Showing posts with label Piper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Piper. Show all posts

Episode 81: Holy Clanking Crusaders!: March 5, 2023

Penguin Sets a Trend
February 1, 1967
"In order to keep a close eye on the Penguin (and hopefully locate the stolen chain mail armor), Batman and Robin rejoin Penguin's movie efforts. The next part of his film is to take place in medieval times. Therefore, Penguin has the Dynamic Duo dress in armor suits, but only to trap them with a giant magnet while he snatches top-secret papers from the Hexagon. Batman and Robin free themselves and follow the villain, but after a losing battle with him, the Penguin has them hauled off as scrap metal to be crushed."
63 minutes

RD Won't Resort to Mendacity. Vince has a subtitle of his own, being 30 Days to Opening Day. He always feels tired after recording the progrem at 4 pm. Now he knows how I feel after trying to summarize it.

Narrator: "When last we saw the Dynamic Duo they were in the Penguin's catapult about to be launched over Gotham City and land like a pair of squashed tomatoes with Penguin's cameras set to record their horrible death! ... We'll be back in 60 seconds with the smashing climax."

Vince wonders if there would ever be a Batman who would become terrified in whatever situation he ends up in. RD wonders how Penguin's snuff film would be successful.

Robin: "Holy cliffhangers, Batman!"

Calm and collected Batman takes the time to calculate the cube root of pi and determine where they will land, ideally straight into a remote controlled Batmobile. RD thinks they should have figured out how to get out of their trap rather than guess if they will survive direct impact.
Vince: "How did he figure that out?"
RD: "Because he's Batman."

The catapult fires two dummies ten feet straight into the clouds, giving Batman literal air to remote control his vehicle. Also its raining below them, and the Batmobile has to stop on the road for some children to move. Vince wondered what would have happened if it ran them over. RD knows what the Penguin would add to his film. But of course the Batmobile gets to the Duo in time, deploying a net to catch them. They then walk over the chassis to get in to drive to the Office.
Robin: "Remind me to give the Batmobile an extra quart of oil next time we change it."
Batman: "And now we have to get our hands on a certain oily bird."
RD has to warn not to do such a stupid idea like that in real life.

Vince bought a John Wick rug for his grandchild who was a fan of "Canoe Reeves". His wife did not approve. 

O'Hara: "The nerve of that vulture! We'll catapult him right behind bars where he belongs!" (:17)
Vince is sure Penguin would beat up the Chief every time. RD would bet on the Chief since he has experience with drunken brawls.
The Duos can't just go straight for the villain for fear of losing the stolen armor, so they have to go back to his film shoot.
O'Hara: "Sure and he'll be suspicious, Batman."
Batman: "I hope he is, Chief O'Hara. Suspicion often provides surprises."

Penguin: "And so my Caped Canaries, you have survived your little flight through space, and now you would like to rejoin my film company? QUACK! What do you take me for, a fool? You don't fool me,
Dynamic Double-Talker! There's some hideously honest motive behind all this. You're trying to trick
me, huh? QUACK! Out of my office, quick. Out! Out! Keep moving, you Cupcake Crusaders! You Dynamic Dingbats!" 

Vince: "Do you know exactly what a dingbat is?"
RD: "I do not know what a dingbat is, but I think I'm talking to one."
Vince aims to forget looking up the term for next time.

The Duo walk into the adjoining office where Batman notices the intercom is on and connected to Penguin's. So he takes the opportunity to melodramatically plead to get back to acting. "I'm afraid I've got it bad, Robin baby."

All of a sudden Penguin is listening while carrying a poodle named Mac, and puts it on his desk. (:24) RD reminisces about his old poodles Raleigh and Piper. Both remember their dealings with Piper. The man, not the poodle. Vince out when appearing on Piper's podcast that their heat came from Piper thinking Vince sent Ed Ferrara to meet him first in some sort of power dynamic rather than a misunderstood chance encounter. 

Anyway Penguin takes the bait and invites the Duo back to his movie. "I was once a struggling young actor myself."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in an isolated section of Gotham Central Park, Marsha and her aunt Hilda are looking for elderly toads for Aunt Hilda's evil potion."
Marsha: "How long are we going to have to wait?"
Hilda: "Last time I waited two weeks."

Thus concludes Marsha's (and Hilda's) lone scene on today's episode.

Robin (back in the Batcave): "Great acting job, Batman. You could run for senator. Or governor."
Batman: "Thank you, Robin. Who knows, perhaps I do have a little touch of show business in my blood."
Robin (checking the script): "Holy history. Penguin's gone from Rome to the Middle Ages. The second part of his script is set in medieval England."
Batman: "It doesn't surprise me, Robin. The criminal mind is characteristically erratic and unstable."
Robin: "And gullible. He fell for that act of yours hook, line and sinker."
Batman: "Needless to say, old chum, I don't like having to resort to such mendacity. But considering the
circumstances, I think it was justified."

Returned to the shooting set, the Duo are now wearing large suits of "quite ordinary armor". (:36) As they lumber onto their spots, some goons sneak up behind them and pin them with a two-ton electromagnet.
Robin: "You underhanded weasel!"
Penguin: "Thanks for the compliment, Boy Bigmouth."
They are hoisted up into the air. Penguin will deal with them later after "a little appointment with General MacGruder at the Pentagon Hexagon. It seems the good general also has a yen to be a movie actor." He order his also armored (with the stolen gear) "Von Pengy's Blitzkrieg" to march behind him as they leave.
Vince keeps seeing his smoking ashes all over his suit.

Robin: "Holy catastrophes, Batman! I'd sooner see the Russians in the Hexagon than Penguin!"
Batman: "We must stop him, Robin. The Generals at the Hexagon are capable men, but they're trained in open warfare, not the devious kind that Penguin practices. I don't know why they can't just make a deal to send him to Vietnam to help our boys out."

Of course MacGruder is more than happy to work with the Penguin. What, the US military working with Hollywood? Get out of here!
MacGruder: "You, uh, did say that there might be a little part in the picture for me, huh?"
Penguin: "A little part, sir? For a man of your acting ability, there is a colossal part. It is two lines longer than Hamlet, sir."
Shakespeare's longest play of 4,000 lines could take more than four hours to run through, even today. That is unless Penguin meant a shortened radio version, of which Meredith would have had some experience at.)
MacGruder: "Then you do think I have some acting ability, huh?"
Penguin: "Oh, I think all generals do, sir. I think it's part of their equipment, like, uh...like gills on a fish."
He offers the General "an exclusive five-year contract" when he retires.

