Episode 104: Holy Non Sequiturs!: August 21, 2023

The Sport of Penguins
October 5, 1967
"The Penguin teams up with parasol collector Lola Lasagne. Together, they plan to rig the upcoming Bruce Wayne Handicap to make a fortune from Lola's prize racehorse Parasol. They break into Glu Gluten's Glue Factory to steal a condemned horse, planning to switch horses before the race and make their money by betting on the real Parasol. When Batman, Robin, and Batgirl catch up with them at the glue factory, Penguin sneaks outside and plasters the Batmobile with a sticky glue."
70 minutes

RD: GOIN TO GLUE FACTORY knew it was Hulk Hogan's 170th Julie Newmar's 90th birthday recently.
Vince: "Oh I thought you were gonna say "probably better than Sunny in an orange jumpsuit.""
RD: "She looks exactly like Shelly Winters when she was Ma Parker."
Vince still feels a bit bad for the young woman he once worked with.
RD retells the time he and Blade once met Tam at a convention before things happened as they did.

Speaking of things happening as they did, RD finally saw Extreme live. Gary Cherone recognized his Batman '66 shirt that he is also wearing here. Vince brought up Jimmy Fallon and Jack Black parodying More Than Words: "Let me put it to you this way: it's gonna be ten times better than the episode we just witnessed." (:15)

Narrator: "Gotham Park Racetrack, the day before the Bruce Wayne Foundation Memorial Handicap, where two fancy fillies are meeting the press: a high-spirited horse and her proud-spirited mistress."

The Racetrack is an actual outdoor shoot (at Los Alamitos), a rare sight this season due to budget. The horse is named Parasol and her owner is named Lola Lasagne, a major player in "shower sticks" i.e. parasols. (:23) To Parasol: "Shape up, Parasol. Looks and your legs are all we've got left."

Narrator: "But what's this strange bird doing in the royal surroundings of a queen of the turf and the sport of kings?"
Penguin waddles up, grabbing the umbrella from her hand, and then waddles off.
Lola: "You waddling bird!"

After the titles, Pengy next enters the City's one (1) Public Library to break open a case to reveal the book inside.
Barbara: "What is this? You can't just barge in here cut open a locked case, and walk off with a priceless folio of famous parasols."
Penguin: "Why not?"
She tries making a "tax-paying" citizen's arrest, calling up her "beloved father" that he's already met just a couple of weeks ago. He uses the opportunity to flee, leaving behind a ticking umbrella.

As it just so happens the Duo are also in the Office. The Bros think they were having lunch.
O'Hara: "Brazen bird! I'll wager there's a connection between this and that parasol he stole from Lola Lasagne today at the racetrack."
Gordon (suddenly appalled): "You wager, Chief O'Hara? A public servant and upstanding chief of police betting?"
O'Hara: "Uh, can I call it a hunch, Commissioner?"

The Duo rush over to the Library with a Bat-Shield.
Robin: "Haven't you some Anti-Percussion Asbestos Bat-Flax in your utility belt?"
Batman: "No time for that now, Robin. Let's get this offending article out into the corridor and under the Bat-Bomb Machine."
The umbrella explodes (off-screen of course), but thankfully the Duo are unharmed.
Batman still remembers Pengy's attempt to marry Barbara, and his thinking again of Batgirl makes his heart all aflutter. The Duo leave to consult the Batcomputer. 

Narrator: "While in Penguin's bookshop, or to be more accurate Penguin's bookmaking shop..." (:31)
Penguin takes bets over the phone, and of course he does it in person to directly link himself to any potential crimes. Lola comes in for her parasol, which he uses to know she is actually Lulu Schultz.
Penguin: "I knew you when you'd steal the braces from other kids' teeth."
Lola: "While you stole their teeth."
Parasol (her horse), is her one thing from her three week marriage to 80 year old South American billionaire Luigi Lasagne. She even had to sell her parasols. So she was hoping to win the race tomorrow. Unfortunately Pengy has to break it to her that it is a charity race, for the Bruce Wayne Memorial Foundation. Is there any other kind in the city?

In the Batcave the Duo and Alfred somehow link parasols to horse blankets. Vince wonders if they were involved by the pre-credits scene of the Penguin at the racetrack. The Batcomputer's "Bat-Correction Signal" then prints "Lulu Schultz" which they somehow link to "Glu Gluten's Glue Factory." Even Vince can't explain that.
Robin: "Holy non sequiturs!" 

As soon as the Duo leave in the Batmobile Alfred immediately calls Barbara to tell her.
Barbara: "But how did you her of it?"
Alfred: "Actually, I overheard it. The Dynamic Duo were to be dinner guests at Stately Wayne Manor  tonight."
RD: "He's only known this girl for a couple of weeks. He's already trusting her with this?"

Barbara: "Charlie, I thought I was going to spend a quiet evening with you. Instead, I'm off to Glu Gluten's Glue Factory."
Narrator: "Once more, from Barbara Gordon, librarian and police commissioner's daughter,to that dominoed daredoll Batgirl in a matter of seconds!"
RD thought she looked good in a pink dress. Vince wonders how her hideout would not be discovered since she lives in an apartment complex instead of a stately manor. RD thinks she should have had Alfred help her with building it. 

At the lair, Penguin decides to get Parasol to swap appearances with another horse and make money off the long odds of disguising him as a long-shot dark horse. Pengy volunteers his own horse with a dash of white paint on the mane. He then hears over the radio of the Duo handling his bomb in the Library, infuriating him.
Penguin: "The Dynamic Dunderheads! Faugh! Double faugh! Triple faugh!"
Lola: "Why are you so anxious to bomb the library?"
Penguin: "No, not the library, somebody in the library. Somebody who had the miserable taste to turn down an offer of marriage from me."
Lola: "You, Pengy, scorned by a woman?"
Penguin: "It's incredible, isn't it? Well, let's get back to the horse-switching before those caped  crumbums get on my tailpiece again."

As part of their plan the two go to the glue factory (as the Trio make their own way there). The place has a dizzying array of glues, including fish glue. RD tried looking it up and for some reason didn't find much. What search engine he was using? (My guess is AltaVista.)
Glu Gluten is actually there in person, telling the two that horse glue isn't actually made from actual horses as much nowadays. However he does keep a spare "in case of emergency."
Penguin offers to buy "this four-legged thing with a long nose" for "nothing down and a little a week. Don't you know anything about the economic structure of this country? It's always nothing down and a little a week. That is the cornerstone of our financial security."

The Duo catch up to watch things go down (still legally for the moment).
Batman: "But planting a time bomb in a public library is a felony."
They try crashing through the window - and get stuck as they both try to go through at the same time. Also they're barely six inches off the ground. 

Penguin: "Drat! Double drat! Triple drat!"
Batman: "Expletives will get you nowhere. ... What other whimsical pranks are you and your charming conspiratress up to?"
Penguin orders Lola to run with the horse to the racetrack before siccing his goons for the fight. They show their prowess by tossing Robin up and down like a cheerleader. Also the glue factory had a trapeze for some reason.
Batgirl ties up the goons but Penguin escapes with a bucket of "library glue". RD tried looking that up too and of course found nothing.

Batgirl: "I pray for the day when Gotham City's safe from such mocking mountebanks."
Batman: "Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl. But one thought intrigues me. How did you know Robin and I might be in trouble with Penguin in this glue factory?"
Batgirl: "Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have in your utility belt, Batman: a woman's  intuition."

Penguin uses the Duo's distracted by Batgirl's vanishing to paint library glue all over the Batmobile seats and tires.
Batman (smitten quoting her theme song): "She's gone. Like a shadow. Like smoke. Like a shooting star. Who knows where she goes? Who knows where she comes from? Who knows who she is?... We must allow her her anonymity and freedom of action as we demand ours. Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting."
Vince wonders if Barbara is around Dick's age. RD reminds him she just graduated college while Robin is still high school, so there would be a four year difference between them at least. That would be enough to make her his ward too.

