072 Celebrity Call-In Craptacular: August 10, 2007

Two Year Birthday Party Call-In
(99 minutes)

Second anniversary of the progrem and Blade has lined up three legitimate guests. Sad News: RD is unable to get a hold of Mr. Rourke and Tattoo. RD's neighbor Steve has heard the show and disliked Blade's reliance on swear words. Blade 'apologizes'. It's nice to see him stereotype himself in such a manner.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Kellogg's Cereal Straws. The first trip of this progrem was to the library.

Blade went to a TNA house show in Kansas City and sat near Terry Taylor. He also took a picture of Kurt Angle. "He probably thought I was an alcoholic hobo." (:16)

Clocktrolla: 10124 days. (:20)

A naked Brother Midnight calls. (:26)

Question of the Week from Thorn, though not necessarily a vampire named Kevin. (:42) Chuck Palumbo, one more wrestling biker.

GLOW wrestler Hollywood calls. Moisturizers are discussed. (:46)

Obscure Wrestling News (:62): WWE signed Lacey Von Erich to a developmental contract [which lasts until December]. A Diva Search contestant named Louise Glover thanked Bistro rather than Batista. (:65) Rowdy Roddy Piper will be a GI Joe. After twenty-two years, Cobra has found someone to combat Sgt Slaughter. RD is prophetic for a live action movie. [though sadly he doesn't predict that Destro will be played by the Ninth Doctor. - Future PB]

Ring announcer Fabian Kailen from WSX calls. He's as explosive as the ones on his show. (:69)

WWE Dating Game. (:84) Regal's hair is great. Santino Marella, the spicy meatball. (:87) Supermarket Sweep. Let's Make a Real Deal. (:89) Blade and RD suggest that a midget could play Vince McMahon's seven-year-old son.

This Week's Haiku:
Vince got him some strange.
Thanks to his cheating, now we
get Lance Von McMahon.

WrestleCrap Radio: "Making handfuls of people laugh for two years."

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Happy to my Birthday, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 2. GLOWandGerbils.com, GerbilsandJergens.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Hideous 70s references, fine products from the Trolla Corporation, things comprised of plastic, Let’s Make a Deal
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 5. Ricardo Montalban, Sheena Easton, Hollywood Squares, Supermarket Sweep, Let’s Make a Deal
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Brother Midnight, Hollywood, Fabian Kailen
  

 

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1
• Brother Midnight's Babies: 118
• Wearing Pants: 0
• WSXplosions: 4
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 2

• Question of the Week from: Thorn
  
• Mr. Deal and the Richard Grieco to my Johnny Depp, Blade Braxton, my question's regarding one Chuck Palumbo. First, how many damn bikers have there been in WWF/E? I mean for every Underbiker that actually got over there seems to be a dozen Skulls or Eight-Balls. When are they going to learn that we could care less unless you team him up with Tatanka and the Big Bossman, find a construction worker, and have the Disco Inferno teach them some moves? My other question regarding Chucky P is this: what is the over/under on how long it will take him to be repackaged yet again as another one of Vince's pet gimmicks? My money is on muscley guy in a dress. No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Vince got him some strange.
  Thanks to his cheating, now we
  get Lance Von McMahon.

 

071 Fantasy Booking Island: July 27, 2007

Fantasy Booking Island
(108 minutes)

RD and Blade were on Bryan Alvarez's podcast. Brooke is not "anonymous" but Blade is. Quote he: "Can you imagine if we did a show everyday?"

RD's Trip to Wendy's (:08): Blade's runaway Plymouth Horizon story featuring Don Mason. He is asked to write "The Blade Braxton Story". Wendy's has freaks on their take-out paper bags.

Co-Host Contest Week 18 (:20): Starring Primetime (:25), Tom (:32), Seth (Drakin?) (:41), Ed Salo (:47) and WWE's incorrect and useless trivia book. A recorded message and wrong number sum up the Contest. The auditions are (finally) finished. A "winner" will be announced after the 'tapes' are 'reviewed'. Final Tally: 14 of 24.

Clocktrolla: 10138 days. (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News: Rickey Morton left a show because his tag partner Robert Gibson and his glass eye were making three times as much money. (:53) Blade: "I’d still be cleaning the Jergens off me right now." Tajiri does not want to return to WWE, though no one knows if it has to do with his imprisoned wife. The Zombie managed to beat his opponent last week. Mike Knox is returning to bodyslam the Miz. (:60) Areola is selling her vampire wares. (:63) Blade: "Do you need a good spunk rag or a funk sock?" Jackie Gayda's former boyfriend is looking for an excuse to sell her models by also providing free nude pics. "Good friend of the show" Dan Spivey was arrested for a DUI. Blade considers Dan Spivey a role model. The Horsetrolla has a myspace: (:69) Mickie James will be stage-diving at the Warped Tour. According to Blade, Don Mason's grandfather once stumbled onto a guy fucking a horse.

The Question of the Week segment has returned. (:74) Josh has an idea for a food related tag team. The Dusty Rhodes book is still at WrestleCrap HQ.

Mr Rourke's Fantasy Booking Island, e.g. Fantasy Crap Island. (:79 - :87)

WWE has put Hacksaw and Sandman into a tag team. Hulk will be on QVC hawking the Hogan Grill. (:87) Washed-up famous people choose to sell food-preparation machines because pretty much anything that produces heat can cook food and the instructions are simple: put food in thing, close lid, turn on. It's good masturbation material for Blade though. ("That’s between me and the funk sock.") McMahon is still behind the times, especially when it comes to music. Battle of Kings: Booker vs Jerome Lawler. (:96) RD loved the Hitman vs Doink / Lawler DQ match.

