Showing posts with label The Co-Hosss Contest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Co-Hosss Contest. Show all posts

(292) Bitey's Revenge: April 1, 2020

..But not as terrifying as this podcast, Alfred!
"3" (27) minutes

Bitey tries his claw hosting with predictable results Random albeit looped/sequential bird soundclips take over for RD & Blade RD plays all his soundclips available to him RD attempts an avant-garde meditative audio piece RD last minute submits his monthly quota for the peanut gallery.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 14: An owl and a droid imitating parrot fail to impress with their own soundclips. Current Tally: 0 of ???.

Chirp:
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.



...Go vote?



$32.50 Chirp $19.99 Chirp 















Chirps & Cheeps (as deciphered by Erik "Dr. Doolittle" Majorwitz)

 

  • 20th Annibirdsary
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SQUAWKING OFs: 0.
  • Dave Meltzer, not chirping about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Fly Ins: 2. Owl, Droid Parrot

 

  • Mama's Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Weird Al Laughs:
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
 
Despite having less than a 30 minute run time, Bitey has the show record for number of segments/Trolla products used:  
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsor/Shills
  • Trip to the Grocery
  • Obscure Wrestling News
  • Question of the Week
  • Fun With Tam
  • WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest
  • Fantasy Booking Island
  • WrestleCrap Radio 3 Count
  • Current Wrestling News
  • Weekly Wrestling Haiku 
  • FaxTrolla
  • BabyTrolla
  • HulkTrolla
  • TamTrolla

  • Question of the Week from: ???
    • I don't speak bird.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  ???
    • Bitey:  I don't speak bird (non sequentially).
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Bitey fills in as best he can:
    Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp
    Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp
    Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp


Episode 25: Wooooing Cough: February 21, 2014

"Granny Panties" Machine
65 minutes

((( recorded in high phone-buzzing over-modulated fidelity )))

Sad News: RD & Blade are doing another recording two months after the last one. Say, did anyone remember when they said they wanted to do THIS show more frequently because WWCR also started the new year in two months later? About that...

ACTUAL Sad News: RD cracked his Niagara Falls Cup.

Blade asks RD what his favorite episode of the old show was because he's run out of ideas. RD reads over 'summaries' of the new show. (:05 - :14)

Sad News: Dick Woerhle is still no longer with us.

A bored RD goes through his Skype contacts. (:15)

Blade is still looking for a third Co-Hosss.

Sad News: Blade hasn't found any new Doritos flavors in recent days.

RD is willingly drinking Gatorade to battle his cough. (:21) He then mocks confused grocery shoppers with his Nathaniel Senior impression.

The Co-Fruitcakes wonder about the many new flavors and varieties crowding the food industry these days. Blade responds with his habitual obtuseness.

(Sad?) News: Blade is to 'star' in another of his friend's horror movies. (:32)

RD customized his Royal Rumble Pinball Machine and is willing to sell it off. (:37) Blade wants someone to Photoshop something involving Miss Elizabeth.

The WWE Network is still in plans to launch very soon. If hell freezes over and it actually does it has quite a lot of stuff that would interest somebody or other, including some classic stuff. RD does his Nathaniel Senior. (:40)

In response to a potential placing of NXT RD mentions Impact's 'ratings', which are as real as the city of Atlantis. (:48)

Blade is happy CM Punk has 'left' WWE because he doesn't have to subject himself to watching RAW anymore. (:49)

RD reads his Facebook page on the topic of great Divas' feuds (to see on TV) as an excuse to mock his Listeners. Blade considers Fabulous Moolah, Wendi Richter, and Rockin' Robin as 'hot'. (:53)

Sir Alec calls in to end the show. (:58) He 'recites' a Jeff Hardy promo, though it's hard to hear him through his loud music, the bad phone quality, and Blade distracting him with his laughter.
 
 
 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 5. Gatorade, Blade’s next movie, Indy Go Go, USA Network, The Incredible Hulk
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Miss Elizabeth, machines you’d put a quarter in

  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Sir Alec
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  1
  • RD Time Outs: 2 (1 Whoa, Whoa, Whoa)
 
  • Erik Majorwitz’s Hindsight Haiku: RIP RD’s Niagra Falls cup:
    Niagara Falls cracked.
    Whatever will RD drink from now?
    Dixie cup...sugar!!!
 

(141) High Energy: April 1, 2009

78 minutes
by The Falcon

They said this day would never come, but it finally did: the greatness that is Koko B. Ware has finally entered the Hall of Fame. This greatly excites our Birdmen, as well it should. And if you don't share their optimism with this, then why are you even here???

Sadly the Duo are not able to make it to Houston to attend the ceremony, so they've sent Mike Check in their place to the Toyota Center to report on things. No one's arrived yet, so he entertains us with the time he was once overseas in Yokohama, and was Johnny Hero on The Hero Shima Show.

RD remembers when he once met Koko at...Kokomo. That sure was something. (:15)

RD took a FLIGHT to Big Lots to find a Frankie bird for his niece, but sadly he could only find a figure of Tippi Hedren in The Birds. That was a fun family movie, wasn't it?

John Thomas tries to call in but oddly this time RD doesn't have time for him. (:23) Usually he calls in for at least a half hour or so. I guess it's not the case this time on this special day.

The BirdTrolla has some Obscure Koko News for us no matter the day or occasion. (:24) The Great Koko was on a podcast recently saying that he feels like he's in the Hall already. Blade thinks he should be in every Hall Of Fame, even ones he's not eligible for. Personally I want to see him inducted in Cooperstown.

WWE is trying to buy Mid-South (Koko's old proving grounds) from Ene "Ma" Watts. In response to this Jim Ross gives a call. (:28) He's more angered than usual now that Taz is gone and he's not personally carrying out the induction himself. Poor guy, I admit I feel for the fella. He has however, found tape of a Koko Mid South promo for us all to watch. He then promptly has a nervous breakdown while rambling about his self-carpentry skills.

You know what's good to clear that off our minds? Some Koko Fan Fiction Theatre, that's what. (:36) In honor of this week's special occasion Sir Alec has a heartwarming tale about Frankie looking for love.

The Birdmen check back in on Mike Check, who still hasn't had luck in finding anyone. (:44) He dedicates a song to Frankie right here on KOKO.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 4: Ed Salo gets a trick question. (:47) On the other hand Anthony from Kentucky can't answer a simple question. (:52) They're really scraping the bottom of the birdcage for entrants now! Tally: 0 for infinity.

There's still been no new developments where Mike Check's at. (:56) He does however play Blade's requested Misfits song.

Question of the Week from Rita M Booda (:61): The Great Koko should be World Champion forever. I agree.

