302 Rumble Mifflin: January 29, 2021

Whatcha mean I'm still Wrestlecrap?! I made you laugh, Brother!

94 minutes 

RD threatens to talk about wrestling. Blade wants to argue about Star Wars again. RD threatens him on his Big Announcement. [Wasn't it Midnight Rose's retirement? - Erik Majorwitz]

Blade received his Christmas gift from Jordan: A Hulk Hogan Rock 'N' Wrestling VHS tape and some grilled cheese and tomato cream puffs. (:15) RD's Miss Elizabeth card does not have a hometown listed, and he summons Popeye to heckle Blade before he can do any impressions. He then tries some White Chocolate Sugar Cookie M&Ms which are averagely bland. He thinks they should change the name to something more accurate.

:24 Something called a "Shaq Bowl" with the eponymous basketbrawler will occur during the Super Bowl half-time with the Miz and Drew McIntyre, despite him expected to also appear in AEW against Cody after cutting a sleepy promo against him. Blade can relate (to the sleepiness.) RD compares him to Rick Rude. But will they be fighting over bracelets?

Sad News: Catherine Bach is not on Cameo. Neither is Priscilla Barnes. Charlene Tiltin is though. So is Cheryl Ladd, who 8 year old RD once wrote to. Blade guesses Ladd at $150 is higher than Tiltin at $100. It's actually $199 compared to $40, a bargain at half the price.

SPEAKING OF Obscure Hall of Famers, the Undertaker said some stuff on Joe Rogan's podcast. Blade admits to getting drunk while carrying his own blade. (Ahem.)

Tony Schiavone tweeted about being in physical pain, perhaps from putting butts in seats. RD was stationary biking during the pandemic. Blade has been vegetarian for the past few weeks.

Jonathan Coachman vows not to return to WWE. RD doesn't believe him, remembering Bobby Heenan's words that refusing to return only makes Vince want you back more.

Madison Raine is retiring much to Mike Check's fascinating sadness (that they are also not on Cameo). (:44) For once RD breaks his own character laughing. Mike: "I don't think that's how technology works Brad." He still wants minimum wage Taylor Wild. He plays that one BJ Thomas song.

Mickie James is a fan of Trish Stratus' 'companions'. (:50) Blade thinks RD was stalking her: "I would have checked your passport if that was the case. ... Do you and Mike Check sit around and talk about who has the bigger microphone?"

Speaking of technology Blade had to find another Question on Facebook. He responds with 30 seconds of silence. (:56) David "TattooTrolla" Merlino gets an expected non-answer. (Not more silence?)

Neither wants to talk over the People's Court theme. Who would? (:56) This month, Robin Enrico doesn't mind Mr. America. RD lets Blade ramble before telling him that just because Blade liked it doesn't mean RD should also. Cf. Black Scorpion. Verdict: Guilty. RD thinks people should submit their audio defenses personally since Blade is terrible (as a human being).

Since it's that time again the two talk about their three favorite Royal Rumble memories. (:61) RD has Greg Valentine vs. Ron Garvin in '90, Hogan running into Warrior in '90, and Heenan commentating for Ric Flair in '92. Blade has Dino Bravo bench pressing in '88, Haku vs. Harley Race in '89, swimsuit Ivory in a swimming pool competition with Mae Young in '00, Honky Tonk Man returning in '01, Demolition in '89, Dalmatian Miss Elizabeth in '89, and Mean Gene feuding with cigarettes in '92. He can't remember who else was judging Ivory. To be fair, neither can most other people not named Dave Meltzer or Bryan Alvarez.

Ken Patera is on Facebook (and I bet not following McDonald's on there) but also not yet on Cameo. (:76)

RD takes credit for Jungle Boy's theme being Tarzan Boy.
Blade: "You were in your thirties."
RD: "Yes."
He also enjoys the piped in "holy crap" chants. Blade laments not working in 'AWE'.

The WWE Network is being sold to NBCUniversal's Peacock for one...BILLION...dollars. RD highlights the quality of the sale by putting Tekno Team 2000 over everyone on their current roster.

Seventeen Syllables:
Network on Peacock.
Yay, NBC with McMahon.
That's not what she said.

 

$1.00: $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Patreon, Coasty Marshmellow
• URLs not taken: 1. CatherineBachinaDunkTank.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Arguing, turning the channel
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Popeye, Mike Check

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade (2)
  

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  N/A
• Radio Call Sign:  N/A
• Show:  N/A
• Song:  "Raindrops Fallin’ on My Head” by BJ Thomas

 

• Blade Time Outs:  3
• RD Time Outs:  1 (1 Wait a second)
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  2
  
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  

 

• Crapper's Court
• Case brought by: Robin Enrico
• Case #002: Crappers v. Mr. America, allegedly Hulk Hogan under a mask. 
• Blade's "defense": Brought smiles to faces and brought back patriotism in a post-911 world.
• Verdict: Still guilty of WrestleCrap.

 

• Question of the Week from: David "TattooTrolla" Merlino
• Why haven’t Jinder Mahal’s puffy nips been inducted yet? No sold. 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  3 Favorite Royal Rumble Memories.
• RD:  Greg “The Hammer” Valentine vs “Rugged” Ronnie Garvin at Royal Rumble 1990, Hogan and Warrior stare-down at the 1990 Rumble, Bobby Hennan’s 1992 Royal Rumble commentary  (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Demolition Powers Explode at Royal Rumble 1989 #1 vs #2 entrants, “Mean Gene yelling about cigarettes (nee Honky Tonk Man Royal Rumble return), Miss Elizabeth Dalmatian dress. (née Dino Bravo Bench press challenge at the 1988 Royal Rumble) (Sequentially)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE Network finds a new home:
  Network on Peacock.
  Yay, NBC with McMahon.
  That's not what she said.
  

• Erik Majorwitz’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: The truth in figure advertising will set you free:
  
  “Weaponized” B. Braxton?
  Sadly, he doesn’t come with “blade”
  as illustrated!

301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Christmas
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
• URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  105.3 KUTE (Orem, UT)
• Radio Call Sign:  “Big O” Oscar Johnson
• Show:  O-Kaye in the Morning
• Song:  “Christmas in Prison” by John Pine 

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  0
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Debut: Crapper's Court
• Case brought by: Eli Iffert
• Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
• Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands

 

• Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
• What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
• RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
  
  Worst ratings ever.
  Network wants adult content.
  Vince's ass comeback.

300 The Cameotaker: November 29, 2020

Coming soon to NBC: "Young Rock".
This is the Dwayne.

97 minutes

Blade plays to the ever present crickets on a metaphorical bean bag. RD is unsure whether people saying the show hasn't changed in 10 years is a good thing or not.

