Episode 81: Holy Clanking Crusaders!: March 5, 2023

Penguin Sets a Trend
February 1, 1967
"In order to keep a close eye on the Penguin (and hopefully locate the stolen chain mail armor), Batman and Robin rejoin Penguin's movie efforts. The next part of his film is to take place in medieval times. Therefore, Penguin has the Dynamic Duo dress in armor suits, but only to trap them with a giant magnet while he snatches top-secret papers from the Hexagon. Batman and Robin free themselves and follow the villain, but after a losing battle with him, the Penguin has them hauled off as scrap metal to be crushed."
63 minutes

RD Won't Resort to Mendacity. Vince has a subtitle of his own, being 30 Days to Opening Day. He always feels tired after recording the progrem at 4 pm. Now he knows how I feel after trying to summarize it.

Narrator: "When last we saw the Dynamic Duo they were in the Penguin's catapult about to be launched over Gotham City and land like a pair of squashed tomatoes with Penguin's cameras set to record their horrible death! ... We'll be back in 60 seconds with the smashing climax."

Vince wonders if there would ever be a Batman who would become terrified in whatever situation he ends up in. RD wonders how Penguin's snuff film would be successful.

Robin: "Holy cliffhangers, Batman!"

Calm and collected Batman takes the time to calculate the cube root of pi and determine where they will land, ideally straight into a remote controlled Batmobile. RD thinks they should have figured out how to get out of their trap rather than guess if they will survive direct impact.
Vince: "How did he figure that out?"
RD: "Because he's Batman."

The catapult fires two dummies ten feet straight into the clouds, giving Batman literal air to remote control his vehicle. Also its raining below them, and the Batmobile has to stop on the road for some children to move. Vince wondered what would have happened if it ran them over. RD knows what the Penguin would add to his film. But of course the Batmobile gets to the Duo in time, deploying a net to catch them. They then walk over the chassis to get in to drive to the Office.
Robin: "Remind me to give the Batmobile an extra quart of oil next time we change it."
Batman: "And now we have to get our hands on a certain oily bird."
RD has to warn not to do such a stupid idea like that in real life.

Vince bought a John Wick rug for his grandchild who was a fan of "Canoe Reeves". His wife did not approve. 

O'Hara: "The nerve of that vulture! We'll catapult him right behind bars where he belongs!" (:17)
Vince is sure Penguin would beat up the Chief every time. RD would bet on the Chief since he has experience with drunken brawls.
The Duos can't just go straight for the villain for fear of losing the stolen armor, so they have to go back to his film shoot.
O'Hara: "Sure and he'll be suspicious, Batman."
Batman: "I hope he is, Chief O'Hara. Suspicion often provides surprises."

Penguin: "And so my Caped Canaries, you have survived your little flight through space, and now you would like to rejoin my film company? QUACK! What do you take me for, a fool? You don't fool me,
Dynamic Double-Talker! There's some hideously honest motive behind all this. You're trying to trick
me, huh? QUACK! Out of my office, quick. Out! Out! Keep moving, you Cupcake Crusaders! You Dynamic Dingbats!" 

Vince: "Do you know exactly what a dingbat is?"
RD: "I do not know what a dingbat is, but I think I'm talking to one."
Vince aims to forget looking up the term for next time.

The Duo walk into the adjoining office where Batman notices the intercom is on and connected to Penguin's. So he takes the opportunity to melodramatically plead to get back to acting. "I'm afraid I've got it bad, Robin baby."

All of a sudden Penguin is listening while carrying a poodle named Mac, and puts it on his desk. (:24) RD reminisces about his old poodles Raleigh and Piper. Both remember their dealings with Piper. The man, not the poodle. Vince out when appearing on Piper's podcast that their heat came from Piper thinking Vince sent Ed Ferrara to meet him first in some sort of power dynamic rather than a misunderstood chance encounter. 

