Episode 93: Holy Package!: June 5, 2023

Batman's Waterloo
March 9, 1967
"Though Batman escapes his watery trap, Robin is left in the hands of King Tut. The deluded villain still believes that Lisa Carson is really Queen Cleopatra, and calls Lisa's father to demand a ransom of $8,300,487.12, the mortgage on the Pyramids. Using the Jolly Jackson radio show to communicate, Tut negotiates the terms of payment with Batman. However, the villain most likely intends to keep both the money and Lisa, and has further plans to fry the Caped Crusaders in his royal boiling oil."
49 minutes

Vince thinks RD: Very Unlike Indian Fakirs is up to something when he takes a selfie. He considers RD and his other podcast colleague Bin Hamin as his cleverest friends. He uses this as cover to make a dad joke about Tom & Jerry playing cat and mouse. He gives himself applause for this. 

The Bros think the series is becoming more adult orientated. 

Narrator: "As you may recall, we last left Batman sealed in an Egyptian sarcophagus five feet under water. For you, several hours have passed. For our heroes, not one second. We just may be witnessing the final  chapter in Batman's brave life. Don't move an inch! The most incredible occurrences have yet to occur  incredibly!"

Tut continues to gloat, though without a speech. "Don't work yourself into a flap, spunky!" he says randomly to Robin. "He's drowned, not even brat-to-bat resuscitation can help him now." Then he leaves. His other girl (Neila) still doesn't know what is appealing from "dame" Cleopatra Lisa.
Tut: "Well, whatever it is, she's had it centuries longer than you."

In the Batcave Alfred receives Morse Batcode on the Wireless Bat-Transmitter (For Bat-Emergencies only). 

In Tut's throne room he is suddenly saddened he and Lisa are 'arguing'. He orders his goons to "gather  up yon bird boy and bring the Tuttruck round to the front entrance."
Meanwhile Alfred has somehow managed to get on the roof to oversee this.
Tut: "We go now to the royal oil boiling room. A perfect place to make our nuptial arrangements. ... When we get to the royal oil boiling room, be sure to prepare some real boiling royal boiling oil to boil the boy wonder in royally."
RD needed a second take to read the line.
Alfred takes advantage of the group leaving to get the controls and lift up the sarcophagus.

In the Tuttruck Tut continues to flirt with Lisa despite her rejections.
Chancellor: "She speaks heresy, omnipotent one."
Tut: "Lord Chancellor, you don't understand women. Beneath it all, she's aflame with love for me."
Lisa: "Please, I beg of you. Next to Bruce Wayne, my father is probably the wealthiest man in Gotham  City. ... I'll do anything if you'll call my father."

Meanwhile Alfred revives Batman by slapping him. "I came as soon as I received your Morse Batcode message. It was really most propitious that I happened to be dusting the Batcave when you sent it."
Batman: "I counted on your love for your work."
Alfred: "I don't understand how you managed to survive with no air, and for such a great length of time, sir."
Batman: "I put myself in a trance not unlike the Indian fakirs. It required extreme concentration. I was able to slow my heart and respiratory systems to a crawl."
Alfred: "But you were without air for nearly an hour, sir."
Batman: "Yes, I know of one fakir who was buried for three years."
They return to the Batcave in order to find Robin. 

Meanwhile in the Tuttruck Tut relents to Lisa's pleading to call her father. (:17) "But I insist
that he stay away until after the wedding." She promises, and he puts his hand out. "Put her there!"

So Tut calls Johnny John E. Carson as "your future son-in-law. I'm sure you'll be happy to welcome me into your family. I come from good stock. My father was a king, grandfather before him, so am I." He lists Lisa's queen's ransom at the low price of $8,300,487.12. "I need it to pay off the mortgage on the pyramids. The interest rate over 3400 years is positively usurious." Because as any good pharaoh knows, Egypt doesn't have its own currency, especially not with historical references. 

Carson agrees to pay up, but he needs an intermediary. "My company sponsors the daily Jolly Jackson Phone Jockey radio show. When I've collected that much money, I'll call in and I'll say, "The sleet in Crete is never very neat."" He hangs up - and immediately calls Ed McMahon Gordon.

In the Batcave the two nonchalantly discuss Tut's plan to boil Robin.
Batman: "Drawing upon my vast storehouse of chemical knowledge, I'm herein concocting an  alchemist fluid which will neutralize the boiling oil."
Alfred: "What exactly does it do, sir?"
Batman: "I'm not quite sure, Alfred. It's the first time I've ever tried this experiment. But I think in the end it should produce foam rubber."
Alfred: "From a tiny capsule like that?"
Batman: "The size of the package, Alfred, is in no way any indication of the value of its contents."

Immediately Gordon calls, asking if Batman can talk to Bruce.

Batman: "I occasionally run into him commissioner. Why?"
Gordon: "I'm worried about my daughter Barbara."
This is the first time the future Batgirl is mentioned on the show by name.
Batman: "How is she involved in all this?"
Gordon: "Well, as Bruce Wayne knows, she's away at college, she'll be graduating shortly, and I'd hate  to think that some of the dire happenings which have happened to that fine professor of Egyptology  could also happen to my beloved daughter at her school."
Batman: "I rather doubt that your daughter Barbara is going to get conked on the head and turned into a  long-dead Egyptian ruler, commissioner."
Gordon: "I know it sounds a little farfetched, but she's an only child and of course, my pride and joy. I just need a little reassurance."
Batman: "If I see Bruce Wayne I'll ask him to call you. He knows more about the present American collegiate scene than I do."

That important point out of the way, Gordon then tells him about the radio show. 

Cut to the radio as Batman calls in.
Jackson: "You know, you're the eighth person that called today claiming to be Batman. ... If you're really Batman then you're a very brainy guy, right? Tell me who said, "Biography should be written by an acute enemy"?"
Batman: "Arthur James Balfour, born 1848, died 1930. He was quoted by S.K. Ratcliffe in the London Observer, January 30, 1927."
Jackson (suddenly a believer): "Friends, we have a very special guest on the line. A great and good friend of yours truly:  Batman. He has a message for you. Fire away, Caped Crusader."
Batman: "This message is for King Tut only. I request all other citizens of Gotham City to comply with  my wishes and shut their radios off for the next 30 seconds."
Of course all the city does so because they're easily led simpletons.
Tut (in his lair): "Curse you, Batman! May you fall down a flight of stairs and break every tooth in your head except one, and in that, may you have a toothache for the rest of your life which won't be very long."

So "Tutsy" has his turn to call in: "Tell that blue beanbag to bring the money to the royal oil boiling room in the abandoned boiler works in the old Boylston section of the city tonight. Alone. And you can also tell him to -"
Cut to Batman listening to what seems to be a whole range of swears. "Oh, such language!" But he has the location.
Alfred: "Holy steam valve! (Beat) Sorry, sir, it just slipped out. It must be because Master Robin's uppermost in my thoughts at the moment."
Batman: "And in mine, Alfred. You mind the store."
Vince thinks Alfred wants to be Dick's successor as Robin. 

