Episode 121: Holy Prose And Cons!: December 18, 2023

I'll Be a Mummy's Uncle
February 22, 1968
"While mining for a rare mineral found only under Wayne Manor, King Tut stumbles upon the Batcave."
46 minutes

RD: Wants a Moorish Castle. Vince wants one despite not knowing what that means.

Despite the actual airdate, the Co-Bros think the episode aired a week earlier. To be fair I would have taught that too. The number one song of the time is one neither is immediately familiar with. It's a real banger though. Vince has to take a while to find it on his phone.

Narrator: "Mount Ararat Hospital in Gotham City, where King Tut's psychoanalysis goes on and on."
Tut's impetus for returning to crime is that...his court appointed psychologist is bored asleep by his charge. Unable to escape through the window he has to get the door key from the man's body.
Dr. Denton (sleeptalking): "So I said to Daddy, "But I'm too young to get married, Pa. I'm only 12 years  old.""
Tut: "You know, I always had a feeling you never really listened to me."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, at the offices of the Rosetta Stone Company..."
Like the previous Peter's Guns And Ammo this place has its own wacky sign: "Manufacturers of cornerstones, curbstones, cobblestones, and milestones."
The owner, also named Rosetta Stone, sits bored while being tied up as Tutt and his goons rob the store, but only up to $47,000. The goons title him the Don Juan of Aswan, which he likes. 

Dr. Denton wakes up enough to call Gordon on the escape. He immediately reaches for the Batphone which cues the titles. The Batmobile speeds to the Office, then we cut to the primary cast-members all assembled (and Barbara in a very lovely bright green dress). 

The group bemoans that Tut would have been fully recovered after...six or seven months.
Barbara: "Ah, yes, but as John Greenleaf Whittier said: "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been."'"
Robin: ""Maud Muller," stanza 53."
Barbara: "Very good, Robin. I didn't know you were a student of the classics."
Robin: "Batman teaches me a little poetry in between remanding criminals to jail."
Batman: "Enough prose and cons, Robin."

The Duo go to check up on Ms. Stone, so that Gordon can suddenly tell his daughter he is thinking of moving to the suburbs.  Barbara offers to find some brokers to help. 

Narrator: "Shortly, at Florence of Arabia's, an intime boîte in the middle east side of Gotham City..." (:10)
The place is closed for "stomach flu". allowing Tut to eat giant turkey legs while watching the aforementioned Florence belly dance, who while very attractive is sadly not played by Peter O'Toole. She accidentally sprays grape juice into his eyes.
Tut: "No matter, Flo. Your assets far outnumber your liabilities. Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt -"
Goon: "Why don't you go on a diet, fatty?"
Tut: ""Why don't you go on a diet?" Why don't you mind your own skinny business?"

His plan is to look for "Nilanium, the hardest metal in the world", of which a large deposit is directly underneath Stately Wayne Manor, "ancestral home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson." He plans to buy some land right next to the Manor and drill from there to his metal. He goes to see the broker, a colleague of his by the name of Manny the Mesopotamian. RD questions if Bruce would leave any plot of empty land directly next to the Batcave, especially if he could easily buy it himself. 

In the Batcave Alfred serves dinner as they discuss what Tut may be up to. With Batlogic they come to the same conclusion, of which the Batcomputer immediately identifies Bruce's northeastern property.
Batman: " I have put a 200-foot lot up for sale on the edge of Stately Wayne Manor estate to help  alleviate the property shortage."
Alfred: "Jolly decent of you, sir."
Batman: "But I gave the real estate broker specific instructions to ask for a firm $48,000, not $47,000. This machine needs oiling."

Coincidentally, Manny just so happens to be one of Barbara's contacts, who she visits for her father's problem of the week. He also just so happens to be played by the legendary Henny "Take my wife...please" Youngman.
One of his other listings is a Moorish castle for the low low price of $250,000. He is selling that one particular non-Moorish lot for 47, waiving the $1,000 commission fee.
Barbara: "Is that legal?"
Manny: "Well, legal, yes, ethical, no, but nobody ever accused me of being ethical."
She leaves just as Tut and company come in, so she quickly hides to observe the proceeding. Tut signs the title deed without even using a middle initial.
Manny: "That's what I like about you fellas. No haggling."

Vince: "Bro, I haggle at the thrift store."
RD: "Wow."

Barbara manages to make it to the Apartment, calling Bruce as Batgirl to tell him what she saw.
Bruce: "Well, that should make a very interesting neighborhood, probably drive the real estate values straight down. I'm sure he has some diabolical scheme in mind."
Barbara: "I thought you should be made aware of it. I'm going to try and contact Batman now."
Bruce: "I may be talking to him shortly myself, Batgirl. Perhaps I can give him a message for you."

Time for another go at the Batcomputer.
Robin: "Maybe he wants to just settle down and build a house."
Batman: "No, I think not, Robin. Tut doesn't impress me as the be-it-ever-so-humble-there-is-no-place-like-home type of individual."
The Batcomputer then spits out that there is Nilanium under Stately Wayne Manor...and that Tut's mining is halfway to the Batcave.

Cue West's hysterics as he goes into a Bat-panic of a commercial break.

On return, Batman doubts the Batanium Shield will stop any drilling; they have to go above ground and stop him, perhaps in an abandoned mine on his property. They have to take the previously mentioned "subterranean blue grotto exit" to do so, after they call Batgirl.

The Batphone rings in the Office for her (as she was told to wait there for further instructions). Batman tells her to go to the abandoned mine. She puts the phone down and leaves - without telling either of the Undynamic Duo what was said. And no, they don't try to ask either. What a pair.
Vince: "They're way outta their element here, they don't even know where they are at this point."

Batman: "According to my Bat-compass, north by northeast is in a general north-northeasterly direction. Shouldn't take us more than three minutes to run the mile."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, that's a new world's record."
Batman: "Breaking world's records is just part of crime-fighting, Robin."

Cue the expected Bat-running in front of a rear projection. 

Narrator: "But will they be too late? For at this very moment, outside the abandoned cave from which  Tut is operating..."

The villains are trying to figure out their royal roles until they get stopped by a big cave "lined with some hard substance", and no one has been commissioned royal dynamiter to blow through it. Tut decides to do it himself: "Danger is my middle name."

Before King Danger Tut can do anything "the Dynamic Dullards and the Dynamic Duenna" make their appearance to try and stop them.
Tut: "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."
The villains run deeper into the cave, risking a deadly explosion rather than a fight, leaving one guy to stall the Trio (for whatever seconds it gives) while they all get in a mine cart.

Robin: "Holy journey to center of the Earth. They won't stop until they -"
Batman: "BOTTOM! Until they reach the bottom!"
Batgirl: "But where is the bottom?"
Batman: "Batgirl, you stand guard in case they come back up. This time, we're gonna have to make the  two-minute mark in the mile, Robin. Let's go."

Cue the expected Bat-running in front of a rear projection. 

But it's too late: the cart crashes straight into the Batcave, and Tut immediately figures things out. "Oh, the world is my oyster! And everyone will be bringing me sauce!"
Batman (running, tired): "A little winded, old chum?"
Robin (running, totally fine): "It takes more than a two-minute mile to make me winded, Batman." 

Searching around the Batcave, Tut finds a storage locker containing a Bat-dummy, which would have tied in to the last appearance if they didn't think of separating an original two-parter. For this writing injustice he starts punching and kicking it. 

Batman: "It's always darkest before the dawn, Robin."
Robin: "I know, I know, and a rolling stone gathers no moss."
Batman: "And we shouldn't cry over spilt milk."
Robin: "Or waste time with old clichés."

Up above Batgirl gets the Undynamic Duo to the cave entrance.
Gordon: "Where is everybody, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Oh, they've all gone on a journey to the center of the Earth or something."
Gordon: "The center of WHAAAAAT?"

Trying not to count their chickens before they hatch, the Dynamic Duo step out to exchange more proverbs.
Tut: "Where's your feminine friend? Don't want her to know you're really Bruce Wayne, do you? Well, soon the world will know. You'll have to kill us to keep our mouths shut."

So we finally get our Batcave fight, where just about everything gets knocked down. Even the Bat-chemistry set! Tut's stunt double gets hit with two chairs, but he runs off while his goons are all incapacitated.
Batman (smirking): "I'll give them Batnesia Gas, Robin. Tell Alfred take them topside and deposit them on the  lawn. They won't remember a thing."
Florence: "What about me, Batman? You'll have to kill me to keep me quiet."
Batman: "(Beat for humorous effect) No, I won't. (He sprays her)"

RD: "Word to the wise, to any women out there: whatever you do, whatever your deepest darkest desire is, never ever ever go into the Batcave. If you're lucky, you'll just wind up with amnesia and not remember anything. If you're not lucky, like the girl on the first couple episodes, you'll wind up dead."

That still leaves Tut running up the mine shaft while they're all out of gas.
Batman: "He moves quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian pharaoh."

Cue Robin running even more exaggerated than usual as they try to catch the criminal, who has already made it out as he bumps into Batgirl and the other Duo. He doesn't care for his arrest, as he's too giddy from wanting to tell them what he knows - but then he stops himself.
Batgirl: "You appear to be breezy for a man about to be tucked away."
Tut: "I know. And so would you if you knew what I know. And if I know you, no doubt you know what  I know now, no, huh? Why waste time with someone who knows? Gotta find someone who doesn't.  You know?"
Batgirl: "No."

