284 Pickle-Down Economics: July 24, 2019

All answers point to: YES.

103 minutes

Blade has some unorthodox spelling habits. He also wants to do more than one show a month. RD: "Let me know how that goes."

Blade tries to stake his claim to having the first podcast by wrestling ring veterans. RD disputes this, and his long way round to do things short. Blade is drowsy drunk due to his injured arm from being said wrestling ring veteran.

RD: "You know, when people think: 'who is a veteran of the wrestling scene?' They think the Real Deal RD Reynolds."

RD finds it remarkable the number of people they want to guest invite that they don't follow through on. This included Diamond Dallas Page during their MySpace heyday before his Yoga took off. Drunk Blade: "If you can't self-deprecate yourself what can you do by yourself?" (:16)

One of RD's colleagues at Rupert's Arcade asked him (and by extension myself) what episode of the radio progrem to first listen to. This is a bit of a problem due to how serialized the show is. It may not be traditionally serialized like Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul where almost all the episodes constitute the whole of the one series long story, but there is a depth of in-jokes, segments, and characters that may be confusing for an unprepared first timer without any understanding, explanation, or a glossary. And that's just this website. For this reason I would have chosen the closest thing this has to a clip show, even if a long one, to characteristically overview the way things go and what to expect (or not).

Of course, Drunk Blade mishears RD and wants his colleague to listen to other (younger) shows instead. He blames himself for everything before rambling some more. Hey, there's some of that self-deprecation he was just talking about! What a surprise.

RD makes up for missing the Fourth of July by trying out some Red, White & Blue Crunch. He approves. (:21) [How many Cap N Crunch varieties?  Glad you asked.  33. - Erik Majorwitz]

Blade attempts to be "serious". Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes are already available as special editions in July. Drunk Blade alerts RD in to a Long John Silvers July Fishmas campaign while his painkillers trigger, or so he says. He is too out of it to get Sir Alec to appear, so LJS indirectly promotional considerations instead.

Continuing his state, Drunk Blade misplaced his sources and has to direct RD to Facebook on his behalf. (:35) Gorgeous George also has an injured arm, but this is due to falling out of her truck in an attempt to pee. The Co-Fruitcakes then beg for donations. For themselves, not for her. Drunk Blade makes a bad joke. Even worse, it's the wrong bad joke.

Speaking of Obscure Wrestling News, CM Punk will be at Starrcast III in hometown Chicago, perhaps even joining the WC panel. (:42) The two put over AJ Lee spooning with Daniel Bryan.

This summons Mike Check, who knows a thing or two about spooning. (:45) Blade still has a spare bumper sticker of his.

Mike Check: "You know Brad, that's just fascinating. Can you drive people away from their radio any faster than that?"
...
Drunk Blade: "If people gave out licenses for the ability to drive people away from radio shows, yours would have been revoked ten years ago."
Mike Check: "It would be revoked because I would not be driving people away from their radio, you are correct."

Anyway, Mike was once at WLAF "The Big Chuckle" in Moline, Illinois, and did the morning drive as Ned Nursenky. When Dr. Demento joined him (somehow finding a quick and easy way to commute between California and Illinois), they became Heading Home with Dr. and the Nurse.

He leaves them with Dave Edmunds singing about a high school reunion. This gets them talking about old games for some reason. Blade thinks they could stream some old video game playing.Well, you could do that at Rupert's Arcade, no? With the added benefit of promotional consideration of the place and all that. Definitely a license to print money if ever there was one (more).

Today's Apter Mag Delight, as it is now called (:56) is from Sports Review Wrestling, January 1990 (released October 1989) and is about "The Fattest Wrestlers Of Our Generation". Wow, Bleacher Report style substance-less lists? Who knew they would be ahead of their time by over 15 years?

The Flamingo Kid Questions: What is the one original but defunct theme you want WWE to return? (:67) Blade wants Shane Douglas' Deep Purple theme. RD wants the Midnight Express.

Speaking of themes, RD wants Ken Patera on to ask him about his swinging full nelson. (:70) Eric Bischoff is going to help head Smackdown. RD wants him to host a show back in the Mall of America. He then has to repeat his story of he and his son meeting Ray Park since Blade is...you know.

Speaking of being inebriated in order to watch something, who would the two have wanted to see but didn't at that pretty bad Raw reunion show the other day? (:82) RD wanted the Goobledy Gooker, Ken Patera, and King Haku with crown as illustrated. Blade would want injured Mickie James in a wheelchair, Black Scorpion, and his usual Demolition. Sad News: Blade had to make his own Demolition Smash figure when he was younger. Sadder News: Ted DiBiase's current championship status is confusing. Saddest News: Torrie Wilson still hasn't won anything. Omega News: Steve Austin alluded to doing illegal things with Gerald Brisco while on tour.

This Is All. The Wrestling. News. You. Need. To Know. This Week. Mr. Braxton:
Kelly Kelly: champ.
Deever and Anonymous
Brooke deserve a reign.

$31.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Rupert’s Kids Arcade, Long John Silvers
• URLs not taken: 0
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Hurting arms
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Blade's Poor Performance Excuse: Sore from getting thrown out of a Battle Royal. 
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Bill Apter

 

• Blade Time Outs:  13 (1 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs:  1
• Blade Burps: 4
  
• Krankor Laughs: 1
  
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  3
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
  

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WLAF The Big Chuckle (Moline, IL)
• Radio Call Sign:  Ned Nursinki
• Co-Host: Dr. Demento
  
• Show:  Headin’ Home with Doctor and the Nurse
• Song:  "High School Nights" by Dave Edmonds

 

 

• Question of the Week from: The Flamingo Kid
  
• I really hate when WWE changes out music on the WWE Network, what is the one song you wish they would pay to get back on there? RD: Midnight Express. Blade: Shane Douglas' Deep Purple.
  

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestlers would you have liked to have seen at the Raw Reunion, that were in fact, not there?
  • RD: Goobledy Gooker, Ken Patera, King Haku.
  • Blade: Demolition Smash, Black Scorpion, Mickie James in a motorized wheelchair.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade recaps Raw Reunion:
  
  • Kelly Kelly: champ.
    Deever and Anonymous
    Brooke deserve a reign.

"I believe that professional wrestling podcasting is another sad, bizarre chapter in our human history whose last pages even now are being written."

- Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States, Wrestlecrap inductee

202 It's not easy being Mean: November 11, 2011

71 minutes

Wow, they're even lifelike!

