Episode 113: Holy Off-Screen!: October 23, 2023

The Ogg Couple
December 21, 1967
"Egghead and Olga, Queen of the Cossacks, kick off their return with several thefts from the Gotham City Museum. Egghead begins planning a series of heists - intended to provide him with the dowry needed to marry Olga. Swiping 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar goes off without a hitch. But when Batgirl attempts to outfox Egghead, she is instead captured by the villain. It's up to Batman and Robin to find the villains' hideout before Olga's Cossacks make mincemeat out of their crime fighting friend."
41 minutes

RD: A Clever, Crafty Coward. Vince was disappointed the episode had more Olga than Egghead. RD found it odd. Among the oddities: the show never did a proper Christmas episode.

Narrator: "A typically beautiful day in Gotham City. But the return of a dastardly duo and their deadly  dragoons bodes darkening clouds."

Like the last appearance, Eggy, his poor little donkey, Olga, and Cossacks thunderously march on the street just as a Boy Scout helps a little old lady across it, as they go to the Los Angeles County Art Museum and Historical Society.

[Checks earpiece]

I'm sorry, I'm being told by the Narrator that it's actually the Gotham City Art Museum. 

(Unless this was a name change by Gordon to try and confuse villains.)

Anyway the group breaks in so Olga can steal the Silver Scimitar of Taras Bulbul.
Security Guard: "You'll never get away with this, you scoundrel!"
Egghead: "Shh. This is a museum. Quiet, please."
His lot is the golden egg the scimitar is stuck in - that is, if she can pull it out of its eggshell stone. Eggy has to use his "Egg of Ogg Acid" so she can pull it out and be the rightful Queen of Bessarovia. 

Egghead: "Now let's get out of here fast before the Gotham City cops arrive."
Olga: "Oh, do not worry about cops, darling. My Cossacks are making cops-burgers from them if they  buttinski."
Egghead: "Fine, fine, but let's get out of here anyway."
Price sells the egg's weight by looking like he's getting a hernia.

Gordon gets the call in his Office. (:09)
O'Hara: "Begorra. I thought Egghead was behind bars and the Bessarovians had been sent back to  Bessarovia."
Gordon: "Bessarovia didn't want the Bessarovians. And Egghead's out on a legal technicality. There's only one person who can help us. But I can hardly bring myself to call him again. Give me a moment to summon my strength and courage. For if ever strength and courage were needed in Gotham City, Chief O'Hara...it's needed now."

In Stately Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick are actually reading in their Library. 
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, that Genghis Khan was quite a guy. In the 13th century, he and his Mongol armies  almost conquered Europe."
Bruce: "Yes, Dick, the Mongols are fierce warriors. Even today you can find pockets of them scattered  throughout Asia."
Alfred gets the ringing Batphone despite it being within easy reach of Bruce. "To The Batpoles!"

Gordon: "[Egghead]'s a very stupid man, compounding all his felonies." (Emphasis mine, considering how smart Eggy's shown to be. Especially compared to the police at any rate.)
Batman: "Women like Olga have been the downfall of far wiser men than Egghead, Commissioner. No,  the invasion was just the beginning of the new nefarious plan of pilfer and plunder involving, no doubt,  more egg targets of some kind."
Gordon: "We'll make a list of every egg target left in Gotham City, Batman."

In the big black warehouse lair, Olga rubs Eggy's head rather vigorously while the Cossacks do their dancing thing.
Egghead: "The Scimitar of Taras Bulbul, the golden Egg of Ogg, are only the beginning of a series of  dastardly plans that will leave Gotham City begging for mercy."
Olga: "Mercy! Ha! My Cossacks are not giving mercy."
Egghead: "No, of course not. You lovely, evil woman, not a drop of mercy!"
Olga: "You are heartless, hairless man. I'm liking you more and more."
As part of getting more loot for his marriage dowry, Eggy plans to steal 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar, "a gift from the czar of Samarkand to the people of Gotham City. And it's worth $200 an ounce."

Meanwhile Barbara (in a nice yellow outfit) is now at the Office asking her father to have lunch with her. (:15)
Gordon: " I only wish I could, darling, but Gotham City is in too much danger."
Barbara: "Danger? ... I only wish there was something I could do to help."
Gordon: "There is something you can do. You can help...by going straight home and staying out of  trouble."
She does go home, where she talks to Charlie as she takes him into her room to change into Batgirl. RD found that odd for some reason. 

In the Batcave the Duo have finished warning every egg related business in the city. Batman's Bat-logic suddenly reminds him that Samarkand neighbors Bessaravia and thus they may go after the caviar. 

