Episode 104: Holy Non Sequiturs!: August 21, 2023

The Sport of Penguins
October 5, 1967
"The Penguin teams up with parasol collector Lola Lasagne. Together, they plan to rig the upcoming Bruce Wayne Handicap to make a fortune from Lola's prize racehorse Parasol. They break into Glu Gluten's Glue Factory to steal a condemned horse, planning to switch horses before the race and make their money by betting on the real Parasol. When Batman, Robin, and Batgirl catch up with them at the glue factory, Penguin sneaks outside and plasters the Batmobile with a sticky glue."
70 minutes

RD: GOIN TO GLUE FACTORY knew it was Hulk Hogan's 170th Julie Newmar's 90th birthday recently.
Vince: "Oh I thought you were gonna say "probably better than Sunny in an orange jumpsuit.""
RD: "She looks exactly like Shelly Winters when she was Ma Parker."
Vince still feels a bit bad for the young woman he once worked with.
RD retells the time he and Blade once met Tam at a convention before things happened as they did.

Speaking of things happening as they did, RD finally saw Extreme live. Gary Cherone recognized his Batman '66 shirt that he is also wearing here. Vince brought up Jimmy Fallon and Jack Black parodying More Than Words: "Let me put it to you this way: it's gonna be ten times better than the episode we just witnessed." (:15)

Narrator: "Gotham Park Racetrack, the day before the Bruce Wayne Foundation Memorial Handicap, where two fancy fillies are meeting the press: a high-spirited horse and her proud-spirited mistress."

The Racetrack is an actual outdoor shoot (at Los Alamitos), a rare sight this season due to budget. The horse is named Parasol and her owner is named Lola Lasagne, a major player in "shower sticks" i.e. parasols. (:23) To Parasol: "Shape up, Parasol. Looks and your legs are all we've got left."

Narrator: "But what's this strange bird doing in the royal surroundings of a queen of the turf and the sport of kings?"
Penguin waddles up, grabbing the umbrella from her hand, and then waddles off.
Lola: "You waddling bird!"

After the titles, Pengy next enters the City's one (1) Public Library to break open a case to reveal the book inside.
Barbara: "What is this? You can't just barge in here cut open a locked case, and walk off with a priceless folio of famous parasols."
Penguin: "Why not?"
She tries making a "tax-paying" citizen's arrest, calling up her "beloved father" that he's already met just a couple of weeks ago. He uses the opportunity to flee, leaving behind a ticking umbrella.

As it just so happens the Duo are also in the Office. The Bros think they were having lunch.
O'Hara: "Brazen bird! I'll wager there's a connection between this and that parasol he stole from Lola Lasagne today at the racetrack."
Gordon (suddenly appalled): "You wager, Chief O'Hara? A public servant and upstanding chief of police betting?"
O'Hara: "Uh, can I call it a hunch, Commissioner?"

The Duo rush over to the Library with a Bat-Shield.
Robin: "Haven't you some Anti-Percussion Asbestos Bat-Flax in your utility belt?"
Batman: "No time for that now, Robin. Let's get this offending article out into the corridor and under the Bat-Bomb Machine."
The umbrella explodes (off-screen of course), but thankfully the Duo are unharmed.
Batman still remembers Pengy's attempt to marry Barbara, and his thinking again of Batgirl makes his heart all aflutter. The Duo leave to consult the Batcomputer. 

Narrator: "While in Penguin's bookshop, or to be more accurate Penguin's bookmaking shop..." (:31)
Penguin takes bets over the phone, and of course he does it in person to directly link himself to any potential crimes. Lola comes in for her parasol, which he uses to know she is actually Lulu Schultz.
Penguin: "I knew you when you'd steal the braces from other kids' teeth."
Lola: "While you stole their teeth."
Parasol (her horse), is her one thing from her three week marriage to 80 year old South American billionaire Luigi Lasagne. She even had to sell her parasols. So she was hoping to win the race tomorrow. Unfortunately Pengy has to break it to her that it is a charity race, for the Bruce Wayne Memorial Foundation. Is there any other kind in the city?

In the Batcave the Duo and Alfred somehow link parasols to horse blankets. Vince wonders if they were involved by the pre-credits scene of the Penguin at the racetrack. The Batcomputer's "Bat-Correction Signal" then prints "Lulu Schultz" which they somehow link to "Glu Gluten's Glue Factory." Even Vince can't explain that.
Robin: "Holy non sequiturs!" 

As soon as the Duo leave in the Batmobile Alfred immediately calls Barbara to tell her.
Barbara: "But how did you her of it?"
Alfred: "Actually, I overheard it. The Dynamic Duo were to be dinner guests at Stately Wayne Manor  tonight."
RD: "He's only known this girl for a couple of weeks. He's already trusting her with this?"

Barbara: "Charlie, I thought I was going to spend a quiet evening with you. Instead, I'm off to Glu Gluten's Glue Factory."
Narrator: "Once more, from Barbara Gordon, librarian and police commissioner's daughter,to that dominoed daredoll Batgirl in a matter of seconds!"
RD thought she looked good in a pink dress. Vince wonders how her hideout would not be discovered since she lives in an apartment complex instead of a stately manor. RD thinks she should have had Alfred help her with building it. 

At the lair, Penguin decides to get Parasol to swap appearances with another horse and make money off the long odds of disguising him as a long-shot dark horse. Pengy volunteers his own horse with a dash of white paint on the mane. He then hears over the radio of the Duo handling his bomb in the Library, infuriating him.
Penguin: "The Dynamic Dunderheads! Faugh! Double faugh! Triple faugh!"
Lola: "Why are you so anxious to bomb the library?"
Penguin: "No, not the library, somebody in the library. Somebody who had the miserable taste to turn down an offer of marriage from me."
Lola: "You, Pengy, scorned by a woman?"
Penguin: "It's incredible, isn't it? Well, let's get back to the horse-switching before those caped  crumbums get on my tailpiece again."

As part of their plan the two go to the glue factory (as the Trio make their own way there). The place has a dizzying array of glues, including fish glue. RD tried looking it up and for some reason didn't find much. What search engine he was using? (My guess is AltaVista.)
Glu Gluten is actually there in person, telling the two that horse glue isn't actually made from actual horses as much nowadays. However he does keep a spare "in case of emergency."
Penguin offers to buy "this four-legged thing with a long nose" for "nothing down and a little a week. Don't you know anything about the economic structure of this country? It's always nothing down and a little a week. That is the cornerstone of our financial security."

The Duo catch up to watch things go down (still legally for the moment).
Batman: "But planting a time bomb in a public library is a felony."
They try crashing through the window - and get stuck as they both try to go through at the same time. Also they're barely six inches off the ground. 