Delayed Haiku:
'Swoggle's a champ. If
SuperPorky doesn't get
a shot, we riot.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Extreme to my Expose, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Figure Four Weekly, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 3. DigitalPheromones.com, soiledwithsemen.com, funksock.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. The exotic types and world tours of love, going around the world getting poontang, the grocery, dramatic, women of WCW, cheap bucks, people about as old as Mr. Rourke, living in the past
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 30. Plymouth Horizon (4), Dodge Omni, Plymouth Horizon (5), Dodge Omni (4), Plymouth Horizon (11), Fantasy Island, Maude, Happy Days, Fantasy Island (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Mr. Roark, Tattoo

 

• F-Bombs: 3. Blade as his mom, Blade (2)

• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Krankor Laughs: 3
• Weird Al Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1

 

• Mickie James References:  6
• Ashley Massaro References:  3
• Shelly Martinez References:  3

• Return: Question of the Week from: Josh
  
• Mr. Mrs. Deal, with Johnny Nitro becoming John Morrison, I was thinking if WWE ever decides to reunite M&M, would they now be called MMM? And if so what are the odds they do a cross-promotional ad campaign for Hungry Man Dinners with Homer Simpson? License to print money! Give my best to Uncle Burt. No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  'Swoggle's a champ. If
  SuperPorky doesn't get
  a shot, we riot.

 

070 Late Night with RD Reynolds: July 20, 2007

Late Night with RD Reynolds
(52 minutes)

Late taping this week, so no Co-Hosss Contest (Week 17). Khali, world champion. Michelle McCool is lovin' life. (:06) Blade: "Um, I really prefer having a penis attached to me." Misses RD writes a Women of Wrestling induction and labels the rest of the staff hacks. The Crickets have names now. Apparently Misses RD killed one of them off.

ARGH ARGH.

Clocktrolla: 10145 days. (:14) Faxtrolla (:19): DDP and Jay-Z settled the diamond cutter hand gesture lawsuit. Sci-Fi wants to make a TV series based on They Live and want Roddy Piper involved. This will not work unless they make space to have him fight Keith David for five minutes on each episode. (:22) WSX went out of business because they had to keep rebuilding the arena. Big Daddy V debuted, with suspenders and giant breasts. (:33) Miz, the ladies man who manages to only attract mannequins. (:37) If someone replaced Anonymous Brooke with someone else would anyone notice? Blade: "Three words:  Damn fine cartwheel." John Morrison won the ECW championship. (:44)

Fifteen-Second Haiku:
No time for losers,
Khali is the champion
of the world. ARGH ARGH.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Great to my Khali, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, Angry Marks
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. Mrs. Deal, fantastic websites, references, giblets, fantastic website, good times, salty, salty sweat in the eye
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Robert Conrad, Bret Michaels
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• WSXplosions: 2
  

• Mailbag: N/A
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  No time for losers,
  Khali is the champion
  of the world. ARGH ARGH.

 

069 Hogan Knows Breast: July 13, 2007

Hogan Knows Breast
(77 minutes)

WWE has many red necks on its roster.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Kaboom bowl blaster should do cross-promotions with Kaboom cereal and the video game Kaboom.

No Co-Host Contest (Week 16) because Blade was too hung-over to reply to the contestants. (:18) If that doesn't summarize the Contest...

Mail Bag: John Thomas has a Myspace page. Spiky900 thinks John and the Repo Man should tag team. (:23) A forum fundraiser for Blade to go out on a lunch date with Mimi has so far raised negative dollars. The Nitro girls have no talent and have some strange names. Neil Parthon listens every week (poor guy). (:32) There are actual Food Jobbers and Meat Jobbers. Someone wanted to sell Blade his old mobile food unit. Chris McGuiness has the show's only good joke today. (:38) Funk Sock. It's spelled FAXTrolla.

Clocktrolla: 10152 days. (:40)

Obscure Wrestling News (:44): RD wants to go all Iron Sheik on Blade and cut promos against him. Teddy Hart, Bret's cousin and formerly of WSX, is heading to WWE to flip all over the ring. (:49) RD and Blade want to go on a dinner date, so RD suggests they go to JR's BBQ restaurant in OK which is close by to former Lion Billy Sim's own one. (:53) WWE Magazine has new features that are similar to WrestleCrap columns. (:57) Shelton should go in search of his momma. The Undertaker has a new $2.7 million building, which is NOT the world's biggest stable. (:63)

Blade: "You know of I were to pass away and like, one of my family members came in there to open that box, can you imagine the sheer horror on their face?"

Blade has sources. (:69)

Seventeen Syllables on Brooke Hogan's Tucans:
Brookester's new boobies.
What, you ask, could be better?
Some bright orange nipples.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Festus to my Jesse, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrap Book of Lists, Global Internet, Angry Marks, KaBoom Bowl Blaster
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. 5 star entertainment, things that suck, Grandmasters, things that are fantastic, someone bought this
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 8. Activision, Atari, KaBoom!, Kaboom Clown, The Fall Guy, Singer, Sears, Dick Clark
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
• Cricket Chirps: 3
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1

• Mailbag
• Spiky900: If John Thomas the infamous bill collector from Chase Meridian Mastercharge and the Repo Man formed a tag team and called themselves the Debtonators, what would their finisher be? I'm thinking they would win most of their matches with a Schoolgirl in Heat rollup. This guy answered his own question.
  
• Neil Parthon: I listen to Wrestlecrap Radio every week. However, on your show from June 6th you made an error. According to some California state statues a quote "food jobber" is indeed an establishment. I quote: "food establishment means any restaurant, vehicle, itinerant restaurant, mobile food preparation unit, vending machine, bakery, food processing establishment, delicatessen, grocery, confectionery, meat market or plant, meat jobber, food jobber, and any other establishment or place or portion thereof maintained, used, or operated for the sole purpose of commercially storing, packaging, displaying, making, cooking, baking, mixing, processing, bottling, canning, slaughtering, or other preparing or handling food or beverage." Who knew that there were not only food jobbers but also meat jobbers? Wrestlecrap Radio: raising the bar with not only obscure wrestling news and comedic jokes, but now you're raising the awareness and frontiers of our fellow crappers' linguistic capabilities and vocabulary prowess. No sold.
• Chris McGuiness: After all the discussion last week about the various Trollas at Wrestlecrap HQ it made me think. In fact I've been pondering this question for a long time since I was lucky enough to be a contestant during the second week of the co-host contest. If you received a gadget that gave you news only about Chris Jericho, would it be called the Ayatolla of Rock 'N' Rolla Trolla? He's good.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Brookester's new boobies.
  What, you ask, could be better?
  Some bright orange nipples.