At the room of boiling, Tut is unhappy at the slow heat from not using vegetable oil. (:28)
"The Caped Conniver seems to have a penchant for escaping from tight places. He'll not escape this  one. Before this night is out I shall revel in the sight of a big, crisp, polyunsaturated bat. And that goes  for his sickening sidekick too."
Sadly Robin does not exclaim a "Hey! That's me!"
RD: "You know what they call fried bat? Chicken of the Cave."

Cut to Batman at Carson's TV studio house. Sadly as the banks were closed he could only get $6 million.
Batman: "For once, I just don't know. Do you think he'd accept a check for the difference?"
If it was written on papyrus it might work?
Carson: "This ransom will break me, but I don't care."
Batman: "Strange. I was under the impression that you were a multi-multimillionaire."
Carson: "Everybody thinks so. But all I have in the world is now in your hands. I had hoped to arrange  a match between Lisa and Bruce Wayne. The combination of our fortunes would put me back on top and give me room to manipulate."
Batman: "A marriage of convenience, eh?"
Carson: "It goes on all the time among the upper classes. Normally, I wouldn't think of Bruce Wayne as  a husband for Lisa. Well, he's a nice enough fellow, but he's just not marriage material for a girl like  Lisa. (Beat) Actually, you're more her style."
Batman: "Me? I'm afraid not, Mr. Carson. My heart is already pledged to crimefighting."

Cut back to the boiler with Robin and Lisa tied up together. As they bemoan their fate, Neila comes over to free them, or at least get rid of her competition: "King Tut may be fat, lazy and extremely rude, but he's all I have. And with her here I don't even have that."
Unfortunately they're too late to evade Tut noticing the scene, who is so saddened at how everyone is against him he accidentally puts a hand on the oil, burning it. "As soon as Batman and Robin have been  fricasseed you'll both join them in yonder pot!"
Robin: "You'll answer to Batman for this."
Tut: ""You'll answer to Batman for this." You big tattletale! Boiling in oil, one of my dear father's favorite spectator sports. Only you won't be a spectator, Batboy. According to my master plan, the  cowled cornball should be arriving momentarily."

Sure enough Batman is seen coming in. The goons want to beat him up.
Tut: "No, no violence. I can't stand violence. (Beat) But I like torture. It's good, clean fun. He'll be joining his caped crony in a double birdbath."
The goons look silently at him.
Tut: "Didn't you find that funny? The king has made a yuk. Laugh now! Ha ha ha!"

He then suddenly has "slave girls" to bang a gong just as Batman breaks through a wall on his Batcycle with a Bat-tering ram. He throws his capsule into the oil to immediately foam it, bouncing Robin off from deliciously cooked doom.
Not even five seconds in to the fight Tut is taken out with a hit to the back of the head, and the stunt doubles easily handle the goons by throwing them into the gong. 

This of course once again brings Tut back to his old self.
Tut (softly): ...Oh. Did I do it again?"
Batman: "You certainly did."
Tut: "...I hurt anybody?"
Batman: "Only yourself, professor. Only yourself.
Tut: "Oh, I hope the board of regents will understand that a criminal alter ego is not an easy thing to overcome."
Batman: "As a crazed criminal, professor, your alter ego would have been dealt with justly, but firmly, (to the camera) for surely no man is above the law and no man is below it."

RD wonders what will happen to the  goons, if anything. What about Neila?

There's no time for that, as we immediately cut to Bruce taking Lisa back to her place as the Batman Love Theme is playing (and which RD is still looking for for his anniversary).
Lisa: "Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?"
Bruce: "I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30."
Lisa: "Oh. All right. Will you call me again?"
Bruce: "I wonder if that would be wise, Lisa; you're a very beautiful woman, and you'd make some
lucky man a marvelous wife. Unfortunately, I'm not that man. You see, the Wayne Foundation is my wife. You're just wasting your time with me."
He does however oblige her request for a kiss.
Bruce: "...Milk and cookies, did you say?"
Lisa: "I made the cookies myself."
They share another kiss, and then:
Bruce (to the camera): "Man cannot live by crimefighting alone."

Wrote RD: "He then goes in to get laid."

Vince thought 37 year old Lee Whitney was "long in the tooth" as Neila, and he was just being generous, but like me he recognized her as Yeoman Janice Rand. She was also a professional singer, including touring with Spike Jones, and was the first Chicken of the (non Cave) Sea Mermaid. Both agree on giving 6.5 or 7 Batpoles (I'll round up for them.)

Lee Meriwether (then 31 years for this story) of course has quite the career, not just Catwoman or her long tenure on All My Children or even her own Star Trek appearance. The Bros wonder if they can get her on the show. RD gives her 7.5 or 8. Vince thought she "looked good in the very last scene" and also gives her an 8.

Next time the Bros will watch series related commercials, PSAs, and how to properly apply the Heimlich Maneuver. 

Vince had nothing to do with Hulk Hogan's last day with TNA or people riding the Dixie Train.

 

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Jokes
• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. I held my breath.
• Window Celebrity: 1. Grace Lee Whitney

Episode 92: Holy Jet Set!: May 28, 2023

King Tut's Coup
March 8, 1967
"After a blow to the head, Yale's Egyptology professor once again believes he is King Tut. He mistakes Bruce Wayne's friend Lisa for Queen Cleopatra, and kidnaps her so he can bring her to Egypt as his bride. Batman and Robin soon locate Tut's hideout, thanks to a hidden tracking device. But soon after entering, they are captured by Tut's cronies, and Batman is submerged in a sarcophagus under five feet of water."
60 minutes

RD: TALENTED PANTOMIMIST. He takes a sip from a non WWE Niagara Falls Cup. Vince got a Kevin Nash style haircut so he can wear a cap.

SPEAKING OF Kevin Nash, Vince was recently reminded of his protege (and RD's rival) Jeremy Borash, now currently HHH's deputy, so he messaged him something. There was no response. So he went on about it on another show. Another website wrote about it. The next day Jeremy messages Vince on his recently changed number, something RD immediately guessed a few minutes earlier. 

RD: "A little career advice from me, your old buddy RD Reynolds: if you're working with a company and they're so serious that you're not allowed to have a hoedown or a hootenanny, there's better places out there." (:11)

Narrator: "The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University, and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans."

Said professor is outlining a field trip to Gotham City "if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course." So they ask back if he was in fact King Tut.
Professor: "Yes, it's true. I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference. It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however. Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat."

He takes it off just as someone throws potted plants on him and the two students, and now Tut also has his two goons for the story. 

Vince wishes for more stories and wrestling angles where a concussion from a dropped object turns people into King Tut. 

