Episode 44: Pilots: March 5, 2019

32 minutes

Blade is still with RD at his home following the earlier recording of the standard radio progrem. His Jazz Overnight sounds very sleepy now though. He entertains the people about how he can't remember most of their old episodes, unsurprisingly. However at least he's not drinking right now. Small steps and all.

Since RD has been encouraging listener participation for this show's incarnation, Zap Fabian suggested reviewing an old episode (:04). So RD takes a look at the pilot, all the way back in August 2005. (:07)

• The audio quality remains in high phone-buzzing over-modulated fidelity.
• "You know."
• The progrem was originally started before their appearance on Get In The Ring Radio...which they killed off, sending the original podcasters off the Internet.
• RD sure talked a lot back then, at least compared to "greenhorn" Blade and in talking about WC. 
• Someone reviewing it at the time thought of it as a "17 minute voice IM. " (:17)
• RD links current Sunny to Maude back then. This gives Blade a coughing fit. I hope he doesn't cough straight into RD's microphone. 

  

  The Once and Future Bea

• RD forgot who Clumsy Girl was. Don't feel too bad, I forgot too.
• Neither likes how they sounded then. (:13)
• RD still doesn't watch much of Raw.  
• Young RD had a Tivo from 2003. 
• Blade was partying hard at Young RD's age of 36.
• Tim Conway and Tom Wopat are still alive...for now.
• RD wants to ask people about Dorff. (:17)
• Young RD: "How did we get on Don Knotts?" RD: "That's a question you'll ask a lot, RD."
• Kerwin White was discussed a lot, for obvious reasons. (:21)
• So too the Boogeyman.
• Revenge of the Nerds came out in 1984. 
• The two are not used to their old voices talking about Gooker nominees in August. (:26)
• RD was sad he didn't make a Heidenrich Energy quip. "I'm really confused...What is wrong with you, young RD?"
• RD is surprised Blade did not make a trashbag reference.  (:28)

Blade wants to makeup haiku for the episode, though oddly he doesn't do so here now. RD is surprised people still wanted to listen after, or paid to listen after, either then or now. I believe Vince says the same thing of his own product every day instead of relating to the middle class.

140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009

78 minutes

Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.

RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.

A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.

Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]

JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.

Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!

More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella

Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.

Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.

119 Jim Ross vs. Chin Haas: September 19, 2008

Jim Ross Impersonation
(66 minutes)

RD and Blade start out talking about wrestling, by mentioning the debut of Dolph Ziggler. This week's induction is the Brawl for All (:01), which probably would have won the Gooker Award in 1999. Jobber of the Week: The Gambler. It Came from YouTube: Ahmed Johnson choose-me jabbers.

bignippledvampire.com was registered with Global Internet by Jay Watts (:06). Blade mentions the fourth W.C. Funnies comic (:07). A "Shoot Interview" is upcoming (:10).

Blade's Trip to the Grocery: Sad News: Star-O-Saurus and the Monster Cereals have been removed from Blade's three Wal-Marts (:14). Boo-Hoo Berry.

Obscure Wrestling News: RD wants to talk about wrestling news (:18), which is a bad idea. Jake Roberts fell off the wagon (:19), or drugged, according to a stupid angle his assistant is trying. [Update 12/28/08: Jake's assistant is actually a bottle of Mrs Buttersworth syrup that he thought was talking to him.] Shelly Martinez quit TNA, to do more fetish videos or something (:27). Jackie Gayda and Charlie Haas had another child (:30).

Update 2/3/11: Jake Roberts recovered and went on to win the EWA title belt!

A suddenly angry Jim Ross calls to vastly improve the show and does his Charlie Haas impersonation (:32). (skykid has posted this call on YouTube.) Charlie Haas impersonated Jim Ross this week on Raw, a few days after last week's recap in which I said: "WWE should lift this segment.".

Question of the Week: Rowsdower says something about spraying beverages for some reason (:41). TNA Peter Gazer shows up (:43). WWE should steal him next. Sad News: No Diva Search this year (:54). Smackdown vs. Raw is to be released and WWE does not want reviewers to post images of a digital HHH jobbing to anyone. (:58)

Only Seventeen Syllables Left:
Jeff, shitfaced on plane,
shitfaced seriously, and
don't call me Shirley.

002-BETA The Lost Episode (Mommy's Milk)

The Lost Episode
Al Capone's Second Vault
((( recorded in over-modulated fidelity ))) (42 minutes)

This is RD and Blade's first attempt to produce the second episode of WrestleCrap Radio. Blade says RD wanted a do-over because of sound quality, but the final version is just as bad.

RD prepares himself for the show by drinking out of his WWE Niagara Falls Cup. This does not help to improve the quality of the show though.

The Co-Hosts receive more love from Get In The Ring for their upcoming appearance.

RD talks about that week's Raw. Hey, I remember these attempts at jokes!

The listener can't help but appreciate the then-future strategy of refusing to talk about wrestling. Big Show vs the Heart Throbs has zero nostalgic value.

RD: "That's the thing I love about those James Bond movies, it's that they're so subtle. You know, we make fun of, like, WWF, WWE, and Beaver Cleavage, you know what I mean? But that is like so subtle compared to 'ummm, yes, what's your name?' 'My name is Pussy Galore.' 'I must be dreaming, nhmm hmm hmm hmm.'"

This year's Diva Search wasn't funny. RD brings up the hot dog eating contest which makes Blade mention what he saw One Night In China. The winner of the Search, one Ashley Massaro, looks like she has a mustache (Their words.). (:17) This is compared to another contestant who looks like an insect and another who looks like a 70's TV character.

RD admits that WrestleCrap Radio is a glorified phone call.

Nineteen minutes in, Tee Hee Tickle Party is in full effect.

SummerSlam will have at least some (Wrestle)Crap: the Eddie's kid on a pole match. Perhaps Hunter can adopt him. RD's PSA (:20): Don't solve parental disputes in the ring. RD also likes JBL's promos.

Blade suggests that Shawn Michaels give Hulk Hogan some of mommy's milk during their match. (I'm surprised he didn't do this during his face heyday in the 80s.) (:22) Blade then hits some 'haiku music'.