A rather animated RD reads through his latest copy of Fighting Spirit Magazine (which he gets Lord Alfred to shill for). It's not just because he once again has his regular column for it, but rather due to a cover story involving Blade's dear lady centaur. It includes a bad pun that even the crickets would ignore for being too terrible, photographs with Raven and Ricky Steamboat of all people, and subtle goading from the editor to talk about her...rather 'risque' past. Blade has her fun with her as usual, though Mike Check randomly calls in to try and mess around. (:09) RD Strongbows him, and without even waiting for a song first! That's just not right.

Is that split served with banana topping?

:14 Blade is an obscure motherfucker as ever. RD uses Old Spice body wash that has the "power of a mountain". This makes me wonder why on earth WWE has not got the new Old Spice guy to be a Raw guest host. He'd be more charismatic than half the current roster.

:21 Sad News: Beavis and Butthead are using their music. Even more Sad News: the originally thought deceased-sick Haiti Kid has reanimated himself and come back to life, according to ever accurate sources. Who to believe? How about neither, so let's just see this random video of him sitting on Gorilla Monsoon's lap. On the subject of characters, RD feels he has to 'explain' Chief Jay Strongbow to newer listeners, (And if any are reading this (and if so, why?) have you tried our glossary yet? It's really shiny.) so he uses a video to aid him. Sure enough, he calls in too. (:28) [R.V.M Kai also made a commentary video of this interactive segment.]

SPEAKING OF strange interviews, Joanie Laurer's 'tickled' to win an award. RD wants to keep moving. Blade invents a new character on the spot to read a 'letter' of hers to Vince. She also has a new YouShoot video featuring questions from Trash Losagain and Mr. Fitness (2).

More Sad News: (:34) Tammy Sytch had a bad fall from an escalator. Even worse, her auctioned gown from the week before may be up for auction again. Even more Sad News: Blade can't find her Facebook page. Seriously though, I can empathize with her since escalators are not fun. They always scare the hell out of me whenever I use them.

Former ECW announcer Courtney Taylor is a new mother. (:38) Blade addresses the anti-feminists in the audience.

The Honky Tonk Mailman also likes to fuck. This explains why he's not here this week. (:47)

SPEAKING OF people Blade used to fuck, his ex-girlfriend didn't like Gail Kim for some reason. (:47)

Even in a minority the Listeners are a minority.

James Braxton (no relation) thinks his professor is one of the Listeners. (:50) Blade thinks all Listeners are some sort of albinos. That makes some sort of sense; there are so few of both albino and Listener in the wild after all.

:54 Mrs. Deal is no fan of mustaches. Poor woman. The Muppets on Raw made Blade vomit with rage. Blade does his Kermit impression which RD feels is better than the one done on that show. He then does an Irish Iron Mark.

Back in Maxim again (was Playboy out of room or something?), Kelly Kelly explains what a 'stinkface' is, taught to her by the wrestler 'Rafiki'. (:61) Blade has to apologize for giving joke names to people. Allegedly. It's probably just the drink again.

RD can take no more.

Blade sings for a third straight week. I think he's making up for his 'lost' singing career from three years back. I'm still waiting for my order of his Hobo Six album.

$2.00 ($39.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

196 A Medley of Musical Madness: May 20, 2011

85 minutes

Is it me, or is RD more attractive in a wig?

Blade is ill this week, but rather than sound like the Penguin like he normally does, this time he sounds almost drunk. He's also forcing himself not to be as crude as he normally is. RD has his WWE Niagara Falls...shirt on, and is reduced to answering questions on his Facebook wall. More shilling of this very site ensues. Blade wants he and RD to wear powdered wigs for their bicentennial 200th episode.

The Co-Fruitcakes finally have their new forum thanks to Sean Carless, the Craphole. (:09) Go look at it now, I'll wait. Hell, Clarence and I are mods over there. If you read this, say hi to us over there. We might give you an e-cookie or something. (I'm still going to be around the old site though, and you should check out the Freakin' Awesome Network if you have some spare time on your hands.)

RD is guessing that their sponsorship deal thingy with Global Internet is somewhat strenuous right now (it's like one of those cyclical graphs with the line going up and down in waves; right now the number is low) so he searches for a new sponsor to take their place. This week on the Sponsor Roulette (:16), we get promotional consideration from Hulk Hogan Vitamins (Blade can't hear the children on it properly), Lord Alfred for Mr. Freeze Freeze-a-bars (though thankfully without any bad puns being made), and Lord Alfred shillingreallyreallyreallyfastforhislifeforsomereasonfor Double Dragon 3.

:21 RD has to explain the Trip to the Grocery. White Castle is now accepting online orders. (What are they, Domino's?) RD has to explain White Castle with reference to Bob Griese. It's a fast food franchise. What more do you want to know? RD posts on the new forum for the first time.

:31 On Primetime Wrestling this week from WWE On Demand the Megapowers explode through a verbal debate with Rockin' Robin. Speaking of exploding the Ultimate Warrior is working on some music project with Steven Adler, formerly of Guns 'n' Roses (:36) Unless he's painting album covers while Adler does all the actual musical work I'm not buying it (literally or figuratively). I mean, Warrior would spend at least half an hour between songs rambling incoherently. This leads to the logical nostalgia of Rockin' Robin singing as well as the Warrior does on an average day.

The Big Nippled Vampire is appearing in a Smashing Pumpkins music video. Wait...the Pumpkins are still making music? And music videos??? It's probably just an excuse for Billy Corgan to hit on her. Hell, perhaps she's in the band now which would give him an excuse to do that. That wouldn't be more surprising than the news we actually get.

The Midnight Rose is to be back on TV, which gives RD an excuse to play Tony's Theme again. I look forward to the day they play Push it to the Limit and make me hallucinate I'm playing a Grand Theft Auto game with the radio progrem as part of the soundtrack. On that same track, the Rose's imaginary girl Maria is on a party tour at Baltimore, which is not to be confused with Baltimora and Tarzan Boy. The two randomly discuss Easter eggs that can be 'found' on their DVDs as a result. Or you could just save your money and look for them on YouTube.

Sad HorseTrolla: (:48) Blade missed seeing Mickie James, Becky Bayliss, and Betsey Russell in Detroit. It's almost becoming a habit of his. RD thinks Betsey doesn't have long for this world so Blade needs to fuck her as quickly as she can before she becomes known to be sick.

:55 You know the recording is taking too long when Blade's phone dies and he has to get a replacement. RD reads a question from Keil Williams (not to be confused with the band Keel) about Ric Flair, secretive Time Lord. (Why do you think he's still in the ring after all these years?)