We immediately cut to the three breaking into the GC Museum to steal a sarcophagus and knock out its one guard. 

Gordon: "In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne."
O'Hara: "Bruce Wayne? Not Batman?"
Gordon: "There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight. Bruce Wayne is clhairman. Perhaps he knows something we don't."

At Stately Wayne Manor the inhabitants are all dressed in togas, though Aunt Harriet also wears a bra. (:17) Bruce is excited to see someone named Lisa as Cleopatra. Alfred announces a phone call in the study from Gordon...for Bruce.

Bruce (in private): "Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy."
Alfred: "No need to be, sir. The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman. But a feeling  inside me suggested that you should take it in here."

Of course he says this while the (non Bat)phone is off the hook, but of course Gordon is a gentleman and/or an idiot for not listening in on them.
Gordon asks him why someone would rob a sarcophagus from 1300 BC.
Bruce: "1300 BC was the era in which King Tut trod the land. ... My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately."
O'Hara: "Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all."
Gordon: "Otherwise they never would have become millionaires."
I'm glad these two versions don't know about Twitter then. ... Though probably knowing them they probably willingly bought those Blue subscriptions. 

So Gordon immediately calls Batman and does not pick up how similar he sounds to Bruce.
Bruce: "I know. King Tut is back in Gotham City. We'll be right there." (He hangs up)
Gordon (not picking up how similar Batman sounds to Bruce, to the camera): "Absolutely incredible. You'd think the man could read my mind."
The Duo run To The Batpoles with one hand holding up their robes. 

Vince is now paying close attention to Batman's erect status.

In the Office Robin still does not understand why Tut doesn't stay in Yale. (:23)
Batman: "Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes (O'Hara looks puzzled), changes into King Tut, he forgets his true identity."
Gordon then receives a call that "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel" gravely injured by Tut. The Duo leave to check on him.

Tut's lair is the Pyramid Club, "a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb" when it's not a matte painting with a Closed sign. Tut leaves his sarcophagus to be greeted by his moll Neila ("Hi, Tut baby. What's shaking?" Tut: "Batman's head, unless I miss my guess!") and his student goons, now his Jester and Chancellor. Now he needs his queen. Unfortunately it is not Neila, who is played by Grace Lee Whitney, better known as Yeoman Janice Rand of the USS Enterprise. 
Tut: "The lovely Lisa Carson, daughter of wealthy socialite Johnny John E Carson, will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra. Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar. Tonight he'll lose his queen to me, the king! Oh, pulchritudinous!"
Neila: "And where does that leave me?"
Tut: "You could always be a lady in waiting."

Meanwhile the Duo Batclimb up the Oasis (of course the suite is a penthouse) where they meet Aileen Mehle, known under the pen name of Suzy Knickerbocker, a well known society columnist.
Aileen: "I go where the action is, Batman. The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever  there's glamor, that's where I am."
Robin: "I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then."
Aileen: "Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder. I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor."
Batman: "STATELY Wayne Manor."
Aileen: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London  or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."
Robin: "There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City."
Vince: "Who were his other customers?"
RD: "The villains, I think."
Aileen: " I think you two belong in my column. I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace."
Robin: "Holy jet set!"
Batman: "Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman. An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters."
Aileen (as they ascend): "I wonder who they really are. Probably a couple of international playboys. I  mean, who else would climb walls?"

The police are still there, making one wonder why the Duo needed to Batclimb when they could have used stairs or an elevator. I'm sure Batman would make some excuse on how Robin needed the exercise. 
Sphinx is secured in a noose for some reason and he has to ask an officer to help him out. "King Tut is a very muscular fellow," he states for some reason. He also left a note "in an ancient tongue, circa 1300 BC." To the Batcave!

Batman reads the translation while suddenly having stubble: "I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion."
Robin: "Hey, that's me!"
Batman: "And next in importance, to claim my own."
He calls Gordon to tell him he may strike at the Ball.
Gordon: "I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment."
O'Hara: "Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us."
Do they even have seven competent people for the job?

Back at the lair Tut tells his goons he wants the Duo present at the Ball. Since Mayor Linseed is away on his regular trips to the "Asian front", he's sent a replica of his robe and mask to his Deputy Mayor Zorty (and himself referring to Los Angeles Mayor Sam Yorty). "Tonight he will be I!"

Sure enough at the Ball the police in Egyptian garments, white socks, and black shoes, arrest Zorty as Tut, despite his protests. This is witnessed by the (Stately Wayne) Manor Household (in togas) and Cleopatra Lisa, played by...Lee Meriwether, previously the Movie Catwoman. Vince thought the Movie came after this season, not before. (:38)

Of course the police are incompetently more than happy to take Zorty directly to the Office without verifying who he is including at the Ball, appalling their even more incompetent Chief to no end. "If it's who I think it is, and I think it is, I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner."
Zorty: "Go back there, men. On the double. This time get the right king...or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again."

The real Tut is already at the Ball, his eyes all over Lisa, much to the concern of the Duo.
Harriet: "Do you boys know that man?"
The goons are also there, and ask Bruce to ask Lisa to dance with their boss next to other supposed police officers (who would be far more competent than the real ones). Bruce...does so, confusing the Co-Bros. 

Lisa: "It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty."
Tut: "I know it is. Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king. OHHHHH!"

They leave just as Bruce realizes he's been had. He did put a tracker in Lisa's outfit though...somewhere. You'll just have to take his word on it. He notifies Gordon - but tells him not to help, knowing how well they did earlier. 

At the lair Lisa tries to explain she is not actually Cleopatra. "I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side. Who are you, anyway?"
Tut: "Who am I? Tut! Master of thieves, king of the Nile, moon god of Thoth. And that's just on Mama's side of the family. ... I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you. Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people."
He has his goons take her away despite their preference for her wealthy father to pay her ransom instead.

Cut to outside. The Duo have followed the tracker, and Batman will Batclimb (instead of using the Batmelter) while Robin stays on the ground.

Cut back inside. Tut has to remind his goons the woman is not for sale. He should probably do it through jotted down football plays. Rejected, the goons push open a door - and Robin standing behind it. This cues some very obviously dubbed lines as they prepare to tie him up.
Tut: "Stop! Wait a minute! If the Caped Crumb is here, the Cowled Creep can't be far behind."

He's right, and a fight starts with much hide-and-seek and the Duo tripping a goon by pulling a rug. But the "very muscular" concussed Yale professor slams a vase onto the Duo's heads, immediately turning them into the Bizarro Duo knocking them out.
Tut: "Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer?"
Robin is thus tied up while Batman is put into the sarcophagus over a pool of water, as Tut does his most heinous crime of all: a speech.

"Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil  that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Batman. It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.
Bubble, bubble, little bat, at the bottom of the vat. / Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly...to the great big belfry in the sky."

