296 Cam-Eye: July 23, 2020

Eye Quit!

109 minutes

Blade prepared himself by remembering a number. RD uses his degree in broadcast journalism to do bad impersonations.

Blade wants someone to write them a script for one episode, which they won't follow because it won't fit on a paper plate. (:06)

Blade entertains the people. (:08) RD wants to bribe people to listen. His Etsy shop has a new name.

RD is discovering the power of grocery delivery and item substitution...from Kroger. This scares Blade. (:17) His favorite United Dairy Farmers' Chocolate Chip was replaced by Toffee & Chip. This possesses Mama for some reason. (:24)

Sebastian Bach, formerly of Skid Row and not the WCR Quartet, has beef with Chris Jericho "miming" for some reason. (:25) Cue Jericho promoing against him. Cue Bach wanting a fight. Blade has to read things without Satan/Stan to do so. They play something of Jericho proving himself by copying RD. RD gongs him. He then does his own attempt on Ricky in his Nathaniel impression. He gongs himself. Blade then does his own attempt on I Remember You by fucking it up immediately. RD gongs him. His second attempt goes slightly better. RD gongs him again anyway. Blade makes excuses.

Miss Elizabeth has a new action figure. There's no word on whether it also functions as an ATM. (:38) While in the UK earlier in the year (before the rest of the year happened) Blade was surprised how many people did not like her by not buying her doll. Wendi Richter too also has a new action figure. Blade finds himself stymied by not being able to offend like he used to. He once saw a Richter pencil eraser. LJN was once to make a Haiti Kid figure.

Mickie James wants to "run" for "president" in news already reported on by Raging_Demons...somewhere. (:44) Will her agenda be based on trains running on time and a free horse for everyone? RD does his Jeff Foxworthy impression if possible. He thinks of making the site more redneck since he can't fully escape his hillbilly roots. I reckon.

As already reported on...by me, Tam has been arrested. (:48) Even worse, some of her OnlyFans stuff was leaked before that. What a shock. RD expects her to pop back soon, and if so to come after Blade since he's a "reporter".

Blade's royalty checks are being sent to an old address. (:56) Sean C. McLaughlin of Facebook has a question about Cody. So of course the two discuss Rebel instead. Blade has a short attention span. What a shock. RD finds Maryse more attractive nowadays as a mother (MHLF?).

The two's dismissive opinion on Randy "Cody" Orton is unchanged. RD looks up the ever accurate Wikipedia to read more about him that one time he was with Ted DiBiase Jr., Sim Snuka, and Cody. The two cough dryly at this. RD: "Poor Sim Snuka. I don't even know who he is."

Who would run gallop with Mickie James? (:68) RD wants the Deever, $20 on Cameo Jackie Gayda, and Taryn Terrell. Blade wants the Deever's bad impression on Cameo, Jim Crockett, Demolition Axe (not Smash?), Trish Stratus, and the Black Scorpion who can make the debt disappear (or transform it into a tiger).

As expected the two are distracted by who is on Cameo, including $20 Shelly Martinez and $50 Vince Russo.

RD skips ejaculating to Ken Pantera swinging so he can play Higher or Lower on Cameo instead of pretending to talk about wrestling news. (:84)

• Lita $100 < Rikishi $109 (Blade is 0 of 1)
• Bret Hart $150 > Kevin Nash $105 (0/2)
• Torrie Wilson $65 < Baron von Raskhe $125 (0/3)
• Diamond Dallas Page $90 < Tatanka Buffalo $100 (1/4)
• Ted DiBiase $75 < Ryback $100 (2/5)

WWE is seeing TNA level ratings such that Vince (McMahon) may also have to be on Cameo. Blade was lucky to miss the latest PPV so RD has to fill him in on what transpired for some reason (since he had to suffer through it on his own). In response Blade declares his secession from the WWE Universe.

Speaking of low ratings, let Mike Check tell you about helicopters once again. (:96) For some reason he did not like Robin Williams or Jonathan Winters in the Mork & Mindy market (perhaps due to it being in space sometimes with that Popeye impression of his, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk). In Phoenix's KLPS Lips 103, he was Duncan Jones, he had to fly a helicopter there with Sandy Roberts, and together they did the Sandy Duncan Eye in the Sky Weather Report. This makes Blade cough with laughter. He leaves with a request from a "Dominick" for Willie Nelson.

Par for the course, with this show your hopes will have to wait:
Eye For An Eye match.
Book another one next year.
Rey, Shawn, and Gibson.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, What Ganon Is Up To/Coasty Marshmellow, Troma Dance 2020, Skyline Drive Thru
  
• URLs not taken: 1. Mimingtoatape.com
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Patreon and WrestleCrapRadio.com, drive in movie theaters, hot, someone reckon their lives.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Mike Check
  

 

• Mama’s Damn, Damn, Damn Broken Dishes:  5
• Blade Time Outs:  14 (2 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Cricket Chirps:  4
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  4
• You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
• RD False Finishes: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Sean C McG
  
• AEW Dynamite is supposed to have a surprise opponent for Cody and maybe more.  What won’t be the surprise? Sim Snuka (RD) or Randy Orton (Blade).
  

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  If Mickie James runs for President, who should her running mate be?
• RD:  Taryn Terrell, Jackie Gayda, Layla El
• Blade:  Black Scorpion, Demolition Ax, Trish Stratus (previously Jim Crockett)

 

• Hi Lo Cameo!  The game where you pick who you think charges more.
• Lita or Rikishi?  Blade:  Lita.  Incorrect.
• Bret Hart or Kevin Nash? Blade:  Nash.  Incorrect.  
• Torrid Wilson or Baron Von Raschke? Blade:  Torrie Wilson. Incorrect.
• DDP or Tatanka (Buffalo)? Blade:  Tatanka. Correct.
• Ted DiBiase or Ryback? Blade:  Ryback. Correct.

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  KLPS Lips 103 (Phoenix, AZ)
• Radio Call Sign:  Duncan Jones 
• Partner: Sandy Roberts
  
• Show:  Sandy Duncan Eye in the Sky Traffic Report
• Song:  "In My Mother’s Eyes" by Willie Nelson 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Take two?
  Eye For An Eye match.
  Book another one next year.
  Rey, Shawn, and Gibson.
  

281 Chicks With Chips: March 5, 2019

Oh, Hi Blade.

85 minutes

Blade is once again visiting RD at his home after more than 10 years. He is thankful he can be Jazz Overnight instead of using a "burner" phone. He still has a Big Announcement somewhere. He was in Chicago for Cory Udler's birthday, hence the subsequent visit.

The two plan to record another RD&BS immediately after; in following their desire for user participation they will follow one's request by going over an old show. (:05)

Blade got lost in this very site while recently browsing it. I cannot blame him, this place is VERY extensive. (:09)

Blade went by himself to a ghetto gas station in Philadelphia. (:10) He bought their local Homegirls (Sweeties flavor) potato chips which confuses him for some reason. They turn out as sweet as the packaging. Their brother brand, Chumpies, are also sweet, albeit less so.