Anyway Penguin takes the bait and invites the Duo back to his movie. "I was once a struggling young actor myself."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in an isolated section of Gotham Central Park, Marsha and her aunt Hilda are looking for elderly toads for Aunt Hilda's evil potion."
Marsha: "How long are we going to have to wait?"
Hilda: "Last time I waited two weeks."

Thus concludes Marsha's (and Hilda's) lone scene on today's episode.

Robin (back in the Batcave): "Great acting job, Batman. You could run for senator. Or governor."
Batman: "Thank you, Robin. Who knows, perhaps I do have a little touch of show business in my blood."
Robin (checking the script): "Holy history. Penguin's gone from Rome to the Middle Ages. The second part of his script is set in medieval England."
Batman: "It doesn't surprise me, Robin. The criminal mind is characteristically erratic and unstable."
Robin: "And gullible. He fell for that act of yours hook, line and sinker."
Batman: "Needless to say, old chum, I don't like having to resort to such mendacity. But considering the
circumstances, I think it was justified."

Returned to the shooting set, the Duo are now wearing large suits of "quite ordinary armor". (:36) As they lumber onto their spots, some goons sneak up behind them and pin them with a two-ton electromagnet.
Robin: "You underhanded weasel!"
Penguin: "Thanks for the compliment, Boy Bigmouth."
They are hoisted up into the air. Penguin will deal with them later after "a little appointment with General MacGruder at the Pentagon Hexagon. It seems the good general also has a yen to be a movie actor." He order his also armored (with the stolen gear) "Von Pengy's Blitzkrieg" to march behind him as they leave.
Vince keeps seeing his smoking ashes all over his suit.

Robin: "Holy catastrophes, Batman! I'd sooner see the Russians in the Hexagon than Penguin!"
Batman: "We must stop him, Robin. The Generals at the Hexagon are capable men, but they're trained in open warfare, not the devious kind that Penguin practices. I don't know why they can't just make a deal to send him to Vietnam to help our boys out."

Of course MacGruder is more than happy to work with the Penguin. What, the US military working with Hollywood? Get out of here!
MacGruder: "You, uh, did say that there might be a little part in the picture for me, huh?"
Penguin: "A little part, sir? For a man of your acting ability, there is a colossal part. It is two lines longer than Hamlet, sir."
Shakespeare's longest play of 4,000 lines could take more than four hours to run through, even today. That is unless Penguin meant a shortened radio version, of which Meredith would have had some experience at.)
MacGruder: "Then you do think I have some acting ability, huh?"
Penguin: "Oh, I think all generals do, sir. I think it's part of their equipment, like, uh...like gills on a fish."
He offers the General "an exclusive five-year contract" when he retires.

Major Beasley then enters, so Penguin offers him "an exclusive five-year contract". (He quickly revises his contract for the General to 10 years.) He asks Beasley about Room X, which connects to Room Y, which connects to Room Z. He orders his finks crew there to steal its contents.

MacGruder: "They're heading for Room Z. Beasley, call the cavalry."
Beasley: "Sir, we haven't had any cavalry since 1910."
MacGruder: "Oh. Well, call the army."
Beasley: "Yes sir...sir, we are the army!"
MacGruder: "WELL GET SOME MEN UP HERE! DON'T JUST STAND THERE!"

(Of note: Bob Hastings as the Major was parodying his role as Lt. Carpenter on McHale's Navy. He would also do very well in voice acting including...Commissioner Gordon (from The Animated Series until his death). He probably learned from General Alan Reed who among many roles in his storied career was the original Fred Flintstone.)

They somehow muster some men, perhaps remembering that the US Army does still have cavalry (where do they think their tanks and armored vehicles are?).
MacGruder (to himself): "Remember the Alamo, MacGruder. Remember Custer...No, no, let's forget Custer. Remember Grant and Lee, and Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill. That's it. Remember Teddy Roosevelt."
He has his men fix bayonets before charging in, only to find the armor impervious to their bullets.
During the 'skirmish', among the contents the goons rummage through are "Corn Cob Pipes", of the kind General MacArthur sometimes enjoyed, and "Pearl Handled Revolvers", of the kind General Patton was reported to have handled. 

