036 One Year Anniversary...Somehow: August 11, 2006

One Year Anniversary...Somehow
"worst show ever"
(59 minutes)

A new laugh sounder has been installed. RJ Fletcher and Weird Al from UHF laugh at 'jokes'.

WCR is one year old. The show 'actually' has 37 listeners. RD and Blade suck.

Their book in progress's cover fails the Wellness Policy. (:08)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): RD drinks a lot of cow's milk because he is a calf.

Blade does a pathetic imitation of CM Punk with the "clever" name of 'Bowel Movement'. (:13) I have to keep increasing the volume when RD speaks and turn it down when Blade speaks.

Obscure Wrestling News (:17): Jeff Hardy is coming back to WWE. RD gives him six weeks. Rick Steiner is softer than Blade because of some old ring he had. Oh Christ, there's thirty-six minutes left in this show. I guess it's easier to do twice as much show when you have thirty-five shows from which to do call-backs.

Mail Bag: Chris P's question is ignored because RD is angered at the cold hard truth. (:23) I think they already answered Logan B's question about Khali and Kelly. (:26) RD throws out another dozen catch phrases.

JOHN THOMAS
DOESN'T NEED COMPUTERS

John Thomas calls. (:27) Skipping ahead. . . Eight minutes later, Blade hits the bottle because of this.

Raw sucks. RD feels dirty when he says he's watching TNA, but I guess there's nothing dirty about crap.

Oh good, the phone is ringing, so I can skip ahead. (:42) This show is still painful even without bad impersonations of Terry Funk and Dennis Stamp (don't ask).

The First Anniversary Wrestlecrap Radio Blade Braxton Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Hulk's got a bum knee.
He should've drank mommy's milk.
It does a Hulk good.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Chucky to my Cheese, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Being reamed, anal cavities, Indy shows, feces, wrestling ring, a corpse, legends, wax
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Haiti Kid
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Haiti Kid
  

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. BM Punk, John Thomas, Terry Funk, Dennis Stamp

 

• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  2
• Krankor Laughs:  2

 

• Trish Stratus References:  2

 

• Mailbag
• Chris P: Dear RD and Blade, how are you guys? I'm doing good. My question is if you had the chance to spit in one wrestler's face, who would it be? Mine would be Triple H because he is an attention whore. P.S. Blade you are like the wisecrackin' smartass version of Homer Simpson. Keep up the great work. No offense but RD your voice sounds like an 11 year old Eminem just hitting puberty on the rag. No sold.
  
• Logan B: Dear Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Brakestown, with Kelly's name being revealed as being Kelly Kelly, how long will it be until the Great Khali turns into Khali Kelly? He could strip every week and Daiviri would cover him up. This would go on until the next time Smackdown and ECW come together and Khali Kelly and Kelly Kelly would finally reunite. Maybe even include Kelly Kelly. In case you lost the question in my great idea, do you think Khali will become Khali Kelly? That's brilliant.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Hulk's got a bum knee.
  He should've drank mommy's milk.
  It does a Hulk good.

 

035 Real Angry: July 28, 2006

Real Angry
(54 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:06): RD's favorite flavor of Life Savers has been replaced.

Obscure Wrestling News (:12): Vince has bought an indoor tennis facility for his mother's hometown, which the sources have no idea what state it is in. Chris Kanyon was dropping the puck at the Gay Games. Sad News: Spirit Squad was sent back to Triple A. (:17)

Mail Bag (:21): Insecticidal Andy Duke thinks the Deever is a secret Kryptonian. (:26) Speculation ensues on whether JBL is a secret third co-host of the show. 'Damn' asks about combined bad gimmicks. (:30) RD is worried his son will one day find out about and listen to the show. He also wanted to be the next Weird Al at one point; Blade meanwhile wanted to play Jason at a donkey show. Bob Dhalstrom has his own ideas for the company to follow on, one of which involves Gene Snitsky and Stephanie McMahon. (:34)

J.T. Tinny with unnamed person

Random people fell victim of the Wellness Policy, including Thumbnail-toothed Great Khali-Collie. This angers RD for some reason. (:35) The Diva Search made Blade hit the bottle this week. (:44) Blade talks loudly, unaware that the talky end of the phone receiver acts as a microphone. JT Titty should tag with Areola, the tarot card reader. (:47)  ECW has DQs in "Extreme Rules" matches. Mike Knox, Mr. Charisma. I can't hear RD beneath the music.