Penguin: "Drat! Double drat! Triple drat!"
Batman: "Expletives will get you nowhere. ... What other whimsical pranks are you and your charming conspiratress up to?"
Penguin orders Lola to run with the horse to the racetrack before siccing his goons for the fight. They show their prowess by tossing Robin up and down like a cheerleader. Also the glue factory had a trapeze for some reason.
Batgirl ties up the goons but Penguin escapes with a bucket of "library glue". RD tried looking that up too and of course found nothing.

Batgirl: "I pray for the day when Gotham City's safe from such mocking mountebanks."
Batman: "Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl. But one thought intrigues me. How did you know Robin and I might be in trouble with Penguin in this glue factory?"
Batgirl: "Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman: a woman's  intuition."

Penguin uses the Duo's distracted by Batgirl's vanishing to paint library glue all over the Batmobile seats and tires.
Batman (smitten quoting her theme song): "She's gone. Like a shadow. Like smoke. Like a shooting star. Who knows where she goes? Who knows where she comes from? Who knows who she is?... We must allow her her anonymity and freedom of action as we demand ours. Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting."
Vince wonders if Barbara is around Dick's age. RD reminds him she just graduated college while Robin is still high school, so there would be a four year difference between them at least. That would be enough to make her his ward too.

Glu: "Nothing down, nothing a week. A nothing factory. What a deal."

The Duo hop into the Batmobile to get back to the Batcave and of course get stuck to the seats. (:51)
Robin: "Holy mucilage!"

The two villains are back at the lair having managed to paint the fake horse.
Penguin: "You switched bangtails at the track, and this hay burner is the real palooka."
Lola: "The real Parasol, Pengy. And I wish you wouldn't call her a bangtail, a hay burner or a palooka."
Naming their new horse Bumbershoot, Penguin now has to explain to his fellow criminal how betting works. But they still need money first to wager. Pengy decides to go back to the Library, steal the book on rare parasols, and sell it on the black market.
Lola: "Go get it, right now."
Penguin: "No, no. The library isn't open yet."
Lola: "Since when has that ever stopped you?"

Narrator: "Is Lola right? Can't Penguin be stopped? Is he really stealing a priceless folio to finance his crooked coup with the Dynamic Duo pasted to the Batmobile outside the glue factory? And Barbara Gordon, minus Batgirl's trappings, asleep in her apartment? Or is she?" 

Barbara is woken up by the Emergency Library Prowler Signal, which she informs her father about.
The Duo manage to return to the Batcave, apologizing to Alfred since the Batmobile's Library Paste Bat-Dissolving Switch also got stuck.
Robin: "Look Batman, the red phone." (Emphasis mine.)

Narrator: "But are they all too late? Will Penguin and Lola succeed in pulling off the foulest race-fixing scheme of all time? For more, tune in the next episode."

 

...

 

This is the type of cliffhanger we have been reduced to this season. 

Vince wonders if they were trying to save money on "traps", so we got what everyone agrees is the worst cliffhanger ever: people just standing around as a phone rings.

The next episode title doesn't even rhyme.  

Through his archaic search engine RD found his birthdate (January 12th) was the most popular. He shares it with Vince's father. September is the most popular month overall. 

RD wrote about Eric Bischoff (with Matt Hardy) beating the Young Bucks with two karate kicks. Of course it was TNA, why do you ask?

Speakinf of Hardys, Jeff had a Gooker nominee Texas Chainsaw Massacre match (against other Jeff Jarrett). AEW didn't even get paid that much! (Only $100,000 which Tony Khan will donate to Maui relief after much backlash.) Vince got a laugh at a chainsaw wielder just deciding to kick somebody. Even he - Vince Russo - was confused by the breakneck chaos of things. RD laughed at them considering Hangman Page standing next to an ambulance as a "hospital" (ala Season 3 Batman). He wants to email Tony to ask to check inside the ambulance to see if Shaquille O'Neal is in it.

• Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [10] (Burgess Meredith) [10]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Lola "Lulu Schultz" Lasagne (Ethel Merman) 
  

 

• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Returned albums, Awful
  

Episode 102: Holy Nebuchadnezzar!: August 7, 2023

Ring Around the Riddler
September 21, 1967
"The Riddler is out to control all of prize fighting in Gotham City. He begins by kidnapping and brainwashing top prizefighters with the aid of the Siren. Then, under the guise of Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, supposed boxing champion of Southwest Asia, he challenges Batman to a fight in the ring. But when it becomes clear that the Riddler has no plans to play fair, it's up to Batgirl to help her crime fighting companions."
77 minutes

Vince can't believe how much the show has changed so suddenly. He wonders where the show could have gone. RD (aka Kid Gulliver) thinks it would still end up the same. 

Of note, RD also wrote about the episode on his other site, in connection with Adam West appearing in Memphis in his cowl and costume tracksuit to cut a promo on Jerry Lawler.

Narrator: "Night, the cloak for sinners, draws its dark folds over Gotham City, where the Riddler hides out in a little-used gymnasium."

Riddler spars with his kidnapped boxer Kid Gulliver, played by James Brolin in his third appearance (sadly not with Catwoman).
RD: "How could he go to anything bigger or better than Ring Around the Riddler?"
Riddler asks Gulliver to lose his next match at Gotham Square Garden. "I have a riddle for you. What do many boats, shovels, laundries, whistles and hot showers have in common? Steam. (To his goons) Put him in the steam room and shrink him down to size."
You can tell it is a steam room because there is a sign over a door-less frame saying so in front of a completely dark room. 

Vince, who rather enjoyed this story, thinks they used the budget on other areas. RD, who is more ambivalent, disagrees. 

Riddler's lady, Betsy "Bullface" Boldface, and with rather short 60's hair, listens to her man plan to get rid of all the other prizefighters and Batman "then control all the prizefighting in Gotham City once and for all...and everywhere else."
"When is the top of a mountain like a savings account? When it piques one's interest."

RD once worked with a wrestler named Bull Payne. At one show he had to help a rather...distracted referee during a hell turn (RD, not the referee) to award a match to "Bullpen". 

At Stately Wayne Manor, the Duo watch their study big screen in surprise as Kid Gulliver loses in the third round. (:14)
Bruce: "As chairman of Gotham City Boxing Commission, I'm gonna call an emergency meeting. It looks like undesirable elements have once again infiltrated the manly art of self-defense."
RD: "What about those poor kids in church? All they wanted was a little summer retreat!"

At the boxing box office, Riddler has a metal box with a light up question mark on the top that RD thinks may have also been used in Batman Forever. "Riddle me this! When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush? When he's a stickup artist."
He's about to violently kiss the box office lady but seeing Barbara standing in line to buy tickets he has to run off, leaving the box behind. 