RD does not have time for B.M. Punk calling in either. (:63) To make a bad pun here, he succeeds in flushing him out rather quickly.

Mike Check plays Snowbird for our enjoyment. (:64)

Current Koko News certainly manages to invigorate even the laziest Listener. (:67) The Honky Tonk Man wants to beat up Ric Flair at Koko's ceremony. I would donate any amount of bird seed to see that happen. There's confusion over whether (stuffed) Frankie will or will not make an appearance at the place.

Mike Check finally gets to party with Morris Day & The Time. (:72) I hope he doesn't get a heart attack from all the excitement. Otherwise where will we get our up to date bird news?

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those pressed for time, you can find a summary here.]

(141) Koko Radio: April 1, 2009

78 minutes

Mike Check as a Radio Correspondent! John Thomas and BM Punk call in! JR is still angry! BirdTrolla! Koko FanFiction Theater with a horny Frankie! Another Round in Year 4 of the Co-Hosss Contest! (0 for 2) Morris Day and the Time live! All this and the Piledriver song, right here on the most exciting episode of Koko Radio ever!!!

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those wondering fellow Koko Radio fans, you can find a longer explanation of events here.]

073 Pac-Crap: August 17, 2007

Crüe Ball
Crap In A Hat
(69 minutes)

ECW's love pentagram. Miz, the dance squad, and now Balls Mahoney. No Mike Knox love sadly. Alien Hammy. Blade: "That sounds so exciting, I’m, I’m literally I’m I’m salivating at the mouth just thinking about it."

RD's Trip to Pick-Up Madden 08 (:09): Dr Feelgood video game music from Crue Ball. (:11) Madden 08 came with a superpretzels coupon, a piece of candy, and Axe shower gel. Four-year-old Cat In The Hat candy. (:19)

Co-Hosss Contest "Winner": the sole female, Kelly. She has a haiku of her own. (:23)

Vincent's bastard kid.
A girl co-hosts WrestleCrap.
Gooker ends in tie.

Question of the Week (:31): Ultimate Kennedy (4) wants work rate ratings in wrestling video games. Macho Kong. I Want My Mommy.

Horsetrolla (:37): Francine is selling used soap which "smells good through the wrapper" and is "a bargain at half the price.". Faxtrolla (:43): Crush died. Demoliton will reunite. The Book of Lists is delayed to October. Big Show's wife wants a cooking show. Clocktrolla: 10114 days. (:50)

Pac Man Jones, wrestler who is forbidden from wrestling. (:52) Raw has been imitating game-shows. Blade still can't get enough of Linda Hogan. SNME returns.

The Co-Hosts talk about SummerSlam before they realize their mistake. 

Haiku That Speaks for an Entire Generation:
Return of the Game?
I'd rather play Atari
2600.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Balls to my Mahoney, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks
  • URLs not taken: 2. JackTunney.com, Furthermore.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Things you shouldn’t probably partake in, which, CM Punk and John Morrison
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 2. Atari 2600, Wide World of Sports
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Kelly
 
  • Krankor Laughs: 3
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  • Weird Al Laughs: 2
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
  • Cricket Chirps: 2
  • ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
 
  • Mickie James References: 1

  • Question of the Week from: Ultimate Kennedy (4)
    • If a smark were to design a wrestling video game, do you think one of the statistics that they would work into characters would be a work rate listing? Wrestlers could have such things as speed, stamina and work rate. I think there would also be a moveset. I love the idea.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Return of the Game?
    I'd rather play Atari
    Twenty Six Hundred.
  • Kelly's Haiku:
    Vincent's bastard kid.
    A girl co-hosts WrestleCrap.
    Gooker ends in tie.

071 Fantasy Booking Island: July 27, 2007

Fantasy Booking Island
(108 minutes)

RD and Blade were on Bryan Alvarez's podcast. Brooke is not "anonymous" but Blade is. Quote he: "Can you imagine if we did a show everyday?"

RD's Trip to Wendy's (:08): Blade's runaway Plymouth Horizon story featuring Don Mason. He is asked to write "The Blade Braxton Story". Wendy's has freaks on their take-out paper bags.

Co-Host Contest Week 18 (:20): Starring Primetime (:25), Tom (:32), Seth (Drakin?) (:41), Ed Salo (:47) and WWE's incorrect and useless trivia book. A recorded message and wrong number sum up the Contest. The auditions are (finally) finished. A "winner" will be announced after the 'tapes' are 'reviewed'. Final Tally: 14 of 24.

Clocktrolla: 10138 days. (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News: Rickey Morton left a show because his tag partner Robert Gibson and his glass eye were making three times as much money. (:53) Blade: "I’d still be cleaning the Jergens off me right now." Tajiri does not want to return to WWE, though no one knows if it has to do with his imprisoned wife. The Zombie managed to beat his opponent last week. Mike Knox is returning to bodyslam the Miz. (:60) Areola is selling her vampire wares. (:63) Blade: "Do you need a good spunk rag or a funk sock?" Jackie Gayda's former boyfriend is looking for an excuse to sell her models by also providing free nude pics. "Good friend of the show" Dan Spivey was arrested for a DUI. Blade considers Dan Spivey a role model. The Horsetrolla has a myspace: (:69) Mickie James will be stage-diving at the Warped Tour. According to Blade, Don Mason's grandfather once stumbled onto a guy fucking a horse.

The Question of the Week segment has returned. (:74) Josh has an idea for a food related tag team. The Dusty Rhodes book is still at WrestleCrap HQ.

Mr Rourke's Fantasy Booking Island, e.g. Fantasy Crap Island. (:79 - :87)

WWE has put Hacksaw and Sandman into a tag team. Hulk will be on QVC hawking the Hogan Grill. (:87) Washed-up famous people choose to sell food-preparation machines because pretty much anything that produces heat can cook food and the instructions are simple: put food in thing, close lid, turn on. It's good masturbation material for Blade though. ("That’s between me and the funk sock.") McMahon is still behind the times, especially when it comes to music. Battle of Kings: Booker vs Jerome Lawler. (:96) RD loved the Hitman vs Doink / Lawler DQ match.

