Now that Jim has decided to retire, it won't be long before he may have to revert to (re)starting a "side businesses" to make some dough (or sauce in his case). Well it's the fall season, so why not call "Angry Jim's Barbeque and Lawn Service" today? ...He needs the money! (From Wrestlecrap Radio episode #183).
Minisode #183 Angry Jim's Summer Job
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WWE Total Divas Recap Episode 5: The Oncoming Storm
Previously on Total Divas…
Episode 5: “Feuding Funkadactyls” OR “The Oncoming Storm”
We start off with the NXT Divas putting bronzer on each other before they go to the gym, which Eva Marie does because just in case she’ll run into someone. The NXT Divas head into the gym to get in their daily workout but then they change their minds & horse around by doing some headlocks on one another & they run into “Shield” member Roman Reigns. They have some small talk & the Divas leave. Eva Marie has another sexy crush feeling again & this time it’s on Roman Reigns!
Total Divas Entrance of Illegal Water Torture!
We’re at Natalya & Tyson Kidd’s home where the couple are having some fun in the pool when they get a call from Tyson’s mother. Natalya will be wrestling at her home town of Calgary, Alberta, Canada for her “birthday week” but she does NOT want to spend time with Tyson’s mother. (RD: “Oh don’t tell me Natalya celebrates that crap! For those that don’t know what a ‘birthday week’ is it’s when women decide to stretch out the birthday celebration by making it one whole week of celebration. Honestly it is one of the stupidest things to happen. I mean if Jim Neidhart knew that a week from when Natalya was going to be conceived I’m betting he would wear a rubber or not have sex at all. Or even worse which would be Jim Neidhart having sex with The Bellas mom! Yes you heard me. Natalya Neidhart could have been Nattie Bella!” Just sayin’.”) Natalya gives Tyson the phone to he can speak to his mother & it looks like the mom is insisting that Natalya & Tyson spend the night at her place rather than at a hotel; Natalya is not too fond of that idea since Tyson’s mom has a small 1-Bedroom house & Natalya has to share the bed with the mom while Tyson sleeps on the sofa & she’s not too thrilled about that. Natalya asks Tyson to tell his mom that they are staying at a hotel.
New York, New York. Cameron visits Naomi in her hotel room. Naomi wants to spend the day crashing in her room but Cameron wants to go shopping. Cameron wants to take Naomi clothes shopping but Trinity is fighting hard to get out of it.
Now we’re heading out to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Inside the arena where The Bellas are learning their lines for the filming of a segment with The Funkadactlys about the WWE App. (RD:” Oh Lordie. Are we going to shill for that damn app here as well?!?”)
So The Bellas & Funkadactyls film their segment & afterwards they have some small talk. The Bellas are going to visit their mom this week & Bree wants to see their dad but Nikki doesn’t want to because dad’s an addict. Natalya arrives at the arena & she is very happy because not only its her birthday but her match is on RAW so everything is perfect…Until her match is a tag-team match with her partner Kaitlyn versus The Bellas & she loses to The Bellas. (RD: “OUCH!”) Soon afterwards Natalya & Tyson arrived at the hotel & Natalya wants sexy time! Our couple has a little foreplay then they get a call from Tyson’s mom which kills the mood; Natalya says that Tyson’s mom wants Tyson all to herself but it’s her “birthday week” so that’s not going to happen. Looks like plans have change as Tyson’s now spending the night at her mom’s home; Natalya’s not too thrilled about that.
Over to Los Angeles, CA as Nikki & boyfriend John Cena are having a couples night with Naomi & fiancé Jimmy Uso. Also joining the party is Cameron & her dumbass boyfriend Vincent; Cameron drops Vincent aside as The Funkadactyls enter because it was Cameron’s idea to go to a grand opening of a boutique. Naomi wants to just enter the store but Cameron insists they stay outside so the photographers take pictures of them. Naomi says the glamour of her job is okay but she would rather concentrate on her wrestling moves more than anything. (RD:”Wait a minute. You are trying to tell me that Naomi is a…Diva?!?”) Naomi walks away from the camera while Cameron enjoys every minute of it.
Over to Tampa, FL & “The Fortress of Solitude” a.k.a. Cena’s home. Cena’s making coffee while Nikki’s looking at some framed pictures & can’t tell who Joseph Stalin, Winston Churchill, & former U.S. President Franklin Delanor Roosevelt are. (RD:”Yes that did happen & yes Nikki’s a dumbass! She admitted to it!”) Cena’s trying to teach Nikki how to speak Chinese but she’s having a hard time to learn it because…
Nikki Bella: “It’s definitely hard to learn a different language. I know some Spanish, but Chinese is literally like…Chinese.”
(RD:”Nikki must be a great lay because no one can be that stupid!”)
Cena brings up how The Bellas are going to see their mom but when dear old dad comes up Nikki wants to change the subject. Cena wants Nikki to reconcile with her dad, Nikki doesn’t want to because of the fear of having her dad cause trouble all over again, Cena wants Nikki to talk to her dad in hoping that maybe things changed.
Back to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya’s having a lunch date with Tyson & his mom when Natalya gets a surprise visitor in the form of Tyson’s sister Valerie which Natalya is not too thrilled to see as well. Tyson’s mom brings up why Natalya’s at a hotel, Natalya brings up that she needs the hotel because of her popularity, mom brings up that family is important. Valerie brings up that Tyson’s been spending time with the family. Mom brings up Natalya & Tyson’s long relationship; Valerie wants them to have kids, mom thinks a bad idea, Valerie asked for Tyson’s opinion about wanting kids, Tyson was about to give his opinion when Natalya hushes him. Valerie brings up how Natalya & Tyson should take pre-marital counseling. (RD: “A little bit awkward there.”) Natalya & Tyson say they don’t have any issues but Natalya notices how mom is giving Tyson a lot of attention.
Back to Tampa, Fl where The Bellas are about to start their daily workout when Nikki brings up to Bree about wanting to makeup with dad if Bree goes with her, Bree totally agrees on that.
Over to the NXT Training Center where Naomi wants to create a new dance routine that’ll give new life to The Funkadactyls. Naomi wants to do some high-paced acrobatic moves but Cameron wants to go “Divalicious”. (RD:” For those that don’t know what the word "Divalicious is it's Cameron’s word when she was on ‘Tough Enough’. It’s what she thinks the WWE Divas are in her little moronic head.”) Cameron feels the conflict coming from both of them. Naomi wants them to do more in the ring but Cameron doesn’t like the acrobatic & wants them to concentrate on the camera because that’s what it’s all about. (RD:”Oh yeah sure; Cameron has that experience from that ONE episode of ‘Tough Enough’ that she did!”) Naomi is getting frustrated.
We’re back as The Bellas visit their family down in Brawley, CA & the only thing of interest here is The Bella’s grandmother wants to talk about how Bree’s boyfriend Daniel Bryan wants to use a compost heap which grandma thinks it’s a silly idea. Which leads us to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya goes to visit a friend’s tanning salon to celebrate “herself”. (RD: “Like spacing out your own week for your birthday isn’t enough.”) Turns out that Natalya’s friend has an amateur wrestling background & helped her out with some of her wrestling moves. Natalya asks to get a spray tan from him. The friend wants to catch a dinner with Natalya so they can catch up on some old times.
Back to Brawley as The Bellas visit their dead grandfather’s grave & they keep mentioning how their grandfather would be proud of what they are doing right now. (RD:”Proud as is in being proud that Nikki is sleeping her way to the top?”) With The Bellas dad walking out on their lives it turns out that the granddad was their father figure growing up, Nikki says that it was her granddad that made her the woman she is today. (RD:”By having Nikki tell Cena ‘No ring, no anal!’ Just sayin’.”) A quick return trip once again to…
Lance Storm: "*sigh* Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya is getting dressed up because today is FINALLY her birthday! (RD:”PHEW! I mean after that hard celebrating of an entire week of ‘hey look at me awesomeness!’ Must be tiring.”) Natalya gets a call from Tyson that he’s down in the lobby so she meets him & Natalya notices something odd. Tyson isn’t dressed up for Natalya. Tyson says they are going to have dinner at her sister’s place so they can see his family because they are never here in Calgary. Natalya is upset because she wanted a dinner alone with her & Tyson not her, Tyson, & his family! Natalya returns to her room letting Tyson have dinner with his family. (RD: “Okay I’m split here. On one side the guy is right & you should see family. Then again they already saw the sister & mother earlier in the episode & adding to it we have a full ‘birthday week’ celebration crap! Then again this had to happen on Natalya’s birthday! Oh I’m so confused. I don’t know who to turn my hate on!”)