This is despite Bessaravia being in Moldova...a good 2900 km away from Uzbekistan. 

Hilariously, this is shorter than the distance from New Jersey (home of Gotham City) to Los Angeles (home of the Los Angeles County Art Museum and Historical Society) which is 3900 km.

Robin: "What's Gotham City gonna do with 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar?"
Batman: "No one could decide. So it's being stored in a specially-cooled vault at the Gotham National Bank."

This realization is so momentous that it needs a commercial break.  

Sure enough the Cossacks strike at the Bank.
Olga: "Do not draw revolver, little shmyerdski, or I am having Ossip bash you to beatniks."
The shmyerdski, er, branch manager laughs at them thinking they're going after the money which was transferred elsewhere, until Olga tells him otherwise. "Old Cossack saying: Do not make "ha" before eggs are safe. Snatch the caviar and make fast goodbye."

The group exits just as Eggy rides in late on his donkey. Then all of a sudden the branch manager remembers he has a security guard with a gun and orders him to shoot Egghead.
Just then Batgirl appears, so he pleads for her help.
Batgirl: "Not so brave when your henchmen aren't around, are you?"
Egghead: "Oh, I never claimed to be brave, Batgirl. No, I'm clever and crafty, but I'm a complete  coward. You won't let him shoot me?"
Batgirl: "That depends. Where are the Cossacks you've been running around with?"
Egghead: "They speak Bessarovian and I don't speak the language."
Batgirl: "Perhaps there are some other languages you do know, Egghead. The language spoken by that guard's gun!"
Egghead: "Do you expect me, a respected arch-criminal to fink on my friends like a common stool pigeon?"
Batgirl: "Of course."
Egghead: "(Beat) ...All right, I'll do it."
He gets on the Batcycle behind her, which really speaks for itself. 

Finally the Duo appear, and the branch manager catches them up to speed.
Batman: "Batgirl is a match for any gang of ordinary hoodlums, but for a wild band of Bessarovian  Cossacks even her extraordinary abilities might not be enough."

The Batcycle arrives at the lair first, showing Price having the time of his life, though wouldn't anyone?
Batgirl: "No tricks."
Egghead (appalled): "Tricks? Oh, Batgirl, how could you suspect me of trying to trick you?"
So of course the Cossacks try to surprise her, so she immediately...moves the other way.
Batgirl: "The ambush is on the other foot now, Egghead."
Egghead (appalled): "You tricked me."

Batgirl also does some barrel rolls in between her smiles and her kicks, so Olga has to trip her with some caviar. They then tie her up.
Olga: "And now, my little pipkin, you will do for us saber dance with frosted swords."
Cue some intense tap dancing to Russianized Batgirl theme. RD desperately wants a clip of it from the mythical vault.

Thankfully, Batman could track the Batcycle's "radioactive spark plug" with his Bat-Geiger Counter. Yes, this one time, and not all the other times he could have followed her back to her apartment with it. That sounds shaky at best.
RD: "Where do they buy all this radioactive fuel? Is it Neutrons'R'Us? What is this place?"
Sneaking inside the Duo save Barbara's tap dancing by...turning off the record player. 

Olga: "Very sad we meet at funeral."
Egghead: "Your funeral, Batman."

Batgirl doesn't do much this fight as the stunt doubles do their thing. Egghead takes the opportunity to grab her and drop her into the tub of caviar. The Duo have to save her, allowing the villains to flee.

Batgirl: "They almost turned me into a human hors d'oeuvre."
Batman: "What a chilling way to die."
Robin: "Holy cold creeps. Leave it to crooks like them to think of a trick like this."
Batman: "Yes, that's to be expected, Robin. The concept of decency is alien to the criminal mind."
Batgirl: "And thanks to me, they've escaped."
Batman: "Perhaps crime-fighting is better left to the men, Batgirl."
Batgirl: "Perhaps not."
Batman: "But this isn't exactly women's work."
Batgirl: "But I'm no ordinary woman, Batman."
Batman: (Looking her lustily up and down) "Agreed."

 

Now originally this whole endeavor of Egghead and Olga was supposed to be a three-parter, tying in to their other endeavors of stealing the Samovar of Genghis Khan and, er, trying to hatch a dinosaur. So the episode would normally end around here with the Trio recouping as the actual ending would be the third episode of the villains fleeing Batman in a dinosaur outfit.

Instead we cut to Gordon's Office, where he informs the Duo they've suddenly arrested the whole group.