Seventeen Syllables of Slobber-Knocking: (:25)
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?

RD laughs so hard he spills milk all over his keyboard.

Some things happen for the next fifteen minutes. In honor of Dusty Rhodes in talks with WWE RD is planning to give away his autobiography to anyone who submits a good Question of the Week. The first question, from Andrew is Good, asks about wrestlers RD has met in person. Blade once met Coach at a bar. RD doesn't believe him. Crazy Rose's question is read and promptly discarded.

While wondering about potential WCR guests, Dennis Stamp is explained. Tony Atlas wanted money to appear in the WrestleCrap book. RD doubts Vince would call him up to return to WWE (:37), and we all are glad RD was incorrect. A Tee Hee Tickle Party closes the show as it just falls apart.

To improve the quality of this recap, here is the intro to Heathcliff, as well as Gummi Bears. Listen to those vocals!

I want to hear Blade sing the chorus of St Elmo's Fire.

089 Easy for a Listener to resist: January 4, 2008

Hooray For "Khali" Claus!

Easy for a Listener to resist
(78 minutes)

It's a new year. Time for weight-loss resolutions and fresh starts and Blade's "Big Announcement", which he announces that he cannot announce until a date that has yet to be announced. (:13) Johnny 6 doesn't care, he's still Blade's enemy: "Fuck. You. Braxton. ... I. Will. Kick. Your. Ass." he threatens. Big Daddy V in HD. Hurray for Khali Claus. (:19)

The WrestleCrap Book of Lists has hit #1 in wrestling books on Amazon. On March 31, 2008, it was #4, The Death of WCW was #52, and WrestleCrap was #82. However, THE DUSTY RHODES BOOK WAS #37. [On April 4, 2009, the Book of Lists was #5, Death of WCW was #19, WC was #57, Dusty was #87, and the overall rank for the Book of Lists was #41,723. Nobody ever said wrestling fans can read. --Iggy]

RD asks Blade what celebrity he resembles. Bill Cosby-ness.

Obscure Wrestling News (:25): The Mountie got married in a wrestling ring. Torrie Wilson has opened a clothing store, assuming her site actually works. (:30) Lacey Von Erich's daughter was released from a WWE developmental contract. (:35) The Lions suck. Joanie Laurer is now stuck on Celebrity Rehab. Christy Hemme has a new band: the world's nerdiest bowling team. (:41)

For no particular reason RD wants to listen to their first episode again. He barely lasts a minute before he can take no more and cuts it off. (:48)

Question of the Week from Primetime (:51): Could New Jack work as a wrestling analyst? RD wants him to talk about the Deever and her blackface figure.

After WSX folded, RD was ready to walk away from wrestling. But now, there's WWE 24/7. Blade and RD discuss the first Prime Time Wrestling show, from 1985. (:56)

RD announces the 'existence' of The Crappy Awards. They are scheduled to be handed out, on February 1.

The WWE Gooker nominees are discussed: (:63) Hornswoggle as Vince's son, Rosie vs. Donald (where the fans chanted "TNA" during the match), ECW Champion Vince McMahon, The Diva Search (again), and John Cena vs. Kevin Federline

Johnny 6 'apologizes' to Blade; "I. Am Sorry. Too. Bitch," before he gives the TNA nominees: Eric. Young. Versus. Robert. Roode., Pac. Man. Jones., Stomper. The. Kangaroo., Black. Reign., and T. N. A. Blindfold. Steel. Cage. Match.

Seventeen Syllables We Call The Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
It is Gooker time.
Lots of shitty nominees.
No Dubya S X.

082 The Anonymous Brooke Tribute Hour: November 2, 2007

The Anonymous Brooke Tribute Hour
(58 minutes)

With a face like that, how could you
not forget remember her?

Sad News opens the show: Anonymous Brooke was fired due to frequented blamings from RD and Blade. The Co-Hosts compare her to Lord Alfred. (:09)

Blade met Coach at a bar once. (:14) Could Mickie James be the next Tatanka (Buffalo)? RD takes Ricola for the throat.

Obscure Wrestling News (:18): WWE stars, and former star Booker T, will be on Family Feud. A wrestler is hosting some show named Trick My Trucker. (:25) Mr Big Wrestling will hold an event in which the ECW Zombie will face the Sandman. Some nonsense or other on Nicole Bass.

Question of the Week from Ani (:33): The sun will come out tomorrow. Wrestling Impressions.

Umaga, the Candyman. (:43) Mickie James with Trevor Murdock makes Blade frustrated. A Diva Battle Royale took place, or at least an aborted attempt of one. Nunzio took kids trick or treating back stage of ECW. Balls lives in a pen. (:51) Walter Concrete. "This show? Terrible."

Seventeen Syllable Prescription:
Anonymous Brooke.
Is it the 1st or 15th?
She's now Welfare Brooke.

081 Halloween comes to Froggertown: October 26, 2007

Halloween Sing-Off with Roddy Piper
(78 minutes)

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper's Halloween tips are interspersed through the show.

People did not like the induction of the The Pirate for some reason. The Co-Hosts make fun of them for some reason.

Blade's "Katie Vick Fan Club" sign was confiscated by WWE security. He also had an army of youngsters. (:18)

Obscure Wrestling News: Lillian Garcia's album sold 3800 units. (:32) Blade goes to a strip stadium. Horsetrolla: Mickie James broke up with Kenny Dykstra. (:41) RD wants Blade to put toy heads on his penis.

Question of the Week from Seth Drakin (3): Khali's treats and tricks. (:46)

Monster Bash. RD will attend a Pinball Expo. RD vs Blade in a Karaoke candy battle. (:52 - :59) Piper has his tips in response.

DDP and Kimberly's cat is missing. DH Smith debuted in WWE. Candice Michelle broke her collarbone in a match. (:71)

Seventeen Syllables of Halloween Joy:
Happy Halloween.
Don't trick or treat in Piper's
hood or you will die.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• The Trick to my Treat, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, Pinball Expo
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Brother, Vietnam, strippers, snatches, such things and wanting to wipe yourself down, that, like a duck, The Great Khali, terrible, good times
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Frogger, Secretariat
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 9.5
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 3
• Cricket Chirps: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Funk Sock Muzak: 1
• Zombie Growls: 1
  
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 3
  

• Question of the Week from: Seth Drakin (3)
  
• During a backstage segment where Khali was going on one of his nonsensical rants I believe one of the words he said was, quote, "candy". So my question is: if the Great Khali went trick-or-treating, what kind of treat would you give Khali, or would you rather get one of his tricks? Candy.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Happy Halloween.
  Don't trick or treat in Piper's
  hood or you will die.