:62 The Honky Tonk Mailman pays a visit. Hey, remember him? I sure don't. Sadly, in his hiatus between appearances he didn't bother to upgrade his Skype connection because it still keeps cutting out every now and then. According to him, Sting will appear in WWE...in February. You know, if they want more timely news they should get him to ship Express. He also has news about the Dark Journey $5 Priority stamp. It's apparently made in Soviet Russia because the stamp licks you. Jim Ross calls in to see if he can get one. (:68)

:69 The Co-Hosses waste time by going over Maxim's latest Hot 100 List. According to Blade's excited reading of her statement, Kelly Kelly is excited to chart the list at #82....ten spots below former Diva Stacy Keibler. That's so representative of the whole current Diva roster isn't it?

In case you were wondering (and you were probably weren't) about the irreverence of such Lists as these, the top spot at the list is taken by a Victoria's Secret lady who's currently replacing Megan Fox in the upcoming Transformers: Bark at the Moon. (At least, I think that's what the title is. Didn't we already see this in this year's Doctor Who series?) The lone silver lining for that movie: Leonard Nimoy is going to be voicing Sentinel Prime. (His second wife is a direct relative of Michael Bay. Plus as a last resort he could just send in repurposed clips of when he was in the first first movie as Galvatron.)

[Spoiler Alert? Judging from what happens with Prime in this movie maybe they should have just kept him as Galvatron and enticed more confused folks to see it. - Future PB]

Michael Hayes is now a wrestling manager. (:78) RD remembers his terrible theme song he had when he was with the Fabulous Freebirds. Wasn't it usually a rite of passage though those days to have your own awful theme song? It's most definitely nothing new. An 'invasion' is being planned for June 21st. The fact that they're randomly just dropping this news here at the end of the show without much explanation says wonders for what they think of it or what the turnout will become. So, don't hold your breath for anything to happen just yet.

You know what is even worse? Joanie Laurer is in TNA playing as Jeff Jarrett's lover.

Seventeen Syllables to expand on that:
Chyna the mistress.
Sorry, I'd rather bang Ar-
nold's fat ugly one.

Blade: "End the show now."

You have to be kidding me. Just 75 cents? ($18.75)

166 Demographics: January 29, 2010

67 minutes

The votes are in, and YOUR 2009 Gooker goes to the eternal feud that was Hornswaggle and Chavo Guerrero making fools out of each other throughout the past year. That does not help lift Blade from his funk, derived from his upcoming 35th birthday removing him from the coveted 18-34 demographic. But it's a good time for him to get drunk (when is it not?). He makes a Fruedian slip in wanting to hire a client of his prostitute roommate. Either he's already drunk or he wants to experiment in his mid-life crisis. (This brings in the expected caller-in for such a thing.) Then the Co-Hosses make fun of random listeners, as is their wont.

:14 Blade took a TRIP to some random bathroom (he prefers to do his business in proper toilets) where he finds one of those bathroom vending machines selling Kaluha flavored condoms. They're non alcoholic sadly, so it confuses him. It confuses me too, I can never really grasp the notion of birth control dispensers in public bathrooms, especially airports. Do they expect people to join the mile high club in today's airplanes' small bathrooms?

:20 Mattel is now making WWE toys. Vince has also forgiven the Denver Nuggets, or yet again forgot his random hatred against them, as WWE will return to their Pepsi Center on March 12. Kelly Kelly answers a random question with teddy bears, and tries to persuade us that she was a probable Olympic candidate before she "broke her ass". RD wants WWE to make resolutions to their storylines, which they won't do as it would actually make sense. A&E is making some show about Backyard Wrestling...hosted by Bob Saget. No, I don't know why either. RD makes fun of Blade some more, the poor man.

Steven in Sacramento's Question about Demolition (:38) devolves into talking about Domino's Pizza. As far as I can recall I don't think the Noid was their manager.

Jim Ross calls in to try and solve their TNA conundrum, (:45) but he's just there to talk more nonsense and read comments about some video of his. "You don't wanna suck, you wanna lick," he advises. Sadly Blade is too lazy to bring Sir Alec to help with the task.

:57 The two wonder who will be making surprise appearances at this week's Royal Rumble. Blade will always mark out for the Black Scorpion. Shane Helms and Chris Jericho were arrested in Kentucky near RD's old home for disorderly conduct and posted a $120 bond. Randy Orton received a 10-year contract as well as $600,000 for his terrible Wrestlemania match against Triple H.

Jericho and Helms were arrested for not being Southern enough.

Seventeen quick syllables on the second most boring man in WWE (behind John Cena):
Ten years of Orton.
Fuck. Please wake me up in the
year twenty-twenty.

164 Blade's Gone Wild: January 8, 2010

TNA: We Are Limpin', Sugah!

77 minutes

Dedicated to the memory of Paul Servo, a great fellow Crapper, Honorary WCR Historian, Co-Host Contestant and one of the Original 12, who sadly passed away on the 3rd of January. Our condolences and thoughts for his friends and family.

It's a new decade for WrestleCrap Radio, seeing as how they fell off a cliff for them at the end of the previous year, (much like the Canadiens and Lions). Blade wants to talk about wrestling all show for a change. So they talk about...slurpies. But they are wrestling slurpies!

Impact has gone head to head against RAW for the first time (:08) and the Co-Hosses mark out on naked Val Venus and Orlando Jordan in Impact. Popeye calls. You know the drill - pun literally intended. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. WrestleCrap will be 10 years old this April, but RD would like to forget his newsletters. (:14) Perhaps they'll reappear on his next Archive Disc?

:17 Further talking about wrestling (Yes, really). Blade finds something on his script which predicts Popeye's calling in, and the fact that RD finally lost a bet due to his own fault and own confusion over Blade's rules and now has to read whatever people send to him. Send your requests to blade@wrestlecrap.com if it hasn't been featured here yet. RD got some gift glass bottles from his brother for Christmas (I too always prefer glass over plastic). Blade has some own glass bottles in his collection.

:26 Blade is trying to stay sober for the first time in a while. Tammy Sytch with nothing else better to do calls out the Bella Twins for being in the same glass house as she is, or something. RD reads what she has to say in his Dixie Carter impression. Blade fantasizes about Ashley Massaro. He also has some grudge against cutlery and wants to fuck people while cooking food on them. Maybe that's why he keeps calling the Big Nippled Vampire's breasts big and round as a dinner plate. I know there is a term for that fetish, but it escapes me at the moment.

Blade is trying to look and act like a hobo caveman (more so than usual) in an attempt to escape jury duty.

Moe from Men on a Mission (:34) reminds Blade of the Robonic Stooges in a bad recreation of a Dumas novel, itself part of some Skatebirds show which includes a monkey for some reason. Sadly he's not BJ's Bear. The actual Moe is considering leaving the wrestling biz for MMA. One word: Horrible.