And then a rock lands on his head, knocking him back to being a totally normal Yale Egyptology professor named William Omaha McElroy, who of course has completely forgotten everything.

(The name is a reference to Executive Producer-Narrator William McElroy Dozier, born in Omaha.)

Robin: "Holy razor's edge. Was that a close shave."
Batman: "A calculated risk, Robin. The shale held up by those sagging timbers has been shifting for  decades. All we had to do was taunt Tut with our silence. This caused him to raise his voice three  decibels above high C, which caused the cave-in, which, of course, returned him to normalcy."
Robin: "But how could you be so sure?"
Batman: "I really couldn't, Robin. Earth movement is an inexact science at best. Matter of fact, yodels  have been known to cause avalanches in the Alps. A mere sneeze was the cause of the 1923  Appalachian cave-in."
Robin: "But suppose something went wrong. Suppose Tut didn't raise his voice. What then?"
Batman: "I prefer not to think about those things, Robin. They depress me."

Back at the Office the president at Yale calls to inform that the professor is alright. For now anyway. (:38) Barbara enters to show off her bright orange dress. RD hopes the costumer was paid well if it wasn't actually Craig's own clothes.
Barbara: "Daddy, have you heard the latest rumors? All of Gotham City is buzzing about an imminent  invasion of flying saucers."
Gordon: "Well, now, Gotham City is usually buzzing about something, Barbara."
To test this he offers her a look outside the window, surprisingly not using the excuse for another feel.

Narrator: "Look again! In this flying saucer the Joker is planning an incredible invasion of Gotham  City!"
Joker (laughing): "As soon as the range-sweep radar scanner picks up the tracking pulse amplifier, we  will spin back into the substratosphere, where I will issue my demands that will have not only all of Gotham City but the world at my feet!"

Vince guesses 25 years for Florence and gives her 9 Batpoles like RD, and both thinking her the best of the season, and in fact the best of all just behind Pauline. 23 years Victoria Vetri (credited here as Angela Dorian) was more known for being a Playboy Playmate of much renown, including for the year of 1968; a photo was even snuck aboard Apollo 12. In more recent and bizarre events in 2010 she shot her then fourth husband of 25 years, subsequently serving 7 of 9 years for attempted voluntary manslaughter. (They divorced before her release.)

RD is not used to WrestleCrap being 24 next year. "Do I deserve congratulations for that? I don't know that I do. I think I deserve people questioning what on earth is wrong with me."

 

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [5] (Victor Buono) [5]

 

• Window Celebrity: 1. Henny Youngman
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Haggling 
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. The inexact science of earth movement.
  

Episode 106: Holy Dummy!: September 4, 2023

The Unkindest Tut of All
October 19, 1967
"King Tut has been predicting crimes, then secretly making sure they happen in order to gain the police's confidence. He hopes to then send them on a false lead while he commits the crime of the century. After failing an attempt to discover Batman's true identity, he gives his biggest prediction - a jailbreak of several super criminals. While the entire police force is sent to the penitentiary, Tut nabs a collection of priceless Egyptian scrolls from the Gotham City Library. The scrolls contain the key to an ancient statue, rumored to give its possessor control of the universe."
67 minutes

RD: Ersatz Batman. Vince had no idea what that means. He again wasn't sure what to make of the episode.

Vince does not have a gong. He has other sounds for that.

Narrator: " Sunday afternoon in Gotham City. A day of rest for everyone, including crime-fighters...or so it seems."

Bruce and Barbara are driven by Alfred in a Town Car to the most exciting of places: an accordion recital.
Barbara: "There's nothing I like better than hearing Lady of Spain played eight times."
RD: "I understood the words she was saying. I did not understand those words linked together."
Barbara: "Daddy's been wanting us to get better acquainted for some time now."
The Bros have concerns, since she is a 20-something recent university graduate, while this Bruce is in his late 30s to early 40s. I'm not one to judge relationship differences like this too much, but it certainly doesn't fit with Batman's confirmed and actual relationship with her as a fellow crime-fighter (not to mention he already has Catwoman and Talia Al-Ghul in his life as it is).
Vince: "Maybe Commissioner Gordon is looking to open up an ice skating ring, and he is looking for some free advice from Millionaire Bruce Wayne."
RD: "I think old Gordo wants to suck off the teat of rich Uncle Bruce."

Bruce: "Time passes very swiftly with pleasant company. Would you like to watch the television news broadcast together?"
Barbara: "That's why the shades are drawn, isn't it?"
RD: "Was Alfred up in the front seat looking in the rear view mirror going "hmmm, boy, they're really going at it"?"
Vince: "This whole thing is very awkward."

Thankfully we have King Tut to cut away to on the 'television news broadcast'. (:11) He has been predicting crimes, which unsurprisingly have been ignored by the police "those sometime guardians of your life and property." Though that's probably less their not believing the word of a criminal and more being incompetent in actually doing their job.
"With that in mind, here is my third prognostication. Andrew's Hockey Puck Factory on West 20th will be robbed before I finish my next sentence."

Dick has to answer the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor. He buzzes Bruce's "wristwatch alarm" before he and Barbara can do something more arousing like talk about the weather (while the curtains are still drawn). Bruce excuses himself to go to a meeting for his Foundation. Barbara asks to be dropped off at her beauty salon nearby.
With her gone, Bruce calls back, which turns on a blinking lamp in the study that was never seen before.
Dick: "Commissioner Gordon called. Our friend the Yale professor was hit by a brick at a love-in."
Unless it was an Egyptian themed one I do not want to know what he was doing in one. 

After the titles we go to...Gordon's Office? Say it ain't so! O'Hara tells the Duo Tut has situated himself in a tent on a vacant lot. So off the Duo go. End scene. 

Narrator: "Shortly thereafter in King Tut's current habitat, the scurrilous scalawag is plying his newfound trade to an interested assemblage."
The tent is of course a large frame tent in the studio parking lot on the outside, and is of course a large sound stage on the inside. Tut is fanned by his lady Shirley, who has a rather cartoonish New York accent. He is in the midst of praying for another "prediction"  to an onlooking gathering as the Duo burst in.
Tut: "In the name of everything that's nasty, give me your answer, do!"
Batman: "Come off it, Tut. Your predictions are nothing but phony, fatuous flimflam."
Tut: "Who dares impugn the veracity of Tut, Nabob of the Nile, Moon God of Thoth, and stuff like that? By the instep of Ramses, I'll have his head!"
Batman: " This is all part of some dastardly trick, Tut. Why don't you come with me and let us have your head examined?"
Tut (drawing a sword): "Stand back, you Caped Crumbum. I'm now on your side of the law now!"
Shirley: "He is! He's on all sides of the law!"
Tut: "In less than one hour, the box office at the Soccer Stadium will be robbed. As a citizen of Gotham City, I would like to see that crime thwarted. This town can be a better, safer place to live."
Shirley: "I just love better,  safer places to live. Ha!"
Tut: "Whether or not you care to act on this information is of little consequence, my Dynamic Dum- Dums. I have cleared my conscience by reporting to the law. The rest is up to you."

Batman: "Let's go, Robin."
Robin: "You mean you really believe him?"
Batman: "Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it."
Robin: "Gosh, when you put it that way, Batman, how can I help but agree?"
Actually that doesn't appear anywhere in the document. Perhaps Batman was the one who got hit in the head with a brick?
With the Duo gone, "Tutsy-poo" dismisses the crowd so he can reveal his plan to Shirley, as obvious as it may be: he will eventually distract Batman and the police on a "wild flamingo chase" while he gets what he really wants. 

Sure enough the Duo find the stadium's box office being robbed, which must seriously hurt the announced Doves and Hawks match. (:22)
Robin: "Give up without a struggle, we'll make things easier for you."
Batman: "If not, you may be severely pummeled about the head and shoulders."
So they struggle via fight, dur-

Narrator: "Meanwhile, a seemingly innocent idle bystander is neither innocent nor idle."
This is probably the first time he cuts in during a fight like this.
Anyway, the bystander hides a tracking device on the Batmobile.

The Undynamic Duo arrive just as the bout has already been settled.
Batman: "Your timing, as usual, is flawless, Commissioner."

At the tent, Tut takes a look through his BatTutscope which looks exactly like a Batscope, which he uses to track the Batmobile to the Batcave. His goon Nubis (not Anubis, unless he too took a blow to the head) reads off coordinates (Tut: "Carry the four"), that place the Batcave east of the meridian instead of west, placing it in...northeastern Turkey. 

The city of Batman is south of that.

Tut: " Oh, I'll be a son of a Byzantine king! Do you know where that is?"
Shirley: "The zoo?"
Tut: "The Batcave is directly under Stately Wayne Manor."
Shirley: "That means that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same and one."

Alfred is out shopping ("to take advantage of the specials" so Bruce has to answer the normal phone which is of course Tut asking for Batman.
Dick: "Holy heart failure!"
Tut: "Come off it, you Caped Cockamamie. You're also Batman. And Tut's gonna tell it to the whole world at a press conference tomorrow."
Bruce: "Batman will make you look like a fool. He and I have met."
Tut: "Balderdash, say I! Stuff and nonsense and phooey! The only way you'll convince me that Batman  and Bruce Wayne are not the same person is let me see them both simultaneously."
Shirley: "Or both at the same time, whichever comes first."
Like me RD gets distracted when going grocery shopping and buys so many random things. 