Meanwhile the Duo are still stuck. (:45) Batman has another idea. He throws something at a nearby lamp to short circuit it, cutting off all the power, including to the magnet. They have no time to get out of their armor as they rush to the Hexagon. 

The villains escape in a blue van despite the soldiers trying to shoot at the tires.
MacGruder: "We have no choice, Beasley. Call the Air Force."
Beasley (noticing the Batmobile): "Sir, I think we may have something better than the Air Force."
Cue car chase with the Duo still in their armor. All the better to hide their stunt doubles, I'm sure.

Batman predicts the blue van can not support the weight of the Knights of the Round Table and their footwork impeccable, and sure enough the next turn flattens one of the tires, causing everyone to run into the nearby alleyway. 

Penguin orders his goons to fall back to their (only a model) lair: "I'll hold off the Clanking Crusaders." He then picks up and rolls barrels at them ala Donkey Kong, bowling the armored Duo down, then gasses them just to be sure. "Now you're in the trash heap where you belong, Dynamic Dodos."
At that moment, a dump truck for Jolly Jim's Scrap Metal Yard pulls up. Penguin offers the crew $10 for some "Scrapped Crusaders". 

And so the Duo are dropped straight into a trash compactor about to be smashed into a cube. And without any protocol droids around to help stop the machinery!

Narrator: "The Dynamic Duo a pair of paper weights? This time the pressure is really on them! Tune in tomorrow for the crushing finale! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

While he was not in this story, RD received a clip of Cesar Romero in the Joker makeup promoting the Movie. (:54)

RD wrote about an early Ultimate Warrior "match" where even then he was not sure what to do. Bobby Heenan would remember how bad his bouts were even with Andre the Giant. Vince remembered how Warrior would satiate his sugar fix by crushing Mrs. Field cookies and inhaling their scent.

• Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [8] (Burgess Meredith) [8]
• Extra Special Guest Villainess:  Marsha [2] (Carolyn Jones) [2]

 

• Window Celebrity: 2. Alan Reed, Bob Hastings
• Blue Van: 1
• Screen Shares: 1. Vince
  

Special Round - Man Called Cheatum: August 4, 2022

40 minutes

"I <3 Cheatum" (don't we all) is giddy in introducing Vince to some of WCW's finest theatrical productions featuring an evil one-eyed midget. Vince was at one of the matches (at Halloween Havoc 1992) but didn't remember watching the actual video or any material leading up to them. 

• :03 First Medusa walks through a very dark set to enter a bar with a dry ice floor to Spin the Wheel Make the Deal (with Cheatum). Cue Jake Roberts arching his eyebrows.
• In enters the man they call Sting. Vince thought it was Jeff Jarrett. 
• He and Roberts trade words as the bar patrons look back and forth like a tennis match.
  
• Vince: "This acting leaves a lot to be desired."
• Sting: "You think I'm afraid of some wheel?"
• He spins the wheel, then has it as a backdrop as he and Jake stand still and face to face, allowing the production "crew" to draw electrical wires/lightning bolts/laser beams from their eyes before an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
• The reel reminds you that Halloween Havoc 1992 will be on Sunday October 25th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  
• Of course Vince thinks it's tremendous, but it wouldn't have caused him to go to the match just by itself.
• Vince does not know how to mute his Discord notification alerts. (For the record, it's in User Settings - Notifications.)
  