Blade wants to know how the BabyTrolla works, which reports that Candice Michelle is having a baby girl due to the actions of her husband. The HorseTrolla reveals Mickie James was in another car accident where she was rear ended. A word of warning: whatever you do, please do not look up 'dragoning'. You'll regret it. There's more fallout from her moving to Smackdown. Blade may finally get his chance, but he's still stuck on Lita.

Sir Alec 'visits' yet again. (:53) This time, Mickie James (speaking of her) finds love with Kelly Kelly but needs John Cena to simplify things.

The WCR Gong has the week's Question. (:60) Could a Jonas Brother appear in a revival of 3 Count? RD finds their theme song. Blade wonders on Britney Spear's fallopian tubes.

:64 Voting has begun for the 2009 Gooker. This year: Hornswaggle vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, Vince's random hatred against the Denver Nuggets, the Abraham Washington Show, Santina Marella as Miss Wrestlemania, TNA's 'portrayal' of Sarah Pallin, and some really bad RAW guest hosting.

Impact and RAW may go head to head on a weekly basis. Oh good, looks like WCW is back. RD compares the radio progrem to mid-90s Scott Hall. The duo pine for those good old days, but would they want Bret Hart to return to the ring? And could he do anything with their wacky nicknames? The two are unsure, so they instead turn to Hulk Hogan.

Seventeen Syllables on the return of Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.

140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009

78 minutes

Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.

RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.

A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.

Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]

JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.

Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!

More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella

Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.

Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.

128 Dr. D's Black Friday: December 5, 2008

Sleepin' With The Fishes?

The Big Black Friday Recap Show
95 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

This writ is dedicated to Buddy "Dinobot" Beene, who passed away just previously. Rest in peace.

This week's inductee, one Dr. D David Schultz, thinks WC is the City Dump. RD believes that if he stayed with the company he could have been a license to print money/ratings. (:02) Discussion of this mortal enemy of John Stossel follows, Blade saying that any news of him overtook Black Friday. The Detroit Lions were annihilated by the league darlings the Tennessee Titans on Thanksgiving 10-47 making Blade sad. Unfortunately he doesn't go hitting the bottle which would make things infinitely better. (:05) RD calls the game one of the single worst games he has ever seen in his entire life. The two were texting back and forth during that match like some sort of middle-aged tall BFFs. Blade got a Lions 2008 pre-season championship shirt in the mail from some site or other. His 'match' with Nicole Bass is brought up. The season is not looking good for RD's Colts, Blade's Lions or my beloved Packers. Lions0in16.com has not yet been taken. RD's Christmas present is whatisthisthecitydump.com complete with looping sound bite. (isn't that at ytmnd.com somewhere?) (Also, if you want more Dr. D insanity check out the beginning of this YouTube video) The two Masonmania entries (video culminations of Blade's Don Mason stories) are mentioned. Blade shills himself in the new DVD (:13) and is said to be 'disgusting' in the shoot interview by RD.

RD's TRIP to Black Friday (:16) makes RD fearful of his life from the hillbillies around him. RD's jokes fail at Wal-Mart, much like they do normally on the show. He also encountered a Grizzly Adams/Mike Knox type with a knife. He quotes an angry shopper - "I fuckin' hate Christmas!" Blade is thankful he slept in for it.

Obscure Wrestling News: Bri Bella of the Bella Twins is dating Richie Kotzen, formally of Poison. (:34) Thank God Bret is not involved.

It's also Tammy Sytch's 36th birthday. (:36). Her site is visited. A more enticed Blade undertakes a NSFW Image Search involving 'Tammy Sytch eggs'. - I've seen some terrible stuff and even I have to admit that makes me nauseous. Search at your own peril! To get that off we have her Amazon Wish List for her birthday, but the only thing bought as of this writing is this rather strange item.

Leading from that, how about a $10 admission bargain at half the price of Greg Valentine and George Steele starring in a movie together? (:45) We watch the teaser snippet for their movie, Somethin' Fishy, which involves the two co-stars just sitting around talking. Kinda like this show really. RD is surprised by George's talking while Blade wants to hear Greg talk about having sex with non-Chyna transfolks, like he did at that one convention. Sadly neither of the two took a dive in the water, so thus the whole thing is an ordeal. Now, a fishing movie with Dr. D? THAT would be a blockbuster according to RD. There are free showings on this Friday December 5th down in Florida, but there has been little or no news about it. I would guess that, well, something's fishy about all this.

The HorseTrolla lifts the tail, with more news on Mickie James (:54), who wants to act. Also she has split up with John Cena, which is good news for Blade. Sadly I don't think he'll do much with this latest development.

Jim Ross calls (:58), in a rather more serious mood this time. After telling us about how Doctor Steve Williams poisoned a child with a badly cooked turkey, he feels Brother Midnight is trying to fuck with him with a BBQ apron and also providing the thought of BBQing naked. He promises to help ham cooking tips for Christmas, while suffering what seems to be an emotional breakdown. "Go fuck yourself!" he says randomly before he 'hangs up'.

Question of the Week. (:67) Raging Demons (3) talks about TNA and a Cricket Arena. Those two go well together! SPEAKING OF TNA...'Nathaniel' is here. (:70) He sounds more and more like RD with each episode. There's something about turkeys; like this segment for one. Blade is mad as hell and is not gonna take this anymore, but the Star Gazer/Hustler music interrupts as Seaman First Class Peter Gazer randomly calls in to save the day. (:73) He's on the line and out of the closet, and RD & Blade are happy to see him, as are we all. (His entrance to the Navy has been tied up which explains his appearance, which is about as valid as...well...believing that he's gay.) He calls 'Nerdaniel' a Totally Nerd Asshole...so he's indirectly calling out RD too? (As you can see my suspension of disbelief has broken, sending my disbelief all over the street crushing helpless civilians.) He scares off Nate away though and wonders if Blade is bi, promising to teach Nate something should he visit. Now THAT would be a something. He could combat Nate's weak physicality with jazz hands. But his gay attitude brings back the gayness in the holiday spirit, or whatever that whole thing was attempting. It's not like Pete has been on the show a lot or something. ... Wait, was he even on the show before?

Music-less Current Sad News (:80) Bruce Pritchard AKA Brother Love has been released. The Gobbeldy Gooker was sighted at Survivor Series with the Boogeyman. (:83) Robecca DiPietro favored the WCR commentary video of her Batista sex doll commercial. SPEAKING OF Batista, he was involved with Kelly Kelly at one point but split off from her due to her being too 'immature'. You don't say. (:85) (Oh, and here's a picture of the man at a Washington Wizards game) Discussion of his 'mentor' Ric Flair and his sexual conquests follows. Stephanie McMahon should be called Black Monday. Mockery of her and the Slammies follows. Shawn Michaels is broke.