After the commercial break the Duo find the tracking device as they try to figure out an answer. RD was expecting BatAlfred.
This "press conference" the next day is at the tent. Tut posits to the gathered reporters that Batman is in fact Bruce Wayne. (:30)
Bruce: "I sincerely appreciate the compliment, King Tut. I'm not so sure whether Batman would. Why don't you tell him? He's just outside."
Sure enough he and Robin are just sitting in the Batmobile.
Bruce: "Tut, why don't you forego this foolishness and submit yourself for observation? Once rehabilitated, I'm sure you will become a valuable member of the community."
Tut: "He's Batman, all right. Who else in this present-day dynasty could be that square?"
Batman: "Goodbye, everybody. Robin and I must pursue our relentless war against evil."
Barbara (watching at home): "You have to admit it, Charlie, the chance of Bruce Wayne being Batman was a very long shot. I can't think of two more obviously opposite people."

Tut: "Agh. It is written: "He who knows he has lost has had it.""
He immediately goes into "phase two": steal some Egyptian scrolls from the Library. "For hidden somewhere within them is the secret of the whereabouts of a statue hidden since the age of Imhotep. Whoever possesses it, my Aswan damsel, possesses the universe."
Shirley: "That's a lot of land."
Tut: "Mama told me to pick a nice Egyptian girl."

Back in the Batcave Alfred comes down a Batpole. (:36)
Robin: "Wow, you came down that pole like a pro, Alfred. I bet you always wanted to do that."
Alfred: "Indeed I have, Master Robin, but once is enough. Next time I'll use the elevator and leave the Batpoles to you."
But no, he was not BatAlfred today. Instead Batman used a ventriloquist dummy.
Batman: "Any problem with the ersatz Batman, Robin?"
Vince: "Can we be clear that this ersatz Batman looked nothing like the Batman in the Batmobile?"
Robin: "Holy Gemini, it worked great."
Batman: "It's the same principle as a dummy, Alfred. I used my pocket Bat-synchronizer to operate the lips, throw in a bit of ventriloquism. No one was the wiser. Batmobile drove itself after being programmed to stop at red lights and intersections. Alfred, would you put my twin brother in the Bat-Dummy closet please?"

The Batphone rings.
Gordon: "King Tut has predicted another crime."
Batman: " The charlatan!"
Gordon: "He insists all available police surround Gotham City Penitentiary as a massive escape is in the offing. Certain forces will attempt to spring Penguin, Riddler, Egghead, and the Siren."
Batman: "Get your men out there. We can't afford to take chances."
Gordon: "But that means the remainder of Gotham City is wide-open for evildoers."
Batman: "Robin and I will protect the balance of the populace."
Gordon: "Eight million people?" (Emphasis mine, it's as large as New York today)
Batman: "Trust me."
Gordon: "Of course, Batman."

Of course Barbara has overheard all this, given that she hasn't done much so far (except wear a nice yellow dress while listening to Lady of Spain another 20 times consecutively). 
Barbara (to Charlie): "If the quote he quoted is the quote I think he quoted, I may just have figured out Tut's entire plot. It was a mistake only an Egyptian bibliophile would have noticed. Lucky I'm an Egyptian bibliophile."
Narrator: "Luckily for us, she's an Egyptian bibliophile. And even luckier she's Batgirl, the supremely  feminine scourge of all that is criminal."

In the Batcave the three also start coming to the same conclusion.
Batman: "There was something he said which may be a key to his ultimate caper."
Alfred: "Oh yes, I remember, sir."
Batman: "What's it all about, Alfred?"
(The legend states that after hearing the reference, Michael Caine committed to acting so that he too could try playing Alfred 40 years later.)
Alfred: "It was to the effect that a man who knows when he has lost has had it."
Batman: ""Had it." Of course, it's staring us right in our masks, Robin. That quote is on line 769 of  chapter 14, scroll 32 of the 13th section of the works of Ramses the Bold. One of the many ancient and  irreplaceable scrolls at the Gotham City Library."

So we once again go to the Library, hotspot of all criminal activity. (:45) The Duo run in just as Tut and goons run out. They can't follow because they have to rescue another librarian tied up there.
Batman: "She won't live a minute longer in that position, Robin."
So of course they stand around for a bit until they untie her.
Librarian: "They said you'd protect us, Batman!"
Robin: "Don't worry. We'll get those scrolls back."
Also Barbara is taking her "first day off in a month."
RD: "What kind of slave camp is she working at?"

Of course Batgirl beats the Duo to getting into the tent first, taking the opportunity to smirk in secret as Tut gloats about his steal to Nubis and other goon Osiris.
Tut: "Let's make tracks."
Batgirl: "The only tracks you'll be making are straight to the penitentiary."
Tut: "You know, it's against my principles to beat up on ladies, but in your case, I'll make an exception."
She wins the round by tripping the two goons within three seconds.
Tut: "You know, I can always use a smart girl in my line of work. The ones I've had lately are rather inferior."
At this Shirley breaks a vase over Batgirl, knocking her out.

Tut: "Now, for the second time, let's make tracks."
Batman (arriving): "The only tracks you'll make are to the penitentiary."
Tut: "There's some sort of delayed echo in here."
At least this round of fighting lasts longer, allowing Tut's stunt double to take a large bump on his back. 

Batman: "So it was you who blazed the trail."
Batgirl: "I was just doing my duty as a citizen."
Batman (lustily): "I like that kind of talk. Perhaps we could get together some evening and discuss crime-fighting techniques."
Batgirl: "No one knows where you live."
Batman: "Yes, that does constitute somewhat of a problem."

Cue another round of fighting, this time with Batgirl smiling and kicking. Tut's stunt double takes another bump head first through a table. 

Batman: "Batgirl never stays around long enough for us to thank her."
Robin: "She's probably very modest."
RD: "No. If you look at the way she acts, I don't think this girl has a modest bone in her body."
Batman: "I wonder who she really is."
Batgirl: "I wonder who he really is."

Tut is taken to the Office, where Bruce is also for some reason. "I've lived a thousand years, so I'll live another thousand," Tut gloats since nobody remembered to just hit him in the head again. Barbara comes in.
Bruce: "I wonder if we could continue that date we interrupted this weekend."
Tut: "You mean you actually had a date with this socialite lump?"
Barbara: "Yes. Why?"
Tut: "Because he's so deadly dull!"

Outside, Milton Berle drives up in a lilac painted car while smoking a cigar. This prompts an officer to call Gordon.
Gordon: "You don't say. You don't say. You don't say."
Barbara: "Who was it?"
Gordon: "He didn't say."

Actually this was notice of Louie the Lilac in his Flowermobile. Bruce takes the cue to leave.
Tut: "That's what I said! He's gonna go straight to the Batcave and put on that corny blue outfit!"
Bruce: "Actually, I had something more mundane in mind, King Tut. I've had so much crime in the last two days, I don't care if I ever see it again."
Barbara: "Bruce Wayne's nice enough, Daddy. But he's certainly no Batman."
Tut: "You wanna wager a sphinx or two?"

The Bros thought the episode was alright. Tut will make one more appearance by the end of the season. He was originally supposed to be in the very next episode.

Shirley's exaggerated voice reminded RD of the rather obvious (and sadly timed parallel) of the recently passed Arlene Sorkin, the original Harley Quinn. He thinks 36 year young Patti Gilbert (as Shirley, not Harley) would have made a great voice actor if circumstances were different. (And she did, though only a couple of roles.) RD gives a "generous" 5.5 Batpoles. Vince gives her a 1.

Randy Savage had a time on QVC.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [4] (Victor Buono) [4]

• Screen Shares: 2. Vince, Vince
• RD Time Outs:  1 (Real Quick)

Episode 93: Holy Package!: June 5, 2023

Batman's Waterloo
March 9, 1967
"Though Batman escapes his watery trap, Robin is left in the hands of King Tut. The deluded villain still believes that Lisa Carson is really Queen Cleopatra, and calls Lisa's father to demand a ransom of $8,300,487.12, the mortgage on the Pyramids. Using the Jolly Jackson radio show to communicate, Tut negotiates the terms of payment with Batman. However, the villain most likely intends to keep both the money and Lisa, and has further plans to fry the Caped Crusaders in his royal boiling oil."
49 minutes

Vince thinks RD: Very Unlike Indian Fakirs is up to something when he takes a selfie. He considers RD and his other podcast colleague Bin Hamin as his cleverest friends. He uses this as cover to make a dad joke about Tom & Jerry playing cat and mouse. He gives himself applause for this. 

The Bros think the series is becoming more adult orientated. 

Narrator: "As you may recall, we last left Batman sealed in an Egyptian sarcophagus five feet under water. For you, several hours have passed. For our heroes, not one second. We just may be witnessing the final  chapter in Batman's brave life. Don't move an inch! The most incredible occurrences have yet to occur  incredibly!"

Tut continues to gloat, though without a speech. "Don't work yourself into a flap, spunky!" he says randomly to Robin. "He's drowned, not even brat-to-bat resuscitation can help him now." Then he leaves. His other girl (Neila) still doesn't know what is appealing from "dame" Cleopatra Lisa.
Tut: "Well, whatever it is, she's had it centuries longer than you."

In the Batcave Alfred receives Morse Batcode on the Wireless Bat-Transmitter (For Bat-Emergencies only). 