Delayed Haiku:
'Swoggle's a champ. If
SuperPorky doesn't get
a shot, we riot.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Extreme to my Expose, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Figure Four Weekly, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
  • URLs not taken: 3. DigitalPheromones.com, soiledwithsemen.com, funksock.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 8. The exotic types and world tours of love, going around the world getting poontang, the grocery, dramatic, women of WCW, cheap bucks, people about as old as Mr. Rourke, living in the past
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 30. Plymouth Horizon (4), Dodge Omni, Plymouth Horizon (5), Dodge Omni (4), Plymouth Horizon (11), Fantasy Island, Maude, Happy Days, Fantasy Island (2)
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Mr. Roark, Tattoo
 
  • F-Bombs: 3. Blade as his mom, Blade (2)

  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Krankor Laughs: 3
  • Weird Al Laughs: 3
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
  • Cricket Chirps: 1
  • ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
 
  • Mickie James References:  6
  • Ashley Massaro References:  3
  • Shelly Martinez References:  3

  • Return: Question of the Week from: Josh
    • Mr. Mrs. Deal, with Johnny Nitro becoming John Morrison, I was thinking if WWE ever decides to reunite M&M, would they now be called MMM? And if so what are the odds they do a cross-promotional ad campaign for Hungry Man Dinners with Homer Simpson? License to print money! Give my best to Uncle Burt. No sold.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    'Swoggle's a champ. If
    SuperPorky doesn't get
    a shot, we riot.
 

069 Hogan Knows Breast: July 13, 2007

Hogan Knows Breast
(77 minutes)

WWE has many red necks on its roster.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Kaboom bowl blaster should do cross-promotions with Kaboom cereal and the video game Kaboom.

No Co-Host Contest (Week 16) because Blade was too hung-over to reply to the contestants. (:18) If that doesn't summarize the Contest...

Mail Bag: John Thomas has a Myspace page. Spiky900 thinks John and the Repo Man should tag team. (:23) A forum fundraiser for Blade to go out on a lunch date with Mimi has so far raised negative dollars. The Nitro girls have no talent and have some strange names. Neil Parthon listens every week (poor guy). (:32) There are actual Food Jobbers and Meat Jobbers. Someone wanted to sell Blade his old mobile food unit. Chris McGuiness has the show's only good joke today. (:38) Funk Sock. It's spelled FAXTrolla.

Clocktrolla: 10152 days. (:40)

Obscure Wrestling News (:44): RD wants to go all Iron Sheik on Blade and cut promos against him. Teddy Hart, Bret's cousin and formerly of WSX, is heading to WWE to flip all over the ring. (:49) RD and Blade want to go on a dinner date, so RD suggests they go to JR's BBQ restaurant in OK which is close by to former Lion Billy Sim's own one. (:53) WWE Magazine has new features that are similar to WrestleCrap columns. (:57) Shelton should go in search of his momma. The Undertaker has a new $2.7 million building, which is NOT the world's biggest stable. (:63)

Blade: "You know of I were to pass away and like, one of my family members came in there to open that box, can you imagine the sheer horror on their face?"

Blade has sources. (:69)

Seventeen Syllables on Brooke Hogan's Tucans:
Brookester's new boobies.
What, you ask, could be better?
Some bright orange nipples.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Festus to my Jesse, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrap Book of Lists, Global Internet, Angry Marks, KaBoom Bowl Blaster
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. 5 star entertainment, things that suck, Grandmasters, things that are fantastic, someone bought this
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 8. Activision, Atari, KaBoom!, Kaboom Clown, The Fall Guy, Singer, Sears, Dick Clark
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
 
  • F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade

  • Krankor Laughs: 2
  • Weird Al Laughs: 2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
  • Cricket Chirps: 3
  • ClockTrolla Chimes: 1

  • Mailbag
    • Spiky900: If John Thomas the infamous bill collector from Chase Meridian Mastercharge and the Repo Man formed a tag team and called themselves the Debtonators, what would their finisher be? I'm thinking they would win most of their matches with a Schoolgirl in Heat rollup. This guy answered his own question.
    • Neil Parthon: I listen to Wrestlecrap Radio every week. However, on your show from June 6th you made an error. According to some California state statues a quote "food jobber" is indeed an establishment. I quote: "food establishment means any restaurant, vehicle, itinerant restaurant, mobile food preparation unit, vending machine, bakery, food processing establishment, delicatessen, grocery, confectionery, meat market or plant, meat jobber, food jobber, and any other establishment or place or portion thereof maintained, used, or operated for the sole purpose of commercially storing, packaging, displaying, making, cooking, baking, mixing, processing, bottling, canning, slaughtering, or other preparing or handling food or beverage." Who knew that there were not only food jobbers but also meat jobbers? Wrestlecrap Radio: raising the bar with not only obscure wrestling news and comedic jokes, but now you're raising the awareness and frontiers of our fellow crappers' linguistic capabilities and vocabulary prowess. No sold.
    • Chris McGuiness: After all the discussion last week about the various Trollas at Wrestlecrap HQ it made me think. In fact I've been pondering this question for a long time since I was lucky enough to be a contestant during the second week of the co-host contest. If you received a gadget that gave you news only about Chris Jericho, would it be called the Ayatolla of Rock 'N' Rolla Trolla? He's good.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Brookester's new boobies.
    What, you ask, could be better?
    Some bright orange nipples.
 

068 The Food Jobber: July 6, 2007

The Food Jobber
(85 minutes)

The Co-Hosts will not be discussing recent events because they're trying so hard just to be 'funny'. (:02)

Angry Marks' new ad copy sadly does away with Mike Jones testicular violence. (:12)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:15): Go-Tarts with creamy filling. Half and Half Pop-Tarts on the other hand don't have that. Hip-Hop Potato Chips from Lil' Romeo. Blade tries "BBQing with my honey" and does not like it.

Co-Host Contest Week 15 (:27): Things have gotten to the point that no one bothers to respond. Next week will be the 'last' week, with essays graded by Blade.

Mail Bag (:32): Ultimate Kennedy (3) wants astronaut wrestlers. RD wants the radio progrem to be on satellite radio. The grocery is termed 'the food jobber'. (:37) A typo is funny for some reason. (:39) The Fabulous Ones were obviously gay, and RD once again states that he is obviously not. Blade: "I’m not fucking Steve Keirn and I’m not banging Stan Lane!"

Clocktrolla
Obscure Wrestling News: Paul Wight wants to box. (:45) The Crickets have a Myspace page. Brother Midnight is coming on the progrem. RD finally updated his links page. Lita has her own radio show, though it's not yet on satellite radio. (:51) Take Magnificent Mimi out on a lunch date. (:54)

Clocktrolla: The Trolla Corporation has sent to RD a device to count down the days Candace Michelle has left to break Moolah's record title reign. Only 10,159 days left. (:60)

McMahon is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with Susan "Uh Oh" St. James. (:70) Marella lost his belt. Super Crazy screwjob.

Blade: "I would only hope if something ever happened to me they would send you a BladeTrolla."

