300 The Cameotaker: November 29, 2020

Coming soon to NBC: "Young Rock".
This is the Dwayne.

97 minutes

Blade plays to the ever present crickets on a metaphorical bean bag. RD is unsure whether people saying the show hasn't changed in 10 years is a good thing or not.

Blade reminds RD that Lord Alfred's daughter once contacted him on MySpace many vernal equinoxes ago. (:05) 

The Co-Fruitcakes spend too much time on that poor guy who gets off on Blade's burping. (:09) Blade confused one of his dates by going off to fight a toilet paper mummy. "I want to be as professional as I can." (:13)

RD was sent an odorous UnderTrolla for Thanksmas. (:15) "Turning" it on plays a car turning sound effect followed by a Undertaker Cameo (A bargain at half the price for the low low cost of only $1000! Just ask Bryan Alvarez's Granny). As expected Blade laughs over it.

:19 No global pandemic is getting in the way of RD doing his Black Friday shopping on behalf of the site (and his wife who remained at home). While on the road he saw someone had run their car into a CVS. At Target he saw a woman wearing a hoodie instead of pants buying pants for her son. But at least she was wearing a mask. At Wal-Mart to buy some shirts for charity donation, a redneck "older woman" required help to find some "hey ma, look at this" underwear for her son. And at the Chick-fil-A drive-through for a chicken biscuit, two guys fought over chicken nuggets.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:35) Blade loudly lies down coughing in response.

Billy Graham has some words congratulating Kurt Angle's (moveset) return to steroids. (:40) Sadly "Stan" is too busy for Blade to pick up the voice modifier to portray him once more so he is forced to read it normally.

Among the balloons at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was a promotional CGI one of 90's Meme "Young" Rock. (:48) Blade wants a "Baby" Rock carried around by "Dwayne Johnson" Rock or "Father" Rock(y) Johnson. RD summons Popeye to disrupt him. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:53)

A Halloween Havoc '99 balloon was selling for $2500. Someone once told Blade WCW's last logo looked like "bird poop".

Trish Stratus will cameo as a "professional" lumberjack in a Hallmark Christmas movie. One wonders what she will be wearing. (:57)

Outback Jack is to do an autograph signing. That's the joke. (:60) 

He's also been doing podcasts. That's also the joke.

Candace Michelle received random "Japanese porn" scored by Titanic music. (:62) RD resummons Popeye for some reason. ああギュグギュクギュグギュク。

The Bushwhackers are autograph touring next year. That's also also the joke. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:65)

Tam has spent 300 days in jail. 

RD: "How is that news?"

Tony Christ of Facebook: "Why did it take so long?" RD: "There's your answer. Done." (:68)

Blade laughs himself into coughing.

The two have some more favorite moments. RD has Blade coughing himself into Burgess Meredith, Mike Check doing the Star Wars Convention market, and putting the Co-Hosss Contest out of its misery. Blade has The Bob & Weave Morning Drive, beating your meat in front of Victoria and Gillman, and Co-Hosssing as Sir Alec. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:82) He thinks this one was for Ken Patera, who's also autograph signing. Does he sign boulders?

RD admits the Trolla Corporation may not in fact be delivering top quality products. You don't say.

Blade has yet to watch The Mandalorian, one episode guest starring Sasha Banks as another Mandalorian. He prefers to be in Vince's demographic and talk about his mask in Clerks 2 with Rosario Dawson guest starring in another episode. RD: "Did you throw your back out trying to make that connection?"

Some AEW folks will do a table read of A Christmas Story as part of annual TBS tradition, with Jim Ross narrating. He calls in to complain, sounding more hoarse than usual due to Blade's coughing fits. (:90) Then Blade laughs too much, giving RD an opportunity to quickly end things before Jim can tell him to go fuck himself.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:93)

Seventeen Syllables right here on the fly sure to be good:
The Undertaker.
You know what will rest in peace?
Some moron's wallet.

RD: "I thought you were gonna say "One thousand dollars.""
Blade: "Well, if I had more time to prepare."

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Thanksgiving/Black Friday
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow, Patreon
  
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 2. Sleazy, things referencing things referencing other things.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Popeye, Popeye (2), Jim
  

 

• Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
• Blade Time Outs:  10 (4 rapid fire)
• RD Time Outs:  1
• Blade Burps:  2
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Robot Reindeer Laughs:  0
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  0

 

• Question of the Week from: Tony Christ
  
• WrestleCrap Radio 300.  What took so long? There's your answer. Done.