Major Beasley then enters, so Penguin offers him "an exclusive five-year contract". (He quickly revises his contract for the General to 10 years.) He asks Beasley about Room X, which connects to Room Y, which connects to Room Z. He orders his finks crew there to steal its contents.

MacGruder: "They're heading for Room Z. Beasley, call the cavalry."
Beasley: "Sir, we haven't had any cavalry since 1910."
MacGruder: "Oh. Well, call the army."
Beasley: "Yes sir...sir, we are the army!"
MacGruder: "WELL GET SOME MEN UP HERE! DON'T JUST STAND THERE!"

(Of note: Bob Hastings as the Major was parodying his role as Lt. Carpenter on McHale's Navy. He would also do very well in voice acting including...Commissioner Gordon (from The Animated Series until his death). He probably learned from General Alan Reed who among many roles in his storied career was the original Fred Flintstone.)

They somehow muster some men, perhaps remembering that the US Army does still have cavalry (where do they think their tanks and armored vehicles are?).
MacGruder (to himself): "Remember the Alamo, MacGruder. Remember Custer...No, no, let's forget Custer. Remember Grant and Lee, and Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill. That's it. Remember Teddy Roosevelt."
He has his men fix bayonets before charging in, only to find the armor impervious to their bullets.
During the 'skirmish', among the contents the goons rummage through are "Corn Cob Pipes", of the kind General MacArthur sometimes enjoyed, and "Pearl Handled Revolvers", of the kind General Patton was reported to have handled. 

Meanwhile the Duo are still stuck. (:45) Batman has another idea. He throws something at a nearby lamp to short circuit it, cutting off all the power, including to the magnet. They have no time to get out of their armor as they rush to the Hexagon. 

The villains escape in a blue van despite the soldiers trying to shoot at the tires.
MacGruder: "We have no choice, Beasley. Call the Air Force."
Beasley (noticing the Batmobile): "Sir, I think we may have something better than the Air Force."
Cue car chase with the Duo still in their armor. All the better to hide their stunt doubles, I'm sure.

Batman predicts the blue van can not support the weight of the Knights of the Round Table and their footwork impeccable, and sure enough the next turn flattens one of the tires, causing everyone to run into the nearby alleyway. 

Penguin orders his goons to fall back to their (only a model) lair: "I'll hold off the Clanking Crusaders." He then picks up and rolls barrels at them ala Donkey Kong, bowling the armored Duo down, then gasses them just to be sure. "Now you're in the trash heap where you belong, Dynamic Dodos."
At that moment, a dump truck for Jolly Jim's Scrap Metal Yard pulls up. Penguin offers the crew $10 for some "Scrapped Crusaders". 

And so the Duo are dropped straight into a trash compactor about to be smashed into a cube. And without any protocol droids around to help stop the machinery!

Narrator: "The Dynamic Duo a pair of paper weights? This time the pressure is really on them! Tune in tomorrow for the crushing finale! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

While he was not in this story, RD received a clip of Cesar Romero in the Joker makeup promoting the Movie. (:54)

RD wrote about an early Ultimate Warrior "match" where even then he was not sure what to do. Bobby Heenan would remember how bad his bouts were even with Andre the Giant. Vince remembered how Warrior would satiate his sugar fix by crushing Mrs. Field cookies and inhaling their scent.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [8] (Burgess Meredith) [8]
  • Extra Special Guest Villainess:  Marsha [2] (Carolyn Jones) [2]
 
  • Window Celebrity: 2. Alan Reed, Bob Hastings
  • Blue Van: 1
  • Screen Shares: 1. Vince

301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"


$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Christmas
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
  • URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)
  
  • Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
  • Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
  • RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
  • Blade Burps:  1
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  0
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Debut: Crapper's Court
    • Case brought by: Eli Iffert
    • Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
    • Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands
 
  • Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
    • What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
    • RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
    Worst ratings ever.
    Network wants adult content.
    Vince's ass comeback.

299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!
85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"


$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)


Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.
 
  • Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.
  

  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
    • Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
    • RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
    • Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
    It's the Halloween show.
    That was some bad tasting jerky.
    Go fu**ck yourself RD!

287 The Angry Gym: October 31, 2019

WWE2k20 Glitch or artist's impression of Becky Lynch in a Haunted Gym?
89 minutes

Huey has a laughing fit while Drunk Blade rambles.

Blade does not remember (m)any of their old episodes, both on Patreon and on this site (somewhere). RD: "They do a lot of fine work. We should recognize them thusly." Blade: "It will be something."

Roddy Piper also has something. He reminds kids to wear neon to ward off the danger of idiots driving cars. (:12) The two have names for his posse. Might I suggest the John Nada Carpenters?

Blade and Don are stuck inside the War on Candy Corn, which has heavy fighting on both sides. (:14) RD tries Ultimate Cheddar Flavor Doritos with Cheetos extract which tastes alright. Blade is stuck on Tron's Brach's butterscotch discs, "the tan things you suck on". He reminds RD on his age.

RD decides to talk about wrestling. (:24) Rick "Eyes" Steiner's son Bronson is doing well Running Backing in college football. Blade thinks he will last in the new XFL's one season, particularly as they now have suddenly open spaces due to paying players a salary between "jack" and "shit". Blade thinks retired players should play again for some reason. I am sure it would be worth risking their health once again.

[Bronson would get the last laugh when drafted by the Baltimore Ravens while the new XFL didn't even last one whole season. I am sad he did not have to use uncle Scott's math skills however. - Future PB]

Matt Hardy and Reby Sky will be parents again for the third time. (:32) RD gets ahead of Blade and non-directly says that she likes to f-ollow through on things.

Jim calls with horror music, a by-product of "The Angry Gym", a 'haunted gym'. They'll scare the fat out of you! (:36) He tells them to call Dave Meltzer to tell him to go fuck himself, or something. RD decides to do just that as per his itinerary, so that he can play an excerpt from his podcast with Bryan Alvarez where he tells him about some very seductive weights. Piper reminds RD to say please and thank ya to him next time.

