RD Reviews the "WWE Network" on YouTube

It's been mentioned on the latest episode of Wrestlecrap Radio so...(Whoops!)

Raging_Demons here once again, yes the OTHER RD, here to take a look at the potential pile of...Oh who I am kidding here. It is a pile of Wrestlecrap waiting to be inducted which is the "WWE Network's" new bunch of shows on the YouTube. Now for those of you that don't know or are too lazy to click on the link [or check the summary about it below this post - PB] WWE's cable network called (creatively enough) "WWE Network" has been delayed; but they decided that the show, or in this case SHOWS, will go on by putting some of the planned programming on their YouTube account. Deal already covered one of their steaming piles of crap but what about the other ones? The ones that'll give you nightmares like anything else WWE releases, & trust me about WWE & their entertainment programming since "See No Evil" gave me too many nightmares of Kane playing "pocket pool" in front of that one chick. So without any further delays let's take a look at what WWE has to offer.

1. "Santino Marella's Foreign Exchange"

Hey lookie here. Santino Marella gets his own "man on the street" show & let me tell you it BLOWS! Mostly the show lets Santino try to create the funny which is in essence is a bad idea because these type of shows aren't funny at all to begin with. Then you add Santino trying to bring his show into WWE continuity, which is shown by the most recent episode with Santino trying to be serious with the rest of the WWE roster either not going along with it or in Daniel Bryan's case sticking to his character & pooping all over it like drinking the water in Mexico; then what you have is a really bad show. If you want a funny "man on the street" show go watch Comedy Central's "Jon Benjamin Has A Van".

2. "WWE Backstage Fallout"

Basically this is an "After The Show" show that's been getting popular thanks to "AfterBuzzTV" & TNA as well. If you want to watch it go ahead but honestly I think it's a waste of time to watch shows like these if the main show didn't make you happy afterwards. I mean, is there anything else you have to learn from this week's show by having Primo & Epico claim they are awesome yet again?

3. "WWE Presents"

Basically this is WWE's attempt by covering events that WWE talent does away from WWE. When you start this show's series with the FREAKING Bella's! Just cancel the show. NEXT!

4. "WWE Inbox"

WWE wrestlers answer your questions...In YouTube form! Don't we have something that can cover this called "Twitter" & doesn't every member of the WWE roster (except Sheamus) have a Twitter account? What's the point of having this show in the first place? NEXT!

5. "WWE Download"

Dolph Ziggler gets a show that rips off "Tosh.0" & "Web Soup" by making fun of online videos with his "wacky" & "zany" humor that he writes himself! This is show is bad for the following reasons: 1. Ziggles gives away the joke when he describes the damn clip! 2. Ziggles writes his own jokes & he's not funny! 3. Ziggles' WWE character is not supposed to be funny yet when we give him a show like this we're supposed to assume he's Ziggles "The Jokeman"?!? Uh...no. I mean I COULD go on & make fun of how Ziggles is about as funny as watching a guy who watches paint drying but we got more bad crap we need to cover here.

6. "Superstar Toyz"

Okay a show about WWE Stars & their hobbying/collecting ways. Something I can get interested to; then we take a look at the first show which is Alberto Del Rio "buying" a new luxury car. Little known fact here; Del Rio DOESN'T own all of his cars. It's just that WWE RENTS them from local dealers so just by watching & knowing this little fact there's no way you can watch this.

7. "Outside The Ring"

Interesting concept here in that we take WWE talent & take them away from anything WWE-ish so we can see what they do. This episode we have The Usos cooking some Samoan food. I actually liked this episode. What can I tell you, I'm a sucker for food that I haven't tried before & especially if that food is Samoan food. This could be a show that I...GULP...Like.

Of course I'm not going to mention the previously mentioned "Are You Serious?" & Zack Ryder's "Z! True Long Island Story" which moved over on this channel but let's get to the bottom line here which is this:

Under any circumstances DO NOT & I mean DO NOT watch any of these shows! Myself & this website will not be responsible for what might happen to you in the near future if you do. Besides, they're going to be inducted as Wrestlecrap in the near future so you don't have to watch them in the first place.

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 12: From My Chocolate Heart To Yours

From My Chocolate Heart To Yours
Written by HeartbreakDX
As narrated by Sir Alec Heineken

"Hi Hunter!" Shawn said, bouncing up and down in his friend's face.

"Hi Shawn." Hunter muttered, trying not to smiled at the blond's hyperness. Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of the camera guys with his camera but he didn't really care.

"GUESS WHAT!" Shawn shouted, his bouncing becoming higher and higher.