080 Play-D'oh: October 19, 2007

Randy Orton, Soul Man (On the MovieTrolla)
(75 minutes)

Another mention of Don with corn oil. (:09)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:13): Halloween candy. Giving toys to trick or treaters is generally a bad idea.

Oi. Oi. Oi.

Obscure Wrestling News (:24): Elijah Burke no-showed a house show because he went to the wrong Springfield. Blade: "That’s the bottom line cuz low income housing sucks!...Oh it’s true, it’s damn tapeworms!"

Question of the Week from Jason (:29): Shawn Michaels looks old and should be called the Heartbreak Hobo. Blade: "Can't go wrong with incest."

The Trolla Corp has sent a replacement for the Clocktrolla, the Movietrolla, (:35) and it's for wrestling movie news. Khali will be in a children's movie. [I didn't realize Get Smart was a children's movie. - PB] [I can't imagine an adult enjoying it. --Iggy] The Big Nippled Vampire is not appearing in porn, sadly, but will be the subject of a "Betty-Page-style fetish thing". (:42) Blade thought Thor was a woman initially. There are talks of Nicholas Cage to star in a movie called The Wrestler. (:47)

The Diva Search has its 'contestants' saving drowning mannequins. (:52) Katie Vick died because Kane couldn't drive a stick shift. Blade almost hit storage sheds because he was stepping on the clutch instead of the brakes. Glammannequin. David Arquette might go to TNA with Johnny Fairplay. Sad News: Booker T left WWE. (:64) Looney Tunes Raw.

Seventeen Syllable on Something Which Is Like a Golden Shower:
Hornswoggle with bomb.
Coach should've learned from the past.
Remember Cheatum?

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The plunger to my TNT, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap DVD
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Google, spitting, yesterday’s technology at today’s or tomorrow’s prices, licenses not to print money, mannequins
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. C. Thomas Howell, Soul Man, Red Dawn
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 5
• Cricket Chirps: 4
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
• Funk Sock Muzak: 2
  
• Mamma Mia! That's a Spicy Meatball!: 1
• Crüe Cues: 1
• WSXplosions: 1
• Entertain The People: 1
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 5
  

• Question of the Week from: Jason
  
• Hey guys, thought you might be able to help me out here. With HBK recently returning and looking not unlike Skinner's long lost brother, it seems to me Randy Orton might need a character change himself to withstand the awesome power of the Alligator Man. My question is which former gimmick do you think Randy Orton should pull out of the mothballs? I'm thinking Aldo Montoya myself.  Wear the cast.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Hornswoggle with bomb.
  Coach should've learned from the past.
  Remember Cheatum?

078 The Great Porn Debate: October 5, 2007

The Great Porn Debate

Extreme Teddy...Now With "Balls"

(74 minutes)

Blade's Trip to the Great Porn Debate starring Ron Jeremy, which for some reason requires music. (:11)

Obscure Wrestling News: The Rock was in a Disney movie and now plans to be in a superhero one. (:18) Johnny Fairplay got into an altercation with Danny Bonaduce. The Co-Hosts discuss ideas for an 'awards show' somehow for their progrem. (:26) Jim Bronzell has a tie dye figure that even the face commentators made fun of. Horsetrolla: Sarah Undertaker has filed for divorce while the Undertaker has been seen with Michelle McCool of all people. (:32)

Question of the Week (:35): the intro trumpets are said to be from a Final Fantasy NES game maybe. [They aren't.] Blade would not win Best Host at their awards show. John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) (5) wants Peanuts characters in wrestling. Daphne would make a good Lucy from Peanuts. RD sent Blade some cologne.

RD watches another Diva 'episode'. It's so bland he doesn't recognize until too late that it's a week old. (:41) Clocktrolla: 10069 days. (:50)

Playing with B. Mahoney's Balls. (:54) Tommy Dreamer is balding heavily. (:59) Blade wants to see Viscera wear a belt, let alone win one. Ric Flair wants to go into finance. (:66) Val Venus needs a title, according to the Internet Wrestling Community.

RD sings about Ashley Massaro being kicked off Survivor in only the second week.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Dream to my Reunion, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WCWA, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Tossed up (2), people that aren’t pissed off cokeheads, Trollas, divas, that, good times
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Gomer Pyle, Natalie, Facts of Life
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
• Weird Al Laughs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 1
• WSXplosions: 1
• Funk Sock Muzak: 2
  

 

• Mickie James References: 3
• Trish Stratus References: 1
  

• Question of the Week from: John Nelson (Ultimate Kennedy) (5)
  
• If Bob Backlund were to carry his towel around everywhere he went like Linus from Peanuts, would he have been given a Peanuts gimmick based on the character? What Diva could Bob be paired with to be Lucy his bossy sister? And should this happen would Linus Backlund go nuts and give Lucy the Cross-face Chickenwing? Daphne.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

077 Co-Hosss Cher-Off: September 28, 2007

Co-Hosss Cher-Off
(85 minutes)

SPEAKING OF Gookers...

Co-Host Contest "winner" Kelly is on the line. Smooth Jazz Blade returns once again thanks to some behind the neck microphone for $5.99.

Blade wanted to get a Black Scorpion tattoo. RD will miss his 20th High School Reunion for the Legends show. Marty Jannety called him asking for chicks.