Seventeen Syllables of the Weekly Wrestling Haiku
Flair, Undertaker,
then Kane. E C Dub, Extreme
Crossover Wrestling.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The liver to my elevated enzymes, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, The Wrestling Observer pg. 12
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. People who are jerk offs, sucking, getting spanked and put to bed, getting in touch with people, one of our 12 listeners, The Diva Search, retarded
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Maude, Jack Lalane, Dirty Dancing
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  2
• Trish Stratus References:  3
• Shelly Martinez References:  9
  

 

• Mailbag
• Insecticidal Andy Duke: Dear Real Deal and Bladerick Brakestown, it has come to my attention that one of the Diva Search contestants is named Layla L, the one with the curly hear. Her name is Layla L, much like Superman who was named Kal-El. Mr. Brakestown, do you think she used her super Krypton powers to win the Diva Boot Camp? Could this be a future gimmick much like Christy being on crystal meth, and Ashley being a Hot Topic hobo? Also could you mention the Cidal Squad on the air? JBL, don't steal our gimmick man.
  
• 'Damn': If you could combine two crappy gimmicks into one, what would they be? I would combine the Zombie with 3 Count and ripoff Thriller in every match he was in. Blade: Summerslam 88 Elizabeth with Naked Mideon.
  
• Bob Dhalstrom: So since Stephanie has had her baby girl, am I the only one who sees dollar signs in a Stephanie-Snitsky feud? It is what it is.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Flair, Undertaker,
  then Kane. E C Dub, Extreme
  Crossover Wrestling.

 

034 Diva Debacle: July 14, 2006

Krankor hits the Bottle with JT Titty
(63 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Wal-Mart has restaurant gift cards. (:09)
Blade's Trip to the Grocery: "pasta in sauce with beef and chicken hot dogs with beef."

Faxtrolla semi-exclusive news (:14): boo-rah. The Miz wants Johnny Fairplay to come to ECW. DDP is taking his Yoga for Regular Guys on tour.

Mail Bag: Smash Bradley asks how to actually implement Siamese twin wrestlers. (:23) Krankor's laugh is used in response. Extreme K of Fort Mike Knox thinks of putting The Great Collie in a dog outfit and placing him in dog shows. (:27) Sausagesandwich is one of their 'many fans, of whom I know none', who has a thing for punching the Miz. (:30)

SmackDown is looking retro, with Tatanka and caskets and midgets and kings. (:34) A Punjabi Prison match was announced and Michael Cole said it would be in the jungle. (:36) Candice Michelle was sent to ECW to teach Kelly Kelly how to strip. (:39) Big Show's hands are now cannonballs and his head is a bowling ball. CM Punk doesn't like drinking, so Blade hit the bottle. (:44)

ECW IS STRIPPING

Miz's hosting of the Diva Search segment was pure wrestlecrap. (:48)  Hopeful Layla said she wanted to be the Deever, so she will now be called that. Another candidate (Maryse) used her impenetrable Quebec accent to be an 'air-flying diva', another (Robecca) tried to pepper spray the ring, and another (Molina) looks too much like Ashley Massaro.

Miz called one contestant JT Titty.

The Haiku:
Moronic Divas.
How will this class top last year's?
Leave it to Deever.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Jack to my Daniels, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 11. Last week, last week’s show, The Miz, mounting Chloe and doing her doggystyle, bags, reaching down into my bag, my bag, sodomy overtones, the elderly, transvestite, chesticles
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Nancy Reagan
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Nancy Reagan
  

 

• Debut: Krankor Laughs: 9
  

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  4

 

• Mailbag
• Smash Bradley: Hello dear lords of Crapsalot. I've pondered this question and got several answers. If there were a set of Siamese twins (explain what a Siamese twin is: one set of legs, two torsos), would they be considered a single wrestler or a tag team? And if you pick a tag team, how would the tags work? Be careful if you read this, because John Laurenitis might go on the hunt. Krankor: HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
  
• Extreme K: I am writing to you from Fort Mike Knox where the nation's supply of Art Donovan approved bathroom scales are stored. I think it would be an awesome idea if you put the dog exterior from the Shaggin' Wagon on the Great Khali and renamed him the Great Collie, and then you could proceed to enter him in the Westminster Dog Show. My question to both of you: would Daivari's bitch win, and do you think the Dog Show would once again preempt Raw just for the sake of giving Smackdown a quick upper hand in the brand extension, in terms of rating and publicity? Blade: Mounting Chloe, Torrie Wilson's dog.
  
• Sausagesandwich: I live in England and have to say that I am one of your many, many fans, of whom I know none. Your radio show never ceases to amuse and offend me. I have two questions, both are well urgent. Number one: if you had the choice, would you punch Miz in the face one time as hard as you could, or ten times at medium force? Personally I would punch him just once, then kick him in the balls, but to each his own. Number two: If you were to be in WWE, and were allowed to choose your own gimmick on the grounds that it made Wrestlecrap, what would it be? Myself, I like the idea of the One Headed Man. Blade: Slap my Miz around twenty times. No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Repeat Gooker alert!
  Moronic Divas.
  How will this class top last year's?
  Leave it to Deever.

