293 Fun House: April 12, 2020

Squeal Like A Pig, Allen!

93 minutes

Blade's audio setup returns him to Smooth Jazz. RD's audio setup returns him to Jeff Foxworthy.

Blade threatens to talk about wrestling before he coughs into the microphone. RD thinks Tam's release and the global pandemic are related.

Blade bought some custom made coasters from RD. He has also made some WC related ones with the help of his wife.

Bitey is taking a break from soundbiting Fantasy Booking Island and using a HulkTrolla the other day. (:10)

RD's tournament is down to the Final between Katie Vick and David Arquette. (:12) RD was surprised by Judy Bagwell's path all the way to the Conference Finals including Giant Gonzales, but even she could not stop runaway Katie who was up in the 90s and a...69 to the Gooker (who was also up in the 90s). Beaver Cleavage also got high due to weak competition. Meanwhile Arquette went beyond the Shockmaster (and No Way Outback Jack). The Yeti had a Cinderella run defeating original worst gimmick Red Rooster. More mockery of him ensues. Meat also erected himself  beyond Al Wilson by 0.5%, Naked Mideon beat the Boogeyman, and the Black Scorpion disappeared. Blade wonders if some of their footage will appear in Arquette's upcoming documentary.

Sad News: Blade forgot to send in a predictive bracket.

Sadder News: Both vote for the first time. Katie is currently in the lead.

Saddest News: Brakus was not one of the contenders, but he was extensively and insultingly made fun of by Jim Ross and Vince Russo in Vice TV's Dark Side of the Ring series' latest episode on the Brawl For All. (:29) RD once ran away from New Jack. Blade almost stayed in a hotel room with him, but Mustafa did give him a beer once. He does his Jeff Foxworthy impression. "God bless Doc." He does his Jim Ross impression.

[To quote the induction on why he deserves such ridicule: "Well, in poor Brakus’ case, he got bested by Savio Vega. This while Jim Ross dubbed Brakus the “German Superman.” Somehow I doubt the real Superman would have become as famous as he is if he got beat up by Savio Vega."]

Young Buck Nick Jackson is a father for the third time. (:37)

Blade has sent RD so many screen caps of Fifth Horsewoman Tam. (:40) She is offering some special offer on her Snapchat or other and yet again can not handle people expectantly being people such that she thinks Ashley Massaro is still alive. Blade does his Tam impression. Krankor's laughing has woken up Bitey. "Did you ever see her porno film?"

Gary "Blue" Oransky of Facebook has today's Question because he commented first: (:47) "In these trying times how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?" he asks. Blade hasn't been on a date in a week (so he's been out of action longer then). RD is considered "essential" enough to be out and about, lucky him.

Blade's random photo was featured on his idol Godfather's Pizza social network, in the pinnacle of his life up to this point. (:50)

Since that was not a proper Question RD went back to The Board again. (:52) He had gone down a recent thread of a "tribute to women in wrestling" (was it the same one he had gone to previously?). "Sexist" Blade reads something sent by RD about "Soul Kane" lusting over Liv Morgan in the Elimination Chamber.

Also from that same Facebook thread from Brian Keith Johnson/Jackson, who was second: (:57) "What woman in wrestling today would you want to be quarantined with?" Don's daughter wouldn't be one of them for the still quarantined Blade. RD wants non-woman Orange Cassidy (like me), non-woman Chris Jericho with his bubbly, non-woman Batista for a brief minute, and Becky Lynch with her dolls. Blade wants Mickie James to sing country songs about Christmas sweaters with, non-woman Black Scorpion to practice magic tricks with, and non-sane person Tam.

"Celebrations" for Triple H's 25 years will "begin" on Smackdown in two weeks, in news that definitely needs no further comment. The Co-Fruitcakes do so anyway, for obvious reasons. (:63)

Big Black Room WrestleMania was alright, except for Becky Lynch who only appeared in the fourth match, and Michael Cole who once again showcased his commentating mastery. (:69) The two worry over the hilarious gimmick matches now influencing others to make it worse by copying them (and WWE adding to things by also failing to copy themselves properly). Blade fears the Undertaker will now use such matches to continue wrestling to Ric Flair age levels. The Fun House encounter was particularly awful as a "match", reminding rambling Blade of the teleporting not-hot Dungeon of Doom, among other things.

However RD is thankful Vince did not (yet) do a match based on Deliverance.

Seventeen easily digestible syllables:
Ruthless Aggression.
Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
Aggression. Bad Shit.



$1.50 : $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. What Ganon Is Up To, Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Offensive maneuvers, things on the internet
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 1.5. Blade, Blade (2)
  

 

• Mama’s Broken Damn, Damn, Damn Dishes:  5
• Blade Time Outs: 7 (2 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  2 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Krankor Laughs:  3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
• Cricket Chirps:  4
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 3
  

 

• Question of the Week from: Gary "Blue" Oransky
• In these trying times, how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?  Blade: not as often as I should. RD:  I do it more since I’m considered essential.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What woman personalities in wrestling today would you want to be in quarantine with?
  
• RD:  Orange Cassidy, Chris Jericho/Becky Lynch, Batista
• Blade:  Sunny, Mickie James, Black Scorpion

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Cena in nWo?
  
  Ruthless Aggression.
  Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
  Aggression. Bad Shit.

291 Love in the Time of Corona: March 27, 2020

This ring is empty, just like after listening to this show feels.

101 minutes

The latest development for Big Black Room WrestleMania: AJ Styles will face the Undertaker in a "Boneyard Match". Blade makes an actual joke. For once. I know.

Blade is back (quarantined?) in Don's Petting Zoo Basement with his pet parrot "Bitey". He is the only one laughing at Blade's jokes/laughter/Big Announcement. RD thinks Bitey would make the perfect next TNA correspondent. I'm expecting he will have a character page eventually irregardless of this. (He already has a label now anyway.)

RD now has an Etsy shop. At the moment he is specializing in creating high quality old school game coasters.

RD admits that we of this very site are more awesome than them. (:16)

News depending on how you look at it: Tam is out of prison and expressing a desire to "paint". No word on whether she also is on Etsy. (:19) Blade reminds RD on the many Tam "presents" he had subjected him to for Christmas. Then he threatens to talk about her weekly. Then he coughs outside of the microphone. Then he randomly says: "I'm allergic to the world." Then he Joker laughs.

Shelly Martinez is not doing nude work on her OnlyFans page. (:25) Blade has to explain to the more prudish RD what OnlyFans is. Wasn't Tam there also? She will be on Snapchat if she wasn't already there before her "hiatus". Bitey pterodactyl screeches on hearing this. Blade has seen her recent photos and thinks she looks better. Spending time in jail will do that to someone.

Blade had a Wrestling Vixens account before he or his library had a computer (he used his friend's computer to use it).

Jillian "Mole" Hall is a mother for the second time. (:32) Blade: "[Shawn Michaels] never had any problems conceiving, but..." He keeps thinking it's still cold outside. He also fantasizes about naming his alternate dimension children after Crayola colors and/or cheese. (Crayola colors named after cheese?)

Sad News: Blade once again is missing out on meeting Mickie James (and Tom Wopat) in Columbus (Indiana) due to the current pandemic cancelling everything. (:38) He expresses his sadness by more coughing.