Glu: "Nothing down, nothing a week. A nothing factory. What a deal."

The Duo hop into the Batmobile to get back to the Batcave and of course get stuck to the seats. (:51)
Robin: "Holy mucilage!"

The two villains are back at the lair having managed to paint the fake horse.
Penguin: "You switched bangtails at the track, and this hay burner is the real palooka."
Lola: "The real Parasol, Pengy. And I wish you wouldn't call her a bangtail, a hay burner or a palooka."
Naming their new horse Bumbershoot, Penguin now has to explain to his fellow criminal how betting works. But they still need money first to wager. Pengy decides to go back to the Library, steal the book on rare parasols, and sell it on the black market.
Lola: "Go get it, right now."
Penguin: "No, no. The library isn't open yet."
Lola: "Since when has that ever stopped you?"

Narrator: "Is Lola right? Can't Penguin be stopped? Is he really stealing a priceless folio to finance his crooked coup with the Dynamic Duo pasted to the Batmobile outside the glue factory? And Barbara Gordon, minus Batgirl's trappings, asleep in her apartment? Or is she?" 

Barbara is woken up by the Emergency Library Prowler Signal, which she informs her father about.
The Duo manage to return to the Batcave, apologizing to Alfred since the Batmobile's Library Paste Bat-Dissolving Switch also got stuck.
Robin: "Look Batman, the red phone." (Emphasis mine.)

Narrator: "But are they all too late? Will Penguin and Lola succeed in pulling off the foulest race-fixing scheme of all time? For more, tune in the next episode."

 

...

 

This is the type of cliffhanger we have been reduced to this season. 

Vince wonders if they were trying to save money on "traps", so we got what everyone agrees is the worst cliffhanger ever: people just standing around as a phone rings.

The next episode title doesn't even rhyme.  

Through his archaic search engine RD found his birthdate (January 12th) was the most popular. He shares it with Vince's father. September is the most popular month overall. 

RD wrote about Eric Bischoff (with Matt Hardy) beating the Young Bucks with two karate kicks. Of course it was TNA, why do you ask?

Speakinf of Hardys, Jeff had a Gooker nominee Texas Chainsaw Massacre match (against other Jeff Jarrett). AEW didn't even get paid that much! (Only $100,000 which Tony Khan will donate to Maui relief after much backlash.) Vince got a laugh at a chainsaw wielder just deciding to kick somebody. Even he - Vince Russo - was confused by the breakneck chaos of things. RD laughed at them considering Hangman Page standing next to an ambulance as a "hospital" (ala Season 3 Batman). He wants to email Tony to ask to check inside the ambulance to see if Shaquille O'Neal is in it.

• Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [10] (Burgess Meredith) [10]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess: Lola "Lulu Schultz" Lasagne (Ethel Merman) 
  

 

• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Returned albums, Awful
  

Episode 80: Holy Boy Blowhard!: February 26, 2023

Penguin Is a Girl's Best Friend
January 26, 1967
"Penguin forms a motion picture company and teams up with Marsha, Queen of Diamonds. He gets Batman and Robin to take part in his movie. Marsha attempts to put Batman under her spell with drugged lipstick during the love scene."
57 minutes

Vince: "You got that grin on your face bro."
RD: Boy Blunderhead: "Just happy to be here."

Chicago suffered its worst snowstorm on the original airdate. 

Narrator: "An apparently peaceful day in Gotham City. BUT WHAT IS THIS? An armored-car holdup in broad daylight?"

As expected from the title, this is the work of the Penguin, who orders his goons with a trademark quack through a megaphone. The Batmobile is around closer than usual to intervene.
Robin: "We're going to be late for that lecture to the Crime Prevention League. Sounds like we may pick up new material for the lecture."
Batman: "There's nothing like a little on-the-job research, old chum."

The Duo's stunt doubles jump out in a bright glare.
Penguin: "What are you buttinskies doing here? ... This is legal, I tell you! It's legal!"
Batman: "Have you heard anything about legalized thievery, Robin?"
Robin: "Can't say that I have, Batman."
Penguin: "I'll wipe those silly smirks off your faces in court! I'll sue you for assault and battery and aggravated interference!"
Batman: " You're witnessing the final disintegration of a criminal brain, Robin. Years of outlawry have
taken their inevitable toll."
Robin: "But he's right about our being in court, Batman. We'll be the prosecution's star witnesses when they try you for armed robbery!"

All of a sudden O'Hara appears - to take the Penguin's side. The Duo have crashed straight into a movie shoot as directed by the (usually villainous) millionaire. Because you can do that after being arrested for the show's earlier three-part story.
Penguin: "This permit isn't a mock-up, Boy Blunderhead! It's signed and sealed by the Gotham City Motion Picture Commission. And I'm gonna sue the city for $10 million for failure to provide proper protection. Do you hear that, Batman? Ten million dollars! Do you hear that, Batman? Jail! But I'm willing to make a deal."
To the titles!
Vince wonders how they come up with the monetary amounts and why they keep fluctuating. 

Gordon finds out post-hand in his Office that the Duo had signed a contract to star in the movie, and that he too knew about the movie shoot. (:11)
Batman: "Yes, I saw the movie equipment as we drove up. I didn't have time to explain, but I wanted Penguin to think that he'd trapped us. When someone like Penguin sets up a movie company, you can be sure it's not only film he's after."
He can use their involvement to keep an eye on the man and his plans. Vince thinks he was just lying about knowing about the movie to cover that for once he didn't know everything going on in the City.

Meanwhile Penguin is peeved that his co-star...in villainy!...Marsha (Queen of Diamonds) is two hours late. He then dials his phone.

Penguin: "Prop Department?"
Set Department: "No, Mr. Penguin. This is the Set Department."
Penguin (hits another button): "Prop Department?"
Publicity: "Sorry, Mr. Penguin. This is Publicity."
Penguin (hits another button): "Prop Department? (hits another) Prop Department? (another) PROP DEPARTMENT?"
Prop Department: "Yes, Mr. Penguin?"
Penguin: "I forgot what I wanted you for."

But then he remembers the 24,000 gallons of milk needed for Scene 12, which is coming in now. RD would become an arch-villain himself if he could get that much. 

Also there was one pretty lady as his secretary, who only appears for three seconds, too short to be rated.

Marsha finally appears in a large white glare and diamond eye-shadow, and has to take his Pengymobile to reach him "across this football field you call an office".

Marsha: "You wouldn't have asked me here if you didn't want something."
Penguin: "I want to make you a millionairess.
Marsha: "How boring. I'm already a millionairess.
Penguin: "Then how would you like to be a billionairess? All you have to do is to become my partner in
this motion-picture company."
Marsha: "Oh, come, now, Pengy. You don't really think there's a billion dollars in filmmaking."

She agrees to join him and its obvious front. He wants some of her diamonds for her help. She wants to star in his movie.
Penguin: "Well, I was thinking of somebody with more...(He grabs phantom breasts on his chest.) With more "waaah.""
He actually means that she will be co-starring with Batman.
Marsha: "Does Batman have a love scene with the leading lady in your film?"
Penguin: "Why, of course. Who ever heard of a film without a love scene?"
Marsha: "Then I shall be your leading lady. Or no diamonds. I might even be able to get my Aunt Hilda
to whip up a love potion for my lipstick. ... I wouldn't mind winning an Oscar."
Penguin: "An Oscar? Heh! You don't want one of those. My dear, if you play along with me, you are liable to win the most coveted award in the entire motion-picture business. You are liable to win... (he pulls out a familiarly shaped gold statue) ...a Penguin!"
Vince is hopeful the Pengy (statue) is in storage someplace. "Thank God."