 

033 Hapenis is a Warm Pun: July 7, 2006

Hapenis is a Warm Pun (The Terrible Twelve Listeners)
(55 minutes)

True love...has yet to be found.

RD thinks someone is using his ideas because Kelly is now Kelly Kelly. Speaking of Joey and Joey Joe Joe Taz Joe Joe Taz... RD hates the WWE broadcasters' fake laughter.

The ECW Zombie couldn't make it.

Obscure Wrestling News (:08): It's spelled FAXTrolla not FACTSTrolla. Rumored-lactator Nathan Jones is going to be in a movie. RD has man-boobs. Sad News: a former centerfold has dropped out of the Diva Search before it's even begun. (:17) RD suggests WWE sell blow-up dolls of the contestants.

Premiere of the Mail Bag, with music (:21): Blade would replace his head with Shawn Michaels' head thanks to a question from Barnes. Big Show has skillets for hands. Cris asks about combining favorite bad angles. (:24) RD wears a Dungeon of Doom shirt. Questioner Jens is searching for Brian Clark. (:26) Nitro Hollick, who likes the show, asks something about the Fabulous Rojeaus. (:30) Sad News, thanks to The Disciple of Bruti: bottom-feeder Johnny Parisi has been released. (:36) Speaking of hiring someone's penis...

According to Blade, the podcast loses 2 listeners every week from their original pool of 12, and now half of them are going to be offended and lost to them.

RD wrote an open letter to Trish Stratus. New induction: Norman Smiley, backyard champion. Next week's induction is WWF's million dollar chance.

Ms. Stratus kicks a woman in the face.

Shawn Michaels: Degenerate with morals. At that point in Raw, Blade turned to the bottle. (:39) Vince knows who Darth Vader is, which is not Barry White. ECW sucks. Mike Knox can body-slam like nobody's business. (:45)

Seventeen Syllables of Love:
RVD's busted.
Robby should've just said no.
Now we're stuck with Show.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Kelly to my Kelly, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 13. Joey, things that don’t get old, having white stuff on your chest, being males of the species (2), Carmella, popping a cherry, hiring someone’s penis, child molesters, losing listeners, things that are sad, horrible, things you want to pee on
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Yugoslavia
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

 

• RD Time Outs: 1
  

 

• Trish Stratus References:  4

 

• Debut: Mailbag
• Barnes: Dear Deal and Blade, if you were to change one of your body parts into something else, what body part would you replace, and what would the object be? Personally, I'd change one of my hands into the head of an alligator to bite and gobble my enemies. Blade: Head with Shawn Michaels'. RD: Hand with big skillet. 
• Cris: Out of all the Wrestlecrappy gimmicks and storylines, Mr. Brakestown, which do you personally like and which do you personally hate? The Black Scorpion. Dungeon of Doom. 
• Jens: Yo guys, was great to see your burial of the Adam Bomb gimmick brought up, and your mention of Brian Clark being a decent enough worker. Apparently he has fallen off the face of the earth ever since Kronik went nowhere in WCW. Do you know what happened to Brian Clark?  Lot of penis jokes on this show this week. Probably working with a skillet right now.
• Nitro Hollick: Hey Deal and Blade, great show. I listen to it all the time at work. A question for you: were the Fabulous Rojeaus really that fabulous? They should have been mediocre or somewhat fabulous. (Real answer: Yes.)
  
• The Disciple of Bruti: Dear RD and Blade, I honestly hope you are ashamed of yourselves. You claim to dig down with obscure wrestling news and even have a segment called Sad News, yet you miss the most important piece of sad and obscure news of the past decade: the release of Johnny Parisi. Johnny is the only man to hold the bottom spot of the roster since day one of his career in WWE and he didn't even get a honorable mention on the show. I'm very disappointed in both of you. In fact, I'M PISSED NOW!  Sad News: Johnny Parisi has been released.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  RVD's busted.
  Robby should've just said no.
  Now we're stuck with Show

 

032 An angle on Angle: June 30, 2006

Ode to Kurt Angle
(45 minutes)

Blade promises the ECW Zombie will be on next week's show. RD promises the return of the Mailbag on next week's show. They are not related.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:06) has been voted the most popular segment on this wrestling podcast. Superman has been invading the grocery of late.

Obscure Wrestling News: Kurrgan is going to be in a movie (300). (:11) Jake Roberts caught a 45-pound fish. (:14)

Sad News: The Pirate was fired because McMahon is behind the times. (:20) Even more Sad News: The Diva Search 3 has begun. (:25) SPEAKING OF bitches RD and Blade discuss their favorite animals in the WWF. WWE loves poop and male ass. ECW's Kelly strips every week down to the same bra that she can't seem to get open. (:30) RD thinks they should get a male stripping Kelly to hook in confused people.

Arrr! 'is ship 'as sailed.