RD has a stroopwafel from his Dutch grocery. Blade becomes nostalgic when eating it which fills his head as he doesn't have any words. "It's...different." Then: "it's very good." RD has to explain to him what a stroopwafel is including the Wikipedia mentioned custom of placing one over a cup of coffee to loosen the syrup inside. Unfortunately, he only has Diet Mountain Lightning at the moment, which is not good hot OR cold.

RD has polished his Faxtrolla. (:22) Woman Gorgeous George has pickles which sounds like something Man Gorgeous George would have had (while he was alive of course). The Co-Fruitcakes silent interactive a video on her Facebook page about George Frankenstein's Dill With It Pickles. Blade decides to buy some. RD abstains, as he is not a big pickle man. Ahem.

Blade: "Do you like soap?"

RD is speechless. (:28)

This is supposedly a segue to Hollywood making organic soap to sell on Etsy. Blade is confused by some of the flavors. He still has his Rock talking soap, which has a better shelf life and audience than Francine's fetish used soap.

As mentioned before in exasperation, Tam was arrested. (:34) The difference this time is that there was actually an article on WWE (you know things are bad when they have something!) which Blade reads as he calls himself a "talent-less drunk". That implies he had talent in the first place. Like me RD is (still) speechless that she's still out and about afterwards her SIXTH drunk driving incident (after "video conferencing" with a judge to make things even more absurd.)

Blade recounts how he got a DWI on his 18th birthday (but not for being underage) which put him on the straight and narrow to drink at home nowadays. Good man. It is frightening that he has his head on straighter than (the older) Tam.

Maryse is expecting her second child. (:40)

As mentioned earlier Blade was in Chicago to see Cory for his birthday, and KISS (not for their birthday). (:43) For some reason (drinking at home perhaps?) he randomly did Nintendo John for a change (though Blade with that different than usual audio setup sounded like he had aged into Cranky Kong), alongside his friend's Honky Tonk Mailman (thankyouverymuch) and Gene and Paul, the latter two being visited at a eerily silent "backstage". Apparently Madison Rayne is returning. Blade laughs loudly throughout. Shockingly the HTMM does not provide any stamp news.

Corey Strode (not on Patreon) asks a question about WOW. (:56) RD guesses Blade would prefer Russo WCW. Surprisingly however, he instead prefers 1988 WWF. Santana Garrett of current WOW debuted in a show with Blade - I mean the Midnight Rose. Like him I mix those two up also. Also it's his 10th anniversary. Rose, not Blade. Like me I don't think he's reached 5 years of maturity yet.

Ed Leslie, of all people, is entering the Hall of Fame. (:60) The Fruitcakes wonder who else should be inducted. This is not a repeat from last year when they also did this, which is itself not a repeat from the month before that when they also did this. (:71)

Blade wants the Midnight Express post-roster change, Miss Elizabeth and her granny panties, and Demolition. RD wants Jim Cornette, the British Bulldogs, and the Goobledy Gooker, of course.

Blade never had a problem with Roman Reigns. (:73) Big Dave Bistro has also returned. Sources are having Kofi Kingston against Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania. Blade finally has his own Becky Lynch doll, who RD now considers his favorite female wrestler ever after her master trolling online [What? There's no mention of The Room's Tommy Wiseau wanting to be special guest ring announcer at Wrestlemania 35? You're Tearing Me Apart, R.D.! -RVM Kai].

Seventeen Syllables to say about that:
Becky with a dick.
Russo bomb at Mania:
Penis on a pole.



$31.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right



Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Blade in studio
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, WrestleCrap.com, WrestleCrapRadio.com, Baskin Robbins
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Honky Tonk Mailman, Nintendo John, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley from Kiss

 

• Blade Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
• Nintendo 8 Bit Pops:  5

 

• Question of the Week from: Corey Strode
• Women of Wrestling, great promotion or the greatest promotion? Neither, 1988 WWF.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 candidates would you want in the WWE Hall of Fame?
• RD:  Jim Cornette, British Bulldogs, the Gobbledy Gooker
• Blade:  Demolition, Miss Elizabeth, Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: For whom the ginger troll tolls:
  Becky with a dick.
  Russo bomb at Mania:
  Penis on a pole.

267 Trunk-Or-Treat: October 30, 2017

Tastes just like it looks

68 minutes

RD found some new material of Huey's laughter.

Blade has a one year span memory. He thanks RD for his sense of "continuity". I hope it is better than Blade's chemistry knowledge and following recording schedules.

Blade is already tired from all the recent partying but the Midnight Rose is still able to give candy to children at a "Trunk-Or-Treat" at a 'vague' location. RD finds those rather concerning: "That's always like a drug deal, right?" This is Piper's cue to warn about idiots in cars. (:06)

RD is still preparing his Patreon. I assume one of the sponsorship rewards is getting a Big Announcement. (:10) He once considered having a Chinese TNA correspondent, most likely named Po Lan / Lan Po or something like that.

Also you know you're getting up there when you randomly come across an episode of the (new) TMNT and can easily recognize that the episode's villain of the week, an ancient Chinese spirit, is in fact voiced by James Hong. Then again it did also feature three (captured) goons in some very familiar attire from that movie too so...

Don took a Trip to Taco Bell and calls in to talk about it in a very energetic tone of voice. (:13) (He hadn't yet gone to the one house in the neighborhood which always provided some sort of liquor for adult trick-or-treaters.) His children made him try some pink liquid urinal cake Gatorade pink lemonade which surprisingly tasted pretty good. Blade once saw some Don branded urinal mats during his travels. RD mocks them for knowing how urinal cakes taste, despite anyone with any knowledge of non Blade-style chemistry would know that the smell and taste glands are almost very similar. You can definitely 'taste' something if it smells strongly enough.

After Don leaves with his music, Blade randomly remembers being attacked by bees while recording while drunk. Those things have to be related. He also remembers the time he saw someone use an ice cream scooper to scoop meat at another Taco Bell. He also misses old smells while he meta times out.

Sad News: RD and Blade have varying definitions of loyalty.

Also Taryn Terrell was future endeavored. (:25)

Tony Schiavone has left Starbucks, possibly to return to wrestling. RD wants David Crockett to also return to commentate with him. He also misses Halloween Havoc and all the bad mess it brought with it. Blade used to watch wrestling recorded on old EPs.

The Miz and Maryse are expecting a girl. (:35) Blade temporarily stumbles on what "kind" of baby it would be.

Blade re-listens to Piper's tips to figure out what exactly is required of a trick-or-treater.

Blade: "What do you think Tammy's dressing up as?"
RD: "Bacon and eggs." (:41)

According to Blade WWCR goes over the same material again and again. Apparently this is news. This ties into Coke Classic for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Patreon Tammy's already been on it for a month, though she hasn't updated the thing in two weeks. You can...guess...what kind of material she has to offer. RD attempts to read it in his best Jeff Foxworthy impression before he becomes strangely fixated on what's on his finger.