Seventeen Dildo-Free Syllables:
She thinks she's Hennig.
Michelle McCool is abso-
lutely not perfect.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Yankee Doodle to my Dandee, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrap Archive DVD, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap Book of Lists
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Unleashing the floodgates of laughter, shilling, Pop Tarts, well structured letters, seeing boxes
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 7. Europe’s Final Countdown, Bill Hickey, Bee Gees, Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Bryan Adams, J.Geils Band
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade

  • ClockTrolla Chimes: 3
  • Entertain The People: 1
  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Krankor Laughs: 2
  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  • Susan St. James Uh Ohs:  22
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  • Cricket Chirps: 3
 
  • Lita References: 5
 
  • Mailbag
    • Ultimate Kennedy (3): Dear RD and Blade, are you guys surprised that in all the history of bad ideas in wrestling, there hasn't been any astronaut gimmicks yet in wrestling? The guy could clomp around to the ring in moon boots, carry an astro blaster to blow away the babyfaces? Yes, an EVIL wrestling astronaut. Also RD, being a fan of The Simpsons, do you remember the episode where Mr. Burns needs Lisa's help to get his money back by recycling? Mr. Burns at one point goes to the grocery store which he calls "The Food Jobber". Is this obscure wrestling news due to the jobber reference? You should make it RD's Trip to the Food Jobber. I have to look into that.
    • Anonymous: Hey RDizzle and Blade, what wrestler do you think is overrated and given way too big of a push? My choice would be John Cena. He reminds me of a skinner in a way more talented belt hogging P.N. News. Call me old fashioned even though I'm only 21 but that spinner belt pisses me off! No sold.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Spit and slap the chewing gum walk off.
    She thinks she's Hennig.
    Michelle McCool is abso-
    lutely not perfect.

067 No Old Country Way for Old Men: June 22, 2007

Don with Corn oil for the Iron Sheik
(94 minutes)

Brother Midnight wears no pants, making him Blade's long lost brother.

RD doesn't like Stephanie McMahon. He is completely incorrect regarding this issue.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Sad News: rumor has it that Kellogg's will purge its cartoon characters. (:17) Blade sings the Yummy Mummy jingle. Also he has some "Big Announcement": He wants to make a bet on when the Colts and Lions play on August 25th.

Co-Host Contest Week 14: (:23) RD is 'stunned' by a woman (Kelly) on the line. She will win this pointless, horrible charade. 12 of 22.

Mail Bag (:35): Seth Drakin (2) thinks the Burger King may be King Pedophile's long lost brother. The Burger King veggie burger sucks. Robert Conrad memories. RD goes into the WC Forum and brings back a question about Wendy Richter from WrestleMania I: Does the Iron Sheik have weird sex habits? (:42) Fabulous Moolah has a very scary action figure.

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): There's a Tribute to RD Reynolds on Youtube. The Crickets have a Myspace page. Lord Alfred offers free balling. His daughter contacted Blade recently. Years ago, the Blue Meanie was involved with WrestleCrap.com. He is now selling Meanie sauce. (:55)

WSX has stripped its only champion of his belt despite not having made an episode for many months. (:58) The Zombie is back in the ring. (:62) TNA's complexity is killing itself. (:66) RD starts talking about Mark Twain for some reason.

WWE has ordered referees to not act like buffoons, which involves fining them. (:70) Candice Michelle has a small nose. ECW got the Boogeyman. (:76) Blade's friend Don (who likes beating off with corn oil) does not believe they kill off actual live worms. (:78) This is an excuse as any to remember American Starship Eagle and Coyote. Rumors abound that the Iron Sheik may be on TV, which is an excuse for RD to play sound clips. (:83) Interminable Raw.

Seventeen Big Syllables:
Big Steph's in the house.
Oops, sorry, meant to say she's
as big as a house.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Brother to my Midnight, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap DVD Rom, Meanie Sauce
  • URLs not taken: 1. ChuckWooleryPullsAChain.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 14. Fascinating, beating off with corn oil, making a porno movie, proud sponsors of WrestleCrap Radio, madness from things you get at the grocery store, fellow crappers, folks, battery and like battery acid, things that won’t fly, reverse licenses to print money, the Rubix cube of wrestling, people obsessed with anuses, things that are no longer funny, evil witches
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 4. Kentucky Fried Movie, Chuck Woolerly, Love Connection, Robert Conrad
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 7. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade

  • Blade Burps: 1
  • Krankor Laughs: 2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  • Zombie Growls: 2
 
  • Shelly Martinez References: 3
 
  • Mailbag
    • Seth Drakin (2): I know you've talked about King Pedophile and the Crackhead Boo Berry. What are your thoughts on the King from Burger King? What would happen if he popped up out of the blue like a stalker and he gave you one of the Burger King's meals? Would you either a) take his gift and don't bother with him stalking you, b) call the police and have the guy arrested, or would you beat and maim the bastard till he goes away once and for all? Inquiring minds want to know! No sold.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Big Steph's in the house.
    Oops, sorry, meant to say she's
    as big as a house.

066 Rest In Pieces, McMahon: June 15, 2007

Rest In Pieces, McMahon (The 2007 WCR Draft)
(79 minutes)

Sad News: Vince McMahon's limo exploded. Even Sadder News: RD does not want a 12 foot penis.

RD's "Trip" to the Grocery (:13): a toothbrush that plays music. Blade's bad Miss Elizabeth impersonation.

WWE sends WCHQ the Draftrolla. (:13)

Draft #1: Rob Conway drafted to Burger King. Imagine the slogan.

Co-Host Contest Week 13: awful. Chris "Krankor" Waters (:22) and Travie "Journey" Yak (:26) deliver McMahon eulogies. 11 of 21.

#2 Tatanka (Buffalo) drafted to the Big Wampum Casino. (:32) Shane and Pat Patterson walk into a bar...

Mail Bag: some question the validity of the news that Vince has died.

#3 Justin Credible drafted to Target. (:37) RD used to write for Fighting Spirit magazine.

Obscure Wrestling News: "Our favorite Big Nippled Vampire" Areola wants be called Coffin Kitten. (:45) The Co-Hosts want to give other bad names to her instead. Candice Michelle bondage pics on the internet. (:49) Blade and RD are at their best when they talk about pornography. Batman's Robin's Burt Ward (and his large penis) will appear at an indy show. (:52) Sid Vicious wants back in WWE.