Seventeen Syllables of Knowledge:
Broke-ass HBK.
No cash - guess it's time for Whis-
per to start whoring.

Oh, and I counted Blade saying "you know" at least 30 times. What did YOU get?

122 Bound For Glory Holes: October 10, 2008

Not The Kimberly Page Head That Blade Wanted

This Week's Rating: 1.0
(88 minutes)
Written by Premier Blah

Big celebration of TNA as they finally get their due on Wrestlecrap! Pac Man Jones gets his own induction, and the three Classic Inductions are all TNA related, It Came From YOUTUBE! features some weird TNA remix video with Dave Meltzer, Someone Bought This covers some random T-Shirts as if sold from some TNA Garage Sale, and the Jobber of the Week is the previously inducted Mr. X.

New Navy recruit Peter Gazer is mentioned barely one minute in. RD remarks on the bondage-themed names of TNA's PPVs, and suggests changing TNA's name to the more dignified S&M. (:03) RD already has Peter's new replacement for TNA reporting after a...whole week of intensive search for the "ultimate TNA fan" for "100% wrestling news". I'm surprised the crickets didn't start chirping in response. Blade tries to sing Pat Benatar. (:07) Speaking of Blade singing karoake...he is still recording tracks with the Hobo Six. (:10) The Wrestlecrap Archive Disc Volume 2 will be available for pre-ordering next week.

RD's Trip to the Grocery World Food Aisle: RD prepares for an upcoming business trip to Germany and the Netherlands by pondering the notion of a Dutch wrestler with wooden shoes while eating some Stroop Koekjes, literally syrup cookies (:20). Those things are delicious, let me tell you. Cue your standard quips about eating in a sexual manner. (What, nothing about the shoes made out of wood?)

Obscure Wrestling Sad News: The Sandman retiring causes Blade to drink. (:24) RD believes Blade forgot the discussion of his son Twisted Sand starting his own wrestling career; of course RD himself forgets that that was the episode where Triple Kelly filled in for a missing Blade, so neither side is in the right here. The Warrior's ex-wife is trying to publish a tell all book about their marriage. (:28) This of course leads to a six-minute digression of Blade buying Kimberly Page's head, this week's Interactive Segment. RD wonders if Blade used the head as some sort of second foreskin/penis head, and further grinds the show to a halt by imagining the Warrior with a double-donger. Yeah, you're not missing much. (Besides, won't his hands be already full with shaking those ropes all the time?)

The brother of Smackdown's Eve, AKA the Anonymous Brooke clone who won the 2007 Diva Search (yeah I don't remember her either), won $100,000 on Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?. (:38) Blade's passionate reading of her statement reminds RD of "Rambo" Greg Gagne. Here's a thought, why isn't HE on the show? License to print money I say.

Sources have told RD that the Shockmaster is getting his own action figure (:48), though whether or not royalties to George Lucas have to be paid for the stormtrooper helmet remain to be seen. Perhaps he can be this generation's King Haiku; "Does not come with helmet as illustrated." Dangerous Danny Davis and Trish Stratus are also getting their own figures.

Dream Analysis: Blade dreams of talking to Mickie James about Transformers in his moon van. (:52) I'm surprised he didn't compare her to a Ford Mustang. Don Mason once ate his own roofies. (:60) RD wonders if he even exists, forgetting entirely his role as Gordon Solie in Blade's Revenge of the Black Scorpion.

Speaking of people probably existing Schrödinger-style the latest TNA Correspondent, Nathaniel Edward Rodham Davis, enters with the TNA intro end-tailed with a very prophetic explosion. (:61) For those of you unable to listen to this latest...addition in WCR history (even if unintentionally) he's essentially RD's first book co-author Randy Baer with a high-pitched geek/nerd/poindexter tone of voice, like he's attempting to be a (white) Urkel or something. This is apparently considered worthy of 12 minutes of runtime.

This Week's "Question" ("trapped in 2002", much like our good friends here) (:73) is again not answered interrupted by Nathaniel attempting to ring back in. Ken the Major Danger Ranger's 4th attempt to send in a question (poor guy) is about referees. RD gets out of answering it by having the phone ring again. RD and Blade need (separate?) Titantrons of the Crickets for the Archive Disc.

Current (and Music-less) Wrestling News: Smackdown's ratings have dropped to 1.9 (:78). Let's hope the return of the Boogeyman brings them back up. Blade remembers the good old days of wrestling when things were good and the radio progrem had not yet begun. Santino may wrestle Roddy Piper, Goldust, or the Honky Tonk Man, depending on your votes for Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday. (:82) Kelly Kelly is poised to pose for Playboy. No word on whether she'll do any handstands for it.

Seventeen barely able to Strip Syllables:
Kelly Kelly nude.
What's next? Anonymous Brooke
spreads in Beaver Hunt.

That phone ringing is going to haunt my nightmares, let me tell you.

078 The Great Porn Debate: October 5, 2007

The Great Porn Debate

Extreme Teddy...Now With "Balls"

(74 minutes)

Blade's Trip to the Great Porn Debate starring Ron Jeremy, which for some reason requires music. (:11)

Obscure Wrestling News: The Rock was in a Disney movie and now plans to be in a superhero one. (:18) Johnny Fairplay got into an altercation with Danny Bonaduce. The Co-Hosts discuss ideas for an 'awards show' somehow for their progrem. (:26) Jim Bronzell has a tie dye figure that even the face commentators made fun of. Horsetrolla: Sarah Undertaker has filed for divorce while the Undertaker has been seen with Michelle McCool of all people. (:32)

Question of the Week (:35): the intro trumpets are said to be from a Final Fantasy NES game maybe. [They aren't.] Blade would not win Best Host at their awards show. John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) (5) wants Peanuts characters in wrestling. Daphne would make a good Lucy from Peanuts. RD sent Blade some cologne.

RD watches another Diva 'episode'. It's so bland he doesn't recognize until too late that it's a week old. (:41) Clocktrolla: 10069 days. (:50)

Playing with B. Mahoney's Balls. (:54) Tommy Dreamer is balding heavily. (:59) Blade wants to see Viscera wear a belt, let alone win one. Ric Flair wants to go into finance. (:66) Val Venus needs a title, according to the Internet Wrestling Community.