Over to Tampa, FL where The Funkadactyls & The NXT Divas decide to have a nice day off of go-karting. Eva Marie & Cameron goof around while Cameron says that she has to win everything or else she’ll have a “boo-boo face”. (RD: “Well not everything Miss ’you got your ass booted on Week 1 of Tough Enough’!”) After some fun time at go-karting the ladies have a competitive race & Cameron wins! Cameron grabs the first place “medal” & runs around as if she won the World Series. (RD:”Geez! This was a game. I mean come on!”) Naomi’s just happy that she had a good time while Cameron is being a sore winner. Naomi really doesn’t care who won the race but Cameron HAD TO RUB IT IN Naomi’s face that she’s the winner. (RD:”I’m starting to like Naomi as a person here & if Cameron pulled that crap in my face I would go Angry Jim Ross on her face & I would tell Cameron to go f**k herself!”) Naomi just couldn’t take any more of Cameron’s crap & had to slip in that she’s the one that wins their matches, Cameron brings up that she’s the speaker of the team. (RD: “If that’s what you call talent on the mike there Cameron that’s not a good job at it!”) Now Cameron’s pissy that Naomi took it personal. The NXT Divas are in some sort of joyful shock seeing The Funkadactyls bicker with one another. Naomi politely tells Cameron to shut up but Cameron responds with a “Pfft. Whatever” hand look & walks off. (RD:”Yeah real mature there.”) Naomi says nobody wants to hear her crap right now about being a winner, Cameron said she was KIDDING! (RD:”BULLSHIT!”) Eva Marie just wants to get the hell out of there so while she grabs JoJo to leave, Naomi shoves Cameron & then…THE FUNKADACTLYS EXPLODE!@! They both get into each other’s faces, Naomi dares Cameron to hit her, they both get into a little girl tussle with Cameron pie-facing Naomi & walks off!
We’re back as…THE FUNKADACTYLS EXPLODE…AGAIN! Now it just breaks down as it turns into an episode of “The Jerry Springer Show”. Naomi thinks Cameron thinks she has all that class but she has nothing. Naomi’s waiting on Cameron to do something but Cameron just walks off, Naomi calls out Cameron’s punk card! Hey you know what it’s time for! It’s time for us to go back to…
Lance Storm: "*sigh* Calgary…Alberta, Canada. Look I know there's this joke where my catchphrase used to be that I announced where my hometown was but you're killing this joke. Can I get paid now?"
(RD:"Sure thing Mr. Storm we'll have someone from Trolla pay you. Go to our Accounting Department & look for Nathaniel; he has a bad skin condition & ignore him saying 'brains' a lot since he's a big fan of 'The Walking Dead'.")
As Natalya decided that instead of having dinner with Tyson & his family she instead decides to have dinner with her friend from the suntan place Jaret. (RD:”In some guys that would be considered a WEE BIT whorish.”) Of course Natalya thought it was pretty nice for Jaret to make arrangements…at a very nice restaurant where they can be alone. (RD:”Hrm…If I didn’t know any better I would think that this Jaret guy wants to bang Natalya!”) They both have some small talk when Natalya slips out about how Tyson’s such a momma’s boy. Jaret comes out & says that maybe Natalya should look for someone else that makes her happy; someone that should take care of her, someone that rented out an entire restaurant (RD: “Jaret said that.”), someone that maybe...Owns his own suntan business (RD: “Me right there”). Jaret finally admits that Natalya should dump Tyson & be in a relationship with him instead! Natalya is speechless. (RD:”Whether it’s a good or bad speechless I don’t know.”)
Back to Brawley with The Bellas as Bree arranged a family meeting with dear old dad & they decided to bring brother JJ along. Daddy Bella comes in & is happily greeted by Bree & JJ while Nikki just wants to get the hell outta there.
Back at the appearance of Daddy Bellas & Nikki reluctantly hugs her father. Daddy Bellas wants to know what’s wrong with Nikki? Nikki says that Daddy basically left her & Bree & really screwed up her life. Nikki goes into one sob fest saying that it was her grand dad that became her father figure & wants Daddy Bella to go to hell. Daddy Bella sounds pretty remorseful & wants to redeem himself to Nikki.
Backstage at RAW where The Bellas are filming a segment with R-Truth & Natalya’s checking her phone. The Funkadactyls arrive separately since there’s still bad blood since they…EXPLODED! WWE Talent Relations Guru Jane Geddes brings up tonight’s Diva Match of a Six-Diva Tag Team Match of AJ Lee & The Bellas versus The Funkadactlys & Kaitlyn. The Funkadactlys get verbal about not wanting to work with each other, Jane asked for some private time with The Funkadactyls to see what’s going on. Naomi doesn’t want to deal with Cameron’s drama & asks to be sent back to NXT, Cameron calls out Naomi for acting unprofessionally, & then things self-destruct again! Jane breaks up the fight & says that it’s up to WWE Creative if they want to break up The Funkadactlys & IRONICALLY enough the Head of WWE Creative Stephy Bear is here & will arrange a meeting with them. The Funkadactlys fight again with Cameron storming out of the room & telling our cast how Naomi is SO wrong. (RD:”Yeah, real mature there & not Divalicious. I’m remembering why I hate Cameron SO MUCH!”)
The Funkadactlys get their meeting with Stephy Bear & Naomi’s hoping she can be free of Cameron! They have their meeting & Cameron says that they need to be professional but it started at their day-off go-karting & she admitted she acted like a big winner & says Naomi pushed her. Naomi admits to pushing Cameron. Stephy Bear is not happy with Naomi pushing Cameron, Naomi defends herself by saying that Cameron is pretty much involved in this as her. Stephy Bear is not happy with the way The Funkadactyls acted publicly but decides to grant Naomi’s request & tonight each of The Funkadactyls will get a singles match tonight. (RD: “Naomi has some decent ring skills while Cameron…*shiver*”)
RAW is about to start soon & we get The Funkadactly’s match information. Naomi vs. Alicia Fox & Cameron vs. Aksana. (RD: “Well that’s pretty fugly right there. Alicia Fox is as botchy as a Bella to the point where she can’t even do her damn finisher right! While Aksana on the other hand is well…meh but a meh on the bad side so advantage Cameron I guess?”) Cameron walks off thinking that she’ll be the star while Seamstress Sandra wants to know what’s going on with The Funkadactlys, Naomi gets all in Sandra’s face & walks off to get ready.
RAW’s alive & kicking as The Bellas go watch “Team Hell No” & Cena vs. The Shield. We see The Bellas actually get turned on by Cena & Daniel wrestling. (RD: “EW!”) Funkadactyl match number 1 is here & it’s Naomi/Alicia Fox with the cast & Jane watching backstage. Natalya notices Naomi already winded & notes to her inexperienced at working singles matches which makes Cameron happy. Naomi botches a Flying Body Splash on Alicia Fox which ended up landing on her face! In the end it was Alicia Fox that gets the win. Cameron’s turn next as she faces Aksana & Cameron’s running the match way too fast & she’s botchier than Naomi! (RD:” In fact Cameron’s so botchy that I miss Kelly Kelly in a WWE ring so I can she her ‘wrestle’ to get the taste of Cameron’s bad wrestling out of my mind!”) After seeing Cameron losing to Aksana & her horrific wrestling; Naomi decides to apologize Cameron for everything that happened. Cameron apologized to Naomi & they both decide to be a team again.
End of Show.
(RD: "Work delayed this but don't worry. I'll make it up to you soon.")
Episode 5: “Feuding Funkadactyls” OR “The Oncoming Storm”
We start off with the NXT Divas putting bronzer on each other before they go to the gym, which Eva Marie does because just in case she’ll run into someone. The NXT Divas head into the gym to get in their daily workout but then they change their minds & horse around by doing some headlocks on one another & they run into “Shield” member Roman Reigns. They have some small talk & the Divas leave. Eva Marie has another sexy crush feeling again & this time it’s on Roman Reigns!
Total Divas Entrance of Illegal Water Torture!
We’re at Natalya & Tyson Kidd’s home where the couple are having some fun in the pool when they get a call from Tyson’s mother. Natalya will be wrestling at her home town of Calgary, Alberta, Canada for her “birthday week” but she does NOT want to spend time with Tyson’s mother. (RD: “Oh don’t tell me Natalya celebrates that crap! For those that don’t know what a ‘birthday week’ is it’s when women decide to stretch out the birthday celebration by making it one whole week of celebration. Honestly it is one of the stupidest things to happen. I mean if Jim Neidhart knew that a week from when Natalya was going to be conceived I’m betting he would wear a rubber or not have sex at all. Or even worse which would be Jim Neidhart having sex with The Bellas mom! Yes you heard me. Natalya Neidhart could have been Nattie Bella!” Just sayin’.”) Natalya gives Tyson the phone to he can speak to his mother & it looks like the mom is insisting that Natalya & Tyson spend the night at her place rather than at a hotel; Natalya is not too fond of that idea since Tyson’s mom has a small 1-Bedroom house & Natalya has to share the bed with the mom while Tyson sleeps on the sofa & she’s not too thrilled about that. Natalya asks Tyson to tell his mom that they are staying at a hotel.
New York, New York. Cameron visits Naomi in her hotel room. Naomi wants to spend the day crashing in her room but Cameron wants to go shopping. Cameron wants to take Naomi clothes shopping but Trinity is fighting hard to get out of it.