Bill Apter had a birthday last week. (:45) "Wrestling's Power Brokers" is the cover story of Wrestling Superstars October 1990. Ken Patera and Black Scorpion are NOT on the list, but somebody named "Big Juice" is. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams is #1, possibly from Jim's haunted gym. Demolition Smash is #14.

Jim calls back in so RD has to rush to cue up his horror music. Such good coordination I see. (:53) Bob Caudle is literally running for his life so Jim speeds him off his treadmill. "Shove it up your ass!"

As can be expected with Blade's intellect and/or sobriety, at no point does he make the obvious CrossFit joke.

Blade wants to be Ken Patera's Swinging Full Nelson for Halloween. (:56) RD admonishes Blade for not knowing how to count. Blade: "Put that on my tombstone."

In relation to another bad WWE T-shirt in the recent news which does not feature Sin Cara's penis, what are some GOOD wrestling T-shirts? RD has Andre the Giant 5X worn by Stephanie McMahon belted as a mini (Blade thinks they should be worn by female companions), Blade's 2004 WCW Dungeon of Doom, and Survivor Series 1987 sent to and from Blade. He still can't count. He has to look up a 10th Anniversary Mickie James crotch-licking, (breast-feeding) Matilda, and Demolition's first "band-aid" shirt to show that they had finally made it. Sad News: Blade's AtG shirt was only XL instead of 5X which he did not belt as a mini, colored pink when his mother washed it, and bleaching it only shrunk it, before he discarded it ten years later.

WWE 2K20 is hilariously awful. That won't stop the two from wanting to buy a copy and see how so bad it's good it is in person. (:75) Blade was worried by one visual of a glitching referee having a seizure. Nintendo John agrees and bleeps himself. So does his audience.

RD found some "Haunted" Haiku music for Seventeen (Haunted) Syllables not about Dark Shadows:
2K19 blues.
Seems the new game kinda sucks.
MUSCLE didn't glitch.

RD has to squeeze in his obligation remaining Piper at the end, for shame. No space for spacing on the itinerary?



$31.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right 



Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrap.com, wrestlecrapradio.com, Drive In Movie Maniacs on Retro TV
  • URLs not taken: 2. Tanthingsyousuckon.com, Beltedasamini.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 0.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 1. Dark Shadows
 
  • F-Bombs: 1. Nintendo John
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 6. Jim, Dave Meltzer, Bryan Alvarez, Bill Apter, Jim (2), Nintendo John
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  5 (1 Real Quick)
  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 6
  • Cricket Chirps:  3
  • Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
  • Nintendo 8 Bit Pops:  11 (3 for RD)
 
  • Question of the Week from: N/A
 
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  3 favorite wrestling t-shirts of all time.
    • RD: 1987 Survivor Series shirt, WCW Dungeon of Doom shirt, Andre the Giant 5X shirt modeled by Stephanie McMahon
    • Blade: Demolition shirt, Matilda shirt, 10th Anniversary Mickie James Crotch Licking shirt
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Today’s graphics with yesterday’s glitches:
    2K19 blues.
    Seems the new game kinda sucks.
    MUSCLE didn't glitch.

279 Take Me Home, Christmas Roads: December 17, 2018

...But Blade will still pass out under the Xmas tree anyway because he loves ya!
96 minutes

RD is very animated and fast moving due to the holiday season, and spends the first few minutes extolling the virtues of this here site you are currently on.

RD: "These people are great."

Blade thinks they have new listeners (somehow).

RD: "We used to be a good show."

The two are confused about episode recording dates.

Blade does not like the sick kids at Christmas. (:10) RD prepares to be 50 next month. Hopefully he will not get stricken with lung cancer and become a master bad breaker of crystal meth under the name of Faraday, while Blade continues to be his sidekick but has to say "bitch" every other sentence or so.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes argue over age as just a number. Blade took a 869 mile ride in 2001 and rode his rental car to death.

RD: "It's not the years, it's the terrain."
Blade: "Dope."

(Perhaps that will be Blade Braxman's catchphrase instead of "bitch" in that above scenario.)

RD considers reselling WC shirts. Blade mistakenly thinks he will look attractive in them.

RD was once again in the Low Countries (the Netherlands) for work. Over there they celebrate Christmas as normal, but also an earlier time for Sinterklass, AKA Saint Nicholas (he of course being the original source of Santa Claus) on his Day on December 6th.

[Timeout real quick. Quite recently, there has been much debate over the political correctness of Zwarte Piet, or Black Pete, a character associated with Sinterklass though only first appearing in an 1850 book. He's supposedly a Spanish Moor who has a dirty face due to his chimney traversal like Santa.

So of course he is traditionally portrayed in blackface.

The whole affair is very tumultuous and more time consuming than a six hours long wrestling progrem, so feel free to look up the whole thing yourself.]

RD brought back with him Lidl Sinterklass chocolate lollies in his shape, which for some reason have a big hole as his belly button. Blade thinks that makes Sinterklass a child trafficker. RD: "You're not gonna miss Santa's hole." Blade feels like watching stuff that puts the XXX in Xmas. RD: "As is being discussed currently." Anyway, the treat seems "sweetened by fruit extract" which is unappealingly distracting.

Sad News: Bill Fralic, Wrestlemania II Battle Royale participant and figure atop the WC Fantasy Football League trophy, is no longer with us. (:23) RD wants to immortalize him as a sole parade float.

Debbie Reynolds singing about Tammy makes Blade laugh, making him remember how it was once a "gift" of his to RD. (:30) She wants to defer her retirement to next year, which is sure to cause no trouble at all. She was recently asking on social media for "an autographed Jose Canseco jersey" and flailing in argument when others poked fun at her for it. RD does his Tammy impression after Blade turns the offer down. She refers to a Filofax, and RD is amazed that she too makes obscure references.

Tammy is also apparently four pounds away from her Hall Of Fame weight and wants to return to selling sensual photos of herself while still active. Blade finds it amusing that Reby Sky will be her photographer, remembering that they once publicly feuded over Sid Vicious, of all people. Not surprisingly, RD is done with her in her current state.