RD sings about Ashley Massaro being kicked off Survivor in only the second week.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Dream to my Reunion, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WCWA, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Tossed up (2), people that aren’t pissed off cokeheads, Trollas, divas, that, good times
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Gomer Pyle, Natalie, Facts of Life
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
• Weird Al Laughs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 1
• WSXplosions: 1
• Funk Sock Muzak: 2
  

 

• Mickie James References: 3
• Trish Stratus References: 1
  

• Question of the Week from: John Nelson (Ultimate Kennedy) (5)
  
• If Bob Backlund were to carry his towel around everywhere he went like Linus from Peanuts, would he have been given a Peanuts gimmick based on the character? What Diva could Bob be paired with to be Lucy his bossy sister? And should this happen would Linus Backlund go nuts and give Lucy the Cross-face Chickenwing? Daphne.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

077 Co-Hosss Cher-Off: September 28, 2007

Co-Hosss Cher-Off
(85 minutes)

SPEAKING OF Gookers...

Co-Host Contest "winner" Kelly is on the line. Smooth Jazz Blade returns once again thanks to some behind the neck microphone for $5.99.

Blade wanted to get a Black Scorpion tattoo. RD will miss his 20th High School Reunion for the Legends show. Marty Jannety called him asking for chicks.

Obscure Wrestling News (:21): Dawn Marie wants to return to WWE. RD can't hear properly. Gangrel is now directing porn, though without Kevin or Ariel. (:29) Sex with Greg Valentine falling down on you. Johnny Fairplay is a better bull-rider than Vanilla Ice. SPEAKING OF Ariel she wants to be the next Elvira. (:39)

Question of the Week (:42): Ton Insley wants Missy Hyatt inflatable dolls. Blade doesn't know who Bob Crane is. More 'fun' with the Diva Search, "The World Series of Bimbos." (:46)

Clocktrolla: 10076 days. (:53)

"Current Wrestling News" is music-less so we instead sing Cher with RD. (:56 - :64)

Smackdown wedding with Tommy Dreamer's hat. Blade didn't watch it so he makes excuses. The love story of Kelly Kelly and Balls Mahoney. Midgets. Wrestlers drugging women. (Midget wrestlers drugging women?)

These Seventeen Syllables:
The contest's over.
I've only got one more syl-
lable to add: (gong).

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jana to my Zan, Triple Kelly
  
• The Gleek to my Zan, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. BigLots!, Best Buy, Global Internet, WCWA Pro Wrestling Legends Show, AngryMarks.com
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Women, the new book, Halloween, movements, going into houses and such, dangerous ground, rape
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Bob Krane, Hogans Heroes
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Triple Kelly

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade

 

• RD Time Outs: 3
  
• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 4
• Weird Al Laughs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 1
• Mamma Mia! That's a Spicy Meatball!: 1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 1
• Tammy Sytch References: 4
• Trish Stratus References: 3
  
• Shelly Martinez References: 3
  

• Question of the Week from: Ton Insley
• Unlike most of the WWE Legends dolls, wouldn't a Missy Hyatt doll have to be inflatable? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  The contest's over.
  I've only got one more syl-
  lable to add: (gong).

 

073 Pac-Crap: August 17, 2007

Crüe Ball

Crap In A Hat

(69 minutes)

ECW's love pentagram. Miz, the dance squad, and now Balls Mahoney. No Mike Knox love sadly. Alien Hammy. Blade: "That sounds so exciting, I’m, I’m literally I’m I’m salivating at the mouth just thinking about it."

RD's Trip to Pick-Up Madden 08 (:09): Dr Feelgood video game music from Crue Ball. (:11) Madden 08 came with a superpretzels coupon, a piece of candy, and Axe shower gel. Four-year-old Cat In The Hat candy. (:19)

Co-Hosss Contest "Winner": the sole female, Kelly. She has a haiku of her own. (:23)

Vincent's bastard kid.
A girl co-hosts WrestleCrap.
Gooker ends in tie.

Question of the Week (:31): Ultimate Kennedy (4) wants work rate ratings in wrestling video games. Macho Kong. I Want My Mommy.

Horsetrolla (:37): Francine is selling used soap which "smells good through the wrapper" and is "a bargain at half the price.". Faxtrolla (:43): Crush died. Demoliton will reunite. The Book of Lists is delayed to October. Big Show's wife wants a cooking show. Clocktrolla: 10114 days. (:50)

Pac Man Jones, wrestler who is forbidden from wrestling. (:52) Raw has been imitating game-shows. Blade still can't get enough of Linda Hogan. SNME returns.

The Co-Hosts talk about SummerSlam before they realize their mistake. 

Haiku That Speaks for an Entire Generation:
Return of the Game?
I'd rather play Atari
2600.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Balls to my Mahoney, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks
• URLs not taken: 2. JackTunney.com, Furthermore.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Things you shouldn’t probably partake in, which, CM Punk and John Morrison
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Atari 2600, Wide World of Sports
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Kelly
  

 

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
• Cricket Chirps: 2
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 1

• Question of the Week from: Ultimate Kennedy (4)
  
• If a smark were to design a wrestling video game, do you think one of the statistics that they would work into characters would be a work rate listing? Wrestlers could have such things as speed, stamina and work rate. I think there would also be a moveset. I love the idea.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Return of the Game?
  I'd rather play Atari
  Twenty Six Hundred.
  

• Kelly's Haiku:
  Vincent's bastard kid.
  A girl co-hosts WrestleCrap.
  Gooker ends in tie.
  

062 Smooth Jazz Blade: May 11, 2007

Smooth (Overnight) Jazz Blade
(87 minutes)

A new (temporary) broadcasting set-up gives Blade the better mic, and the respect he is due. RD has booked Lance Storm for May 25.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Chex Mix 100-calorie packs. Incredible Hulk house-building board game. Trivial Pursuit Pop Tarts. Spicy mustard kettlecorn popcorn does not agree with Blade's stomach.

There are no photos of people actually playing this game.

Co-Host Contest Week 11 (:23): Forrest George wants to wear Scott Hall's pubic hair as a wig. 8 of 18.

Wrestling Dream Analysis segment returns. (:33) RD gets a room with Scott Hall. Blade is again useless.

Mail Bag (:37): Jay Gorham, not Alien Ham. A failed attempt to punch Mike Jones in the balls. Joyce DeWitt at a comic convention for some reason. Travie Yak wants another book to be written with X-Entertainment's Matt (:44). RD took a lady to see Short Circuit and did not "get any."