Now we’re heading out to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Inside the arena where The Bellas are learning their lines for the filming of a segment with The Funkadactlys about the WWE App. (RD:” Oh Lordie. Are we going to shill for that damn app here as well?!?”)
So The Bellas & Funkadactyls film their segment & afterwards they have some small talk. The Bellas are going to visit their mom this week & Bree wants to see their dad but Nikki doesn’t want to because dad’s an addict. Natalya arrives at the arena & she is very happy because not only its her birthday but her match is on RAW so everything is perfect…Until her match is a tag-team match with her partner Kaitlyn versus The Bellas & she loses to The Bellas. (RD: “OUCH!”) Soon afterwards Natalya & Tyson arrived at the hotel & Natalya wants sexy time! Our couple has a little foreplay then they get a call from Tyson’s mom which kills the mood; Natalya says that Tyson’s mom wants Tyson all to herself but it’s her “birthday week” so that’s not going to happen. Looks like plans have change as Tyson’s now spending the night at her mom’s home; Natalya’s not too thrilled about that.
Over to Los Angeles, CA as Nikki & boyfriend John Cena are having a couples night with Naomi & fiancé Jimmy Uso. Also joining the party is Cameron & her dumbass boyfriend Vincent; Cameron drops Vincent aside as The Funkadactyls enter because it was Cameron’s idea to go to a grand opening of a boutique. Naomi wants to just enter the store but Cameron insists they stay outside so the photographers take pictures of them. Naomi says the glamour of her job is okay but she would rather concentrate on her wrestling moves more than anything. (RD:”Wait a minute. You are trying to tell me that Naomi is a…Diva?!?”) Naomi walks away from the camera while Cameron enjoys every minute of it.
Over to Tampa, FL & “The Fortress of Solitude” a.k.a. Cena’s home. Cena’s making coffee while Nikki’s looking at some framed pictures & can’t tell who Joseph Stalin, Winston Churchill, & former U.S. President Franklin Delanor Roosevelt are. (RD:”Yes that did happen & yes Nikki’s a dumbass! She admitted to it!”) Cena’s trying to teach Nikki how to speak Chinese but she’s having a hard time to learn it because…
Nikki Bella: “It’s definitely hard to learn a different language. I know some Spanish, but Chinese is literally like…Chinese.”
(RD:”Nikki must be a great lay because no one can be that stupid!”)
Cena brings up how The Bellas are going to see their mom but when dear old dad comes up Nikki wants to change the subject. Cena wants Nikki to reconcile with her dad, Nikki doesn’t want to because of the fear of having her dad cause trouble all over again, Cena wants Nikki to talk to her dad in hoping that maybe things changed.
Back to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya’s having a lunch date with Tyson & his mom when Natalya gets a surprise visitor in the form of Tyson’s sister Valerie which Natalya is not too thrilled to see as well. Tyson’s mom brings up why Natalya’s at a hotel, Natalya brings up that she needs the hotel because of her popularity, mom brings up that family is important. Valerie brings up that Tyson’s been spending time with the family. Mom brings up Natalya & Tyson’s long relationship; Valerie wants them to have kids, mom thinks a bad idea, Valerie asked for Tyson’s opinion about wanting kids, Tyson was about to give his opinion when Natalya hushes him. Valerie brings up how Natalya & Tyson should take pre-marital counseling. (RD: “A little bit awkward there.”) Natalya & Tyson say they don’t have any issues but Natalya notices how mom is giving Tyson a lot of attention.
Back to Tampa, Fl where The Bellas are about to start their daily workout when Nikki brings up to Bree about wanting to makeup with dad if Bree goes with her, Bree totally agrees on that.
Over to the NXT Training Center where Naomi wants to create a new dance routine that’ll give new life to The Funkadactyls. Naomi wants to do some high-paced acrobatic moves but Cameron wants to go “Divalicious”. (RD:” For those that don’t know what the word "Divalicious is it's Cameron’s word when she was on ‘Tough Enough’. It’s what she thinks the WWE Divas are in her little moronic head.”) Cameron feels the conflict coming from both of them. Naomi wants them to do more in the ring but Cameron doesn’t like the acrobatic & wants them to concentrate on the camera because that’s what it’s all about. (RD:”Oh yeah sure; Cameron has that experience from that ONE episode of ‘Tough Enough’ that she did!”) Naomi is getting frustrated.
We’re back as The Bellas visit their family down in Brawley, CA & the only thing of interest here is The Bella’s grandmother wants to talk about how Bree’s boyfriend Daniel Bryan wants to use a compost heap which grandma thinks it’s a silly idea. Which leads us to…
Lance Storm: "Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya goes to visit a friend’s tanning salon to celebrate “herself”. (RD: “Like spacing out your own week for your birthday isn’t enough.”) Turns out that Natalya’s friend has an amateur wrestling background & helped her out with some of her wrestling moves. Natalya asks to get a spray tan from him. The friend wants to catch a dinner with Natalya so they can catch up on some old times.
Back to Brawley as The Bellas visit their dead grandfather’s grave & they keep mentioning how their grandfather would be proud of what they are doing right now. (RD:”Proud as is in being proud that Nikki is sleeping her way to the top?”) With The Bellas dad walking out on their lives it turns out that the granddad was their father figure growing up, Nikki says that it was her granddad that made her the woman she is today. (RD:”By having Nikki tell Cena ‘No ring, no anal!’ Just sayin’.”) A quick return trip once again to…
Lance Storm: "*sigh* Calgary…Alberta, Canada."
Natalya is getting dressed up because today is FINALLY her birthday! (RD:”PHEW! I mean after that hard celebrating of an entire week of ‘hey look at me awesomeness!’ Must be tiring.”) Natalya gets a call from Tyson that he’s down in the lobby so she meets him & Natalya notices something odd. Tyson isn’t dressed up for Natalya. Tyson says they are going to have dinner at her sister’s place so they can see his family because they are never here in Calgary. Natalya is upset because she wanted a dinner alone with her & Tyson not her, Tyson, & his family! Natalya returns to her room letting Tyson have dinner with his family. (RD: “Okay I’m split here. On one side the guy is right & you should see family. Then again they already saw the sister & mother earlier in the episode & adding to it we have a full ‘birthday week’ celebration crap! Then again this had to happen on Natalya’s birthday! Oh I’m so confused. I don’t know who to turn my hate on!”)
Over to Tampa, FL where The Funkadactyls & The NXT Divas decide to have a nice day off of go-karting. Eva Marie & Cameron goof around while Cameron says that she has to win everything or else she’ll have a “boo-boo face”. (RD: “Well not everything Miss ’you got your ass booted on Week 1 of Tough Enough’!”) After some fun time at go-karting the ladies have a competitive race & Cameron wins! Cameron grabs the first place “medal” & runs around as if she won the World Series. (RD:”Geez! This was a game. I mean come on!”) Naomi’s just happy that she had a good time while Cameron is being a sore winner. Naomi really doesn’t care who won the race but Cameron HAD TO RUB IT IN Naomi’s face that she’s the winner. (RD:”I’m starting to like Naomi as a person here & if Cameron pulled that crap in my face I would go Angry Jim Ross on her face & I would tell Cameron to go f**k herself!”) Naomi just couldn’t take any more of Cameron’s crap & had to slip in that she’s the one that wins their matches, Cameron brings up that she’s the speaker of the team. (RD: “If that’s what you call talent on the mike there Cameron that’s not a good job at it!”) Now Cameron’s pissy that Naomi took it personal. The NXT Divas are in some sort of joyful shock seeing The Funkadactyls bicker with one another. Naomi politely tells Cameron to shut up but Cameron responds with a “Pfft. Whatever” hand look & walks off. (RD:”Yeah real mature there.”) Naomi says nobody wants to hear her crap right now about being a winner, Cameron said she was KIDDING! (RD:”BULLSHIT!”) Eva Marie just wants to get the hell out of there so while she grabs JoJo to leave, Naomi shoves Cameron & then…THE FUNKADACTLYS EXPLODE!@! They both get into each other’s faces, Naomi dares Cameron to hit her, they both get into a little girl tussle with Cameron pie-facing Naomi & walks off!
We’re back as…THE FUNKADACTYLS EXPLODE…AGAIN! Now it just breaks down as it turns into an episode of “The Jerry Springer Show”. Naomi thinks Cameron thinks she has all that class but she has nothing. Naomi’s waiting on Cameron to do something but Cameron just walks off, Naomi calls out Cameron’s punk card! Hey you know what it’s time for! It’s time for us to go back to…
Lance Storm: "*sigh* Calgary…Alberta, Canada. Look I know there's this joke where my catchphrase used to be that I announced where my hometown was but you're killing this joke. Can I get paid now?"
(RD:"Sure thing Mr. Storm we'll have someone from Trolla pay you. Go to our Accounting Department & look for Nathaniel; he has a bad skin condition & ignore him saying 'brains' a lot since he's a big fan of 'The Walking Dead'.")