Horsetrolla: Mickie James' box was flooded. (:54) Francine is taking orders for custom girl on girl matches on DVD. (:62)

#4 Robecca DiPietro drafted to Francine's new video company. (:68)

Seventeen Syllables That Do Not Come with Fire Extinguisher As Illustrated:
Rest in Peace, Vinny.
Sadly, your grapefruits were not
fire-retardant.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap.com DVD-Rom
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 13. Shirt one, shirt (2), Verne Gagne masturbating, Scott Hall’s pubic hair, beating of with corn oil, nipples (3), men that are giant, men who aren’t dead but their careers are, tardy
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 4. Bee Gees, Press Your Luck, Burt Ward, Bobcat Goldwaidt
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Jeep Swenson

  • Krankor Laughs: 4
  • Weird Al Laughs: 2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
  • You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1
 
  • Mickie James References: 5
  • Shelly Martinez References: 6
 
  • Mailbag: N/A

  • Draft Picks
    • Rob Conway to Burger King
    • Tatanka to Big Wampum Casino (Sioux Falls, SD)
    • Justin Credible to Target Store #631 (Poughkeepsie, NY)
    • Rebecca DePetro to Francine’s Video Company

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Rest in Peace, Vinny.
    Sadly, your grapefruits were not
    fire-retardant.
 

065 RVD Concussion Syndrome: June 1, 2007

Same Feeling As Listening To This Show
RVD Concussion Syndrome
(84 minutes)

Blade is a member of the Raw fan nation. Blade walked into a slanted ceiling. Those two incidents are (hopefully) not related.

Blade: "Not like me slurring in this show is an alien concept."

Blade's Trip to the Grocery (:12): Hamburger Doritos X-13D have an 'interesting' Big Mac flavor, particularly when combined with Diet Coke Plus. Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky is best eaten naked. "But don't!" Blade's eating sounds like a horse's.

Co-Host Contest Week 12: geeks, nerds, and poindexters. (:21) Chris Engler has one question about the Big Show while playing the WWE Roleplaying Game. 9 of 19. RD promises to put the too-long Contest out of its misery in July.

Mail Bag: (:32) Raging Demons is worried about Kane and May 19th. RD has caught up with 2003 by getting a Myspace page. Ultimate Kennedy (2) thinks Trish Stratus is today's current "poontang ATM". (:38) Blade responds with his bad Miss Elizabeth impersonation. [The first of many.] Blade saw Gorgeous George stripping.

Obscure Wrestling News (:44): Jimmy Hart, throwback UHF channel movie host. Blade reminisces about some Kansas City Chiefs Announcer doing bad horror jokes. Extreme's Play with Me, the WCR intro, will be on Guitar Hero '80s Edition. Goldust no-showed a tribute show for Bad News Brown. (:54) Sad News: Aereola was fired because Vince was once again behind the times. (:57) Scotty 2 Hotty was fired after sixteen years with WWE...which was something they mentioned last week. This show sure is repetitive. Also it's Krankor's birthday. (His birthday wish is for his weapons to be effective against that Prince of Space so he will be a horrible example for anyone who opposes him.)

The WrestleCrap Archive will be available on DVD-ROM soon. (:66) The WrestleCrap Carnival Wrestling Show idea looks remarkably similar to the upcoming Saturday Night Main Event. (:68)

Another WWE draft is scheduled despite the fact that any wrestler can go to any show at any time for no reason. (:70) One Night Stand pudding match. (:72) Blade responds with his bad Bill Cosby impression. [The first of many.] RVD concussion syndrome is very entertaining, particularly when it causes symptoms of looking hypnotized while moving your mouth blandly like Billy Bass. (:75)

Tribute to My New Favorite Wrestler:
RVD's concussed.
He got kicked in his dome. Man,
I'm feeling woozy.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The con to my -cussion, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap Book of Lists
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Hulk Hogan doing a horrible rap, pants, pants or lack thereof, Ludwig Borga, licenses to print money, things I don’t understand
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 18. Naked Gun, Reggie Jackson, Jeff Foxworthy, Little House on the Prairie, Big Wheel (2), Eazy-E, Big Wheel (3), MySpace (7), Dan Quayle, Murphy Brown, Tim Conway, Mother From Good Times
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Krankor

  • F-Bombs: 4. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade

  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Krankor Laughs: 3
  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
  • Cricket Chirps:
  • You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 3
  • GGG Bombs: 3
 
  • Trish Stratus References: 4
  • Shelly Martinez References: 5
 
  • Mailbag
    • Raging Demons: OK I've got a question for you. Since we're in the month of May, are you afraid that if you or Blade say May 19th, that Kane will show up and kick your asses? I've been saying May 19th all month and so far no Kane. No sold.
    • Ultimate Kennedy (2): A few weeks ago on your show you and Blade both talked about Miss Elizabeth's poontang shooting out $100 bills. The question is if Trish Stratus could do this would you then stalk her? No sold.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    RVD's concussed.
    He got kicked in his dome. Man,
    I'm feeling woozy.
 

062 Smooth Jazz Blade: May 11, 2007

Smooth (Overnight) Jazz Blade
(87 minutes)

A new (temporary) broadcasting set-up gives Blade the better mic, and the respect he is due. RD has booked Lance Storm for May 25.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Chex Mix 100-calorie packs. Incredible Hulk house-building board game. Trivial Pursuit Pop Tarts. Spicy mustard kettlecorn popcorn does not agree with Blade's stomach.
There are no photos of people actually playing this game.

Co-Host Contest Week 11 (:23): Forrest George wants to wear Scott Hall's pubic hair as a wig. 8 of 18.

Wrestling Dream Analysis segment returns. (:33) RD gets a room with Scott Hall. Blade is again useless.

Mail Bag (:37): Jay Gorham, not Alien Ham. A failed attempt to punch Mike Jones in the balls. Joyce DeWitt at a comic convention for some reason. Travie Yak wants another book to be written with X-Entertainment's Matt (:44). RD took a lady to see Short Circuit and did not "get any."