Narrator: "It appears a death worse than fate! Batman has been in sticky situations before, but never like this! And what of Robin, who's fit to be tied? Is this Batman's Waterloo? Tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!...At your own risk!"

Neither Bro remembers this story much for some reason, and wonder if it was something in syndication. 

The Arcade will have another King of Arcade competition on July 8, the top prize most likely a Stargate machine.

RD enjoys playing more modern games with Junior, who's already finished Tears of the Kingdom. Senior is not a big fan of open world sandbox games. He prefers older fare like Pac Man that could only go up to Level 256.

One of RD's followed YouTube channels did a video "dissecting" No Holds Barred. Speaking of rather bad ventures of wrestling into the mainstream: Warrior with Regis & Kathie Lee.

• Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
• Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Lisas
• Window Celebrity: 2. Aileen "Suzy Knickerbocker" Mehle, Grace Lee Whitney

Episode 91: Holy Soup!: May 21, 2023

Batman's Satisfaction
March 2, 1967
"Colonel Gumm's planned heist at a major stamp exhibition results in a showdown between Batman and The Green Hornet."
54 minutes

RD & Russo: Also Quite Flexible. Vince calls him well endowed. He has to check.

Both thought Robin had this finest outing today, in the same space as fucking Bruce Lee. Vince was still not sure why the Duos were initially at odds with each other. RD informs him that the Green Horney's identity is that of a villain to allow him to blend in with other (actual) villains and subvert them from within.

Narrator: "As we last took leave of Batman and Robin, The Green Hornet had been made into a rare  stamp and then thumbtacked to a wall by the corrupt Colonel Gumm, with Kato still being blocked and perforated in Gumm's shameful stamping machine, and the Dynamic Duo to follow. Once they're unglued from Gumm's glue pad, for you, who've breathlessly waited and wondered, some man-hours have passed. For the Caped Crusaders, mere moments...as we shall see in a moment."
Cue opening titles.
Narrator: "Kato, too, made into a man-size stamp, and thumbtacked to the wall? What monster of a
man is Colonel Gumm? And what monstrous mutilation faces our mantled man-hunters? Well, Dynamic  Duo...your turn."

The resultant stamp is six inches taller than Hornet's, which I can only attribute due to it being, again, Bruce Lee. Gumm has the Duo's glue bindings removed with an adhesive remover in a spray can, Then he just...leaves them "to be stamped with my disapproval".

It takes the Duo two (2) punches and one (1) "ZAP" to overpower the goons.
RD: "This is the worst fight in the history of the show."
Vince: "This was a squash."
RD: "This is the worst villain ever."
He even declares him worse than the Minstrel, though he has to re watch that story which he will never do. Vince declares it for him then.

The freed Duo flip a switch and remove a panel to allow the Visiting Duo to escape with the use of the Hornet Sting.
Robin: "Holy living end!"
Hornet: "It looked like the end there for a minute. But there was a small niche between the gum- applier and the perforating needles."
Kato: "And we are both quite flexible."
But then how was a picture taken for a human sized stamp?
Hornet: "No doubt an automatic image-orthicon of some kind."
Batman: "Wrong, Green Hornet. It was a high-velocity spectrobiscopic range reflector mini-unit."

Meanwhile unaware of all this, Gumm goes to secure Pinky, and her dyed dog (Apricot) eating his alphabet soup ("she's only down to the Ds."). (:14)

Batman: "When this masked meddler was tossed in he had this gruesome gizmo with him. But you will notice,  Robin, it is conspicuously missing from that giant stamp. Ergo, the high-velocity spectrobiscopic range reflector mini-unit failed to produce a true facsimile."
Robin: "Gosh, that's some "ergo," Batman."
Hornet stands there trying to comprehend all this technobabble: "Yes, Batman, that's very clever, but it  seems as if in saving us, you've allowed our assailants to escape."
Kato: "None too smart for a smart crime-fighter."

Then the Visiting Duo walk away since Batman has no evidence to arrest them. Instead Batman smells pink. The actual color pink.
Robin: "You're just tired."
RD is reminded of when Mrs. Deal could smell magenta on him after his days working in a printing press.
Batman sniffs around like a bloodhound to determine Pinky was here. They then see the left behind soup.
Robin: "I guess I'm tired, but it looks like a bowl of alphabet soup."
Batman: "Robin, have you noticed the J's, Q's and Z's are missing?"
Robin: "Holy uncanny photographic mental processes."
Batman takes the remains behind in his "empty alphabet soup Batcontainer, the right tool for the right job."

Back at the Batcave Robin expresses surprise that the alphabet soup has no punctuation marks. Gordon calls to express his usual worry and anxiety. Alfred pops his head him to inform that Britt is already here waiting for him since Aunt Harriet is busy drying her hair.
Robin: "(Sighs) There's more letters in this alphabet soup than there are in the alphabet."

Upstairs in Stately Wayne Manor Britt expresses his concern to Bruce of Pinky's recent disappearance. Britt: "What kind of a guy is [Batman], Bruce?"
Bruce: "An enigma. I really don't know him very well, Britt. But if he tangled with Green Hornet last night, Green Hornet would have gotten the worst of it."
Britt: "Well, that would be a switch. Green Hornet usually comes out the winner."
Bruce: "That's because you have no Batman in your city."

Since they have no official work pending, Britt offers a night on the town.
Bruce: "We had a few laughs, didn't we? Before we settled down and became such solid citizens."
Britt: "Yeah, it's guys like The Green Hornet and Batman that see all the action, get all the kicks."
Bruce: "Would you trade places with them?"
Britt: "Well, not with Batman. I wouldn't be caught dead in that crazy cowl of his."
Bruce scowls his face in response. 

That scene out of the way, Robin still has trouble trying to untangle the dried out letters. Batman puts the letters in his Batcontainer and Batfunnels them into the Batcomputer.
Robin: "You mean you're gonna feed those letters to the Batcomputer?"
Batman: "They're made out of noodles. Easy to digest."
This is also why they didn't use alphabet cereal.
This does the trick somehow, telling them to watch the later stamp exhibition.
Batman: "I'll wager she fed all the J's, Q's and Z's to Apricot trusting we'd be able to unravel the clue."
Robin: "Who's Apricot?"
Batman: "Her pink Maltese."
Robin: "Some of Bruce Wayne's female friends sound a little dizzy to me. But Miss Pinkston wasn't the only clever one. The Batcomputer even punctuated this!"
Batman then feeds pages from the Yellow Pages directly into the Batcomputer to find a result, as well as give it more fiber since it has a deficiency.
Unfortunately according to Alfred, Harriet's hair dryer is so powerful that it cut off power to the entire Manor, including the Batcave, including the rather fully stuffed Batcomputer. 
Batman: "And so because of a woman's vanity, a battle may be lost."
Robin: "Lost? I'm surprised at you, Batman. Many battles have been won before electricity and telephones were ever invented."
Batman: "Gosh, Robin. You may be right."
Robin: "Just arrange to have the stamp exhibition in the Constellation Room tonight well-publicized. Then there's bound to be some action. And a Batclimb up Gotham Towers West will help us flex our muscles. Chin up, old chum."
RD was sure the writers reversed the Duo's lines for this, as seen by West trying hard not to laugh out loud on camera. 