In the Batcave the Duo look over the script, "innocent enough" in ancient Rome.
Robin: "But holy miscasts, Batman! We play a pair of barbarian bandits sentenced to fight as gladiators in the Coliseum."
Batman: "Casting us as bandits would appeal to Penguin's warped sense of humor."
He then comes along something dubious in Scene 12, which may need a look over from the "Gotham City Film Decency League". Robin takes a while to be pulled out of his reading by his mentor to agree.
Vince still wonders why the Duo call each other Batman & Robin even when alone in the Batcave. RD wonders if his wife calls him by a different name if so. Also the Duo want to be cautious in case they call each other Bruce & Dick in public.

The Duo making their way to Penguin Studios Inc. the next day almost get run over by a chauffeur trying to give them a dirty red carpet to walk on. (:23)
Penguin: "Well, if it isn't my two ham actors."
Robin: "The only ham here is wearing a top hat."
Penguin: "Tut-tut, Boy Bungler, we can't all be great artists."
They're already going to start shooting the Scene 12, set in the Baths. 
Penguin: "It's a fantastically magnificent scene. I wrote it myself."

Also all the cameramen are blindfolded, to keep them from seeing Marsha arriving fully nude but for a very short bathrobe. Penguin has her "outfit" of three diamonds carried in a suitcase for her to wear.

This is also the right timing for Aunt Harriet to appear (driven by Alfred), since she is a member of this League 'summoned' in protest. You don't say. "Could you point out someone called Mr. Penguin to me?"

Penguin: "This is outrageous. As the leading entrepreneur of Gotham City I will not submit to having one page of my masterpiece enfeebled. And we will not submit to such bullying tones. Kindly remove your Victorian mind from my set, Mrs. C."
Harriet: "Only when you remove this morbid scene from your film. Think of the children!"
Penguin: "I am thinking of the children, madam! Look at this. Twenty-three thousand quarts of homogenized milk here. Fortified with vitamin C. [Wasn't it supposed to be 24 thousand? Did Penguin drink a full thousand gallons of milk?] I tell you, this whole scene is bursting with minerals and vitamins."
Harriet: "This scene is bursting with other things as well."
Penguin: "I suspect this is your doing, masked meddlers. You're always poking your proboscis into other people's business."
Batman: "Decency is everybody's business, Penguin."

He acquiesces to their demands though. So he instead prepares to shoot Scene 43 - where Batman and Marsha share a kiss. Batman is so upset he sits down into a Thinker pose. 

Marsha: "I trust you're going to enjoy this scene, Batman, darling."
Batman: "I made a bargain with Penguin, and I never break my word."
Marsha: "Bargain? Why, half the men in the world would fight to be kissed by Marsha, Queen of Diamonds."
Batman: "They certainly wouldn't have to fight me."

So - Action! She gives him a giant kiss.
Penguin: "Cut it! That's not good enough! Batman, I want you to put some "grahhh" into it! We'll do it again and again and again!"
Robin: "Once is enough, you feathered fraud!"
Penguin: "Tut-tut, Boy Bluenose!"
Marsha: "Penguin is a perfectionist. I'll do it a hundred times if it's necessary. And it will be necessary."

Cut to Stately Wayne Manor. Harriet wonders why pool-playing Bruce has some very chapped lips. (:29) He blames "windburn" when he and Dick visited the Wayne Animal Sanctuary. She pledges to get some salve for it. "Just in case a pretty girl wants to kiss you."

RD is allergic to poison ivy. The plant, not the villainess. 

Dick: "Boy, I'll bet you'll never wanna kiss another girl as long as you live, Bruce."
Bruce: "I wouldn't go so far as to say that, Dick. You're jumping to a rash conclusion."
He thinks there was some "elixir" in the lipstick that needed "a great amount of concentration to combat".
As they will next be shooting in the Museum of Antiquities he had already placed Bat-homing devices on all the art, of which Alfred confirms that they are...still inside. Bruce counters by holding a golf club as his pool cue. 

RD likes mini-golf instead of maxi-golf. 

At the Studio the villains ride on a golf cart (speaking of golf) with an open umbrella at the back. Things are going as planned, but he needs more of Aunt Hilda's concoctions.
Penguin: "I never trust a woman with a secret. And if you're nothing else, Marsha, you're certainly a woman."
Marsha: "A woman with diamonds, darling."

They visit Hilda anyway, back at her giant cauldron with some random creature model inside it (named Mortimer).
Marsha: "Aunt Hilda, have you been robbing graveyards again?"
Hilda: "Oh, no, dearie. I left off that 20 years ago, when I was chemistry professor at Vassar. Until I quit."
Marsha asks for something stronger since the last attempt didn't do much to Batman.
Hilda: "Oh  dear. I'm afraid I'm out of old toads too."
Marsha: "Can't you substitute some new toads?"
The Bros think she should have aged some new toads to older ones, like they're wine or something.

Cut to the Duo at the Museum, still confirming the objects are all still there. (:35)
Batman: "I'm still suspicious, Robin."
Penguin (overhearing): "Suspicious of what, Caped Codger? Don't tell me you're suspicious of the Penguin tampering with these priceless works of art."
Batman: "The thought did cross my mind."
Penguin: "What, a great filmmaker like myself stooping to a petty theft? Why, that's ridiculous."
Robin: "What's ridiculous is thinking you're a great filmmaker."
Penguin: "I write the lines around here, Boy Blowhard! You stick to the script."
Vince wishes he wrote some of these lines in the WWF. 

The museum's curator appears, declaring some 15th century chain mail is gone. Batman suddenly realizes the metal alloy's magnetic field could have "blocked our homing transmission". Penguin responds by having the Duo go through a "light rehearsal" of a fight.
Penguin: "Skewer the scrofulous scullion. Spear him like a cucumber!"
The fight has some really bad swordfighting, including Robin butt-slapping a goon with the broad side.
Seeing the fight go badly (in general, not just with the swordfighting), Penguin cheats by blinding the Duo with a spotlight to trap them. 

Thus the two are tied down in a giant catapult.
Penguin: "This catapult will hurl you through the sky and across Gotham City. I'm sure you'll make a big splash at the other end of your journey. And your last moments on Earth will be recorded for posterity by those two cameras that I've strapped to your legs. And I'll show the film at a special premiere for the Benefit of the Amalgamated Crooks of Gotham City. The In-Flight Motion Pictures Benefit of Penguin Productions Unlimited. Good flight, masked missiles! We'll watch from a better vantage point!"

Narrator: "The Caped Crusaders to end smashed flat? While Pengy's cameras record the splat? Eu tu, Pengy? Friends, Romans, Countrymen, find out next week! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

:40 Vince was reminded somehow of watching old WWE Attitude Era of Sunny dressed as Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday. He remembers when they did a photo-shoot with her that she had no recollection of doing.

RD is ambivalent to Girl Scout cookies. His mainstay is always his wife's oatmeal scotchies (without raisins). 

Vince's cereal of choice is Life. RD's remains Peanut Butter Crunch.

RD still hates Subway. 

Andre the Giant had some sometimes strange matches.

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [8] (Burgess Meredith) [8]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess:  Marsha [2] (Carolyn Jones) [2]

 

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Captain Lou

303 Old Blood: March 21, 2021

 87 minutes

The ultimate of ironies...just like this show.

RD is happy for once because they're only eight minutes late today. Blade is happy for once because he has a script instead of an itinerary today.

Blade was listening to other radio progrems these days. One of them involved Conrad Thompson having to fill in for "the Best of" an occupied Bruce Pritchard.
Blade: "You should do a Best of Me episode and worship me."
RD: "It would be like two minutes long."