Blade reminds RD that Lord Alfred's daughter once contacted him on MySpace many vernal equinoxes ago. (:05) 

The Co-Fruitcakes spend too much time on that poor guy who gets off on Blade's burping. (:09) Blade confused one of his dates by going off to fight a toilet paper mummy. "I want to be as professional as I can." (:13)

RD was sent an odorous UnderTrolla for Thanksmas. (:15) "Turning" it on plays a car turning sound effect followed by a Undertaker Cameo (A bargain at half the price for the low low cost of only $1000! Just ask Bryan Alvarez's Granny). As expected Blade laughs over it.

:19 No global pandemic is getting in the way of RD doing his Black Friday shopping on behalf of the site (and his wife who remained at home). While on the road he saw someone had run their car into a CVS. At Target he saw a woman wearing a hoodie instead of pants buying pants for her son. But at least she was wearing a mask. At Wal-Mart to buy some shirts for charity donation, a redneck "older woman" required help to find some "hey ma, look at this" underwear for her son. And at the Chick-fil-A drive-through for a chicken biscuit, two guys fought over chicken nuggets.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:35) Blade loudly lies down coughing in response.

Billy Graham has some words congratulating Kurt Angle's (moveset) return to steroids. (:40) Sadly "Stan" is too busy for Blade to pick up the voice modifier to portray him once more so he is forced to read it normally.

Among the balloons at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was a promotional CGI one of 90's Meme "Young" Rock. (:48) Blade wants a "Baby" Rock carried around by "Dwayne Johnson" Rock or "Father" Rock(y) Johnson. RD summons Popeye to disrupt him. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:53)

A Halloween Havoc '99 balloon was selling for $2500. Someone once told Blade WCW's last logo looked like "bird poop".

Trish Stratus will cameo as a "professional" lumberjack in a Hallmark Christmas movie. One wonders what she will be wearing. (:57)

Outback Jack is to do an autograph signing. That's the joke. (:60) 

He's also been doing podcasts. That's also the joke.

Candace Michelle received random "Japanese porn" scored by Titanic music. (:62) RD resummons Popeye for some reason. ああギュグギュクギュグギュク。

The Bushwhackers are autograph touring next year. That's also also the joke. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:65)

Tam has spent 300 days in jail. 

RD: "How is that news?"

Tony Christ of Facebook: "Why did it take so long?" RD: "There's your answer. Done." (:68)

Blade laughs himself into coughing.

The two have some more favorite moments. RD has Blade coughing himself into Burgess Meredith, Mike Check doing the Star Wars Convention market, and putting the Co-Hosss Contest out of its misery. Blade has The Bob & Weave Morning Drive, beating your meat in front of Victoria and Gillman, and Co-Hosssing as Sir Alec. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:82) He thinks this one was for Ken Patera, who's also autograph signing. Does he sign boulders?

RD admits the Trolla Corporation may not in fact be delivering top quality products. You don't say.

Blade has yet to watch The Mandalorian, one episode guest starring Sasha Banks as another Mandalorian. He prefers to be in Vince's demographic and talk about his mask in Clerks 2 with Rosario Dawson guest starring in another episode. RD: "Did you throw your back out trying to make that connection?"

Some AEW folks will do a table read of A Christmas Story as part of annual TBS tradition, with Jim Ross narrating. He calls in to complain, sounding more hoarse than usual due to Blade's coughing fits. (:90) Then Blade laughs too much, giving RD an opportunity to quickly end things before Jim can tell him to go fuck himself.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:93)

Seventeen Syllables right here on the fly sure to be good:
The Undertaker.
You know what will rest in peace?
Some moron's wallet.

RD: "I thought you were gonna say "One thousand dollars.""
Blade: "Well, if I had more time to prepare."

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Thanksgiving/Black Friday
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow, Patreon
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Sleazy, things referencing things referencing other things.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Popeye, Popeye (2), Jim
  

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  10 (4 rapid fire)
• RD Time Outs:  1
• Blade Burps:  2
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  0
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  0

 

• Question of the Week from: Tony Christ
  
• WrestleCrap Radio 300.  What took so long? There's your answer. Done.

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Moments in WCR history?
• RD:  Penguin Episode, Mike Check goes to the Star Wars convention, the 2007 WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest (non sequentially)
• Blade:  April Fools Day WTKO Bob N’ Weave Morning Drive May 1977, Victoria’s launch party for her car company, RD lost his marbles over Gilliam, the draft where Sir Alec was co-host (non-sequentially, first time)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Undertaker cashing in fools’ money:
  The Undertaker.
  You know what will rest in peace?
  Some moron's wallet.

 

270 Tee Howard Tickle Party: February 28, 2018

72 minutes

Jeff Jarrett is a sudden (and possibly random) inductee in WWE's nostalgia-based marketing gimmick Hall Of Fame. RD hopes they showcase that time in TNA where he did random MMA stuff. This would all be better with a reporting TNA correspondent, exemplified by having the 'current' people of "Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley" now being the longest tenured despite only one (1) appearance. Other people would kill for such efficiency! (Or in real life Gene's case, be banned from Fox News - yes, THAT Fox News - for forgetting he's not thirty years younger.)

The week prior, RD wrote about Tito Santana introducing Vince to this thing called a 'taco', featuring a "Debra" from Gringos. RD is momentarily conflicted on whether to use the word or not. Gringo I mean, not taco. (:06) Lord Alfred was too busy there (not) sampling the food to appear to promotional considerate. That will come later.

Blade took a "TRISH to the Grocery" as Patty was at a comic convention he was visiting during filming for his TV show. (:08)

Blade: "She really dug me."

Due to the intense security around in Blade's words (which RD feels can be distracted with a Stan Lee cameo) he does manage to get from her that like me, she also enjoys frosted flakes for breakfast. (:14) RD: "Where's Lee Marshall when we need him?" He temporarily forgot he was sick, and nowadays tormenting Bobby Heenan in the afterlife of the Ely-Weasel Fields. (That sounded better in my mind admittedly.) The two are hung up on her temporarily forgetting frosted flakes are available in the US as they are in the old continent.

Blade randomly shills his appearance in another Troma movie. In response RD shills his guest appearance in a upcoming series by the name of Fanarchy TV that will be featured/avaiable on Amazon Prime/Video within the next day or so.

Sad News: Bray Wyatt is late on paying some monthly support to his ex/partner. (:22) He's only paid $6000 of the mandated $14735. Lest you think he's paying the rest on electric lanterns or purchasing that House of Horrors of his, sources have told that reporter $5000 was spent on "miniature horses supplies and foods", $500 on jewelry "not for his wife", and close to $300 at "Tootsie's Strip Club". Blade immediately wonders if Dustin Hoffman was involved while RD was amazed at how little he spent at a strip club.

Ric Flair has a "custom suit line" which Blade mishears as a soup line. (:29) Let us hope it lasts better than that time he decided to go into finance. Blade considers putting some of his old suits online.