Cue spinning Batsignal, now with Batgirl.

Batgirl calls Gordon who calls Alfred who tells him that Bruce isn't home by shaking his head (over the phone). So they light the Batsignal, a surprisingly uncommon occurrence in the series as we've found out. This gets the Duo into the Office.

Vince wonders how Gordon couldn't figure out who Batgirl was.
RD: "To be fair, how many times has he talked to Bruce Wayne in person?"

Batman: " It's lucky you were in the vicinity of Gotham Square Garden."
Batgirl: "Yes. Luck is an important weapon to a woman crimefighter, Batman."
The box has been brought in for the Trio to examine with a stethoscope.
Batman: "This little blinking device is merely an added touch to pique our curiosity. Sounds like a trick of Riddler's."
The only thing inside are metal shavings and a note: "Who rules the ring? No prince, king or raja. Look for a clue on the walls of Khafajah."
Batman: "Khafajah was a famous temple in what was the land of Mesopotamia, Robin."
Gordon: "My daughter, Barbara, studied the history of Southwestern Asia in college, Batman."
Because of course history is essential for her job of...librarian.
Speaking of Barbara, Batgirl has somehow vanished without the men noticing.
Batman (lustily): "Her particular brand of vanishing cream... another weapon in her arsenal."
RD knows sudden vanishing is actually a skill of Batman more so than his protege. 

The boxing commissioner then calls to report that Kid Gulliver has vanished. This is due to him being back at the gym being shot up with "riddle juice".
Riddler: "Gentlemen, if we had our choice of laps to sit on right now, which would we choose? Kid Gulliver's temporary lapse of memory."
As the goons take him away Betsy brings a burnoose for her man. She has something for her sports show at midnight of all times (what does she think it is, SportsCenter?): "Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, unchallenged champion of Southwestern Asia's boxing world, arrived in Gotham City tonight. Ready  and willing to take on any and all comers."
Riddler: "Stroke of your usual feminine genius, Betsy."

Cut to the Duo Batclimbing up to Barbara's apartment to ask for her Southwestern Asian knowledge. (:28)
Batman: "We would've entered the building by more conventional means."
Robin: "But we didn't wanna startle the tenants." (Emphasis mine)
Barbara: "As I recall, some strange scrollwork was found on the walls of that temple indicating men used fists to fight long before the supposed beginnings of boxing in ancient Rome and Greece."
Robin: "Holy hieroglyphics. How would the Riddler know that, Batman?"
Batman: "The mind of a criminal like Riddler's is a sponge which soaks up many strange facts, Robin."
Barbara thinks Riddler is referring to the prizefighter ring.
Batman: "Perhaps Riddler himself is trying to take over."
Robin: "That punctuated pipsqueak?"

Then Gordon knocks on the door (conventionally).
Barbara: "Well, tonight seems to be my night for gentlemen callers."
The police had found Kid Gulliver on the side of the road, of course with no memory of the recent days. The Duo leave to check out the location.
Gordon then suddenly makes himself at home so he can watch Betsy's sports show - again, at midnight. (:33) He turns on the television just in time to see a masked Riddler a burnoose-d Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, unchallenged champion of Southwestern Asia's boxing world talking about eating "tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs and licorice, but only licorice native to my country" and "camel grass juice".
Gordon: "Enough of that. He sounds like Southwestern Asia's unchallenged nut."

Vince loves circus peanuts, to RD's disgust.

Wrote RD: "Hard cut to unneeded extreme close-up of O'Hara's face." He's stumbling around (more so than usual) by the boxing box office as the Duo try to get through to him.
Riddler: "Riddle me this, Dynamic Dullheads!  What have the following in common? Hemming, basting, purling and tacking?"
Then he vanishes.
RD is reminded of when Shaquille O'Neal was on AEW and just vanished inside an ambulance. Perhaps he was trying to evade process servers?

Batman: "Hemming and purling, basting and tacking are all words related to needlework."
Robin: "You think they gave Chief O'Hara the same injection as they gave Kid Gulliver?"
Batman: "I'll take Chief O'Hara down to headquarters. You follow in the Batmobile."
At last, Dick has a use for his new driver's license!

Meanwhile Barbara mentions to Charlie (her pet bird) how this Nebuchadnezzar's chin "didn't look much like a Southwestern Asiatic chin to this student of history. Maybe Batgirl should investigate the local source of tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs, licorice, and camel grass juice." 

Vince is impressed by how RD can say Nebuchadnezzar. "You don't want me saying that name."

Narrator: "So it's across her bedroom in a flash to the secret Batgirl nook, where Barbara Gordon makes her dazzling change to Batgirl! And into action on her Batgirl Cycle! And shortly, back in Riddler's little-used gymnasium..." (:39)

Betsy, giving the tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs, licorice, and camel grass juice, tells Riddler on Batgirl following them i.e. three steps behind her.
Riddler: "Riddle me once. What's most alluring, when it's lowest or highest? When it's in the air or in a  hole? When it's served you, yet you can't touch it?"
Batgirl: "An enchanting ace."

This gives him the space to command next week's villain, Joan Collins as the Siren, to hum a high-pitched note test of the emergency broadcast system. Unaffected, Batgirl just turns her head slightly.
Siren: "I've never tried my note two octaves above high C on a woman before."
So there is a fight, and Batgirl gets taken to the steam room. 

Regardless of the outcome, Riddler is still thrilled; "I thought my broadcast would put the Dynamic  Decimal Points on your track. But Batgirl will work just as well."
"He had also been using Siren's singing to entice men to do his dirty work. He now has three more prizefighters to be controlled, all played by actual boxers of the time. They too get the steam room treatment. Then Siren just...walks out the door. Of course Riddler watches her leave (until Betsy gets in his way so he can look at her instead).

Then all of a sudden Batgirl gets away. Off-screen.
Betsy: "Would you like a shot of camel grass juice?"
Riddler: "Oh, what's looser than a thread, a fish, flying ribbons? A woman's tongue! Possibly Batgirl's!  I've got to get on some provocative riddles if I'm going to coax Batman into the ring with Mushy Nebuchadnezzar." 

RD bullies Vince to say "Mezuchanazzer". 

Cut to next day. Gordon has Barbara in his Office to talk to since O'Hara is still recovering from being more useless than usual amnesia. (:48) He also has more riddles for her to decipher until the Duo enter, and then Riddler as Mushy calls. He means business because he is standing in front of a curtain.
Riddler: "My line is plugged into radio station GTCR. That means that all of Gotham City has heard you called - hahaha - a coward."
He hangs up, cuing an extreme close up of Batman.
Batman: "Regardless of who Mushy Nebuchadnezzar may be, or what Riddler is up to, regardless of  private or public image, one thing I cannot abide is being called a coward. You may inform all the news media that I will meet the champion of Southwestern Asia in Gotham Square Garden tonight."