Narrator: "Meanwhile, the scene of battle shifts to an isolated warehouse, but warfare wages on in a strange and oblique manner." (:32)

This is where Pinky is being held while Gumm complains about his soup ("this needs more consonants in it). He does however have time to figure out Hornet's secret identity - Bruce Wayne. And Britt Reid is thus Batman. This is the closest any villain has got (besides Egghead, who was spot on).
Satisfied at his efforts he leaves, allowing Pinky to tell Apricot to bite through her ropes. As if he didn't have enough on his plate and fur already. 

Thus able to escape she then calls Gordon to tell him the identities. Also, they're dead.
Gordon: "No, they're not. I talked to Batman earlier today. He said it was a long story, and it must be. And then he asked me to publicize the International Stamp Exhibition this evening. He sounded very  much alive."
They logic that even with the names, neither superhero would admit to things now. So the Undynamic Duo are, once again, with no idea on what to do next. Pinky suggests going to the exhibition anyway to see who shows up.

At Britt's penthouse he and Kato discuss what to do without harming the Dynamic Duo.
Kato: "Kung fu is kung fu. It's not child's play."
Britt: "I know, but our tricks are gonna have to be tempered with good judgment."

The (Dynamic) Duo Batclimb to clear their heads and think and to meet pioneering "gangster" actor Edward G. Robinson. (Of course RD knew him from The Ten Commandments for some reason.) So they talk about...art. This was a topic Robinson was also an aficionado at, which gives him an excuse to critique pop art, Andy Warhol in particular.
Robinson: "I think canned tomato soup is to eat, not to frame and hang on a wall."
Batman: "Dalí? Picasso?"
Robinson: "Bit of an art buff yourself, aren't you, Batman?"
Batman: "I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows me only the luxury of collecting criminals."
Robin: "But you should see the great mug shots we've got!"
Robinson: "Don't reprimand him. Who knows who posed for the Mona Lisa? Maybe one of the  wickedest women in the world. Oh, but what a smile!"

At the exhibition Gumm is disguised this time as Argentinian Señor Barboza. The Visiting Duo enter from one side curtains. The Dynamic Duo enter from another side curtains. Now it's a proper fight.
While beating up the goons the Duos also fight each other. Batman knocks down Hornet, but Kato strongly  kicks away Robin.
Kato (to Hornet): "Good thing those guys are on our side. Even though they don't know it."
Robin (to Batman): "Good thing those guys aren't in town every week."
They finish off the goons, leading to:
Narrator: "What do we have here? A Mexican standoff? A dead heat? A photo finish?"

Pinky and the police finally show up, and Gumm uses the distraction to try and capture her again. The Visiting Duo step off to the side and off the set, as Batman goes around to another window behind Gumm, capturing him in turn.

RD: "I didn't think it was possible. This guy is a worse criminal than the Minstrel."

Batman: "I wonder what [Hornet] wanted in the first place. Piece of a counterfeit stamp ring. Or maybe he meant to uncover the entire ring. Who knows?"
"Gordon: "The Green Hornet, a crimefighter?"
Robin: "Holy unlikelihood."

Britt has one last dinner with Pinky while Bruce is off to the side on a phone calling Gordon (as Batman). He confuses Gordon by telling him to call Pinky and then put two telephone receivers together. He finally figures it out, looking as pleased as a three year old.
Batman thanks Pinky for her help, and also that he's not Bruce. And neither is Britt of course. He then rejoins the two at their table.
Bruce: "Now, Apricot, as you were saying?"
Pinky: "Bruce, you nut. Talking to a dog?"
Cue the three sitcom laughing, the end. 

For Diane McBain's second appearance on the show as Pinky, RD gives her a "very generous" 6.5 Batpoles for her bland appearance (even with a wig). Vince gives her 6 as he's not a fan of short hair. This is of course lower than her previous appearance at 8 and 7.5 respectively. (6 and 5 if discounting the looks for the personality.)
McBain once pretended she was missing and presumed dead for a different perspective a year before leading lady an Elvis movie (Spinout). Sadly she passed away the previous December 21st at 81 years young. 

It was pretty well known that Ward and Lee were friends, and would even fight and do stunts together. There has also been the long running rumor that Lee did not want to put over Ward during their fight.

Vince has not seen any of the Fast & Furious movies. RD implores him to watch the newer ones.

• Visiting Hero: The Green Hornet [2] (Van Williams) [2] 
• Assistant Visiting Hero: Kato [2] (Bruce Lee) [2] 
• Special Guest Villain: Colonel Gumm (Roger C. Carmel)
  

• Entertain The People: 1 
• Window Celebrity: 1. Edward G. Robinson
  

Episode 90: Holy Oversight!: May 14, 2023

A Piece of the Action
March 1, 1967
"The Green Hornet and Kato come to Gotham City to stop a stamp counterfeiting scheme, but the Dynamic Duo, unaware of their true heroic motives, is out to stop them."
49 minutes

RD: More Ominous than Gum. Sad News: he misspelled the name. He was also confused by Vince saying it was a great story. He clarifies it was a great idea for this crossover. RD suggests watching the actual Green Hornet next time to compare, which was much more grounded than Batman. RD could only handle half an episode. 

Narrator: "Midnight in Gotham City, the very dead of night. The Green Hornet and Kato outside the Pink  Chip Stamp Factory? Something must be very much amiss inside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory for them to invade Batman's territory. A long way from home, indeed! And for a peephole to snap shut in their faces at midnight!"

Inside goons in pink overalls are overseen by a foreman with a balding head and curly mustache eating alphabet soup, and played by well known character actor and original Harry "Harcourt Fenton" Mudd Roger C. Carmel.
The Visiting Duo burst in, despite the "Keep Out" sign on the door.
Foreman: "That sign on the outer door, "This means you," means you."
They then gasses the Duo - wait; the Duo gas them - and stare around the place for a full one (1) second.
Hornet: "We saw enough, Kato. I think at last we've found what we've been looking for."

Transition to the same factory "in the rosy-fingered morn". The owner, a woman named Pinky Pinkston, enters with a poodle...dyed pink. Needless to say the crew didn't do a good paint job, and the poor dog looks as dirty as it is miserable. 
Pinky asks the man about the visit, identified by her as Colonel Gumm and identified by RD as one of the worst villains of the show (even more than the Minstrel!). She decides to call Commissioner Gordon on this despite Gumm's protests. Cue Gordon loudly exclaiming "Whaaaaaat?"