RD tries some wrestling analysis and Blade gets bored. (:32) The majority seems to think RD gushes over Kurt Angle. [Which is certainly NOT going to be ironic in the next few years... - Future PB]

First Ever WrestleCrap Tanka:
Kelly's Expose.
The only thing that's been ex-
posed is the simple
fact that Mr. Laurinai-
tis sucks as a talent scout.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Pasta to my Mania, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 9. Shows that have lots of poop, going to the grocery, good times (2), people I miss, Pirates of the Caribbean, where RD’s other hand at, brilliant (2)
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Don Knotts, Good Times, Don Knotts (2), Bea Arthur, ZZ Top, Christopher Reeve
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Richard Dawson
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

 

• Zombie Growls:  3

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku Tanka:
  Kelly's Expose.
  The only thing that's been ex-
  posed is the simple
  fact that Mr. Laurinai-
  tis sucks as a talent scout.

 

031 Double Trouble: June 23, 2006

Say everything twice. Say everything twice.
(38 minutes)

RD's Trip to the Grocery now has an intro. It's a sped-up intro to The Streak by Ray Stevens. (:06) RD discusses organic macaroni and cheese. Speaking of bizarre pastas...

Obscure Wrestling News: Volkoff's Maryland delegate election opponent is airing old wrestling footage on TV in his ads, so Volkoff responds by getting his own Myspace page and the Iron Sheik to help him. (:14) Lex Luger is a (drunken) idiot. (:18) Blade relates how he was in a strip club where Gorgeous George was a stripper. (:24) The new OVW booker is (Rambo) Greg Gagne. (:26)

So many people on Smackdown have gone. ECW's fortune teller actually tells the past, but is no good a replacement for the vanishing Zombie. WWE should've fired the midgets . . . out of a canon. DX are homoerotic.

Speaking of things that will make you poop with joy:
Too much bare male ass.
Was that Raw or the World
Wrestling Enema?

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Macho to my Libre, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 17. Horrible, bizarre pastas, outliving things, bad ideas , Randy Savage, Billy Jack Haynes, black hat with Oregon on it, Randy Savage 5 (6), generic Playboy skanks, being three inches from a hole, fired midgets, putting Max Mini in a cage, things that will make you poop
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Franco-American Raviolios, MySpace, Gallagher
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Iron Sheik
  

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Iron Sheik
  

 

• Zombie Growls:  2
• RD Time Outs:  1
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Too much bare male ass.
  Was that Raw or the World
  Wrestling Enema?

 

030 Zombie Radio: June 16, 2006

Zombie Radio
(40 minutes)

ARRRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

John Tenta died last week. If you're interested, you can donate to his family through johntentafund@wrestlecrap.com.

RD could talk about the ECW Zombie for the entire show.

Obscure Wrestling News: Randy Savage is going on the Surreal Life. (:08) Kamala is selling plastic spears for $25 each. RD used to manage Kamala Junior. (:15) Paul Ellering now offers a workout program. (I hope it doesn't involve him exercising in the frosty Adirondacks.) (:19) RD suggest the On A Pole Workout Program. Sad News: El Gigante is in a wheelchair. (:23) ECW's Sci-Fi premiere is summarized, and RD calls it a 'license to print money'. This show has "jumped the Zombie."

Seventeen Syllables of Joy:
DX reunion.
What does DX stand for now?
Depends eXtra strength?

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The vampire to my zombie, Mr. Blade Brakes-town
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Way Back Machine, Scoops.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 9. Being in your face, frolicking with transsexuals, Kamala, Cajun salmon, prostitutes (4), horrible things
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Delorean
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

 

• Zombie Growls:  12
• RD Time Outs:  1
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: De-Geritol X?
  DX reunion.
  What does DX stand for now?
  Depends eXtra strength?

 

029 "New and Improved": June 2, 2006

"New and Improved"
(43 minutes)

This show has a sponsor, globalinternet.net. (:02) After twenty-eight episodes, the audio has been set up properly.

RD's picture in Fighting Spirit magazine is Koko B. Ware's for some reason. He likes it. (:05)

Blade informs RD about Myspace. It's very coincidental that they get onto it just as it begins to die. (:10)

Still contains chicken parts.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:13): it's impossible to improve Chicken in a Biskit. They took out the dairy.

Obscure Wrestling News: Mean Gene Okerlund was sued by Mene Gene Burgers' parent company. (:17) Eric Watts' booking for Great Championship Wrestling is making crowds flee. (:21) The Stu Hart mansion should be leveled. (:23)

Question of the Week from The Buzzkill 411: Khali's teeth are as big as your thumbs. (:28) Erik Majorwitz still hasn't received his prize yet, so Blade plans to frame a haiku for him.