Thankfully since Batman is tight with Boxing Commission chairman Bruce Wayne, it's not too hard to prepare the GSG to accommodate a boxing ring at the last minute, and by boxing ring, I mean whatever on earth this is:

 

RD: "I worked in front of some very, very, very small crowds. Very ghetto stuff. There was one show I worked at - with the good Lord above as my witness and I am not making this up - there were two paying customers. It looked more impressive than what this is." 

Vince: "And this is Gotham Square Garden no less!"

Betsy is at one side helping to commentate because of course she does. Batman is on another side with his corner man Alfred Egbert Gus. Aunt Harriet is on another side with the Undynamic Duo and Barbara. She gets her quota of lines for the whole season talking non-stop to the men. At least she seems to be holstered this time. 

Batman (to Robin): "This is ridiculous. [Riddler's] smaller than you are."
RD's extensive research found that Ward was in fact an inch taller than Gorshin.

Riddler: "Batman, what eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges?"
Batman: "A loser. AND I'M NOT A LOSER, RIDDLER!" 

So they start "boxing". 

As much as RD has his doubts on the episode, he easily found this to be some of Gorshin's best acting.

To try and even the odds Riddler does a Popeye punch, in which he sprinkles metal shavings all over the Dark Knight. Betsy is suddenly underneath the ring (despite the canvas looking to be a foot off the ground), sitting cross legged and taking a smoke as she turns on a giant magnet. This of course pins Batman in one place because...

Alfred: "The drawing power of this fight seems to have concentrated beneath the ring."

Is this how (fucking) magnets work? 

Batman entangled, this allows Riddler to rope-a-dope whack-a-mole. 

Barbara quickly rushes to the "bathroom", changes, and manages to get under the ring without anyone noticing to take out the magnet. Perhaps their eyes were also magnetized.

Riddler (not noticing the situation): "Ladies and gentlemen, riddle me this. When is a prizefight like a  beautiful lady? Answer: when it's a knockout."
Only when he turns and sees Batman is free and out for revenge does he turn and jump out through the ropes. The Bros were saddened there wasn't a fight in the ring, as much as whatever the 'boxing' was.

 

RD: "It should have been a 12-parter, and it should have been 12 rounds of Frank Gorshin in a boxing ring being a clown."

Instead the fight is a short one at the lair. Even Alfred is there, and he delivers the knockout blow with a bowling pin. Because of course he has one. 

Batman: "Any final riddles, Riddler?"
Riddler: "Yes. What do you throw away that keeps returning?"
Batman: "A boomerang."
Riddler: "Correct. And I'm a boomerang. And I shall be back."

Granted it would take him 12 years, but he did come back for one more try. 

Batman deters Robin from trying to follow Batgirl, though RD knows for sure that if Batman were alone he'd definitely stalk her.
Batman: "Let us respect her disguise as she respects ours."
Robin: "I guess you're right."
Alfred: "Some camel grass juice, sir?"
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great!"
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."

Back at the Office, Gordon gets a visit (through Bonnie) from the Siren, real name Lorelei Circe.
Gordon (aroused): "Ms. Circe, what can I do for you?"
Siren: "It's what I can do for you, Commissioner, that really counts." (She gives a test of the EBS.)
Narrator: "Will the Siren succeed in the plan she has for Batman and Commissioner Gordon? Will her  purring parlay pay off? Watch for the stunning surprise on the next episode!"

Vince thought 35 (he guessed 34) year old Betsy was "definitely long in the tooth" and gives her 1 Batpole. RD was "very generous" for a 4. Peggy Ann Garner was more known for being a child actor, even winning an honorary Academy Award. She too passed way too young from pancreatic cancer. Upon hearing this Vince decides to give her a 2 instead. 

Vince: "I'm getting that old timers' disease, Bro."
RD: "Well maybe it's part-timers'."

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [7+1] (Frank Gorshin) [6+1]
  
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: The Siren (Joan Collins)
  

 

• Window Celebrity: 3. Jerry Quarry, Armando Ramos, Raul Rojas (the three charmed boxers)
  
• (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. James Brolin
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Exactly what you are talking about
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1.Off-screen steam escape
  

Episode 92: Holy Jet Set!: May 28, 2023

King Tut's Coup
March 8, 1967
"After a blow to the head, Yale's Egyptology professor once again believes he is King Tut. He mistakes Bruce Wayne's friend Lisa for Queen Cleopatra, and kidnaps her so he can bring her to Egypt as his bride. Batman and Robin soon locate Tut's hideout, thanks to a hidden tracking device. But soon after entering, they are captured by Tut's cronies, and Batman is submerged in a sarcophagus under five feet of water."
60 minutes

RD: TALENTED PANTOMIMIST. He takes a sip from a non WWE Niagara Falls Cup. Vince got a Kevin Nash style haircut so he can wear a cap.

SPEAKING OF Kevin Nash, Vince was recently reminded of his protege (and RD's rival) Jeremy Borash, now currently HHH's deputy, so he messaged him something. There was no response. So he went on about it on another show. Another website wrote about it. The next day Jeremy messages Vince on his recently changed number, something RD immediately guessed a few minutes earlier. 

RD: "A little career advice from me, your old buddy RD Reynolds: if you're working with a company and they're so serious that you're not allowed to have a hoedown or a hootenanny, there's better places out there." (:11)

Narrator: "The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University, and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans."

Said professor is outlining a field trip to Gotham City "if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course." So they ask back if he was in fact King Tut.
Professor: "Yes, it's true. I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference. It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however. Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat."

He takes it off just as someone throws potted plants on him and the two students, and now Tut also has his two goons for the story. 

Vince wishes for more stories and wrestling angles where a concussion from a dropped object turns people into King Tut. 

We immediately cut to the three breaking into the GC Museum to steal a sarcophagus and knock out its one guard. 

Gordon: "In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne."
O'Hara: "Bruce Wayne? Not Batman?"
Gordon: "There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight. Bruce Wayne is clhairman. Perhaps he knows something we don't."

At Stately Wayne Manor the inhabitants are all dressed in togas, though Aunt Harriet also wears a bra. (:17) Bruce is excited to see someone named Lisa as Cleopatra. Alfred announces a phone call in the study from Gordon...for Bruce.

Bruce (in private): "Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy."
Alfred: "No need to be, sir. The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman. But a feeling  inside me suggested that you should take it in here."

Of course he says this while the (non Bat)phone is off the hook, but of course Gordon is a gentleman and/or an idiot for not listening in on them.
Gordon asks him why someone would rob a sarcophagus from 1300 BC.
Bruce: "1300 BC was the era in which King Tut trod the land. ... My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately."
O'Hara: "Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all."
Gordon: "Otherwise they never would have become millionaires."
I'm glad these two versions don't know about Twitter then. ... Though probably knowing them they probably willingly bought those Blue subscriptions. 