Blade had to go back to Facebook to find people and their Questions. (:50) Criss Rogers wants to know how much a Piper's Bunch would be. He had four children but Blade thinks it's six.

Blade would consider running The Swinging Full Nelson Podcast in honor of Ken Patera. (:55) WWE also future endeavored three wrestlers just recently. RD wants them to rehire Bill Eadie to shout-deliver future endeavors. Blade randomly interjects to mention Mickie James, as you do. To shut him up RD replays his time with Piper. (:61)

Hulk Hogan and his one-time hanging on lackey friend Ed Leslie are Twitter feuding over the latter's writing of a tell-all.

Seventeen syllables of goodness:
Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
She wants pythons not haircuts.
Struttin' and Sluttin'.

$0.50 : $30.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Drive In Movie Maniacs, WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com
• URLs not taken: 2. LiquidUrinalCakes.com, StingOnStilts.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Handing out candy to underprivileged children, ghosts, someone that was a father, pleasing, dropping (2).
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Don
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Blade Time Outs: 8 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs: 2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3

• Question of the Week from: Criss Rogers
• How many kids do you have to have to qualify for bunches of them?  More than 3 or 4.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Beefcake ain’t cutting it brother!
  Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
  She wants pythons not haircuts.
  Struttin' and Sluttin'.
  

202 It's not easy being Mean: November 11, 2011

71 minutes

Wow, they're even lifelike!

A rather animated RD reads through his latest copy of Fighting Spirit Magazine (which he gets Lord Alfred to shill for). It's not just because he once again has his regular column for it, but rather due to a cover story involving Blade's dear lady centaur. It includes a bad pun that even the crickets would ignore for being too terrible, photographs with Raven and Ricky Steamboat of all people, and subtle goading from the editor to talk about her...rather 'risque' past. Blade has her fun with her as usual, though Mike Check randomly calls in to try and mess around. (:09) RD Strongbows him, and without even waiting for a song first! That's just not right.

Is that split served with banana topping?

:14 Blade is an obscure motherfucker as ever. RD uses Old Spice body wash that has the "power of a mountain". This makes me wonder why on earth WWE has not got the new Old Spice guy to be a Raw guest host. He'd be more charismatic than half the current roster.

:21 Sad News: Beavis and Butthead are using their music. Even more Sad News: the originally thought deceased-sick Haiti Kid has reanimated himself and come back to life, according to ever accurate sources. Who to believe? How about neither, so let's just see this random video of him sitting on Gorilla Monsoon's lap. On the subject of characters, RD feels he has to 'explain' Chief Jay Strongbow to newer listeners, (And if any are reading this (and if so, why?) have you tried our glossary yet? It's really shiny.) so he uses a video to aid him. Sure enough, he calls in too. (:28) [R.V.M Kai also made a commentary video of this interactive segment.]

SPEAKING OF strange interviews, Joanie Laurer's 'tickled' to win an award. RD wants to keep moving. Blade invents a new character on the spot to read a 'letter' of hers to Vince. She also has a new YouShoot video featuring questions from Trash Losagain and Mr. Fitness (2).

More Sad News: (:34) Tammy Sytch had a bad fall from an escalator. Even worse, her auctioned gown from the week before may be up for auction again. Even more Sad News: Blade can't find her Facebook page. Seriously though, I can empathize with her since escalators are not fun. They always scare the hell out of me whenever I use them.

Former ECW announcer Courtney Taylor is a new mother. (:38) Blade addresses the anti-feminists in the audience.

The Honky Tonk Mailman also likes to fuck. This explains why he's not here this week. (:47)

SPEAKING OF people Blade used to fuck, his ex-girlfriend didn't like Gail Kim for some reason. (:47)

Even in a minority the Listeners are a minority.

James Braxton (no relation) thinks his professor is one of the Listeners. (:50) Blade thinks all Listeners are some sort of albinos. That makes some sort of sense; there are so few of both albino and Listener in the wild after all.

:54 Mrs. Deal is no fan of mustaches. Poor woman. The Muppets on Raw made Blade vomit with rage. Blade does his Kermit impression which RD feels is better than the one done on that show. He then does an Irish Iron Mark.

Back in Maxim again (was Playboy out of room or something?), Kelly Kelly explains what a 'stinkface' is, taught to her by the wrestler 'Rafiki'. (:61) Blade has to apologize for giving joke names to people. Allegedly. It's probably just the drink again.

RD can take no more.

Blade sings for a third straight week. I think he's making up for his 'lost' singing career from three years back. I'm still waiting for my order of his Hobo Six album.

$2.00 ($39.00 and The Price Is Right for $19.99)

199 One-Off: August 4, 2011

73 minutes

Emperor, are they REALLY going to harp on this episode milestone constantly over and over to replace the fact that they always have fuck all to actually discuss on the radio progrem? Apparently the answer is yes. "That's what this show's become," RD admits.

Sad News: both men are hurting bad, although it's more from day to day life rather than injuries from equally angered Listeners. Blade tries to get through the pain by more random singing. RD wants an anniversary re-release of Blade's Revenge of the Black Scorpion . They are still accepting submissions for people dressing up as characters at "Nitro parties". Hell, just cut the middleman and send them to me. I could use a good laugh.

NITRO SAUSAGE PARTY

And no, don't look at ME to send in anything. I only wear one thing most of the time, and unless Oklahoma University's hockey team is any good, I don't think what I wear counts. In fact, you could say that the only character I dress up as is...well, myself. So leave ME out of this thank you very much.

:15 RD's back hurts from a bump he took while driving on the wrong side of the road in a bumper car. Those things are deadly, let me tell you. Blade makes some meaningless arguments which RD mercilessly tears down.

:25 The BNV finally has her site up, so RD pays a visit. Unfortunately it's not as concise as bignippledvampire.com. The two get it in their heads somehow that paying for her to appear on the show every month to answer the Question of the Week would be a license to print money. Or you could just donate the money to me and I can pretend to be her for your enjoyment. The Midnight Rose is appearing on another shoot DVD, this one with Danny Doring. (:34) Poor Maryse has a stalker. Sir Alec is summoned to read some of his strange messages to her. (:39) In actual news, did you know she did an interview for the hometown Habitant?

:50 Blade wants to make a "NWO B-SquadThunder" spin-off of the "Nitro" Fantasy Football League. Did you know someone made a custom Ted DiBiase and Gary Coleman figure?

:53 Ultimate Kennedy (12) has a question.

:55 The HTMM is preoccupied, so RD preoccupies us with Sting's bird. Blade in turn preoccupies us with how his ex-girlfriend un-friended him on Facebook because she didn't like one Troma movie.

:65 Zack Ryder, geek jobber.

Triple H is on two shows for double the pain.

Seventeen Syllables about this:
There's one champion,
two champions, three times
Triple H bullshit.

$4.00 ($32.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right thing for PC.) Can he break the $50 mark by the end of the year? One can wonder...