 

068 The Food Jobber: July 6, 2007

The Food Jobber
(85 minutes)

The Co-Hosts will not be discussing recent events because they're trying so hard just to be 'funny'. (:02)

Angry Marks' new ad copy sadly does away with Mike Jones testicular violence. (:12)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:15): Go-Tarts with creamy filling. Half and Half Pop-Tarts on the other hand don't have that. Hip-Hop Potato Chips from Lil' Romeo. Blade tries "BBQing with my honey" and does not like it.

Co-Host Contest Week 15 (:27): Things have gotten to the point that no one bothers to respond. Next week will be the 'last' week, with essays graded by Blade.

Mail Bag (:32): Ultimate Kennedy (3) wants astronaut wrestlers. RD wants the radio progrem to be on satellite radio. The grocery is termed 'the food jobber'. (:37) A typo is funny for some reason. (:39) The Fabulous Ones were obviously gay, and RD once again states that he is obviously not. Blade: "I’m not fucking Steve Keirn and I’m not banging Stan Lane!"

Clocktrolla

Obscure Wrestling News: Paul Wight wants to box. (:45) The Crickets have a Myspace page. Brother Midnight is coming on the progrem. RD finally updated his links page. Lita has her own radio show, though it's not yet on satellite radio. (:51) Take Magnificent Mimi out on a lunch date. (:54)

Clocktrolla: The Trolla Corporation has sent to RD a device to count down the days Candace Michelle has left to break Moolah's record title reign. Only 10,159 days left. (:60)

McMahon is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with Susan "Uh Oh" St. James. (:70) Marella lost his belt. Super Crazy screwjob.

Blade: "I would only hope if something ever happened to me they would send you a BladeTrolla."

Seventeen Dildo-Free Syllables:
She thinks she's Hennig.
Michelle McCool is abso-
lutely not perfect.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Yankee Doodle to my Dandee, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrap Archive DVD, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap Book of Lists
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Unleashing the floodgates of laughter, shilling, Pop Tarts, well structured letters, seeing boxes
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Europe’s Final Countdown, Bill Hickey, Bee Gees, Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Bryan Adams, J.Geils Band
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 3. Blade, Blade, Blade

• ClockTrolla Chimes: 3
• Entertain The People: 1
  
• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
• Susan St. James Uh Ohs:  22
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  

 

• Lita References: 5

 

• Mailbag
• Ultimate Kennedy (3): Dear RD and Blade, are you guys surprised that in all the history of bad ideas in wrestling, there hasn't been any astronaut gimmicks yet in wrestling? The guy could clomp around to the ring in moon boots, carry an astro blaster to blow away the babyfaces? Yes, an EVIL wrestling astronaut. Also RD, being a fan of The Simpsons, do you remember the episode where Mr. Burns needs Lisa's help to get his money back by recycling? Mr. Burns at one point goes to the grocery store which he calls "The Food Jobber". Is this obscure wrestling news due to the jobber reference? You should make it RD's Trip to the Food Jobber. I have to look into that.
  
• Anonymous: Hey RDizzle and Blade, what wrestler do you think is overrated and given way too big of a push? My choice would be John Cena. He reminds me of a skinner in a way more talented belt hogging P.N. News. Call me old fashioned even though I'm only 21 but that spinner belt pisses me off! No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Spit and slap the chewing gum walk off.
  She thinks she's Hennig.
  Michelle McCool is abso-
  lutely not perfect.

067 No Old Country Way for Old Men: June 22, 2007

Don with Corn oil for the Iron Sheik
(94 minutes)

Brother Midnight wears no pants, making him Blade's long lost brother.

RD doesn't like Stephanie McMahon. He is completely incorrect regarding this issue.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: Sad News: rumor has it that Kellogg's will purge its cartoon characters. (:17) Blade sings the Yummy Mummy jingle. Also he has some "Big Announcement": He wants to make a bet on when the Colts and Lions play on August 25th.

Co-Host Contest Week 14: (:23) RD is 'stunned' by a woman (Kelly) on the line. She will win this pointless, horrible charade. 12 of 22.

Mail Bag (:35): Seth Drakin (2) thinks the Burger King may be King Pedophile's long lost brother. The Burger King veggie burger sucks. Robert Conrad memories. RD goes into the WC Forum and brings back a question about Wendy Richter from WrestleMania I: Does the Iron Sheik have weird sex habits? (:42) Fabulous Moolah has a very scary action figure.

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): There's a Tribute to RD Reynolds on Youtube. The Crickets have a Myspace page. Lord Alfred offers free balling. His daughter contacted Blade recently. Years ago, the Blue Meanie was involved with WrestleCrap.com. He is now selling Meanie sauce. (:55)

WSX has stripped its only champion of his belt despite not having made an episode for many months. (:58) The Zombie is back in the ring. (:62) TNA's complexity is killing itself. (:66) RD starts talking about Mark Twain for some reason.

WWE has ordered referees to not act like buffoons, which involves fining them. (:70) Candice Michelle has a small nose. ECW got the Boogeyman. (:76) Blade's friend Don (who likes beating off with corn oil) does not believe they kill off actual live worms. (:78) This is an excuse as any to remember American Starship Eagle and Coyote. Rumors abound that the Iron Sheik may be on TV, which is an excuse for RD to play sound clips. (:83) Interminable Raw.