Sci-Fi will push sci-fi angles on ECW. (:30) SmackDown gets a host, The Miz, while Ray Mysterio is constantly getting buried. (:35) SD and Raw suck.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
There's another Kane.
He looks like a tard in drag
him off my tee vee.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Hamburgular to my Grimace, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Shilling (2), cereal, Mean Gene on a birth control device, things being gone, crazy science fiction, Erik Watts, hideous
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Ratt, Lee Majors, Fall Guy toys, Heather Thomas, Six Million Dollar Man, Paul Stanley (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Question of the Week from: The Buzzkill 411
• For Blade: Since no can understand the Great Khali, do you think he likes crunchy or smooth peanut butter? Smooth. RD: Crunchy. 
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  There's another Kane.
  He looks like a tard in drag
  him off my tee vee.

 

028 WoodstockCrap Radio (IN 3-D!!!): April 28, 2006

The Woodstock Edition of WCR (IN 3-D!!!)
((( recorded in Atari 2600 noise fidelity ))) (31 minutes)

The ECW name will return as a show. Hogan movies suck, even in 3D. (:01) RD tires of Blade co-hosting and wants people to apply for the job.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:06): RD has startling news that Trix changed to fruit shapes, which happened in 1992. [Trix returned to fruity balls in late 2007.] Speaking of fruity balls...

Sad News (:10): JBL has chased away another man. Blade and RD will take the next month to write the third WrestleCrap book which is to be released in eighteen months. RD loves Blade.

Obscure Wrestling News: Paul Ellering has written a book. RD wonders if it'll be available in braille. (:14) Speaking of staying warm with your bitch in the snow... Both Demolition members have signed deals for action figures. (:18) Speaking of Verne Gagne's wad... Brock Lesnar can wrestle in Japan. His girlfriend has a shrunken head. (:21)

GET YER BONDAGE DOLLS!!

Vince McMahon booked God for the next PPV but you know God ain't gonna be there. Sunday is his day off. (:23)

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku (for all you non geeks nerds and poindexters):
E C Dub is back.
Beating a dead horse? More like
banging a dead corpse.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Vern to my Earnest, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Things taste are not ironic, things that are great, things in 3-D popping out at you, fruity balls, staying warm with your bitch in the snow, Verne Gagne’s wad, wad, Verne Gagne’s wad (2), being utterly confused, Francine
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Jaws 3D, George Burns
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 2. George Burns, Al Issacs

• RD Time Outs: 1

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  E C Dub is back.
  Beating a dead horse? More like
  banging a dead corpse.

 

027 Cornmeal Frosties: April 21, 2006

Cornmeal Frosties
(37 minutes)

Blade weighs 240 pounds and puts the vision of himself naked in RD's head.

RD's Trip to the Eye Doctor segment bombs lower than his eyesight. He believes his listeners all live in Unabomber-style shacks. (:02)

There's a new segment, with music: Sad News. (:09) Paul Ellering races Ididerod dogs and he fell asleep and his eyeballs froze. RD wants you to call fine young egg Dave Meltzer in the middle of the night to ask him random wrestling questions. He also calls his teletype machine a FaxTrolla. [A company is born.]

, Mr. Ellering aided a blind woman in the previous year's race.

Obscure Wrestling News (:15): Simon Cowell, producer of some early WWF albums. Blade reveals his Front Yard Boxing Association 'title'. (:20) Speaking of Tatanka's mom's openings... Pat Tanaka is offering Judo lessons. Ivan Koloff is offering Jesus lessons. (:22)

No Question of the Week will be answered this week because both Co-Hosts are lazy.

Trish Stratus exists, but not to Blade who prefers her as a blond. (:25) He would bolt up for an evening for Mickie James instead, who looks like her clone. His mobile phone rings in response against this, which RD doesn't edit out for some reason. RD named his unit Jack and the Curlie Q's. (:30) He also went to Sam Goody's which is going out of business due to overpricing its videos.

Get Ready:
McMah'nism, huh?
May Vince soon be crucified
on a grapefruit tree.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The go cart Mozart to my checking the weather chart, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Not being able to see, doing this blind or deaf or something, Tatanka’s momma’s openings, Hell (2), your grandpappy, grandpappy, nickname for our genitalia, RD’s unit, RD’s penis, RD’s wang, getting away from my penis
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Sam Goody, records, DVDs
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade.

• Debut: Sad News (with music)
  

• Trish Stratus References: 9
• Mickie James References: 3
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  McMah'nism, huh?
  May Vince soon be crucified
  on a grapefruit tree.

 

Image by Neil Sama

026 The He-Man Peep Show: April 14, 2006

The He-Man Peep Show
((( recorded in basement-echo fidelity ))) (38 minutes)

Blade Braxton is live in studio. His lateness prevented them from attending the funeral home Easter Egg Hunt so they watched Cat in the Hat instead. They also saw Slammed. Blade and RD spent time together in a comic book store where Blade had a little accident with his unit.

Thumbs Up, Giant Guy!