In Tut's throne room he is suddenly saddened he and Lisa are 'arguing'. He orders his goons to "gather  up yon bird boy and bring the Tuttruck round to the front entrance."
Meanwhile Alfred has somehow managed to get on the roof to oversee this.
Tut: "We go now to the royal oil boiling room. A perfect place to make our nuptial arrangements. ... When we get to the royal oil boiling room, be sure to prepare some real boiling royal boiling oil to boil the boy wonder in royally."
RD needed a second take to read the line.
Alfred takes advantage of the group leaving to get the controls and lift up the sarcophagus.

In the Tuttruck Tut continues to flirt with Lisa despite her rejections.
Chancellor: "She speaks heresy, omnipotent one."
Tut: "Lord Chancellor, you don't understand women. Beneath it all, she's aflame with love for me."
Lisa: "Please, I beg of you. Next to Bruce Wayne, my father is probably the wealthiest man in Gotham  City. ... I'll do anything if you'll call my father."

Meanwhile Alfred revives Batman by slapping him. "I came as soon as I received your Morse Batcode message. It was really most propitious that I happened to be dusting the Batcave when you sent it."
Batman: "I counted on your love for your work."
Alfred: "I don't understand how you managed to survive with no air, and for such a great length of time, sir."
Batman: "I put myself in a trance not unlike the Indian fakirs. It required extreme concentration. I was able to slow my heart and respiratory systems to a crawl."
Alfred: "But you were without air for nearly an hour, sir."
Batman: "Yes, I know of one fakir who was buried for three years."
They return to the Batcave in order to find Robin. 

Meanwhile in the Tuttruck Tut relents to Lisa's pleading to call her father. (:17) "But I insist
that he stay away until after the wedding." She promises, and he puts his hand out. "Put her there!"

So Tut calls Johnny John E. Carson as "your future son-in-law. I'm sure you'll be happy to welcome me into your family. I come from good stock. My father was a king, grandfather before him, so am I." He lists Lisa's queen's ransom at the low price of $8,300,487.12. "I need it to pay off the mortgage on the pyramids. The interest rate over 3400 years is positively usurious." Because as any good pharaoh knows, Egypt doesn't have its own currency, especially not with historical references. 

Carson agrees to pay up, but he needs an intermediary. "My company sponsors the daily Jolly Jackson Phone Jockey radio show. When I've collected that much money, I'll call in and I'll say, "The sleet in Crete is never very neat."" He hangs up - and immediately calls Ed McMahon Gordon.

In the Batcave the two nonchalantly discuss Tut's plan to boil Robin.
Batman: "Drawing upon my vast storehouse of chemical knowledge, I'm herein concocting an  alchemist fluid which will neutralize the boiling oil."
Alfred: "What exactly does it do, sir?"
Batman: "I'm not quite sure, Alfred. It's the first time I've ever tried this experiment. But I think in the end it should produce foam rubber."
Alfred: "From a tiny capsule like that?"
Batman: "The size of the package, Alfred, is in no way any indication of the value of its contents."

Immediately Gordon calls, asking if Batman can talk to Bruce.

Batman: "I occasionally run into him commissioner. Why?"
Gordon: "I'm worried about my daughter Barbara."
This is the first time the future Batgirl is mentioned on the show by name.
Batman: "How is she involved in all this?"
Gordon: "Well, as Bruce Wayne knows, she's away at college, she'll be graduating shortly, and I'd hate  to think that some of the dire happenings which have happened to that fine professor of Egyptology  could also happen to my beloved daughter at her school."
Batman: "I rather doubt that your daughter Barbara is going to get conked on the head and turned into a  long-dead Egyptian ruler, commissioner."
Gordon: "I know it sounds a little farfetched, but she's an only child and of course, my pride and joy. I just need a little reassurance."
Batman: "If I see Bruce Wayne I'll ask him to call you. He knows more about the present American collegiate scene than I do."

That important point out of the way, Gordon then tells him about the radio show. 

Cut to the radio as Batman calls in.
Jackson: "You know, you're the eighth person that called today claiming to be Batman. ... If you're really Batman then you're a very brainy guy, right? Tell me who said, "Biography should be written by an acute enemy"?"
Batman: "Arthur James Balfour, born 1848, died 1930. He was quoted by S.K. Ratcliffe in the London Observer, January 30, 1927."
Jackson (suddenly a believer): "Friends, we have a very special guest on the line. A great and good friend of yours truly:  Batman. He has a message for you. Fire away, Caped Crusader."
Batman: "This message is for King Tut only. I request all other citizens of Gotham City to comply with  my wishes and shut their radios off for the next 30 seconds."
Of course all the city does so because they're easily led simpletons.
Tut (in his lair): "Curse you, Batman! May you fall down a flight of stairs and break every tooth in your head except one, and in that, may you have a toothache for the rest of your life which won't be very long."

So "Tutsy" has his turn to call in: "Tell that blue beanbag to bring the money to the royal oil boiling room in the abandoned boiler works in the old Boylston section of the city tonight. Alone. And you can also tell him to -"
Cut to Batman listening to what seems to be a whole range of swears. "Oh, such language!" But he has the location.
Alfred: "Holy steam valve! (Beat) Sorry, sir, it just slipped out. It must be because Master Robin's uppermost in my thoughts at the moment."
Batman: "And in mine, Alfred. You mind the store."
Vince thinks Alfred wants to be Dick's successor as Robin. 

At the room of boiling, Tut is unhappy at the slow heat from not using vegetable oil. (:28)
"The Caped Conniver seems to have a penchant for escaping from tight places. He'll not escape this  one. Before this night is out I shall revel in the sight of a big, crisp, polyunsaturated bat. And that goes  for his sickening sidekick too."
Sadly Robin does not exclaim a "Hey! That's me!"
RD: "You know what they call fried bat? Chicken of the Cave."

Cut to Batman at Carson's TV studio house. Sadly as the banks were closed he could only get $6 million.
Batman: "For once, I just don't know. Do you think he'd accept a check for the difference?"
If it was written on papyrus it might work?
Carson: "This ransom will break me, but I don't care."
Batman: "Strange. I was under the impression that you were a multi-multimillionaire."
Carson: "Everybody thinks so. But all I have in the world is now in your hands. I had hoped to arrange  a match between Lisa and Bruce Wayne. The combination of our fortunes would put me back on top and give me room to manipulate."
Batman: "A marriage of convenience, eh?"
Carson: "It goes on all the time among the upper classes. Normally, I wouldn't think of Bruce Wayne as  a husband for Lisa. Well, he's a nice enough fellow, but he's just not marriage material for a girl like  Lisa. (Beat) Actually, you're more her style."
Batman: "Me? I'm afraid not, Mr. Carson. My heart is already pledged to crimefighting."

Cut back to the boiler with Robin and Lisa tied up together. As they bemoan their fate, Neila comes over to free them, or at least get rid of her competition: "King Tut may be fat, lazy and extremely rude, but he's all I have. And with her here I don't even have that."
Unfortunately they're too late to evade Tut noticing the scene, who is so saddened at how everyone is against him he accidentally puts a hand on the oil, burning it. "As soon as Batman and Robin have been  fricasseed you'll both join them in yonder pot!"
Robin: "You'll answer to Batman for this."
Tut: ""You'll answer to Batman for this." You big tattletale! Boiling in oil, one of my dear father's favorite spectator sports. Only you won't be a spectator, Batboy. According to my master plan, the  cowled cornball should be arriving momentarily."

Sure enough Batman is seen coming in. The goons want to beat him up.
Tut: "No, no violence. I can't stand violence. (Beat) But I like torture. It's good, clean fun. He'll be joining his caped crony in a double birdbath."
The goons look silently at him.
Tut: "Didn't you find that funny? The king has made a yuk. Laugh now! Ha ha ha!"

He then suddenly has "slave girls" to bang a gong just as Batman breaks through a wall on his Batcycle with a Bat-tering ram. He throws his capsule into the oil to immediately foam it, bouncing Robin off from deliciously cooked doom.
Not even five seconds in to the fight Tut is taken out with a hit to the back of the head, and the stunt doubles easily handle the goons by throwing them into the gong. 

This of course once again brings Tut back to his old self.
Tut (softly): ...Oh. Did I do it again?"
Batman: "You certainly did."
Tut: "...I hurt anybody?"
Batman: "Only yourself, professor. Only yourself.
Tut: "Oh, I hope the board of regents will understand that a criminal alter ego is not an easy thing to overcome."
Batman: "As a crazed criminal, professor, your alter ego would have been dealt with justly, but firmly, (to the camera) for surely no man is above the law and no man is below it."

RD wonders what will happen to the  goons, if anything. What about Neila?

There's no time for that, as we immediately cut to Bruce taking Lisa back to her place as the Batman Love Theme is playing (and which RD is still looking for for his anniversary).
Lisa: "Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?"
Bruce: "I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30."
Lisa: "Oh. All right. Will you call me again?"
Bruce: "I wonder if that would be wise, Lisa; you're a very beautiful woman, and you'd make some
lucky man a marvelous wife. Unfortunately, I'm not that man. You see, the Wayne Foundation is my wife. You're just wasting your time with me."
He does however oblige her request for a kiss.
Bruce: "...Milk and cookies, did you say?"
Lisa: "I made the cookies myself."
They share another kiss, and then:
Bruce (to the camera): "Man cannot live by crimefighting alone."