"Shawn. How much chocolate have you eaten today?" Hunter asked him, raising an eyebrow and eying his hyper blond friend.

"Ummmmmm...errrr...huh...I dunno...wooooo room spinning!" he exclaimed, twirling in place as he leapt into the air. Hunter grabbed Shawn's shoulders and held him in place.

"Come down from the sugar high Shawn before you hurt yourself." he laughed.

"Mmmm ok, GUESS WHAT!" Shawn continued.

"What Shawn?" Hunter sighed exasperated, shaking his head.

"ITS VALENTINES DAY!" Shawn screeched.

"I know that Shawn." Hunter said, laughing again.

"I got you your gift!" Shawn said brightly, holding out a small red chocolate heart in the palm of his hand. It was the same gift Shawn had always given him but it had always touched him.

Hunter took it, looking into Shawn's sugar-brightened eyes. Those eye that haunted his dreams and melted his heart. Those blue-grey beauties that he just loved to lose himself in. He couldn't stop himself, acting on an impulse.

He pushed Shawn's body back against the wall and claimed his friend's lips for a deeply passionate kiss.

At first Shawn tensed against him but he soon relaxed, wrapping his arms around Hunter's neck and responding greedily. Neither noticed, nor cared about the camera recording every second.

Finally, Hunter and Shawn had to break apart for air. He didn't let go of Shawn however, as both men caught their breath. Instead he drew him closer against him.

"How long." Shawn finally asked softly.

"Hmmm?"

"How long have you had feelings for me Hunt, how long have you wanted to kiss me?"

Hunter sighed and blushed a little pink, looking into Shawn's eyes once more.

"Since the first Valentines Day we knew each other when you gave me the first chocolate heart."

"You've had my heart in the palm of your hand for a very long time Shawn. I love you."

Shawn grinned and wrapped his arms around Hunter's neck again.

"I love you too Hunter. That's why I've been giving you the hearts."

Hunter smiled too, which quickly turned into a smirk when he lifted Shawn off his feet and the smaller man wrapped his legs around Hunter's waist.

"I do believe there's a locker room bench with your name on it Shawn." he growled in the blond's ear.
Shawn just giggled in response as Hunter carried him off.

The End.

205 Mind the ValenTime: February 17, 2012

100 minutes

Happy (Chinese) New Year. And I thought there weren't going to be any episodes this year. Silly me.

RD: "We're not making any promises."

Still, at least Blade is back on form with the Crickets, so I guess that's good for something.

Back recording, the Co-Fruitcakes waste no time talking about...football. Bet you Dave Meltzer's not talking about THAT this week. (:04 - :14) Once again Blade's "Hobo Curse", in which the team he supports loses most of the time, came into effect at the Superbowl, as the Giants beat Brakestown's Patriots in Indianapolis. RD wants to do something new to pay off his bet this year, which he lost for some reason. Send the usual submissions to Blade.

Blade wants a WCR "Hall Of Fame" as an excuse to reanimate the 2008 Crappies.

Sad News: Global Internet has merged with another Internet provider, cyberlynk.net. (:16) Now don't confuse that with cyberLINK.net (which looks about as fake as most things are these days) or cyberlink.CA, which is a completely different internet provider. I think.

RD finally gets around to finding Mike Check's 'new' website (which has been active since April). "This is the work of genius," he proclaims. 

:24 Sad News: Blade broke RD's old laptop. RD would have brought a pair of rusty scissors to edit the Star Wars prequels. Blade is sober drunk and wants to make porn parodies of the movies. He also wants to eat meat for breakfast instead of the 10 different types of Cheerios on offer.  Ah...no. Any active man worth his salt knows they can get protein from plenty of other places. Eggs, legumes, nuts, supplements, that sort of thing.

:37 Edge is NOT going to New York to sign autographs. Neither is Fake Rikishi attracting 400 people for signings. I blame Even Colder Mike Austin.

Mickie James is rocking some maternity pants. (:44) This does not require the use of the HorseTrolla for some reason which is good. As a part of the Trolla purchase the thing's getting upgraded with a new model; an Godolphin Arabian of course. It should be there by the next episode, which by my calculations should be in June.

:47 Dark Journey's resurfaced, and of course Jim Ross is happy. According to him she has the Deltan look going on, which means she'll now do a film with the Paper Chase guy. "I'm gonna go jerk off" Jim says before departing. I wonder if he does that while beating his meat. (But I don't want his semen to get in his sauces.)

Maria is spending her 'time' being the next Elvira. No offense, but we already have the original Elvira still going strong already. An Elvira Jr. perhaps? (:51)

Why is her belly button so high up?

Velvet Sky is a zombie for some reason. (:56) There's a joke to be made here.