Narrator: "While from a pink factory with a green intruder, we go to brick-colored Stately Wayne  Manor and a red Batphone." (:12)
Dick and Aunt Harriet examine one of Bruce's newly acquired stamps, a Blue Boar, despite his concerns on the watermark. Alfred tells the men about the "red" phone. Bruce asks Dick to better inspect the stamp in his study as cover. Harriet reminds him he has a date with Pinky as he goes. 

Sadly neither Bro checked to see if Harriet was packing. 

Then the other 'normal' phone rings for Harriet to pick up. It's from Hornet as his civilian identity of Britt Reid, publisher of the Daily Sentinel newspaper (and also a multimillionaire, who'd have thought), and his cover for being in town is attending the "newspaper-publisher's convention".
RD: "Could you be at any place more boring?"
Vince: "The third hour of Raw?"
Unfortunately his fellow wealthy childhood friend (and business rival) is preoccupied with going down a Batpole, so Bruce will have to call him back later.

Narrator: "But while the Dynamic Duo head for Commissioner Gordon's office in double quick time, Britt Reid's making a little time of his own, or trying to."
He hears from Pinky over the phone that she is meeting Bruce, making him unhappy as it's during free time.
Pinky: "Why don't you join us, Britt? After all, Bruce is a friend of yours too."
Britt: "Not where you're concerned, Pinky. I thrive on rivalry."

NOW we cut to Gordon's Office, and the Commissioner complains to the Dynamic Duo that the Hornet is supposedly in town as per the episode's title.
Batman: "A piece of the action at the Pink Chip Stamps Factory. That seems strange. With this heinous reputation for high stakes, a cut of a trading-stamps factory would seem like somewhat of a comedown."
He thinks it may have something to do with the Gotham Gothic stamp, once owned by Pinky's late father Pincus (Pinkston), before it disappeared.
Gordon's secretary Bonnie then calls in to buzz in...Britt Reid. He's also very pleased to meet the Duo, especially as he's supposed to meet "mutual friend" Bruce later today.
Gordon: "We were just discussing a criminal, Mr. Reid, with whom you are no doubt familiar. The Green Hornet, from your own bailiwick."
Britt (giving a side-eye): "The Green Hornet? In Gotham City? Well, that shouldn't disturb you, Batman. Your name is legend among crime fighters."
Batman: "Legends are sometimes highly overrated, Mr. Reid."
Robin: "Maybe the Batcomputer can tell us a little more about our pea-green adversary."
The Bros guess that the heroes already know their secret identities. They are proved wrong.

At the factory Gumm reprimands one of his goons named Reprint for being slipshod in their actual work of counterfeiting stamps. (:20) Then they hear Pinky enter.
Gumm: "Whoops! There comes the pink primadonna. Down her private stairway! Look busy and honest!"
Pinky and her dyed dog (named Apricot) then enters to Marsha (Queen of Diamonds)'s theme, which RD did not care for in the slightest. She tells them she believes the Hornet is on to them. Then she leaves.
Gumm: "As you boys grow older and more experienced you'll find there's more than one way to skin a pink cat."
Vince thought he was referencing Catwoman.

In the Batcave the Batcomputer acts as if on the fritz in trying to determine the Hornet's identity.
Batman: "We overlooked one thing when we constructed it: a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
Robin: "Holy oversight."
Batman: "So we can't really blame our faithful friend here for failing to provide us with the clues we  need about the Green Hornet. No human mind has solved the secret of our own duplicity. (To the Batcomputer?) Who, in reality, are Batman and Robin?"
After some grinding of gears it prints out a response: ""Cowled crime fighters. Real identities unknown.""
Batman: "The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a dual-identity Bat-sensor."
RD: "What store sells that?"
Vince thinks its the same one with all the prints. RD guesses RadioShack. Surprisingly there are some stores still operating, including one in nearby Rushville, Indiana. 

Batman: "Now it's time for Bruce Wayne's lunch date with Pinky Pinkston...and Dick Grayson's session with his French tutor."
Robin: "French tutor?"
Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."
RD: "How many years of French is Dick Grayson taking?"
Vince: "A lot."

The date is somewhere RD has written down as a "lingerie show" with eight question marks. (:25) My guess would be some sort of cabaret club. Of course some of the women are all over Bruce and Britt, much to Pinky's consternation. The Bros mock her for her decision on location. The two men appease her in looking into what Hornet may get up to later, at the least. Satisfied she leaves - and so does Bruce, leaving Britt with the bill.
Bruce: "Pinky invited me to lunch, and you invited her. Thank you."
What a guy. Regardless the Bros think the men are good tippers.

Elsewhere in the place is Gumm who asks for alphabet soup.
Waiter: "The only alphabet soup we have is tomato, split-pea and clam chowder."
Gumm (suddenly with a British accent): "Oh, too bad. You colonials are still so uncivilized."

That "hilarity" aside, the men go to a stamp shop run by one Boris Sevaroff. Being one of them (a Soviet!), Bruce thinks he sold him a fake Blue Boar, which he uses to ask about the Gotham Gothic. He has no idea on the whereabouts either. But he waits for the two to leave to reveal that he is in fact also Gumm. He calls his goon Reprint to increase production.
Reprint: "You'll flip when you see my last batch of phony stamps! Not fuzzy at all!"
Only then does he turn his head to see Pinky having overheard him. Surprisingly despite having a cruelly treated dog she is in fact not part of the villains' group. 

Narrator: "But Colonel Gumm isn't the only one who smells trouble as he ends Boris Sevaroff's day's activities. And Britt Reid begins the Green Hornet's evening intrigue."

In Britt's penthouse he and Kato wonder what to do with the Dynamic Duo after them.
Britt: "Well, to the world at large, they're known as the Caped Crusaders. Fearless crime fighters. Whereas, due to the nature of our operation the same world at large looks on us as criminals. Only a  very few know different. So I'll turn my Hornet's Sting [his signature stun gun] to half maximum power. I don't wanna get careless and hurt Batman if we clash."
Kato: "Well, you always have your gas gun."
Britt: "Right. And nothing must stop us from gaining our ends."
Narrator: "So to the battlefield. And speaking of warfare..."
Pinky confronts Gumm about his scheming. He responds by locking her up in the office. "And then to make my big kill at the stamp exhibition tomorrow night!"

The Batmobile pulls up at the factory, with no sign yet of Hornet's own vehicle, the Black Beauty (a Chrysler Imperial Crown hardtop). 

This absence lasts five seconds before they show up.

Batman restrains Robin from trying to rush the Visiting Duo, advising to first see what they may get up to. They observe as they again enter through the "This Means You" door asking for the episode title. Also Hornet totally knew Gumm was a very suspicious Russian. 