Paige is back in the 'news' after being out of it for so long. So long in fact that Blade forgot about her Mexican restaurant that had punched a patron before closing. (:32) She got a (not Rick) rude tattoo on her hands, which is slightly better than the Harris brothers sprouting visible and later attempted modifying SS symbols on their arms. Blade has considered tattoo ideas for quite some time. RD suggests Miss Elizabeth, which leads to the two losing themselves in laughter over what it would consist of.

Laughter having temporarily woken him up, Blade feels better to get Sir Alec to do some delayed shilling, though he is gracious enough to inform people of what he does before he does so. (:38) The shilling causes Blade some "technical" difficulties via more laughter, but he manages to get through a few lines.

Brian Keith Johnson thinks Ric Flair (without his custom suit line) should have continued using his Black Scorpion powers throughout his career to win more titles. (:45) Back to being tired, Blade (drunkenly?) thinks he still used them regardless.

Coliseum Video on WWE Network is sadly without its theme music, swinging Ken Patera, or RD ejaculating. (:51) Goldberg, the Dudley Boyz, and Ivory will also be in the HOF, with Bam Bam Bigelow and Kid Rock rumored to join them as of this progrem recording.

In more "Three Counting" RD thinks New Jack, Ahmed Johnson, and Nikita Koloff speaking only in his "Russian" should also be nominated just so they can hear what wild induction speeches they would give. Blade thinks Hollywood should also be nominated due to her own work, as would Scott Steiner if he was accompanied by his Freaks (and potentially asked to do some calculations as part of his speech).

Blade also thinks Demolition should go in. If Vince can forgive Jeff Jarrett (like Bret Hart, Ultimate Warrior, and Randy Savage before him, even if in the name of good business) to enter, he could forgive Bill Eadie too for it. RD apologizes for the wrestling discussion on hand for newer listeners. Blade apologizes in response for making them both lose composure again by thinking about Howard The Duck interviewing Bill Eadie.

*Make your own joke about Ax and Batista tag-teaming here*

Seventeen Syllables Of Fun:
Improved 'Mania.
It's Howard The Duck versus
Demolition Ax.



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Troma, Amazon Prime, Fanarchy, Patreon, WrestleCrapRadio.com
• URLs not taken: 2. DustinHoffmanwithathong.com, Swingingfullnelson.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. Lee Marshall
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Trish Stratus, Sir Alec
  

• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  
• Krankor Laughs:  3
  
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  2

 

• Question of the Week from: Brian Keith Johnson
• Why didn’t Ric Flair use more of his Black Scorpion magic in his matches?  He might have won more titles.  Blade: He used it at the 1992 Royal Rumble.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count: Who should be in the WWE Hall of Fame that aren’t?
• RD:  New Jack, Ahmed Johnson, Nikita Koloff.
  
• Blade:  Demolition, Hollywood, Scott Steiner
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Coming soon to a PPV near you:
  
  Improved 'Mania.
  It's Howard The Duck versus
  Demolition Ax.

(259) The WrestleCrap Weekly Top 40: April 1, 2016

(Crap To Crap)

No dogs were harmed during the making of this progrem.

50 minutes

(In yet more time travel related shenanigans) "Kasem Casey" on WTKO The Knockout "counts down" some of the various times the Co-Fruitcakes and their "guest" characters sang on the radio progrem, complete with the full swearing left in! Can you believe it's been 3 years since they last sung with their seductive golden tones over bad MIDI tracks while RD laughed uncontrollably in the background? (Assuming you take it from the RD & Blade Show. Otherwise it's been 5 years since their last song from the original incarnation of the radio progrem. And 10 years since they last did an episode.)

Speaking of singing badly, you may remember when Blade had a WWCR Songs MySpace page that he forgot the password to, followed by having his own singing MySpace page when that was a thing for two whole months.

The songs in questionable question:

• Blade sings about Jim's troubles as The Barbequer. (:02)
• RD & Blade badly mangle the theme from Good Times. (:07)
• Blade finds it Hard To Say Goodbye on Mickie James' WWE release. (:09)
• The Co-Fruitcakes Didn't Know He Was Sick. (:12)
• Blade wouldn't spend 10,000 Bucks on Ashley Massaro. (:17)
• A totally real request from Ed Han Salo concerning 'a long distance dedication to his dog' (Poor guy, hasn't he suffered enough already on this show???) brings up The Twelve Days Of Christmas. (:21)
• RD 'sings' some cobbled together Dr. Feelgood MIDIs. Technically that doesn't count as a 'song'. (:32)
• Blade feels the need to sing about Mickie James' implant trouble. (:34)
• The Co-Fruitcakes say Goodbye (to the) Boogeyman. (:36)
• Blade enjoys Brown Haired Trish. (:38)

There is one new song at least, when the Cast Of Characters & Soundbites & Trolla Corporation products sing that in fact We Are WrestleCrap Radio, featuring an extended guest appearance from Jim which is enough to revive both Johnny 4 AND 6. Don't ask. Yes, again. (:43)

"Stewart Patrick": "I am here to sing my song. I'm leaving now."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. American Florists, Whirlpool, Mike Check bumper stickers, Folgers Coffee, Budweiser
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0. Magazines, nostalgic, movies, derailing the show
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

  

America’s Top 40 with Casey Kasem: Top 10 WrestleCrap Radio Songs

10.  The BBQer by Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers)

9.  The Good Times Theme (cover) by RD and Blade Braxton

8.  It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Mickie James by Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boyz II Men)

7.   Didn’t Know He Was Sick by Blade Braxton and R.D. Reynolds (featuring Krankor and Mama)
(to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel)

6.  10,000 Bucks by Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “10,000 Miles” by The Proclaimers)

Long Distance Dedication
Ed “Han” Solo for his dog Snuggles
WrestleCrap Radio 12 Days of Christmas

5.  Dr. Feelgood (Motley Crue) by RD Reynolds

4.  Boob Pop by Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “Mmm Bop” by Hanson)

3.  Goodbye Boogeyman by RD and Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John)

2.  Brown Haired Trish by Blade Braxton
(to the tune of “Brown Eyed Girl”

1.  We Are WrestleCrap Radio by WrestleCrap
(to the tune of We Are the World” by various artists)

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 35. Mike Check, Casey Kasem, Jim, Bob and Weave, Sammy Sugar Daddy, CS John Kelly, Jim (2), Popeye, Satan, Sir Alec Heineken, Dixie Carter, Stubby, Nintendo John, Mike Check (2), Midnight Rose, BM Punk, Suzy Shuffle, Mike Check (3), Blade, RD, Stubby (2), Popeye (2), Bill Cosby, Jim (3), Dixie Carter (2), Midnight Rose (2), Mama, Lord Alfred Hayes, Huey the WrestleCrap Radio Ghoul, Crickets, Debbie Reynolds, Weird Al, Johnny 4, Stewart Patrick

 

•  F-Bombs: 14. Blade, Jim, Blade (2), Blade (3), Blade (4), Jim (2), Jim 2 (3), Jim 2 (5), Jim (6), Jim (7), Jim 2 (9), Jim (10)

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs:  2
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 1
  
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  3
  

Episode 33: Fun In The Sunny: December 24, 2014

“His name is Elf.”