(by RVM Kai)

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): Bill Goldberg's direct-to-DVD movie, Half Past Dead 2, will be released in May. Test has swollen tonsils and lost 25 pounds. Kelly Kelly had to drive him to the hospital, yet another in his long line of women. (:55) Carmella married QB Jeff Garcia. (:61) Dawn Marie says she was fired from WWE because she is pregnant. Blade confuses RD by wanting to see pregnant women dance around in the ring. "Not that I believe in abortion." (:64) Gene Snitsky now has giant green teeth. (:67) London and Kendrick held tag belts for a year and Steve Austin doesn't know who they are. (:70) RD wants more old angles repeated, per Jim Cornette's seven-year rule. WWE is making Divas dress less provocatively. (They had been doing it just for fun.) Discussion about The Karate Kid: Blade mentions meeting William Zabka aka "Johnny". (:79)

Blade sings a song to all the Divas he's loved before. (:82)

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The torn biceps to my torn triceps, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, X-Entertainment
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Giant dongs, Scott Hall’s pubic hair (2), Mrs. Deal, champions though, Snitsky
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Madonna, Bob Geldof, Silly Putty, Short Circuit, Johnny 5, Cobra Kai, Casio keyboard
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 7

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 2

 

• Mailbag
• Jay Gorham: HEY RD! This is Drunk Jay Walker, long time listener, LONG TIME CRAPPER! I have a question? Do you think Mr. Mike Jones uses his old WWE noseguard as a jockstrap to be used against getting punched in the balls? Last summer I had a change to meet Mr. Jones at a comic book convention and was unfortunately unable to punch him in the balls. He left his booth to go flirt with the old dames from Three's Company. When I was six years old I punched a sweaty fat guy in a Spider-man costume in the gut. Does that count? Am I redeemed? Did I compensate for my tragic loss? Maybe.
  
• Travie Yak: I don't really have a wrestling question, but I figure that's just fine because you guys don't talk about it anymore. Not that I mind, mind you, as I enjoy your trips to the grocery store, as I work in one. ANYWAYS, my question has to do with two of my favorite websites. One of course is wrestlecrap.com and the other is x-entertainment.com. I remember you mentioned some time ago that you planned to write a book with Matt from X-E but nothing came of it. I was curious to know if you're still in contact with Matt these days and do you think you two will ever do a collaboration together? Have you ever thought of having him as a special guest on WrestleCrap Radio? Johnny Five style.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

059 In four words or less: April 13, 2007

In four words or less
(85 minutes)

RD posted a new Jobber of the Week (est. 2003), the first one not written by Blade Braxton.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:04): green Rice Krispies treats. Shrek has gone too far. Blade wants to convert some big blue mailboxes into Star Wars characters other than R2D2, but I can't really tell because he rambles a lot.

Global Internet has written a letter chastising RD and Blade for saying their websites give guaranteed free sexual services. (:10) The new sponsor Angry Mark's ad copy wants you to kick Mike Jones in the balls.

Co-Hosss Contest Week 8: simple questions for Josh Van Meiter (:17), Danny Franchise (:26), and Rudy (:32). "I don't know" gets you gonged. 5 of 14 currently.

Vince Verhei

Mail Bag (:37): John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) reminds us of Blade's lust for Linda. RD wants evidence. Theo from Salisbury's question about penises is broken down by logic. (:42) RD reads my gay letter and calls me gay. [Punk's Junk](:47) Blade is allegedly itching for a fight with Bryan Alvarez's Co-Host Vince Verhei. "That’s why I’ve been laying down!" (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News (:53): Larry Zbysko was in a porno decades ago. Blade: "Is he banging Kathy Gagne doggystyle?...You've never wanted to see Kathy Gagne butt-ass naked?" RD unjustly accuses Blade of having fantasies of Linda Hogan. Some random person (Roni Jonah) wants breast implants and needs your charity to do so. Horsetrolla: Mickie James 'is wearing different pants'. That's it. (:60) The Four Hosemen DVD was excellent, particularly with Paul Roma in it. (:65) RD dreams of Ric Flair taking out his penis and swinging it around. Kelly Kelly is doing random handstands in the ring because she cannot seem to escape it. Disco Inferno was arrested for having a casino in his basement. (:72)

Blade: "You’ve never jerked off to a hand spring?"

RD doesn't find chicks dancing on ECW to be hot.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
CM Punk turned heel.
He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
shew honk-shew honk-shew.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Paul Roma to my Jim Powers, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 1. BladeBraxtonWantsBoobies.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 12. Gross things, tie-ins (2), sponsors dropping shows, cream for a gong finger, men with little bags, uh, uh being offensive and offending people, things you can find it you look around enough, such, people who look they were melting, people who are melting
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 1
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• Cricket Chirps: 2
• GGG (Gary Glitter Gay) Bombs:  1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 3

 

• Mailbag
• John Nelson [AKA Ultimate Kennedy]: Dear RD and Blade, has Blade been able to live down his fantasies about Linda Hogan? I hope so! Trust me, I'm not offended but that was sick. I always thought Colette Foley was much lovelier and married to a cooler wrestler, BROTHER! Have a great day, and don't forget RD that new classic superstar Bob Backlund figure is almost upon us. Blade: No.
  
• Theo from Salisbury: I've got two questions. The first one's for Mr. Blade Brakestown. How much do you weigh? 235. Second question is for both. Would you let a surgeon remove your penis if you became the most successful wrestler of all time? RD: No need to. Blade: Yes.
  
• JR [Farmer Iggy, The Original WrestleCrap Radio Historian]: I believe I'm the only one who saw Punk's Junk pop out and back into his speedos during a Raw match with Lenny Dykstra in Chicago a few weeks ago. If you're curious, it's about one minute into the video posted at dailymotion.com. I'm not going to ask you if Punk is circumcised or not but I did want to ask: am I gayer for noticing it, or gayer for telling you about it? Nice new soundbite we have here. We'll offend a lot of people this way.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  CM Punk turned heel.
  He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
  shew honk-shew honk-shew.
  

056 Robotic Robecca Released: March 23, 2007

Robotic Robecca Released
(79 minutes)

RD met his co-author of The Death of WCW, Bryan Alvarez, for the first time at an indy show. A man in a monkey suit was directing parking lot traffic. He later was involved in a match as The Super Amazing Monkey. Why that guy hasn't been signed to TNA yet I do not know.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:21): RD saw non-refrigerated organic milk in the cereal aisle, which got on his nerves. Reanimated via CGI Orville Redenbacher is creepy.

Co-Host Contest Week 6: Eric doesn't know. (:32) Soul thinks Haku figures are glorified bars of soap. (:38) Trash has written all their questions up till now. A likely story. 4 of 11.

Mail Bag (:47): Tony Christ wants the Mighty Seamen. RD flubs a laugh but doesn't edit it out. Jimmy K brings about RD's giving a physics lesson. (:49)

Obscure Wrestling News (:52): The Iron Sheik was robbed of his Wal-Mart earnings by a 'nephew' and a 'drug dealing driver'. Lita and her band are recording an album. (:57) New Godwins. Blade can't spell. (:62) Sad News: Robecca DiPietro was fired. (:63)

This Week's Top Wrestling News Story is that Bobby "Lindsay" Lashley broke the Masterlock. (:66) Kelly Kelly danced with the Deever and "Anonymous Brooke" to Pour Some Sugar on Me. (:69) WrestleMania: Kane vs Khali in a meathook match.