So Gumm shows them an "enlarged perforating and coiling machine" of his own making. Of course the Visiting Duo stand too close to it to take a look, allowing Gumm to push them in.
Gumm: "You know my motto, boys. "Always stamp out evil.""
They then see the Dynamic Duo. "Let's give them a thorough pasting!"
Cue a somewhat prolonged fight with retirement-age stunt doubles which confuses the Duo enough to be beaten.

Gumm: "We've all heard how the Dynamic Duo sticks together through thick and thin. But this time,  you're really stuck, Batman, on an undetachable glue pad. While the Green Hornet and his masked companion are being blocked, gummed, and perforated in that machine."
Batman: "You satanic, mad stamp man!"
Gumm: "Satanic, Batman? Who knows? But mad stamp man? Perhaps."
The other machine produces a very large 'rare' stamp of the Green Hornet.
Robin: "Holy human collector’s item!"
Gumm: "As soon as I tack up the other masked marauder, who is even now being perforated in that machine, then it will be your turns, Dynamic Duo. Yes, I know you've faced many deadly perils, and  escaped in many devious manners, but you have never been so close to being completely stamped out as you are right now."

Narrator: "The Green Hornet and Kato blocked, gummed, and perforated, then thumb tacked to the wall as collector's items? Will Batman and Robin follow when they're detached from the undetachable glue pad? Don't stamp-ede! Stay close to your stamping grounds tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

Vince found the episode confusing even for his tastes.

According to RD, Ms. Diane McBain as Pinky had previously appeared on a Mad Hatter story as his henchwoman Lisa (where she was rated 7.5 and 8 Batpoles).

(Speaking of appearances and speaking of people on Star Trek, one of the cabaret models was played by a Ms. Angelique Prettyjohn who is best known for The Original Series' The Gamesters of Triskelion, where Kirk had to talk his way out of a situation by a long-winded speech. Sadly she died of cancer at far too young an age.)

RD reminds Vince of using this here site as a reference. This assumes I can quickly do my part in a timely manner anyway. (Sorry about that.)

RD wrote about a fever dream of a TV show featuring Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

• Visiting Hero: The Green Hornet [2] (Van Williams) [2] 
• Assistant Visiting Hero: Kato [2] (Bruce Lee) [2] 
• Special Guest Villain: Colonel Gumm (Roger C. Carmel)
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Insane detail
  

Episode 89: Holy Bijou!: May 7, 2023

Batman Displays His Knowledge
February 23, 1967
"Catwoman goes ahead with her scheme to steal several Batagonian Cat's Eye opals, but she has trouble finding someone to fence them since such rare stones would be easily spotted. With little recourse left, she decides to turn them in for the reward money. It seems like the perfect job for her acquaintance, Freddy the Fence. But when he notices that the gems are fakes, Catwoman realizes she has been tricked by Batman and vows to get revenge on the Caped Crusader once and for all."
68 minutes

RD: Julie Please Don't Go! Perhaps he should go on strike for that. He thought this episode was one of the best ever, fitting for Newmar's swan song (for 50 years anyway). He wishes to rate her at the end. Actually he doesn't, but there wouldn't be any point since she would easily go beyond the maximum 10 Batpoles.

Narrator: "When last we saw the Dynamic Duo, they were bound hand and foot in an outsized coffee cup,  and about to be scalded and scarred by sulfuric acid, in full view of an unwitting throng in Chimes Square. Hold onto your beanies! They may not get out of this one!"

Robin politely says his goodbye, but Batman tells him to stick to the side. Some of the acid may fall onto their bindings instead of their bodies.
Robin: "There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip, Batman."
Batman: "Very good, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you, Batman."
Vince's father kept telling him never to count his chickens before they hatched. 

Sure enough some acid hits Batman's ropes, and freed he throws a Batarang to the switch to release them. He then frees Robin with his Batknife. To make things more equal for his enemy he cuts upside down with the blunt edge.
Robin: "The way we get into these scrapes, and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations. Guiding our destiny."
Batman: "Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life."
Anyway they have "those poor misguided students" down below to corral, all 10,000 of them, in black and white for some reason. "Our first duty is to save them. To disperse them before they do something that might blight their lives."
For some reason Vince wondered how the Duo would have handled things on January 6. For some reason I see whoever has to write a story about it involve Bane in some manner. 

Narrator: "Meanwhile, in a building across town, the annual sale of priceless Batagonian cat's-eyes opals is about to begin at the Forever Jewel Company." (:10)

For some reason the opals are auctioned (at a starting bid of $650,000) inside a bag that no one can inspect. Catwoman, who is present "in the fur", bids nothing, and the auctioneer needs a moment to recognize who she is.
Catwoman: "Now, if you'll all assume positions of subservience, we can complete this caper with a minimum of jeopardy and danger for all."
She orders Penn to take their "baubles", a word Vince considers getting a tattoo of. 

In the Batcave Gordon informs Batman of the theft over the Batphone.
Robin: "Holy bijou!"
Batman: "That's very good, Robin. Bijou, french for jewel."
Robin (flattered): "Heh. Thank you, Batman."
This was part of the Caped Crusader's plan though, since these opals are knownfor their bad luck.    
Robin: "You, of all people, don't believe in superstition, do you?"
Batman: "Me? Superstitious? Nonsense - Ah!" Suddenly pulls Robin away from a ladder. "Never walk under a ladder, Robin."
Robin: "Batman, I'm surprised at you."
Batman: "Not at all. There is a custom based on fact. The ladder could fall and hit you on the head. Or someone could slip and fall from the ladder. It doesn't pay to court disaster, Robin."

Carefully avoiding any black cats or breakable mirrors, we cut to French Freddy's Fencing Academy. Catwoman meets with Monsieur Freddy Touché while he drains spaghetti through his fencing mask. The Bros can tell it's an in-joke in the production.
Freddy is also a fencer in the goods sense, so Catwoman shows him a "triple soupçon" of the opals - which he declines: "Every gendarme in Gotham City is looking for these. It would be impossible to get rid of. Everyone knows that the Batagonian cat's-eye opals are bad luck for anyone who steals them."
Catwoman gives him time to reconsider, even giving her address. The Bros make the obvious joke of it being Newmar's adddress. 

Captain Courageous is still in Gordon's Office where he apologizes to the Duo for selling them Tribbles trying to arrest Batman. Gordon goes to call Bruce to update him on the theft. Coincidentally Batman has to go call on the Batphone in the corner.

RD was discussing future shows to discuss with the family. Junior offered all 30 seasons of The Simpsons.

Rather than inform Gordon that Bruce is unavailable on account of being a millionaire businessman, Batman calls Alfred to use the Bat-Syllable Device that reads out typed in words as the world's earliest Text-To-Speech program. 