Obscure Wrestling News (:21): Dawn Marie wants to return to WWE. RD can't hear properly. Gangrel is now directing porn, though without Kevin or Ariel. (:29) Sex with Greg Valentine falling down on you. Johnny Fairplay is a better bull-rider than Vanilla Ice. SPEAKING OF Ariel she wants to be the next Elvira. (:39)

Question of the Week (:42): Ton Insley wants Missy Hyatt inflatable dolls. Blade doesn't know who Bob Crane is. More 'fun' with the Diva Search, "The World Series of Bimbos." (:46)

Clocktrolla: 10076 days. (:53)

"Current Wrestling News" is music-less so we instead sing Cher with RD. (:56 - :64)

Smackdown wedding with Tommy Dreamer's hat. Blade didn't watch it so he makes excuses. The love story of Kelly Kelly and Balls Mahoney. Midgets. Wrestlers drugging women. (Midget wrestlers drugging women?)

These Seventeen Syllables:
The contest's over.
I've only got one more syl-
lable to add: (gong).

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jana to my Zan, Triple Kelly
  
• The Gleek to my Zan, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. BigLots!, Best Buy, Global Internet, WCWA Pro Wrestling Legends Show, AngryMarks.com
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Women, the new book, Halloween, movements, going into houses and such, dangerous ground, rape
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Bob Krane, Hogans Heroes
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Triple Kelly

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade

 

• RD Time Outs: 3
  
• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 4
• Weird Al Laughs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 1
• Mamma Mia! That's a Spicy Meatball!: 1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 1
• Tammy Sytch References: 4
• Trish Stratus References: 3
  
• Shelly Martinez References: 3
  

• Question of the Week from: Ton Insley
• Unlike most of the WWE Legends dolls, wouldn't a Missy Hyatt doll have to be inflatable? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  The contest's over.
  I've only got one more syl-
  lable to add: (gong).

 

076 Musical Sad Balls: September 21, 2007

Musical Sad Balls
(89 minutes)

RD and Blade wonder what to do with Vince's new son Hornswaggle.

Young Blade once put shoe polish in his hair to try and look like Daryl Hall. He repeats this from last time since no one listened to it the first time.

New temporary sponsor: WCWArulz.com. Come see them at the Dream Reunion Show at Kokomo!

RD's Trip to Disney World II (:15): RD ate at all the world restaurants in Epcot. Blade's Trip to Wal-Mart: A check-out lady is a mark. Blade is highly aroused. (:30)

Obscure Wrestling Sad News (:35): Check-out lady sources have told Blade that Ashley Massaro is to appear on Survivor. Rickey Morton is in jail once again for failure to pay child support. A rap about Ric Flair by a former Detroit Lion includes the requisite Wooooing. (:42) Kamala topped his rocking chair song with a song about molestation. (:44) Myspace is THE place to receive random music invites for an 'all-ages show' by random bots.

Question of the Week (:55): Blade: "We really should do a show where we try to be professional." The Ravishing One gets Rick Rude's theme song. Quote the lyrics: "his body's chiseled, abs all in a row / you'd think he was sculpted by Mike Angelo." 

 

Clocktrolla: 10083 days. (:62) Candice beat the Glamazon.

Abe Lincoln is an avid time-traveller. (:67) Sad Balls. (:70) Raw made Blade hit the bottle because Phoebe Cates got cut. (:69) The Diva Search is so bad now that its contestants all look like girls that are already Divas and it's only available on the Internet. HHH came back and destroyed like Godzilla.

Seventeen Unstoppable, Deadly, and Lethal Syllables:
Unstoppable Trips.
Call him the UnderHunter,
King of Burials.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Horn to my Swoggle, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, WCWA
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Midgets jumping on couches, Lions, careers unfolding and women we're proud of, weddings
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Perfect Strangers, Leave It To Beaver, Phoebe Cates
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 5
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Crüe Cues: 2
• GGG Bombs: 1
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 2
• Ashley Massaro References: 2
  

• Question of the Week from: The Ravishing One
• My name is The Ravishing One, you know, like Rick Rude except even more ravishing. My question is this: would the Executioner, played by Buddy Rose, or the Executioner, played by Teddy Gordy, have been more successful and perhaps gone on to big money programs, had his entrance song be Hangman by Beat Happening? Please listen to the attached file and let me know your thoughts on the matter. I look forward to hearing them, just don't try to pawn off the Dusty Rhodes book on me. I don't know if that song would have really helped anyone.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Unstoppable Trips.
  Call him the UnderHunter,
  King of Burials.

 

074 SummerSnore: August 31, 2007

RD's Hardcore Diet

Nyquil Crap Radio
(78 minutes)

The Colts mercilessly beat the Lions again. Blade: "They scored points!" RD wants to make another bet.

RD and Blade may meet Virgil at their indie show in Indiana (October 22nd) and ask him to participate in their carnival. (:08)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): RD needs to lose three pounds fast.

Obscure Wrestling News (:18): Diva Search Woman and Anchorwoman Lauren Jones has some Surreal Faces. Blade responds with a Bill Cosby impersonation.

RD: "Here's the thing. Everybody does a Bill Cosby impersonation. Like, I am convinced every person on the planet does a Bill Cosby impersonation. I'm also convinced that every single one of them is absolutely terrible."

Buy pudding panties (among other random stuff) at WWE Shop Zone. (:26) One Night Stand should be renamed Going Steady. Pac Man Jones wanted Ron Killings to be at the good quality hotel with him, so TNA (AKA the Kurt Angle Variety Hour) took out the difference from Killings' paycheck. (:32) Clocktrolla: 10103 days. (:36) Poor Beth Phoenix is saddled with the ridiculous ring name of Glamazon. The Co-Hosts don't really want her around.

Question of the Week (:45): Blade has shout-outs: Random meanderings and acknowledgments to fellow Crappers. Cheebie Diablo has a question about UHF in regards to whether Vince has seen it yet. Blade verbally ejaculates.

Sad News: the Diva Search hopeful who called Batista "Bistro" has been cut. Sadder News: on her blog she thanked "Hulk Hojan." (:49) Missy Hyatt's book is full of penises. This week, on a special Facts of Life...RD actually warns people to record next week's ECW which they will talk about next time. (:55) Blade wants to run cliffhangers that have no chance in Hades of working. (:57)

SummerSlam was a forty-dollar sleep-aid. (:59) Blade recreated Hell in a Cell with a beer can. 'Hysterics' with Vince's prospective baby-mommas makes Blade think of papier-mache dildos. RD loves Balls. Speaking of men with tits...

