The Penguin's Nest
December 7, 1966
"Facing the strange situation of the Penguin determined to be arrested, Batman must figure out why."
59 minutes
RD: Won't Pay $100 Cover Charge. He complains on having to be on time unlike Blade Vince. However he has an actual excuse of being on GAW (the show run by Mickie James, Lisa Marie "Victoria" Varon, and "So Cal" Valerie Wyndham). He still remembers Mickie's immense kindness once when he was unable to work with her and Nick Aldis due to his mother's condition. RD still has to meet her for Blade's sake, but Lisa Marie and Valerie were some of the nicest folks he had met.
Vince also takes the moment to remark on new regime WWE still doing pretty badly with ratings, even on Halloween. "Bro, kids are not trick or treating at 8 o'clock at night, bro." They shouldn't anyway, it's a school night.
The episode aired on the birthdate of C. Thomas "Soul Man" Howell.
"An old super crooked fiend" (according to the Narrator) is opening "The Penguin's Nest" restaurant on top of a skyscraper with a very bad looking sign. (He couldn't afford to rehire the artist who drew the Vote For Pengy posters?) Another better looking sign states there is a $100 cover charge, "only rich people and friends admitted". I don't remember the last time I ever paid a cover charge. Vince somehow remembers a $5 charge for the disco.
Among those already seated at a table with the Penguin are the Disguised Duo (Bruce & Dick), the Undynamic Duo, and Aunt Harriet.
Bruce: "To think you've mastered the art of haute cuisine in the kitchens of the Gotham City State Penitentiary, it certainly proves that almost nothing is impossible."
However he notes the odd way they have to write down their order and hand it off to his goon as a maƮtre d' (literally named Matey Dee) is "fishy, not efficient".
Penguin tries to ignore it to flirt with Aunt Harriet while stealing her diamond bracelet, only to be caught by - O'Hara??? Broken clocks I suppose.
Penguin: "I've been caught with my feathers down."
A suspicious Bruce suggests looking further into this as with Batman, but Penguin just says to take him to prison anyway.
Gordon: "When this pompous waddling master of foul play asks to be arrested? Thanks for the advice Bruce, I'll call Batman at once."
Cue Gordon going to a phone booth. Cue Bruce going to the phone booth next to him to get Alfred to connect them. Gordon is so happy he jumps out of his booth with joy: "We're in luck, Batman's home."
Vince only visited the UK after the bulk of his career. The public garbage cans have small openings to prevent bomb drops...and garbage.
Batman says he may be late in arriving. Gordon: "I'll wait however long I need to, Batman!" Harriet wants to go back home so Bruce and Dick take her home and go down the Batpoles.
Penguin is still at the restaurant when the Dynamic Duo "arrive": "Just when I learned to fly straight, I destroyed my life again! That's the way the iceberg crumbles." (:19)
Batman asks the Undynamic Duo how the restaurant is doing. Business is great, with an average pre-drinks tab of $87 alongside the $100 cover charge (which today would both equal $1,639.50. Holy Fees!). Neither Bro would spend more than $100 current dollars. Vince would even only allow his wife to drink water (the high costs coming from all the condiments she probably uses).
Batman clears the place of the goons: besides Matey Dee, previously Warden Crichton's personal valet, there's Cordy Blue as the chef, formerly "chief hash slinger at the state pen", and "bootlegger of untaxed cigars" Chickadee as hat check.
Gordon: "You make something of this enigma, Batman?"
Batman: "It sticks out like Penguin's nose."
Batman asks the "policemen" to forgive Penguin for "the impulsive theft of that bauble".
Penguin: "Great quivering jellyfish!"
He then throws a pie at Gordon. O'Hara goes to arrest him.
Batman: "No, Chief, no. He was merely baiting us. Don't swallow."
Robin: "Have a heart, Chief, Penguin didn't mean any harm."
Gordon: (Trying to say "Didn't mean any harm?") "Blah blah blah blah blah?"
O'Hara: "Hitting a police commissioner in the puss with a pie?"
Batman: "No, he was simply overwrought with astonishment. Anyone can make the same mistake."
Gordon: "Anything you say Batmannnnn!"
Batman offers a cup of warm cocoa.
Penguin: "Ah! Fah! Phooey! Fudgey!"
O'Hara: "I'd like to grab that bird by the neck! I'd like to pluck him! I'd like to prod him all the way to the pen with a pointed stick and toss the rest of this pie in after him!"
The Duo, seeing there's no way to do things properly with these incompetents, decide to leave to do a wall climb to check out the kitchen.
The kitchen is in fact the lair, where Chickadee tries to soothe her "Penguin poopsie: don't lose your cool."
Penguin: "I'm the Penguin, how can I lose my cool?"