Gordon (to Batman): "It's eerie, Batman. Every time I talk to Mr. Wayne, I get the feeling I'm talking to you. For a while I thought you and he were the same person. But here you are and I've just spoken with him on the phone. I guess that dissolves any tentative theory I may have harbored."
O'Hara: "Sure and it does. Bruce Wayne is a millionaire playboy. Hardly a secret identity for Batman."
Checking through the "Well-Known Criminals File" directs to the Duo to Freddy, so they leave.
Courageous: "I'd heard about them out in California, Commissioner Gordon. But the idea of crime fighters in such fantastic costumes seemed too incredible to believe. We never had anything like that in Hollywood."
Gordon: "No one will ever see the likes of them again. For some reason, they chose Gotham City to be the recipient of their derring-do, and I, for one, bless the day they arrived on the scene. Long may they live."

Back at Freddy's, the proprietor thinks they came for lessons.
Robin: "Holy Zorro! Don't you know Batman is the best fencer in the country?"
Against Batman's accusations of his other fencing, Freddy flourishes his sword, causing Robin's head to bob around in following it. Batman then thoroughly defeats him.
Freddy: "I do not accept stolen merchandise anymore. Now I am only interested in body-building. You know, in building bodies."
Robin: "Can't you see he's stalling, Batman?"
Batman: "A man is innocent until proven guilty, Robin. That's provided for in our Constitution. I'll accept your explanation for the nonce. However, if we find that you've been prevaricating, it will not go well for you. ... Au revoir."
RD reminds Vince not to use the word 'nonce' nowadays because it's more used to refer to pedophiles. 

In the lair Catwoman continues to find a suitable customer. "Drat, drat, double drat." Freddy appears to tell her of Batman's nosiness. "Triple drat."
He suggests just turning them in for the reward ($3 million), even if it is smaller and Freddy gets a cut. Catwoman begrudgingly agrees...only for Freddy to see that the opals are in fact fakes. "These are  imitation zircons that have been dipped in cherry frosting. And a poor grade of cherry frosting at that."
Catwoman: "Batman did it! That dirty, rotten guy! I'll get him if it's the second-to-last thing I do!"

Back at the Office the auctioneer is also there as the occupants thank Batman for figuring out the plot, swapping the jewels for the fakes, and offering a reward. Sure enough a goon immediately shows up with a message from Catwoman: Batman is to meet her alone at midnight in a model house at the "Sherlock Holmes Real Estate Development in Suburban, Norchester".
Batman: "You can tell your mistress that I will agree to her terms."
Robin reminds him of her duplicity all the time they've fought. "Hope springs eternal," he replies in hope.

Vince finds the characters more defined and easier to follow than most of current wrestling (i.e. WWE). 

So he enters the ring model home (:39) and Catwoman descends stairs in her most seductive look yet.

Batman: "You're a rare lady, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "I'm rare in more ways than that. I thought that, well, you know...perhaps we might get to know each other a little better."
Batman: "I would think that we know each other well enough by now."
Catwoman: "Don't run away, Batman. I won't bite."
The Love Theme then starts loudly playing.
Batman: "You're very beautiful, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Yes. You're quite right. I am."
Batman: "Your propinquity could make a man forget himself."
Catwoman: "I don't know what that means but it sure sounds nice."
Batman: "I refer to the nearness of you."
Catwoman (bending over): "Batman...let's throw caution to the winds. I mean, after all, we are two adult human beings, and we're both interested in the same thing: happiness. I can give you more  happiness than anyone in the world."
Batman: "How do you propose to do that?"
Catwoman: "By being your partner in life. I mean, it's me and you against the world."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Well, I'll have him killed. Painlessly. Well, he is a bit of a bore with his "holy-this" and "holy-that." 

During all this Vince couldn't help but notice West's very prominent Batboner. He wishes there was some scene with the two together in bed while he still has his cowl on. 

Then Vince has to go answer the door for some lost elderly people off camera.

Despite this (Catwoman's seduction, not people ringing the door), Batman suspected she would try to poison him with the fatal scent of Eau de Chat, so he had been wearing Batplugs (in his nose): "you're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive."
Catwoman: "Ha! Put up your gloves, Batman. I'm gonna practice the art of cat-rate on you!"
Batman: "Your mistake. Cat-rate, as you call it, correctly pronounced "karate," is a defensive form. Therefore, in order for you to make a move, I must move, and I won't."
So she has to call her goons in.
Batman: "The odds are about right. Four against one."
Robin (bursting in): "Four against two, Batman! I couldn't resist. You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing."
Batman: "Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders often times come gems."
Vince wondered what would have happened if it was Robin who was seduced instead.

Cue a short fight with Victor Paul being thrown all over the place. Even West and Ward are there, taking any advantage to impress Newmar. Catwoman runs for her Catillac but can't find the keys, so Batman corners her by jumping into the back seat.
Batman: "Going my way?"
Catwoman: "I wish I were, Batman. But we're fated to travel in different directions. You on the straight  and narrow and me on the crooked and wide."
Batman: "Catwoman, it would be so easy for you to tread the path of righteousness."
Catwoman: "I'm afraid not, Batman. I need what every woman needs. The love of a good man."

Vince found some words from Newmar after West's passing, describing him positively including as "the Cary Grant of television" among other platitudes, and how they had such great chemistry and ease in their roles. Vince gives her applause for that.   

He also found a piece on women being topless on the nearby mountains. I don't think those two are related. 

Vince also finds as recently as March that 89 year old Newmar still lives and cares for her 42 year old son with Downs Syndrome and deafness (John Jewell Smith, an artist). He reads more about her strong love for her "miracle" son throughout her life. Vince also gives her applause for that.

In Warden Crichton's Office at Gotham Castle Prison, Bruce is there to see Catwoman off.
Bruce: "I'm sorry it had to end this way, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Not half as sorry as I am, Mr. Wayne."
Crichton: "Catwoman, you have destroyed my faith in my modern penological practices."
Catwoman: "Don't judge all criminals by me, Warden Crichton. There are a lot of cons that you have rehabilitated by your methods. I'm the exception, not the rule."
Bruce: "Catwoman's correct. This is a model prison. [Emphasis mine.] Be proud of your work, Warden."
Catwoman: "It's too bad we couldn't get to be better friends, Mr. Wayne. A good parole officer should also be a friend."
Bruce: "I'd like to be your friend."
Catwoman: "There's no room for another man in my life, Mr. Wayne. You're nice...but my heart belongs to Batman. ... Goodbye."

And so does Julie Newmar depart from the world of Batman. 

Both agree this was one of the best episodes ever even with the bittersweet departure. Vince is sad there was nothing publicly romantic between the Bat and the Cat in all that time.

RD found an unaired 10 minute-ish pilot of Batgirl.  

Scott Keith wrote about Cheatum.

Vince watched an old tape where Kane chokeslammed the Phoenix Suns Gorilla over his head.

• Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [7] (Julie Newmar) [6] 

• Window Celebrity: 1. Stanley Adams