Coasty Marshmellow is a year old and still doing extremely well. I still need to figure out what my custom order will be about. (:14) 

Hard-up Blade wants to knock-up someone to have an illegitimate child. He was once cursed at by Konnan at a WCW house show after he shoved him for some reason. Blade shoving him, I mean. RD subtly shades him by not bleeping him when he swears against himself. 

Blade was on the road recently where he got a Food Lion generic Mountain Dew, which is of course named Mountain Lion (and is not to be confused with Dollar General's just Mountain). (:18) The two actually agree on something for once: they prefer straight soda over gimmicks.

Then two old men remember 80s cartoons, like what old man led WWE is doing by releasing new He-Man style action figures. (:28) I like how they made upcoming Warrior He-Man more cartoonish than his Santa-assaulting comic book form.

Sad News: RD cannot find many original He-Man voice actors on Cameo. One was unknowingly sick.

Sadder News: 2 year old Blade had to pretend he was a year older in order to buy his first Threepio figure.

RD is to next get vaccinated on April 1st, of all days. (:44)

SPEAKING OF Conrad, he was Twitter feuding with the Patriot, if by "feuding" you mean ruthlessly and mercilessly humiliating. (Why, you'd think he was a jobber or something!) Blade does his Jim Ross impression. 

SPEAKING OF Jim, he couldn't complete a recent blood donation. Of course they call him up to make fun of him for this. (:48) RD thinks he didn't sound so good on the last Dynamite, and then summons Popeye to further mess things. "Shove your ass!" Jim mumbles. 

SPEAKING OF...you know, Tam Only has 4 Fans to a now inactive profile. (:57) You'd think with all the money she'd made she could have hired someone to help caretake her affairs. I hear the Patriot has a lot of free time on his hands for such a thing. 

Rob McGrath of Facebook Questions about a Dungeon of Doom revival. I think Bray Wyatt is overdue to lead that. (:61)

Blade apologizes for his own Court idea. (:64) "Phillip Dick" brings up the Repo Man, because he was cut too soon. For once RD actually praises Blade for bringing up good points...before he makes fun of the original question for saying he could have done Make-A-Wish appearances. Verdict: Guilty.

Stemming from the excellent women's match over on AEW, RD makes Blade list his favorite women's matches. (:68) He has Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai at Wrestlemania I, Mickie James vs Trish Stratus at Wrestlemania not I, and some 80's "foxy oil wrestling" scored by Motley Crue. 

RD's new favorite is the aforementioned Dynamite one of Thunder Rosa vs Dr. Britt Baker DMD with Rebel not Reba, even if he doesn't want to see it again because it was so bloody, and even without any Ken Patera swinging full nelsons. He wants Blade to ask him about his favorite cereal the next time he sees him. (:76)

The disappearing WWE Network is taking the bulk of its old archives with it into the void, at least in the US. RD wonders if he should get a VPN to watch it internationally, where it still exists (for now).

RD's and WWE's Frenemy Eric Bischoff is entering their Hall of Fame. Seventeen Syllables:
Bischoff inducted.
What's one good thing we can say?
He should dye his hair.

$0.50: $34.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Mountain Dew, wrestling, Dungeons and Dragons, Conrad Thompson, things that don’t make sense
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. Lou Scheimer, voice of Orko 

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Jim, Popeye
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• Blade Time Outs:  1
• Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  3
  
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  3
• Weird Al Laughs: 1 
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Rob McGrath
• The Giant recently returned to TNT after over 20 years being away.  Surely the iron is hot for a Dungeon of Doom Version 2, who would you include in this group? The Dinosaur, Bear Country.

 

• Crapper's Court
• Case brought by: Phillip Dick
  
• Case #003: Crappers v. Barry “Repo Man” Darsow. 
• Blade's "defense": Darsow made the gimmick work.  He took every gimmick thrown at him.
  
• Verdict: Still guilty of WrestleCrap. 

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  3 Favorite Women’s Wrestling Matches.
• RD:  Thunderosa vs Dr. Britt Baker DMD in AEW, No sold (non-sequentially)
  
• Blade:  Keisha vs Lady Desire oil wrestling, Mickie James vs Trish Stratus at Wrestlemania, Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai at Wrestlemania I

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Eazy-E is headed to the hall and the hairdresser:
  Bischoff inducted.
  What's one good thing we can say?
  He should dye his hair.

301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Christmas
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
• URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  105.3 KUTE (Orem, UT)
• Radio Call Sign:  “Big O” Oscar Johnson
• Show:  O-Kaye in the Morning
• Song:  “Christmas in Prison” by John Pine 

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
• RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  0
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Debut: Crapper's Court
• Case brought by: Eli Iffert
• Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
• Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands

 

• Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
• What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
• RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
  
  Worst ratings ever.
  Network wants adult content.
  Vince's ass comeback.

300 The Cameotaker: November 29, 2020

Coming soon to NBC: "Young Rock".
This is the Dwayne.

97 minutes

Blade plays to the ever present crickets on a metaphorical bean bag. RD is unsure whether people saying the show hasn't changed in 10 years is a good thing or not.

Blade reminds RD that Lord Alfred's daughter once contacted him on MySpace many vernal equinoxes ago. (:05) 

The Co-Fruitcakes spend too much time on that poor guy who gets off on Blade's burping. (:09) Blade confused one of his dates by going off to fight a toilet paper mummy. "I want to be as professional as I can." (:13)

RD was sent an odorous UnderTrolla for Thanksmas. (:15) "Turning" it on plays a car turning sound effect followed by a Undertaker Cameo (A bargain at half the price for the low low cost of only $1000! Just ask Bryan Alvarez's Granny). As expected Blade laughs over it.

:19 No global pandemic is getting in the way of RD doing his Black Friday shopping on behalf of the site (and his wife who remained at home). While on the road he saw someone had run their car into a CVS. At Target he saw a woman wearing a hoodie instead of pants buying pants for her son. But at least she was wearing a mask. At Wal-Mart to buy some shirts for charity donation, a redneck "older woman" required help to find some "hey ma, look at this" underwear for her son. And at the Chick-fil-A drive-through for a chicken biscuit, two guys fought over chicken nuggets.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:35) Blade loudly lies down coughing in response.

Billy Graham has some words congratulating Kurt Angle's (moveset) return to steroids. (:40) Sadly "Stan" is too busy for Blade to pick up the voice modifier to portray him once more so he is forced to read it normally.

Among the balloons at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was a promotional CGI one of 90's Meme "Young" Rock. (:48) Blade wants a "Baby" Rock carried around by "Dwayne Johnson" Rock or "Father" Rock(y) Johnson. RD summons Popeye to disrupt him. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:53)

A Halloween Havoc '99 balloon was selling for $2500. Someone once told Blade WCW's last logo looked like "bird poop".

Trish Stratus will cameo as a "professional" lumberjack in a Hallmark Christmas movie. One wonders what she will be wearing. (:57)

Outback Jack is to do an autograph signing. That's the joke. (:60) 

He's also been doing podcasts. That's also the joke.

Candace Michelle received random "Japanese porn" scored by Titanic music. (:62) RD resummons Popeye for some reason. ああギュグギュクギュグギュク。

The Bushwhackers are autograph touring next year. That's also also the joke. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:65)

Tam has spent 300 days in jail. 

RD: "How is that news?"

Tony Christ of Facebook: "Why did it take so long?" RD: "There's your answer. Done." (:68)

Blade laughs himself into coughing.