79 minutes
((( recorded in wavering modularity)))

Blade threatens to summon Mike Check back onto the airwaves.

Having missed Black Friday...again...the Co-Fruitcakes attempt to combine that into this week's proceedings. This results in Blade getting sick. This results in RD wondering about their 200 listeners.

Even in this day and age people listen to the progrem without knowing anything about the site. At least that's what RD claims and Blade agrees to by talking with the mythical contingent that is the "female listeners". (:05)

Blade wants a ChimpTrolla. He also saw a movie where the Mexican Santa Claus played a villainous mad scientist. He repeats his story of finding a knock-off Santa Claus VHS tape where Santa fought dead air. (:08) RD talks about his latest induction of Jingle All The Way where Ahnald had to deal with an annoying young-er Anakin Skywalker. Blade lies by saying he is not drunk in believing that Episode I wasn't that bad and wondering what Yoda's son would be called. [Baby Yoda?...Nah, that won't work. Too unoriginal. - Future PB]

:19 RD can't really go Black Friday-ing any longer due to stores now also being open on Thanksgiving too and being used as an excuse for people to run away from family gatherings. But he and Mrs. Deal went anyway. At Meijer's his traditional Blu-Ray changer costs 6 times the regular price, so he's forced to enter 2014 and do his stuff digitally. While trying to find Man of Steel, he saw a hillbilly family not needing no more Karate Kid Klan, especially not ones starring a 'girl', 'chink', or 'Will Smith'. Or maybe even all three at once. (:30)

The FaxTrolla fires up for some well needed Obscure Wrestling News. Well I'm just glad they still have that plugged in just in case it's ever needed. It may need some servicing though. (:35) Not Obscure Wrestling News: Blade remembers old and random hate mail he accidentally found the other day. Obscure Sad News: Uncle Burt Reynolds is broke and is auctioning off his WM jacket (Well, he was: It sold for nearly $900, a bargain at half the price.). The auction listing site is a literal goldmine for some really fascinating stuff, including a true beauty, his Smokey and the Bandit Pontiac Trans Am. [It sold for $500,000, the highest of all the lots by far and easily above its estimated price.] 

Matt Hardy is an expectant father. (:47)

Trish Stratus is in some ballet adaptation of The Nutcracker doing something or other. (:50) She also sells her own tea for some reason (named after her son Maximus). Also for some reason Mickie James has named her child...Don.

Blade listened to a Ross Report where some listener remarks how close by his angry doppelganger is. (:55) The phone expectantly rings - but instead it's Sir Alec (:58) causing Blade to crack up for some reason. He reads a story about Roman Reigns buying a puppy for Seth Rollins for some reason. This causes Blade to laugh for some reason.

:67 Blade 'gifts' RD with Mike Check music and a segment that he's sure to forget about about having "Fun With Tammy". This just involves the two going through her Wish List. Again. RD gifts Blade a Bossk mask and gloves for Sunny to use.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Black Friday/Christmas
  
• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 1. WrestleCrap.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Congested, glory days, Sivi Afi, things you may enjoy, Trish, listening to podcasts/radio programs, Sunny Skype sessions.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 1. 35 year old wrestler impressions

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Sir Alec Heineken

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Blade Time Outs: 8
• Entertain the People: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
  

 

• Debut: Fun With Tammy

 

Return of the FaxtTrolla

  

• Erik Majorwitz’s Hindsight Haiku: A Reynolds fallin’ on hard times:
  Poor ol’ Uncle Burt.
  Islanders jacket for sale.
  Son of a scum-bum!

 

Episode 21: Three Little Words: October 1, 2013

Angry RD (the exclamation
point makes it so.)

37 minutes

(The part of "guest recapper" will be tonight played by R.V.M Kai & R.V.M Kai.)

RD is upset that his Cincinnati Reds didn't make the playoffs and it now seems that the part of "Angry Jim" will be now played by "Angry RD" (sans the fetish for bald women and pulling his pork with Hollywood John). Blade segues an attempt to cheer up RD by getting him to watch a video of "The Baseball Bunch" that involves a cameo by The Kool-Aid Man. (:03) [Oh yeah, Gary Carter is in this? Why on earth haven't I seen this yet??? - PB]

SPEAKING OF "water", Blade somehow attempts another segue by relating the "water" in Kool-Aid to Trish Stratus' "water" breaking (...and you know what that means...?). RD doesn't like Patty's new son's name as much as her changing from blonde to brunette. (:08) Sad News: Blade has only seen Batman Returns once. Blade is also sad that Mickie James is apparently leaving TNA and is now moving on to greener pastures with her band at the World Chicken Festival, which would probably attract a larger audience than TNA's usual fare. (:15)

Blade: "You can't trust what I think these days."
RD: "These days, you say."

They talk about Goldust donning a hood and light-saber at an independent promotion somewhere in Illinois under a new gimmick of "Lord Goldie Goldust". (:21) The mention of Primo & Epico re-debuting as masked tag-team "Los Matadores" leads to RD bringing up "Zorro: The Gay Blade"...which is a joke that writes itself. (:27)

Blade still has a R2D2 cookie (amongst many other ancient food items) that has been in stored away his parent's deep freezer since 1987 and also announces that he will be selling that infamous "Alien Ham". Fascinating. (:32)

RD: "I have three words for you: See ya later!"

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 2. Cincinnati Reds, The Baseball Bunch
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Chicken, good times, good times
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. RD’s brother’s horse

 

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Johnny Bench, Graig Nettles, Gary Carter, Kool-Aid Man

 

• Blade Time Outs:  6
• RD Time Outs:  1 (Whoa, whoa, whoa)

195 How: April 29, 2011

60 minutes

Now available in HD.

WrestleCrap Radio returns to the (digital) airwaves after a two year month absence. Lucky me. I would say the break in recording is from some karmic retribution of not actually making a proper episode before the April Fools one, hence this result. But I don't think anyone would be the wiser from this. Either way, it is fine by me. Anything to lessen the, ah, 'experience' of subjecting myself to and summarizing the radio progrem. (I really am a masochist.)

#1 It also appears the DraftTrolla supersedes all made bets, as Glen Danzig has been drafted to WTKO The Knockout. He would certainly have a lot to say on THAT network, that's for damn sure.

Sad News: WWE Niagara Falls has been future endeavored.