Off-screen.

 

And not even by the Dynamic Trio.

O'Hara: "It's lucky you had me surround that building once more, Batman. Olga and Egghead ran right into the paddy wagon again."

RD: "I did not think that was the worst episode ever, but that was by far the worst ending ever."

Gordon: "I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison."
Batman: "Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on  proper nutrition."
Barbara again walks in, this time in a nice lime green dress, having seen a green-gold car with "what looked like whiskers on its front fenders".
Gordon: "Sounds like Catwoman's Kitty Car to me, Batman."
This is the first we've ever heard of Catwoman having her own vehicle.
Catwoman: "And if I'm not mistaken, that arch-criminal the Joker was a passenger."
RD: "Seriously? The ending of the show keeps getting worse."
Robin: "Holy here we go again, Batman."
Batman: "I'm afraid you're right, old chum. If Catwoman and Joker have joined forces, it sounds like  there's trouble right here in Gotham City."
Narrator: "And how right he is! Trouble in a green fright wig! Trouble in a car with whiskers! More trouble than the Caped Crusaders have ever known! Coming up on our next episode!"

The Bros agree that with the split of the original three-parter, this standalone episode makes no sense. Or even any ending. It's especially a bad final episode for Egghead (and Olga). 

Only 11 more episodes remain for the show, including three new one-off villains.

Santa is returning to the Arcade to challenge all the naughty children.

Halloween sure has some weird costumes.

• Special Guest Villain: Egghead [3] (Vincent Price) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Olga, Queen of the Cossacks [2] (Anne Baxter) [3]

 

• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Off-screen arrest by the Undynamic Duo.
  

Episode 109: Holy Costume!: September 25, 2023

How to Hatch a Dinosaur
November 9, 1967
"Egghead and Olga, Queen of the Cossacks, steal two pounds of Radium from the Gotham City Radium Center. Using it in their "Zapping Machine," they attempt to hatch an ancient Neosaurus egg, planning to feed the baby dinosaur a meal of Batman, Robin, and Batgirl. Surprisingly, the machine seems to be working. But when the egg cracks, the baby Neosaurus is more than they can handle."
48 minutes

RD: Does Not Stand for Ra-Dium. Vince wants to bring back addressing ladies and germs, something possibly started by recent Louie, the Lilac Milton Berle. RD has to set up the "Halloween Balloon Gimmick" blow molds. 

On the airdate Rolling Stone started as a San Francisco newspaper. 

Narrator: "Morning in Gotham City. But a day that dawns brightly is no guarantee against darkening disaster!"

Egghead is once again exhausting his poor donkey as nearby a Boy Scout helps the little old lady across the street.  He and the Cossacks are going to the Gotham City Radium Center, which is of course in the middle of downtown. (Though admittedly, the police's general incompetence without the Dynamic Trio is worse than any potential meltdown.)

RD Junior didn't yet have to help little old ladies across the street in his scouting. He asked his father not to talk too much in giving a speech for becoming an Eagle Scout.

"Where is hot staff being kept?" Olga asks one of the Center's technicians. We know she is a technician because she is wearing a short men's dress shirt, fish net stockings, and no pants.
Vince: "I saw this and my first thought was "are there any openings at the lab?""
Technician: "Hot stuff"? I don't know what you mean."
Olga: "Ossip, sharpen little technicianski's memory with sword."
Technician: "Please, don't. I don't understand."
Egghead: "What are you doing, Olga? Light of my life, my little future wife."
Olga: "Forget rhymeski. She's hiding hot stuff."
Technician: "I don't know what she's talking about."
Egghead: ""Hot stuff" is Cossack translation for radium, my dear."
Technician: "Well, why didn't she say so?"
Egghead: "Well, I am saying so! Now, hand it over. We want 2 pounds of it."

Gordon gets called on the hot stuff, so he immediately calls the Batcave. (:12) The Duo are looking over the Batcomputer which for some reason is acting frisky.
Batman: "It's possible a supply of radium somewhere in the city has been moved. And as radio- sensitive as our machine is, it just possibly could be affected by that. And it's lucky that you and Batgirl found us, Alfred. Otherwise, Robin and Commissioner Gordon might not be too frisky, either."
I did not realize radium could radiate up to 14 miles away where the Batcave is.
He then answers the phone call. "The radium there is type number six, isotype 14, worth about $500 an ounce, Commissioner. The entire theft amounts to only $16,000, far below the usual scale of an Olga-Egghead caper."