Mike Check: "RJ, do you have love in your heart?" (:41)

He once worked in 70's Tuscaloosa as Jammin' Jack Jones on WLIQ "The Big Lick". He delivered to a target demographic of truckers while his CB Radio was on. (Blade asks him about a "Ho lotta lizard" because of course he does. ... Don't look that up.) Together with Slick Willy Daniels they did The Jack Daniels Overnight Drive (probably sponsored by Johnnie Walker).

He then plays a rather odd tune even by my standards and that's saying a lot: 8 year old John Denver begging his father not to become a sleepy alcoholic on Christmas. Thank God he's a Country Boy though and he didn't go through the same situation as an adult. No, he instead once went on a chainsaw rampage inside his home and almost strangled his wife. Totally different! I'm fully expecting to find out that Annie's Song was playing throughout his Jack Torrance impression.

Regardless, Blade remembers again some advertisement back in '95 for The John Denver Collection on vinyl. Sad News: his mother did not listen to his request to give him a copy. Sadder News: he was 20 years old at the time.

Steven Breech asks how best to use Santa Claus in wrestling. (:52) RD and I of course remember Xanta Claus. Blade has Santa Heenan angering Piper in PSA format. Blade wishes Santa Piper would have feuded with John Denver's dad.

Blade promises he will look into the Unsolved Mystery of Unsolved Mysteries. (:56) Like Tammy he also defers his Big Announcement for a year.

RD shares his favorite Christmas memory of late. He had bought a Santa suit 20 years back that he could finally use at Rupert's Arcade. There Santa could be challenged at a game for a chance to win a prize. One girl in particular met him normally, then was seen playing nicely at the machines. This was a change from the other naughty children who trash talked poor Santa. Blade thinks he should have been tougher. RD replies that if so nobody would have won a prize.

Blade's favorite Christmas memory is of his Mickie James under mistletoe. He remembers being unable to get her Stocking as a funk sock.

RD: "I like it when you think of non-wrestling you think of our show."

For some reason Blade remembers that time Jim was singing for his "Christmas album" so the two call him up for a chance at more songs. (:70) He's busy with a "child" at the moment, but before an alarmed RD can call the authorities on him he reveals he's also multitasking as Santa because nobody else is around to do it. RD does his Mike Check impression of him asking children about food. "Go Bah Humbug!" Jim replies.

Needless to say they fail to ask him one single thing about his album, and the segment falls apart from there (assuming it wasn't intending to anyway).

Vince McMahon is to appear again on Raw in an attempt to right its horrible ratings. Who would have thought that unopposed with no real competition and a crazy and out of touch old man running things for over 15 years that things will ultimately become this stale and awful? (:74) Blade does his random Iron Mike Tyson impression by thinking that WWE is nowadays a circus, a thought that I too share. I really should write something more on that someday.

He did appear on Raw in what one site deemed a Big Announcement.

No, really.

Said Big Announcement? He, Stephanie, Shane, and Hunter will make more appearances.

No, really.

Because that was what everyone was asking for right? More of the same old same old?

No? It isn't?

At this point they should just make it official and change the name to Impact or Thunder. (Lightning?)

I also guess Linda was too busy pretending to work in the current administration (speaking of circuses) to attend and be a 5th. Perhaps when things are going REALLY well with this current arrangement.

Sigh.

At this point maybe they SHOULD cancel the show and replace it with RD and Blade making meth in an old RV in the Midwest forests or something. For one thing it would at least be better written.

:79
  • Jordan Mishkin had sent RD NFL Pro '90 trading cards, a 1977 "Pro Wrestling Sports Review" about apartment wrestling (to forward to Blade), something called "Al Japino" potato chips (already opened but taste alright), Wrestlemania III trading cards, and a WWF Wrestling Trivia game. He asks Blade questions like a Co-Hosss audition. He gets 5 out of 6 correct.
  • I had sent the both of them a record of Phil Collins' No Jacket Required, which in all sincerity I believe is underrated. Mike Check had played them Don't Lose My Number in his first live remote appearance.
  • RD had sent Blade a Barry Sanders Christmas Keepsake Ornament.
  • Blade had sent RD a Tammy "gift card" in the form of a $30 Western Union money order for her photos. I'm sure his wife would approve. RD: "That's the worst gift ever."

Here you go, Seventeen Syllables:
Vince McMahon is back.
He's 73 years old.
His shtick feels older.



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. WrestleCrapRadio.com, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 2. BackwhenWrestleCrapRadioWasFunny.com, Santashole.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Timely as today’s headlines
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Jim
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  1
  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Blade Burps: 2
  • Robotic Reindeer Laughs: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  2
  
  • Question of the Week from: Steven Breech
    • Best use of Santa Claus in wrestling? RD: Xanta Claus. Blade: Bobby Heenan.
 
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Top 3 Christmas Memories.
    • RD:  Dress up as Santa at Rupert’s Arcade
    • Blade:  N/A
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: An unwanted Christmas re-gifting:
    Vince McMahon is back.
    He’s 73 years old.
    His shtick feels older.

277 RD-Animator: October 30, 2018

Costume Ideas For Halloween: Idiot In Car and Idiot in Neon!
53 minutes

RD attempts to play it straight. This lasts for a minute before his "doorbell" rings. His subsequent receiving of a package, which contains the SeanceTrolla N08 Cauldron, makes Blade laugh. He turns it on, making it play cliche "scary music" and causing a dot matrix printer to print him an ominous warning. (:08)

'Someone' told Blade last progrem that his low register voice makes him sound sleepy. And here I thought he was just drunk or hungover.

As is his eternal custom Roddy Piper warns the kids about idiots in cars. Blade has some issues with his syntax. (:13)

Blade: "You know, wouldn't it be fun if we were like down to two listeners, and those two listeners were named RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton?"

A now teenage RD Junior has been to Disneyworld at least once a year. (:17) Sad News: Rafiki's ride is being shut down (it's the circle of life you see).

Blade shills being on TV and in more horror movies. (:24)

Brooke Hogan: Fashion Hero's 2nd season is going international. Apparently this is a thing. Blade sings badly without RD's MIDI to accompany him.