As Natalya decided that instead of having dinner with Tyson & his family she instead decides to have dinner with her friend from the suntan place Jaret. (RD:”In some guys that would be considered a WEE BIT whorish.”) Of course Natalya thought it was pretty nice for Jaret to make arrangements…at a very nice restaurant where they can be alone. (RD:”Hrm…If I didn’t know any better I would think that this Jaret guy wants to bang Natalya!”) They both have some small talk when Natalya slips out about how Tyson’s such a momma’s boy. Jaret comes out & says that maybe Natalya should look for someone else that makes her happy; someone that should take care of her, someone that rented out an entire restaurant (RD: “Jaret said that.”), someone that maybe...Owns his own suntan business (RD: “Me right there”). Jaret finally admits that Natalya should dump Tyson & be in a relationship with him instead! Natalya is speechless. (RD:”Whether it’s a good or bad speechless I don’t know.”)
Back to Brawley with The Bellas as Bree arranged a family meeting with dear old dad & they decided to bring brother JJ along. Daddy Bella comes in & is happily greeted by Bree & JJ while Nikki just wants to get the hell outta there.
Back at the appearance of Daddy Bellas & Nikki reluctantly hugs her father. Daddy Bellas wants to know what’s wrong with Nikki? Nikki says that Daddy basically left her & Bree & really screwed up her life. Nikki goes into one sob fest saying that it was her grand dad that became her father figure & wants Daddy Bella to go to hell. Daddy Bella sounds pretty remorseful & wants to redeem himself to Nikki.
Backstage at RAW where The Bellas are filming a segment with R-Truth & Natalya’s checking her phone. The Funkadactyls arrive separately since there’s still bad blood since they…EXPLODED! WWE Talent Relations Guru Jane Geddes brings up tonight’s Diva Match of a Six-Diva Tag Team Match of AJ Lee & The Bellas versus The Funkadactlys & Kaitlyn. The Funkadactlys get verbal about not wanting to work with each other, Jane asked for some private time with The Funkadactyls to see what’s going on. Naomi doesn’t want to deal with Cameron’s drama & asks to be sent back to NXT, Cameron calls out Naomi for acting unprofessionally, & then things self-destruct again! Jane breaks up the fight & says that it’s up to WWE Creative if they want to break up The Funkadactlys & IRONICALLY enough the Head of WWE Creative Stephy Bear is here & will arrange a meeting with them. The Funkadactlys fight again with Cameron storming out of the room & telling our cast how Naomi is SO wrong. (RD:”Yeah, real mature there & not Divalicious. I’m remembering why I hate Cameron SO MUCH!”)
The Funkadactlys get their meeting with Stephy Bear & Naomi’s hoping she can be free of Cameron! They have their meeting & Cameron says that they need to be professional but it started at their day-off go-karting & she admitted she acted like a big winner & says Naomi pushed her. Naomi admits to pushing Cameron. Stephy Bear is not happy with Naomi pushing Cameron, Naomi defends herself by saying that Cameron is pretty much involved in this as her. Stephy Bear is not happy with the way The Funkadactyls acted publicly but decides to grant Naomi’s request & tonight each of The Funkadactyls will get a singles match tonight. (RD: “Naomi has some decent ring skills while Cameron…*shiver*”)
RAW is about to start soon & we get The Funkadactly’s match information. Naomi vs. Alicia Fox & Cameron vs. Aksana. (RD: “Well that’s pretty fugly right there. Alicia Fox is as botchy as a Bella to the point where she can’t even do her damn finisher right! While Aksana on the other hand is well…meh but a meh on the bad side so advantage Cameron I guess?”) Cameron walks off thinking that she’ll be the star while Seamstress Sandra wants to know what’s going on with The Funkadactlys, Naomi gets all in Sandra’s face & walks off to get ready.
RAW’s alive & kicking as The Bellas go watch “Team Hell No” & Cena vs. The Shield. We see The Bellas actually get turned on by Cena & Daniel wrestling. (RD: “EW!”) Funkadactyl match number 1 is here & it’s Naomi/Alicia Fox with the cast & Jane watching backstage. Natalya notices Naomi already winded & notes to her inexperienced at working singles matches which makes Cameron happy. Naomi botches a Flying Body Splash on Alicia Fox which ended up landing on her face! In the end it was Alicia Fox that gets the win. Cameron’s turn next as she faces Aksana & Cameron’s running the match way too fast & she’s botchier than Naomi! (RD:” In fact Cameron’s so botchy that I miss Kelly Kelly in a WWE ring so I can she her ‘wrestle’ to get the taste of Cameron’s bad wrestling out of my mind!”) After seeing Cameron losing to Aksana & her horrific wrestling; Naomi decides to apologize Cameron for everything that happened. Cameron apologized to Naomi & they both decide to be a team again.
End of Show.
(RD: "Work delayed this but don't worry. I'll make it up to you soon.")
Episode 19: Cereal Killer: August 29, 2013
 |
| What a mouthful. |
RD is once again in Amsterdam for his business, and has even trapped himself in his hotel room to make his phone call. Blade laughs at the absurd situation for some reason.
RD: "See, that is worth me staying in this hotel, so that I could sit here and talk with you about Liz's granny panties."
Blade has a 25 year old erection. He should get that looked at by a doctor. (:06) Randy Savage's erection is brought up.
RD had a dream about being interviewed by Al Isaacs and constantly shilling himself before ending his interview with a bad joke. In other words, he made him listen to his radio progrem. (:08)
RD's Skype balance is running low, so he warns the show may be running short. Oh, if only that were true. (:13) He has an idea on basing his 'segments' on how much money they wasted - I mean, consumed. If he did that however, he would probably have to write the whole episode off as a loss. Blade bemoans having responsibilities. This costs 4 cents. (:16)
RD reads a sent-in plug that he forgot to read back in Indy in his Jeff Foxworthy impression. (:19)
RD takes a look through his minibar. (:23)
RD took a TRIP to a grocery store to buy some chips. (:28) He doesn't mind the Lays, even if they do smell like leather/shoes for some reason, but the Dutch ones make him gag.
This of course leads to discussion about wrestling clowns.
Coke or Coca-Cola? (:37)
Blade: "Real quick, before we get sidetracked..."
Blade doesn't want to be a father, not even to "accidentally adopt" a child. This pleases RD, as does us all. (:47)
Blade once met a rich dude. (:49) RD apologizes for the show devolving into yet more cereal discussion.
Blade's Boo Berry green poop is finally vindicated through an online search. (:55) This site is once again mentioned. (:57)
Blade has no idea who is winning in their drinking game. To his credit, I don't think anyone else really knows either. (:60)
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)
- The RD & Blade Show Sponsors: 7. NuclearClown.com, WrestleCrap.com, #OccupyCannes, Matt from X-Entertainment, Dinosaur Dracula, The Pirate Bay, USA Network
- SPEAKING OFs: 2. Youth, spike.
- Blade's Poor Performance Excuse: Ear infection for two weeks.
- Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Gorilla Monsoon.
- Blade Time Outs: 9 (2 Real Quick)
- RD Time Outs: 3
- Blade Burps: 2
- You’re Hurtin' Me Randy!: 1
WWE Total Divas Recap Episode 4: Horny Natalya
(RD: Before we get into the recap I got to admit I dropped the ball here. Personal family issues kind of blew up in my face so this got delayed by a couple of days. My bad.)
Before we go on with the recap I found out some very interesting news about one of the cast members for this horrendous show. For you see before she became a part of WWE Eva Marie was a…Contestant in the 2012 “Miss Double D-Cember Beauty Pageant”!
Now for those that aren’t familiar with this pageant; the “Miss Double D-Cember Pageant” is held by local So Cal radio station KROQ as a part of “The Kevin & Bean Show”. Basically it’s a pageant where they want to show hot chicks in bikinis with barely any talent trying to score free concert & event passes. Eva Marie was a contestant using the name "Natalie" but failed to win. It’s kind of famous around here that all walks of women try out; from office personnel to porn stars (Porn Star Sara Stone)! Not kidding. A former porn star did compete in the “Miss Double D-Cember Pageant” & now it looked like Eva Marie did too.
From a whore who falls short in getting herself in an orgy for “Avenge Sevenfold” tickets to a WWE Diva. Once again WWE picks another great woman “talent” to represent them & by “talent” I mean “sex toy”.
Enough making fun of Eva Marie now because I can sure make LOTS of fun of her in this recap so here we go!
Previously on Total Divas…
Episode 4: “The “FAT” Twin” OR “Horny Natalya”
We’re in what it looks like Kansas City as Nikki & Natalya are doing some shopping when they passed by a clothes shop that Nikki wants to check out so she can buy something sexy for John Cena. Natalya wants to help Nikki find something perfect to wear for Nikki but Nikki wants Natalya want to find something sexy for her boyfriend Tyson Kidd whom she’s been with for over a decade! Natalya mentions that ever since Tyson Kidd got his knee injury there has been no sex life between them at all! Nikki is trying to find something sexy for Natalya but honestly she thinks Natalya & Tyson are like an “old couple”. (RD: “And what’s wrong with being an old couple. It shows they are loyal to one another while I’m betting Cena will drop your ass Nikki fast if he finds someone hotter than you.”) Natalya finds something Nikki thinks is not sexy so Nikki finds something for herself & Natalya to try on. Nikki comes out in a pink see-through bra & underwear combo while Natalya tries on a stunning black braw & underwear combo with satin robe (RD: “Purr…”). Nikki gets dressed while Natalya tries on a sexy red bra & underwear set. (RD: “Yum. Sometimes you forget that Natalya is a skilled pro wrestler & PROBABLY a couple of the women that’s holding the Diva’s Division together, the other is AJ Lee, but she is one fine piece of ass.”) Natalya thinks she found something to turn Tyson on.