After the titles the Duo are at the Office. 
Robin: What about the water supply, Batman?"
O'Hara: "Oh, that's a favorite trick of Gotham City's arch-criminals, Boy Wonder."
Unfortunately no thinks of calling up Egbert, who was a security guard at the waterworks. Instead Batman just suggests to be patient.
O'Hara: "Oh, I can just feel them radioactive gammas and betas crawling up on me right now."

Narrator: "And in the Gotham City Crime Central Library, Barbara Gordon has a weighty problem."
Vince doesn't think her orange dress was very good this time due to what looked like a very thick texture. As she tells her colleague Petula, she has a 10 pound rare book of paleontology that she has to personally deliver to Professor "Terry" Dactyl of the Museum of Natural History.
Barbara: "Paleontology used to be a hobby of mine."

The museum has a (well signed) 40 million year old Neosaurus egg which Barbara and the Professor look at. 
Barbara: "Aren't you afraid someone will steal it?"
Dactyl: "Steal it? Well, who would want to steal it, my dear? It has no commercial value."
Vince: "An egg that size? I would think you could have omelettes for life."
RD: "Maybe. They would be very old and crusty omelettes." 

Dactyl instead has a fossil to show her ("I can't wait,") and after they leave Eggy and Olga pop their heads out of hiding.
Egghead: "That young lady with the professor thought that I might steal the only egg-sisting Neosaurus
egg in the Western world."
Olga: "Is probably stale, Eggski, after 40 million years. Why bother to take it?"
Egghead: "You just leave the thinking to me, Olga."
Olga: "And me?"
Egghead: "You just look beautiful, my dear."
Olga: "Naughty Eggski. Sometimes you are such gallant."

Of course even outside the room Barbara knows they stole the egg, as she calls her father in his Office to tell him. The Duo, who are still there, leave to consult the Batcomputer.
O'Hara: "Think they can crack it, Commissioner?"
Gordon: "If they can't, who can?"
O'Hara: "Sure and that's the truth."

Back in the Batcave:
Batman: "I'm afraid we're not going to get much help from the Batcomputer, Robin. It can't go back to
prehistoric times. This is a problem for good old-fashioned brain power. We'll have to think it out."
He demonstrates this by literally putting a contemplative finger to his head.

Narrator: "While Batman and Robin puzzle over the problem in the Batcave, another mind works on the same problem at the Gotham City Library."
Cue a five second shot of Barbara in the Library.

Back in the Batcave:
Batman: "Robin, do you remember a Professor Willis Grimes?"
Robin: "That radiologist who stayed at Wayne Manor about six months ago?"
RD: "Is Wayne Manor like an Airbnb?"
This other professor (who is never seen or shown) wrote an article about irradiation in the Southeastern Regional Journal of Applied Radiology. Batman calls Alfred to obtain a copy.

Of course at the exact same time Barbara always wants to see the article, but unfortunately due to WWE style budget cuts the Library doesn't have the latest edition.
Barbara: "Who in Gotham City would have it?"
Petula: "The only person in Gotham City who subscribes to more periodicals than the public library is Millionaire Bruce Wayne."

Alfred calls the Batcave to tell them he has the article at the exact same time Barbara calls Stately Wayne Manor to ask for it. Alfred has to answer her too, so he does the double phone thing for a bit. The Bros laud him for the performance.
Alfred (to both): "The title of the article is: "Revitalizing Fossil Forms By The Use of High-Energy Radioactive Energy Sources.""
Batman & Barbara: "Thank you, Alfred."
Alfred: "You're welcome, sir, miss."

Robin: "You think Egghead plans to revitalize that fossil egg and hatch it?"
Batman: "Exactly, Robin."
Robin: "But that's impossible."
Commercials.
Olga: "You are going to hatch 40-million-year-old egg? It's impossible, Eggski."

Eggski is in fact going to thanks to his...Zapping Machine. (:26)
"We will have real live Neosaurus. Yes, our very own. We'll control Gotham City, and that ought to be  enough dowry even for you, Olga."
Olga: "And then finally, we can get married. You hatch egg, I will hatch wedding."
Eggski: "Egg-scelent, Olga. Egg-scelent. And think what those Dynamic Dimwits will do when they are faced with my Neosaurus. Did you know that the Neosaurus has 2562 teeth? Not counting wisdom teeth."
Olga: "What is such a creature eating, Eggski?"
Eggski: "Well, I'm planning a three-course meal for it, yes. Batman, Robin, and Batgirl. And for dessert, Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara."
Cue evil laughter.