The two have some more favorite moments. RD has Blade coughing himself into Burgess Meredith, Mike Check doing the Star Wars Convention market, and putting the Co-Hosss Contest out of its misery. Blade has The Bob & Weave Morning Drive, beating your meat in front of Victoria and Gillman, and Co-Hosssing as Sir Alec. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:82) He thinks this one was for Ken Patera, who's also autograph signing. Does he sign boulders?

RD admits the Trolla Corporation may not in fact be delivering top quality products. You don't say.

Blade has yet to watch The Mandalorian, one episode guest starring Sasha Banks as another Mandalorian. He prefers to be in Vince's demographic and talk about his mask in Clerks 2 with Rosario Dawson guest starring in another episode. RD: "Did you throw your back out trying to make that connection?"

Some AEW folks will do a table read of A Christmas Story as part of annual TBS tradition, with Jim Ross narrating. He calls in to complain, sounding more hoarse than usual due to Blade's coughing fits. (:90) Then Blade laughs too much, giving RD an opportunity to quickly end things before Jim can tell him to go fuck himself.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:93)

Seventeen Syllables right here on the fly sure to be good:
The Undertaker.
You know what will rest in peace?
Some moron's wallet.

RD: "I thought you were gonna say "One thousand dollars.""
Blade: "Well, if I had more time to prepare."

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Thanksgiving/Black Friday
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow, Patreon
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Sleazy, things referencing things referencing other things.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Popeye, Popeye (2), Jim
  

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  10 (4 rapid fire)
• RD Time Outs:  1
• Blade Burps:  2
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  0
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  0

 

• Question of the Week from: Tony Christ
  
• WrestleCrap Radio 300.  What took so long? There's your answer. Done.

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Moments in WCR history?
• RD:  Penguin Episode, Mike Check goes to the Star Wars convention, the 2007 WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest (non sequentially)
• Blade:  April Fools Day WTKO Bob N’ Weave Morning Drive May 1977, Victoria’s launch party for her car company, RD lost his marbles over Gilliam, the draft where Sir Alec was co-host (non-sequentially, first time)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Undertaker cashing in fools’ money:
  The Undertaker.
  You know what will rest in peace?
  Some moron's wallet.

 

298 Technical Havoc: October 8, 2020

86 minutes

It's hard to get a word in with these clowns!

 

Technical difficulties have caused Blade to laughing into coughing. That makes one of us. (Laughing, not coughing.)

 

This continues for 18 minutes.

 

Blade is paranoid for some reason.
RD: "I sincerely doubt that your 'jokes' are the problem."
Blade: "It's a problem."

...

Also yes, RD, you and I are correct. (:16)

...

However, this doesn't apply to their other show where things actually work properly (most of the time anyway). So things are a wash.

 

(That sounds like a damning with faint praise endorsement to support them to listen to that, come to think of it.)

But at least it's fun to hear Blade lose his mind (and his breath).

 

Anyway, RD is doing Halloween things early in a time period where such temporal concepts are all timey-wimey by trying some Halloween Crunch with a Ghost Captain (an Ancient Mariner)? The back of the box has a word to unscramble which RD has Blade attempt over the phone. As expected, Blade needs the letters repeated. As unexpected, he guesses correctly. The orange ghosts taste like creamsicles. RD doesn't have milk to test if they turn it into green so Blade has him try it in 0% fat water poured all over his desk instead. 

Spoiler: nothing happens.

Blade also correctly remembers who all five Killer Bees are. They have a Kickstarter for a comic book which has already achieved its minimum goal of $3,000, despite it being 35 years too late and their illustrations looking nothing like them. However, Ken "Swinging Full Nelson" Patera will also be in it. (:27) Someone should send a copy to the Iron Sheik to see if he can break its back and make it humble old country way (you can probably guess how to do so with a comic book).

Speaking of crowdfunding, April Hunter needs to replace her implants due to a freak accident with her dog through her own Gofundme. Currently it is at 60% of the required $9,000. (:37) Blade lies that he will help folks who may get in trouble by donating. (She's also on Patreon if you prefer to help her there.)

Marty Janetty has confessed to crowdfunding murder. Again. (:43) RD advises the Listeners to not social media while intoxicated; otherwise you might end up Co-Hosssing a radio progrem with him.

WWE has made a special on The Best of Mickie James after mocking her for being old. (:46) The Co-Fruitcakes don't think it will include her appearance on Jenny Jones or her time in TNA with a train.

After having crowed about being in the top 1%, current jailbird Tam's OnlyFans page is now inactive. (:51)

RD: "How is that news?"

His actual phone rings in an attempt to get him to escape further talk on the subject. So too Blade's dog (he also has a duck).

As expected, Blade failed to do his one job of finding a Question of the Week Past Month since he was distracted by his attempt to get him some online. (The worse thing about this being alleged is that he failed at said alleged thing. The worst thing about this was that it was expected.) (:55) All he has is an ad from Kraft for their Macaroni and Cheese (or what's known up north as a Kraft Dinner). He lies again that he will send the box to the first person who emails him on this. RD agrees with me on calling him out in advance of not doing this. Blade tries to shift responsibility.

Speaking of doing his one job, he also has to improvise this week's other debate question: who else would they like to see in comic book form? (:59) RD wants the Apter Mag newsroom (wasn't that a Howard Hawks movie?), Missy Hyatt (I'd buy that for a dollar if she wrote it), and Jack Tunney: Agent of FURTHERMORE, with an unequivocal monologue in every issue. Blade wants the Iron Sheik fighting the aforementioned Killer Bees, Mickie James, and the Black Scorpion. RD (for real) would send someone his own Kraft box to whoever can spell out best what FURTHERMORE would stand for.

WWE is bringing back Halloween Havoc for NXT. (:74) Blade hallucinates someone dressing up as a "slutty ghost" and thinks AEW should have a competing Hanukkah Havoc.

Blade: "I've been pretty unprofessional at times."

Seventeen Syllables to add:
Halloween Havoc.
NXT's bringing it back.
I'm scared. Literally.

$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Coasty Marshmellow, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Bad things in tag teams, this show, train wrecks, tired.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Blade’s Poor Performance Excuse: Lack of sleep.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 0.

 

• Blade Time Outs:  11
• RD Time Outs:  0
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  3
• RD’s False Finishes:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1 

 

• Question of the Week from: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
  
• Do you have that special someone that would like a free box of Kraft macaroni and cheese? Blade: Yes.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What three wrestlers would you like to see in a comic book?
• RD:  Apter Mag characters, Missy Hyatt, Jack Tunney (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Black Scorpion, Mickie James, Iron Sheik

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade is frightened of cash grab nostalgia:
  
  Halloween Havoc.
  NXT's bringing it back.
  I'm scared. Literally.

297 Mad Ex: FuRD Road: August 30, 2020

15 Years of WCR: 12 Listeners Enter, 12 Listeners Leave

100 minutes

Blade feels old. RD: "You're telling me." SPEAKING OF Verne Gagne masturbating before killing somebody...  

This radio progrem was so big it was delayed due to technical difficulties and made Blade tired, then hungover, then drunk.

RD shills his WCW Halloween Havoc coasters. (:11).

RD is not sure if it requires less energy to listen to the progrem, or to read its summary here. "They're very tortured, I can give you that." He vows to have Co-Librarians on the show...somehow.

RD: "Everyone's more talented than I am."
Blade: "You have no idea how talented we are."
RD: "I didn't say 'we', I said 'me'. That's the difference." (:16)

RD has Kroger's Private Selection General Tso's Chicken in chip form. Unsurprisingly, they taste awful. Blade wants to target the food product market demographic.

Blade had tried enticing people on Facebook with random sexual innuendo to (have RD) call one chosen out of a hat. RD mocks him correctly on his not getting a single response, causing Blade to laugh uncontrollably. (:23) As you might expect, RD's attempt...disconnects Blade. How is this a bad thing? Blade filibusters by reading something by "Rose" who remembers Blade's ex-girlfriend who didn't know who was Becky. (:27) This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her.