Trips looks good in a dress, doesn't he?

Sir Alec calls in, causing Blade to cough. (:58) He has another story (a prequel?) of Hunter and Shawn in love.

Your Pal Irish Dynamite Eighty Boy has the Question of the Week Month. (:67) He wants the two to get rid of Lord Alfred for cheating on them on other shows.

The Honky Tonk Mailman has been corresponding for a year (which is lucky, considering the fact that we had only five shows for it). Thankfully he's on air to gloat about it. (:69) TNA cancelled their UK tour last year, to the disappointment of that one guy who really wanted to go out with Velvet Sky. (Zombie Nathaniel, we know it's you, so get back in your coffin this instant. Even if she DOES look like a zombie now.) The HTMM doesn't like her for some reason. He has his own commemorative stamp for the anniversary, whatever that is.

:76 Michael Cole has won the 2011 Gooker for the generally horrible job he's been doing, but especially last year. I wonder if he'll tweet about this and have this become one of those Trending Topics he keeps going on and on and on about (as ordered to by Vince in his ear).

The WWE Network's been delayed (what a shock) so they're stuck on YouTube. One show in particular, Are You Serious? is...well...are you serious? It's awful. They essentially cover some of the very worst in pro wrestling, with 'amusing' commentary and jokes on the stuff. I wonder where I've seen that before... Of course, seeing as how WWE's hand is in this, the jokes are constrained and not funny at all. It's essentially a video version of WrestleCrap Radio. In that aspect I pity whoever is my counterpart Co-Historian. RD wants to meta commentate on them.

As if the Divas weren't being taken seriously enough, Natalya Neidhart (she of the Hart clan and one of the few actual good female wrestlers the promotion has) has 'problems' controlling a part of her body. New Hall Of Famer (for WWE, not WCR...yet) Mark Tyson has insight on this. (:84)

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidhart asshole juice.

Sign that Blade is drunk; his haiku makes no fucking sense. "Neidfart's sharptooters" would fit better. But, well, what do you expect.

Fuck, you know what? THAT should be the haiku here.

Seventeen Syllables on her problem:
Farting Natalya.
Do you smell what she's cooking?
Neidfart's sharptooters.

I would ask to be on the show because of that, but I value my sanity highly.

RD's made a 'Tribute' to Global Internet Greg, which consists of all the magical things he can do for you if you ever bought a URL with him. (:91 - end) Poor guy will never live this down.



The stakes are raised for Blade's antics now. (What can I say, I'm as bored as you are.) His transgressions now cost double, so now he has to pay 50 cents for his troubles. This should be fun. He thus owes $4.00 for the year (plus the $19.99 The Price Is Right).

WCR Video: Midnight Rose Wants Brunette Trish

From Wrestlecrap Radio #157. RD is angry at Trish Stratus' new brunette hair color but The Midnight Rose thinks otherwise.


(Video title: "Midnight Rose wants brunette Trish Stratus to bear his child! (WrestleCrap Radio 9/18/09)" by Blade Braxton)

And also be sure to visit here for the WCR Video archives!

Vote for the 2011 Gooker!

So...remember when the Co-Fruitcakes were talking about having more radio progrems to make up for being lazy so much last year for some reason?

The year is over.
Our Christmas gift to the Twelve:
Lots more shows next year.

Yeah...about that. Nothing's happened yet, and January's almost up. I'm not saying heads should roll here, but I hate to be proven right yet again. At this rate I should just concentrate on actual writing instead of waiting on others to help 'prompt' it for me...though I would still be too lazy regardless. Hmmm.

Anyway though. To make up for it you once again have the opportunity to vote on what you may consider the worst thing to happen in pro wres - sports entertainment I mean - in the past year (at least from random postings on RD's Facebook page on what was subjectively considered the worst). This has given me the good excuse to write about it here and point you to the poll if you didn't know already, so go ahead and do it.

Last year we were 'blessed' with these following nominees.