Total Divas Title Entrance of Long Death!
RAW’s setting up in the Sprint Center at Kansas City. Our cast members are getting dressed for an autograph signing. Cameron notices Nikki’s fake knockers & Nikki loves them. Nikki thinks Bree wants a boob job, Bree’s proud of her boobs. Cameron’s not happy that she’s flat-chested. Cameron tries to put some falsies into her top but Naomi stops her thinking she looks fine the way she is. The Bellas & Funkadactyls make their way to the signing area. Cameron’s noticing how the fans are eyeing Nikki’s surgically enhanced funbags but Naomi says that Nikki is wearing a push-up bra so of course everybody’s noticing them! Nikki is rubbing it in Cameron’s face how the fans are drooling over her & her saline bags. Cameron’s rubbing it in Nikki’s face saying she’s getting a boob job because she wants more money. (RD: “There are only three jobs where a boob job might help a woman get money: Model, Stripper, or Porn Star. Just sayin’.”) Naomi’s telling Cameron to shut up on the boob job talk. Cameron tells Naomi that she made an appointment with a plastic surgeon & she’s coming along!
We’re in the hotel room with Bree & Daniel Bryan talking about where to go for breakfast. Daniel’s looking for a place to eat on his Smartphone. Bree’s looking at herself in the mirror thinking she’s fat. (RD: “Really?!? Bree’s borderline into Kelly Kelly ‘walking skeleton’ look here!”) Daniel thinks it’s funny that Bree always worried about her weight. (RD: “ACK! Apologize! Now! Daniel Bryan’s going to be a dead man soon! Never laugh that your woman is worried about her weight! Never!”) Bree wants to do a juice cleanse for an upcoming WWE Photo shoot but Daniel thinks Bree looks perfect.
We’re heading over to Tampa, FL where Natalya comes home to see Tyson watching a past WWE PPV in the Living Room. Natalya says she knew Kidd ever since they were kids & fell in love when they grew up in the pro wrestling world. (RD:” AW! That makes me feel all squishy.”) Natalya’s trying to talk Tyson into going out for dinner but Tyson just wants to watch “Team Hell No” (Daniel Bryan & Kane) take on “The Shield” (Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose). Natalya says ever since Tyson got injured he spends most of his time in physical rehab which leaves her as a caretaker & loosing that spark in the relationship. (RD: “In Tyson Kidd’s defense as a person who went through physical rehab let me say that it is a PAIN to go through. Just sayin’.”) Natalya goes into the bedroom & changes into that black bra & underwear set she bought to show Tyson; Tyson reacts as if nothing has changed. (RD:”WHAT?!?! Did his penis also get injured as well?!? You have one attractive blonde with great boobs IN HER UNDERWEAR & YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING?!?!? F&$k you Tyson Kidd!”) Natalya just gives up, lies down on the sofa & puts her head on Tyson’s lap thinking she has self-image issues.
(RD: “Dear God Almighty!”)
Nikki wants to have lunch with The NXT Divas mainly for the sole reason of keeping an eye on Eva Marie. The NXT Divas arrive & lunch starts. Eva Marie & Nikki start talking about Instagram & their followers (RD: “Honestly I want to smack them for this. For those that know me I think all Social Media is just one giant ‘Hey-Look-At-Me!’ deal so I barely believe in it but for those that do follow me on Twitter & FB thanks for putting up with my crap. Anyway though shut up Eva Marie!”) when Eva Marie spots someone posting on Nikki’s Instagram pictures saying she’s “fat”; of course that pisses Nikki off but at the same times she says she doesn’t care. (RD: “That was the whole purpose of that comment. He was trying to piss Nikki off! For that he gets 5 TrollaBucks to spend at Trolla but he can only spend it when there’s a full moon.”) Eva Marie & Nikki go into a debate over women & self-image issues while Nikki actually cries over it. (RD: “Hey Daniel! A Bella hater made Nikki cry!”)
We’re in San Diego as Nikki is having dinner with Bree & Daniel; Nikki’s considering getting desert first for their dinner. Daniel mentions that Nikki always gets desert first. Bree notices that Nikki’s drinking & eating desert & wants to tell her to stop with these eating habits because WWE hired identical sexy twins. Bree tries to convince Nikki to go on a juice cleanse with her which Nikki reluctantly agrees to because maybe she needs to lose weight. (RD: “The Bellas need to lose weight like Blade needs to be sober.”)
We’re in Los Angeles, CA where we see Jimmy Uso & Naomi waiting for Cameron who pulls up In a very expensive car dressed like she’s the “Black Paris Hilton” with little Chihuahua dog . Cameron wants to take Naomi with her to the plastic surgeon today; Naomi says she wants to take Jimmy along for the “male perspective” & also secretly to talk Cameron out of getting a boob job. Jimmy forcefully gets in the back seat holding Cameron’s dog “Noodle” & unfortunately for Jimmy Noodle gets car sick but it’s okay with Cameron because…
Cameron (right): “She’ll probably eat it up.”
Naomi(left): “What?”
Cameron (right): “Dogs like to eat their throw up.”
(RD: “Uh…no Cameron. Most dogs don’t eat their own throw up. My family has one for years & he never ate his own puke. What an idiot! Sheesh!”)
The Funkadactyls & Jimmy arrive at the plastic surgeon & they talk to a female consultant who happened to have her own boob job here. Cameron is trying to get how the whole boob job process works then the consultant whips out her boobs from her blouse for the whole world to see. (RD: “Come on E! Move those pixels damn it!”) Naomi is kind of overwhelmed by it while Cameron gets a free feel-up on the consultant. (RD:”Oh did I mention that the consultant is cute with nice D-Cups! Damn it! I wish I was there!”) The consultant says the surgeon will be in any minute, if they have any more questions, & if she wants to show them her boobs again. Naomi wants Jimmy to see the consultant’s boobs so she drags Jimmy from the waiting room to the consulting room & the consultant whips out her boobs again which Jimmy just covers his face. (RD: “OOH! There’s a problem. On one side you got a nice pair of boobs that a hot woman is willing to let them see BUT you got your fiancé there so you don’t want to look that interested. Man it sucks to be Jimmy Uso right now. I wonder if I can bang the consultant? Hrm…”)Naomi is offering Jimmy a “free pass” on this one so Jimmy has a little breast play on the consultant. (RD: “I think it’s best to say that Naomi is without a doubt the best fiancée EVER!”)
Jimmy goes back to the waiting room acting like he’s got the vapors. MEANWHILE the surgeon arrives & offers Cameron the various sizes & choices that she might want to “upgrade” from boob wise. The surgeon offers Cameron to take the implants home so she can try them out. Naomi asks Cameron to do one of their dance routines with the implants to see what she would be working with. So Cameron does some booty shaking & the implants fly out of her top, Naomi thinks there’s something wrong with Cameron. (RD: “What? You mean Cameron’s a dumbass? I think we all know that.”) Unfortunately for Cameron the surgeon recommends 1-2 months off from WWE to recover from the surgery which is something Naomi is not too thrilled to hear.
Back in San Diego as The Bellas stop at a juice bar to get some drinks to go. Bree wants this to work so they can be identical again but after drinking her juice Nikki thinks it tastes like “a garden”. Bree wants them to stick on this juice cleanse by drinking it at least 5 times a day which is something Nikki is not too fond of.
Back to Tampa as Natalya & Tyson are getting lunch at a restaurant. Natalya wants to stay away from the sexy stuff & stick to wanting to talk about their upcoming wedding. Natalya wants a small wedding which is about 150 people or so & most of them are Hart Family members & WWE friends. Tyson isn’t too serious about the wedding talk (RD: “It’s because he’s a guy!”) & thinks this is just something that Natalya wants. Natalya wants to negotiate for how many guests should be in the wedding but thinks Tyson’s not serious about any of it, Tyson’s more concerned about his knee injury more than anything which doesn’t please Natalya at all. Tyson doesn’t want to talk about the wedding which Natalya changes the subject.
We’re back & The Bellas are in their car & Nikki is not too thrilled so far on her juice cleanse because she’s dizzy & hungry. Bree has a couple of juice bottles for them to drink. Nikki is regretting going on a 20 DAY juice cleanse & she’s bitchy. (RD: “Since when is Nikki NOT bitchy.”)