Wrote RD: "He then goes in to get laid."

Vince thought 37 year old Lee Whitney was "long in the tooth" as Neila, and he was just being generous, but like me he recognized her as Yeoman Janice Rand. She was also a professional singer, including touring with Spike Jones, and was the first Chicken of the (non Cave) Sea Mermaid. Both agree on giving 6.5 or 7 Batpoles (I'll round up for them.)

Lee Meriwether (then 31 years for this story) of course has quite the career, not just Catwoman or her long tenure on All My Children or even her own Star Trek appearance. The Bros wonder if they can get her on the show. RD gives her 7.5 or 8. Vince thought she "looked good in the very last scene" and also gives her an 8.

Next time the Bros will watch series related commercials, PSAs, and how to properly apply the Heimlich Maneuver. 

Vince had nothing to do with Hulk Hogan's last day with TNA or people riding the Dixie Train.

 

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Jokes
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. I held my breath.
• Window Celebrity: 1. Grace Lee Whitney

Episode 92: Holy Jet Set!: May 28, 2023

King Tut's Coup
March 8, 1967
"After a blow to the head, Yale's Egyptology professor once again believes he is King Tut. He mistakes Bruce Wayne's friend Lisa for Queen Cleopatra, and kidnaps her so he can bring her to Egypt as his bride. Batman and Robin soon locate Tut's hideout, thanks to a hidden tracking device. But soon after entering, they are captured by Tut's cronies, and Batman is submerged in a sarcophagus under five feet of water."
60 minutes

RD: TALENTED PANTOMIMIST. He takes a sip from a non WWE Niagara Falls Cup. Vince got a Kevin Nash style haircut so he can wear a cap.

SPEAKING OF Kevin Nash, Vince was recently reminded of his protege (and RD's rival) Jeremy Borash, now currently HHH's deputy, so he messaged him something. There was no response. So he went on about it on another show. Another website wrote about it. The next day Jeremy messages Vince on his recently changed number, something RD immediately guessed a few minutes earlier. 

RD: "A little career advice from me, your old buddy RD Reynolds: if you're working with a company and they're so serious that you're not allowed to have a hoedown or a hootenanny, there's better places out there." (:11)

Narrator: "The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University, and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans."

Said professor is outlining a field trip to Gotham City "if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course." So they ask back if he was in fact King Tut.
Professor: "Yes, it's true. I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference. It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however. Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat."

He takes it off just as someone throws potted plants on him and the two students, and now Tut also has his two goons for the story. 

Vince wishes for more stories and wrestling angles where a concussion from a dropped object turns people into King Tut. 

We immediately cut to the three breaking into the GC Museum to steal a sarcophagus and knock out its one guard. 

Gordon: "In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne."
O'Hara: "Bruce Wayne? Not Batman?"
Gordon: "There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight. Bruce Wayne is clhairman. Perhaps he knows something we don't."

At Stately Wayne Manor the inhabitants are all dressed in togas, though Aunt Harriet also wears a bra. (:17) Bruce is excited to see someone named Lisa as Cleopatra. Alfred announces a phone call in the study from Gordon...for Bruce.

Bruce (in private): "Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy."
Alfred: "No need to be, sir. The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman. But a feeling  inside me suggested that you should take it in here."

Of course he says this while the (non Bat)phone is off the hook, but of course Gordon is a gentleman and/or an idiot for not listening in on them.
Gordon asks him why someone would rob a sarcophagus from 1300 BC.
Bruce: "1300 BC was the era in which King Tut trod the land. ... My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately."
O'Hara: "Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all."
Gordon: "Otherwise they never would have become millionaires."
I'm glad these two versions don't know about Twitter then. ... Though probably knowing them they probably willingly bought those Blue subscriptions. 

So Gordon immediately calls Batman and does not pick up how similar he sounds to Bruce.
Bruce: "I know. King Tut is back in Gotham City. We'll be right there." (He hangs up)
Gordon (not picking up how similar Batman sounds to Bruce, to the camera): "Absolutely incredible. You'd think the man could read my mind."
The Duo run To The Batpoles with one hand holding up their robes. 

Vince is now paying close attention to Batman's erect status.

In the Office Robin still does not understand why Tut doesn't stay in Yale. (:23)
Batman: "Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes (O'Hara looks puzzled), changes into King Tut, he forgets his true identity."
Gordon then receives a call that "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel" gravely injured by Tut. The Duo leave to check on him.

Tut's lair is the Pyramid Club, "a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb" when it's not a matte painting with a Closed sign. Tut leaves his sarcophagus to be greeted by his moll Neila ("Hi, Tut baby. What's shaking?" Tut: "Batman's head, unless I miss my guess!") and his student goons, now his Jester and Chancellor. Now he needs his queen. Unfortunately it is not Neila, who is played by Grace Lee Whitney, better known as Yeoman Janice Rand of the USS Enterprise. 
Tut: "The lovely Lisa Carson, daughter of wealthy socialite Johnny John E Carson, will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra. Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar. Tonight he'll lose his queen to me, the king! Oh, pulchritudinous!"
Neila: "And where does that leave me?"
Tut: "You could always be a lady in waiting."

Meanwhile the Duo Batclimb up the Oasis (of course the suite is a penthouse) where they meet Aileen Mehle, known under the pen name of Suzy Knickerbocker, a well known society columnist.
Aileen: "I go where the action is, Batman. The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever  there's glamor, that's where I am."
Robin: "I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then."
Aileen: "Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder. I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor."
Batman: "STATELY Wayne Manor."
Aileen: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London  or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."
Robin: "There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City."
Vince: "Who were his other customers?"
RD: "The villains, I think."
Aileen: " I think you two belong in my column. I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace."
Robin: "Holy jet set!"
Batman: "Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman. An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters."
Aileen (as they ascend): "I wonder who they really are. Probably a couple of international playboys. I  mean, who else would climb walls?"

The police are still there, making one wonder why the Duo needed to Batclimb when they could have used stairs or an elevator. I'm sure Batman would make some excuse on how Robin needed the exercise. 
Sphinx is secured in a noose for some reason and he has to ask an officer to help him out. "King Tut is a very muscular fellow," he states for some reason. He also left a note "in an ancient tongue, circa 1300 BC." To the Batcave!

Batman reads the translation while suddenly having stubble: "I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion."
Robin: "Hey, that's me!"
Batman: "And next in importance, to claim my own."
He calls Gordon to tell him he may strike at the Ball.
Gordon: "I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment."
O'Hara: "Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us."
Do they even have seven competent people for the job?

Back at the lair Tut tells his goons he wants the Duo present at the Ball. Since Mayor Linseed is away on his regular trips to the "Asian front", he's sent a replica of his robe and mask to his Deputy Mayor Zorty (and himself referring to Los Angeles Mayor Sam Yorty). "Tonight he will be I!"

Sure enough at the Ball the police in Egyptian garments, white socks, and black shoes, arrest Zorty as Tut, despite his protests. This is witnessed by the (Stately Wayne) Manor Household (in togas) and Cleopatra Lisa, played by...Lee Meriwether, previously the Movie Catwoman. Vince thought the Movie came after this season, not before. (:38)

Of course the police are incompetently more than happy to take Zorty directly to the Office without verifying who he is including at the Ball, appalling their even more incompetent Chief to no end. "If it's who I think it is, and I think it is, I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner."
Zorty: "Go back there, men. On the double. This time get the right king...or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again."

The real Tut is already at the Ball, his eyes all over Lisa, much to the concern of the Duo.
Harriet: "Do you boys know that man?"
The goons are also there, and ask Bruce to ask Lisa to dance with their boss next to other supposed police officers (who would be far more competent than the real ones). Bruce...does so, confusing the Co-Bros. 

Lisa: "It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty."
Tut: "I know it is. Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king. OHHHHH!"

They leave just as Bruce realizes he's been had. He did put a tracker in Lisa's outfit though...somewhere. You'll just have to take his word on it. He notifies Gordon - but tells him not to help, knowing how well they did earlier. 

At the lair Lisa tries to explain she is not actually Cleopatra. "I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side. Who are you, anyway?"
Tut: "Who am I? Tut! Master of thieves, king of the Nile, moon god of Thoth. And that's just on Mama's side of the family. ... I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you. Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people."
He has his goons take her away despite their preference for her wealthy father to pay her ransom instead.

Cut to outside. The Duo have followed the tracker, and Batman will Batclimb (instead of using the Batmelter) while Robin stays on the ground.

Cut back inside. Tut has to remind his goons the woman is not for sale. He should probably do it through jotted down football plays. Rejected, the goons push open a door - and Robin standing behind it. This cues some very obviously dubbed lines as they prepare to tie him up.
Tut: "Stop! Wait a minute! If the Caped Crumb is here, the Cowled Creep can't be far behind."

He's right, and a fight starts with much hide-and-seek and the Duo tripping a goon by pulling a rug. But the "very muscular" concussed Yale professor slams a vase onto the Duo's heads, immediately turning them into the Bizarro Duo knocking them out.
Tut: "Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer?"
Robin is thus tied up while Batman is put into the sarcophagus over a pool of water, as Tut does his most heinous crime of all: a speech.

"Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil  that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Batman. It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.
Bubble, bubble, little bat, at the bottom of the vat. / Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly...to the great big belfry in the sky."