• :10 Next is the White Castle of Fear (not sliders). Sting gets into a tiny helicopter. While over stock footage of the Rocky Mountains he has visions of Big Van Vader standing in front of a wind machine blowing snow from the side. 
• Sting: "Could this be some sort of trap?"
• He checks the rolled up parchment that Vader wrote his invitation on for some reason. RD: "I really need one of those on the wall."
• Vince: "These are gems, bro!"
• Sting enters an extravagant set where people loaf around eating amidst dry ice fog.
• Vader breaks a mirror by shouting and shadow boxing at it, then enters with a laughing Harley Race to trade their own words while Cheatum keeps asking to Play the Game Play the Game.
• The two combatants then tug of war with a strap (is that the Game to Play?) over an open fire. The strap dramatically snaps as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  
• The reel reminds you that Superbrawl III will be on Sunday February 21st and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
• Vince can't believe he never learned or was clued in about them during his tenure in the company.
• :16 Finally there is the one for Beach Blast 1993 on WCW Saturday Night (June 19th), the piece that made RD fully want to start WrestleCrap, for good or bad. Nominally it's to be for a tag team match of Sting and Davey Boy Smith vs. "The Masters of the Powerbomb" Vader and Sid Vicious (with Race and Colonel Robert Parker).
• "Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico" Sid stands confused with the rest of the heel contingent. They point to an "island" where Sting and Smith are playing beach volleyball with some random people (or "orphans" as they call them for some reason).
• Sting expresses his joy in scoring a point by letting out a tiny "woooo." I think Ric Flair would have a word or two on that.
  
• The heels all laugh manically as they discuss their plans.
• Cue Cheatum snorkeling right next to the beach with a shark fin and carrying a water cooler as someone attempts the expected music on a synthesizer: "My name is JAWS! Now you girls get on outta here!" 
• He then puts an alarm clock "bomb" on a speedboat.
• The "orphans" say some lines woodenly as the heels arrive on one of those amphibious landing craft.
• Sid shows off the flip-flops he's wearing with the rest of his wrestling outfit.
• Cue some more howlers from the wrestlers as an attempt at a western showdown is played on the synthesizer. When they get up close another randomly strums on a guitar. 
• Parker offers the faces "two tickets to the retirement haven of your choice". Sting considers it as he repeats the stats of their opponents. 
• Cue group shot of the "orphans" looking sad.
• The faces decide to go on with the match anyway.
• Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay".
• The heels make more threats and laughter. 
• The faces decide to continue their volleyball anyway.
• The two girls tell Sting of "a funny guy hanging around the boat". Then they tell Smith of "a guy hanging around the boat going click-click-click."
• Smith rushes to the speedboat and pushes the two off just as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
• Cue "orphans" looking sad.
• The two then spring up from the water arms raised.
• Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay". Again.
• The reel reminds you that Beach Blast will be on Sunday July 18th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
• Vince thought it was "very early 90-ish" but thought if it was the work of Bischoff and actual writers at Turner, then it was ahead of his time. RD can agree although he's not sure if he would include Cheatum or such heel plans. Vince would reenact it though, including with Cheatum.
• :30 In turn Vince has Ultimate Warrior being...selectively edited during a shoot interview. It's still more legible than any public promo or speech. Vince would play it before every creative meeting as an energizing icebreaker (outside WWF). 
• Vince loved the old Mr. Fuji and Muraco sketches, especially Fuji Vice. 
• RD thinks AEW's reels and skits are greatly influenced from such vignettes, even if sometimes in parody (the sincerest form of flattery). (:35) The originals were campy but unintentionally went to downright hilarity. Vince is of course reminded of Batman. (Holy Shark Fin!)
  
• RD still has yet to find Cheatum in any way shape or form, serious or otherwise. 
• Vince plans to have some of the clips on a new show he will do with Disco Inferno.
  
• Next up for Vince: AWA's private show for Kellogg's.
  

"Fans" With Tammy

You know, I should probably have made a (sports-related) bet on this.

WWE HALL OF FAMER TAMMY SYTCH ARRESTED

Feels like I've been here before.

Feels like I've been here before.

PWInsider.com is told that Sytch was arrested early this morning and charged with with the following:

*Operating a Motor Vehicle during a second license suspension.

*Eluding a Police Officer.