Back at the hotel where Jimmy & Naomi are enjoying life poolside. Cameron then walks out sporting her temporary implants to show off. Cameron’s been sleeping & wearing them so far all day & she thinks she looks hot right now with the implants. Naomi wants to see Cameron’s boobs handle the pool so she wants Cameron to take a swim; Cameron won’t do it unless Naomi gets in the pool. So there they are Naomi in the pool & Cameron decides to jump in the pool when one of her implants POP out of her top & land in the pool, which Naomi now knows that breast implants do indeed float in water. (RD: “Pfft. Guy science 101! We all knew that!”)
We’re at Nikki’s apartment where Bree’s telling Nikki about her day when Bree’s noticing something fishy is going on with Nikki. Bree does some scavenging around the kitchen & finds an empty wine bottle which Nikki doesn’t consider cheating NO! Wine has “Anti-oxidants” according to Nikki. Bree’s mad that Nikki cheated at the juice cleanse & thinks Twitter is right by calling Nikki fat!
(RD: “HOLD ON THERE! Neither of The Bellas are fat & for Bree to call her fat is probably one of the most messed up things ever! This is why women have horrible image problems.”)
Nikki thinks Bree was being rude for calling her fat & doesn’t want to be all skeletal like Bree! (RD: “Nikki Bella may be a gold-digging angry bitch but in this instance I actually agree with her.”)
Back in LA at Cameron’s apartment where boyfriend Vincent (RD: “The guy from episode 1 that stupidly wanted to fight Brodus Clay of all people.”) wants to see Cameron in her new implants. Cameron comes out with two different sizes, one B-Cup & one C-Cup, to see which one Vincent likes. Vincent gets to cop a feel & he likes the C-Cups. Cameron does a quick change & comes back sporting F-Cups! (RD: “Okay Cameron sporting those puppies I would love. Hey I’m a big boobed lover all right?”) Vincent is literally sweating & drooling over Cameron’s F-cup monsters, Cameron thinks they are too big & heads back to her bedroom. (RD: “Hey! No boobs are too big. It’s the women having them make them look bad!”)
The Bellas are going off to a “Summerslam” photo shoot. Bree tells Nikki she’s feeling great because of the juice cleanse but Nikki thinks Bree’s supporting a guilt trip on her. Nikki goes on a hell of a rant on Bree thinking what she’s doing is BS & hates it when she gets called fat by the haters but having her own twin sister say that to her is BS & walks off AGAIN!
We’re back as Bree finds Nikki back at the trailer & Nikki is sick of all the “fat” comments & blames Bree for all of her image problems & loves her curves. Bree apologizes because she THOUGHT she was helping Nikki out & mentions her self-image problems as well. Both apologize for the mess that they caused to each other & say they are going out to eat. Bree finally accepts that being identical twins isn’t a selling point to them.
Over to Natalya’s house when Tyson mentions that he has a special surprise for Natalya today. So the couple take a nice car trip where Tyson has a surprise for Natalya & that is…Get married at a court house right now!
(RD: “God you’re an idiot Tyson Kidd!”)
Natalya isn’t too thrilled with Tyson’s surprise. Tyson was thinking he wanted to do something special to THEIR relationship which involves him & Natalya. Natalya is upset about this & wanted to have the family be involved in their marriage. Tyson wants to do it now. Natalya doesn’t want to do this at all & wants to go home. Tyson stops her thinking the courthouse marriage is the right thing to do. Natalya lets Tyson Kidd HAVE IT by going verbal at him calling him an un-romantic poser & she wanted the big marriage because she has NOTHING with him at home & he treats her like one of the guys & hell Tyson pays more attention to their pet cats than her! Natalya calls Tyson “pathetic” & runs away from him. Natalya then calls their marriage off!
We’re back at Natalya tells Tyson the wedding is off. Tyson calls Natalya a “Bridezilla”.
(RD:”STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!”)
Natalya tells Tyson that he basically thinks 13 years of their relationship is basically crap & their relationship is not meant to be & their wedding was supposed to represent a way to honor their relationship together. Natalya thinks this is Tyson’s way of getting out of their relationship & she wants no part of it!
RAW is setting up & Cameron wants to show off her implants by jumping up & down in front of Damien Sandow.
Damien Sandow: “Only the simplest of minds enjoy the simplest of pleasures.”
Naomi thinks Cameron is completely out-of-control. Cameron shows Seamstress Sandra her implants & she likes them. Cameron wants Sandra to sew the implants into her costume so they won’t fly out of her top; Sandra is okay with that idea. Naomi unfortunately is not because she thinks now The Funkadactyls will be a laughing stock. (RD: “You’re not there yet but you are getting there.”) Naomi gives her opinion on how Cameron is OK the way she is, Sandra says if she’s got the implants why not use the, & especially since Cameron has “mosquito bite” boobs. (RD: “Cameron said that.”) Sandra says she doesn’t want to see flat-chested women on TV because she’s used to seeing that & it’s better to fit women with boobs.
Raw’s about to go live soon & Sandra has sewn the implants into Cameron’s top. The Funkadactyls are getting ready for tonight so Cameron grabs her new enhanced top & shows them off in front of The Bellas. Cameron lets The NXT Divas hold her new top & JoJo is surprised how heavy it is. Nikki’s thinking that Cameron’s trying to steal her spot for being “fan favorite”. (RD: “Nikki’s once again so full of crap. She’s not the fan favorite because it’s AJ Lee since she’s the first ever WWE Diva to get over a million followers on Twitter!”)
RAW’s starting off & during a “Team Hell No”/The Shield Match; Cameron walks in to finish getting ready & she notices that Naomi’s already ready but there’s one problem. Cameron’s missing an implant from her top. Naomi thinks it’s funny, Cameron thinks Naomi stole it, Naomi says she didn’t steal it, Cameron says she can’t go out because she now looks lop-sided, Naomi suggests putting Cameron’s old padding into her top so that’ll work. Bad timing comes up when a producer tells The Funkadactlys they’re next. Cameron’s running around like a chicken with her head chopped off & wants Naomi’s help finding the missing implant but Naomi takes off to the RAW stage because she doesn’t want to get in trouble. Cameron’s about to roll up in the fetal position because she says she going to become the biggest joke in WWE history. (RD: “Joke? She’s already a joke!”)
The “Team Hell No/Shield match is finishing up & Cameron improvises by the old school way of using Kleenex to stuff her top. Cameron runs to the “Gorilla Position” of the stage with The Bellas looking oddly concerned about Cameron, with Natalya soon following her. The Bellas watch from backstage as The Funkadactlys escort “Tons of Funk” (Brodus Clay & Tensai/Sweet T) to the ring as they go up against “3MB” (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal). Nikki’s boy friend John Cena shows up near The Bellas & Bree admits that they “Pranked” (RD:”More like sabotaged if you ask me.”) Cameron by stealing the implant. Cena calls out The Bellas for treating Cameron bad & they must do the right thing. (RD: “You certainly don’t want to piss off SuperCena! He’ll punch you into dust!”) The Bellas think it’s was a big joke since they are “family”. (RD: “No it’s called being threatened. Women & the pro wrestling industry pull this type of crap all the time! The Bellas were legitimately afraid that Cameron would be the better Un-Diva. At least Cameron didn’t sleep her way to the top NIKKI!”) After the match The Bellas confront The Funkadactyls saying that Cameron “lost something” & Nikki shows the missing implant. Bree pulls out Cameron’s padding & apologizes saying it was a “joke”. (RD: “Yeah right!”) The Bellas & Cameron have some backstage small talk but Cameron tells us that she looking for revenge on The Bellas! Cameron decides that she won’t get the boob job for now because she wants to be a role model. Bree tries on Cameron’s implants & thinks its looks pretty weird.
Natalya returns home to find out that Tyson does have in fact some romance left in him because he had the home scattered with rose petals, candles, & a bottle of wine. Tyson gives Natalya a bouquet of roses & Natalya is shocked. Tyson apologizes to Natalya for not being romantic & if they had problems she should had said something; Natalya apologizes to Tyson because she felt she was missing something & maybe the wedding could fill that void. Natalya suggests a beach wedding with their pet cat being the ring bearer. We end the show with Natalya & Tyson about to get some sexy time.
End Of Show
Before we go on with the recap I found out some very interesting news about one of the cast members for this horrendous show. For you see before she became a part of WWE Eva Marie was a…Contestant in the 2012 “Miss Double D-Cember Beauty Pageant”!
Now for those that aren’t familiar with this pageant; the “Miss Double D-Cember Pageant” is held by local So Cal radio station KROQ as a part of “The Kevin & Bean Show”. Basically it’s a pageant where they want to show hot chicks in bikinis with barely any talent trying to score free concert & event passes. Eva Marie was a contestant using the name "Natalie" but failed to win. It’s kind of famous around here that all walks of women try out; from office personnel to porn stars (Porn Star Sara Stone)! Not kidding. A former porn star did compete in the “Miss Double D-Cember Pageant” & now it looked like Eva Marie did too.
From a whore who falls short in getting herself in an orgy for “Avenge Sevenfold” tickets to a WWE Diva. Once again WWE picks another great woman “talent” to represent them & by “talent” I mean “sex toy”.