178 Mike Check At Folsom Prison: June 25, 2010

80 minutes

Blade has found a new TNA guy, who seems to be some cop or other, in order to return a "respectable segment on the show...the spot to go to for TNA news". Thankfully before he can make more astounding predictions (Mrs. Deal! Get the Amazing Criswell on the Seance-Trolla!) the Sheriff calls. (:05) He says what everyone already knows; John Smith IS Mike Check. The Sheriff goes through his many aliases, as RD chuckles at all the fancy names he had given him over the past year. He was some sort of felon with over 30 illegitimate children (in each market?), and owned a million dollars in back payments to John Thomas and his DBR Dead Beat Recovery Program.

Blade: "Mike Check likes to fuck."

They discuss him.

RD: "What Mike Check segment lasted only fifteen minutes?"

As expected they ignore entirely the option of him using protection (unless the only protection he believes in is for his microphone). Still, he probably liked working on "The Whacker". (He would be the only one.)

RD still can't read the Angry Marks ad copy so Lord Alfred shills for Sugar Daddy instead. The Roast is 'expected' to arrive July 4. So wait for it to arrive in August.

OHHH GROBBLEY!

:26 Blade wants to dissuade RD forever from Kinder Surprises so he finds some 80's German commercial with Humpty Dumpty speaking in Jawaese. Comment reading follows.

:32 Lisa Marie Varron/Victoria calls everyone cute, much to Blade's chagrin. Even worse, she was robbed at ComicCon. RD thinks he could steal from her too, distracting her through some name spelling.

Lillian Garcia had a one hour meet and greet at her hotel...two weeks prior. Shouldn't this be in Current News where it belongs? There's confusion over whether she owns her Philadelphia hotel like a Monopoly property. She's also ripping off people by charging them to sign their extra stuff. RD wants her to sign his ass.

Sad News: Ivan Koloff is not Facebook friends with Blade anymore. Believe me, that place is a dump, I just add random people on there. Why Blade doesn't ask him why he did that is left unexplained. But he is cheered up by Mickie James randomly saying something to him and the Midnight Rose. She was also at a Celebrity Fishing Tournament with Roland Martin, who once had a lead in show to WCW. Blade thankfully does not take the obvious route and make fish correlations to vaginas.

:51 RD skips the Question to get to the new TNA guy - Blade Braxton as Damien Demento as Solid Snake Caruso Steven Irwin. AKA THIS guy:

(And no, he doesn't normally walk around in Imperium Power Armour. This was the only funny but not cliche looking image I could find on short notice.)

Blade, for his part, cements the role by breaking kayfabe by breaking into laughter just seconds in. Come now. How would Laurence Meatbourne and Gary Sinus and Mark Harmony and William Petergazer think of your professionalism? There's something about TNA Knockouts not being paid very well, so David here has to go investigate it. I guess the dead corpse in this episode/case/mystery/random combination of minutes of audio is the TNA company. RD is speechless the whole time. I guess he wanted to say something...



but he wasn't aloud.



YEEEEAAHHHHHH...



Ahem.

The phone rings (:57) for Mike Check's one phone call from Folsom State Prison. The last time he was there he was at their local market WFOL "The Fol" as Freddy Lamb Chop, and together with Mindy "Jelly" Roll hosted some show called Mint Jelly On The Lamb. It didn't last long. Blade calls him on his crimes, and his bumper stickers (that are still available!) Mike doesn't go the obvious route by playing Johnny Cash, but he does play a related Merle Haggard song. (Mama Tried)

:69  Chris Jericho is hosting a game show on ABC called Downfall that apparently involves dropping people off a very tall building. Unless Hulk Hogan also throws people off I don't see the show lasting a full season. [As someone who saw the show I'm shocked it lasted one episode. I see a Game Show Garbage induction in its future - "Showstealer"] Is Dave Batista going to MMA? (I hope his constant sexual antics in the business doesn't hamper his skills at the ripe old age of the mid 40's.) Blade finds Ken Patera's McDonald's.

Seventeen Syllables on Maryse's wardrobe malfunction:
Maryse malfunction.
I am certain that we all
saw her meat curtain.

RD: "That would be a curtain call you'd like to make."

169 MenstrualCrap Radio: March 12, 2010

75 minutes

As teased at the beginning of the year, a new Monday Night War has developed between RAW and Impact going head to head. But it can't do anything to cure Blade's menstrual fetish. He's also interested in the ages of wrestlers for some reason, like some pseudo Art Donovan. One of those wrestlers is Hungry Hungry Ken Patera.

RD's TRIP (:14) is sponsored by Popeye and Blade's bad jokes.

:20 Stacy Keibler was at Elton John's Post-Oscar party (sponsored by Popeye.) RD is mystified by those gatherings oddly enough. The Iron Sheik was arrested on a flight for being his usual drunk self. Blade wants to be Popeye for some reason.

WORLD CHAMPION IRON SHEIK. FUCK THE HULK HOGAN!!

Tylene Buck is currently doing some sort of webcam thing. Selling point: no pubic hair. The Co-Fs look around Maryse's website randomly and listen to random music on Leila Milani's site. But what about her pubes, are THEY shaved? [I like to think she's had them fashioned into a replica of the Wrestlicious logo - "Showstealer"] Blade makes his only actual joke of the episode when he wants to see Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Mare/Mane, complete with soundbite.

The HorseTrolla tells us Mickie James has been sidelined from wrestling due to a staph infection from some leg surgery, which is an excuse for Blade to indulge his foot fetish (shouldn't that be a hoof fetish in this case?) The BabyTrolla tells us that Stephanie McMahon is pregnant again.

Screamin' Cheech has one of the wittiest Questions I've heard recently about musical groups. (:51)

Speaking of the Monday Night War of earlier...well, WWE completely dominated TNA this week so Blade has to be that Ratings Reaper guy again. His TNA Peter Gazer guy is still a no show so RD has to do his Dixie Carter to kill time even MORE than they normally do.

:60 Jim Ross may return to WWE in time for Wrestlemania, so the Co-Fs call him up. Now he's angry about people constantly emailing about Joanie Laurer when they SHOULD be instead looking for the elusive Dark Journey.

Seventeen syllables about Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan on TNA:
New Monday Night War.
Same old Nature Boy Ric Flair.
Bloody Mount Rushmore.

162 Barnyard Logic: December 4, 2009

Virgil: The Two Dollar Pervert

102 minutes (!!!)

It's the third episode in two months, so Blade prepares himself by getting drunk once again. This is furthered even more by mention of a new addition to the WWE roster, a glorified Brakestown clone by the name of Luke Gallows. Gay Popeye calls and the phone is so used to his appearances that it doesn't even ring. RD has to work around slightly to not break the already broken battered and torn kayfabe on the radio progrem. People used to come up to Blade and tell him he looked like Brian Pillman which is the closest the show has had to a joke in a bygone age. There's been no response from Demento yet in their battle. Well don't mention it on here, he might listen and reply again! Blade wants to fuck the radio progrem, if such a thing is even physically possible. I guess we'll find out if one day we start listening to an episode and sperm suddenly starts shooting out of the speakers.