Seventeen Big Syllables:
Big Steph's in the house.
Oops, sorry, meant to say she's
as big as a house.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Brother to my Midnight, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap DVD Rom, Meanie Sauce
• URLs not taken: 1. ChuckWooleryPullsAChain.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 14. Fascinating, beating off with corn oil, making a porno movie, proud sponsors of WrestleCrap Radio, madness from things you get at the grocery store, fellow crappers, folks, battery and like battery acid, things that won’t fly, reverse licenses to print money, the Rubix cube of wrestling, people obsessed with anuses, things that are no longer funny, evil witches
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Kentucky Fried Movie, Chuck Woolerly, Love Connection, Robert Conrad
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 7. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade

• Blade Burps: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 2
  
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
  
• Zombie Growls: 2
  

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 3

 

• Mailbag
• Seth Drakin (2): I know you've talked about King Pedophile and the Crackhead Boo Berry. What are your thoughts on the King from Burger King? What would happen if he popped up out of the blue like a stalker and he gave you one of the Burger King's meals? Would you either a) take his gift and don't bother with him stalking you, b) call the police and have the guy arrested, or would you beat and maim the bastard till he goes away once and for all? Inquiring minds want to know! No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Big Steph's in the house.
  Oops, sorry, meant to say she's
  as big as a house.
  

066 Rest In Pieces, McMahon: June 15, 2007

Rest In Pieces, McMahon (The 2007 WCR Draft)
(79 minutes)

Sad News: Vince McMahon's limo exploded. Even Sadder News: RD does not want a 12 foot penis.

RD's "Trip" to the Grocery (:13): a toothbrush that plays music. Blade's bad Miss Elizabeth impersonation.

WWE sends WCHQ the Draftrolla. (:13)

Draft #1: Rob Conway drafted to Burger King. Imagine the slogan.

Co-Host Contest Week 13: awful. Chris "Krankor" Waters (:22) and Travie "Journey" Yak (:26) deliver McMahon eulogies. 11 of 21.

#2 Tatanka (Buffalo) drafted to the Big Wampum Casino. (:32) Shane and Pat Patterson walk into a bar...

Mail Bag: some question the validity of the news that Vince has died.

#3 Justin Credible drafted to Target. (:37) RD used to write for Fighting Spirit magazine.

Obscure Wrestling News: "Our favorite Big Nippled Vampire" Areola wants be called Coffin Kitten. (:45) The Co-Hosts want to give other bad names to her instead. Candice Michelle bondage pics on the internet. (:49) Blade and RD are at their best when they talk about pornography. Batman's Robin's Burt Ward (and his large penis) will appear at an indy show. (:52) Sid Vicious wants back in WWE.

Horsetrolla: Mickie James' box was flooded. (:54) Francine is taking orders for custom girl on girl matches on DVD. (:62)

#4 Robecca DiPietro drafted to Francine's new video company. (:68)

Seventeen Syllables That Do Not Come with Fire Extinguisher As Illustrated:
Rest in Peace, Vinny.
Sadly, your grapefruits were not
fire-retardant.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap.com DVD-Rom
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 13. Shirt one, shirt (2), Verne Gagne masturbating, Scott Hall’s pubic hair, beating of with corn oil, nipples (3), men that are giant, men who aren’t dead but their careers are, tardy
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Bee Gees, Press Your Luck, Burt Ward, Bobcat Goldwaidt
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Jeep Swenson

• Krankor Laughs: 4
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 5
  
• Shelly Martinez References: 6

 

• Mailbag: N/A
  

• Draft Picks
• Rob Conway to Burger King
• Tatanka to Big Wampum Casino (Sioux Falls, SD)
• Justin Credible to Target Store #631 (Poughkeepsie, NY)
• Rebecca DePetro to Francine’s Video Company
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Rest in Peace, Vinny.
  Sadly, your grapefruits were not
  fire-retardant.

 

065 RVD Concussion Syndrome: June 1, 2007

Same Feeling As Listening To This Show

RVD Concussion Syndrome
(84 minutes)

Blade is a member of the Raw fan nation. Blade walked into a slanted ceiling. Those two incidents are (hopefully) not related.

Blade: "Not like me slurring in this show is an alien concept."

Blade's Trip to the Grocery (:12): Hamburger Doritos X-13D have an 'interesting' Big Mac flavor, particularly when combined with Diet Coke Plus. Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky is best eaten naked. "But don't!" Blade's eating sounds like a horse's.

Co-Host Contest Week 12: geeks, nerds, and poindexters. (:21) Chris Engler has one question about the Big Show while playing the WWE Roleplaying Game. 9 of 19. RD promises to put the too-long Contest out of its misery in July.

Mail Bag: (:32) Raging Demons is worried about Kane and May 19th. RD has caught up with 2003 by getting a Myspace page. Ultimate Kennedy (2) thinks Trish Stratus is today's current "poontang ATM". (:38) Blade responds with his bad Miss Elizabeth impersonation. [The first of many.] Blade saw Gorgeous George stripping.

Obscure Wrestling News (:44): Jimmy Hart, throwback UHF channel movie host. Blade reminisces about some Kansas City Chiefs Announcer doing bad horror jokes. Extreme's Play with Me, the WCR intro, will be on Guitar Hero '80s Edition. Goldust no-showed a tribute show for Bad News Brown. (:54) Sad News: Aereola was fired because Vince was once again behind the times. (:57) Scotty 2 Hotty was fired after sixteen years with WWE...which was something they mentioned last week. This show sure is repetitive. Also it's Krankor's birthday. (His birthday wish is for his weapons to be effective against that Prince of Space so he will be a horrible example for anyone who opposes him.)