RD announces that he will pay for Blade's next flight to see Mickie James within the next 12 months if she's within close distance of either of them. Blade still wants to ask her about her favorite breakfast cereal. (:44)

For a change, Listener James Campbell was Questioned in the Kult of Kayfabe Facebook group about wrestling podcasts. He chose...wisely. (:46) Blade wonders how their two radio progrems compare to one another. Then he Joker laughs again alongside Bitey.

RD took another visit to the F4W Board for another Question there. (A subscription is still required for access.) (:49) Blade wants to call these occurrences Board Games. This week/month from January: who is the best member of Demolition? "Dude Life" liked Axe due to his creepiness as a middle-aged factory laborer sex pervert.

WrestleCrap will be 20 years old this April, so the Co-Fruitcakes go over some of their favorite moments (again). (:54)

• RD was supposed to be a caller-in on a radio show with an elderly receptionist identifying him as "Russell Crap" (I am sure he mentioned this once.). 
• Blade had an early email conversation with the Warrior on his personalized workout program using the nom de guerre of RustleCrup. 
• RD remembered the many people he has met over the years. 
• Blade remembered their feud with Damien Demento including singing and their missed attempt to have Shelly Martinez on the show because she "overslept". 
• RD is most happy to have met Blade through his Black Scorpion Revenge. Blade was assisted by his Ex and Don to make it as an excuse to expand his VHS tape library, and as a result starting his IMDB profile. Discussion of the expensive good old days follows. 
• Blade is most happy that he has Katie Vick's outfit to literally fuck around in.

The two wonder how much it will cost to bring Tam onto their show. (:83) According to her Facebook page she was happy for two (2) hours on the 23rd before getting angry again for some reason.

Big Black Room WrestleMania over two days with gimmicks matches is the worst way to go about it, instead of delaying it in order to make it better (you know, like everyone else is doing). (:87) Blade argues they can't delay it without impacting their TV shows; they might as well get things over with now and start anew. RD shows how incorrect Blade is by forgetting who Brock Lesnar is to fight against (Drew McIntyre).

The two agree that WWE should take a hiatus/offseason anyway, as they should normally do even without a pandemic (you know, like everyone else is doing). Blade attempts to be "light" and spills water all over himself.

RD on WrestleCrap on Patreon: "Enjoy some bad wrestling from when some of it was actually good."

Seventeen Syllables of Blade Braxton telling you what's going on:
Coronavirus.
Empty WrestleMania.
It will feel empty.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right



#StayAliveStayInside #Don'tBeBlandWashYourHands #BeBadAssWearAMask

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. What Ganon Is Up To, Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Mama’s Broken Damn, Damn, Damn Dishes:  1
• Blade Time Outs: 17 (1 Real Quick)
  
• RD Time Outs:  3 (1 Real Quick)
  
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
• Cricket Chirps:  3

 

• Question of the Week TO: James Campbell
  
• Anyone know any good wrestling podcasts? WrestleCrap Radio. Well the RD & Blade Show was pretty good too.
  

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Best WrestleCrap moment of the last 20 years?
• RD:  Meeting Blade via the Recreate the Crap Contest, Mildred calling him Russell Crap, meeting cool people in the business
• Blade:  The Katie Vic outfit, Jim Helwig the Russell Crupp mentor, Damien Demento vs WrestleCrap (non sequentially)
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade hates this pandemic:

Coronavirus.
Empty WrestleMania.
It will feel empty.

(272) Mr. Braxton's Neighborhood: April 1, 2018

32 minutes

Coincidentally today's episode is also sponsored by Snickers.

In which Jim is amenable for a change, Sir Alec is out without his music or audience, Mike Check has a proper honest living, Popeye is blown down by a cucumber, Dixie Carter runs the cashier better than she does a company, the Honky Tonk Mailman delivers an Apter mag off podcast, (Sir) Stubby has more wood than paper, RD voices an alley cat, then shills his arcade as Jeff Foxworthy if possible, Nintendo John is NOT summoned despite referencing a Virtual Boy, and all the while (Mr.) Blade Rogers Braxton attempts to stifle his laughter.

I look forward to him being the next TNA correspondent once somebody photoshops Blade's head onto that infamous picture of Rogers inadvertently giving the finger (while counting).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Patreon, PBS Viewers Like You

 

• Guest Stars: 8. Featuring “Happy” Jim Ross as the butcher, Sir Alec Heineken, Mike Check as the store manager, Popeye as a fellow shopper, Dixie Carter as a grocery store clerk, Stubby as Sir Stubby Fairchild, RD Reynolds as Henrietta Alley Cat, and RD Reynolds (2) as the Arcade Repairman.

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: No haiku this week, but Mr. Braxton sang to the viewers about needs and wants.
  

271 Marcho Madness: March 26, 2018

Uh Oh!

91 minutes

RD and Blade do not like basketball much. This definitely has nothing to do with their hometown teams sucking. (Or in RD's case following multiple bad teams at once.) Blade brought it up however as an excuse to portray "Marcho Madness" if he were an old western prospector (and possibly owning a mine called The Danger Zone. Motto: "Can you (be able to) dig it?"). RD remembers when Mark Jindrak was an evil basketball player in WCW, though he's missing recordings of it. At least they also have Shaq's surprise WrestleMania appearance, Dennis Rodman in the nWo, and Stan "Kronkie" pissing off old man Vince.

This month it's Patrick Stewart's turn to promotional considerate with the all new Pontiac Montana Del Fantasma with "all new air filters!" (:06)

RD's latest writing, this week of hat wearing ECW Champion Vince McMahon was an excuse for him to post an image of Kristal Marshall. (:10) Blade randomly remembered when she doused herself in blue paint during the Diva Search, then blames others for driving him to drink.

RD took a TRIP to Jungle Jim's (International Market), causing Blade to interrupt him with laughter. (:13) There he bought a (glass) bottle of root beer from Chowning's Tavern, which when taste tested is pungent and tastes like unwanted root beer bubblegum.

Sad News: One time while touring Blade found Bart's Root Beer with no caffeine in it. Sadder News: According to RD's investigative Googling he learns he actually took a sugar free (and caffeine free) one instead. (:20)

Obscure Nestlé News: RD found the connection between the corporation name and their nest logo. Wait till he finds out about Nescafé and Nespresso! (:23) Blade has some "serious business" to complete and wants to auction off some deep frozen Universal Studios crunch bars he found in his folks' fridge 20 years ago.

65 year old Ricky Steamboat whom Blade respected as a child defeated "The Duke" (:27) The two wonder which Duke it was. My money is on Edmund.

Aspiring necromancer Eric Sims wants to bring Doink back, initially confusing RD. Blade has to clarify, further confusing RD. (:31)

Tammy's back in the slammy again. (That sounded better in my head.) (:34) Things have gotten so bad the duo initially think she was jailed for an earlier offense.

Despite putting them in the itinerary and having their MIDI music played, Blade's friend Cory Udler is unable to make the time as Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley to report on TNA news, of which I can't blame him. (:38) Thus RD instead calls up a Patreon patron by the name of Sean Stein to do so instead. One of the rewards of being a $50 tier WC sponsor is "a one-time guest shot on WrestleCrap Radio", so he appears on what Blade randomly calls "The Stein Line" (Blade reveals he's still stuck on "TV Guide time" where each day starts at 5 am).