RD meanwhile had taken another TRIP to Disney World (:11) He didn't re-encounter Rafiki sadly, but while waiting for a ride he did see a random woman with large fake ones, which warranted remembering. Blade does his Bill Paxton impression.

As people have (not) been waiting for, RD took another TRIP for Black Friday (:24) and he has Super Mario based music with him for some reason. Blade didn't go shopping this year, disappointing yet again. I bet that happens to him quite a lot. While at Wal-Mart RD saw an old woman standing in line just so she could buy some Melba Toast. Sadly no one knows if this Melba Toast Black Friday Lady has any relation to Calculator Man. RD also 'met' two women also in the line arguing about some pitch-in/pot luck dinner. And...that's about it this year. Sadly Blade can't do any better with another Don...Don Mason anecdote (:29) in which the man, myth and legend argued with some old woman about the time. Perhaps she was actually Blade in disguise, as he can't keep track of the time either. Gay Popeye calls again. He'd tangled with a man named Black Friday, sent by the Jeep no doubt. That creature is always a trickster.

We finally get some Obscure News 40 minutes into this "three month long" show. December 7th is not just the anniversary of Pearl Harbor but also the birthday of another bomb, Tammy Sytch. (However Blade shows he flunked his history courses when he thinks Pearl Harbor was on the 10th instead. Is this an American thing to misremember dates I wonder?) The Co-Fruitcakes think of what to buy for her by looking at her Amazon Wish List. Among other things they find some random (and kinky sounding) float strap for a camera (sold separately). If I was feeling less tired and more cheeky I'd probably just send her the strap without the camera to attach it too and see what she does with it.

In other news (:50) everyone's favorite Big Nippled Vampire auctioned her fangs online for about $120. That's all. Remember when she was just about the only person the two would talk about for minutes at a time? Ah, the good old days.

Also remember former TNA wrestler Moon "Goldy Locks" Shadow? Yeah, me neither. For some reason the Co-Fruitcakes poke around on her site. I like the fact that her web page is titled "Untitled Document" and she hasn't updated the thing in two years. RD listens to a portion of some song of hers and 'writes' some review on iTunes about it.

Pain Fail 1 star out of 5
by WrestleCrap - Dec 3, 2009
Where do I start? I gave up a McDouble and a Carmel Apple Empanada for this song. Now not only am I hungry, but my ears also are hungry for good music. Your music stinks like manure. Why did Jerry Jarrett give you a job outside of dancing in one of those cages. PS - Do you have Lauren's phone number? Your friend, Blade Braxton.

Somewhat faintly connected, Blade needs a thousand dollars to sleep with Jasmine St. Claire.Would this also involve an iTunes review?

Continuing on the trend of wrestling has-beens and also-rans Virgil (who still hasn't been kicked in the nuts by Angry Marks and or a Carnival) had some rather bizarre interview while at some random con, whereby he tried to hit on his interviewers. (:65) Sir Alec reads the bizarre comments which mock the pathetic perennial jobber. Aim high, Virgil!

Seth Drakin returns to ask another Question (6) (:76): which famous announcing teams do you want back on the air? RD is impartial to Gorilla Monsoon and Pete Doherty, while Blade wants either Bruce Britchard, Michael McGuirk and Pete Doherty or Lord James Blears and Rod "TRON" Trongard.

Dixie Carter is now appearing regularly on TNA, so Johnny 4 is summoned to speak his part on that. (:80) Or once again get stuck on the same news of Hogan and Bischoff coming on TNA, who really knows? Of course it could be actual news as well as a glitch; the two have yet to appear on the show, and who can blame him?

RD: 'Is this the longest show we've ever done? It sure feels like it."

No, that would be THIS show. Sure feels hellishly long though.

Current News certainly has a lot to catch up on, so let's get to none of that this week. (:82) The Gooker reappeared some days back, even if the announce teams call it the "Gucker" for some reason. What, is Andrew Dice Claw going to guest host? Blade doesn't like the WWE doing outdated references. That's THEIR job, damnit! The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James is now on Twitter to stop imposters, which is perfect for Blade to stalk her. Concurrently WWE is cracking down on Twitter use also. Sadly Sir Alec doesn't return to read their rules and regulations.

WWE Comics has launched, in another attempt by the company to get into the industry (and laughably fail at yet again). Blade gets confused while reading one. He also loses his voice too. Or goes through puberty, I don't know. Perhaps getting more drunk can help?

Seventeen Syllables to explain this one:
WWE Comics.
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.

Blade: "WWE Comics: Wipe your ass on John Cena today."

151 Total Non-Stop Awfulness: July 24, 2009

82 minutes

Sad News - the passing of Walter Cronkite, killed by RD and Blade. RD still thinks he'll be met by Mike Check in heaven, if he is actually dead of course. (Again.)

Blade wants an archive of every person mentioned on the show, preferably by a cripple. (He does mention us though as non-cripples.) Like myself he's unable to sleep well, being at a Poison/Def Leppard concert the other night where he was fistbumping people in a "Fat Section". They talk a bit about the bands. They shouldn't talk too loudly, do they want to curse them too? Blade thinks Global Internet's Greg is randy for RD. (:10) RD wants to make amends with AngryMarks.com for forgetting them last week since they didn't call in. He reads their ad copy as Redd Foxx.

Blade had to find someone for the Celebrity TRIP (:14) but couldn't for this week. RD wants Missy Hyatt on to debate the earlier Zombie. So no Trip this week. The Midnight Rose is returning to WWE TV ... (:17) but sadly not to a grocery store.

RD is unsure about Sir Alec reading another story this week, particularly if it is about the Co-Fruitcakes again. (:18) Of course as Blade isn't feeling so good he can't 'attend'. His adoring audience still cheers for him regardless. RD thinks of him as the Pale Horse just staring in at the window. RD takes the opportunity to investigate Alec's involvement with Mike Check, as well as matters of continuity on the radio progrem. Perhaps his criminal past brings more to the eye of the 'Englishman'... Even worse, Blade still doesn't have his WWCR Bumper Sticker. Oh, the horror. RD got one though, confusing his mother. Blade thinks of her as an obscure He-Man villain.

RD feels the Faxtrolla needs maintenance. (:27) WWE is still attempting to get Bill Watts' Midsouth Library, owned by wife Ene "Ma" Watts, who will only provide it on condition that Eric Watts gets a job. The Co-Fruitcakes discuss all the stuff Vince does not currently own. RD wants him to purchase the promotion he worked for; PWI. It leads to a random song that Mike Check would play, and Don Mason's first experience with a blow-up doll. (:35) "Longest segue ever." Chief Jay Strongbow seals the deal (:39) "good for a five second nonsensical appearance."

In other equally exciting news the Deever had a tooth removed. (:40) The pain makes her spell badly on Twitter which confuses RD. He tries deciphering what she says. Porn person Trina Michaels is joining TNA. (:44) Blade wants Christie Canyon to come on the show and 'shop' with him. (Is that the euphemism in vogue these days?)