The WrestleCrap Archive will be available on DVD-ROM soon. (:66) The WrestleCrap Carnival Wrestling Show idea looks remarkably similar to the upcoming Saturday Night Main Event. (:68)

Another WWE draft is scheduled despite the fact that any wrestler can go to any show at any time for no reason. (:70) One Night Stand pudding match. (:72) Blade responds with his bad Bill Cosby impression. [The first of many.] RVD concussion syndrome is very entertaining, particularly when it causes symptoms of looking hypnotized while moving your mouth blandly like Billy Bass. (:75)

Tribute to My New Favorite Wrestler:
RVD's concussed.
He got kicked in his dome. Man,
I'm feeling woozy.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The con to my -cussion, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, WrestleCrap Book of Lists
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Hulk Hogan doing a horrible rap, pants, pants or lack thereof, Ludwig Borga, licenses to print money, things I don’t understand
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 18. Naked Gun, Reggie Jackson, Jeff Foxworthy, Little House on the Prairie, Big Wheel (2), Eazy-E, Big Wheel (3), MySpace (7), Dan Quayle, Murphy Brown, Tim Conway, Mother From Good Times
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Krankor

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade, Blade, Blade, Blade
  

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 3
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 2 
• You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 3
• GGG Bombs: 3
  

 

• Trish Stratus References: 4
  
• Shelly Martinez References: 5

 

• Mailbag
• Raging Demons: OK I've got a question for you. Since we're in the month of May, are you afraid that if you or Blade say May 19th, that Kane will show up and kick your asses? I've been saying May 19th all month and so far no Kane. No sold.
  
• Ultimate Kennedy (2): A few weeks ago on your show you and Blade both talked about Miss Elizabeth's poontang shooting out $100 bills. The question is if Trish Stratus could do this would you then stalk her? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  RVD's concussed.
  He got kicked in his dome. Man,
  I'm feeling woozy.

 

064 A Storm of Words: May 25, 2007

Lance Storm Interview
(78 minutes)

Jim Cornette impressions. Smooth Jazz Blade disconnects. Invasion. Boring Lance Storm. Dancing with a large penis. 'Nuff said.

(From Wrestlecrap.com)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Calgary...to my Alberta, Canada, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Steve Austin
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Atari 2600, Outlaw, Arthur Murray
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Lance Storm
  

• F-Bombs: 3. Lance Storm
  

063 Here Craps The Judge: May 18, 2007

Masters of the Ghetto
(77 minutes)

Behold! Ghetto Amusement Park:

"He-Man"...	..."Skeletor"...	...and "Man-At-Arms"!

Karate Kid memories. Blade talks about meeting Ghetto He-Man while mocking cripples. (He stands up for them.)

RD's Trip...To Jury Duty! (by RVM Kai)

No Co-Host Contest (thankfully). Instead we have RD's Trip to Jury Duty where he was chosen to read the verdict in his radio voice. (:18)

Mail Bag (:30): Disco Bonfire wants Randy Orton to kick Mike Jones in the testicles. Sadly for OTG (3) Kevin Thorne will not give birth, not even to a bat baby. Krankor speaks in protest. (:33) Per Jason, RD plays a cover of Beach Patrol. (:38) Fraggle reference.

Obscure Wrestling News (:40): Maestro has opened a wrestling school. Jason Molestation shoots from the ass. (:44) RD is selling his Wrestlefest arcade game. Horsetrolla: A lot of people don't have farms. Mickie James is looking for people to ride her horses. (:51)

Victoria owns her own pizza shop. Santino Marella now hails from New Jersey. (:58) Rumor has it that Ludvig Borga did a 9/11 rap. (:61)

TNA has adopted a mascot... a kangaroo named Stomper. Blade wants to know its gender. (:62) Speaking of disasters... TNA is releasing a DVD entitled TNA: Year One.

Could Gene Snitsky be feuding with John Cena? (:68) Blade says it took fifteen years to replace Giant Gonzales with Khali. Rob Conway, 2Cold Scorpio, and Sabu were fired. (:70) Sabu showed up to a taping without his wrestling gear.

This Week's Wrestling Haiku:
Sabu without pants.
Gimmick infringement. My law-
yers will be in touch.

RD promises his first question for Lance Storm will be about his penis.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The TNA Stomper to my Wildcat Willie, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Hulk Hogan doing a horrible rap, pants, pants or lack thereof, Ludwig Borga, licenses to print money, things I don’t understand
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. MySpace, Rob Conway
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 1. Blade
  

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 2
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 1
  
• Shelly Martinez References: 1

 

• Mailbag
• Disco Bonfire: Due to Randy Orton punting Shawn Michaels in his sexy boys, should he get his nickname changed to The Testicle Killer? And if so, could Randy "The Testicle Killer" Orton versus Mike Jones headline Wrestlemania 24? No sold.
  
• OTG: Last night before I went to sleep, a question popped into my head leaving me baffled. With your expertise in Wrestlecrap, you're the only one I knew to turn to for an answer. So my question is this: if Kevin Thorne and Ariel were to make whoopie, and give birth to a bouncing baby vampire, when Ariel went to breastfeed the demon child, would it go straight for the milk much like Blade would if he met Linda Hogan? Or would the baby instead try to suck out Ariel's blood? If the answer is in fact the latter, what would happen if it bit into Ariel's silicone? Would it grow massive funbags of its own? Would it spit the silicone in Kevin Thorne's face in a comedic manner? Would it gain superpowers? To paraphrase the great Stevie Ray, this sucka's gots to know! Krankor: This is the end for you. You'll be a horrible example for anyone who opposes me.
• Jason: After listening to last week's outro featuring the Great Khali rapping, it got me to thinking. Seeing as how the upcoming match of Cena versus Khali is guaranteed to be a negative star affair, wouldn't you rather see them settle their differences by having a freestyle rap off in the middle of the ring? 100% yes.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Sabu without pants.
  Gimmick infringement. My law-
  yers will be in touch.
  

062 Smooth Jazz Blade: May 11, 2007

Smooth (Overnight) Jazz Blade
(87 minutes)

A new (temporary) broadcasting set-up gives Blade the better mic, and the respect he is due. RD has booked Lance Storm for May 25.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:11): Chex Mix 100-calorie packs. Incredible Hulk house-building board game. Trivial Pursuit Pop Tarts. Spicy mustard kettlecorn popcorn does not agree with Blade's stomach.