So Gordon immediately calls Batman and does not pick up how similar he sounds to Bruce.
Bruce: "I know. King Tut is back in Gotham City. We'll be right there." (He hangs up)
Gordon (not picking up how similar Batman sounds to Bruce, to the camera): "Absolutely incredible. You'd think the man could read my mind."
The Duo run To The Batpoles with one hand holding up their robes. 

Vince is now paying close attention to Batman's erect status.

In the Office Robin still does not understand why Tut doesn't stay in Yale. (:23)
Batman: "Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes (O'Hara looks puzzled), changes into King Tut, he forgets his true identity."
Gordon then receives a call that "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel" gravely injured by Tut. The Duo leave to check on him.

Tut's lair is the Pyramid Club, "a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb" when it's not a matte painting with a Closed sign. Tut leaves his sarcophagus to be greeted by his moll Neila ("Hi, Tut baby. What's shaking?" Tut: "Batman's head, unless I miss my guess!") and his student goons, now his Jester and Chancellor. Now he needs his queen. Unfortunately it is not Neila, who is played by Grace Lee Whitney, better known as Yeoman Janice Rand of the USS Enterprise. 
Tut: "The lovely Lisa Carson, daughter of wealthy socialite Johnny John E Carson, will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra. Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar. Tonight he'll lose his queen to me, the king! Oh, pulchritudinous!"
Neila: "And where does that leave me?"
Tut: "You could always be a lady in waiting."

Meanwhile the Duo Batclimb up the Oasis (of course the suite is a penthouse) where they meet Aileen Mehle, known under the pen name of Suzy Knickerbocker, a well known society columnist.
Aileen: "I go where the action is, Batman. The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever  there's glamor, that's where I am."
Robin: "I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then."
Aileen: "Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder. I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor."
Batman: "STATELY Wayne Manor."
Aileen: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London  or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."
Robin: "There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City."
Vince: "Who were his other customers?"
RD: "The villains, I think."
Aileen: " I think you two belong in my column. I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace."
Robin: "Holy jet set!"
Batman: "Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman. An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters."
Aileen (as they ascend): "I wonder who they really are. Probably a couple of international playboys. I  mean, who else would climb walls?"

The police are still there, making one wonder why the Duo needed to Batclimb when they could have used stairs or an elevator. I'm sure Batman would make some excuse on how Robin needed the exercise. 
Sphinx is secured in a noose for some reason and he has to ask an officer to help him out. "King Tut is a very muscular fellow," he states for some reason. He also left a note "in an ancient tongue, circa 1300 BC." To the Batcave!

Batman reads the translation while suddenly having stubble: "I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion."
Robin: "Hey, that's me!"
Batman: "And next in importance, to claim my own."
He calls Gordon to tell him he may strike at the Ball.
Gordon: "I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment."
O'Hara: "Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us."
Do they even have seven competent people for the job?

Back at the lair Tut tells his goons he wants the Duo present at the Ball. Since Mayor Linseed is away on his regular trips to the "Asian front", he's sent a replica of his robe and mask to his Deputy Mayor Zorty (and himself referring to Los Angeles Mayor Sam Yorty). "Tonight he will be I!"

Sure enough at the Ball the police in Egyptian garments, white socks, and black shoes, arrest Zorty as Tut, despite his protests. This is witnessed by the (Stately Wayne) Manor Household (in togas) and Cleopatra Lisa, played by...Lee Meriwether, previously the Movie Catwoman. Vince thought the Movie came after this season, not before. (:38)

Of course the police are incompetently more than happy to take Zorty directly to the Office without verifying who he is including at the Ball, appalling their even more incompetent Chief to no end. "If it's who I think it is, and I think it is, I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner."
Zorty: "Go back there, men. On the double. This time get the right king...or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again."

The real Tut is already at the Ball, his eyes all over Lisa, much to the concern of the Duo.
Harriet: "Do you boys know that man?"
The goons are also there, and ask Bruce to ask Lisa to dance with their boss next to other supposed police officers (who would be far more competent than the real ones). Bruce...does so, confusing the Co-Bros. 

Lisa: "It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty."
Tut: "I know it is. Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king. OHHHHH!"

They leave just as Bruce realizes he's been had. He did put a tracker in Lisa's outfit though...somewhere. You'll just have to take his word on it. He notifies Gordon - but tells him not to help, knowing how well they did earlier. 

At the lair Lisa tries to explain she is not actually Cleopatra. "I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side. Who are you, anyway?"
Tut: "Who am I? Tut! Master of thieves, king of the Nile, moon god of Thoth. And that's just on Mama's side of the family. ... I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you. Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people."
He has his goons take her away despite their preference for her wealthy father to pay her ransom instead.

Cut to outside. The Duo have followed the tracker, and Batman will Batclimb (instead of using the Batmelter) while Robin stays on the ground.

Cut back inside. Tut has to remind his goons the woman is not for sale. He should probably do it through jotted down football plays. Rejected, the goons push open a door - and Robin standing behind it. This cues some very obviously dubbed lines as they prepare to tie him up.
Tut: "Stop! Wait a minute! If the Caped Crumb is here, the Cowled Creep can't be far behind."

He's right, and a fight starts with much hide-and-seek and the Duo tripping a goon by pulling a rug. But the "very muscular" concussed Yale professor slams a vase onto the Duo's heads, immediately turning them into the Bizarro Duo knocking them out.
Tut: "Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer?"
Robin is thus tied up while Batman is put into the sarcophagus over a pool of water, as Tut does his most heinous crime of all: a speech.

"Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil  that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Batman. It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.
Bubble, bubble, little bat, at the bottom of the vat. / Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly...to the great big belfry in the sky."

Narrator: "It appears a death worse than fate! Batman has been in sticky situations before, but never like this! And what of Robin, who's fit to be tied? Is this Batman's Waterloo? Tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!...At your own risk!"

Neither Bro remembers this story much for some reason, and wonder if it was something in syndication. 

The Arcade will have another King of Arcade competition on July 8, the top prize most likely a Stargate machine.

RD enjoys playing more modern games with Junior, who's already finished Tears of the Kingdom. Senior is not a big fan of open world sandbox games. He prefers older fare like Pac Man that could only go up to Level 256.