At Wrestlecon April 5th Joey Ryan will have some sort of Penis Party right in the middle of the MetLife stadium. Blade does some more random singing.

Piper reminds people to say please and thank ya.

Tammy has finally been released from prison. (:35) She now wants to do a "farewell tour" before going back to school and "private life". For her sake and well-being, I sincerely hope it works out this time. Unfortunately experience and history tells me things won't change for the better, not even now. One has to just wait and see I suppose.

Blade continues to confuse himself with the Midnight Rose. Why, it's almost like they're one and the same person.

The Cauldron threatens Blade this time with a Pete Townshend lyric. Blade is definitely one to get fooled again. And again. And again after that.  (:38)

Derek Quinn of the Powerhouse of Sound DJ Service (3), asks about other wrestlers who might provide their own Halloween safety tips. (:39) They think Virgil could work. RD also wants to pay for Tammy to give tips. (That sure sounded wrong.) They also want Ken Patera, what with his experience with being hungry.

Piper reminds you to take (all) your candy back home to your parents before you eat it. (:42)

:46 Before the two can continue to further mess around as is their itinerary, the OG SeanceTrolla activates, "reviving" Nate and his coarse voice to strangle RD in the name of TNA Total Non Stop Action Wrestling. On the other end a sleepy Blade is "woken up" by John Kelly, who has sources. (:50)

Only Johnny 6 is left to do the Haiku (:51) in a rather lower register of voice than usual for some reason. Perhaps he too is sleepy. Further, his theme boops and beeps that bring him in are of somewhat of a low quality this time around, most likely due to the hard work of the SeanceTrolla reviving him into undeath and NOT because RD lost the original version and asked us for a replacement copy.

No, really.

Silver Shamrock:
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.
Ha. Ppy. Hall. O. Ween.

Piper reminds you to have lots of fun trick-or-treating, and if you have any leftover/bad candy to send to Vince to poison him.



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
 
 
 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Drive in Movie Maniacs
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 0.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Blade's Poor Performance Excuse: Sick/tired lately

  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Delivery Man, N.E.R.D., CS John Kelly

  • Blade Time Outs:  2
  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  • Cricket Chirps: 1
 
  • Question of the Week from: Derek Quinn (3)
    • Since the dearly departed Hot Rod is no longer with us, what wrestling personality would you like to hear Halloween safety tips from? Blade: Virgil.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  N/A
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Everyone’s dead. Who will do the haiku?  Johnny!
    Happy Halloween!
    Happy happy Halloween!
    Happy Halloween!
 

267 Trunk-Or-Treat: October 30, 2017

Tastes just like it looks
68 minutes

RD found some new material of Huey's laughter.

Blade has a one year span memory. He thanks RD for his sense of "continuity". I hope it is better than Blade's chemistry knowledge and following recording schedules.

Blade is already tired from all the recent partying but the Midnight Rose is still able to give candy to children at a "Trunk-Or-Treat" at a 'vague' location. RD finds those rather concerning: "That's always like a drug deal, right?" This is Piper's cue to warn about idiots in cars. (:06)

RD is still preparing his Patreon. I assume one of the sponsorship rewards is getting a Big Announcement. (:10) He once considered having a Chinese TNA correspondent, most likely named Po Lan / Lan Po or something like that.

Also you know you're getting up there when you randomly come across an episode of the (new) TMNT and can easily recognize that the episode's villain of the week, an ancient Chinese spirit, is in fact voiced by James Hong. Then again it did also feature three (captured) goons in some very familiar attire from that movie too so...

Don took a Trip to Taco Bell and calls in to talk about it in a very energetic tone of voice. (:13) (He hadn't yet gone to the one house in the neighborhood which always provided some sort of liquor for adult trick-or-treaters.) His children made him try some pink liquid urinal cake Gatorade pink lemonade which surprisingly tasted pretty good. Blade once saw some Don branded urinal mats during his travels. RD mocks them for knowing how urinal cakes taste, despite anyone with any knowledge of non Blade-style chemistry would know that the smell and taste glands are almost very similar. You can definitely 'taste' something if it smells strongly enough.

After Don leaves with his music, Blade randomly remembers being attacked by bees while recording while drunk. Those things have to be related. He also remembers the time he saw someone use an ice cream scooper to scoop meat at another Taco Bell. He also misses old smells while he meta times out.

Sad News: RD and Blade have varying definitions of loyalty.

Also Taryn Terrell was future endeavored. (:25)

Tony Schiavone has left Starbucks, possibly to return to wrestling. RD wants David Crockett to also return to commentate with him. He also misses Halloween Havoc and all the bad mess it brought with it. Blade used to watch wrestling recorded on old EPs.

The Miz and Maryse are expecting a girl. (:35) Blade temporarily stumbles on what "kind" of baby it would be.

Blade re-listens to Piper's tips to figure out what exactly is required of a trick-or-treater.

Blade: "What do you think Tammy's dressing up as?"
RD: "Bacon and eggs." (:41)

According to Blade WWCR goes over the same material again and again. Apparently this is news. This ties into Coke Classic for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Patreon Tammy's already been on it for a month, though she hasn't updated the thing in two weeks. You can...guess...what kind of material she has to offer. RD attempts to read it in his best Jeff Foxworthy impression before he becomes strangely fixated on what's on his finger.

Blade had to go back to Facebook to find people and their Questions. (:50) Criss Rogers wants to know how much a Piper's Bunch would be. He had four children but Blade thinks it's six.

Blade would consider running The Swinging Full Nelson Podcast in honor of Ken Patera. (:55) WWE also future endeavored three wrestlers just recently. RD wants them to rehire Bill Eadie to shout-deliver future endeavors. Blade randomly interjects to mention Mickie James, as you do. To shut him up RD replays his time with Piper. (:61)

Hulk Hogan and his one-time hanging on lackey friend Ed Leslie are Twitter feuding over the latter's writing of a tell-all.

Seventeen syllables of goodness:
Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
She wants pythons not haircuts.
Struttin' and Sluttin'.