There are no photos of people actually playing this game.

Co-Host Contest Week 11 (:23): Forrest George wants to wear Scott Hall's pubic hair as a wig. 8 of 18.

Wrestling Dream Analysis segment returns. (:33) RD gets a room with Scott Hall. Blade is again useless.

Mail Bag (:37): Jay Gorham, not Alien Ham. A failed attempt to punch Mike Jones in the balls. Joyce DeWitt at a comic convention for some reason. Travie Yak wants another book to be written with X-Entertainment's Matt (:44). RD took a lady to see Short Circuit and did not "get any."

(by RVM Kai)

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): Bill Goldberg's direct-to-DVD movie, Half Past Dead 2, will be released in May. Test has swollen tonsils and lost 25 pounds. Kelly Kelly had to drive him to the hospital, yet another in his long line of women. (:55) Carmella married QB Jeff Garcia. (:61) Dawn Marie says she was fired from WWE because she is pregnant. Blade confuses RD by wanting to see pregnant women dance around in the ring. "Not that I believe in abortion." (:64) Gene Snitsky now has giant green teeth. (:67) London and Kendrick held tag belts for a year and Steve Austin doesn't know who they are. (:70) RD wants more old angles repeated, per Jim Cornette's seven-year rule. WWE is making Divas dress less provocatively. (They had been doing it just for fun.) Discussion about The Karate Kid: Blade mentions meeting William Zabka aka "Johnny". (:79)

Blade sings a song to all the Divas he's loved before. (:82)

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The torn biceps to my torn triceps, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com, X-Entertainment
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Giant dongs, Scott Hall’s pubic hair (2), Mrs. Deal, champions though, Snitsky
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 7. Madonna, Bob Geldof, Silly Putty, Short Circuit, Johnny 5, Cobra Kai, Casio keyboard
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 4
• Cricket Chirps: 7

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 2

 

• Mailbag
• Jay Gorham: HEY RD! This is Drunk Jay Walker, long time listener, LONG TIME CRAPPER! I have a question? Do you think Mr. Mike Jones uses his old WWE noseguard as a jockstrap to be used against getting punched in the balls? Last summer I had a change to meet Mr. Jones at a comic book convention and was unfortunately unable to punch him in the balls. He left his booth to go flirt with the old dames from Three's Company. When I was six years old I punched a sweaty fat guy in a Spider-man costume in the gut. Does that count? Am I redeemed? Did I compensate for my tragic loss? Maybe.
  
• Travie Yak: I don't really have a wrestling question, but I figure that's just fine because you guys don't talk about it anymore. Not that I mind, mind you, as I enjoy your trips to the grocery store, as I work in one. ANYWAYS, my question has to do with two of my favorite websites. One of course is wrestlecrap.com and the other is x-entertainment.com. I remember you mentioned some time ago that you planned to write a book with Matt from X-E but nothing came of it. I was curious to know if you're still in contact with Matt these days and do you think you two will ever do a collaboration together? Have you ever thought of having him as a special guest on WrestleCrap Radio? Johnny Five style.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: N/A
  

 

061 Botany Crap Radio: May 4, 2007

Botany Crap Radio
(77 minutes)

Wikipedia reported that RD was dead in his bathtub, waiting to be discovered by his neighbors. (I didn't even know he was sick.)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): RD's infant kicked him in the crotch and laughed repeatedly. RD won't eat his fruit brethren.

Co-Host Contest Week 10 (:20): Erik Majorwitz all the way from Germany gets cut off by DIGILADY!!! But he manages to do his Great Khali. 7 of 17.

Mail Bag (:34): Stuart Neil's wrestling names. Arthur Pinkham. Alien ham. (:37) Don't write, "the WWE," it's just WWE. Italian guy Santino Marella (a Canadian) won the Intercontinental Championship. (:44) RD remembers when wrestlers were billed from Japan.

Obscure Wrestling News (:49): Jason Sensation says he was fondled often by WWF agents. Jason Sensation looks like a younger and much uglier Christopher Walken. Ivory has a dog center. Hulk faced Paul the Great, not Big Show. He should've been Paul Bunyan. (:60) The Condemned tanked. RD and Blade reminisce about Stone Cold's non-wrestling segments after Owen Hart injured him. (:63) John Amos frightens RD. Robert Conrad's shoulder battery. Undertaker is injured.

ECW champion Vince McMahon. (:70)

Twelve Syllables Plus Five Syllables:
Vince is champ again.
Could things get any worse? Yes.
Great Khali, champion.

Outro: Going Back to Khali parody song.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Great Khali impersonator Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Rest to My Peace, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 9. Punching Mike Jones in the nut sack, punching Virgil in the nut sack, plants, Chef Boyardee, the Big O (2), depression medication, things that do not have legs, urination in wrestling
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 1. Robert Conrad
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 1. Mama from Good Times

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Digilady

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
• Cricket Chirps: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 2

 

• Mailbag
• Stuart Neil: Love the show and of course the website. If you had to change your name to that of a wrestler's ring name, who would you choose? Would you choose something sounding normal like Chris Benoit, something obscure like Flex Cabana, something that makes you sound important like Baron von Rashcke, or would you go the full distance and change your name to Damien Demento and dress like him every day? Blade as Mr. Wrestling 2.
  
• Arthur Pinkham: Hey RD and Blade, I was wondering about something. On Raw last week, they had a plant playing an Italian fan in Milan Italy, who won the Intercontinental title from Umaga. My question is if you were hired by the WWE and were a plant and WWE had you challenge a current WWE champion, which champion would that be and what country of origin would you claim to be from? A little town in France.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Vince is champ again.
  Could things get any worse? Yes.
  Great Khali, champion.

060 Don't crap over spilled milk: April 27, 2007

Take Your Vitamins, Brother!