#2 To try and liven things up Gay Popeye is drafted to the laugh track. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:05)

#3 To try and liven THAT up Mike Check is drafted to Promotional Consideration. Hilarity ensues as they try to get him to shill from prison. (:07)

#4 Jim Ross is drafted to take a TRIP to the Grocery. (:19) He was too busy standing vigil for Johnny Ace's moist skateboard to find anything of note there. "Never trust a carnie with your meat Deal," he advises.

The Midnight Rose is now on cable in Kansas. (:26)

#5 RD tires of Blade much earlier than last time, so he gets Sir Alec on his end of the tin can and string instead. RD is not sure how long he should play his music. (:30) Trish Stratus is selling some sort of water online. Sir Alec often used hush puppies when malt vinegar was not available.

#6 "Satan" is summoned so RD can explain what exactly he does on the show. (:36) His old friend Billy Graham is up to no good again. Neither is Mickie James.

#7 SPEAKING OF the Midnight Rose, he's drafted to answer the Question of the Week. (:41) It's from Raging Demons (5), who thinks a porn startlet looks like Madison Rayne. Shouldn't that be the Observation of the Week insetead?

#8 Stubby reclaims his old post of TNA Correspondent. (:46) TNA is receiving a worker's comp lawsuit from an injured Daphnee. (According to the Honky Tonk Non-Mail Man, Karen Jarrett also has her own suit against the company .) Sir Alec temporarily becomes possessed by Popeye for some reason.

:52 Sin Cara is on a trampoline like Dennis Stamp. WWE wants to make their own TV network. Then Blade starts coughing, causing RD to laugh uncontrollably.

#9 Chief Jay Strongbow is drafted to deliver the Haiku.
How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How.

#10 The radio progrem's Intro tune has been drafted to replace the Outro.

A very minuscule amount for the Swear Jar, just 50 cents, for $18.00. I don't count swearing from Blade's other characters because that's in their character to act around like that. Now, if Brakestown HIMSELF does it, that's a whole other story entirely!



*Note to self: Insert self-portrait with my own WWE Niagara Falls Cup here*

191 Ripped from the Headlies: January 21, 2011

71 minutes

WrestleCrap is new and improved! Now where have I heard that one before?

As mentioned from last week, the site has something new for the first time in over seven years. No, it is NOT the return of the Jobber Of The Week. On the top of the main page is a 'LiFi Scanner' that posts random words and phrases strung together into sentences to make what is commonly referred to as a 'joke' from a  Twitter account, with no other articles or sources related to said Tweets, which would be semi-frequently updating until the random headline generator behind it stops working or the figure behind the account gets bored of the whole ordeal. (And no, it's not me.) From that, fine young eggs Justin Henry and Sean Carless and Catherine Perez make 'humorous' wrestling related 'newz' in the form of WrestleCrap Headlies. Personally, that is about as clever as someone having the pen name of "Topsy Kretts".

So essentially WrestleCrap is trying its hand to be the Onion of the wrestling world/IWICK. (An OnionTrolla perhaps?) This isn't a bad thing of course, as both the Onion and the A.V. Club are really great sites. The question is how long they can maintain some sort of level over the long term, as much as the often absurd world of wrestling lends to its own self-parody and comedy. More importantly, would it be something that Dave Meltzer would finally be reporting on?

I admit, if I put any effort into it I may have some success also (alongside running this site of course). Hmmm...

Fresh from the LiFi Scanner: John Cena is set to star in The (Space) Marine 3: The Ultramarine (in Space). "This is taking 'U can't see me' to a whole new level," proclaimed WWE CEO Vince McMahon, "since now you can't see him in outer space as well as not seeing him in theaters." A collaboration with Games Workshop's popular sci-fi franchise Warhammer 40,000, Cena is to play Ultramarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar, a well known and controversial figure thought by many within the community to be pushed and publicized too much despite he and his chapter being thought of as bland, generic, and unoriginal. "Any similarities between the two are totally coincidental and unrelated," Mr. McMahon said when asked about this. The former WWE World Champion said he looked forward to expand his acting abilities for the role by, to paraphrase him, "doing the Five Finger Shuffle in one of his trademark Power Fists." In addition to Mr. Cena, Paul "Triple H" Levesque is also to star as the God-Emperor of Mankind. Reports that Randy Orton would play the part of a still unannounced main villain and that the diminutive Hornswaggle was to play Calgar's comic relief sidekick were unconfirmed as of press time. Mr. McMahon was last seen in a nearby Games Workshop store complaining that the miniature figures that are the basis of the tabletop game did not have enough muscles on them, and was overheard suggesting giving them scale size ICOPRO supplements.

Heh, I can see why such diversions would be fun to write now. Perhaps next I'll see if this very site can be linked as an official source of wrestling news and have all the dirsheets coming to our digital doorstep, or what have you.

What isn't fun though is some Sad News, as we are reminded of John Kelly's 'departure' from the show last week due to an exhaustion of bad puns for Blade to try and fumble through. Blade's next replacement for the TNA reporting: his own mailman. Well that could be convenient; he could just mail his news in every week. (Insert laughing Krankor here.) Blade is also still confused about RD's Swear Jar.

:25 Random discussions about the Colts prevail. Blade's grade school constantly gave children erections. RD mercilessly needles him on this, forcing Blade to apologize for once. Sadly he does not seek revenge by asking to watch the music video for Hot for Teacher. Anyway, Bart's Red Cream Soda has returned to RD's Meijers. Is Loroza's Pizza next?

:35 Dustin "Screech" Diamond is now booking himself for wrestling. Hey, anyone remember when he was on Hogan's celebrity wrestling? Or anything about Hogan's celebrity wrestling nonsense thing at all? Yeah, me neither. Torrie Wilson is shilling some drug-like workout supplement with the very bad name of Diva Trim. The only thing we learn from it for sure is that Blade is so drunk he can't say the word supplement. There's some very small film footage for Trish Stratus's upcoming film Bail Enforcers, wherein she hits some criminal with a garbage can lid. On the other hand, it IS better than that god-damned trailer for The Chaperone, which was so bad that WWE tried to pull it off the interwebs.

:50 B.M. Punk calls in. His major complaint this time is that John Kelly very much sounded like him. Wow, how very meta. He also reports on Tammy Sytch's poop problems on Facebook. Shouldn't Satan be the one calling in for this? Social networking sites ARE his domain after all.

:55 Ultimate Kennedy (11) has a rather simple Question of a skinnier Vickie Guerrero on TV. Odd Christmas gifts are discussed.

The mailman didn't show up. I have a worrying feeling he's going to sound like Peter Gazer.

:59 Randy Savage is in promos for WWE's upcoming All-Stars video game, giving opportunity for Nintendo John to call. For some reason his audience is suffering from slow reaction times.

The Royal Rumble is changing itself by adding 10 more jobbers for a total of 40 combatants. Wow, that's not a wrestling match, that's a fucking raid group in vanilla World Of Warcraft. Forget trying to handle the Twin Emperors in the ring, I wonder how they'll be able to fit them inside. They're gonna need a bigger boat, is what I'm thinking.