Sean tried watching TNA once and found himself stuck watching looping advertising promos for an older and no longer running show. No comment. He went to their YouTube page where a recent upload is for "Christian Cage Theme Song and Entrance Video (2006)". No comment. The trio wonder how similar it is to his old WWE theme, fitting in to TNA's music guy literally phoning it in by making more rip-off themes than Jimmy Hart.

RD: "Keep your Johnson where it is."

Sean is gracious as RD keeps his number in his little black book for future use.

Robert Sternburg asks about Gorilla Monsoon's toilet technique and the Co-Fruitcakes miss the obvious joke about him being in the Gorilla Position to do so in. (:54) Blade prefers his toilet paper to be sturdy. "I don't want to be the Jim Morrison of wiping, right?" he reasons.

Blade wants to hire out (Hungry Hungry) Ken Patera to swing children around in full nelsons. (:57) RD thinks that should be part of the auction. Blade remembers a magazine wondering if Patera would wrestle Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania IV. Also he recently hung out with Frank From LA.

Goldberg will NOT be inducted into the marketing gimmick Hall Of Fame by Braun the Leprechaun or by my guess of Eric Bischoff, but by Paul Heyman. But of course. (:66) Blade is angered into confusion by this. RD remembers when Bobby Heenan was inducted by Blackjack John Lanza and he absolutely hated it.

RD: "Like we know what we are talking about."

The two wonder who should be celebrity inducted into the Hall Of Fame instead. This is not a repeat from last month when they also did this. (:71)

Blade: "I like to come behind you."

RD wants Burt Reynolds with himself inducting him of course, with his actual Smokey and the Bandit theme (confusing Blade again as it is not Jerry Reed's Eastbound and Down); Herb by Clara Peller or the currently reigning Burger King; and Elvira by Jesse Ventura.

Blade wants Bill Fralic by Stone Cold Austin; Cyndi Lauper by Dave Wolff (since Roddy Piper is no longer with us); and Susan St. James by Mike Adamle. The two wonder how little St. James has been on the radio progrem, as well as Lauper playing nearby Blade opening for Rod Stewart, RD going to see Weird Al perform soon, and Blade having gone to around 20 Misfits concerts. All very...fascinating stuff, no?

Seventeen More Syllables (RD: "Mike Check would be proud"):
Kid Rock Hall Of Fame.
Bob with the bob the bang to
Bang shitty (shitty).



$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right


...Uh Oh! 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, eBay, Dinosaur Dracula, Day of the Dead
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Overstaying the welcome, obscure Nestle news, obscure wrestling news, trouble, concerts
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Stewart Patrick, Sean Stein
  

• Blade Time Outs:  5
• RD Time Outs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  
• Krankor Laughs:  1 
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  2
• Cricket Chirps:  3
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  2
• RD False Finishes:  1
• Susan St. James Uh Ohs:  4
• George!:  4

 

• Question of the Week from: Robert Sternburg
• Do you think Gorilla Monsoon used the bunch method or the folding method when wiping?  I’m a big bunch method guy because I’m scared my fingers will break through the toilet tissue.  Thoughts? Blade: Quad ply or bust for me.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  :  3 celebrities you’d like to see in the WWE Hall of Fame.
• RD:  Burt Reynolds, Herb From Burger King, Elvira.
• Blade:  Susan St. James, Cyndi Lauper, Bill Fralic.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Apparently, Kid Rock isn’t worthy of induction:
  
  Kid Rock Hall Of Fame.
  Bob with the bob the bang to
  Bang shitty (shitty).

(265/40/41) Miss-Math: April 1, 2017

Uh-Oh!

20 minutes
((( recorded in high phone-muffled fidelity ))) 

Some vintage albeit bad Wrestlemania related tune takes up 10% of the running time.

You know this episode is an April Fools prank when RD skips a number. This would technically be the FORTIETH episode if based on the old RD&BS format, but instead this is apparently the forty-FIRST. Perhaps Blade's (under the) influence got to him too much. Seriously; (mike) check through the Recaps link and see for yourself.

[That being said, if you counted this as both a WWCR AND RD&BS episode separately and together, like two intersecting lines, that might work things out. That assumes anything actually works on these shows of course though. Both in and unintentionally.]

RD: "You realize we've had more RD & Blade shows than Wrestlemania."

Blade remembers Susan St. James uh-oh-ing. RD remembers Rockin' Robin and her Brother Hood. (:05)

This year's WM (33) has 13 matches that will take at least six and a half hours long. (:08)

RD is stuck on the Divas' movesets. (:09)

More random names are in the Andre The Giant Battle Royal Memorial hootenanny. (:11) RD wants a Bill Frehlick run-in.

Randy Orton is in another match. (:12) Blade doesn't want to see him dating. RD wants to see his orgasmic wife make a return to the ring.

Social Security recipient Undertaker is once again back at it. (:14) Blade: "I don't mind Roman Reigns." RD: "Blade Braxton Quote: "I don't mind Roman Reigns.""

Blade thinks Shane McMahon should fight while high. RD thinks he will jump off a roller coaster. (:15)

RD on WM as a whole and echoing many people: "Who cares?"

RD has to "run" to a Wrestlemania party which will last even longer than the 12 hour event. (:16)

Seventeen Syllables Of Analysis:
Goldberg. Goldberg. Gold-
Berg. Goldberg. Goldberg. Goldberg.
Goldberg.  Goldberg. Gold.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Sponsors: 2. USA Update, Art Supplies.

  

• Susan St. James Uh Ohs:  9

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blades analysis of the WM33 main event:
  Goldberg! Goldberg! Gold...
  berg! Goldberg! Goldberg! Goldberg!
  Goldberg! Goldberg! Gold...
  

Episode 35: Stung: March 24, 2015

You wanted the worst, you got the worst!

87 minutes

Wrestlemania 31 "Play Button" is a week away. The Co-Fruitcakes discuss it for barely a minute.

The two are confused by Wrestlemania's Super Bowl style numbering system. Blade is so excited for it he starts drinking. (:06)

Sad News: the winner of Blade's money making paper plate broke it.

Neutral News: Blade wrote an Induction.

The Duo remember when they wrote with Harry Simon about Wrestlemania 2.

Blade plugs a few upcoming dates while continuing to press random buttons on his phone. Has the man never heard of a headset? RD taunts him mercilessly on this. (:16) In response Blade repeats his story of buying another copy of Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.

RD received some new gadget named the GameTrolla, which is essentially a random old school game emulator. (:24)

:30 - :49 The Co-Fruitcakes try out more weird tasting Doritos. RD's Chio Heartbreakers from Netherlands don't come in English and smell like Elmer's Glue, but it's passable. Blade had to battle diarrhea "like an imp." Thrills' "still tastes like gum" despite being soap flavored and makes Blade feel like he went down on detergent. WC staff are compared to random items.

Victoria and her restaurant are seeing some hard times [and I'm surprised it had nothing to do with Angry Jim's sauces giving her customers food poisoning -RVMKai]. (:50) Speaking of hard times Mickie James was back on TNA looking quite...different. (:56)

Sunny is with some random guy NOT from her vid-escorting (:59). Sad News: she designed his FB page. (The) Hockey News: she went to watch a game with Gene Snitsky.