Seventeen Syllables Dedicated to the Battle of the Billionaires:
Billionaire Battle.
I'd pay one billion dollars
to make this shit stop.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The pissed to my off, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Fight Sports Midwest
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 14. Joy and happiness in my innards, your innards, things being awesome, sounds we like, things, things that are cold (5), violating in the corn hole (2), Verne Gagne masterbating, having your corn hole violated
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• Weird Al Laughs: 2 
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2.5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4
• Trish Stratus References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Tony Christ: Do you think Ricky Steamboat, Tugboat, and Captain Mike Rotundo/Rotunda could have formed a stable called The Fighting Seamen? RJ Fletcher: Flubbed Yes.
  
• Jimmy K: Hi guys. I have two questions for you this week, one for RD and one for Blade. First off, and this question has been bugging me for years, RD, you know I was wondering. Like, if you were traveling through outer space and you're going real fast like the speed of light, and all of a sudden you start screaming, you think your brain would blow up? Of course my brain will not blow up. And secondly to Blade, I called a few colleges and business schools to see if they had any Ladder Falling 101 classes. None of them had any professors with degrees in that field so I'm wondering: how DO you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder? I don't know.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Billionaire Battle.
  I'd pay one billion dollars
  to make this shit stop.
  

040 Banana Tapestry: September 15, 2006

Banana Tapestry
(68 minutes)

Sad thing is, she looks
better here than in real life.

RD wonders why there hasn't been a serial killer gimmick. Although, Stone Cold Steve Austin did base his personality on a serial killer. RD has seen an Oklahoma City Bomber gimmick. (:03) 

Lord Alfred promotional considerations globalinternet.net. (:04) RD and Blade want you to get a URL from them so that you can get laid, particularly as they also have their entire URLs on large sized condoms. Unfortunately for RD he has a small penis.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: (:07) hot dogs packaged with buns. Blade is reminded of monster chili dogs.

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: (:10) Boo Berry's appearance has reverted to a stoner. This is good news for Blade, who had secretly hated the cereal until then.

Mr. Cosby, before Pudding Pops destroyed his soul.

RD tells more Disney World stories. Blade imagines he's with Bill Cosby. RD demonstrates how to eat a banana. (:19)

Mail Bag: (:23) Blade says, "Your bag is always special to me." Something about comic books and superheroes. RD says people on the forums want him to sing.

Nine people sent in messages about their experiences with a Chyna blanket. Marvel Pinguino Dickey "had a friend" buy one for his ex. Chris W made a foolish mistake buying it at Wal-Mart. Zach Harris "knew someone" who bought it to patch their broken down trailer. Terry McCarty has it hanging in his dining room. Timmy K knew a young girl who was a big fan of "the big girl with the belt" and thus bought one for her for $4 Canadian. Jeff "knew someone" who sold it for £1.50. And finally Josh Dunn used it for his unit. (One was disqualified for trying to bring up Bea Arthur's wig. Another vanished into the aether.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:46) Francine is now attractive again, according to Vince. SPEAKING OF Chyna she made out with a porn star. The ECW Zombie wants booked. Molly Holly and Ivory will drive a Winnebago to Canada for Trish's wedding. Blade calls them tapestry munchers.

Blade hit the bottle when Rambo Greg Gagne was fired from OVW booking. (:53) RD sings a few lines of Dr Feelgood. RD names many Dr Pepper knock-offs. Kelly Kelly is dating Test, who is not a lesbian.

Seventeen Syllable Prescription for Your Andrew Test Martin Question:
Why do chicks dig Test?
Kelly's got the right answer.
He's got foot-long dong.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Ricky to my Robert, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Charlie Smith
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Penis references, trying to get into somebody’s pants, ugly, things that are truly ugly, first name basis, lesbians, people who aren’t lesbians, lesbians2 (3), crackwhore on the street
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Tom Brokaw, Cher, Sonny Bono
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Zombie Growls: 2 
  

• Trish Stratus References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Marvel Pinguino Dickey: You and Mr. Brakestown are quite possibly the funniest two wrestling marks I have EVER heard in my life. And yes, even those old Johnny Polo quips don't top your stuff man. Anyhow, I have a friend who bought that tapestry for his ex-girlfriend. Why? I have no clue. In fact, I sometimes question him about whether she was his girlfriend, or if he was perhaps gay and dating a man dressed in drag much like the aforementioned Chyna. Seriously, are those supposed to be breasts? They more closely look like uncooked chicken thighs if you ask me. Anyhow, I thought you'd like to know. He didn't actually buy the thing.
  
• Chris W: I bought the Chyna blanket. I had a crush on Chyna in her WWF days. So one day I was shopping at Walmart, and I say a blanket with Chyna's face on it and I didn't hesitate to throw it in my cart. I can't say it was the best $9.95 I spent. That's a big mistake.
  
• Zach Harris: I didn't buy the Chyna blanket but I know someone who did. A friend of mine who lived in a broken down trailer with all of the windows to the bedroom were broken out so he bought the cheapest thing he could to cover up the windows. That of course being a Chyna blanket along with an Undertaker blanket. It may be worth mentioning that my friend never watched wrestling and had no idea who Chyna or the Undertaker are. Let him off.
  
• Terry McCarty: Hi. I don't know what is wrong with you. I purchased that wall tapestry when it came out years ago, and now it still proudly hangs in my dining room. I think you're just envious because you don't have one so HA. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
  
• Timmy K: I just read the section about the Chyna tapestry and I did indeed buy one. The reason for buying it is actually very simple.  A few years back when they were pushing the hell out of Chyna I had a friend whose little sister would sit down and watch wrestling with us. I think she was like five or six. Anyway, her favorite wrestler was Chyna, although she called her "the big girl with the belt". So one day there was a yard sale on my street and I saw the tapestry for 4 bucks Canadian, so I bought it for her, which she used as a blanket by the way. I wish there was a better story to it, but I'm sorry, there isn't. That's a good story. 
  
• Jeff: Hi RD, love the site. Gotta say though that I wish it was updated every week. Anyway, the Chyna tapestry: yeah I know a guy who bought one. He sold it shortly afterwards for £1.50. Of weed?
  
• Josh Dunn: I bought one. Gotta cover yourself with something when you're whackin' it. Krankor: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Rafiki needs to take a Test. Banana?
  Why do chicks dig Test?
  Kelly's got the right answer.
  He's got foot-long dong.