Enough making fun of Eva Marie now because I can sure make LOTS of fun of her in this recap so here we go!
Previously on Total Divas…
Episode 4: “The “FAT” Twin” OR “Horny Natalya”
We’re in what it looks like Kansas City as Nikki & Natalya are doing some shopping when they passed by a clothes shop that Nikki wants to check out so she can buy something sexy for John Cena. Natalya wants to help Nikki find something perfect to wear for Nikki but Nikki wants Natalya want to find something sexy for her boyfriend Tyson Kidd whom she’s been with for over a decade! Natalya mentions that ever since Tyson Kidd got his knee injury there has been no sex life between them at all! Nikki is trying to find something sexy for Natalya but honestly she thinks Natalya & Tyson are like an “old couple”. (RD: “And what’s wrong with being an old couple. It shows they are loyal to one another while I’m betting Cena will drop your ass Nikki fast if he finds someone hotter than you.”) Natalya finds something Nikki thinks is not sexy so Nikki finds something for herself & Natalya to try on. Nikki comes out in a pink see-through bra & underwear combo while Natalya tries on a stunning black braw & underwear combo with satin robe (RD: “Purr…”). Nikki gets dressed while Natalya tries on a sexy red bra & underwear set. (RD: “Yum. Sometimes you forget that Natalya is a skilled pro wrestler & PROBABLY a couple of the women that’s holding the Diva’s Division together, the other is AJ Lee, but she is one fine piece of ass.”) Natalya thinks she found something to turn Tyson on.
Total Divas Title Entrance of Long Death!
RAW’s setting up in the Sprint Center at Kansas City. Our cast members are getting dressed for an autograph signing. Cameron notices Nikki’s fake knockers & Nikki loves them. Nikki thinks Bree wants a boob job, Bree’s proud of her boobs. Cameron’s not happy that she’s flat-chested. Cameron tries to put some falsies into her top but Naomi stops her thinking she looks fine the way she is. The Bellas & Funkadactyls make their way to the signing area. Cameron’s noticing how the fans are eyeing Nikki’s surgically enhanced funbags but Naomi says that Nikki is wearing a push-up bra so of course everybody’s noticing them! Nikki is rubbing it in Cameron’s face how the fans are drooling over her & her saline bags. Cameron’s rubbing it in Nikki’s face saying she’s getting a boob job because she wants more money. (RD: “There are only three jobs where a boob job might help a woman get money: Model, Stripper, or Porn Star. Just sayin’.”) Naomi’s telling Cameron to shut up on the boob job talk. Cameron tells Naomi that she made an appointment with a plastic surgeon & she’s coming along!
We’re in the hotel room with Bree & Daniel Bryan talking about where to go for breakfast. Daniel’s looking for a place to eat on his Smartphone. Bree’s looking at herself in the mirror thinking she’s fat. (RD: “Really?!? Bree’s borderline into Kelly Kelly ‘walking skeleton’ look here!”) Daniel thinks it’s funny that Bree always worried about her weight. (RD: “ACK! Apologize! Now! Daniel Bryan’s going to be a dead man soon! Never laugh that your woman is worried about her weight! Never!”) Bree wants to do a juice cleanse for an upcoming WWE Photo shoot but Daniel thinks Bree looks perfect.
We’re heading over to Tampa, FL where Natalya comes home to see Tyson watching a past WWE PPV in the Living Room. Natalya says she knew Kidd ever since they were kids & fell in love when they grew up in the pro wrestling world. (RD:” AW! That makes me feel all squishy.”) Natalya’s trying to talk Tyson into going out for dinner but Tyson just wants to watch “Team Hell No” (Daniel Bryan & Kane) take on “The Shield” (Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose). Natalya says ever since Tyson got injured he spends most of his time in physical rehab which leaves her as a caretaker & loosing that spark in the relationship. (RD: “In Tyson Kidd’s defense as a person who went through physical rehab let me say that it is a PAIN to go through. Just sayin’.”) Natalya goes into the bedroom & changes into that black bra & underwear set she bought to show Tyson; Tyson reacts as if nothing has changed. (RD:”WHAT?!?! Did his penis also get injured as well?!? You have one attractive blonde with great boobs IN HER UNDERWEAR & YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING?!?!? F&$k you Tyson Kidd!”) Natalya just gives up, lies down on the sofa & puts her head on Tyson’s lap thinking she has self-image issues.
(RD: “Dear God Almighty!”)
Nikki wants to have lunch with The NXT Divas mainly for the sole reason of keeping an eye on Eva Marie. The NXT Divas arrive & lunch starts. Eva Marie & Nikki start talking about Instagram & their followers (RD: “Honestly I want to smack them for this. For those that know me I think all Social Media is just one giant ‘Hey-Look-At-Me!’ deal so I barely believe in it but for those that do follow me on Twitter & FB thanks for putting up with my crap. Anyway though shut up Eva Marie!”) when Eva Marie spots someone posting on Nikki’s Instagram pictures saying she’s “fat”; of course that pisses Nikki off but at the same times she says she doesn’t care. (RD: “That was the whole purpose of that comment. He was trying to piss Nikki off! For that he gets 5 TrollaBucks to spend at Trolla but he can only spend it when there’s a full moon.”) Eva Marie & Nikki go into a debate over women & self-image issues while Nikki actually cries over it. (RD: “Hey Daniel! A Bella hater made Nikki cry!”)
We’re in San Diego as Nikki is having dinner with Bree & Daniel; Nikki’s considering getting desert first for their dinner. Daniel mentions that Nikki always gets desert first. Bree notices that Nikki’s drinking & eating desert & wants to tell her to stop with these eating habits because WWE hired identical sexy twins. Bree tries to convince Nikki to go on a juice cleanse with her which Nikki reluctantly agrees to because maybe she needs to lose weight. (RD: “The Bellas need to lose weight like Blade needs to be sober.”)
We’re in Los Angeles, CA where we see Jimmy Uso & Naomi waiting for Cameron who pulls up In a very expensive car dressed like she’s the “Black Paris Hilton” with little Chihuahua dog . Cameron wants to take Naomi with her to the plastic surgeon today; Naomi says she wants to take Jimmy along for the “male perspective” & also secretly to talk Cameron out of getting a boob job. Jimmy forcefully gets in the back seat holding Cameron’s dog “Noodle” & unfortunately for Jimmy Noodle gets car sick but it’s okay with Cameron because…
Cameron (right): “She’ll probably eat it up.”
Naomi(left): “What?”
Cameron (right): “Dogs like to eat their throw up.”
(RD: “Uh…no Cameron. Most dogs don’t eat their own throw up. My family has one for years & he never ate his own puke. What an idiot! Sheesh!”)
The Funkadactyls & Jimmy arrive at the plastic surgeon & they talk to a female consultant who happened to have her own boob job here. Cameron is trying to get how the whole boob job process works then the consultant whips out her boobs from her blouse for the whole world to see. (RD: “Come on E! Move those pixels damn it!”) Naomi is kind of overwhelmed by it while Cameron gets a free feel-up on the consultant. (RD:”Oh did I mention that the consultant is cute with nice D-Cups! Damn it! I wish I was there!”) The consultant says the surgeon will be in any minute, if they have any more questions, & if she wants to show them her boobs again. Naomi wants Jimmy to see the consultant’s boobs so she drags Jimmy from the waiting room to the consulting room & the consultant whips out her boobs again which Jimmy just covers his face. (RD: “OOH! There’s a problem. On one side you got a nice pair of boobs that a hot woman is willing to let them see BUT you got your fiancé there so you don’t want to look that interested. Man it sucks to be Jimmy Uso right now. I wonder if I can bang the consultant? Hrm…”)Naomi is offering Jimmy a “free pass” on this one so Jimmy has a little breast play on the consultant. (RD: “I think it’s best to say that Naomi is without a doubt the best fiancée EVER!”)
Jimmy goes back to the waiting room acting like he’s got the vapors. MEANWHILE the surgeon arrives & offers Cameron the various sizes & choices that she might want to “upgrade” from boob wise. The surgeon offers Cameron to take the implants home so she can try them out. Naomi asks Cameron to do one of their dance routines with the implants to see what she would be working with. So Cameron does some booty shaking & the implants fly out of her top, Naomi thinks there’s something wrong with Cameron. (RD: “What? You mean Cameron’s a dumbass? I think we all know that.”) Unfortunately for Cameron the surgeon recommends 1-2 months off from WWE to recover from the surgery which is something Naomi is not too thrilled to hear.
Back in San Diego as The Bellas stop at a juice bar to get some drinks to go. Bree wants this to work so they can be identical again but after drinking her juice Nikki thinks it tastes like “a garden”. Bree wants them to stick on this juice cleanse by drinking it at least 5 times a day which is something Nikki is not too fond of.