Seventeen Syllables:

Forty Man Rumble.

Wrestling bores me so much now

I'll need a Forty.

Blade owes RD $2.25 for this week, for a combined total of $9.25 from last week.

177 Choke-Job: June 17, 2010

61 minutes
((( recorded in one-half low phone-buzzing fidelity )))

Sad News: the "demise" of Patrick Stewart at the Roast. (Even worse, Blade's sound quality while being outside on the job, no Mike Check-style live remotes sadly.) He probably pretended to die to sneak back to London to accept his knighthood. It's just another teaser for the upcoming DVD.

A first: Blade avoids re-telling a Don Mason story about him getting bitten by a caterpillar. Rambling discussion over his sound quality.

Even more Sad News: Mike Check has formally come out of hiding from playing dead at the Roast. RD can't read the Angry Marks ad copy no more, not even as Jeff Foxworthy if possible. Lord Alfred shills from beyond the grave. RD resists the urge to answer the telephone even as Blade wants to fuck a DVD. (...is he really that small?)

:12 RD's TRIP to a Star Wars convention in Florida to meet random actors and actresses. No Jake Lloyd Jr. though. RD Junior judo chops Ray Park. RD does not understand the term 'cosplay'. Blade eats Doritos' Mr. Dragon Fire Chips from the base of Mt. Fuji. His opinion of them is unfavorable. Their caller attempts again to ring in.

:32 The Midnight Rose will wrestle once more with Jerry Lynn on July 9th somewhere. Stacy Carter is engaged to Kizarny. Obscure Diva Blade wants to be with: Scott Steiner's woman. RD meanwhile likes Velvet Mcintyre. Trish Stratus is not naked after all.

Dream Analraping: Mickie James' parents did not like Blade's bandana for some reason. I have no idea of half of what Blade is saying.

Jackie Gayda has once again given birth while her husband continues to try and get a profit from her. (I am definitely sure if hopeful that she is a far better mother than she was a 'wrestler'.)

:45 Question: Paul searches for the mythical McDonald's that Ken Patera once 'interior designed'. Blade has a few places of his own that he wants to visit in his spare time.

:49 It is Blade's turn to find another TNA guy, a 'comedian' this time around, "hopefully" by the next vernal equinox. They're running out of viable 'comedic' stereotypes/impressions/voices at this point.

:51 Carol Brady will guest host RAW. More discussion on whether old TV stars are still alive or not. Blade: "We basically talked about nothing about wrestling at all." Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson has been future endeavored.

Seventeen Syllables of Wrestling News
Bryan Danielson.
Work or shoot, they ask again?
Shoot, he needs work now.

RD finally relents and picks up the Sheriff on the line who teases us for next week...What is this, a Doctor Who serial? Will we find out he shot JR too? [Are you sure you're not related to Mike Check? - "Showstealer"] [Depends, did he work in the Dallas market at one point? He MUST have been Harvey Lee while working in the 60s.]

176 "The Mountain Of Youth": May 28, 2010

71 minutes

RD's beginning spiel is again interrupted by a phone call, as Sheriff "Dirty" Harry Dickwell (things have advanced with him to the point that he has a first name now. Progress!) continues his search for the elusive John Smith. Blade floats my theory that J.S. is in fact the Doctor, who was apparently played by Sir Alec at one point in time (and relative dimension(s) in space) in some random play or other. Of course, that's what he thinks he did...

SPEAKING OF drunken hallucinations, (:03) Blade unfortunately could not get on a flight to some launch party of Mickie James' album thanks to American airline superdickery and being "late"...or so he claims. He bemoans the fact that only 125 people showed up at the event and he missed his chance to interview the love of his life for the show. On the other hand, he may have not got the opportunity to do so (remember two weeks ago when they said they couldn't get anyone to be on a show called 'Wrestlecrap'?). And besides, 125 people? That's not a launch party, that's a World of Warcraft guild meeting. [124 guys trying to bang the one chick?....Actually you're right, it IS exactly like a WoW Guild Meeting - "Showstealer"] Even more Sad 'News': Peter Gazer has been "arrested" for the crime of actually attempting to be on a show for once and will thus no-show the Roast to be recorded this Saturday. I'd almost call him a myth if he didn't actually appear on the progrem those few times.

:18 There's something about RD going once more to Europe to get some beloved chocolate of my youth for his son. I couldn't really hear from Blade's random and frequent interruptions, a sign that he's drunk off his Stanley Cup yet again.

:23 Some actual Sad News here, Jim Ross had to close the last of his restaurants. The Co-Hosses call him and he is, of course, angry. But he has a right to be this time, so I guess it's different? They find out the real reason of the closures: he could never sleep because he would be up all night with a loaded shotgun waiting for Johnny Ace to show up, and this thus wrecked havoc with him being able to wake up and open the restaurant on time. Apparently he's never heard of the concept of assistant managers not nicknamed "Dr. Death".

Speaking of people with more free time on their hands, (blond) Trish Stratus is posing nude in a magazine. (Apart from working in a McDonald's Drive-Thru because...heavens knows.) RD spins her picture right round, like a record, baby. [Hey! I make the Mike Check-esque music references here - "Showstealer"] Meanwhile Randy Savage marries once more and Candice Michelle successfully delivers a baby girl. Blade mock sings for her.

The MovieTrolla works after a bygone age of collecting dust somewhere (:48). It seems WWE Films doesn't know when to quit. Their new upcoming "kid's action comedy", The Chaperone, has Triple H look after children somewhere in New Orleans. Well, I can see why it would be called a comedy if it involves Levesque trying to 'act'. There's no word yet on whether he'll do the chaperoning during Hurricane Katrina, which would make the film a must-see in my eyes.

In today's Question (:52) a 'Dave' (Meltzer?) lives in the same town as Blade's and doesn't get a good first impression of him. Perhaps he caught him at a bad time when he was drunk, which seems to be an around-the-clock thing. Blade doesn't help either to change the man's mind, somehow thinking he's secretly a jealous Dave Batista.

So Patrick Stewart has to show up to distract Blade from further going off in his drunken rage (:54). After saying a few random things he leaves now/teleports to his nearest GM/Pontiac dealership for a joyride. Unfortunately as a man of the 24th century, no one at Starfleet Academy seems to have told him not to talk on the phone while driving, so he wipes out almost immediately. But he manages to emergency teleport out in time just to taunt Blade. He's my kind of guy.

Your next Raw guest host...

:60 The recent WWE PPV that took place in Detroit has been riddled with numerous injuries to the company's talent, but even worse than that, it is saddled with a title that seemed to have been drawn from the 80s (Over The Limit). RD is so bored he looks at titles for MacGuyver episodes (which now has less episodes than the longest running episodic radio podcast in the history of the internets).