He needs to go to prison because for some reason he can 'process' all the hand written orders by the clientele. The goons suggest other crimes to attempt.
Penguin: "Fah! That's fiddlesticks! If a bird can't get arrested by potting a police commissioner with a pie, what chance with those piddling ploys?"
Then his Batdetector on his umbrella flashes: "we have bats in this belfry!"
Actually the bats are outside the belfry and slowly ascending. (:30)
Robin: "It's sure a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin: that hundred dollar cover charge is pretty
stiff. Penguin's terrific chow is hardly within the budget of the
average worker."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, you're right Batman. All the needy people in the world. The hungry children..."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."
As they climb a harpsichord plays a melody frequently heard on The Addams Family, before Lurch appears out the window.
Lurch: "Ohhhhh. It's youuuu, Batman... gave me quite a start."
Batman: "Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord."
Unfortunately he does not inform him that he missed his employer's appearance in town some days prior.
Vince has plans and tactics for how to fight off each scary movie horror and villain. This includes Michael Myers' harpsichord play his theme when he's around, tipping off potential victims. He then forgets the name of "Austin Austin", giving RD a big chuckle.
The Duo then see Penguin shoot Mr. Blue for supposedly being a traitor, but upon breaking in to arrest him find it's just a blank. Batman: "I observed the recoil of that umbrella gun. Obviously its angular momentum was inadequate for the mass of a real bullet."
But they decide to humor the Penguin and take him to the city jail: "Petty crooks only!"
Penguin: "I'll sue you, you pioutest upstarts! You have absolutely no right to do this to me! How dare you confine a supercriminal of my ilk in this petty city jail all night, this tawdry penny ante pokey on a charge of simulated murder!"
Batman tells him he's actually charged for the forbidden discharge of umbrella guns in the kitchen of a licensed restaurant.
Robin: "Yeah, call your lawyer! Have him look it up!"
Batman: "Good day Penguin. Reflect on your petty sins, you bush league bird!"
RD honestly thought Robin gave the bird the bird.
In the Batcave the Duo look up Penguin's "permanently reserved cell" which is right next to that of "Ballpoint Baxter, the ugly master of forgery." (:41) This proves Batman's theory that Penguin would have had Baxter use the handwriting on the orders to forge checks. RD has Vince please to explain checks. But then how would they get the blank checks? They call up Warden Crichton on a clearly labelled phone next to another sign for an "Entrance to Subterranean Grotto." Vince thinks it's like the Playboy Mansion if it had a Batlabel printing press.
Crichton is woken up from sleeping during his working day (story of my life) with a sleeping mask and cap. Of course inmates can get blank checks from the print shop, why do you ask? It's all in rehabilitating them to responsibly use personal finances and reintegrate themselves back into society.
Cue Batman's disgusted look on his face: "Ah, another of your advanced penological techniques...I've always had boundless admiration for your efforts, Warden. But sometimes...I just don't know."
Vince would sometimes write with (other) Vince in what would very much be his dining room where he took power naps for 20 minutes at a time.
The Narrator reminds us he's still here as the Duo drive from the Batcave to the prison. The Penguin managed to smuggle a tiny Penguin radio in with him, which he uses for his schemes. He thus calls his goons who come to the city jail backdoor: "No unauthorized exit!" They ask the gatekeeping Sergeant O'Leary if they can bring him a birthday cake. O'Leary takes out his metal detector to check for inner surprises and immediately gets shocked.
Matey Dee: "Wow! This high voltage battery pie sure worked the way the Penguin said it would!"
However the Duo appear just as the goons break their boss free.
Batman: "The best-laid plans of birds and men gang aft a-gley."
At least he said it the proper gang aft way. 50% is progress, yes?
Chickadee then shoots at Batman, who unlike Robin has the scriptwriter's luck to not get hit: "You deluded murderous girl."
Cue fight, during which Robin pulls on Penguin's beak. "Stand still you red breasted road runner!" he still manages to squawk out.
O'Hara runs in just to trip and thus get Chickadee to capture him. The Duo thus have to let them go.
Penguin then calls Gordon in his office to tell him and the Duo that O'Hara is being held in the swimming pool of an abandoned rec center.
Batman: "Do you promise a fair duel? Robin and I against your mangy mob?"
Cut to someone's backyard swimming pool with O'Hara in a very tiny box like he's secretly a contortionist or something. "Let me out of this infernal hamper you devils! What's the idea?" he shouts muffled. They also plan to shoot the Duo into the pool and use their pool electrifier.
Narrator: "Crossfire! An electrocution looks like the end! Have our heroes ever been in a nastier spot?"
RD: "...yes?"
RD will be playing pinball as part of the Christmas parade through Shelbyville.
Recent Headlie: "“Unemployed Vince McMahon” Costume Actually Vince McMahon".
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