Back to Tampa as Natalya & Tyson are getting lunch at a restaurant. Natalya wants to stay away from the sexy stuff & stick to wanting to talk about their upcoming wedding. Natalya wants a small wedding which is about 150 people or so & most of them are Hart Family members & WWE friends. Tyson isn’t too serious about the wedding talk (RD: “It’s because he’s a guy!”) & thinks this is just something that Natalya wants. Natalya wants to negotiate for how many guests should be in the wedding but thinks Tyson’s not serious about any of it, Tyson’s more concerned about his knee injury more than anything which doesn’t please Natalya at all. Tyson doesn’t want to talk about the wedding which Natalya changes the subject.
We’re back & The Bellas are in their car & Nikki is not too thrilled so far on her juice cleanse because she’s dizzy & hungry. Bree has a couple of juice bottles for them to drink. Nikki is regretting going on a 20 DAY juice cleanse & she’s bitchy. (RD: “Since when is Nikki NOT bitchy.”)
Back at the hotel where Jimmy & Naomi are enjoying life poolside. Cameron then walks out sporting her temporary implants to show off. Cameron’s been sleeping & wearing them so far all day & she thinks she looks hot right now with the implants. Naomi wants to see Cameron’s boobs handle the pool so she wants Cameron to take a swim; Cameron won’t do it unless Naomi gets in the pool. So there they are Naomi in the pool & Cameron decides to jump in the pool when one of her implants POP out of her top & land in the pool, which Naomi now knows that breast implants do indeed float in water. (RD: “Pfft. Guy science 101! We all knew that!”)
We’re at Nikki’s apartment where Bree’s telling Nikki about her day when Bree’s noticing something fishy is going on with Nikki. Bree does some scavenging around the kitchen & finds an empty wine bottle which Nikki doesn’t consider cheating NO! Wine has “Anti-oxidants” according to Nikki. Bree’s mad that Nikki cheated at the juice cleanse & thinks Twitter is right by calling Nikki fat!
(RD: “HOLD ON THERE! Neither of The Bellas are fat & for Bree to call her fat is probably one of the most messed up things ever! This is why women have horrible image problems.”)
Nikki thinks Bree was being rude for calling her fat & doesn’t want to be all skeletal like Bree! (RD: “Nikki Bella may be a gold-digging angry bitch but in this instance I actually agree with her.”)
Back in LA at Cameron’s apartment where boyfriend Vincent (RD: “The guy from episode 1 that stupidly wanted to fight Brodus Clay of all people.”) wants to see Cameron in her new implants. Cameron comes out with two different sizes, one B-Cup & one C-Cup, to see which one Vincent likes. Vincent gets to cop a feel & he likes the C-Cups. Cameron does a quick change & comes back sporting F-Cups! (RD: “Okay Cameron sporting those puppies I would love. Hey I’m a big boobed lover all right?”) Vincent is literally sweating & drooling over Cameron’s F-cup monsters, Cameron thinks they are too big & heads back to her bedroom. (RD: “Hey! No boobs are too big. It’s the women having them make them look bad!”)
The Bellas are going off to a “Summerslam” photo shoot. Bree tells Nikki she’s feeling great because of the juice cleanse but Nikki thinks Bree’s supporting a guilt trip on her. Nikki goes on a hell of a rant on Bree thinking what she’s doing is BS & hates it when she gets called fat by the haters but having her own twin sister say that to her is BS & walks off AGAIN!
We’re back as Bree finds Nikki back at the trailer & Nikki is sick of all the “fat” comments & blames Bree for all of her image problems & loves her curves. Bree apologizes because she THOUGHT she was helping Nikki out & mentions her self-image problems as well. Both apologize for the mess that they caused to each other & say they are going out to eat. Bree finally accepts that being identical twins isn’t a selling point to them.
Over to Natalya’s house when Tyson mentions that he has a special surprise for Natalya today. So the couple take a nice car trip where Tyson has a surprise for Natalya & that is…Get married at a court house right now!
(RD: “God you’re an idiot Tyson Kidd!”)
Natalya isn’t too thrilled with Tyson’s surprise. Tyson was thinking he wanted to do something special to THEIR relationship which involves him & Natalya. Natalya is upset about this & wanted to have the family be involved in their marriage. Tyson wants to do it now. Natalya doesn’t want to do this at all & wants to go home. Tyson stops her thinking the courthouse marriage is the right thing to do. Natalya lets Tyson Kidd HAVE IT by going verbal at him calling him an un-romantic poser & she wanted the big marriage because she has NOTHING with him at home & he treats her like one of the guys & hell Tyson pays more attention to their pet cats than her! Natalya calls Tyson “pathetic” & runs away from him. Natalya then calls their marriage off!
We’re back at Natalya tells Tyson the wedding is off. Tyson calls Natalya a “Bridezilla”.
(RD:”STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!”)
Natalya tells Tyson that he basically thinks 13 years of their relationship is basically crap & their relationship is not meant to be & their wedding was supposed to represent a way to honor their relationship together. Natalya thinks this is Tyson’s way of getting out of their relationship & she wants no part of it!
RAW is setting up & Cameron wants to show off her implants by jumping up & down in front of Damien Sandow.
Damien Sandow: “Only the simplest of minds enjoy the simplest of pleasures.”
Naomi thinks Cameron is completely out-of-control. Cameron shows Seamstress Sandra her implants & she likes them. Cameron wants Sandra to sew the implants into her costume so they won’t fly out of her top; Sandra is okay with that idea. Naomi unfortunately is not because she thinks now The Funkadactyls will be a laughing stock. (RD: “You’re not there yet but you are getting there.”) Naomi gives her opinion on how Cameron is OK the way she is, Sandra says if she’s got the implants why not use the, & especially since Cameron has “mosquito bite” boobs. (RD: “Cameron said that.”) Sandra says she doesn’t want to see flat-chested women on TV because she’s used to seeing that & it’s better to fit women with boobs.
Raw’s about to go live soon & Sandra has sewn the implants into Cameron’s top. The Funkadactyls are getting ready for tonight so Cameron grabs her new enhanced top & shows them off in front of The Bellas. Cameron lets The NXT Divas hold her new top & JoJo is surprised how heavy it is. Nikki’s thinking that Cameron’s trying to steal her spot for being “fan favorite”. (RD: “Nikki’s once again so full of crap. She’s not the fan favorite because it’s AJ Lee since she’s the first ever WWE Diva to get over a million followers on Twitter!”)
RAW’s starting off & during a “Team Hell No”/The Shield Match; Cameron walks in to finish getting ready & she notices that Naomi’s already ready but there’s one problem. Cameron’s missing an implant from her top. Naomi thinks it’s funny, Cameron thinks Naomi stole it, Naomi says she didn’t steal it, Cameron says she can’t go out because she now looks lop-sided, Naomi suggests putting Cameron’s old padding into her top so that’ll work. Bad timing comes up when a producer tells The Funkadactlys they’re next. Cameron’s running around like a chicken with her head chopped off & wants Naomi’s help finding the missing implant but Naomi takes off to the RAW stage because she doesn’t want to get in trouble. Cameron’s about to roll up in the fetal position because she says she going to become the biggest joke in WWE history. (RD: “Joke? She’s already a joke!”)
The “Team Hell No/Shield match is finishing up & Cameron improvises by the old school way of using Kleenex to stuff her top. Cameron runs to the “Gorilla Position” of the stage with The Bellas looking oddly concerned about Cameron, with Natalya soon following her. The Bellas watch from backstage as The Funkadactlys escort “Tons of Funk” (Brodus Clay & Tensai/Sweet T) to the ring as they go up against “3MB” (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal). Nikki’s boy friend John Cena shows up near The Bellas & Bree admits that they “Pranked” (RD:”More like sabotaged if you ask me.”) Cameron by stealing the implant. Cena calls out The Bellas for treating Cameron bad & they must do the right thing. (RD: “You certainly don’t want to piss off SuperCena! He’ll punch you into dust!”) The Bellas think it’s was a big joke since they are “family”. (RD: “No it’s called being threatened. Women & the pro wrestling industry pull this type of crap all the time! The Bellas were legitimately afraid that Cameron would be the better Un-Diva. At least Cameron didn’t sleep her way to the top NIKKI!”) After the match The Bellas confront The Funkadactyls saying that Cameron “lost something” & Nikki shows the missing implant. Bree pulls out Cameron’s padding & apologizes saying it was a “joke”. (RD: “Yeah right!”) The Bellas & Cameron have some backstage small talk but Cameron tells us that she looking for revenge on The Bellas! Cameron decides that she won’t get the boob job for now because she wants to be a role model. Bree tries on Cameron’s implants & thinks its looks pretty weird.
Natalya returns home to find out that Tyson does have in fact some romance left in him because he had the home scattered with rose petals, candles, & a bottle of wine. Tyson gives Natalya a bouquet of roses & Natalya is shocked. Tyson apologizes to Natalya for not being romantic & if they had problems she should had said something; Natalya apologizes to Tyson because she felt she was missing something & maybe the wedding could fill that void. Natalya suggests a beach wedding with their pet cat being the ring bearer. We end the show with Natalya & Tyson about to get some sexy time.
End Of Show
WCR Video: Smells Like DDP
Does Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" smell like DDP's Theme? (from WCR #208)
(Video by R.V.M Kai)
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(Video by R.V.M Kai)
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