The Duo obtain their Bat-Geiger Counter to try and track the radiation.
Robin: "Why didn't we think of this before, Batman?"
Batman: "We needed to pad out the run time first. Hindsight is often better than foresight, old chum."
Of course Batgirl has her own Bat-Geiger Counter which she attaches on her Batcycle as her theme plays. She almost crashes into the Batmobile while using it. The Trio agree to instead crash Eggy's plans at the lair.

Before any fighting can start, the edit has a very obvious shot of Victor Paul Robin. The villains throw a stuffed bear which appears back at its original location afterwards, but with its large diamond necklace removed. Victor Paul Robin suddenly has a saber. Batgirl continues to smile fight. But Egghead manages to get the two cornered.
Olga:" Wait a minute, Eggski. Where is malen'kiy Batushka?"
Egghead: "Batman? He was probably too afraid of me to show up."
Vince: "I don't think anybody would fear Egghead."
RD still finds him a better villain than some of the one-note (non-Joker) clowns in the show.

So Egghead zaps the egg one more time.

 

It hatches.

Into a ridiculously awful costume. 

(The fact that it was earlier used in Lost In Space doesn't help.)

Egghead: "Calm down now, little Neosaurus. Calm down. I'm your daddy. I hatched you. You wouldn't  wanna hurt your daddy now, would you? I'm your daddy. Olga and I are your friends. Aren't we, Olga? (Pointing to Robin and Batgirl) Eat those two! They're young and tender! Yum, yum!"

Of course it instead chases the villains, who all run out straight to the paddy wagon already waiting outside for them. 
Egghead: "Lock the doors, Chief O'Hara! Lock us in!"
O'Hara: "Begorra, I never thought I'd see the likes of him begging to be locked up!"

Robin: "If we attack it from different sides, Batgirl, we may be able to subdue it. Though personally, I  think it would rather eat peanut-butter sandwiches than Gothamites." 

 

Yes, it is in fact Batman in the costume.  

 

Batman: "It's impossible to hatch an egg 40 million years old, but Egghead didn't believe that. So I used his disbelief against him."
Robin: "But why, Batman?"
Batman: "Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin. If I'd joined you in the fight, some of them might have been injured. So I arranged for Chief O'Hara to have this building surrounded. I used my costume to (He roars) frighten them into surrendering en masse."
Batgirl: "What about that burst of radiation that hit the egg when you were inside it?"
Batman: "I was able to protect myself from the radiation by coating the inside of my costume with a thin lead shielding. And now that Olga and Egghead are safely behind iron bars, Robin, they should  have plenty of time to study their paleontology."

Batgirl is so let down by the turn of events that she leaves off screen in the five seconds Batman was talking to his ward.
Robin: "For once, Batman, let's follow her!"
Batman: "Well, Robin, with my head sticking out of this Neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary run-of-the-mill crime-fighter."

At the Apartment it's suddenly Barbara's birthday. Bruce, Dick, and O'Hara are there with her father, but not Alfred for some reason. (:37) She gets a call from a Skip Parker asking her to surf with him.

Narrator: "But what else is up at Gotham Point besides the surf? What else is wild besides the combers? Not that heartless hodad, the Joker!"
Joker: "With the aid of this little two-way hot-dog transmitter I shall shortly be king of the surf at Gotham Point! Hahaha!"
Narrator: "Will he? Will this green-haired gremlin take over the world of surfing, or will he wind up in the soup? There's only one way to find out. Watch the next episode!"
RD cannot wait to watch it. He plans to wear his surfing Batman and Joker shirt for it.

Vince: "It is brought up how Batman ever got in the egg and they never addressed that."
RD: "You know who could probably answer it? That professor that stayed at Wayne Manor."

Vince is off Anne Baxter's age by a quite off 10 years this time (She was 44, he guessed 34). Vince doesn't want to rate her due to her earlier (legendary) career and that Olga wasn't supposed to be a young maiden. So they give her 5 honorary Batpoles. 

So they instead (officially) rate the technician. Unlike Baxter, Pat Becker really didn't do much acting, all within 1967. She doesn't even have her age listed! She did go on to work on animal rights though, which is not a bad trade-off. They give her 8 Batpoles.

The King of Arcade came down to a victory in overtime on the bubble hockey table. Next for the Arcade will be early Halloween.

Bad News Brown once squashed a doughy guy that McMahon kept calling the wrong name. Jesse Ventura kept comparing McMahon to the jobber.