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Moments in WCR history?
• RD:  Penguin Episode, Mike Check goes to the Star Wars convention, the 2007 WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest (non sequentially)
• Blade:  April Fools Day WTKO Bob N’ Weave Morning Drive May 1977, Victoria’s launch party for her car company, RD lost his marbles over Gilliam, the draft where Sir Alec was co-host (non-sequentially, first time)

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Undertaker cashing in fools’ money:
  The Undertaker.
  You know what will rest in peace?
  Some moron's wallet.

 

Episode 54: The 1990 Gooker Award Winner: November 29, 2020

24 minutes

Rather than talk more about the Undertaker, RD listens to Blade (for once) and talks about the Gobbledly Gooker instead who first hatched from Vince's mind 30 years ago. 

Blade fondly remembers the egg competing with his Black Scorpion. RD always found the egg ludicrous, even if Ric Flair had hatched from it. Blade thinks he should have done so with an alligator gimmick. (Besides, wasn't that Scott Hall?) But it was Hector Guerrero instead, and Blade wished he went feral and attacked Mean Gene with a crossface chicken wing. (:09) Blade kept the original bootleg recording which kept in the booing while commentating Piper and Gorilla Monsoon tried to salvage things.

RD admires their attempt to badly make a mascot ala the San Diego Chicken. (:13) Blade compares him poorly to WCW's Wildcat Willie. RD uses TNA's Stomper. They wonder when AEW will get one. At least he's not the Indianapolis Colts' Blue who charges $200 for home appearances and fumbles harder than [insert quarterback here].

The Gooker was refrigerated for 11 years before his outfit was redesigned. Maryse once portrayed him and cracked an eyeball. (:18) RD had his wife to fix it when they were loaned it (and Jordan was forced to wear it alongside RD, poor guy).

Blade still wonders where the kaiju-sized mother Gooker would be. (:21) As expected he missed his chance to make a movie with the outfit, most likely involving Don Mason in some capacity or other.

299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!

85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"

$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Halloween
  
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.

 

• Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.

  

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WSPK Spook 103 (Sleepy Hollow)
• Radio Call Sign:  N/A
• Show:  N/A
• Song:  “Monster Rap” by Bobby Pickett
  

• Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1

 

• Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
  
• Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
• RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
• Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
  It's the Halloween show.
  That was some bad tasting jerky.
  Go fu**ck yourself RD!
  

Episode 53: Halloween HavoCrap II: October 31, 2020

47 minutes

Having fully recovered from eating angry jerky and wanting to go fu**ck themselves and each other within 30 seconds, and thus free to continue from earlier in the month, the Co-Fruitcakes discuss more on (old) Halloween Havocs. 

 RD: "You're happy that I'm unhappy. What a nice guy."

Blade shames RD for forgetting recordings from several weeks ago.

• Blade remembers Ric Flair's first last retirement match against Hulk Hogan in '94 despite not watching. The Honky Tonk Man had a ten minute match. RD plays Paul Orndorff's old synthesizer theme.
• Blade remembers '95's bad sumo monster truck wrestling on top of Cobo Hall and the Giant regenerating after taking a splash instead of the other matches of wavering quality and a horny Yeti. His random wondering about initials makes Huey laugh.
• Miss Elizabeth was in a "neutral corner" for Hogan vs. Savage '96, confusing Blade as to timelines. Steve Michael wrestled 10 minutes too long.
• '97 saw the interminable Piper-Hogan feud continue a year too late with an awful non-title match. RD: "He was kinda stupid in WCW." Blade tries to 'rant' about bad booking without swearing. He fails.
• RD tries testing Blade's theme knowledge but his system won't play along at first. Thankfully the power of Alex Wright hip thrusting pierces through (but not his match with McMichael which was not a hell of a wictory).
• Hogan and Warrior in '98 was bad enough. That it was not the main event was worse. That it pushed the actual main event off the PPV timings was the worst. Blade complains about Star Wars again.
• Flair had to suffer against Scott Steiner in a match so memorable neither can remember it (or much else about that show).
• '99 was another 'memorable' event. "Sadly" Berlyn was on the show and "sadly" he lost.
• 2000 was a complete tossup due to "Above Average" Mike Sanders. John Tenta once connected RD to Mike Awesome over the phone. Goldberg won the four minute main event against Kronik. Alex Wright managed to make space to dance regardless (he won his tag match with dance partner Disco Inferno). RD wants him on Cameo and/or their radio progrem.

RD gives Blade a B for his memory, which is more than what would Bryan would get. No word on Dave's memory though.

298 Technical Havoc: October 8, 2020

86 minutes

It's hard to get a word in with these clowns!