(by RVM Kai)
Obscure Wrestling News (:49): Bill Goldberg's direct-to-DVD movie, Half Past Dead 2, will be released in May. Test has swollen tonsils and lost 25 pounds. Kelly Kelly had to drive him to the hospital, yet another in his long line of women. (:55) Carmella married QB Jeff Garcia. (:61) Dawn Marie says she was fired from WWE because she is pregnant. Blade confuses RD by wanting to see pregnant women dance around in the ring. "Not that I believe in abortion." (:64) Gene Snitsky now has giant green teeth. (:67) London and Kendrick held tag belts for a year and Steve Austin doesn't know who they are. (:70) RD wants more old angles repeated, per Jim Cornette's seven-year rule. WWE is making Divas dress less provocatively. (They had been doing it just for fun.) Discussion about The Karate Kid: Blade mentions meeting William Zabka aka "Johnny". (:79)

Blade sings a song to all the Divas he's loved before. (:82)
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The torn biceps to my torn triceps, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, X-Entertainment
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 6. Giant dongs, Scott Hall’s pubic hair (2), Mrs. Deal, champions though, Snitsky
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 7. Madonna, Bob Geldof, Silly Putty, Short Circuit, Johnny 5, Cobra Kai, Casio keyboard
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 2. Blade

  • Krankor Laughs: 2
  • Weird Al Laughs: 2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
  • Cricket Chirps: 7
 
  • Shelly Martinez References: 2
 
  • Mailbag
    • Jay Gorham: HEY RD! This is Drunk Jay Walker, long time listener, LONG TIME CRAPPER! I have a question? Do you think Mr. Mike Jones uses his old WWE noseguard as a jockstrap to be used against getting punched in the balls? Last summer I had a change to meet Mr. Jones at a comic book convention and was unfortunately unable to punch him in the balls. He left his booth to go flirt with the old dames from Three's Company. When I was six years old I punched a sweaty fat guy in a Spider-man costume in the gut. Does that count? Am I redeemed? Did I compensate for my tragic loss? Maybe.
    • Travie Yak: I don't really have a wrestling question, but I figure that's just fine because you guys don't talk about it anymore. Not that I mind, mind you, as I enjoy your trips to the grocery store, as I work in one. ANYWAYS, my question has to do with two of my favorite websites. One of course is wrestlecrap.com and the other is x-entertainment.com. I remember you mentioned some time ago that you planned to write a book with Matt from X-E but nothing came of it. I was curious to know if you're still in contact with Matt these days and do you think you two will ever do a collaboration together? Have you ever thought of having him as a special guest on WrestleCrap Radio? Johnny Five style.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
 

061 Botany Crap Radio: May 4, 2007

Botany Crap Radio
(77 minutes)

Wikipedia reported that RD was dead in his bathtub, waiting to be discovered by his neighbors. (I didn't even know he was sick.)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): RD's infant kicked him in the crotch and laughed repeatedly. RD won't eat his fruit brethren.

Co-Host Contest Week 10 (:20): Erik Majorwitz all the way from Germany gets cut off by DIGILADY!!! But he manages to do his Great Khali. 7 of 17.

Mail Bag (:34): Stuart Neil's wrestling names. Arthur Pinkham. Alien ham. (:37) Don't write, "the WWE," it's just WWE. Italian guy Santino Marella (a Canadian) won the Intercontinental Championship. (:44) RD remembers when wrestlers were billed from Japan.

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): Jason Sensation says he was fondled often by WWF agents. Jason Sensation looks like a younger and much uglier Christopher Walken. Ivory has a dog center. Hulk faced Paul the Great, not Big Show. He should've been Paul Bunyan. (:60) The Condemned tanked. RD and Blade reminisce about Stone Cold's non-wrestling segments after Owen Hart injured him. (:63) John Amos frightens RD. Robert Conrad's shoulder battery. Undertaker is injured.

ECW champion Vince McMahon. (:70)

Twelve Syllables Plus Five Syllables:
Vince is champ again.
Could things get any worse? Yes.
Great Khali, champion.

Outro: Going Back to Khali parody song.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Great Khali impersonator Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Rest to My Peace, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 9. Punching Mike Jones in the nut sack, punching Virgil in the nut sack, plants, Chef Boyardee, the Big O (2), depression medication, things that do not have legs, urination in wrestling
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 1. Robert Conrad
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Mama from Good Times

  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Digilady

  • F-Bombs: 2. Blade

  • Krankor Laughs: 2
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
  • Cricket Chirps: 1
 
  • Mickie James References: 2
 
  • Mailbag
    • Stuart Neil: Love the show and of course the website. If you had to change your name to that of a wrestler's ring name, who would you choose? Would you choose something sounding normal like Chris Benoit, something obscure like Flex Cabana, something that makes you sound important like Baron von Rashcke, or would you go the full distance and change your name to Damien Demento and dress like him every day? Blade as Mr. Wrestling 2.
    • Arthur Pinkham: Hey RD and Blade, I was wondering about something. On Raw last week, they had a plant playing an Italian fan in Milan Italy, who won the Intercontinental title from Umaga. My question is if you were hired by the WWE and were a plant and WWE had you challenge a current WWE champion, which champion would that be and what country of origin would you claim to be from? A little town in France.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Vince is champ again.
    Could things get any worse? Yes.
    Great Khali, champion.

060 Don't crap over spilled milk: April 27, 2007

Take Your Vitamins, Brother!
Nuts, Jugs, & Broomsticks
(86 minutes)

RD unjustly accuses Blade Braxton of wanting to milk Linda Hogan's udders.

We waste some time with innuendo of lubing a penis before sticking it in.

RD proposes a WrestleCrap Carnival for the crappers with midget tossing and Mike Jones testicles dunk tanking. (:13)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:15): Coke Plus has been unleashed. RD doesn't want his carbon sugar water to have minerals and vitamins. RD and Blade drink a sickening amount of milk every week. RD had leaky milk at Wal-Mart. This angers Blade for some reason.

Co-Host Contest Week 9: taking it easy. (:24) A debate rages with David Schnatz over Tatanka (Buffalo). Blade makes a saving throw for a contestant. Ramses responses with farting sounds. (:36) 6 of 16.

Mail Bag: boring. (:43) Puff Master Mark is sad that CM Punk does not tag team with the Sandman in the style of The Odd Couple. Eric Majorwitz (3) inquires into Randy Baer's whereabouts. Perhaps he's with the Beverly Hillbillies? (:46) Seth Drakin wants a Dukes of Hazzard tag team. (:47)

Obscure Wrestling News: Nidia gave birth to Lilith Fae Dal Bosco. (:48) Blade is NOT the father. Lita does not look like a man up close. WWE beverages, Raw Attitude and Slammin Citrus, (no Smackdown Punch) will hit Wal-Mart shelves on May 15. (:54) Sean O'Haire is still in jail after a bar fight. David Lee Roth impressions.

RD: "I wanna recap the show so far. We've talked about Brooke Hogan getting it with a broomstick, talked about Linda Hogan's leaky milk jugs, Virgil Vincent Mike Jones getting the Thousand Jap Slap into the genitals, and now we're talking about doing a show where Blade Braxton impersonates RD Reynolds impersonating David Lee Roth doing Yankee Rose Wrestling News. I will say this for the show: I promise you that no other wresting radio show covers that broad a spectrum."

Horsetrolla (:62): Mickie James is considering posing for Playboy. Hulk said he'd smoke massive doobage. (:68) Hulk vs Lawler has become Hulk vs Paul Wight.