Send ol' Dave Batista off with Seventeen Syllables:
Batista is gone.
Who will fuck the Divas now?
Their division will.

158 Going down the YouTube: September 25, 2009

All Stand For "...Brother-hood"

82 minutes

The new induction this week is of Sting: Moment of Truth, a film made on a literally $1000 budget. Thus we listen to Survivor's Moment of Truth and read more confusing comments. (:02) The Midnight Rose will wrestle October 3rd at some grill somewhere in Kansas. Blade confuses himself by somehow thinking he's the Rose and vice versa.

No Trip again this week (:14) but RD wants to know about Mountain Dew Throwback made with real sugar. Blade just wants to do porn. He could make the movies and watch people perform in them.

Obscure News (:17) Have you thought about Sam Houston today? He's been jailed for violating his probation. RD and Blade still play his MIDI theme song. Sister Rockin' Robin also 'sings' America the Beautiful for our enjoyment at WrestleMania V. RD thinks that could be the new WCR intro. Blade repeats himself. Trish Stratus is making some yoga game. (:35) RD: "Like Mr Potato Head but with boobs," (So, Mrs Potato Head then?) We go down the roster for Hulkamania in Australia, with something about The Kwicky Koala Show. Sad News: The Boogeyman is missing. More Sad News: The Gymini Dolls are now on a $11 clearance.

Question of the Week: (:52) Crouton Kinley wants some love advice. Blade suggests wearing a mask, which is perfect for committing adultery (assuming you can keep it on throughout).

Johnny Four appears. (:55) Lacey Von Erich is in TNA. J4 says something about her being in the Beautiful People due to her having plastic breasts rather than a plastic foot. Angelina Love finds an excuse to escape TNA, thanks to being an Illegal Alien. Jim Ross calls (:67) to talk about nothing in particular, much like the show.

Current News (:71) Lillian Garcia's last show is this week. There are talks of Howard Finkel replacing her. Cedric the Entertainer guest hosts badly on RAW. Random celebrities seem to be chosen to guest host, including that wrestling bastion Dennis Miller.

Seventeen Syllables on Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller RAW
Obvious Vince never watched
Monday Night Football.

157 I can't get no Stratusfaction: September 18, 2009

74 minutes

RD is angry at Trish Stratus' new brunette hair color. Of course Blade thinks otherwise. Even Gay Popeye turns temporarily hetero at the thought, which for some reason makes his music longer than normal. (Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.) RD tries to persuade them with a haiku.

Trish is now brunette.
What more can I really say?
The thrill is all gone.

Oh, so we can leave early then?

Wait, there's another hour of this left to go.

Fuck.

Still no Celebrity TRIP (:11) so instead Blade has to make do with more on Gymini dolls. Bad news: none have been sold this week. Good news: a plastic sticker has been stuck on the back of the damaged Doll so it can join the rest.

Obscure News: (:17) Blade needs to reach the 5000 friend capacity on Facebook. Ivan Koloff has a strict screening policy on his networking sites. Blade fails all his requirements. RD looks at Blade's student referrals on his Facebook page. New Jack is once again acting like a drunken fool on Myspace so Blade has Sir Alec read his drunk bulletin. (:29) The Zombie is now a father! RD wants him to give parenting tips on the show. The HorseTrolla says Mickie James' implants have burst. Blade needs to sing about it, so he does. (:38) In response the Midnight Rose calls with Tony's Theme; he likes Trish too now. (:40)

Question of the Week (:43) from Brian J. who wants to know why he should watch RAW when football season is upon us. (A good question, for once.) RD saw the Pats vs Bills game and insults the Bills. He doesn't like Tom Brady either so he sings about him. Blade doesn't like it so he sings another song against him. Thankfully he only gets so far, so he tries again with another angle. That also fails.

RD gets Johnny 4 for his line of the week. (:52) "Jim Cornette got fired fired fired stay away from dairy queen queen queen queen queen," he says. RD: "Worst TNA Correspondent ever."

Jim Ross calls in to gloat. He's still on the hunt for Dark Journey, AKA Linda Newton, who seems to have taken a Dark Journey off the face of the earth.

Drugs? Naaah!

Current News: (:60) Hulk Hogan has a wrestling company named Hulkamania touring Australia in November, of which he is in the main event against Flair. Blade saw the only copy of Brooke Hogan's new CD which terrifies him. He tries to link her songs to wrestlers. Jeff Hardy has been arrested for drug dealing, and may be facing jail time for opium, of all things. Blade shows his support for him through a loud burp.

Blade sings for his new love Trish.

129 Oklahoma Jim and the Last Crusade: December 12, 2008

Snitsky, AKA Boba Foot, Future Endeavored

DetroitLionsCrap.com - I bet that's not taken!
72 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

The antics of the Great Khali and his long tongue down Mickie James' throat forces Blade to drink. Blade has a feeling that this episode will be 'the greatest show of all time'. Also, the Titanic is unsinkable. (:03) The Colts and Lions are playing next week. Another bet is proposed, perhaps of Blade having sex with Nicole Bass. (What is it with these two and Nicole Bass?) It would probably be more bearable if one or both were wearing Katie Vick outfits while doing so.

Lions Center Dominic Raiola has no remorse for flipping off his heckling fans at a home game (:07). Well, what do you expect from a wrestling broadcast but pro football news? Blade wants him to scratch his taint. (scratchingyourtaint.com has not yet been taken.) Discussion follows of the hapless Lions and Raiola wanting to challenge his hecklers to fight him in his front lawn. Could that be a basis for a good video game? Blade mentions his Front Yard Boxing Association Championship Belt. (:11) A real bet is made for the game - the loser has to be drunk for next show. I don't know - at this point I'm more interested in making a bet with Farmer Iggy here on who would emerge victorious when the Canadiens face the Penguins. [How about: if the Penguins lose, Blade has to defend his FYBA title against Paul Bissonnette? —Iggy] Also Blade has two interviews this week on doorstopnation.com and myspace.com/theatomicdropshow

RD's TRIP to the grocery (:16) is made possible in thanks to the Archive (and viewers like you). One of the purchasers, John P., bought RD some Bimbo Bread. Don't laugh - the thing is actually real, albeit a more Mexican food than American one.

Obscure Wrestling News - RD & Blade were invited to a Trish Stratus party up north. (:20). Finger food is mentioned. RD becomes sad that the party is not exclusive to them. Then why would she have sent a Myspace bulletin about it then?

[Also goodness. Remember when not just Myspace was a thing, but it had BULLETINS??? - Future PB]

O.D.B. of TNA is 'sailing' some used undergarments for $50+ 'due to popular demand' (perhaps she was jealous of Layla's oranges). (:25) The mere mention of TNA has a Candyman like effect of 'Nathaniel' trying to ring in. This causes RD to again argue with himself. RD had a cool menthol turkey to go with Blade's alien ham. He should give it to 'Nathaniel'. Barry Darsow's son is signed to a WWE D-League (:31). Blade wonders if he will become Repo Boy. Sad News - Robecca DiPietro removes that ad commentary video from her favorites, (:32) maybe because she actually watched it (or perhaps read this very site). The co-hosts fear she will never appear on the show. Thank the Emperor for that.