*Contempt/Violation of a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

You know, I am morbid enough to wish I could have seen how that car chase went. Be honest with me, you would too wouldn't you?

Well, I don't want to sound like a broken record so let's just acknowledge this rising of the sun and -



Wait.



WHY AM I ONLY NOW READING ABOUT THIS.

Jim Ross Is All About Sunny’s Only Fans Account

The WWE Hall Of Fame announcer took the time to plug Sunny’s adult friendly website. He also invited fans to “troll away.”

"I’ve often heard, and I agree, that controversy creates cash. Plus, I believe that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life.  ... Discretion Advised….troll away"

...

Sunny didn’t reply to JR, but she did retweet him. We’re guessing the least she could do is get him a comped subscription for the extra boost in visibility.

Fans haven’t been trolling as much as being in awe that they were able to witness a moment in history where Jim Ross plugged Sunny’s amateur adult entertainment website.

Welp.

As someone with a libertarian streak in me, as well as a desire to help/promote others, and knowing a few folks also over there (don't ask), I can't find fault with him either. And yet...




Gee, I wonder who this could be.

...

Hello.

How ya doin' tonight, Not-Deal?

Meh. Could be better, could be worse. How about yourself Jim? Are you still stuck in Arizona?

No, buh Gawd. After hours o' tryin' to avoid sittin' in the sun, yet not go inside where not one got-damn person was wearing a mahsk - 

I'm assuming they were all cocksuckers who are not going to be served in one of your dining establishments anytime soon?

Ya got that rhight. Heh, you're not as dum' as you presen' yerself! Anyway, Bob Caudle showed up in som' jalopy older than he is to com' an' pick meh up. Apparently someon' - maybe Hollywood John or Johnny Age - had snuck some sort of GPS trackin' device inside mah hat, an' somehow Bob managed to track it despite bein' older than dirt.

...What? Why?

I'm guessin' they would know when I was out of tha house so they could seduce mah wife!


Awwww. I'm sorry to hear that Jim.

Thank ya. I'm glad there's at least one person on mah side. Unlike that got-damn radio program ya write about! Ya should do somethin' more productive! Like work fer me! I can pay ya in all the ribs, steaks, an' pulled pork you can imagin' eatin'! All covered in mah delicious rub!

Your offer is appreciated, but I'll pass for now. Although maybe I can forward my resume to you in case?

Thank ya. Anyway, ya were talkin' about mah tweetin' about Sunny.


Yep. Although as I said I wish I came across this sooner. This was in May!

Ah, don't worry ya head too much. Ya know how late RD an' Blade are when they talk about "Curren' Wraslin' News"?

...Since when have they ever reported on current wrestling news?

Exactly. So ya may have fasta scoops than those two bunch-a fuckin' idiots!


...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a complaint. I'll take it as both under advisement.

Take it however ya likhe. Now -


Wait wait wait, sorry to interrupt. You didn't tell me to shove it up my ass?

...If that's what ya wan' ta do in ya spare time then don't let meh stop ya. Although I don't know why but whatever. It's yer choice, just like what Sunny had.

Maybe, but normally with those two "idiots" of yours that is the first and only option.

An' it's betta than tha norm'lly deserve! Half the tyime they just keep makin' fun of mah business! Those sonsabitches!

...Again I'll take that as both compliment and complaint.

Anyway, if ya'll let meh finish. I posted that thing since I wanted to do somethin' non-angry fer once in mah life. Maybe it would indirectly bring people to buy mah new book. Or at least troll somebody else fer a change instead of me.

And did it? 

No! Tens of sonsabitches messaged MEH instead askin' if I was usin' this to help meh find a new whife!


Oh dear.

Mah hands got tired from all the typin' replies, so I got Bob to do it for meh with his arthritic hands a his.


Oh dear. I wonder how long that would take him.

If I had a tell one cocksucker, I had a tell a hundred. There are only two wohmen in mah life. One was mah wife. Tha other is Dark Journey!