Intergalactic Super Heroic Seventeen Syllable Haiku:
Silver Surfer Rey.
Fantastic Four? Try Fantas-
tic 40-inch waist.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The 10 to my 37, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks
• URLs not taken: 2. BladeLosesAgain.com, BoyTheLionsSuck.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 16. Things me and Trash talked about, things that are funny, getting chaffed, Greg Gagne masturbating, bitches you want to see get their ass kicked, good times, 16 bit, the forum, young Kelly, hoses, Bill Fralic, guests, boring and Hunter, people, men with tits (2)
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 10. Rainbow Brite, UHF, Crispin Glover (4), Urkel, Crispin Glover (3)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade

 

• Blade Time Outs: 1
• I have something to say: 2
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 3
• Christy Hemme References: 1
  
• Mickie James References: 2
• Ashley Massaro References: 2
  

• Question of the Week from: Cheebie Diablo
• Here with a humble question: having recently watched the Weird Al opus UHF at the recommendation of another Crapper, young Kelly (not Kelly Kelly), and knowing about Vince being behind the times, how long until we see a talk show segment called Eugene Podalski's Clubhouse? The problem though is I would hate to think about what hose people would be drinking from. Maybe a new club Vince invents. Dong. No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Silver Surfer Rey.
  Fantastic Four? Try Fantas-
  tic 40-inch waist. 

072 Celebrity Call-In Craptacular: August 10, 2007

Two Year Birthday Party Call-In
(99 minutes)

Second anniversary of the progrem and Blade has lined up three legitimate guests. Sad News: RD is unable to get a hold of Mr. Rourke and Tattoo. RD's neighbor Steve has heard the show and disliked Blade's reliance on swear words. Blade 'apologizes'. It's nice to see him stereotype himself in such a manner.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Kellogg's Cereal Straws. The first trip of this progrem was to the library.

Blade went to a TNA house show in Kansas City and sat near Terry Taylor. He also took a picture of Kurt Angle. "He probably thought I was an alcoholic hobo." (:16)

Clocktrolla: 10124 days. (:20)

A naked Brother Midnight calls. (:26)

Question of the Week from Thorn, though not necessarily a vampire named Kevin. (:42) Chuck Palumbo, one more wrestling biker.

GLOW wrestler Hollywood calls. Moisturizers are discussed. (:46)

Obscure Wrestling News (:62): WWE signed Lacey Von Erich to a developmental contract [which lasts until December]. A Diva Search contestant named Louise Glover thanked Bistro rather than Batista. (:65) Rowdy Roddy Piper will be a GI Joe. After twenty-two years, Cobra has found someone to combat Sgt Slaughter. RD is prophetic for a live action movie. [though sadly he doesn't predict that Destro will be played by the Ninth Doctor. - Future PB]

Ring announcer Fabian Kailen from WSX calls. He's as explosive as the ones on his show. (:69)

WWE Dating Game. (:84) Regal's hair is great. Santino Marella, the spicy meatball. (:87) Supermarket Sweep. Let's Make a Real Deal. (:89) Blade and RD suggest that a midget could play Vince McMahon's seven-year-old son.

This Week's Haiku:
Vince got him some strange.
Thanks to his cheating, now we
get Lance Von McMahon.

WrestleCrap Radio: "Making handfuls of people laugh for two years."

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Happy to my Birthday, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 2. GLOWandGerbils.com, GerbilsandJergens.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Hideous 70s references, fine products from the Trolla Corporation, things comprised of plastic, Let’s Make a Deal
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 5. Ricardo Montalban, Sheena Easton, Hollywood Squares, Supermarket Sweep, Let’s Make a Deal
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Brother Midnight, Hollywood, Fabian Kailen
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Brother Midnight's Babies: 118
• Wearing Pants: 0
• WSXplosions: 4
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 2

• Question of the Week from: Thorn
  
• Mr. Deal and the Richard Grieco to my Johnny Depp, Blade Braxton, my question's regarding one Chuck Palumbo. First, how many damn bikers have there been in WWF/E? I mean for every Underbiker that actually got over there seems to be a dozen Skulls or Eight-Balls. When are they going to learn that we could care less unless you team him up with Tatanka and the Big Bossman, find a construction worker, and have the Disco Inferno teach them some moves? My other question regarding Chucky P is this: what is the over/under on how long it will take him to be repackaged yet again as another one of Vince's pet gimmicks? My money is on muscley guy in a dress. No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Vince got him some strange.
  Thanks to his cheating, now we
  get Lance Von McMahon.

 

047 A Cornhole Christmas: December 15, 2006

A Cornhole Christmas
((( recorded in audio-skipping fidelity ))) (69 minutes)

RD finally tells his Santa story he promised a year before, where he found out that Santa was black and had numerous clones. (:09) The audio keeps skipping for some reason.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:16): You can get free WWE shipping through the code BEHIND. Little Debbie Xmas snacks are sold out. Blade is confused by buffalo wing potato chips. RD's manly friend thinks the food is too spicy at Chuck-E-Cheese.

Obscure Wrestling News (:26): Trish Stratus will be a celebrity cop. Cornholes are popular in Indiana. Tatanka hates Thanksgiving. "Thanks for nothing!" he protests.

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT CORN HOLE CHAMPION?

RD receives the Horsetrolla. (:37) It tells us that Francine is out of retirement already.

Dr. Keith sent RD crap from the WWE Shop Zone: a magazine about Lita "hornier than ever", an inflatable shillelagh, and a Divas snow globe.

The 2006 Gooker nominees are named. (:47) They are the return of ECW, the Exploitation of Eddie Guerrero, Shawn Michaels tag teaming with God, the 2006 Diva Search, TNA cross-promoting with Jackass, Tim White's attempted suicides, Fake Kane, Vince Russo's booking, Big Dick Johnson: Fat Male Stripper and the Punjabi Prison match. Blade on Eugene: "I want him to whip his cock out."

Blade receives a Twisted Sister Christmas, "Enormously Funny", a wide screen DVD of The Cat in the Hat and a Bossk action figure. RD got Batclips, Trish's Stratusfaction and Jack Frost (the 'horror' movie one, not the far scarier Michael Keaton one).