Jim Ross calls in (:35). He lost out on his Slammies and his holiday hams aren't going too well and he hasn't been getting along with his wife either. Also he still doesn't like Brother Midnight. The phone rings again - speak of the devil, here he is! It's almost like they had it all planned out beforehand or something. (:40) A hilarious debate between the two ensues, of which we learn that Jim only lives for his BBQ sauce. Midnight's Crusade's help actually make our slobberknocker man into Happy JR. It's a Christmas miracle!...at least until the end of the episode.

Question of the Week (:50) from a 'Jay' wants Verne Gagne to beat up John Cena. Blade wants Rambo Greg Gagne to return as a log-throwing heel. RD wants Dr. D to be his companion, and wonders why they haven't made a best of DVD for him yet.

RD as Nate manages to get to spoil their fun, the Scrooge that he is. (:55) Further disfluency pops up in his speech, and not just because he sounds more and more like RD sounding as a man who loves TNA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION WRESTLING. This week; Sarah Palin on TNA? Gee, I wonder how that idea came about. 2 minutes this time. RD can't actually 'harm' Nate (seeing as he harms himself too, like that terrible Lindsay Lohan movie).

More Current Wrestling Sad News: Blade comments on the show's highs and lows, reminding me of an earlier similar show. Gene Snitsky AKA Boba Foot has been released. (:59) Could TNA be next for him? Hulk and Flair showed up in the Carolinas somewhere on YouTube and attracted 800 people (:62). At least it was more than an average TNA house showing. (Boy oh boy.) Blade does some bad Outsiders impressions. WWE was overseas in Iraq (:66) where Joey Styles beat up JBL.

Seventeen Syllables to commemorate Joey Styles legitimate threat to Blade's FYBA Championship:
JBL knocked out.
Guess mamajuana does-
-n't help a glass jaw.

As expected a newly Angry Jim calls in to bookend. Am I supposed to be impressed?

123 Ric Flair Spotted With Bear: October 17, 2008

Ric Flair Spotted With Bear
(80 minutes)
Written by Premier Blah

As expected we start the show with Nathaniel attempting to ring in. I admit I understand his persistence; if only his beloved TNA would do the same. RD argues with himself while Blade wishes for Peter Gazer to have an Honorable Discharge from the Navy. (:02) RD tries to defend the show's wrestling veracity a bit, something that I do not really complain about. Whereupon he brings up some strange case of deja vu/old news/time warp of the Honky Tonk Man (again) nearly losing his finger before his appearance on Cyber Sunday. WWE is now charging people to vote on their hotline (:06) Don...Don Mason once called up sex lines just to talk. Don...donmason.com and uncharistmaticenigma.com have not yet been taken. Speaking of Don Mason...more fellow Crappers prefer his segments than RD's TRIP to the Grocery. (:12)

Speaking of RD's TRIP to the Grocery, delayed very slightly by RD and Blade waxing nostalgic about their earlier segments and attempts at actual wrestling news and Blade enjoying frozen dinners alongside his Miller Lite and V8 and discussion about tacos...RD tries Ranch Taco shells (:21). Blade finds it all "interesting", but somehow is slowly getting angered by their intense discussion about Taco Doritos for some reason. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Although, what's he going to do while drunk? Drive over to your house?

...

...

...

And throw full trashbags at it?


Phew, almost missed it by that much.

Obscure Wrestling News is overflowing with information this week. (As it always seems to be.) Balls Mahoney's money was stolen from his bag (:26) RD can't understand chained wallets. Ah, these kids today...Blade does his Balls Mahoney impression by reading one of his psychotically written statements where he vows to kill the thief who stole his family's sustenance. Apparently he hasn't heard of banks. Still, if I were him at least I would be thankful he didn't lose his money in the bad financial markets as of this writing.

I bet the rematch is only
available through paid DLC.

Ric Flair was spotted with a guy in a bear suit which causes our co-hosts to crack up. (:31) This leads to our Dynamic Duo YouTubing the Theme to BJ and the Bear while wondering of their anal sexual activities (with the following comment from YouTuber tracyterry: "i heard Greg fucked the fuckin monkey up the ass between takes :P". I'm willing to bet that next week will feature the Theme to either TJ Hooker or Man From Atlantis. WrestleCrap Radio, your perfect source of BJ and the Bear news! (You can find video of their escapades here. As for Flair's escapades, we now have a logical reason for that.)

This Week's Interactive Segment: Dawn Marie poses with a Jokeress (or is that Harley Quinn?). (:41) Poor woman. I know she can't help that smile but she'll never live it down.

The WWE 24/7 Music unexpectedly pops up, taking RD by surprise (:43). Blade names the month after himself by the fact that they showed his first appearance on a RAW show, the one with the first mention of Degeneration X. Can YOU find him?

Question of the Week: More like Questioning of the Week, as RD and Blade talk with Jay Watts, the man behind (pun fully intended) bignippledvampire.com Not much to see here, but he does offer the privilege to help him with his site through his email at jaywwatts@gmail.com (:48 - :56)

Oh Emperor, Nathaniel's back for more TNA news. I know that this is all a long, long, long...long joke and all, but it will only be all worth it if we get to the ultimate punchline: Angry JR as TNA correspondent. Think about it, won't you? He takes seven minutes this time. An equally upset Blade wonders (as I do) if Johnny 6 can be rebuilt, preferably better, stronger, faster.

CM Punk will be in the Chicago Thanksgiving Day Parade (:65) Blade wonders if Mickie James would be dressed as a centaur, leading to further talk about Thanksgiving Day Parades. The second strangest segue in WCR (so far) is used here, and with good effect: Trish Stratus, Haiku Plagiariser for Burger King at meathaiku.com (and also at http://rajah.com/base/node/13884) . (:70) Her Haiku for posterity's sake:

Do yoga, eat meat.
Stratusfaction guaranteed.
Do the body good.

The phone rings again (:73) - but it's just Jim Ross. (Skykid has made a youtube video of this phone call.) He too is angry over how their Meat Curtain Diva is hopping on the WCR rip-off bandwagon while regaling the Dynamic Duo about Dark Journey's sexual proclivities with Bill Watts. And it looks like he wrote his own Haiku about it too. Why am I not surprised? (:79)

Trish don't like my meat.
Neither does my fucking wife.
Fuck all them bitches.

And now Jim has to get back to work on his new flavor: Canadian Hickory Barbeque Sauce. Well, if it helps make this listening go down better, I'm all for it!