by iggy
March 27, 2009
Tony Atlas's chicken
Angry Jim is selling nuts
Mike Check
#in a pickle #jackie blue
WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 4: "Childbirth"
“Jason Reso, I swear to God you’re never touching me again!” Christy Hemme-Reso screamed loudly as she squeezed her husband’s hand. She took a deep breath as her contraction passed and released Jason’s hand. Trying to shake the circulation back into his hand, Jay reached for a towel and gently pressed it to Christy’s forehead, brushing some of her red locks out of her face.
“You’re doing great honey, really.” Jay said supportively as he removed the towel.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Christy laughed, “how about you lay down and have to push this kid out and I’ll hold your hand.”
“I would if I could,” he lied with a smile.
“Sure you woul…ahhhhhhh…” Christy clutched Jay’s hand once again as she was hit with another contraction. When the contraction passed, Jay handed her a cool glass of water which she gladly gulped down.
“Okay Christy, we’re almost there,” the doctor said. “Now, next time I need you to give me a really good push.” Christy nodded and looked to her smiling husband who already had his hand ready for her.
“Squeeze away baby,” Jay said as she took his hand just as another contraction began. She squeezed Jay’s hand so hard he winced in pain. Screaming again, Christy pushed with all of her might. Suddenly the pain subsided and the cries of a newborn baby could be heard.
Crying, Christy pulled Jay down for a kiss as the nurse took the baby to be cleaned and examined.“Congratulations, you’re now the parents of a beautiful baby girl,” the nurse said holding the little pink bundle for the couple to see.
“Christy, isn’t she beautiful?” Jay asked but instead of a response he heard his wife gasping for air before she began to violently convulse. Alarms began to sound loudly from the monitoring equipment hooked up to Christy as the doctors swarmed over to the women, a nurse gently pulling Jason away from his wife. “Christy?”
“Sir, you need to step outside,” she said leading him to the door.“What’s wrong with my wife?”
“You need to step outside sir,” the nurse said sternly as she pushed him out of the door.
Pulling at the door handle, Jay realized the door was locked. Looking through the tiny bit of glass on the door he watched as the doctors frantically moved around his wife and he couldn’t help but notice the flat line the heart monitor was displaying. All at once, the doctors stopped their frantic movements and pulled the bed sheet over Christy’s head.
Tears fell from Jason’s eyes as he continued to try to get into the delivery room. He looked from his wife’s covered form to the new baby on the examination table. How was he ever going to raise this little girl on his own?
The tragic end.
“You’re doing great honey, really.” Jay said supportively as he removed the towel.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Christy laughed, “how about you lay down and have to push this kid out and I’ll hold your hand.”
“I would if I could,” he lied with a smile.
“Sure you woul…ahhhhhhh…” Christy clutched Jay’s hand once again as she was hit with another contraction. When the contraction passed, Jay handed her a cool glass of water which she gladly gulped down.
“Okay Christy, we’re almost there,” the doctor said. “Now, next time I need you to give me a really good push.” Christy nodded and looked to her smiling husband who already had his hand ready for her.
“Squeeze away baby,” Jay said as she took his hand just as another contraction began. She squeezed Jay’s hand so hard he winced in pain. Screaming again, Christy pushed with all of her might. Suddenly the pain subsided and the cries of a newborn baby could be heard.
Crying, Christy pulled Jay down for a kiss as the nurse took the baby to be cleaned and examined.“Congratulations, you’re now the parents of a beautiful baby girl,” the nurse said holding the little pink bundle for the couple to see.
“Christy, isn’t she beautiful?” Jay asked but instead of a response he heard his wife gasping for air before she began to violently convulse. Alarms began to sound loudly from the monitoring equipment hooked up to Christy as the doctors swarmed over to the women, a nurse gently pulling Jason away from his wife. “Christy?”
“Sir, you need to step outside,” she said leading him to the door.“What’s wrong with my wife?”
“You need to step outside sir,” the nurse said sternly as she pushed him out of the door.
Pulling at the door handle, Jay realized the door was locked. Looking through the tiny bit of glass on the door he watched as the doctors frantically moved around his wife and he couldn’t help but notice the flat line the heart monitor was displaying. All at once, the doctors stopped their frantic movements and pulled the bed sheet over Christy’s head.
Tears fell from Jason’s eyes as he continued to try to get into the delivery room. He looked from his wife’s covered form to the new baby on the examination table. How was he ever going to raise this little girl on his own?
The tragic end.
140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009
78 minutes
Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.
RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.
A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)
Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.
Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]
JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.
Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!
More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella
Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.
Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.
RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.
A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)
Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.
Speaking of former Divas we have http://amyvsjoy.com/ starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]
JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.
Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!
More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella
Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.
Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Minisode #139 Agent of the Law Deputy Dawg
by iggy
March 20, 2009
Planet Earth
They ran out of things to celebrate at Disneyland.
German music
Mike Check
#thunderballs #kppv
March 20, 2009
Planet Earth
They ran out of things to celebrate at Disneyland.