Narrator: "It appears a death worse than fate! Batman has been in sticky situations before, but never like this! And what of Robin, who's fit to be tied? Is this Batman's Waterloo? Tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!...At your own risk!"

Neither Bro remembers this story much for some reason, and wonder if it was something in syndication. 

The Arcade will have another King of Arcade competition on July 8, the top prize most likely a Stargate machine.

RD enjoys playing more modern games with Junior, who's already finished Tears of the Kingdom. Senior is not a big fan of open world sandbox games. He prefers older fare like Pac Man that could only go up to Level 256.

One of RD's followed YouTube channels did a video "dissecting" No Holds Barred. Speaking of rather bad ventures of wrestling into the mainstream: Warrior with Regis & Kathie Lee.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Lisas
• Window Celebrity: 2. Aileen "Suzy Knickerbocker" Mehle, Grace Lee Whitney

Episode 46: Holy Guinea Pig!: June 26, 2022

Tut's Case Is Shut
September 29, 1966
"With his creation of a powerful mind control potion successful, King Tut schemes to bring Gotham City under his total control."
63 minutes

Don't Quiz RD on His Shirt! They went to sunny California to escape the humidity and Mrs. Deal's allergies. While at the Disneyland gift shop someone had the audacity to question him on his shirt/Batman knowledge/Victor Paul. He visited Universal Studios Hollywood for the first time and took 10 minutes instead of 4 hours to queue for the Studio Tour. This makes Vince nostalgic for his visits to Universal while they were filming nearby, including with an overexcited Shane Douglas and meeting Paul Stanley backstage. RD once had shrimp stuffed lobster with a friend. 

Vince: "Speaking of the Gobbeldy Gooker, Tut's Case Is Shut."
RD: "One doesn't have anything to do with the other." (:18)

The Narrator mentions things that didn't appear in the previous day.

Robin continues to be threatened by stock footage of crocodiles in a completely different outdoor place.
Tut: "Farewell, my moldy sparrow. In the name of Anubis, great jackal-headed patron of the supercriminal, I commend you to your fate."
Vince does not know what moldy means.
Tut and Ms. Cleo Patrick decide to leave rather than see Robin's fate. "Besides, Gordon needs his pills!" 

This gives the opportunity for Batman to appear and fire a "laser" to cut bars to throw a Batrope at Robin...who misses the catch. So he swings in to get Paul as Robin personally and swing out. Robin apologizes for his blunder.
Batman: "Experience teaches slowly Robin, and at the cost of many mistakes."
RD wonders what fortune cookie he stole it off from.

Gordon in his office is on the phone: "You know how wives are!" He has to take her out for lunch hour, so O'Hara will fill in in his absence. (:26) RD wonders who would want to remain married to Gordon, who in the modern day is often depicted as divorced or in a troubled relationship. I wonder who would put up with this Gordon, unless of course he was secretly crime boss plotting with her. Thus when Ms. Patrick arrives with her pills she has to give them to O'Hara instead.
O'Hara: "I never take pills."
Patrick: "It's routine procedure."
O'Hara: "Oh okay."
Before he can take any Batman calls to warn him that there is "treachery in that office." O'Hara: "Begorrah!" Vince does not know Begorrah means.
Of course O'Hara takes the pills anyway. Tut appears demanding him on his knees, worrying RD. Cue Extreme Closeups that RD replicates with his camera. Tut speaks the secret trigger words and O'Hara walks like an Egyptian. 

The Duo appear at City Hall as O'Hara is suddenly dancing a jig on a ledge like Becky Lynch in NXT. Batman whispers from 20 storeys below expecting to be heard. 

Tut and Patrick are also there, and she requests the Chief to next do some gymnastics on a pole. No, really. They then see the Duo and Patrick swoons over the Dark Knight, much like her predecessor queen: "All that restitutory power in his body...or whatever he said." Tut has to pull her out by the hair for some reason. The Duo miss the two villains as they come up to O'Hara. Batman: "It's unwise to condemn what we can't understand."

Back at his lair, Tut laments that he may harm his menagerie in his plans to make 95,000 gallons of the chemical by "scarrabating" the water.
Royal Lapidary: "But remember: it's for an evil cause!"
Amenophis: "Or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik!"
Tut: "If you say that one more time, I'm gonna slap ya. ... Batman! That big ninny!"
They plan to get at the Dark Knight through Gordon. 

In the Batcave Robin wants to get rid of Gordon and O'Hara from Tut's control. Don't we all. (:39) Alfred brings Batman glasses of buttermilk as they search for an antidote. And of course he doesn't give any to Robin. What a pal, I mean, chum.

Gordon is already controlled off-camera and calls Batman to inform him of a sphinx at Jefferson Square Park. Batman: "It's making predictions, just as I predicted." Tut is heard via rambling recording as is Gordon when the Duo appear at the park.
Gordon: "He makes a good point. This city really does need more drinking fountains. ... A quaint old-fashioned refreshments cart!"
Batman: "Thank you! That sounds refreshing!"
Of course this is an excuse for Gordon to drop a giant pill into Batman's lemonade before he takes a phone at a phone booth from actual Tut. Cue Batman eye rolling like an Egyptian: "Yes, your majesty. Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh. Your every wish is my command. I hear and obey."
He then wonders off like an Egyptian while Robin stands befuddled as the goons capture him.

They are delivered as the goons finish the vat of chemicals, and Batman hails and takes a knee to Tut: "On your knees, Bat-Brat!" When he rejects Patrick's request for the Duo after he controls the city, (he'll feed them to the crocodiles) she goes mad. RD guesses it was from all the pills. Cue Extreme Closeup.

Vince forgets Pauline's name as he gives actor Marianna Hill 8 Batpoles. RD gives her an 8 for attraction and a 15 for her performance. Vince was surprised she looked older than she was. Similar to Finella she appeared in The Godfather Part II among a few other roles. 

Batman manages to break out of the control through the power of buttermilk, although Vince was again distracted by stains on the suit. The fight has Robin delivering a full mule kick for some reason. Tut races to his truck that requires a crank to turn it on and causes a leak of the chemical all over, which is enough to break him out of his persona...this time.
Batman: "Poor deluded man. He's walking on a tightrope Robin. Ab Rabu Simbu Tu plays no favorites. Gotham City has narrowly a major catastrophe of major proportions. Too bad that such a distinguished professor in his twin trauma should become his own cavia porcellus."
Robin: "Cavia porcellus?"
Batman: "Guinea pig."

In the office Gordon apologizes for giving "polluted lemonade". Tut is also there thinking he will go to a faculty meeting: "The PTA shall hear of this!" O'Hara wants to send him to jail. Batman delegates the decision to Gordon.
Gordon: [To the camera] "So brave, so dependable, and so modest. Rare in men these days...very rare."

RD has no memory of next episode and Ma Parker. Vince made him confused by thinking actor Shelley Winters died from drowning in real life instead of just in The Poseidon Adventure. Neither saw the remake.

RD wrote about another terrible match. 

RD can't write about The Death of TNA while it's not yet dead. Vince was bemused they did not contact him for their 20th anniversary whatever it was.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [2] (Victor Buono) [2]
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 2. What you just said, Gobbeldy Gooker 
• Extreme Closeups: 3. 
• (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. Sid Haig

Episode 45: Holy Sarcophagus!: June 19, 2022

The Spell of Tut
September 28, 1966
"King Tut returns with a new plan involving preserved specimens of extinct Egyptian scarabs."
55 minutes

RD Agrees - NO MORE PILLS!

Vince couldn't keep up with the episode like he did when he last watched it by mistake. 

Narrator: "A quiet, balmy midnight in Gotham City. Not a creature is stirring, except these creatures - though they're barely stirring. And this creature - an Egyptian King? And a tank full of crocodiles? In our beloved borough?" 

Cue bad footage and stock footage of crocodiles. 

Tut's henchmen crack open a safe but ignore the 68 karat diamond to instead get some beads "or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik!" RD thought he was Amadeus Toothpick. The owner, credited as "Man of Distinction", appears with an eye-patch and a gold silk robe and a gun only to be overpowered. Vince thinks he borrowed the robe from Hugh Hefner. RD has him explain Hugh Hefner. 

The MOD explains the theft to Gordon in his office while wearing a bandage wrap around his head.
Gordon: "I don't understand why you'd be hurt so bad to get hit by a lead pencil."
MOD: "It wasn't a pencil. It was a pestle!"
Then Ms. Patrick, Gordon's assistant for the day, appears with a plateful of drugs for her superior as he and O'Hara pick up the Batphone.
Oddly enough the phone is just laying there for Bruce to pick up. Dick: "Holy hieroglyphics! This might mean a battle royale!" 

This leads to one of RD's favorite scenes of the whole series. (:09) Batman in Gordon's office asks to call Yale to see what Tut is up to.
Ms. Patrick appears again with Gordon's drugs: "Something for youuuuuu, Batmannnnnn?"
Gordon: "NO! NO PILLS!"
Batman: "No thank you, my dear, I seldom resort to medication of any kind. You see, one's body has remarkable restorative powers of its own."
RD: "This is the same man who is constantly taking Batpills."
He shows Ms. Patrick staring at Batman's bulge - I mean utility belt, while Gordon looks away in disgust, much to Vince's consternation.
Gordon agrees to ask Ms. Patrick to call the university.
Batman: "Dean Gerber? This is Batman. ... Batman. ... B. A. T. M. A. N. ... That's right, in Gotham City."
Tut suffered yet another injury when falling off a podium and has since gone missing. Batman explains to O'Hara they actually stole "scarabs imprisoned in amber". He gets Ms. Patrick back to check the classifieds to check the drugstores for further leads. Instead she brings more pills.
Gordon: "NO PILLS PLEASE!"
Batman: "She seems eager to please; that's a virtue in anyone."