One of RD's followed YouTube channels did a video "dissecting" No Holds Barred. Speaking of rather bad ventures of wrestling into the mainstream: Warrior with Regis & Kathie Lee.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Lisas
• Window Celebrity: 2. Aileen "Suzy Knickerbocker" Mehle, Grace Lee Whitney

Episode 67: Holy Balderdash!: November 20, 2022

The Cat's Meow
December 14, 1966
"The police believe Catwoman has gone straight; however, the villainess has devious plans for her new voice-stealing device. After using it to silence a TV talk show host and Commissioner Gordon, she sets about to steal the voices of Wayne Manor's latest guests, British singers Chad and Jeremy. Under the guise of a dance instructor, she enters Wayne Manor to collect valuable information about its layout. Batman and Robin pick up her trail when her cover is blown. But unknown to them, Catwoman has a plan to destroy their minds and forever end their crime-fighting career."
61 minutes

RD: All About BALDERDASH! Poppycock, I say.

Vince now has a cricket soundbite. Or a hamster in a wheel. it's hard to say.

It's 7 am (in Gotham, not when the Bros are recording), and in KGCTV (still in the West Coast instead of the canonical East Jersey and its W), Harry Upps is doing the morning show as a parody of Hugh Downs (of NBC's Today Show). Bruce is being interviewed (while Dick looks on) talking about his Foundation helping others through physical fitness. Harry interrupts to promotional consideration some umbrellas. Catwoman is seen as...the camerawoman as Harry immediately loses his voice. Dick reflexively starts wanting to investigate before Bruce quickly covers the microphone. He then covers it again just to be sure.

Vince likes drinking Gatorade.

They think it's the Penguin's doing, but then pieces of paper with Riddles (and/or bad Jokes) on them fall out of the open umbrella. Bruce knows Gordon will call for them soon since he watches the show instead of doing his actual job, so they quickly run off.

"Riddle": "What's black and white and full of fuzz?"
Bruce: "A zebra?"

The channel quickly cuts to the 'mid-day' creature feature that sounds like it would get a MST/Rifftrax treatment 50 years from now. 

RD: "This is what I use my broadcast journalism degree for, kids."  

Alfred is already on the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor: "he's taking his morning constitutional, I fancy." Vince thought he meant he was in the bathroom. Bruce takes over and asks Gordon to check on their main villains for him as they rush over during the titles.

At Gordon's office (:13), they note a "mild shocker" in the umbrella's handle that can mute someone. Batman: "This is a serious detriment for an announcer." Also the Riddler, Joker, and newly jailed Penguin are still imprisoned. For now anyway. Batman takes the umbrella for further analysis. 

Gordon: "I don't believe there ever have been, or ever will be two such selfless people.
O'Hara: "Well they've certainly made my job a whole lot easier, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And mine. I think if I were to ask, Batman would give me the cape right off his back. [To the camera] What a man!"

He then gets visitors - Catwoman and her goons Kittens: Eenie, Meanie, Miney, and Moe. For once Gordon is happy to see her, thinking her rehabilitated enough to go into show business. The Co-Bros wonder what type of show business she would do. Well, she has had (positive) ties to burlesque over the years. But in her case it's singing: "it's so much safer on this side of the law: show business is such a rewarding profession." Vince disagrees. Gordon wants to her to perform at the Police Benevolent Society Ball. She reminds the already forgetful Commissioner to inform the Duo that she is free.

After she gives "a kiss to build a dream on" by striking a tambourine with her heel before leaving, O'Hara - O'Hara - expresses concern, but Gordon dismisses him. "I can tell a reformed woman when I see one, and there is a reformed woman!"

Her lair is Duncan's Dance Studio ("Walk in, waltz out") where she has a gigantic giant 'swing' taking up almost the whole room. Somehow Catwoman has stored Harry's voice in a box, confusing Eenie. Catwoman: "Eenie, sometimes I think you left your brain in San Francisco." She did it to throw the Dynamic Duo off their tail so they can steal enough for a lifetime's supply of catnip, "or I'm gonna give this entire world a severe case of laryngitis." 

Neither Bro is a cat guy, unfortunately. 

Catwoman then asks for "the popular singing duo Chad and Jeremy" who were actually quite popular during that time as part of the British Invasion. Nobody knows, so she gets to talk to Gordon. Eenie is not sure she can do that. Catwoman: "Let's put something straight: Catwoman is top dog around here, and let's not forget it, Eenie!"

Of course she gets Gordon and gets him to tell her they will be at Stately Wayne Manor, "the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne" because of course they will. She gives her word "as a lady and a scholar" not to tell anyone, before taking his voice over the phone. "No more pompous prattle from you!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor, the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne, Dick answers a telemarketing call from a disguised Catwoman offering dancing lessons. He initially declines. Bruce is sitting nearby holding a giant antelope skull for some reason and tells him to learn something for upcoming prom: "we don't want you to be a wallflower Dick! Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education." Dick answers a "question" to "win" a visit ("Who painted Whistler's Mother?") and he is happy on winning something for the first time. Bruce leaves him to go "pick up a tube for the Batsound Analyzer." 

Catwoman then shows up as Miss Klutz, once again an old lady like her last appearance. (:27)
Dick: "I'm sorry Miss Klutz, but I have no rhythm."
Catwoman: "Balderdash! Oh, if you'll pardon the expression, I'm a little out of breath now."
Noting the splendor of the Manor, she then starts having an allergic reaction to the dogwoods around. Her sneeze takes her in and out of the camera as Catwoman.
Dick: "Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!"
Aunt Harriet is so shocked she forgets to put a bra on. Catwoman uses her fainting to gas the room.

Cut to the Airport as Chad and Jeremy arrive and give a press conference.
Girl in attendance: "Oh, aren't they the most adorable twosome in the world?"
Other girl in attendance: "If you don't count Batman and Robin."
They play one of their songs on a 50 year old grammaphone while they make bad jokes. Thankfully Catwoman appears to stop them.
Sergeant O'Leary: "It's nice to see a responsible citizen like you for a change."
This makes her leave all of a sudden. 

At the Batcave Batman has managed to revive the Manorhold with his Universal Drug Antidote, "otherwise they'd have been asleep for a week." Vince wishes he had some of the gas to use.
Robin: "Holy Rip Van Winkle! Poor Commissioner Gordon, he was completely taken in by Catwoman."
Batman: "Well, she's a very beautiful...very...enthralling woman, Robin. When you get older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."
They locate the Studio and speed off.

Meanwhile Harriet didn't have time to get a bra due to having tea with Chad and Jeremy. Quote they: "I didn't know this had made it to the colonies." They quip about messing up the place before making more bad jokes. 

Back at the Lair Catwoman is in an..."enthralling" exercise position, as RD is made speechless. And he didn't even need his voice stolen! (:36) 

This leads Vince to anecdote when he was in WCW: he did a similar gesture while on the road to icebreak his young protege Bill Banks...except he was naked. RD considers leaving the recording before he tries self-losing his voice.