Today's Question (:47) is from Frank In New York (not LA), the former Circuit City Questioner. (2) He still wants to apply to be on the show. In response to that the two watch what may very well be the worst match in TNA history (which is definitely saying much, especially with it being IN A PPV NO LESS) between Sharmell and Jenna Morasca. (:52) Still, if trying to run ropes in drunken circles while slapping her opponent is too much for the former reality show 'contestant' she can always star in bad movies with Kurt Angle.

With Current Wrestling News at :62 RD and Blade discuss the terrible RAW show earlier. At least there's that famous Podium they seem to love. Maryse continues to grow on RD.

Ezekiel Jackson's new theme is the old Brawl For All one with lyrics (:68) so Blade sings a new theme for Randy Orton with the old Summerslam theme. "WAL-KING SLOW-LY! TO! THE! RING!" he tries. RD also plays the old Coliseum Video theme, which sounds like far better Current Wrestling News music than the one we have now.

The Co-Fruitcakes don't have much to say that's already been said on the terrible and actual love triangle between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt and Karen Angle that's providing far more drama than anything that TNA is currently providing. (Kurt's probably out of the way trying to continue his 'acting' career.) (:71) So Stubby calls in. Not to be outdone Jim Ross calls in after. (:75) Karen Angle reminds him of Dark Journey, both prospect consumers that could try his various meats, like his signature smoked lamb.

Send this one home with Seventeen Syllables:
Jeff's banging Karen.
Why or why did she leave Kurt?
Must be Jeff's gold tooth.

Video That Jenna Morasca Match!

131 No Improvement: January 9, 2009

Typical Rasslin' fan, Sugah!

75 minutes

Because of a friendly bet Farmer Iggy and I made over the Canadiens-Penguins match last month (of which my beloved Habitant won 3-2 thanks to a Andrei "The Giant" Kostitsyn hat-trick), he has to write a article of his own too, and a nice complimentary one at that. (That is the one right below this one.) Knowing our track records with this fine radio progrem and the quality of this week in particular...I pity him, I really do.

[Here's his piece if you're wondering. Again: poor guy.]

RD is busy, much to Blade's chagrin, with some 'recent' report on the wrestling industry headed by Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA: Descended from Canadians? His father was born in Montreal, speak of the non New Jersey Devil Canadiens). RD reads a portion of the testimony in a bad Dixie Carter impression. "Have you seen the 40 Year Old Virgin, Sugar?" (:03)

RD is refocusing himself now on the Radio Progrem, delegating Triple Kelly to take his place writing new inductions for the time being. While I support it dearly I fear that he may call on ME to take Blade's place for his own columns (should he actually update them), a position I fear I'll utterly fail at. (:11) There's also a new hosting site for the WCR episodes slowly being updated. RD does his 70's J. Jonah Jameson impression. He should do it like this man. Blade is sober this week for a change. (:16)

Speaking of Waxman and his Report, RD and Blade were called on for some sort of related hearing by a Quentin "Q-Tip" Arnold, of which RD secretly recorded some of it with a wire in the off-chance of using it (perhaps as blackmail material - against himself). Some time is wasted listening to the funky People's Court theme music which arouses RD. (:17) We learn the show's 12 Listeners are 7 Unibomber-style shack males, 3 shut-ins, 1 deceased and known to be sick, and Robecca DiPietro (who again favorite-d that Car Ad commercial - make up your mind buddy!).

Our show is "full of wrestling news" which we won't actually get to hear about. (:25) The 2009 Gooker voting has begun and the nominations gone over; Vince's Million Dollar Rickrolling Mania, a confusing TNA Love Triangle (including the mystery of So Cal Val's missing nose), Commentator Mike Adamle, "Obama" vs. "Clinton", Braden Walker (RD personally wants him to win so he could have him on the show; remember that they did shows together), The Divas Championship, Santino Mirella vs. Cousin Sal, and the TNA Fish Market Street Fight. Personally I am split between Adamle and the MDM. A search for Maryse's photos is made. RD thinks she is/looks greasy. She looks fine to me.

Obscure Sad News: Lord Littlebrook is ill. The good news is he's not suffering from pneumonia. (:36) Blade once took a leak next to his son at a strip club. Littlebrook's I mean, not his own. (As far as he knows.) Some smack talk of the Colts and Lions is made. (:41) The Iron Sheik is accepting bookings for public functions to humble you old country way while getting heavily drunk. RD thinks he has a curly penis.

More of the Q-Tip hearing. (:44) The crickets failed a drug test. RD killed five people last year.

Question of the Week (:53) once more from Ultimate Kennedy (7) (who also sent the two Christmas gifts, fine man) indirectly brings up the WrestleCrap Carnival. Unfortunately there is no mention of kicking Virgil in the balls.

The new TNA correspondent MegaTrolla marches in with bad sound effects (:59). He cuts to the chase in his first week on the job by not watching TNA at all as he was looking for the Allspark. Still, he's the best TNA correspondent by far. Of course, that's not really saying much.

Some more of the Q-Tip hearing. (:63) Questions of Robecca's fake breasts and phone number make RD suspicious of their questioner. "We cock blocked Mr. Tip!" he defiantly says as if expected to be quoted upon.

Current News consists solely of Vince returning to TV despite having his legs 'crushed' in that aforementioned Million Dollar Mess. (:68) RD wants Don Mason to pee on Vince and thus challenge him to a match at Wrestlemania. Vickie Guerrero nudes were posted and just recently removed on wwe.com.

Seventeen syllables...to put this episode of WrestleCrap Radio to bed:
Vickie's birthday suit.
We got to see her black box.
Time for Summer's Eve.

Testify!! for #131

WrestleCrap Radio Recap
Testify!!
75 minutes
Written by Farmer Iggy

It's a new year and WrestleCrap is back!! And I'm back writing a recap because I lost a bet!!

What a great year 2008 was!! I didn't get stabbed even once!!

On with the show!!

RD has been hard at work poring over thousands of pages of a transcript of hearings held by a U.S. Congress committee, chaired by Henry Waxman. Employees of wrestling companies recently testified in the nation's capital about steroids.

This is great news!! Congress is free to use their time concentrating on an issue that nobody cares about, because everything else is hunky-dory!! The economy is on the mend!! Democracy has spread like cancer in Afghanistan and Iraq!! Peace has broken out all over the world!! China and India have decided to curb pollution!! OSAMA IS DEAD!! Iran, North Korea, and Cuba were taken off the shit list!! Stock markets have rebounded world-wide!! AIDS IS SURVIVABLE!! The troops are coming home, this time not in body bags!! Detroit has recovered!! HEATH LEDGER HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE!! Gasoline prices have fallen dramatically!! The sky's the limit for the Oakland A's in 2009!! HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!! Global warming has been solved!! The housing market has bounced back!! SOME OF THOSE AREN'T FALSE!!

Among those questioned were Dixie Carter and Stephanie McMahon. RD impersonates Dixie as he reads the part in which she links fans of wrestling to fans of The 40 Year Old Virgin (:04). Blade and RD say they would never insult their fans like that (:07). Unfortunately, some people need to be insulted in order to get the hint that they suck. That's where this site rightchere can help!!