Every match on TNA Lockdown was a cage match, with extra stipulations. (:71) One was a blindfold match and the blindfolds kept slipping. Last year there was a match on top of a cage.

Randy Orton was sent home. (:77) Blade is constantly gonged for his bad singing. HHH was riding a horse named Butterscotch. The Condemned premieres this weekend.

Milked-Out Seventeen Syllables:
Nathan Jones, Condemned.
Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
tamin D'ed your ass.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by not-Beverly Hillbilly Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Brooke to my Linda, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Lube, chemicals that cause cancer in laboratory rats, milk
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 2. Dr. Quinn, Quincy M.D.
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 2. Blade

  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
  • Cricket Chirps: 1
 
  • Mickie James References: 2
  • Trish Stratus References: 2
 
  • Mailbag
    • Puff Master Mark: Are you as sad as I am that CM Punk did not join the ECW Originals so he could form a tag team with the Sandman? They could be called The Odd Couple 2000 and Punk could follow the Sandman during his entrance and pick up his tossed beer cans with an umbrella. Mad props for being older than RD and Blade.
    • Erik Majorwitz (3): Your comment on Jethro bowls of cereal got me thinking of The Beverley Hillbillies. The character that played Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies was Max Baer Jr., son of boxing champ Max Baer. Your co-author from Wrestlecrap was Randy Baer. Any relation between the two? Not to my knowledge. What is he up to? It's like he just vanished.
    • Seth Drakin: Would you mark for Jamie Noble and Jimmy Yang Wang teaming up to be a Dukes of Hazzard tag team? And if it ever happened who would you want to be their Daisy Duke-type manager? No sold.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Nathan Jones, Condemned.
    Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
    tamin D'ed your ass.

059 In four words or less: April 13, 2007

In four words or less
(85 minutes)

RD posted a new Jobber of the Week (est. 2003), the first one not written by Blade Braxton.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:04): green Rice Krispies treats. Shrek has gone too far. Blade wants to convert some big blue mailboxes into Star Wars characters other than R2D2, but I can't really tell because he rambles a lot.

Global Internet has written a letter chastising RD and Blade for saying their websites give guaranteed free sexual services. (:10) The new sponsor Angry Mark's ad copy wants you to kick Mike Jones in the balls.

Co-Hosss Contest Week 8: simple questions for Josh Van Meiter (:17), Danny Franchise (:26), and Rudy (:32). "I don't know" gets you gonged. 5 of 14 currently.

Vince Verhei
Mail Bag (:37): John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) reminds us of Blade's lust for Linda. RD wants evidence. Theo from Salisbury's question about penises is broken down by logic. (:42) RD reads my gay letter and calls me gay. [Punk's Junk](:47) Blade is allegedly itching for a fight with Bryan Alvarez's Co-Host Vince Verhei. "That’s why I’ve been laying down!" (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News (:53): Larry Zbysko was in a porno decades ago. Blade: "Is he banging Kathy Gagne doggystyle?...You've never wanted to see Kathy Gagne butt-ass naked?" RD unjustly accuses Blade of having fantasies of Linda Hogan. Some random person (Roni Jonah) wants breast implants and needs your charity to do so. Horsetrolla: Mickie James 'is wearing different pants'. That's it. (:60) The Four Hosemen DVD was excellent, particularly with Paul Roma in it. (:65) RD dreams of Ric Flair taking out his penis and swinging it around. Kelly Kelly is doing random handstands in the ring because she cannot seem to escape it. Disco Inferno was arrested for having a casino in his basement. (:72)

Blade: "You’ve never jerked off to a hand spring?"

RD doesn't find chicks dancing on ECW to be hot.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
CM Punk turned heel.
He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
shew honk-shew honk-shew.



Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Paul Roma to my Jim Powers, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
  • URLs not taken: 1. BladeBraxtonWantsBoobies.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 12. Gross things, tie-ins (2), sponsors dropping shows, cream for a gong finger, men with little bags, uh, uh being offensive and offending people, things you can find it you look around enough, such, people who look they were melting, people who are melting
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 0.
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 2. Blade

  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Krankor Laughs: 1
  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
  • Cricket Chirps: 2
  • GGG (Gary Glitter Gay) Bombs:  1
 
  • Mickie James References: 3
 
  • Mailbag
    • John Nelson [AKA Ultimate Kennedy]: Dear RD and Blade, has Blade been able to live down his fantasies about Linda Hogan? I hope so! Trust me, I'm not offended but that was sick. I always thought Colette Foley was much lovelier and married to a cooler wrestler, BROTHER! Have a great day, and don't forget RD that new classic superstar Bob Backlund figure is almost upon us. Blade: No.
    • Theo from Salisbury: I've got two questions. The first one's for Mr. Blade Brakestown. How much do you weigh? 235. Second question is for both. Would you let a surgeon remove your penis if you became the most successful wrestler of all time? RD: No need to. Blade: Yes.
    • JR [Farmer Iggy, The Original WrestleCrap Radio Historian]: I believe I'm the only one who saw Punk's Junk pop out and back into his speedos during a Raw match with Lenny Dykstra in Chicago a few weeks ago. If you're curious, it's about one minute into the video posted at dailymotion.com. I'm not going to ask you if Punk is circumcised or not but I did want to ask: am I gayer for noticing it, or gayer for telling you about it? Nice new soundbite we have here. We'll offend a lot of people this way.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    CM Punk turned heel.
    He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
    shew honk-shew honk-shew.

058 "Worst Show Ever": April 6, 2007

What's The PIN?!
"Worst Show Ever"
(79 minutes)

A second sponsor is teased. (:08)

Blade's RD was on speed. RD had to wash his mouth after being Blade.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): the world's worst cashier aims for two items per bag. Rachel Ray looks to be sprayed with Smile-X. (She's definitely the poor man's Harley Quinn.)

Co-Hosss Contest Week 7 (:20): Joseph Hassan cheats by talking too softly and once being called by Todd Pettingill. Speaking of gone to hell...Tally: 5 of 11.

Mail Bag (:31): Buckbee Suarez is confused by human anatomy. So is Blade. RD declines to read any more emails so he looks at a tortilla painting instead. (:36)

Vince McMahon tried to hide his bald head on Raw, leading to the question by Gallon697 on the forums of what hat he should wear. (:38) It is answered by a random segue into the old days where Miss Elizabeth had a poontang ATM. (:46) Carriage cam. RD likes The Simpsons. Goonies references. RD threatens Blade with the Outro Soundbite. Only now am I questioning my sanity.