But of course. Who doesn't know that?

If I had a third it would be mah barbecue. 


That also.

Speakin' of mah barbecue an' OnlyFans, I once was on OnlyFans too.


[Spit-take]

I'm sorry, what? YOU were also on OnlyFans?

Yeah that's rhight. Ya can't hear meh? Is ya phone workin'?


No, not that. I mean, anyone can use that as a way to publicly fund their activity. But unlike the more general nature of other similar sites like, say, Patreon, where WrestleCrap is also on, OnlyFans skewers more to sexual content, more often than not produced by younger women. 

Yeah I kno' that, I ain't no dummeh. Not like those cocksucker announcers who replaced meh back at Dubya-Dubya-E! I mean: what? Ya sayin' you don't find mhe good lookin'? I'm not an attractiv' mayn or somethin'? Do ya thin' I'm sexy? Do ya think I turn ya on?

Er...I'll just say you were married and apparantly you think Dark Journey still pines for you, and leave it at that Jim.

Anyway I decided to see what I could do to get some business goin', based on mah experience an' expertise as an annouhncer an' barbecue mayn. So I decided that I would post videos of mah cookin'.

...Alright? And -

Nekkid.


...

...I'm sorry, what?

Well not completely nekkid. I would at least leave muh hat on. A genneman doesn't take one's hat owf without good reason.

 ...

...of course.

Anyway I would grill an' barbecue nekkid on camerah. With muh hat on. Outdoors of course, when ta weather was good an' I had space to place a set. A big huge set! An' I called it...Buff Cooking with JR.

...I think I can see where this is going, but go on.

Within a week I got all these online jezebehls subscribin' to me. Like...a whole ten of 'em.


Well that's not bad! Any base is a good base, no matter how small.

Well that's easy fer you to say. They all left within a week.


What? Oh no, why?

They all kept messagin' meh all askin' meh just tha one same thin': "When is Buff Bagwell comin'? It's in tha thitle! Ya said he would be on tha show with ya!"

Oh dear.

An' I - well, Bob since he was writin' for meh - was like "how the fuck shoul' I know, womahn? Do I look like that old hag of his Judy ta ya?"    

Ahhh Jim.

An' besides, ain't he busy in Vegas playin' at Pretty Woman an' being a whor'? Perhaps with th' help of Judy bein' his pi -

You picked the wrong Richard Gere movie.

What's that?


American Gigolo.

Did either movie involv' him taking a gerbil an' shovin' it up his -


That's just an urban legend Jim, always has been. ...Is your MovieTrolla working properly Jim?

If I could afford to buh anotha from yer business I would. I spent two thousan' dollars alone on that huge set an' grill for mah show -

Two thousand dollars?

- an' when those jezebehls dehmanded their money bhack I had to pay anotha one thousan' dollars fer false advertisin'!

Oh no.

I swear, tha next time I'm in Las Vegas for mah book tour I'm gonna give Buff a new one, that fuckin' sonofabitch! Costin' meh money even when not wraslin'! In the meantim' I need to get mah money back. What do ya know about this - Patron, ya said?

Er...I'm not the right guy to ask. Have you tried RD?

That sonofabitch? Ya tryin' to giv' meh a heart attack from all this stress of dealin' with them?


You could have Bob handle him for you? He looks like he might have some better luck at any rate.

Hmmm, good point. I'll ahsk him if he's not fallen asleep again on tha job, that other sonofabitch. 


(I won't hold my breath on that if I were you.)

You know who else is also a sonofabitch?


Who would that be Jim?

That fuckin' bastard "Ultimate" "Warrior"! 


Yes, now THAT news is more up to date. Current Wrestling News right here on WrestleCrapRadio!...Dot Com!

I mentioned it on mah OHWN podcast that has more than a dohzen people listenin' to it an' who probably support mah barbecue, unlike those cocksuckers RD an' Blade. It was me, Vince, Linda, Jimmy, an' Brucey payin' him a visit many many years ago. Let meh tell ya somethin': ya think I have a potty mouth?