Xmas dogs are barking. RD mentions the empty box campaign, which children were a given a promissory note on Xmas Day, 1977. According to the commercial, "They'll be sent to you at home between February 1st and June 1st."

Xmas Haiku:
Christmas time is here.
The new induction taught us
Don't fuck your sister.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Christmas
  
• The Pitch to my Lupita, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, WEW
• URLs not taken: 1. YuleLogForTrish.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Uh, giving gifts, exchanging gifts, exchanging, uh; sighs, disappointments, and anticlimactic; behinds, Buffalo wings, Pre-Y Chu Hi, getting cornholed
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Macy’s, Miracle on 34th Street
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

•  F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade
  

 

• Robotic Reindeer Laughs:  1

• Mickie James References:  4
• Trish Stratus References:  6
• Shelly Martinez References:  1
• Christy Hemme References:  1
  

 

• Mailbag: N/A
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Christmas time is here.
  The new induction taught us
  Don't fuck your sister.
  

037 Hello Titty: August 18, 2006

Hello Titty
A train-wreck of a show.
(63 minutes)

Todd Grisham didn't always have a face.

RD and Blade watch a Diva Search Special in real time. This apparently involves the following:

• Really bad sound quality.
• Weird Al shouting that you so stupid.
• Diamond Dan's hotline at 317 335 HOTT. Call him instead.
• RD not realizing until too late that not everyone listening to the show actually has a ready recording of the special on hand.
• A trailer for The Marine. See what they say about it here rather than listening to the show. [Hell, the movie is easier to witness than this.]
• RD: "I think more people will hate this show than any other show we've ever done."

I'm not listening to this shit.

As of this writing we're still waiting on someone to make a useful commentary video of this particular episode. Course, though, you'd have more luck waiting for Elvis to come back from the dead than waiting for that to happen. 
- Future PB

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The tranny to my Carmella, Mr. Blade Brakes-town
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Diamond Dan Hot Line
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 13. Train wreck, a tran wreck, Burger King, cats, cat women, old dead women I would bang, black and white chicks, the Von Erichs, having a cock in your mouth, horrible, a legend returning (2), Ricky Morton
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Donna Reed, Mary Tyler Moore, Learning the Ropes
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade, Blade
  

 

• RD Time Outs:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  6
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  8
• Christy Hemme References:  1

 

• Mailbag: N/A
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

Running Commentary (You’re welcome)

• RD wishes Derek Burgan a successful recovery from hernia surgery (0:06)
• Todd Grisham replaced The Miz?  Addition by subtraction?  (0:08)
• RD ponders how he can watch the whole show. (0:14)
• RD pines for another Kloudi run. (0:16)
• RD predicts this will be thought of as the worst episode ever. (0:20)
• RD rags on Gilmore Girls (0:33)
• J.T. Titty has been eliminated and Blade is distraught at the news. (0:35)
• The Boys see The Marine trailer and try to predict the name of John Cena’s character. (0:37)
• Blade wants to hit the bottle.  (0:40)
• Whatever happened to Tyson Tomko? (0:46)
• HLA anyone? (0:54)
• Hot Ricky Morton talk. (0:56)
• The Deever wins! (1:01)
• The guys decide alcoholism is cool after watching this and Blade considers this on a Buster Douglas upset of Mike Tyson level. (1:02)
• RD wistfully points out that through the confetti, her mannish features disappear. (1:03)
• End Show. Thank God.

036 One Year Anniversary...Somehow: August 11, 2006

One Year Anniversary...Somehow
"worst show ever"
(59 minutes)

A new laugh sounder has been installed. RJ Fletcher and Weird Al from UHF laugh at 'jokes'.

WCR is one year old. The show 'actually' has 37 listeners. RD and Blade suck.

Their book in progress's cover fails the Wellness Policy. (:08)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): RD drinks a lot of cow's milk because he is a calf.

Blade does a pathetic imitation of CM Punk with the "clever" name of 'Bowel Movement'. (:13) I have to keep increasing the volume when RD speaks and turn it down when Blade speaks.

Obscure Wrestling News (:17): Jeff Hardy is coming back to WWE. RD gives him six weeks. Rick Steiner is softer than Blade because of some old ring he had. Oh Christ, there's thirty-six minutes left in this show. I guess it's easier to do twice as much show when you have thirty-five shows from which to do call-backs.

Mail Bag: Chris P's question is ignored because RD is angered at the cold hard truth. (:23) I think they already answered Logan B's question about Khali and Kelly. (:26) RD throws out another dozen catch phrases.

JOHN THOMAS
DOESN'T NEED COMPUTERS

John Thomas calls. (:27) Skipping ahead. . . Eight minutes later, Blade hits the bottle because of this.

Raw sucks. RD feels dirty when he says he's watching TNA, but I guess there's nothing dirty about crap.

Oh good, the phone is ringing, so I can skip ahead. (:42) This show is still painful even without bad impersonations of Terry Funk and Dennis Stamp (don't ask).

The First Anniversary Wrestlecrap Radio Blade Braxton Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Hulk's got a bum knee.
He should've drank mommy's milk.
It does a Hulk good.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Chucky to my Cheese, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Being reamed, anal cavities, Indy shows, feces, wrestling ring, a corpse, legends, wax
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Haiti Kid
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Haiti Kid
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. BM Punk, John Thomas, Terry Funk, Dennis Stamp

 

• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2
• Krankor Laughs:  2

 

• Trish Stratus References:  2

 

• Mailbag
• Chris P: Dear RD and Blade, how are you guys? I'm doing good. My question is if you had the chance to spit in one wrestler's face, who would it be? Mine would be Triple H because he is an attention whore. P.S. Blade you are like the wisecrackin' smartass version of Homer Simpson. Keep up the great work. No offense but RD your voice sounds like an 11 year old Eminem just hitting puberty on the rag. No sold.
  
• Logan B: Dear Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Brakestown, with Kelly's name being revealed as being Kelly Kelly, how long will it be until the Great Khali turns into Khali Kelly? He could strip every week and Daiviri would cover him up. This would go on until the next time Smackdown and ECW come together and Khali Kelly and Kelly Kelly would finally reunite. Maybe even include Kelly Kelly. In case you lost the question in my great idea, do you think Khali will become Khali Kelly? That's brilliant.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Hulk's got a bum knee.
  He should've drank mommy's milk.
  It does a Hulk good.