• Joker Sting and his Watchbird (TNA): Poor Steve Borden. He's in what should be his fine twilight years in the business and TNA made him all go Joker on his enemies. Of course being TNA, they aimed for Christopher Nolan and instead became Joel Schumacher, having this now "Insane Icon" having a BIRD of all things terrorize people. Apparently they thought the Joker and the Penguin were one and the same; or someone in TNA's back office was talking about how good looking the Joker's 'chick' was, and instead of Dixie Carter being smart enough to dress up a Knockout as Harley Quinn gave Sting a rather harmless pigeon. Still, he's better than that kangaroo mascot they had for one week. (To be sure, I'm not knocking Sting here. He clearly looked like he was having fun with the whole thing and I love that. It's just the way the corporation has been handling it has been nothing but asinine; they should at least make SOMETHING solid from it instead of the confusion we have here.)
• The Winter/Angelina Love Storyline (TNA): Speaking of TNA fucking up what should normally be an automatic winner, we have yet another convoluted angle from the company. A girl is stalked by another girl only she can 'see', gets 'drugged' voudu-style to do her bidding, then just remains that way even after that part 'ends'. Perhaps she secretly likes the sadomasochism involved. With the problems of a complete change of characters, things that would definitely be illegal in normal society (even in the weird confines of pro wres - sports entertainment), implied rape of all things, the bad side winning and CLAIMING the good side, ruining a wrestler's career prospects by pushing them down the card (which no one wants their angle to do), and another TNA style abrupt 'conclusion', this has the definite hallmarks of an induction. So why not sooner rather than later?
• Michael Cole (WWE): Poor, poor, poor Sean Coulthard. People rarely remember when he actually had a credible career as a valuable journalist for CBS Radio, reporting on Bill Clinton's presidential campaign, Waco, and the Oklahoma City Bombing among other things. Then he goes to WWE and wins the Wrestling Observer's Worst Television Announcer 'award' thrice for the terrible job he's been generally doing. At least Mike Adamle was smart enough with deliberately being bad to rile up people, of which he was very good at. Cole is trying his best to be the heel announcer, bless his heart...but with the way he and WWE are doing things, it's just not working. And the last year isn't helping his case much either. Until things change and they actually get things the way they want it (i.e. good), he's still going to have to fight against those who oppose him. Like in this case.
• The "Walkout" (WWE): Hunter 'dismisses' his father-in-law from his onscreen role with a badly said line (which strangely is even worse than some of the things he said in The Chaperone), continues to maintain the status quo, gets into 'conflicts' with the rest of the 'roster', said 'roster' (filled with mostly mid-carders and other peoples including the production crew, but 'oddly' enough none of the main eventers) walk out on him for 'safety reasons' (which as anyone who's followed the industry for a while can tell you is rather hilarious in its irony), and then gets 'replaced' by Johnny Ace who promptly drops the whole angle, never to be heard from again. Emperor, it sounds like something WCW would dream up in its dying days to try and keep itself afloat, except this is WWE which is showing little signs of collapse. You'd think they would have something just focusing on CM Punk's Attitude Era reign and shaking things up in the company, but nope! That would make sense, and sense is the last thing on their mind.
• The dropped "Mystery" Raw GM (WWE): You can now add the identity of the mysterious RAW GM to whoever drove that White Hummer, Baby Doll's incriminating Dusty Rhodes photos, and Blade's "Big Announcements" as things that will never be uncovered. For months we wondered who was 'running' the show through that damn computer of theirs, which was all for naught as it just vanished one day. Perhaps someone accidentally dropped and broke it and that was the only one the GM could afford. Fuck, for all we know I could have been that GM somehow through time traveling shenanigans. Whatever the case, feel free to make up your own answers to this; it would certainly be more satisfying than anything they may have had planned for it to end, that's for damn sure.
• Sting vs. Jeff Hardy at Victory Road 2011 (TNA): What a clusterfuck that was. FIGHTING IN THE MAIN EVENT NO LESS, Jeff was literally 'in no condition to perform', though this did not stop TNA from continuing with the match as planned anyway, and was defeated in just one move in 88 seconds in front of a 'sell-out' crowd of 1100 people. Absolutely terrible on all fronts. Even if it doesn't win for some reason it should still be written about for the site. Hell, I'd ask to do it for kicks; I guess I'd have clout now that I write for the site in some capacity.
• WWE's obsession with Twitter (#WWE): #Overkill, pure and simple. Sure, Twitter is popular with the #peoplethesedays, many things are right now. #thatshowweroll. But the way that the @WWEUniverse has been all over the #socialnetworking site like a loner masturbating to a nudie mag is, well, #madness. Could you imagine if @WWE did that with #Myspace and how annoying THAT would be? And we all know what happened to THEM, right? #Epicfail, truly. And for all we know, this #trendingonTwitter may last about as long and positively in #thepubliceye as most #Divasmatches are currently. Hell, Twitter itself may go #thewayofthedodo by the end of the year and make WWE look like it has an #eggontheface from all the #dicksucking it's been doing. Let's hope they don't get that #obnoxious ever again.

You have until the next Friday from this posting (the 26th) to vote on it. So what are you waiting for? It's free, it's quick, and it's less painful than listening to the radio progrem. Trust me, you won't regret it.

#Premier #Blah