:68 RD ejaculates more loudly than usual. Raw is so bad these days Blade is forced to watch it dubbed in Spanish. This is especially funny when they dub Stephanie's voice.

Blade is sad Paul Stanley was not recognized in a Raw audience that one time. I would too if I was preempted by a horrible and terrible Bill Simmons. (:78)

Go #### yourself!

RD calls Jim Ross to hear his thoughts on Sting wrestling in WrestleMania but reach Bob Caudle instead. (:82) Needless to say Jim is not happy, and expresses his anger by pressing random buttons on Blade's phone [and now he's even censoring himself like the guy who writes his Twitter account for some reason ;) -RVMKai].

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 7. WrestleCrap.com, Midnight Rose, Mr. Fitness II, Cinema Wasteland Horror Convention, Drive In Movie Maniacs, Skyline Drive In Theater, Skycade
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Torture, food items, 2006, former WWE divas, things changing, T, best of the WWF

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Bob Caudle, Jim
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Jim

 

• Blade Time Outs: 2 (1 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps: 3
  
• Entertain the People: 1
  

 

• Erik Majorwitz’s Hindsight Haiku:
  It’s WrestleMania!
  Numbers out. Emojis in.
  Hope next one isn’t poop!

From Captain Crunch to Pop Tarts

Raging_Demons here & we have a follow-up to a classic WCR episode from days gone by!

In case you don't remember Deal went to my neck of the woods, Southern California, & discovered the treasure that was the "Captain Crunch Milkshake". Now the Captain Crunch Milkshake at the time was being sold by a local fast food chain called "Carl's Jr.". The same Carl's Jr. that's a part of Hardees that we saw Vickie Guerrero stuffing her mouth filled with hamburgers on a recent RAW.

Well it looks like Carl's Jr. has struck again!

From the people that gave you the Captain Crunch Milkshake this company proudly brings to you...

The Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich!

That's right! A scoop of vanilla ice cream trapped between two fattening Strawberry Pop Tarts! Imagine those arteries clogging kids!

(207) Craptus Interruptus: April 1, 2012

26 minutes

This "LIVE preview show" is SO live it had to be recorded, edited, and uploaded. Or the Co-Fruitcakes are time travelers. Perhaps both.

Lip syncing Kid Rock at Houston, Indiana. (Was Limp Bizkit too cheap?) Lord Alfred sped up. Shining Wizards have a shorter ad copy (sadly.) Random talk about obesity. Jim Ross can't hear straight and blames Blade for it. "Fucking disaster."

...Just like the WM 25 Divas Battle Royal!

In the interim, do you know we now have a Links page? Now THAT'S no joke.



$1.50 ($6.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right)

170 Tough But Entirely Doable: March 26, 2010

(Simply Blade)
75 minutes

Wrestlemania XXVI is just around the corner, but Blade is too drunk AND hungover to care. He still has that menstruation fetish of his from last time, and regales us about Don Mason's snatch.

For some bizarre reason RD does his best Wilbur impression as Dixie Carter's father "Colonel" Bob. (:11) He doesn't deliver the TNA news sadly. Nor does Al Isaacs for that matter.

:23 Instead of watching WM Blade wants people to insult him on a spin-off wrestling show that will never get made. RD wants it to be called Blade's Audio Ejaculation. [Mrs. Blah! Get Gay Popeye on the Phone! - "Showstealer"] In the meantime Blade eats some more Doritos, including the Cheeseburger At Night (not to be eaten during the Day or Afternoon) and First, Second, and Third Degree Burn flavors.

:39 Kim Page is reuniting with her ex-husband in Atlanta for doing some Yoga for Regular Guys thing. Blade, still smitten with her after getting her Head, wants to do a threesome with the duo.

That WWE Heroes comic isn't doing so good with the critics, one reviewer (not Dave Meltzer) giving it a negative 3 stars. Blade is so angry at a 'video trailer' for the series (!) he accidentally ruins some of his stuff. I can't blame him, I would do the same too.

Question Of The Week: (:55) NotInTheFace thinks Blade is writing for Wrestlelicious and wants a job.

Blade's too drunk-over to do his imaginary TNA guy impression, so RD has to invite some last minute candidate instead. (:57) Unfortunately it turns out to be Mike Check as the Governator as Nathaniel as (Sir) "Stewart Patrick". You know him; friend of Alec and star of Star Trek: The Previous Generation. He's definitely phoning it in from his busy schedule, not even bothering to hail them on a viewscreen or teleporting into RD's living room. BUT at least RD does a better Brit Twit than his Co-Fruitcake. And he has time to make a bad joke about a Rob Van Dam Grand Am. "Get in your car and do some Van Damage. HOT DAMN it's a car!" says he.

"The ring rope must be drawn HERE!
This much, and no further!"

Stewart: "I'm leaving now."

Where's Mike Check to say "fascinating" when you need him? (/Picard Headpalm/Facepalm)
[As our anonymous friend in the comments says it IS Facepalm not Headpalm but COME ON. With Picard's Chromedome it SHOULD be Headpalm - "Showstealer"]

:62 Wendy Richter is being inducted into the Hall of Fame, but will she thank the Fabulous Moolah in her acceptance speech? Is Goldberg planning to return to WWE? RD has today's Induction to fight against it about his horrible WM XX match against Brock Lesnar. Some more random talk. I honestly wasn't paying much attention at that point.

Entirely Doable Haiku in seventeen syllables:
Wrestlemania.
I honestly don't give a
flying motherfuck.

169 MenstrualCrap Radio: March 12, 2010

75 minutes

As teased at the beginning of the year, a new Monday Night War has developed between RAW and Impact going head to head. But it can't do anything to cure Blade's menstrual fetish. He's also interested in the ages of wrestlers for some reason, like some pseudo Art Donovan. One of those wrestlers is Hungry Hungry Ken Patera.

RD's TRIP (:14) is sponsored by Popeye and Blade's bad jokes.

:20 Stacy Keibler was at Elton John's Post-Oscar party (sponsored by Popeye.) RD is mystified by those gatherings oddly enough. The Iron Sheik was arrested on a flight for being his usual drunk self. Blade wants to be Popeye for some reason.

WORLD CHAMPION IRON SHEIK. FUCK THE HULK HOGAN!!

Tylene Buck is currently doing some sort of webcam thing. Selling point: no pubic hair. The Co-Fs look around Maryse's website randomly and listen to random music on Leila Milani's site. But what about her pubes, are THEY shaved? [I like to think she's had them fashioned into a replica of the Wrestlicious logo - "Showstealer"] Blade makes his only actual joke of the episode when he wants to see Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Mare/Mane, complete with soundbite.

The HorseTrolla tells us Mickie James has been sidelined from wrestling due to a staph infection from some leg surgery, which is an excuse for Blade to indulge his foot fetish (shouldn't that be a hoof fetish in this case?) The BabyTrolla tells us that Stephanie McMahon is pregnant again.

Screamin' Cheech has one of the wittiest Questions I've heard recently about musical groups. (:51)

Speaking of the Monday Night War of earlier...well, WWE completely dominated TNA this week so Blade has to be that Ratings Reaper guy again. His TNA Peter Gazer guy is still a no show so RD has to do his Dixie Carter to kill time even MORE than they normally do.