Eenie: "Why don't you steal Batman's voice while you're at it?"
Catwoman: "Never! One of the few joys I have in life is when his rich manly baritone caresses my ears with "Catwoman, you are under arrest." It makes everything worthwhile."

In the regular part of the Studio, Vince somehow recognizes well known actor Joe Flynn as dancing instructor Benton Belgoody. Someone exits wearing what white men in the 60's considered ethnic African clothing as the Duo enter.

Batman: "Citizen."

Of course Benton does not know who the Dynamic Duo are and mixes up their names. Robin tries to play the tough guy and demands Miss Klutz. (Ahem.) After Benton disregards him Catwoman appears anyway.
Batman: "Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than harming them!"
Catwoman: "A bit of whimsy that escapes me at the moment, Batman."

Cue fight where Benton immediately gets knocked down. The other men all fight while Catwoman and Eenie watch.
Catwoman: "If he weren't such an old stick in the mud, I might let him live. But I think I can handle Batman. It's just that Robin is all work and no play. "
She considers giving Robin to her lady goon while she takes the Dark Knight for herself, but then she remembers Robin's youth. "At that age all they care about is baseball."

The Duo win the fight with a half-minute do-si-do, then block Benton as he tries to crawl away. He thus does the polite thing by taking his place with the fallen goons. He's a dance instructor though, he should know his steps. 

Catwoman asks to makeup her face before surrendering, and Batman of course totally lets her without making sure she does anything underhanded. I guess since they were the sneaky ones last time this is a fair play turnabout or something. Catwoman thus incapacitates them with drugged claws.
Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into, but in this situation it's entirely app...app..appropo." (They pass out.)

They are thus deprived of utility belts and put in a glass echo chamber where any and all sound is magnified "ten million times" which technically isn't physically possible. She plans to Chinese water torture them with a drumbeat while staring at Batman's crotch.
Catwoman: "Your eardrums will be shattered. Shortly following that, your brains will be turned into *yak*! And then I shall return, and you can be mine forever Batman...well, I'll have to sacrifice your intellect, but with a build like that, who cares? After all you can't have one's cake and eat it too." 

Narrator: "Zounds! What sounds! Will Batman be reduced to a handsome robot? But only to serve Catwoman? Is Robin to become little more than a cuddly teddy bear for Eenie? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!" 

Vince still doesn't know what her plot is yet other than trying to seduce Batman.

Vince asks RD's advice on buying NFL Blitz.

 

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]

• Window Celebrity: 2. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Stately Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet, Things that should never be discussed again
  

251 Like The Sandwich: August 30, 2015

Unlike ODB's new sauces; This show

won't "make you love it all the way".

79 minutes

RD is still angered WWE ruined Prime Time Wrestling by adding a live studio audience. Blade can only remember when Miss Elizabeth was on the show.

RD & Blade are confused by people wrongly saying the word Gif from its 100 year old creator and his weird looking groin. (:04)

Blade threatens more episodes of the wrestling progrem.

RD mentions more about his Skyline Arcade. I really have to go and visit it now. The Midnight Rose hosted a horror movie show because we all know how great Tony Montana was as a slasher movie villain.

RD needs more sponsors for Lord Alfred to announce and fill the whole progrem. Thankfully my chipmunk voice makes Blade laugh. I call that a win. I really need to take RD's advice and slow down though, but I admit there is an appeal in being quick. It makes me feel like I'm driving down my hometown highway in a custom made Bugatti, the official activity of all locals here. (:12) More fine shilling of this here website makes Blade yawn.

The progrem is also sponsored by The Intestinal Fortitude. RD reads their ad copy though sadly not as fast as I. (:16) Blade ignores the crickets.

:18 RD was once forbidden to go grocery shopping because he would just buy random unnecessary stuff like any good shopper would.

Blade: "Kids eat poop."

Anyway RD has SUPER FRUIT Starburst which seems an oxymoron in and of itself. After remembering ravioli (thankfully not super fruit flavored) and something about Pearl Harbor (not being discussed by Bryan & Dave) RD tries the Blueberry Acai which looks like clay but tastes average like the Strawberry Starfruit. The Pomegranate Passionfruit is the worst of the bunch.

:30 Blade does his Reuben-Like-The-Sandwich impression. He sounds an awful lot like Stubby. What is even stranger is that unlike most impersonations and parodies on the show Reuben is an actual person. Sure, Blade may have done a Don impression here and there but at least it was just that and not a full fledged calling character, and of course Don himself would later appear on the show...like last time in fact. Maybe Reuben is more harder to find as he's been stuck in his car he's still been paying for.

Meanwhile Blade as Reuben-Like-The-Sandwich tries Lay's New York Reuben chips (like the sandwich) prompting RD to gong himself. They don't taste like the sandwich sadly. Or like Reuben for that matter. Blade himself likes them though.

:34 Last seen trying to fund raise bus money, Virgil is claiming that Xavier Woods is his son. Surprisingly this is not winning people to his side, not unless he is taking life lessons from Mike Check and his Virility Tour of the highways and byways of the world.

RD: "Speaking of rustle mmm ma mmm."

ODB has a new BBQ sauce (sadly not named Old Dirty Barbeque), much to Jim's chagrin. (:38) Blade continues to plague him with his bad memory - didn't he say last time he wasn't going to appear on the progrem until he got paid/booked?

Jim: "You put the I in Itinerary don't ya?"

He then reads the BBQ sauce blurb and takes offense to its rowdiness unlike his sauce which is all consensual. I think it depends how you use the bottle really. "Go flop yourself!" he says.

:45 Talking about Tammy makes RD cry and a little daemon get its wings. She made a joke that would fit into the WCR itinerary assuming she can afford a paper plate. She's also shilling some other random thing or other. (Because all serious websites have a .us domain, let alone be part of another meta site.)

Blade postpones his Big Announcement. Shocking I know. RD thinks it's his old Carnival idea.

:51 Sir Alec has been feeding Ellie like a pet at the local Long John Silver's buffet. I wonder if they use any BBQ sauces. For eating OR douching. RD has to explain Sir Alec to potentially new listeners despite him having appeared on the interim RD & Blade Show a couple of times before as far as I can remember, before he entertains with a Roman Reigns story, which hinges on it being a Thursday and "has a lot of big words" that tongue tie Blade - I mean Sir Alec - and has RD rolling on the chair laughing.

SPEAKING OF weekdays...

Sir Alec: "Oh boy. I got myself Deal. Never become smarter than yourself. That's kinda how the Terminator happened."

:62 Peter (not Gazer) has the Question Of The Week wondering how the duo managed to snag Lord Alfred. RD answers with a food analogy but instead of sending him his bread or Starburst he searches around his office for a WWE napkin, Scott Steiner's workout DVD, or a Memphis Heat DVD while Blade "entertains" the people. Blade is also to auction off another itinerary paper plate that he will again lose money on selling before the recipient sells THAT off.