German music
Mike Check
#thunderballs #kppv
WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 3: "Trish's Secret"
The moment Trish Stratus had been dreading ever since she joined the
WWE had finally come. She would have to reveal her horrible secret to
the management. There was just no way around it with Vince and
Stephanie McMahon constantly pressuring her into posing for Playboy
magazine to promote the company and Summer Slam. Trish time and again
did her best to prolong the inevitable declining the offer giving out
excuse after excuse, but with her winning back the Women's Title at Bad
Blood they pretty much backed her into a corner. She would at last have
to tell them the truth. Taking a deep breath Trish knocked on
Stephanie's hotel room door.
The door opened and Stephanie, dressed in a skimpy pink nightie which left
nothing to the imagination with the way it showed off her mountainous
tits, greeted Trish with a hug before letting her in. Stephanie could tell Trish
was distressed by the look on her face and asked with concern as they sat
on the couch, "Trish, what's wrong?"
"Well, the truth is... as much as I'd love to, I can never be in Playboy,"
Trish announced as tears began to well up in her eyes.
"I don't understand. Why not?"
"Because... I was born with sort of a birth defect, which if I did pose would
destroy my career and label me a 'freak'!" Trish confessed causing her to
totally breakdown and cry.
"Birth defect!?! You've been doing bikini shoots showing off your perfectly
toned body for years. What could you possibly keep hidden for all this time?"
Stephanie asked completely perplexed.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, so the only way I can prove it is to
you is to show you," she said wiping the tears from her face.
Trish then got up and stood in
front of Stephanie and began to unzip her hip
hugger jeans. When the zipper got all the way to the bottom, giving just a
glimpse of her black laced thong, she reached for Stephanie's hand and placed
it inside. Stephanie's eyes went wide in shock. This couldn't be what she
thought it was. Not only that, it felt huge.
"This can't be real. It's just too big," Stephanie said with doubt, "This
is a rib, isn't it? You had me fooled for a second. You're wearing a large
strap-on dildo. Admit it."
"There's only one way to know for sure. Pull it out and see," Trish
countered.
This caused Stephanie to gulp. She had to call Trish's buff. Grabbing a firm
grip she pulled out the three time consecutive reigning Diva Of The Year's
massive dick from its confines. Stephanie was completely mesmerized by the
sight before her. She was indeed holding on to a real cock. Trish's cock!
"Oh, my God! Trish, how were you
able to keep this a secret for so long? It
must be at least 8 inches," Stephanie muttered as her
petite hand didn't even come close to wrapping around its veiny girth.
"A hell of a lot of duct tape and it's just over 10 inches to be exact," the
blonde confirmed.
"A big, beautiful... 10 inches," Stephanie corrected her as her hand stroked it
to full hardness. Eyeing Trish's cock like a dog does a bone just out of
reach, she licked her lips getting them nice and wet before asking, "May I?"
The End.
WWE had finally come. She would have to reveal her horrible secret to
the management. There was just no way around it with Vince and
Stephanie McMahon constantly pressuring her into posing for Playboy
magazine to promote the company and Summer Slam. Trish time and again
did her best to prolong the inevitable declining the offer giving out
excuse after excuse, but with her winning back the Women's Title at Bad
Blood they pretty much backed her into a corner. She would at last have
to tell them the truth. Taking a deep breath Trish knocked on
Stephanie's hotel room door.
The door opened and Stephanie, dressed in a skimpy pink nightie which left
nothing to the imagination with the way it showed off her mountainous
tits, greeted Trish with a hug before letting her in. Stephanie could tell Trish
was distressed by the look on her face and asked with concern as they sat
on the couch, "Trish, what's wrong?"
"Well, the truth is... as much as I'd love to, I can never be in Playboy,"
Trish announced as tears began to well up in her eyes.
"I don't understand. Why not?"
"Because... I was born with sort of a birth defect, which if I did pose would
destroy my career and label me a 'freak'!" Trish confessed causing her to
totally breakdown and cry.
"Birth defect!?! You've been doing bikini shoots showing off your perfectly
toned body for years. What could you possibly keep hidden for all this time?"
Stephanie asked completely perplexed.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, so the only way I can prove it is to
you is to show you," she said wiping the tears from her face.
Trish then got up and stood in
front of Stephanie and began to unzip her hip
hugger jeans. When the zipper got all the way to the bottom, giving just a
glimpse of her black laced thong, she reached for Stephanie's hand and placed
it inside. Stephanie's eyes went wide in shock. This couldn't be what she
thought it was. Not only that, it felt huge.
"This can't be real. It's just too big," Stephanie said with doubt, "This
is a rib, isn't it? You had me fooled for a second. You're wearing a large
strap-on dildo. Admit it."
"There's only one way to know for sure. Pull it out and see," Trish
countered.
This caused Stephanie to gulp. She had to call Trish's buff. Grabbing a firm
grip she pulled out the three time consecutive reigning Diva Of The Year's
massive dick from its confines. Stephanie was completely mesmerized by the
sight before her. She was indeed holding on to a real cock. Trish's cock!
"Oh, my God! Trish, how were you
able to keep this a secret for so long? It
must be at least 8 inches," Stephanie muttered as her
petite hand didn't even come close to wrapping around its veiny girth.
"A hell of a lot of duct tape and it's just over 10 inches to be exact," the
blonde confirmed.
"A big, beautiful... 10 inches," Stephanie corrected her as her hand stroked it
to full hardness. Eyeing Trish's cock like a dog does a bone just out of
reach, she licked her lips getting them nice and wet before asking, "May I?"
The End.