Nuts, Jugs, & Broomsticks
(86 minutes)

RD unjustly accuses Blade Braxton of wanting to milk Linda Hogan's udders.

We waste some time with innuendo of lubing a penis before sticking it in.

RD proposes a WrestleCrap Carnival for the crappers with midget tossing and Mike Jones testicles dunk tanking. (:13)

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:15): Coke Plus has been unleashed. RD doesn't want his carbon sugar water to have minerals and vitamins. RD and Blade drink a sickening amount of milk every week. RD had leaky milk at Wal-Mart. This angers Blade for some reason.

Co-Host Contest Week 9: taking it easy. (:24) A debate rages with David Schnatz over Tatanka (Buffalo). Blade makes a saving throw for a contestant. Ramses responses with farting sounds. (:36) 6 of 16.

Mail Bag: boring. (:43) Puff Master Mark is sad that CM Punk does not tag team with the Sandman in the style of The Odd Couple. Eric Majorwitz (3) inquires into Randy Baer's whereabouts. Perhaps he's with the Beverly Hillbillies? (:46) Seth Drakin wants a Dukes of Hazzard tag team. (:47)

Obscure Wrestling News: Nidia gave birth to Lilith Fae Dal Bosco. (:48) Blade is NOT the father. Lita does not look like a man up close. WWE beverages, Raw Attitude and Slammin Citrus, (no Smackdown Punch) will hit Wal-Mart shelves on May 15. (:54) Sean O'Haire is still in jail after a bar fight. David Lee Roth impressions.

RD: "I wanna recap the show so far. We've talked about Brooke Hogan getting it with a broomstick, talked about Linda Hogan's leaky milk jugs, Virgil Vincent Mike Jones getting the Thousand Jap Slap into the genitals, and now we're talking about doing a show where Blade Braxton impersonates RD Reynolds impersonating David Lee Roth doing Yankee Rose Wrestling News. I will say this for the show: I promise you that no other wresting radio show covers that broad a spectrum."

Horsetrolla (:62): Mickie James is considering posing for Playboy. Hulk said he'd smoke massive doobage. (:68) Hulk vs Lawler has become Hulk vs Paul Wight.

Every match on TNA Lockdown was a cage match, with extra stipulations. (:71) One was a blindfold match and the blindfolds kept slipping. Last year there was a match on top of a cage.

Randy Orton was sent home. (:77) Blade is constantly gonged for his bad singing. HHH was riding a horse named Butterscotch. The Condemned premieres this weekend.

Milked-Out Seventeen Syllables:
Nathan Jones, Condemned.
Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
tamin D'ed your ass.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by not-Beverly Hillbilly Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Brooke to my Linda, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Lube, chemicals that cause cancer in laboratory rats, milk
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Dr. Quinn, Quincy M.D.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 8
• Cricket Chirps: 1

 

• Mickie James References: 2
• Trish Stratus References: 2
  

 

• Mailbag
• Puff Master Mark: Are you as sad as I am that CM Punk did not join the ECW Originals so he could form a tag team with the Sandman? They could be called The Odd Couple 2000 and Punk could follow the Sandman during his entrance and pick up his tossed beer cans with an umbrella. Mad props for being older than RD and Blade.
  
• Erik Majorwitz (3): Your comment on Jethro bowls of cereal got me thinking of The Beverley Hillbillies. The character that played Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies was Max Baer Jr., son of boxing champ Max Baer. Your co-author from Wrestlecrap was Randy Baer. Any relation between the two? Not to my knowledge. What is he up to? It's like he just vanished.
  
• Seth Drakin: Would you mark for Jamie Noble and Jimmy Yang Wang teaming up to be a Dukes of Hazzard tag team? And if it ever happened who would you want to be their Daisy Duke-type manager? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Nathan Jones, Condemned.
  Jones 3:16 -- I just Vi-
  tamin D'ed your ass.
  

059 In four words or less: April 13, 2007

In four words or less
(85 minutes)

RD posted a new Jobber of the Week (est. 2003), the first one not written by Blade Braxton.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:04): green Rice Krispies treats. Shrek has gone too far. Blade wants to convert some big blue mailboxes into Star Wars characters other than R2D2, but I can't really tell because he rambles a lot.

Global Internet has written a letter chastising RD and Blade for saying their websites give guaranteed free sexual services. (:10) The new sponsor Angry Mark's ad copy wants you to kick Mike Jones in the balls.

Co-Hosss Contest Week 8: simple questions for Josh Van Meiter (:17), Danny Franchise (:26), and Rudy (:32). "I don't know" gets you gonged. 5 of 14 currently.

Vince Verhei

Mail Bag (:37): John Nelson (AKA Ultimate Kennedy) reminds us of Blade's lust for Linda. RD wants evidence. Theo from Salisbury's question about penises is broken down by logic. (:42) RD reads my gay letter and calls me gay. [Punk's Junk](:47) Blade is allegedly itching for a fight with Bryan Alvarez's Co-Host Vince Verhei. "That’s why I’ve been laying down!" (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News (:53): Larry Zbysko was in a porno decades ago. Blade: "Is he banging Kathy Gagne doggystyle?...You've never wanted to see Kathy Gagne butt-ass naked?" RD unjustly accuses Blade of having fantasies of Linda Hogan. Some random person (Roni Jonah) wants breast implants and needs your charity to do so. Horsetrolla: Mickie James 'is wearing different pants'. That's it. (:60) The Four Hosemen DVD was excellent, particularly with Paul Roma in it. (:65) RD dreams of Ric Flair taking out his penis and swinging it around. Kelly Kelly is doing random handstands in the ring because she cannot seem to escape it. Disco Inferno was arrested for having a casino in his basement. (:72)

Blade: "You’ve never jerked off to a hand spring?"

RD doesn't find chicks dancing on ECW to be hot.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
CM Punk turned heel.
He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
shew honk-shew honk-shew.