:60 Jim Ross may return to WWE in time for Wrestlemania, so the Co-Fs call him up. Now he's angry about people constantly emailing about Joanie Laurer when they SHOULD be instead looking for the elusive Dark Journey.

Seventeen syllables about Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan on TNA:
New Monday Night War.
Same old Nature Boy Ric Flair.
Bloody Mount Rushmore.

166 Demographics: January 29, 2010

67 minutes

The votes are in, and YOUR 2009 Gooker goes to the eternal feud that was Hornswaggle and Chavo Guerrero making fools out of each other throughout the past year. That does not help lift Blade from his funk, derived from his upcoming 35th birthday removing him from the coveted 18-34 demographic. But it's a good time for him to get drunk (when is it not?). He makes a Fruedian slip in wanting to hire a client of his prostitute roommate. Either he's already drunk or he wants to experiment in his mid-life crisis. (This brings in the expected caller-in for such a thing.) Then the Co-Hosses make fun of random listeners, as is their wont.

:14 Blade took a TRIP to some random bathroom (he prefers to do his business in proper toilets) where he finds one of those bathroom vending machines selling Kaluha flavored condoms. They're non alcoholic sadly, so it confuses him. It confuses me too, I can never really grasp the notion of birth control dispensers in public bathrooms, especially airports. Do they expect people to join the mile high club in today's airplanes' small bathrooms?

:20 Mattel is now making WWE toys. Vince has also forgiven the Denver Nuggets, or yet again forgot his random hatred against them, as WWE will return to their Pepsi Center on March 12. Kelly Kelly answers a random question with teddy bears, and tries to persuade us that she was a probable Olympic candidate before she "broke her ass". RD wants WWE to make resolutions to their storylines, which they won't do as it would actually make sense. A&E is making some show about Backyard Wrestling...hosted by Bob Saget. No, I don't know why either. RD makes fun of Blade some more, the poor man.

Steven in Sacramento's Question about Demolition (:38) devolves into talking about Domino's Pizza. As far as I can recall I don't think the Noid was their manager.

Jim Ross calls in to try and solve their TNA conundrum, (:45) but he's just there to talk more nonsense and read comments about some video of his. "You don't wanna suck, you wanna lick," he advises. Sadly Blade is too lazy to bring Sir Alec to help with the task.

:57 The two wonder who will be making surprise appearances at this week's Royal Rumble. Blade will always mark out for the Black Scorpion. Shane Helms and Chris Jericho were arrested in Kentucky near RD's old home for disorderly conduct and posted a $120 bond. Randy Orton received a 10-year contract as well as $600,000 for his terrible Wrestlemania match against Triple H.

Jericho and Helms were arrested for not being Southern enough.

Seventeen quick syllables on the second most boring man in WWE (behind John Cena):
Ten years of Orton.
Fuck. Please wake me up in the
year twenty-twenty.

164 Blade's Gone Wild: January 8, 2010

TNA: We Are Limpin', Sugah!

77 minutes

Dedicated to the memory of Paul Servo, a great fellow Crapper, Honorary WCR Historian, Co-Host Contestant and one of the Original 12, who sadly passed away on the 3rd of January. Our condolences and thoughts for his friends and family.

It's a new decade for WrestleCrap Radio, seeing as how they fell off a cliff for them at the end of the previous year, (much like the Canadiens and Lions). Blade wants to talk about wrestling all show for a change. So they talk about...slurpies. But they are wrestling slurpies!

Impact has gone head to head against RAW for the first time (:08) and the Co-Hosses mark out on naked Val Venus and Orlando Jordan in Impact. Popeye calls. You know the drill - pun literally intended. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. WrestleCrap will be 10 years old this April, but RD would like to forget his newsletters. (:14) Perhaps they'll reappear on his next Archive Disc?

:17 Further talking about wrestling (Yes, really). Blade finds something on his script which predicts Popeye's calling in, and the fact that RD finally lost a bet due to his own fault and own confusion over Blade's rules and now has to read whatever people send to him. Send your requests to blade@wrestlecrap.com if it hasn't been featured here yet. RD got some gift glass bottles from his brother for Christmas (I too always prefer glass over plastic). Blade has some own glass bottles in his collection.

:26 Blade is trying to stay sober for the first time in a while. Tammy Sytch with nothing else better to do calls out the Bella Twins for being in the same glass house as she is, or something. RD reads what she has to say in his Dixie Carter impression. Blade fantasizes about Ashley Massaro. He also has some grudge against cutlery and wants to fuck people while cooking food on them. Maybe that's why he keeps calling the Big Nippled Vampire's breasts big and round as a dinner plate. I know there is a term for that fetish, but it escapes me at the moment.

Blade is trying to look and act like a hobo caveman (more so than usual) in an attempt to escape jury duty.

Moe from Men on a Mission (:34) reminds Blade of the Robonic Stooges in a bad recreation of a Dumas novel, itself part of some Skatebirds show which includes a monkey for some reason. Sadly he's not BJ's Bear. The actual Moe is considering leaving the wrestling biz for MMA. One word: Horrible.

Blade wants to know how the BabyTrolla works, which reports that Candice Michelle is having a baby girl due to the actions of her husband. The HorseTrolla reveals Mickie James was in another car accident where she was rear ended. A word of warning: whatever you do, please do not look up 'dragoning'. You'll regret it. There's more fallout from her moving to Smackdown. Blade may finally get his chance, but he's still stuck on Lita.

Sir Alec 'visits' yet again. (:53) This time, Mickie James (speaking of her) finds love with Kelly Kelly but needs John Cena to simplify things.

The WCR Gong has the week's Question. (:60) Could a Jonas Brother appear in a revival of 3 Count? RD finds their theme song. Blade wonders on Britney Spear's fallopian tubes.

:64 Voting has begun for the 2009 Gooker. This year: Hornswaggle vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, Vince's random hatred against the Denver Nuggets, the Abraham Washington Show, Santina Marella as Miss Wrestlemania, TNA's 'portrayal' of Sarah Pallin, and some really bad RAW guest hosting.

Impact and RAW may go head to head on a weekly basis. Oh good, looks like WCW is back. RD compares the radio progrem to mid-90s Scott Hall. The duo pine for those good old days, but would they want Bret Hart to return to the ring? And could he do anything with their wacky nicknames? The two are unsure, so they instead turn to Hulk Hogan.

Seventeen Syllables on the return of Hulk Hogan to TNA:
Hulk's back in wrestling.
Dixie's new tagline? T-N-
A: We Are Limping.

158 Going down the YouTube: September 25, 2009

All Stand For "...Brother-hood"

82 minutes

The new induction this week is of Sting: Moment of Truth, a film made on a literally $1000 budget. Thus we listen to Survivor's Moment of Truth and read more confusing comments. (:02) The Midnight Rose will wrestle October 3rd at some grill somewhere in Kansas. Blade confuses himself by somehow thinking he's the Rose and vice versa.

No Trip again this week (:14) but RD wants to know about Mountain Dew Throwback made with real sugar. Blade just wants to do porn. He could make the movies and watch people perform in them.