Ricky Morton pleads with people on Twitter not to send him pizzas. (:30) Blade wouldn't mind paying for unexpected pizzas, expectantly missing the whole point. This prompts RD to give Jim a call. Sadly he doesn't order a pizza for him. (:35) RD insults Blade through Jim for misremembering things (but remembering he drove a braking down turkey van among his many business ventures).

Mickie James is on Raw again. (:40) RD still remembers her feud with Trish Stratus. Blade filibusters by reading something by "Christensen" who remembers Blade's ex-girlfriend who didn't like Trish. This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her. 

Tammy Sytch is in jail again. (:44) RD does his Nathaniel impression. He hopes that this is the last that will be heard of her for a good long while. For now.

RD: "We don't do scripts...obviously." (:51) 

He is shocked that for today's Question, "Blade has this". Dan on Twitter remembers RD's shaved back. RD corrects that it wasn't during his bachelor party. Blade does his Stubby impression to repeat one of his lines from their Roast of many moons ago. (:56)

Sad News: Blade will be moving out of Don's basement. Bitey has no comment. (:61)

RD disregards Blade's Question for another. (:64) Steve Mcclernon in Glasgow also listened to the whole canon, poor man. He remembers Marcho Madness, old RD&BS tapings, Mike Check still not properly doing the TNA market, Unsolved Mysteries remaining unsolved, Blade hearing actual TNA news from Corey Udler's impressions while visiting him at Chicago, Fun with Tammy, Paige replacing jailbird Tammy, and being baffled by their references and sports.

RD also checked the F4W Board, where someone noted that sped up Blade laughing sounds like Jim Neidhart. (:70) Blade remembers wearing shoe polish to look like Darryl Hall in third grade. If RD had his hair back he would leave it wet ala Bret Hart. Blade may not look like Brian Pillman in his youth or his AEW son, but he shares his madness. RD continues to make baffling references.

As for their favorite guests, (:75) Blade has Rebel eating cereal, 2011 Halloween Piper, the Zombie, and Kari Wuhrer. RD has run-in Piper, John Tenta, and his mother. Blade filibusters by remembering his ex-girlfriend who was tired of hearing about Eric Bischoff. This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her. 

RD fails to find Ken Patera on Cameo. (:91) The Co-Fruitcakes are still unimpressed by WWE. Someone asked Blade why he hasn't done his Ratings Reaper impression in a while. He's too distracted by whoever is left in the company throwing all their shit at the wall to impress Vince, like Shane McMahon's Fight Club rip-off. RD compares them both to the Apter Mag's complaining Old Man. He then repeats his Nathaniel impression. "We're like every other podcast now."

Blade sings about not wanting to go beyond Thunderdome.

$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• 15th Anniversary
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, coastymarshmellow.com (new), wrestlecrapradio.com
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Wrong turns, prank phone calls, special, Stratus vs James Wrestlemania match, Rebel and Dynamite, getting people on the show.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 6. Blade's Ex Girlfriend, Jim, Blade's Ex Girlfriend (2), Stubby, Bitey, Blade's Ex Girlfriend (3)

 

• F-Bombs:  3. Jim, Jim (2), Blade's Ex Girlfriend 

 

• Mama’s Damn, Damn, Damn Broken Dishes:  2
• Blade Time Outs:  10
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  2

 

• Question of the Week from: Dan
  
• Just had a flashback WrestleCrap Radio flashback while on vacation.  There’s some dudes with hairy backs on the beach and it reminded me of RD’s bachelor party where the DJ said "somebody shave that guy's back". Thanks for the laughs.  That was not my bachelor party.

 

• Question of the Week from: Unknown
  
• Hey RD and Blade, in Scotland we went into lockdown in March and I’ve been working from home ever since. To pass the time, I made the decision to go back and listen to every WrestleCrap Radio from the beginning, which I finished this morning. Should I be worried about my decision making skills? Yes.

 

• Favorite Memories: Marcho Madness, RD and Blade hybrid shows, TNA News 14 years in took five people, Fun with Tammy Episode, Turn the Page.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  All-Time WrestleCrap Radio Guests
• RD:  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, John Tenta, Momma Deal (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Kari Wuhrer, ECW Zombie, Rebel

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: No haiku this week, but a song instead. 

(to the tune of “We Don't Need Another Hero” by Tina Turner)

Outside of the ring
Digital wreckage
Vince made a mistake this time

We were once mark fans
The New Generation (The New Generation)
The ones that watched in ‘95

And I wonder if Raw is ever gonna change
Boring year after year
Wrestling’s not the same

We don’t need to see Benoit
We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes
All we want is Robbie-Young Thunderdome

All the mark fans say
We don’t need to see Benoit (We don’t need to see Benoit)
We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes (We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes)
All we want is Robbie-Young Thunderdome

296 Cam-Eye: July 23, 2020

Eye Quit!

109 minutes

Blade prepared himself by remembering a number. RD uses his degree in broadcast journalism to do bad impersonations.

Blade wants someone to write them a script for one episode, which they won't follow because it won't fit on a paper plate. (:06)

Blade entertains the people. (:08) RD wants to bribe people to listen. His Etsy shop has a new name.

RD is discovering the power of grocery delivery and item substitution...from Kroger. This scares Blade. (:17) His favorite United Dairy Farmers' Chocolate Chip was replaced by Toffee & Chip. This possesses Mama for some reason. (:24)

Sebastian Bach, formerly of Skid Row and not the WCR Quartet, has beef with Chris Jericho "miming" for some reason. (:25) Cue Jericho promoing against him. Cue Bach wanting a fight. Blade has to read things without Satan/Stan to do so. They play something of Jericho proving himself by copying RD. RD gongs him. He then does his own attempt on Ricky in his Nathaniel impression. He gongs himself. Blade then does his own attempt on I Remember You by fucking it up immediately. RD gongs him. His second attempt goes slightly better. RD gongs him again anyway. Blade makes excuses.

Miss Elizabeth has a new action figure. There's no word on whether it also functions as an ATM. (:38) While in the UK earlier in the year (before the rest of the year happened) Blade was surprised how many people did not like her by not buying her doll. Wendi Richter too also has a new action figure. Blade finds himself stymied by not being able to offend like he used to. He once saw a Richter pencil eraser. LJN was once to make a Haiti Kid figure.

Mickie James wants to "run" for "president" in news already reported on by Raging_Demons...somewhere. (:44) Will her agenda be based on trains running on time and a free horse for everyone? RD does his Jeff Foxworthy impression if possible. He thinks of making the site more redneck since he can't fully escape his hillbilly roots. I reckon.

As already reported on...by me, Tam has been arrested. (:48) Even worse, some of her OnlyFans stuff was leaked before that. What a shock. RD expects her to pop back soon, and if so to come after Blade since he's a "reporter".

Blade's royalty checks are being sent to an old address. (:56) Sean C. McLaughlin of Facebook has a question about Cody. So of course the two discuss Rebel instead. Blade has a short attention span. What a shock. RD finds Maryse more attractive nowadays as a mother (MHLF?).

The two's dismissive opinion on Randy "Cody" Orton is unchanged. RD looks up the ever accurate Wikipedia to read more about him that one time he was with Ted DiBiase Jr., Sim Snuka, and Cody. The two cough dryly at this. RD: "Poor Sim Snuka. I don't even know who he is."

Who would run gallop with Mickie James? (:68) RD wants the Deever, $20 on Cameo Jackie Gayda, and Taryn Terrell. Blade wants the Deever's bad impression on Cameo, Jim Crockett, Demolition Axe (not Smash?), Trish Stratus, and the Black Scorpion who can make the debt disappear (or transform it into a tiger).

