches, Jon Thomas, Scott Epstein, Lee Marshall (2), Jon Thomas (2), Jack Arnold, Jon Thomas (3), Lee Marshall (3), Lane Thomas, Verne Gagne
  

 

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  What a crappy show.
  Lee Marshall, dumbass callers.
  Yo, April Fools' Day.

 

John Thomas

"Hello, Mr. or Mrs. Radio, this is John Thomas."

John Thomas was a cold-calling son-of-a-bitch.

Mr. Thomas was a debt collection agent for Chase MasterCharge. He would call in to WrestleCrap Radio to speak to a Mr. Blade Brakestown about his long-overdue debts. His first appearance was on April 1, 2006.

His last place of employment was a dating service, and once had to track down Mike Czech or Mike Chalk (of Chalk Outline) to collect child support payments on behalf of 30 different children from 30 different women in 30 different towns. Goal accomplished, he promptly returned to hunting down the Brakestown.

He was portrayed by the late Harry Simon, a renowned contributor to the WrestleCrap site, who also voiced a few other one off callers to the show.