• Special Guest Villain: Egghead [2] (Vincent Price) [2]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Olga, Queen of the Cossacks (Anne Baxter) [2]

 

• URLs not taken: 1. HalloweenBalloonGimmick.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Very nice, Egghead
  
• Screen Shares: 1. RD 
• Olga Time Outs:  1 (Real Quick)  
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Prop, eh, finds a way.

Episode 108: Holy Onions!: September 18, 2023

The Ogg and I
November 2, 1967
"Egghead and Olga, Queen of the Bessarovian Cossacks, team up to kidnap Commissioner Gordon. In exchange for his safety, they demand a ten cent tax for every egg eaten in Gotham City. Batman and Robin suspect that Olga may also be after the giant Samovar of Genghis Khan and use it to find a way into her hideout; however, it turns out that the Duo have been expected. While Olga targets Batman as her future husband, her cook prepares a wedding borscht which will contain Commissioner Gordon and Robin."
60 minutes

RD is Not Marrying Olga. I'm sure the current Mrs. Deal is relieved. Vince is sure McMahon copied Egghead's mustache. He tasks RD to make sure he doesn't do anything like that when he gets older. 

There was a total solar eclipse. The next one will be on April 8th and cover all of North America.

Narrator: "Gotham City on a fresh new day, which may be fraught with fresh new danger."

The scene follows from the previous week with a 6'4" Vincent Price as Egghead tries to ride a very small donkey to police HQ. This cues typical overreaction from the townsfolk. 

In Gordon's Office, he is annoyed his 6 AM roast beef sandwich isn't here yet. A man needs to eat while doing nothing at all! Egghead finally makes it inside to give him an egg sandwich instead. Gordon doesn't notice at first, almost giving him a small tip. When he does notice, Egghead stops him from immediately calling on the red Batphone with an egg gun.
His fellow villain for the day, the previously seen Olga, sits in a hot air balloon suddenly situated near the building despite being earlier seen on a horse. (Eastern European accented:) "You are taking short elevator ride with us!"
Gordon: "You two will never get away with this."
Egghead: "Oh, really, commissioner, I wish someone would write you a new line. That one is getting so tired."

Vince does not like hot air balloons. RD also doesn't since he does not like the sensation of slowly ascending. 

Only after the balloon leaves does O'Hara finally make it inside the Office. This despite Egg being left unimpeded to go from the ground floor all the way to the top. Or the other officers who should have been posted nearby for such a contingency. Or the hot air balloon that was nearby.
After standing around looking like a buffoon does he find a ransom note.
O'Hara: "Kidnapped? The Commissioner's been kidnapped?"

Immediately after that obvious exclamation Batgirl appears, on a "hunch" that something would happen. "Kidnapped? My fa... Commissioner Gordon kidnapped?"
O'Hara: "I was about to call his daughter Barbara. But she'd likely worry herself to death."
As compared to all the other times he would be in danger as an active police officer in a crime-ridden city.
RD: "What if he was dead? Are you not gonna call her?"

Immediately after that the Duo appears.
O'Hara: "Our fine police commissioner's been abducted, Batman. Out of this very room. Whoever could have done such a dastardly deed?"
Batman: "Very likely our arch-foe, that eggs-crable Egghead. And his conniving consort, Olga, queen of the Bessarovian Cossacks. (A reference to the actual region of Bessarabia within Moldova.) Rumor has already reached our ear that those two evildoers have joined forces, and in this town. That's why we're here. And it's not surprising that they'd start in this office and with Commissioner Gordon. What other public personage could demand more respect or be held for a bigger ransom?"
Robin: "Gosh, yes. Egghead knows he can ask for the moon and get it."
Batman also knows that he will make a call immediately...somehow.

In the lair, Gordon is subjected to the worst thing of all - celebrating Cossack goons dancing the Mamushka! (:19) Eggy asks Olga to keep the noise down since he's trying to make a call here, and he would be way too tall to join in on the squat dancing. 

Batman (answering): "Commissioner Gordon's office."
Egghead: "Oh my my, how your voice has changed, Commissioner."
Batman: "Never mind the bad jokes."
For an "eggs-change" Eggy demands an "egg-cise tax: one thin dime for every egg eaten in Gotham City."
Batman: "There's no way to keep track of them."
Egghead: "Oh, yes, there is, Batman. The entire Gotham City police force will be mobilized as egg counters and tax collectors. They will make it their business to count every egg that is consumed within the city limits and to collect my egg tax on each one. Otherwise, we'll mail the commissioner back to  you in a box. A pine box!"
Batman has no choice but to accept.
Robin: "Holy eggshells. In a few days, that would add up to millions. Couldn't we ask the people of Gotham City to stop eating eggs?"
Batgirl: "Wait a minute, Robin. If egg consumption in Gotham City were to suddenly decline, Egghead  might take revenge by harming Commissioner Gordon."
Batman: "Great, let's hope they kill him."
Vince: "That's not what he said."
RD added that line to make sure if Vince was paying attention and not being distracted by eggs. He wasn't. 