 

035 Real Angry: July 28, 2006

Real Angry
(54 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:06): RD's favorite flavor of Life Savers has been replaced.

Obscure Wrestling News (:12): Vince has bought an indoor tennis facility for his mother's hometown, which the sources have no idea what state it is in. Chris Kanyon was dropping the puck at the Gay Games. Sad News: Spirit Squad was sent back to Triple A. (:17)

Mail Bag (:21): Insecticidal Andy Duke thinks the Deever is a secret Kryptonian. (:26) Speculation ensues on whether JBL is a secret third co-host of the show. 'Damn' asks about combined bad gimmicks. (:30) RD is worried his son will one day find out about and listen to the show. He also wanted to be the next Weird Al at one point; Blade meanwhile wanted to play Jason at a donkey show. Bob Dhalstrom has his own ideas for the company to follow on, one of which involves Gene Snitsky and Stephanie McMahon. (:34)

J.T. Tinny with unnamed person

Random people fell victim of the Wellness Policy, including Thumbnail-toothed Great Khali-Collie. This angers RD for some reason. (:35) The Diva Search made Blade hit the bottle this week. (:44) Blade talks loudly, unaware that the talky end of the phone receiver acts as a microphone. JT Titty should tag with Areola, the tarot card reader. (:47)  ECW has DQs in "Extreme Rules" matches. Mike Knox, Mr. Charisma. I can't hear RD beneath the music.

Seventeen Syllables of the Weekly Wrestling Haiku
Flair, Undertaker,
then Kane. E C Dub, Extreme
Crossover Wrestling.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The liver to my elevated enzymes, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, The Wrestling Observer pg. 12
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. People who are jerk offs, sucking, getting spanked and put to bed, getting in touch with people, one of our 12 listeners, The Diva Search, retarded
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Maude, Jack Lalane, Dirty Dancing
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  2
• Trish Stratus References:  3
• Shelly Martinez References:  9
  

 

• Mailbag
• Insecticidal Andy Duke: Dear Real Deal and Bladerick Brakestown, it has come to my attention that one of the Diva Search contestants is named Layla L, the one with the curly hear. Her name is Layla L, much like Superman who was named Kal-El. Mr. Brakestown, do you think she used her super Krypton powers to win the Diva Boot Camp? Could this be a future gimmick much like Christy being on crystal meth, and Ashley being a Hot Topic hobo? Also could you mention the Cidal Squad on the air? JBL, don't steal our gimmick man.
  
• 'Damn': If you could combine two crappy gimmicks into one, what would they be? I would combine the Zombie with 3 Count and ripoff Thriller in every match he was in. Blade: Summerslam 88 Elizabeth with Naked Mideon.
  
• Bob Dhalstrom: So since Stephanie has had her baby girl, am I the only one who sees dollar signs in a Stephanie-Snitsky feud? It is what it is.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Flair, Undertaker,
  then Kane. E C Dub, Extreme
  Crossover Wrestling.

 

034 Diva Debacle: July 14, 2006

Krankor hits the Bottle with JT Titty
(63 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Wal-Mart has restaurant gift cards. (:09)
Blade's Trip to the Grocery: "pasta in sauce with beef and chicken hot dogs with beef."

Faxtrolla semi-exclusive news (:14): boo-rah. The Miz wants Johnny Fairplay to come to ECW. DDP is taking his Yoga for Regular Guys on tour.

Mail Bag: Smash Bradley asks how to actually implement Siamese twin wrestlers. (:23) Krankor's laugh is used in response. Extreme K of Fort Mike Knox thinks of putting The Great Collie in a dog outfit and placing him in dog shows. (:27) Sausagesandwich is one of their 'many fans, of whom I know none', who has a thing for punching the Miz. (:30)

SmackDown is looking retro, with Tatanka and caskets and midgets and kings. (:34) A Punjabi Prison match was announced and Michael Cole said it would be in the jungle. (:36) Candice Michelle was sent to ECW to teach Kelly Kelly how to strip. (:39) Big Show's hands are now cannonballs and his head is a bowling ball. CM Punk doesn't like drinking, so Blade hit the bottle. (:44)

ECW IS STRIPPING

Miz's hosting of the Diva Search segment was pure wrestlecrap. (:48)  Hopeful Layla said she wanted to be the Deever, so she will now be called that. Another candidate (Maryse) used her impenetrable Quebec accent to be an 'air-flying diva', another (Robecca) tried to pepper spray the ring, and another (Molina) looks too much like Ashley Massaro.

Miz called one contestant JT Titty.

The Haiku:
Moronic Divas.
How will this class top last year's?
Leave it to Deever.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jack to my Daniels, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 11. Last week, last week’s show, The Miz, mounting Chloe and doing her doggystyle, bags, reaching down into my bag, my bag, sodomy overtones, the elderly, transvestite, chesticles
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Nancy Reagan
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Nancy Reagan
  

 

• Debut: Krankor Laughs: 9
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4

 

• Mailbag
• Smash Bradley: Hello dear lords of Crapsalot. I've pondered this question and got several answers. If there were a set of Siamese twins (explain what a Siamese twin is: one set of legs, two torsos), would they be considered a single wrestler or a tag team? And if you pick a tag team, how would the tags work? Be careful if you read this, because John Laurenitis might go on the hunt. Krankor: HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
  
• Extreme K: I am writing to you from Fort Mike Knox where the nation's supply of Art Donovan approved bathroom scales are stored. I think it would be an awesome idea if you put the dog exterior from the Shaggin' Wagon on the Great Khali and renamed him the Great Collie, and then you could proceed to enter him in the Westminster Dog Show. My question to both of you: would Daivari's bitch win, and do you think the Dog Show would once again preempt Raw just for the sake of giving Smackdown a quick upper hand in the brand extension, in terms of rating and publicity? Blade: Mounting Chloe, Torrie Wilson's dog.
  