Obscure News (:17) Have you thought about Sam Houston today? He's been jailed for violating his probation. RD and Blade still play his MIDI theme song. Sister Rockin' Robin also 'sings' America the Beautiful for our enjoyment at WrestleMania V. RD thinks that could be the new WCR intro. Blade repeats himself. Trish Stratus is making some yoga game. (:35) RD: "Like Mr Potato Head but with boobs," (So, Mrs Potato Head then?) We go down the roster for Hulkamania in Australia, with something about The Kwicky Koala Show. Sad News: The Boogeyman is missing. More Sad News: The Gymini Dolls are now on a $11 clearance.

Question of the Week: (:52) Crouton Kinley wants some love advice. Blade suggests wearing a mask, which is perfect for committing adultery (assuming you can keep it on throughout).

Johnny Four appears. (:55) Lacey Von Erich is in TNA. J4 says something about her being in the Beautiful People due to her having plastic breasts rather than a plastic foot. Angelina Love finds an excuse to escape TNA, thanks to being an Illegal Alien. Jim Ross calls (:67) to talk about nothing in particular, much like the show.

Current News (:71) Lillian Garcia's last show is this week. There are talks of Howard Finkel replacing her. Cedric the Entertainer guest hosts badly on RAW. Random celebrities seem to be chosen to guest host, including that wrestling bastion Dennis Miller.

Seventeen Syllables on Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller RAW
Obvious Vince never watched
Monday Night Football.

147 VKM MVP: May 29, 2009

73 minutes
"most gibberish-tastic WCR we've ever had"

All-Time Leader in Fools Pitied

Blade begins recording hitting the bottle, something he hasn't done for a while and which makes the show more interesting from the get-go. This is due to the week's RAW and Vince trying to make his own wrestling-basketball team for his company's play-date. Blade thinks the owner of the Denver Nuggets is "Walter Kronkie" and not Stan Kroenke. Also Cronkite is still with us. But he'd probably pass over if he saw the WWE-NBA feud still continue on. RD has an excuse to bring Good Times' Mama swearing on the show. Vince's misguided effort to get Lakers fans is mocked. If he starts trying to bring Kobe Bryant and Lebron James to face each other on Smackdown I'll  give up all hope.

Global Internet's Greg wants to come on the radio progrem to clear some things about his company and the sexual allegations leveled against him. (:11) Despite this the Co-Fruitcakes continue their globalinternetbrothel.net conspiracy against him. Baseball's golden boy Jose Canseco in MMA. Zubaz-wearing Mr. T at a Cubs game. RD serenades him with Bette Midler. Blade enjoys Bette Midler farting during her period. Everyone has a fetish. (:17) Did I mention the May Mayhem Sale? It's your last chance! (Assuming May includes parts of June up to the 11th. Sadly, all copies of the Book of Lists Exclamation Point have been sold.)

Blade took a TRIP to the Convenience Store. (:20) He encountered promotional Snickers Nuggatbot bars for the new Transformers movie. It's just a normal bar with some urine-colored food coloring in it. RD makes fun of Bumblebee.

There's no Fan Fiction as Blade couldn't find anything good this week. (He's getting drunk, remember?)

Mike Check is still on his tour in the WWCR Party Van (:26) and when we reach him he's in Dalton, Georgia at some random "Gun & Knife Show" He might as well report from somewhere more dangerous. A petting zoo perhaps. He was once in the Dalton market at WWGA "Georgia's Finest. He was known as "the Original Georgia Peach" until a woman took it (I didn't know Ty Cobb was a cross-dresser) and then he became George Uh. There are some random words about Pong, and Blade wants to rape an imaginary character. Poor dope. Before things can get TOO exciting, Mike encounters this week's deadly threat - some gun demonstration. You know what happens; do I even need to say it? (Apparently down in Georgia they use live ammo and ignore safety precautions.) RD wonders where Mike gets all his stuff. He probably trades his bumper stickers for it.

To news more Obscure than even Mike Check, the Mantaur is running some Indy Fed in Omaha (:37). I sincerely hopes he runs it in his bull outfit. Matt Morgan will be there at some "Funplex"; will the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose also make an appearance? RD wants to manage someone against his ward as Blade has yet another "Big Announcement" this summer for some indie appearance. "Pretend you didn't hear that!" he tries (and fails) to disclaim.

The Bastion Booger now has his own action figure, with the same dimensions as the real life gimmick I reckon. Blade remembers a naked Mike Shaw being arrested on CNN. RD doesn't believe him. There's some mention of some Interactive with the Gymini Action Figures from last week - how many are being bought? There's your weekly threat of a new induction for ya. Can another Co-Hosss contest be far behind?

This week's Someone Bought This! has a new [prototype] Haku action figure; but he still doesn't come with crown as illustrated. What's the deal? (:47) Blade went rummaging in his basement as he usually does to hide from John Thomas and found some Wrestling Ring catalog he wants to auction. But will he sign it? RD reads a random Apter mag about Too Cool Scorpio fighting the Barbarian, and Liz Hunter on Ricky Steamboat. A new gift from the Trolla Corporation arrives for him (:51), This turns out to be the BabyTrolla, a baby doll giving news of wrestling-related births. In this case Dawn Marie has her second child, sincere congratulations to the couple. Blade can't say the word Caesarean properly (I was C-sectioned if you're not interested [As was I! --Iggy]) and says the word 'cunt' for the first time on the progrem. [This site rightchere is the only one on the planet where you'll find BabyTrolla or "Baby Trolla".]

Today's Question (:53) is a physical piece of paper. On an audio podcast. Er...The sender, one Matthew F. of San Jose, sends his message to Bill Apter courtesy of RD, wanting his own Membership Card. He really needs to post a picture of it on the site and/or forums as visual proof.

Sure enough, Mike Check calls in; (:57) he's not dead yet!

Blade: "Damn."

Mike was wearing a bullet-proof vest, though apparently it's slipped RD's mind that he should really call from the nearby hospital being checked for possible injuries, and not STILL BE AT THE GUN SHOW!!! [Hah, you Canadian with your excellent health care system! --Iggy] Dear Emperor. Blade loses his patience with the grizzled veteran, as he often does every week, and Mike plays a song for Victoria, now in TNA. RD wants the man deader than his career. How about sending Mrs. Deal to take care of him? She has a proven track record of eliminating TNA correspondents you know.

Jim Ross calls in yet again. (:60) RD is happy to hear him, anything to get rid of Mike. He has more Sad News, the regret of being stuck with Jason Hervey at Clash of the Champions while Vanna White was at Wrestlemania IV. No, not that, he doesn't have a "video blog" this week. Yeah, good luck with that. He's also still angry at Michael Cole, now just a "male cigarette".

But at least JR being around is better than at :67, with more Linda Hogan nonsense, with her calling out Brooke and her breasts. Makes me want to listen to more episodes of the radio progrem. That and Triple H trading an attempt at Thor for being He-Man.

Seventeen Roundball Syllables:
Jazz. Thunder. Magic.
That dog-shit RAW Monday had
none of the above.

Well it could be worse. Could you imagine Vince feuding with the Clippers? (Although he'd still get more of an audience than TNA's.)