He was instead being distracted by AEW's contested ticket sales. 

To be fair he does tie this to government assistance helping to make accurate counts, so it would be feasible for O'Hara to help with counting eggs. He would do it far better than his regular day job. 

Also he has RD to help keep his mind focused on positivity even in wresting. It's how the two became friends after all! (:22 - 29)

But yes, O'Hara is to handle the egg tax while the actual heroes figure out what to do, although they would have to do it separately. 

O'Hara starts his task by going to a diner run by Alan Hale Jr. as the proprietor named Gilligan.
O'Hara: "A large milk and a hot pastrami."
Egghead (suddenly appearing): "Never mind the pastrami! Chief O'Hara would like half a dozen eggs! No, make it a dozen scrambled eggs!"
Unfortunately Hale would have to wait a few years to have another appearance with Egghead, as it were. At least it is certain that O'Hara would take longer than a three hour tour to have his lunch.

Meanwhile someone doing actual work is Alfred, once again meeting with Barbara in her apartment. RD wonders if he bought his own apartment there.
Alfred: "You have some plan to locate your father?"
Barbara: "Well, it's only a remote possibility, but at least it's better than nothing. My father uses a very  rare brand of aftershave lotion called Wellington Number Four. It's imported from Sumatra."
Alfred: "I know the brand. A former employer of mine, the Earl of Chutney, used to use it. If I  remember correctly, its ingredients contain a small amount of curry root which gives it a very pungent  aroma, quite unlike any other aftershave lotion."
Barbara: "Yes, the aroma is unmistakable."
However, she can't ask the Duo's help in sniffing around town for it, since it might reveal her secret identity. It's not as if she could have just said Barbara told her about this or something. 

The Duo meanwhile are at the Bessarovian embassy, though its ambassador has no idea on where Olga might be. "She'd hardly communicate with the embassy since the Cossacks have been at war with the legitimate government of Bessarovia for many centuries."
Vince: "With the names of these places it was starting to sound like a Marx Brothers movie."
Batman thinks Olga is going to make a move on the Samovar of Rufus T. Firefly Genghis Khan. "It's a symbol of power, Robin. Like the Stone of Scone to the Scots. Traditionally, anyone who possesses the brass samovar of Genghis Khan is the legitimate ruler of Bessarovia."
It's been brought out of Bessarovia for safekeeping in the embassy, perhaps replying on the protective prowess of Batman more than anything. The Dark Knight begins to formulate a plan. 

Narrator: "As night falls, the Bessarovian Embassy has other visitors."
It is Olga, taking the opportunity to overact as she tells her Cossacks to claim her prize. "Be careful you don't scratch my beautiful samovar or I will slice you to shredkis!"
The exit is helpfully samovar shaped.

After the commercial break,
Narrator: "The Cossacks and Olga take the samovar back to their hideout where it joins other collectors' items." (:40)
At least this time the black warehouse set has more decorations. 

Of course the Duo were hiding in the samovar all this time, which is placed next to Gordon tied up in a bird cage.
Robin: "There's the Commissioner, Batman."
Gordon: (Mumbling)
Batman: "I think he's trying to tell us something, Robin."
This distraction allows Olga and goons to rush in in order to gas them.
Olga: "Welcome, malen'kiy Batushka. Put the little mal'chik in cage with old commissioner! And drag  handsome to throne!"
Egghead: "Olga, you eggs-quisite diabolical genius. How did you do it?"
Olga: "By underhand trick, what else?"

Batman promptly awakens on a bearskin rug, which he reacts to in ridiculous proportions.
Olga: "No troubles, Batushka, or we are making shashlik out of little mal'chik and old commissioner!"
Gordon: (Mumbling)
Robin: "...Yeah."
RD is reminded of his time working with Kamala Jr. 