$0.50 : $30.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Drive In Movie Maniacs, WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com
  • URLs not taken: 2. LiquidUrinalCakes.com, StingOnStilts.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 6. Handing out candy to underprivileged children, ghosts, someone that was a father, pleasing, dropping (2).
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Don
 
  • F-Bombs: 1. Blade
 
  • Blade Time Outs: 8 (1 Real Quick)
  • RD Time Outs: 2
  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3

  • Question of the Week from: Criss Rogers
    • How many kids do you have to have to qualify for bunches of them?  More than 3 or 4.
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Beefcake ain’t cutting it brother!
    Hulk with Beefcake's wife.
    She wants pythons not haircuts.
    Struttin' and Sluttin'.

263 Headless Centaur: October 27, 2016

Uncle Boo needs that
extra spoonful.
71 minutes

Blade is the ECW Zombie (RIP) to RD's WCW Phantom (also RIP). The former talked to their 'producers' who 'told him' to turn down his mic volume to once again become Jazz Overnight, much to the latter's delight.

RD then abruptly receives a 'certified letter' from the Trolla Corporation. Yes, an actual mailed letter. Recent budget cuts you see. (:05) They are recalling their (one) HorseTrolla 'notification device' due to mythical centaur related concerns. He doesn't believe them; they still need to do some shenanigans since April Fools after all! (Yeah that wasn't an April Fool's Joke. I had Chris Engler send that letter. I mean we did create Zombie Nathaniel. --Raging_Demons) So when it neighs up it sounds slower and fails to deliver any news. Wait, is it a news machine or a breaking down car? Of course RD dismisses the whole thing as mere happenstance, even as he tempts fate throughout by running it every now and then.

Blade: "Are we going to get on with the episode now or what?"

Then he breaks into laughter. (:11) RD then has to explain to him the concept of soaping.

RD self-shills for donations with his Nathaniel impression. Help a brother or two out? (:14) Blade repeats his idea of a pledge drive/telethon with his Stubby impression. Raging_Demons does his part to shill for this here website with his Premier Blah impression. ("I'm officially the voice of Halloween! Also if I knew I was going to be used again I would had updated it with this year's "Halloween Hootenanny on The Mike Check Show where Mike & his daughter have to survive the horror that is...Zombie Nathaniel!" --Raging_Demons)(:19) The eternal Roddy Piper provides his ever useful Halloween safety tips in his Nada impression.

Blade has yet to find some Captain Crunch Halloween Cereal, much to RD's shock. (:21) Blade wishes him a Merry Christmas, as many people preemptively do in October. As this is an election year Monster Cereals allow people to vote on their mascots. Sadly, his Boo Berry is as of this writing currently taking a huge beating from Count Chocula (though at least independent candidate Franken Berry is not posing any challenge to them both, only having Montana and its state population of 5 people to his name.). The duo agree Piper should get his own special Halloween "Please and Thank Ya" trading cards.

The FaxTrolla is still working to RD's pride. Blade wants to run cliffhangers that have no chance in Hades of working. (:33) WWE is promoting TMNT figure variations of their wrestlers superstars. RD is flabbergasted that people would want to spend $15 on them instead of supporting their site. WWE also runs some sort of 'hilarity' using zombified versions of their wre - superstars on their page using jokes from the 90's WWF magazine. RD does his Crickets impression.

RD advises Blade not to send him any Tamm related gifts. RD then has to explain to him (again) the concept of soaping. (:41) Sad News: she's in jail "forever" according to Blade's insights. RD uses it as an excuse to no longer talk about her or listen to Debbie Reynolds sing about her.

Not to be outdone, Blade uses some bad MIDI (which sounds even worse than the standard fare) to talk about Paige. RD's disgust makes Blade break into laughter. (:46) The week prior she had proposed to Alberto Del Rio in the middle of the ring. Blade compares his bad indie wrestling gimmicks to RD's bad indie wrestling gimmicks.

For some reason (and not because it's on the itinerary) Blade persuades RD to call up Jim who also seasons greetings them. (:53) He's doing all the holidays at once to save time and money. Sadly he no longer has his UWF Haunted House running. RD's laughter breaking causes Jim to also laughter break. Bob Caudle messed something up which Jim has to handle, among so many other things going wrong in his life (like hiring an extremely old man as his sole employee).

ECW Press is again wanting RD to write The Death Of TNA, and with the further shenanigans it's going through yet again and once more, he thinks of the 'wrestling' company as the perfect horror movie villain. Just when you think they're down and out they get right back up!...although in their case it's a movie villain no one wants to see. Even more than that time Jason Voorhees went into space to reenact a bad Alien rip-off. (:62)

Piper once more tells Blade to send your poisoned and razor bladed treats to Vince McMahon to transform him into Moolah. (:66)

*Play for full effect.*
Mickie James (now on NXT) confuses Blade with her appearance. This time (of course) the HorseTrolla comes to life and roves around the place (instead of floating like an apparition SHOULD be doing) wrecking havoc like a low rent Thin Man's sphere. That or RD is also playing a Shin Megami Tensei/Persona game for the first time and was caught off-guard by the series' notorious difficulty.

So here we go, Seventeen Syllables:
RD is now dead.
I did not know he was sick.
Headless HorseTrolla.

Then Blade breaks into laughter.



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right  
 
 
 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 6. Trolla Corp, WrestleCrap.com, WrestleCrapRadio.com, Mike Check Show, Christmas at the Skyline Theater, Atomic Cotton T-Shirts
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Mickie James
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. Mysterious Delivery Man, Mysterious WCR Shill Guy, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Bill Cosby, Jim

 

  • F-Bombs: 1. Jim
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
  • RD Time Outs:  1
  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 7
  • You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
 
  • Question of the Week from: N/A

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Entertain the folks Blade:
    RD is now dead.
    I did not know he was sick.
    Headless HorseTrolla.

257 The Star Wars Holiday Special: December 23, 2015

"Boring conversation anyway!"
80 minutes

RD warns they won't be talking much about wrestling, as is their usual.

"If you're coming here, if you're coming to our Christmas show, and you're expecting in-depth analysis of professional wrestling, I'm afraid my friends you may be disappointed."

That should be their beginning disclaimer on every show, not just this one.

Blade tells about the time he became drunk Darth Vader the one time he saw Twisted Sister. Though that was more about him having trouble breathing (while taking a Force piss) rather than killing some younglings through some bad acting.