RD discusses the Best of RD DVD and someone's failed attempt to review it, particularly the scene of someone being hit by a car going 5 miles per hour. (:54)

Obscure Wrestling News 60 minutes in: WWE gave the First Lady a world championship belt. Elijah Burke is wearing Ariel's clothes. (:63) Spoilers got out before WrestleMania about Hunter looking like a scarecrow and attempts to make the show actually good. Blade did not see any of that of course. Old timers dancing backstage. (:70)

Seventeen Blacklash Syllables:
WrestleMania.
It was All Grown Up. Backlash
tag line: All Thrown Up.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The bro to my jive soul, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Other food items, things going to hell, beautiful women, things that should ship with beer, man-woman action
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 2. Big Wheel, Aqua Fresh
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • F-Bombs: 4. Blade

  • Entertain the People: 1
  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  • Cricket Chirps: 1
  • RD False Finishes: 1
 
  • Shelly Martinez References: 1
  • Mickie James References:  1
 
  • Mailbag
    • Buckbee Suarez: I have a question. I was wondering why they called John Cena's move the Five Knuckle Shuffle when you only have four knuckles on each hand? RD: "How many knuckles do you have?" Blade: "Three."

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    WrestleMania.
    It was All Grown Up. Backlash
    tag line: All Thrown Up.

056 Robotic Robecca Released: March 23, 2007

Robotic Robecca Released
(79 minutes)

RD met his co-author of The Death of WCW, Bryan Alvarez, for the first time at an indy show. A man in a monkey suit was directing parking lot traffic. He later was involved in a match as The Super Amazing Monkey. Why that guy hasn't been signed to TNA yet I do not know.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:21): RD saw non-refrigerated organic milk in the cereal aisle, which got on his nerves. Reanimated via CGI Orville Redenbacher is creepy.

Co-Host Contest Week 6: Eric doesn't know. (:32) Soul thinks Haku figures are glorified bars of soap. (:38) Trash has written all their questions up till now. A likely story. 4 of 11.

Mail Bag (:47): Tony Christ wants the Mighty Seamen. RD flubs a laugh but doesn't edit it out. Jimmy K brings about RD's giving a physics lesson. (:49)

Obscure Wrestling News (:52): The Iron Sheik was robbed of his Wal-Mart earnings by a 'nephew' and a 'drug dealing driver'. Lita and her band are recording an album. (:57) New Godwins. Blade can't spell. (:62) Sad News: Robecca DiPietro was fired. (:63)

This Week's Top Wrestling News Story is that Bobby "Lindsay" Lashley broke the Masterlock. (:66) Kelly Kelly danced with the Deever and "Anonymous Brooke" to Pour Some Sugar on Me. (:69) WrestleMania: Kane vs Khali in a meathook match.

Seventeen Syllables Dedicated to the Battle of the Billionaires:
Billionaire Battle.
I'd pay one billion dollars
to make this shit stop.
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The pissed to my off, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Fight Sports Midwest
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 14. Joy and happiness in my innards, your innards, things being awesome, sounds we like, things, things that are cold (5), violating in the corn hole (2), Verne Gagne masterbating, having your corn hole violated
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 0.
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • Krankor Laughs: 3
  • Weird Al Laughs:
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2.5
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
  • Cricket Chirps: 3
 
  • Ashley Massaro References:  4
  • Trish Stratus References:  1
 
  • Mailbag
    • Tony Christ: Do you think Ricky Steamboat, Tugboat, and Captain Mike Rotundo/Rotunda could have formed a stable called The Fighting Seamen? RJ Fletcher: Flubbed Yes.
    • Jimmy K: Hi guys. I have two questions for you this week, one for RD and one for Blade. First off, and this question has been bugging me for years, RD, you know I was wondering. Like, if you were traveling through outer space and you're going real fast like the speed of light, and all of a sudden you start screaming, you think your brain would blow up? Of course my brain will not blow up. And secondly to Blade, I called a few colleges and business schools to see if they had any Ladder Falling 101 classes. None of them had any professors with degrees in that field so I'm wondering: how DO you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder? I don't know.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
    Billionaire Battle.
    I'd pay one billion dollars
    to make this shit stop.

055 Centaurfold: March 9, 2007

Centaurfold
The Great Khali Bunyan
(70 minutes)

WSX is still great. So is the $1 million CGI Bling Ladder. RD wants 20 listeners by year's end from their 13.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:12): Inviga green energy tea makes RD think of vaginas. Blade: "You just can’t go wrong with molestation humor these days can you?"

Co-Host Contest Week 5: Mike Paulin cannot explain the airplane spin below the equator. (:19) Ray Gun does, however. (:23) Current Tally: 3 of 9.

Faxtrolla (:33): Kurrgan plays Uber Immortal in 300. Photos of JT Titty may be featured at Victoria's Secret stores. RD proposes NES Pro Wrestling: The Movie.

Mail Bag (:46): Arthur Williams has a wrestling question. TNA's arm wrestling match in a steel cage needs to be an induction. Sandman 3G does not know why he listens, but he does think the Great Collie would be great as Paul Bunyan. (:52)

Bad News Brown died. (:55)

WWE wants to set up regional feds around the world. (:57) RD would rather watch a promo by Linda McMahon than by Batista, who is growing more and more robotic thanks to his new girlfriend Robecca. (:61) The ECW New Breed sucks.

Instead of a haiku Blade sings a 'parody' about Ashley Massaro with bad MIDI music. (:66)
 
 
 
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • The Joanie to my Chachi, Mr. Blade Braxton
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, IMDB
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Things that pop up, penile references coming out, horrible
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Outdated references: 4. Happy Days, G.L.O.W., J. Geils Band (2)
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

  • Krankor Laughs: 4
  • Weird Al Laughs: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
  • Cricket Chirps: 3
 
  • Mickie James References:  4
  • Ashley Massaro References:  9
  • Christy Hemme References:  2
 
  • Mailbag
    • Arthur Williams: I love the radio show, although it hasn't given me hundreds of hours of masturbatory joy. I actually have a wrestling question. Do you think the LAX-James Gang feud including Konnan and Bullet Bob Armstrong in an arm wrestling six sides of steel cage match deserves to be in Wrestlecrap? Yes.
    • Sandman 3G: Hey Mr Deal and Mr Braxton, I love the site and listen to the Crap every week. It will be many a moon before I figure out why. I read recently that rapper Timbaland was going to perform at Wrestlemania. I think this man needs to come in as the Great Khali's manager. Every time Khali hits the Khali Chop, Timbaland would yell "TIMBER!" And his theme song would be a Timbaland song comparing Khali to Paul Bunyan. Do you think this could work? Not enough Paul Bunyan references in wrestling.

  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A