Since April, this site has bashed RD and Blade, the providers of free entertainment, week after week. I won't speak for Premier Blah, [I'll still focus myself against the Dynamic Co-Hossing Duo. - PB] but I, Farmer Iggy, for ALL of 2009, will "hate on" the listeners EXCLUSIVELY!! EVEN IN REAL LIFE!! If I have a bad day at work, it will be the listeners' fault!! If I scrape my forearm, I know THE GODDAMN LISTENERS DID IT!! HERE'S TO MENTAL HEALTH IN 2009!!

WrestleCrap Radio's host, Podango.com, died and went to CyberHell at the end of 2008. Just for posterity, here is the old blurb on http://www.wrestlecrap.com/wrestlecrapradio.html for Podango:

The entire WrestleCrap Radio archive is now hosted on our new system, Podango, which will allow all sorts of new features for the show, including direct comments for each episode! We are also looking into new ways to make the show even more craptacular in the future for our 12 listeners. Thanks - and keep on Crappin'!

And if you want WCR as fast as humanly possible, just click on the subscribe feed on the Podango page - you'll get the shows before Podango updates!

And here's the new blurb for LibSyn:

The entire WrestleCrap Radio archive is now hosted on our new system, LibSyn, which will allow all sorts of new features for the show, including direct comments for each episode! We are also looking into new ways to make the show even more craptacular in the future for our 12 listeners. Thanks - and keep on Crappin'!

And if you want WCR as fast as humanly possible, just click on the subscribe feed on the Podango page - you'll get the shows before Podango updates!

ALRIGHT!!


Blade suggests Tammy Sytch's old site wrestlingvixens.com be an induction (:08). This week's induction is Vinnie Vegas, written by Triple Kelly.

More big news!! Triple Kelly is now the lead writer of WrestleCrap Inductions (:10). Congratulations Triple Kelly!!

Short impersonations are drawn from the late '60s version of Spider-Man (:12). Podango's dead but the sponsorships aren't (:14). The People's Court theme music is porn music (:18). Congressman Waxman's aide, Mr Tibbs, questioned RD and Blade as proved by an clip of the first part, which lasts four minutes (:20).

WrestleCrap kicks off 2009 with its exalted crown (of thorns) -- the Gooker Award!! (:25) You don't even have to register or anything!! Anyone who visits this webpage before January 26 can vote!!

And the nominees are: Mike Adamle, Vince McMahon's Million Dollar Mania, Santino vs Cousin Sal, Braden Walker in general, the Diva championship title, Hillary vs Barack, TNA Fish Market Fight, and Dutt-Lethal-Val love triangle. All are deserving nominees!! This one will be close!!

Blade wants to fund WrestleCrap Radio One Dollar Mania (:27) but RD opposes. RD talked about Maryse for a minute (:31). Interactive: Maryse's greasy visage (:34). Blade likes legs, ass, abs, and then tits (:35).

Obscure Wrestling News: Sad News: Lord Littlebrook is bedridden (:36), which is fortunate for his family because you don't want a person with Alzheimer's to be mobile. The Detroit Lions stink now and Blade prefers to reminisce about the Lions from back from the Jim Brown era (:40). I could not tell you what decade that was. The Iron Sheik, Bushwacker Luke, and John Cena Sr. can be booked to watch a WWE PPV with you (:43). In exchange for dollars, you can torture three notable men with bad television!!

The second clip lasts eight minutes (:44). It's difficult to make congressional testimony entertaining unless you're Peter Dragon.

Question of the Week: Blade says, "Apparently I am a alcohol monkey" (:53). Ultimate Kennedy gave Chainsaw Charlie and Sparky Plugg dolls to Blade and Tatanka (Buffalo) and Earthquake to RD for Xmas (:56). UK claims Kizarny is awesome (:57), which is completely false. Kizarny will likely be very available for the WrestleCrap Carnival (:58)!! MegaTrolla appeared (:59).

The third and final clip lasts four minutes (:62). Vince McMahon will appear on Raw in a few weeks (:68), as his handlers plan to scare him out of his hole in the ground. Will he see his shadow? Vickie Guerrero's black-boxed nude photos were placed on wwe.com and removed a few days later by popular demand (:72).

Seventeen Syllables About Her:
Vickie's birthday suit.
We got to see her black box.
Time for Summer's Eve.

Nice recaps take three times as long to write!!

[I know! I wonder how I will fare should it be my turn next time... - PB] [For the April 11th Pens-Habs game, should we wager that the loser has to watch the entire Jeff Jarrett DVD set? —Iggy] [You shall have it. I'll see if I can try and get it electronically too. —PB]

[This bet was changed because a Jeff Jarrett DVD set is cruel and unusual. —Iggy, April 13, 2009]

118 Stay Hungry: September 12, 2008

Honktrolla
(88 minutes)

RD explains the differences between WWE's Honk-A-Meter and the Wrestlecrap Clocktrolla (:02). If you've seen the Honk-A-Meter, you know that the Honk-A-Meter got no crowd reaction, while the Clocktrolla was beloved by all twelve listeners. (By the way, the Honk-A-Meter is a joke that some people don't get.) RD and Blade wonder which WCRadio segment the WWE could possibly sample next (:06), but play ZZ Top should Vince be listening.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: RD tries a pasty Lion Bar from the new World Food Aisle (:15). Blade says RD is acting unprofessional (:17). RD says weird Diva Maryse talked like Frenchy Martin (:18). RD "likes the idea of the Chick-fil-A cow" because it wants people to kill and eat other animals in the barnyard (:20).

Domino's Pizza has a new mascot, but it's not a rehash of The Noid, which you might remember from jokes on The Simpsons and Family Guy. It's a talking dildo that scares a family, except a boy who loves it (:25). (Watch Forgotten Sin's video of this commentary.) (B.B.M. has made a gif of the jerking portion. 1.1 MB) Blade brings up "W.C. Funnies" by Lord Soundwave (:30). RD and Blade are working on the new version of the WC Archive DVD-ROM (:34).

Photo by Sean Carless

Obscure Wrestling News: Jerry Reed and Estelle Getty died, so RD suggests having a sad news special edition of WCRadio in the future (:35). ["To update on former ECW champ Justin Credible, who made the news recently after being spotted working at Olive Garden, he is actually currently going to culinary school."] RD and Blade pitch animotronic wrestlers for WWE Pizza Palace, like Andre the Giant with a box of Honey-Comb cereal (:39). Jim Ross is on the line to discuss the Olive Garden (:42). WWE needs to lift this segment. Ashley Massaro will release an album but it will not contain Blade's Tribute (:44). The Big Nippled Vampire is Women's Wrestling Worldwide championship for the fetish league. The domains bignipplevampire.com and bignippledvampire.com are still unclaimed (:51).

Horsetrolla: Someone asked Mickie James about the Arby's photos (:54). Ed Leslie can afford a horse. Blade asks, "Did I ever tell you about the time Don Mason and his grandpa stumbled upon a guy fucking a horse?" (:58) [Yes.]