RD plays a randomly found old recording of the time they and some of the submitting Listeners randomly sang Jingle Bells. (:05) "We used to be funny," he admits.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes are no longer in contention for the WCFFL (myself having defeated Blade to get into contending for the Fralic Trophy, a first for me! Wish me luck.) so their football expert calls to pout about his tactics. This makes RD laugh. (:08)

RD is nostalgic for the first time I confused him with my submitted ad copy. I admit I am too. Those sure were simpler times! Blade is confused by the multiple URLs that are in play. [Edit by R.V.M Kai: RD may have also given us our new tag-line: "Wrestlecrapradio.com: A fantastic website! It's almost as good as Wrestlecrap.com!"] (:12)

I also sent the Duo a present or so for the season...if you consider the timely ZZ Top's Eliminator a gift like I do. (:15) Blade promises to deliver on his Big Announcement that he first mentioned about in...2007.

The Duo also got a gift from "The Grocery". Not Ray Stevens? (:18) They are Little Debbie's North Pole Nutty Bars. They're smaller than regular Nutty Bars yet still taste the same. Sounds like a rip-off if you ask me.

RD remembers Stevie J's Horray For Khali Claus. (:23)

Fascinating Christmas
there, RJ & Brad.
Speaking of being as old as Khali/Santa Claus, Mike Check calls in. (:25) He actually had his own radio station once: NPOL North Pole 98. The N is for the Northern region you see. Basing things on a bad James Bond movie (Die Another Day, not Spectre) he became Frosty Largerod and lived in an igloo for three months. For a change he plays RD's other beloved Jillian Hall's "Freddy Krueger impression".

:33 The Midnight Rose was in some NES-based wrestling game competition. Blade mixes himself and the Rose up, as is his usual. He blames his controller for his bad performance.

RD was asked by Trash Losagain to manage him one last time in the ring. He remembers the last time he did so over 10 or so years ago, when the Big Show beat him up.

Carl Zayas (2) is concerned about their Star Wars debate from last time. They do however both agree that Episode VII: The Force Awakens was pretty good. RD enjoyed Han Solo redeeming himself from Return Of The Jedi. Blade thinks ROTJ Han was based on RD retroactively somehow.

This brings Sir Alec for some reason. Which makes Blade laugh for some reason. (:41) He has a Star Wars Christmas themed fanfiction piece which sadly does not include that other Sir Alec.

RD remembers Piper at Christmas. (:49)

Jim is down as usual (:51) partly due to him not getting into the ZZ Top action by getting their CD. He also wants to talk about Star Wars for some reason. His spoilers news sources are all wrong, especially about barbecuing, which makes him leave randomly, as is more and more his fashion (Confused Jim perhaps?). And without even verbally flipping them off too! "Go Force yourself!" RD fills in for him.

:57 The Duo get down to some more Star Wars discussion. Only right here *slam* on WrestleCrap Radio!

RD remembered how he was spoiled on The Empire Strikes Back and ROTJ so he tried and succeeded to avoid anything for TFA (a tactic that I also did with equal success). Knowing where things led anyway he was still reflectively sad on what transpired with (TFA) Han. "Not every story has a happy ending," he reminds Blade. Blade is in turn reminded of how RD would fit perfectly in the Star Wars universe with his travails and events and things.

Blade went as Bossk with RD's gift mask and got into conflict with the police there. Wow, who could see that coming? RD & son went with their outfits and had no trouble. Blade thinks he should have gone as dying Darth Vader in ROTJ. "Think of the children!" he says.

RD reminds people who thought TFA was too similar to A New Hope that just because they thought so doesn't mean others who are younger and may not have seen the films before would think the same or not like it, which is a valid point. "Or you might wind up having your favorite character be Jedi Han Solo, that would be a tragedy!" At least he fares better than Blade's Bossk, who just sat around while Luke & Leia broke out Jedi Han/RD from Jabba the Hutt.

Blade then mumbles randomly about how the Ewoks were hidden until release and were thus shown as 'ugly Star Trek style aliens' as black blobs with hair. Someone should follow up on this.

:72 Fellow colleague Jordan Mishkin sent RD a vintage wrestling shirt. Blade received a Pabst Blue Ribbon flask and a Carbonite Han Solo popcorn bucket with a hand puppet of that ESB asteroid monster (Space Slug) from RD. In turn he sent him an Attack Of The Clones shirt, hopefully without sand in it.

Here We Go:
Han Solo is dead.
What did this make me feel like?
Lumpy in my throat.




$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
 
 
 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Christmas
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. GlobalInternet.net, WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com, Long John Silvers
  • URLs not taken: 2. DarthVaderTakingaLeak.com, LumpyinmyThroat.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Sponsors, sentient beings, getting back in the wrestling ring
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. WrestleCrap Fantasy Football Drag Queen, The Great Khali, Mike Check, Sir Alec Heineken, Jim
 
  • Blade Time Outs: 3 (1 Real Quick)
  • Blade Burps: 1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  2

  • Mike Check Radio Row: 
    • Station/Market:  NPOL North Pole 98 FM (North Pole)
    • Radio Call Sign:  Frosty Large Rod
    • Show:  N/A
    • Song:  Santa Baby by Jillian Hall
 
  • Question of the Week from: Carl Zayas (2)
    • After hearing the back and forth between you and Blade, I was wondering, are you both okay?  I got worried. I haven’t heard a heated exchange between two people since me and my buddy almost engaged in fisticuffs in an argument about Wookies versus Gungans. I guess my question, is this normal? Yes.
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade hates the new Star Wars:
    Han Solo is dead.
    What did this make me feel like?
    Lumpy in my throat.

255 Tee Hee Halloween: October 30, 2015

"And ya gonna say please & thank ya!"
106 minutes

RD surrounds himself with candles. Huey has yet to update his jokes.