RD's and Blade's Trip to the Grocery, now with music (:11): Blade got Boo Berry and King Pedophile cereals.

Obscure Wrestling News: Ken Patera is available for motivational speeches. (:15) Boogeyman was hiding his gimmick during his WrestleMania trip. (:17) Steve McMichael was banned from WrestleMania, most likely due to all the bad angles he's been involved in. Some time is wasted with Candice Michelle and her chiropractic husband just to mention planetchiropractic.com. (:20) The Question of the Week from Angus McCloud regards favorite Mama's Family episodes. (:23) A video store had many unsold copies of Fat Albert: The Movie. Randy Orton was suspended for sixty days.

The Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
RKO is gone.
Shit related? Yeah, for shit-
ting on my Fridays.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Mad Man Jeff to my Dorky manager Jeff, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1.  Little & Sons Funeral Home
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 11. Putting the fun in funeral, Cat in the Hat, that, tripping on acid, giant turds, something that is my thing, dumps (2), homoerotic touching, Jesus, things that are not boring.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 12. Slammed!, David Koresh, tripping on acid, Mama’s Family, Family Feud, Richard Dawson, Movie Gallery, Philip Michael Thomas, Eddie and the Cruisers, Lee Majors, Six Million Dollar Man, Lee Majors
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Ken Patera References: 7

• Question of the Week from: Angus McCloud
  
• With the current state of the WWE and TNA and the uprising of smaller indie feds, such as Ring of Honor and Combat Zone Wrestling, there's one question that still plagues my mind: what's your favorite episode of Mama's Family? Family Feud. 
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Poop is gross.
  RKO is gone.
  Shit related? Yeah, for shit-
  ting on my Fridays.

 

025 Komedy with a capital K: April 7, 2006

Komedy with a capital K
(47 minutes)

Blade's pants are a mystery.

RD says the old inductions mostly suck. Last week's callers were revealed. Heel RD needs to return. Blade and RD will meet for the first time soon.

RD's trip to the hillbilly Wal-Mart (:09): For Blade's arrival, RD has purchased Boo Berry. RD has lost 25 pounds since January 1. RD has been told that there will be an Easter Egg Hunt at a local funeral home, and it's the third annual. (:15) Jokes about hunting for hairy testicles are made.

Eyewitness testimony from Dr. Keith Lipinski that WrestleMania 21 sucked. (:18)

Obscure Wrestling News: Ricky Morton was in a car wreck. (:32) Nikolai Volkoff is attempting to get into politics, but he cannot escape his wrestling past. (:34) RD suggests he team up with the Iron Sheik and do things the old country way. Barry Darsow signed a Legends contract. Question of the Week from Shark Boy Fan: something about leprechauns and toadstools. These questions are really light in being actual 'questions'. (:39)

Not Indianapolis to be sure, but a remarkable simulation.

Blade Brakestown's Wrestling Haiku:
Forget old Conan.
Here's Triple-H as Gonad
the Barbarian.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Xena to my Hercules? Mr. Blade Brakes-town
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Harry Simon as Lee Marshall and John Thomas, Mrs. Deal as Peaches, D. Burgan as Scott Epstein, Dr. Keith Lipinski as Jack Arnold, Chris Thomas as Lang
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Porn that relates to shit-eating, last week's show, STDs, phlegm, Wrestlemania, Triple H looking like a Moe
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. He-Man, King Cobra, Colt 45, Billy D. Williams
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Dr. Keith Lipinski

 

• F-Bombs: 2. Dr. Keith Lipinski (2)

• Trish Stratus References:  2
• Mickie James References:  5
  

• Question of the Week from: Shark Boy Fan
• Hi guys. The other night I had a weird dream in which you and RD were living together. You had a big garden with a huge toadstool, and you ate whilst you were recording WrestleCrap Radio. So I was just wondering if you eat whilst recording your very entertaining radio program. P.S. you were wearing leprechaun outfits. No.
  

 

• Blade Brakestown’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Hunter and the MOTU!!!
  Forget old Conan.
  Here's Triple-H as Gonad
  the Barbarian.

 

(024) Real Time with Real Deal: March 31, 2006

Real Time with Real Deal
(40 minutes)

Alas, Bobby Heenan did not call via Banana Phone

RD and Blade open up the 'phone lines'.

(There's also a 'special edit' of the show by "Superbrawl Psycho" wherein RD and Blade talk to famous WrestleCrap Meme-ers. It's somehow actually funnier than the real thing.)