As expected the two are distracted by who is on Cameo, including $20 Shelly Martinez and $50 Vince Russo.

RD skips ejaculating to Ken Pantera swinging so he can play Higher or Lower on Cameo instead of pretending to talk about wrestling news. (:84)

• Lita $100 < Rikishi $109 (Blade is 0 of 1)
• Bret Hart $150 > Kevin Nash $105 (0/2)
• Torrie Wilson $65 < Baron von Raskhe $125 (0/3)
• Diamond Dallas Page $90 < Tatanka Buffalo $100 (1/4)
• Ted DiBiase $75 < Ryback $100 (2/5)

WWE is seeing TNA level ratings such that Vince (McMahon) may also have to be on Cameo. Blade was lucky to miss the latest PPV so RD has to fill him in on what transpired for some reason (since he had to suffer through it on his own). In response Blade declares his secession from the WWE Universe.

Speaking of low ratings, let Mike Check tell you about helicopters once again. (:96) For some reason he did not like Robin Williams or Jonathan Winters in the Mork & Mindy market (perhaps due to it being in space sometimes with that Popeye impression of his, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk). In Phoenix's KLPS Lips 103, he was Duncan Jones, he had to fly a helicopter there with Sandy Roberts, and together they did the Sandy Duncan Eye in the Sky Weather Report. This makes Blade cough with laughter. He leaves with a request from a "Dominick" for Willie Nelson.

Par for the course, with this show your hopes will have to wait:
Eye For An Eye match.
Book another one next year.
Rey, Shawn, and Gibson.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, What Ganon Is Up To/Coasty Marshmellow, Troma Dance 2020, Skyline Drive Thru
  
• URLs not taken: 1. Mimingtoatape.com
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Patreon and WrestleCrapRadio.com, drive in movie theaters, hot, someone reckon their lives.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Mike Check
  

 

• Mama’s Damn, Damn, Damn Broken Dishes:  5
• Blade Time Outs:  14 (2 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Cricket Chirps:  4
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  4
• You're Hurtin' Me, Randy!: 1
• RD False Finishes: 1
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Sean C McG
  
• AEW Dynamite is supposed to have a surprise opponent for Cody and maybe more.  What won’t be the surprise? Sim Snuka (RD) or Randy Orton (Blade).
  

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  If Mickie James runs for President, who should her running mate be?
• RD:  Taryn Terrell, Jackie Gayda, Layla El
• Blade:  Black Scorpion, Demolition Ax, Trish Stratus (previously Jim Crockett)

 

• Hi Lo Cameo!  The game where you pick who you think charges more.
• Lita or Rikishi?  Blade:  Lita.  Incorrect.
• Bret Hart or Kevin Nash? Blade:  Nash.  Incorrect.  
• Torrid Wilson or Baron Von Raschke? Blade:  Torrie Wilson. Incorrect.
• DDP or Tatanka (Buffalo)? Blade:  Tatanka. Correct.
• Ted DiBiase or Ryback? Blade:  Ryback. Correct.

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  KLPS Lips 103 (Phoenix, AZ)
• Radio Call Sign:  Duncan Jones 
• Partner: Sandy Roberts
  
• Show:  Sandy Duncan Eye in the Sky Traffic Report
• Song:  "In My Mother’s Eyes" by Willie Nelson 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Take two?
  Eye For An Eye match.
  Book another one next year.
  Rey, Shawn, and Gibson.
  

"Fans" With Tammy

You know, I should probably have made a (sports-related) bet on this.

WWE HALL OF FAMER TAMMY SYTCH ARRESTED

Feels like I've been here before.

Feels like I've been here before.

PWInsider.com is told that Sytch was arrested early this morning and charged with with the following:

*Operating a Motor Vehicle during a second license suspension.

*Eluding a Police Officer.

*Contempt/Violation of a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

You know, I am morbid enough to wish I could have seen how that car chase went. Be honest with me, you would too wouldn't you?

Well, I don't want to sound like a broken record so let's just acknowledge this rising of the sun and -



Wait.



WHY AM I ONLY NOW READING ABOUT THIS.

Jim Ross Is All About Sunny’s Only Fans Account

The WWE Hall Of Fame announcer took the time to plug Sunny’s adult friendly website. He also invited fans to “troll away.”

"I’ve often heard, and I agree, that controversy creates cash. Plus, I believe that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life.  ... Discretion Advised….troll away"

...

Sunny didn’t reply to JR, but she did retweet him. We’re guessing the least she could do is get him a comped subscription for the extra boost in visibility.

Fans haven’t been trolling as much as being in awe that they were able to witness a moment in history where Jim Ross plugged Sunny’s amateur adult entertainment website.

Welp.

As someone with a libertarian streak in me, as well as a desire to help/promote others, and knowing a few folks also over there (don't ask), I can't find fault with him either. And yet...




Gee, I wonder who this could be.

...

Hello.

How ya doin' tonight, Not-Deal?

Meh. Could be better, could be worse. How about yourself Jim? Are you still stuck in Arizona?

No, buh Gawd. After hours o' tryin' to avoid sittin' in the sun, yet not go inside where not one got-damn person was wearing a mahsk - 

I'm assuming they were all cocksuckers who are not going to be served in one of your dining establishments anytime soon?

Ya got that rhight. Heh, you're not as dum' as you presen' yerself! Anyway, Bob Caudle showed up in som' jalopy older than he is to com' an' pick meh up. Apparently someon' - maybe Hollywood John or Johnny Age - had snuck some sort of GPS trackin' device inside mah hat, an' somehow Bob managed to track it despite bein' older than dirt.

...What? Why?

I'm guessin' they would know when I was out of tha house so they could seduce mah wife!


Awwww. I'm sorry to hear that Jim.

Thank ya. I'm glad there's at least one person on mah side. Unlike that got-damn radio program ya write about! Ya should do somethin' more productive! Like work fer me! I can pay ya in all the ribs, steaks, an' pulled pork you can imagin' eatin'! All covered in mah delicious rub!

Your offer is appreciated, but I'll pass for now. Although maybe I can forward my resume to you in case?

Thank ya. Anyway, ya were talkin' about mah tweetin' about Sunny.


Yep. Although as I said I wish I came across this sooner. This was in May!

Ah, don't worry ya head too much. Ya know how late RD an' Blade are when they talk about "Curren' Wraslin' News"?

...Since when have they ever reported on current wrestling news?

Exactly. So ya may have fasta scoops than those two bunch-a fuckin' idiots!


...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a complaint. I'll take it as both under advisement.

Take it however ya likhe. Now -


Wait wait wait, sorry to interrupt. You didn't tell me to shove it up my ass?

...If that's what ya wan' ta do in ya spare time then don't let meh stop ya. Although I don't know why but whatever. It's yer choice, just like what Sunny had.

Maybe, but normally with those two "idiots" of yours that is the first and only option.

An' it's betta than tha norm'lly deserve! Half the tyime they just keep makin' fun of mah business! Those sonsabitches!

...Again I'll take that as both compliment and complaint.

Anyway, if ya'll let meh finish. I posted that thing since I wanted to do somethin' non-angry fer once in mah life. Maybe it would indirectly bring people to buy mah new book. Or at least troll somebody else fer a change instead of me.

And did it? 

No! Tens of sonsabitches messaged MEH instead askin' if I was usin' this to help meh find a new whife!


Oh dear.

Mah hands got tired from all the typin' replies, so I got Bob to do it for meh with his arthritic hands a his.


Oh dear. I wonder how long that would take him.

If I had a tell one cocksucker, I had a tell a hundred. There are only two wohmen in mah life. One was mah wife. Tha other is Dark Journey!