146 The FM Menace: May 22, 2009

77 minutes

Mike Check is 30 days away from 'breaking' Johnny Six's record, before he misses doing so and the Co-Hosses are left to find yet another TNA person. Or perhaps resurrect Nathaniel, the greater of two evils. The Sad Music is played for that inevitability, and all the other former deceased people before him, except Stubby who somehow returned. Blade: "Things like that happen sometimes."

Mike himself is on his Death Trip Whirlwind Tour across the mainland, to increase buy rates for a show listened to by 12 people. He's at a convention for the 10th anniversary of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace at some vague place or other. Sadly, he's not there with Blade's friend (Corey Horny) Diamond. Blade wants a Photoshop of Sith Lord Alfred Hayes as a ghost in Return of the Jedi.

Greg is not happy about a globalinternetbrothel.net, taken or not. Blade has fantasies of ventriloquist dummies. Did I mention the May Mayhem Sale? Blade is selling Stubby-signed prints. (:14) SPEAKING OF people spending money, the offer to buy the Katie Vick outfit has increased to $1200. Blade wants it to be higher, else he'd probably have sex in it again. [SELL! SELL! SELL! --Iggy]

Image by The Sam

Let's go to Mike Check at that convention. (:16) Some random playing of the theme song from 'down the hall' is heard as Mike reports in with numerous WWCR The Whacker bumper stickers. While talking he bumps into sound bites of a probe droid, a tauntaun, a swearing Trandoshan, some 'red trashcan', and some roving band of Jawas speaking 'Mexican'. He essentially has no idea where he is or what film he's meant to cover. But he DOES get a Virgil-style hit to the groin from the aptly named Jake Lloyd Jr. Quote he: "YIPPEE!" RD jokes on Mike still non-reporting on TNA news, although these new-fangled Star Wars movies seem like news to report for the fellow Crappers.

Obscure Wrestling News: (:24) While Terri Runnell's house contest/spam has been canceled due to the lack of gullible people, the ripped-off entrants still have to be refunded their entry fee. The real Terri thinks they've already been paid. Sad News: she really wanted to help those people. Even more Sad News: The (outdated) site is still up to steal money, as far as I can tell. (:31)

More news about Ashley Massaro: A site has a list of clients to her service, including Mickey Rourke. Blade makes another reference to his lactating escort roommate. Some random discussion about the Diva Search 'winners' turns into talk about midgets and a possible Midget Search, with Bridget the Midget and Midgets bouncing on couches, which is the only thing RD can remember from watching wrestling from the past four years. Blade insults them all the while. What happened to cripples (and standing up for them)? Randy Orton, Father Time. (:41) RD does not understand him. Jillian Hall is engaged to a Dick. (:42) Gymini dolls. Blade wants to see how well the nearby store sells them every week.

Jillian Hall with 3 caramel apples

Sir Alec makes a return Fan Fiction appearance. (:46) No story again, but he does read us some random Myspace message from New Jack. He's angry at everyone!

Question of the Week. (:52) Listener #4 Goldenbane thinks people were angry Roddy Piper was fighting with Robert Downey Jr. Perhaps he didn't like that Charlie Chaplin biopic of his. Blade still wants to see some anus action.

Mike Check Strikes Back! (:56) He saw someone in Mandalorian armor calling himself Boba Foot, but he hasn't seen many women around yet. We're just in time to have him watch a lightsaber duel too at a dangerously close distance. Don't they have safety regulations at those places? Sure enough he gets 'struck down', Blade doing his dramatic "Noooo!", but it's only a flesh wound and he's alright...for now. He plays Debby Boone's You Light Up My Life. (What with their being 'light' sabers and all.)

Before we can talk more wrestling about Ric Flair and Vince's feud with the NBA (what, on this show?) Jim Ross calls. (:64) He's angry - again - but at this point the sauce has already dried on the rack of ribs and not had that much of an effect anymore. He's angry at working twice as long, or something or other. He also calls Michael Cole a certain term, which RD finds offensive enough to bleep out, despite the fact that they've been saying it over the years without doing anything about it. Perhaps RD's being forgetful. He wants some human/jawa barbecue as seen in A New Hope. He has some video blog Big Announcement next week, meaning has Blade has three things he'll want to tell us but then will promptly forget about.

The HorseTrolla asks about Mickie James' new outfit. (:71) Vickie Guerrero is some sort of dancing Miss Wrestlemania.

Seventeen Inches:
Vickie's got the Sash.
She's Miss Wrestlemania.
She doesn't miss meals.

Video: Mike Check at a Star Wars Convention

142 Wrestlemania XXV: After the Final Pinfall: April 10, 2009

83 minutes

The Co-Hostess Fruitcakes record about the recent Wrestlemania XXV like some actual wrestling podcast. There's some discussion of Ricky Steamboat's cameo return to the ring. Blade wants "Ricky Steamboat's Chiropractor" as a new character for the show, but oddly for him doesn't commence his usual mockery of cripples. RD would have him played by Dave Meltzer. Some sort of geriatric wrestling happened (which should automatically include Vince). Roddy Piper was seen with what looked like a chestburster in his stomach. Perhaps he ate too much alien ham. (:06) Globalinternet.net's Greg drinking is imagined.

NEVER FEED YOURSELF
AFTER MIDNIGHT

RD's TRIP to the Grocery is no trip at all, but IS sponsored by angrymarks.com. (:12) They sent him some items, containing a Bobby Lashley figure, some Wu Tang collection, a Lucha VHS, Summerslam's Greatest Hits, a Candice Michelle figure, a Tootsie Roll Bank, and some "Late Night Tacos at Midnight" Doritos. The two taste it and conclude it tastes like taco seasoning. It could be worse, it could have had Mountain Dew flavor.

This week on WC FanFiction Theatre (:22), Sir Alec is saddened by not seeing Sunny at Wrestlemania, so he narrates a story of Miss Sytch getting it on with a monkey. (There was more to that
tale' that what we randomly have that was cut out. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.)

On Obscure Wrestling News (:32) JT Titty is pregnant. Blade: "It means she likes to fuck." Blade wants a BabyTrolla for the show to report on new pregnancies. There's some negative anonymous review of the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:36) The book is "Immature perverted and a waste of time." I like him already. Wrestlemania anniversaries. Craig DeGeorge is on Fox Sports and for some reason working with National Cheerleading Championships (if not with the more normal job with Florida Panthers). (:40). Blade Braxton's (naked) Mike McGurk story with Don Mason (with a bad impression of said Mike).

Some Dream Rapist Time, which we haven't had in too long a while. (:46) Blade dreams of Don making Mickie James cry for not taking her picture properly, then finds Lillian Garcia eating hot dogs, and talks with Michael Cole about Heidenreich's sodomy. Quote Cole: "You know, it looked real but it didn't feel real!" They also share random stories of having sex with barely legal women before Mae Young wanders in for some reason.

Question of the Week (:52) concerns the upcoming new wrestling promotion Wrestlicious. The two watch it. (it's also featured on the week's It Came From YouTube!) Could this be the new WSX? The show, co-hosted by Leila "Naked Girl" Milani and Jimmy Hart, is funded by a Powerball winner. ("There are worse ways to try and get a date." - Clarence "Showstealer" Mason) Blade's awkward joke causes RJ Fletcher to laugh backwards.