Long-Winded Haiku:
What a crappy show.
Lee Marshall, dumbass callers.
Yo, April Fools' Day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• The Big Boss Man to my Akeem, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. 1-800 Collect, Chase Meridan Mastercharge
• URLs not taken: 1. DidTheUltimateWarriorDie.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 0.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 5. Peter Gabriel, 1-800 Collect, Boomer Esiason, A-Ha, Big Country, 1-800 Collect (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• "Phone Calls & Run Ins": 11. Lee Marshall, Peaches, Jon Thomas, Scott Epstein, Lee Marshall (2), Jon Thomas (2), Jack Arnold, Jon Thomas (3), Lee Marshall (3), Lane Thomas, Verne Gagne
  

 

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  What a crappy show.
  Lee Marshall, dumbass callers.
  Yo, April Fools' Day.

 

023 WrestleCrap Rumble: March 17, 2006

WrestleCrap Rumble
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (33 minutes)

KILLER BEE NO LONGER
ON THE LOOSE

NBC scheduled Saturday Night's Main Event for 8 P.M. RD has started writing a column for Fighting Spirit magazine in the UK. Wrestlemania's main event makes no sense, but there will be a Boogeyman match. Blade would see it if his bill collectors would not cut into his line.

Obscure Wrestling News: The Trish and James stalker angle has been "spayed and neutered". Candice Michelle used a doppelganger for her Playboy photos. RD mimics (badly) a concerned Israeli mother in Irish falsetto. Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine are reuniting for some show. RD proposes a segment called Wrestling Hard Times. Brian Blair says his career was ended when he tripped in a restaurant recently and not thirty years ago.

The Question of the Week has louder music than usual, and the Dusty Rhodes book still lingers around RD's house. This week from James Cobb: Flava Flav should avoid Boogeyman.

Scott Steiner has a large tattoo. Blade calls Samoa Joe "Carmel Delight Joe". Verne Gagne is going into the Hall of Fame inducted by "Rambo" Greg Gagne. Blade hits the WrestleRock Rumble music.

Seventeen Syllables of Funk:
Verne's been inducted.
Screw Cena's mumble. Here's Verne's
Hall of Fame rumble.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The cousin Luke to my cousin Butch, Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Writing, surprises, Candice, scantily dressed women
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Motley Crüe, Casio keyboard
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Trish Stratus References: 2.
• Mickie James References: 1.
  

• Question of the Week from: James Cobb
  
• Since Wrestlemania is approaching and Vince McMahon has been known to have matches between wrestlers and celebrities, do you think there will be a match at Wrestlemania 22 between clock hatah the Boogeyman and clock lovah Flava Flav? NO.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Funktified Edition
  Verne's been inducted.
  Screw Cena's mumble. Here's Verne's
  Hall of Fame rumble.

022 Saturday Night's Alright For Wrestling: March 10, 2006

Speaking of Verne Gagne masturbating...
(33 minutes)

RD says Vince Russo said they "could have him on anytime". He was also initially going to write a "ToyCrap" book with a man Blade fondly calls a "Fine Young Egg".

Obscure Wrestling News: Sad news: SuperPorky has been cut, along with the WWE midget/juniors/children's division. Blade is full of expletives this week. Johnny Fairplay has tickets to Wrestlemania. Brian Knobbs wants to be a TV judge. Speaking of Verne Gagne masturbating...Chris Kanyon has always been gay. Ricky Morton is finally out of jail.

Question of the Week from Sigma Fan: Matt and Mark Live has been shut down. (Thank God.) Who would you want to see tag team on a reality show next? Juventud Guerrera and Bob Orton were WWE traveling partners and that would be a good reality show, but only if they wore their mask and cast.

Saturday Night's Main Event is back. WWE should release a DVD of the old ones instead. Candice Michelle's Playboy will arrive this month (not safe for work, for obvious reasons).

The Return of Blade Braxton's Wrestling Haiku:
Candice in Playboy.
Another skank in the nude.
Yay, plastic funbags.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Kim Chee to my Kamala, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Toys, clocks (2), time, Hogan Knows Best, Brian Knobbs (2), Verne Gagne masturbating (2), getting pounded in the ass
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

• Question of the Week from: Sigma Fan
• Dear Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Braxton, if it hasn't been brought to your attention yet I'm pleased to announce that Mark and Matt Live has been shut down. (I'm saddened by this.) What two wrestlers would we would like to see do a reality show together and why? Bob Orton and Juventud Guerrera but they have to wear a cast and mask. 
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: 
  Candice in Playboy.
  Another skank in the nude.
  Yay, plastic funbags.
  

021 The Power That Were: February 24, 2006

Vince Russo Interview Part II
(70 minutes)

Vince Russo interview, part two. We focus on his WCW days this time as well as answer a few questions from the audience.

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Sluggo to my Mr. Bill, Mr. Blade Braxton

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Vince Russo

 

 

020 The Power That Be: February 17, 2006

Vince Russo Interview Part I
(57 minutes)

A new WrestleCrap book is being written and it will be in your hands in about eighteen months.