Roddy Piper returns from the grave to warn us about staying safe at Halloween, bless him forever more. (:04)

The Royals are in the World Series (including two Reds as RD points out). To be sure I would have preferred the Blue Jays instead but I like both teams and the Royals put a stronger showing for the Championship Series anyway. Blade hates waking up early to watch the Lions and Chiefs playing in England because the NFL desperately wants Europeans (non-Americans) to watch American (non-European) football. On an unrelated note, RD's Drag Queen with a voice like Ben Vereen advises you to draft Arian Foster. I agree. (:09)

The Pit where PB keeps Raging_Demons ???
For a change, Raging Demons does this week's shilling.  (:13) To be fair he has a much better voice than I even if he is trapped in a pit like RD says he is. Perhaps he's confusing him with Dante's portrayal of Satan in the Ninth Circle of Hell...or perhaps he's confusing him with the WWCR character of Satan. (He'll be appearing later on in the progrem in case you were one of the two people who missed him.)

The Intestinal Fortitude didn't pay for this episode sadly, so RD shills his site and Archives more. Listen to the man, I implore you! Trust me, you won't regret your purchase. (You can regret listening to this radio progrem instead.)

According to RD Blade last wrote a Jobber Of The Week in 2003. He Big Announcements some more in response. (:17) They then argue on the availability of Orange Slice.

Blade did some sort of part and found some more folks to go along with him to the grocery. Sadly Eva Savelalot was not one of them. (:22)

The strangest thing the two didn't pick up on was that Mr. T also did a 1-800 Collect commercial or two - foo!, and the Pinkman, Aaron Paul, was in one of them. (He did quite a few commercials and famously appeared on a Barker era The Price Is Right before his breakout discovery by a cancer suffering high school chemistry teacher eager to break into the drug/meth business. Sadly in none of them did he call anyone bitches. He should go back and correct that now with the power of his Emmys before Vince calls him to guest host Raw.)

Anyway, Blade has some Zapps' Voodoo Potato Chips that he hands off to Don to try without even bothering to cue up his theme jingle. Sad News: when trick-or-treating with his children he does not wear his mask; although it does help fans (he has fans living nearby right?) come up to him on the street to ask him for the proper application of corn oil. Even Sadder: the chips are not malt vinegar/BBQ/rib-flavored like he thinks they are.

Danielle Harris with NOT Blade Braxton
Blade's compatriot Midnight Rose met Scream Queen Danielle Harris in a very loud place. She prefers granola much to his surprise. (:36) At that same loud place he also talked with Traci Lords who likes Lucky Charms, which currently have Hot Mask Action.

"And that's the bottom of the line,
'cause Stone Cold Austin said so!"
"Stone Cold Austin" finally has his own beer, Broken Skull IPA, which Blade is apparently already acquainted with based on how drunk he sounds. (:44) The flavor's description confuses Blade with its toxic-sounding ingredients and RD by how it describes itself as "polite".

Kurt Angle wants to teach while taking a year off after escaping TNA. That sounds like the setting for a sitcom. (:52)

Speaking of obscure, Curt Hawkins, currently in Global Force Wrestling, announces the 'debut' of one BM Punk to the company. (:55) The real BM is not happy with the news, and in constipation flushes his frustration out on RD in a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

"Old" Rosa Mendes is pregnant. (:58) So too is "feverish" ClockTrolla champion Candice Michelle. Her current child looks rather vampiric.

Tammy/Tam needs money so she's going to sell pictures of her Mexican vacation from sunnyskype8@gmail.com. The duo overthink on what she has to offer. (:65)

As if on cue Satan pays a visit. (:70) Actually it's Stan, the Evil Troll Lord now, perhaps taking a cue from Tammy trying to change her name for some reason from the last time. Also, his Tubular Bells once again sound different. Like Jim earlier he also hasn't been paid his royalties and he desperately needs his money to pay landlord God (landgod? landdiety?) for his lease in Hell. He recounts how Tammy is again feuding with people on Twitter, though it's about her looks from her youth so I have to take her side on this one.

Also on cue on cue Mike Check calls in, also wanting his royalties. (:76) Blade's usual silliness causes RD to chuckle and break character.

When he regains his composure Mike tells them about the time he was in the Salem, Massachusetts market in WTCH "The Witch". He was Johnny Boo and together with a female DJ named Ann B Love, they did Afternoon Delight with Boo B Love. (get it?!?!?!) His ensuing music drowns the sleeping RD.

Mike: "Why does RJ never talk when I'm on here?"

Blade thinks the monetary reward from Questioning (of the week) should be tax-refundable. Of course, that's for INTERNATIONAL i.e. usually NON-AMERICAN folks who don't believe in taxes (or death for that matter) so I have no idea how that would work.

Zane U Paisley (2) wants to know what wrestling shirt he should wear for jury duty. (:90) RD often wears Blade's Dungeon Of Doom shirt, especially while exercising. When Blade is not exercising once a week he wears his ECW Francine shirt that rips off Stone Cold Austin. Then he starts chuckling too.

What's this? News about Hulk Hogan that's NOT related to his racism? (:75) Someone's dug up an old WCW contract of his, and it's pretty amazing the amount of millions he received even while WCW was losing money...followed by Hogan losing his money to Linda. Blade remembers his (still on going?) creepy love for Brooke and her long legs. RD plays ZZ Top's Sleeping Bag as his answer.

Hell In A Cell was alright. Of course neither Co-Fruitcake talks about it much.

One Fun Sized Package:
Vince doesn't like blood.
Will the next pay per view be
sponsored by Tampax?



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
 
 
 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, WrestleCrap.com, Drive In Movie Maniacs
  • URLs not taken: 3. Evasavealot.com, PleaseandThankYa.com, hornyonquaaludes.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Holiday jokes and wisdom, perfect guests, shocking, shocker
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 2. Ben Vereen, Eva Savealot
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 9. WrestleCrap Fantasy Football Drag Queen, Raging_Demons, Eva Savealot, Don Mason, Danielle Harris, Traci Lords, BM Punk, Stan (formerly known as Satan). Mike Check
 
  • RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
  • Blade Burps: 1
  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 9
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Mike Check Radio Row: 
 
  • Question of the Week from: Zane U Paisley (2)
    • I’ve been summoned for Jury duty. What pro wrestling shirt should I wear to court?  Anxiously awaiting your response. Blade: Francine 4:69 t-shirt.
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Vince isn't a fan of color. SummersEveSlam?
    Vince doesn't like blood.
    Will the next pay per view be
    sponsored by Tampax?