Question of the Week from Smokin' Vokin': The Rock vs The Scissor vs The Paper "in a never-ending feud" (:61) They already did that with the Gang Wars. Huey the WrestleCrap Ghoul from last Halloween is loved. TNA Peter Gazer blows off RD and Blade (:66). This week's It Came from Youtube: WCW Nitro choose-me rants from a video game (:68). There are also Thunder-branded rants. This week's Someone Bought This! is Hulk Hogan-branded cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches are in a Wal-Mart freezer near you.

Ric Flair got beat up by his daughter's boyfriend, and she got tasered (:73). Hulk Hogan is paying for Linda and her numerous frivolities. Blade liked the Braden Walker 3 Disc DVD Trailer (:80). Afa was renamed Manu. Blade's original ring name may have been Slice O'Pizza (:83). Jack Swagger has yet to have an online profile.

Seventeen syllables dedicated to Primo Colon:
Dubya E's fresh blood,
Primo Colon -- hard for a
woman to resist.

037 Hello Titty: August 18, 2006

Hello Titty
A train-wreck of a show.
(63 minutes)

Todd Grisham didn't always have a face.

RD and Blade watch a Diva Search Special in real time. This apparently involves the following:

• Really bad sound quality.
• Weird Al shouting that you so stupid.
• Diamond Dan's hotline at 317 335 HOTT. Call him instead.
• RD not realizing until too late that not everyone listening to the show actually has a ready recording of the special on hand.
• A trailer for The Marine. See what they say about it here rather than listening to the show. [Hell, the movie is easier to witness than this.]
• RD: "I think more people will hate this show than any other show we've ever done."

I'm not listening to this shit.

As of this writing we're still waiting on someone to make a useful commentary video of this particular episode. Course, though, you'd have more luck waiting for Elvis to come back from the dead than waiting for that to happen. 
- Future PB

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The tranny to my Carmella, Mr. Blade Brakes-town
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Diamond Dan Hot Line
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 13. Train wreck, a tran wreck, Burger King, cats, cat women, old dead women I would bang, black and white chicks, the Von Erichs, having a cock in your mouth, horrible, a legend returning (2), Ricky Morton
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Donna Reed, Mary Tyler Moore, Learning the Ropes
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade
  

 

• RD Time Outs:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  6
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  8
• Christy Hemme References:  1

 

• Mailbag: N/A
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

Running Commentary (You’re welcome)

• RD wishes Derek Burgan a successful recovery from hernia surgery (0:06)
• Todd Grisham replaced The Miz?  Addition by subtraction?  (0:08)
• RD ponders how he can watch the whole show. (0:14)
• RD pines for another Kloudi run. (0:16)
• RD predicts this will be thought of as the worst episode ever. (0:20)
• RD rags on Gilmore Girls (0:33)
• J.T. Titty has been eliminated and Blade is distraught at the news. (0:35)
• The Boys see The Marine trailer and try to predict the name of John Cena’s character. (0:37)
• Blade wants to hit the bottle.  (0:40)
• Whatever happened to Tyson Tomko? (0:46)
• HLA anyone? (0:54)
• Hot Ricky Morton talk. (0:56)
• The Deever wins! (1:01)
• The guys decide alcoholism is cool after watching this and Blade considers this on a Buster Douglas upset of Mike Tyson level. (1:02)
• RD wistfully points out that through the confetti, her mannish features disappear. (1:03)
• End Show. Thank God.

034 Diva Debacle: July 14, 2006

Krankor hits the Bottle with JT Titty
(63 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Wal-Mart has restaurant gift cards. (:09)
Blade's Trip to the Grocery: "pasta in sauce with beef and chicken hot dogs with beef."

Faxtrolla semi-exclusive news (:14): boo-rah. The Miz wants Johnny Fairplay to come to ECW. DDP is taking his Yoga for Regular Guys on tour.

Mail Bag: Smash Bradley asks how to actually implement Siamese twin wrestlers. (:23) Krankor's laugh is used in response. Extreme K of Fort Mike Knox thinks of putting The Great Collie in a dog outfit and placing him in dog shows. (:27) Sausagesandwich is one of their 'many fans, of whom I know none', who has a thing for punching the Miz. (:30)

SmackDown is looking retro, with Tatanka and caskets and midgets and kings. (:34) A Punjabi Prison match was announced and Michael Cole said it would be in the jungle. (:36) Candice Michelle was sent to ECW to teach Kelly Kelly how to strip. (:39) Big Show's hands are now cannonballs and his head is a bowling ball. CM Punk doesn't like drinking, so Blade hit the bottle. (:44)

ECW IS STRIPPING

Miz's hosting of the Diva Search segment was pure wrestlecrap. (:48)  Hopeful Layla said she wanted to be the Deever, so she will now be called that. Another candidate (Maryse) used her impenetrable Quebec accent to be an 'air-flying diva', another (Robecca) tried to pepper spray the ring, and another (Molina) looks too much like Ashley Massaro.

Miz called one contestant JT Titty.

The Haiku:
Moronic Divas.
How will this class top last year's?
Leave it to Deever.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jack to my Daniels, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 11. Last week, last week’s show, The Miz, mounting Chloe and doing her doggystyle, bags, reaching down into my bag, my bag, sodomy overtones, the elderly, transvestite, chesticles
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Nancy Reagan
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Nancy Reagan
  

 

• Debut: Krankor Laughs: 9
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4

 

• Mailbag
• Smash Bradley: Hello dear lords of Crapsalot. I've pondered this question and got several answers. If there were a set of Siamese twins (explain what a Siamese twin is: one set of legs, two torsos), would they be considered a single wrestler or a tag team? And if you pick a tag team, how would the tags work? Be careful if you read this, because John Laurenitis might go on the hunt. Krankor: HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
  
• Extreme K: I am writing to you from Fort Mike Knox where the nation's supply of Art Donovan approved bathroom scales are stored. I think it would be an awesome idea if you put the dog exterior from the Shaggin' Wagon on the Great Khali and renamed him the Great Collie, and then you could proceed to enter him in the Westminster Dog Show. My question to both of you: would Daivari's bitch win, and do you think the Dog Show would once again preempt Raw just for the sake of giving Smackdown a quick upper hand in the brand extension, in terms of rating and publicity? Blade: Mounting Chloe, Torrie Wilson's dog.
  
• Sausagesandwich: I live in England and have to say that I am one of your many, many fans, of whom I know none. Your radio show never ceases to amuse and offend me. I have two questions, both are well urgent. Number one: if you had the choice, would you punch Miz in the face one time as hard as you could, or ten times at medium force? Personally I would punch him just once, then kick him in the balls, but to each his own. Number two: If you were to be in WWE, and were allowed to choose your own gimmick on the grounds that it made Wrestlecrap, what would it be? Myself, I like the idea of the One Headed Man. Blade: Slap my Miz around twenty times. No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Repeat Gooker alert!
  Moronic Divas.
  How will this class top last year's?
  Leave it to Deever.