But of course. Who doesn't know that?

If I had a third it would be mah barbecue. 


That also.

Speakin' of mah barbecue an' OnlyFans, I once was on OnlyFans too.


[Spit-take]

I'm sorry, what? YOU were also on OnlyFans?

Yeah that's rhight. Ya can't hear meh? Is ya phone workin'?


No, not that. I mean, anyone can use that as a way to publicly fund their activity. But unlike the more general nature of other similar sites like, say, Patreon, where WrestleCrap is also on, OnlyFans skewers more to sexual content, more often than not produced by younger women. 

Yeah I kno' that, I ain't no dummeh. Not like those cocksucker announcers who replaced meh back at Dubya-Dubya-E! I mean: what? Ya sayin' you don't find mhe good lookin'? I'm not an attractiv' mayn or somethin'? Do ya thin' I'm sexy? Do ya think I turn ya on?

Er...I'll just say you were married and apparantly you think Dark Journey still pines for you, and leave it at that Jim.

Anyway I decided to see what I could do to get some business goin', based on mah experience an' expertise as an annouhncer an' barbecue mayn. So I decided that I would post videos of mah cookin'.

...Alright? And -

Nekkid.


...

...I'm sorry, what?

Well not completely nekkid. I would at least leave muh hat on. A genneman doesn't take one's hat owf without good reason.

 ...

...of course.

Anyway I would grill an' barbecue nekkid on camerah. With muh hat on. Outdoors of course, when ta weather was good an' I had space to place a set. A big huge set! An' I called it...Buff Cooking with JR.

...I think I can see where this is going, but go on.

Within a week I got all these online jezebehls subscribin' to me. Like...a whole ten of 'em.


Well that's not bad! Any base is a good base, no matter how small.

Well that's easy fer you to say. They all left within a week.


What? Oh no, why?

They all kept messagin' meh all askin' meh just tha one same thin': "When is Buff Bagwell comin'? It's in tha thitle! Ya said he would be on tha show with ya!"

Oh dear.

An' I - well, Bob since he was writin' for meh - was like "how the fuck shoul' I know, womahn? Do I look like that old hag of his Judy ta ya?"    

Ahhh Jim.

An' besides, ain't he busy in Vegas playin' at Pretty Woman an' being a whor'? Perhaps with th' help of Judy bein' his pi -

You picked the wrong Richard Gere movie.

What's that?


American Gigolo.

Did either movie involv' him taking a gerbil an' shovin' it up his -


That's just an urban legend Jim, always has been. ...Is your MovieTrolla working properly Jim?

If I could afford to buh anotha from yer business I would. I spent two thousan' dollars alone on that huge set an' grill for mah show -

Two thousand dollars?

- an' when those jezebehls dehmanded their money bhack I had to pay anotha one thousan' dollars fer false advertisin'!

Oh no.

I swear, tha next time I'm in Las Vegas for mah book tour I'm gonna give Buff a new one, that fuckin' sonofabitch! Costin' meh money even when not wraslin'! In the meantim' I need to get mah money back. What do ya know about this - Patron, ya said?

Er...I'm not the right guy to ask. Have you tried RD?

That sonofabitch? Ya tryin' to giv' meh a heart attack from all this stress of dealin' with them?


You could have Bob handle him for you? He looks like he might have some better luck at any rate.

Hmmm, good point. I'll ahsk him if he's not fallen asleep again on tha job, that other sonofabitch. 


(I won't hold my breath on that if I were you.)

You know who else is also a sonofabitch?


Who would that be Jim?

That fuckin' bastard "Ultimate" "Warrior"! 


Yes, now THAT news is more up to date. Current Wrestling News right here on WrestleCrapRadio!...Dot Com!

I mentioned it on mah OHWN podcast that has more than a dohzen people listenin' to it an' who probably support mah barbecue, unlike those cocksuckers RD an' Blade. It was me, Vince, Linda, Jimmy, an' Brucey payin' him a visit many many years ago. Let meh tell ya somethin': ya think I have a potty mouth?

That's still debatable.

Well that sonofabitch was even wors'! If he wasn't swearin' he was talkin' about this "destrucity" bullshit o' his, and fightin' som' "Hokogan" whateva th' fuck that was, an' about how he wanted to prove Santa Claus was real by tyin' him up an' rapin' him! An' all in front of that jezebehl Linda! Why an' how Vince thought that piece of shit would ever work in Dubya-Dubya-Eff is anyone's guess. Heck, why'd ya think I escaped to Ay-Eee-Dubya when I did? To sit aroun' an' talk about Chris Jericho with Tony Schiavone's butt in seat an' some masked mahn who thinks he's a sword or somethin'? No! To git away from Vince before he attempted to shove more things up MUH ass! That sonofabitch!

Please don't remind me. I can hardly forget it as it is.

Anyway, I remember one time mor' than ten years ago. I was at one of mah restaurants when this ugly an' dirty lookin' mayn stumbled in an' asked for a table. I rememba this strong scent o' booze stronger than any of my sauces and someone had drawn very badly on his face, assumin' he didn't do it himself of course. Also he had duc' tape and poleece lines danglin' off his arms fer some got-damn reason. 

I wonder who that was.

To be honest with ya buh Gawd I swear I thought he was Blade if not just some random hobo. Anyway he just sat down, didn't order anything at first. Then he just started takin' all mah fancy knives off tha table! When we confronted him about it he said he was just "borrowin'" them because apparently he was now some sort of 'knife painter'. I've heard of some STUPID things in mah life, but this one might have topped it.

Emperor, please don't remind me of that either. Although knife painting IS a viable artistic method, don't get me wrong. At least if the artist actually has some talent for it. Maybe even over on Patreon and the like.

You're rhight Blah. But that implhies that Jim Hellwig has any sort of talent, be it wraslin' or pain'. Let meh tell you somethin': he doesn't. Tha only thin' he could do good was stand there lookin' all pretty while Sting did all tha work for tha both of them.

I will admit Jim, I always thought his so called "painting" just involved shaking his arms and yelling a lot.

Heh heh heh, good kneeslapah there! No wonder I like you guys more than RD an' Blade. Anyway as Dr. Death was throwin' him out - his hands were all sloppy from bein' down in the basement beatin' mah meat - the sonofabitch was hootin' an' hollerin' like a tied-up mule about how mah “grilling don't make the world work". Ya know what I told that motherfucker?

I can probably guess.
 
Neither does ya so called doodlin'! Shove it an' ya knives up yer fuckin' ass!


But of course. ...But now I'm thinking.

That's more than RD an' Blade eva did.


Very funny. What I'm thinking is: if Warrior was around today and for some reason wanted to inflict himself on others via a site like Patreon or Onlyfans, what do you think he would be doing?

I don't know. What do ya think he would be doin' Nostradamus?


...Absolutely nothing. Just like what he did - and was good at too - throughout his wrestling "career".

Heh heh heh heh, good one Blah. Why aren't ya hosting a podcast instead of those two jokhers?
 

Your guess is as good as mine on that. Maybe I'll ask RD on this the next time I talk to him.

Anyway, as much as I'd likhe to stay an' chew tha fat somemore, I've gotta go. These books an' steaks won't sell themselves, heh heh.

Well don't let me keep you. At least wear a mask alongside your hat when you're cooking, you hear? 

You also, and I'll see what I can do. Have a nice day, Boomer Sooner, an' go Fans yourself!


Say hello to Bob for me if he's not still asleep. And make sure Jimichiro actually got that message of ours! We still have to face him in court!...Eventually (when I get to it).

[Far away from the phone] Got-damnit Bob, how little do I pay ya to lie on the floor not workin'? Git up ya lazy goodfernuthin sonofabitch!

Speaking of repeating broken records while the sun rises...