• Sausagesandwich: I live in England and have to say that I am one of your many, many fans, of whom I know none. Your radio show never ceases to amuse and offend me. I have two questions, both are well urgent. Number one: if you had the choice, would you punch Miz in the face one time as hard as you could, or ten times at medium force? Personally I would punch him just once, then kick him in the balls, but to each his own. Number two: If you were to be in WWE, and were allowed to choose your own gimmick on the grounds that it made Wrestlecrap, what would it be? Myself, I like the idea of the One Headed Man. Blade: Slap my Miz around twenty times. No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Repeat Gooker alert!
  Moronic Divas.
  How will this class top last year's?
  Leave it to Deever.

 

033 Hapenis is a Warm Pun: July 7, 2006

Hapenis is a Warm Pun (The Terrible Twelve Listeners)
(55 minutes)

True love...has yet to be found.

RD thinks someone is using his ideas because Kelly is now Kelly Kelly. Speaking of Joey and Joey Joe Joe Taz Joe Joe Taz... RD hates the WWE broadcasters' fake laughter.

The ECW Zombie couldn't make it.

Obscure Wrestling News (:08): It's spelled FAXTrolla not FACTSTrolla. Rumored-lactator Nathan Jones is going to be in a movie. RD has man-boobs. Sad News: a former centerfold has dropped out of the Diva Search before it's even begun. (:17) RD suggests WWE sell blow-up dolls of the contestants.

Premiere of the Mail Bag, with music (:21): Blade would replace his head with Shawn Michaels' head thanks to a question from Barnes. Big Show has skillets for hands. Cris asks about combining favorite bad angles. (:24) RD wears a Dungeon of Doom shirt. Questioner Jens is searching for Brian Clark. (:26) Nitro Hollick, who likes the show, asks something about the Fabulous Rojeaus. (:30) Sad News, thanks to The Disciple of Bruti: bottom-feeder Johnny Parisi has been released. (:36) Speaking of hiring someone's penis...

According to Blade, the podcast loses 2 listeners every week from their original pool of 12, and now half of them are going to be offended and lost to them.

RD wrote an open letter to Trish Stratus. New induction: Norman Smiley, backyard champion. Next week's induction is WWF's million dollar chance.

Ms. Stratus kicks a woman in the face.

Shawn Michaels: Degenerate with morals. At that point in Raw, Blade turned to the bottle. (:39) Vince knows who Darth Vader is, which is not Barry White. ECW sucks. Mike Knox can body-slam like nobody's business. (:45)

Seventeen Syllables of Love:
RVD's busted.
Robby should've just said no.
Now we're stuck with Show.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Kelly to my Kelly, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 13. Joey, things that don’t get old, having white stuff on your chest, being males of the species (2), Carmella, popping a cherry, hiring someone’s penis, child molesters, losing listeners, things that are sad, horrible, things you want to pee on
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Yugoslavia
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
  

 

• Trish Stratus References:  4

 

• Debut: Mailbag
• Barnes: Dear Deal and Blade, if you were to change one of your body parts into something else, what body part would you replace, and what would the object be? Personally, I'd change one of my hands into the head of an alligator to bite and gobble my enemies. Blade: Head with Shawn Michaels'. RD: Hand with big skillet. 
• Cris: Out of all the Wrestlecrappy gimmicks and storylines, Mr. Brakestown, which do you personally like and which do you personally hate? The Black Scorpion. Dungeon of Doom. 
• Jens: Yo guys, was great to see your burial of the Adam Bomb gimmick brought up, and your mention of Brian Clark being a decent enough worker. Apparently he has fallen off the face of the earth ever since Kronik went nowhere in WCW. Do you know what happened to Brian Clark?  Lot of penis jokes on this show this week. Probably working with a skillet right now.
• Nitro Hollick: Hey Deal and Blade, great show. I listen to it all the time at work. A question for you: were the Fabulous Rojeaus really that fabulous? They should have been mediocre or somewhat fabulous. (Real answer: Yes.)
  
• The Disciple of Bruti: Dear RD and Blade, I honestly hope you are ashamed of yourselves. You claim to dig down with obscure wrestling news and even have a segment called Sad News, yet you miss the most important piece of sad and obscure news of the past decade: the release of Johnny Parisi. Johnny is the only man to hold the bottom spot of the roster since day one of his career in WWE and he didn't even get a honorable mention on the show. I'm very disappointed in both of you. In fact, I'M PISSED NOW!  Sad News: Johnny Parisi has been released.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  RVD's busted.
  Robby should've just said no.
  Now we're stuck with Show

 

032 An angle on Angle: June 30, 2006

Ode to Kurt Angle
(45 minutes)

Blade promises the ECW Zombie will be on next week's show. RD promises the return of the Mailbag on next week's show. They are not related.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:06) has been voted the most popular segment on this wrestling podcast. Superman has been invading the grocery of late.

Obscure Wrestling News: Kurrgan is going to be in a movie (300). (:11) Jake Roberts caught a 45-pound fish. (:14)

Sad News: The Pirate was fired because McMahon is behind the times. (:20) Even more Sad News: The Diva Search 3 has begun. (:25) SPEAKING OF bitches RD and Blade discuss their favorite animals in the WWF. WWE loves poop and male ass. ECW's Kelly strips every week down to the same bra that she can't seem to get open. (:30) RD thinks they should get a male stripping Kelly to hook in confused people.

Arrr! 'is ship 'as sailed.

RD tries some wrestling analysis and Blade gets bored. (:32) The majority seems to think RD gushes over Kurt Angle. [Which is certainly NOT going to be ironic in the next few years... - Future PB]

First Ever WrestleCrap Tanka:
Kelly's Expose.
The only thing that's been ex-
posed is the simple
fact that Mr. Laurinai-
tis sucks as a talent scout.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Pasta to my Mania, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 9. Shows that have lots of poop, going to the grocery, good times (2), people I miss, Pirates of the Caribbean, where RD’s other hand at, brilliant (2)
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Don Knotts, Good Times, Don Knotts (2), Bea Arthur, ZZ Top, Christopher Reeve
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Richard Dawson
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• Zombie Growls:  3

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku Tanka:
  Kelly's Expose.
  The only thing that's been ex-
  posed is the simple
  fact that Mr. Laurinai-
  tis sucks as a talent scout.