 

Technical difficulties have caused Blade to laughing into coughing. That makes one of us. (Laughing, not coughing.)

 

This continues for 18 minutes.

 

Blade is paranoid for some reason.
RD: "I sincerely doubt that your 'jokes' are the problem."
Blade: "It's a problem."

...

Also yes, RD, you and I are correct. (:16)

...

However, this doesn't apply to their other show where things actually work properly (most of the time anyway). So things are a wash.

 

(That sounds like a damning with faint praise endorsement to support them to listen to that, come to think of it.)

But at least it's fun to hear Blade lose his mind (and his breath).

 

Anyway, RD is doing Halloween things early in a time period where such temporal concepts are all timey-wimey by trying some Halloween Crunch with a Ghost Captain (an Ancient Mariner)? The back of the box has a word to unscramble which RD has Blade attempt over the phone. As expected, Blade needs the letters repeated. As unexpected, he guesses correctly. The orange ghosts taste like creamsicles. RD doesn't have milk to test if they turn it into green so Blade has him try it in 0% fat water poured all over his desk instead. 

Spoiler: nothing happens.

Blade also correctly remembers who all five Killer Bees are. They have a Kickstarter for a comic book which has already achieved its minimum goal of $3,000, despite it being 35 years too late and their illustrations looking nothing like them. However, Ken "Swinging Full Nelson" Patera will also be in it. (:27) Someone should send a copy to the Iron Sheik to see if he can break its back and make it humble old country way (you can probably guess how to do so with a comic book).

Speaking of crowdfunding, April Hunter needs to replace her implants due to a freak accident with her dog through her own Gofundme. Currently it is at 60% of the required $9,000. (:37) Blade lies that he will help folks who may get in trouble by donating. (She's also on Patreon if you prefer to help her there.)

Marty Janetty has confessed to crowdfunding murder. Again. (:43) RD advises the Listeners to not social media while intoxicated; otherwise you might end up Co-Hosssing a radio progrem with him.

WWE has made a special on The Best of Mickie James after mocking her for being old. (:46) The Co-Fruitcakes don't think it will include her appearance on Jenny Jones or her time in TNA with a train.

After having crowed about being in the top 1%, current jailbird Tam's OnlyFans page is now inactive. (:51)

RD: "How is that news?"

His actual phone rings in an attempt to get him to escape further talk on the subject. So too Blade's dog (he also has a duck).

As expected, Blade failed to do his one job of finding a Question of the Week Past Month since he was distracted by his attempt to get him some online. (The worse thing about this being alleged is that he failed at said alleged thing. The worst thing about this was that it was expected.) (:55) All he has is an ad from Kraft for their Macaroni and Cheese (or what's known up north as a Kraft Dinner). He lies again that he will send the box to the first person who emails him on this. RD agrees with me on calling him out in advance of not doing this. Blade tries to shift responsibility.

Speaking of doing his one job, he also has to improvise this week's other debate question: who else would they like to see in comic book form? (:59) RD wants the Apter Mag newsroom (wasn't that a Howard Hawks movie?), Missy Hyatt (I'd buy that for a dollar if she wrote it), and Jack Tunney: Agent of FURTHERMORE, with an unequivocal monologue in every issue. Blade wants the Iron Sheik fighting the aforementioned Killer Bees, Mickie James, and the Black Scorpion. RD (for real) would send someone his own Kraft box to whoever can spell out best what FURTHERMORE would stand for.

WWE is bringing back Halloween Havoc for NXT. (:74) Blade hallucinates someone dressing up as a "slutty ghost" and thinks AEW should have a competing Hanukkah Havoc.

Blade: "I've been pretty unprofessional at times."

Seventeen Syllables to add:
Halloween Havoc.
NXT's bringing it back.
I'm scared. Literally.

$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Coasty Marshmellow, wrestlecrapradio.com
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Bad things in tag teams, this show, train wrecks, tired.
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Blade’s Poor Performance Excuse: Lack of sleep.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 0.

 

• Blade Time Outs:  11
• RD Time Outs:  0
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  3
• RD’s False Finishes:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1 

 

• Question of the Week from: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
  
• Do you have that special someone that would like a free box of Kraft macaroni and cheese? Blade: Yes.

 

• WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What three wrestlers would you like to see in a comic book?
• RD:  Apter Mag characters, Missy Hyatt, Jack Tunney (non sequentially)
• Blade:  Black Scorpion, Mickie James, Iron Sheik

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade is frightened of cash grab nostalgia:
  
  Halloween Havoc.
  NXT's bringing it back.
  I'm scared. Literally.