Mike Check (:61) talks about Danny Partridge, the Radio version of The Patridge Family and his time at WEBN 103 "The Spider" in Cincinnati doing a terrible Mr Belvedere. He then does an example of it for the 12 Listeners. He should do a face-off with Sir Alec. Oddly that's all he talks about this week in his 10 minutes before he plays a Partridge song of his own.

Current Wrestling News (:72) somewhat concerns WWE's bad time management. And this show is more efficient how...?

Time for a Haiku:
Skank Battle Royal.
You can't tell the boobs apart
without a scorecard.

RD: "Speaking of disposing of something like a dirty whore..."

140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009

78 minutes

Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.

RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.

A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.

Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]

JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.

Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!

More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella

Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.

Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.

136 Horny Jim Ross: February 20, 2009

76 minutes

Dark Journey

A find of some rare outtakes of Jim Ross (in this week's It Came From YouTube!) prove him to be a fan of Dark Journey. (Well wouldn't you?) Blade wants him to be the next singer for Loverboy and compares him to Don Mason's portrayal on Revenge of the Black Scorpion (on the Archive Disc, available from fine sites on the Internets.) Our now Horny Jim Ross calls in. (:04) Now that he is no longer being intimate with his wife he focuses his sexual attention on poor Miss Linda Newton (and rather forcibly too at that). Some of the good old porn music helps him get in the mood as he he leaves for some corn oil. Blade wants to read strange/slash wrestling fanfiction on the show. (:12) RD skat-sings Vivaldi in response. Blade is shirtless this week, for a change.

RD bought cookies from "The Fudge Factory" on his TRIP to the Grocery. (:18) The Book of Lists (Exclamation Point) and Death of WCW are now available on the Amazon Kindle, sadly still not available in Canada. (:23) Blade turned 34 last week. "What a filthy show this is!" he says. RD plays random sounds in response, but did send his Co-Hoss a figure of a screaming Kirk in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, complete with four extra hands. I just hope Blade doesn't hallucinate Kirk is Mae Young and start pulling hands from his ass. [Blade spent Valentine's Day at the strip club, so send your future donations in one dollar bills. —Iggy]

Obscure Wrestling News: (:29) Lacey Von Erich appears in Playboy. The recently retired Victoria wants to do some MMA. (:32) The HorseTrolla lifts the tail: Francine is pregnant. That's all we get. (:34) Val "The Freetarian" Venus has some random "provocative" T-Shirts for sale in yet another desperate attempt to make money. I'm probably going to buy one for Iggy and make Morley happy with the ONE person who would buy that. [Oops, I forgot and didn't buy even a single one.]

Question of the Week (:40) comes from - myself? That's a surprise. (3) I ask: What is Blade's Big Announcement? He promises to reveal it 'soon'. Some talk of his karaoke, sadly no new song made in a year by himself or with his Hobo Six.

The topic turns to Blade's auctions, where a man by the name of James has won the auction of Katie Vick's panties. The two talk to him (:44) where he reveals he has a Obi-Wan Kenobi cup with him to match RD's WWE Niagara Falls (and my Canadiens one). Blade tantalizes that Don Mason would turn into Obi-Wan with the power of the Force...of enough weed. James is also the first person to have a site from Global Internet (http://the-reactor.org/) but the having sex part from getting it was delayed slightly. He clarifies that he did the good and honorable thing and decided to just send the money rather than ask for the clothes in return, something I can commend him for. In return Jim Ross sent a gift of his own to James, and calls back on the show to talk to him in his own special way. Said gift is a pair of Oklahoma Sooners' boxers.

Now for something the world totally didn't want, a new TNA correspondent! (:59) RD promises a "New Era" in TNA reporting and brings his newest recruit, one Mike Check to do things and...Well, do you remember when RD wanted someone with 'radio experience'? Well this is what he gets, to the letter. He rambles and malapropisms on "WWCR with Blake Braxton" and his time as Macon Dixon at WPEZ "The Pez" in Macon Georgia, makes some ode to Billy Gunn (who worked with him while Mike was Pecos Bill at KSII "The Kiss" in El Paso, Texas) and just cuts to a Phil Collins song at :67.

Ah, what the hell. THIS guy's my new favorite TNA guy, pushing David Lee Roth down to second place.

Current Wrestling News takes us from there. Christian returns to ECW. RD is not looking forward to Wrestlemania this year, much like last year. (:71) Blade has a idea for an induction of Mickey Rourke in case his appearance fails to level out. But RD can't stop thinking of Jim Ross and what he's going to do with all that corn oil.

Seventeen syllables about Dark Journey:
It is nightmare fuel.
I hope I don't dream about
JR's Dark Journey.

135 Record Breaker: February 6, 2009

56 minutes

Heart Shaped "Meat"

We begin with some random discussion about mittens. Blade vows never to reveal his stage surname (while sober anyway). Next he'll do a Vince Russo and vow never to show himself on TV. (:02) Randy Orton admitted to doing a work with Shane "Banner" McMahon, which is confusing on many levels. (:04) RD wants Shane to wear mittens.

This fine radio progrem is "the longest running episodic wrestling podcast in the history of planet Earth". (:08) Blade will auction an autographed BannerTrolla which was also seen in the Shoot Interview. (:11) The new Angry Marks ad feed gives RD an excuse for a bad Jeff Foxworthy impression. Random shows are mentioned.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery: (:20) This show is a 'poor attempt at humor'. RD is still fighting with Fiber One bars. A Mexican restaurant near RD is named Las Lupitas (:25). RD has to quickly move on before Blade's dream summons Chris Hansen (or worse, King Pedophile).

Obscure Wrestling News (:26): Brooke Hogan vs. Reid Flair. Will Ricky Steamboat Jr. riding a pony be the ref?

Robecca DiPietro is making more bad ads (:34), in this case this terrible attempt for the Doritos SuperBowl commercial contest. The Co-Hosses watch it. According to Blade, Jim Ross IS Admiral Ackbar. Buh Gawd King it's a trap! (If you thought THAT was bad then you better not watch this one.)

Question of the Week from Jack-a-Laction (:38): something about TNA. It's just an excuse for Stubby to return and do his usual shtick.

Continuing with TNA and the need for a correspondent, RD calls the man on everyone's mind reading/listening to it: Jim Ross. (:45) The man hasn't had sex in...a while (he keeps inflating the number every time he's on the air, much like WCW with Goldberg) and angry at at the help he hired to replace Steve Williams, who is now playing 'Amelia Earhart' (what, is he vanishing off the face of the earth?). Knowing the fate of all those before him in TNA he angrily refuses. Whatever, I'm crediting him as a TNA guy as part of my prediction. [I thought you had it, but he rejected the offer. —Iggy]

Current Wrestling News (:49) has the Co-Hosses watching the Trailer for 12 Rounds (AKA The Marine 2: Electric Boogaloo) and think of it as ripping Die Hard with a Vengeance (which also involved Renny Harlin I think). Also AC/DC is sadly not playing at Wrestlemania (:54).

The girthiest Haiku you will ever hear:
No AC/DC.
Time for some cheap sunglasses.
Time for ZZ Top.

Sure enough some MIDI tune of Cheap Sunglasses is played. Blade: "This may be the only song worse than Here Comes the Money."