Blade finally has the WWE Network like RD. He uses it to watch Miss Elizabeth matches. (:67)

In response to the disaster that is this "Divas Revolution" (something bad involving the Divas? Get out!) the duo respond with radio silence. RD predicts it will win this year's Gooker.

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine is not officially on Twitter. This is a shame as I'm sure his current trolling remarks on said Divas and lady wrestlers in general would make him the biggest online hit since the Iron Sheik, though unlike the Humble Maker he would actually write his own Tweets. (:73)

Seventeen Easily Digestible Syllables:
Hammer hates women.
What could help? Bellas using
The Hammer Jammer.



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrapRadio.com, Rupert’s Kids Arcade, Drive In Movie Maniacs, TheIntestinalFortitude.com
• URLs not taken: 2. KidsEatPoop.com, RandysPaniniSandwich.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Television, horror movies, drive ins, tasty things to eat, tasty things to eat (2), hurting women, bloating.
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 1. Franco-American

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Premier Blah, Reuben (Like the Sandwich), Jim, Sir Alec

 

• RD Time Outs: 2
• Blade Time Outs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  2
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
   

 

• Question of the Week from: Peter
  
• Hey RD and Blade!  How much did it cost you to get Lord Alfred back on the show after he jumped to Colt Cabana's Outlaw podcast? We have the best buttered bread.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Greg doesn’t like the skirts:
  Hammer hates women.
  What could help? Bellas using
  The Hammer Jammer.

Lesson Of The Day

Raging_Demons here kiddies. Sometimes on my Twitter account (which is right...HERE!) I TWEET something called the "Lesson Of The Day" in which we as people learn something new each & every day. Oh boy do I have a "Lesson Of The Day" for you guys!

If your a pro wrestling fan, married, & cheating on your wife at the same time.



Don't let the wife know that your going to "Wrestlemania 29"! Hell for that matter don't get caught cheating or just don't get caught at all!

(credit: Lordsofpain.net)

Episode 6: Pro Bumble: January 25, 2013

"Doggy Style" Miss Elizabeth

22 minutes

Blade wants to bite children like he's a vampire.

RD wonders of the possibilities of Disney buying WWE.

Blade is in another Troma movie. (:05)

RD has a paper plate in his house. He didn't have to pay $99 for it like one guy did. (:07)

Blade still wants to bet on the Pro Bowl despite RD's reservations. Blade is happy because a Lion kicker is on a team and didn't actually opt out. He recounts the time when Jonathan Coachman walked into a bar. (:12) Blade still makes a bet that his Lion kicker will do well which RD accepts, despite Matt Stafford looking like Susanna Hoff.

Blade still has to pay up for this season when the Lions once again lost to the Colts, so he has to wear an Andrew Luck jersey. (:18)

The Royal Rumble is also occuring on the Sunday. (:19) Blade still remembers Doggy Style Miss Elizabeth making his pants wet at '89.

RD: "I have nothing left to say."

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Troma (2), funds, people donating 

 

•  You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1

 

• Royal Rumble Memories
  RD:  No sell
  Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as the 102nd Dalmatian at 1989 Royal Rumble. 

 

• Don...Don Muhlbach (NFC) vs John Denney (AFC)
  NFC 62 AFC 35 

Episode 2: Direct-To-Audio: January 11, 2013

30 minutes

This show was ackluster!

((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity )))

Wow, a second recording in just one day? Madness, madness. RD tries to dissuade notions that this will be a frequent case. So I guess we're back to the monthly posts then.

RD tells about Diamond Dan hating being called "the splendid gem of professional wrestling", preferably on his hotline. Remember, that's 317 335 4688. Again, 317 335 HOTT. (:02) RD has already forgotten they had called his number once while on the air.

Blade is auctioning off his paper plate. But where will he ever get another one? (:05)

RD doesn't like sand. (:07) Discussion about Star Wars Episode 2 follows about why Anakin Skywalker doesn't like sand when it goes into his "sandy pee-pee hole" (Blade).

Blade wants a reality show about Jawas. (:10)

RD enjoys watching Saturday Morning Slam. (:12)

Sunny got engaged to the person she is accused of abusing and was just imprisoned for. This is sure to end well. (:14)

RD is at a Hungry Howie's ordering a pizza forcing him to 'break kayfabe'. Keep that in mind in case you want to court him. (:17) RD then takes his turn to offend by calling said Hungry Howie a "hippie dope smoker". (:20)

RD has wondered off to the nearby video store during all this. Sadly their wrestling section is lacking. (:21) Blade remembers when he once saw a "Lockbuster Video".

RD plays a silent Def Leppard song over the airwaves. I assume it's the cover of John Cage's 4'33.

Blade is driving around at night despite having had his pupils dilated (and perhaps being drunk) so RD uses it as an excuse to end today's outing.

Blade: "Some people said we did good by ending our old show in July."

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 2. Diamond Dan Hotline, Hungry Howie’s Pizza
• URLs not taken: 1. AnakinsSandyPeePeeHole.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. A new site
  

Episode 1: Irish Sprung: January 10, 2013

30 minutes

Blade's script of Episode #1 on a Paper Plate

((( recorded in high phone-buzzing over-modulated fidelity )))

RD Reynolds welcomes us to the return of WrestleCrap Radio The RD And Blade Show.

Well, that didn't last long.

He and "Wesley Snipes" Blade Braxton try to persuade people that things might be different by discussing the old show.

Then Blade stumbles on pronouncing words.

Again, that didn't last long.

RD threatens to once again take months in between posting new episodes. (:07) Blade counters by talking about the 12 Listeners as "Show-Offs".

Blade tells about feasting at McDonald's. (:10)

The Co-Fruitcakes go on about how the show is 'unscripted' compared to the old progrem like it's some kind of old school episode of Raw. I'm expecting Robb Bartlett to show up.

Hulk Hogan has a new Hooters-style restaurant in Tampa. (:14) There's no word on whether Brooke will be serving there. Does no one remember the success that was Pastamania?

RD does his Brett Mussburger impression.

Blade tells about the time when he got frightened by a Showbiz Pizza mascot's 'skeleton'. "It just stood up there like a corpse." (:18)

RD: "What a debut show for everyone."

WWE is partnering with Irish Spring. (:21) Blade wants to book Irish Spring as part of a match. It could probably become Divas Champion.

Blade tells about his Irish Spring spring toys. (:25) Discussion about old play times commences.

RD: "This is great."

The episode ends when RD pulls into his driveway. Wow, such great timing.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Complaints, food, something

 

• RD Time Outs: 1