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Paul Roma to my Jim Powers, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 1. BladeBraxtonWantsBoobies.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 12. Gross things, tie-ins (2), sponsors dropping shows, cream for a gong finger, men with little bags, uh, uh being offensive and offending people, things you can find it you look around enough, such, people who look they were melting, people who are melting
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 0.
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 2. Blade
  

• RD Time Outs: 1
• Krankor Laughs: 1
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 1
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• Cricket Chirps: 2
• GGG (Gary Glitter Gay) Bombs:  1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 3

 

• Mailbag
• John Nelson [AKA Ultimate Kennedy]: Dear RD and Blade, has Blade been able to live down his fantasies about Linda Hogan? I hope so! Trust me, I'm not offended but that was sick. I always thought Colette Foley was much lovelier and married to a cooler wrestler, BROTHER! Have a great day, and don't forget RD that new classic superstar Bob Backlund figure is almost upon us. Blade: No.
  
• Theo from Salisbury: I've got two questions. The first one's for Mr. Blade Brakestown. How much do you weigh? 235. Second question is for both. Would you let a surgeon remove your penis if you became the most successful wrestler of all time? RD: No need to. Blade: Yes.
  
• JR [Farmer Iggy, The Original WrestleCrap Radio Historian]: I believe I'm the only one who saw Punk's Junk pop out and back into his speedos during a Raw match with Lenny Dykstra in Chicago a few weeks ago. If you're curious, it's about one minute into the video posted at dailymotion.com. I'm not going to ask you if Punk is circumcised or not but I did want to ask: am I gayer for noticing it, or gayer for telling you about it? Nice new soundbite we have here. We'll offend a lot of people this way.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  CM Punk turned heel.
  He's New Breed. He's honk-shew honk-
  shew honk-shew honk-shew.
  

058 "Worst Show Ever": April 6, 2007

What's The PIN?!

"Worst Show Ever"
(79 minutes)

A second sponsor is teased. (:08)

Blade's RD was on speed. RD had to wash his mouth after being Blade.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:10): the world's worst cashier aims for two items per bag. Rachel Ray looks to be sprayed with Smile-X. (She's definitely the poor man's Harley Quinn.)

Co-Hosss Contest Week 7 (:20): Joseph Hassan cheats by talking too softly and once being called by Todd Pettingill. Speaking of gone to hell...Tally: 5 of 11.

Mail Bag (:31): Buckbee Suarez is confused by human anatomy. So is Blade. RD declines to read any more emails so he looks at a tortilla painting instead. (:36)

Vince McMahon tried to hide his bald head on Raw, leading to the question by Gallon697 on the forums of what hat he should wear. (:38) It is answered by a random segue into the old days where Miss Elizabeth had a poontang ATM. (:46) Carriage cam. RD likes The Simpsons. Goonies references. RD threatens Blade with the Outro Soundbite. Only now am I questioning my sanity.

RD discusses the Best of RD DVD and someone's failed attempt to review it, particularly the scene of someone being hit by a car going 5 miles per hour. (:54)

Obscure Wrestling News 60 minutes in: WWE gave the First Lady a world championship belt. Elijah Burke is wearing Ariel's clothes. (:63) Spoilers got out before WrestleMania about Hunter looking like a scarecrow and attempts to make the show actually good. Blade did not see any of that of course. Old timers dancing backstage. (:70)

Seventeen Blacklash Syllables:
WrestleMania.
It was All Grown Up. Backlash
tag line: All Thrown Up.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The bro to my jive soul, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 5. Other food items, things going to hell, beautiful women, things that should ship with beer, man-woman action
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Big Wheel, Aqua Fresh
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• F-Bombs: 4. Blade
  

• Entertain the People: 1
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• RD False Finishes: 1
  

 

• Shelly Martinez References: 1
• Mickie James References:  1

 

• Mailbag
• Buckbee Suarez: I have a question. I was wondering why they called John Cena's move the Five Knuckle Shuffle when you only have four knuckles on each hand? RD: "How many knuckles do you have?" Blade: "Three."
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  WrestleMania.
  It was All Grown Up. Backlash
  tag line: All Thrown Up.
  

(057) Dream Anal-Raping: April 1, 2007

They'rrreee "Not" Great!

The Dream Analysis Episode
(34 minutes)

Dreams are happening. It's Bizarro world. John Thomas calls. Lee Marshall's Trip to the Grocery. Lord Alfred, heel. B.M. Punk. Fuck, you know?

John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
He never pays his damn bills.
But no man escapes I, John Thomas.

RD and Blade plug their appearance on Thank Tonto It's Friday.

The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
Wrestlemania.
All Grown Up? Give me some und-
-erage WWF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• April Fools
  
• The Bizarro to my Superman, Mr. Blade Braxton
• The Harvey the Wonder Hamster to my Richard Gere, the one and only Mr. Blade Brakestown
  
• Sponsors: 11. Global Internet, Yipes Stripes Fruit Striped Gum, SugarDaddy, The Home Doctor Kit, Stetson Cologne, Mr. Freeze Freeze Pops, Better Enemies Cereal, WWE Diva Flavored Ice Cream, Kelly Kelly’s book, Microsoft Excel, Thank Tonto It’s Friday
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Ghoulies
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Troma Films, Ghoulies, C.H.U.D., Cheryl Ladd
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 5. Bizarro RD, Bizarro Blade, John Thomas, Lee Marshall, John Thomas (2), John Thomas (3), BM Punk

• F-Bombs: 15. RD as Bizarro Blade (7), Blade, Blade (2), Blade (3), Bizarro Blade 4 (11), Blade (4)

• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1

 

• Ashley Massaro References:  2
• Mickie James References:  1

 

• Blade Braxton's John Thomas' Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Blade Deadbeat Brakestown.
  He never pays his damn bills.
  But no man escapes I, John Thomas.
  
  

• The Very Special Tonto Haiku:
  Wrestlemania.
  All Grown Up? Give me some und-
  -erage WWF.