Sure enough Tut and henchmen, in surgical clothes for some reason (including a hole in Tut's mask for his beard), are in the Apex Apothecary trying to revive the scarabs. (:19) Tewfik: "We're givin' them the hot foot!" Tut has to clarify they're going to shock them with 100,000 volts to reanimate them. One goon, the Royal Apothecary as played by a very young Sid "Captain Spaulding" Haig, is particularly creepy and giddy about their plans.

Tut: "Breathe, my children! Free yourselves from the arms of Osiris! Shake off the shackles of the sepulcher! Live... Live... Live!"
[Beat]
Tewfik: "They ain't livin'."
So they go to 200,000 volts. Still nothing.
Tut: "Failure! Abject failure!"
He then has a tantrum before they actually do come back to life.
Tewfik: "How 'bout that - that cockroach is really kickin'!"

Meanwhile as the Duo are climbing up the building they are interrupted by Green Hornet and Kato watching from the window. (:25)
Green Hornet: "What are you doing here?"
Batman: "I might ask you the same question."
Green Hornet: "Pursuing the enemies of law and order, wherever they happen to be."
Batman: "Aren't you in the wrong city?"
Green Hornet: "On special assignment for "The Daily Sentinel." You know my aide, Kato."
Batman: "Robin, the Boy Wonder."
[Robin lets go of his rope to wave.]
Green Hornet: "Well, I don't want to hold you up from your crimefighting."
Batman: "Thank you. And good luck to you, Mister Hornet."
Kato: "Nice to have met you."
[The window closes.]
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, what are they dressed like that for?"
Batman: [Shrugging] "Hmmm?"

They make it inside the building.
Apothecary: "What form of curative do you require?"
Batman: "We need nothing."
Apothecary: "I don't carry a drug called "nothing.""
He then opens up a box to launch some dust at them before trying to deter them from venturing further. Batman persists, leading into a quick fight. The goons distract them with sneezing powder to cover leaving through the fire escape.
Recovering they find one scarab left behind.
Robin: "Holy Frankenstein! It's alive!"
Batman chastises him for not knowing his Egyptology for not knowing what a scarab is, for some reason. (Shouldn't that just be biology?)

Back in the Batcave, Batman continues to chastise a yawning Robin for not knowing his self-taught hieroglyphics or periodic table. The Bros wonder if he was referencing scarab limbs or lips for Tut's chemical formula that could potentially mind control the whole city. Batman remembers their last encounter with him a year ago. Robin: "How could I have forgotten?"

In his lair Tut hears one of his sphinxes was bought by Bruce, by a goon reading the news in the slowest pace possible. "Sheer spite! Just because I kidnapped him last year!" Bruce is supposed to donate it to Scotland Yard, and for a moment Tut is glad to share space with infamous British criminals before he reconsiders and orders his goons to steal it back.

At nightfall at Stately Wayne Manor, the goons hide behind bushes in the stereotypical cartoon manner. They take the sphinx (with Robin inside it) as Bruce watches from his window. 

Robin then notifies Bruce on the lair's location as the Apothecary creates the chemical while randomly praising the old gods. Tut: "And praise to me too." The Apothecary asks to get back to his shop. Tut: "Don't be a boobie." They plan to give the chemical to Gordon through Ms. Cleo Patrick.

Of course then Robin has the timing to fall out of the sphinx, so Bruce has to track him through the radioactive pellets in his Batbelt. Robin attempts an escape while the Apothecary chases with a huge syringe, only to find himself over the crocodiles. Tut: "Get him! But watch out for the scarabs.[To the crocodiles] I told you, my lovelies, if all went well, you'd soon be dining on something better than frogs and fishes! Not much better, granted, but you're due for a snack. I hope you all have healthy appetites! Eat your din-din!"
Narrator: "Is Robin doomed? Those crocodiles look mighty hungry! Was Tut right? They'd soon be having a tasty dinner? Or was he merely shedding crocodile tears? Above all, will Batman arrive before the Boy Wonder's perch slides away? Tune in your Batsets tomorrow. Same time. Same channel." 

Buono's performance reminds Vince of one of his other friends and podcast hosts, Bin Hamin, who similarly commits to the role. (I wonder if Tut was one of his influences.) RD also has more respect for him and his acting, and liked his goons in turn. Vince wonders if the originally made characters came from the guest actors themselves in order to make an impact. 

RD loved the character of Ms. Cleo Patrick alongside Pauline's. However if he had her as his pill-pushing assistant he would at least be somewhat cautious. 

RD wrote about Stampede Wrestling for the first time. They will also write about AEW for the first time. Finding video material for inductions in the original days would be a major journey for him (and his wife.)

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [2] (Victor Buono) [2]
  

• Screen Captures: 1. RD
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Creepy
• Window Celebrity: 2. Van Williams as Green Hornet, Bruce Lee as Kato
  
• (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. Sid Haig
  

Episode 28: Holy Hyenas!: February 13, 2022

The Pharaoh's in a Rut
April 14, 1966
"Bruce frees himself just before the cart he is riding goes over a cliff. As Batman, he works to bring King Tut to justice. But the hero is captured by King Tut instead. Batman is then tortured as King Tut drops a pebble on his head at a time. Robin works to track Batman in time."
71 minutes

"RD Misses Demolition Derby" He compensates by having his WWE Niagara Falls Cup with him for what would have been Blade's 47th birthday.

Vince writes less for three hour Raw than he does for 25 minute Batman. If he could RD would have Han Solo frozen in carbonite like he was Jabba the Hutt. Vince would have one of the (original) Planet of the Apes chimpanzee outfits. 

The Narrator still thinks the statue was a sphinx. "BRUCE IN A BLANKET?" Instead of showing him they have a shot of Nefertiti. "And another dish!" says the Narrator randomly. 

Light jazz leads to Bruce continuing to roll along. Vince kept seeing the mound of dirt and a string tied to the gurney.

Vince only now notices the Cup, which RD explains to him by taking a sip. (:10) Vince had no idea they had a shop up there.

Then Bruce just unties himself and pulls the metal railing on the gurney to get off it just in time. RD was sad it then didn't burst into fire. 

Tut now has a fifth woman in his throne room watching Demolition Derby. Vince randomly guesses they may be from Yale. The Co-Bros wonder why Derbies aren't being shown more these days. Tut changes the channel to the news. Nefertiti: "You know all this! Switch back to the spaaarts!" 

Batman is seen at Gordon's office telling people that Bruce is alright (because he is he). Tut makes a sound of a cat coughing up a furball. Nerfertiti: "Batman! He turns me ooooohhhhhhhnnnn!" Tut attempts to summon his "ninnies".

Sad News: Mrs. Deal never called her husband "groovy". (:19)

Batman: "In my expert opinion Commissioner, we're seeing the dust of centuries blown away with a monstrous revival of a strange and ancient cult."
Gordon: "It's unearthly."
Batman: "Perhaps."
Batman then declares he will research further into "secret archives" in the library of Alexandra. Gordon thinks he means Washington DC.
Gordon: "Who will balk the criminal schemes of this madman who calls himself King Tut?"
Batman: "I pass the Egyptian ball to you Commissioner."

Vince's phone accidentally rings with a call from his father. 

Tut then goes into a hard to understand rage, exacerbated by Nefertiti reminding him he was once a professor. "Nuuuuuuuuuuu?" He blows on a loud horn to tell his servants to take her away. "While Batman is bounding around in belfries in far off Egypt, I'll do what I set out to do before: abduct Bruce Wayne!"

In the Batcave (:25) Robin actually thinks Batman is going to travel. Of course it's just a trap to get Tut to kidnap Bruce again, or rather his "life like dummy". They have to do this while trying not to let Aunt Harriet know (or find the Duo hiding nearby).

RD does not understand warm milk. Vince has it with butter. 

Batman: "It's almost the hour of the hyena; 6 o'clock in our nomenclature. That's the time when Egyptian super-criminals invariably strike! Now the hyenas are at the gate. Who knows what form they'll take?" 

Tut's goon enter disguised as a policeman and gases Alfred the "buster" (who has pilled himself to handle it) and the dummy, then just leaves. As other goons come in, Batman randomly does a back bump to put himself in the dummy's place, which they take instead to the Royal Barge. Alfred has to follow Robin via service elevator instead of Batpole where they tell Gordon they are tracking Batman via his cowl.
Alfred: "Those poor demented felons!"
Gordon: "Heartwarming indeed, Boy Wonder! The way a distinguished millionaire like Bruce Wayne operates in the fight against crime! Not all millionaires would be so self-sacrificing!" 

The goons take the body to the park statue where one of them pulls out a scroll warning them of a spot changing leopard or something. So they knock out Batman with a club to the head, somehow disrupting the tracking signal.

They take him to Tut's dungeon with his "ex-queen", again with non-Egyptian medieval torture devices. He plans to torture them with the dreaded "pebble torture" which is dropping a thousand pebbles on them over time like Chinese water. Batman again tries to remind him he was a professor. Tut: "Speed it up!" 