That's still debatable.

Well that sonofabitch was even wors'! If he wasn't swearin' he was talkin' about this "destrucity" bullshit o' his, and fightin' som' "Hokogan" whateva th' fuck that was, an' about how he wanted to prove Santa Claus was real by tyin' him up an' rapin' him! An' all in front of that jezebehl Linda! Why an' how Vince thought that piece of shit would ever work in Dubya-Dubya-Eff is anyone's guess. Heck, why'd ya think I escaped to Ay-Eee-Dubya when I did? To sit aroun' an' talk about Chris Jericho with Tony Schiavone's butt in seat an' some masked mahn who thinks he's a sword or somethin'? No! To git away from Vince before he attempted to shove more things up MUH ass! That sonofabitch!

Please don't remind me. I can hardly forget it as it is.

Anyway, I remember one time mor' than ten years ago. I was at one of mah restaurants when this ugly an' dirty lookin' mayn stumbled in an' asked for a table. I rememba this strong scent o' booze stronger than any of my sauces and someone had drawn very badly on his face, assumin' he didn't do it himself of course. Also he had duc' tape and poleece lines danglin' off his arms fer some got-damn reason. 

I wonder who that was.

To be honest with ya buh Gawd I swear I thought he was Blade if not just some random hobo. Anyway he just sat down, didn't order anything at first. Then he just started takin' all mah fancy knives off tha table! When we confronted him about it he said he was just "borrowin'" them because apparently he was now some sort of 'knife painter'. I've heard of some STUPID things in mah life, but this one might have topped it.

Emperor, please don't remind me of that either. Although knife painting IS a viable artistic method, don't get me wrong. At least if the artist actually has some talent for it. Maybe even over on Patreon and the like.

You're rhight Blah. But that implhies that Jim Hellwig has any sort of talent, be it wraslin' or pain'. Let meh tell you somethin': he doesn't. Tha only thin' he could do good was stand there lookin' all pretty while Sting did all tha work for tha both of them.

I will admit Jim, I always thought his so called "painting" just involved shaking his arms and yelling a lot.

Heh heh heh, good kneeslapah there! No wonder I like you guys more than RD an' Blade. Anyway as Dr. Death was throwin' him out - his hands were all sloppy from bein' down in the basement beatin' mah meat - the sonofabitch was hootin' an' hollerin' like a tied-up mule about how mah “grilling don't make the world work". Ya know what I told that motherfucker?

I can probably guess.
 
Neither does ya so called doodlin'! Shove it an' ya knives up yer fuckin' ass!


But of course. ...But now I'm thinking.

That's more than RD an' Blade eva did.


Very funny. What I'm thinking is: if Warrior was around today and for some reason wanted to inflict himself on others via a site like Patreon or Onlyfans, what do you think he would be doing?

I don't know. What do ya think he would be doin' Nostradamus?


...Absolutely nothing. Just like what he did - and was good at too - throughout his wrestling "career".

Heh heh heh heh, good one Blah. Why aren't ya hosting a podcast instead of those two jokhers?
 

Your guess is as good as mine on that. Maybe I'll ask RD on this the next time I talk to him.

Anyway, as much as I'd likhe to stay an' chew tha fat somemore, I've gotta go. These books an' steaks won't sell themselves, heh heh.

Well don't let me keep you. At least wear a mask alongside your hat when you're cooking, you hear? 

You also, and I'll see what I can do. Have a nice day, Boomer Sooner, an' go Fans yourself!


Say hello to Bob for me if he's not still asleep. And make sure Jimichiro actually got that message of ours! We still have to face him in court!...Eventually (when I get to it).

[Far away from the phone] Got-damnit Bob, how little do I pay ya to lie on the floor not workin'? Git up ya lazy goodfernuthin sonofabitch!

Speaking of repeating broken records while the sun rises...