The ambassador enters and - shocker! - he's working with Olga.
Batman: "So you gave us away as a traitor to your country."
Ambassador: "Who is traitor? I am Bessarovian Cossack from little boy."
Olga: "Is true. Omar is famous magnificent Bessarovian chef."
Omar (putting on a huge chef's hat): "Thank you, Highness. And now I am making greatest Bessarovian borscht of my career! With special ingredients!"
Egghead: "No, I object. I'd like to kill them now. They're too tricky to play around with. Believe me, I know them. Now that we've got them, let's eggs-terminate them."
Olga: "Who is "we"? I caught them. Besides, I may decide not to cook malen'kiy Batushka."
Egghead (very pickled): "Don't tell me that you're falling for this cowled clown?"
Olga: "Maybe. Maybe not. We are seeing."
Egghead: "But you are engaged to me! How dare you two-time me? And especially with this caped creep!"
Olga: "How dare you tell me what to do? Me, Olga, queen of Bessarovian Cossacks."
Egghead: "Olga Shmolga! You'd still be washing dishes in that run-down Bessarovian restaurant if it  wasn't for me!"
Olga: "Be careful. Old Cossack proverb: "Open mouth is leading quickly to open grave.""
Egghead: "And don't give me any of your Cossack proverbs either. I say kill him now!"
So a Cossack hits him on the back of the head, knocking him out.

Olga: "So much for big-mouth. Now we can have malen'kiy talk, eh, Batushka? You find me attractive little, huh?"
Batman: "I'd find you much more attractive if you were on the right side of the law, Olga. This kind of life can only lead to trouble."
Olga: "Is better making love than sermons, Batushka. Otherwise you are going into pot with others. A little kiss maybe?"
Batman: "A little kiss not maybe."

She kisses him anyway as Robin and Gordon fall into Aunt Hilda's cauldron to start stewing. 
Batman: "Well, you are no longer in Bessarovia, Olga. In this country, the standards are different. You  should abide by our customs, not yours."
Olga: "On contrary, I am considering this place malen'kiy piece of Bessarovia. Here, we are following my customs. And my customs are requiring wedding borscht made from captured prisoners."
Batman: "Wedding borscht?"
Olga: "Of course, Batushka."
Batman: "But I thought you were engaged to marry Egghead."
Olga: "I am marrying both of you. Cossack queen is permitted up to six husbands. Oh, but do not  worry, Batushka. You will always be number one in my heart."

Thankfully before Batman can suffer the indignity of being...in a poly relationship, the horror, Alfred stops just outside the black set warehouse, having somehow tracked the perfume scent like a bloodhound. He notifies Batgirl on one of her walkie-talkies, and she quickly closes in.
She tells him to stay outside while she goes in, managing to enter just as Olga is about to gain two husbands. (Eggy: "It's worth playing second fiddle just to see Batman married.")
Cue the fight, where she joins in the squat kicks of the Cossacks while Batman handles a saber. Robin worries they are outnumbered. Gordon mumbles.

Suddenly Alfred enters, once more with his Marquis of Queensbury Rules boxing to knock down the wayward chef.
Gordon: "Alfred, Bruce Wayne's butler. What are you...?"
Alfred: "No time to explain now, Commissioner."
Olga: "Help me, Eggski!  You must do something! My Cossacks are falling like vodka bottles!"
Egghead: "So you admit you need my help, eh, Olga? I've been saving this little surprise
for just such an eggs-igency. These hens have been fed a straight diet of onions for the past six months."

Robin has his own saber while Batgirl has her own smile as she spins around. Eggy and Olga use the opportunity to throw their onion eggs which makes them...cry uncontrollably. This is apparently enough to overpower trained crimefighters, allowing the villains to run gallop away. 
Robin: "Holy crying towels, Batman."
Vince: "Bro, what if you just tuned in the last 30 seconds of this episode, what would you have thought happened?"
RD: "I would've thought I need to watch this episode every single time it's on."
The two know for sure Price loved doing this sort of stuff.

Batgirl: "At least you're safe, Commissioner Gordon."
Batman: "Yes, Batgirl, but is Gotham City safe? I'm afraid Gotham City won't be safe until those Cossacks are behind bars."
Narrator: "How right he is! Gotham City faces disaster with Egghead, Olga and the Cossacks on the  loose! When and how will it end? Will it end? Maybe we'll get an inkling in our next episode!"

As expected this was very much a fun episode. They look forward to the next one.

Rupert's Arcade will have the Halloween decorations up very soon. 

Samoa Joe in TNA had a questionable thing drawn on his face before he was kidnapped by ninjas while Yakety Sax played. 

• Special Guest Villain: Egghead [2] (Vincent Price) [2]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Olga, Queen of the Cossacks (Anne Baxter) [2]

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Blonde
• RD Time Outs:  1 (Real Quick) 
• Window Celebrity: 1. Alan Hale Jr.