Robin and Alfred figure out the location while Gordon says Tut will ransom Batman for $1 million from Bruce. RD wonders what happened to his original plan to conquer Gotham City. Alfred suggests getting police help for some reason. Robin calls them "heavy-handed". He then asks for Gordon to drive the Batmobile. 

In the dungeon Batman and Nefertiti sings "Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat" for some reason. Tut wants to determine their sanity more though, so he has the ancient Egyptian record player play some light jazz to watch Batman dance the Batusi. Batman has held on through counting his multiplication tables - backwards! - and uses his strength to help him fight. Robin soon joins in as Tut makes it out of there.

The Duo exit to find Alfred knocked out and Tut having taken the Batmobile. Vince wonders what their fight might have looked like. So they give chase in the Golden Royal Sedan. (:44) Batman connects to the Batcave's voice control Batmobile relay circuit to fire the ejector seat to launch Tut. 

Thankfully it doesn't work, much to Robin's dismay. Batman: "Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them are infallible. It's a lesson which much be faced."

Vince asks Alexa about ghost presences in the house. RD's Alexa scares him by her proactiveness. 

Tut then comes behind the Sedan preparing the Batbeam - but launches the ejection instead. He gets up to fight - and Batman knocks him out with one punch. "That's life, Robin, full of ups and downs. It ill befits any of us to grow too confident."

Tut is taken to Gordon's office for some reason as he references his "hem" and having sympathy for his plight rather than just sending him to a mental hospital. This proves correct as he wakes up back to normal. "Whatever will the Dean say?" 

Vince remembers Dallas Page once wanting to do an angle faking his own death including hiding overseas (:53) RD: "Maybe [Goldust] was once a Yale professor too."

The Co-Bros found Tut very entertaining, with his lines and music and outfits. RD pledges to send Vince sound-bites to play.

Vince admired the commitment and passion of the actors playing the villains. He looks forward to next time's Roddy McDowall as his only (worm) turn as Bookworm. He wonders if he was too preoccupied by filming for Planet of the Apes.

RD tests Vince on some Cameo prices. (:62)

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut (Victor Buono)
  

Episode 27: Holy Whiskers!: February 6, 2022

The Curse of Tut
April 13, 1966
"A former academic who thinks he is really King Tut has returned. Batman and Robin seek his capture. A twist occurs, however, when King Tut's gang kidnaps Bruce Wayne. They are taking the millionaire in an ambulance. As Bruce tries to get free, the rear doors of the ambulance open and Bruce rides a cart toward a cliff."
78 minutes

"RD Reynolds: Nemesis of the Nile!" Vince wants to sell Joker mustaches. They would be licenses to print money (only to be stolen by a villain). Mrs. Deal does not like mustaches. Neither does Mrs. Russo, but without it "I look like a child."

They kept stopping and starting their watching of the day's episode to keep track of everything like a wrestling program. This includes explaining the motive of a villain for once, like Mr. Freeze earlier. However this was especially needed for Tut who was an original creation of the show (even Zelda had a one-off comic a year earlier), and would not make an appearance in paper for 43 years. 

On a "deceptive quiet" afternoon at Gotham Central Park, goons take off their gold masks to place an Egyptian statue that is too large to fit into the blue van. (:08) For some reason this causes an onlooker to scream loudly. A female voice from the statue proclaims that "the great king of the Nile" is to claim Gotham City and any challengers are to be "smitten dead!" 

RD will only be on Cameo like those he recently wrote about if he can charge $1.99 for his services. Vince: "Interesting."

For some reason Gordon calls the statue a sphinx despite it clearly not looking like one. He is then appalled at O'Hara thinking it's publicity for the museum: "Is there no limit to the brazen effrontery of the press agent? They'll pay for their stunts!" So he calls Bruce, who is with Dick and "hot" bra-less Aunt Harriet about to go to the museum. He is alarmed by "my dear commissioner" and calls him wit-less before hanging up on him.

So Gordon calls Batman, not noticing that like the last call it's Alfred who picks up first. He gives the cover of a thick book on "ancient Egyptian cat worship cults" for Bruce to give the slip to a very agitated Harriet. Complains she: "Mercy alive, such an impetuous pair! There should be some way to harness such energy!"

Again Gordon doesn't notice that Batman sounds exactly like Bruce. Dick: "Holy hieroglyphics! This might mean a battle royale!"

At Gordon's office they determine it is the doings of King Tut, having survived their last encounter in a warehouse fire "like a phoenix from the ashes." It's not like ancient Egypt had any famous connections with the afterlife that would necessitate better similes or anything.
Batman: "So our mad pharaoh has found himself a Nefertiti; some hapless female trapped IN A LIFE OF CRIME!"
They then consider calling the National Guard to blow up one random statue. Vince thinks it may have been a Trojan Horse. RD thinks it was more of a clown car due to its three foot width. 

We do learn some more about our villain of the week; he was once a Yale professor before he hit his head during a student riot. Batman has more pity for him for his situation than anything.

Still, being in Yale doesn't usually get one a full scale throne room with a full contingent of four women and four goons in attendance. (:29) Tut orders the commencement of Phase 2. One goon wonders why he's revealing all this. Tut: "You're a twit." He then snorts his declaration to handle Batman. "Snick snack stare! Battlestations to the royal barge!" RD waves a bottle of Roddy Piper bubblegum soda like his scepter.

The Duo go to the park to examine the "Sphinx of Giza" which looks nothing like it. Another announcement warns people not to approach or risk the wrath of Anubis "the jackal guardian of the cemeteries...and that goes double for you Batman!" Rather than just pull at a convenient handle on the statue to open it, he ties a basic knot for it, revealing a random knife. Robin: "Holy whiskers! That was a close shave!" 

Tut's Nefertiti watches and signals with a mirror. "CURSES!" he shouts. The Duo also see her and give chase: "HALT YOU DELUDED CREATURE!" She throws a smoke bomb to escape. Robin: "Holy asp!" So they have their stunt doubles briefly fight some sword wielding goons. Vince likens it to Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park and Ace Frehley having a Black stunt double. 

They decide to investigate the museum further, so Bruce goes surrounded by the press. (:38) He opens one sarcophagus to reveal a 3500 year old mummy inside. Bruce: "I think it's safe to say this particular fellow will not rise again. Ha. Ha. Ha." But then it does...just to fall down. Bruce: "IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?" Vince tried to contain his laughter being so close to Scott Steiner doing mathematics. He would have no idea how he would be on the Batman sets. Both are amazed by West's performances. 

A reporter remarks on the curse being real as they put the remains on a medical gurney. Bruce tags along just because (he's rich), and so the medical staff can gas him in an empty lobby. Of course it's Tut as the mummy as they put Bruce on the gurney. 

In the throne room Tut brushes his beard with a very small toothbrush. Nefertiti is also there eating a hot dog in a very sexual manner, which he disapproves of: "You abandoned wretch! How many times must I tell you? Queens consume nectar and ambrosia...not hot dogs!"
Nefertiti: "So I get hungry, living on nothing but figs and dates and pomegranates. Want a bite?"
Tut: "Bah! Unclean!"
She summons the "charioteer" by blowing a horn and shouting "Home toots! And step on it!"

Vince thinks Nefertiti was rough around the edges but her sexuality and clothing give her a "very disappointing" 6.5 Batpoles because it could have been more. RD gives her 7 for too much makeup. Shockingly enough for its time, Nefertiti's actress is regionally appropriate, played by Israeli-American actress Ziva Rodann. She had an uncredited appearance in King Creole, which Vince knew was Elvis Presley's favorite movie music wise. RD: "Fascinating." 

At the park Tut has Nefertiti go through some lines (on cue cards just for the expected upside-down sight gag) to recite through the statue. They inform the people standing around eating popcorn that Bruce has been abducted. Tut: "Remember Batman: Bruce Wayne's life is in your hand."

Bruce himself is still in the ambulance, which looks too much to the Co-Bros like the Ecto-1. As he's not being tied down to anything but the gurney he bounces all over the place as they go down a rather bumpy road. Says one goon to his colleague: "You know Harry, that Tut's a kook, but he's got brains!" In the Batcave Robin has to frantically answer Gordon asking for Batman. (:55) Mrs. Deal wondered if Robin was on cocaine. Bruce manages to roll out the back out of the vehicle only to find himself rolling down a hill towards a 300 foot drop into a pile of dirt. 

Narrator: "Holy Cliffhanger! Bruce Wayne hurtling toward an awesome abyss! What will be his fate? How can he possibly be saved this time? Be in front of your Bat-sets tomorrow night. Same time. Same channel. One hint: the most horrendous is yet to come!" 

The two enjoyed the episode greatly, especially the change of pace with the villain and writing. 

Vince subjected himself to watching the last part of the Royal Rumble where a celebrity took out half the wrestlers. (:60) RD will always love Andre the Giant strangling Bob Uecker: "DON'T WORRY ABOUT VANNA WHITE!" He also remembers heel Howard Finkel in Memphis. Vince had him as his first driving partner in WWF who would sometimes drive with his feet and gave him his first Dairy Queen Blizzard. 

Vince has a conspiracy theory about Triple HHH's "cardiac event" being a cover to get rid of him from the company. RD thinks the medical situation was far worse than reported upon. "Maybe he thinks he's King Tut now."

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut (Victor Buono)

 

• URLs not taken: 1. VinceRussoManChild.com 
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Opposites