Vince Russo interview, part one. We focus on Vince's time in the WWF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Bart Simpson to my Millhouse, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Hysterical
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Arthur, Dudley Moore
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Vince Russo
  

• Question of the Week from: N/A

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  
  

 

019 Boogeyman M.D.: February 3, 2006

Boogeyman M.D.
(26 minutes)

RD has a cold but he will man-up for all twenty-five minutes of show.

Vince Russo will be a WrestleCrap guest in two weeks.

Obscure Wrestling News: The Viking's son is ranked third in the nation among amateur wrestlers. Tatanka-brand multivitamins sadly do not contain buffalo.

Question of the Week from Dwarf Action (2): Boogeyman should bite more people.

Rey Mysterio Jr won the Royal Rumble, where Goldust and Tatanka came back. He's not going to Wrestlemania however, though Randy Orton is, going up against Kurt Angle. RD remembers when Orton had a bad arm and wore his father's cast.

Seventeen Syllables:
So Edge lost the belt.
He may be Rated R but
his reign gets an F.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Lenny to my Squiggy, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 1. NativeTatankaBuffalo.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Being excited (2), John Nord (2), hot, judging, and
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Ron Jeremy, Dwight D. Eisenhower
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• RD Time Outs: 2
  

• Ashley Massaro References: 4
  

• Question of the Week from: Dwarf Action (2)
  
• Don't you wish the Boogeyman would come to Raw and bite off Ashley's mustache? He should bite more people.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  So Edge lost the belt.
  He may be Rated R but
  his reign gets an F.

018 Announcements: January 27, 2006

Announcements
(31 minutes)

Jameson

Thanks to the snippet of Leonard Nimoy Presents Mr. Spock's Music From Outer Space (the album is awesome by the way, go find it), RD and Blade are geeks, nerds, poindexters. Blade has an autographed photo of Jameson on his wall, maybe the only autographed photo of Jameson in existence. An Announcement: Inductions of WrestleCrap will now occur more than once a month, thanks to the hiring of some new writers.

Obscure Wrestling News: Matt Morgan was arrested for impersonating a police officer in an attempt to pick up women. Zorak/Mantis Girl has been fired. Someone broke into the WrestleMania bus. There must be a huge warehouse of garbage from old WWF gimmicks. The Royal Rumble is this week. RD remembers the time that comedian Drew Carey once participated in it.

The Question of the Week now has a sting of MIDI trumpets from an old and obscure game, which RD says sucks. WWE has given five wrestlers one crappy gimmick (the Spirit Squad). Questioner Erik Majorwitz thinks that crappy gimmick should also involve Katie Vick.

Morning Dew Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
They've got spirit yay.
Spirit Squad's got spirit yay.
They've got spirit gay.

 

RD: "That was the worst ending ever."

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Questioner of the Week Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Gorn to my redshirted Leslie, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Jameson, classics, nerds, cumming on pillows, nerds (2), Spirit Squad, spirits, awful
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Mr. Spock, Boyz II Men
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

• Question of the Week now with trumpets from: Erik Majorwitz
• Since the Spirit Squad debuted, has Vince called you inquiring if you would like to part with the Katie Vick outfit for an upcoming storyline? No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: 2, 4, 6, 8...
  They’ve got spirit yay.
  Spirit squad’s got spirit yay.
  They’ve got spirit gay.
  

 

017 Rated C For Crap: January 20, 2006

Speaking of masturbating with corn oil...
(25 minutes)

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!

RD wanted to vomit with rage after the Colts lost, so he went through his wrestling tapes. The first of WWF's 'Most Outrageous Matches' was Mabel vs Yokozuna. American Idol sucks. RD pitches American Immigrant instead, where people have to perform for a chance to enter the country. I'm surprised Fox hasn't made an attempt at making it yet.

Obscure Wrestling News: Luther Reigns was humiliated at the AVN award ceremony. Some random XPW jobbing couple won some "freedom of speech" award at the ceremony, so Blade distracts us with how he and his friend Don were found having fun with some corn oil. One Night In Chyna was the best-selling porn film last year, which says much about the state of the adult film industry.

Question of the Week needs intro music. Too Cold Matteo's logic question about how the toothless Boogeyman could bite off Jillian Hall's mole leaves Blade speechless.

Heidenreich was fired.

The Haiku:
Run, Run Heidenreich.
Run away. Live to anal
rape some other day.

Blade met Lita once at a car show. That's it. Speaking of going to masturbate with corn oil... 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Star Man to my Fighter Haysbusa, Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 10. Vomiting and rage, you getting busted with corn oil (2), you and corn oil, you, Blade Braxton and corn oil, Blade’s corn hole, good friends of the site, awards, anal rape
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.
  

• Question of the Week from: Too Cold Matteo
• Dear RD Blade, how could the Boogeyman have bitten off Jillian Hall's mole if he has no teeth? No sold.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Heidenreich needs a blue pill?
  Run, Run Heidenreich.
  Run away. Live to anal
  rape some other day.